The Scathing Atheist - 685: Banned Band Edition

Episode Date: April 30, 2026

In this week’s episode, we’ll ask if they’re still Mormon stories if you get sued for saying TRUE stuff, we learn about Satan's plan to corrupt the world using a high school marching band in sub...urban Indiana, and Christians will accidentally admit that their religion doesn’t work again.---To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheistTo buy our book, click here: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/If you see a news story you think we might be interested in, you can send it here: scathingnews@gmail.comTo check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticratTo check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-moviesTo check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/Report instances of harassment or abuse connected to this show to the Creator Accountability Network here: https://creatoraccountabilitynetwork.org/---Appearance Links:See Noah in Cincinnati with Seth Andrews on July 11th: https://www.sethandrews.com/cincinnatiSee Noah at the Ark Park Protest in Williamstown, KY on July 12th: https://www.facebook.com/TriStateThinkersSee Noah at BAHACon in Ontario August 21-23: https://bahacon.com/---Headlines:Mormon church sues dude from Mormon Stories podcast: https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/mormon-church-sues-critic-john-dehlinA Satanist just won a religious exemption for bathroom access in school: https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/a-satanist-just-won-a-religious-exemptionTexas can force Ten Commandments posters in public schools, appeals court rules: https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/texas-can-force-ten-commandmentsIndiana Lt. Gov. faces backlash after calling high school band kids “demonic”: https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/indiana-lt-gov-faces-backlash-after---Gam Mini: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38sWSyIifq4

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Warning, this week's episode is not safe for work. So quit. Fuck that job anyway. This week's episode of The Skating Atheist is brought to you by ORAFraFraims, MintMobil, and by the new diet version of Mormonism, lessmanism. Lessmanism. Because even the Mormons think they're a little much. And now, the Skating Atheist.
Starting point is 00:00:21 My name's Eric Barron. I'm a teacher in Alberta, Canada, a province that is currently trying to conservatize education and banned books from libraries thanks to the provincial leader Daniel Smith. And I can assure you that we did in fact evolve from filthy monkey men. And
Starting point is 00:00:41 women, I guess. Fucking hell, Danielle. It's Thursday. It's April 30th. And it's hairstyle appreciation day. Nice. Aerodynamic. Wich. Done. I have no illusions.
Starting point is 00:01:19 Ah, Milibosnik. Me Heathenright. I'm from Dr. Oz's New Jersey and Arkansas, New Jersey. This is the skating atheist. On this week's episode, are they still Mormon stories if you get sued for saying true stuff? We learn about Satan's plan to corrupt the world
Starting point is 00:01:35 using a high school marching band in suburban India. And Christians will accidentally admit that their religion doesn't work again. But first, the diktron. Okay, so here's how much I will grant the conspiracy theorists. when the news first broke and we first learned that there had been a shooting at the White House Correspondence Dinner
Starting point is 00:02:03 and all we knew was that the president had been evacuated, nobody was hurt, the gunfire was on another floor and nobody in the room witnessed the incident. It was entirely reasonable to think
Starting point is 00:02:14 I wonder if this is some staged bullshit. Right? Like given what we know of the Trump administration, the idea that they would fake an assassination attempt to justify the fucking ballroom is not, in my opinion, an unreasonable proposition. It's an unreasonable conclusion, but it's not an unreasonable to think.
Starting point is 00:02:32 It made sense to hold out for more information before you settled on your opinion here. But, and this is a huge fucking but, if that were the case, if it were fake, it would have broken apart within hours, if not minutes. Unless you believe that faking an assassination attempt is in a ballroom full of fucking journalists, no less, is the one goddamn thing that the Trump administration can do it deadly. You have to admit that if it were staged, there would be substantial evidence to that effect almost immediately. Right. And I'm not talking about somebody talking at like eating a salad, a little too nonchalantly or a mysterious figure peering in from offstage. I'm talking about eyewitnesses disagreeing on what happened. I'm talking about the suspect's cousin going on the record saying he was a right-wing nutter.
Starting point is 00:03:20 I'm talking about secret service agents going off the record to tell journalists that it was faked. and even beyond that kind of direct evidence of which there would be a fucking flood, mind you, we would also see the telltale signs of Trumpian stupidity. As friend of the show, Thomas Smith pointed out, the shooter's manifesto would have said something like, I and my trans Antifa brothers and sisters hate freedom too much to let such a brilliant man with such normally sized hands
Starting point is 00:03:45 keep making America so great again. Right? The dude would have run into the room screaming Comey sent me. Trump would tweet out, well, that sure wasn't. fake. And yet, despite that lack of evidence and despite years and years of debunking the other guys when they engage in this, well, isn't that convenient pseudo-thinking, I have seen a goddamn avalanche of idiocy from our side of the aisle confidently declaring that this is a false flag operation. And they're doing the whole bit, right? They're picking through videos of the event and going, well, explain this anomaly then. They're inexpertly,
Starting point is 00:04:25 matching faces to those photographed and other incidents and claiming crisis actors. They're pressing yarn into corkboards with pushpins demanding answers for shit too convoluted to form into questions in a word, they're roganizing.
Starting point is 00:04:40 And I know that I'm actually talking to some of you roganizers right now. I know because a bunch of listeners have sent me links to bullshit roganized videos from depressingly prominent left-wing influencers. A bunch of people have sent me blog posts to disguised as news articles doing all the cherry-picking bad faith unsound bullshit that we've come to
Starting point is 00:05:02 expect from Alex Jones. And I need you to know that if, but it is awfully convenient, isn't it? Is your best argument? You have no argument. I mean, no, you could even be right and you would still deserve me giving you all this shit about it because if it comes out later that this was, in fact, a false flag operation, you'd still have gotten there for the wrong reasons. It doesn't just matter where you get.
Starting point is 00:05:28 It matters how you got there. And if the path there is littered with non sequiturs and logical fallacies, it's the wrong fucking path. That's why skepticism has to be a process rather than a set of conclusions. I mean, if you're an atheist because your Ouija board told you there was no God, I guess I'm glad you landed on the right answer, but you're listening to the wrong podcast. But of course, this isn't actually new, right?
Starting point is 00:05:50 Our side has been flirting with this shit ever since that near-sighted, dude shot him in Pennsylvania. I've seen plenty of people zooming in on his ear looking for a fucking bullet hole or whatever the hell they expect to find there as if the fact that he exaggerated how bad his boo-boo was was something in need of explanation from Donald fucking Trump. They're demanding to know what made him bleed as though an 80-year-old dude on industrial solvent blood thinners and megadoses of aspirin needs an excuse to bleed. Look, I know that it sucks that our side has to fight with the truth and their side.
