The Scathing Atheist - 564: Cooper Stupor Edition

Episode Date: December 7, 2023

In this week’s episode, we’ll report on our second favorite kind of nun fight, Swifties get accused of being occult, and Jerry Falwell, Jr will hold Moms for Liberty’s beer. --- To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click here: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/ If you see a news story you think we might be interested in, you can send it here: [e-mail] To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ To hear more from our intrepid audio engineer Morgan Clarke, click here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Guest Links: Check out more from Marsh on Be Reasonable and Skeptics with a K --- Headlines: A Florida GOP Leader, a Moms for Liberty Founder, and Allegations of Group Sex and Assault: https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2023/11/a-florida-gop-leader-a-moms-for-liberty-founder-and-allegations-of-group-sex-and-rape/ DeSantis calls on Florida GOP chair Ziegler to resign in wake of battery allegations: https://www.orlandosentinel.com/2023/12/01/desantis-calls-on-florida-gop-chair-ziegler-to-resign-in-wake-of-battery-allegations/ Londoners can’t use the Tube because of their religion: https://metro.co.uk/2023/11/27/londoners-cant-use-tube-religion-19888946/  Louisiana Christian homeschool group straight up selling diplomas: https://apnews.com/article/homeschool-diploma-louisiana-nonpublic-school-a37a44dab69f11e2c37132549f9cd450 Petition to urge Taylor Swift to stop promoting witchcraft amid exorcist's warning: https://lifepetitions.com/petition/taylorswift She's also a demon because Christ the Redeemer in Rio welcomed her with a shirt: https://apnews.com/article/taylor-swift-brazil-christ-redeemer-statue-097dcffa307e7b80bda2c522a52d4337 --- This Week in Misogyny: Oklahoma Senate Candidate says IVF is “an assault against god”: https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/oklahoma-senate-candidate-parents Christian freakout over all female Catholic college accepting trans women: https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/an-all-female-catholic-college-will Christians freak out over Sabrina Carpenter video: https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/anger-over-sabrina-carpenters-music

Warning, this podcast contains way more than its fair share of profanity. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by Aura Frames, HelloFresh, and by the new headphones for Christians who want to drown out arguments against their religion during holiday gatherings, Preycons. Preycons. They just always play bells real loud because nearly all information contradicts your worldview. Enjoy. And now, The Scathing Atheist. Hi, y'all. This is your favorite atheist member of the deep state

checking in from Bujumbura, Doha, Lima, Mogadishu, Guatemala, Ouagadougou, and Ankara. And that's just this year. With all that's going on with Ukraine and Russia, Israel and Palestine and Lebanon and Syria and Saudi and Iran, with a side of China and Turkey, not to mention the fuckheads in Congress, there was no doubt that we did, in fact, evolve from filthy muggy men. And yes, I mean men. I need to retire. It's Thursday. It's December 7th, and this episode is an eight-hander.

Okay, but don't get too excited, Marsh. We're not sure what that means in England. Tully noted and terribly disappointed. I am Michael Marshall. I'm no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. And from both sides of the pond, this is The Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, we'll report on our second favorite kind of nun fight. Swifties get accused of being a cult. A cult. And Jerry Falwell Jr. will hold Moms for Liberty's beer.

But first, theiatribe. There's this weird phenomenon that we see a lot over on God-awful movies where a character in a movie will start off as a Jesus-believing, God-fearing, grace-saying Christian, but then at some point in the movie, usually around the end of the second act, they become Christian. They already were Christian, but then they become Christian anyway, usually in a montage that includes equal parts going to church and spending more time with the kids. And of course, this is representative of that bizarre phenomenon known as being born again, which as near as I can tell is unique to Christianity. There's no other group

one might belong to that has a recognized form of belonging to it again more. Not that I can think of anyway. Stamp collectors don't have that. Tennis players don't have that. Atheism doesn't have that. If I came out here today and I told you that I'd recommitted to my atheism or that I had become more atheist, what the fuck would that even mean? Would it mean that I don't believe in more gods or that I don't believe in them harder, right? Like, yo, I'm so atheist. No, I actively reject comic book gods like Darkseid and Primus. But Christians talk about this shit without batting an eye. I recommitted to the Lord. She was redeemed. He was born again. Of course, like many of the more baffling questions about Christianity, the mystery around this one disappears as soon as you ask what the church

itself gets out of it, right? Parishioners don't demand that their thing makes logical sense. That's a prerequisite for their job, right? They're like, okay, so you can tell me I can become a Christian even though I'm already a Christian? Well, it's certainly not weirder than telling me God is his own fucking son, so who am I to argue? And from the perspective of the church, terms like born again and revival basically offer them a chance to sell you a Christianity DLC. And it serves the same purpose, right? For those of you who aren't into video games, I should explain that DLC stands for downloadable content, like an expansion pack. You've already

finished the game and you're getting kind of bored with it, but what if we offered you a couple new levels, a dozen new side quests, and two more playable characters or whatever? Would that reinvigorate you? Would that be worth a little bit more money? And much in the same way that they're used in the video game industry the church uses them to make more money selling you something that you already own you know the very term born again kind of gives away the game right because

because it makes sense that you'd eventually get bored with red dead redemption too but it doesn't make sense that you'd eventually get bored with eternal salvation. If you would, it kind of would defeat the purpose of having it, wouldn't it? But no, the inevitable flagging enthusiasm for religion comes from the fact that you stopped believing it. The belief is unsustainable. Even a trickle of skepticism is enough to erode it. Give it a few years and that trickle of doubt will carve the grand fucking canyon into your comforting certainty. And what do you do? Well, either you can grow the fuck up and stop believing in fairy tales, or you can be born again. Born again, where you can revert to the comforting naivety of being a baby,

return to a state of innocence, born of ignorance. Of course, all this has to be papered over some kind of theological hand-waving because to admit the purpose is to defeat the purpose in this instance, right? If you admit that your Christianity wore off, you have to admit that your new Christianity will probably also wear off. You'll have to admit that Christianity can wear off, which means you have to admit that Christianity doesn't fucking work. Right. It's supposed to bring you comfort in times of need, but it can fade away in times of meh. What chance does it stand in times of real turmoil? But not only that, if you admitted that you needed a fresh coat of Christianity, you also have to admit that for some period of time,

you slipped into atheism. Right. Or at least you slipped closer to atheism. And in so doing, you didn't find yourself cooking any more babies or strangling any more puppies than you were before. But most importantly, you'd have to admit how genuinely trivial your religion is. And Christianity can't handle that for even a fucking second. Listen to their rhetoric. You ask a Christian, they'll tell you that salvation is the most important thing in the world to them. They'll rank their love of God over the love of their own families. They'll tell you they would give their lives before they would deny the risen Christ. And yet, when it's put to the actual test of time, their religion can't even hold a person's enthusiasm

as long as fucking stamp collecting. They're talking about you, Jesus. We interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for headlines tonight are the Blanche, Rose, and Dorothy to my Sophia Heath-Enright, Eli Bosnick, and Michael Marshall. Fellas, are you ready to share our feelings over a bit of late night pie?

