The Scathing Atheist - 669: PS FU Edition

Episode Date: January 8, 2026

In this week’s episode, America picks up an extra president, podcastiverse character Scottish abortion clinic lady gets conjured by the universe to murder satire, and Don Ford will be here because apparently he had no better place to be.---To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheistTo buy our book, click here: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/If you see a news story you think we might be interested in, you can send it here: [e-mail] check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticratTo check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-moviesTo check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/Report instances of harassment or abuse connected to this show to the Creator Accountability Network here: https://creatoraccountabilitynetwork.org/---Guest Links:Learn more about the Institute for Secular Leadership: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61585261806719---Headlines:Christian leaders on Madurohttps://www.christianpost.com/news/us-evangelical-leaders-react-to-trumps-capture-of-maduro.htmlZohran Mamdani's quran oath was perfectly legal and Christian nationalists can't handle it:https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/zohran-mamdanis-quran-oath-was-perfectlyhttps://www.christianpost.com/voices/mamdanis-inauguration-speech-rife-with-radical-rhetoric-troubli.htmlhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFYRkzznsc0&t=30sHealth Authorities Issue Measles Alert at Creationist Museum: https://www.thedailybeast.com/health-authorities-issue-measles-alert-at-creationist-museum/Trump auctions off Jesus painting for $2.75 million at Mar-a-Lago NYE revival event:https://www.christianpost.com/news/trump-auctions-off-jesus-painting-for-275m-during-nye-party.htmlhttps://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/jan/01/trump-nye-mar-a-lago-auctionTrump administration issues changes to vaccine schedule: https://www.cnn.com/2026/01/05/health/childhood-vaccine-schedule-overhaulGrandmother criminally charged for inviting people to chat outside hospital: https://www.christianpost.com/news/grandmother-criminally-charged-for-inviting-people-to-chat.html---This Week in Misogyny:Turns out the face-eating leopard party is filled with face-eating leopards: https://www.nytimes.com/2025/12/09/opinion/republican-women-misogyny-sexism.htmlGrok being used to make naked pictures of real women (and children): https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2026/jan/07/grok-deepfake-images-sexualise-women-children-investigated-australia-esafetyKentucky woman charged with fetal homicide for abortion: https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/jan/02/kentucky-woman-arrest-abortionWyoming court blocks abortion pill ban: https://thehill.com/regulation/court-battles/5674918-wyoming-supreme-court-abortion-ruling/

Warning, these motherfuckers are going to make us use profanity again this week. This week's episode of The Skathing Atheist is brought to you by Mint Mobile and by the extraordinarily low life expectancy of an unhealthy 79-year-old. The extraordinarily low life expectancy of an unhealthy 79-year-old. It's all that's keeping any of us going at this point. And now, the Scaving Atheist. Hi, y'all. This is Julian Memphis. And after seeing four very large in fatigues,

men carrying very large automatic rifles outside of my neighborhood grocery store, seems a bit excessive, I can assure you that we did in fact evolve from filthy monkey men. It's Thursday. It's January 8th, and it's Bluble birthday. Awesome. You might not get clean at all, but the luxury is worth it.

Yep. So just the stickiness, the greasiness afterwards. I'm no illusions. Ah, me, love, Bosnick. And from Woodrow, Wilson's, New Jersey, and over Michigan, a wake-crossed Georgia. This is the scathing. On this week's episode, America picks up an extra president.

Podcastiverse character, Scottish Abortion Clinic Lady, gets conjured by the universe to murder satire again. And Don Ford will be here because apparently he had no better place to be. But first, the diatriat. The other day I'm driving by a church, a phenomenon often shortened, and my part of the country to driving. And the sign outside just said, yes, even you. That was it.

Whole message. I guess there are a couple of different ways that you could read this. I mean, there are infinity ways that you could read it, given how little they've given us to work with. But as a constant consumer of Christian, everything, I know exactly what they mean, right? They mean, yes, Jesus loves even you. Yes, God will forgive even your sins.

Yes, even you have a room made for you in heaven. This is a constant refrain in the Christian movies that we watch over on GAM. Whenever it's time for the main character to find God, there will be this moment where they're told to God's universal forgiveness and they'll have a, but surely not I, with my plethora of unspeakable sins kind of moment. And it's always hilarious, right? Because it's usually like a fucking teenager or an old lady or something.

So as an audience, you have to go, well, what jungle tribe did you genocide in the 70s, lady right i mean i like i know that there are murderers and rapists and shit out there and i know that there are some people who have managed to do some guilt laden shit out of you know benign neglect or momentary oversights right guy looks down to check his texts and kills a bus full orphans whatever probably doesn't think himself super deserving of forgiveness but how ubiquitous is that kind of shit that every third christian movie has to emphasize that god will forgive even you I mean, to a certain degree, my immediate takeaway is that I need to up my sin game, right? I've lived far from a saintly life, but I've never done anything remotely so bad that I'd be

surprised that a guy who once drowned all the bunnies because he was mad the humans were doing butt stuff could forgive it. So part of me thought I should like fucking sin better, right? I must be really missing out on all the good shit everybody else is doing. But, of course, the reality of it goes in the other direction, doesn't it? I think myself forgivable because my compunction is based on a comparison between myself and, like, other people or a reasonable moral standard. And by those measures, I'm doing pretty good. But their compunction is based on magical bullshit.

They're comparing themselves to a perfect moral being or a moral standard that starts with unforgivably sinful at birth. Like, there's a rhetorical trick that street preachers are taught, right? We see this all the time with Ray Comfort videos, and we've talked about it quite a bit on the show. But it's this bit where they'll start asking you, like, you know, have you ever stolen anything? Have you ever used the Lord's name in vain? And have you ever looked at a person with lust in your heart? And the idea is that, of course, all three of these things because of all three of these things because of fucking course, everybody's done all that shit. And then they're like, well, don't you think you need forgiveness?