Starting point is 00:06:23 doesn't, right? We're always at a disadvantage. We're always fighting with one hand tied, but it has to stay that way. And not just because of some deep-rooted sense of fucking fairness, it's because truth is the very fucking thing we're fighting for in the first place. To give that up is to
Starting point is 00:06:39 give up. So stay vigilant, demand sources, be skeptical, don't believe it just because it's fucking convenient or just because you want it to be true. And don't make us burn the fucking city down to Save it.
Starting point is 00:06:55 They're talking about your Jesus. I interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for headlines tonight are the Pinky and Inky to Mike Clyde, Heath Enright, and Eli Bosnett. Fellas. Are you ready to think outside the box? And I'm on the other side of the box. Ah, box is a flat circle. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:12 And I'm just happy to be part of the pack, man. There you go. And while we set out in search of our Blinky, we're going to pause for a word from our first sponsor this week. Aura frames. It's Tim. Hi, I'm Wool Dashamizzle. And I'm Sarah Huckabee Sanders. With Mother's Day just around the corner, it could be tough to get a gift for mom.
Starting point is 00:07:36 Especially when she's the old tree. Or Prince Andrew doing an elaborate drag deception. Like my mom. But no matter who your mom is, she'll love the aura frame. Oh, what's an aura frame? Oroframes are a digital picture. with free unlimited storage, so you can add pictures and videos as many as you want.
Starting point is 00:07:59 All mom has to do is sit back and enjoy. I don't know, Woldash Mizzle. My mom isn't techy, and she has very controversial opinions on which races should vote. I bet she does, Sarah Huckabee Sanders. I bet she does. But the first part is okay, because you can set up your aura frame while it's still inside the box. All mom has to do is plug it in and enjoy. Okay.
Starting point is 00:08:22 What about the second time? part. That is super not okay. Whatever, Anderson Cooper over here, Judgey. Name number one by Wirecutter, you can save on the Gifts Mom's Love by visiting Auroframes.com. And for a limited time, listeners can get $25 off their best-selling Carver Matt Frame with Code Scaving. That's A-U-R-A-Frames.com promo code scathing. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. Orifra frames. The perfect gift for any mom.
Starting point is 00:08:56 Mine's a tree. Yeah, yeah, you said. And now back to the headlines. In our lead story tonight, it's a strange new world where I have to come on this show and take the Pope's side one week than a couple weeks later, I got to take the side of a fucking Mormon,
Starting point is 00:09:10 but welcome to the bizarro universe of 2026, I guess. Tucker Carlson, it's crazy. Yeah, right, right. Because this week we're going to lead off with the defense of John Dellen, who is a Mormon, if you ask him, and a no, the fuck he isn't if you ask the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Well, no, the fudge he isn't. Well, yeah, fair, fair, thank you.
Starting point is 00:09:32 But yeah, so Delon is the host of the long-running Mormon stories podcast, which is critical enough of the church to earn Delin and excommunication in 2015. And in 2026, their efforts to shut him up have graduated all the way to lawsuits for copyright violations. Yeah, yeah, the LDS Church will. not stand or anyone stealing ideas from holy books. That is a violent. Exactly. Yes. They're like,
Starting point is 00:09:59 okay, you didn't say you were going to tell those kinds of Mormon stories? Damn. Right. Now, to be clear, the lawsuit is meritless to the point of comedy. One of their arguments is that the podcast's title uses the word Mormon,
Starting point is 00:10:12 and that's their word. Or a slur, depending on when you ask them. They also complain that his logo uses white letters on a blue background, and they kind of already had dibs on white on blue. What? Yes, that's actually part of it. And if that's not silly enough for you,
Starting point is 00:10:28 they also cite the use of copyrighted images to promote his show like photos of Mormon temples. I guess he was supposed to build his own damn temples and taking pictures of them. But of course, the point of the lawsuit isn't to win so much as it is to flex the fact that their church has countless billions and John Dellen does not. Yeah, you know how big.
Starting point is 00:10:50 Bigfoot often files a lawsuit when people don't use the blur filter on their photo. Right. It's like that. It's redacted. Literally the only thing about this lawsuit that isn't frivolous is its implications. Right. Yes. Right.
Starting point is 00:11:05 So if you're unfamiliar with the Mormon Stories podcast, then you're almost certainly not one of our Exmo listeners. I don't know that I've ever met an ex-Mormon in the atheist spaces that didn't know about this show. It's the go-to resource for Mormons who are questioning their church's official story about for every fucking thing, right? It's origin, it's history, it's leadership, it's arcaneum, it's interpretation of doctrine,
Starting point is 00:11:26 it's abysmal stance on LGBTQ rights, whatever. Now, to be clear, Delon's goal when he started the podcast was to encourage people who are questioning their Mormonism to stay in the faith, he just felt like the official channels choked off discussion in a dangerous way, and he wanted to create a more open space
Starting point is 00:11:41 to address people's concerns. And to be fair to the Mormon church, he did end up realizing that Mormonism is bullshit, There's a reason we don't ask questions, okay? Stay on tap. He still considers himself culturally Mormon. What the fuck that means?
Starting point is 00:11:57 Anyway, so obviously, once the show got popular, you see... I love potatoes with Jesus. You're right. Like, I like mayonnaise. I still like mayonnaise. So obviously, once the show got popular, the Mormon church freaked the fuck out, and they've spent all the time since pretty much
Starting point is 00:12:12 trying to minimize him in every possible way. This included making noise about his copyright bullshit starting February of this year. And for months, like, His lawyers and their lawyers went back and forth with Dellen making all kinds of concessions. Like, he added disclaimers that he wasn't affiliated with the church on all his social media spaces. And he changed the logo to an orange one since they own blue. Yeah, nailed that.
Starting point is 00:12:34 That's the new intellectual property right there. Yeah. Yeah. Undouched territory. I didn't know the Mormons owned AT&T. That's important. I've got to mention that. But apparently that's not enough for them because, of course, this is actually about
Starting point is 00:12:48 intimidation, so they suit. Also, worth noting, Dellen's underwear has never burst into flame. So that might be IP theft of those temple guards. Add it to the suit guys. Yeah, their argument at this point is that somehow someone might check the sixth page of Google results first, and that's infringing on their trademark, damn it. Apparently, yeah. Now, again, the lawsuit is laughable. Not only are all the various points, silly, but they're also true of like dozens, if not hundreds of other unaffiliated podcasts and blogs and YouTube channels and other media that they're not suing. Right?
