The Scathing Atheist - 566: Public Square Edition

Episode Date: December 21, 2023

In this week’s episode, the Vatican removes one thimble-full from their ocean of homophobia,, Tim Ballard requests his deposition from inside a magic hat, and we’ll learn how to invest in gold Christianly. --- To get your tickets to see God Awful Movies live in Orlando, click here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/god-awful-movies-live-in-orlando-florida-tickets-778242784117?aff=oddtdtcreator --- To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click here: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/ If you see a news story you think we might be interested in, you can send it here: [e-mail] To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ To hear more from our intrepid audio engineer Morgan Clarke, click here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Headlines: Pope approves blessing of same sex couples: https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/the-catholic-church-which-is-still https://apnews.com/article/vatican-lgbtq-pope-bfa5b71fa79055626e362936e739d1d8 Christian nutbag attacks satanic display https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/breaking-christian-zealot-vandalizes?r=2uh8q4&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web And https://www.kcci.com/article/satanic-temple-display-inside-iowa-capitol-building-damaged-beyond-repair/46133104# And https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-67722480  Pope’s former adviser convicted in Vatican court: https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-67738595 Virginia Supreme Court Rules For Teacher Who Refused To Use Student's Preferred Pronouns https://religionclause.blogspot.com/2023/12/virginia-supreme-court-rules-for.html?lctg=195322114 Psychic disputes Tim Ballard’s account: https://www.sltrib.com/news/politics/2023/12/16/psychic-who-aided-tim-ballard-says/ Catholics have to double mass on christmas this year https://www.oursundayvisitor.com/yes-christmas-eve-is-a-sunday-but-theres-no-double-dipping-for-catholics/ --- This Week in Misogyny: Ohio woman charged with abusing a corpse over miscarried fetus: https://www.cnn.com/2023/12/19/us/brittany-watts-miscarriage-criminal-charge/index.html House Speaker headlines anti-abortion, Christian Nationalism conference: https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/banning-abortion-was-front-and-center-at-christian-nationalist-conference-addressed-by-speaker-mike-moses-johnson/ SCOTUS to review FDA classification of contraceptive drugs: https://religionclause.blogspot.com/2023/12/supreme-court-grants-review-of-fdas.html?lctg=195

Warning, we've been naughty. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by HelloFresh and by Collision Avoidance Systems and Lane Assist. Collision Avoidance Systems and Lane Assist, because what are the odds there would still be an Eli without them? And now, The Scathing Atheist. What? Is this thing on?

This is Lur, ruler of Omicron Persei 8. We evolved from some kind of a lizard thing, I guess. But you humans evolved from delicious but filthy monkey men. Oh, oh, oh, it's Thursday. It's December 21st. And it's the first day of winter, apparently. Yeah, nobody's held a day after Thanksgiving. I'm no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick, and from Heathen Rights, New Jersey,

and Waycross, Georgia, this is The Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, the Vatican removes one thimble full from their ocean of homophobia. Tim Ballard requests his deposition from the inside of a magic hat. And we'll learn how to invest in gold Christianly. But first, the diatribe. So my wife and I are at the Jags game the other night, and I'm desperately trying not to think about the game because they're getting their asses kicked and they're squandering their division lead. So I start reflecting on the weird community around me. So this year I got

season tickets to my favorite football team in the whole wide world. So I've been at every home game this year, and I've been sitting around a lot of the same people every week. By this point, I know the other season ticket holders in my general area of the stadium, right? I know their names. I know what they do for a living. I know how long they've been fans, who their favorite players are, et cetera. And of course, whenever I see them, we're all on exactly the same vibe. We're all elated at the same times. We're dejected at the same time. We shout at the opposing team's offense together. We celebrate our team's touchdowns together. We scream refs, you suck together. And it occurs to me that in many ways, it very closely mimics the church experience for a lot of Americans,

especially of the mega church variety. But here's the thing. I know that my community is fake, that it's tissue thin. I've been careful not to think too much, for example, about how despicable the politics of all these middle-aged white guys from northern Florida almost certainly are. And because of that, I'm able to embrace them in celebration. On the rare occasion that the Jags have had anything to celebrate after a home game this year. But beyond returning a high five and playing along when I pretend

that we really lost because of bad officiating, I don't expect anything from them. And that's the crucial difference between the church relationship and the Jags fan relationship, right? Nobody's trying to pretend that the latter is more than it is. See, in the damn near 11 years that we've been doing this show, I've heard hundreds of stories from listeners about when they left their church and why. And it occurs to me that very often the crux of the problem is that they were mistaking a fandom for a family. They were brought together because of their mutual love of this Jesus fellow. And whenever they saw each other, they were exactly in sync.

Now, that's because they were being led through a ritualistic pre-ordained experience that they were self-selected to be enthusiastic about but it's easy to start mistaking that for actual social resonance especially when the experience itself keeps telling you that it is and after years of these limited choreographed interactions something goes wrong there's a personal tragedy in your life there's a scandal in church leadership. The church divides on a social issue, whatever it is, right? And suddenly the illusion of true community comes crashing down. It turns out that what they'd been mistaking for a broad swath of like-mindedness was in reality just an illusion born of everybody standing up and sitting down at the same time every Sunday. And community, like every other form of insurance, tends to be

one of them things where you don't know how good it is until you try to use it. So this revelation often comes at the worst imaginable time. And when this happens to churchgoers, it's often worse than just having a community fail to come through for you. It's having the community fail. Because as silly as it is, you could imagine a scenario where a guy like me mistook his group of nearby season ticket holder buddies for a true community. And then he has a family crisis and he turns to them for help only for them to be like, dude, I hardly even recognize you out of your lucky Jimmy Smith jersey. Really? I'm sure that person would be very distraught.

