The Scathing Atheist - 625: Bursting at the Seams Edition

Episode Date: February 20, 2025

In this week’s extended-edition episode, we’ll search Amazon for theocracy stopping backpacks, JD Vance goes to Germany and says what he will about the tenets of national socialism, and we’ll watch a Christian grift video that Oral Roberts would say is a little much. --- To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click here: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/ If you see a news story you think we might be interested in, you can send it here: [e-mail] To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ Report instances of harassment or abuse connected to this show to the Creator Accountability Network here: https://creatoraccountabilitynetwork.org/ --- Headlines: Trio of terrifying stories about religion in schools: https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/alabama-schools-could-lose-funding and https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/oklahoma-lawmaker-i-dont-want-pink and https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/north-dakota-republicans-push-bill Christian post loses their minds over “Trans Sanctuary City” Meeting: https://www.christianpost.com/news/lesbian-pastor-blasphemes-jesus-as-drag-queen-at-council-meeting.html Ted Cruz's list of "woke" science includes self-driving cars and solar eclipses: https://www.npr.org/2025/02/13/nx-s1-5295043/sen-ted-cruzs-list-of-woke-science-includes-self-driving-cars-solar-eclipses National Science Foundation has to deal with giant list of absurd "banned words": https://www.washingtonpost.com/science/2025/02/04/national-science-foundation-trump-executive-orders-words/ Australia refuses to fix the religion question on their census: https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/australia-will-keep-screwing-up-the Ken Ham give us his tips for Valentine's Day: https://answersingenesis.org/blogs/ken-ham/2025/02/14/ken-hams-dating-tips-valentines-day/ JD Vance rebukes anti-free speech, anti-Christian discrimination in Munich speech: https://www.christianpost.com/news/jd-vance-rebukes-anti-free-speech-anti-christian-discrimination.html Trump Officials Attack a German Consensus on Nazis and Speech: https://www.nytimes.com/2025/02/15/world/europe/vance-musk-nazis-afd-munich.html The video from this week’s Mini:  https://youtu.be/zfWJifqSM6E?si=iwe42fbDktc5ZTbf

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It's where you throw shit at Elon Musk. And now, The Skating Atheist. Dad Prime from OneDozenDads.com here. One mom of a million proves we did in fact evolve from filthy monkey men and women. Before she went right off a cliff. It's Thursday. It's February 20th. And it's the Great American Spit Out! Yeah, don't get too excited though.

It's about not chewing tobacco. I feel betrayed. I'm no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Henright. And from Cory Bookers, New Jersey, Ann Arbor, Michigan and Waycross, Georgia, this is Skating at East. Oh, this week's episode, we'll search Amazon for theocracy-stopping backpacks. JD Vance goes to Germany and says what he will about the tenets of National Socialism.

And we'll watch a Christian grift video that Oral Roberts would say as a little much. But first, the diatribe. A couple of years before we started this show, I got it in my head that I wanted to learn to ride a unicycle. I guess back then life didn't seem complicated enough. So I talked my wife into buying me one for my birthday. Then I spent about a week or so in a hallway in my apartment trying to learn the basics of mounting it and shit. But to really learn I knew I was gonna have to

find a place where I could go out and fail a bit. Luckily just down the road from my building was a basketball complex with like eight basketball courts where the space that was usually empty after school. It's public property and there's a fence all the way around it which is a really useful thing to have to cling to when you're learning your first baby steps on a unicycle. So I started going out there every day after work, teaching myself the basics. Because unicycling is like most skills,

the trick is to just do it over and over again and eventually you get it. Now, of course, as I'm doing this, the basketball complex isn't completely empty. There's a group of four or five boys about 12 or 13 years old that are always hanging out there playing basketball pretty much every day. And at first, they're having a lot of fun at my expense. They'd jeer and they'd talk shit and they'd laugh every time I fell and I fell a lot and

humorously right? The unicycle would go skittering along the way and they would tell me that I was wasting my time and I would never get it. But after about two weeks, I was good enough that I didn't give them a lot to laugh at anymore. And a couple of weeks after that, I was good enough to literally unicycle circles around them. And along the way, I had demonstrated to these kids

that seemingly impossible goals are attainable if you accept small victories, let yourself fall a few times, and believe in yourself enough to keep getting back up. Or at least that's what I hoped to demonstrate to them. But yeah, I'd been chatting with them along the way. I got to know them a little bit. And what I saw instead was a transformation from, you'll never get it, to, you are unlike

me. Even though they had watched damn near every step of the process from clinging to the fence like a frightened toddler to competently riding the damn thing, rather than accept that that's just how human beings work, they built a mythology in their heads where I had some ability that they couldn't tap into. I was just the kind of person that could do that and they weren't. I think about that a lot these days because I feel like Heath Lucinda, Eli, Anna, and I have sort of done the same thing with this show.

Not to suck my own dick here, but I feel like this show has made a difference. Not a big national culturally measurable difference to be sure, but we've made a lot of small personal differences. We've made people feel less alone. We've emboldened people. We've connected people. We've made people feel less alone. We've emboldened people. We've connected people. We've inspired people. We lifted some voices up into a lesser degree.

We've knocked a few down and we've made people laugh even when there was no good reason to laugh. And along the way we've demonstrated that it could be done. We showed that a group of people who had no real experience or expertise could make a difference. And instead of realizing that and accepting it, a group of people who had no real experience or expertise could make a difference and instead of realizing that and accepting it A lot of people who watched it happen put us in a separate category from themselves They said we were just the kind of people who could do this shit just like I was the kind of person who could learn to unicycle

Folks when I decided I wanted to do this podcast, I had never owned my own computer, unless you count the Commodore 128 that my brother gave me when he went to college. And sure, I had some experience as an entertainer, but it was as a juggler. The only entertainment experience less useful for a person moving into an audio-only medium would be MIME, which is the other experience I had. The only relevant experience I had was the confidence you get when you learn to ride a unicycle. And look, I'm not saying that everybody can start a successful podcast.

That's not true. And even if it was, we don't need that kind of competition. What I'm saying though, is that everybody can make a difference. Maybe not a big national culturally measurable difference, but a difference. You might not be able to make trans people feel safe, but I bet you can make a trans person feel safe. You probably can't take down a theocratic president, but maybe you could take down a theocratic school board member.

You might not have the time to start a secular organization in your area, but you probably have the time to join one. The fire hose of fascist shit coming from the White House is designed to overwhelm us and make us feel helpless. I keep saying this. It's designed to flood the space so much that any action seems hopeless against it. And most of us are predisposed to doubt ourselves anyway, so we don't need much of a push to fall into complete apathy. But you can do something. I'm confronted by proof every day and so are you. The people making a difference aren't fundamentally different than you. Yes, they have advantages that you don't have, but if you look hard enough, you're going

to see that you have advantages that they don't have as well. It's a hard thing to accept, not just because we're all so riddled with self-doubt and experience to back it up, but also because it's such an intimidating thing to know. Because as soon as you accept that you could make a difference, you run out of excuses not to. They're talking about you, Jesus. We interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news, Wilmington. Joining me for headlines tonight are the saltpeter and sulfur to my charcoal, Heath Enright and Eli Bosnik. Fellas, are you ready to blow this shit wide open? Powder keg party, let's do it.

Fuck yeah. Two of my favorite types of parties. Remember, remember, the conservative Supreme Court justices all eat lunch in the same room. That's how the poem goes, right? Yep, something like that. And before we get going, there's been a lot of questions about this from a lot of people, and we're finally able to answer this question in full. So if you're curious, yes, we are doing a vulgarity for charity fundraiser again this year.

