The Scathing Atheist - 563: Welcome Matt Edition

Episode Date: November 30, 2023

In this week’s episode, Britain considers separating church and state, we're excited to learn that gay people are heading to Heaven in a (quote) "coming revival", and Don Ford will be here because once he heard “coming revival”, we couldn’t keep him away. --- To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click here: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/ If you see a news story you think we might be interested in, you can send it here: [e-mail] To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ To hear more from our intrepid audio engineer Morgan Clarke, click here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Guest Links: Learn more about the New York Society for Ethical Culture here:  https://ethical.nyc/about/ https://ethical.nyc/events/humanist-happy-hour-2023-03-24/2023-09-22/ --- Headlines: UK considered separating church and state: https://www.christianpost.com/news/parliament-to-consider-bill-severing-church-of-england-from-govt.html WV prisoner given parole despite being atheist: https://www.atheists.org/2023/11/atheists-settle-west-virginia-religious-substance-use-treatment-prison/ Christian prophetess made up the wackiest theory about why some people are LGBTQ: https://www.lgbtqnation.com/2023/11/christian-prophetess-made-up-the-wackiest-theory-about-why-some-people-are-lgbtq/ School is mad they’re banned for being transphobic: https://www.newsbreak.com/news/3239022609660-christian-high-school-sues-after-it-s-banned-from-all-athletic-tournaments-for-forfeiting-game-over-transgender-player Priest apologizes for letting guy with long hair present at creationist seminar: https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/christian-college-president-sorry Catholic hospital group removes crucifixes to stop them being used to attack staff: https://www.rawstory.com/hospital-sisters-health-system/ --- This Week in Misogyny: Florida church refused to rent space to women who conceived with IVF: https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/a-florida-church-refused-to-rent French police arrest Yoga leader for sexual exploitation: https://www.euronews.com/2023/11/29/french-police-arrest-yoga-guru Dad proudly disowns trans daughter: https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/this-anonymous-christian-dad-proudly

Warning, this episode might just cause a worldwide shortage in available profanity. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by Factor, and by the new genre of Christmas-themed toy porn, Elf on Herself. Elf on Herself. Nope. Already a thing. Obviously, it would already be a thing. Never mind.

And now, The Scathing Atheist. I'm Meryl Fetterman, and I work on outreach for the New York Society for Ethical Culture, a non-theistic, humanist community dedicated to ethical relationships, social justice, and democracy. We hope to see you soon on the Upper West Side or online. And while our Sunday platforms and Fourth Friday happy hours are a particularly good introduction to what we do, we also have a weekly Say Yes to Science Zoom gathering, where we know that biology does not work unless you accept that we did in fact evolve from filthy monkey people. It's Thursday.

It's November 30th. And it's National Meth Awareness Day. You gotta burn off that turkey somehow. No illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Henright. And from David Copperfield's New Jersey, Ann Arbor, Michigan, and Waycross, Georgia, this is The Scathing Atheist.

On this week's episode, Britain considers going sprawling between church and state. We're excited to learn that gay people are heading to heaven in a, quote, coming revival. Huh. And Don Ford will be here because once he heard coming revival, we couldn't keep him away. But first, the diatribe. And so it begins.

Thanksgiving is over. The detente has expired. And the 1,688th annual war on Christmas is officially underway. Now, of course, the beginning of the Christmas season is a bit of a floating target. You can make an argument that it begins on November 1st. Retailers would love to convince you it begins around mid-June, but nobody can deny we're in the thick of it now. Halls are getting decked. Trees are going up.

Stores are getting violent. And, most importantly for our purposes here, all-caps rants about keeping the Christ in Christmas are out in full fucking force. I saw my first one of those of the year a couple of days ago, actually. An evangelical cousin shared it. Shared it. It wasn't his literal all-caps wall of text. He saw an all-caps wall of text rant and found it such a succinct and thoughtful summary of his grievances that he shared it. Now, I'm not going to quote directly from it here because, A, I blocked him.

I don't think I could find it again. And, B, my cardiologist hasn't cleared me to quote from sources with that many exclamation marks just yet. But the gist of it was that us non-Christians have no business mucking up their holiday while failing to recognize the supremacy of their Lord and Savior. It's not Giftmas. It's not Santamas. It's motherfucking Christmas. And you will take the christ out of it over their dead fucking bodies and as i'm reading through it i had this wonderful monkey's paw vision of the op actually getting what they wanted and let me tell you it was glorious right imagine that day imagine that christianity fucking sued us for likeness rights or whatever, and it got to where only people who were willing to embrace the Christian aspects of the holiday got to celebrate Christmas.

Imagine if instead of being a ubiquitous national celebration that completely engulfs the nation for six weeks plus, it turned into a holiday exclusively for those who wanted to celebrate the birth of Jesus. First thing that happens, of course, is that we stop shutting shit down for it. I mean, the whole reason we started officially classifying it as a secular holiday had nothing to do with cheating Jesus out of his reverence, right? It was because we technically couldn't legally shut down schools and government offices and shit over a religious holiday. What with that pesky separation of church and state. So if we're going to give that all caps rant what it's after, the first thing we have to

do is start requiring people to go to school and go to work during their holiday. At the same time, and for the same reason, all the municipal Christmas lights, nativity scenes and festively decorated trees, they start to disappear. Sure, Christians could still put up lights on their houses, but only about 63% of this country is Christian, so that's less than two-thirds of the houses to begin with. And it's not like all the Christians decorate their houses now. You take away that sort of peer pressure, friendly neighborhood, one-upsmanship aspect, you have to imagine that the number of Christians doing it would dwindle considerably.

one-upsmanship aspect, you have to imagine that the number of Christians doing it would dwindle considerably. Gone, too, would be the Christmas sales and the festive decorations at the stores. I mean, sure, some stores would still cater to Christians at Christmas. They are still the majority after all. But realistically, if the Christians somehow kicked us out of their holiday, some other holiday would step in to pick up the slack. We wouldn't just stop buying each other presents and stuff. We just start doing it on a different day or calling them a different thing. So instead of running Christmas sales, the stores would focus on their big New Year sales or Thanksgiving sales or Festivus sales. The point is that if non-Christians left Christmas, we'd take all the non-religious stuff with us. We'd take all the non-religious stuff with us.