Starting point is 00:13:26 The fucking Broadway play is in more serious violation to any of this shit than Dellenis. And all of that undercuts the hell out of the church's vociferous claims that this is not just about going after their literal most effective critic on the planet. But that's okay, I guess, since everybody already didn't believe that. Yeah, which if you think about it is, a pretty Mormon story. Oh, well, no, that's true. The most Mormon of stories, yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:52 Can we change our logo to be blue on a white background just for this week? I don't know how to do that, but in solidarity. And in triple stamp, a double stamp news. In times like these, it's easy to ask ourselves,
Starting point is 00:14:08 what the hell are we supposed to do? Now, some folks like that guy at the White House Correspondents dinner, they have their answers, Not saying how I feel about those answers. I'm just saying a little cardio. That's your plan. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:22 And if you do say how you feel about it, don't do it in seashells. They get really mad about that. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to say I'm going to come out against his idea. But yeah, if you're going to get better at balance too. Apparently he just fucking fell. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:37 But bad. That's bad. It's bad to try to do that. Yeah. A little bit of slack line work is all we're saying. We're not here to judge. We're just saying a little. bit of slack. In this hypothetical scenario, which is a bad idea. Right. Slack line. But for others,
Starting point is 00:14:52 the old schoolyard trick of rubber and glue seems to be working out pretty nicely. And we got yet another example of that this week as a Satanist in Colorado just won a religious exemption from her school's insane bathroom policy. Wow. Yeah. And the Supreme Court is pretty sure that religious people don't have laws in Colorado. So, yeah. Right. I'm right. A lot of Christian right legal system, assuming they want to be intellectually honest. Then I'm sure they do. And they do. They love it.
Starting point is 00:15:20 Yeah. So first off, a big thanks to Skaterboy for sending us this story to Skathing News at Gmail.com. For sending us atheist news to Skathing News at Gmail.com. We'll never say, see you later, boy. ScathingNews at Gmail.com. You literally just said it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:36 Okay. It's neither here nor there. Right. It's here. So this story originates back in February when the Elizabeth school system in Elizabeth Colorado introduced. a system called Minga that essentially offers digital hall passes. It tracks students who leave their classrooms to go off campus or to go to the bathroom.
Starting point is 00:15:55 Now, students get to sign out on their own, and that's pretty cool. And then the system logs where they're going and how long they're gone, which is less cool. But the problem is that the system also limits how many kids can go to the bathroom at one time. So if there's a shortened class period, it denies students to write to go to the bathroom at all, and it informs students they have five minutes to go to the bathroom or face removal by the school's security guard. They're going to remove them while they're going over on the bathroom. Seems messy. And look, I empathize with teachers dealing with bathroom shenanigans,
Starting point is 00:16:33 but if the alternative is Skynet telling my kid he's been taking a shit for too long, I kind of need you to deal with some stall graffiti guys. I get it. Also, how else are kids going to know what number to call for a good time. Like, think it through. There's a lot of things. Yeah. Right. Messing with here. Look, as a certified penis, however, I want to warn you that we often have creative solutions to the you're not allowed to go to the bathroom right now problem that nobody's going to enjoy. Exactly. Nobody likes that. And look, this policy had real consequences for the student in question. Thanks to fucking Pupatron's refusal, they weren't able to go to the
Starting point is 00:17:10 bathroom when they had their period, which led to an embarrassing bleed-through incident. So the student's parents filed a religious exemption claim through the satanic temple. And on March 19th, it was granted, which is good because my next step 100% would have been take a protest shit on the principal's desk. Yeah, might even I wrote a song about it. Yeah. And if Eli did that, this could be a good deal of bleed through there as well. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:17:38 That's mostly bleed through. The biggest concern the principal would have would be for my health. So consider that. And look, there are some who would point out that using the system of religious exemption is problematic, even when you're doing it for good stuff because you're validating an inherently dishonest system, especially when most of the time that system is going to be used to prevent kids from learning about gay people or whatever. But still, others point out that since that system is being used and abused, we might as well take advantage of any resources we can to get justice. Either way, monitoring kids' bathroom use is weird. And so podcast listener, if you have this at your school or your child's school, let me know. I will enroll.
Starting point is 00:18:25 And my sheer volume of bathroom trips is sure to override their system in no time. It's what I'm calling a PPS attack. All right. Well, Eli's going to need a minute to bask in his own brilliance after PPOS. attack, so we're going to take a break from this week's other sponsor. You're getting close. Mint Mobile.
Starting point is 00:18:47 Moggin. Okay. Am I close to the bathroom now? Dude, I told you I'd tell you when we're there. Hey, fellas, are you ready to record that? Jesus, Eli, what did you do? Oh, this? Well, I like to keep my money where I can see it,
Starting point is 00:19:05 so I stapled it to my eyeballs. That looks extremely painful, man. It was, Noah. Almost as painful as my cell phone bill from big wireless, am I right? But, but Eli, why don't you just try Mint Mobile? What's Mint Mobile? Oh, no fair! What? Your ears are fine.
Starting point is 00:19:24 It's true, they are. Mint Mobile is here to rescue you with premium wireless plans starting at 15 bucks a month. All plans come with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. With Mint Mobile, you can bring your own phone number, activate with ESIM in minutes, and start saving immediately. No long-term contracts? No hassle. Okay. Have you actually tried it?
Starting point is 00:19:43 I sure have. I switched to Mint Mobile when they first became a sponsor. I love that I get the same great service for a fraction of the price. That's why I, no illusions, personally endorse Mint Mobile. All right, Noah, I'm sold. Where do I sign up? Well, if you like your money, Mint Mobile is for you. Shop plans at Mintmobile.com slash scathing. That's Mintmobile.com slash scathing. A front payment of $45 for $45 for $45 a month. New customer offer for first three months only, then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra. See Mint Mobile for details. All right, Noah, thanks. So why did you use the big staples?
Starting point is 00:20:16 Oh, I had to get through the credit cards underneath. Ah. I see. This ad is yucky. Next up in headlines. In Deca Logarhythm News. Nice. The First Amendment got replaced by a higher power again.
Starting point is 00:20:33 Exponent power logarithm. The First Amendment got replaced by that. Thanks to a federal court ruling last week, the public schools of Texas, must display the Ten Commandments in every single classroom. Texas passed a law last year that requires a durable or framed poster with a size of 16 inches by 20 inches showing all 12 of the Ten Commandments as written in the King James version of the Bible. The law also included a stipulation that says
Starting point is 00:21:04 the State Attorney General has to defend any district that faces a lawsuit over blatantly violent. the U.S. Constitution. That law was obviously absurd, and it got blocked by a lower court. But then Texas Attorney General Ken Patston called for a review by the Federal Theocracy Court. It's called the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals. That is what they do now, yes. With 12 of 17 judges appointed by Republicans. A panel of judges from that exact court actually agreed unanimously last year that a Louisiana version of the same law was very clearly unconstitutional. But Paxton demanded a redo with all 17 judges this time on bunk.
