The Scathing Atheist - 637: Saul Good Edition

Episode Date: May 15, 2025

In this week’s episode, our surgeon gets a lot more general, Celine Dion's heart will go QAnon, and we’ll get started with all new papal nicknames. --- To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click here: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/ If you see a news story you think we might be interested in, you can send it here: [e-mail] To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ Report instances of harassment or abuse connected to this show to the Creator Accountability Network here: https://creatoraccountabilitynetwork.org/ --- Headlines: Vatican goes with a white guy again: https://www.nytimes.com/2025/05/08/world/europe/who-is-robert-francis-prevost-pope-leo-xiv.html and https://www.cnn.com/2025/05/09/world/sexual-abuse-mishandling-allegations-pope-leo-xiv Catholic Bishops Defy New US State Law To Report Child Abuse: https://www.newsweek.com/catholic-bishops-defy-new-us-state-law-report-child-abuse-2070038 Trump nominates pseudoscience NOT A DOCTOR to be surgeon general:  https://ground.news/article/everything-trumps-surgeon-general-nominee-casey-means-said-about-vaccines https://www.nytimes.com/2025/05/07/science/casey-means-trump-surgeon-general.html https://www.wonkette.com/p/what-nonsense-does-trumps-wellness Jim Bakker claims he needs a million bucks to stave off homelessness: https://www.yahoo.com/news/televangelist-jim-bakker-says-needs-044513388.html Kentucky police agencies paid for proselytizing canine training at Ark Encounter: https://www.courier-journal.com/story/news/investigations/2025/05/12/ark-encounter-kentucky-holds-canine-training-for-police-with-sermons/83331517007/ Celine Dion might be a baby-eating illuminati demon queen: https://www.wonkette.com/p/is-celine-dion-a-baby-eating-illuminati

Warning, the following podcast contains profanity, like we were getting paid by the expletive. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by Mint Mobile, and by the new temporal scrubbing wires for cleaning up past online comments, Pope Cleaners. Pope Cleaners. Because the internet being forever complicates the shit out of the infallibility thing. And now, The Scathing Atheist. I'm Dr. Andrew Shale. I co-organise Newcastle Skeptics in the pub, and I write academic film history, from the

1890s to Back to the Future. And having heard Noah, Heath and Eli call the American graffiti clothes, either the Breakfast Club clothes or the Animal House clothes on GAM over 400 times now, I'm beginning to suspect that we might have evolved from Filthy Monkey Man. And it's Thursday. It's May 15th. And it's National Stationary Week. Trapper keeper activate. Fuck yeah.

So excited. I'm no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnik. I'm Heathen Wright. And from George Clinton's New Jersey, Ann Arbor, Michigan and Waycross, Georgia, this is the Skating Atheist. Oh, this week's episode, our surgeon gets a lot more general. Celine Dion's heart will go Q-non. And we'll get started with all new papal nicknames. But first, the diatribe.

Guys, I really feel like we need to see what Lex Luthor is going to do as the new head of the Legion of Doom before we denounce him. Sure, Gorilla Grodd was bad, but we don't need to condemn the new guy just because the last guy tried to forcibly transmogrify the human race into a less intelligent life form. Yes, the whole reason the Legion of Doom exists is the enslavement of humanity, but given his philanthropic track record at LexCore, it's entirely reasonable to assume that he's going to enslave us far more gently than the Legion otherwise might have. So yeah, that's my whole fucking inbox. I was bold enough to throw out a few predictions for this new pope in the immediate aftermath

of his ascension. I guessed, for example, that he wouldn't return all the Nazi gold they were still hoarding to the descendants of the people it was stolen from. I guessed that he wouldn't sell off any of their massive land holdings to pay the child rape victims their diocese stiff by hiding money in their cemetery maintenance funds or to pay reparations to the first nations communities that they brutalized with their residential schools. I guess he wouldn't allow the third party investigators

to publish the findings of their audits of the church's handling of the child rape coverups. I guess he wouldn't push for women to be in leadership roles or he wouldn't endorse the use of condoms or support same sex marriage or admit God with some bullshit they made up to keep the peasants Acquiescent but for a lot of people apparently that was too much

Well, it only had the job for an hour and a half after all I was basing my assertions on nothing But the actions of the last 266 popes the nature of the institution his remit and his past history. It wasn't fair For all we know he could still be the greatest liberal reformer in the history of the Vatican. But here's the thing, though. The greatest liberal reformer in the history of the Vatican would still be a bad fucking person. I mean, you know, I guess there was a time when the depth of human knowledge was too shallow to rule out the Church's assertions, but in a time when so much of their doctrine and virtually all

of their holy book is directly refutable, it's simply unethical to perpetuate those lies. And I guess there was a time when the depth of the Catholic Church's inhumanities weren't as widely known and there was no clear evidence that there was a less cruel alternative that you could use to build the ethical foundation of a society. but in a time of the internet, the Boston Globe, and secular governments that, for all their faults, generally avoid multi-generational child rape cover-up scandals, there's nowhere for Leo's apologists to hide in there either. So short of just coming out in his first speech and saying, fire sale, money to be distributed

among our historical victims, I feel like he's falling short of his ethical obligations. I mean, even if you accept that one can be both moral and a Catholic priest, which is, to be fair, is reasonable, right? Like, you know, maybe a dude who grew up in some overwhelmingly Catholic area and mostly only ever saw the church as a means of helping the impoverished, they might go into the priesthood with the best of intentions, then learn about all the child rape stuff and all this other shit And be like well, hey, I'm just keeping my head down and feeding the poor over here Right. I like I feel like maybe there's an ethical road that gets you there, but those ethical people ain't in a fucking leadership

Right. I mean think about the kind of office politics that you deal with at your job. I worked at a fucking gas station once that had nine total employees and still motherfuckers were backstabbing and forming factions when an assistant manager position was coming open. Imagine that shit multiplied by infallibility, historical immortality, and a Scrooge McDuck vault at the end of the fucking road.

I feel like the meek and humble don't make it to the conclave. But maybe you wanna be even more generous, right? Maybe you imagine that this meek and humble priest who got into it for the right reasons saw what the church had become and realized that the only way to reform it was from the inside, right? So he plays politics to the best of his ability with the hopes that one day he can rise to the top and make a real difference.

