The Scathing Atheist - 565: Gifted Edition

Episode Date: December 14, 2023

In this week’s episode, a Texas judge protects the right to abort…AAAND it's gone, a Christian Right leader tells us which religion started all the wars on Christmas, and we’ll explore child labor as a last minute Christmas gift. --- To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click here: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/ If you see a news story you think we might be interested in, you can send it here: [e-mail] To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ To hear more from our intrepid audio engineer Morgan Clarke, click here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Headlines: Texas court allows first abortion since ban (UPDATE: Texas Supreme Court temporarily blocks pregnant woman from emergency abortion) https://www.abc.net.au/news/2023-12-08/texas-court-allows-first-abortion-since-ban/103204800 https://www.cnn.com/2023/12/08/us/texas-abortion-ruling-attorney-general-petition/index.html Street preacher sucks fun out of Christmas for kids: https://www.kob.com/new-mexico/grinch-street-preacher-delivers-upsetting-message-in-front-of-elementary-school/ Speaker Mike Johnson says God told him, in late-night hallucinations, that he was Moses: https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/speaker-mike-johnson-says-god-told?r=2uh8q4&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2023/12/mike-johnson-christian-nationalist-lawmakers-moses.html  Christian Right commentator (and founder of Gab) thinks he found the Jewish conspiracy in the War on Christmas: https://churchleaders.com/news/463883-rudolph-the-red-nosed-reindeers-plot-to-ruin-christmas-and-america-rns.html

Warning, this podcast contains all the offensive language we could think up on the spot. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by Stamps.com, Aura Frames, and by the new inappropriate Christmas doll to scar your children with, Elf on Himself. Elf on Himself, because if any tradition can go fuck itself. And now, The Scathing Atheist. Hi, this is Bill B. How did nobody make fun of South Jersey? Is Jersey Shore a Mixtuk dynasty? There's Confederate flags and Let's Go Brandon signs everywhere.

Kind of shows that we did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey men. And it's pork roll. What the heck is this tailored hand BS? It's Thursday. It's December 14th. And it's National Screwdriver Day. Yeah, because sometimes you need to start drinking at the very thought of Christmas. There you go.

I'm Noah Lutions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. And from Ted Cruz's New Jersey, Ann Arbor, Michigan, and Waycross, Georgia, he went to Princeton. This is The Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, a Texas judge protects the right to abortion, and it's gone.

A Christian right leader tells us which religion started all the wars on Christmas. And we'll explore child labor as a last-minute Christmas gift. But first, the diribe. I get why atheists are so fatalistic. We have ironclad, knock-down, drag-out, logically sound, mathematically provable arguments. We have a five-century unbroken streak of scientific discoveries on our side. We have guilt-free sex of a thousand flavors and count again yet, better than four out of five Americans still believe in God.

With numbers like that, our failure can seem inevitable. It's very unlikely, after all, that we're going to come up with a new and even more convincing argument that there's no God. It's hard to imagine a scientific discovery that's going to more overturn religious thinking than evolution. And even if we found one, they would just pretend it didn't exist. When the other guy's ultimate authority is the very thing you're trying to convince them is non-existent, the task can seem an awful lot like trying to stand on your own shoulders. And that leads to a lot of defeatist thinking, which I hear constantly. It's usually preceded by the words, I'm an atheist too, but followed by some despondent surrender to the inexorable march of faith. But to get there, you have to buy into two lies the apologists try to sell you. And they're baked so deep into our culture that it's

easy to overlook the fact that there are even arguments to begin with. The first is that people are naturally religious. And the second is that religion serves a purpose. Now, as to what humans tend towards, yes, there's ample psychological evidence to suggest that humans are predisposed to religious thinking. If some kids somehow could grow up with no cultural influences at all, odds are that they'd create some form of religion. It would be a novel form of religion, right? They wouldn't come up with Christianity. It probably wouldn't be something that they could be reconciled with any existing religion. But based on what we know of human nature, they'd probably come up with some concept of God or gods and some concept of spirit.

And sure, something that we just naturally do can seem inevitable. But humans are also naturally naked. Humans are naturally afraid of the basement. Humans are naturally ignorant of the theory of relativity. Pretty much all of learning is training ourselves out of our natural tendencies. So why should one of them feel inevitable? The argument that religion serves some kind of purpose is harder to dismiss, I guess, but only to the degree that it's less precise. There doesn't seem to be a hell of a lot of agreement on what that purpose is. Now, get me wrong we do know what you know actual

purpose religion serves it outgroups right that's the evolutionary pressure for which it was selected it encourages cooperation with your group and justifies violence against everyone else and that offers a survival advantage right but religious apologists won't even admit that let alone argue it so the the purposes they always offer up are either demonstrably incorrect, i.e. it makes you more moral, less likely to sin, more charitable, etc. Or they're too vague to measure. It makes you happy. It brings you enlightenment. It fills a God-shaped hole in your heart.

But despite those flawed assumptions, atheists find it really easy to buy into the inevitability of religion. Now, to be honest, I think at least some of this is motivated by the fact that it gives people an excuse not to do anything. If religion is an unavoidable byproduct of human nature, then there's no moral imperative to do anything to counter it, no matter how glaring its abuses become. But some of it, too, is born of observation. Obviously, America has become less religious in the last 20 years.

And if you've been alive in America in the last 20 years, you probably noticed. But at the same time, we've seen this massive uptick on, you know, natural crystal vibration, color infused, one with nature, spiritualism. Spiritualism. So even from within movement atheism, it can still seem like, you know, the second we squeezed a little religion out of society, a bunch of new bullshit rushed in to fill the vacuum. But that's also incorrect. I mean, sure, sometimes the vague category of spiritual can be a stepping stone out of organized religion, but it's unsustainable. Unlike religion, spiritualism doesn't have apologetics. It doesn't have a wealth of literature designed to circumvent logic and hold you to it. It doesn't have billion dollar hierarchies that exist entirely to keep you fooled. And in most instances, it doesn't have like, you know, weekly reinforcement and contingent communities, right? Like, yes, a community might rise up or out of spiritual practice, but it's very unlikely that the community will resort to shunning if one person starts to question their ability to resonate with the universe. In fact, survey data outright refutes the idea that spirituality is rushing in to fill the vacuum.

