The Scathing Atheist - 670: De-Icing Edition

Episode Date: January 15, 2026

In this week’s episode, Tucker Carlson is worried the horny woman in the area is his wife so he wants to ban porn, and Ross Douthat totally would’ve won that argument against Christopher Hitchens if he hadn’t been tired.---To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheistTo buy our book, click here: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/If you see a news story you think we might be interested in, you can send it here: [e-mail] check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticratTo check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-moviesTo check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/Report instances of harassment or abuse connected to this show to the Creator Accountability Network here: https://creatoraccountabilitynetwork.org/---Guest Links:Check out James’ memes here: https://www.facebook.com/Pligmemes---Headlines:Court upholds $400,000 fine against lawyer who warned Catholic school about predator on staff: https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/court-upholds-400000-fine-againstPaxton sues his own transportation department for not putting religious ads in official docs: https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/texas-attorney-general-sues-stateColorado’s ‘first public Christian school’ ordered to close building over safety concerns: https://www.chalkbeat.org/colorado/2026/01/10/riverstone-academy-public-christian-school-ordered-to-close-building/Tucker Carlson warns that porn addiction is greater threat than Islam, exposes US to conquest:https://www.christianpost.com/news/tucker-carlson-warns-porn-addiction-exposes-us-to-conquest.html

Warning, this episode contains the F word, by which I mean fuck. This week's episode of The Skating Atheist is brought to you by the new high-powered de-icing spray for people with a serious ice problem, flame throwers. Those were great against ice. And now the Skating Atheist. Hi, this is James, and there's a gay FLDS survivor who created over 1,000 FLDS-specific memes as a form of deconstruction, knowing Warren Jeff's purpose. on a personal level and having 49 siblings, I can tell you that we did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey men. It's Thursday.

It's January 15th. And it's Wikipedia Day. Citations needed and provided. I'm no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heathenright. And from Patty Smith's, New Jersey, Ann Arbor, Michigan, and Waycross, Georgia. This is the skating atheist.

On this week's episode, the Catholic Church gets tree-handed. Tucker Carlson is worried the horny woman in the area is his wife, so he wants to ban porn. And Ross Delfa totally would have won that argument against Christopher Hitchens if he hadn't been so tired. But first, the diatribe. At first, I didn't understand why they released the video. His video, the video that he took with his phone right before he murdered that lady. Because if anything, it made him look more guilty, right? I mean, keep in mind that the official story at the time was that she was trying to

to ram him with her car and he shot her in self-defense. Because you know how you can defend yourself from getting run over by shooting the driver that's running you over. Yeah, it's like that. But despite the inherent implausibility of that excuse and the pretty clear video evidence to the contrary, that was the official story. Still is, right? We were informed of it when Trump rushed to his Kmart Twitter to shout it out like he

was telling people what color the emperor's suit was just in case anybody asked. But the next day, they released his. cell phone video and not only does the video fail to show him being in any danger, it even shows that she was entirely non-threatening throughout her interaction with him. Her last words were words of forgiveness. And that just didn't compute at first, right? They didn't have to release that. Their bullshit story is far better served if we have to rely on more distant footage where you have to compare the timestamp from this video to that video. And they sure as hell didn't do themselves any favors by letting us hear her say, that's fine, dude, I'm not mad at you. But then it occurred to me

that they don't care about the plausibility of their story, right? Plausible lies are shitty litmus tests of loyalty anyway. Anybody can play along with a plausible lie, but the truly loyal will agree, you know, that the 2020 election was stolen and that Trump had a bigger inaugural penis than Obama. So he clearly murdered a woman that was just trying to get past him wasn't the part of the narrative that worried them. It was the implication that her death might mean that you could be next, right? That suburban moms that voted for Trump would fear that they could get caught up in this shit. The media narrative was white middle age mother killed by pissed off ice agent. And in the photo of her that, you know, the media was using, she looked like she could be anybody. She

looked like she could be you or your aunt or your mother or your daughter. So they sought to change the narrative from he murdered that lady to he murdered that lesbian. You know, when you see her and her wife in the video, you might not know that their spouses, but they definitely look other to maga moms who are worried that they would get caught in the crossfire. The point of the video was to say, don't worry, we're only shooting the ones that don't look like us. And look, I'm hesitant to make this about religion, even though that's my job, right? Because from what I've heard, Renee Good was a devout Christian, and I'm sure that if I could ask her,

she would tell me that her faith is what inspired, or at least some of what inspired her to do, the work of protecting her neighbors that she died for. And I see how it might seem in poor taste to take the death of a Christian murder and make it the backbone for a screed against Christianity. But it's hard to talk about the powers of otherization in America without confronting the elephant in the room.

That power is inherent in religion. You can't have religion without this power of us. authorization, and it's a damn dangerous thing to have. It's a power that when left unchecked has led to the very worst crimes that we have names for. And it's one that American Christianity has wielded with ever more negligence. Right. Like, I look at it like having a gun in a house full of children, right?

Like, as an atheist, I'm over here saying, hey, maybe we just don't have a gun in the house at all. But even a staunch supporter of gun rights would agree with me that the thing should be kept unloaded and in a gun safe. right so think of this not as a diatribe against christianity necessarily but about how if you're going to have a religion you should keep the most dangerous aspects of it in a safe place where the kids can't get to it because look ever since fundamentalist christianity offered itself up to the republican party in the 60s they've been more and more careless with this shit they've allowed the inherent

otherization of religion to be used for shit as frivolous as politicians and supreme court justices knowing all the while that the same kind of ostracization that they were casually weaponizing regularly bubbles over into genocide. Right now, a fascist unchecked police force is rampaging through all the parts of the country that our president doesn't like, and the motivating force in the minds of the individual agents is this threat to the Christian way of life that immigration represents. And sure, when they say Christianity, they mean my specific set of bigotries, but from the perspective of an atheist that's been paying attention over the last couple of decades,

that's a tomato-tomato distinction. This is Christianity's demon. They and their delusions of persecution got this motherfucker elected and keep him in power. They are the authors of all the fears he promises to protect them from. And they're the ones that define what counts as the other. You know, I know this is some divisive shit to say in the name of unity, but the lives of pretty much everybody I care about in the world are at risk until we get this right. And tiptoeing around their bullshit is what led us here in the first place.