You lying, blaspheming adulterer? Because looking at people with lust equals adultery according to Jesus. But, of course, what they've actually demonstrated here isn't that you're a sinner that needs to be washed in the blood of the lamb. It's that their moral standard is nonsensical. If you have a moral standard that everybody fails, it's useless, right? Like, if everybody gets a fucking F, the problem is with the test, not the students. And that's how you get to the point where the sign outside a church can get away with just saying, yes, dot, dot, dot, even you. Because the point of emphasizing universal forgiveness isn't to bypass you.

your dark, sinful past and give you comfort, is to bypass your comfort and give you a dark sinful past. It's to diminish you so much that you start feeling unworthy of what they're offering, even if what they're offering is nothing. So they spin up sins out of thoughts, right? Every thought in your head is being monitored for theological purity and even your doubts are grave sins, fantasizing, coveting, desiring, all this instinctual shit that you can't have void without a lobotomy becomes a sin, harmless shit, like watching porn and masturbating, matters of taste like enjoying the wrong kind of music or movies, innate characteristics, like sexual preference or gender identity.

These all become sins because you have to be undeserving for their whole fucking thing to work. If they had to limit themselves to people who actually were undeserving of forgiveness, they'd had to settle for a lot smaller of an audience. But here's a reality of it, okay? if there was a heaven, it would be lucky to have you. You're not some wretched, worthless burden. You're a pretty cool person.

You've been mostly good, even when it would have been in your short-term advantage to be bad. You've given when you didn't have to. You've been nice when you really wanted to be mean. You've been patient with people who weren't patient with you. You've added a beautiful and unique thread to society's tapestry and we're all better off for it. And if everybody figured that shit out,

a lot of churches would have to change the sign outside to just read, closed. They're talking about your Jesus. I interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for headlines tonight are the red and yellow to my green, Heath Enright, and Eli Bosnickfellas. Are you ready to go?

Red team go. Let's do it. All right. Well, it looks like Eli's yielding his chance to interject so we can move straight ahead to the word from this week's spot. Mint Mobile. I was yellow.

I was just standing at a yellow light just like, I'm not sure what to do. I get it. No, if it was how I treat yellow lights, I would have interrupted.

Ooh, what about the fountain at the mall with the coins? Now we're still banned about the Cinnabon thing. Oh, God.

Yeah, I forgot about that. Yeah, it was a lot. Hey, hey, fellas. What's you doing? Oh, hey, Noah. He and I were just trying to figure out how to scrounge up some extra cash post the holidays.

Yeah, the big spending is over, but we're still majorly hurting. Well, if you guys want to save some money, why don't you just try switching to Mint Mobile? What? Mint Mobile. Nice. Mint Mobile is here to help you cut back on overspending on wireless this January with 50% off unlimited premium wireless. All plans come with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. Use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with all your existing contacts. But have you actually used it? I sure have. We switched to Mint Mobile when they became a sponsor. Now I get the same great

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All right, Noah, thanks. Hey, I'm heading to the mall. You guys need anything? Oh, would you grab us some Cinebond? I'm not comfortable with that, man. They know that I know you guys. Come on. I said no.

I said no. She's fine. She's not fine, dude. Have you seen her? She's fine. And now, back to the headlines. In our lead story tonight, after kidnapping, Hispanic babies got him reelected, you can see why Trump would want to graduate to kidnapping

Hispanic adults. So at 2 a.m. local time in Venezuela, U.S. forces blew a bunch of shit up, killed by one report more than 80 people from a country were not at war with. So murder, I think, is the term there, and abducted its president, an action which loses whatever thin tindril of potential legitimacy you might theoretically be able to assign to it when I add. And his wife is where we are as a country. That's the Donro Doctrine. Our touching can't get mad. Really?

Yep. They wouldn't stop resisting our bombs. So we had to shoot bombs at them. Mm-hmm. Okay. Now, look, guys, I don't have the political science experience to have written Pink Pony Club. But I think maybe Kamala Harris might not have kidnapped the president of Venezuela.

Both the same. Same. You are punching down. a 27-year-old millionaire, Eli, how dare you. That's what it is. Now, to be clear, Nicholas Maduro is a bad guy. Right? He's all the various kinds of

evil that Trump aspires to us a national leader. And if the new rule was that as soon as a leader got shitty enough, somebody blew some shit up and then came in and got him, I would be down for that, right? Yeah, us first, please. I'll be the stuff you blow up. Absolutely.

But selectively allowing Donald fucking Trump to kidnap people based on made-up charges that they run a narco-terrorism gang that the Department of Justice now admits doesn't exist is a bad idea regardless of how shitty that person is. And when an ethical fact is as transparently true as that, you can bet your ass that plenty of Christian leaders got it wrong. Yeah, I'm just going to say right now that if but his people are celebrating in the streets

is the excuse the right are going to use to illegally remove someone from power, I got some terrible news for you about Trump, guys. He coughs and champagne corks just go flying all over this. Is that a tumor? Is that a tumor? His hand just looks like that. And I take eight aspirins a second. I want very thin blood.

Wait, one of my tumors is shaped like a mushroom cork. Oh, well, okay. So we'll start with evangelical Nepo baby Franklin Graham, who praised the operation and fellated the president as, quote, someone who does what he says he's going to do, end quote. Like when he promised to lower grocery prices and the war in Ukraine, build the wall, release the Epstein files, protect Medicare, releases tax returns, and not start forever wars, right? Like that.