And since the whole fucking point of Christmas, as it stands now anyway, is bringing families together, it's very likely that most Christians would follow along with us. They'd celebrate their increasingly lame savior's birthday party, sure. But they'd also join in the crowd as it shifted to having office Kwanzaa parties or whatever and buying gifts for the new holiday that picked up the ball that Christmas dropped. So sure, you go ahead and you fight to keep the Christ in Christmas. Hell, nail him there. He's used to it. And within a generation, your holiday would be as culturally relevant as Ascension Day. And instead of the dreaded happy holidays encroaching on your Merry Christmas, you'd just be greeted by good afternoon.

The fact that the secular world does embrace your holiday is the source of all that's good about it. The fact that we can celebrate it without buying into your doctrine is the singular reason it occupies such a privileged place in our culture.

And your dumbasses are fighting against that. And you know what? As much as I love Christmas, there's a vindictive threat inside me that kind of hopes you win. They're talking about you, Jesus. We interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin.

Joining me for headlines tonight are the lights and tinsel to my mistletoe, Heath Enright and Eli Bosnick. Fellas, are you ready to deck the halls? Oh, yeah. The dynamic trio. Game on. Nice. Nice.

Well done. All right. Well, I had a $20 bet with Lucinda that that was going to earn a dick joke response. So while I pay up, we're going to take a quick break for a word from this week's sponsor, Factor. All right, Santa. You ready to pack up your sleigh with toys for all the boys and girls? I sure am.

Just let me. Oh, oh, oh, oh. What's the matter, Santa? Well, Twinkle Toes, with the holidays being so busy and all, all I've eaten for months is milk and cookies. The spike and crash is pretty rough. Well, that sounds really bad for your health. Have you tried Factor?

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Well, with Factor, you get to choose from 35-plus weekly flavor-packed, fresh, never-frozen meals that support a healthy lifestyle and meet your meal preferences, all delivered right to your door and ready to eat in two minutes. Two minutes? That's faster than I can get down a chimney. It sure is. Head to factormeals.com slash Scathing50 and use the code scathing50 to get 50% off. That's code scathing50 at factormeals.com slash scathing50 to get 50% off.

All right, Twinkle Toes, I'm in. But all this talking has made Santa sleepy. Santa needs a nap. I'll get the insulin. And now back to the headlines. In our lead story tonight in Sons of Monarchy News. Every few years, thanks to the death of a great elder or a sex scandal involving one of their descendants, Americans are reminded just how beautifully batshit insane the British royal family is. It's not in our nature as Americans

to think about other countries, but witnessing the images of King Charles's coronation with him decked out in a crown, flowing robe and scepter, kneeling before a giant illuminated Bible and then giving it a kiss. Just for a moment, we couldn't help but wonder So silly. Giant illuminated Bible and then giving it a kiss. Sure did.

Just for a moment. We couldn't help but wonder if they're even more fucked up across the pond than we are. Okay. You remember the QAnon shaman guy, the helmet and the fur? Charles at the coronation looked like whatever shaman guy thought he would magically morph into when he touched Nancy Pelosi's gavel. Like the evolved Pokemon of the QAnon shaman guy thought he would magically morph into when he touched nancy pelosi's gavel like he's like the evolved pokemon of the q anon shaman the mega you had to give him a rock but

then he does it yeah yeah yeah like next time a brit tells you that our system is silly ask them how much their government pays the guy who squeezes king chuck's toothpaste tube for him yes that's real by the. That is a real thing. He has a valet. I would pay that so hard because it's so, towards the end, it's so demeaning.

It's the most, I've had humans pee on me and there's nothing sadder than being like, I should just throw this out, but there's a little

squeeze left if I roll it like a desperate crack addict trying to get the last rocks out of him. Restly, I need more toothpaste.

Yes. Oh, I bet he gets down to like half a tube and throws it out. That's the life. Anyways, a new measure aims to pierce the inflated idolatry of the former empire, at least somewhat.

Paul Scriven, a liberal Democrat in the House of Lords, is introducing a bill next month which could potentially disestablish the Church of England and separate the official church from the government, a move that will surely send monocles toppling into champagne flutes across the British Isles. Hey, Paul Scriven, as long as you're doing a bill to make the government less incredibly absurd and silly, maybe toss in a little whereas about getting rid of the gold-draped inbreds who own all the swans while you're at it.

While you're up. There you go. Just kind of fits together nice and tidy. Put it together. Disagree. Too far. Anybody else feel like they were just waiting long enough to make it seem like they didn't get the church state separation idea from us? Yes, exactly. We're like the little brother who succeeded while they failed. And so they're like, oh no, I was also independently.

I've always been a golfer. Yeah. Love separation. Anyways, the bill would eliminate the current influence the church has over parliament and no longer see the church as the official state religion. As Griffin states, quote, in a modern and plural England, it's rather archaic and unacceptable that a privileged religious organization is planted right at the center of the way the state is organized and run. The separation of the Church of England and the state is long overdue. We need to reflect Britain as it is today, not what it was back in the 1500s.

End quote. And a bit about what I was saying with getting rid of the swan arms. Stop trying to put the royal toothpaste squeezer out of business, Heath. What else is that guy going to do? Thank you. You can keep the one guy. Yeah, what's he going to do? He's going to fucking podcast?

Give him a podcast. That's a great idea. Yes. The truth about tooth. Nice. Well done. Well, that's a good one. Yes. The truth about tooth. Nice. Well done. Well done. Call us, guy.

The move also reflects the evolving views of the public majority, a wildly bizarre concept here in the States. Calls for separating the church from the state have intensified in recent years as only 46% of British citizens identify as Christians and 46% of them are liars. Given that the majority of the public no longer aligns with the church, it seems only logical it should hold sway over the country. Yeah, this is tough.

I mean, that country underwent a similar abdication of power last century with Mr. Bean, and it was tough. Yeah, it was. They barely made it. Yeah, but to be clear the church of england doesn't hold privileged spots within the government despite the population becoming less christian it's because the population became less christian right as soon as their numbers started to slip christians in power started nailing themselves to the seats of power that

they occupied at the time and more than a century later the country still hasn't been able to oust them i'm just i'm just pointing that out in case anybody knows any other rapidly dechristianizing seats of power that they occupied at the time. And more than a century later, the country still hasn't been able to oust them. I'm just, I'm just pointing that out in case anybody knows any other rapidly de-Christianizing democracies that might be experiencing the same sort of treatment, you know, look out.