I'll make no apologies for failing to do so. The problem is Christian nationalism, and you can't confront that if you're afraid to talk about half of those words. They're talking about your Jesus. May interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for headlines tonight of the Bobby and Squit to my pesto, Heath Enright, and Eli Vosnik. Fellas, are you ready to flock together?

Okay, you can't just say out loud that I'm the squit, okay? But some dynamics need to go on Spokely. Oh, come on. You're Ray Leota. You know. He made it to 67, I think. God forbid. In our lead story tonight, in fine behavior news, in times like these, it's easy to wonder,

where are all the good men gone? And where are all the gods? Okay. Where's the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds, Shrek 2? Well, God isn't real. But there are a few heroes out there. and some of them are paying half a million dollars in fines this week for doing the right thing. So the least we can do is shout them out on her podcast.

Okay, well, I know you well enough not to agree until you've told me what the dude was fined for. So, fair, fair. Smart. So first up, a big thanks to Hammett Mehta over at the Friendly Atheist Substack for bringing this story to our attention over at scathing news at gmail.com. We forgive you for somehow rigging the American Humanist Association Humanist Media Award for your self-hemmed. And we forgive you for not singing wind beneath my wings to us as your acceptance speech. Eli forgives you apparently. Okay. There you go. One third down. Keep working at it. So to our story, Reverend Paul Hart began working for the Archdiocese of New Orleans in 1989. And shortly later

after, he began to sexually abuse a member of his youth group. Listener, this is not the hero Eli was talking about. Important, important to point out. Yes. Now, I want to say at the outset, said that every article I read about this story feels that it's very important. I tell you the victim was 17 at the time. Oh, in that case. Yeah, and I want to be Oh, as in that's better? Right.

Everyone's like, come I had a bunch of fucking mainstream media being like come on the field play ball. So to be clear, that does not matter. He's in his late 30s. She was a member of his youth group

and her ability to drive a car without a learner's permit when he sexually abused her does not change anything about this situation. Well, yeah, it also wouldn't have been ethical if she was over 18 and he was in a position of authority over her. So yeah. Yeah. Oh, she can pick up some Zimas along the way.

Great. Right, exactly. So when that victim grew up and enrolled her own children in Catholic school in 2012, she was horrified to learn that Paul Hart still worked there. So she filed a complaint with the Archdiocese. And he refuted that complaint with. I am not kidding. I didn't even come, though.

Oh, my God. And the investigation was stolen. Okay. Okay. First of all, yes, he did. But Eli's not exaggerating. Part of his legal defense was my child victim wasn't even a generous lover. And also, over the pants doesn't count.

Seriously, that's in like legal documents. Yeah. You think that was his lawyer's call or did he go rogue on that one, you think? Not clear. Let me put you on an argument here. I got an idea. So cut to 2020, the Archdiocese of New Orleans files for Chapter 11 bankruptcy because

what we just heard is how they handle sexual abuse accusations. That's when attorney and motherfucking badass Richard Trahant who represented some of the victims of sexual abuse and was part of a committee investigating the archdiocese saw that paperwork documenting the allegations against Hart. He also knew that Hart was currently working

at Brother Martin High School where his cousin happened to be a principal. He and that cousin then had the following verbatim exchange. Heath, do you mind reading me this real transcript? Yeah, I'd love to that. Sounds fun. Is Name of Priest still the chaplain at Name of High School? Yes. You and I need to get together soon. Shit. Indeed. You beat me to the text. That's an ominous question coming from you.

Right. So a couple days after that real exchange, Hart School announces his retirement to spend more time with his brain cancer. And then a few months after that, the Guardian published an article stating that he had actually retired because of the kid diddling. I think he was faking the brain cancer. Can I say that sounds like a fake cancer? And when the judge in the bankruptcy case looked into that story, the source for that article was motherfucking badass Richard Treyhand. Okay, well, first of all, way to protect your sources, the guardian. And secondly, I see why you guys all agree that deep throat would be an inappropriate nickname on this occasion. Smart. Yep, no, it's smart. So the judge decides that this is a violation of Trahan's confidentiality agreement and immediately removes him from the clergy abuse claimants committee.

Plus, she adds a $400,000 fine. Now, Treyhant appealed the decision, saying that the fine was an overreach for a bankruptcy court. and this week, the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals upheld that fine. Hey, I'd like to add a legal argument for Trahant. It's the English common law principle of, what's it called? It cost me 400 grand to report a pedophile rapist. Ergo, proctor, hawk, de jure, Latin, whatever.

What the fuck are you guys doing? The principal. So if there was such a thing as a good billionaire, they would drop 10 million on the judge's desk and ask Treyhant to out 25 more pedophile priests. I'm looking at you, Taitay. Yes, Tatee, do it. Now, I want to be clear, as far as I can tell,

and more importantly, according to official legal correspondent for Puzzle and a thunderstorm and unofficial Snokey Wookhams for Heath Enright. That's official. And Enright, this is technically the correct ruling based on the wording of the law. But the reason it matters is that Richard is sticking by his guns, even after he lost.

as Richard put it, quote, I did what I had to do to keep a child predator away from children, end quote. There you go. And I'll be goddamned if that man doesn't have a half million dollars worth a solid brass balls. So, I mean, yeah, it's kind of a bummer that he got fined. But definitely good news for like human morality. Either way, Richard, if you're listening, and I know you are,

you have $400,000 of sexual enthusiasm headed your way anytime you want. Okay. Just pick a hole. So you got to stop telling listeners they can pick a hole, man. That's not just me. The court order said that as well. And I appealed just like Richard. Yeah, and we're just as well.