And yes, maybe he had to compromise his principles a little bit along the way, right? But only in ways that are really justifiable if he can achieve his ultimate aims. But there's a problem with that excuse too. It's universally applicable. You could equally use that to justify membership in literally any organization. Sure, the Ku Klux Klan is a bad organization, but he only joined it in hopes of reaching grand dragon status and dialing back on the racism. Sure, he was still on board with all the anti-Semitism, but he only joined it in hopes of reaching grand dragon status and dialing back on the racism. Sure, he was still on board with all the anti-semitism, but he wanted to make positive liberal reforms on some of the worst stuff the organization does.

What I'm saying is it doesn't matter how much more humanely you want to harvest the fucking adrenochrome, joining the Illuminati is not justified. And a lot of people are coming to this guy's defense on the specifics too, and we'll talk a little bit more about the guy himself in the lead story, but the main defense he's getting online is that he's talked some shit on social media about Trump and his inhumane rhetoric towards immigrants. And I'm sorry, but if ethical enough to condemn Trump is where the bar of morality is sunk to, we're fucking doomed.

Just because more than half of the American electorate can't get this question right doesn't mean it's a hard question. It took our dumbasses 20 years to realize Adam Sandler wasn't funny. It is not too early to say that this pope is a bad person. He's the fucking pope. He sells lies for a living.

The fact that those lies are harmful and oppressive certainly makes it worse, but the fact that they were lies was enough to make it immoral. Joining me for headlines tonight are the pork and beans of this BBQ Heathann right in the Eli Bosnick. Fellas, are you ready to hit the gas? Okay, the other white meat, but less healthy. Fair.

Fair. That tracks. At this point, I don't know that I even count as cage free. Yeah, that's the best kind of beans. And before we get going, I want to remind everybody once again that may as matri on here at Puzzle and the Thunderstorm LLC, that means exactly that we beg you for money extra hard and remind you that genuinely the only reason we're able to bring you this show every week is because of the support of our patrons. Patrons get early access to an ad-free version of the show, bonus stuff every week, and the

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Are you trying to time travel again? Because I explained that the problem the last time was not lubrication. And we told you it couldn't hurt. But no, this is getting our summer bods ready. Oh, so you guys are like working out and stuff? Nope. These are our savings bods thanks to Mint Mobile. What's Mint Mobile? This spring and summer, we want skimpy wireless bills and fat wallets.

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See told you it was a lubrication thing. Yeah, no, you did. You did tell me that. And now back to the headlines. In our lead story tonight, the Vatican went with another white guy. And yeah, I mean, when I heard that they'd chosen an American, I had a brief glimmer of hope that our own Eli Bosnic finally made the cut, but no, it went with a fucking Catholic again, which seems wildly anti-Semitic to me.

Thank you. But okay, specifically when the Sistine Chapel's papal bong hit announced the conclave's conclusion, 69-year-old Chicago native Robert Francis Prevost was elevated to Pope-dom. And I've got to be honest, I never understood the tradition of changing one's name upon ascending to the papacy until I realized the alternative might be Pope Bob. Could have been Pope Bob, yeah. Okay, if SNL doesn't bring back De Baer's and ask the Pope Ditka versus God, round the golf who wins,

I'm going to be so fucking disappointed. God by a stroke, nobody's perfect is too perfect. Right? It's right there. It's right there. Word for word. Now, obviously, Prievos wasn't our favorite. We here at Puzzle and the Thunderstorm,

through our endorsement behind Cardinal Peter Batista Pizzaballa early on, strictly for joke writing purposes. I don't know anything about the dude. Of course, given the renaming tradition that I just talked about, there was at least some chance That pre-vost was gonna go with Pope Pizzaballa the first right that was he was allowed to do that But that hope was quickly dashed when he announced that he was gonna go with fucking Leo Move a pope name so uncreative that 13 popes beat him to it Pope deep dish pizza ball

Yeah, it's right right there 13 popes beat him to it. Pope deep dish pizza balla. Yes. It's right there. Right there. So good. So easy. Honestly, after a decade of mumbling at my computer screen, Pope Francis Boomba? No, we must have done that one.

Leo feels like a welcome opportunity, is what I'm saying. I'm excited. I'm pumped. New energy. Now, of course, as I said in the diatribe, regardless of who's in charge of the Legion of Doom It's still the fucking Legion of Doom It is impossible to be a a morally upstanding person and be a Catholic priest through the first decade of this century

Anybody who failed to quit and protest to the depth of the child rape cover-up and the continued refusal to allow for a third-party Investigation to publish its findings is a bad person by definition that being said, there are still better and worse heads of the Legion of Doom, and from what we see in Prevost history, it looks like we at least avoided a worse, right? There's a substantial contingent within the Vatican that wants to roll back all the liberal reforms of Pope Francis. They did not get their guy. Yeah, I mean, this guy sucks too, but at least we're getting two popes in a row

who told JD Vance to go fuck himself. Right. Two in a row. Yeah. I actually asked Pope Deepdish about Vance. He said, tell that guy to stop ranking the races in concentric circles again, just to remind him. Also tell him he has to stay 500 feet away from me at all times, that's the law now.

JD is like, it's fine. I actually need an imam and a rabbi for the next two gems in my infinity goblin anyway. So, it doesn't show you. I love the new JD Vance voice. Yeah, right. That's pretty good. But again, less evil is still evil. As recently as 2012, then Cardinal Preievos decried Western media's, quote, sympathy for beliefs and practices that are at odds with the gospel, end quote. Huh!

Yeah, and just in case you thought he was talking about mixed fabrics and shellfish, he specifically cited a, quote, homosexual lifestyle, end quote. Baaaaaah! Yeah, and oh, here it is again, end quote, alternative families comprised of same-sex partners and their adopted children, end quote. So there's already reason to believe he's significantly less progressive on the issue of gay rights

than the guy who couldn't stop using the F slur in public meetings. Yeah, I feel like the Conclave was just trying to get a private jet from Qatar by the way. Right? Right, yeah. Sitting around the table, we've been doing racist out of touch old guy for hundreds of years and nothing.