And of course, atheist groups have raised a proverbial pint to the news. Annie Laurie Gaylor, co-president of the freedom from religion foundation said in a statement, quote, at a moment when the United From Religion Foundation, said in a statement, quote, At a moment when the United States is struggling to retain our secular democracy, we're cheered by the news that disestablishment is being debated and contemplated in Britain. The privileging of the Church of England is holding back progress and allows it to force its doctrines on the majority of non-Christians. It's time for the British to tell the Church of England to sod off.

End quote. Oh, nailed it. Yeah, good stuff. Then she added, I'm doing that two-finger fuck you salute that Brits do. Is it like the shocker? Is that?

And then she deleted that because ALG is all class. But she wrote it for a second. I don't know. I feel like ALG can party. She has been in the room and several rooms I've been in. So, you know, get at us, ALG.

Let's see how you rock. Anyways, this is good news for everyone. And I hope it sees even more attention and support as it comes to a vote in the coming months. Also, I'd like to add, I'm looking forward to hearing from the Christian opposition to this one.

Not so they stop the bill and win, but because they're literally the anti-disestablishmentarianism. Oh, that's right. I think that might be the first time that word ever actually came up. And in Country Roads Take Him Home news, we have a

victory from our friends at American Atheist to announce because of their intervention along with an advocacy group called Mountain State Justice, West Virginia inmate Andrew Miller is being released on parole despite being an atheist. Because, you see, as a condition of his parole, Miller was told he would have to attend a religious addiction recovery program.

And when he refused to do that, he was refused parole. Yeah, absurd. And, of course, that meant it was time for a strongly worded letter. Oh, squinting. Fuck yeah. Strong strongly worded letter. Oh, squinting in the air. Fuck yeah. Strongly worded letter. So Jeff Blackwell had to write them an official note

that said basically, hey, did you just try to sentence a guy to Christianity in your state? And West Virginia was like, yes. Yeah, they were. They didn't even dispute any of this. Nope.

And podcast listener, if you're not picturing the words bursting into flame as his majestic hand streaks across the page, then you've never been in the same room as the bastion of sexual virility that is Geoff Blackwell, Esquire. I bet he loves that bit. Bastion of sexual

virility. So, first off, on behalf of atheists all over the country, I think we owe a thanks to Andrew Miller who decided to take a principled stand against religious coercion by the state instead of getting out of prison quicker.

It would have been real easy to just nod along and bow his head in reverence and say the prayers they want him to say but instead he took the hard road to defend his rights and in so doing the rights of every inmate in west virginia i'm christian right the fuck away i'd love i'd love to believe that i was like a hero there yeah john velge no i'm christian there for sure i wouldn't have even asked i would have just been like yep we're going absolutely so yeah so apparently the west virginia division of corrections and rehabilitation used an addiction recovery program called rsat that stands for a residential substance abuse treatment i guess

and it's religious as all hell it included mandatory recitation of christian prayers during meetings it contained overtly religious content in the course material and it was primarily developed by texas christian university yeah it's a step one be our religion step two now you don't want meth no more yeah right pretty much so so anyway so they sent miller to this jesus class he refused to play along and because of that he was denied parole not once not twice but thrice and he didn't just fold his arms and threaten to hold his breath until he turned blue when they tried to do this, by the way. He repeatedly asked for a secular alternative and even made the prison system aware of several secular programs that they could have used,

but they refused. So he contacted American Atheists, they sued, they won. And now, not only is he getting his long overdue parole, but the state is changing their nonviolent offender parole program so the participants are no longer required to attend religious 12-step meetings. They're removing all the religious components from its RSAT book, and they're paying $80,000 in Miller's legal fees. Yeah, good stuff. And Jeff told me what he's going to do with his share of that for his salary, and it is secular. Very secular, yeah. Let me tell you. I mean, to be fair, they don't make religious versions of a human sushi buffet,

so I understand why he went. They do. They do. You gotta look, but they do. Now, for his part, Miller said of the ordeal, quote, the harm inflicted by these programs

is very real. I was, for a period of time, essentially incarcerated simply because I am not a Christian. Adding, quote quote nobody should have to file a lawsuit to force the government to fulfill its constitutional obligations to protect the religious freedom of everyone including atheists end quote okay yeah i'm glad andrew miller's case finally got resolved but it's not even yet like we're not back to even

christian people should have to attend our 12-step program for like a couple centuries before it's even, right? Yeah, there you go. And our program is secular. Let me tell you. Human sushi buffet. Absolutely. about the dangers of Alcoholics Anonymous and that kind of stuff, we get emails from the apologists for those groups, insisting that they're not really religious, despite the first step and the founding documents and the stated goals of the organization. And before you even strain your

fingers on one such email, let me assure you that I'm going to take your personal experience with your very secular AA group in the exact same way I take the emails from people who present their very progressive church experience as evidence that Christianity isn't bad. To what extent we have data, AA isn't effective. And the reason we don't have better data is because AA won't give it to us. Your anecdote does not change that fact. Yeah. I mean, if anything, you should take it as a compliment because you cured your cancer with homeopathy, right? Yeah. That's good.

Right. Yes, absolutely. Yeah. Saying you're good at not being addicted to things. And in secret Gagent news, we have a story about Kat Kerr. Very excited. Oh, yeah. Always a lot of fun. For anyone who's new, she's the self-described Christian prophetess who often has visions of the real heaven, TM, including one time when she saw Michael Jackson singing and dancing in heaven's throne room as the very appropriate musical guest for the inhabitants of eternal paradise, which apparently includes Michael himself.

Yeah. I don't want to go to Michael Jackson. No, I don't. Well, this week, Kat has some very important information about the cosmic reason for the existence of the LGBTQ community.