Any hole you want, Richard. I don't think you can crowdsource holes for legal debt. That's illegal. Ask him. I'm not interested in your opinion. I'll check. I'll check. And in Driver's Ad News tonight, Texas Attorney General, Senate hopeful,

and man who always looks like he's hoping you don't count the money he just handed to you. Ken Paxton decided that he's decided that. He could use some free publicity for his Senate bids, so he decided to rustle up some imaginary anti-Christian bias and sue it, which is how it transpired that the state of Texas sued its own Department of Public Safety for refusing to accept religious ads in the driver's handbook, a publication which quite significantly doesn't have ads in it. Okay, well, that means that there aren't any religious ones in there.

This is an open-shut case, y'all. Well, it is. Who do they think the ads are going to be four? You're just reading through the manual being like, oh, clockwise right of way. If there's a four-way stop and you land up. Hold on. Wait, two for one. Delitano's pizza?

Everlasting love and paradise from Jesus. So, okay. Now, to be clear, I was doing a pizza place. As was I. As was I. So, no, to be clear, there is a provision in the rules that says that should the Texas DMV put ads in the manual that they give people learning to drive. Those ads can't be religious, right? There's a long list of things that are forbidden that basically amounts to like shit that more

than seven people are going to be offended by, right? So it specifies that you can't have ads about religion or ballot measures or tobacco or politics or gambling or booze or whatever. And it's entirely legal to have such a fucking list, right? The measure of prejudice here would be if they were rules that accepted some religious ads, but not others. But Ken Paxton's argument is that if you accept ads for restaurants, you have to accept ads for churches because both churches and pizza huts are buildings. Both have odd-shaped roofs that make them stand out.

They both promise rewards for reading books. You look like you shat too hard, but you're smiling anyway. Is that you're happy about it? That's me. You stab yourself while you're trying to put some moisturized around. And again, to be clear, they don't actually have any ads whatsoever in the book because who the fuck would want to take out ads in the goddamn driver's handbook? And this is something that Paxton would have known had he bothered to contact literally anyone within that department.

But according to a spokesperson for this, the Department of Public Safety, nobody from the AG's office ever contacted them at all about this. A step they absolutely would take if the point was to try to actually change the fucking rule, especially since there's no chance in any. hell that the lawsuit will change it. Okay, but can we buy an ad in the driver's ed handbook? Because I don't even need it to be like a Chaz Stevens butt plug Jesus thing. I'm just talking like, I look sad, Heath looks mad. The caption is, don't drive like my fat son. I mean, I want to get in there.

Okay. Other idea? What if we buy an ad with Anna doing Jesus Take the Wheel in the digital. So, of course, none of this, though, was ever. about changing any rules. Right? I'm, I, Paxton would probably be giddy if he managed to further usher the definition of religious freedom towards

absolute legal impunity for everything. But the real point here is getting in the news and establishing himself to be the most Christian candidate in the primary. And any time that he's not driving that media narrative, at risk slipping back into his adultery and the very unchristian divorce that resulted from it. So look for more of this shit to come, I would imagine.

And in, you got school news. regular listeners to our show will remember way back on episode 661 when we reported on the opening of Colorado's first public Christian school. Sorry, what? Yeah, no, that is a Christian school funded by public dollars. Or as everyone but our current Supreme Court would call it, the most obvious possible violation of separation in certain states. Yeah, no, even the Senate chaplain would raise an eyebrow at this, yes.

Before we jump in, I want to give a big shout out to Katrina. for sending us this story to scathing news at gmail.com. For sending us atheist news, Katrina. You can tag Heath in on one Facebook fight, and he has to be on your side, no matter what you're saying. Scathing news at gmail.com. Exercise with caution, Katrina.

I'm like a real monkey's paw type of ally. No, you got to think, so before I tagged him into an argument about what color of the dress was, I had to stipulate a rule against eye gouging. That's true. You got to do that. Okay, it was. white or blue.

No, it was white and gold. Yeah. It was. Right. So before we... Just an answer. It's an answer to the question. I just don't know.

I gouging. No, I gouging. Your computer can also be facing the wrong direction. Just admit there's an answer and I'll stop gouging. Gouging. If I had a nickel. So before we jump into the latest, it's worth pointing out that there's been a little bit of news about this story since last time we spoke about it.

When we talked about this last time, we mentioned that this kind of seemed like the people involved were doing this on purpose as a sort of. of religious test that they could bring before the Supreme Court. And we got confirmation of that supposition in emails obtained by chalkbeat. Quote, in the June 4th email, Pueblo County School District 70 attorney Brad Miller wrote to the district school board and superintendent seeking permission for a public education cooperative. He also represents to open a school with about 30 students within district boundaries. Miller wrote that the cooperative would then work with the alliance defending free.

freedom, a Arizona-based group involved in high-profile conservative legal. I know, what a way to put it, right? To test the legalities around the issue of whether a public school may provide religious education, end quote. We're making the country a Christian theocracy now say nothing, and we'll go ahead with that. Do not reply to this email. Burn after reading. Oh, fuck, it's an email.

So, yeah, yeah. And also, don't worry about the kids. We're reducing to guinea pig status here. not going to educate any of our kids. Yeah, exactly. So speaking of that school board, by the way, that I just mentioned, one member of that board has since resigned after Chalk Beat revealed that she already signed a contract to work for the Christian schools authorizer.

Education re-envisioned board of cooperative educational services or herbosies when she voted in June to allow the school to open within district boundaries. Now, at this point, you're probably wondering, podcast listener, who will save us? Will it be a strongly worded letter from the sexually eponymous Jeffrey Blackwell? Wait, you mean his name is Jeffrey sexually Blackwell? Or you mean like the popular phrase, I am Blackwellily aroused or something like that? I think he thinks that eponymous means horse-like. Yes.

The answer is yes to all those questions, gentlemen. Got it. Either way, it looks like we might not need it. Because this week, the school was ordered to close. Over fire safety concerns. Okay. So to be clear, that board member cast a vote for fucking Theocracy, got caught colluding with the Christian Theocracy people, resigned.