You are a pal and a confidant, and yes. Aren't I? And people are constantly checking whether or not I'm dead. I get it. I get it. This is all working out. Yeah, and I've always considered myself something of an English rose, so I'm good with this as well. All right. This is working out for everybody, Noah.

Well, since every good 80s sitcom reference deserves a toss to a commercial, we're going to pause here for a word from our first sponsor this week, Aura Frames. And then, if you like a picture, you can just tap it like this, and it'll show up on the frame more often oh very cool yeah hey guys what you doing are you showing marsh your ideas for only fans page again because we have talked about this eli okay first of all it's still a great idea and second of all no i'm showing him the ultimate gift for the holidays the aura frame oh what's

the aura frame it's a new unique and more personal way to keep in touch especially around the the Aura Frame. Oh, what's the Aura Frame? It's a new, unique, and more personal way to keep in touch, especially around the holidays. When you give someone an Aura digital frame, you can preload pictures with old memories, but the best part is you can keep updating it with real-time pictures through the Aura app. So when you snap a pic of your kids opening gifts, Grandpa can get it on the frame in seconds.

So why are you giving one to Marsh? Because, Noah, as the only member of the show who can be bothered to come to QED every year, I'm obviously his favorite now. So you don't want him to miss me, do you? Oh, I'm honestly... I mean, I'll see you at the next one. Oh, he's so bashful.

Anyways. Okay, Eli, but have you actually tried an AuraFrame? I sure have. Gave one to my mom and my sister this year for pictures of my kid, and they both love it. Give the perfect gift this holiday season by visiting AuraFrames.com today and get $30 off their best-selling frames with the code SCATHING. These frames sell out quickly, though, so get yours before they're gone. That's A-U-R-A

frames.com with the promo code scathing. Terms and conditions apply. Right. Yeah, thanks. I'll put this somewhere. Not somewhere too public, Marsh. Some of the pictures I send are going to be just for you

if you know what I mean. Oh, dear God. the pictures I send are going to be just for you, if you know what I mean. Oh, dear God. Somehow the aura frame's behind you right now. And now back to the headlines. In our lead story tonight, in the world of politics, there are certain dilemmas that you'll encounter only to find they have no simple solutions. Like, for example, how to accept lobbyist money from the sector you're supposed to be policing, or how to appear in touch with your constituents whilst being a rich guy with healthcare. Yeah, it feels like the politicians work way harder on the

first of those problems than they do on the second. Sure, yeah. But perhaps most commonly, how to maintain a polycule in private while actively performing heteronormative monogamous branding in public because you are professionally a Christian right bigot figurehead. Yeah. Okay. We'll do wholesome pictures with your kids, but then Moonfire gets to stand next to me during the sexual harassment apology statement.

Is everyone happy now? Is that okay? It's tricky stuff. Well, it appears that on a long enough timeline, that dichotomy I was talking about begins to fall apart, as evidenced by the broken arrangement between Florida GOP Chairman Christian Ziegler, his wife, and Moms for Liberty co-founder Bridget Ziegler, and the unnamed woman who is now accusing Mr. Ziegler of sexual assault. and the unnamed woman who is now accusing Mr. Ziegler of sexual assault.

Uh-huh. I feel like our entire careers were created when somebody in a formative dimension applied an if-I-had-a-nickel hypothetical about this very scenario, right? Yeah, right. To the point where it would be genuinely a useful tactic for police to include, have you ever led a family values political group? To the list of questions they ask when establishing if someone committed a sex crime? That would save so much

investigation time. All right. Big thanks to Ann Perkins for the link. Scathingnews at gmail.com if you want to help out. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Heath, are you telling me

that not only can folks send us atheist news at scathingnews at gmail.com, but if they do, Marsh will dress in a rubber mask, steal their passport, dressed as a border guard if they ever come to QED, so they can fall in love with Manchester all over again. Look, I mean, yes, I did steal your passport, but that's mostly because since Brexit, my British passport just gets me into far fewer places.

I get it, yeah. It's way fewer places. Understandable. Yeah, that's fair. So to bring everyone places. I get it, yeah. No one wants to play that. Way fewer places. Understandable, yeah. That's fair. So to bring everyone up to speed on this, Christian Ziegler is the chairman of the Florida Republican Party and a major player in right-wing bigot circles.

He's long been rubbing elbows with people like Ron DeSantis, Donald Trump, and a big fleet of Christofascists hellbent on furthering America's theocratic legacy. And his wife, Bridget Ziegler, co-founded the Get Them While They're Young organization, Moms for Liberty, which aims to upend school lesson plans that reference LGBTQ rights, critical race theory, or in any way humanize non-cishet white people.

In short, they're the platonic ideal of the conservative demon power couple. Yeah. But luckily, by the way, Moms for Liberty aims to do that with all the precision of stormtroopers, so. Yup, they sure do. You also might remember Moms for Liberty as the group that Reading Rainbow host LeVar

Burton publicly announced that he wants to fist fight this year. That's how fucking awful they are. Reading Rainbow guy wants to punch you in the face. Yeah, you've done something wrong. But like a glass house pummeled with rocks from within, that godly facade was shattered

when it came to light that Mr. and Mrs. Leviticus were part of a throuple with a woman that Christian Ziegler had known for 20 years. And whatever consent all parties had at the beginning of the arrangement disappeared in October when Christian allegedly confronted and sexually assaulted that woman in her home.

The woman is pressing charges and as soon as the affidavit went public, Liberty Mom's chair on the Sarasota school board disappeared and calls for Liberty Dad to step down as Florida GOP head have intensified. And that includes a morality scolding from Ronald

DeSantis. Following his debate with Gavin Newsom last week, DeSantis said, quote, I don't see how Mr. Ziegler can continue with that investigation ongoing, given the gravity of those situations. I think he should step aside.