Starting point is 00:21:48 And they ruled 9 to 8 in favor of reversing the lower court and upholding that law in Texas. Okay. All I'm saying is if Sam Alito and Clarence Thomas aren't listening, and we know that they are, they are furious that you just called some other guys the federal theocracy court. Oh, yeah. Their court. That's true. I love that the law includes a and we have to waste taxpayer
Starting point is 00:22:13 dollars defending it clause they might as well include and every time someone doesn't like the law we have to throw $100 into the sea Right It's going to help inflation will it So we used to have a very sensible test for this at the highest level
Starting point is 00:22:31 It's called the Lemon test And it's based on a Supreme Court ruling in Lemon v. Kurtzman about the First Amendment and the Establishment Clause of the First Amendment being real. It said that any law must have a secular purpose, read real purpose. It can neither advance nor inhibit religion, and it's not allowed to create excessive entanglement between government and religion.
Starting point is 00:22:54 Pretty simple and obvious. But then we forgot to vote for Hillary Clinton because she wasn't exciting enough to think about the decades-long consequences of allowing Donald Trump to pick Supreme Court justices. and now there's, well, no more bodily autonomy. And the Lemon Test got officially rejected in 2022. That's when the court ruled six to three that a public high school football coach has to be allowed to do Christian prayers
Starting point is 00:23:23 in the middle of the field. The new test, instead of the Lemon Test, it says a law is cool, as long as old-timey 18th century guys never objected to something similar. Really? And yeah, we, We didn't have a nationwide public school system until the 19th century, really the 20th century.
Starting point is 00:23:44 So the required posters are legit because, you know, the framers never objected. Yeah. Yeah. Unfortunately, the aphorism doesn't tell us to what to do when life takes away your lemons. And I'm also apparently not even allowed to spell it out in seashells. Okay. Casper tells right behind you. To their credit, I know you like to harp on the third party voter thing, Heath, but he's vomiting.
Starting point is 00:24:07 Third party voters did send us a message that they are as insensitive and evil as Trump voters and deserving of our hatred. And honestly, I didn't know that before 2016. So like, thank you for educating me. Cool. Yeah. They're actually worse because they should know better. So the other main argument from our bureaucracy court said that Christian views from the Ten Commandments are not being forced on anyone. They're not hurting anybody.
Starting point is 00:24:39 Well, they're forced visually. Sure. But not, but not like spiritually, sexually, you know, or with smell or taste or touch. According to the majority, quote, the Texas law does not tell churches or synagogues or mosques what to believe or how to worship or whom to employ as priests, rabbis, or imams. It punishes no one who rejects the Ten Commandments no matter the reason. it levies no taxes to support any clergy. It does not co-op churches to perform civic functions. These are the kinds of things establishment of religion did at the founding.
Starting point is 00:25:16 Plaintiffs counter that the law is coercive because it pressures children to honor the Ten Commandments. Not so. It requires no religious exercise or observance. Students are neither catechized on the Ten Commandments nor taught to adopt them, nor are teachers commanded to proselytize students who, ask about the displays or contradicts students who disagree with them. End quote. Jesus, great.
Starting point is 00:25:40 Listing all the ways they aren't to violating the First Amendment is a hell of a strategy, right? Like a shoplifter pointing out all the stuff they left in the store. Yeah. I mean, guys, would a real God not include rape but include, remember I have dibs on Sunday? If anything, these are atheist propaganda, right? Like, come on. Really think about this list of 12th. All right, so among the many critics of this stupid fucking ruling was James Telerico,
Starting point is 00:26:11 the Democratic candidate for the U.S. Senate seat in Texas that's up for election in November. Telerico is a Christian pastor, which I don't love. But unlike most of the Christian politicians in this country, his version of religion doesn't land on bigot stuff. Quite the opposite for him. In response to the ruling from the Fifth Circuit, he said, quote, I don't want anyone forcing their religion down my throat, and I certainly don't want the government forcing a religion down my throat.
Starting point is 00:26:38 I'm a Christian, but I know that the most dangerous form of government is theocracy, because the only thing worse than a tyrant is a tyrant who thinks they're on a mission from God, end quote. Yeah, not adding cough, cough, red cross Jesus cough, cough. Yeah. Also, you know what helps is that James is lying? Like, he believes in God the way my mom believes in my acting career. She says a lot of stuff. But like, we know, James.
Starting point is 00:27:05 And finally tonight in Hell's Marching Order's News, Lieutenant Governor of Indiana, and man who looks like he refers to himself as a tooth whitening addiction survivor, Micah Beckwith, lost a fight to a high school marching band this week. Fantastic. Proving once again that the bottom rung of the loser ladder will always be Christian now.
Starting point is 00:27:30 Okay, I was in the marching band. This is the dream. Like, I'm picturing a big rumble, like a cartoon rumble. It ends with a sousaphone over his head. Oh, nice. And he's running around trapped inside. You can hear it a little bit. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:42 Now, curiously enough, the more Christian nationalist win, the bigger losers they become, right? It's the paradox of our age. Yeah. Yeah. So, first off, big thanks to Scorchfire for sending us this news to Skateeatley. News at gmail.com, yes. If you send us atheist news to scathing news at gmail.com, we can't promise you'll be as awesome as scorch fire.
Starting point is 00:28:07 But we can promise that your email will inhabit the same inbox as theirs. And that's about as close to the sun as any of us dare fly. Scathing News at gmail.com. All right, I'm tagging you in for the patron compliments this week, Eli. That was pretty solid. I mean, Scorchfire did all the work for me. So here's the story. Westfield High School, just north of Indianapolis,
Starting point is 00:28:26 has, at least according to the friendly atheist blog, where I read this story, a very strong competitive marching band and a relatively new indoor percussion team. Side note, coaching an indoor percussion team in Indiana is where Morgan would go when he died if there was a hell. Yes.
Starting point is 00:28:44 I'm just pointing that. He's an outdoor guy. If Satan is looking for any advice on what to do with it. Yes, for tips when Morgan gets down there. So last month, that percussion team wrapped up their season with a few big competitions, performing a program called
Starting point is 00:28:59 The Red Line. Sounds satanic. Which included music from the opera Carmen and ravels Bolero, saying of the program, quote, The Red Line follows a journey of knowing where boundaries exist,
Starting point is 00:29:14 yet feeling an urge to cross them from the restraint of Bolero to the fire of Carmen. Fantasy and Capricio Lespegol, restraint gives way to passion, as precision collides with obsession, leaving us changed forever, end quote. Wow, dangerous. That sounds like a direct call to assassinate the president musically, directly calling for that.
Starting point is 00:29:39 All right. So, but now I can't say a lot of Christians reading that and going, okay, I am way too close to being able to jerk off to that indoor percussion description. That has to be of the devil. It does. It does. And look, I want to be clear. I want to be fair.