And then as they were walking out, flicked a cigarette behind her into a school full of fire safety violations. Clearly. Now, now, we're actually concerned that given the amount of lying that y'all are doing, your pants may actually burst into flames based on our experience. Oh, it's a real concern. Yeah. So let me explain.

Christians don't care about the safety of children. Yeah, there's that. Honestly, that's case closed. But specifically here, as Brad pointed out in his letter, this was a legal test case, right? It was never supposed to be a real school. So in July, Quinn Friberg, the Christian schools executive director, met with the county officials about his plans to set up the school in a leased space inside a former office near concrete landscaping and marijuana businesses.

Jesus, fucking Giuliani's going to do a press conference. During a press conference, right? We're a gildo shop shy. Right. Now, believe it or not, we wrote the laws about what schools are supposed to look like and be back when things mattered. So in late August, county officials sent him a six-page letter detailing the numerous zoning and building changes that would be needed first. The problem was, Freiburg had already...

opened the Christian school two weeks earlier. It's called Riverstone Academy. Okay, don't bring fucking skipping stones into this. That's a delightful game and you suck at it. Well, it's because they're going to smooth out the kids' brains. Right? Yeah, River smooths a stone. They're seeing how far they can go,

even though we all know it's not very far. So it seems like nobody actually did anything about that letter until late October, when shortly after Riverstone's existence became widely known, Pueblo County Health Fire Building and Zoning officials cited more than a dozen violations and put the school on fire watch, which required someone to patrol the school every half hour to look for signs of fire. Jesus fucking Christ. It's how unsafe it was. It was like, well, how long can we go between checking for fire?

Can we do 29 minutes? An episode of everybody loves Raymond that is not the end or the beginning of a season. But with commercials, with commercials. With commercials. Yeah, with commercials. And then finally, on January 6th, the county set the school letter saying that they had to acknowledge their intent to close by Monday, which as of writing this story, I still do not think they have done. Hey, Theocracy people, we're lowering a giant lead dome over the top of your school like Chernobyl right now. Please respond to this email whenever you get a chance. Hopefully you're not in it.

Bumping this to the top of your inbox. So yeah. The prop school meant to help Theocracy invade our schools turned out not to have had our children's best interests in mind. Shocking, I know. But that's okay. I'm sure the hate group that they're sponsored by will get them some cubbies and a fire extinguisher.

Soon as they're done, I don't know, changing the name of the Constitution to the Christstitution or whatever they're working on this week. And finally tonight in Cuck Your Face News. We have a story about Tucker Carlson and cuck porn. It's like a gift from the fucking universe. It's like he set it up for us by accident on purpose. I don't know.

Did he do this for you as a favor, Heath? I do not have to tell you. You do not. No, it's funny. You don't know. This is all part of Tucker's journey as a broadcaster. He started as the token conservative bowtied squinter on MSNBC, eventually landing as the lead primetime host

Fox News. But he got fired from that Fox News job after costing them $787.5 million in a settlement with Dominion voting systems because of all the big lying he did around the big lie following the 2020 election. So Tucker had to pivot and somehow he found a direction that was worse than Fox News against all odds. He's a pioneer of geometry. I don't know how he found it, but he did. So now he's a born-again Christian, who spends most of his time supporting Vladimir Putin and crusading against pornography. And last week, he claimed that pornography is a greater threat to society than radical Islam. Huh. Oh, I get it. Because they stole Ray Little Black from us. Exactly. Okay, I get it. I'm on board. What? Huh? Trust me, two perverts who come to the same stuff as I do,

got that, and they're losing it right now. Just... Okay. And they're sad because they come to the same stuff as me. But the joke was funny. All right. So I tentatively agree that porn poses a greater threat to Americans than radical Islam. But something tells me I'm getting there from a different direction. I'll hold up.

So the remarks from Tucker last week came during an appearance on a Christian podcast hosted by Bryce Crawford. Sounds like an asshole. Somehow, Bryce was in a room with Tucker Carlson. and Bryce appears to be the most obnoxious person in the room. It's crazy. Bryce describes his job as Christian storyteller. Yeah, well, that's code for guy who made a podcast and an energy drink and realized that Christianity branding is a great scam to go with that.

We got to get an energy drink, guys. We do. His energy drink, by the way, is called praise energy. And he looks like he sells an energy. energy drink called praise energy. Sure does. Yep. Does he have a Pukeshell necklace and a Farah Fawcett

Mullet? Yes, he does. Of course he does. Yeah, he's a real Mr. Mark of the Beast, if you will. That is perfect. That's really good. So, now you're probably wondering, is there a cartoon lion mascot named Zion the Lion? Yes,

there is. Of course there is. But he is Zion the Lion about the hype? Okay. great question, Eli. He is not about hype. Oh, okay. Yeah, he's inspired by the lion of Judah. So obviously not about hype and equates their sight. Zion represents strength through faith, courage without arrogance, and confidence rooted in belief. He is a symbol of showing up daily with intention, standing firm in what you believe, and moving forward with purpose. Zion, to answer your question, is not about hype.

he is about resilience, discipline, and quiet strength. And it looks like Zion's favorite flavor of praise is rainbow candy. That's one of their flavors. Oh, well, there you go. All right. So I have a question. Which do you think was more disappointing to Bryce when he said it out loud and realized that Zion and Lion don't fucking rhyme no matter how you try to do it? Not Bob Marley.

Or the fact when they brought him the mascot, he realized that it looks like a Sonic the Hedgehog spit out purity rings when he got hit. Yeah, and podcast listener, if you're worried that Zion the lion isn't on his knees in prayer on the front of every praise energy drink. What, God is.

Worrying. Tim and Eric could never with Zion the motherfucking lion. So, okay, Bryce Crawford, firmly established as the journalist doing the interview here. Now let's hear the sage advice about porn and society from Tucker, a guy who thinks he got clawed by demons while sleeping with his dogs. Tucker started by saying that political issues are just a big distraction from the real stuff, like spirits.

