The Scathing Atheist - 692: A Ross to Bear Edition

Episode Date: June 18, 2026

In this week’s episode, the Grand Canyon state creates an Arizona UNTRUTH, we learn that God has an atheist sense of humor with his weather-based smiting, and we’ll finally get the juicy personal Ross Douthat details you’ve been waiting for.---To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheistTo buy our book, click here: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/If you see a news story you think we might be interested in, you can send it here: [e-mail] check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticratTo check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-moviesTo check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/Report instances of harassment or abuse connected to this show to the Creator Accountability Network here: https://creatoraccountabilitynetwork.org/---Guest Links:Learn more about SkeptiCal 2026 here: https://www.skepticalcon.com/Check out Waldo’s YouTube channel here:  https://www.youtube.com/@waldospoliticalstream ---Headlines:AZ law goes too far to protect against religious harassment: https://azcapitoltimes.com/news/2026/06/10/critics-say-religious-service-protections-could-run-afoul-of-right-to-free-speech/The country’s largest Protestant adoption agency is dropping LGBTQ couples — again: https://religionnews.com/2026/06/10/the-countrys-largest-protestant-adoption-agency-is-dropping-lgbtq-couples-again/Muslims feel unwelcome in the bigot party: https://www.texastribune.org/2026/06/15/texas-republican-party-convention-muslims-sharia-law/The Hill pretends Jewish services are just hanging out for a pray with your bros: https://thehill.com/opinion/civil-rights/5921285-religious-assembly-permit-lawsuit/This week in Christian history:https://www.christianpost.com/news/this-week-in-christian-history-touchdown-jesus-destroyed.html

Oneing, the following podcast, contains adult language. So, either turn it off or stop being such a fucking baby. This week's episode of The Skating Atheist is brought to you by Mint Mobile and by the new earbuds for Christians that don't want to hear secular stuff, pre-cons. Precans. They're just earplugs. And now, the Scathing Atheist. Hey, folks, my name is Alex Joneson.

Yeah, Johnson. Yeah. Anyway, I've been around the block a few times, and I've seen some things that you would not believe. So trust me when I tell you that we did indeed evolve from filthy monkey men, but not the women. That would be woke. It's June 18th. And it's Autistic Pride Day. Okay.

The other days are too. We're amazing every day. It's stupid holiday. I have no illusions. I'm Mila Bosnick. And from Jalen, Brunson's New Jersey again, Ann Arbor, Michigan, and Waycross, Georgia. This is the skating atheist. On this week's episode, the Grand Canyon State creates an Arizona.

untruth. We learn that God has an atheist sense of humor with his weather-based smiting. And we'll finally get the juicy personal Ross Dauza details that you've been waiting for. First, the Dye Tribe. You remember when you could just change your mind? It's one of those things that social media has stolen from us. Or maybe it's not that. Maybe that's just where I see it most because that's where I spend so much of my fucking time.

maybe it's bigger than that. But one way or the other, the world puts a premium on changing your mind about shit now. Like, I feel like there are a lot of people in the world who might one day find out that pineapple on pizza actually tastes awesome. And they'll be like, well, damn it, it's a shame.

I will have to forever deprive myself of this delicacy since I took too hard a stance against it in a fucking online blood feud. And I can't help but project a younger Noah into this world. You know, at age 27, I was wrong about pretty much everything you can be wrong about without just immediately getting yourself killed. I was a card carrying member of the Libertarian Party.

I thought abortion was evil. I didn't see the conflict in those two things. I thought alien abduction stories were real. I thought the Illuminati was running the world. I thought I could see the future with tarot cards and I thought modern medicine was a fucking scam. And if we had had today's social media back in 2003, I have to imagine I'd have a podcast about tarot or alternative healing or how they get you.

At the very least, I'd have been vocally opinionated online about it. I've always been vocally opinionated regardless of the quality of my opinions. And at that point, how could I change my mind? I mean, to be honest, all the shit that I engaged with that eventually changed my mind is stuff that I probably would have ignored or avoided. Right? I would have thought a skeptic says the enemy at that point. I wouldn't have been as receptive to what they had to say. And I probably would have had a financial interest in continuing to be wrong. Now, as it happens, I got lucky. I had the good fortune to be right about everything before I started putting my opinions on the record. You know, I was able to change my mind about a ton of that shit over a gradual period without ever eating the buffet of crow I so richly deserved. I just, I realized I was wrong and I stopped being wrong. Of course, That's always been hard to do, right? It's never been easy to reinvent your worldview from the ground up. It was easier on me than most because I didn't have a hell of a lot