And it involves a genius plan by Satan, the Prince of darkness to thwart the plan of the omnipotent God of the universe. According to KK, the devil made certain people gay or trans lest they become too powerful and threaten his, Satan's, demonic chokehold on Earth. See, I thought we already did that with The Sims. That's right, gay listener. I know how much time you've put into The Sims. Everyone knows we already did that with The Sims. That's right, gay listener. I know how much time you've put into The Sims. Everyone knows how much time you play The Sims. We all

know, gay listener. What? There's some weird prejudices. I feel like trust me, there's some listeners at home who are freaking out right now. Sure. I'm behind you. Well, technically she's saying gay and trans people are too important and too powerful. So it's a compliment, right?

Oh, nice. Until the rest of her thought came out. Speaking of thoughts, asterisk, here's some of the exact words from Kat's latest video. Quote, these people were all chosen by God for very special assignments. So Satan came up with a way to steal their destiny and keep them from ever becoming a threat to him that's why he chose them end quote yeah fucking omniscient guy never saw that coming apparently yeah yeah tricky but unfortunately for the devil he can't stop them from slaying the house down boots all right and a big thanks to stormy d for the link scathingnewsgmail.com wait wait wait

heath are you telling me that not only can folks send us atheist news at scathingnewsgmail.com but if they do we'll personally use our team of top oracles to find out what god's plan for their life was before they were confused and confounded into atheism and gayness by Satan. Okay. You know, normally I don't like these suggestions, Eli, but that sounds like a good Patreon tier, really. All right. Yeah, that's two votes for sure.

Check it out, everybody. So at this point, you might be thinking, aren't there like hundreds of species that take part in non-hetero behavior beyond just humans? And maybe you're thinking, what would God's very special assignment be for penguins other than being impossibly adorable? And how did Satan help his evil cause by making some of the penguins gay?

The answer from Kat Kerr is, shh, look at my crazy anime face. I'm obviously not taking questions. Okay, Heath, counterpoint. Counterpoint? A penguin missionary would fucking work on me so hard, right? For real. Yeah, and then that begs the question,

does Satan have to turn into a red penguin with horns, or do penguins have their own Satan? These are the kind of questions that fan fiction was born for, right? Exactly. Get on it, people. Demonic penguin is the best. I just feel like if Satan walks in and there's like a devil version of every animal, he's like, no, man, it's your fucking turn.

I did the last. I did the humans. I've been doing humans all goddamn day. You get the penguins. Matt, he waddles over to you. Except for wasps, because all of them are Satan. Yeah, right.

There's a good version of wasps in hell. Just for some extra context, Kat Kerr is also an author, an auteur, if you will, and the president of One Quest International, which is dedicated to

revealing heaven to earth. And she claims in one of her very real books of words that she definitely wrote that God gave her a tour of heaven during which she got to see heaven's largest roller coaster. It's called the Rush. And the tour included dedicated areas for earth's aborted and miscarried fetuses. Fucking what? That's also in heaven. She's walking through

like what is what am I stepping on here? Terrifying. Makes for a very confusing gift shop is all I'm saying. Oh for sure. Yeah. No.

So if we have any LGBTQ people who want to be invited to Six Flags Over Heaven whatever they're doing there here's how you do it according to Kat. She says you just got to pray away the gay LGBTQ people who want to be invited to six flags over heaven, whatever they're doing there.

Here's how you do it. According to Kat, she says, you just got to pray away the gay or the trans or anything. That's not extremely boring. Cissette missionary that ends in a maximum of one orgasm, sometimes zero, often a negative number. That's the way you do it.

She said that a coming revival, Caliente will drive gay and trans people to the kingdom of God and that God will even restore body parts for anyone who's undergone gender affirming surgery. Wow. Yeah, that's the worst and then the women who won't date

me grow giant cocks fantasy ever. Makes you wonder why God can't do foreskins then, right? Right yeah it's a reasonable question he likes that those are gone yes now that you've heard all that you might be thinking to yourself hold on big roller coaster in the clouds michael jackson dead fetus area i'm gonna change my sexuality and gender right now totally get it but don but don't answer yet. Turns out Kat Kerr isn't quite batting a thousand on the prophecy front. According to Kat, God told her that Joe Biden

would never be president. And in response to, you know, Joe Biden being elected president, God said, quote, none of that matters. None of that matters. It's not changing my plan. I don't care who calls Joe Biden president. He will never be president. End quote. From God to Kat Kerr. Bottom line, whatever the fuck Kat Kerr is describing is one heavenly kiki. We should all be thankful that we're not invited to. And on that note, we're going to take a quick break to hand things over to my lovely wife, Lucinda. A man wrote the Bible. A whore is what she wants. If it's a legitimate race. You're a slut, right? Cooking can be fun. Hey, I'm proud of a man. This week in Massage.

Sometimes I feel like I talk too much about abortion on this segment, but I do it for a couple of reasons. The first is that reproductive freedom is a cornerstone of women's rights, obviously. The second is that it's under more threat than pretty much any other right in the country. But the third is that it's their gateway drug. It's the free sample they offer out to curious passerby because it's the argument they sound the least unreasonable about. But as we learn time and time again, abortion isn't just a uniquely egregious sin that they're breaking a general rule for or anything. The second it has a chance to, opposition to abortion morphs into opposition to the whole suite of women's rights. All of a sudden, contraception is also evil, and so is in vitro

fertilization, and so is suffrage, and now that you mention it, so are ladies wearing trouser pants. Anyway, we got another story to help demonstrate that this week out of Florida, when a church refused to rent space to a mother because her child was conceived through IVF. She was hoping to rent their gymnasium for an event, which she had apparently done the year before. gymnasium for an event which she had apparently done the year before. But in their intervening time, the leaders at the Our Lady of Lourdes Catholic Church in Dunedin, Florida, looked her up on the Googles and learned that she conceived a child through in vitro fertilization. And as we all know, IVF causes embryos to be destroyed and gives women more control over reproduction, so they refuse to take her money. And to be clear, that's perfectly legal, because discrimination and religious freedom mean the same damn thing in this country. But religions don't

have to be Abrahamic to be problematic for women, and we were reminded of that this week from a story out of France. Special thanks to astute listener Heike. Not sure about the pronunciation, but thanks, and I'm sorry if I mispronounced your name. Anyway, Haki sent us a story about Gregorian Beveleroo, and I don't care if I got his name right because he's a sex pest. Or at least that's the position of the French authorities who arrested him on suspicion of using his position as a tantric guru to indoctrinate female followers for sexual exploitation. So yeah, this story is crazy fucked up for its scope, if nothing else. Bivoula Roux is a 71-year-old leader of an international tantric yoga organization, despite the fact that he was convicted of child rape in his native Romania back in the 90s. His group is based in England, but he was arrested in Paris along with 40 or so other high-ranking

members of his organization. And he's been charged with human trafficking, organized kidnapping, rape, and organized abuse of a weakness by members of a sect, which seems like an awesome crime to have a law against. He's also apparently wanted for human trafficking in Finland as well. So this guy should have a lovely tour of European prisons between now and his death. And lastly, before I sign off of here, I wanted to comment on an absolutely disgusting piece from the Gospel Coalition that went kind of viral last week. It was from an anonymous father who warned people that allowing their kids to befriend LGBTQ people might just turn them trans.