Though in his defense, it is hard to do what you say when the things that you say so often lack any informational content whatsoever. How, for example, does one covefi, right? What part of speech is that? Exactly. Yes. But Graham says he does what he says, I guess. He doesn't say it to fucking Congress, clearly, but maybe he told Frankie he was going to do it. Yeah. Also, the entire concept is insane. Like, if I shit on Franklin Graham's desk, he's cool if I announce it first and say I was going to do it. Yeah, right. This is not even a good quality to have that he doesn't have. I just love the idea that Franklin Graham was like sweating over his desk for. two days for this announcement

and the best he came up with was he verbs right okay in fairness my shit was distracting I guess so and of course Tennessee pastor and man so full of sugary coffee drinks bees nest in his asshole

Greg Locke praised the operation because he likes stuff with guns and explosions he tweeted that the abduction of Maduro would lead to quote the biggest revival Latin America has ever experienced and quote adding quote fire emoji fire emoji end quote oh now makes sense right yeah so you know like finally that fucking 92% Christian nation can learn about Jesus or how it might even spread to that

whole 90% Christian continent only time will tell okay I'm like pretty sure Greg Locke heard that Venezuela has a bunch of oil and he thinks they're like right next to Saudi Arabia and A bunch of Islam going on. I think he's just hoping we liberate their sugar cane so he can get his insane Dunkin order going for another couple of months. Yeah, right, before the shortish sets in. Now, to be fair, a bunch of Christian leaders have condemned the actions, right? Even the Pope offered a very mealy-mouth denouncement lit

that called for respect for international law. Hey, hey, careful, Bobby, glass houses. Right, yeah. But even some of his maga basis turned against him on this. not because he's rampaging around the world, kidnapping people whose countries have resources he wants, but because they want him rampaging in America, damn it. Either way, I blame all the people who said 2026 couldn't be worse.

And in Mamdanibruk News, Zoran Mamdani, Anna. What are the guys talking about? It's the newest, the greatest Christian freak out. That's right. There's a Muslim guy in New York City, and he did a thing. And it's led to quite the Donnybrook. What?

The fracas, the rhubarb, the set to. Oh. Christians are freaking out. I don't know why I did old time. You can't use those in the ads now. But no asks us what we're doing. Okay. Christians are freaking out. Take it three.

After Mom Dani took his oath of office as New York City mayor, while his hand was touching the wrong magical book. Oh, fuck. Of course, that book was a Quran. of a Bible. And he actually had two copies of the Quran. So it's double the freak out. Oh, I'm twice as pious as you guys are. I have two of them. I want that to like this to like be an exponential holy book bidding war kind of thing, right? So now you got like Republicans climbing a ladder to reach the top of their Bible stack. That's good. I like it. Okay. So just to be clear,

there's no rule in the Constitution of the United States nor anything in the laws of New York about using the Bible there. You can pick any book you want or you can just say the Both with no physical assistance from literary osmosis into your hand while you're doing it. Examples from history include Teddy Roosevelt using nothing, a NASA administrator using pale blue dot. That was cool. And California Representative Robert Garcia using a collection of different objects, including a copy of Superman number one that was on loan from the Library of Congress. I bet a lot of them didn't know that was an option. I feel like if I ever got elected, I would use a copy of Heather has two months.

Mammies. I would also use the Quran. Oh, shoes. Right, exactly, yeah. I like my shoutouts. Well, regardless of the rules, being very clear, a bunch of Christian right idiots got mad. Tommy Tuberville of Alabama decided to weigh in about Mom Dani last week. Tuberville posted a screenshot of a New York Times article about the Qurans during the oath,

along with the insanely panicky comment. the enemy is inside the gates. Well, I mean, that's true, but it should be followed up with something like, and I'm ready to party or something like that. Right, yeah, exactly. Now, I want to be clear, the Quran is a terrible, bigoted evil book full of sexism, racism, and explicit instructions to kill people who aren't Muslim. I would prefer Mamdani not pretend he doesn't know that, which he does.

But when a Christian mayor swears in on the Bible, we don't like freak out and ask if their Amalekite citizens should be afraid for their lives. Based on the track record of Christians, that is a much more reasonable question than whether the Democratic Socialists whose plans are mostly bike lanes is here to bring us to Sharia law. Also, we should ask about the worried Amalekite citizens when people use the bottom. Honestly, I really, I fear for our Amalekites. Yeah. And the screenshot, by the way, shows that Tommy Tuverville is.

paying the New York Times as a subscriber because there's like a share button and stuff. One other fun freak out came from the Christian Post. You don't want to share with the any people. Tell me. The Christian Post wrote an article entitled, Mom Donnie's inauguration speech, rife with radical rhetoric, troubling symbolism. And the whole thing was just quoting perfectly normal remarks that any Christian politician might say,

but they were hoping people would read them in a scary tone with pianos things because a Muslim guy said it. The very first, allegedly scary quote, was when Mamdani said, we will govern without shame and insecurity, making no apology for what we believe. Well, to be fair, they do love shame and insecurity. That's kind of their whole thing. Yeah. The article also complained that Mamdani is calling for, quote, a new era of democratic socialist leadership

for the largest city in the nation, the same nation that defeated the Soviets, by the way. And actual quote. And here's my favorite part. The article finishes by being outraged that Bernie Sanders was there too. And then we got to follow. Doesn't he know?

We got the following. This was its own paragraph. Quote, Mamdani also sworn at midnight, perhaps the hour is late for the city. It's fine. It already doesn't sleep. It'll be fine. It feels like

Dave wanted to get his in that last sentence. Right? Like Dave was like, and we're going to use my hours. And they're like, we'll say it, man. Because hour is late. It's like a thing. It's like an idiot. No, the actual reason they did it at midnight was to beat the congestion pricing. How's not going, by the way? They raised

that billion dollars they said they would. You call me, fucks. $550 million that's mostly going to improve public transportation infrastructure. They've made measurable reductions to air pollution. They've increased bus traffic speed by 24% in the city. It's like an unmitigated good. Mitigated. Mitigated.

$7. I don't want to give them $7. That's my mitigating. Kedomhamas. So, again, definitely no rule about the book during your oath. But as far as I can tell, you do actually have to. to say the magic spell, which is fucking stupid. So hopefully we get more people saying it, I don't know, slightly wrong like Obama did, or mumbling something crazy in there to sneak it in

and see what happens to see if the, you know, different magic will do something. Let's get some creativity going forward, is what I'm saying, during the oaths. Fuck yeah. And no more genocide books like the Bible and the Quran. That'd be great. He didn't know about Superman. Superman. He would it on Superman. And in a measly souvenir news, if you visited the Ark Encounter creationist museum over the holidays,

you came away with a lot of things. Questions about why one broom in a corner is the only explanation they offer for all the animal shit that had to have been on Noah's Ark. Perhaps a dragons are actually dinosaurs tween novel for sale

in their bookstore. But you also might have left with measles. as this week, the Kentucky Department of Health had to issue a warning of possible exposure by one of their guests. Okay, one of these times it's going to be milkleg or rickets instead of measles, right? Do you think it'll be more impactful at that point? Like, more impactful to the idiots if they have to say, like, I got milk leg at the Kentucky Boat Museum. Now that's a T-shirt. Yeah, right?