It's going to run through November, as always. And this year we're going to be raising funds for our good friends at Recovering From Religion. They're the guys that do the Secular Therapy Project, the Hotline Project, a lot more stuff. as always, and this year we're going to be raising funds for our good friends at Recovering from Religion. They're the guys that do the Secular Therapy Project, the Hotline Project, a lot more stuff. We're going to be talking a lot more about them and about the fundraiser between now and then, but we wanted to give you plenty of time to put together both those donations and those roast requests. And don't worry, we asked Darryl his favorite nice restaurant and he did say Long John Silver,

so we are good. Yeah. We are good. And speaking of eating good without breaking the bank or allegedly misappropriating charitable donations, a word from this week's first sponsor, HelloFresh. Ow. Okay. How about now? Not even close, dude. You heard me say ow. You have to hide like a rhino. I don't. Hey, hey guys. What you doing? Oh, hey Noah. I'm trying to get more fruits and veggies in my diet, but I'm not a big fan of the taste.

So I'm going to spear him like a vampire. Like a vampire, yeah. With a... is that a carrot? That is a carrot, yes. Guys, guys, if you want to eat better the easy way, why don't you try HelloFresh? What's HelloFresh? With HelloFresh, you get farm-fresh, pre-portioned ingredients and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep. Skip trips to the grocery store and count on HelloFresh to make get farm-fresh, pre-portioned ingredients and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep.

Skip trips to the grocery store and count on HelloFresh to make home cooking easy, fun, and affordable. That's why it's America's number one meal kit. I don't know, Noah. I hear those meal kits can get kind of samey? Not with HelloFresh. With HelloFresh, it's easy to find time to eat well with 50 wholesome, hassle-free meals to choose from each week delivered right to your door. But what if I don't have time to cook? Well HelloFresh's new ready-made meals go right from the fridge to your fork in just three minutes. It's the same high-quality ingredients and restaurant-worthy flavor you'd expect from

HelloFresh just with none of the work. But have you actually tried it? I sure have. I love that HelloFresh's meals unpack from the box to the fridge in seconds and everything I need to cook a delicious meal is right there waiting. That's why I know Ill, personally endorse HelloFresh. Alright, I'm sold. Where do I sign up?

Get up to 10 free meals and a free high protein item for life at HelloFresh.com slash HelloFresh podcast. One item per box with active subscription, free meals supplied as discount on first box, new subscribers only, varies by plan. That's up to 10 free HelloFresh meals. Just go to HelloFresh.com slash HelloFresh podcast. All right, Noah. Thanks. Hey, Heath, I guess you don't need to spear me with a carrot after all. Yeah. OK, but can we try the t-shirt gun, please?

I mean, fine, but this is for science. For science. No, of course. Of course. I'll call 911. Probably best, yeah. And now back to the headlines. In our lead story tonight, one of the hardest parts of my job these last few weeks has been to look at this cacophonous explosion of fascist oligarchy and try to pluck a lead story out of it.

I mean, given the present circumstances, how could the lead story be anything other than how the fuck do we get to sports Almanac back to Marty in time? But when I was perusing the secular headlines in advance of this recording, I noticed a trio of stories that all sort of underscored the efforts of the Christian right to lock down their control of public schools.

So in our lead story tonight, they're coming for your children. Marty kissed his mom. We never talked about it, right? And Keith, we deleted this from the notes you edited back then. We called you. We had a conversation.

We had a team meeting. I don't remember that. So the first story is out of Alabama where House Bill 231 seeks to amend the state constitution to require the public school students be led in prayer every morning. Specifically, quote, prayer representative of the Judeo-Christian values upon which the United States was founded,

end quote. And since the country wasn't founded on Judeo-Christian values and the values it was founded on endorsed fucking slavery, that phrase can mean whatever the fuck they decide it does after they pass the goddamn law. And in case that isn't bad enough on its own, the bill would empower the state government to withhold funding from any school that fails to comply. Which to be fair is illegal even when you're doing it in the name of real laws, let alone fake ones. Eli thinks we have laws.

You adorable Rube laws. That's true. Oh, we've got laws against us. Rube laws. That's true. We've got laws against us. That's true. Now, of course, the asshole introducing the law insisted the prayer would be optional for students and therefore it wouldn't be illegal. And that's untrue in both directions, right? Because students can't just not hear the fucking prayer even if they don't pray along. And even if they could, it would still be illegal given the current Supreme Court precedent.

But even this veneer of legitimacy dissolves the second they let their guard down, which brings us to the second story where an Oklahoma lawmaker accidentally admitted that his efforts to get the Bible taught in public schools for historical reasons won't work if the people doing the teaching aren't Bible believing Christians. No, I get it. You know, the principal walks in and I'm like, Oh, hey, principal Walters, we were just finishing up our lesson on slave rape. Oh, can you see me in the hall? I mean, can wait till after class in the middle of a lot of questions these kids have. Meets

were between the age of nine and 11. So yeah, so that candid admission came during an interview on David Barton's show, the very existence of which is plenty for me to dismiss this jackass as a far right Christian crank. But during the interview, they're talking about the state superintendent's efforts to spend state money bringing Trump Bibles into the schools. And this whole thing has been cloaked up to this point in the same like, no, but we're just doing this to emphasize our Judeo-Christian history bullshit, right? But state Senator David Bullard freely admitted that was pretense when he said,

quote, I don't want some pink haired person who doesn't believe in God to start trying to teach the Bible, end quote. I mean, to be fair, I don't want some inbred doofus with a white supremacist undercut teaching biology. Well, there you go. If only there were some way we could keep the two subjects separate, you know, so that everyone could have a thing. Oh, separate? In the words of Andrew Jackson, make me. Seriously, that's the new constitutional law.

Like, that's what we're doing. Even if the Supreme Court recognized that very clear violation of the Establishment Clause, which they would not, state-level theocrats are gonna take JD Vance's advice and use the legal principle of fucking come at me bro and do it anyway. Yeah, yeah. And the last of the three stories, by the way, comes out in North Dakota, and it's actually the kind of mundane shit that we rarely talk about on the show anymore. They introduced a bill that would require public schools to include intelligent design

in their science curriculum. And that kind of shit, like that happens constantly. It happens in state legislatures all over the fucking country and it has for decades. Usually we don't talk about it though, because those bills tend to die quietly. But that's not the kind of shit we can really count on at this point anymore, especially from the state that wants to legally acknowledge the kingship of Jesus. So that's where we are at this point. Okay.

If you're looking at the world right now and you're saying, yep, God nailed it, intelligent design, this is intelligent, you're official proof it's not. If that's what you're thinking. Yep. And in CTSD news, if you're like me and you live in the now times, one of the things that you've thought about a lot since the Trump election is what do we actually do now? Disabuse from the notion of majority or fluke. How do you fight the daily horrors of theocratic fascism?

Now, if you're me, you complained about it while praising your own brilliance. I also gave up TikTok, but luckily not everyone is as paralyzed by their pessimism and genius as I am. Which is why the city of Worcester recently designated their city as a sanctuary for trans and gender diverse people. And you know what that means! What are the guys talking about? It's the newest, the greatest Christian freakout! Yes, that's right. Wooster had the gall to officially declare the floor isn't lava even though America

voted for dipping trans kids in lava fair and square. And so this Christian freakout comes to us from one of our favorite theocratic news sources, The Christian Post. Yeah, I, you know, I'd like to believe that there's at least one Christian who responded to, we're going to protect people from bigotry with, now, will you wait one minute here and hurt it, right? Like, there's no reason to believe it,

but I want to believe it. OK, I'm pretty sure that plenty of those people fucking heard it. And they're all cowards and liars. That's what's happening 271 are Republicans in US Congress and I haven't heard a fucking peep from them for the last month about pretty much anything I mean most of those people in Congress the Republicans are Christian bigots, but they still heard it. They fucking know they know what know what's happening. Yes, in an article titled, Lesbian Pastor Blasphemes Jesus as Drag Queen Trans Activists Issue Threats at City Council Meeting.