Not adding, I lost that debate so fucking hard. So hard. Words are tricky. Yeah. To be fair, I'm going to kill and boil the puppies feels like a hard one to beat off the top of your head,

so I can see why that was tricky for him. Yeah, so aside from the irredeemable shame of getting integrity checked by Ron DeSantis, if you get Ronnie Two Boots to coherently affirm a position like any position, you know you fucked up. And more generally, just everybody, have a bunch of sex with whomever you please, assuming they all please as well. But if you're a Republican, you don't get to have any sex. None at all. For just so many reasons, including this one.

Normalize never fucking a Republican. We can breed them out. There you go. And in Cohen underground news, if you've ever been to London and you found yourself taking the underground, you'll know it can be a pretty unpleasant experience. You know, people crammed shoulder to shoulder as they career around the subterranean bowels of one of the most populated cities in Europe. I'm sorry, Marsh, you were talking to three guys who once regularly rode the New York City subway.

Yes. You could not have a less sympathetic audience speaking to a group of anti-vaxxers about misinformation on Telegram, and I've seen you do that second thing. Thank you. Thank you. The London tube has cloth seats, Marsh. Do you know what New Yorkers

would do with cloth seats? Are you crazy? No, you have no idea. You don't want to know. Stay in your ivory tower of London. I just think you want seats that wipe clean. That's all I'm saying, is you want those seats to wipe clean. But if you have been on the Tube of Late and you've noticed like a tiny little bit of extra room between you and the guy pretending not to be reading your WhatsApp messages over your shoulder, you might want to send some thanks to the way of a group of Orthodox Jews whose religion has decided they're not allowed to use any part of the rail network in the capital of England for the stupidest reason imaginable. All right. Their religion doesn't allow it as already the stupidest reason imaginable. So I feel like you mean the stupidest reason imaginable squared

or something like that. Yeah. It's like a subset of that. Exactly. Yeah. Because it's because, what could it be? Is it because their interpretation of the Torah means they're not allowed within 10 feet of someone playing the saxophone in an enclosed and tiled environment? No, it's not that. That sounds biblical. Okay, no, it's not that. Is it because it's considered obscene for any member of their sect to get off at cockfosters or find themselves trying to get to Shepherd's Bush only to be taken up the arsenal? No, it's not that either.

only to be taken up the arsenal. No, it's not that either. Or maybe their religion forbids partaking in the kind of wealth inequality that sees one city monopolize all of the public funding and infrastructure investment. But it's not even that. It's not that.

Okay, podcast listener, I checked and all the places Marsh just named are real and none of them are slang for butt stuff. I feel gaslit. I feel afraid. I mean, none of them were slang for butt stuff. They all are now. Yeah, they very much afraid. I mean, none of them were slang for butt stuff. They all are now.

Yeah, they very much are. Thank you, Marsh. No, but the reason why 1,500 families in the Koh-i-Nim are currently in self-imposed subway exile is because one of the stations on one of the 11 lines of the London Underground, specifically the South Kensington Station, has an entrance that is directly adjacent

to the Science Museum. And that Science Museum contains science, which is like a big no-no for Orthodox Judaism. I get it. But like, you know, at the risk of a panic, the very act of a subway existing also has science in it, guys. Yeah, a bit.

Yeah, if you think Science Museum is bad, wait till you hear about guys. Yeah, a bit. Yeah, if you think science museum is bad, wait till you hear about reality. Yeah, right. So specifically, there's a medical exhibition at the museum, which includes the skeleton of a Danish woman

who died 650 years ago. Oh, for goodness. And it's forbidden for members of the Koh-I-Nim to come anywhere near a dead body who isn't a direct relative. Come on. Yeah.

That's fine, you might think, because London's a big city. It's pretty easy to not accidentally find yourself within that specific room of that specific building, the one that houses the corpse. But you're not thinking like a Coenine, because for them, being close to a dead body includes being under the same roof.

Okay. And I mean, the firmament is the roof of the planet. So you're kind of fucked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. And I mean, the firmament is the roof of the planet. So you're kind of fucked. Yeah, yeah. Right. And unless anyone thinks like, oh, guys, I know it's a little silly,

but shouldn't we respect everyone's belief? First of all, wrong podcast. But more importantly, that's like one of the 18 commandments for Kohanim that all of the rest of which

they ignore or loophole. Like, you know, not cutting your hair or not touching money, right? Like they're not even consistent in their own Amelia Bedelia verse. So like you don't, this especially doesn't matter. Yeah. Cause like you think, okay, that's all still fine because if you can't be under the same roof, you can just avoid being in that whole building, right? Well, no, because according to their reading, the Holy Book says the entirety of London's Underground Rail Network,

as well as some of the overground network and a few other bridges in London, is actually under one single roof. What? I'm not sure which bit of the Torah includes that. I'm guessing it's like at the back where you always find like the handy fold-out maps and subway guides.

It's probably in there. All right, so's like at the back where you always find like the handy fold out maps and subway guides. It's probably in there. Alright, so I feel like the only solution here is to hire three goyim to follow them around the subways while they're in there, like enclosing them in a triangle of yarn. I feel like that would do it for my understanding. Yes, love this. The

Yarn hack is my favorite fucking religion thing. Apparently, if you run yarn like everywhere, that means technically everything inside the yarn is your house. And therefore, technically, you can carry physical objects on Saturday, like your wallet and your keys. When Marsh started the story and asked why they're boycotting the subway, I was so sure it was because they like ran yarn all through the subway system as an e-roof, but it kept getting cut by moving trains and fucking up the goddamn. People were just like, ah,

and threw away their keys. So all here would seem lost, except, yeah, you've guessed it. They've got this one weird trick that would hack the system and fool the Koh-I-Nim god. All they'd need to do is to put a metal doorway at that exit of the tube station,

and suddenly God would think it's a different roof entirely, and therefore the entire rail network would become mystically unlocked for them again. Oh, for fuck's sake. Their god is so fucking dumb, right? Like, I swear, if he was real, we could catch him with a box, a stick on a string, and a line of foreskins.

We could draw a train tunnel into the side of a mountain with a drawing of Noah's Trap and some yarn a bit down the tube, and God would smash into the side of it like Wiley Cavanagh in his own painting. The problem here is those sticklers at Kensington Council rejected the stupid metal doorframe idea, partly because it would stick out at one bit and then become like an inconvenience to the other passengers or people with accessibility needs, but also mainly because it's obviously a stupid idea and allowing people's obviously stupid religious ideas

to start affecting the infrastructural decisions of an otherwise secular body would just set a completely ridiculous precedent. Yeah, but in case they change their minds, quick reminder, everybody at home, the holy door of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster has 99 knobs that don't work, one that does and has to be randomly placed each morning. Remember that, everybody. Just laying it out now. So there will be no magical roof break installed. They're gonna have to go back to their self-empoised tube van.