writing on that worldview at the time that I was reexamining it. But nowadays, it's almost impossible to have an opinion and not be all that invested in it. And that makes changing your mind harder than ever. So it'll probably come as no surprise that I'm talking about this because at this point there are a lot of people changing their minds about their political commitments over the past few years. The polling shows it unmistakably, right? And that leaves us all in this awkward position

of what exactly we do with all these people that are now flirting with the ever so difficult mind change. And it's tough, right? Because in so many ways, they've shown us who they are. Right? Maybe their heart wasn't really in the hate. Maybe they just got sucked in by promises of isolationism and naive mercantilism or some dumb shit like that. But at a very minimum, they show that they were,

are willing to abandon immigrants to torture camps, turn a blind eye to fascist armies gunned down American citizens in the streets and overlook harassing trans people for sport. Even if they throw themselves on the mercy of the court, it's kind of hard to want them back. But we're also still stuck in the same damn country as them. They're here whether we welcome them back or not. And demonstrating a willingness to change one's mind now that there's so much riding on their obstinance should at least provide us with a flicker of hope. This is not a call to forgive our enemies or the people that wronged us.

That's the other guy's thing. But we are all better served if we make it easier for people to change their minds. If the past decade has sought us anything, it's that American minds need a lot of change. And if we're standing in the way of that, we have to ask ourselves why. Look, the main thing that we learned about the Trump supporters in our lives might not be that they're bigots. In some instances, it is. And I'm not asking anybody to overlook. at, but in some instances, what we learned is that they are easily led, which means that,

at least theoretically, we could lead them to something better. They're talking about your Jesus. They interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for headlines tonight are the Darrow and Darrell to my Larry Heath, Heath, Enright, and Eli Posnick fellas. Are you ready for a lard fight? Not sure what that means, but yes. Yes, I am.

Hey, do the people who get your Bob Newhart jokes get? their podcasts on their victrola. No illusions. I'm just curious. Okay, well, now I'm sad that Eli has deprived himself of the greatest series finale and the history of television. So while I recover, we're going to pause for a word from this week's

sponsor, Mint Mobile. But it's not fair. Okay, this is why you've got to read stuff, man. No, it's not that. Hey, guys. What's the matter? Oh, I'm just sick and tired of all the shenanigans, you know? Our shenanigans? Because that's mostly you, man.

bought a human foot on the internet last week, a foot. No, no, no, not our shenanigans. Cell phone shenanigans. I upgraded my phone this week and I got locked into a higher price contract. Plus, they added a bunch of fees. Well, look, Eli, if you're tired of high fees and catches in your contrast, you should just try Mint Mobile. What's Mint Mobile? Mint Mobile took what's wrong with wireless and made it right with premium wireless for $15 a month.

You can even bring your current phone and your number. Okay. Have you actually tried it? I sure have. I switched to Mint when they became a sponsor. Now I get the same great service for a fraction of the price. That's why I, Noah, personally endorse MintMobile. Mint Mobile.com. Slipal. That's it. There's no catch. Forty-dollar upfront payment required. Where do I sign up. To get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to mintmobile.com slash scaling. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month. That's it. There's no catch. Forty-dollar upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three-month plan only. Speed slower, above 40 gigs on a limited plan, additional taxes fees. and restrictions apply, see Mint Mobile for details. All right, Noah, thanks. Now, why did you want a foot?

I spoke to Mint Mobile. They would prefer, I not say. Sure. Somehow, that feels worse. It is not. And now, back to the headlines. In our lead story tonight, we have a proposed state law in Arizona to talk about. And I know we don't normally have an opening pun for the lead story, but Stormy suggested in don't rain on my charade.

news and that's too good to just ignore. So, but yeah, so the law in question is cloaked in the guise of protecting minority religions from bigots, but a quick look inside the trench coat yet again reveals three denominations of Christianity on each other's shoulders trying to buy a ticket to the oppressed minority club. Wait, you're saying Christianity went looking for the oppressed and found itself again? Why, that's only what's happened literally every single time. Every single fucking time, yeah.

So, yeah, so this is HB 4117, and it was originally introduced. to deal with a rise in anti-Semitic bigots forcing their way into synagogues to denounce Israel or Jewish space lasers or whatever it is that they wanted to announce. And if that's where it had stayed, we probably wouldn't be talking about it at all. But the first version, introduced by a Jewish lawmaker with first-hand experience with the issue, was written too ambiguously. So a Christian colleague helped to rewrite it into a monstrosity that would make it illegal to interfere with any religious activity, regardless of where that activity takes place.

Hey, I'd like to religiously interfere with this law existing. Oh, shit. And you can't interfere with me interfering. Right. Are we at a stupid magical impasse? Great. Now do your fucking job in Arizona. Here you go, yeah.