Even their headlines and another thing themselves. That's amazing. The Post expressed their horror that gay people would politely ask not to be murdered within their time limit at a city hall meeting. Let's hear what they had to say about that lesbian pastor. Quote, Payne Britton, a pastor at Hattowen Park Congressional Church, which is affiliated with the progressive United Church of Christ, Payne Britton, who identifies as a disabled cisgender lesbian, supported a clerical caller as she told council members

that if Jesus were at the meeting, he would be, quote, dressed in full drag, end quote. In this instance, identified as could just be replaced by is. Yeah, that'll do. Just say, we're an economy if he was just is. Well, that's the best part, right? They don't know the difference between what identities they're denying anymore. Allegedly drove to my house in a Volvo. Quote from the pastor here, the Jesus I know would be dressed in full drag and serving face or handsome as a trans man or wrapped in the garb of a non-binary person who knows

one gender is way too small to capture their gloriousness. The Jesus I know would be at this mic with a trembling voice and a shaking body and tears that will not be held back crying, make this city safe for my child." That's a good quote. I mean, that's not the Jesus of the Bible, but what the hell, right? The Jesus of the Bible also wasn't a white dude, so I guess it's fair she can have that. Yeah, right. Based on the Bible, he's mostly a fucking dick.

That being said, lots of Christian people claim to be worshipping this all-caring, charitable, open-minded, immigrant-loving Jesus. And that made-up guy would be furious if he showed back up right now. But again, I'm not hearing a fucking peep from those people either. No giant public apologies for helping elect an evil sociopath. No big demonstrations against this stuff. Like, I could swear they talk about a source of absolute morality, like all the time.

That's like their thing. And how that's good to have. I would like to call bullshit. Yeah. I think Christians are lying. I'd like to vote a career's good to have. I would like to call bullshit. Yeah, yeah. Christians are lying. I'd like to... Me too. About a career or two to that, yeah.

But Eli, you say, what about the violent threats? Did a trans person at that meeting reasonably respond to the continued threat to their person and being with an initiation of violence that Noah and Heath should stop beeping you cowards? No. Quote, after identifying as multibly disabled, the speaker standing in front of a sign that read silence equals death, issued what appeared to be a threat against the council. Quote, if you say you're afraid of Trump and that's why you don't want the city to be a safe space for trans people, you better prepare for trans people to make this a very unsafe space. A short time later, a black female activist warned the council about strong queer transgender

identified people who will quote, collect you with the quickness and quote. All right. Nice. I mean, I don't know what that means, but Christians are scared of it. So I'm all for it. Yeah. Yeah. Sounds great.

I'm down with the quickness. I'm just, I'm picturing Republicans at a government meeting and just one by one they're all getting side tackled out of the frame by a blur. Just like, yes, exactly. So as we can all see now that we have this news, trans people who point out that it shouldn't be safe to actively murder minority groups and Christians who are enabling the active violence already being committed, those groups are tied now. Those ties are exactly the same things, at least in the Christian minds. And hey, look, podcast listener, if you know a Christian who thinks that's true, good.

I hope he lives his entire life in fear that a trans person is going to take power, make his existence illegal, drive him to suicide, and then celebrate his death online. And you know, just in case by some wild chance that doesn't actually happen someday, I'm going to stand alongside the people of Worcester in the meantime. Sounds fair. Sounds fair. And in path of brutality news, the long series of terrifying autocratic insanity from Donald Trump and the doge bags made its way from the political realm to the science realm. And just in case there wasn't enough face punch ability involved, Ted Cruz got in on

the action. You might remember Ted Cruz from going to a Yankees game and almost getting punched in the face by everyone in the entire stadium and city of New York. Well, now he's coming for Noah Lujans personally. Ted Cruz released a database of so-called woke science last week, and that includes the study of eclipses. Okay, Ted. Okay, you can have my eclipses when you take them from my about five degrees Celsius colder

during Totality Dead Hand, okay? Yeah. No, I want you to know three people in elbow patches are positively rolling right now. I mean a lot of elbow patch jokes. All right. And a big thanks to Ryan for sending the link to skatingnews at gmail.com if we ever find ourselves Inside a wrestling ring with Ted Cruz and it is all wobbly and Ryan happens to be standing there Ringside we will tap in Ryan for the big splash off the top rope. That's a fish

Oh shit, skating news at gmail.com and our matriarch goals get more and more ambitious every year Yeah, the splash from last year almost happened on my bathroom floor on Instagram Live. So, so we learned about our eclipse based socialist revolution getting foiled last week when physicist Corinne Brevik of Southern Illinois University was told that her eclipse project for middle school science classes

got flagged as woke, which is a problem. The National Science Foundation was told by executive order to freeze their grants and comb through all their existing projects to find any references to woke stuff or DEI or possibly socialist revolutions. Seriously, like I wish I was exaggerating when I used that language, but I was not. The Senate committee on commerce, science and transportation chaired by Ted Cruz issued the following statement last week. Quote, chairman Cruz released a database identifying over 3,400 grants totaling more than $2.05 billion in federal funding awarded by the National Science Foundation, NSF, during the Biden-Harris administration.

This funding was diverted toward questionable projects that promoted diversity, equity and inclusion, DEI, or advanced neo-Marxist class warfare propaganda." Really? End quote. Okay. Look, eclipses have nothing at all to do with neo-Marxist class class warfare propaganda." Really? End quote. Okay, look, eclipses have nothing at all to do with neo-Marxist class warfare until we

start yeeting billionaires into the sun. So, uh, like where your head's at, I guess. That's an idea. Right, and again, podcast listener, I just want to remind you that the withdrawal of funding that has already been awarded is not an executive power. Right. By any definition of the law as it exists right now but for the record laws okay fair fair but when the Supreme Court overturns that I just want to point out that pardons are next so just you know be careful what you wish for

Trump okay I'm just saying okay so you might be wondering what other science projects were promoting Neo-Marxist class warfare Well in addition to the moon and sun passing each other when viewed from Earth Marxist Lee the list from Ted Cruz also included studies aimed at synthesizing new medications for example or examining protein malfunctions that lead to cancer. And of course, improving the safety profile of self-driving cars, all Marxistly. Yeah, weird. Yeah, getting rid of cancer seems less of an imperative when you're a cancer, I guess.

I've submitted my paper on the moral imperative of murdering Ted Cruz to several medical journals and have not gotten a single acceptance. So I mean, where are the wokes when you need them? I guess is what I'm saying. He's got a lot of responses, but not a single acceptance. I feel like that would get right through peer review. No problem.

So according to the NSF, the Lancet, maybe those guys are lazy. Yeah, right. There you go. I mean, they're still they're still named after bleeding people. So they can't wait. Yeah, right. There you go. I mean, they're still named after bleeding people, so they can't wait. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, come on. All right, so according to the NSF,

the executive order doesn't technically stop payments on all these existing grants. That's what Eli was mentioning. But the funding freeze made it pretty clear to all the scientists that their projects might get pulled entirely. And just in case the Ministry of Truthiness vibes weren't strong enough, the NSF was told to use a list

of woke suspicion keywords and search every grant for the presence of these words, which would get them red flagged. And the list of words is truly insane. It includes ethnicity, barrier, biased. Biased in science is a key, a keyword flag. Jesus Christ. Disability, trauma, and historically, just the word historically is a flag.