And perhaps when they're getting one of London's many highly convenient red buses, fuck the capital and all its money, they could consider the fact that if the contents of the science museum poses such a threat to their religion, maybe the fault lies not in the contents of the building, but in the contents of their magic book.

Persecution. Maybe. And on that note, we're going to pause for a word from our other sponsor this week, HelloFresh. Okay, what about for breakfast? I mean, toad in the hole, obviously.

I'm sorry, toad? Hey guys, what's going on? Hey guys, I convinced Marsh to stay for Christmas and he's letting me know some of the traditional foods he's expecting. I mean, honestly, if spotted dick is too much to ask, it isn't really Christmas, is it? Spotted what now?

Look, Eli, if you're trying to feed folks for the holiday without breaking the bank or your brain, why not try HelloFresh? What's HelloFresh? With HelloFresh, you get farm-fresh, pre-portioned ingredients and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep. Skip trips to the grocery store and count on HelloFresh to make home cooking easy, fun, and affordable. That's why it's America's number one meal kit.

I don't know, guys. Marsh is into some weird stuff. I mean, if bed fit your clang and stargazy pie are weird, then yeah, she'll call me Alan Moore. See, I don't know what any of that meant. I do see. Yes, but HelloFresh has over 45 recipes and more than 100 seasonal add-on items to choose from every week. So it's easier than ever to find something everyone will enjoy. I don't know, guys. Have you actually tried it? I sure have. I was a HelloFresh customer even before they became a sponsor. I love how flexible their scheduling is and that I can add so much variety to my boxes without breaking the bank. That's why I, Ethan Wright, personally

endorse HelloFresh. All right, guys, I'm sold. Where do I sign up? Go to HelloFresh.com slash scathing free and use the code scathing free for free breakfast for life. One breakfast item per box while subscription is active. That's free breakfast for life at HelloFresh.com slash scathing free with the code scathing free. Sounds good. Does that work for you, Marsh? Sure. Yeah.

Oh, oh, but there's these traditional meatballs. Don't say what the meatballs are called, please. Oh, but they're really good. Okay. A man wrote the Bible. A horse, which one? If it's a legitimate race. If it's a slut, right?

Cooking can be fun. Hey, I'm proud of a man. This Week in Misogyny. One of the underappreciated dangers of taking arguments against abortion seriously is that it forces you to elevate the kind of idiots that argue against abortion. And we're seeing that more and more as America's rights slip further into the grips of anti-abortion extremists. And that leads the abortion fight to spill over in all kinds of unrelated places, like as we saw last week in vitro fertilization. Case in point, when Dusty

Devers, who in addition to sounding like a wacky neighbor kid from a 50s sitcom, is also the favorite to win a seat in an upcoming special election for the Oklahoma State Senate. Dusty is also a pastor who once delivered an anti-IVF sermon where he describes the discarded embryos as, quote, cryo-orphans that are being, quote, cryo-incarcerated in frozen prisons, end quote. He then goes on to say that people who use IVF are, quote, waging an assault against God. So, yeah. Take a wild guess what this guy is going to do once he gets in office and starts making laws. But I do have at least some good news to share with you this week, which is rare.

I just learned that St. Mary's College, an all-female Catholic school in Indiana, announced that it will start accepting trans students. And look, I'm not normally a fan of expanding the scope of religious education, but if we're going to have it, the very least we can do is have it with equality. And this is a step in that direction. But even if I wasn't inclined to applaud it from that angle, it's also good news because of the damage it's doing to bigots' cardiovascular systems when they find out about it. Because look, this is hardly unprecedented. A lot of Catholic colleges admit trans students, including at least 22 all-female Catholic schools. But the people up in arms about this don't actually care about women's colleges enough to know that. So they're acting like this is a novel betrayal of God's holy order.

And I am here for it. The bishop that runs the diocese that the school is in has even made noise like he might strip a school of its official Catholic designation. But since the school has a $200 million endowment and taking the word Catholic off the name would probably increase enrollment, that's probably a hollow threat. But that's hardly the only idiotic misogyny thing that Catholics are freaking out about at the moment. They're also still in an uproar over a recent music video that was filmed in a Catholic church even though the woman in it was sexy.

Specifically when Sabrina Carpenter did a video where at the end there's a lighthearted funeral scene for her past boyfriends where they're all in pastel coffins and she's dancing around in an outfit that while covering her almost completely still does so in a sexy way and so when the video came out the catholic church freaked out so fucking hard that they ended up firing the priest who gave them permission to film in his church so yeah it's demoralizing to see my gender repeatedly diminished by one of the world's largest and wealthiest institutions.

But on the other hand, it's kind of empowering to know how terrified they are of my exposed clavicle. So I'll call it a draw. And with that, I'll wrap things up and hand you back over to Noah, Heath, Eli, and Marsh. Thank you, and Marsh. Thank you, Lucinda. Next up at headlines. In victims of pomp and circumstance news tonight, we have another reminder that whatever benefits may exist in homeschooling, they have to be balanced against the incredible amounts of harm and neglect it manages to hide.

And we were given a glimpse of that in a recent expose from the Associated Press that highlighted some of the abuses of Louisiana's notoriously flaccid laws on homeschooling, including a place called the Springfield Preparatory School, where you can just buy a high school diploma for $465.

No classes, no tests, no verification of anything. Just a straight up trade like you're buying an overpriced poster. Cool. Kind of like the Ivy League, but way too cheap, right? At least UPenn makes your dad buy a building or something.

It's too accessible. I was going to say, are we sure the education world wants to poke the, that's just a useless piece of paper bear? Because I feel like it doesn't end well for them. Okay, but you've got to admit, the photos of people graduating from Spring Hill Prep are incredible. Like, to pay for a diploma mill and then turn up to the graduation is incredibly ballsy.

Like, shout out to the one girl with, I did my best, God did the rest, embroidered on her mortarboard hat, when neither she nor God did literally anything. Right, exactly. In this rare instance, the Christian is right that they are tied in terms of how much they did.

