The Scathing Atheist - 620: Luke Who's Talking Edition

Episode Date: January 16, 2025

In this week’s episode, the Christian god does a bunch of fire smiting, Atheist groups finally get rid of that expired ketchup in the back of fridge, and the Bible will still be yammering on about that Jesus guy. --- To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click here: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/ If you see a news story you think we might be interested in, you can send it here: [e-mail] To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ --- Guest Links: Check out Dan’s fundraiser here: extra-life.org/participant/dane --- Headlines: Prophetic warning about the LA fires: https://charismanews.com/news/amanda-grace-prophetic-warning-on-the-l-a-fires/ Blame LA fire horror on the woke religion bringing ruin to our cities: https://nypost.com/2025/01/09/opinion/blame-la-fire-horror-on-the-woke-religions-ruin-of-our-cities/ MTG calls for using weather control to put out the fires: https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/marjorie-taylor-greene-launches-unhinged-call-for-officials-to-manipulate-the-weather-to-stop-la-wildfires/ar-BB1rmsjm Scientology’s ‘Volunteer Ministers’ getting roasted online for LA fire photo ops: https://tonyortega.substack.com/p/scientologys-volunteer-ministers Atheists sue WV water agency for giving $5 million to a Catholic School: https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/atheists-sue-west-virginia-water Biden awards Medal of Freedom to Pope Francis: https://www.nytimes.com/2025/01/11/us/politics/biden-medal-of-freedom-pope-francis.html Mike Johnson misattributed a prayer to Jefferson - the blowback could be heard at Monticello: https://religionnews.com/2025/01/08/blowback-continues-to-grow-over-johnson-misattributing-a-prayer-to-jefferson/ Bunch of atheist groups reaffirm commitment to LGBTQ rights: https://www.atheists.org/2025/01/american-atheists-reaffirms-commitment-to-protecting-lgbtq-rights/ --- This Week in Misogyny: House Speaker cites Genesis to justify law against trans women in sports: https://religionnews.com/2025/01/14/speaker-johnson-cites-genesis-after-house-passes-bill-banning-trans-people-from-womens-sports/ Virginia church publicly shames member for being pregnant out of wedlock: https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/virginia-church-publicly-shames-unwed

Warning, the first fuck in this show is in the warning, the last one is in the outro, and there are plenty in between. This week's episode of The Skating Atheist is brought to you by Mint Mobile, Factor, and by the only type of Catholic priest you can count on not to rape your kids, Papal Miche. Papal Miche, because we've had no end of trouble at a Rio Priests. And now, The scathing atheist. Hey, every year I raise money for the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia by doing a 24 hour

long Xbox marathon. Please donate at extra-life.org slash participant slash dan e. And we did in fact evolve from filthy monkey men. after. It's Thursday. It's January 16th. And it's Religious Freedom Day! Alright, still free to be stupid. You're welcome. I'm no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnic.

I'm Ethan Wright. And from Aaron Rodgers' New Jersey, and all over Michigan and way across Georgia, this is the Skating Atheist. On this week's episode, the Christian God does a bunch of fire-smiting. Atheist groups finally get rid of that expired ketchup in the back of the fridge. And the Bible will still be yammering on about that Jesus God.

But first, the diatribe. I'm reminded of an analogy that Marsh used as his country obliviously marched its way towards Brexit. It's like there's a bomb in the middle of our democracy counting down to January 20th, but the bomb's been there long enough that a lot of people are looking at it going, eh, hasn't done any damage yet and it's been there for months. Maybe it won't be that bad. Well, if you need something to shake you out of that false sense of security, might I recommend

you check out the highlights of the Pete Hegseth confirmation hearing. The one where Trump's nominee to lead the American military refused to commit to following the Geneva Convention and refused to commit to not using the military to fire on peaceful protesters. The one where he refused to directly answer questions about allegations of sexual assault, dismissed criticisms that he's literally no relevant leadership experience whatsoever,

and dismissed myriad accusations of public drunkenness by assuring the Senate that he loves Jesus now so his past indiscretions don't count. Past as in, according to his former colleagues at Fox News, October or so. Now you might not know this because the media has mostly been focused on the fact that he's a drunken rapist who's never even run a fucking Taco Bell, but Hegseth is a Christian nationalist to a degree that's far more terrifying than America has ever seen in a position of power

remotely this high before. Friend of the show, Jeff Charlotte, who has spent the last 20 fucking years covering religious extremism in America, described him as, quote, "'Far to the theological right of anybody "'even close to national power in modern history,' adding, quote, "'Ted Cruz's Ned Flanders next to Hegseth,' end quote."

In Pete Hegseth, we're talking about a guy who thinks the Crusades get a bad rap. He recently wrote that people who enjoy the benefits of Western civilization should quote, thank a Crusader, end quote. He has a battle cry from the Crusades tattooed on his fucking arm and a symbol from it tattooed on his fucking chest.

He wrote a goddamn book in 2020 called American Crusade, and it wasn't from the anti-perspective like the one that Andrew Seidel wrote. The dude is a follower of Doug Wilson, who we've talked about on the show before. Now, his name is so generic, you might have forgotten about him, but he is the terrifying pastor out of the Christ Church in Moscow, Idaho, who wrote a book that said that slavery, quote, produced in the South genuine affection between the races, end quote. He's a guy that says homosexuality should be illegal

and argues with a straight face against women's suffrage. Hex, it loves this guy. And this is all the more relevant when you see how much of this confirmation hearing was spent railing against all the wokeness and DEI in the military. This guy should scare the fuck out of you even before he's handed the world's most powerful military. Even before he's put in a position where as you'll recall from Trump's first term, he may be the only thing standing between the

commander in chief in an order to gun down protesters. Or fucking nuke a hurricane. And if you're holding out any hope that maybe he won't get confirmed, there was nothing in the hearing to suggest that it looks like for all the fucking world he's gonna sail into the position not a single Republican could be bothered to give two fucks about putting an inexperienced alcoholic avowed Christian nationalist sexual predator with a crusade fetish in charge of our bombs and our tanks it was so bad in fact that if you've been holding out hope that maybe some of Trump's