But then what they do is turn to a different community, right? If you can't get social support from them, you could go to your actual friends or your board game group or your family or whatever. Most people belong to several communities, so there's a plan B, C, and D when you're in need of a sympathetic ear, but churches do everything they can to stamp that shit out. They want to be the spider at the center of your entire social web, so when the church fails you, everything fails you. Your friends, they're all members of the church. Your board game group meets in the church basement. Even your family has divided loyalties in a lot of these instances. You didn't just mistake a

church for a real community. You mistook it for the only possible community. And look, I'm not saying that true communities can't sprout out of churches. Anytime you throw together a group of people, a community is waiting to happen, you know, much in the same way that I could end up becoming lifelong friends with a guy in seat J7. But to feel Nate the crop just because it could happen doesn't mean it will happen. And it sure the hell doesn't mean it has happened. Look, I'm not saying atheist communities are better than religious ones. I would say that if you asked me, mind you,

but that's not what I'm saying at the moment. What I'm saying, look, the relationships that sprout from religious or secular communities, they have equal chances of being meaningful and supportive and all of that shit. But where secular communities are consistently and demonstrably better is their lack of pretense. I've never seen an atheist group say even that they're the only

atheist group you'll ever need to belong to, let alone the only group you'll ever need to belong to. And I've never seen a church that was like, oh, by all means, join a couple other churches to spread your tithes around every week. Right. Look, there's no good intention reason to want to control someone's social universe. It's one of those things where the fact that you want it is proof that you shouldn't have it. So the very fact that churches are trying to control all your social interactions, there's plenty to condemn them with. But if you need more, just look what they do with that control once they have it. They're talking about you, Jesus. We interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin. Look what they do with that control once they have it. Joining me for headlines tonight are the tidings of comfort to mine of joy, Eli Bosnick.

Eli, are you ready to bring it? Hey, comfort will take you fa-la-la-la-la in this business. All right, all right. Well, we're mixing carols now. I'm all fucked up. So we're going to take a quick break for a word from this week's sponsor, HelloFresh. And then the bagel with lox goes here. Hey, Eli, what you doing?

Are you putting out food for Krampus again? We've been over this. Let's not. Okay, first of all, you were wildly closed-minded about my evidence. But second, no, this is my Heath luring food. Heath luring food? Yeah. Every time Heath goes on vacation, I lure

him back to the show with a series of delicious meals. Really? Because no offense, you're not exactly a great cook. Don't I know it, but luckily, I'm using HelloFresh. What's HelloFresh? With HelloFresh, you get farm fresh, pre-portioned

ingredients, and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep. Skip trips to the grocery store and count on HelloFresh to make home cooking easy, fun, and affordable. That's why it's America's number one meal kit. I don't know, Eli. He plays a lot of variety. How can you be sure you won't lose him halfway back to the house? Well, HelloFresh has over 45 recipes

and more than 100 seasonal add-on items to choose from every week. So it's easier than ever to find something everyone will enjoy. So what, you lead him back with a series of dinners? Oh, Noah. HelloFresh has way more than just dinners. From easy breakfast to start your morning off right to 10-minute lunches or satisfying snacks both adults and kids will love, HelloFresh has tasty choices for every mealtime occasion. And the best part? No grocery trip required.

Well, have you actually tried it? I sure have. I was a HelloFresh customer even before they became a sponsor. I love how the meals unpack in seconds and that they even have vegan options for me now. That's why I, Eli Bosnick, personally endorse HelloFresh. Alright, Eli, I'm sold. Where do I sign up? Go to HelloFresh. All right, Eli, I'm sold.

Where do I sign up? Go to HelloFresh.com slash scathing free and use code scathing free for free breakfast for life. One breakfast item per box while subscription is active. That's free breakfast for life at HelloFresh.com slash scathing free with code scathing free. All right. Well, I'm looking forward to seeing Heath again. You know what else you could see? I am not watching your Krampus documentary, Eli.

It is two hours of you talking in your car. It also has visual aids. Does it? No. And now back to the headlines. In our lead story tonight, look out cemetery maintenance funds, the Pope's gone woke

or at least that's what you're going to hear from your shitty uncle during christmas dinner this year in reality exceedingly little has actually changed but the headlines are pope approves blessings for same-sex couples and that's enough to bring the veins on uncle bob's forehead to attention you think uncle bob reads past the headline? Give me a fucking break. Basically, what the Pope is saying, though, is if gay couples want to continue to give us money so that we can use it to fight against their rights, we're okay taking that.

But by all means, let Uncle Bob believe whatever brings the aneurysm quicker. Yes, and I love that basically this is entirely Uncle Bob's fault, right? Because the Pope was just saying like yeah i'll cast a magic spell on anyone because i'm the direct line of communication between god and the planet earth as declared by christ to peter and they're like modern woke bullshit culture war yeah so here's the real story much like the story in october where the pope

approved baptism for trans people what he did was formalize a practice that most progressive Catholic priests were already doing. What this new policy allows is for priests to bless same-sex couples, but not same-sex marriages. And the new guidance is super duper specific about that, right? duper specific about that right quote this blessing should never be imparted in concurrence with the ceremonies of a civil union and not even in connection with them nor can it be performed with any clothing gestures or words that are proper to a wedding end quote blessing gay people and casual friday i'm one over more and more by the second. Despite the press throwing around terms like radical change, historic shift, and landmark ruling, what the Pope essentially did was change the name

from second-class citizen to economy class citizen. If our show had a policy where LGBTQ people weren't allowed to listen to it, this would be like us saying, all right, you can listen to the diatribe, the beginning of the diatribe. Essentially,

he did what they calculated to be the smallest amount he could do to try to stem the bleeding of Catholic adherence in less repressive nations. Despite the church's vociferous rejection of gay marriage, 76% of American Catholics believe society should be accepting

of homosexuality, and a full 61% of them straight up support marriage equality. I mean, not to the point where they'd stop giving money to the world's largest funder of anti-gay marriage lobbying, but enough to tell the lady from Pew Research that they support it at least. Right. And again, it's not even a fucking publicity move right it's a technically everyone gets a cracker observation and y'all are acting like he's gonna grand marshal the gay pride parade this year yep no of course look i'm throwing cold water on this precisely because the rest of the media is treated like a major step towards equality and i feel the need to counterbalance that that being said it is an objectively good thing, and it's a step in the right direction.