And nothing. And unsurprisingly, Prevost is also elbow deep in covering up child sex abuse. Phrasing. Yep, sorry, I heard it. But according to the Survivors Network of those abused by priests or SNAP, Prevost mishandled two situations,

one as recently as 2022, involving priests accused of sexual abuse. This includes letting a priest accused of at least 13 cases of sexual abuse live right next to an elementary school without even notifying the fucking school. And the more recent one was from Peru just a couple of years ago, where three women came to him to tell him that two priests in his diocese had sexually abused them when they were kids. Later they would file a civil complaint when Prevost failed to do literally anything about

it. Hey, I thought you guys were going to say he did something terrible like putting ketchup on a hot dog. I'm from Chicago, that's my thing. Then crust pizza? No, thank you. I'm the Pope. So yeah, it remains to be seen what he's going to do with the power, but we'll be keeping

a close and suspicious eye on Pope Leo Patra for you in the meantime. Feels good, right? No, it does. It does. Kick it off. I'm going with an easy one and everything. Rash. And in Groza Parks news, when we think of the great civil rights activists throughout history, Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King, me, they all have one thing in common. They put the public good above their own personal comfort and even safety. And this week we learned of a group

who will absolutely not be joining those ranks as several Catholic bishops in Washington state announced that they will be bravely and at great personal risk Continuing to cover up child abuse despite a new law that requires them not to I am Spartacus wait he did what? Whatever it's fine. Yeah, okay, right, right, but you know But I'm sure it's just a sanctity of the confessional that's motivating all these priests to minimize the number of ways that child rapists can be caught. I'm sure it's just that. Yeah, obviously So first off big thanks to Stormy the Prospector D Who sent us this story and it's two increasingly bad shit follow-ups to scathingnewsatgmail.com During matri on anyone who sends us atheist news to scathingnewsatgmail.com

During matron, anyone who sends us atheist news to scathingnews at gmail.com earns second place in our hearts right next to those who give us money and Stormy does both. So they're currently standing next to themselves in a clone-cest fanfic we'd absolutely reblog on Tumblr. Scathingnews at gmail.com. Just because you want it for yourself doesn't mean it's a gift to give to other people, Eli. It's very true. You've told me that a lot. I've gotten that feedback. So as our regular listeners know, we've been following this story for a while.

Washington State recently passed a law requiring clergy to report child sexual abuse, even when it's revealed during the Sacrament of Confession. This was met with, unsurprisingly, extreme resistance from the Catholic Church. Opponents of the bill compared it to banning Jewish employees from bringing kosher lunches to work, or Muslim employees from wearing head scarves, except neither of those things is raping a child. Crucial difference. And, I gotta say this, if they were were those things should also absolutely be banned Yes, you're saying I can fuck my BLT in the break room, but not a connish

Yeah, no if you want this analogy to work It would be like a workplace banning Jewish employees from using kosher meals to cover up child rape. Yeah, exactly Now opponents of the bill have pointed out that if a priest actually followed this law, he'd be excommunicated To which I would say um Good mm-hmm. If your religion has a covering up child rape or your outclaws You should be leaving it not waiting to get kicked out right? Yeah No, I'm putting out that your religion requires you to cover up child sex abuse That's our job. That's not your defense

Yeah, so the law passed Trump's DOJ promised they'd be looking into the Anti-catholic bias extra super close this pending lawsuit about it And it seemed for a moment like the tantrum over not getting to do evil anymore was gonna sort of wind itself down Like the tantrum over not getting to do evil anymore was gonna sort of wind itself down That is until this week when a group of Catholic leaders announced they would officially engage in Civil disobedience when the law goes into effect on July 27th at which point no one sadly asked them Hey, are you saying that you're actively covering up child rape right now and you're planning to keep doing it illegally in July? So is that a BLT, man?

Yeah. No, again, to be clear, what's happening here is Larry's promising not to tell anybody about the child rape Mortimer confessed to him if Mortimer doesn't tell anybody about the child rape that Larry confessed to him. That's the moral stand that they're taking here. Yeah. Do you guys hear the people sing? I think...

I don't actually. It's crazy. Civil disobedience is kicking in. I do not feel like building a barricade. So yeah, as of right now, the law is still happening and priests who cover up child rape, they can go to jail. Nice. Now there are people publicly announcing that they'll be breaking this law on principle and that is also fine. I'm actually not really interested in your deep philosophical reasons for covering up

child rape. As long as you end up in jail, I think it's a net good. There you go. And in quacks to grind news, I'm not a doctor, but I feel like the Surgeon General should be a doctor. Yes. Yep. Right there in the name. Yeah, no, it says it.

Well, apparently I can go fuck myself because Donald Trump nominated not a doctor, Casey Means, for that position. She's an influencer. We're colleagues and this is unacceptable. Yeah, it's not great. Casey Means is a wellness guru who writes books about preventing cancer with Riz and Vibes mostly and sells fake medical sounding products that might complement your Vibes therapy.

And of course, she's friends with R.F.K. Jr., the whale chainsaw guy who's the secretary of Health and Human Services. And so is Casey's brother, Callie, who already works for Secretary Whale Chainsaw. When asked about Casey's nomination, Donald Trump said, I don't know her. I listened to Bobby. Yeah. I listened to the, you know, the sewage diver with the brain worm. I listened to that guy about health. Yep. So the president of the United States doesn't know the nominee to be surgeon general, but here's what we know.

She graduated from Stanford Medical School. So that's impressive. She did have a medical license in Oregon, but it's no longer active. And crucially, she was practicing functional medicine using that license, also known as not medicine. Functional medicine, it's a bunch of pseudoscience nonsense, but they made up new words that sound sciency. For example, practitioners might incorporate

the ideas of homeopathy, but they would call it bio-infusion. Oh, snow crash. Swirl a random test tube when they explain it to you. Oh yeah, no, yeah. You know what, I'm gonna just go ahead and be suspicious of any product that feels the need to throw functional

in front of their thing. It's like a car dealership offering free breaks with every purchase. It's like, well, I wasn't going to, I didn't think you wouldn't until you said you would. You know what's functional? Medicine. Medicine is already functional. You just added a word, it's nonsense.