Ridiculous. So the bill sponsors argue that this is necessary because anti-Sumites, you know, they might also interrupt like a religious celebration at a public park or a holiday event at some other location. But like, it's already illegal to harass people in public parks and shit. And as numerous Arizona lawmakers have already pointed out, protests in front of abortion clinics or outside dead soldiers' funerals could also be construed as religious activity. And I would go even further than that to say literally any goddamn thing they want to call Christian activity can be construed as religious activity. I think that's a Supreme Court ruling, you know just described. Right.

Yeah, at this point in history, 99% of the time a bad thing is happening, it's a religious activity. Right. It's also worth noting that the law doesn't do a hell of a lot to limit what would be considered interfering. Right. So like, if I argue back at a street preacher, am I interfering with his religious practice? If I counter protest the Westboro Baptist Church, am I interfering with their religious practice? If Heath and I dresses sexy squirrels and make out across the street from their Sunday school again, are we interfering with their religious practice? Those are the kind of questions you really need to fucking answer before you start authorizing Christian. judges to lock a motherfucker up for a year and a half over it. These are not acorns.

I'm sincerely holding whatever these are in my mouth. There you go. You have to watch me. Exactly. Or it's persecution. Watch me. And you might think it odd that I'm leading off with the story about a house bill in Arizona that probably won't even pass.

But we've learned over the last decade or so that any time new language is introduced anywhere in the fucking country that would give Christians bonus rights, you can bet your the alliance defending freedom isn't far behind, right? It may actually be that the major players in this fight really are trying to solve a real problem and not just enshrining ever more Christian privilege, but the the Democrats are watching, and the only thing they love more than giving themselves extra immunities is pretending that the people who oppose them are being anti-Semitic about it.

So look for this one coming to a state legislature near you. Yep. And in Pray the Bebe away news. podcast listener, when you talk about the harms of religion for a living, you get a lot of the same questions over and over again. What do you think happens when you die? How do you explain how the universe came to be? Why do you smell like that? Okay, I think that last one is actually more for me than the co-host, but you also hear about... No, I get asked why you smell like that. Okay, so this is okay. This is a universal solidarity. But you also get asked about the good.

What about the Christian soup kitchens? What about the Christian homeless shelters? What about the Christian adoption agencies? And when you explain to them that those are just good things that have added religious conditions to their goodness, they look at you funny. Though that could be the smell. I don't know. You guys will have to tell me. But that doesn't make us wrong.

Yes, exactly. And we got further proof of that this week as Bethany Christian Services, the country's largest Protestant adopt. and foster care agency announced it will no longer allow LGBTQ couples to foster or adopt. Yeah, we're not hoarding orphans. We're doing that sometimes. Little bit. You got to balance the pros and cons. It's bigotry versus hoarding orphans. And like, you know, we like the first thing. As if we needed more good reasons to stop entrusting the orphans to religious organizations, people. Jesus Christ. And we didn't. We didn't.

need more reasons. So according to Religion News Service, in a press release posted on Wednesday, the Michigan-based agency announced that its board voted to, quote, clarify and reinforce its Christian faith commitments. Those changes require staff and board members to personally agree and adhere to a belief statement that include the Apostles Creed that recognizes the authority of the Christian Bible and affirms the image of God in every person. The belief statement also defines God's design for marriage as, quote, a covenant between one man and one woman, end quote. Hey, real quick, is that the same God whose design includes children with no home in the world? Right. And also, I just want to point out that refusing to give orphans to loving Muslim and atheist families is also disgusting.

Also disgusting. Not even in, I couldn't even include it in the story that they don't do Jews. Sometimes hoarding orphans, the word sometimes doesn't do the work you want to. do the work they're hoping it does. Yeah. Now, you might be thinking, okay, Eli, that obviously sucks. But they're called Bethany Christian services. One might expect that they do, you know, we totes ma goats are Christian stuff. It doesn't necessarily mean that they're bigots. And first of all, pretty sure Matthew said something about staying in the closet with all that Christian shit.

But also, don't worry, they clarified that they are in fact doing bigot stuff. Oh, no way. In an email to RNS, a spokesperson confirmed that these shows. changes will also impact selection of foster and adoptive parents, saying, quote, beginning June 2027, Bethany will only license and relicence foster families whose Christian faith and beliefs align with our statement of faith and belief, end quote. Just pause for a second and imagine the national outrage. If there was literally any organization anywhere in this fucking country that was in charge of

orphans that refused to adopt them to Christian families. Also, I don't know if you heard that. that little expression there, re-licensed, that means that there might be kids in foster care whose foster agreement expires, but because they aren't Christian, they get kicked out of the foster home. Or because they're gay, yeah. They are currently in. Yeah.

