The Scathing Atheist - 663: Formula Zero Edition

Episode Date: November 13, 2025

In this week’s episode, religion scores an F for Feeding hungry babies, Ne Millin Mms would like to buy a vowel and about 990,000 moms, and Don Ford will be here to help us go through Jesus’s mail some more. --- To learn more about Vulgarity for Charity, click here: https://www.recoveringfromreligion.org/vulgarity-for-charity --- To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click here: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/ If you see a news story you think we might be interested in, you can send it here: [e-mail] To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ Report instances of harassment or abuse connected to this show to the Creator Accountability Network here: https://creatoraccountabilitynetwork.org/ --- Headlines: TikTokker goes viral for exposing how much charity churches don’t do: https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/a-tiktoker-is-exposing-churches-that Christians in the UK are building a big stupid mobius strip: https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c1wllnlqgldo Tucker provides more details on his alleged demonic attack: https://www.christianpost.com/news/tucker-carlson-draws-scorn-for-new-details-over-demon-attack.html Christian nationalists are in a full panic about Mamdani victory in NYC: https://baptistnews.com/article/christian-nationalists-and-some-jews-foresee-doom-in-mamdanis-win/ Texas suing school district for not putting up ten commandments displays: https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/texas-sues-school-district-for-following One million moms https://www.huffpost.com/entry/one-million-moms-wheel-of-fortune-what-the-fun-boycott_n_690e0c21e4b0063dd27d98ab --- This Week in Misogyny: Ross Douthat thinks women ruined the workplace: https://www.nytimes.com/2025/11/06/opinion/women-workplace-feminism-conservative.html Christian sues after hes fired for following the “Billy Graham rule” https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/christian-hvac-tech-fired-after-invoking

Warning, this podcast knows some people are offended by profanity. It just doesn't give a shit. This week's episode of The Skating Atheist is brought to you by Mint Mobile and by The Socialism Safety Net, a capitalist program that makes sure that people who are scared of socialism don't have to worry about all those government services. The Socialism Safety Net. Get the fuck off our roads then. And now, the Skating Atheist.

I have observed white suburban mothers use their own wealth-based status to ostracist. other moms and help their girls achieve social dominance in middle school. This link between maternal and female juvenile rank has also been observed in baboons, making it obvious we did indeed evolve from filthy monkey men and women. It's Thursday. And it's November 13th. And it's Sadie Hawkins Day. Right, maybe you tell us it's Thursday for once.

I have no illusions. I'm Eli Bostic. I'm Keithan Wright. And from Zoran, Mom Donnie's New Jersey. He owns it to Ann Arbor, Michigan, and way across Georgia. This is the scathing atheist. Oh, this week's episode, religion scores an F for feeding hungry babies. Me, millin-mmes would like to buy a vowel, and also about 990,000 moms.

And Don Ford will be here to help us go through Jesus' mail some more. But first, the diet try. Well, if you know anything about my luck with astronomical events, she'll already know that it was cloudy as all shit. The other night when the big solar storm made Aurora, visible as far south as Florida. I did see some lovely photos from just west, north, and south of me. East of me is mostly just ocean, but I'm sure if fish could take fucking selfies,

they'd be taunting me too with all the cool shit that they saw. Now, for listeners who don't know U.S. geography or are listening in archives, I should point out that I'm talking about a crazy solar storm that left the northern lights visible way further south than normal. Like further south than I can ever remember them being visible. And they're saying that they're going to be even more visible. tonight. I mean, that is tonight as the night that we're recording this, not the night after it comes out. But I don't know that I believe them either way because they're forecasting for clear skies

where I live. But of course, when you see something like that, or in my case, hear about other people seeing something like that, you can't help but reflect on how fucking weird that must have seemed to our ancient ancestors. I mean, like all natural phenomenon fucked with our ancestors, right? They had no more explanation for earthquakes, thunderstorms, and spiders than they had for auroras. And I'm sure in places where those were regularly visible, prehistoric people just incorporated them into their myths and their religions and shit and satiated themselves with the same just-so stories that placated everybody before we had science. But what about when shit like this happened, right? What about when a phenomenon

slipped from its normal geographical bounds and suddenly a hurricane blows inland to the mountains or a long dormant volcano wakes up or the aurora slips south of the Mason-Dixon line. What did ancient people do then? What terrible portent would a person assume if their demon-haunted worldview suddenly had to incorporate a curtain of mile-high green and red light

suddenly dividing the heavens? Some people will act like we lost something by moving on from that state of terrified ignorance as if the only byproduct of these beautiful omens would be wonder and curiosity. As if nobody in those prehistoric days, would have looked up at this unprecedented aerial display and gone, yeah, we should probably set an old lady on fire about this, huh?

Of course, there are still plenty of people out there that live in this state of prehistoric ignorance even today. People who reject or ignore the scientific explanation and still choose to live in that same demon-haunted world. And those people still look up in an aurora and ask, what does it mean? And if you try to say, it means that charged particles from the sun are colliding with the gases in Earth's atmosphere,

suddenly you're an asshole. Now this kind of shit, it comes from one of three places. The first is arrogance. Some people genuinely need to make a fucking Aurora about them, right? Either it's an omen about their life in particular, or it's a riddle that they need to solve. But either way, they have a personal connection to the light emissions from those charged particles, damn it.

And how dare you cheapen that with prosaic answers that are at once simple and profound and would, if you take a fucking second to think about it, be way more poetically inspiring than whatever ghostly veil your imagination could have come up with. The second place, of course, is intellectual laziness. If there's a knowable answer that you don't understand, you have to either pretend that there isn't

or admit that you're not all that fucking curious. And who wants to admit to themselves that they don't really care about the mysteries of the universe if there's going to be math? The third place, though, is the most dangerous. It's the kind of forced ignorance that builds walls between itself and knowledge so that none of those damnable facts can chip away at their God.

is the kind of regimented stupidity that needs at least a couple of tangible, visible mysteries to hide their God inside of. And those people can range from pitiable to violent, right? Because fucking wars are fought to enforce enough ignorance to make room for gods. But here's the thing. If you think that knowledge cheapens your experience of a thing, it can only be because you're viewing it through a bargain basement worldview. The real answer is always so.

much better than God did it. And if you're willing to fully comprehend both the explanation and its implication, your life only grows richer for them. You don't need to scrounge at the bottom of some theological bin for your wonder. Charged particles are a wonder. The sun is a wonder. Earth's gases are a wonder. Light and color are two endlessly fascinating wonders if you give a shit to understand them.