nominees were too extreme even for this sycophantic Senate, you can abandon those. You can throw those out the fucking window. The required FBI background check on Hagseth was so incomplete it would be best described as a fucking coverup, which didn't matter, by the way, because most of the senators voting on the shit weren't allowed to see it, nor was the public. We only know the extraordinary amount of detail it lacks because the ranking Democrat, the only one that was allowed to see it on the whole fucking committee, told us about all the interviews they didn't do and the allegations they didn't investigate. On top of that, the questioning was limited in ways that were

unprecedented. I mean, just consider how much of a sham it has to be to stand out against other Senate confirmation hearings for its shaminess. Any hope that people like Tulsi Gabbard, Cash Patel, or RFK Jr. might be extreme enough to shake the GOP out of its toadying servility absolutely disintegrated when they lined up to suck Hegseth's dick. Like their voters, they're going to have to see how bad they made it before they're even willing to accept that it could get that bad. And by then, of course, it'll be too late. Joining me for Headlines tonight are the Here we and ready set to my way to Heath

Enright and Eli Bosnik-Felis. Are you ready to go? Sorry I'm just not used to coming second in any situation. You just got to play through man. Yeah and now that I've introduced the headlines we won't do them yet. Instead we're gonna pause for a word from our first sponsor this week, Mint Mobile. Curse us! And that's half. Oh come on, that's not half. I can get the ruler if you want me to get the ruler. Hey guys, what are you doing?

Oh hey Noah, Heath and I are just making better choices in the new year and one of them is that we're having our bad habits. For example, Heath is only eating half of this block of cheese. Barely half. But still half. Guys, if you want to half the hassle, why not switch to Mint Mobile? Oh, what's Mint Mobile? Mint Mobile is dropping huge savings for the new year by offering any three-month plan

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Nice, but we're still doing your half off thing, right Eli? Yeah, yeah, it's only fair. What's Eli's half off thing? Oh, I'm making sure he stops halfway through watching certain videos on the internet. Yeah, jokes on you, beginnings my favorite part. Mine too, actually. Right?

Love beginnings. And now back to the headlines. In our lead story tonight, one of the only things worse than a tragic wildfire is the response to that wildfire from religious people who worship a god that allowed that natural disaster to happen. And when they call the city where it happens, hell a, they become worse than one of the only things that's worse.

And if I'm mad about your wordplay, you've done something terribly, terribly wrong. Yeah, you're really fucked up. Putting the LA in the lake of fire was the move, obviously. Oh, much better. Much better. We got plenty of these assholes last week saying horrible, stupid things. That includes, quote, Prophet Amanda Grace from Ark of Grace Ministries, the Mysterious Ways journalism team at the New York Post. And of course, crypto meteorologist Marjorie Taylor Green who has

a secret weather weapon solution to offer. Oh, does she? You know, I know we're all numb to this at this point, but step back for a second and consider how terrible a person you just have to be to have a bad take on the natural disaster. Yeah. That's hard to do. Yeah. Earthquaking in my boots.

Is that anything? We're the worst kind of monsters. Sorry All right. I'll start with Amanda Grace whose very important work was covered by charisma news Spiritual perspective their article starts by saying this is the time to intercede for California during the devastating This is the time to intercede for California during the devastating wildfires. So okay, two things. One, fuck your face. And two, if you think you can intercede with magical wishing, now is way too fucking late. So late.

But that's not how it works for liars like Amanda Grace. They're going to have everyone intercede now with praying. And when the fires eventually go out, that's a win for them somehow and it proves their praying magic. Yep. It's funny how Christians always talk about how helpful they are in a crisis, except when there's an actual crisis, right? That's when we get the wishing magic.

Yeah. Well, look, and look, if prayer worked, there would be one prayer that some clever lawyer came up with that managed to encompass all the good shit with none of the bad shit right now, right? Just got up there in heaven, wear ass, god damn it, he really got me. So for anyone who doesn't stay up to date on very important literature, Amanda Grace is the author of The Revelationary War, the epic battle against false prophecy and deception. Turns out she's accidentally the antagonist of her own book. Yeah, right. Here's what she had to say last week during a live stream.

After mentioning the importance of interceding now, she pointed out the clear signs that God is punishing Democrats with hellfire in California. She said, quote, I want you to think about this. No, I'm not gonna, but we're gonna. We're gonna. We're gonna. A leader of the Democratic Party, Jimmy Carter, passes toward the end of the year

and has a funeral. Talk about him all the time. And while the funeral of Carter, one of the most recognizable icons and elders of the Democratic Party is going on, one of the most liberal areas in the United States is burning to the ground." End quote.

What is, if these things aren't related, why would there be yarn between these pushpins? Yeah, and I mean, as long as there's never a natural disaster in a highly religious area of this country, this take is going to serve her super well, right? It's always going to be. Great. All right. Next up in the line of assholes, we have an article from the New York Post entitled

Blame LA Fire Horror on the woke religion bringing ruin to our cities. And it starts by saying, quote, The story of the Hebrew Bible is, at least in some part, the story of God punishing the wicked. Welcome to wildfire beset Los Angeles, or as the post so poetically put it, hell eh. I don't mean to suggest that Angelino's somehow deserve the catastrophe. To do so would be not only misguided, but unforgivably cruel. Don't say but.

Don't say ahhhh. But. But is theivably cruel. Don't say but. Don't say aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa especially if we want to prevent this kind of calamity from happening again. And a brutally honest assessment points to one inconvenient truth. Devastation occurred largely as a result of people in power adhering blindly and madly to a very bad religion. It was the woke religion. Oh, you lost me. Which judges by the color of their skin and not the content of their character The propelled mayor Karen Bass to the highest office in town

End quote. Well, I mean in their defense the alternative to blaming a black lady is admitting that global warming is real. So And can I be honest and say that it's cuz you had a black mayor is bad But based on that intro I was actually pretty sure we were gonna hear that gender neutral bathroom started the fire So I don't know how to feel that I was less woke than the New York not far from what we've heard this week So the author of this article in the post by the way who? Quoted Martin Luther King jr. In order to scold a black mayor for being a DEI hire via election hired via election to be clear It's a white guy named Lyle who wrote that yep

Lyle went on to criticize a budget cut for the LA Fire Department of about 17 million dollars compared to the previous year Well and conservatives love government spending they do they always advocate for that Yeah, not clear how the religion of woke was involved in that, especially considering that never happened. What's actually true, the initial approved budget was 17 million less than the year before. Yes, but that wasn't the whole thing because negotiations were still happening about certain items in that budget. And once that negotiation was done, there was an increase of $53 million for pay raises and an increase of 58 million for supplies like fire trucks. So overall, the budget grew.