To be fair, though, if the park is working as designed, measles is only the second most dangerous thing your kids are going to come away with, right? That's fair. That's fair. So first off, I want to thank... I went to the Kentucky Boat Museum and all I got was this lousy milk leg. Was this milkleg? Exactly, yeah. So first off, I want to thank the dozens of you who sent this story to scaling news at gmail.com. You all knew and understood that this story needed to be on our program. But many of you sent significantly better puns than I could ever come up with. So gentlemen, with your permission, I'd like to shout out a couple of those now rather than just stealing the credit

now that we know the story. Please proceed. Thank you. Shout out to Will for Pop Goes the Measles. Nice. Big ups to Nick for Parks of Being Unvaccinated. Oh, that's good. And finally, CT came up with

in-Arc exposure news. Oh, nice. Yeah, right? Anyways, thank you all for doing my job so much better than I ever could. Also, these idiots are not getting prosecuted for negligent plaguing, which they should be.

So maybe heard impunity news. Oh, nice. Something, something unvaccinated. It's not fair to have to go after Heath in a fucking pun thing. I know. I had a collect, I had a hive mind and I sell off. Vax don't care about your feelings. Oh, see?

All right. So to the story. According to a Facebook post by the Kentucky Department of Health, which, to be fair, is the best way to reach the unvaccinated, quote, health officials have identified potential measles exposures in Grant County Kentucky. An unvaccinated, out-of-state travelers stayed at the holiday inn and sweets in dry ridge from December 28th to 30th, 2025, and visited the Ark Encounter on December 29th, 2025. That's the saddest fucking holiday trip. God damn it.

Measles is a highly contagious respiratory virus that can cause serious health complications, especially in young children. Vaccination is the best protection against measles, immunization against measles comes through the measles, mumps, and rebella, MMR vaccine, end quote, not adding, you fucks. So, okay, all right, so if you look back over that thing, every piece of information that they gave in that notice matters, except the fact that that person wasn't even from round here, right? Like, who cares if it's out of it?

That was clearly like a, and it ain't just because we're Kentucky defense mechanisms, sneaking into their notice. Yeah. So here's the thing. This is bad in a normal building filled with sane people, right? But in the museum dedicated to the childishly impossible story that proves your religion isn't true, you're going to get a lot more anti-vexers. And based on the videos I've seen, there's like jazz scooters everywhere. It's a whole bunch of older people who are definitely, you know, at risk here.

Yeah. So after confirming that the person doing the measles exposing was, in fact, a child, the Ark Park released a statement saying, quote, for guests who gave us their email addresses when they purchased their tickets for that day, we shared in an email message coordinated with health officials that if visitors were fully vaccinated, no action would be needed. So Dave, you're fine. Everyone else might have a pretty bad news. You're right.

Yes, yeah. So as long as everybody voluntarily left us their contact information and checks their inboxes daily and double checks their promotion folders and made sure we didn't go to spam and actually pays attention to anything anybody ever said in a fucking email for the first time ever, we should be fine. It's fine. The conch has been blown. It continues for unvaccinated guests in attendance on Monday.

The email requested that they promptly contact their personal physician for guidance. Oh, right. No, because personal physicians are things that unvaccinated arc park attendees from Kentucky all have. Yeah, no doubt. I say, Weatherby, Southern and the family doctor, as I was perusing the tween dinosaurs or dragon's book, I may have been exposed to a bit of the witch's brood. Tell them to meet me in the sunrooom.

Indicating that measles can be contagious before, symptoms occur. That same information was shared with ARC staff. 775 emails were sent to guest families who visited on Monday. We pray that the child affected is doing well. We have not heard reports that other guests have contracted measles. Right, but they have. Clearly, some of them have. They just didn't want to make a public report about how their natural immunity crossfit regimen that they were doing didn't work. Yeah, right, right. Because that's nothing. Last little reminder about this story. Just got to throw that out there. Measles was declared eliminated in the United States in the year 2000. Yep. Before unvaccinated idiots like arc park attendees and RFK Jr. brought it back.

And at the end of last year, the United States had more than 2,000 measles cases. But, hey, just because the arc isn't real doesn't mean you can't recreate the plagues from the old test. There you go. Right? So, you know. Can we do something with polio? I don't know. I don't want it back, but for some people... Well, we're going to. And with a terrifying reminder that we all probably need to get booster shots for old-timey ailments and shit,

we're going to take a quick break and hand things over to my lovely wife, Lucinda. A man wrote the Bible? A horse, what she's mine. If it's a legitimate rate... It's a slut, right? Cooking can be fine. Hey, I'm proud of a man. This week in massage.

Okay, so to be honest, I kind of wanted to do a 2025 wrap-up this year in misogyny thing, but no one informed me that the show can't be two hours long. So, we're just going to go with the usual bullshit. But first, let me just say that if I was doing a this year in misogyny segment, the theme would be a lot of Republican women finding out that the face-eating leopards do, in fact, eat faces. Whether it's Marjorie Taylor Green, realizing that it kind of sucks when the president of the country encourages people to make threats against you

or Lauren Bobert realizing that the child raping was coming from inside the house or every single woman in Congress realizing that Mike Johnson is exactly the sexist that he presents himself as. The violin that I'm playing for them is so fucking small

photons can't even bounce off of it. But that's last year and this is a brand new calendar, right? We're moving boldly into the future after all, slowly bending towards freedom and all that. So maybe the inevitable march of technological progress can help to write the wrongs of sexism, huh? Just as soon as it's done digitally undressing us with AI, that is. Yep, first fucking news item that comes across my desk when I log back into this shit in 2026 is a story about grok.