So to be clear, this is just the bigotry they're willing to admit to, right? Does the Christian pledge extend to conversion therapy and denying the identity of trans kids in their care? I mean, not explicitly, but if a company has a, how? to fuck the banana bread policy in the bylaws, you can kind of guess they're fucking the banana bread, right? And if a company has no fucking the banana bread in the bylaws, they're definitely fucking the banana bread.

If they mention anything adjacent to the concept of fucking the banana bread, they're fucking banana bread. And if you're thinking of yourself, wait, didn't Eli just mention something adjacent to the concept of fucking the banana bread? You're starting to understand the dynamics of the show of the three hours. I fucked a banana bread.

The lady doth fuck the banana bread too much. And if you're wondering why, like why now? Well, it's because they think they can get away with it. So quick reminder, for those of you who haven't been around so long, Bethany only started working with LGBTQ people in 2021 when civil rights group threatened to sue and cities stopped working with them all together. If that happened now, they are well aware that the only result would be a Court victory legally affirming their bigotry.

Yep. They might actually be righteously hoarding orphans as a test case on purpose. That might be a plan there. That might be part of a signal chat with Sam Alito. Right. Exactly. And look, I point this out because in a couple of years, when it's our turn to have political power again, fingers crossed, groups like these are going to come shrinking back to us with their tails between their legs and they're going to be like, Oh, that wasn't us.

That was the old CEO. And he retired last week. We've changed. Right. As soon as they do, the people in your life will start asking you about the good they do all over again. Sure will. And in everything's bigot in Texas news. Fantastic.

Yeah, I think I've used it before, but it's a good one. It's gotten to where bigots of color just don't have a political home anymore in this country. And we were reminded of that by a long, sympathetic piece in the Texas Tribune that highlighted all the bigotry muslin's face when they tried to attend the Texas GOP convention. And we're told not just to leave the convention, but to leave the country. Yeah, just walking home all sad through the rain. Everybody hurts sometime. So, yeah, so first of all, a quick thanks to Danielle for sending this story to Scathing News at gmail.com.

Daniel, for your vigilance, we shall ride with you when the time comes. Anyway, this piece follows around all the attendees at the GOP convention representing the Council on American Islamic Relations or CARE, which you'll recall, the state's governor recently declared a terrorist organization because, and this was his actual logic, how can you be pro-Muslim and not be a terrorist? So to counteract this prejudice, or at least to help the Texas Tribune write about it, a few conservative Muslims attended as delegates. What's all this coming around business? We were told it would only go around, guys. And what's their whole deal with Jewish people? I don't get Republicans. They're pro-Judaism, like, sort of, but also neo-Nazi.

I don't even know what direction they want us to hate stuff. I would do it. Yeah, so, okay, look, normally I'm sympathetic to religious minorities being mistreated in this country, which is a really fucked up sentence to have to put a butt after butt throughout the story. Every Muslim they talk to is like, look, We also hate gay and trans people and female autonomy. Can't we just be united in our division?

And when they're told you are evil and must not participate in society, they don't think to themselves, oh, I bet that's how the people that we push to the margins of our culture feel. They think, man, these the assholes need to learn how to bigot better. They're bigot and the wrong people. I just don't get it. We're so conservative. We're like perfect for them.

They could fly us in from other countries, set up GOP sanctions. city, we'll help them rig elections. They love that then. What's the problem? Hey, log cabin Republicans. Any idea what the problem is? Are you having the same problem? Right. And to be clear, a bunch of canceled atheists tried this exact same thing with the exact same

result, by the way. And we were equally joyful at their downfall. It's a happy jerks or sad thing, not a Muslim thing. We want to be clear. Yeah. And look, obviously, this is a face-eating leopards ate-by-face story. we can all kind of revel in that. But it is worth reading the article just to see how blatant and unapologetic their anti-Islamic rhetoric has gotten.

And I mean, I say that knowing fully well, how bad it already was. That's kind of what I do for a living. And I was still shocked by a lot of it. In fact, opposition to Sharia law in Texas was one of the two main themes of the convention, despite the fact that literally not one goddamn single person anywhere on earth is or ever has been trying to promote Sharia law. in Texas. No, it hasn't happened.

Not yet. The other main theme, by the way, in case you're curious, was unity. Honestly, if you described Sharia law to conservatives in Texas without using any Muslim words,

they'd be like, yeah. No, yeah, right. Yeah, you could find and replace Sharia law with some Jesus shit and they're right on board. Yep. And in Hillabines news,

from time to time, we like to get a little retro here at Pazola on a thunderstorm. No, will toss in the occasional reference to a bygone sitcom. Heath will toss out some turn-of-the-century economic theory and

I remember when the hill wasn't a piece of shit and right-wing propaganda. Yeah. Well, my memory becomes more and more distant by the second, and we got further proof of that this week as they put out a panic piece titled Supreme Court should weigh government

barriers to praying at home. Yes, at home. Okay. The headline repeats the same word again. It sounds legit. Right. You fucking heard me at home. Yes.