Now, to be clear, lack of sufficient education is the least of homeschooling's problems. At its worst, it can be and often is used to cover up assault and serious neglect. But just the lack of sufficient education

should be plenty enough to damn it. Right, yeah, because arguably, in like a huge amount of cases, homeschooling is synonymous with neglect in that you're neglecting to educate your child. Right, yes, exactly. Now, the rules on homeschooling vary state by state. And in some places, homeschooled students

are still at least required to pass standardized tests to prove that they are learning basic shit. But in other places, they're just not. In Louisiana, all you have to do is tell the state, my house is a school now and we're not seeking state approval. After that, you just need to make up a name for your pretend school. A lot of them are things like Freedom First, by the way. And then you have to tell them how many students you have and you're in the clear. You don't even have to tell them who those students are. You just have to supply them with a number. So it's like being a church. Why is everybody being weird about this? And I just have to point out, like, I know we all accept this system as normal, but we don't do this for other public services, right? You're not allowed to plow your Volvo through

the median and be like, yeah, I'm doing home roading. Don't worry. I'm not looking for state approval or anything. This is just home. We believe in home roading. Yeah. So obviously, this system is just begging to be abused. Oh, God. Yeah. If this isn't the subject of an Eli prank war by the end of this episode, he's lost his edge completely. Way ahead of you, Marsh. Or should I say, Professor Marsh. Now, to be clear, homeschooling can be done correctly.

I'm the product of homeschooling myself, though I don't know if I'm evidence for or against the point. I mean, you're not awesome at sharing your blocks, no illusions. Can I say that? That's fair.

But it's fine, because your sister is an unambiguous homeschooling win. So it doesn't matter. Right. No, that's true. So the point is that I know there are a lot of conscientious parents that homeschool their kids because of special needs or because of those parents' lifestyles or whatever. Right. Louisiana even has an official homeschool program with stricter requirements that does

end with a state-recognized diploma, but it also has this other system, which they maintain entirely to appease a dangerous strain of Christian nationalists that, among their many faults, reliably vote for the assholes who run Louisiana.

Oh. And finally tonight, in anti-hero news, Taylor Swift has some bad blood with a priest in Nashville who claims that she's promoting witchcraft and demonic activities through her concerts. His name is Father Dan Rehill

and he's also an exorcist. No, he's not. But that's a skill he does list on his resume. Well, Father Rehill spoke with Church Pop and accused our beloved Tay-Tay of using evil magical objects during her shows, including black capes and orbs and things that, quote, look like something you'd find in the woods. What? And he explained in his expert capacity that those items might attract demonic activity. And all we can say is,

good for Taylor Swift. We stan a relatable queen. Love it. So I guess the implication here clearly is that there are a fuck ton of demons in the woods, right? Yeah, and they apparently have a patent on orbs. And black capes. So that's like 1950s British police officers

and Batman apparently demons everywhere and whomst among us doesn't have a bunch of objects they found in the woods I found an arrowhead once the woods are great it's a stupid comic anyway thanks to Brad for the link scathingnews at gmail.com

so all that being said about demonic witchcraft Father Dan couldn't help but acknowledge the talent of T-Swizzle during his complaints. Rihel was in the middle of accusing her of summoning satanic forces every time she performs Shake It Off, Taylor's version. And then he's like, okay, but I mean, incredibly talented and influential artist, obviously. That song is fire. That's fucking fire. So so finally something we can agree on good stuff but then he kept talking bad idea according to danny the exorcist quote even if her intent

was not to practice any witchcraft or do any of the incantations she's probably attracting a lot of demons to her conscience the demons will take deep note of what she's doing and how she's doing it and who she's influencing. End exact quote. So it feels like he's trying to accuse her of witchcraft without burning any potential romantic bridges. Like, but if you wanted to go out, you know. It's like people condemning Trump on the debate stage is like, well, no, I wouldn't overthrow the government.

Father Dan, have you considered perhaps that the demons are just really big fans of Red, Taylor's version, or 1989, Taylor's version, or Reputation, soon to be Taylor's version. It hasn't been released yet, but the real ones, we know it's coming. So I think he's just pissed

that he missed out on tickets, right? Like, look, Father Ehan, right? I get it. You were on Ticketmaster at exactly 9 a.m., but then somehow it turned to 9.01 and you were 120th in the queue. But that's not demons and dark magic. It's pre-sales and ticket touts, mate.

Yeah. And I get it. I like that you guys call scalpers ticket touts. Ticket touts, yeah. It's awesome. Now that I think about it, scalpers is probably wildly popular. Now that I say it out loud. The hardest thing about writing stuff for this show

is like, okay, what would you fuckers call one of the things? How do I know I'm going to still belong to like some sort of cord switching opportunity? Two tickets. Hand me tickets. Right, so I get it. Swifties seem like a cult.

We do. But we're not actually doing magic. Of course, that's exactly what I would say if I was hiding our evil magic that we're definitely doing. And that's why the intrepid demon detectives kept looking for clues. thanking fans that said, quote, I've been watching videos of you guys in the theaters, dancing, creating inside jokes, casting spells, and just generally creating the exact type of joyful chaos we're known for. So, of course, the casting spells part of that set off every right-wing nutjob into more accusations of witchcraft. And now there's even a petition to urge Taylor Swift to reject witchcraft and instead turn to Jesus Christ. Okay, but Christians, she's Christian.

Like, she was pretty explicitly Christian until you guys yelled at her for not dressing like a nun. Like, you should have taken the win when you had it, everybody. She was on your team. So I checked out this petition. She was on your team So I checked out this petition And if you're picturing, you know, serious, level-headed exhortation to Christ You'd be sadly mistaken, it was not that Among other things, the petition mentions that Taylor was welcomed to Brazil with sacrilege

Apparently, the city of Rio de Janeiro put a Swift-inspired t-shirt Onto the famous Christ the Redeemer statue when they had a tour stop. Of course, the petition conveniently forgets to mention that Swifty the Redeemer was actually organized by the Christ the Redeemer Archdiocesan Sanctuary. It didn't just

appear on the statue magically because Satan the Prince of Darkness was doing a subtle clue about his demonic plans. Also, in case it wasn't obvious, past presumably demonic projections onto the Christ the Redeemer statue have included a COVID mask, a pro-vaccine slogan, and the Chinese flag. Hang on, I'm making this worse, aren't I?

I'm making this much, much worse. Oh, there was a time when they put a UFC belt on Christ the Redeemer as well. You can't be against that, Sean. There you go. Respectful. So aside from the petition, Rehill told all the good Christians to skip the concert in order to protect their souls. He said, quote, I'm not saying that's going to happen to everybody,

but you're definitely putting yourself in a very dangerous situation if you're going to a concert where there's somebody who's imitating or even practicing the art of witchcraft. I would say don't do it. Skip the concert, end quote. Padre, Padre, as Marsh mentioned, these women waited in a digital queue for 12 hours. They signed up for a credit card they never used, and then they paid $600 for a seat that's technically an international airspace. They are not going to let a few demons slow them down. Okay. But you know, I would say don't do it. So instead, you know, just go to a ticket resale site, you know, one of those ones that don't add a whole bunch of extra fees. And then make sure you do the charitable thing of listing them at or below face value yeah i'm onto your game re-heal i've

seen yes i see yeah so despite getting caught with her hand in the evil magic jar taylor is unfazed and recently posted never beating the sorcery allegations along with the video someone took of the concert where taylor sings the, I thought the plane was going down. How'd you turn it right around? And right then, the camera pans to the sky as an airplane flies behind. Witchcraft? Or was it because the venue was literally right near an airport?