The Northern Lights aren't a single wonder. They're an amalgamation of wonders, each of which could fill a lifetime with marvels if you dug deep enough into it and let yourself admit their truth wherever you found it. They're talking about your Jesus. I interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for headlines tonight are the wordplay and surreal to my gallows. Heath and Wright and Eli Bosnick, fellas. Are you ready to balance the humors?

You asking us to follow that joke with anything but a standing ovation is cruel and unusual punishment, no illusions. All right. Well, I've got some bows to take. But quick reminder, we are in the middle of our mostly annual fundraiser, vulgarity for charity. There will be more roasts on the upcoming episode of cognitive dissonance and more to come on later episodes here. Stick around and we're going to tell you more about the fundraiser a bit later on. But first, a word from this week's sponsor, Mint Mobile.

Oh my God, the self-cleaning toothbrush too. I can just rinse my regular one. Hey, guys. What's with all the pother? Sorry, pother? Yeah. Yeah, it means commotion or fuss. Oh, he's back on this again.

Okay, well, it turns out Heath hasn't used any of my Christmas presents, like, like ever. I said, I was sorry, I just don't need an AI powered belt sander, for example. Okay, the guy at Home Depot said that was market standard. I don't sand stuff. Guys, guys, if you want a gift that won't end up in the closet, why don't you try Mint Mobile? What's Mint Mobile? Mint Mobile is offering unlimited premium wireless for $15 a month. That's their best deal of the year, aka the only.

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Don't get them, socks. Get them premium wireless for $15 a month. Shop mint mobile plans at mintmobile.com slash scathing. That's mintmobile.com slash scathing. Limited time offer up front payment of $45 for three months, $9 for six months or $180 for $1.80 for 12-month plan required. Tax is a fee's extra initial plan term only over 35 gigabytes may slow when network is busy, capable device required. Availability, speed and coverage varies.

See mintmobile.com. Okay. To be fair, the socks I got Heath were infrared. Why? I don't know. And now back to the headlines. In our lead story tonight, social media has its downsides. Accelerated polarization, increased depression, the fall of democracy, the death of knowledge, but it does have a few upsides.

For most of which, of course, is the way it empowers the average person to make a fucking point. And we were reminded of that over the last few days as TikToker Nicolie Monroe went viral for calling up random churches to ask if they could help her feed. her imaginary starving baby and the churches went viral for telling her no over and over and over they said no so many times she had to admit that she upped the number of calls she made so that she could get a couple of yeses yeah yeah so this devastating social experiment started off as a effort to emphasize the real world consequence of choking off federal food assistance programs one of the common responses that you get when you point out how you know babies are going to go fucking hungry, is that they could just get help from food banks and churches.

So Monroe decided to test that hypothesis. She called a random church in her area. She told them, hey, you know, my baby ran out of formula yesterday and can you help? And they said, no, but here's the number for a food bank. So she called another church and another and another and another, and they all just kept giving her the same fucking answer. And keep in mind that she told them her baby hadn't eaten since yesterday. Yeah.

That's a dying baby people. Babies can't do Yom Kippoor Fest. That's a dying baby. Also, it doesn't matter if the baby's dying or not. There could be a baby in the background of the call being like, I'm a thick as fuck baby. I want a Zemping. You should still help the mom.

Still free him for the formula, yeah. Right. Right. So Monroe continued to run this experiment call in church after church. And not all of them told her no, right? But the overwhelming majority did. She did have some, like when she called mosques and Buddhist temples, and had a lot more luck with historically black churches than with white ones.

And by the way, as often as not, the sticking point seems to be that she was not a member of the church, right? Other times, though, it was that they just weren't actually in the habit of helping people in any way. Okay, but credit where credit is due to Appalachian Peepaw guy. She calls this one old motherfucker and he has no idea what to do, but he just instantly says yes. He asks for what flavor she needs. I'm sad religion isn't true just so pepaw can't get a dap from Christ when he dies.

You know what I'm saying? Are there flavors? Yeah. There's flavors, apparently. Apparently. You won't chocolate. Yeah, right. That thick as fuck baby has opinions about the flavor.

Yeah, absolutely. That's fair. I am looking forward to Charles Murray's book about the bell curve of white Christian ethical deficiency. Yeah. Just, you know, asking the honest questions about the data in that new book. Clearly, obviously. We'll see.

No, of course, there's been plenty of criticism of Monroe. methods, mostly by shitty people, right? Some people try to defend the churches by pointing out that they're directing her to church-run food banks, which is sometimes true, but only sometimes. But it's not like they don't transfer her fucking call, right? They pass her on. They're like, you're not my problem. I give money to something else.

And all of these motherfuckers are getting the same tax breaks because they ostensibly help people in need, right? And that completely ignores the staggering number of churches that explicitly told her that membership is a prerequisite to assistance. Fuck off. Okay. I think we found the new system for charities getting tax breaks. It's a secret shopper. Yeah. TGI Fridays and you got a car. If you don't do charity for the starving child, you're not a charity and you pay taxes now. There you go. That's the rules. Sure. Now, others, of course, dismiss her findings by saying that the church receptionists can tell that she's lying, right? As if like a one at a time baby formula can theft by deception is some epidemic plaguing the food assistance spaces. Suffice to say, Their defenses of their church's charity policies

reminds me a lot of their defenses of their assertions on cosmology as well, right? Yeah, and look, even if it was true and their receptionists were all fucking Marlow the magnificent mind reader and they knew she was lying, why would you roll the dice on that? Is the formula black market so glutted

and are your coffers so empty that you wouldn't take the chance when the downside is, I will remind you, a dead baby. Okay, I mean, I'll allow for one question on the phone there. Like, okay, what's the name of the baby? Desk phone hat? That's way too slow.

No, absolutely. You're giving them the formula if they passed one test. Right, right. But here's the counter argument for this. Like, forget about asking you, like, what would a secular charity have done? Because we already know. Ask, what would you have done? Right.