It's a step so small you'd have to use a fucking laser to measure it, but it's a step nonetheless. And far more important than the tiny crumb of legitimacy that the bigots at the Vatican have offered to the LGBTQ community is the step they took towards full-blown Methodist-style schism breakdown over this shit. Do it, do it, do it, do it. Pope Francis Stollick has been loading the hay onto the banks of conservative Catholics for nearly a decade now,

and I, for one, cannot wait to see them break. Oh, I'm very excited for the official, you know, you might talk to God, but he sounds like a pussy to us Episcopal. Stay tuned, everybody. And in baffo mischief news, a Christian weirdo has been charged with fourth degree criminal mischief after destroying a display created by the Satanic Temple

in the Iowa State Capitol Building. Yet another deposit made at the Bank of Religious Freedom for All. Weirdo in question, Michael Cassidy of Lauderdale, Mississippi, who looks like the version of a human speedrunners play with, told the Sentinel, quote, I saw this blasphemous statue and was outraged. My conscience is held captive to the word of God,

not to bureaucratic decree. And so I acted, end quote. Laws are for other people. Yeah, literally. It might as well be the conservative Christian rallying cry at this point. Yeah, I'm surprised you're not quoting from a Supreme Court decision. Yeah. So the display itself included a satanic pentagram, a mannequin covered in a red cloak, and the head of the demon Baphomet covered in classic mirror ball chic.

Cassidy, in his white-hot Christian rage, took the display apart, smashed the disco demon head, and tried to throw it in the trash. Okay, well, first of all, that's seven years bad luck times however many squares that disco ball had on it. Secondly, I'm dying to know, because I saw the same phrasing in all of the headlines.

They didn't specify what it meant. What does it mean that he tried to throw it in the trash? Was he stopped? Was it too big? Did he just keep missing? These are all different forms of hilarious and I need to know which one to pick. Exactly. I couldn't find it, but I was picturing those public trash cans that have the hole that's a little too small. Right, yeah, exactly. And then he rests it along the side and he's like, they're not going to take it. God damn it. So yeah, Satanic Temple co-founder Lucian Greens says the display was a symbol of religious freedom, you know, because we're in America, and it was only meant to be temporary. He said in a post on the temple's Facebook page, quote, We ask that for safety, visitors travel together and use the seven tenets as a reminder for empathy in the knowledge that justice is being pursued the correct way through legal means. Salve et coagula.

Happy holidays. Hail Satan. End quote. Wow. Really one-upping the Christian by like, you know, being forgiving and empathetic. Yes, exactly. Now, of course, Christians won't take all this goodwill lying down. So Cassidy doubled down on his Christian right to destroy shit he doesn't like by saying, quote, the reason the son of God appeared was to destroy the works of the devil.

Scripture exhorts us to think and act like Jesus Christ did, end quote. Yeah, it's been 2,000 years. How's that going for your savior, man? How's that destroying the works of the devil? He's nailing it. And I should point out, of course, that Cassidy ain't your regular run-of-the-mill Christian nutjob. He's also, surprise, surprise, a right-wing conservative who not only lost the GOP primary in Mississippi in 2022, but he also lost in his Mississippi state house campaign to a Democrat in Mississippi. Because people in Mississippi are taking one look at this guy and being like, ah, hard pass, hard pass. No. Yeah. That's fucking amazing. In case you were worried that a Christian did a thing that wasn't hypocritical, mister, I don't have to obey no laws because Jesus was a lawmaker.

Yeah. And of course, the Sentinel, which I quoted earlier, is a conservative news outlet. If you can call those news outlets at this point. It started a crowdfunding campaign for Cassidy's defense, which as of this recording has raised about $10,000. And can I just say, hey guys, great job remaining unbiased journalists, really stellar fucking work there.

So Cassidy's shiny new lawyer has said that he was just, I swear to God, this is a real quote, has said that he was just trying to peacefully protest a display that is a direct affront to God, end quote. You know, by Jesus Hulk smashing anything that wasn't explicitly Christian. Trying? Again, this fucking word. The lawyer's out there going, look, he was trying to peacefully do it.

He just missed. That's just how he is. Have you ever seen him try to throw something away? He's terrible at this shit. Really, he misses a lot. He lost in Mississippi, people. He's got a lot going on. So, yeah, if Cassidy is convicted of his crimes,

which he 100% will be because he literally bragged about doing it in the fucking article I read, he faces a maximum sentence of a year in prison and a $2,560 fine. And what will officials in the state capitol do to remedy the situation and make sure that a religious minority, albeit an ironic one, is protected in future? Well, currently fucking nothing,

which is a surprise to no one, so you know what they say, hail Satan. Hail Satan. And in I bet you it happens again news. Fantastic. Hail Satan. And in I bet you it happens again news. Fantastic. Thank you. Since I spent the lead story talking about the Pope's latest PR stunt,

I suppose I should also bring up the thing he was trying to distract everyone from with it. And that is, of course, the conclusion of the so-called Vatican trial of the century and the resulting guilty verdict for Cardinal Angelo Becciu. Gesundheit. Thank you. Becciu, who was until very recently considered a likely successor to Pope Frankenbeans, was sentenced to five and a half years in prison for a smorgasbord of financial crimes, including embezzlement and abuse of office.

Okay, so they can find out about and punish crimes. Okay. They can. Huh. Yeah, pin in that. So they can find out about and punish crimes. Okay. They can. Huh. Yeah. Pin in that. Now, of course, we've been following this trial since its inception more than two years ago, and it has been hilarious. Right.