You decide. In the words of Miss Americana herself, you need to calm down. All right. Well, quick beforeath just breaks out into song we're going to close the headlines for the night heath eli marsh thanks as always or sometimes as the case may be to maji taylor's version and when we come back we'll pick marsh's brains and find a nugget of shit in there There are a lot of reasons we love to have Marsh on the show.

His wit and expertise lend the show a broader perspective. His time zone makes it less weird when I say joining me for headlines tonight at 2.30 in the afternoon. But most of all, of course, we love to tap into his encyclopedic knowledge of con artists and woo merchants in a segment that we call Who's Woo? So tell us, Marsh, what made you pick this week's subject? So there is a well-known phenomenon in pop culture whereby the cover of a single gets way more famous than the original, despite being a poor imitation of it. You know, Soft Cell's version of Tainted Love isn't a patch in the 1964 Gloria Jones original. And Elvis's Hound Dog pales in comparison

to the original by Big Mama Thornton. And, you know, give me Dylan's harmonica solo on All Along the Watchtower any day of the week. The Jimi Hendrix version is the quintessential example of a cover that's better. We're in a fight, Marsh. I like the harmonica, man. What can I say? How was the C segment this week? Well, Heath and Marsh started to fight about music zero seconds in and 37 minutes later, the show ended. But all I'm saying is when you want the good stuff, you've got to go back to who did it first. And while that's true with music, it's just as true with Woo.

And that's why for Who's Woo this week, I want to tell you about a conspiracy theorist who has inspired more tribute acts than the Beatles. And that man is Bill Cooper. Oh no. Anyone else picturing an aged gray-haired Marsh pulling an LP of David Icke

from an old cardboard box and whispering you kids think you know everything these days. I feel like a David Icke LP would have the circumference of a trash can lid. But yes, that is what I'm picturing. Pulling it down like a Murphy bed. So, Marshall, who is Bill Cooper? Milton William Bill Cooper was born on May 6, 1943 in Long Beach, California. And

like a lot of entries in the arsehole hall of fame that is Who's Woo, it's actually pretty hard to tell you much about his early life. Not because there's not a lot to tell, but it's because the source for much of what is known is Bill Cooper himself. And as we'll see, he is hardly

the most reliable of narrators. Yeah, and the stories from his bros, Matty, Marky, Luke, and J-Bone aren't much better. So, for example, while we know he did serve in the military, we don't really know in what capacity. Cooper claims to have served in the Air Force,

the Navy, and in Naval Intelligence. And it does appear to be at least true that he was in the Navy, although from what intelligence. And it does appear to be at least true that he was in the Navy, although from what we can tell from external sources, he mostly seems to have served as like a low-level clerk. Which, as we learned in testimony before Congress this year, is where the real shit goes down. I love that term, low-level clerk, right?

Because they have a special designation for, but not one of the top-notch clerks, not one of the cool clerks. Yeah, you get the filing wrong quite often, things would be in the wrong order, that kind of thing. We have clerks who do important shit here. Don't mix us with them. So Cooper claims that in 1966

while serving aboard a submarine, the USS Tiro, he encountered a metal craft larger than a football field, colored a dull color with portholes along the side. Now, naturally, being at sea and encountering a large, dull metal vehicle adorned with portholes, he concluded it was a UFO. Guys, that seems like a boat, but look at the matte finish. That's going to be Jewish lizard aliens, right?

I'm pretty sure. Have you heard my LP, by the way? Okay, you know when he first wrote down that story, he wanted to write U-S-O because it was underwater, but then he knew everyone would picture Uncle Cracker looming out of you from the depths of the ocean, so he went with UFO instead. Uncle Cracker, the pride of Michigan,

we're in a fight. Unbelievable. Most USO tours of any performer. Exactly. There's just Noah left. He's going to alienate every one of us by the end. Bill Cooper claims to have told his superiors about the craft that he saw, adding that he saw it rise out of the

waters and into the clouds and then fly away. Okay. I just thought he switched F in UFO to be floating, but now it all tracks. Okay. Now it's all going to be okay. There we go. So his report, he says, angered his commanding officers who made him sign a document saying that he'd never ever tell anybody what he saw that day, which he says that he signed.

And we know that's true because he would go on to tell literally everyone about it, proving that he's someone whose word can be trusted. And do you promise never to testify before Congress that your buddy Steve's buddy Ralph told you at a bar one night after four Long Island iced teas about this? That's become a bit of an issue for us lately. All right. So, all right. lately. All right.

So, all right. I want you to imagine what perspective a person could have from a submarine that would allow you to see a ship underwater then watch it float up and fly away

into the sky. God damn, that's some lazy lying. Yeah. There's a little hatch thing. I'm a fast runner. I ran to the periscope. The periscope went up

as it went up. Matched it. So from there, Cooper was sent to Vietnam where he continued to apparently regularly see UFOs, but he was told

not to tell anyone about them. So he didn't. But again, we only know this because he promised not to tell us, but then told us.

Also in Vietnam, I saw this giant blue guy with his dick out. He's shooting lightning bolts. That's Watchmen. That's a fuck. Jet roe fake thing.

So Coop would go on to write that he saw entire Vietnamese villages wiped off the face of the earth by those UFOs, which perhaps explains why parts of Vietnam were so comprehensively destroyed during the time that American soldiers

and American planes and American chemical weapons happened to be there. Okay, if you're not picturing the kid from E.T. sailing across the moon with Henry Kissinger in his basket, then you are not the audience we know and love. Also mentioned on

Marsh's LP of David. You know when the U.S. government first read this shit, they considered playing along with it. Just for a second, in some meeting somewhere, somebody was like, yeah, no, those UFOs were all over Cambodia. A lot of people saw them around Cambodia.