The title of his bigot screed was, I love my transgender child. I love Jesus more. And in it, he basically disowns his trans daughter from behind a mask. He says she was hanging out with an old friend who was, quote, moving through the spectrum of the LGBT plus community, end quote. As though it was an evolution where you start lesbian

and then slowly move toward trans. And if that wasn't bad enough, some other friends, and I'm not going to misgender his daughter like he does throughout this piece here, quote, express to her their belief that LGBT plus lifestyles can align with Christianity, end quote. So there you have it. The dangers of being kind and loving like you pretend your book tells you to and look not to appropriate another group suffering here or anything but it's important that we recognize the degree to which anti-trans bigotry is just an extension of misogyny i mean that's not universally true not but you know 99 times out of 100 when transphobes are freaking

out about a trans thing it's trans women they're freaking out about. It's the idea that someone would pass up on the opportunity to be masculine in an effort to literally be anything else. Anyway, on that note, and with the hope that that asshole dad goes to bed every night terrified of what's going to happen when his daughter becomes a plus, I'll wrap things up and hand you back over to noah heath and eli thank you lucinda and in need not apply news tonight when listeners first meet me or first see pictures of me they're often surprised to learn that i wear my hair long because apparently i sound bald that's the thing you do i can really i can really picture it yep yep but no because of a long-standing commitment to rock and roll rebellion and a symbiotic detente with my cowlick,

I haven't changed my basic parameters in my hairdo since the mid 80s or so. And as such, I was inordinately pleased by one of the silliest apologies ever issued by a religious leader. It came from John Wilderson of the First Baptist Church of Hammond, Indiana, and in the form of him apologizing to his parishioners, his colleagues, his religion, and his God for the egregious sin of allowing a long-haired hippie to speak at a church sponsored event. But seriously, that's not an exaggeration.

No. The apology is insane. Noah's going to read some of it to us. This seriously, that's not an exaggeration. The apology is insane. Noah's going to read some of it to us. This apology, you're going to hear it. It's indistinguishable from an apology talking about like a light-skinned black guy got into the dining room of our country club.

It's not any different than that. I mean, you could argue that nobody at the country club thinks they might go to hell from seeing a light-skinned black guy so it might be crazier might even be so yeah so this started in a place just volunteering to be the first target of the violent time travelers trying to set right our generation it was a baptist expo about creationism at a Christian college in Indiana. God, that got worse with every fucking noun. Specifically, the Creationist Evidence Expo at Hiles Anderson College,

and perhaps feeling the omnipresent burden of finding enough people capable of repeating creationist talking points without breaking out into uncontrollable laughter, the school looked a little bit outside of the mainstream of fundamentalist Baptist speakers, and that led to some of the funniest outrage I have ever seen. Yeah.

You know how you don't need one of the big meeting rooms at the Ramada to gather all the scientists who think climate change isn't real? Yes. It's like that, but demonstrably dumber. Yep. So to speak on behalf of the offended, I want to quote from one Alan DeMell. He's a pastor writing in the right of right most Baptist publication Old Paths Journal. He was furious that a so-called Baptist college would allow speakers who weren't even Baptists, quote, one is a member of a reformed church and another claimed from their pulpit that he is a Methodist.

I'm going to throw up. I'm going to fucking throw up right now. he is a Methodist. I'm going to throw up. I'm going to fucking throw up right now. Well, and as if that wasn't enough, DeMell has, quote, received multiple calls from preachers about how they were told

that the NIV was used on slides. They're actually scared of the NIV. Yep. And that, quote, these men were allowed to teach in blue jeans and polo shirts as if this is a golf club. End real quote.

Kulot breeches without a waistcoat? What are we, Jewish? Absolutely not. Okay. I do love that they think you golf in blue jeans, though. That is, that's a good one. I golf in blue jeans. But of course, he reserved the full force of his apoplectic rage for the,

this is an actual fucking quote, long-haired hippie teaching at the pulpit. And guys, I've seen a picture of this dude. His hair is slightly longer than Heath's. It literally does not come down to his collar. It's just, it's a little shaggy in the front. That's it. And based on that, Dommel denounced him saying

quote it does not matter what he was going to teach the fact that he blatantly disobeys god's words should have alerted everyone to his spiritual discernment and that he is disqualified to teach people end quote okay now i need to see a full demonstration of this line in the sand that's been drawn right like the pharaoh ruffian in blue jeans starts talking and this pastor's fucking furious.

But then we snip a quarter inch of hair and the same pastor in the middle of a slur word stops yelling and he starts taking notes and smiling and nodding.

Yeah, right, right. There's a nice, gentle young man. Where's the line? And as silly as all this is, the dude who organized it could not have been more contrite. Like, for realsies, I've seen religious leaders

cover up institutionalized child rape for over a century and not issue as full-throated in an apology. 100%. Yeah. Wilderson said in his apology, quote, I grieve to tell you that I probably did not make the best decisions in many areas. The dining room.

For example, I failed to screen tell you that I probably did not make the best decisions in many areas. The dining room. For example, I failed to screen properly what was going to be said or shown in some ways, and I think I hurt many people. I grieve that I embarrassed the First Baptist Church family. I plead with you. Pray that God will help me make good

decisions. End quote. I'll shoot myself in the face right now while you all watch. That's really how the whole fucking thing, the whole video played like that. He grieved? He grieved. I think he's lying. I need a video of this guy going home after this apology and being like,

grieve, grieve, grieve. Grieve is me. I bet he had an assistant there with a sword to cut off his head in case he failed to grieve is me I bet he had an assistant there with a sword to cut off his head in case he failed to grieve properly so he didn't dishonor his family right right so yeah the thing that embarrassed a group

of professional homophobes that paid money to help people pretend the earth is too young to have lead so that they wouldn't have to admit that their invisible wizard friend was fake was a long haired hippie in a polo shirt. But at least now... Blue jeans.