So the Vatican doesn't generally hold trials these days, and their slapstick efforts to improvise a judiciary on the fly have been filled with amusing buffoonery. There were multi-month delays for shit like well, we got to learn how this gavel works and just as the thing started to get boring and fade into the background, it came out that Betu paid a self-anointed intelligence expert named Cecilia Morana over half a million euros

to free a kidnapped nun in Mali and then Morana spent the money on lavish vacations and luxury items and she and bet you were almost certainly romantically involved at the time so it's been fun is what i'm saying honey i said i'll check if there are any kidnapped nuns in hawaii around christmas you're ruining your surprise fun but all the kidnapped nun shopping spree stuff was a sideshow to the main issue of contention, which is the Scrooge Vault's worth of Vatican money

Bet you managed to squander on a shitty land deal in London. The property was a warehouse that somebody wanted to convert into luxury apartments. And before the whole deal went tits up, the Vatican had sunk about 370 million euros into it. That's over $400 million. And even though from my reading, there was no actual crime involved in that deal or no unusual amount of criminality in that deal anyway, the sum was big enough that they started digging into Betu. They found him doing exactly as much financial crime as all the other unaccountable septuagenarian virgins given access to a private trillion dollar bank account and they put them on trial for it and then they

spent two and a half years regretting it because that kept forcing them to admit the kind of insane shit they're doing with everybody's time what is he charged with oh he's charged with misattribution of funds intended for the golden egg full of giant spider larvae? Yes, a misattribution is what I said. Right, yes, exactly. Don't worry about the... You're not doing anything smart with those dollars. Misattribution. So, yeah, but like all good things, the trial had to come to an end eventually.

And this one came to its end at 6.02 p.m. local time last Friday. Or maybe not. Betsy's lawyer vowed to appeal the verdict. And there were nine other defendants convicted alongside him who might do the same. Point is that there's still time for more scandal to come. Either way, the 75-year-old Bettu

is looking at the very real possibility of spending the rest of his life behind bars, which is yet more proof that the Vatican takes financial crimes way more seriously than crimes against children. And speaking of shit you already knew, the world is sexist. For more on that, we'll hand things off to my lovely wife, Lucid. A man wrote the Bible.

A whore is what she wants. If it's a legitimate rape. If it's a slut, right? Cooking can be fun. Hey, I'm proud of a man. This week in Misogyny. It's the nightmare scenario right now, y'all. Like, seriously, if I'd come on this show in 2016 and said,

If Trump is elected, you'll find yourself in a world where state Supreme Courts are standing in the way of women with dangerous, non-viable pregnancies. Where women are being tried criminally for miscarriages. Where the courts are second-guessing the FDA's opinions on contraceptive medicines, you'd have written me off as hysterical. We're in precisely the parade of horribles that feminists have been warning about since Roe was first decided. And not coincidentally, the ones we've so often been told not to worry are pretty little heads over.

So yeah, obviously the guys talked about the Texas woman who had to flee the state to terminate her court-ordered pregnancy. We have not yet talked, though, about the 33-year-old woman in Ohio who is now being charged with abusing a corpse because she miscarried a fetus into a toilet. And fetuses are people, and putting dead people in toilets is disrespectful. You'd think I was making a fucking joke if you didn't already know about the case, right? But that's a real thing that happened and it's a felony. This woman is looking at legitimate jail time because lawmakers and prosecutors in Ohio don't know how miscarriages work. And of course, as we spiral out of control, the Republican dick pimples in charge

are just pressing down that accelerator. Just look at Newhouse speaker and fourth most terrifying person in America, Mike Johnson, who was among the speakers at a recent meeting of the National Association of Christian Lawmakers. We've talked about it on the show already, actually. This is the event where Johnson declared himself to be a new Moses for America's Red Sea moment.

Now, that bit of nuttery did catch the attention of national media, which is nice. But far less reported was the fact that basically the whole meeting was a referendum on how to make abortion laws worse. Now, to be clear, Johnson is publicly downplaying the extremist calls for a nationwide abortion ban. And once the election is over, assuming he's got a majority of literally anything, we'll suddenly hear a lot more about it. And if you want evidence of that, you can just look at virtually anything he's ever done in his political career or what he's currently doing, like headlining at anti-abortion Christian nationalism meetings. But of course, when it comes to reproductive rights, the legislature is the second scariest branch of government, and there's a gulf between them and the judiciary, which is why I was terrified to learn that the Supreme Court is looking for more ways to weigh

in on abortion. Specifically, they just granted cert to a pair of cases that seek to challenge the legality of Mifepristol. The cases basically want to give conservative politicians the power to override the FDA when it comes to, you know, deciding what medicine is safe and how safe it is. And given what we know of this Supreme Court, we have no reason to believe they're not going to give it to them. So yeah, that's the nightmare scenario we're in right now. On the one hand, it's gotten super easy for me to find stories to fill this segment with. On the one hand, it's gotten super easy for me to find stories to fill this segment with. On the other hand, literally everything else about it.

So with that bleak circumstance echoing in your ears, I'll hand things back over to Noah and Eli. Thank you, Lucinda. And in Who's Afraid of Virginia's Bull news tonight. In a perfect world,

the First Amendment would bear the same form and function as Captain Planet. Would it? A powerful amalgamation of five crucial elements, each on equal standing and necessity. Its rights and measures could be summed up by five multicultural teens holding magical rings to the sky and shouting speech, press, assembly, petition, religion. Then a green mulleted autonomous swoops down from the heavens and protects our basic human rights by punching someone in the face. But our reality bears little resemblance to the DIC animated production as one listed freedom seems to always trump and thwart the other five. And since you're already listening to this podcast,

you can probably guess which one that is. Okay, but I feel like petition would be the most boring character. That's hard for sure. You got to give the petition kid a monkey. For sure, he gets the monkey. So literal case in point, a former high school French teacher at Virginia's West Point High School was fired in 2018 after he refused to use a trans male student's preferred pronouns in class, a cut-and-try violation of the school board's non-discrimination policies. The teacher, Peter Vlaming, who looks like if the phrase just joshing with you could be a sex crime, claimed by forcing him to say he him, the student and school board infringed on his, that's right, you guessed it, religious freedoms.

Yes. So, Vlaming tried suing the school board for a cool $1 million in a breach of contract claim following his dismissal, but the case was thrown out. Your Honor, they forced me to not phase through a trans student physically, and that means I had to acknowledge their existence which of course as you know is against my religion therefore exactly and i should point out there really really really shouldn't be a butt here but there is because this week the virginia supreme court ruled that the teacher's rights to free speech and religious freedoms were violated by his firing, allowing his lawsuit against the school to move forward. Okay, but if they have

to hire him back by the same exact reasoning, not letting everybody address him as Coach Fuckknuckle is also a violation of free speech. So at least let's remain consistent here, okay? Yes, please. Yeah. In the majority decision, state Supreme Court Justice D. Arthur Kelsey wrote, quote, no government committed to these principles can lawfully coerce its citizens into pledging verbal allegiance to ideological views that violate their sincerely held religious beliefs. End quote. Because who can forget that famous tenet of Christianity? Strict gendered syntax.