A lot of lasers, a lot of lasers. So after Vietnam, Cooper tells us he was stationed in Hawaii to work for the commander-in-chief of the Pacific Fleet, where he found himself at one point, alone with a tranche of highly classified documents that outlined all of the biggest secrets

in American history, which I guess were being kept on a naval ship in Hawaii, a place renowned for its American naval bases being impenetrably safe. Yeah, sure. As long as nobody pops Red Dead Redemption 2 into a PlayStation, then it tells everyone on the island

to kill their kid quick before they're used as blood bags on Furiosa's car. But other than that... And by the way, Marsh, just for the record, now we keep our secret stuff in a bathroom at a country club, and it's just fine right there. That's right, Japan.

Do your thing. We know you've been plotting it. Yeah, but the whole, like, yeah, but they wouldn't keep the classified documents in there. That whole bit just kind of falls apart in the modern day. No, that is true. That is very fair. But among those secrets and classified documents

was the truth about what really happened to JFK. To JFK? Okay, so the box of secrets in Hawaii during Vietnam wasn't just Vietnam secrets. We have a conspiracy scrapbook with all the stuff ever, and we fly it around to different warships in wartime? Yeah. So here is apparently, according to Bill Cooper and those documents, what really happened to JFK. Because it wasn't Lee Harvey Oswald, obviously.

Agreed. And it wasn't the second gunman from the grassy knoll either. Because instead, the assassin was his driver, William Greer, who killed him using, quote, a gas pressure device developed by aliens from the Trilateral Commission. That feels like the result of a bet about who could stick the most bullshit into one theory about JFK. It sure does.

No, it sure does. Because according to Cooper, Greer turns around in the Zapruder film to see that the presumably other external assassination that was still going on happened to be unsuccessful before firing the shot that did eventually kill Kennedy. Okay, wait. So the aliens shot at JFK and missed? Yeah. And then the driver finished the job with the Gassatron 3000? Right, but the aliens forgot to invent a Gassatron that doesn't push everything back into the left with gas pressure.

Obviously, yeah. No, I get it. That's how we caught him. So this information was, as you might imagine, something of a surprise to Bill Cooper at the time. Or it would have been if it wasn't definitely completely made up by Bill Cooper at a later time. But still, in 1975, he says he left the Navy as a result of finding this stuff out. And he took with him the knowledge that he gained from that cache of top secret documents,

which he claims became the foundational research behind the book that would secure his place in conspiracism law forever. And that book was Behold a Pale Horse. Yeah, I like the sequel Behold a Horse that thinks this guacamole is too spicy better, but I like the original. So the book itself was 16 years in the making, with its release coming in 1991. And Cooper explains that Gap has been the result of two assassination attempts by the US government, which initially intimidated him into silence. And so he then spent that 16 years just pulling together dozens of documents containing what he claims would be bombshell revelations,

that he then left instructions that if he was ever killed, those revelations should be released. And this he claims is what eventually prevented the government from killing him. But we're going to put a pin in that for now. Okay. What was preventing the government from killing him after 1991 though, when the book was released? That's his fault when he gets killed is what I'm saying. It is. So the stage is now set for the release of Behold a Pale Horse. That's the 500-page, 17-chapter opus that made Cooper a household name in the kind of household that would normally see the written word as one of those liberal plots. Know what? Don't even think about it for god-awful books, do you hear me? Hey, look, C.S. Lewis isn't going anywhere. I will attack your heart, no illusions. I shall be the one who attacks your heart with a knife.

Okay. I was given a copy of this book and for the person who gave it to me, why don't you guys try to guess how many vaccines

that person has had? Oh! Oh! It's fewer than the number of ivermectin doses that they've taken. Infinitely correct, Noah. And of course,

it's at this point that I have to shamefacedly admit that I read a copy that I bought for myself back in my conspiracy theorist days and did not immediately conclude that my worldview was nonsense. You got there eventually

and that's what matters, Noah. You did that. That's the important thing. But you learned about the Fed and that's important. That's important, right? You know who started all the wars so that said for a book that represented his life's work not a lot of it was actually his own work because seven of the chapters and all seven of the appendices were written by other people or were reproductions

of other works including a full reprint of existing conspiracy theory hoax documents, silent weapons for quiet wars, and the protocols of the elders of Zion. Fucking yikes. I mean, look, say what you will about David Icke, but at least he writes his own nonsense. You know what I'm saying? And a lot of it, right? And a lot of it. So to sidestep accusations of antisemitism that could arise from republishing the most famously antisemitic text of all time, Cooper prefaces his chapter on the Protocols by explaining, quote, this is an exact reprint of the original text. It isn't. This has been written intentionally to deceive people. Any reference to Jews should be replaced with the word Illuminati and the word goyim should be replaced with the word cattle. Yeah. Oh, now it's cool.

No, honestly, the naked antisemitism in that book was one of the first signposts that actually started to lead me out of that bullshit. That and the fact that he had this long addendum in the version that I read where he complained about other conspiracy theorists stealing his bullshit without crediting him, which is not a concern one has

when they're expressing true things. You're right. You don't take ownership of facts that you learned. You took my history. Yeah. Although coming up pro-plagiarism on the internet this week,

Noah is a bold stance. You don't get to follow the internet drama very clearly. So it's the Illuminati who control the world, apparently not the Jews. Though later in his life on his radio show, The Hour of the Time, Cooper did seem pretty comfortable spreading the notion that the Jews control the media. So who knows?

And on that same radio show, Cooper would explain that he felt the Ku Klux Klan was misunderstood and actively encouraged patriots to join the group. And Cooper himself was often seen at clan rallies. And he doesn't get to be in a Scream movie either. Will the censoring

never stop, Marsh? Will it never end? So the fact that Cooper was an open clan member who breathed new life into the protocols of the learner elders of Zion did little to limit

the reach of his conspiracist manuscript. In fact, Mantor Shabalala Msimang, the health minister for South Africa in the early 2000s, was criticized for sharing the book amongst the South African government officials by way of explaining how AIDS was created in order to reduce the population of black people, Hispanic people, and gay people. Hold on, that sounded really bad. order to reduce the population of black people, Hispanic people, and gay people. Hold on. That sounded really bad. It's just the Illuminati killing cattle with cattle aids. Did I fix it? You guys still seem mad.

Elsewhere in Behold a Pale Horse, Cooper suggested that Dwight D. Eisenhower was in cahoots with aliens to allow for humans to be kidnapped and experimented on and that the Bilderberg group with the Freemasons and the Skull and Bones organizations were enlisted to cover up this

intergalactic abduction treaty. It's a weird Avengers. I mean, it's not the weirdest Avengers, but top five, top five weird Avengers. Right, Avengers assembled.