Now, to be clear, the budget definitely needs to be bigger. We've learned that pretty fucking hard, but Mayor Bass's woke religion diversity index score is unrelated to that. That was a dumb fucking lie. And Lyle was on a roll with lying. So he also repeated a claim from Donald Trump that woke environmental policy regarding the smelt fish

was a big factor that was hampering the firefighting effort. Yeah, no, we've literally reached a point now where the lies about what's hampering the firefighting effort are hampering the firefighting effort are hampering the firefighting effort. Correct. Right. Okay.

But at least everyone on Facebook can see those lies without censorship. Am I right? It's a banner world. Well, that brings us to Marjorie Taylor Greene. The culmination of every list of idiots. Right there. And she's a problem solver. Madge tweeted,

why don't they use geoengineering, like cloud seeding, to bring rain down Oh, I know this one. on the wildfires of California. They know how to do it. That's her quote. And given her past comments about Jewish space lasers, I was actually just impressed that she named a real thing.

Cloud seeding. Cloud seeding is a real thing. It involves releasing a chemical like silver iodide into an existing cloud to gather the water droplets and make it rain. There's debate about whether it's effective enough to be worth it, but again, it is a real thing. But that wouldn't work in Los Angeles because the area doesn't have any clouds right now. That's the whole fucking problem.

That's the whole thing with it. Apparently, MTG was like, she was clearly picturing like a seed, you throw out the window of an airplane and it like sprouts into rain clouds. Or like in Mario, you know, where the little, the vine would come up and there'd be a cloud at the top of it maybe. Yeah. Anyway, moral of the story, if there's a terrible natural disaster and you really want to give your religious hot take about it,

shut the fuck up. There you go. And also same if there's not a terrible natural disaster. Shut the fuck up there too. And same if you're MTG about anything ever, ever, ever. Just... Yeah. All the time.

Shut the fuck up and go away. About anything ever ever ever just yeah all the time shut the fuck up and go away and in Minotology news with devastation is terrible and all-consuming as what we're seeing with the fires in California this week We knew it was only a matter of time until religion took financial advantage of it now He's just mentioned the saying awful shit requirement that has been fulfilled by religion, but I was pleasantly surprised to find that rather than the usual emergency tent that won't help gay people or bigot sponsored supply shop, our good friends over at the Cult of Scientology got in on the taking advantage of the desperate action this week.

And if Twitter and Redditor to be believed they help themselves to some emergency supplies Took a bunch of pictures and then fucked off. Okay to be clear Twitter and reddit are not to be believed That's a rule of thumb, but I guess they still have some real things from time to time This might be one of those times emphasis on the might. Yeah So first off I want to thank all the folks who sent us this news to scathingnewsatgmail.com. Both AOL and the New York Post had articles about this, but both have mysteriously gone missing as of the writing of this story. Now, some people might suspect that's due to the actions of the infamously litigious Church of Scientology, but maybe they both just reported on something independently untrue and then took it down. Or dependently untrue since the AOL one was just a repost to the New York Post. Exactly.

Yeah, it could all be fake. Either way, if you're a lawyer for the Church of Scientology and you're listening to this, we live in states with robust anti-slap laws and I will turn up to court dressed as Shelley McScavige. So pick your battles, gents. Eli might do that regardless of court. It just could be at your house. Not for nothing, Eli.

You don't dare the Scientologists to sue us. It's on the whiteboard. I'm just saying Tom and I got along a couple of times. I met him at the store. All right. I've got an in. Got an in. So here's the story.

As you know, California is on fire and they need all the help they can get right now. Well, according to at least a few posters on Reddit, so-called volunteer ministers from the church of Scientology have been showing up, taking a bunch of photos, taking stuff people need, and then fucking all the way off with one poster in our Pasadena writing quote Beware of these people they came to the santa anita racetrack donation center and helped themselves to food and goods for their quote Low-income community, okay wouldn't listen to us volunteers and now half the food is gone end quote All right. I get that unpaid cult pirate intern that's gonna be a low-income community But the wildfire relief centers are not the solution for you, right? No, no trust us on how low-income they are

We're their employers But that's not all one of the replies on that same thread said quote I saw some similar looking dudes near the lake av donation center in Pasadena They were about a block away collecting donations people were ostensibly donating to the official donation center in Pasadena. They were about a block away collecting donations. People were ostensibly donating to the official donation center, loading them into a large van like the one in the picture, but gray, they appeared to drive away later. End quote. Hard to say what's happening. Maybe they were helping, but one guy like dove into the van at the end and yelled, go, go, go. So like, I don't know, just urgent

charity. Maybe I just thought maybe it was worth mentioning. You may remember when Reddit solved the Boston Marathon bombing and it was just some dude that they felt. I feel that there are better sourced stories about how shitty Scientologists are than this one. It would have to be. Now, look, these are obviously posts on reddit and as Noah said, these people could be lying or just trying to make the church look bad. Scientology has its share of enemies and maybe they were or maybe the cult is doing bad stuff. Legally, we're not making a claim either way. What's important for you to remember, podcast listener, is that everything I just

said is parody and no reasonable person who didn't kill Shelly Miscavige would take it any other way. Also reasonable people who did that. Yeah, uh-huh. I don't think there are reasonable people who would kill Shelly Miscavige. Probably not. He hates Shelly Miscavige everybody. Weird.