According to recent numbers from Pew, the percentage of Americans identifying as spiritual but not religious is about 22 percent. Yes, that's a depressingly huge percent, but six years ago, that number was 27%. When you look at the numbers over time, the number of religious people and the number of spiritual people are on the decline, and at least over the last few years, the decline in spirituality has been steeper. Now, the obvious caveat here is that spiritual doesn't have an exact meaning. Most people who call themselves religious also call themselves spiritual. A lot of overlap. And if you ask a thousand spiritual people what it means to be spiritual, you'd get

a thousand answers, right? Pew didn't even bother to try to define it. They just asked people, are you spiritual and are you religious? And this decline shouldn't shock anybody either, the antidote to religion and the antidote to spirituality are the same fucking thing. Reason. Not everybody leaves their religion because they logicked their way out of it. Some people just don't feel like they belong or they're disillusioned by all the rape scandals or they just don't like waking up on Sundays or whatever. But people who divorce religion on rational grounds aren't looking for a thing to replace it with. If anything, the process of shedding their religion has given them new defenses against the next person that tries to sell them a load of bullshit. But none of that

even matters, right? Because the people who are challenging the mission here are talking to refutations of their argument. As often as not, they are refutations. Because if religion was inevitable, you couldn't exist. Joining me for headlines tonight are the Ba and Hum to my Bug, Heath Enright and Eli Bosnick fellas. Are you ready to get this season

the fuck over with or what? Listen, it's just a two-game losing streak. The Jags are going to be fine. Lawrence is back. Yeah, I wonder what I'll get for my other six nights of Hanukkah. That's my question. You know what? I'm pretty confident it's not going to be a win against the fucking Ravens, but we'll hope for

a Christmas miracle anyway as we pause for a word from our first sponsor this week, Stamps.com. The Tragivox 2000. What is that? Dude, I have no idea. I don't know. That's fair.

Hey, fellas. What are you up to? Oh, we were just going over your Christmas wish list, but you missed a really important thing, Noah. Is it the Boopatron 3000? Seriously, Eli, you could just ask me the name of a video game system. Don't break character. Really? Unprofessional. Seriously.

Fine. Fine. No, Noah. It's not. It's Stamps.com. Why would I add Stamps.com to my wish list? Why wouldn't you? Stamps.com has been helping businesses like yours save time and money during the holiday rush for 25 years with easy access to USPS and UPS services and premium rates for all your postage needs. I mean, that sounds great, but is it going to save me money? It sure will. Get huge carrier discounts up to 84% of USPS and UPS rates to help your bottom line. Plus, Stamps.com automatically

tells you your cheapest and fastest shipping options. All right, I'm convinced. Where do I sign up? Give your business the gift of stamps.com so your mailing and shipping is covered this holiday season. Sign up with the promo code SCATHING for a special offer that includes a four-week trial plus free postage and a digital scale. No long-term commitments or contracts. Just go to stamps.com,

click the microphone at the top of the page, and enter the code SCATHING. Thanks, fellas. That goes to the top of the page and enter the code scathing thanks fellas that goes to the top of my list right above the nintendotron 5000 seriously come on no okay okay that's a real one right yeah that's your favorite and now back to the headlines in our lead story tonight when it comes to the protection of reproductive rights in America, in the words of failed presidential candidate and personal hero to anxiety attacks on TV

everywhere, Tim Ryan, nobody's coming to save us. We're all on our own. Nearly 50 years after Roe versus Wade legalized abortion nationwide, the Supreme Court overturned the landmark decision last year, leaving it up to the states to decide whether human beings should have bodily autonomy from lawmakers' whims. And now, a year later, we're seeing more of those ramifications when a 31-year-old Texas woman named Kate Cox has been denied legal access to an abortion after the state failed to recognize the grave health risks for Cox and her baby should she give birth. the grave health risks for Cox and her baby should she give birth. Yeah, and as much as this case pisses me off, it pisses me off more that so many people needed this case to realize it's probably best if we just let pregnant people make decisions about their own fucking body. Yes, thank you. Giving birth could grant her telekinesis and flying and the cure for all cancer. She's still

allowed to not do that with her body. Yes, exactly. And look, it shouldn't affect which human rights she's entitled to. But as the boys just said, Cox actually wanted to have this baby. Cox's pregnancy was deemed non-viable after the fetus was diagnosed with trisomy 18, a fatal genetic condition that usually results in a miscarriage or death soon after birth. The condition also threatens Cox's health and chances for future pregnancies if the pregnancy is brought to term. Not that that matters. Right. Not that that matters, but it fucking is a thing.

And at 20 weeks, Cox's pregnancy far exceeds the absurd six-week ban on abortions in Texas. Right. Yeah. the absurd six-week ban on abortions in Texas. Right, yeah. It's a reminder that most people wouldn't even know that they're pregnant at six weeks. And any word on whether or not Texas allows for the use of precogs at this point? Yeah, we got to check.

We got to check. Feels like they would. Last week, Cox was briefly granted a 14-day restraining order against the state's enforcement of the abortion ban, but the Texas Supreme Court almost immediately reversed the lower court's decision, thanks to some craven meddling by Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton, proving that even the injustices are bigger in Texas. Okay, just to recap, a Texas law tried to kill a woman,

then she got granted a two-week timeout on being hunted by a law. Actually, no, tricked you, time in, on the maybe killing her with a law. Exactly. That's what happened. Quite literally, yes. Despite Cox requiring three emergency room visits due to severe cramping and unidentifiable discharge, the state Supreme Court failed to recognize the health risk to both the mother and the child and upheld the state's draconian abortion ban. But not without reminding Cox and

any doctor who should help her within the state lines that they'd be liable for felony charges and a $100,000 fine for each violation, as if the Texas housing and tourism boards didn't already have enough trouble enticing clientele. Yeah, another important point for people who can't care about a problem if it doesn't affect them personally, this means doctors leaving the state, right? Or it certainly means doctors never coming to the state to begin with. That means that every Texan is now going to pay more for worse health care and wait longer. It'll be like your electricity. Yeah, it will. Looking forward to the Enron Abortion Arbitrage Company out of Oklahoma coming soon. Exactly. Yeah. Now, Cox's attorneys and the Abortion Rights Group Center for Reproductive Rights released a statement saying that the

court displayed a stunning disregard for their client's life, fertility, and the rule of law. As of now, Cox is traveling out of state to receive a potentially life-saving abortion when and where has not been released, probably because the aforementioned attorney general and a variety of Legion of Doom applicants like him have expressed their desire for fugitive fetus laws up to this point. But her legal representation assured us it would be done quickly and safely as possible, which is the same manner we here at The Scathing Atheist recommend Texas residents move the hell out of that godforsaken state. Yeah.