All right, well, here's the wellness guru origin story. According to Not A Doctor Means, she was about four and a half years into a five-year program to become a surgeon, but then she realized that medicine-based medicine is a hoax and she saw the light. Or if you ask the department chair of the program at the time, Casey found

surgical work to be too stressful and had to quit. I guess she wasn't cut out for surgery. And okay, that's fine. That's fine. But then she invented an epiphany as she flounced out the door and she got into functional medicine. Like having the epiphany that I wanted to go to my room. It's nonsense. Well, I don't think, what you're failing to understand, Heath, is that those grapes probably were sour. Yeah. Yeah, I actually wanted to be a podcaster.

The Book of Mormon barely won nine times, guys. I'm doing way better. All right, so according to The Guardian, here's how Casey Means describes herself in what appears to be a LinkedIn bio and a Tinder bio at the same time, big red flags either way. Quote, medical doctor. Asterisk.

Asterisk indeed. New York Times bestselling author, tech entrepreneur, aspiring regenerative gardener. Aspiring? I don't, yeah. So like, you're not there yet, but you hope to be one day. So far it's just dirt, but you know. Gardening regeneratively, and outdoor enthusiast

who lives in a state of awe for the miracle and mystery of existence and consciousness. End quote. I like that she's more cautious about claiming the title of regenerative gardener than she is medical doctor. That's good. Doesn't want to over promise. Yeah, well, the bestselling author thing was actually true. Casey and her brother, Callie,

co-authored a book last year called Good Energy, the surprising connection between metabolism and limitless health. Yeah, spoiler, the surprise is that there's no connection between anything and limitless health. Right, except the gem of life. But that cave sunk back into the desert after J. Lo defeated its guardian in 1992. So Andy, here's a few more details I learned while reading about Casey Means, way more than the president of the United States did before nominating her. She claims that everyone should be wearing a glucose monitor like you might wear if you're

diabetic. And she just happens to have those for sale. She's a tech entrepreneur. Don't forget her company called Levels will happily sell everyone a glucose monitor. And then all you got to do is buy a subscription to their app if you want to use that monitor. She says it's all about empowerment. Right, she just didn't say who's empowerment. Yeah.

It was about empowerment of that company. Great. Me. Another bad sign, she went on Tucker Carlson's show and described it, she went on Tucker Carlson's show. There you go. It was a bad sign by itself. Yeah, we got it.

You're all good. Working too hard. And then she described the effect of birth control pills as a quote, disrespect of life because she thinks the pill interferes with like uterus magic. She seems to be pro-choice overall, I think, but it wasn't a good sign.

And speaking of more red flags, during that same interview, she described her intellectual origins by saying, I read sacred texts and the Bible and Rumi and Ayn Rand as a young adult. And the family would talk about those. Circle the one that doesn't belong. I know. It's crazy. Crazy list. And apparently the family would talk about those works at the dinner table. Tucker responded to that by saying, I honestly think you're

going to change the world. Well, in that the side of the cigarette pack will now warn about fluoride and befouled chakras. But yeah, I'm just picturing roomie hearing that list and being like, how the fuck did I end up I'd screw those guys. I'm a rand really really and of course we have some raw milk information here too the nominee for Surgeon General is a chunky milk enthusiast to some extent she thinks drinking raw milk is cool if you meet the farmer and the cow oh she said quote I want to be free to form a relationship with a local farmer.

Okay, weird out of context. Understand his integrity, look him in the eyes, pet his cow, and then decide if I feel safe to drink the milk from his farm. Based on the look in his eyes? It's a crazy idea. To be fair, Listeria will cloud your pupils eventually. Maybe it's useful. That's one way to tell.

Yeah. Well, just so many reasons to be angry about this. The graphically violent murder of truth is a big one. But for me, the most viscerally infuriating part is that I'm currently aligned with a bunch of terrible people about Casey Means being unqualified. And that includes 9-11 truther Laura Loomer. Somehow, she's also a Trump advisor, kind of unofficially, who gets people fired and then says, LUMERED.

You can't make me agree with Laura Loomer. That's a fucked up thing to do. That being said, let's hope Casey Means gets LUMERED! You can't make me agree with Laura Loomer. That's a fucked up thing to do. That being said, let's hope Casey Means gets LUMERED for real. Just like Trump's previous pick got LUMERED. I can't believe the words I'm saying, but I want Casey Means to get LUMERED. And speaking of Heath coming to grips with what his job has forced him to become, it's time to take a quick break to tell you a little bit more about Matreon. Matreon!

Hey podcast listener, as you know by now bit more about Matreon. Matreon. Hey podcast listener, as you know by now, it's Matreon. The time of year where we beg extra hard for your money. Harder even than we usually do. That's right. And while we know keeping us alive and our shows going is enough for most of you, we're definitely not above offering you a good old fashioned bribe.

Damn straight. See, not only do our patrons get access to our patron only pajama party live stream, but depending on how many new and upgrading patrons we get, you can add all sorts of content to the live stream and to the shows. That's right, Noah. Did you know that a weekly podcast was a scathing fundraiser goal? That God of movies was a fundraiser goal. Even D and D minus was a Matrion goal. And this year we've got some great ones.

Like fake Chick Tracts, a DC live show, and a Secular-tacular. That's right. A month of Secular God-awful Movies episodes that Heath has been long waiting for. Sectacular! There's a ton more goals to hit and only a few more weeks to hit them.

So make sure you pledge or boost your pledge on any of our patreon pages and follow along at matri on comm that's Mayt r e o n dot com matri on money for us Secular movies for you if we hit the goal the goal And we're back next up in headlines in buckets for Baker news tonight And we're back next up in headlines in buckets for Baker News tonight. Televangelist, X-Con and colloidal silver surfer Jim Baker took to the Airwaves last week to let his viewers know that if they don't donate a million dollars to him within the next week he'll wind up penniless and homeless. Oh no way. Yeah quote, if everyone that watches this program gives $1,000 we'll be able to pay

our bills and stay on the air. Otherwise, we've got another maybe a month." So don't tell me I only ever bring you bad news. Exactly. Yeah. Okay. So first of all, Jimmy Buckets, congrats on those thousand listeners you have. Yeah, right. But it's going to be tough. I don't know, maybe talk to 1 million moms. You'll only need a dollar from each one if their number is accurate. Honestly, given the way our timeline is going when I heard that Jim Baker was in our headlines this week, I'm just relieved he's not the new pope.