Things that have happened in time. Yeah. By the way, the requirements for NSF funding included you had to discuss some of this stuff. So like all these studies had this stuff in you had to discuss some of this stuff. So like all these studies had this stuff in it because that was kind of the rules. But those are all bad science words according to these fucking idiots. The list also includes the word female. Science projects that have the word female or women are getting red flagged because of

that. Jesus Christ. Shocking. Male and men were not red flag words though. Oh, it's so weird. I would have predicted that. Yeah, it's nice to know though that if the podcasting doesn't work out, Eli could get work misspelling grant applications for scientists trying to thwart the algorithm.

I'm the new Navajo wind talker. Yeah, right Follow me grant is spelled with an E at the end. No, no not there Yeah, so bottom line we're failing science class the United States as a country is failing at the study of Reality, yep, we're also failing social studies math English economics philosophy, economics, philosophy, and we cut the budget for P.E. and the arts long ago, so we like pre-failed those. Gender studies is now illegal, I think, so that's out. And same for Black history. And it all happened during Black History Month. Sorry, sorry, McKinley America History Month, something like that. Like, if you showed our country's academic performance to any decent middle school teacher, we would not be allowed to walk and go to school.

We'd be going back to kindergarten. Yep. And in senseless census news tonight, Australia has decided that they don't want their census to be too accurate, so they've elected to keep a question that has been proven to over count the nation's Christians. Because otherwise, it might just show that the majority of Australians have no religion and thereby undercut the fuck out of all the theocratic bullshit that they still do in their schools. Okay, so the support for theocracy in Australia is based on a lie. That must be nice. That sounds right.

So jealous. When did you stop believing in God and beating your wife? It seems tricky for a multiple choice, but we just can't think of a better one. Yeah, right. Now, so I should say up front that the Australian census's religious question has been the target of secular activists in the country for years. We've been talking about it here since at least episode 229 when the Atheist Foundation of Australia and some other secular groups succeeded in getting the formatting of the

question changed so that the no religion option was no longer fucking locked in the stairless basement bathroom behind a Beware the Leopard sign. That change, along with the actual increase in atheism, bumped the number of Australians reporting no religion from 22.2% to 30.1%. And they do their census every five years. And keep in mind that Australia is one of the fun countries where we lose a bunch of votes because you can say you're a Jedi. And look, I know fighting theocracy should be more important, but I would totally check a box that got to say I was a Jedi. So I can't.

He's not a box for Jedi. But yeah, yeah. So you think you'd be a Jedi? Not a Sith? You could be a Jedi. You could be a Sith too. I mean, they both count. So, okay.

So the phrasing of the question is still a bit confusing and in a way that almost seems intentional at this point. See the changes that were made before were all about the orientation of the existing options. It used to list nine religions, and there's a big write-in box for other, that's where you would have put Jedi, and then after all of that it included no religion under, like in its own little space. Well now no religion appears at the top of the forum in keeping with the way every other question is formatted. That is that like the none or does not apply to me option is at the top of everything else. But the question itself is still what is the person's religion as though having

a religion were an assumed state despite the fact that as of the most recent census, 38.9% of Australians have no religion even when the question is posed in a way that overcounts religiosity. Okay, I feel like the forum needs to be more of a flow chart. Like it starts with, do you believe any of the religion scriptures are nonfiction science books? If no, you're done. There you go.

And we know what your answer is. Right. Look, look, if you want to identify as an atheist, just check the box labeled, ep, ep, ep, going to stop you right there. Well, yeah, look, if it seems like I'm overstating the case by saying that the wording is intentionally confusing, I should add that the other option that they have, it includes a couple of examples of religions not listed and one of them is humanism. So it's basically telling at least some non-religious people not to

check the no religion box. And the only change they made to this question between the 2021 census and the 2026 census is that they changed the example from humanist to atheist. Okay. So in addition to the flow chart thing, I guess we also need a box for. I say I'm Christian, but I know it's fucking dumb. I'm just being nice to grandma. And that counts as none too.

There you go. Right, yeah. And then also on the flowchart, if you click Bible believing Christian, you now have to tell me how old you think the earth is while your eighth grade science teacher watches on Zoom. You have to write it in, call them. So yeah, so the question still lists seven

different flavors of Christian in its nine options and guarantees an undercount of non-religious people. And even with the DACS stacked in their favor that much, and with their religion still being taught in state schools to every kid whose parents don't opt out of it, Christianity can't even muster a majority in that country. So the bad news is that they're cheating, but the good news is that it's because they have to. TITLE CARD And in ham bone news. TITLE CARD Okay, that's fantastic. TITLE CARD Thank you, thank you.

Valentine's Day is briefly receding into our rear view mirror. It's a day of love, romance, and to find out if your partner is one of those douches who'd rather explain how superior they are to the greeting card industry than buy you a box of chocolate. Well, luckily for us, our very own Ken Ham had a couple of tips about romance this season and— Really? Yes!

And whenever Looks Almost Deadpool has something to say about smoochin', you know we're gonna talk about it on the show. Look, some girls like beards, some don't, so meet em halfway. And you can blend the edges of that beard with a nice camombear mold region. Exactly, yeah. Camombeard. So first off, big thanks to Lisa for sending us this article and the contained video to scathingnews at gmail.com

You can send us atheist news to scathingnews at gmail.com You can also just send us famous Christian people being fucking goobers like Ken Am his here We take all comers at scathingnews at gmail.com You're done give Lisa a goddamn prize and make it a good one. Fine. Fine. Lisa, you can pet my pug, Madge, once and respectfully. She is old. Okay? Two pets. We should start an email, guys.

People will send us stories for the show. Anyways. Get another pet and make a promise about it. Careful, Lisa. Careful. Now, the article preceding this video is a very spicy tease. Quote, today is Valentine's Day. Hopefully you remembered.

Our social media team recently interviewed me for my thoughts on Valentine's Day and some dating tips, including what not to do on your first date. Not interact with Ken Ham in any way ever. Are we done? Oh, dear. interact with Ken Ham in any way ever are we done? Oh dear you're gonna find out things about me that I'm not sure I should be making public like this. Ain't no. It's ain't no. Anyway we're gonna start with an absolute banger Ken Ham opens this interview this is the video itself with my wife Mally gave me a Valentine's Day card and I looked at it and said, What is that? Is this some sort of rectangle?

I was told there'd be no math. What is this? It says Happy Valentine's Day on it, you fucking idiot. Come on, solve the puzzle, buddy. You got it. I don't read. Yeah, but of course, that little anecdote is just an intro to the all-important question should Christians celebrate Valentine's Day? Because the only take worse than I won't be bullied into telling you I like you by big flower is do we think this love-themed holiday is a trick from God's goat demon ex-employee

to burn our souls in fire forever? Okay, my take is not the worst. That's true. Nice. But clearly that's an excuse in the moment, right? Like, no, I was going to make dinner reservations, but Satan... I don't know what a square card is. Yeah.

So we get some biblical tips for Valentine's Day for the men in his audience. Number one from the Bible, quote, if you're a Christian, you shouldn't even look at a non-Christian. Great start. Yeah, step one, bigotry. Okay, Ken Ham shows up for a first date like Bird Box does not surprise me that fast.

Absolutely. Yeah, that's fair. But it's not just finger shaking. He goes on to say, quote, but I want to tell you what not to do on a date. Don't do what I did when I took my wife to a drive-in movie theater. I was still wearing the blindfold. It went really bad. Sadly, it's nothing as interesting as anal or a car crash. No, after a minute long explanation

of what drive-in movie theaters were, he tells us that on his first date with his wife he drove away with the speaker still attached to his car but What we don't know is whether or not that was because his pants were drenched in cum Right, it's possible. Yeah, maybe hey Maybe we just don't take dating advice from somebody who took his first date to the Nickelodeon down by the mercantiles, huh? Exactly. Yeah, so that hilarious story out of the way, it's time for his, but seriously, folks, which goes, I shit you not, quote, hey, you know what, I encourage you to celebrate Valentine's.