Okay, well, not to be a contrarian, but if there's any thread that ties Christianity together over time, it's sincerely held bigotry. So I guess there's something there. No, you know what? You're right. You are. That's fair.

That's fair. Now, Justice Thomas P. Mann dissented to the ruling and pointed to Vlaming's role as a public employee, bound by the rules of the school board. Mann also referenced the antiquated

but it's against my religion argument when interracial marriage bans were overturned. Jesus Christ. Yeah, the SCOTUS majority pokes in like, yeah, we're working on that one. We're working on it.

Getting there. Aren't they though? Quote, as uncomfortable as it is to relive this repugnant history, it's necessary to emphasize in the sharpest terms. I love when justices do that when they mean motherfucker, right? Like that's always code for motherfucker. The importance of viewing religious rights with the rights of others in mind, end quote. But, you know, if a gym coach isn't allowed to say, let's go ladies to the all boys track team without repercussions, then the American dream is truly dead. So go Virginia. And in the first rule of knee fight club news.

Oh my God, I'm so excited for this. Ever since the initial moderate deceptive success of Sound of Freedom in theaters this past summer, we've gotten a steady stream of concerning revelations about all the people involved. Whether we're talking about the filmmakers, Angel Studios, the subject Tim Ballard, or his organization Operation Underground Railroad. And that's led to some pretty embarrassing moments of public distancing, right? Like when you're too immoral for the Utah GOP and the Mormon church to want to associate with you, that's got a sting. Stings. It hurts. It's a burner. And this week, we got perhaps the most humiliating rejection to date when a psychic that supposedly

worked with the anti-child trafficking organization publicly refuted tim ballard's accounts of her psychic visions okay when a lady whose job at least in part involves going has to step forward and correct you you're you're reaching bottom of the barrel territory okay we're we're there. All right. So yeah, so this bad guy fight started on a podcast called The Last Dispensation, which seems to exist at the intersection of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and QAnon.

Subscribed. Yeah, anyway, so self-proclaimed psychic Janet Ruson was interviewed on the show and she was asked about reports that she claimed to have psychically communicated with the fictional mormon patriarch nephi to find information about kidnapped kids because that's the kind of show it is i guess but according to russon she never spoke with nephi which is true i'm gonna give i'm gonna grant her that much gotta get yeah she's telling the truth well but she also claims she never claimed to speak to Nephi,

which I find incredibly doubtful, and not just because the person who's saying it is a professional liar. Yeah, she's like, I'm sorry. Of course I did not speak with the white-skinned final prophet of the ancient American Jews we have no evidence of. But if I did, I specifically would have mentioned a no-tattling policy. So. All right.

So this story is fucking amazing. The way we know about the claims in the first place is through an FBI raid. Great sign. Operation Underground Railroad is under investigation for claims that misappropriated donor funds among a bunch of other shit it's accused of. misappropriated donor funds, among a bunch of other shit it's accused of. And as part of a Freedom of Information Act request, we have a copy of a letter that was sent after that raid from a county attorney where OUR operates named Troy Rawlings to the Utah Attorney General's Office spelling out evidence of malfeasance. Among that feasance is 10,000 pages of psychic readings done by Roussan.

In the letter, Rawlings summarizes the readings, quote, Roussan talks to dead Mormon leaders, particularly a Mormon prophet from 600 BC named Nephi, to get intel on where to find a kidnapped child in particular, but also with respect to a slew of other things. And in case the feasance part wasn't clear, he later added, quote,

donors are not made aware that Nephi via Miss Rusan is the key piece of OUR operational intelligence. End quote. Our sources? Great question, Senator. Let's just say our info

is tight as a dish all right solid stuff so according to russon that's a gross mischaracterization of her very respectable and above board lying to people about killed nap children for money business she claims she never attributed her psychic knowledge to nephi it was other dead Mormon leaders. You don't know them. You haven't met them. They're from Canada. It's also worth noting that Roussan is a co-defendant in at least one of the four civil lawsuits against OUR

and its founder, Tim Ballard, about his sexual misconduct. And in addition to refuting the Nephi charges, she also says that all seven of the women who are accusing Tim Ballard of remarkably similar sexual impropriety made those allegations up.

Well, I can see how dead Mormon leaders wouldn't want a Me Too thing to get started and not have an awesome track record. Right. got offended by him, and pointed out that the money the plaintiffs were seeking would be better spent, quote, allowing OUR to rescue as many as 15,000 children from sex traffickers, end quote. But since we know that the way they spend their money is shit like paying psychics to tell them where the kids are,

I doubt that even if the allegations were false, which they're not. Yeah. As many as is doing a lot of work there. Yeah. As many as 80 billion. Between zero and. And finally tonight in Oh,

Holy Nightmare News, a Catholic church in Pennsylvania has let its parishioners know that they'll be expected to attend both a regular Sunday mass and a special Christmas mass next week if they want to fulfill their sole obligations to the big guy in the sky. So all you cafeteria Catholics

who only go to church once a week, better step up your game. God seems to have the same PTO policy as corporate America. What the fuck? He sure does. Yes, St. Joseph's Church in York, Pennsylvania, printed a handy guide for parishioners that listed all the mass times for the fourth Sunday of Advent, which is December 25th. The second lists Christmas mass times, which includes some times on December 24th, as well as Monday, December 25th. Canon lawyer, Jenna Marie Cooper,

wrote a column for the OSV News that Catholics should not expect to, her words, not mine, double dip when it comes to your time with the lord just because sunday happens to be the day before his birthday give me two crackers i'll make a little sandwich no i get it any of your friends born in late december who had to combine their birthday parties with a christmas party it's fucked up i get exactly yeah quote because there are two days of obligation sunday and christmas this means there are two days of obligation, Sunday and Christmas, this means there are two distinct obligations to speak of. Each separate obligation needs to be fulfilled by attending a separate mass, end quote, said Cooper.