Sure. Yeah, fair. So yeah, so with a quick thanks to Nick for sending this one to scathingnews at gmail.com and a quick apology for whatever unenviable prize Heath and Eli have in mind for you. I should note that this is hardly the first time that Baker has pled impending doom to grease the donation wheels. Back in 2020, he got in some legal trouble for claiming that his proprietary snake oil could cure COVID, which led to at least one six-figure settlement. He claimed at the time that the fines would be enough to break him, but the convicted fraudster seems to have

been lying. If you can believe that. Okay, I could swear that colloidal silver can remedy torts. Pretty sure I read that somewhere. Right? Yes. I guess as long as the movie about how much my wife hated me isn't made into a musical. Fuck! I made a musical. But now he says he's in dire straits yet again because an unspepecified. They have quote taken millions of dollars from us and quote. Ooh.

He also claims that he doesn't receive a salary for his work. So he has no savings to fall back on, which is demonstrably bullshit, but don't worry. Baker wants to make it clear that you will get something for your money. Not from him, but from, from, from, who will apparently, yeah, no, he's going to multiply your money and then give it back to you if you donate it to Jim Baker, which makes you wonder why he doesn't donate the money he has to himself over and over again, until he has infinity dollars, right? But that's the way it works. Baker guarantees

it, quote, I guarantee you God's going to do something. Even that's a bridge. It is. It is. Yeah. But he continues though, quote, God's going to bless you as you give because when you give you're going to receive. End quote.

Call the next 10 minutes to lock down your interest rate with the atemporal God. Right. Right. Now, of course, as loathe as I am to admit it, Baker's transparent hucksterism has managed to keep him in pretty comfortable employed to the age of fucking 85 and counting, even after spending five years in prison for fraud. So I feel like we should at least give it a try. Here we go.

Listeners, the government is trying to take away our pets. Yeah, right. And unless we sign up 800 new or updating patrons in the month of May, we will never see Bailey Madge or Mike Clowder of Kitties again. But don't worry. If you sign up this month, Batman will multiply your riches. I guarantee it. Because I'm apparently allowed to legally guarantee it.

Sure are. Yeah, sure are. And in Bark encounter news, there are a few things man has created that are more expensive and less useful than Ken Ham's Ark encounter. It's a giant boat full of lies that's bad at being a boat and also bad at being full of lies. It is. So one would think that using the space for literally anything else would be an improvement.

Well, it will surprise absolutely no one to learn that Kentucky somehow managed to make a useless building full of lies even worse this week when we learned that Kentucky police paid for a pro-thalization based canine training at the facility. What? Yeah, a facility that claims a walrus is a water dog to avoid the Bible being contradicted by the millions of species we know about. I'm really hoping somebody brought a walrus and they were like, big mother, train the water dog.

Next year. Next year. We're doing this. This is a Patreon goal. We're signing up. Exactly. So first off, big thanks to Anne for sending us this story to scathingnews at gmail.com. Anne, you're not the Anne that Heath is marrying in June, but you do share her first name. So if you're ever at a live show, you could probably get away with saying, I'm that Anne

to see cool to other listeners. scathingnews at gmail.com. Or hey, if you slide in at the exact right, like if you distract Heath, make him look back, and then you just slide in and rock the veil just right, you might trick Heath into marrying you. Where he lifts the veil is the wrong end, and he's already said, I do. Yeah, and if anybody believes in the power

of a technicality strong enough to base a lifelong relationship on it, it's our very own Heseltin Bethesda Esmeralda. No, it is. He's got him fair and square. Oh, damn it. Leafing through a rule book. All right. And it counts.

This is the Bible. Right. So, to the story. According to the Courier Journal, Northern Kentucky's Fort Thomas Police Department sent an officer and a German shorthaired pointer named Bullitt to the Ark Encounters' third Canaan conference in February. Oh, it's Bullitt like the bourbon because Kentucky. Yeah, exactly.

Which is described as, quote, four days of training, speeches, and gospel sermons, end quote. Which is ridiculous because everyone knows all dogs already go to heaven. Wait, are the dogs giving the sermons or getting them? Either way, I'm fascinated. Yeah. Now, Kentucky State Police are justifying the $225 of taxpayer money spent on theocracy by claiming the event itself was secular, with KSP spokesperson Sherry Bray saying, quote, the KSP trooper who attended advised that evangelical speeches slash scripture

memorization were conducted during breaks and not during canine training and were entirely voluntary." End quote. Just a whole bunch of dogs being like, so boring. Oh my God. Can I do something with the ball? Okay. So I shouldn't need to be said, but it is definitionally impossible to have a secular

event at the Ark encounter creationist theme park. Yes, right. And that's the problem. But even with that said, the Ark Encounter can't stop bragging about how religious the event was. With Ken Ham writing in a blog earlier this year, quote, not only will they receive expert training, but they will have the opportunity to tour the Ark Encounter and the Creation Museum and hear the message of biblical authority, the truth of God's word and the gospel." It's obedience school and also a thing for the dogs. It's a win win win.

One last thing I want to talk about that I learned from this article that I found deeply disturbing as someone who will probably have to visit said Arc encounter one day. According to the Courier Journal quote, answers in Genesis has its own armed Department of Public Safety, whose members wear uniforms and equipment that resembles police officer gear. The department has several security canines who operate at the Ark encounter and the creation museum in a 2020 video posted to YouTube Ham said that as a free community service the dogs have sometimes responded to bomb threats at local schools and Helped secure locations for VIP Jesus and quote even worse. Hey Eli. They also have a zipline

Yeah, I know so now it's the second most worrying thing about the Ark encounter. Either way, do they really have a zipline. Yeah, I know. So now it's the second most worrying thing about the Ark encounter. Either way. Do they really have a zipline? They do. Yeah, they have a whole zipline course, actually. Yikes. Either way. I think they only have one. Let's hope those dogs understand that in their case works way more important than faith. Either way, it might be worth, you know, checking for a badge or something next time there's a bomb threat at your school in Kentucky. Yeah, right, right. And finally tonight in Letter Spirit Cook News. Fantastic. Celine Dion might be a baby-eating Illuminati demon queen working for the evil, satanic,

atheist Jewish cabal. I've been saying it for years. And if she is, it was a mistake to have her do a collaboration with a children's clothing brand that leaves a whole bunch of clues in their marketing campaign about the cabal. That was about seven years ago when Celine did the collab, but an intrepid journalist named Red Pill Drifter finally cracked the case. And yes, Red Pill Drifter has a blue check on their Twitter account, so they're definitely legit. Well, I mean, they took the correct PIL in everything, so obviously, yeah.