Starting point is 00:29:54 if Micah's problem was just a bad description of that performance, I would join him hand in hand to bully these band nerds. But no. You're going to get Susan Collins. Yeah. Now, according to Beckwith, the performance was demonic because the children were wearing black eyeliner and their poster has flames on it. I included it in the notes.
Starting point is 00:30:22 Also, the same high school. did a performance of damn Yankees. I could swear that fucking Applegate guy was acting pretty demony. Prangy looking to that too. So here's what Beckwith had to say about the children dressed up like the opera Carmen. Quote, this is Westfield High School. I'm starting to get the sense that schools like Westfield love giving the middle finger emoji to Christian conservative families of our community.
Starting point is 00:30:50 Parents use the vouchers and get your kids out of a, are Indiana public schools like Westfield. Their futures and their lives depend on it, end quote. Their lives? I mean, I like, I know I would regret it, but I kind of want him to take me there. Yeah, I have so many questions about that statement. Like, I could spend a year on this. Why does he use the middle finger emoji instead of just saying giving the middle finger? Why is a public servant telling people not to use their tax dollars for the government that he works for? Why was he scrolling through pictures of high school bands? I need answers
Starting point is 00:31:28 and I have none. Also, why the fuck do we have public school vouchers? I don't drive to work, but I don't get any highway vouchers because that would be insane. Like, I don't use any Gestapo services
Starting point is 00:31:44 personally, but I don't get any ICE vouchers either. Okay, okay, maybe some vouchers could work, but the school ones are dumb. I would take a Gestapo voucher. Oh, yeah, no, we'd get ice vouchers and then like have our ice guys deport each other. Yes. That'd be awesome.
Starting point is 00:31:59 No, you're under arrest. No, you're under arrest. Well, luckily, for some clarification, Beckwith, appeared on the conservative podcast, Newsom with Kayla Blakesley. Cool. Spelled B-L-A-K-E-S-L-E-E, by the way, in case you're wondering. Yeah. So he appeared on her show to explain himself.
Starting point is 00:32:20 Side note, podcast listener, do you know that if you're not following us, The Scathing Atheist on YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook, do you get us ever closer to the day when News Mom with Caleb Blake'sly has bigger numbers than us? Do you want that to happen, podcast listener? No, no, you do not. Get on it. Just a crazy double negative construction there. Follow us on video platforms. Which is what Eli is saying, I'm pretty sure.
Starting point is 00:32:44 What he's trying to say is, don't not remember not to not like and subscribe. That's the impact. Exactly. Got it. Smash that like button. Don't not. Smash it. Anyways, here's what Beckwith had to say on the podcast. Quote, I was made aware of this from Christian students who attend Westfield,
Starting point is 00:33:02 and they said they felt uncomfortable but didn't want to speak out because they were afraid to speak out. They were not being seen. They were not being heard. So I didn't go looking for this. It was brought to my attention, end quote. Also, I was not searching for high school band, comma, eyeliner, comma, flames. on specifically Bing. That's not my search engine.
Starting point is 00:33:26 And I wasn't searching for, I was not doing that. And my pants on the whole time I saw that picture. Who asked? Who he dressed? I did have my pants. He continues, quote, when I looked at it, I said, yeah, this is demonic. And then we looked into it even more. And their theme for the drum line, let me explain this.
Starting point is 00:33:46 It's the red line. And the red line follows the journey of knowing where boundaries exist, yet feeling an urge to cross them from the restraint of the fires of Carmen. The Carmen fantasy? Now, if you don't know who Carmen is, it's a fantasy novel. Notice it.
Starting point is 00:34:02 Okay. It's a character, and this is a woman. She's a seductive witch. That is what self-identified. Her job is in the opera. And they're actually playing music from, is to seduce a husband and a father
Starting point is 00:34:18 out of his marriage into an affair. So the, music they're playing is from that opera, a seductive witch. Her whole goal is to try to get a man to cheat on his wife to destroy their family. And Westfield tax dollars are
Starting point is 00:34:32 promoting this? And we pay a lot of freaking money in property taxes in Westfield, end quote. So Carmen, the witch, seduces this guy, Don. But then she starts fucking this super hot Torero named Escamillo.
Starting point is 00:34:49 They fuck so hard, probably. probably like so much gum, just like so much. Anyway, Don kills the witch. Anyway, the instrumental music from that opera is inappropriate for high school. Those drums are too fucky. Is a new level of prudery even for Indiana. Congratulations, bro. Right?
Starting point is 00:35:11 Well done. So, as you can imagine, the lieutenant governor has received not a lot of support for his war on band children. though I do imagine a lot of people have offered to explain the plot of Carmen to him. And it is, in fact, Westfield High School that has had an outpouring of support from the city, from the school itself, and from their instructor, even from the Indiana Procussion Association. The Indiana Procution Association. Big win for the band arts. And hey, Micah, if you ever want to pick on something a little easier to target than Marrador's...
Starting point is 00:35:49 marching band nerds in eye makeup. Give us a call. We've got some Christian movies that are kind of right at your punching weight. There you go. We can start you with those. Yeah. And with our weekly challenge,
Starting point is 00:36:00 thus submitted, we can wrap up the headlines for the night. He, the light, thanks as always. Too much. And when we come back, we'll make hospice jokes, I guess. One of the most consistent secular arguments for religion
Starting point is 00:36:20 is that it helps people deal with death. Now, to my knowledge, there's no actual evidence that this is true and plenty that it's false, including their own constant admission, which we're going to learn about again in this installment of God Awful Minis. So tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today?
Starting point is 00:36:40 We watched a whisper of faith. It's the story of an extra fun, mysterious way from God called pancreatic cancer. Yeah, sure is the story of that and Eli. How bad was this mini? Well, if you love Christian cinema, and we do, but you wish it captured that weird 45 minutes that your aunt pretended she was religious while your uncle died,
Starting point is 00:37:10 you will love this movie. We've all been through this experience, right? Where like someone random in your family starts to die. And for no reason, apropos of nothing, that family member is just like, Jesus now. And you're like, oh, no. Always. I was always this way.
Starting point is 00:37:28 Couldn't you shit yourself instead? Yeah. Aren't you mad at that guy? Have a affair or something. Please, I beg you. So, okay. So we're going to clumsily stumble into this movie with a doctor telling the fam that cancer's dad cancer is cancering pretty bad now. So they're going to release him to hospice.
Starting point is 00:37:48 Yeah. The doctor says it crazy, too. Yes. He's like, yeah, it's fucking all over. Like, right. It's cancerorama. He might as well say he has full-blonesies. Right, right.
Starting point is 00:38:00 No, he's like, at this point, really, you know, the cancer has Randis. You know, I mean, it's like, it's so much. He's more cancer than man. Drowning. He's just grabbing tumors. Like, look at this. Look at this. Look at this.