According to Tucker, quote, to make it Republican versus Democrat is completely false. and it also ignores the deeper truth, which is our problems start within us. Well, I guess we can both agree they start inside Tucker Carlson at least. Yeah, no, a lot of them. He continued.

I honestly think that one of the biggest problems, sorry to shock your viewers, is pornography on the internet. Hey, just pop it in to remind you that if someone says out loud that they're worried about other people's porn problems, they have a problem with pornography. It's just it's them.

Yeah. So, no, to be clear, there are problems with porn, and if you'd like to know more about them. I cannot recommend Sophie Gilbert's Girl on Girl Highly enough, Fantastic Book. But none of them are porn addiction. Okay. I thought you're talking about a video and not a book. And I was like, this is a confusing point you're making. Okay.

No, it's a book. Oh, so No, is allowed to recommend porn videos on air. It's a book. It's a book. Okay. So many people would get my Ray Little Black reference if we were allowed to recommend porn videos on air. Okay, so from there, Tucker accidentally gives us an amazing window into his personal flavor of Christian psychosis. You'll be shocked to learn. It's about controlling women and definitely his wife in particular.

He heard about cuck porn and he's been panicking ever since. After claiming that internet porn is one of the biggest problems that we face, he added, quote, I'm talking about a specific thing, which is, hey, sleep with my wife, pornography, which is pushed by the pornography companies. So if the point of pornography is to convince you, it's okay for some random guy to sleep with your wife, and millions of American men believe that, or in their deepest secret thoughts, are turned on by it, You've prepared the country to be taken over. Wait, what?

Because you have made the men not men anymore. That's not my kink, said the frowny man in the on-purpose bowtie. My kink is something I don't talk about other people. So perhaps we need some more context to understand what Tucker is saying. Let's all watch some kuckporn. If you'll put the link in the show notes. And bring yourself to minute 1.468. So definitely do that.

But what I was talking about is the most fundamental truth about marriage, according to Tucker. He explained, quote, the most fundamental truth about marriage is, it's your job to make sure other men don't get to sleep with your wife. Oh, I bet Mrs. Carlson has a great life, huh? Oh, so jealous. That's number one. And pornography, more than any other thing, has subverted that. And it should be banned immediately.

And the people who put it on the internet should be in jail. Kicks open the door to Angel Studios. You're going to jail for fucking my wife. Sorry, I'm in psychosis. Yes, yes. Why am I here? What are these scratches? He has a ready list of things people should go to jail.

for teaching him he's turned on. Why? Okay, so how does he loop that around to the idea that horn is a bigger threat than radical Islam? Here's Tucker sticking the landing on that. He said, quote, the real threat is,

I don't know, OnlyFans, Tinder? I mean, these are threats to the civilization. And they're also just manifestations of deeper problems. It's not all OnlyFans' fault. Agreed. But if you're turning, 10% of the American female population into prostitutes, you need to be in jail right now.

What? That's what an invading army does. That's what the Ottomans did. Are the Muslims coming in here and turning our daughters into prostitutes? No. Only fans is doing that. Okay. Truly unhinged.

So much to unpack there. Does he think the people on Tinder are prostitutes? Does he think that there are 13.5 million women? on Only fans because because I think he and I share an Instagram algorithm if he does. Like I get it. No matter where I go, they are in my area.

Some sort of geographical oddity. What did we learn? I'd say that it's the perfect time for the project we've been talking about for a while. I will be signing up for Cocker Carlson.com. whatever, and buying some latex bow ties, and we'll go from there.

All right, well, I guess while we figure out the wording of a very awkward casting call, we're going to wrap up the headlines for the night. Heath, Eli, thanks as always. Jumajy. And when we come back, our procrastinating on finishing Ross Douth's stupid book will enter year two. Our Christmas present to ourselves this year was taking a month off of Ross Douth's dumbass book in December, but we're back to it again with this installment of God awful books.

Now, you'll probably have forgotten by now because your memory is designed to reject things that are dumb enough. But so far in this book, Ross has proven that there is a god because otherwise, why would that hole in atheist hearts even be shaped like that? Great question. And his most recent trick was proving the supernatural

by referencing a lie that Michael Schumer told to prove the opposite point once. and now we're going to rejoin this book with chapter. I am embarrassed to say this entering 2026. We're only on four. This is chapter four. And in a choice that doubtless left Lee Strobel in a litigious rage, it's called the case for commitment. I think it makes a pretty good case for it.

Yes. So, okay, so he opens this chapter up by talking about that time he met Christopher Hitchens at a Christmas party. And as I mentioned in the atro. If he had been less drunk and tired that day, guys, guys, if it hadn't been for the tiredness, he totally would have won that argument that they got into. Okay. I mean, Hitchens was never going to get to be less drunk. Why should Ross get to be?

That's not fair. Okay. So, to be clear, Ross was working at the Atlantic at this point. And somebody clearly invited him to the party just to watch him lose an argument to Hitchens. And Ross clearly got stumped by an argument at some point. And he sputtered for a few seconds and then like fake to phone. call and fucked out. And now he's lying about it in his book.

Yeah. Well, right. He's trying to downplay this fact. He'll write, oh, I was just cornered by Hitchens in a kitchen and I was a, but, you know, what happened in reality, I'm sure, is that either he cornered Hitchens, right, with what he was sure was going to be a devastating zinger and then got his ass handed to him. Or Christopher Hitchens sought out an even less well known at the time Ross Douthed and picked a fight with him. Okay, honestly, I can see both of those scenarios happening. The thing that I am sure of

is that everyone else at that party hated being there. They were like, can we get Hitchens and talking to each other? I would have loved it. I would have been like, fight, fight, fight. Yeah. Okay, but here's thing. Even in Ross's lie, his telling about this moment, Hitchens points out that even literal resurrection of Jesus Christ doesn't prove the rest of the religion. And Ross can't quite remember his amazing repost is what he calls it, because the argument from Hitchens was like too flashy. And it made him forget the amazing thing he said in response. I'm not.