Let me reread that for you. What? Right. So here's how the article begins. Quote, perhaps yours is one of the many families in our country that pauses to pray before plunging into a sumptuous dinner. Oh, fuck you. Like your parents and grandparents, you choose to say grace or ask

the blessing before meals. I fucking have never heard it called that. Side note. But have you ever considered asking your government's permission first? Neither did Daniel Grand and Orthodox Jew who lives in University Heights, Ohio. A few years ago, he invited around 12 friends to join him in his home to pray. The number is important. Grant's faith requires him to pray three times a day with a million of at least 10 Jewish men. Someone shared Grand's intention with the wrong somebody and suddenly

he received a letter from the city directing him to immediately cease and desist any and all uses of his home as a place of religious assembly. If Grant wanted to pray with friends he'd have to apply for a special use permit which the city

requires for houses of worship in residential districts, end quote. Okay, I see the problem. It's a rule about a thing. Yep. Yeah. Oh, so just because I serve meals off a menu to the public for money with waitstaff, suddenly my private residence is a restaurant.

Okay. Yeah, it is. Okay. So a couple things about this. One, if you had a Fourth of July party three times a day, every day with 12 of your closest friends, that would be a dick move. And two, a beautiful. Building where a dozen people gather for a religious service three times a day is a house of worship.

Hell, it's more of a house of worship than most church. Yep. Yeah. Get your minion going on Zoom or whatever. You can even do it on Saturday if you trick the omniscient God of the universe by always leaving it on. That's a great trick you do. Right, yeah. It continues, quote, Grand wasn't looking to build a temple.

He just wanted to pray. Still, trying to cooperate. He applied. a permit. City officials received letters of protest. Quote, I do not want our neighborhood labeled as Jewish, one read. At a public zoning commission hearing, Grand was heckled by many and stonewalled by commission members. They directed him to return for a second hearing. Grand declined and quietly withdrew his application, end quote. Weird way of saying it didn't show up, but yeah, okay. Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. Your devout

religious belief wasn't worth the fucking second Thursday? Do the paperwork. I wish you cared about God. But guys, are you ready for... Take it serious. Are you ready for the kicker? I am. Exciting.

Here's the kicker. Quote, the kicker. Oh, it says the kicker in the article. It says the kicker. The words are the kicker. You heard me the fucking kicker. The kicker in his home. The home. You're reading this now. You say it to me.

The kicker? Grant realized that a permit, even if approved, would require him to convert his home into an official synagogue and zoning requirements forbade anyone residing in a commercial house of worship. I like to believe the author of this article heard it as forbaddened when he wrote it. It was a perfect catch 22. Grant couldn't pray in his home if he lived there and he couldn't live in his house if he prayed there. Oh, fuck you. I mean, I had the same problem when I wanted my apartment to be a, a soccer stadium. It was a

whole thing of it. Also, it's not a catch-22 when you can pray in your house. Yes. You just can't have a flash mob three times a day. That's it. Yeah, this same writer did a piece on a mass shooting called, oh, so now we're not allowed to make loud noises anymore, okay.

But this was America. We're not America? Right. So, as you can imagine, here's the lawsuit we were all waiting for, quote. This is the post kicker, I guess. Yeah, this is the post-kicker. This is the kicker to kicker. Seeing the First Amendment violation here,

Grand filed suit and asked the federal courts for help, but the courts told him he would have to wait until he finished the city's permit application process, which is a little like telling a homeowner to wait until his house finishes burning down before calling the fire department, end quote. Perfect analogy, no notes. And if he wants to make his house to do a fire department,

because that would be the solution maybe, but that's another permit that he has to get while he's on fire. Oh, my goodness. It's a catch 451. It's impossible. Oh, yeah, no, real catch 22 that you can't sue somebody for denying you a permit until they deny you that permit.

It's railroaded, I say, Jesus Christ. So I would have to show up for the second meeting and then they'd have to say, how many imaginary steps in my head have to happen before Brett Kavanaugh tells me, I'm the winner. I was told it was just one, but that's what we sound like. It's probably two or three. The article goes on to whine about how it's not fair that Trump hasn't gotten to ruin all the federal courts yet. So the lawsuit would have to go all the way to the Supreme Court just to get justice. And it concludes,

quote, when this many federal circuits cannot agree on when you can go to court, the case is ripe for Supreme Court review. God willing, the justices are willing to have a look. unless they do, grand, and many of us may not have... Don't do it. A prayer. God damn it. Okay, here's the thing. If you don't have 10 friends for your magic spell, that's a you problem, right?