So the kids clothing brand is called Nu Nu Nu, N-U-N-U-N-U. And according to Red PIL Drifter, that obviously stands for new world order. We don't get any explanation, but based on my knowledge of the deep state, and I have a lot, the first new is just it's for new, simple, right? Got it. The second NU is actually the letter W with the first line of the N being like a pre-serif. Oh, I see it. I see it. I see it.

And the final NU is actually the letter O because if you stretch the N into a semicircle and then you put that on top of the U, that's an O. Oh, yep. I can see the animation now. Yeah. Yeah. Or as mentioned by Robin Pinocchia at Wankhet, it might be UN backwards, which is a solid theory. So that'd be Nations United, united nations united the brand solid theory Red Pill Drifter is furious

They didn't think of that. I'm sure also the the ghost of uterus uterus golly is right behind me. That's oh shit Anyway, the initial tweet from Red Pill Drifter has an image of Celine Dion Holding a goat skull up to her face and it says, thread, thread emoji. Celine Dion has a clothing brand called Nu Nu Nu. Nu Nu Nu doing Satan stuff. Satan stuff is my favorite stuff. Nu stands for New World Order.

The following images were pulled from the new new new Instagram page. If by the end of this, you still don't get it, then you never will. Oh well. Fact. Fact. Okay, I think Heath that the N is for New and the U is for Eww World Order. Okay, that's pretty solid. May I ask a clarifying question, however?

Does the children's clothing brand have a post on their Instagram where Celine Dion is holding a goat skull up to her face because that is a terrible way to sell toddler's pants. It's an interesting marketing campaign. They do have that. That part's true. Yeah. Then maybe, can I say, let's open our minds to Red Pill Drifter a little bit. I think part of it was just knowing that Red

Pill Drifter was going to boost their advertising. Yeah, I think it might have been a good play, a little Streisand effect to your own advantage. So from there, the now viral thread zeros in on a dress that has blood spatter on it or possibly fabric dye or paint of any color

and the photo is in black and white so they wouldn't know. Also the dress is not from Dion's collection that they're focused on here. Yeah, it's neither here nor there. The point is the girl wearing the dress in that photo is holding a stuffed bunny and a paper bag with eye holes cut out. And according to Red Pill Drifter, quote, white rabbit symbolizes innocence and resembles

the chemical compound of adrenochrome. End quote. So I actually checked on that. And a molecule of adrenochrome, to my surprise, does have very clear rabbit ears. It's unmistakable. No, to be clear, adrenochrome has, you can't directly image adrenochrome because you can't isolate it and take a fucking picture of it.

So he's comparing the fucking bunny to the molecular model of adrenochrome. Yeah, chemistry textbook. Right, no, exactly. It's the chemistry equivalent of expecting the ground to change color when you cross the state border. We live next to the big M, right?

All right. Y'all, Noah is just mad because this thing totally looks like a fucking bunny. Sometimes the bad guys get it right. I'm not saying that this doesn't look like a bunny. It looks a lot like a bunny. I'm saying it doesn't look like a drina grown. It's got a little carboxyl tail. It's clearly a bunny. It's a bunny. It looks a lot like a bunny. I'm saying it doesn't look like a dritagrown. It's got a little carboxyl tail. It's clearly a bunny.

It's a bunny. Okay, so I'm guessing you're probably red pill curious at this point, but you want a bit more evidence. Well, we also got a photo of a baby in a demonic onesie. It's actually adorable with the little horns on the hat. And it's got five pointed stars on the onesie. And according to Red Pill Drifter,

there's always at least one star pointing in the direction that makes a satanic pentagram. Well, it depends on how hard you spin the baby, but sure, okay. Fun fact, spin the baby is the game Elon keeps trying to get his legion of broodmares to play, his volcano lair, but they always say no. So here's my favorite piece of evidence.

There's a dress that's labeled, New New New Resort. And Red Pill Drifter said, I'd love to find out why the caption says New New New Resort. What resort? Well, it turns out resort is just the name of a season for fancy fashion people who go to like resorts in late winter and early spring. It's like a season in fashion. So it's either that as the explanation for that word resort or there's a club med for eating children with I would have to assume a really funny commercial. Oh, for sure. And if you rearrange the letters in new, new, new, new resort, it spells Neuron Sunrut,

which means they're trying to burn our brains out with the sunlight. That's right. That's the yellow sun. Which is white now instead of yellow. Exactly. Yeah. I just love a universe in which this person lives in which not only is there a secret baby murder eating cult in charge Of everything but they're out on insta recommending a dress code

Something you can you know jump into a cargo net and bounce up on a trampoline Sure, sure. You know go out for dinner that night at Club Med. Yeah, so Now you're probably thinking okay, Heath, that's clearly a brand for the fashion-forward edible child on the go who wants to impress the traffickers. But why does everybody care so much? Why not let them look nice? Well, as usual, the answer is bigotry. Transphobia, I'm pretty sure. The big finale of The Panicky Thread is about the commercial that Celine Dion starred in for Nu Nu Nu. Red Pill Drifter is pretty sure Celine is breaking

into a maternity ward and stealing the babies in that commercial. But you can watch with your eyes, and that's not what happens in the commercial. That is not what happens. Celine goes into a room full of bassinets and changes all the pink and blue outfits into gender neutral black ones,

like they have at Nu Nu Nu. Celine does that with magical dust. It's actually a delightful commercial. It's really fun. Yeah, no, if anything, she's giving the kids like drugs, like a delightful dust. Sure. Yeah. Turning them into gay satanists.

What we're saying is we're loving what she's giving out in this video. Okay. The only detail that lends any credit to the conspiracy is that one of the babies in the commercial does have a onesie that says, new order on it in big block letters. And okay, if that was on purpose to get extra attention from Lunatics and it finally paid off seven years later, that is great work by Nu Nu Nu. Yeah, it's all about the long game everybody. Yeah. So I wanted to be thorough in my fact finding

and I contacted Celine Dion about this to get the full scoop. She actually wrote back. She said, yeah, that was like seven years ago, but it's all coming back to me now. God, how dare you. go, but it's all coming back to me. God, how dare you. Here's the thing. I guess I missed a few meetings back in 2018 when we hired Celine as an operative hiding in plain sight. Well, it looks like they're on to us now.