Well, and look, it's also worth reminding everybody that, you know, not everybody can afford to take time off of work and travel out of state for a medical procedure. So again, yeah, this is a law against poor people having abortion. Exactly. And just one more quick reminder. This is a person who wants children whose fetus is absolutely going to die anyway and who needs an abortion because it's a medical procedure that people need sometimes. But she's a lady and lady medical procedures are up for political debate these days. So the state of Texas, given their druthers and with her not having access to the resources to

leave, would rather see her die than get the medical care she needs just in case you needed a reminder about why you listening to this podcast will absolutely and without question be voting for joseph elizabeth biden in november aren't they fucking up future fetuses too by this shouldn't they be thinking about right and thinking about a trolley dilemma that has like a time dimension to it that some of the track doesn't exist yet but it's going to have some fetuses? Fuck. Right. And that just

really highlights the lie of the pro-life bullshit they've been using to justify this for the last 40 fucking years. Yeah. Horrible. Vote for Joe Biden. You have to. You do. You have to do it. You kind of. I don't care how you Yeah. Horrible. Vote for Joe Biden. You have to. You do. You have to do it. You kind of. I don't care how you feel.

Do it. And in give a Grinch, take a smile news. Fantastic. I have a tiny little insignificant story that's just too awful not to share.

And it comes to us from Albuquerque, New Mexico by way of Amy, who sent it to scathingnews at gmail.com. Thank you, Amy. And it comes in the form of a street preacher

who dressed up as the Grinch, carried a sign that said, Santa is fake. Jesus is real. And yelled at passersby about how non-existent Santa is right outside a local elementary school. Oh my God.

Okay. I Googled this and sadly we do not get to watch a little kid beat the fuck out of the grinch because that way this is how we know that god's not real this is why we do the podcast further confirmation how we know that this guy doesn't live in our town yeah right right so yeah so the shit licker in question is david grisham he's a preacher from amarillo texas who just decided to spread the anti-joy far and wide I guess and of course he's a professional

asshole so he checked to see exactly how close he was legally allowed to be to this school and he chose a school with a bottleneck that would force pretty much every kid to walk or ride right by him. Look at terrorists. Cool cool cool cool. Yeah very much look at terrorists. And when they did he would shout stuff

like and this is a direct quote captured by local news quote there is no Santa Claus, little girl. Christmas is about Jesus. Your parents put all the gifts under the tree, end quote. Hey, I got a really good idea about what to do with a 39 and a half foot pole. If anyone or 40, I guess you want to be slightly above. Yeah. Well, right. Right. Yeah yeah no and look i don't have

kids and if i did i'm not actually sure where i'd fall on the santa thing i i know some parents just tell their kids the truth as soon as the kids are old enough to ask but i also know a lot of skeptical parents that say that letting the kids figure it out for themselves is a great early lesson in skepticism and and the number of atheists i meet that are like and that's what i realized god was like santa claus strong argument their favor. But regardless of how one feels, I think we can all agree that this is a decision we should not leave to the kind of person who would dress in a Grinch costume and harass children long enough for the local news to show up and get footage of it. Exactly. And it's worth pointing out that this is always the kind of shit atheists have the like reputation

of doing, but it's literally never us. We've been doing this show for like eight years. It's never been us. It's always a Christian who you support with your fucking taxes. Yep. It's 10 years. We should get tax money for our pranks that we don't get to do because we don't get

tax money is what Eli's saying, right? Fuck yeah. Yes, exactly. Now for his part, Grisham defended his actions by saying it was a, quote, calling from Jesus and that he, quote, wants to provoke the kids to asking their parents the questions, end quote, which is a bunch of bullshit. But it's good to know that that's the rules he wants to play by. Right. Because by that that logic i guess it's perfectly okay for me to like i don't dress up like satan carry a sign that says jesus is make believe in god is the bad guy in your book and yell counter apologetics outside of for example his church there you go or better yet maybe they've got a sunday school oh yeah taxfunded prank war. Field trip booked. 100%. Fuck yeah.

We're going to write it off for whatever the fuck that means. Exactly. And in the Mori Moses news. Sure. House speaker and porn addiction sponsor for his own son, Mike Johnson, says he is on a mission

to put the G.O.D. back into G.O.V. The speaker says that America is having a, quote, Red Sea moment, and this week he announced that God literally told him that he was Moses. A very chill, very normal thing that you want the guy two people away from the presidency to say in a public forum.

Cool, cool, cool, cool. So, Mike, the Potomac right there, do your thing, man. Yeah, to be cool, cool. So, Mike, the Potomac right there. Do your thing, man. To be fair, the biblical Moses also had a talent for being so unremarkable that he faded in the wallpaper for his entire career until there were no other leadership options left. So, I get it. Yeah, exactly.

I see how he gets there. Or he's from New Orleans, right? He's from Louisiana. Do some parting down there of waters. That'll go great for you. I feel like there was an important time when you could have done some parting down there of waters. That'll go great for you. I feel like there was an important time when you could have done some parting, buddy. Sure. Anyways, Johnson made

this very bold statement at an event for the National Association of Christian Lawmakers at the Museum of the Bible in Washington, D.C. Regular listeners might remember the Museum of the Bible for their recent legal troubles after they bought a few too many biblical souvenirs from ISIS. Yeah, and the ones they didn't get from ISIS were fake. It's such a

great story. I love it so much. Also, I don't know if you guys remember this, but I heard Heath say that all dead sea scrolls were fake. That was the other day. What? That's not how I remember it. Anyways, back to Mike. According to his speech at the terrorism adjacent Lyceum, the entire three-week fiasco that followed Kevin McCarthy being ousted from the house was all according to God's plan. Johnson said, quote, Look, I'm a Southern Baptist. I don't want to get too spooky on you, okay?

But the Lord speaks to your heart. And he has been speaking to me about this. End quote. You got too spooky on us, Mike. Sure did. So he's basically saying like, God told me that I want you on the dodgeball team, Mike. Like last pick, it's stealthy, secret weapon. They'll underestimate you, Mike.