If some fucking stranger called you from just, like, they just randomly picked a number. and for some unfathomable reason, you answered an unknown caller. And that person told you that she needed a can of baby formula, that her baby was starving. And for the price of what, 30, 40 fucking bucks, you could help. And they're not asking you to put the money in a fucking PayPal account. They're asking to, like, meet at a Starbucks that you were already going to.

I mean, I get that there are people out there who are in a spot where they absolutely couldn't spare 40 or 50 bucks or whatever. But setting those folks aside, every fucking one of you would help her. and you don't bill yourself as the goddamn alternative to a government-funded social safety net.

Yeah. And in Mobius Stripte's news, if you were to ask me what my favorite kind of story to report on for our radio program is, I would, of course, tell you it's anything bad happening

to Ryan Walters. But of course, folks like Walters, Greg Locke, and RIP, Matt Powell, last only for a brief, shining moment in our national attention.

Matt Powell died, guys. He died. He didn't. It's a race car bed accident. Let us manifest. He crashed into a different bed. He never lets us cook. You try and do a nice shout-out.

I try and manifest. I hate being the new kind. But I would tell you that if it isn't the famous, famous people who we hate on, it is when Christians build a big, dumb, expensive, and possibly impossible thing. The ark encounter, a flat earth-proving rocket, or, in the case of this week, a giant Mobius strip made up of over a million bricks.

It's like a metaphor of trying to argue with us, got it. All right, so a Christian guy ate a gummy and watched Loki. Got it. 100%. It's only one edge and one side. Yeah, it's one edge and one side, man. It's a ribbon and you twist it. Exactly.

So, first off, big thanks to the one and only Stormy D for telling us about this story, along with the excellent pun. Stormy, when we build a monument to you, it shall be formed out of every helpful email you've sent us to scathing news at gmail.com and it shall dwarf the colossus of Rhodes himself scathing news at gmail.com back when he was extant

pretty easy to dwarf him nowadays yeah I thought about that thing yeah so the eternal wall of answered prayer which ironically will not be built by you couldn't think of something tall that exists now like any tall thing statue of liberty can I tell you I really went through it And all of them felt vaguely jingoistic was my problem.

I thought of Statue of Liberty. And I was like, I don't want people to think I like the Statue of Liberty. And then I had to check it with my shelf about the... I know, this is a good question, but I feel like I'm supposed to hate America right now. Come on. We're allowed to like South Park again. We're taking patriotism back on our team. Fuck that.

No one's going to cut all of this. You're welcome. That's a great message. We should be taking back patriotism. Fuck yeah. Yeah. So the eternal wall of answered prayer, which I run. will not be built by just wishing it into existence will be built between the M6 and the M4-2

near Colchill Warwickshire and is planned to be around 51 meters or 167 feet tall. According to the project leaders, each of the million-ish bricks represents a story of Jesus answering someone's prayer. Yeah, now the key is to wish for relatively likely stuff, guys, duh. Who said wishing for a second side and a brick he can't lift? Get the fuck out. Come on. Ruin on our thing.

Yeah, so work on the structure began last week after more than 20,000 supporters raised over 40 million pounds for the project. What? Yeah. Oh, here's the thing, though. They still need another 5.7 million so that the giant messed up zero can be surrounded by 10 acres of green space and contain a visitor center that they say will attract 250,000 people a year. That's way better than buying formula, guys. Okay, if it's a go-kart track, I'll check it out. You can get on a Mobius strip and do the thing.

Right. And if it, like, cuts itself down the middle and doubles the track and now it has two-suits. That's pretty fucking cool. Oh, come on. Yeah. But Eli, you say, did someone manage to make the loop somehow dog-whisly and racist? Why, yes, they did. So glad you asked.

Former Leicester City FC chaplain Richard Gamble had this to say at the opening ceremony. Quote, the team has a chaplain? Apparently. And he also handles Miracle Memorial Mobius strips. Yes, right. He's doing great for Leicester City. Oh, you've hurt them. You've hurt them bad.

Quote, I am delighted we are creating a monument that will share a million stories of hope and that people will be able to discover Jesus who listens to and answers prayer. This is the moment to build a landmark of hope, a lasting testimony to the power of prayer, preserving the Christian heritage in our nation. Adding quote. You don't see any fucking Muhammad Mobius is around here, do you? Okay, but fun fact, one of the earliest known uses of a Mobius strip came from a Muslim engineer in like 1206 who designed a chain pump with a Mobius strip for the drive train. And that's way before the German guy, August Mobius, put his name on it. Ancient Andrew Cuomo is like, there's no way that's going to work.

chain's going to break and then this vaults into the water. So yeah, this is obviously a big stupid thing that might not even get built. A hallmark of these projects is that religion often just, you know, takes the money and runs. But this giant waste of time effort and resources is an excellent reminder that if you

have not donated to Vulgarity for charity yet, we are about 39 million pounds behind beating these motherfuckers. So, you know, dig deep, everybody. Yeah, dig deep. Big deep. And in, tuck your face news with apologies to Heathen, right? Tucker Carlson would

really like us to talk about something other than him platforming a Nazi for a softball interview. So we started talking about that demon that attacked him in 2023 again. He offered new details of the attack that he just remembered. Because you know how your memory of events gets sharper

the longer ago they were. It's like that. Oh, man, I saw this story and I was just hoping the demon came back for another round. Hey, Tucker, literal demon again. You should think about platform and what it means. I think that I'm an icon.

And just ethically, I'm a demon. So, quick reminder, because we can never ridicule this story enough, Tucker Carlson claims that in February of 2023, a few months before he got fired by Fox News for failing to maintain the journalistic standards of Fox News, he woke up in a bed filled with his own blood with scratches on his ribs from a demon hovering over him going, gotcha. He's such a stupid liar. Yeah.