Oh, hey, Paul Walker and fucking Pacey from Dawson's Creek. You're just nerds from Yale? You don't, do you have powers? Like, hey, Paul Walker and fucking Pacey from Dawson's Creek. You're just nerds from Yale? Do you have powers? What are you doing? Archery? Yeah, so unsurprisingly, the book, along with Cooper's radio show, became hugely influential among the militia movement in the US

with noted fans, including Timothy McVeigh, the Oklahoma City bomber. Yeah, right. At which point Cooper did not come out and say, fuck, I was just making this shit up to get rich. I did not expect people to take it that seriously. Right? I feel like that's something

that needed an underscore. Yeah. So as Cooper became a bigger and bigger figure in the anti-government domestic terrorist movements of the late 90s, he also came to believe

that the IRS and Bill Clinton himself were gunning for Cooper personally because, you know, taxation is theft and am I being detained? But in 1998, the answer to that latter question was yes, when he was charged with tax evasion. But he did manage to evade the authorities and he became a wanted fugitive. Yeah. Reporting live from, wait, shit, no, not supposed to say that part. So let's go back to that pin that we put in the government killing him because on November the 5th, 2001,

local sheriffs in Eager, Arizona tracked Cooper down and attempted to arrest him, not just for that tax thing, but also for charges of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and endangerment.

Because while he was a fugitive, he kept getting into aggressive and violent disputes with his neighbors. The arrest went south. Cooper shot one of the deputies. And in return, Cooper himself was killed. That deputy, a young upstart cop named Hillary Rodham Clinton. That's right. Okay, this is why you always set up a second trove of national secrets

after you release the first trove in your book and then become a wanted fugitive from the FBI. That's a rookie mistake right there. I have four troves. I have as many troves as I have horcruxes. That's smart. Redundant. You got to admit, though, at least he was committed to the bit.

At least he was committed to the bit. Thank you. After his death, Cooper's legacy has endured, including among a demographic that might seem an unlikely association for an admitted member of the KKK,

the rap scene. Because his work has been repeatedly referenced by artists including Public Enemy, Tupac Shakur, and Jay-Z, plus the hip-hop group

Kill Army, whose debut album was called Silent Weapons for Quiet Wars after the first chapter in Behold a Pale Horse. And as ODB of the Wu-Tang Clan explained, everybody gets fucked.

William Cooper tells you who's fucking you. Guys, I'm starting to think these fellows might not be the biggest fan of the Jews. Like, is that crazy? I feel crazy. Okay, Jonah Hill only has so much time to meet with everyone all the time. That's true. Win them over with his 22 Jump Street performance.

It'll be charming, Jewishly, or whatever the fuck Kanye said. No, he saw the movie 22 Jump Street. Oh, he just watched Jonah Hill be action. Yeah, they all watched that movie. Okay, Jonah Hill does have time to meet with everyone. Kanye West watched that film. Jonah Hill, unambiguously a good guy

and nothing that's going to happen will change that appreciation of Jonah Hill. Don't do that, Marsh. Don't do that. Don't you do that, Marsh. Of course, the clearest disciple of Cooperism is none other than Alex Jones, who essentially lifted wholesale Cooper's entire shtick in the founding of his conspiracism empire.

And while Cooper did actually appear as a guest on some of the earlier episodes of InfoWars, the appreciation was clearly not a two-way street. Cooper apparently hated Jones, describing him at one point as, quote, a bold-faced, stinking, rotten little coward liar, unquote, that pulled his conspiracies out of thin air rather than dedicated research like Cooper did.

Which, given how clearly Alex Jones is just a bad Bill Cooper impression, is kind of a bit like finding out that John Lennon somehow once met Liam Gallagher and called him a bellend. I feel like we was mostly bitter, though, because Alex showed him he was working way harder than he ever had to. Yeah.

Still, while Cooper might be dead, it is clear that the effect he left on the world is far from diminished given that it paved the way for highly successful grand conspiracy narratives

like Pizzagate and QAnon and even arguably set the scene for the first Trump presidency. First? Don't say it like that. The first Trump presidency.

Hush. You hush about first shit. Why would you ever say it like that? The first Trump presidency. You hush about first shit. Why would you ever say it like that? You're just picking fights with all of us this year. Marsh, you wrap up your essay. We are having a fight off air. I can't afford Christmas presents

for all of you. But anybody who can leave such a lasting stain on the world two decades after their death absolutely deserves their place in Who's Woo? All right. Well, I need to go sit on fucking hot coals or something as penance for the small part I played in financing this asshole.

But I appreciate your expertise nonetheless, Marsh, and eagerly await the next installment of Who's Woo. Before we dry up and float away tonight, I want to remind you that you can find plenty more Marsh on Skeptics with a K and Be Reasonable, which we will have linked on the show notes. Anyway, that's all the blast we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show, The Skeptocrat, doing a 7 Eastern on Monday

and an even newer episode of our sister show's hot friend, Godawful Movies, doing a 7 Eastern on Tuesday and an even newer episode of our half show's Hot Friend Godawful Movies doing a 7 Eastern on Tuesday and an even newer episode of our half-sister show Citation Needed debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, this show

would violate the sacred treaties if I neglected to thank Heath Enright for keeping it real, Eli Bosnick for keeping it riled, Michael Marshall for keeping it royal, and Lucinda Lusions for keeping it ruled. I also want to thank

The Deep State for providing this week's Farnsworth quote. Retirement is right around the corner. You're getting there. You're almost there. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's best people, Stephen,. Retirement is right around the corner. You're getting there. You're almost there. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's best people,

Stephen, Robert, Aaron, Ben, Donovan, Christopher, Aubrey, Piret, Riffopotamus, Das, Fergan, Sweet, Afton, Phil, Desiree, and Jasmine. Stephen, Robert, Aaron, Ben, and Donovan, who are so virile they can unclog a drain with their orgasms. Christopher, Aubrey, Piret, and Riffopotamus, who are so cool the LHC keeps them on call in case they run out of superfluid helium.

And Fergan Afton, Phil Desiree, and Jasmine, who are so bright even raisins have to wear sunglasses when they're around. Together, these 14 fantastically fine free thinkers further our fuck-filled ferocities against faith this week by giving us money. Not everybody has the money it takes to give some away for free stuff. But if you do, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingatheist, whereby you'll earn early access to an extended ad-free version of every episode. Or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the Donate button

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and following us on social media, and speaking to social media. Tim Robertson handles that for us. Additional writing for this episode was provided by Mike Schuster and Andrea Robano and our audio engineer is Martin Clark, who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or

death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at skatingads.com. It's because he gave such a subtle performance is why he missed it. No, that's what it was. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm, LLC. Copyright 2023. All rights reserved.