So I'm thinking we shut down that project a little bit, lie low until this blows over and then phase three adrenochrome just be cool about it we're almost there be patient all right well there is an Illuminati phone chain for shit like this so I need to wrap the headlines and call Rihanna real quick Heath, Eli thanks as always. Jumanji. And when we come back I'll refuse to give Don Ford Rihanna's phone number again. You gotta shoot his shields. Every time? Yeah, man, every time.

Yeah. Why does the mime even have shields? It's like invisible box thing, you know? Right, invisible box. I forgot mimes did that. What? Hey, hey guys. Don, when did you get here? Oh, Eli

pretended to be a state fair that needed a judge for their funnel cake competition. Oh yeah, he got me with that one too. Works every time. Everybody loves funnel cake. It's true, they do. So you guys ready for Bible Peace Theater? You mean the part of the show where we act out the Bible so our listeners don't have to read it? We sure are. Where were we? Acts. Right, the sequel to Luke that nobody wanted. That's the one. And since the apostles have been miracleing, it's time for some Christian oppression.

RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE Libertarians, Sarenians, and Alexandrians, and them of Cilicia and of Asia. What are you guys rabattle-rabbling about? It's Stephen. We heard him blaspheming against Moses. And God! Stephen? Is this true?

No, no. Those guys are just jealous because I can do miracles and they can't debate me. So, that's a weird list. Okay, uh, Accuser guys, what did he say? Well, I heard him say that Jesus will destroy the temple and change the laws of Moses Steven it's true What what is that what are you doing? Oh the Bible says that everyone looked and I had the face of an angel Got it. Got it. Not great for audio medium. Anyway, I'm trying to act it up. Do you have like, um, you've like a defense?

Um, do you guys know the story of Abraham? Yeah, man. Okay, that sorry, just the story of Abraham. That's all you're saying. No, no, no. Also do you know the story of Moses? Well, yeah do you know the story of Moses? Well, yeah, we know the story of Moses. Okay, well then that too.

Okay, well, we're gonna like- Oh, and, and, and, and also- Yeah. Solomon and David. Wait a second. Do you say also the story of Solomon and David? Um, yeah. Solomon! Solomon-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S Hey, hey, Saul. Yeah, this guy told us the story of Moses and Abraham and stuff. So, uh, you all freaked out and lost your minds.

Yeah. Yeah. Hey, will you hold our clothes? We don't want to get them all like bloody. Bloody. Sure. Yeah. No, hold them. Lord Jesus, forgive them. Oh, that's, that's nice of you. Yeah. Appreciate it, Steven. You guys still gonna stood me? Oh, very much so. Yes. Uh, beans.

You guys still gonna stard me? Oh, very much so, yes. Ah, beams. Hey, you know what? This persecuting Christian thing seems pretty awesome. I'm gonna do it too from now on. Oh man. It is a lot of fun. Nice.

Alright, so now we're gonna cut over to the adventures of Philip who's miracleing in Samaria. There you go, all healed. Oh thanks, Philip. No problem guys, just remember to believe in Jesus. Way well! Hey, uh, Philip, right? Yeah, that's me. Hi, I'm Simon.

Oh, you're the wizard guy I've been hearing about. Yeah, I've been using sorcery around here to bewitch people for a minute. Oh, I bet, yeah. Yeah, so everyone tells me you get your magic powers from a guy named Jesus? Yeah, yeah, I believe in Jesus and he gives me magic powers. Nice. Say, could I believe in Jesus and also get magic powers? Um, I guess so.

Nice. But you gotta like really mean it though. Oh yeah, no, I totally mean it. Do ya? Mmhmm, yeah. Pepper, yep, mean it. Okay. Mean it.

John, Peter, what are you guys doing here? Yep, me and that. Okay. Me and that. John, Peter, what are you guys doing here? Oh, well we heard what a good job you were doing down here and we thought we might visit some new believers with the Holy Spirit. Oh cool, I know people who love that. Right? Hey, Philip, who are these guys? Oh, hey Simon, this is Peter and this is John.

Oh wow, heard a lot about you guys. I'm Simon. Yeah, so I have magic powers because of Jesus. Oh, yeah, yeah, cool man, so do we. Yeah, right? You just get them for believing a thing, you just get them. Yeah, okay, anyway, we should probably get

bestowing the Holy Spirit on people. Oh, cool, can I have that power? We kind of wanted to do like a group thing. I'll give you $11. I, oh, it's not a, it's not a money. $8. Why is the number lower now? Okay, look, man, you just can't buy your way into heaven, okay?

You don't get the Holy Spirit now, okay? No Holy Spirit for you! Okay, wow. Really? Wow. I'm sorry, it's just... It's kind of our thing and... Sure, sure.

But okay, just real quick, before you go... Oh my god, what? Will you guys pray that nothing bad happens to me? What why it it just seems like you guys are mad and you know God keeps killing people that you're mad at I'd appreciate it if you both prayed that nothing bad happened to me Fine will with your Jesus powers. Okay, fine, fine, fine. We will pray for you with our Jesus powers. Great.

Okay? Great, yeah. Alright. Uh-huh. You guys sure on that Holy Spirit thing? Oh my god, yes, we are sure. Alright, I'm out. I'm out.

See ya. Hey, Simon. Guys, we have to get a better system of who gets magic powers. I was just thinking that. Literally- But you don't though! Oh. No, just thinking that literally. But you don't though. No, no, we do not.

Yo, Philip, wake up. Oh, it's the angel of the Lord. In the flesh, double mint fresh. Okay, look, you got to go south to Gaza right now. Why? God wants you to talk to a eunuch there about the Bible. Oh, sure. Okay. Is that up? Is that wing sauce? No. Got it. Hey, did you hear I'm dating a guy named Big Balls now? No, I didn't. I didn't. Yeah, you got to listen to all the shows, but that's canon now. Got it.