Not a fan. Alright. I didn't do it. And in what are you thinking news tonight? All right. I didn't do it. And in water, you think in news tonight, way back in the infancy of this show, we covered a story about a study that showed a disturbingly high level of fecal matter in the stoops and baptismal fonts of Catholic churches. I mean, it was as high as you'd imagine a pool of still water would be when you just

leave it there and encourage everybody to dip their fingers into it as they walk in the door. But that's still pretty disturbingly high. Point is, Catholics are terrible at water management, which makes it all the weirder that West Virginia's Water Development Authority gave a Catholic school in Ohio a $5 million grant. Hard to imagine how that's going to improve the water quality in West Virginia. All right. Now let's brainstorm. No bad ideas, right? What if Catholic kids, they're going to clean the runoff from the West Virginia coal mines

as like a field trip from the college. Okay. That's good. Cause I was picturing just like a straight up bribe to stop dumping babies in their septic tanks the way they get caught doing in Ireland and Canada. And so you're yours is a lot nicer. No bad ideas. Thank you. So yeah, so this sordid tale begins when a quarter of a billion dollars in COVID relief money falls

into the hands of the West Virginia Water Development Authority or WDA. And they set out to distribute it to nonprofits and government agencies to build things like quote, a water system, a wastewater sewer system, stormwater system, or an economic development type project, end quote. And if they were arguing here that Catholic colleges are a sewage system, I guess you could defend it, right? You'd have us there. You'd have us. Yeah. But the argument they're making in granting $5 million to this school in Ohio is, as best as I can tell, that the school might educate some people in nearby West Virginia

who might come back and work on like pipes and shit in their state. Okay. Sounds unrealistic. Like once you experience the splendor of Eastern Ohio, especially Steubenville where the college is located, that shining city on a hill, Steubenville, Ohio, you're not moving to West Virginia to do work at that point It would literally be a better argument that they were going to burn the money because carbon returning to the earth is part of the water Yeah, right, right now as bad as this sounds on the surface It's actually much worse First of all the grant to this out-of-state school was by far the largest grant they gave to any single entity by a factor of four damn near. Secondly, there are legal requirements that three specific cabinet officials need to sign off on every

grant approved through this program, and they don't seem to have all those signatures in this case, so it may have been illegal. But third, and most importantly, within the grant application, they straight up say that the money isn't going to anything remotely relevant to water infrastructure. The grant application includes, for example, $750,000 to build a facility called the Center for the Common Good, which would be focused on, quote, supporting broadly life-affirming policies in West Virginia, end quote. In other words, an anti-abortion think tank that the West Virginia taxpayer is apparently going to fund. Disappointing.

This is the state of Joseph Mansion. I am shocked. Yes, that liberal bastion. You know who we really need not to be a theocratic idiot redirecting funds to his personal politics? The guys in charge of keeping poison out of the water. Yeah, right. I can't emphasize. That's the thing is that there's some shit the government does that's really important.

You know, it'd be really bad if RFK Jr. was in charge of that. Yeah, no fucking kidding. And of course, it should come as a surprise to precisely nobody that they're now getting sued over this shit. The American Humanist Association, in conjunction with the ACLU, are suing on behalf of the West Virginia taxpayer according to AHA president and my second favorite leader

of a secular watchdog group named Fish, Fish Stark, quote, we're proud to take a stand on behalf of our members in West Virginia because no one should have to pay to fund someone else's religion, end quote. And while there's been no official response from the state thus far, you can expect some variation of, nuh-uh, in the near future.

Yeah, but at the end of the movie, he's going to kick that bad guy in charge of the project off the top of a dam or something and be like, go fish. I'm just saying, it wakes you up. Right? All right, well, clearly we've got some storyboarding to do, so we're going to take a quick break for a word from our other sponsor this week, Factor. I want to do it again sleeping with the fishes. Oh To nice good to you. We'll workshop. It's more. No, there's we're very good. You should say that to the love interest You're at the bottom of a dam

He's gone And you're funny and it really seems like you've adjusted well as a kind of sort of time and time, okay, how'd I do? man And it really seems like you've adjusted well as a kind of sort of step there. And time. Okay, how'd I do? Meh. Seriously? Just meh? Just meh. Hey guys, what's with the stopwatch? Oh, hey Noah, Heath and I are trying to keep up with Maslow's hierarchy of needs in under two minutes.

Yeah, and factor, they make it look so easy. They really do. What's? What's factor? Seriously, Heath? You paused too long. I never get a point. you guys always get the points That's cuz you don't shenanigan. I can shenanigan you can cool. So yeah shenanigan right now

That's a dance you're just dancing right now. Well, I can't do it on demand, but I can shenanigan anyway, what's factor? on demand, but I can shenanigan. Anyway, what's Factor? Factor has chef-made gourmet meals that make eating well easy. They're dietitian approved and ready to heat and eat in two minutes. So you can fuel right and feel great no matter what life throws at you. I mean, two minutes sounds great, but do they actually have variety? They sure do. With 40 options across 8 dietary preferences on the menu each week, it's easy to pick meals tailored to your goals. Choose from preferences like Calorie Smart, Protein Plus, or Keto.

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Hope that they take payment in juggling balls. Trying to do a shenanigan feels forced. Yeah, no, I felt it. Yeah, I know I felt. A man wrote the Bible. A horse was smart. If it's a legitimate race. It is a slut, right? Cooking can be fun.

Hey, I'm proud of a man. This Week in Misogyny. Do you remember when Trump promised to protect women whether they wanted it or not? Our first story reminds me of that. It's a story about a bill that just passed through the House of Representatives called the Protection of Women and Girls in Sports Act, or how a GISA, I guess.

And if you guessed that what they're protecting women from is trans equality, give yourself a gold star. Now I wanna remind everybody that women's sports has never been about protecting women. You hear a lot about the sanctity of women's sports now from transphobes who suddenly give a passionate fuck about women's individual medleys or whatever. So it's worth remembering that the whole reason women's sports exist as a thing is because men were scared to let women participate in their sports. Just look up the photos of Bobbie Gibb, the first woman to run the Boston Marathon. Just look at how concerned all the men around her are

with gender equality in sports. But now all of a sudden, women's sports are so important that we have to pass laws to protect their sanctity. And for those of you who are still in the trans issues aren't atheist issues camp, I should point out that when House Speaker Mike Johnson set out to justify his bullshit law, the first thing he cited was the Bible. Quote, we know from scripture and from nature that men are men and women are women, and men cannot become women. End quote. Adding that the Bible was pretty clear on the subject of transgender women in sports.