He wouldn't go public with a story until about a year later. coincidentally at the same time he was looking for a new audience even more credulous than the one he just lost on Fox News but I would pay good money to see the crumpled up test scripts for the other audiences

he was thinking about going for right and when I opened my eyes Moses was hovering above me with a Hanukkah candle and a bag of gold and then my good friend Nick Fuentes was like Jew gross from the top bunk

we have punk beds together and I learned to be extra Christian that day. Exactly. Yeah, part of the script. But the new bit is that apparently this was accompanied by an angel attack, I guess. In an interview with fellow Fox News outcast, Megan Kelly, he explained that the day before the demonic attack, he was on the phone with his brother talking about like somebody

he really hates when he was overcome with a sudden feeling of empathy and understanding, which he attributes to angelic intervention because nothing in the natural world can make Tucker Carlson give a fuck about anyone else. Okay, that actually tracks, though. He had no idea what those feelings were at first. He's just like, what is this, Mike? Turn and gay. I'm having a heart erection.

What's happening? No, it's worth noting that even a lot of conservatives are mocking him for these claims, which he's encouraged. He told Kelly, quote, I'm not embarrassed at all. And I don't care if I'm mocked, end quote, adding with his eyes, implied, quote, anything to get him to stop talking about Nick Fuentes and implied, quote. And as to the veracity of the story, he pointed out, quote,

I don't get anything out of making it up. And then upon a panically realization that he just admitted he made it up and regrets it, he added, quote, and I'm not making it up. Not, though. I'm not. This has nothing to do with the Wells case. I know that's a call forward listener, but I promise it's a good one. If you listen in a specific order.

Okay, have all the clues. Here's how insane the conversation has become in the Republican Party right now. People like Tucker and Megan Kelly can't decide what to think about. about platforming literal neo-Nazis. And the voice of reason last week was Benjamin Shapiro on that topic. Being like, listen, I believe my wife about that thing. Remember, with the thing? But even I wasn't fooled by Nick Fuentes.

What are you idiots doing? Right. So, yeah, so there you have it. Tucker Carlson was attacked by demons. Nothing else could explain how he got scratches that there's no proof of from a bed that he shares with four large dogs. but at least we know that Angelic and demonic experiences are paired like fucking proton anti-protons, right?

And we can summarize that the reason that there's no evidence for either is that at some later point, they touched each other and disintegrated. Yeah, that must have been it. All adds up. And on that note, we're going to take a quick break to tell you a little bit more about vulgarity for charity. A podcast listener, just chiming in real quick to remind you that this year for vulgarity for charity, we have currently raised $51,000 for recovering from religion.

But you might be thinking to yourself, what is recovering from religion actually do? The RFR mission is to offer hope, healing, and support to those struggling with issues of doubt and non-belief. Escaping religion is as easy as changing your mind for some, but for others, learning how to live with questions, doubts, and changing beliefs is a journey. At recovering from religion, they're intimately familiar with that path, and they're there to help. Their passion is connecting people with support, resources, community, and most of all, hope.

Resources like their 24-hour call line and chat line, their peer support groups, and their weekly RFRX talks. We could not be more proud of raising $51,000 so far, but we know that recovering from religion has so much more incredible work they could be doing with the right funds, and you're making that happen. So whether or not you want us to roast someone, consider donating at recovering fromreligion.org. Oh, but don't like forget to give us the credit. You got to click on Fulgarity for Charity at the top of the page and fill out the form. Plus, if your company does donation matching, recovering from religion is an amazing place for that to go. You could make Walmart give money to atheism. How fun is that?

Once again, that's recovering from religion.org. They do great stuff, and by association, so do we now. There it is. Yeah, no, I felt it was going south when he told people to give us credit. Yeah. I did great. I didn't even say I wanted to fuck Daryl. Okay.

I didn't say it. A man wrote the Bible. A whore is what you want. If it's a legitimate race. It's a slut, right? Cooking can be fine. Hey, I'm glad of a man. This week in massage.

Turns out that Noah isn't the only one in this house that has to hate read Ross Delfit. But when I saw that there was an opinion piece in the New York Times titled, Did Women Ruin the Workplace? I knew I was going to have to dive in. Now, to be fair, even the ding bats at the Times realized, pretty quickly that they needed to rethink the phrasing of this. After a presumable mountain of creative suggestions about where they could stick that fucking

headline, they replaced it with a slightly less offensive version. Did liberal feminism ruin the workplace? And the subtitle is and if so, can conservative feminism fix it? And I know what you're thinking. Fuck you. And well thought

I might add. But you're probably also asking what the fuck is conservative feminism? What would you even be conserving? Well, for the answer to that, you could either hate read 25 pages worth of transcript between Ross and two self-avowed critics of feminism named Helen Andrews and Leah LeBresco Sargent, or you could listen to me, tell it how hard it can go fuck itself. See, the primary contention in the whole stupid discussion is the idea that feminism feminized the workplace. And in a stereotype reinforcement that early Disney cartoons would be proud of, they

go on to define feminized workplace as timid, emotional, gossipy, and, of course, to woke. And this, sound the claxons, please, puts America at a disadvantage against more ruthless, re-sexist countries. But ultimately, it doesn't matter what the argument is. If your starting point is that women or feminism even could ruin the workplace, then your starting point is that the natural inhabitants of the workplace are men, that women are some kind of foreign aberration that the workplace has to absorb rather than just other people it has to accommodate.

There's no way to start with that question and have a non-sexist discussion unless the answer is just no. And let's not pretend that these idle musings don't have real-world consequences. Right before we were set to record, I saw a story about this douche-nauzo in New York, who's suing his former employer for not accommodating his refusal to work with women because it was

religious sexism. The asshole in question, Paul Estapa, was let go from his H-FAT job because he insisted on following the Billy Graham rule. That is, he refused to be alone in a room or van or work site or whatever with a woman. And despite the fact that the only woman working for the company was a lesbian, he fussed and fought about it and refused to do his job. if there was going to be lady bits around. Now, he rightly got fired. The company disputes the fact that this was the reason, or at least the sole reason,

and I'm inclined to agree. If for no other reason, then the guy sounds like a Class A asshole, and I'd be tempted to believe any negative thing they said about him. But regardless, we should all be offended at the idea that businesses should accommodate a personal belief with such an obviously sexist outcome.