That is, Kmart Twitter's AI bot, being used to show users what non-consenting women would look like naked. And yes, that includes minors. This has been uncovered by investigators in a bunch of countries. Not ours, though. So weird that our governmental apparatus would miss a disgustingly unethical thing Elon Musk was doing, huh? So we had to learn about this shit from Australia and India, where they're investigating multiple reports of sexualized images from the service.

This includes at least one where it put a 12-year-old girl in a skimpy bikini. Now, most of the companies making these AI bots have put in at least enough guardrail. to keep them from doing shit like this. But Elon Musk has made a big fucking deal about how his AI won't be woke about shit like, I don't know, sexualizing minors. Grock will tell it like it really is, unless you ask it to compare Elon's physical prowess

to LeBron James, that is. So this kind of shit was and remains inevitable. I also want to thank our favorite listener, April Puff, for sending me a terrifying story out of Kentucky where a woman is being charged with fetal homicide after medicinally inducing an abortion, as well as abuse of a corpse for disposing of the remains. Now, the news articles I've seen are unclear on how far along she was in a pregnancy when this happened,

but I want to be clear that if anything bad happened, it's the fault of the motherfuckers who made it illegal to get an abortion at any point in a pregnancy in their stupid fucking state. All that being said, I do have one tiny kernel of good news to report on that front, thanks to Logan, who was the first person to send it to us at scathing news at gmail.com. In Wyoming, the state Supreme Court actually struck down a rule that sought to ban abortion pills. And it was a 4-to-1 decision, because even in the conservative hellhole of Wyoming, any real body of judges taking their fucking job seriously can tell this is how rights work,

which is why it almost certainly fell on a pill if it gets to the Supreme Court. Sorry, in my line of work, it's almost impossible not to undercut your good news with realism. So quick before I shit on your tiny glimmer of hope any further, I'll wrap things up and hand you back over to Noah, Heath, and Eli. Thank you, Lucinda. Next up in headlines in Portrait of an Artist as a Young Son of Man News. Oh, nice. Donald Trump spent New Year's Eve holding an old-timey Christian revival in the form of a celebrity gala costing $1,450 a ticket, just like God intended. And the big centerpiece of the evening

was an auction for a painting of Jesus Christ himself that sold for $2.75 million. Listener, Heath has included a picture of this painting in our notes and there are no words for how poorly made it is. His beard is growing out of his face

like Darth Mall's horn. We would make fun of how bad it was one way or the other, right? So you're probably imagining that we're overstating it. But Jesus is dip and char in this. Or he was stung by bees and he has an allergy, but not like I'm going to die allergy,

but like everybody's going to make fun of me for the next two days allergy. Yeah. It looks like he's about to spit for sure. Or explode. Yeah. He's the bad guys in scanners. Okay.

So you're probably wondering, who's the old master who created this amazing work of art? That would be some lady named Vanessa from Scottsdale, Arizona. Trump's a big fan because she painted him a few times. And if you act now, you can get 25% off all standard prints during her big New Year sale on her site. According to Trump, quote, to me, she's one of the greatest. She's a speed painter. Yeah, no, because taking your time, fucks art all up.

I've always said that. And she's a great painter. But I think she's one of the great living artists. end the exact quote. I mean, why not? She made the Jesus painting over the course of 10 minutes during the event.

Yeah, I could tell. Right, no, as soon as I read that, I was like, oh, okay, now this makes sense. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so if you're picturing Donald Trump playing the role of auctioneer, trying his best to say increasing numbers quickly and failing,

you'd be picturing pretty much exactly what happened. It was actually seriously, yeah, genuinely, genuinely, He was the auctioneer. He also gave instructions to Vanessa and marveled at this idea of painting or painting or whatever it's called. Trump opened the bidding and he said, quote,

draw something really special. I don't know what it is, but draw something really special. I don't know how you do that. I can't even draw a clock. They keep asking you doing it. Or a convincing hurricane path projection. It's really tough. It's tougher than it looks.

And you're also probably wondering, where did all that money go? Well, the proceeds from the dinner and the auction went to St. Jude's Children's Hospital. Okay. And also the local sheriff's department near Marlago. That would be the Sheriff's Department of Palm Beach, Florida. Uh-huh. The one that did a big investigation on Jeffrey Epstein and has all that information from that investigation. Weird.

And just the case anyone's wondering about Trump's. New Year's Resolution. You were wondering about that, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah. He said his resolution is peace on earth. He resolved for that three days before Operation Absolute Results. Yeah.

That's the Venezuela one, to be clear. Well, I mean, look, nobody keeps their year's resolution. He can't blame him for that. And in, were they even listening to Eli's story about the fucking Ark Park news? if you live in the D.C. area and you should happen to see a dead whale on the side of the road with a box over the top of it held up by a stick, don't fuck with it. Okay, we're doing a thing. And in a related story, RFK Jr., further endangered all the people in the country with internal organs this week by reducing the recommended vaccine scheduled for children. And external organs. Yeah, well, those two. And in an effort to justify the move, which every legitimate authority on medicine agrees, will unnecessarily put lives at risk. for no gain whatsoever, he said that the reduced schedule will help to restore people's

faith in vaccines. What? Because if there's one thing that's important to RFK Jr., it's that people have sufficient faith in vaccines. Yeah, you know, this actually helps. So my anti-vaxxer idiot friend, who's in his high cherry, threw his vaccine on the floor. But then I picked it up and I was like, okay, what if you just have one bite, huh? Just try it on bite.

And I did the airplane and it worked like a charm. So, yeah, you never know. Yeah, the thing you have to remember is that the average American adult has the IQ of an 11-year-old. So, you know, they hate shots, right? Yes. Ow. Right. So the changes, which are based on absolutely no scientific input whatsoever and were ramrodded

through a process that's already been denuded of all of its guardrails, narrow the recommendations for shots against hepatitis A and B as well as meningococcal disease. Previously, those were just part of the standard schedule, but now they're only recommended for kids at high risk for the diseases. So kids. Mostly kids, yeah. Because until this point, the hepatitis didn't even have a fucking fighting chance, and that's not fair.