Okay. Thanks. Dayton, big balls. And that is why that passage is about Jesus. Gee, thanks, Philip. No problem. No problem. You want to get baptized now?

Sure. Why not? Wow, Philip, that was... Philip? Whoa, he must have gotten snatched away by the Lord. Yeah, no, sorry, I had to use the carpool lane. Hey, by the way, did you hear that I'm dating this guy? I heard what you mentioned earlier.

Got it. Got it. We're in love. I don't really think this is serving this show. I'm just saying, we are in love. Oh man, and when I asked that guy, but are you a Christian Jew? He was like, why? hilarious. Totally hilarious. So you are the best. I love persecuting Christians.

What can I say? What can I say? So be careful. Whoa, so so in his eye. Jesus. Clip clap. Oh, wow. You really took a header off that horse, huh?

Clip clap. Right. Well, um, stop persecuting my people. Clip clap. Who's he talking to? No idea, man. Okay. Well, um, get up and go to the city there you'll be told what to do. Clip clop clop. You can't see. Oh man I really should have waited till

you were off the horse. Clip clop. Just just have these guys take you to the city and I'll have someone come get you. Okay. Clip clop. Saul, are you okay? Clip. Clip clop. Clip clop. Clip clop. Yeah, man. We'll take you to the city.

Clip clop. Your ear is bleeding. Clip clop. Yeah, man. Like a lot. Ananias. Ananias. Heed my words.

Jesus? Is that you? Indeed it is. Go to the house of Judas on Straight Street. Wait, wait, wait, like the Judas who betrayed you? No, no, it's the other Judas. Other Judas, okay, got it. It's confusing though. Yeah, it sure is.

But anyway, find you there a man named Saul. He awaits your coming and you will heal his eyesight Um, wait a second. Do you mean Saul the oppressor of Christians? I mean, yes Technically, that's the guy. Yes, I can't go there. He'll kill me. No No, he won't. Um Are you sure? Yeah, pretty sure he's had Change of heart. Okay, because he was like the most vicious person.

Oh yeah, oh yeah, I remember, but trust me, it's all good now, boo. Okay. Hello? Is anyone here? It's me, Ananias, I'm here for Saul. Clip-clap. Yikes, what happened to your head? Clip-clap, clip-clap. It's me, Ananias, I'm here for Saul. Clip-clap.

Yikes, what happened to your head? Clip-clap, clip-clap. Sure, sure, yeah. Is that second name better? Clip-clap, clip. Sure, well, Jesus told me to lay hands on you. Alright, are you healed? Clip, clip-clap, clap. You can see? Clip-clap. Alright, uh, are you um, you healed?

CLIP CLIP CLAP CLAP You can see? CLIP CLAP Oh, but, you still sound like that. CLIP CLAP Nevermind, nevermind. CLIP CLIP CLAP CLIP CLAP CLIP CLIP CLAP CLIP Alright Saul, see ya.

CLIP CLAP Praise him indeed. CLIP CLAP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLAP CLIP CLAP CLIP CLAP CLIP CLAP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLAP CLIP CLAP CLIP CLAP CLIP CLAP CLIP CLAP CLIP CLIP CLAP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CLIP CL Alright Saul, see ya. Clip clop! Praise him indeed. Clip clop. Clip clop clop. Clip clop clop. Clip clop clop. Clip clop clop. Hey civilian, what's this guy doing?

Oh that's um Saul, he's telling everybody about Jesus. Yes? Yep. Oh, well we're kinda supposed to kill anybody who does that. Yar? Yeah. Clip clopop Clip! I really don't want to kill that guy though.

He isn't exactly Texas, you know what I mean? Yeah, no, no, I feel that for sure. Same thing happened in Damascus. Everyone kind of looked the other way while they snuck him out in a basket. Oh yeah, hey, hey, could we do that? Yeah, okay, yeah. Let me see if we can send him on to like Caesarea. Yeah, that'd be great, thanks.

Clip clop. Praise him indeed, buddy. Praise him indeed. You're doing great, pal. Clip clop. And on that note, we're going to wrap it up for the night, but Paul ain't dead, so there are more acts to come on the next. Bible peace, dear. the year.

Before we sink back into the Earth, I wanted to thank everybody who's already signed up for increased their pledge this month. I know it's not the best economy to be pressing for donations in, so that makes every pledge count that much more this year. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy that we've got for you tonight. But we'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be and look out for a brand new episode of our sister show, The Skeptocrat, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Monday and an even newer episode of our sister show's

hot friend, God of War movies, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Tuesday and an even newer episode of our half sister show, The Sanctation Needed, debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, I deserve a demotion of a neglected to think Heath Enright for being a badass, Eli Bosnic for being a smart ass, Lucinda Lujans for being a lovely human being in every possible way and Don Ford for being a wise ass. I also want to thank Dr. Andrew Shale for providing this week's Farnsworth quote. Nothing ass related to say about him. I don't know him well enough. But to be clear,

it was the Breakfast Club clothes in reference to a joke that Eli kept making, and I didn't want to follow Heath to the Animal House clothes because I didn't want to reference a T. He sexual harassment movie every week, but the American Graffiti clothes. Now, that's one that I think I could get behind. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's most marvelous matriot mammals, David, Sarah, Tyler in the interim, Daniel, Dan, other Daniel, Michael, Lars, Erica, Sherry, Blake, Leslie, Arthur, X, Evan, Brad, Belfour, Cravens, David, Sam and Justin, who are so bright you can see the eclipse

from the sun side to together these 20 plus new and upgrading patrons heard our cry for money and answered back with cha chings. And if you too want to get on on the matri on action you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash skating atheist where I write you on early access to an extended ad free version of every episode you can check the progress at matri on.com m a y t r e o n.com or you can make a one time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at skatingatiest.com and yes those donations count as well and if you'd like to help but all your money is tied up in tantrum tariffs, you can also

help a ton by leaving us a five-shot review, telling a friend about the show and following us on social media. And speaking of social media, Tim Robertson handles that for us and our audio engineer is Morgan Clark, who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or death tell you how many fucking people have come out and said, Oh, you got to give this pope a chance. Why the fuck do I have to give this pope a chance? He's the fucking pope. This content is canned credentialed, which means you can report instances of harassment, Why the fuck do I have to give this pope a chance? He's the fucking pope!