Forgive me for saying I don't remember that part of the Bible. Now that's not to say that it actually being in the Bible would make it okay. And to underscore that point, we'll head over to Virginia where we'll find our second story. And this one is pretty fucked up as well. It comes from a church service video

that went viral over the weekend in which a young girl is forced to stand before the congregation and the live stream and apologize for being pregnant out of wedlock. And if that kind of public shaming isn't enough to piss you off, the pastor then went on to further shame her about how she didn't deserve a baby shower or any of the joy of pregnancy. Quote, we ain't going to condone your sin now. We ain't going to do that. Ain't no baby showers going on.

That's what you lose out on when you have a baby at a wedlock Can't have no baby shower you lose all the prize and glory you lose all of that end quote And by the way once this video spread around and the internet got as outraged as it rightfully should have the church made no effort to take down the video apologize for torturing that young girl or Otherwise show any contrition whatsoever. Hell, the girl's mom posted about how okay it is. Anyhow, everybody needs to leave her church alone. Because get this, suddenly she's worried about shit being publicly shamed.

This is what the patriarchy brings. This has nothing to do with that girl's well-being, just like Mike Johnson's bill has nothing to do with protecting women's sports. It's about protecting the patriarchy. It's about reminding everybody about the supremacy of masculinity. Notice that no boy had to come before the congregation and apologize for impregnating someone out of wedlock. And with that reminder of what we're up against every fucking day. I'll wrap things up and hand you back over to Noah, Heath, and Eli. Thank you, Lucinda.

Next up in headlines in Old Men Yell at Cloud News. I wish Joe Biden and Pope Francis had yelled at a cloud last week. That would have been more useful. Maybe help out Los Angeles by yelling at the cloud. I don't know, seed something? That'd be great. Instead, we got to see Biden bestow the head of the International Cabal of Pedophilia, Bigotry and Tax Evasion with the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Well, I agree that the Pope and Rush Limbaugh deserve to be equally honored for whatever

that's worth. Yeah. So in fairness to Biden, he was scheduled to meet with the Pope in person at the Vatican to give the medal, but Biden canceled the trip in order to help coordinate the emergency response to the wildfires. And fairness over. Because the trip to Italy and the medal were fucking stupid in the first place. And so was the statement from Biden. He tweeted,

Pope Francis, your humility and your grace are beyond words. And your love for all is unparalleled. You are a light of faith, hope and love that shines brightly across the world. And of course listeners, you can't see this, but there's an asterisk after love for all that specifically excludes gay people, trans people, women and child victims of sexual assault. Yeah, you there's an asterisk after love for all that specifically excludes gay people trans people women and child victims of sexual assault Yeah, yeah, and and nuns with resting bitch

Vinegar gross and just a quick reminder the guy whose Humility and grace are beyond words the same guy who recently said there's too much beyond words. Same guy who recently said there's too much F sluritude in the Catholic Church. And after being told by HR, to be clear, the HR at The Vatican, that he was being a little too homophobic for them, and that maybe he should keep the slurs out of his public speech pattern at work, he said it again. Less than a year later, he was awarded the highest civilian honor given by the U.S. government. And he got it with distinction. Apparently that's a thing. The president can add that if it's like extra distinct, whatever the fuck that means.

Oh, nice. Well, I'm actually now no illusions Esquire with distinction, Nephilim expert. It's fun. Okay, so for Pope Frankie's part, it's not even clear that he knows what happened. He was on a Zoom call with Joe Biden at some point. There's no way those people did it right. Even with plenty of help from IT. Regardless, the Pope is now part of an elite club that includes important intellectual luminaries like

Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld Margaret Thatcher Ronald Reagan Nancy Reagan Antonine Scalia Bill Cosby and Dave Thomas yes that Dave Thomas the founder of Wendy's also got hey the frosty added way more to the world than anything those other motherfuckers did. Yeah, I was gonna say, I know why you're coming for Dave like that. He is too far. Too far. I hope at the ceremony somebody was like, sir, this is not a Wendy's. And in why let facts get in the prey of a good time news?

Okay. As he accepted his post of re-elected speaker of the house, congressman and man who elected to be his own son's porn snitch, Mike Johnson recited a prayer that he informed us was written by Thomas Jefferson and recited by the nation's third president every single morning. And like all things Mike Johnson believes, that's a lie he's wrong about. Yep. So we're going to talk about it. Okay, and even if Mike Johnson was right, he's not. It doesn't matter what Thomas Jefferson fucking prayed about.

He probably prayed for the well-being of his children who were enslaved by him. Yes. To create some new material. Right, yeah. His lie made things worse unless you're a big fan of fucking slaveholders. Which as a nation, we are. Yeah. So, first off, big thanks to Carl for sending us this story and that amazing opening pun

to scathingnews at gmail.com. If you send us atheist news to scathingnews at gmail.com, we'll award you with plaudits. I don't know what plaudits are, but you can have a... bucket of them? Scavingnews at gmail.com. I am not, I'm not kicking in a third of a bucket of plaudits for that pun. I'm sorry, Carl. It was just fun. Eli, you're using your own plaudits for this one. Same, you're using a full bucket of yours. Alright, well when I find them, you can have them, Carl.

Right, fuck you, Carl. Piece of shit. I like this. This is a fresh take. This is a fresh take. Put some risk in it. Put a little heat on the ball. Put a little spice in the experience. Oh, you can send us some news, but maybe, maybe we fucking roast you.

Maybe we hate you. We might hate you personally. Maybe that's the last mistake you ever make, Carl. Carl with a K? That's how Nazis spell it, Carl. Yeah. And Marxists. We have your IP address, Carl. We're going to find you. It's a rough week. Everybody. I'm sorry. We promised not to threaten to kill you. Unless you Carl. Carl is a crisis actor.

Get him. Yeah. OK, so barely had the Dear Jesus, it's me T-Dog left his lips when journalists noted that the website of Monticello, Jefferson's historic home in Virginia, currently operating under the Thomas Jefferson Foundation, has a dedicated page declaring that the so-called National Prayer of Peace is not, according to researchers, something Jefferson is known to have ever recited publicly or privately, let alone daily. Cool. Well, hopefully the House floor has a community note section where you can put a little...