They're also, they're now recommending that vaccination against flu, COVID and retrovirus be based on, quote, shared clinical decision making, end quote. Which means you'll now have to consult with a fucking doctor to get them, even though every goddamn doctor would say, yes, get them. Wow. Okay. Well, I'd be worried if there was like, an extra deadly outbreak of the flu right now.

Yeah, but absent that. I don't know, guys. Feels like this might be working itself out in payroll. Well, as long as we ignore people with legitimate vaccine allergies and, you know, the immunocompromised and children under two, et cetera, sure. Yeah. Unmitigated success. Now, what you'll hear from the maggot co-workers on this is that we're just going to now

have the same vaccine schedule as Denmark, right? And it seems to be working fine over there. They're big fans of Denmark. There's another thing that's healthcare related that Denmark has that the U.S. doesn't have, and it's called fucking health care, right? Danish kids have access to universal health care and pregnant people there have access to universal prenatal care. And they have free screenings for all the shit that we're talking about vaccinating is Danish kids are just fucking healthier than American kids so they don't need to be vaccinated against as much shit. So let your coworker know that we would be more than willing to trade this vaccine schedule for universal fucking health care. if that's the offer.

Yeah. Denmark, it's also half the size of Maine and has different endemic disease histories. Yes. And the Greenland part is going to work itself out in payroll. Yeah, I, you know, I wondered where Stephen Miller was going with all those blankets. Oh, no. Now it's all making sense to me.

So the other defense, though, is that the shots are still there and parents can still opt into them and insurance companies will still cover them without co-pay. Now, that's fucking rich coming from an administration that just tripled the cost of health care for a lot of people, right? But it also ignores the fact that now parents will have to consult with a doctor to get an approval for the vaccines that they otherwise could just fucking get. So there is an increase in cost and overall burden for that. But luckily, it's super easy to get in touch with the doctor so they can say yes, duh, and hand me a bill.

Right. I scheduled an appointment in October, and it's coming right up in June when the flu is notoriously rampant. So that'll be good. No, Heath, you got to log into the MyChart Appointments app. No, no, no, no, that's the angle with health my chart app. You've got to be seen within decades, okay? Decades. If they're in network.

Trump, of course, applauded this stupid fucking move. This whole rescheduling effort started with a social media post where all the best public health policies come from from him. And he followed up the announcement with a message about how he'd like to see Americans even sicker. Now he's calling for the schedule to be further reduced to separate the MMR vaccine into three separate shots. Presumably because he's okay with kids having measles, mumps, or Rubella, you know, but not all three. I don't know which yet, right? No indication. Oh, he's not fooling me.

He's just trying to cut off the fact checkers at the sorens. I know what you're doing. And finally tonight, in Freedom of Screech News, a 75-year-old woman has been criminally charged in Glasgow for standing near a hospital with a sign inviting people to chat. Nope. Is how the story on the Christian post about a lady who repeatedly violated abortion services Safe Access Zone Scotland Act, and you know what that means? What are the guys talking about?

It's the newest, the greatest Christian freak out. That's right. Christians are freaking out because Scotland is stifling this woman's free speech by not letting her protest abortion 20 feet closer than she otherwise would. And that's pretty much the Holocaust and slavery combined. Or as the old lady put it, quote, I should not be treated as a criminal for inviting people to chat with me, lending a listening ear.

You should, though. You should be treated as a criminal. Even granting your nonsense description, you crimed and were treating you like a criminal. That's what's happening. Well, yeah, right. And we're not treating you like a criminal for inviting people to chat with you. We're treating you like a criminal for breaking the law and being a criminal, right?

That's the distinction. She concluded, I simply stood in love and compassion. Doesn't matter how you stood. Offering consensual conversation to anyone who wanted to engage. Nobody should be criminalized just for offering a chap. Again, it's insane. Even in your own wording, lady, it wasn't consensual when you offered. Like, if I'm walking into my doctor's office and you yell at me,

hello, murderer, would you like to have a consensual conversation? right now. That wasn't consent. If you asked me to have sex by starting to have sex with me, you're a rapist. Yes. Now, if you're wondering who her legal defense is, I will give you

zero guesses. That's right. It's SBLC listed hate group, the Alliance Defending Freedom, who have brought her case to the national stage earning her shoutouts from none other than vice president and terror of the Ottoman Empire, J.D. Vance, who called the buffer laws that she

violated a threat to free expression in Munich last week. Yeah. Now, obviously, we're a little bias here on the scathing atheist, which is why we're pleased to bring in guest commentator Scottish Abortion Clinic Lady. Scottish Abortion Clinic Lady, welcome to the show. Come on, it's great to be here, do you. Thank you for having me. Yeah, so first of all, let's address the elephant in the room.

Are you worried that our longtime listeners will confuse you for podcast-averse resident Irish abortion clinic lady? Ah, no chance, no illusions. Where as different as different can be. Okay. All right, great. So can you tell us a little bit about what's going on here from your side of things?

Ah, indeed, I can no illusions. See, there I was just hanging around the hospital, hoping for a shot. Uh-huh. A chat. About what? Anything? Uh-huh. Maybe stranger things.

What people are saying this season isn't any good? chat about that. Right. Extra episode. People say that. No, yeah, yeah, they do say that. And what do you say to the people who say that you explicitly wanted to talk to people about the fact that you thought the often life-saving health care that they were getting was

murder? I mean, it's possible that might have come up. It comes up in a lot of charts. Does it? Hey. Okay. And what do you say to people who mentioned that you just could just like offer a chat not right in front of?

where people are getting abortions. But I won't a chat. In front of the abortions. In front of the abortions, aye. Yeah, because you want to tell people that they're killing babies? I do, I. All right.

Well, thanks for coming on. Hafton Bigura. That's an Irish thing. And with yet another podcast character to add to the codex, we can wrap the headlines for the night. Heath, Eli, thanks as always. Too Manji.

And when we come back, we'll get this year's first Don sighting. These are backpacks. Oh, okay. Yeah, got you. Hargis. Hey, podcast, listener. Do you love God-Affle movies?