Yeah, we were all right with that too. But at least now we know that they are capable of sincere apologies. So, it's a good one to file away for future use. Yeah, now we know. And finally tonight, we have a very important story about homicidal atheists using magical items to murder our sworn enemies.

And I mean, like, this is going to be really hard, but I think we got to do it. It's important that we look inward and critique our own flaws, right? Sure. Too virulent. Okay. Arterial plaque plaque it's my flaw okay yeah there you go so let me paint a picture for you and i mean we've all been here before we've all been here we drift into consciousness and bolt upright in a hospital

bed bruised and bandaged unsure how or why we ended up alone in a medical facility rubbing our temples and fighting double vision we scan the darkness assessing potential dangers and obviously alternate exits and then suddenly the door creaks open and a figure silhouetted by the hallway light enters the room doctor we say sighing with slight relief what happened but the glint of the blade in their hand holds our tongue and we fall silent this is no normal doctor who are you you manage to whisper before the door closes, casting the room back into shadow. And instantly, the assailant is upon us.

We struggle under the immense weight of this unknown foe, our atrophied muscles barely holding back the tip of the knife, inching closer and closer and closer to our jugular. Closer, closer, closer. In the deep recesses of our memory, of course, our tactical combat training that we all have, it dimly fires, and we snag our way out of their clutches and land on, of course, our tactical combat training that we all have it dimly fires and we snag our way out of their clutches

and land on top of them, allowing one of our hands free. We blindly lurch around for anything within reach, desperately searching for a makeshift weapon, something heavy, something blunt, anything.

We're losing time. That's important. Our fingers brush against something on the wall and instinctively, we grasp what feels like a handle. Wrenching with all our might

against the wall fixtures, we bring down that object onto the skull of our assassin with a snapping crack. And finally, we limply rise from the attacker's body and we glance down

at the object in our tightened fist. It's a crucifix. Forgive them, father. We wryly utter between our panting breaths, they know not what they've done and yeah okay we've all been there we've all you guys know story is all this time for atheists anyway everybody

listening knows what i'm talking about and sure that you know post kill shot quip it might vary but i think we can all relate to that scenario however according to a recent report, a group of Catholic hospitals is going to prevent this very common and spiritually rewarding for us scene from happening from now on. How, you might ask, will they neutralize our targets before we do? No, they'll be removing all the crucifixes from hospital rooms because those magical objects are very often, far too often, being used as weapons against medical staff by atheists. Are they? Alright, Heath, you've officially been listening to too

many of Tom's citation-needed essay intros. I'm going to do a true crime podcast for a solid minute and a half there. I was in a puke state. I don't know what happened. We've all been there. We've all been there. We've all been there. Okay, so as big a fan as I am of removing crucifixes,

I feel like this is the wrong solution because five out of every six things a person might pick up in a hospital are more dangerous than crucifixes. That's true. I don't know what's the problem you're solving here. Bedpan.

It's magical. Baby. All right. Big thanks to Stormy D once again for the link. Scathingnews.gmail.com if you want to help out. You are going to be a Christian pirate, Stormy D, just so you know. Huh.

So according to this new report, it's from Becker's Hospital Review, a group of Catholic hospitals is attempting to reduce the workplace injuries of healthcare workers by removing all wooden and metal crucifixes from its emergency departments and patient rooms. They did not cite any specific incident. So, our cover's not blown, thank God. I feel like you did, Heath. Nobody fucking narc, but the health system stated the move was in response to, quote, the changing healthcare landscape and the general increase in health care workers experiencing workplace violence. The group says the heavy, blunt crucifixes will be forsaken in favor of, quote, safer replacements. They did not specify what those would be.

Yeah, bunch of Sikh doctors gesturing at their mandatory swords. Fucking pussy. So, yeah, definitely looking forward to Nerf launching their new line of Christian artifacts. Yeah, right. Somebody smacks a nurse with it, and it squeaks.

But foiled assassination aside, the crucifix is an understandable liability in the safety for hospital staff as we all know all too well the smaller ones they can be gripped twirled and thrown you know like rafael and his ninja size and as the ending to the graduate taught us the larger ones can make for pretty daunting weapons against small crowds and pretty handy for wedging a door shut to prevent a foot chase. This matters.

This is important. Yeah, I mean, look, nobody tell Jews about throwing stars because then it's just going to be... Some dude in an Islamic hospital just going all Batlath, you know. While we wholeheartedly support a measure that increases the safety of frontline workers

as a general concept anyway, it does make our personal mission of systematic revenge against those who have wronged us that much harder. I guess, I don't know. I guess it's back to using IV tubes as garrotes in these particular locations in Indiana and Wisconsin, I think. But definitely, everybody's listening. Let us know if you have any new workarounds so we can, you know, kill more hospital workers with stuff

as we want to do as atheists. Yeah, also, if one of you slipped acid into Heath's drink right before he started his last headline for this episode,

you could tell us. Send me some more. We're not mad. We just want to know. It was pretty good acid. We're not mad. We just, we it was pretty good we're not mad we just we want to monetize alright well clearly

we've got a drawing board to go back to so we're going to close the headlines there Heath, Eli thanks as always are my hands normal?

and when we come back Don Ford will be here so that going back to the damn Bible again won't seem as depressing this tastes good. Hey, folks. Just wanted to pop in long enough to thank you all

for making Bulgarity for Charity a huge success again this year. We had a dollar-for-dollar match up to $150,000 this year. Our goal was to milk every penny out of it, and we did. By the cutoff at midnight Eastern

on Thanksgiving, we raised, with the match, $330,609. Look, we've been doing this for five years, and in that time, you guys have donated over a million and a half dollars to families on the verge of poverty. You've made a million and a half dollars worth of difference in the lives of vulnerable people,

and you've helped to prove once more to the anti-atheist bigots that we are at least as charitable as they are. Thanks for all you did, whether you donated or you helped promote the fundraiser on social media, or just downloaded the show and helped with the ad revenue so that we can keep doing this every year. And here's to another successful fundraiser in 2024. All right, what about Sissy That Walk? Okay, Heath, I told you. One gay slang term a week, and we just went over hanky code. Yeah, but that just left me with more questions.