Like, how the fuck is a woman in this job supposed to get ahead if she's excluded from calls, just because somebody else's sincerely held misogyny. Anyway, just to remind her that questions like do women belong in the workplace are about as productive as rehashing the questions about race and IQ. It's antiquated bullshit that only serves to reinforce harmful stereotypes and hurt real people. And as tempted as I am to say, that means it has no place in the New York Times. that's kind of been their thing since about 1851, so what do I know?

Anyway, on that reminder, I'll wrap things up and hand you back over to Noah, Heath, and Eli. Thank you, Lucinda. Next up in headlines, turn the volume up. We have a new mayor-elect in the greatest city in the world, and his name is Zoron, Anna. What are the guys talking about? It's the newest. greatest Christian freak out. That's right.

The next mayor of New York City is going to be Zoran Mamdani. Anna. What I'm the guy is talking about? It's the newest. The greatest Christian freak out. And his middle name is Kwame. Anna. That's right.

It's a Muslim guy. And Christian nationalists are having a freak out. I mean, to be fair, everyone with bad political opinions is having a freak out. The Christian nationalists are a circle within a circle at this point. The Washington Post editorial board's latest is, about how his mom dresses him funny. It's pretty sad. So most of the Christians in this particular freakout

are actually running super late. Mom Donnie easily won the Democratic primary back in June, and that's when New York City picks a mayor most of the time. The competition was Andrew Cuomo, some fucking rich guy from Westchester, backed by Wall Street SuperPacks, who said his favorite bagel order or breakfast sandwich is bacon, cheese, and egg,

on an English muffin. Horrible. The correct answer is bacon, egg and cheese on a bagel, obviously. But bonus points for everything bagel. Yeah, everything bagel is the correct answer.

Not toasted, Zoron. Not toasted. I can be toasted. Communist fuck. Wow. Should be toasted. Islamophobia. We'll get to more of that.

Eli's starting it already. Cool. Thank you. Well, that war criminal, Andrew Cuomo, got in a big snit after losing the primary. and he decided to run as an independent in the general, acting as a spoiler to a delightful grown-up human being

who wears a karate beret named Curtis Sliwa, the GOP candidate. Yeah. Okay, guys, look, I know we should on third-party voters on this show, but not if you voted for Curtis Slewa, we don't. Okay, without Curtis's votes, Cuomo comes within two percentage points of the mayor. Curtis Slewa is a hero. a hero who got hit by a car on national television. No, okay, so Eli, I'm as up for, you know,

measuring the heroism of Republican candidates by how often and how hard they get hit by cars. But to be clear, Cuomo was the third party candidate here. He was. He was. But we need Curtis Sliwa representing the Republican Party on every national debate stage. I don't care.

He makes them so much more fun. So, Mom, Donnie's had to deal with some crazy bigotry from the start of his campaign. That includes constant demands that he condemn Hamas approximately like once a minute for his entire campaign

or else people freak out. A demand that other candidates never seemed to be getting. It was weird. So weird. And other mayors refuse to do. Interesting. Looking at you, Baltimore. Of course, he also dealt with very specific bigoted comments from

prominent Christian nationalists. I'll start with a Christian nationalist with backing from Donald Trump, but who claims to be a Democrat. His name is Andrew Cuomo. Despite being a breakfast terrorist who belongs in fucking Gitmo, Cuomo recently did a radio appearance and agreed with the host that Zoran Mamdani would cheer another 9-11 attack on the city. Yeah, which is rich coming from a guy who did a 9-11 of grannies a day with his keep them in their rooms and don't let them smooch COVID policy. Well, and look, to be fair, 9-11 attacks have historically been great for New York mayors.

Absolutely. And New Yorkers. So what? Jesus Christ. Next up, we have GOP congressman Andy Ogles, who said, quote, Zoranam Dani came to America for one reason to turn America into an Islamic theocracy, end quote. Which is pretty ambitious for a. Seven-year-old Zoran moving from Uganda with his family in 1998.

Yeah, right. Ogles is also part of the push to investigate Mamdani's immigration status in hopes of invalidating the election and possibly deporting him. Donald Trump alluded to the same idea back in June following Mamdani's primary win. And on November 3rd, the night before the election, Andy Ogles posted a video of the 9-11 attack. It was a compilation video with planes hitting the Twin Towers. and he wrote, Wake Up New York.

Podcast listener, Heath has included a picture in our notes of a white family all holding guns in front of a Christmas tree. Heath, I'm assuming that's Andy. Okay, okay.

And that is insane, but more importantly, to the child in the picture, not holding up a gun, the only one wearing a Christmas hat and holding a Christmas book, do you want to come live at my house? I feel like you need an escape.

This kid is blinking in a still photo somehow. He's holding the Christmas line. He's like, he guys are doing a bit about conservatism, I don't believe. This is a gnome book I enjoy. Yes, right. And look, I get why Mamdani and his family don't recreate this picture, but man, I kind of wish. So the rise of Zoran Mamdani, it's going to be fun to watch.

I'm fucking excited, especially the part with all the Christian fascists in a panic because they want a clear wall of separation between the Muslim church and state. Also, the panic from everyone who thinks democratic socialist means a Bolshevik revolution just happened in New York City. So, big thanks to, well, everybody voted for Zoran, but also a big thanks to Donald Trump for being the literal most hated New Yorker in history and endorsing Andrew Cuomo. Right. Amazing. Oh, so grateful. Condem Hamas real quick, Eve. Real quick, condemn Hamas.

So you don't like Hamas. Pausing. Too long. And in deck of log jam news, if I told you that a state attorney general was suing somebody for following the law, your response would probably be, who is Ken Paxton pretending persecuted Christians now? Because you're a savvy listener that's been paying attention. And Ken Paxton is a perpetually powering down electric monk with a faulty logic gate than an even faulty or illogic one. So to answer your very savvy question, he thinks one of his own high school districts is persecuting Christians by refusing to violate the First Amendment. with his state's bullshit Ten Commandments requirements.

Yeah, I have no choice but to summon Dark Universe, Ken, to fight myself over this issue. He has a mustache where my comb over is. Now, to be clear, the school district was facing the choice of being sued by either the state or First Amendment watchtogs. So I would imagine they made the decision based on which two had the better claim to legality, or which one had the obvious moral high ground, or given Ken Paxson's reputation,

maybe one with one that had the least inapt lawyer. But one way or the other, the Galveston Independent School District voted not to put up a deck log poster donated by a theocratic logmaker, and that was enough to earn them a lawsuit from their own state. Yeah.