Starting point is 00:38:13 Look at this. It makes noise. Yeah. Can I also point out that this movie is the most Florida movie, I think we've ever done? Yes. Right? Everyone looks almost. human, right? Grandma looks like
Starting point is 00:38:27 one of those fish at the bottom of the ocean that's never supposed to see the sun. And granddaughter looks like someone cranked the neck attribute all the way up in her character creator. Nick maxing. Yes, neck maxing. Yeah, yeah, and
Starting point is 00:38:42 everybody's wearing like a Hawaiian shirt or some shit and everybody's like incredibly like dangerously tan, you know. Everyone's red. Everyone's that beautiful. You know how white people People get old and they don't realize they can't tan. They just turn pink.
Starting point is 00:39:00 Everyone in the movie is just a, is a well-done lobster of pink. There's one person who's actually tan. Yeah. And I almost said Hawaiian shirt for like a best worst. I know we didn't do that this time. But like, there's so many. Is it all? It's a variety.
Starting point is 00:39:15 Old men in the entire American South are just wearing very large Hawaiian shirts all the time. That's the impression you get. In Florida, yes. Yeah. Anna bought me a Hawaiian shirt that had Madge's face all over it a couple of years ago, and I wore it so much she hit it because I'm already, I can feel the pull of the Hawaiian shirts. She doesn't want to wind up in Miami. No, I get it. Exactly. There's a bunch of flashbacks. This guy's got a Hawaiian shirt for each new flashback.
Starting point is 00:39:41 Yep. Yeah, absolutely. So then we get our title screen. This is a whisper of faith. And we meet Dying Randy and we meet Lucia, the hospitners, who introduces herself way too cheerily for hospice. She comes in fucking hot. She's just like, hey, hospice nurse, what up? I'm Lucia. What up? Beep, be coming through. You excited to be single girl?
Starting point is 00:40:02 Am I right? Who's drinking tonight? Well, the chemo bag. You can drink it. Get on the apps. I'm going to disconnect your stuff so you can go home. I'm going to unplug you from life support. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:14 So, yeah, so now we've got a bunch of characters here, but we've got the wife here. This is Joni, who is in denial about the fact that Randy is dying. So we have this whole thing where like her sister's like, well, you know, he's dying and she's going dying for his recliner. I know he is. You know, we do that for like three minutes. That's the thing, right? This movie is about a woman who's in denial and won't acknowledge her husband's death, but it's written by an idiot. So it seems like she's in dementia, not dying.
Starting point is 00:40:43 Right. Yeah. Right. I think her sister is like, hey, do you want to maybe spend some time with your husband, Randy, who's dying right now and we'll like pack up stuff? And she's like, I'm going to get some snacks. See, anybody want to, like a Reese's? Yeah. They said I could get one of the jello cups for free because they're sort of closing down the cafeteria for the lunchover switch.
Starting point is 00:41:02 And I am not missing that opportunity. Randy, don't die on me. Those are going to be old. So she wanders off in dementia denial. And then fucking the pastor here who I have his father, Margaritaville. Because of his shirts. He needs to have a different shirt for this grave moment. It's way too bad.
Starting point is 00:41:19 It's crazy. Yeah. But he leads him in prayer. And then during the prayer, we shift to like our first flashback of cancer dad pre-cancer, having dinner with the granddaughter that they raised as their own daughter after their kid died. Everything's so unnecessarily convoluted in this 30-minute video. Don't worry. They're going to establish that two minutes before the end of the film.
Starting point is 00:41:46 You said dinner. They're having grace before sweet tea and lettuce. But it's, you have four leaves each. Also, they transfer from prayer to prayer into identical white men in Hawaiian shirts. Yeah, but they're different people. Yeah, it was very confusing. Different people at different times. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:07 Especially if you're like looking down to type notes as you're watching this damn thing. Yeah. It's very Tarantino-esque this short film. Yeah, very clever. I've always said that about them. So, yeah. So, but the grandma, Joni, is telling the granddaughter, or Shelby, how happy she has a real job instead of being a stupid missionary, wasting her one
Starting point is 00:42:26 precious life spreading the word of Christ. Oh, all right, Joni, winning me over. One, you don't want to hang out with dying people. I get it. Missionaries are a waste of time. Yep. And speaking of being overly complicated, her job is that she's a cyber forensics investigator for cyber incidents.
Starting point is 00:42:48 Like, she goes into this weird description. And like, I'm like, well, surely at some point in this video, someone will need, you know, they'll be like my kingdom for a cyber forensics investigator, but no, this never comes up again. Never comes back. You can't introduce a spy and then not have a spy thing happen. Yes. In your movie. They call her a spy.
Starting point is 00:43:09 It's like if we made a movie completely unrelated to our lives, but included the conversation we've had to have 100 times about, yes, I'm a podcaster. Yes, it's how I make. my full time. Right. Yeah. In our action movie. And then just like a ninja walks through and has like a normal five second conversation and is like, okay, poof, and that's it.
Starting point is 00:43:30 That's it. Yeah. So that's the thing is that this idiot writer thinks that that's very similitude. Do you? Right. Like the idiot writer is like, no, actually, because when my grandpa died, I was working as a cyber security investigator, whatever. Yeah. He did think I was a spy and I did have to explain it to him over
Starting point is 00:43:46 the Reddance. So now, so we get Randy back home in hospice. He's got the heart monitor going and I'm just going to say, if I have to die to the sound of a heart monitor, I am going to take everyone in the room with me. Yeah. Don't worry. I already figured it out, Noah. We're going to get you a monitor that just every 11 minutes, it's going to really chilly
Starting point is 00:44:04 say he's still alive in Ray Porter's voice. Okay. No, that's good. I like it. Okay. Well, this guy who's dying in this movie anyway has to deal with the heart monitor beeping, which is annoying. But also, I'm pretty sure a gas powered vacuum just out of the front.
Starting point is 00:44:20 the whole fucking time. They don't know how to do audio. Oh, God, it's so bad. But yeah, so, and this is where we introduced the fact that he's refusing to take anything for the pain because he's too manly for that, you know? Yeah, acedaminopin because he doesn't want to die autistic because then Jesus gets mad at you or something. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:44:40 But now we also learn here that, of course, Joni, his wife, won't come to see him because she's in denial not only about his death, but about his very existence at this point. He's existed. She's going to, I wanted this to spin up right into sort of a Harvey situation. Yeah, right. Where she comes in, she's like, do you hear something? You know, or something like, yeah, right. She sits on him.
Starting point is 00:45:01 Oh, what a comfortable chair. So then we flash back to the waiting room of the doctor's appointment where he learned about his cancer, right? And the doctor comes in to give his cancer diagnosis, which means that two times in the first four minutes of this video or whatever, we see this doctor. tell this family that this man has cancer. Yeah, but they ramped down the drama for their movie to do it a second time. And this scene starts with like stupid little puns between grandfather and granddaughter while
Starting point is 00:45:34 they're sitting there. And then the doctor has to walk in and be like, hey, stop. Stop doing puns. You have like so much cancer. Like a crazy. I get it. Open toes. Transition is going to be weird.