Okay, well, as it should, Heath, as it should as it should okay hey guys are you ready for bible peace theater oh yeah the part of the show where we act out the bible so our listeners don't have to read it sure um where's eli though i don't know he said he had something special planned for the start of the new testament huh indeed i do noah indeed i do what what are you doing with the scuba gear did you fill the pool at the ymca with porn again dude you're wasting porn no no first of all not a waste second of all the scuba gear protects me for our new level of meta contextualization we're doing a new level of meta contextualcontextualization? Oh, that's great. Yeah, because I was just thinking how Sarah Huckabee

Sanders explained in Prophecy to Bobcat Goldthwait was way too close to the hip. Okay, look. I get that we don't want to be too meta. Do you? But... Get that? But... But... I think we should talk about who wrote the New Testament, like, at least a little.

Right? Um, why New Testament, like, at least a little, right? Um, why? Because, Don, authorship is as big a part of the New Testament as the story is. For instance, we're starting with Matthew, but that's just because Matthew tells the most cohesive and linear version of Jesus' story. And because it comes first in the King James Bible. Right. But whoever wrote it stole 600 verses of it from Mark,

which was written earlier, we think. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Matthew didn't write Matthew? Yeah, that's another big problem. See, the vast majority of people don't know that the authors of the Gospels were not the apostles

that they're named after. They weren't? Super no. Okay, okay. So who tells the story of the book of Matthew then? I mean, how much time do you have? How long till it gets boring? Not very long.

Okay, so long story short, most modern scholars think that it was written anonymously in the last quarter of the first century by a Jewish guy in an attempt to find a cohesive line of scripture between the groups of Jewish pre-Christians that were fighting about it. Okay, wait, wait, wait. You're telling me less than a hundred years after Jesus died, people were already fighting over what happened. Oh, no, that happened zero years after he died. It was just still happening when Matthew was written. Yeah, got it, got it, got it.

So in short, when we listen to this story, we should keep in mind that the most detailed and least self-conflicting version was written a generation or two later by a guy who wasn't there, who's trying to keep the scholars at the time from fragmenting into a holy war. Exactly that.

Yeah, let's get started. Okay. So the book of Matthew starts with Matthew explaining the genealogy of King David all the way down to Joseph. Okay, time out. Why? Don, we just swooshed. People are getting bored. They need sketches, Don.

Japes. They require japes. Okay, yes, but why does it matter that Joseph is related to David? Well, because the prophecy of Jeremiah said that David will never fail to have a man to sit on the throne of the house of Israel. Okay, but it very clearly does. Oh my God, so boring. Yeah, no, he does. I mean, some scholars argue that the breaks don't count because they were still kings outside of Israel.

But the genealogies here and in Luke, I guess, kind of make up for it. I'm hitting Heath with a whiffle back. Ow, stop. Why is that always your first solution to everything? Japes, Heath. Japes. Stop. Okay, but isn't all of that pointless because Jesus isn't Joseph's son anyway?

You mean because God is his dad? I mean, yeah, exactly. Right. because God is his dad? I mean, yeah, exactly. Like, technically, yes, but the Bible doesn't necessarily define fatherhood as whose dick you came out of. There's lots of examples of fatherhood being not a blood thing in the Bible.

That's fair. Shenanigans! Ow! Seriously, Noah, can you stop him? I am saving this segment from boredom. Anyway, on with the story. Chicanery! Ow! Joseph?

Yes, Mary? I have something to tell you. Okay, what is it, Mary? I'm pregnant. Oh. That's, I wasn't exp... That's not good. No, no's not good. No, I know.

Because we're betrothed. We haven't, you know, we haven't. No, I know. I know that we have not, yes. Cool, yeah. Well, look, I'm a good guy. So we can do like a quiet divorce if you want. Oh, sure.

That is so generous of you. Divorcing a pregnant 13-year-old quietly. Oh, what a great guy. Oh, you are just the best. Hey, some scholars say you could be 15, okay? Oh, 15. That's so much better. Uh-huh.

Hey, how old are you? Because I remember the proto-evangelium of James saying that you... That's apocrypha. That doesn't count. I feel like it counts. But that night, Joseph is visited by an angel of God.

Joseph! Joseph! Joe! Wake up, Joe! Who are you? Angel of God, my man. So, good news, you got cocked by God, bro. I mean, that's not exactly good news, but at least she was telling the truth, I guess. No, no, I get it, teens, am I right? Anyway, name that kid Jesus. Okay, why? Because the prophecy says a virgin shall be with child and shall bring forth a son,

and they shall call his name Emmanuel. So I should name him Emmanuel then? No, Jesus. What did I just say? Are you sure? Because the Bible is full of corrections and changes is the name okay all right yeah you got it anything else uh yeah don't have sex with mary before jesus is born we're gonna put that you didn't do that in the book and everything so

just don't do that what why because nobody wants to picture your splooge floating around next to the Savior's face, dude. I don't mind. Sassagate Jesus, you stay out of the Bible. You're not in the Bible yet. Absolutely not. Soon. You're problematic. You are.

You are. No, you. So then we get the three wise men. King Herod, we are three wise men from the east. Yep, yep, we sure are. We've seen a star in the east that means the birth of a new king of the Jews, and we have come to worship him. Oh, cool.

I always love to hear about new kings while you're ruling a country. Let me ask my scribes if they know anything. Hey, scribes? Yes, your highness. Yeah, any idea where this new king is going to be born? It appears in Bethlehem, your highness. Cool. Well, you sure about that?

Yes, sir. Great, great. Locked in. Also, scribes, one other thing? Yes, sir. Yeah, if you Locked in. Also, scribes, one other thing. Yes, sir? Yeah, if you have like, I don't know, just written information about a new king, I'd love for you to bring that to my attention before it gets brought up by strangers like it did just now. Well, sir, you did say that you wanted us to be more self-managed, sir. Right, no, yeah, I did say that. It just feels like this comes up the chain.