What's important is that either way, Texas's drastically underfunded schools are going to foot the bill, right? It's a win, win for not knowing things. And that's what really matters. Hey, didn't we send them a poster with like a QR code, it goes to the Ten Commandments landing page for Eli will fuck your dad.com or something like that.

Yes. Let's put that on. Give them a poster. Now, of course, we've been covering this Ten Commandments law in Texas for a while now, but it's easy to lose track amid all the other similar laws around the south. So quick reminder that parents and teachers from 11 Texas school districts sued the state about this shit and the judge in that case issued a preliminary injunction before the school year started telling schools not to follow the state law until the lawsuit was resolved.

But importantly, that ruling. only affected the 11 districts involved in the lawsuit. So the other 1,196 were left in legal limbo, not really knowing whether following or ignoring the law would ultimately be more expensive. Yeah, exactly. I haven't been told whether or not the murders I did were legal. You got to check on these things as what we're saying. And look, as fast as the dissented to theocracy is at this point,

I feel like I have to remind everybody that at least right now, it is still illegal to put 10 commandment post. in classrooms, right? That's why Republicans are still pretending that they're putting them up for historical reasons. Promoting a religion with taxpayer money in public schools is still against the law. Now, I don't doubt that the Supreme Court will change

that the first fucking chance they get, but they haven't done it yet. So Paxton is literally suing this school district for obeying the fucking law. Yeah. As long as John Roberts and Amy Coney-Barritt are the sensible swing votes in the right direction will be fine. That we've been hoping for, yeah.

And finally tonight, in Squeal of Fortune news, there are a few things one can truly count on these days. The beauty of a sunset, the Democrats' uncanny ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory no matter the odds. And of course, that no matter how silly a take you find on the internet, somewhere, somehow, one million moms are outraged about something even dumber. Hey, Grandma, the indelible digital imprint of history says

that when fascism tore down the one, of democracy, you are yelling about a soap commercial that implied the word shit? If that's true, why do we feed you still? Exactly. So, first off, big thanks to... Yeah. Exactly. So first off, big thanks to Karen for sending atheist news to scathing news at gmail.com.

For the very first time, Karen, you may have lost the lottery when it comes to names. Society has decided mean you're a bad person for no reason, but you've won the lottery in our hearts. So if your name is Karen or Adolf Feel free to send us atheist news To redeem yourself Scathing News at gmail.com It feels like Adolf was for a reason

No need to parent Karen to Adolf here Condem Hamas Adolf never condemned Hamas Interesting Right So if you're unfamiliar with one million moms They're a Christian group that gets offended

On behalf of themselves And despite their name There are fewer of them then Heath's Twitter or followers. So, you know, if you're out there and you want to start Heath's Twitter follower moms, by all means, have had it, I guess. Yeah, and we'll complain about my grievances,

which are manyfold. Yes, we will. Okay. What are those grievances? Yeah, were you going to name one? I'm actually feeling got to have you right now. Come back to me. I'll have grievances.

Okay, good. Get asked and answered. Anyways, I went through the airport, and it was everybody, I just got to watch rich people freaking out. I got delayed for like nine hours. It didn't matter. I was just having fun watching people freak out.

I can confirm that podcast listener. He was so casual. He was like, yeah, I had an extra dinner. And I was like, oh, man, that sucks. He was like, no. Why? No, it was super fun. The lounge gave me a free Lefroid.

It was the best. God damn it. Anyway, the subject of their ire this week was none other than the Wheel of Fortune for the implied swearing in their new segment. What the fun. Why, that's only two letters away from the most grievous of swears. Yes. In their letter accompanying a petition that now has over 12,000 signatures, OMM says, quote, it is not the show it was. With this implication of the F word, this is unnecessary

in any program, especially one marketed for the entire family. Parents will have to explain to their children that the prime time program they were once allowed to watch is no longer a clean show. It's not prime time. Wheel has deliberately chosen to include controversial categories instead of wholesome ones.

One million moms finds this highly inappropriate. Okay. We have two types of people in the world. Wheel of Fortune people and Jeopardy people. That's me.

One of those groups is very sad and embarrassing. I won't say which. Also, before the moms try to claim, oh no, we're actually both types of people. No, you're not. Anyone who calls it,

wheel is way, too much of a fan. Very telling. I call it wheel. I also, I don't like the way that they perpetuate the stereotype. The vowels are more valuable than the other letters. That kind of elitism has no place in modern linguistics. Ooh, important. Not takes. They conclude, DEMMAs. OMM concludes, quote, Wheel producers do not care what children hear. Everyone knows kids repeat what they hear. Insinuated profanity in any show is extremely disrespectful to families. Wheel should maintain its original design.

Wheel needs to know that parents disapprove. TV shows should never change. Somebody dig up Chuck Woolery, Goddain. Exactly, yeah. So this is obviously very silly, but what matters is that in a world where SNAP benefits are running thin,

churches are caught not feeding starving babies, and a game show kids only watch when they're home with the flu is implying the F word. That, that last thing is what requires our undivided attention. Yep, yep. And with our impending doom thus encapsulated, I suppose we can wrap up the headlines for the week. Keith, Eli, thanks as always. And when we come back, I'll figure out what's been scratching at this closet door the whole time.

Mom, Donnie. We both said the things we support. So, who did you choose to date? Oh, well, invisible. Al. Obviously. Invisigal. Thank you. You can't date anyone in FIFA. Hey, guys. You ready for Bible peace theater? You mean the part of the show where we act out the Bible so our listeners don't have to read it? We sure are. Don, how did you get here? Oh, Eli put a book of Simpsons quotes in a scientific calculator in a summoning circle. Yeah, nope, that'll do it. Yeah. So, where were we? First Corinthians. And we're going to pick up with some more homophobia. Hey, Paul, you're still working on that letter to the Corinthians?

I sure am. There's so much here. I'm probably going to have to write two of these things. Like, did you know gay people can't go to heaven? Yeah, man, you told us already. And you already told the Romans. Okay, well, I'm going to say it again here. Gay guys and effeminate men, too. Wow. Well, so being effeminate, we'll keep you out of heaven. Oh, absolutely. It's like I always say.