I'd like you to do the voice. Hi, you know what, I encourage you to celebrate Valentine's Day, to do something special for your wife, or special for your girlfriend. But remember, as a Christian, you should never look at a non-christian in regard to marriage So he doesn't specifically say the words beware the power of the Jewish but like the but that's the message Yeah, that is the message twice in this three-minute video amazing. He has thoughts about the international Jew for sure

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so he thoughts about the international Jew for sure. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he talks about how important marriage is for a second and then because he said the word important, he has to start talking about Jesus and then sacrifice, which leads him to conclude as follows, quote, we need to love our wives sacrificially. Pour out that love on your wife to the point we are prepared to die for them Do your children do others see you loving your wife that way? That's what we need to do. So pour out that love upon them as God tells us to have a great Valentine's Day Pour out your love into your dead brother's widow

Got it, but aim for the tits one last thing about story. The article that video is contained in ends in the following manner. I'm not kidding. This is the actual quote. And happy Valentine's Day to my wife, Mallie. If I forget to get her a card, at least I can show her this. Oh, Jesus Christ. Wow. No, for me it was no, but. Wow.

I actually couldn't feel sor sorry for Ken Ham's spouse. Wow. Wouldn't I guess. And finally tonight in Vance Vance Revolution News, Vice President Jans Stans Vance, that's officials, made his first international speech since taking office, and he decided his top priority is persecution in Germany of neo-nazis. Oh seriously they're having a really hard time you guys in Germany the neo-nazis it's hard for them. According to the headline from the Christian Post JD Vance rebukes anti-free speech, anti-Christian discrimination in Munich speech.

Or according to reality, JD Vance worries about the dearth of Christian right hate speech in Germany. So, I'm generally fine. What could possibly go wrong with that? It'll be cool. Also, why does everyone keep asking me to get used to the Hague? Are we doing a tour later? No, I actually did mean that I was a jelly donut.

I'm terrible at ordering these. I'm so bad. So you might remember Germany as a country in Europe that did a thing that one time. And ever since, they've been somewhat focused on preventing political extremism, including laws against hate speech and xenophobic nationalist parties.

Well, with that in mind, JD Vance visited the site of the Dachau concentration camp, and then he gave a speech in Munich the very next day about the persecution of Christian people. We'll get to the worst parts of that shortly, but I'll start with the least problematic example from JD Vance and that would be a very obvious lie about anti-choice Protesters getting persecuted by which he means told about a new law According to Vance quote the Scottish government alerted citizens with houses in so-called safe access zones alerted citizens with houses in so-called safe access zones, warning them that even private prayer within their homes

may amount to breaking the law. Nope, he's lying. That's not how anything works. Here's what actually happened. Local officials sent letters about the new law, explaining that it bans people from, quote, intentionally and or recklessly harassing people within 200 meters of an abortion clinic.

And yes, sometimes a Christian person's house is within that safe access zone. But in order to break the law with private praying from inside your house, like Vance claimed, your praying would have to be somehow private and also public and also reckless and or intentionally disruptive and harassing. Right. Sorry, I get pretty worked up and start making signs when I'm in the spirit, you see. I guess. Yeah, no, this is the exact same thing as reacting to a law against public nudity by

saying it's illegal to take a shower in my own home. Exactly. And speaking that brings us back to some neo-Nazi stuff. Vance warned about the perils of regulating online hate speech as part of the EU's Digital Services Act. He really doesn't like that act. The act very intelligently places limits on specifically American hate speech and disinformation on European social media. It's kind of like a tariff on one of our chief exports, actually. But JD Vance does not like tariffs, especially if they crack down on propaganda from Germany's far-right AfD party.

AfD has been classified as extremist by German domestic intelligence and me just cuz duh in part for downplaying the atrocities of Hitler and for embracing literal Nazi slogans also a bunch of their members got arrested for multiple treasonous plots to overthrow the democratically elected government so yeah JD Vance had some words of wisdom about that I guess that makes sense he also suggested that any European government that's unfriendly to religious liberty and free speech should not expect American backing on security stuff. Yeah, if you're mean to our terrorists, we won't be mean to yours.

Right. Yeah. Okay. So what's happening here is that Germans aren't allowed to agree with the Trump administration online because that's indistinguishable from Nazi hate speech, right? That's what actually happened. And the Trump regime's strategy with regards to this is to call attention to it. To a speech with the VP. Yeah. So following the AFD friendly speech from Vance, German Chancellor

Olaf Scholz said a commitment to Never Again is not reconcilable with support for the AFD. Makes sense. And Der Spiegel described the speech from Vance as quote, a campaign gift to the AFD. Yep. Well, speaking of campaign gifts to the AFD, the neo-Nazis, they're being heavily supported by Elon Musk right now. He publicly endorsed the AFD and recently told party members that Germany is quote, putting too much of a focus on past guilt. Oh! End quote.

So what do you think? Is it, is it too much guilt? What's the Goldilocks zone there? Okay, I get where you're going for, Elon, but okay, maybe once more. Doesn't have quite the same ring to it as Never Again does. You understand that, right? So, we don't know that he was talking about the Holocaust. He's probably talking about their guilt over Tutberk Forest.

It's probably just a Roman reference. Just Cecil loved that joke, but he loved it. He loved it. Oh, good. Because the Roman. They said the Elbow Patch guys are loving me this. Exactly. Yeah, 100 percent.

I am loving you. Yeah. So just for context, the he's not even wearing a long sleeve shirt. I just stick him on. You're just sewn into his actual elbows. Yeah. So the AFD party is currently polling in second place, terrifyingly, for Germany's upcoming parliamentary elections with about 20% of the voting public. And during Vance's visit, he actually met with the AFD candidate for chancellor, Alice Vadel.

And of course, Elon recently gave Alice Vadel an interview on Twitter, where the leader of the neo-Nazi party gave us the classic argument from UR. According to Vadel, the real Nazis are the tyrants preventing the freedom of speech. Does she mean freedom of hate speech and propaganda by the Nazis? Yes she does. Yes she does. She just didn't say that. She said quote, what Adolf Hitler did, the first thing, he switched off free speech. So he controls the media. Without that he would have never been successful. He did some other shit too, but the speech thing,

that was the main thing. It was mostly about the speech, yeah. Yeah. So during the last few weeks, we've seen a swell of protests across Germany against AFD and against the meddling from Elon Musk, so that's good. But according to JD Vance, it's nothing to worry about. Elon Musk's not gonna do anything.

According to Vance quote Trust me if American democracy survived Greta Thunberg's scolding for the better part of a decade I guarantee you German democracy will survive Elon Musk What the fuck does does he think Greta is German is that he definitely thinks that he probably thinks? The Hague is a building in Germany like Eli does too. It's a city in the Netherlands. So if there's any good news here, it's the fact that neo-Nazis aren't in first place

and don't have like almost three million more voters than their nearest competitor. It's good news for Germany anyway. Yeah. So yeah, that's right. Check your anti-fascist privilege Germany, I said, from America. Fuck. And with that devastating reminder of just where we are right now, we're going to close the headlines there for self-care purposes. Heath,

Eli, thanks as always. To Manji. And when we come back, things won't get better, they'll just get funnier, I guess. Christian Manji. Hey folks, Noah here to tell you that we've now officially joined the Creator Accountability Network. CAN is a non-profit dedicated to reducing harassment and abuse through ethical education and a system of restorative accountability. We join because we care about the safety and well-being of our community members. If you feel our behavior or content has harmed

someone, please report it to CAN, either via the reporting system on their website creatoraccountabilitynetwork.org or via their hotline [phone]. They'll help us make it right and avoid repeating the same mistake in the future. CAN also needs volunteers from our community to help with their process. So if you have skills that you think would be helpful, or time and a desire to help, please visit their website to find out how you can volunteer. Most importantly, get the word out to other creators who you think would be interested in getting credentialed. Help us build safer communities together. And now, back to the show.