Are you looking to see it on April 3rd in San Francisco? Nah. Well, then buckle up your butts because we're pleased to announce the one and only Kara Santa Maria will be joining us on stage. That's right. Kara will be on stage for all the videos. Visual shenanigans, you know you've been missing. But don't wait, this show has less than 100 tickets left.

Get them now at godawfulmovieslive.com. That's godoffelmovieslive.com. God awful movies live on April 3rd in San Francisco, California. Now with 100% more Santa Maria, guaranteed. Wait, I thought Isakai and Lit RPG are the same thing. No, Isakai just means another world. It doesn't have to have, like, stats and menus and stuff. I did not know that.

Right? Because you associate it with the... Yeah. Hey, fellas. Are you ready for some Bible piece theater? Oh, you mean the part of the show where we act out the Bible so our listeners don't have to read it? We sure are.

Hey, Don. When did you get here? Oh, Eli put a portal over my toilet seat this morning and... Got it. So, Isakai did he? Well, technically he just transported me. Isakai means another world. Huh.

I didn't know that. Yeah. Thanks, Don. Oh, you're welcome. So, uh... Fuck you, Don. You stole my word. Weird.

So, anyway, where were we? Paul's second epistle to the Corinthians. Seriously? He added a whole other letter? Yeah. Why? Oh, because everyone hated the first one. Wait.

Wait, really? Yeah. It's pretty universally agreed that the first epistle gets delivered. Paul gets told in some format to go fuck himself. He writes the Corinthians a, no, you go fuck yourself letter, which is lost a time. And then he writes this to try to make up for the go fuck yourself letter. Got it. So this is sort of like him apology? Well, kind of, but it's like a shitty apology from someone who's just telling you that they're sorry, you misunderstood them rather than that they did anything wrong. Oh, well, sounds pretty Christian to me. Yeah, no, it is.

It is. Stupid fucking Christian Corinthians and their stupid super prophets. Hey, hey Paul, buddy. How you doing? Hey, guys. I'm doing great. Actually, I had a wonderful trip. Never better.

I'm actually really, really ready to write that second letter now. You sure? Because it looks like you've been crying. What? No. I'm not crying. I was, it was rain on my face. Was it raining early?

Yeah, you missed it. Anyway, apparently, since I was such a jerk in the first one, I'm going to start with a compliment. Saved people smell better. What? We smell better. Yeah.

Yeah, but only because unsaved people smell like death because of how they're going to die forever. Okay, just feels like more of a dig than anything. Oh, and also anyone who doesn't accept Jesus, or like my first letter, their minds were blinded by God. When you love Jesus, you're unblinded. Unblinded, yeah. Because salvation is hidden to those who can't see it. It's like treasure in an earthen vessel, you know? We don't look at stuff you can see as Christians. We look at stuff you can't see. Hey, bud, I'm going to stop here right there. end with clothes that only the emperor can see?

No? Way too long, I pause. Okay, let's see. Jesus is awesome. Walk by faith, not by sight. Yeah, widow, you cover that in the last part. Jesus is awesome. Yeah, the last word you said.

Okay, I have this. When you love Jesus, your bowels are straight. Sorry, what? Yep, you're just like a tube down there. Everything's just right through. I'm going to mark that one down as a metaphor. A metaphor for what? I don't know, man.

I do not fucking know. Hey, Paul. Yeah. We were thinking you might want to address, you know, the vibes. What vibes? They're bad, man. What? No, they're not.

They are, though. I mean, even mentioning it right now, it's bad. No, it's not. These are great vibes. guys are messing up the vibes by mentioning it is why it's bad. Are we? Mm-hmm. Okay, fine.

I'm going to say I made you guys sad with my letter, and I'm not sorry, even though I said I was sorry. Not a great start. Let me finish, let me finish, but because you were sorry for God, in a godly way,

you actually weren't hurt. Your message is that they weren't hurt. Exactly. They were sorry with zeal and revenge. So if you think about it, my letter actually made you happy and

you're welcome. Great. Okay. Okay. Look, I admit things got a little tense and then I might have said that they were welcome for what I said, but now

I'm going to do a section about charity. Okay. You know, charity is good. That's right. It is good. It is good. I'm going to say, give to those in need. And if you're in need, and take what others give. That's okay, I guess.

Yeah. And how about this? Give with a glad heart. I mean, not really relevant. Because when we're all equal, we're all prepared to take revenge on anyone who would disobey Jesus. Oh, here we go. And even though people say I'm a nice person and I won't, like,

fucking do stuff in person? Like I write letters, but then I'll fucking kick your asses. I'll kick your asses. We were so close. Were we? Okay. Guys, I got to talk about the super apostles. Who are the super apostles?

Oh my God. Did I not tell you guys what happened on my trip? No, you didn't. Oh, okay. Guys, listen to this, listen to this. All right. everybody, you are saved. Thanks a bunch, Paul.

Yeah, yeah, we really appreciate. No problem, everybody. We'll see you around. Bye. Bye. Hey, you guys just get told about Jesus by Paul? We sure did. Oh, yeah.

We were so happy to be saved. I bet. He told you to get circumcised, right? Oh, no, I thought we weren't doing that anymore. Oh, yeah, no, new rule. We're doing that again. Well, how do we know you aren't just making it up and changing stuff on us? Well, I didn't Paul just come by and change stuff?

Yeah, yeah, I guess you did. Well, so that's what I'm doing. Plus, loquacious. I'm sorry, what? Oh, nothing, just using big words and talking fancy is all. You know what? Let's cut the tips of our dicks off. You know, I was just thinking that.

Noquacious, no quacious, loquacious, loquacious, no quatios. So some charlatans came by and have been using the fact that you're changing the religion to change the religion? I know, right? Can you believe that? It's so bad. Right, but you see how that's caused by you coming along and changing the religion, right? No, I do not see that. But don't worry, because I've got a solution. Oh, yeah? What's that? Okay, so I'm going to tell them to ignore the super apostles.

I should probably stop calling them that. But I'm going to do it sarcastically. I'm sorry, you're going to write a part of the Bible sarcastically? Yeah, yeah. For the, like, middle chunk of this letter, I'm going to be like, oh, I might not be as good a talker as them, but I'm definitely not as good as lying. Okay, so for the record, I don't think any part of a book we'd like to be the final truth of the universe should be sarcastic.