Now, here's where shit gets confusing unnecessarily, and therefore totally on brand for the Catholic Church. The reason behind this extra bit of holiday torture is because even though Sunday is Christmas Eve, a Christmas Eve mass that actually takes place in the evening is considered a vigil mass for the actual main event, Christmas Day. And a regular Sunday mass would be a different sermon entirely and is therefore not allowed to be counted as part of the holiday. Guys, guys, you're making shit up. Just make up more convenient shit.

You're squandering the single advantage you have over reality. Truly, truly. Yeah, that is certainly a lot of standing up, sitting down, kneeling, standing up, sitting down, kneeling. standing up, sitting down, kneeling again, trying not to pass out from the amount of old lady perfume and incense in the air, shaking hands with your math teacher and his weird kids directly behind you, pretending to know all the words to the Nicaean Creed, standing up, sitting down, and kneeling again. And this year you get to do it all twice.

Look, if you multiply two negative numbers, you have a positive one. Maybe it works with our thing too. We need to check. Now, the listeners out there who did not grow up Catholic are probably wondering, does this horrible happenstance occur every year?

And yes, it does. For instance, if Christmas falls on a Wednesday, you would be expected to attend both Sunday and Wednesday for separate masses. The only time Sunday, I had to look this up, the only time Sunday mass and Christmas mass are combined into the same day are years where December 25th is a Sunday. Of course, most Catholics prefer to just do the bare minimum by attending their

kids' nativity play or staying up for midnight mass on Christmas Eve, and then they just call it all good. Well, judging by the numbers, I think most Catholics prefer leaving their fucking faith, but your point still stands regardless. Yeah, no, that's fair. That's fair. And 25% of them prefer not accepting homosexuality as a lifestyle, so who am I to judge? Yeah, man. As for the rest of us, we look forward to seeing secular Christmas songs and drinking heavily

to forget how much we spent on our Christmas presents this year. Peace be with you. And also with you. And on that note, we're going to close the headlines for the night. Eli, thanks as always.

Feliz Navidadism! Oh, that's interesting. And when we come back, we'll give those last-minute shoppers some ideas far worse than the ones they already rejected. Hey there, podcast listener. Are you scrambling for a last minute Christmas present? Do those matching salt and pepper shakers under the tree

feel less and less like they're going to cut it with each passing moment? Well, then why not get the person in your life tickets to Godawful Movies Live on March 2nd in Orlando, Florida? Imagine the faces on the ones you love as they realize they're going to be there live and in person for whatever I cut out of the podcast, but can't cut from their living memory. And if the podcast fan in your life was extra good this year, why not try platinum or iridium tickets? It's a night of food, drinks, and fun with the cast before the show

so that while we're on stage, you can go, hey, I beat that guy at Codenames last night. Indeed you can. So head over to GodawfulMoviesLive.com for your tickets today. Godawful Movies Live in Orlando on March 2nd because they've been good

and they deserve it. As regular listeners to our podcast know, our very own Heath Enright has made the goop holiday shopping guide somewhat of a tradition on our program. But with him out of town and Gwyneth introducing a disappointingly low amount of crazy this year, it just didn't feel right to scrape the bottom of the proverbial mentally ill barrel. And then, like a beautiful angel, the Christian Post soared into our inbox and introduced me to Public Square, an online marketplace that describes itself on its homepage in the following manner, quote, we vet every business to bring you the best products from people that respect life, family, and freedom. Ditch the woke brands, ditch big box retail, start shopping your values today, end quote. And well, that was all I needed to shine as bright as Rudolph's nose. So without

further ado, no illusions. Welcome back to the show that you are on. Well, thank you, Eli. It does feel good, actually. It feels good, doesn't it? I can welcome you again. No, that's fine. He's not here.

We can go crazy. All right. Are you ready to learn about Public Square? My only regret is that we found it after I had already finished my shopping. Of course. Yes, absolutely. Now, don't worry. There is more about them on their values page.

They get into some of the details there. Quote, We are united in our commitment to freedom and truth. That's what makes us American. I don't think it is. You hear that, you lion slave driving Canadian? Exactly. We will always protect the family unit and

celebrate the sanctity of every life. Oh, so you're against the death penalty? Good to know. We believe small businesses and the communities who support them are the backbones of our economy. We believe in the greatness of this nation and will always fight to defend it. Unless we

could get hurt. Yeah. Our constitution is non-negotiable. Government isn't the source of our rights, so it can't take them away. According to the constitution, though, it is negotiable. That's how amendments work. Are you saying the constitution is unconstitutional, dude? I think so. Yeah, maybe.

So with those values established, let's talk about the site itself. Obviously, they have all the normal categories you would expect on any other shopping website like this. Men's clothing, women's clothing, baby, and shooting. Circle the one that doesn't belong. Yeah. Side note, because of how the cards for baby and shooting are arranged, like on the website headboard, it looks like the baby is just as disturbed by the inclusion of shooting as we are. He's sort of looking up at the guy with the gun. Very what the fuck am I doing here look on his face. Yeah.

That seems unsafe. That's a weird hobby you got there. So with categories that are chill and cool established, we should talk about their collections. They have a few normal ones, a 10% off stocking stuffers, but they also have one called Field Ethos, which advertises itself with a picture of Donald Trump Jr.

and the tagline, Shop Don Jr.'s Favorites. They have a cocaine section? Okay, you know what? Now they're winning us back over again yeah right right but enough jiggery pokery let's talk about some of the brands themselves because the real reason i wanted to talk about this website isn't its own bad shittery oh no no no no it's the bad shittery they play a host to okay now you're quoting

from the scathing atheists reviews of people who like you best. That's not fair. Exactly, yeah. Let's start with a brand you were all probably picturing when I read you the value section earlier. American Warrior LLC. American Warrior LLC offers a variety of hoodies,

t-shirts, tank tops, and sweatshirts with logos and designs that range from Back the Blue to Punisher logos to a shirt that just says Blood Oath. Normal and chill. Ooh, if tactical dive rolls were a T-shirt, yeah. I stopped and wept with laughter at a shirt that just says Blood Oath for like 12 minutes researching this piece. Because I'm picturing that guy just walking around Target. Oh, hey, Chris, Blood Oath for like 12 minutes researching this piece. Because I'm picturing that guy just walking around Target. Oh, hey, Chris, Blood Oath.