Christian idiocy comes in all shapes and sizes, and while our sister show's hot friend God Awful Movies handles all the full-size stuff, there's still plenty of bite sized stuff remaining for God awful minis. So tell us Heath what will we be breaking down today? We watched that little fox. It's the story of God taking away fertility until the end of the semester and maybe you get it back if you behave. Yep. Yep. And Eli, how bad was this mini?

Well, if you love Vultures of Horror, but you wish it had more Deus Ex ice cream mascot, you will love this movie. Yeah, so alright, so we're going to open up on a lovely drone shot of Manchester, England that ate up about 40% of their budget, I think. Oh my God. Every time we had a street shot, I was like, there's a chance Michael Marshall is about to walk into camera. Unrealizing and unaware. I think that's opening shot was that little train station right next to the QED hotel. I so the ability of us to walk into the church that this movie is set in. Oh, no tantamount.

We will have to actively avoid it next time we go to QED. Yep. So, OK, so we're in Manchester, England, and we're going to meet any. Any is a middle aged woman that's very sad about the fact that she doesn't have any kids. Yeah. And she's looking at a guy in a photo who has the swirl background. Like, yeah, like a picture day for grownups, apparently. Yeah, we don't do enough picture days for grownups. I agree. That's true. Yeah. And we see her like spying out the window on other kids playing soccer and she's doing it like

like Lucille Bluth where she's like slowly closing the curtains on her one eye. Yeah, like we're supposed to be getting this is supposed to be them showing us that she really wants kids of her own, but it plays like she wants those ones though, right? Yeah. So then we cut from her to the guy in the photo and he's running down the street, bumping the shit out of his loft. Oh yeah. No, he did not get his deposit back. Tell me you weren't monitoring the sound without telling me you weren't

monitoring the sound. Yeah. But he runs in and he turns to this guy that's next to him and he's like, Hey, did you see a dude with a white hat and a white suit run by here? He was glowing a little bit. But no, the delivery guy has not seen him. Yeah. And I wrote my notes pretty confusing that we couldn't just see him go home and tell her he had a strange encounter. But apparently we need a scene where he's just had the encounter and then he goes. Right, well and then he calls her and he says, I have had a strange encounter, let me go home and tell you about it. Yeah.

And she's like, hey, do you want to add like one more detail? He's gone. He's gone. Okay. Strange encounter. Thanks. Yeah, no, I'll just wait at home for like however long it takes you to get here to wonder what the fuck that was about. I will say this movie specializes in half a sentence in one scene the other half The other right we will often watch actors move between scenes and be like anyway as I was saying You at the tape X's soon So we had home so that he can doodly-doo us back into the encounter that he just had which we also could have just started

There okay, and the way he goes into the doodly-doo us back into the encounter that he just had, which we also could have just started there. Okay, and the way he goes into the doodly-doo, we see it happen. He's like, all right, let me tell you the story. At break time, and then he looks up at the ceiling, and you watch her watch him look up at the ceiling, being like, Terry, are you looking at a flashback on the ceiling?

Is this a doodly-doo? Did you say doodly-doo? So yeah, so he's at break at work. He's sitting at this restaurant when suddenly black Colonel Sanders appears to him. Both Eli and I wrote the words black Colonel Sanders appears to him in our notes independently, if you're wondering how like dead on the comparison is. I mean, how else are you going to describe it?

Yeah. how like dead on the comparison is. I mean, how else are you gonna describe it? Yeah, but Black Colonel Sanders appears and he's like, hey, I'm here to like set you right. You've got a few little foxes that are loose or whatever the fuck that was. Yeah, I looked that up. It's in the Bible somewhere. Little foxes are like low level sins, like the venial ones. So to be clear, the title of this little

movie is that little technicality and it's like a whole thing. And the entire plot is that God is withholding this woman's ability to bear children because of technicalities. Yeah it's like how in the headline segment he said that I didn't know that The Hague was a separate city even though I totally did and I'll hold it against him forever. What country is it in? BAAA. It's not even a big one. Portugal.

So, you nailed the continent, Eli. You nailed the continent. Hey, podcast listener, I am actually on the rest of the episode of just me mumbling small countries under my breath to know I got it. I didn't leave or anything. You won't hear me again, but that's what's happening. Okay, the Netherlands, that's made up. You just made up a country. That's right. But Black Colonel Sanders assures him that he's gonna go see any, that this guy's wife,

sometime in the next three days. But between now and then, there are a couple of Bible verses that he gives him that they should look into right? So then we were out of the flashback We're looking into those Bible verses the first is a psalm that just says be good and God will do good shit Yeah, but it also says like no vanity and no Ribaldry like it's it's the venial sins again. Yeah, right. Yeah Well, and then we get this Malachi verse that includes a the servant should honor his master. Servant is the word that they chose on this particular

translation. So I thought that was a weird one to bring up. Yeah. And as they're doing this, I should point out that Black Colonel Sanders is standing behind them as like a force ghost. Yeah. Black Colonel Sanders will be a force ghost and I'm going to say three out of four of the scenes remaining in the movie and we'll do nothing except sort of look around like a real estate agent trying to make a not nice house seem nice. Well, yeah. So he'll, he'll either sort of nod along with yes, you guys are nailing it or he'll look kind of vaguely disappointed, right? Yeah. Like a, like a grandpa watching you roll the extension

cord the wrong way or something. So they read that and then he's like, let's pray. And so they start to pray, but any takes a phone call in the middle of the prayer. I love this so much. She, she gets on the phone to Julie. She, her phone ring, she answers it and she says, Oh, you know, I can't talk. I'm in the middle of her. She comes back, puts her hands in there. She's like, Amen. Amen. Amen. I was here the whole time. I was really into that one.

Right. And they're praying because they want to like thank God for sending us a weird riddle about low level bullshit. And so they're thanking him for that opportunity. And then she takes a phone call, picks it up and is like I'm doing a fucking prayer I can't deal with this I gotta go back so these these Nigerian British people that's I think who we're seeing in this movie they're somehow giving me Boston Lady and Boston Lady boyfriend vibes for sure I feel it yeah I feel a little bit of it okay so I want to talk about the phone call.

Because it comes up twice in the movie, but it is not one of the little foxes. Apparently not. The little fox we will learn later, right? But it's not this. I thought the movie was setting us up to be like, oh, you don't concentrate enough during prayers. Right. It seems as though they included the two prayer interruptions to go to the phone, one which happens now, one which will happen towards the end of the movie, because like he was complaining about her not, you know, taking phone calls during the prayers and she was like, put it in the movie.

It's fine. So yeah. So he gets mad at her. He's like, Hey, you know, I noticed that you took a fucking phone call in the middle of that prayer. I'm sure God probably noticed too. And she's like, well, it was important call. It was my friend So there I was gonna meet her at five But then you called talking about a fucking strange encounter and I couldn't exactly leave with that hanging

So she storms off to the bedroom he follows we get the first of our and another thing scenes, right? Where he comes in, he's like, Oh, I wasn't done with that conversation. She's like, weird that we would have changed scenes then. Yeah, neither have I. We are still right. We are sentence for sentence in the middle of this conversation. Yeah. But then she checks her blood pressure and the scene ends.

So then we cut to any, and she's just gone shopping with a friend. And we see her loading the groceries into her car. And as she does so, she thanks Jesus for each bag. Yeah. She's like, thank you Lord for this food. And then she's like, thank you Jesus. She switches to Jesus as she puts toilet paper in to the back.