Yeah, I should take care of it. Yeah. That's the thing. It's not just that they lie It's that their lies are so old and so stale that the official website thing has bothered to refute it Right. It's the kind of wrong that autocompletes four words into googling did Thomas Jefferson ever with the word No, the amount of wrong they're capable of is No, the amount of wrong they're capable of is staggering. It's true.

It's true. And of course, it wasn't just the Jewish media that noticed Johnson's ahistorical bit of assholery. Democratic representative, co-founder of the Congressional Free Thought Caucus, and man whose genitals have been described as, quote, as close to God's existence as I'm willing to admit. Jared Hoffman chimed in on Twitter saying, quote, the prayer that you read in the House chamber today was not written by Thomas Jefferson

and your claim that he recited it every day is false, end quote. You're lying. Yes. And co-founder of the Congressional Free Thought Caucus, US rep, Jamie Raskin of Maryland, who actually taught constitutional law before coming to Congress, told the religious news service, quote, Our colleagues are constantly trying to enlist Thomas Jefferson to the party of theocracy. He, of course, was a champion of the Enlightenment, who insisted upon the separation of church and state, end quote. Yeah, the one good thing about him. Yeah. And hey, just apropos of absolutely nothing.

Here's something Jefferson did say. He said, the tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. I don't know why, I'm just naming things they're true. He did say that. Jamie? You've got access, Jamie. Carl.

Carl. Carl. And look, I know in the era of Trump, it's easy to dismiss a misattribution of a Christian prayer to a founding father as relatively minor in comparison, and it is. But as I'm sure I will remind you many times over the next four years, we're not doing comparison. Yes. And theocratic lies are bad even when they're not doing comparison. Yes. And theocratic lies are bad, even when they're compared to fucking treason. Yeah.

And finally tonight, thanks to a kerfuffle instigated by a bunch of transphobic atheist dinosaurs that wrote popular books about 20 years ago or 15 years ago respectively, the commitment of the atheist community to LGBTQ rights has rightly been called into question. Well, that question has been answered years ago respectively, the commitment of the atheist community to LGBTQ rights has rightly been called into question. Well, that question has been answered by no lesser authority than the atheist movement itself. Seriously. Oh, did the dinosaurs die of morbid self-satisfaction?

That's so sad. Satisfaction about getting one easy question right. That's tragic. Right. Yeah. A joint statement was released on Tuesday reaffirming that commitment and its signatories included but we're not limited to American Atheists, the American Humanist Association, Black Non-Believers, Camp Clash, The Clergy Project, The Freedom From Religion Foundation, the Military Association of Atheists and Freethinkers, Recovering From Religion, the Secular Student Alliance and the Secular Coalition for America, which are, correct me if I'm wrong, all the atheist organizations we've ever cited on this show. Yeah. Well, except maybe the Republican atheists. Well, yeah, no.

We didn't cite them for information. Right. We just cited how they somehow exist. And I think we cited their angry email that said, there are dozens of us and they were furious about it. Also fun fact, just out of curiosity, I googled the exact name of their group, Republican Atheists, and their website was eight results down. Oh, you hate to see it. Their Instagram was actually seventh and they move way down from seven and eight if you count the sub links from Reddit and Quora.

The gods they don't believe in have way better SEO is what I'm saying. Yeah, they have it quite risen to the level of graphsaboutreligion.com. Anyway, no, you were talking about the much better atheists who realize you're supposed to be fucking humanist too. They released a statement. Yep. Yep. But hey, hey, hey, Republican atheists, if you want to release your own statement about your commitment to, I don't know, bigotry, we are willing to put it right where we think your other correspondent should go. So give us a call. So the statement itself is only about a page long, and we'll have it linked in the show notes. But I want to share a few highlights here because while they don't call out Richard Dawkins and Jerry Coyne directly, they also make it clear who they're talking to. Quote, The undersigned organizations reaffirm our commitment to forcefully advocate for the rights of LGBTQ plus Americans

Create inclusive and welcoming communities present the interests of our diverse constituents and act in accordance with our values No, that's beautiful. But I while you were talking I went to the Republican atheist leadership page and it looks like word for its fomented I'm sorry. We have to talk about no. No, no, we don't. More of the quote here. We will not permit religious extremists to foment a moral panic, encourage harassment or violence, and enact dangerous policies that seek to force LGBTQ plus Americans generally, and trans Americans in particular, out of public life and out of existence. Nor will we sit silently or ignore when the talking points, misinformation, and outright fabrications of the anti-LGBTQ plus extremists are laundered

and given a veneer of legitimacy or acceptability by those who would hold themselves out as voices of reason or science." Also, I'd like to call out Richard Dawkins and Jerry Coyne directly. Fuck your face, Richard and Jerry. Yeah, no. I've actually released my own version of the statement that just adds, comma, Jerry or comma, Richard after every sentence. Oh, there you go.

There you go. So kudos to those groups for saying the right things. Obviously, that's a lot easier than doing the right things. And we're going to continue to look to our LGBTQ listeners members and ex-members to see how we're doing with that. But it's nice to at least see them put the standards that we should hold them to in writing. And now it's just kind of on us to hold them to it, I guess. And with that reminder that when our community gets it wrong and at least recognizes that

and tries to fix it, we're going to close the headlines for the night. Heath, Eli, thanks as always. Cogono. And when we come back, oh, nice one, we're going to figure out which kidnapped transdimensional time travel permutation at Don Ford Eli brought for us this time. Right, just because the facility and Baby Corp both involve suits doesn't make them the same

company. Just look at the wall of Boss Babies. That's very clearly Sigourney Weaver. I don't think it is. You won't even look at the poster. Hey, hey, Don. When did you get here? Future Eli sent me back in time and killed this timeline to me because he was busy.