Ross just tells us about a neuroscientist who once said, approximate quote, we don't know everything about neuroscience, but that doesn't mean some Christian guy should be quoting me right now. Stop it, Ross. Stop. Right. So now he's pretty sure our objection at this point in the book is something along the lines of,

sure, Ross, you've proven that there is a God and that science is dumb compared to you, but I don't know which God, so I might as well keep masturbating to all this gay porn. Exactly. As we learn from C.S. Lewis, the problem with writing a whole book of what you're pretending are great arguments for the existence of God is that if your first chapter was as good as you pretend it is, you don't need other chapter. Right. Yes. Well, he's also subtly admitting that even if we accept the arguments he's made,

which to be clear, we shouldn't, he still wouldn't have proven his fucking point. It's like somebody yelled at the book from out of the frame, like, I'm still masturbating to gay porn. That was nothing just now. There's nothing. And then Russ argues back in his book, okay, maybe there's a magical, invisible anvil and a teacup over your dick while you're masturbating to the porn. And some of us lead our lives with that in mind.

You don't know. You don't know. Think about it. Yep. But yes, if you assume that he says here that if you assume that Jesus rose from the dead, his religion is pretty intriguing. You've got rich men. Okay, but if he did or didn't, porn is pretty intriguing.

You should see this. You should see this. Click the link in the show notes. It's good. Tucker Carlson is so mad about it. But he points out that there are actually multiple lines of very persuasive evidence for his position. You don't know them. They're from Canada.

And I'll admit none of them is definitive at all. But if you add them up, there's like three, not definitive things I said. Yeah, right. Why would you add them? He's actually using that like, oh, you put them all together. You should be convinced by the stuff I said from Canada. Yeah, he goes like, well, you know, look, if supernatural stuff keeps happening, you should probably be curious about the right religion.

And I'm like, yes, yes, if supernatural stuff kept happening. Yeah. and if every supernatural thing we ever looked into has been proven to be natural what should we do then? Oh, we keep looking into religion. God, oh, I thought it turns out.

Yeah, all right, let's call that one a tie. Also, we have porn and no dick anvils. Back to your boss. There you go. There you go. Checkmate. He goes, he's like, well, you got to admit there's a lot of people claiming things that can't even theoretically be

disproven or have been disproven. either. Maybe I am thinking of 11. Yeah. 11 what? Magic. All right, let's watch porn. Yeah.

He goes, once you accept the afterlife, being religious gets very important. I'm like, yeah, man, once you accept religion, having a religion matters. Otherwise, you wouldn't know who to get built by. We agree. I liked this, though, because this is like when Heath and I are arguing about something that I'm wrong about. And one time, I heard someone say, accept the premise. So I'll just wait until he's done.

and be like, well, except the premise of whatever the fuck I'm saying. And then, but he says no, and it's real. It's not my premise. No. So call it a tie. No, that's knowing what's true. And I don't want to do that. Congestion pricing is good, man.

Stephen Miller and demons. Okay. So I need to talk about the orox. Interesting. Did you catch this part? So that's the name of a wild Eurasian ox that's gone extinct. And here's a real sentence in Ron. Douths its book.

Once you concede, the universe might be a bit more than just a collision of atoms. You are not standing alone next to an enigmatic orox, staring with bafflement into its inhuman eyes. It's truly crazy. So here's what I think happened. Ross looks up a fancy word every day, obviously. Not for like the love of our vast language, which would be a good reason to do that, but clearly so he can sound smart in a book or in his now.

argument with a famous atheist at a dinner party that he totally could have won. So one day he goes to this office at the Times and he forces the word orox into the conversation, I'm guessing. And then Esther Klein is like, sorry, what? Did you say orox? And Ross was like, yep, orox. It's a normal word that I used. Use that word other time.

Wilde, you're Asian ox. Maybe you didn't know that. And Ezra was like, cool. Oh, you use it all the time. So use it in your next paragraph that you're writing right now. And Ross had to smush it in there and describe. atheism as being alone in a field like a thousand years ago staring in bafflement

at an orox whose eyes contain a riddle because it's confusing and Ezra was like ah fuck yeah you know you got me you win that's in your book now and it's perfect it's a number of unique words are both of our beards working out no neither of our beards are working that's what we really have in common Ezra's beard is delightful how dare you awful it's awful okay dare you

He looks like when they try to do a flashback to young Dumbledore. Yeah, exactly. Doesn't even make sense what you said. I got a lot of Dumbledore in this week's episode. I don't know why. It's a lot of... So then he tackles the all-important question of how we choose the right religion now that we know that atheism is wrong, right?

And like, most of the shit I'm saying is too vague to support a specific religion is an admission. I don't think he knows he's making... Can we start doing this, though? just as the scientific paper starts with, look, we all know physics is real, so my thing's probably real, right? We all know the documentary watchman is real. So that's why I am building a plutonium sauna in my house

and also sending money to a pedophile cartel. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, right. So he's like, my argument is that I'm obviously right and everybody who doesn't agree with me is just lying. Okay. Same Ross fucking same king. But like there's a distinct feeling at this point in the book that he's like

He's like putting the Christianity in our hands You know like asking for us to take take it for a spin around the block See if it's something to see yourself in you know Slaps the top of our head this baby can hold a lot of repressed homosexuality What if cuck porn was other people's fault Also he keeps referring to religion as a backpack Yeah. It really felt like he got a new Jansport for school, and he's really excited to like,

use all the compartments, so it's in his head. So picking a religion is packing a backpack several times in this chapter. But all that did was remind me about his evidence for God from the last chapter, being a lady who started feeling really hot and feeling, quote, power in her veins. And then we learn from him that she just lit her backpack on. fire with her bike light. Right. So then he's like, he's like, hey, if you're new to this religion thing, you know, it's fine to like, try a few on, mix and match, et cetera.

Just try not to die and be condemned to eternal torment before you settle on the right one. So there is a ticking clock. And don't buy a boat either. Really hard to take care of expenses to park. I know you think you're going to go out every weekend, but you just, you don't have that time. You're not. Yeah, he's going for like the Pascal's wager idea of. at least starting to try out different religions.