Oh, interesting. I was like, huh, okay. Sure. I wonder what she thinks the Holy Ghost for. Yeah. Yeah. So, but then as she's doing this, Lizzie shows up and Lizzie is a woman that she really doesn't like. Now, I want to point out that it is insanely windy while they're filming this scene of these two women behind the car and everything trying to have this conversation. Both of them having to like steady themselves so as not to blow away. It's like a reporter trying to do a hurricane broadcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, but Lizzie

is trying to be friendly and Eni just could not hate Lizzie more, right? She's not even trying to hide her dislike for this woman. Yeah, and Lizzie bought some prophetic baby items, which is apparently a thing you'd like. Yes. You're not pregnant, but you just like try to get a baby by buying baby stuff ahead of time, prophetically. Is that the idea? So, what I gathered from this,

because they talk about this quite a bit, is that this is you showing faith that God is going to grant you a child, right? Well, I'm so faithful in the Lord that I'm already buying the baby stuff because I know that he's going to bless me. That's what Lizzie is establishing here. And what we're learning, of course,

is that any doesn't have enough faith to do that. Yes. But it also won't be one of the little foxes. No, it sure won't. It sure won't. It's okay. So she goes home to Google menopause so that we know that the clocks are ticking. Yeah!

Her husband comes in. Did he ever get a name? I never caught his name. I didn't know I don't think he got one But although he does have this great moment where he he's supposed to surprise her and he's just like Annie Annie Annie But yeah, so they talk about how much you know She sure wants kids and nothing's working and they need a miracle. And he scolds her for saying doubts out loud to her husband.

Yeah, no, because he's like, well, for all you know, there's an angel force ghosting behind you right now, just over your shoulder. And of course there is, you know, and he's nodding along like you never know. Maybe there is. So then like, I guess it's sometime later, her husband comes in to tell her that he hasn't been faithfully paying his tithes in their entirety. Right. And his first fruits, which was new to me. Apparently you have to tithe, but also give like annual tips called first fruits too.

Oh, Jesus. Yeah. And what's crazy about this scene is that he explains that he's paying their bills and then giving what's left over and then both characters agree that that is not enough because it doesn't meet the percentage that tithing is supposed to be. Right well so I the impression I got is that he was tithing based on what was left over after the bills, not based on his total income. Oh, right. So, yeah, but either way.

God needs you to get a side hustle going. Maybe start up crypto trading or something. God's got Tony D up there. Right, but so, but this message is like, the message right now is, hey, maybe your infertility is because your husband isn't giving enough money to the church. Maybe that's the problem. Huh? Have you thought of that? But just then, as they're having this conversation, a package arrives at their door and we watch what we and Black Colonel Sanders watch her unbox

it for like a minute and a half. Sorry, is that confusing when Noah said package? It's a parcel or an item of some sort? And we hear that announced. She walks in with the box and she's like, it's a package or a parcel. It's like, okay, let's watch her open it now very slowly. Does the rest of the sores? Yeah, right, yeah.

So yeah, it's also, they go too early on this because she opens up the outer box and it's an inner box and the husband says, it's so beautiful. We haven't seen it yet. It's a fucking shoe box. It's just we're looking at a shoe box, man. So far. And then she opens it and it's a mug. And I think it's like a 50th birthday mug.

So I guess that was supposed to be her birthday and their anniversary. I don't fucking know. But she's like, oh, this is a great fucking mug. So I guess that was supposed to be her birthday and their anniversary. I don't fucking know. But she's like, Oh, this is a great fucking mug. Go me. There's a card in it. So they read the card and damn it if it's not from Lizzie. Yeah. And I can't begin to describe how long it takes them to finally get to this mug. It is literally a mug in a box in a box in a box. It is. And there's tissue around it that they have to take out. Yeah, it's fucking incredible. It's amazing that nobody thought to just cut all of that and like look at their faces for a second. No, we get to watch the whole goddamn unboxing.

Hey, can you get the knife that we use just for opening boxes? I think it's in the drawer. Don't use my fabric scissors. Yeah, exactly. But this is where we're going to find out what the beef is with Lizzie. Yeah, which is that Lizzie lied about her and cost her an employment reference 15 years ago. Well, it cost her her job, got her fired, and then she couldn't get an employment reference afterwards.

Yeah. So which, hey, you know what? You're allowed to hate that person, I think. Yeah. Lizzie lied somehow and got any fired. Like, that's a big thing. But the husband is like, babe, this is perfect for the ghost riddle, right? This is probably a little fox or something, right? Yeah. Right. Yeah. Again, now the message is maybe your infertility is because you're

still mad at somebody who deserves your anger. So she's like, no, fuck Lizzie. And she throws the mug in the trash can. Hey, do you think the grudge with Lizzie is blocking your fallopian tubes? Do you think that might be what a god, an all loving god would do? Yeah, I think it might be. It might be. So then we cut to them in bed. It's the next morning. And we've we've talked a couple of times in the movie so far about this miracle service that they're supposed to have on Sunday.

Right. Like, so this is a special type of service they have at their church where people ask for and receive miracles. And she's so excited that by 4am she's already getting up, waking up and getting ready for this big service. Like a kid on Christmas morning. Yeah, he isn't though, and is very angry. He's asleep. Yeah. He's he's snoring with an accent, though. Like and they're like, it's like they're daring me to make fun of it.

But he's definitely there was something going on. It's it's there. OK, tiny detail. We also see his phone for a second. Yes. And he has a photo of just also see his phone for a second. Yes. And he has a photo of just himself as his phone background. Yes! Yeah, this is what I assumed before Ann Heath had as his background.

I don't like pictures of him. I don't even have pictures of me. You don't have a phone. It's just a picture of himself covering up part of the time. But then he tries to go back to bed. So she plays loud worship music and makes him wake up. So, OK, so then we're going to cut to the church. It's 8 a.m. Now, again, like the weather got him again, like it did with the windy bullshit at the grocery store.

It's super foggy. So it looks like a church in a horror movie. But they just, you know, it's just whatever the weather was that morning. That's what they were going with. So it's not what they were like. They're not trying to make their church look creepy. They just couldn't help it. It's just an establishing shot that's still in England. Cool.

Got it. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Right. So so they were at the church and they're getting ready for the big service. This woman that we haven't met named Sophie comes into vacuum up. And damn it, if Black Colonel Sanders isn't sitting in the front row. He explains to her that all her prayers are going to be answered and she's going to meet the husband that she wants and that she's going to have a couple of twins nine months after they get married. So there won't be any funny stuff beforehand.

Don't worry. And her immediate reaction to this very obvious angel visitation is to be like fuck there's a guy in here she runs it immediately she gets it like there's an intruder it's so funny it's the funniest reaction to have to what is very clearly an angel god visitation she just pulls out a gun and shoots him yes exactly yeah you beat me to it it's exactly right she might as well shoot God in the face. So, yeah, so she goes, she screams and runs to the pastor, him and his wife figure out it must be a visitation from God. I was about to write like, man, it feels like these people would be really easy to fool. But then I remembered Earth and America. Yeah. Speaking of which, we're about to

watch a jam packed full church. Yep. That's exactly what we cut to as I'm writing that it's 10 a.m. It's time for the church service. And he sits towards the back. They make a big deal out of that. She's trying to be humble, I guess. Yeah. And we watch like four or five minutes of just scooching shots to a. Yeah, it's a lot of people. There is no more disjointed and jarring contrast than the Easter best everyone is wearing in

this church and the motel chairs they are forced to sit in. It's weird. It's like if we made everyone wear tuxes to the Vegas live show. So yeah, so like this woman comes out and she's praising God and she starts speaking in tongues and I'm like, well, that's unpleasant. And then she starts singing praising God and she starts speaking in tongues. And I'm like, well, that's unpleasant. And then she starts singing and I'm like, speaking tongues. This song goes on so long.