Oh, so like the Prestige. The Prestige doesn't own killing time clones, Noah. Feels like they kinda do. Are You guys ready for Bible Peace Theatre? You mean the part of the show where we act out the Bible so our listeners don't have to read it? We sure are. Where are we? Luke! Okay. And is Luke 99% stories we've heard so far? No, it's closer to like 64, 65%. I'll take it. So where do we start with the

differences and stuff? Actually, at the beginning, with a letter to Theophilus. Who's Theophilus? Well, it depends on who you believe. Another one of these, huh? I mean, it's the Bible, man. No, that's fair. Right, right. So who Theophilus is depends on who you believe Luke is. So the dominant narrative is that Luke is Luke from the Bible. Wait, I thought these were just names. Well, they are and the argument that Luke is Luke boils down to he talks smart and Luke was a doctor. Therefore this guy is Luke. Okay, but there were smart people after Luke. There were, yes, but most of them didn't write parts of the Bible. Yeah, that that tracks. So yeah, so, but most of them didn't write parts of the Bible. Yeah, that tracks.

So yeah, so if you think Luke is Luke, there's lots of theories about who Theophilus is. He could be a Roman general. A famous Jewish guy in Alexandria. A voice of fantasy and adventure, perhaps. Sorry, it had been a while since I spoke. I just... Sure. I nailed it.

So it could be specifically a guy But most biblical scholars think it's an honorific that means something like my brother in Christ. Oh So what's he say to theophilus? the the birth of an important holy man Jesus nope John the Baptist What why because Luke was written about 80 years after Jesus died. Allegedly. Allegedly, and John the Baptist was still a big deal.

Like, as big a deal as Jesus? Well, not quite that big, but big. And he would remain like central to Jesus's narrative pretty much till the Council of Nicaea. Ah, that's where Santa punched a guy! Different conference, same name, but yes. All right, let's where Santa punched a guy! Uh, different conference, same name, but yes. Alright, let's hear it! Lululu, doing incense stuff. Incense in the Holy Temple is my favorite stuff. Zechariah! Oh! My goodness, an angel!

Shizzle! Look, I know you and your wife Elizabeth have been bombed out about being old and not having kids and stuff. Well, good news. Elizabeth is going to get pregnant. Just make sure you call the baby John cause he's going to be awesome. Oh, how so big time? Awesome. He's not going to drink alcohol. Okay.

That doesn't sound awesome. And, and he's going to be filled with the Holy Ghost before he's even born what is the Holy Ghost what are you talking about it's a theological concept it'll be invented in like a thousand years oh got it okay you kind of seem skeptical okay yes but like I'm really old and so is my wife so you understand you don't believe me. I'm Gabe. I mean, I, I figured, I mean, you have very broad shoulders for a woman. No, what? No, Gabe, Gabriel, the angel. And you know what?

Just for that, you're going to be mute until your son's born. Okay. You guys can't see it, but he's totally freaking out right now from the muteness. Oh, this is kind of bad radio. I'm going to head out. Okay. Happy birthday to Luke from Sarah, by the way. Sarah, what are you doing? He paid me.

Don't do paid shout out. I'm going. I'm going. So sure enough, Elizabeth gets pregnant. All right, honey. I'm off to hide myself away for five months. Right, forgot you still can't speak. Well, I'm going, because if I don't, men will laugh at me. Look, because you have an old dick and nobody's going to believe it put a baby in me, that's

why. But that's what I thought. Yes, I'll see you. Also, happy anniversary to Kit and Heli. What the fuck is going on this week? Why, he's got to do one! Right, so now it's time for Mary to get her visit with a few key differences. Lu Lu Lu, doing Mary stuff.

Mary stuff is... ...definitionally 13-year-old stuff, so I, like... ...Mine Minecraft or something Lulu Yo, yo, Mary. What up? I'm Gabe. I Assumed you have a very broad jaws. No, I gotta start saying my full name No, I'm Gabriel like Gabriel the angel anyway good news You're gonna have God's baby. But how is that possible? I'm a virgin.

Oh, yeah, don't worry. The Holy Spirit is gonna come over you. Not great phrasing with a 13-year-old. That, some books say you could be like 15. Yeah, I heard. Plus, your cousin Elizabeth got pregnant when she was old, so, you know, through through God all things are possible. Did I seem like the part I was worried about was the possibility?

Yes. You know it's it's fine. Noice. Lu Lu Lu doing pregnant stuff. Pregnant stuff is my favorite stuff. Hey cousin Elizabeth. Wow cousin Mary my baby just jumped. You must be pregnant with God's baby

Really? All based on your baby's Jumping well that and I'm filled with the Holy Spirit. Oh fantastic All right, shall I sing a long boring song about what a vessel of God I am Only if every Catholic mass can repeat it in a monotone for the next 3000 years. You said it, sister. So Mary stays with Elizabeth three months till it's time for John the Baptist to be born. Three months? It's that or hang out with a guy who married a 13 year old.

Fair point. Sorry, it's just usually someone points out that in some books she's 15. Feels like we're kind of missing opportunity for a three beat. That the first one in Matthew, second one just now. Fine, fine. Some books say she's 15. Wow, Heath, what's the matter with you? Oh, come on.

Gross dude. Why would that matter? No, he tricked me with the thing. God damn it. My son is born. And we shall name him Zechariah like his father. No, no, the Lord spoke to me and he shall be named John. But there's nobody in your family named John. Don't you ask my husband.

What do you think? Right, right, the no talking thing. This terrible radio, this part of the... Here, here, take a pen. What do you want to name the kid? John, alright, the kid talking thing. There's terrible radio this part of the night. Here, here, take a pen. What do you want to name the kid? John, all right, the kid's name is John. Oh, I can speak again. Oh, and I shall deliver my son, my prayer.

Don't bother, honey, they're going to do a swoosh. Oh, come on. Hey, Mary, how's the baby? He'll be here soon, Joseph, I can feel it. Alright. Now who could that be? Excuse me, I'm here to inform you that Caesar Augustus has called for all the world to be taxed and we must do a census.

Oh, um, okay. Right, so you have to go home to Nazareth and be counted. Wait, why would we go home for a census? That's not what a census is. Well, it is for this one. And also because the Bible says that Jesus was born in Nazareth. Feels like you could just lie about that

rather than lying about the census. No, no, it is not a lie. Feels like the census thing is a lie. Roman census is like some of the best preserved records in history. Okay, no, it's an off year census and you guys have to go home and have your baby. Okay.