If only these people could pray for success, just have to get the permits. Maybe get good at praying. So you probably have been wondering as I read this oratory, who was it written by? Well, it was written by John Birch, senior counsel and vice president of... A little too close to the society, man. Right. Yeah. A little too close.

Maybe do Jonathan. It gets closer because he's the senior council and vice president of appellate advocacy at the Alliance Defending Freedom. That would be the registered hate group that is taking on this case. I don't do they're registered, but yeah. Well, they'll be registered with me because I hate them.

So much. They have to get a permit. They have to renew it every year. Yeah, I send them a renewal. every year. So in case you thought this one was unclear, just about who the bad guys are, it's the ones who are with the hate group.

It's that one. It's the hate group one. Yeah. And finally tonight, in fun facts, don't care about your feelings news. We have a very important story from the Christian Post

about the rich history of their amazing religion. And they did very badly with that. The article is entitled, This week in Christian history, touchdown Jesus destroyed, Howell Harris's Born Again Experience. There's going to be a third one in the history of Christianity, but they couldn't fit that in the website. It's like an Amazon product title, right? Yeah.

New phone battery, phone batteries for fun. Free phone battery, batteries, fun, best phone battery, 26. Wirecutter. It couldn't fit our third one, though. Yeah. So the Christian Post, they have a publication dedicated to Christianity with over 2,000 years of stuff to pull from. And they landed on a church that got shut down and reopened that one time. Some guy becoming Christian in the 1700s and a tragically stupid statue of Jesus Christ on I-75 in Ohio that got destroyed during thunderstorm. But then they eventually rebuilt it. Huh. History. Yeah.

If they didn't do it, if they didn't rebuild it by the third day, it doesn't count, though, I don't think. Also, this week in Christian history is a terrible idea for a segment. Y'all do not go down that road. Well, it might be a good idea for a segment for us, but yeah, I know. For you guys. Exactly. Okay.

So I'll start with the one that couldn't quite fit in that subtitle space. During this week in 1990, a church in Russia got reopened. That would be the cathedral of St. Isaac in St. Petersburg. It was originally consecrated in 1858, and it was the best church in the goddamn city. It was one of the good ones for a little while. But following the Russian Revolution, the godless communists took over and made that cathedral into a museum instead. But then, in 1987, a hero emerged. Ronald Wilson Reagan.

And he said, Mr. Gorbachev tear down that wall. And then two and a half years later, it got torn down. And on June 17th, 1990, the God of the universe was welcomed back into the building. Thanks to some help from a B actor in America. And thanks to all the atheism that led to the failure of Soviet communism. That was the factor. Man, God's like an 80D kid with 11. pieces of homework spread over the kitchen table on this one, right?

I'm going to get to that church. I'm going to get to it. Yeah, but things sure did go great for Russia once they let God back in, huh? Got way better. All right. Next up, we have the born-again experience of Howell Harris. Yes, the Howell Harris. For those of you who were living under a fucking rock, that's the legendary schoolmaster in Wales. Oh. who got kind of excited to become a Christian in 1735.

End of story. And that brings us to Touchdown Jesus. Okay, so the official title for the Touchdown Jesus in Ohio is King of Kings. It was a 62-foot tall statue of Jesus next to a megachurch in Monroe, Ohio, that everyone can see from the highway. And Jesus has the same football touchdown arms. It was completed in 2004, and it cost about $250,000 to build. Jesus. And it was insured with a value of $500,000.

A little pin in that. The statue was constructed with mostly styrofoam over a metal frame and covered with a very thin skin of fiberglass. Not the best choice for the materials, as it turns out, because during this week in 2010, taken out that pin, God hit touchdown Jesus with a lightning bolt, as God is want to do with very tall objects that contain metal. Yeah, those piss him off, yeah.

Yeah, he hates those. And when metal gets hit with like 200 million volts of electricity and it's touching a bunch of styrofoam, that often leads to a giant fire. Yeah. And that's exactly what happened here. The fire ended up doing about $700,000. and damage between the statue itself and the church building right next to it. When you're a Christian fireman and you pull up to a flaming styrofoam statue of Jesus,

you probably don't feel awesome about your religion, right? We've got to figure at least one of the firefighters pulls up, looks to the guy next to him, goes so like Islam, are we thinking Islam then? Or maybe Buddhism? Where are we going? I was thinking about the inspirational story of Howell Harris the other day. This really ruins. I don't know that this will carry me through.