About what? Don't ask. Sure. All right. See you never. Clearly does not matter. Yeah, but Blood Oath is not all. They also have shirts that say patriotism is not a crime.

Give me liberty or give me death. And in a product pairing that i would have to call brand confusion they sell a t-shirt that says human trafficker hunting club but they also sell a baby onesie that says warning explicit content confusing sad to say american warrior does not have a website almost certainly because imagined quote that's how they get you. Well, given what we know of conservative scandals, it's also,

and their onesies, it's also entirely possible that the founder's probation officer won't grant him internet access quite yet. Yeah, no, that's a real possibility. But Eli, you say, I've got all the thin blue line

t-shirts I need. Are there Christian alternatives for my everyday purchases purchases like my morning cup of joe? Well, then you should try seven weeks coffee, which describes themselves as, quote, a nationwide pro-life coffee movement. Ten percent of every sale is donated to pregnancy centers. Over one hundred and seventy five,000 raised for centers nationwide. Prayer emoji. Yeah, my first thought when you said pro-life coffee was coffee strong enough to get you pregnant,

but it's a totally different thing apparently. Exactly. But there's more. When you head over to 7weekscoffee.com, which you absolutely should, you'll be treated to a little video. Keep in mind, everybody, this is a coffee company. This is the video that plays on their website. Let's have a listen.

Behind every precious life, there was a choice. Behind every family moment, behind every special memory there was a choice a life of joy a life that is beautifully and wonderfully made that's right not a single mention of coffee everybody of the embryos eli now that is by the way that's the first thing you said. That takes up the entire page that video does. Yeah. You can't even find coffee until you've watched that fucking video. If someone said that to me in the coffee aisle

of a supermarket, I would alert authorities to keep them safe and well. Now, before we move on, I do want to mention that 7 Weeks Coffee has an FAQ page on their website. And for the question, when does life begin? A question I think we've all frequently asked our coffee brands. They respond, we believe life begins at conception and that every child should be fully protected beginning at conception.

Abortion is never medically necessary and there should never be an exception to kill an innocent human being. End quote. Well, then shouldn't it be zero weeks coffee? I feel like it should be zero weeks coffee. Thank you. Yes. The instant you come, you know what? The instant you come coffee, no one would do the design for them on Fiverr. So they stopped at seven weeks. Weird side note. I just have to point this out. There are so many conservative coffee companies on this website,

including brands like Roasted Rhino, Covefe, Republican Coffee, Patriot Depot, which I'm pretty sure are going to get their own segment just like this one.

And of course, Christ Coffee Company, just like Jesus would have wanted. Strong enough to raise you from the dead three days later. See, and that I would have wanted. Strong enough to raise you from the dead three days later. See, that I would have appreciated. That tagline I would have liked. But well, what if caffeine gives you the jitters? Well then, why not pick up a sample pack from the Little Prayer Tea Company, which describes itself as, quote, a family-owned business based out of Seattle, Washington. Our company was founded in 2017

with a firm belief that prayer can heal, comfort, bring joy, love, and strength to all. And in a parallel way, we believe that tea has the same characteristics. What? As prayer offers spiritual health, tea offers physical health. We decided to construct our business

with the mission of prayer tea and giving back to the community and oh god they spell it you smell it tea with the fucking plant stuff at our tea company tea comes second okay then no just no no that's a bad thing. Yes. They offer, here are the flavors on the website. Again, a moment where I had to stop and cry with laughter for a really long time. Here are the flavors of the tea

that are the top three on their website. His mercies are new every morning. Be a blessing to someone today. And I shit you not, serve the Lord with fear, rejoice with trembling. Jesus Christ. It's a tea flavor. not serve the lord with fear rejoice with trembling jesus christ believe i wanted to tremble i'd have drunk that coffee that fucks a baby into you i don't need

this as well you should have but don't you worry manly men and boyly boys public square has brands for you as well. Like, every time I feel obligated to say I'm not making this up, and I'm sorry, it's just I'm not. Like, Crush Everything. Which sells knives, holsters, and a variety of army man dress-up toys for men who should be involuntarily committed. Here's their bio, all caps.

Our mission is to forge slash equip assets to prepare them mentally, physically, and spiritually. We offer a full line of concealable blades and functional everyday gear and apparel. We offer dynamis blades, Neptune blades, and adaptive X-concealed clothing on our website. and apparel. We offer Dynamis blades, Neptune blades, and Adaptive X concealed clothing on our website. If you plan on being an asset by

what you carry on a daily basis, go check out what we offer. God bless you and keep crushing everything. Are you a real person or a video game character? There's no way to know for sure, so you might as well prepare for both.

But over and above any other product category on this site, what's sold most frequently is deadly bullshit. Like CoFix RX, which describes itself as, quote, the world's first and only comprehensive nasal and oral cleanse. Say hello to a new era of hygiene with scientifically formulated products designed to keep you feeling refreshed and revitalized. Our formula cleanses away germs to keep you feeling your best, end quote. And look, they don't say you can use this instead of getting vaccinated on their page because that's illegal, but that's 1000% what they mean with banners on their page like get out and live and enjoy events, travel and everyday life.

We're the only company capitalizing on this medical intervention. It's that good. Yes. Lucky us. And speaking of medicine, I have to talk about Aesthetics Medical Institute, Inc., a company name that feels like it was created in a lawsuit settlement.

And look, I know this isn't good radio, but podcast listener, if you can, you have to go to Public Square and check out their page. On their page in Public Square, you literally cannot tell what is supposed to be a before and after picture.

It looks like the rubber masks at a haunted house got their own faculty page on the school website. Well, yeah, they are a hair transplant slash facial cosmetic surgery center. They're certified and licensed physicians. You can tell because

two-fifths of those words aren't cut off on the image on their homepage. If ever there was a person who wants to establish that they know where to cut shit. Anyway, if you're looking for someone qualified to carve into your face, by all means, check out freedomeagletrucknuts.com or whatever the fuck we're talking about here. And if their public page wasn't glorious enough, their website, aestheticsmedicalinstitute.com, would make the guy who did the Space Jam website vomit. It looks like if Time Cube took out an ad in an old-timey comic book.