I had it on two times speed by the end of it and it was still so slow. Yeah. And she's a pretty good singer voice wise, but the lyrics are so stupid. It sounds like, it sounds like somebody forgot to give God a Valentine on Valentine's Day and they're making it up on the spot. It feels like someone is pitching a Christian song in the writers room. Yes okay yeah. Love to God you know like God and love, something like that. Yeah. And it goes on for like four fucking minutes. That was a two time speed, eight fucking minutes.

Yeah. And also at one point during this song, we cut to like one lady just laying stomach first on the ground like she's doing an airplane or something. Yeah, and nobody acknowledges her. We just see her rolling around and everybody else is just like, all right, no, she's doing that again. It felt like it was like the lady who tries to get recognized for having the Holy Spirit and it never works. She keeps trying every week. But eventually the song ends and it gives way to the sermon. And we get this pastor who is he's going to like, he'll say a sentence and then he'll

speak in tongues for a sentence. And then he'll say a sentence and they'll speak in time. And it occurred to me what a brilliant grip that is, right? Because your job is to talk. That's your whole thing. Imagine how much easier our job would be if half of your shit just was flumming a humming a humming a snap in a slam in a flamma, you know, that's so much easier than writing stuff and coming up with new shit.

Oh, so jealous. But yeah, and we also we get pastors I view here as he's doing a sermon and he can see a bunch of little force ghost angels wandering through, like giving out blessings to everybody. Okay. Yep. And the angels are wearing very large sheets as their costume and the sheets are just way too big for these people and they clearly can't see anything so they're like bumping

around as best they can. They look like a kid dressed up in dad's way too big suit But dad is in the clan in this case. It doesn't look right. Yeah No, they're dressed like the guys that water the trees in Dune. What are we going for here? It's so fun and they run out of angel business so quickly My favorite shot in this short film is a bored angel just wandering past the camera at one point. It is fabulous. Yeah, well and the pastor the whole time, he's basically doing, I'm getting an M or

an N, you know, he's doing that shit. He's like, you over there, the Lord has given you the prayer that you've asked for. And the guy's like, great, hooray. Yeah, you Felix, you get a promotion from the angels. It's so the first one was so vague. It was just like, you get a thing you want. And everybody's like, holy shit, he's getting a message from God. And then we see any for a second. And she's so mad that she didn't get the

thing that she wants from God from the very first announcement. And she's she's shaking like, I need to get chosen for prices right. I need to get chosen for prices. Yeah, right. Right. Well, and then so we go to the lady that's airplaneing, the one who's like rolling around like my cat's in heat or whatever. And the pastor says, oh, I see you too. And you're on fire with the Holy Spirit. And we see like her with CGI fire all over her. I guess that's like pastor's eye view. Hell yeah, it wouldn't be Nollywood without some CGI fire, baby. Yeah, and then and then he goes and there's a woman here and then he's like, oh, that's me. It's me.

I'm a woman and I'm here. And he goes, Oh, and the spirit said that he would visit you within three days if you fixed your little foxes. But you didn't so you don't get your shit. Sorry, boo. Sucks to sock. Okay, I just want to mention a couple other of the pastor promises that we get. Sure. At one point he's like, this is not a moment to be distracted. And then he looks out at some guy and there's a floating hologram of a soccer game

that's happening. There sure is. So is the idea that that guy was like being distracted by he was thinking about a soccer game? I believe that is what was supposed to be happening. Oh, interesting. Or God grants soccer wishes in the UK and I was like, okay that would make some sense. For recruitment purposes. Right. And then the pastor says, hey,

Felix, I just saw an angel who said, God is giving you a big promotion at work. And Felix is obviously excited. But I wanted Felix's boss to be there. Just be like, Hey, faster, just maybe check back with that. Sure. That's what I said. I'd love for the angel to just look over the comments we've gotten from HR over the last few days. Sure. It wasn't just like a title change. But yeah, so he gives out a bunch of blessings and he doesn't get hers. So they go home, we come back to the house where any storms in like God just sent her to her room.

She flops so hard it rocks the camera on a tricycle. She says flounce out loud. Yeah, the word flounce is pronounced. And then she looks outside where her kids aren't. She remembers all the scenes from earlier in the movie. And then she realizes that the problem is just that she hasn't forgiven Lizzie for lying and getting her fired. Right. It's so, so like she might as well see little foxes outside, let them in and they like go

over to the garbage can and they're like, take the mug back out of the. So she takes the mug out. I wanted there to be like barbecue sauce all over it or something like that. But now she does. She gets the. A lot of coffee grinds. I thought you can't read that phone number before we put it in the bag.

Damn it. So, yeah. So but she gets the card out and she calls Lizzie and she's she's holding the phone way too close to her mic for a minute. It's great. But she tells Lizzie and she's she's holding the phone way too close to her mic for a minute. It's great. But she tells Lizzie that she forgives her and then she's like, give me your text me your address. I'll come over and we'll chat.

And and the end, presumably, I guess she had a kid later. I don't know. The motherfucking. Solved the God rule. I wanted her to immediately vomit and be like yes Cecil starts screaming from off-camera yeah No And well and then when it closes off it goes of course it comes up and it says special Thanks to Almighty God for making this film a reality and I'm like I cut to God going like hey could you credit Alan Smithy? with two E's

No, All right. All right. Well, I guess that's with with the blame for this movie thus assigned. I suppose we could wrap it up there. Heath, Eli, thanks again. Before we signal the getaway driver, and I want to remind everybody to check our wacky shenanigans on D&D minus. I don't always list it with the other shows at the end here because I don't always remember what day it comes out. But of all our podcasts, that's the one where we fight the most dragons. So be sure to check it out on the show notes. Anyway, that's all

the blasphemy we've got for you tonight. But we'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show The Skeptical Guide debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Monday and even new episode of our sister show. Hot friend God of a movie is debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Tuesday and even new episode of our sister shows hot friend got off a movie to being a seven years on Tuesday and even new episode of our half sister show citation needed debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously I can't shut the fuck up until I think Heath Henry for being a badass and Eli Bosnia for

having a badass. I need to thank the lovely and talented Lucinda illusions who will be back to fighting misogyny here again soon. I need to thank dad prime for providing this week's Farnsworth quote. He's from one dozen dads. It's the opposite of 1 million moms and always including being honest about the number. But most of all, of course I want to thank this week's Farnsworth quote. He's from one dozen dads. It's the opposite of one million moms in all ways, including being honest about the number. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this

week's and last week's best people. Alex, Helen, Brian, I Aim to Misbehave, Melody, Drew, and Norma, Sam, Cassandra, Brian, and Dinah. Alex, Helen, Brian, and Misbehavior, who despite representing such a small percentage of the population, contain the majority of its IQ points. Melody, Drew, Norma and Sam whose auras are so advanced they have colors only birds can see and Cassandra, Brian and Dinah who have so much tenacity it was upgraded to elevenacity. Together these eleven infinitely intelligent infidels indulged our institution of insults this week by giving us money. Not everybody has the money it takes to do that but if you do you can make a per episode donation to patreon.com sk Scathing Atheist, whereby you'll have access to an extended ad-free version of every episode. Or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button

on the right side of the homepage at scathingadius.com. And if you'd like to help, but you can't afford to have less money, you can also help a ton by leaving a five-star review, telling a friend about the show, and following us on social media. And speaking of social media, Tim Robertson handles that for us and our audio engineer is Morton Clark, who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at scathingads.com. How did anyone wind up Christian guys? That's funny.

Seriously. Like, what would it have to look like for them to go, hold on a second. Yeah. This content is canned credentialed, which means you can report instances of harassment, abuse or other harm at their hotline at 617-249-4255 or on their website at creatoraccountabilitynetwork.org. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and the Thunderstorm LLC, copyright 2025, all rights reserved.