You mean the Dilbert defense? Yeah. But yeah. Glad that guy's dead. Fuck him. Right. But Ross fucks up his own argument by pointing out Revelation 316 when Jesus tells people they're going to get rejected by heaven.

And Jesus says, because you are lukewarm and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth. So, like, based on that, the move is to be cold, right? Like, why would you mention that, Ross? Yeah. Right. Yeah, absolutely. And then he spends a subchapter dissuading people who sort of have my own religion. Right.

He's basically he's arguing with a coexist bumper sticker at this point in the book. Yeah. My biggest issue with the coexist bumper sticker is that paganism is just the dot on the eye. It really feels like they were added as an afterthought. They didn't have an eye. Yeah. Yeah. And he's being like, you know, don't take the good parts from each faith.

That would be crazy amassing the good parts. unless you think you're like a genius of religion. Anyway, smart money is on Catholic, is what I'm fair. Because I'm a genius of religion. Yeah, he's like, if you think about it, you're probably dumber about religion than I am. I mean, just, I look at all these pretentious words I know. Do you know what an orox is? Yep. Ross's whole fucking career in a nutshell.

You pick my religion from the Ancien regime. Mirabal-A-Dictu, happy to report. No enigmatic Orox. I'm staring at you. I speak like a human. Yeah, he's like, the religion you make up, it won't be as good as Christianity. If you make up your...

Think about how many songs that we'll have that you won't have. We'll be way ahead. Okay, this might be the best argument in his book. And that's not saying a lot. But like, okay, maybe I did just watch face off and I got to see Nicholas Cage twerking to Handel's Messiah,

but they do have some good songs. Oh, yeah. No, they got some good music. So, okay, I want to read this actual quote from the book. And I apologize because it's kind of long. He's talking about various ways you can look at religion. And he says, quote, you can think of each religion primarily as a corpus of

ideas, a set of interlocking beliefs and theories established across many centuries of reflection and debate honed for plausibility and internal coherence in the same way as more secular systems of thought that have survived the centuries. End quote. But no, you can't. Absolutely not.

Otherwise, it would be honed for plausibility and internal coherence. Okay. Well, no. He just said you can think of it that way. He's wrong, but they won't like arrest you for it. No, that's true. You can. You're allowed to think that. Okay. If the King James Bible is honed for internal coherence,

Horribile Dik to, you're stupid, right? It's not great, yeah. Yeah. So the whole argument of this chapter seems to be so much has been written about Christianity. There's bound to be some smart stuff in there somewhere. Yeah. Actually, four more seasons. of the Simpsons, and Ross will switch to that as his religion. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, right, obviously.

But he's actually, he's making a great argument against the truth of religion, right? He's like, look, every secular practice learns from previous generations and gets demonstrably better and truer over time. You can't just make up your own physics and expect them to work as well as the existing ones, right? But you can do that with religion, though, right? He's just asking people to stop doing it because it makes it really obvious. how full of shit they are. Hey, if you ask a five-year-old to invent a new religion on the spot,

they come up with something way better than Christianity. Generally. They'll be like, we all get juice. No cutting in the lines. And critical race theory is very important because we read about that in kindergarten a lot. Basically, the good parts of socialist Jesus and nothing else. Meanwhile, I can make Christianity better and truer by just like pulling out pages of the Bible one by one. And that's not a good sign about your book.

Yes. No, but he does. He gives us permission to join his religion, even if we're not sure about it yet. Yeah, for a guy who's pretty sure he proved the existence of almighty God in the first three chapters, he sure is asking for us to give a lot of things a whirl, huh? Right? Yeah, no, the chapter has a very, why do you just try my religion on and see how it feels? You can always take it back off, kind of a feel to it.

Ross, you can just try in a gimp suit and a ball gag one time and then take it off if you want. I got to go tell my mom to sue Ross Dutat and just say. Yeah, right. Yeah, right. Well, then he explains that making up your own religion doesn't come with community, right? Because he's never heard of fucking weed and hippies, I guess. And I'm like, wow, if there were atheist communities, that sure would fuck up his entire argument, wouldn't it? Sure would.

Yeah, he says that community is important. and then he immediately trips on his own balls and says, this is obvious in secular affairs, and then he lists a bunch. Yeah. Well, and he admits the best sociological case for joining a religion is the community, right? Meaning there is, by his own admission, no more compelling reason to join his religion than a fucking book club.

Right. And think about how insane an argument that is to make, right, about the true state of the universe. Imagine if the next issue of the Lancet had a study that was, like, okay, this one just feels good if it's true. Yeah, and that's actually one of his arguments from before. Like, resurrection, big if true, and that would make you happy. Yeah, right.

But even if we grant the value of feeling happy about the good news from Jesus, he's ignoring how great I feel as an atheist knowing that I'm probably right and Ross Douth that is definitely wrong. I love that. I love being a smug, obnoxious atheist. It's so fun. Right? He also, he says that community building is also the reason that why we should all prefer a society with, quote, strong religious institutions, right?

As though every objective measure didn't show that a less religious country is preferable in every fucking way. I mean, it's interesting that he weaseled his way into that wording, right? Strong religious institutions instead of saying stuff like high church attendance, which you could disprove with statistics. Yeah. Hey, how are things going in the highly religious country of Iran right now? I hear there's a lot of group activity going on over there. Is it awesome? That might be a Christian theocracy soon, though.

We'll see how it goes. Yeah, we'll see. You might have to go and steal the president. By the time this comes out, yeah. And his wives. Then he's like, he's like, if you Christian around other Christians, it doesn't feel as weird, right? That's another good reason to join in.

Listen, if I wanted to meet a bunch of toxic idiots who talk about getting yoked all the time and rocket money can't get rid of either bill, I join a gym. I just get a gym in a rush. Right? Right? Get healthy.