But if they just came by and changed what you said, isn't saying they're better than you... Sarcastically, I'm saying sarcastically. You missed that part. I'm just doing sarcasticly. Even sarcastically, isn't that a terrible idea? Okay. What if I do a knot at the end? Not better, man. Like, not. No, I'm, no, we get it. Not.

Okay? Guys, I figured it out. I can tell you didn't really like the not idea. So, I'm going to show a little empathy. Yes. Oh, totally agree. Yeah, okay. So how's this, guys?

I totally understand how hard it can be to be a good Christian. After all, God put this thorn in me, so Satan would always have a hold on me. On me? What? Dorn? Yeah, and then I asked God, I was like, please, please take this secret, dark, terrible thing away from me. And God was like, no, my grace is enough.

Um, dude? Yeah, no, when I was sitting in prison and I was beaten and whipped, and all I could wish for was my freedom from my thorn, right? The evil secret of my flesh. but then God was like, no, it will never, ever, ever leave you. Huh. You guys get all that? Yep.

Yep, got it. Hey, what the fuck was that that I just acted out? I mean, he's gay. Okay, guys, he's not necessarily gay. I mean, he sounds pretty gay to me. Super gay. Okay, but look, a lot of biblical scholars do interpret Paul's Thorne, as homosexuality, and that does make his weird anti-gay rant in the last letter

make more sense, I guess. Plus, he had that weird thing about how nobody should get married. Right. Yeah. Right, yeah. But it could be anything, right? Like, he could be, like, putting stuff in his wiener hole. And it's worth pointing out that, like, a lot of homophobes throughout history have used

Paul's Thorne as proof that you don't have to be gay or, like, you know, that you can stop yourself from being gay. So as fun as it is to call Paul gay, we should probably, like, responsible. acknowledged that we don't know what Paul's Thorne was, and if it was being gay, like, that, you know, obviously there's nothing wrong with that. That's fair.

Yeah. It's gay, though, right? Oh my God, totally gay. It's super gay. It's super gay. Thank you. In conclusion, oh, wow, short letter. Yeah. I am coming to visit you for a third time, and I would like you to be sure that you are all

properly contrite for when I visit. You will know if you are, or if you aren't, because if you are, Jesus is in you. A weird vibe. Finally, finally, you already said in conclusion. Be perfect, be of good comfort. Be of one mind. How? Live in peace.

Uh-huh. And the God of love and peace shall be with you. Greet one another with a holy kiss. Where we just tell. All the saints salute you. The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the communion of the Holy Ghost be with you all. Amen to my letter.

Truly a bizarre ending. P.S. I'm gay. Do it. And with that reminder of just how much of the perfect word of God has made up a big, H.E. Correspondents. We'll wrap up another installment of Bible Peace Theater. Before we force this toothpaste back in, I want to let you know about an exciting project coming to us from our friend Darrow Ray of recovering from religion. It's called the Institute for Secular Leadership, and the goal here is to give those interested in leading

secular communities the tools and information that they're going to need to get it done. We're going to have a link in the show notes if you're interested in learning more. Anyway, that's all the blast movie we've got for you tonight, but we'll be back in 10,000, 22 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on to look up for a brand new episode of our D&D actual play podcast, D&D Minus, debuting at 7 New Eastern tomorrow.

A newer episode of our sister show, The Skeptychard, doing at 7tham Eastern on Monday, an even newer episode of our sister show's hot friend Goddolmobile movie's debuting at 7thm Eastern on Tuesday, and an even newer episode of our half-sister show Citation Dita debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, this show would wither on the vine

if I neglected to thank Ethan Wright for being the best. Eli Bosnich for also being the best in Lucinda Lusinilusians for being even better than that. I also want to thank Don Ford for helping out today. Kind of unfortunate that he had to follow Lucinda in the best, best, better series because, you know, Don's great, but great. Sounds pretty subpar coming after better than the best. Of course, as our favorite listener, April Poff pointed out the other day when we were playing VR golf,

subpar is the fucking goal, right? Oh, I also want to thank Julie and Memphis for writing this week's Farnsworth quote. Hope those guys survived their harrowing mission of fucking acquiring some Debbie cakes or whatever. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's and last week's best people. Morton Veterinary for America, Blue Cheese is moldy cheese, Edward, Helen, Daniel Judd, Dumbledong, Logan, Robert, Heather, James, Richard Anthony, Chasing Rabbits, Aaron, Feather Snow, Marco, Glenn from Aetland, Mike, and Terlin, who are so eminently complimentable that I couldn't even fit all their compliments into a single calendar year. Together, these 21 people characters campaign slogans and blasphemies against cheese that Heath is only letting you get away with because he doesn't listen to the. the outro helped keep us going for another year by giving us money. If you, too, would like to get away with some shit, you know,

or possibly challenge previous patrons on the deliciousness of blue cheese with your patron name, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash scathing atheist, whereby you'll earn early access to an extended ad-preversion of every episode, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheas.com. And look, I admit that fucking blue cheese is moldy cheese, but all cheese is moldy cheese. That's what the cheese is. Anyway, if you'd like to help but not in a money sort of way,

You can also help a ton by leaving us a five-star review, telling a friend about the show and following us on social media. And speaking of social media, Tim Ropperson handles that for us and our audio engineer is Morgan Clark, who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you find all the contact info on the contact page at scalingadious.com. And swish. Oh, wait, no, this is a beep, isn't it? You're trying to swoosh out of a fucking beep? I'm trying to swoop out of a beep. Jesus, that was close.

That would just be almost turn this inside out. Are you? Never end. Holy fuck. Never out of the podcast. Kill you. Yeah. Don can't go home?

Beep, beep. Morgan, very important. This content is scanned credentialed, which means you can report instances of harassment, abuse, or other harm to their hotline at 617-249-255. Or on their website at Creator Accountability Network. This podcast is a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC and was created without the use of generative AI. Its contents may not be used for AI training. Copyright 2026. All rights reserved.