Starting point is 00:45:45 Do you guys have a cancer joke that will lead in to my, no? I'm going to leave. I'm going to come back in. I'll set it up so it's a good bit. Maybe a doctor joke. But of course, this is where Joni's denial starts. Right. She's like, well, just give him the anti-cancer medicines.
Starting point is 00:46:00 We'll pick him up on the way home and he'll be fine. Yeah. Making a big deal out of this one little tumor. We'll get your cancer cream. I think it's OTC at this point. You're fine. There you go. Yeah, he explains how cancer treatment works.
Starting point is 00:46:13 And Joni's like, or we get a vaporizer for the bedroom and see if it goes away on it. I don't want chemo resistance in the community. But, of course, Randy, who is very devout, because we have to know he's going to heaven at the end of this thing so we won't get too sad, he says, to God be the glory upon learning he has cancer. It's okay. I mean, that's not a, to God be a glory moment, right?
Starting point is 00:46:37 That's like a everybody gets one moment right. Yeah, best case scenario, it's like, okay, you got me. You got me with this one. All right. Maybe a poe buddy's nerficked. That feels like a poebodies nerfick moment. The glory of like the intellectual property of pancreatic cancer that got you get that glory. That is a big G original.
Starting point is 00:46:57 Yep, no, it is. Right. So, okay. So then we cut back to the now and the pastor is showing up at the hospice house. Right. Joni is still in denial. So the pastor's going to go talk to her and try to talk her into go and visit and her husband. He's got a subdued Hawaiian shirt this time.
Starting point is 00:47:13 It's in like muted blues. Yeah, like something a little bit more. I could see. I could see why the first. When I really brought a lot of Margaritaville when I needed a lot more sitting in the rain. Yeah. This is my funeral Hawaiian shirt. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:47:29 Right. But he says, don't worry. The fact that you're sad about your husband going to heaven is a contradiction that, you know, we as a religion have just agreed to ignore. You're fine. Don't worry about it at all. Right. Look, Jesus wept too, but not because he was a guy. Not because he was a sissy.
Starting point is 00:47:47 It was because he loved PETA when he was here and he wasn't going to get to have any, wow, why would he cry? That's so bad. So the trick is don't acknowledge the existence of death at all. And she's like, no. Well, and that's kind of what she's doing, but in a different way than he meant. She's just like, I'm fine. He's going to be fine.
Starting point is 00:48:14 We got that cream from this neosporin. he's fine. The vapo rub. And everybody keeps bringing us like death cookies and death lasagna. It's bullshit. He's going to be fine. You're going to make him die with all this lasagna. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:29 And then so upstairs we have the dock. He's telling Randy to stop being a dumbass and just take some fucking morphine already. Hey, Randy, this is heroin. You know it's heroin, right? Like people, have you seen soft white underbelly? This shit destroys lives. I've heard it's like the best at first. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:46 You got to get it. It's the best all the way through. You don't even have time to get to the bad part of it. Get in there, Rand, man. I get in there. But I think I get extra credit for suffering. You just said you don't get that. But I think Jesus.
Starting point is 00:49:00 I'm telling you, you could go to heaven right now if you let me twist this now. How about we destroy some rock and roll music together? You know what I'm saying? He goes, why wouldn't you take morphine? He goes, like, you know, religious bullshit and toxic masculinity mostly. I guess. Gentlemen, may I take a moment to make a request of you? Because for sure, I will be the first of us to die.
Starting point is 00:49:24 And I need it to be very clear in this recorded format. Do not wait for my consent to give me all the pain medication. I need you to be punished. You need to sneak from other patients into me. There you go. Yeah, I want you to uncork an old lady and give me her. Don't fucking wait around for me to do a double-thum. He comes up. Lie.
Starting point is 00:49:47 When he turns around, be like, oh, he just did like a, that's a spice that meet the ball. Let's get him some of the-alice. Eli's got the, like, opposite of a DNR. He's got like a more, like a DMR, do morphine right away. Well, I think that's a DNR too. It's a different strategy. Yeah, no, just coming at it from a different direction. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:09 And now is the time on Christian movie when we yell at God. Specifically, we're going to have Joni. She's out in the backyard doing the honors. yelling at God for killing her husband. Yeah. She's got like the splinteriest fucking cross I've ever seen.
Starting point is 00:50:26 Oh, that big frosted spider? Okay, so look, if you're going to go with a life-sized cross on your property, I needed to look less functional. Yes. Yeah, that would hold somebody for sure. That looks like, it looks used. Yeah. It looks very used. What it very obviously is.
Starting point is 00:50:41 It's very obvious crucifix on Facebook marketplace. Yeah. It's very obvious. someone wanted their fucking Cracker Barrel aesthetic to match their life-sized crucifix And they were like, don't you have something A little more rustic?
Starting point is 00:50:55 Yeah. Yep. I wonder if they sell that at the Cracker Barrel. I'll have to check. But yeah, then so she's praying to God and just then God lays a hand on her shoulder and we get all excited but she turns around and it's her daughter, right?
Starting point is 00:51:10 It's like an old man hand and then she turns around and it's your daughter. And yeah. And she's surprised. She's like, oh, I thought you were God tapping me on the shoulder right after. She says, oh, show me, I thought you were dot, dot, dot, dot. So why was that going to end?
Starting point is 00:51:27 Jesus of Nazareth. Sounds stupid when I say it out loud like that, yeah. It feels like God would pop up in front of you and not like poof in behind you and sneak up. Yeah. I'd appear on the cross and then lower just to sort of as an establishing track. Oh, there you go, right? Because it's right there. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:44 Come on. This is my thing? Remember when I did this to my son? I remember. Come on. Or me? So, but then Shelby comes in. Why did I cry?
Starting point is 00:51:53 I knew about heaven. But yeah, so but Shelby comes in and she's like, yeah, mom, I heard you scream into God in the backyard, so I figured I should probably check on you. So I sit down on the swing and she asks, you know, why she's avoiding dad. And then we get this long, boring story about how they met when they were only 15 years old. Yeah. Look, the greatest love begins when you don't know long division. about it.
Starting point is 00:52:16 So I wrote my notes. That sounded fucked up to me until I remembered how old Lucinda was when we met. So. Right. But so Joni's like telling the story of how Randy, her husband, has been awesome. Like back in the day, he came in and he had crutches. So she carried his books. But he, Randy, carries me spiritually.