He said that to me. He said, I'm the best, but last. Yeah. Tricky. So during this time, Johnson claims he was told by God that he should prepare, but last. Yeah. Tricky. So during this time, Johnson claims he was told by God that he should prepare, but wait. And Johnson assumed that his role

was to be more of a supporting player in all the Republican bullshit we've witnessed recently, which makes him the weirdest combination of low self-esteem and narcissism that his party has ever seen. He's the kid who was like, I prefer to be Robin instead of

Batman for Halloween. I want this. I'm really the hero. It's weird to me though, that like God always speaks to these people, but like vaguely, you know, got hints around about some shit. Like a bad dungeon master. So yeah, Johnson continued, quote, I started praying more about that. And the Lord began to wake me up through this three-week process we were in, in the middle of the night and speak to me. And I began to write things down, plans and procedures and ideas on how we could pull the conference together. I assumed the Lord was going to choose a new Moses and, oh, thank you, Lord. You're going to allow me to be Aaron to Moses, end quote.

And I, for one, am just honestly impressed he was able to speak to God at length without having to take a high dose of ketamine first. I think he's lying, though. I think he's lying. Well, I mean, you could just throw down that gavel. If it turns into a snake, he's telling the truth. If not, he can fuck off. Exactly, then.

Well, no. Yeah. So, with those God fuck off. Exactly. Then we'll know. Yeah. So with those God instructions in mind, Johnson supported, you know, all those despicable candidates like Steve Scalise and Jim Jordan and Tom Emmer. And when there was literally no one else left, God conveniently told Johnson that it was his time to shine as the latest Republican leader to make sure that the government

keeps chipping away at our civil rights. Under, under, under, understudy to Moses. Yeah, exactly. Okay, no, but the more I think about it, the more this makes sense, right? That he would be Moses because Moses, you know, is also kind of a bumbling idiot

that wandered the desert for 40 years instead of just asking God for a map and neither of these people are ever going to see the promised land it's like i just i i think it makes sense i just hope that there's no plague of locusts because of this asshole and i'm betting that there will be yeah exactly not out of the question and look even johnson admits that he's a weird choice for god saying quote the lord chooses the lowly things to confound the wise. That's the holy explanation for it. I'm such an unwise pick. I'm actually too wise, which is the perfect amount of

wise. I'm the dodgeball secret weapon. You never see me coming. So yeah, Mike apparently rolled in as God's fourth choice for Moses. And now he's convinced God wants him in that position of power. And hey, you know what they say about political leaders who believe they were appointed by God. It always goes great and nobody should be worried. All right. Well, as we all salivate over the idea of Mike Johnson trying to walk across the Red Sea, we're going to take a quick break for a word from this week's other sponsor, Aura Frames. Yeah, of course I'm going to be there. Yeah.

I'm bringing a big foam finger. Uh-huh. Okay, well, we'll see. Okay. Love you too. Bye. There he is. Keith, come in. Hey, guys. What's going on? Well, we wanted to talk to you about something. Have a seat.

Oh, is everything okay honestly not really um oh man this is actually really hard what what is it look i i just want to say that we are super happy that you found love and you have like a family now couldn't be happier thanks guys right but as as far as the show goes, it's been a problem. Sorry, a problem? Yeah, I mean, just look at your Aura frame. My Aura frame? Yeah, when you give someone an Aura digital frame, you can preload pictures with old memories,

but the best part is you can keep updating it with real-time pictures through the Aura app. So when you snap a picture of the kids opening gifts, Grandpa can get it on his frame in seconds. Or it was even named number one digital frame by Wirecutter, the strategist, and Wired. Yeah, and look at yours. Kai, Ann, you, Kai, and Ann. This is not the brand we built. Where's the single slice of pizza, Heath?

Where's the later cheese? Exactly, thank you. I mean, look, you know Noah and I are both married and I covered having a kid. It's just, it feels a little like when Frasier tried to add the teenage version of his son in the later seasons. Exactly. Yes.

Okay, but I just, I met someone who has a kid. I didn't make a writing choice. That's not what we're talking about. And if someone wanted to give the perfect gift this holiday season by visiting oraframes.com today, they'd get $30 off their their best selling frames with the code scathing these frames sell out quickly though so get yours before they're gone that's a ura frames.com with the promo code scathing terms and conditions apply what are you talking about what is happening remember edna carl's sister she didn't test well. You think it wasn't hard for Carl to give her up?

Sorry, Carl the Pug of Pegacorn, the voice you do? Just don't, please don't be obtuse. Okay, just think it over, okay? How did it go? Not well. We will talk later. That's just another voice. These are all just voices.

You know what? I'm, I think I'm going to go. Yeah, me too. Honestly, dude, pretty disappointed In how you took this My family's not a Negotiable brand decision Okay you guys aren't Gone from a room right now

This is nothing Everyone's still on the Skype call Maybe just think about What they said Not now Well Fine Fine

And finally tonight In Little Drummer Goy news. During the holly jolly week of December 25th, when Christmas is crammed down our throats with Santa's well-worn heel, folks who don't participate in those festivities have to find something else to do. Jewish people, for example, often go to the movies, or they volunteer at a soup kitchen, or, as the founder of the right-wing social media platform Gab recently discovered, they write some of the most recognizable Christmas carols of all time right in Jesus Christ's face. How would you not? Come on. Why would this be the one form of media?

They don't control bigot. Have a consistent stereotype, will you? Thank you. People, the Rockettes are basically doing a bottle dance from Fiddler on the Roof. Have a consistent stereotype, will you? Thank you. People, the Rockettes are basically doing a bottle dance from Fiddler on the Roof. Read a mikvah. Yeah. Read your own racist book. So clear. Yeah. So that's right, listeners. I don't want to freak you out with terrifying new information, but apparently we have Jewish people in show business. Jewish people. Hopefully you'll take some time to process that and eventually calm down.

But conservative nutbag and Gab founder Andrew Torba will not calm down. He's having a full freak out, but Anna said he does not get a jingle. If you read a book called Christian Nationalism, A Biblical Guide for Taking Dominion and Discipling Nations, no jingle. I think that's fair. So according to a recent rant from A-Torbs, it all stems from a Jewish conspiracy to secularize Christmas,

leaving behind a mathematically theoretical concept known as X-mas. Poisoning the Noel, if you will. So after he discovered the Jewishish origins of many christmas songs torba released a very special meltdown episode of his podcast that show is called the parallel christian society podcast subscribe yeah during the meltdown episode he runs down the holiday playlist rudolph the red-nosed reindeerindeer, Let It Snow, Santa Baby, White Christmas, Silver Bells. And he claims the songs were all part of the Jewish cabal's secret operation to infiltrate the Christian holiday. And then he asks, quote, knowing this, how could you allow your household to be filled with this music?