Meat is for the belly and the belly is for meat, but both will be destroyed. That's not really anything. It's barely a sentence. Can I say a lot of this letter feels stolen from Andrew Dice Clay? Well, he is a very young and relevant comedian right now. Sure. That's true. He is. Hey, Paul.

Hey, guys. What's up? So with the last couple of chapters, we're kind of worried that people are going to to think that you hate sex. What? No. I don't hate sex. I think everyone should be married and have all the sex they want. Oh, good. Because we were worried for a second. Unless, like, they don't want to have sex because of how gross it is. And then they should not. And you never know about Satan, right? What? Uh, sorry, what about Satan? And, you know, I'm not married. And being, married is actually really awesome. So I would say, like, if you're a widow or you're not married,

you should just totally not get married. Sorry. So everyone who's not currently married should not get married. And if married people want to, they should stop having sex? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you don't seem to have a great relationship with sex there, Paul. Yes, I do. I'm a book in the Bible and my opinions are normal and cool. Hey, Paul, we got another. question for you. Sure, guys. What's up? Yeah, so Jesus reversed a lot of the stuff that was in the Old Testament, like circumcision and food rules and notably slavery. Did he do slavery? We have a bunch of verses we're planning to pretend about slavery. Got it. Sure. Sure. So? So we were wondering what people do now. I mean, should circumcise people like uncircumcise themselves?

Yeah, and are slaves free? Oh, no, definitely not. Everyone who was a slave should stay a slave, and nobody should uncircumcise themselves. Oh, got it. How would that even work? Oh, so you take the mouthpiece of a trumpet, right? You know what?

That's going to where you're starting. Hey, you know what? Forget I asked. Man? I still want to know. Thank you. It's a fun fact. Hey, Paul.

Yes. So, got a little bit of a deep cut question for you here. You know, sacrificing animals to God. Sure, absolutely. Right. So at this point in history, there are quite a few people who interpret that to mean kind of just cooking the animals, you know, like for dinner. Okay, well, it's definitely not that.

Why would anybody think it's that? Well, you obviously haven't met any Jews. Okay, well, no, you can't just eat the meat you see. sacrifice to God. I am an atheist than I renounce God right now. Okay, fine. You can eat the meat. Just don't upset any weaklings when you do it. Uh-huh. Okay, so like

vegans, don't upset vegan? I mean, the Aramaic is closer to the hungry. Okay, so I can upset vegans. Yes, you can upset vegans. Back in. Christ is Lord. Nice. Okay. I saw Jesus, okay? We fucking hung out me and Jesus, all right?

We hung out and we were buds, and we did. stuff together. Like, he's in there yelling his credentials. Yeah, not clear who this is really four or two. How long has he been going? Well, like, for four chapters. I'm going to say, I always imagine the epistles to be these historical, foundational church documents, and they're just like a list of some dudes' enemies.

Some dude's enemies, tell me about it. You know, they say like, you know, the best way to make an eighth. just to read the Bible, but what are the Christians getting out of this? I mean, I guess it's pretty supportive of the bigotry. Yeah, that's true. It's why it's so important not to let moderate's cape, right? Totally. He slipped into NYU, we should stop him.

We got to stop. Yep, yep. I don't want to buy any more strawberry yogurt. Thanks for agreeing to take a lunch break, Paul. No problem. I feel like I might have gotten a little wrapped up there for a couple of chapters. Yeah, maybe.

Maybe a little. Mm-hmm. Hello, gentlemen. Thank you so much for coming. Paul, um, you're sure we're supposed to be eating with this guy? He worships devils? Yeah, no, it's fine. It's not a big deal.

Really? Oh, I'm serving lamb. Very rare. Okay. I'm 90% sure this dude sacrifice these lambs to a bad god. And now he's tricking us into eating. It's fine. Is it fine?

Yep. Yep, yep, yep, don't ask, don't tell. That's what I say. Wait, you want the official position of the Bible to be don't ask, don't tell about eating meat sacrifice to other gods? Yeah. And it is great, by the way. I mean, they drew devil horns on the plate in sauce. And they taste great.

Got it. Okay, but what if we didn't? with our hands at all. Well, what do we wipe with then? I don't know, like a piece of paper. Ew, gross. You would throw away the paper afterwards. Hey, guys, quick question for you.

I'm sort of going over the divine org chart that I'm laying out in the letter to the Corinthians. Yeah, what's up? So Christ owns man, man owns woman. I mean, I don't love it, but it's the Bronze Age, so sure. Right. But this is where it gets tricky, right? because man is made in God's image,

so he should probably not pray with his head covered, but because woman is made for man, she should pray with her head covered. Okay. And if she doesn't cover her head when she prays, she should have her head shaven? Uh, that feels like you're further uncovering there. Exactly.

No, because it's unnatural for men to have long hair. Have you seen Jesus? No, because, you know, because of the angels? Okay, totally lost me now. What are you talking about? Yeah, me too. I don't know. I'm going to keep working on it.

Okay, guys, I know I was a little lost with the hair stuff and the angels earlier, but I am on a fucking roll. Check these verses out. Love is patient. Love is kind. Right? Like, everyone is going to read that at their wedding. Their wedding, are they?

Yeah. It literally says, beareth all things, believeth. all things, hopeeth all things, endureth all things. I mean, you got a lot of eths in there, man. It's a lot. Oh, you guys are crazy. People are going to love this. How about this? Listen to this.

When I became a man, I put away childish things. For now I see through a glass darkly. Wait, what? You know, like, through glass? Does one see darkly through glass? Well, not a Traskin glass. They make great class. Okay, okay, man, look, this poetry stuff is obviously better than the homophobia, okay?

And the hellfire. And the hellfire, right. But I don't think it really has any, like, you know, solid content to it. Yeah. Okay, well, I think it's going to sell a billion pillows. Well, if pillow sales is the goal. Yeah, it is. Thank you.

Okay, you guys, I got it. Is it more poems? No, no, I wanted to write down some unofficial speaking in tongues rules. You know, just in case unbelievers ever see us speaking in tongues. Oh, yeah? Uh, how does that work? Eli, what are we doing in a dole? Am I going to get the bends?