Yes. It's random font segmentation, generic doctor stock photos, a no shit bald eagle in front of an American flag bragging about their 97 percent graft success rates. Three out of 100 of you are going home bald and skinless. And look, I could keep you here till next Christmas describing the absolute cavalcade of financial services and credit unions and investment opportunities on public square. But I'm going to leave you with my favorite, St. Joseph Partners, which described themselves in the following way. Quote, St. Joseph Partners equals integrity. St. Joseph Partners equals integrity. Designated by a top gold IRA custodian as the only US-based broker they recommend based on integrity and customer service, call and compare our gold

recommendations with other dealers. You'll experience the difference. St. Joseph Partners offers home delivery, vault storage, and gold IRA iras we have helped families protect their wealth and diversify their investments in physical gold and silver for over 13 years take the time to know your gold broker and of bio every deposit comes with a year's supply of freeze-dried legumes. Yes, truly. So with copy like that, I obviously headed over to their website to get to know my gold broker and to check out their proclamation of faith,

which coincidentally is also the first graphic on their sales page. It's a little long, but every word is a further de-evolution into madness that would make Kafka put down his pen and join the circus. Podcast listener, again, I want you to picture you're on your bank's website, and this is the first fucking thing you've seen. Quote, praise be Jesus. What is the most important

financial question for you and your heirs? We submit it is having the correct gold allocation as a percentage of your net worth. Well, that's a fine thing to think as long as nobody's taking financial advice from you. Exactly. Yeah. Consider some meaningful recent data points. Here's some meaningful recent data points, everybody. The U.S. government injected $36 billion into the Chicago Teamsters pension to avoid what the Senate called the financial apocalypse. That is what many incorrectly allocated retirement plans are now facing. Real estate's decline has been on a trajectory that eclipses the 2008 crisis.

One of America's largest financial firms told its investors they could not redeem their real estate investments because too many people wanted their money back. No need to name names. It was a major one. They're classy. Yeah. The last time America saw prolonged inflation in the 1970s, multiples on the U.S. stock market were cut in half while gold rose over 20 times as a safe haven asset inversely correlated

to stocks, bonds, and real real estate our advice is 50 years out of date which makes it awesome super awesome actually and i know what you think hey eli this is gobbledygook but it's just like random sales pitch wait wait here's here's their fourth data point the twitter files reveal a clear government criminality while while FTX confessions show the Russian war, in quotes, is a smokescreen for U.S. officials to launder money through the Ukraine to their own accounts. Oh, God, they even call it the Ukraine. The Ukraine!

So three bullet points is the max before this guy just devolves into batshit lunacy. It would almost be worth buying some gold from this guy just to see why he says I should. Yes, there's a season. We just call this guy and talk to him on the phone for zero seconds.

That's the rest of the show. The copy continues. It is not a coincidence that in light of this, the world's central banks are also racing to decrease their investments in the U.S. dollar assets

as the scope of these events are so broad as to potentially impact all US dollar assets, even life insurance. No, the reason people are racing to decrease American investments is because you're allowed to vote. Right, you have control over people's gold retirement. Yes. Investors must understand that precious metals are not insured and may lose value. However, in our opinion, 20% allocations to precious metals are a baseline to protect family wealth in this debt laden environment. I don't know why they separated that with a dash. There's a hyphen between environ and meant.

Reach out to us today and let us help you protect your wealth in precious metals. No. No. But I have a suggestion as to what you can do with your precious metals. And then this is how they close it out. Gold. Protecting families and their wealth for generations. All right.

Well, with the firm hope that gift guide doesn't help you at all in your holiday shopping whatsoever, we're going to wrap it up. Eli, thanks again. Precious metals! Before we put this episode in park and pull up the handbrake, I want to remind those last second shoppers that there's no Christmas gift quite like tickets to Godawful Movies Live.

Just follow the links on the show notes for this episode to get your tickets to see us in Orlando on March 2nd, or check out GodawfulMoviesLive.com. Anyway, that's all the blast movie we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show's hot friend, Godawful Movies, debuting at 7 Eastern on Tuesday, and an even new episode of our half-'s hot friend, Godawful Movies, debuting at 7 Eastern on Tuesday

and an even new episode of our half-sister show, Citation Needed, debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, I can't renew my podcaster card next year if I neglect to thank Heath Enright for lending us his spirit, if not his voice.

I want to thank the lovely and talented Eli Bosnick, whose loveliness and talent is far too often overlooked in these outros. I want to thank the cunning and delightful Lucinda Lusions, whose descriptors were in need of an update. I also want to thank Lur for exploring the extended Futurama cast in this week's Farnsworth quote.

Clever, meta, well done. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's best people, Atheist Eagle Scout, a bourbon, Chris, Dawn, Tim, and Will. Atheist Eagle and a bourbon who are so hot, their chestnuts are already roasted by the time they get to the open fire. Chris and Dawn who are so sharp, they straight up glide through the wrapping paper. And Tim and Will, whose erections are so big the folks at Rockefeller

Center tried to put lights on them. Together, these six sacrilegious sex machines sacrifice species to secure secular sanity this week by giving us money. Not everybody has the money it takes to not have as much anymore, but if you do, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingatheist, where I'll probably loan early access to an extended ad-free version of every episode, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingathe patreon.com slash scathing atheist where I buy you early access to an extended ad-free version of every episode or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheist.com and if you'd like to help but you're

not woke enough to go broke you can also help a ton by leaving a five-star review telling a friend about the show and following us on social media and speaking of social media Tim Robertson handles that for us additional writing for this episode was provided by Mike Schuster and Andrea Romano and our audio engineer is Morgan Clark who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode which was used with permission.

If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at skatingadeus.com. It's a proud tradition here in Jersey. So, you know, let's talk. Supreme Court justices are like trees, if you think about it. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm, LLC. Copyright 2023. All rights reserved.