He's like if you try religion and it doesn't work, that's because you haven't tried enough religion yet. Plus, hey, bonus, churches are pretty cool buildings, right? Pretty windows and all that. He actually says that. What if we fall into Russ? Free crackers. Although, I wasn't finished.

Let me finish. If you bring a little baggy and you ask for extra crackers, they don't like it at all, but sometimes they say yes. One of the guys. If you hit them real hard and some of them fall on the floor, you're like, oh, I'll take care of that. Don't trip, dog, I got you. But he does admit you have to ignore all the shitty people using Christianity to do shitty stuff.

And of course, coming from a Catholic that reads very enough about all the kid rape, okay? Right. In this case, he's telling us that the untrue Scotsman is the God-appointed king of Scotland. Right, yeah, right. but just in case we didn't have enough fodder for our show, he then gives us the absolute gift of a subchapter called Not Every Door Should Be Open, wherein he explains that another advantage of joining a religion

that's already established is that they're better at protecting you against demons. This is a very serious book with very serious words in it. I don't know if you noticed Orox earlier. Orox were in it. Okay, look, podcast is there. I know it's going to seem like Noah's making a turn here for comedy, but I swear to you, this is exactly how the book reads. It's, let's see, church is a great place to meet new friends.

Also, it scares Bielzebub the Prince of Christ. I said crackers, right? Did I mention it? And the breastplate of the archangel for demon defense. Yeah. Also, like two paragraphs ago, he told us to, try just the tip of the church. And now he's calling that spiritual dilettantism,

which is exactly the wording you'd expect from a literary dilettant. And now he's claiming his religion has evolved technology, exact words, evolved technology that would easily win an anti-demon magic duel. So, hey, Ross, challenge accepted. Yes. Yep, my rate made up religion versus you. we will fight demons together. Yes.

He's got a crucifix on the back of one of those robot dogs. How about that? Stare into the eyes of the aurochs. Oh, he's trying to get us scared of demons. He's like, seances are dangerous. Just look at all that him horror movies. And then he's like, he's like, and if you don't believe me,

just talk to, you know, liars and people on drugs. They're always on about the demons they meant. Noah, I would like to thank you for single-handedly disproving Ross's book by being on all the drugs and not having metadata. There you go. Yes, exactly. Okay, so Ross starts this little section by saying,

spend any time with people working in the realm of experimental spirituality. So, no, absolutely not. I was generous enough to keep reading. And Russ explains that demon wranglers are constantly having encounters with negative entities, but they have, quote, consistent uncertain. about what to do. And yeah, like, I made up a line. Now what do I do?

I guess that's a tricky moment. But here's the question in the words of a leading demon wrangler. Do I welcome the demon, expel, or ignore? And, okay, I'm just like a spiritual dilettante at best. I always say that about you. I feel like you ignore, right? Or expel. But you ignore, they're just going to be like standing there,

like a demon just standing there. getting bored being like, oh, I thought you were going to do an expression. Oh, you're getting on this again, right. Disarms the shit out of him. Yeah. Peace. He goes, he goes like, you know, and by the way, if you're a Satanist, you know, I'll just, well, wait right here. You can come back.

Once the devil's devil raped you in your nose hole. I'll be right here to gloat about it. Telling Satanists that they'll be sorry is like refusing to answer the door during a knock, knock joke. He's like, he's like, yeah, you know, a demon might seem like they're your friend, but he only loves you for your mind.

Okay, to be fair, if someone explained to me that they were as sepio-sexual, I would know that they were, in fact, from hell, so that makes sense. You're lying. So he goes, you don't even have to believe in demons to take this seriously. And I'm like, wait, don't you?

You do. You do. But I agree with his follow-up. He's saying, you have to be careful because lots of shitty people are out there making supernatural claims. is what he said in his book called Believe in his chapter about demon wrangling. He did, yeah. So with at least a broad agreement that just making up a religion as you go is a bad idea,

I suppose we could wrap up another installment of God Awful Books. Before we show you our tail lights, I want to remind you that there are still tickets available for our sister shows live record in San Francisco on Easter weekend. The show's on Good Friday, April 3rd, the one and only Kara Santa Maria will be joining us live on stage, and you will find the tickets at godawful movies live.com. Check the show notes. Anyway, that's all the blast movie we've got for you tonight, but we'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be in a look out for a brand new episode of our Citruso's hot friend Godawful movies, debuting at 7 o'em Eastern on Tuesday, and an even newer episode of our half-shrush-sit-siton-wintered, and an even newer-socult. citation needed debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, I'd get demoted if I neglected to thank Heath Enright for all his funny talking.

I need to thank Eli Bosnick for all his funny talking, and I need to thank the lovely and talented Lucinda Lusions, who will be back with more funny talking next week. I also want to thank James for providing this week's Farnsworth quote. And if you'd like to check out the memes he was talking about, check the show notes. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's best bipeds. Alan Mars, get you grub on, satanic nightjar, Mo, Sean, and Reverend Molius. Alan and Mars, who are so manly, they name wrenches and gods a war after him. Get Jan Nightjar who are so smart, they missed it by that much,

and Mo Sean and the Good Reverend who are so sexy, all those tens never realized this was a hundred scale. Together, these seven people calls to action and satanic night jars helped keep us on the straight and narrow this week by giving us money. Not everybody has the money it takes to give us money, otherwise more people would do it, but if you'd like to, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash scathing atheists, whereby you'll learn early access

to an extended ad-free version of every episode, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingaadias. And if you'd like to help, but all your money's tied up and they're not being enough of it, you can also help a ton by leaving a five-star review, telling a friend about the show and following us on social media. And speaking of social media, Tim Robertson handles that for us and our audio engineer is Morgan Clark, who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at skating.

Hey, anyone want to read another Ross down-thip book after this? I found one. No. This content is scanned credentialed, which means you can report instances of harassment, and abuse or other harm to their hotline at 617249455 or on their website at creator accountability network.org. This podcast is a production of Puzzle and a thunderstorm LLC and was created without the use of generative AI. Its contents may not be used for AI training. Copyright 2026, all rights reserved.