So a church built a gaudy monstrosity. It was a giant safety hazard and it got destroyed. Well, naturally, it was time to rebuild it. Or in the words of the Christian post, nevertheless, the church persisted. Yikes. Remember the thing? And in 2012, they finished construction

on a new, over 60-foot-tall, full-body statue of Jesus, known as the Luke's Moondy, or Light of the World. Get it? It's like when the brave women of Congress stood up to our rapist president. That's what we're like. Just like that. Yeah. I just, I want you to stop and consider for a second

just how fucking big that is. 60 feet is a bowling lane, right? It's bigger than that. And I don't know if you guys looked it up. It looks like if you pulled the cord in the back, the arms would clap. I mean, it looks just heral, finally,

so silly. The crazy thing is, it can't have been inexpensive. No, well, that's the thing. Why, so I think that what they did

is they were like, just like, what's the biggest we can possibly make with this pile of money we're going to devote to it, right? Right. Who cares if it looks cheap and shitty?

It's like, it's like a mascot turning at the top of your sign or whatever, you know, it doesn't have to look realistic. And they were like, they were like, oh,

we raised 10 grand, which means we can get a, stone statue as tall as Rick, or if we use chicken wire and asbestos, and then do insurance fraud. Yeah, you'll be able to see this from the highway. Yeah. And just in case the Christian Post needs some help for next year when they do their segment, I did have an idea. On June 15th of 1520, Pope Leo the 10th issued a papal bull condemning the 95 Thesis. And yeah, that was basically putting out a hit on Martin Luther. It was, yeah.

And then the Holy Roman Emperor literally put out a hit on Martin Luther. You remember, you remember him? Remember Martin Luther? He's the guy who started your whole Protestant thing, which says doing good stuff isn't required for getting into heaven. That's the big schism anyway, just the thought. So, you know, let me know anytime if you need some more help with your newspaper. Happy to help. And with a new C-segment idea on the whiteboard, I think we're going to wrap up the headlines for the night.

Heath, Eli, thanks as always. And when we come back, Ross Douthat will finally shut the fuck up. One of the coolest things about my job is that I often get advanced readers copies of upcoming atheism books and then I get paid to read them. But as though to pay penance for that, another part of my job requires reading shit like Ross Douthits believe why everybody should be religious. which we're finally going to finish off in this installment of God Awful Books. I'm sad to see him go. I'm not. I enjoy dealing with Ross.

So at this point, Ross has convinced himself that he's convinced his reader that Christianity is probably true. And now Ross assumes that we really want to learn more about him as a person. So we're going to close off with Chapter 8, a case study why I am a Christian. I was wondering so many things about Ross at this point, and none of them were why he's a Christian, interesting. Yep, exactly. He starts out of, quote, I'm a Christian, a practicing member of the Roman Catholic Church,

a conservative by the world's standards. And I'm like, sorry, ladies, he's taken. See? Lush, am I right? Absolutely, absolutely. Well, and he's like, he's like, I was raised Episcopalian, so what are the odds that I'd wind up Catholic of all things? Yeah, he did his own research. He's a real heterodox thinker.

Right outside of that box, and the other box, that's the same, basically. Also, I just want to remind those of you who have been following along with us that Ross already told us this part. Yes. He forgot we already got treated to, I'm a white guy who somehow became less bearable.

Right. That's right. You heard me less bearable. And then, okay, so then his family joined one of those all the way crazy churches. So as a kid, he saw a lot of people have religious experiences. So either religious experiences are real or some adults lie sometimes. He landed on the former, to be clear.

I was an accidental pilgrim. And now I really love wearing buckles. And you know what? Those buckles, that's God right there. It's God and faith. He actually calls himself an accidental pilgrim in this journey of his. He does. Yeah, and he just admits up front that he started from the unevidence assumption that religious

experiences represented a real supernatural phenomenon, even though he admits that he himself never had one. Okay, maybe God just doesn't like me, like everyone else. Esra. Yeah, exactly. And as a 12-year-old, quote, professor of religious studies, that's how he described himself, he approached it, again, quote, analytically rather than mystically.

And he landed on the God of the Bible with science. That was analytical with science. I approached it with superstition and evidence, with careful carelessness, giant shrimp. But naturally, guys, naturally he wound up with Catholicism, what with that one being the most logical of the religions. I mean, look, I like these other religions, but there's just way too. few swinging smoky balls. Right. I'm just,

where's the swinging? There's also, there's kind of like a weird, like Catholics can be every bit as hip as them charismatic feel to this subchapter. Catholics actually rock pretty hard. But they keep it safe. They're responsible.

Not too hard. Doesn't say in the canon how hard you can swing those smoky balls. Okay. Yeah, right. We might. We're not. We will not. Hey,

just take it easy. Sorry. He's like, you know, if you think about it, the fact that Catholics can't agree on even the most basic shit is evidence of how right they are worldwide. Yeah, or in the words of Ross Douth that Catholicism is sensible, balanced, and intuitively plausible. Huh. Yeah. No, I get it. Sometimes I'm looking at a nilo wafer and my gut just tells me, this could be a guy.