This in particular, right? We did that lateral teams workshop. You know what? Let's not do this now. Let's circle back at your performance review about this. Okay. It's a bit hostile. Anyway, sorry, wise men.

Sorry. Yes, sir. Yeah, so he's in Bethlehem. Go ahead and find him. And hey, let me know where he is when you do find him oh why is that your highness oh uh i want to worship him too awesome me too excellent glad to, did you say with my sword? Uh, what? No. Nah, that was...

Ah. That was sort of like... You guys had already left the room. Moment. For me. Aye, but... But we didn't. Okay.

Yeah, well... Leave. Now. Are you gonna say with my sword? No. He's totally to say with my sword? No. He's totally going to say with his sword. 100% No, I'm not going to say that. I'm a king.

I have important king stuff to say a lot. This is one of those times. Okay. You say so. With my sword. There it is. So the wise men get to the house where Mary is.

You mean manger? No, actually, it's a house in Matthew. What? Lame. Right? Yeah, you can see why the manger caught on. Yeah, it's just a little drummer boy fucking sitting there on a plastic covered couch.

Yeah, we get it, man. I'm just saying it's just a little drummer boy fucking sitting there on a plastic covered couch. Yeah, we get it, man. I'm just saying, it's lame. Okay. Wow, I can't believe we, the three wise men, met the new king of the Jews. That was so great. Wait, did we give him, like, frankincense and myrrh and stuff? Were we supposed to do that? Not in this book, we didn't.

Lame. Lame. So, uh, what now? We go back to Herod? Actually, I've been meaning to mention, God warned me in a dream last night that we shouldn't go back. Uh, is it because he said, with the sword, like super obviously?

Yes, yes it is. Yeah. So, uh, bail? Right? Yeah, yeah, uh, bail? Right? Yeah. Yeah, let's bail. So are we just, we're just done? Yeah, I think we're done.

That's lame. Lame. Thank you. So that night, an angel of God appeared to Joseph in a dream. Yo, yo, Joe. Joe, you awake? Joe. Not you again.

Yeah, no, I get that a lot. Anyway, we gotta skrunk it, my dude. It's about to get real baby murdery up in here. Alright, I guess we'll leave our home with our new baby. Yeah, don't worry. This is all to fulfill a prophecy that says, Out of Egypt, I have called my son. So we're nailing the prophecy. Wait, hold on. I'm sorry. So God is letting Herod kill a bunch of babies so that his prophecy kind of sort of makes sense?

Dude, this is the nice testament. You should really read up on him. No, yep, that's fair. Fair. So Herod kills all the babies. Super duper not funny. We are not going to reenact that. Don't think we should have done a music number.

I know that you think that, but then Herod dies, and an angel tells Joseph it's time to go back. Wait, sorry. So, was Herod just killing all babies from that point in the Bible until he died? How long was he killing babies for? It doesn't say.

But the point is, he's dead, so Joseph gets another angel visit. Yo, Joe! What's going on? Seriously? Again? Could this not just have been one meeting for us? Apparently not. Anyway, Herod's dead, so if you want

to roll through Jerusalem, by all means, my man, go do it. Great. Herod's dead. So if you want to roll through Jerusalem, by all means, my man, go do it. Great. Great. Thank you. Yeah. Is there anything else that I should know right now? Um, no.

But of course, when he gets to Israel, he realizes that Archelous, Herod's son, is king now, and he starts to have his doubts. But just then... He has another dream? Yep, has another dream. Sup? Going on, Joe?

Oh, come on. We talked like two days ago. Don't know what to tell you, man. Anyway, go to Nazareth now. All right. But I swear to God, if this is just so another prophecy comes true, is there a prophecy about Jesus being a Nazarene?

No. God damn it. The opposite, actually. And of course, there's obviously plenty more, Matthew, but that'll be enough to refute nativity scenes with anyway, so that'll do for now. But we'll be back soon with even more Bible Peace.

Before we batten down the hatches tonight, I wanted to toss out an apology. I made multiple references last week to having the itis as a slang term for a food coma. It was brought to my attention by a listener afterwards that that term has a profoundly racist origin that I was unaware of. Kind of thing that we should actually probably just all strike from our collective lexicon. So apologies and thanks

to Mitch for the heads up. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show, The Skeptocrat, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Monday, an even newer episode of our sister show's Hot Friend Godawful Movies,

debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Tuesday, and an even newer episode of our half-sister show, Citation D, debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, I can't sleep soundly tonight unless I thank Heath Enright for being our friend, Eli Bosnick for traveling down the road and back again, Lucinda Lusions for her heart being true, Don Ford for being a pal and a confidant,

and Andrew Gold for writing the thanks for me in this week's episode. I also want to thank Meryl from the New York Society for Ethical Culture for providing this week's Farnsworth quote. If you'd like to learn more about them, by the way, check out the show notes for a link to their about page. And if you're in or near the five boroughs and want to meet up, check for a link to info about their humanist happy hour as well. But most all, of course, I want to thank this week's most beautiful bipeds, Donald Adam, Graydon, Kackstrom, Doubting Thomas, Chris, Tights of Fur, and Retnap. Donald, Adam, and Graydon, whose dicks have to be measured using the parallax method, Kackstrom, Doubting Thomas, and Chris, who are so badass their heart would be scared to attack them,

and Tights of Fur and Retnap, who are so sexy, mirror mirror on the wall, made the evil queen verify she was 18 or over before it would even show them to her. Together, these eight amiable atheists aided in our aims to alienate the Abrahamic face this week by giving us money. Not everybody has the money it takes to give some to us, especially not this time of year, but if you do, you can make a per-episode donation to patreon.com slash scathingatheist, whereby you'll earn early access to an extended ad-free version of every episode, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheist.com. And if you'd like to help put all your money's earmarked for that doggy in the window, you can also help a ton by leaving a five-star review, telling a friend about the show, and following us on social media.

And speaking of social media, Tim Robertson handles that for us. Additional writing for this episode was provided by Mike Schuster and Andrea Romano. And our audio engineer is Morgan Clark, who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll upon all the content info on the contact page at scathing atheist.com all right i can do this i'm a professional the preceding podcast was a production of puzzle in a thunderstorm llc copyright 2023 all rights reserved