End quote. Man, I bet White Christmas hurt him and the gals over at Moms for Liberty the most. What the hell? But what's the outrage? If anything, I feel like y'all owe Judaism a bunch of Hanukkah songs now, right? Thank you, Noah. And you know what?

I'll be brave enough to say it. Treadles aren't even made out of clay anymore. We need fresh trash, people. Lay us down some bars. You owe us. So the freakout continued. Torba also noted how this Jewish conspiracy goes all the way to the top,

namely the White House, which now commemorates, of all things, some obscure Jewish festival called Chanukah? Nunchaku? I think I'm getting there. I think it's Nunchaku. His point being, why would the president honor a holiday that nobody's heard of? Torbis said, quote, wow, incredible, incredible how this happened in a Christian nation. It takes this relatively minor Jewish holiday and turns it into this prominent holiday that is celebrated in our White House. Isn't that something? End quote.

Yeah, this newfangled, progressive, 44-year-old tradition. And while Torba tried wrapping his head around the concept of multiple holidays per month and multiple religions per planet, he went on to strongly urge Christian people to do some research about subliminal Judaism before they make a December playlist. And we got some extra clarification thanks to a reporter who heard that insane podcast and asked Torba, fucking what? heard that insane podcast and asked torba fucking what and torba responded quote people who hate and reject jesus christ and whose faith and identity centers around that rejection wrote subversive songs to quote dechrist christmas we don't hate him this is a problem and christians deserve to know about it so they can adjust their listening habits during the Christmas season accordingly.

End quote. So, I'm sorry, it took you an anti-Semitic angle before you could realize that Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer doesn't glorify Christ? Yeah, exactly. I assumed his nose glowed red

with the blood of Christ until now I realize. No, he had to do some research before he had that realization. And that's actually my favorite part. Torba is confident that he cracked the case by studying the work of Pulitzer Prize winning author, Philip Roth.

And when I say studying, I mean, Torba read an article that mentioned a few sentences from the 1993 Philip Roth novel, Operation Shylock. I'm assuming Torba has a Google alert for just all anti-Semitic words, regardless of the author being Jewish or any context.

Busy inbox this year, right? Sure is. And yes, in that book, Philip Roth wrote a great little bit about the songs White Christmas and Easter Parade. Here's the passage from Philip Roth, quote, God gave Moses the Ten Commandments and then he gave Irving Berlin Easter parade and white Christmas, the two holidays that celebrate

the divinity of Christ, the divinity that's the very heart of the Jewish rejection of Christianity. And what does Irving Berlin brilliantly do? He decrists them both easter turns into a fashion show and christmas into a holiday about snow end quote and that's a great passage atorbs read that and he was like aha the jewish literary operative forgot to leave out the giant secret of their cabal when he wrote his novel fucking got him this is how we went back to the war on Christmas. Apparently, yeah. And he did an episode about it. Yeah.

Exposing the conspiracy. All right. Well, it seems like we need to have a chat with Phil about spilling the beans. So we're going to break out the seance scandals

and wrap the headlines there. Heath, Eli, thanks as always. Too much. And when we come back, we'll watch a Mormon kid do chores. We will though. Sometimes when we're watching stuff for our sister show, God Awful Movies,

we'll get an hour in and start wondering if we're physically capable of making it to the end. Well, we're here tonight to prove that the same thing can happen with a 16-minute video in this installment of God Awful Minis. So tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today? We watched The Gift from 1977. It's the story of my relationship with my dad. Plus, it's like Mormon or something. That's the difference. Yep, yep.

And Eli, how bad was this mini? Man, I wish I'd read Heath's answer before I wrote mine. All right. Well, if you love the passive-aggressive final text from your dad before you stop talking to him, but you wish there was an old- timey Christmas movie to take his side while he did it, you will love this movie.

The dad is right. You shouldn't sass him. It's true. He works really hard. Is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best or being the worst at? Yeah, I'm going to go with best worst cow, making it really fucking weird. Absolutely he does. There's some cow milking

that goes on we see a cow being milked and then we get a reaction shot of the cow like they pan they cut away from the teats being pinched which can't be fun but then the cow in the reaction shot is like i'm loving this i fucking love yeah no the cow is very much into it i think yeah i was wearing a ball gang and the kid the kid doing the milk is like i don't loving this. I fucking love this. Yeah, no, the cow is very much into it. I think the cow's wearing a ball gang. And the kid doing the milk is like, I don't know. This is a pretty good technique. I'm going to stop. Stranger danger. And of course, I was going to go with best worst reminding

me how old I am. This came from 1977. I was born in 76. And looking at how antiquated and old timey 1977 looks, it's really hard not to reflect on just how goddamn many years I have already gotten on this planet. We should just be grateful you don't have a loud background hiss. No illusions. Yeah, right.

Right. And I'm going to go with best worst gender equality. That's right. Podcast listener. It's time for my heel turn. I go full MRA while watching this movie. Alright, so we're going to open this one up with a very

1977 Brigham University logo. Yes, this is brought to us by BYU, and it's followed by an old barn in the snow. Yeah. The panning shot was so boring, I was already at 1.5 speed at this point in the Snow. Yeah. The panning shot was so boring, I was already at 1.5 speed at this point in the movie.

I was like, too slow, 1.5. Very, very slow. But we do get to see some of the character names here in the opening credits. The characters' names that I saw here were Tav, T-A-V, Berda, Laura Jean, Mary Jean, and Carol Ann. And I was like, I quit. I quit i quit a 16 minute movie one name for your kids mormons jesus relax right trying to make it seem like they have more kids when they list

them all off you know because they're jealous of the people who have 11 yeah so we we pan very slowly across this kid's bedroom dad comes and wakes him up he's like wake up kid it's already 4 a.m don't you gonna sleep all damn day 4 a.m hey hey don't have a farm if you can't work it by yourself hire a children are not fucking free labor provided by your orgasms oh my god yeah yeah and the answer to 4 a.m get up now is is fuck you. Yeah. That's the correct answer. I think so. Yeah. Absolutely not.

So we watch little Sam wake up. They go into the barn together. The dad's like, which chore do you want? He says, I'll take the cows. And he's like, yeah, no, the cows are into it when you milk them. Cows or pigs. I'm going to go with emancipation lawyer, actually, I think is what I would choose instead of the ones you offered.

Question. The patient lawyer, actually, I think, is what I would choose instead of the ones you offered. Question. Heath, Noah, you're the more poor adjacent. Is pushing around hay an important part of farming? It feels like the cows could just come to the hay. Why does it need to be... He's mucking out the stalls. He's mucking out the stalls, damn it.