Starting point is 00:52:41 Is what she says. It's like a mother Pete Hegzeth, Dr. Sue's speech. It's so funny. And then while she's telling us this, we're flashing back to like the goofus and gallant kind of thing where like he's being pious and she's being
Starting point is 00:52:55 worldly, right? Like he's reading the Bible and she's reading novels and shit. I did laugh at the shot of her reading the serial killer book and like munching popcorn. I like when he's like, I'm going to go to church and she's like,
Starting point is 00:53:08 showcase showdown. So. Still on my jammies. So yeah. No, it's a really. repeat. I know it's a weekday show, but like, yeah, I want to see the show. I T-vote it. He says, Randy handled all the faith in the house, and I wrote in my notes, I get it. My wife does the recycling, and I'm not quite sure how I would do that when she wasn't around.
Starting point is 00:53:29 But yeah, so Joni comes to grips with the fact that he's going to die, I guess, as Randy's praying, right, we're cross-cutting between Randy praying that he'll have one more chance to say goodbye to his wife and her finally, like, I don't know, getting it or what. whatever. We're having our turn. So then Joni and Shelby head inside to see Randy, but just then, right before they can get in the room, he flatlines. Oh, I was like, this is my favorite movie. So, okay, so we all knew that God was going to
Starting point is 00:54:01 bring him back for a goodbye, but yeah, if the credits had just run there, I would have been like, we've got to do a different C-segment guys. We got to send this to somebody. This is a good prank to send to friends and family. Right. So the flatline happens, and then the pastor who's right there, he screams.
Starting point is 00:54:18 And the nurse and the doctor from hospice run into the room. And I don't think it's like a sprinting emergency scenario. No, it's hospice. No. When there's a flatline in hospice care. I feel like that's the first day as they go like, hey guys, we're taking it real chill. Yeah. Right.
Starting point is 00:54:37 But yeah, so everybody frees out. And the movie is too dumb to even do the bit where like everybody gets down and prays. And there's like, oh, if only we had one more moment with, and then he comes back to life, he just comes back to life as they walk in the room. Right? The pastor literally is like, oh, no, I'm so sorry. He's, nope, he's fine. Yeah, okay.
Starting point is 00:54:56 That is the actual delivery. I need to be very clear. Noah is not exaggerating. It's he's gone. Oh, nope. Never mind. He's fine. And the hospice doctor is like, we have to honor his DNR.
Starting point is 00:55:09 And then immediately it's like, no, okay. God doesn't. God refused to honor his DNR. He's good one, GOD. So God, to be clear, did a pump fake death. Yes. Back to life thing. Just to fuck with Joni, right?
Starting point is 00:55:24 As she's walking in the room. He's trying to speed up the movie. I get it. He was bored like I was. He was like, okay, Johnny, a little faster. The scathing guys are going to be running over. But then, so he comes back to life long enough to deliver his very important last words, which were, you know, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.
Starting point is 00:55:41 right? And then he dies for realseys. Yeah. But as he's dying for realsies, we see Jesus like, you know, in light form sitting in the chair playing candy crush while he waits. Yeah. Yeah. Randy, he's just about to die. He looks over at a chair. There's some like steam or smoke over it and a light on it. So yeah, Jesus is there. And they gave Jesus like a mediocre chair. That's a crappy chair for our Lord. He's in the cock chair. I get it. And then Randy's like, okay, ready for you to kill me. So I guess Jesus does that.
Starting point is 00:56:17 And then Jesus goes away and turns off the light. Like he was like, oh, because he's like, okay. He's pissed. Jesus is like finally. Okay, I'm just going to say it, my parking expired. And if I have a ticket when I get out there, I'm having everyone then mo makes. Okay. Do you validate or?
Starting point is 00:56:36 I say stupid. Sorry. Yeah. But Randy like turns to Jesus and he's, and he's, and he's is like, yeah, I'm ready for the movie to be over, and I'm like, same zies, bro. And then we get Timothy 4, 7, and 8. We get our Bible quote.
Starting point is 00:56:48 And then we see that ghost him is still hanging out with her on the porch. Yeah. Oh, look, I love my wife and I'm sure if there was an afterlife I would like to visit her, but I would not want to sit there while she reads. Yeah, probably not. Just spending my afterlife being like, oh, you know what? Oh, you're listening to a podcast. You don't have to pause it.
Starting point is 00:57:06 It's just a stupid thing. It's probably a really good part that has like a continuity to it. It's not really what. You do, I have a fun bone. It feels like it's not enough. I stole a thing that Heath told me about a podcast when you're done with your podcast. I'm going to do the spelling bee. And with a quick reminder that we do the same thing in long form every week over on Coddawo
Starting point is 00:57:24 movies. We're going to wrap this thing up and hope Christianity remains full of shit for at least one more short. Smashy. Before we fritter away the rest of the day, I want to remind you that I'm going to be at Baja Khan this year. That's the Blue Water, Atheist, Humanist, and Gnostics annual conference. conference in Ontario. I'm going to be there with Dan Barker, Eugenie, Scott, Seth, Andrews, Andrews, and a lot more. That's August 21st through the 23rd. You're going to find links for more info in the show notes. Anyway, that's all the blast movie we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,000, 22 minutes with more.
Starting point is 00:57:58 If you came about that, long, be on look up for a brand-new episode of our sister-show, the skeptic debuting at 7 Eastern on Monday, and even newer episode of a sister-show's hot friend God-offel movies, debuting at 7-Eastern on Tuesday, and even new our episode of our half-sister show presentation needed debuting at noon eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, I would wear a mark of shame forever if I neglected to thank Heath Henry for being the best. Eli Bosnick for also being the best and Lucindilusions for being even better than that. I want to thank Eric for providing this week's Farnsworth quote and for sounding so damn Canadian while he did it. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's best bipeds.
Starting point is 00:58:25 Jolly Bean, Rebecca, Hunter, Sam, a lawyer's favorite drink is a subpoena, Kolata, Diner, Max, Shelley, and Alex. Jolly Rebecca and Hunter, who are so bewitching Jody Foster was shoot a president to get their attention, Sam, and a lawyer's favorite drink who are so sharp I cut my lips on their names, and Diner, Max Shelley and Alex, who are so hot, they'll never know what an iced coffee tastes like. Together, these eight salacious secularist secured scathing scorn on the scurrilous scoundrels of sanctimonious sectarianism this week by sending us specie.
Starting point is 00:58:51 Not everybody can do that, but if you can please do, you can make a per-episode of Patreon.com slash scathing a atheist, whereby you own early access to an extended every version of every episode, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathinga-dust.com. And if you'd like to help, but Donald Trump is in charge of your economy, you can also help a ton by leaving a five-shar review, telling a friend about the show and following us on social media. And speaking of social media, Tim Robertson handles that for us, and our audio engineer at Morgan Clark, who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with
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