All right, thank you. Now, can I use your bathroom? I've got like 11 more houses that I have to make it to for this proclamation. It's actually pretty late. Have my shaving stuff in there? Okay, wow, cool. Thanks guys, thanks. Really appreciate it. I look like a number two guy. Really look like a number two guy. OOAAA! OOAAA! OOAAA! Excuse me? Um, excuse me? I really look like a number two guy. Excuse me? Um...

Excuse me? Yeah? Yeah, um, do you have a room for the night? Uh, sorry pal, all filled up. Please, just, you know, see if you can help us out. My wife just gave birth and we have nowhere to stay. Fine, fine, you can stay in the barn. Like... with your animals?

I know, I don't, no need to thank me, what can I say, I'm a big softie. Right, right, barn, thanks, I guess. Hey, just out of curiosity, where are you sleeping tonight? Oh, here in my room at the inn. Is your last name Hyatt by any chance? It is, that is my name. Yeah, that attracts, I'll head to the barn. Thanks again. You guys can come by for breakfast in the morning if you want. What time's the breakfast?

Seven to nine a.m. Fuck you. Yep, that's right. So now it's time for some shepherds. Oh nice, Luke has the shepherds. Luke has the shepherds. But I keep falling asleep. Well see, that's why you gotta count them in the morning. Yeah this is shepherding 101. What up bros? Be not afraid and junk. I feel like I'd be less afraid if you weren't holding whatever it is you're eating.

Agreed. Rotisserie chicken. But you know I get that a lot Anyway, good news. I bring you good tidings of great joy Which shall be to all people for unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior which is Christ the Lord and this shall be a sign unto you He shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes lying in a manger.

Hallelujah! Jesus, what the heck was that? Is it heavenly host? Kind of like backup dancers, I guess. Why was so many of them eating? I think we caught them on lunch. Is that why you have the chicken? Yes. Feels like it's not. You guys wanna go see the kid and then

I dunno, tell everybody about it? I mean I would like to leave. Yeah, let's get out of here. Whatever, fine. More chicken for me. So, Jesus is circumcised. For more on that, check out Citation Eater at episode 402. Seriously, Tom? What?

Heath and Ron said you're doing plugs this week. It's Don. No? I'm pretty sure it's Ron. A2, Tom? Bless you. Anyway, Mary purifies herself and then they take Jesus to the temple, which is where two other stories meet up with ours.

Like a pod podcast-iverse? Just like a podcast-iverse, yes. So we're going to start with Simeon. You, you, you, doing just stuff by which I mean justice and fair. It's my favorite kind of stuff. Lou, Lou, Lou. Simeon. Holy smacker doodles.

A ghost. Not just any ghost. I am the Holy Ghost, and I have come upon you. What do you think I am, a 13 year old girl? Some say she was 15. Okay, so it wasn't even for the 3B then. Anyways, you will not die till you see God's Christ. Oh nice! So like, do you need me to, I don't know, fight crime or something cool, you know, like- No, no.

Or I can't die? Nope, no, no, no. Just hang around the temple till you see like a sweet baby. Oh sure, can do. I think it's bad either way. You're holding him wrong. I've got him. Mom, she's got him.

Quiet Joseph, you're just still hoping she'll shdup you. Um, excuse me, me, ma'ams? Yes? Oh, sorry to bother you, but that is a beautiful baby. Oh, thank you so much. Oh, in fact, I dare say that baby will be the savior of humanity. Yeah, yeah, we get that a lot. Oh, sure, the light of the world.

Many will rise and fall by his name and I can die now that I've seen him. Oh, um, thanks. No problem. Wow, isn't that something, mom? I mean, I'm a Jewish grandmother, so I already thought that stuff. Speaking of which, it's time to learn about the prophet Anna. Hey everybody, I'm an old lady and I pray that one day Jesus will come. Here, my baby. Oh, well, would you look at that. Okay, bye. So now it's time for Jesus to get home alone-t sorry home alone to do home alone to do that's right. Yeah

That was a pretty good feast, right? I like that. Yeah, I I wish they'd get a new wine guy What come on Morty's been my family's wine guy forever. He's good. Oh, yeah, I can tell hey, where's Jesus? Oh, I thought he was with you Jesus I can tell. Hey, where's Jesus? Oh, I thought he was with you. Jesus? So, we're just not telling anyone about Jerns at all then, huh? No, I don't think we're gonna know. Jesus, there you are. Your mother and I have been worried sick about you. Why were you looking for me? Didn't you know I would be doing my father's business?

I thought your dad was a carpenter. Aren't you? Yup, yup. No, I am. Probably just checking out the chairs in here, right? Okay, my real dad is God. Okay, we should get going kiddo. Okay, of the universe!

Look at the altar. Wow, beautiful. Peace, God. And with Tween Jesus already causing a heap of trouble, we're going to stop there, but we're back in a month with even more Bible Peace. Before we tighten the lug nuts on this episode, I want to let our listeners in LA know that we're thinking about them and hoping for the best, which is, I guess, basically like offering thoughts and prayers, but at least I'm admitting that I'm not actually helping.

Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our Sister Show's Hot Friend Got Off a Movie debuting at 7 p.m. Eastern on Tuesday and an even newer episode of our Half Sister Show Citation Needed debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, we can't expect this show to be race ready if I don't thank Keith Enright for all the stuff he does, Eli Bosnick for all the stuff he agrees not to do, Lucinda Lujans for all the stuff she is, and Don Ford for all that jazz.

I also want to thank Carl for sending us the story and for hopefully not minding that we got way carried away in the headlines. We love you Carl! I also want to thank Dan for providing this week's Farnsworth quote. If you want to donate to his fundraiser, be sure to check the link on the show notes for this episode. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's most intelligent individuals, TJ, Austin, Flickalus, Cage, Brad, Bean off and Destructo Boy.

TJ and Austin, who are so bad ass heights are scared of them. Flickalus and Brad, who are hot enough to count as honorary wildfires and Bean off and Destructo Boy, whose IQs are higher than their zip codes. Together, these six sexy secular secured our sacrilegious again this week by giving us money. Not everybody has the money it takes to do that. But if you do, you can make a per episode donation at Patreon dot com by scathing atheist, whereby you'll earn early access to an extended ad free version of our episode.

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