I don't know what that means. Okay. I don't think there's anything that happens other than moving hay around in my head. I'm just trying to picture it right now. They're just shoveling stuff around. Also, is it true that pigs won't eat unless you speak to them in a falsetto voice? Is that a part of it?

That actually is true. Okay, a dinner and a show thing. All right, good to know. I wanted the pigs to yell back, be like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, That's what you sound like. So yeah, so we could, so dad feeds the pigs and, and mucks the stalls or whatever. He comes back and little Sam has fallen asleep whilst milking the cows. Right. But that's like, that's not a lazy thing that people do.

That's a child who is so exhausted by his 4am wake. He's like, stop slacking off with your neurons. Like he doesn't have control of that. Dad. Yeah, no dad. Just this entire montage, like just barks, wake he's like stop slacking off with your neurons like he doesn't have control of that dad yeah no dad just did this entire montage like just barks chores at him tells him he's doing shit wrong if i had to do this much shit in a in a full fucking day let alone before sun came up i'd complain about it for a week and a half yeah hey dad i was reading wealth of nations

by adams we should do, you know, comparative advantage stuff, specialize. This is dumb. Our whole thing is dumb. Small farm? Really? Come on, man. You? Just you? You came here and you thought, you know what I'll do? I'll come out of workforce. So meanwhile, we cut inside Mom's Inside Cookin' Breakfast

and that's when I wrote in my notes, oh, fuck yeah, they have to do all this shit before eating anything. Ugh. Yeah. Also, I should point out that these people probably shouldn't have had kids when they are 97 years old.

I know they're probably in their like early 40s, late 30s, and 1977 was just rough on the skin, but they look sunbeaten. Yeah. The scene starts with like Cloris Leachman making breakfast

and she's supposed to be mom. And I was like, oh, okay. That's unrealistic. Or is it? Yeah. Also just worth noting that these parents talk to each other like they're about to sit down

to negotiate a peace treaty in Northern Ireland. They totally do. He calls her mother and she just loathes him with every word out of her mouth. Oh, yeah. The dad calls her mother when he walks in. And I was like, okay, so it's grandma maybe.

That makes, oh, no, it's probably a Mike Pence thing. No, it's a Mike Pence thing. Yeah, they got you. Yeah. So the kid goes into worship. It's the kind of thing that you have to put an R in the word wash to properly describe. He goes to worship. And we hear mom and dad talking.

Mom's like, wow, him getting up at 4 a.m. Maybe we should get him an alarm clock for Christmas. And I'm like, oh, yeah, just what he wanted. I'm sure. That's the problem. It's not sudden enough, his 4 a.m. wake up. Maybe we hire an adult. I don't know.

One or the other. Maybe we don't base our family's wealth on the workforce that doesn't exist yet. But as Sam comes in, he basically overhears his mom going like, don't worry, someday he'll do something that gives you some kind of reason to be proud

of him or something, I guess. Yeah, I wrote in my notes, don't worry, someday he'll be worthy of love and trust. So Sam hears that. He goes upstairs. He's without breakfast or anything. Mom goes up to check on him. There's this weird squeaky ass step that farts every time

anybody goes upstairs and it is the star of the show to me. Main character of the movie. I had three of those in my house for my entire childhood. Yes. Sides of the stairs, man. Amateur. Yeah, I would go outside. I would go all the way outside. I did a big wide stance going up, for sure.

I like that he's sitting on his chair, the kid, but backwards. So when mom comes in, she's like, hey, Sam, oh, you're already doing the turned around chair thing. Kind of fucks up my pep talk plan. I was going to do a pep talk. Can we switch? Can we swap? Yeah. here yeah she walks in she's like are you upset because your dad remarked at

what a fail you are for not propping up his non-existent workforce and he's like yeah yeah right yeah he's like hey mom what does dad mean by his loathing and shame of me and she's like well you know um he loves you but he's keeping it a secret yes she goes well she says he's trying to give you something and he says what's he trying to give me and this is her real answer um what do you want to be when you grow up yeah and he says an adult i think he says a man man, which is my own man. Yeah. Oh, OK. That's better.

I thought he just said a man. And I was like, cool. That's a lot. Oh, yeah. I was like, OK, great. Dad's giving you the time dimension as a gift. That's the gift. At first, I thought it was going to be gumption.

And it's sort of both. Well, it is gumption. Right. Yeah, exactly. What do you want to be? My own man. I'm like woof woof

choose come on go astronaut it's 1977 kid and this is where mom says your dad loves you he just can't say it and he says yeah neither can I

and I wrote in my notes see that's what we call cause and effect Sam that's a cause and an effect that's also what we call 1977

but yeah right you don't find love until you're in your 40s. Fuck up the Aura Frame ad. None of this. None of the things you said made any sense. And then mom says, and I want, I want,

I'm going to be vulnerable here. I'm going to open up my heart. She says, there are other ways of saying it with your actions. And I need you to tell me that's not, you should fuck your dad. Because it definitely feels like she i need you to tell me that's not you should fuck your dad because it definitely feels like she's telling sam to fuck his dad you can give him a handy for example yeah no but what she's saying is that it's okay to withhold terms of his affection as

long as you make up for it with awesome gifts and i'm like i don't think that's how it works at all plus you were talking about getting this kid an alarm clock. Also, what the fuck is this kid going to do with that information? Like, oh, let me just pop up Amazon, get dad a gift card for hay. What are we talking about right now? Yeah, but the key here is that now

he's on the hunt for a perfect gift for dad. And I'm like, why? Dad is an asshole. All we've seen him do is asshole up to this point right even if you have money it's money he's given you so it's this weird fucking take the tithes that papa has given you and buy a leege for god it's fucking insane so okay so it's the next day we cut to him looking through the sears catalog at tithes oh is that what that is yeah i thought it was a phone book of bullshit so okay so it's the next day we cut to him looking through the Sears catalog at Tide

oh is that what that is yeah I thought it was a phone book of bullshit I thought it was a phone book that's what I wrote in my notes it's very large yeah

it's huge yeah Noah is this how you bought your engagement ring for Lucinda you have to tell us alright I was wanting to

I was wanting to like no it was way but it was 1997 so it was like 20 years away from this and it was pre-Amazon I do believe

so yeah that's actually a pretty good question no it's not so yeah so he's looking through ties

and this is when we learn that he has sisters right because he's got two sisters standing around him also looking at the Sears catalog

with him other kids who could do manual he's three three fucking sisters who could help with the manual labor a third one comes in a second yeah feminism harms men i'll say it i'm i'm finally free to say nope feminism would have them working yes exactly it's a misogyny that harms men if they just split the chores they could all wake up at six, damn it. Okay, question for the panel.