No, no, no, guys, Paul is having a doodily-do about non-believers, so we are in the, in Paul's doodley-do. Draw me a maze. Am I here? Yeah, Don, you're here. Oh, is it because we hang out? Mm-hmm, yeah, buddy. Oh, yay.

Anyways, we're going to be late for church. Come on, let's do the thing. All right, everybody. As ordained in the Bible, we have one speaker in tongues today, and I shall be providing the translation. Shalalalala, malala, galalala. Hey, everyone, it's me, God again. Still no cures for diseases, but I just thought I'd drop by and say hi.

Koram Shalah, Malah, Farallala. I don't know if you guys are caught up on Luribus, but I'm just having trouble attaching, you know. I mean, no spoilers, but who am I supposed to be rooting for here? Because I'm not rooting for the main character, and I feel like the show wants me to agree with her, and I just don't. But no, la la la la. Anyway, I'm going to give it a chance and obviously I loved Breaking Bad

and Better Call Saul, but it all feels, you know, very hot take right now and very well. Now we shall have a luncheon. Did you do this whole doodoo to say that you don't like Pluribus? I didn't say I didn't like it.

I said I'm not connecting. Well, I like it. I didn't say I didn't like it. I don't like it. Okay, what's next? Wait, who, who are we? Paul and the apostles, we doodly do now. Very obviously.

Did you even check the map? I mean, it's right there. I was just asking. Anyways, I don't want women to speak in church. Men will go to church, and then their husbands can educate their wives at home. Uh, I'm not sure how that's going to work. Hey, honey, you headed out? Yep.

gonna be late if I don't go now. No worries. Just don't forget your salvation, okay? Oh, yeah, yeah. Don't forget your salvation. I got it. Yes, it's fine. Okay, I got that little salvation bowl by the door,

so you can just grab it out of the salvation bowl, and then when you... Oh, I know where the ball is, thank you. Okay, great. Just want to make sure you have it. I do, I do. Thank you. Thank you very much. All right, I love you, I love you.

All right, I love you, bye. Hey! Not in your bed. No problem. No, no problem. I'll bring it down to the car. No, it's not a problem at all. I was just, I was just taking a bath. Give me two seconds. I'll get out of the bath. I'll get a towel. I'll get the salvation out of the... No, it's not a... And I will hurry. Yes, I will. I will hurry. I know. I know you're going to be late. Okay, guys, last things, and then I think I'm going to start a new letter. Sure. What is it? People come back from the dead. They do? See, this is what I'm talking about If Jesus didn't come back from the dead

Then our whole religion is fake, you guys I mean, yeah, that's true Therefore, people can come back from the dead Okay, are you sure that isn't a power that you want to give So like, just our God? What? No, no, that would be silly. I mean, if people don't come back from the dead Then why do we baptize them after they die?

Sorry, have you been baptizing the dead? No, not in the Bible, not one single time. but for some reason I'm now talking like I do? Mm-hmm. Okay, okay, okay. Been in that. Hypothetically, if someone points out that people, you know, don't come back from the dead, you know, with a dead person,

uh, what do we do? Oh, we just tell them it's like a seed. You know, a seed needs to die before it can grow. Okay, well, that's definitely not true. No, yeah, it's not even in, like even in the now times we're aware that that isn't true. Guys, it's a metaphor. For what, wrongness? No, what I mean is, when you come back from the dead,

God might give you a different body. Like reincarnation? No, I'm saying, like, we don't die, we just change. Oh, like a conservation of energy thing. No, like into different bodies. Okay, so to be clear here, in the last chapter of your letter to the Corinthians, which you have mostly spent spelling

of bigotry that Jesus never mentioned, you want to point out that the dead can be baptized, raised from the dead, and that some of us won't die, will just shape-shift? Shape-shift, yes. How? Well, if you want to know that, you're going to have to tune in for my next letter. I feel like you're not going to answer that question. Or will I?

Okay. And on that note, we're going to give Paul a month to take a big breath before he rants to the same people some more. you can catch up with that on the next installment of Bible Peace Theater. Before we dissipate, I want to let you know that if you need more me in your life, I recently did a long sit-down with a recovering from religion folks on their RFRX talks podcast. If you didn't catch the live stream, I believe you can still watch the video and the podcast of episode is going to be out soon. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight, but we'll be back in 10,022 minutes.

with more. If you can't wait that long, be on look up for a brand new episode of our sister show, the skeptocrat, debuting at 7am Eastern on Monday, and even no episode of our sister show's hot friend, Goddiful movies, debuting at 7 Eastern on Tuesday, and even newer episode of our half-sister show citation needed, debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. There's an extra sibilant in there somewhere, sorry. Obviously, I can't clock out until I thank Heath Enright for being timeless, Eli Bosn for being timeful, and loose indolusions for being time honored. I also want to thank Don Ford for being on time, right? That's the time thing. I want to thank Audrey for providing this week's Farnsworth, quote,

nothing quite like suburban parents to back up the filthy monkey lineage, right? But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's best people, or I'm sorry, the people who are tied for best people with all the vulgarity for charity donors. Elizabeth Roberts, something stupid Tiamen, Evan, Nora, and recovering goth. Elizabeth and Robert who are exciting enough to charge up particles for an aurora in a pinch, something Tiamen and Evan whose intellects are even more vast than those glorious ribbons of iridescence that I didn't get to see last night, and Nora and recovering goth who are so hot that if you missed seeing them because of some

fucking clouds. You'd be really upset about it for at least 24 hours. Together, these seven savory secular has saved us from a life of toil and labor this week by giving us money to do this shit. If you'd like to do that, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash scathing atheists, whereby you'll earn early access to an extended ad-free version of every episode, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage atcath. And if you'd like to help but we haven't earned your money just yet, you can also help a ton by leaving a five-star review, telling afraid about this show and following us on social media. And speaking of social media, Tim

Rapperson hails that for us, and our audio engineer is Morgan Clerk, who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you can find all the contact info on the contact page at skating avus.com. 17-249-4-255 or on their website at creator-accountabilitynetwork.org. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC. Copyright 2025. All rights reserved.