When the sister and Samuel here interact, were you getting a vibe? Like the sexual tension between the siblings? Thank you. Okay. Absolutely. Oh, they were about to make coffee together. Yes, yes. I was just going to say the foster siblings.

This is the prequel. Yeah, right, right. Yeah. Those people fucked each other. Oh, yeah. The best part of waking up. So then we cut to Dad and Sam toting a big milk container. While the women sit in soft armchairs and read about dolls in the phone book.

Was that thing a milk container? The thing that looked like it had uranium inside? Yes. Yeah. Okay. Is that what we use now for that? I don't know. It's been a while since I've been at a dairy farm.

So, but yeah, they're selling their milk to old Mr. Carruthers. There's this just stupid exchange where they're just like, basically, they just turn to each other and they go, well, we sure are simple, impoverished farm folk, ain't we? Yes, we are. Salt of the earth. Yep. Salt of the earth yep salt of the earth it's really sad he says times will get better and i wrote in my notes narrator voice no they literally would not not for these guys ron howard comes in the 80s are going to be great for the little guy nope nope sure absolutely not so yeah so so sam gets dad's present delivered by ye olde Amazon or whatever.

We see him coming into the house and picking it up. We see them like they're splitting wood, but they're poor, so they don't have axes. So they have to use a wedge and a hammer. Yeah, that's a thing. But just this would be a mall. It's fine. This is splittable with a mall. If it's way bigger, you could do the wedge.

Come on. Just best worst axing. Best worst wood splitting. I was mad. Okay. Come on. Just best worst axing. Best worst wood splitting. I was mad. Okay. Come on. Look, there's a reason these people are poor

and stay poor and it's because they don't know about our super cool Jewish malls. Yes. And we wrote their Christmas songs. Yeah, well, that helps. Most importantly,

if that was on this episode. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was. So, yeah. So, Sam and then his dad, they stop and they look at the sky. There's this really like bizarrely stupid moment where the dad's like you see that bright star right there why that probably looks like the star of bethlehem but it's the day yeah right like we like we we can

see the sky behind them it is very clearly like 4 30 the kid both the kid the character and the actor are just like no because because it's day it's also completely character, and the actor are just like, no. Because it's day. It's also completely overcast. What the fuck are you talking about? I wanted him so badly to be pointing at the sun and the sun's just like, that's the sun, dad. You know what? Maybe Farmer was a pretty good choice for you, huh? Yeah, actually.

But the kid's like, nope, don't see it. It's just like, well, it's the star of Bethlehem that you don't see it and that's just like well it's the star of bethlehem that you can't see fuck you it's like it's like yeah he's like i imagine the star of bethlehem look just like that and i'm like if this if the next scene is them getting hit by a meteor i will love this fucking movie right big asteroid crashes into oh it's just the rest of the movie is the what it was that nicholas cage one where the purple light comes out and drives everybody insane i think that's just nick cage's life i don't know that's nick that's what happened to nick

cage in the 90s yeah so that night they're all gathered around they're listening to dad read from the book of mormon he starts with and it came to pass and then he gets like two more and it came to passes in in this same fucking uh hey also, also, can I say, I almost went with best worst pronunciation of Bethlehem. He's like Bethlehem. Bethlehem. He says Bethlehem over and over again. He goes hard.

Where the Beverly Hillbillies were born. Yeah. Right. So, yeah, he tells the story of Jesus in the manger or whatever. And one of the daughters is like all that happened in a barn and i wanted her to be like hey will you read the other gospels real quick just to check if all that see if it also happens and check if that matches up with

the other stories hey kid you want to shut the fuck up real quick all right well the little girl is like you know wow we have a bar do you think we could have a mythical god king born in our barn? And they're like, no, we can't. We've already had just the one. I love that. Yeah, the little girl's like, just like our barn, daddy? And he's like, no. It was just so weird.

Nothing good ever happens in our barn. Why did you need to contradict this like six-year-old girl? Just be like, yeah, just like our barn. Whatever. Yeah. So weird. Sure. So, okay. so that we get

sam staring out the window at the stars he looks at his shitty tie gift and he's like oh this fucking sucks but dad stupid tie not gonna make my dad love me because my dad has been a part of a series of abuses and poverty which is really linked to a larger economic problem that affects us down at the molecular level. Well, to be fair, it does suck. It's a shitty, it's a 65 cent tie. It's a shitty tie. He does become a podcaster. He doesn't find love till he's 40. It's all about economies of scale.

But then he smiles. He's, in retrospect, we know that he's just come up with a great idea, right? Gonna marry a lawyer. Smart move right there. I'm writing that down. Yeah. But he's got this idea.

And I was like, what are you going to do right now? Like, you're going to get rid of the, you're going to go score some mer at the bowling alley? Right. On Christmas Eve? What are you doing? Oh, it's so much worse than that. So, yeah, we watch him like

he's he's doing that thing that i do anytime i have to wake up for anything now where you just wake up every 15 minutes starting at 1 a.m and check and see oh do i have to leave for the airport now yeah right in actual panic like every eight minutes it's's the worst. Yeah. Wow. Nice demonstration of DSM-5 here. We're really getting it together. Yeah. And of course, he's got this little pocket watch that's loudly ticking right next to him.

I'm like, well, that's why you can't sleep right there. You got that loud-ass pocket watch. But no, his plan is he wants to wake himself up before 4 a.m.,

get all the chores done before dad wakes up, and then let dad sleep in as his gift yeah being up early and like being a man with grit and gumption is the gift for dad but i was rooting so hard for like the sawed-off head of a horse put into dad's bed as the kid yes there's a perfect shot where he opens the door and he's watching his dad sleep. And I'm like, oh, he's going to murder him. Go, kid, go. Yeah, there you go. Yeah.

A little insulin into a freckle. He just starts fucking mom. This is what you want, right? I'm a man now. I'm a man. Oh, God. Look at me. Jesus.

High five. It's a gift to actions. You're not doing it? But no. Instead of opening that tab, we go to the... Which he's only heard of, by the way. Yeah, no, he's heard about those. But yeah, so he goes to the barn and he starts doing work.

And I'm like, oh, well, you know, a lot of fatal accidents happen at farms when children are working. And we don't get one of those either. Yeah. Also, if he wakes up before dad wakes up, I don't think you can milk cows early, right? Now, keep in mind, my knowledge of cow milking comes exclusively from farming games on the computer, but I think you have to wait until they're full of milk to milk them. I don't think you could just do it on your own schedule.

I am 100% no information about that. I have no idea. All right. Well, there you go. I'm pretty sure you can milk a cow a couple hours early in the morning that. I have no idea. All right. Well, there you go. I'm pretty sure you can milk a cow a couple hours early in the morning, but I don't know. We'll have to find out. Farmer listeners, write in. Let us know when it's okay.

How early you can prematurely milk your cow. I don't. Don't. Please don't write it. We won't read it. I don't care. Send me a video. But yeah. And we get him trying to lift the heavy milk thing all by himself,

but he can't, so his dad will never love him now. But he does get everything done before 4 a.m., right? He sees dad's light come on upstairs, so he rushes to finish the last thing. He sneaks upstairs. The squeaky step comes back. They didn't forget. All coming together. And then he jumps in bed. He's still got his coat on. He jumps in bed and covers up

with his blanket. And I'm like, wait. So the whole idea here was that dad could sleep in. Right? Wasn't that the idea? And you're going to let dad go out to the barn and find out that all the work's done? You asshole. He could just go back to bed. Exactly.

You could just say, no, dad, I already did all the work. You can go to bed and wake up at like, I don't know, 5.30 or something. 4.15, dad, think about it. Yeah, it would be really nice for you right now. But no, he lets dad walk out into the barn and dad's like, huh, pigs are fed, I guess. And by the way, if you all want to see why your parents can't apologize, go ahead and watch this actor presenting man who is overwhelmed with joy in this 1977 film. He looks like he's trying to fart secretly in a party that's loud

enough that he might get away with it that's that's the peak of this man's happiness i found it realistic yeah he's overwhelmed by his son's generosity and he comes in and he says son i thank you yeah i wrote my notes the words every boy wants to hear okay he overplayed that moment like fucking relax thank you out loud okay easy there yeah he could be he says and i quote well that's the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me even worse he says nobody's ever done a nicer thing, period. And I wrote my note. Dude, so many people have done such nicer things than the chores a little early. Every handjob

that has ever happened, every blowjob, yeah, it's... And we don't even care for handjobs on this show. We have an anti-handjob position as a podcast. Yeah, you have an anti-handjob.

I like a Dutch rudder. Interesting. So, yeah. But he assures his son that he'll remember this gift forever. And then we hear his sisters waking up upstairs. I guess they get to sleep into 407. Naturally, on their own time, whenever they want. Feminazis.

Sexism. What? But, yeah. And then dad says, you know, i've never got to see you kids come downstairs on christmas morning because i'm always out doing the fucking chores and i'm like wow your life is really sad and miserable and awful just wow life is so much better now also do your chores a little later man just fucking you're the boss you. That's the only freedom you have in this horrible grind. Just come inside for 10 minutes and watch your kids open and talk.

Okay, seriously, I felt very attacked by this relatable content. This is exactly what, my dad would wake up at three something in the morning, especially on Christmas because he knew family was coming over. He'd go out into his studio, start working, grinding stone, and then like family would show up. We'd do some Christmas stuff and he'd walk in just covered in stone dust and be like, all right, now I'll do some fucking holiday, whatever. Fuck, fuck, and angrily do a little bit of Christmas for the rest of the day.

Every year. Podcast listener, Heath's dad was a sculptor in case you were wondering what the fuck he was, how the hell was he milking those cows that he was covered in stone dust? Or why he had to do it early? I just, I mean, look,

I don't want to criticize here, but I feel like he could have just The cows were old. It's dry. They make powdered milk. That's where the creamer comes from. But yeah, but, so the sisters all come downstairs. They make powdered milk. That's where the creamer comes from. So the sisters all come downstairs. They're very excited.

Dad runs in with them. Sam stares at his dad like he wants to fuck him for a little bit. Yeah, I wrote in my notes, Hey, Dad, should we kill ourselves? Oh, God. All right, well, I'm pretty sure the moral of that story is poverty sucks and now is better

than then. And if it's any deeper than that, I'll never know because that's all we've got for this week's God Awful Mini. Before we reel

this episode in, I want to wish all our listeners a happy Hanukkah. We're atheists. We can celebrate whatever the fuck holidays we want. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show, The Skeptocrat, debuting at 7 Eastern on Monday, and an even newer episode of our sister show's hot friend, Godawful Movies,

debuting at 7 Eastern on Tuesday, and an even newer episode of our half-sister show, Citation Needed, debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, I'd have failed at outdrawing if I neglected to thank Heath Enright for keeping me sane, Eli Bosnick for making sure it's not too sane, and Lucid Illusions for making my days merry and bright year-round. I also want to thank Bill B. for providing this week's Farnsworth quote slash roast of South Jersey. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's most captivating Caterines,

Mark, Jason, Stephen, Danielle, Jacqueline, and Stein. Mark and Jason, who are so bright I have to put on sunglasses to read their names, Steven and Danielle, whose legendary badassery is all the solution the Fermi Paradox needs, and Jacqueline and Stein, who are so hot their skin hisses when they sweat. Together, these six sexy secularists secured our sacrilege this

week by giving us money. Not everybody has the money it takes to give some to us, but if you do, you can make a per-episode donation to patreon.com slash scathing atheists, whereby you own early access to an extended ad-free version of every episode or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the home page at scathingadeus.com and if you'd like to help but you just spent all your money buying presents for people who you don't even really like you can also help a ton by leaving us a five-star review telling a friend about the show and following us on social media and speaking

of social media tim robertson handles that for us additional writing for this episode was provided by mike schuster and andrea romano and our our audio engineers, Morgan Clark, who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the content info on the contact page at skatingads.com. I feel like the fact that you started saying I'm recording when you start recording is just like another way of you being introduced into a bit that you're already in. Yes. It's the introducing myself to the

thing. Because I'm working with less professional podcasters these days. Just as soon as Noah starts the headlines. We're on a podcast. I'm here. Me, Eli. And now I'm podcasting on the air when you can hear me. I'm in an less professional podcasters these days. Just as soon as Noah starts the headlines. We're on a podcast. I'm here. Me, Eli. And now I'm podcasting on the air when you can hear me. I'm in an MP3 now.

I will live forever. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm, LLC. Copyright 2023. All rights reserved.