This could be a little. little bit of God. You go right here. Yeah. And this is where he mentions the coherent responses that Catholicism had for questions in Chapter 5. Because, you know, we all remember chapter 5. Fuck you.

I'm not going back and like checking what the fuck you were talking about a while ago. No, absolutely not. You get to footnote me, Ross. Get out of here. But then right after praising all the amazing coherence, he accidentally mentions a triune God that has a very mysterious relationship with itself. Yeah. Which is extraordinarily

not intuitive. And he has to do a smash cut in his own book. And when he does that smash cut, he cuts to genocide. By the way, he changes the subject by cutting to genocide. Yeah. Well, yeah, he, and then he refers to the Crusades, the Inquisition and the child rape

cover-up scandal as, quote, entanglements that Catholicism has accumulated. And, quote, excursions, Little excursions. Yeah, little excursions. There have been dalliances, sure, longing glances across the world stage with Hitler. There it is.

Hitler, yeah, right, right. No, but his counter argument to, but the Crusades, though, seems to be, come on. Yeah. And his counter argument to all the kid fucking is, but the Crusades, though, come on. There's lots of converts, right? Yeah, right. Seriously, though. He actually argues that pedophiles and,

And cover-ups of that are bad, however, and already stop. You should stop now. Right? You should stop. You should not keep going. He keeps going. And he says that Catholicism, it's a big deal for billions of people. So, you know, net, net, it's good.

You got to fuck some child eggs to make an omelet. Like, I'm paraphrasing, but that's the actual argument here. Yeah. And to be fair, Catholicism is still big for the kids that molest, bigger even. Yeah, right? I know a lot of people who are like, ah, childhood Catholicism, no rape victims.

They're all locked in. Yeah, right. They remember. He also, he admits that he's never seen or experienced anything that would convince anyone who wasn't already pre-convinced. Yeah. He says,

at least I'm not going wildly wrong. Yes, you are. He said about his religion that he's writing a book about as we speak. He saw like, he's on a card trick. to feel, you know, medium good that Eli is actually a warlock. Yes. That's not wildly wrong that Eli might be in actual warlock.

You got like two or three wrong, but everybody has a tough day. Well, and then five pages into this chapter, he finally gets around to that pesky, but is it true, though, question? Yeah. And 189 pages into the book. And he's like, hold on, let me check something. Are we sure that my God, impress me? A 12-year-old torture murdered his child, and then the ghost of the kid photo copied himself onto a blanket or something and then phased through the wall of a cave and then resurrected three days later.

Do I even want that to be true during the book where I'm trying to defend it. Whatever, it's true. It's true. Yes. Just now. No, he claims throughout the book that he stressed an empirical approach to religion, but like, no fuck you have it. Like, we've been constantly asked to set aside empiricism in service of your claims. Before we discuss whether I'm lying, let's suppose I'm not. Yeah, right. Okay, what if you are lying?

Now, let's talk about that. No, it's what you're not. You ran out of a book. You're not supposed. Ezra, you promised to suppose. It's my birthday. I did not. Yeah, but he points out here.

He's like, you know, I totally could prove Catholicism specifically as true if I wanted. but this is not a book about, it's just about religion in general, so. I'm not going to prove all of our stuff that we claim in the book. You have to ask me first about specific things. You know what? I'll do all the best questions that I got

from my atheist shower doll that I argue with. I'll do those. Hey, that doll looks a lot like Ezra Klein, man. Does he know that? Yeah, shut up. So, yeah. Don't tell him.

He thinks that there are many miracles, though, that prove Christianity to be true. So many that he can't even mention them. There wouldn't be room for any of them. Yeah. Must be that empirical approach to religion. He's told us so much about kicking in again. Yeah. But he's like Catholicism, though, if you think about it, I swear to you that this is an actual argument.

I'm not just making up the dumbest thing he could possibly be saying. This is an argument he makes in his book. Catholicism is better at fighting demons than the other. denominations of Christianity. So clearly it's the truest one. Why else would it be so good at fighting team? Exactly. Like for example, Tucker Carlson, he's Episcopalian

and he got scratched by demons. Remember the scratching? Yeah, he got this shit scratched down. He was sleeping next to his German shepherds at the time. That's neither here or there. But he got scratched by demons. Catholic people would have easily blocked it with their carapace of righteousness. I have one of this.

So yeah, he says he's like, I can't prove Catholicism gets you more miracles than other religions, as though, like, that's how far along we are in this argument. Dude, you can't prove anything gets any miracles at all. Also, to be clear, if Catholic had more miracles but non-Catholic and non-Christian traditions also had miracles, that would prove Catholicism wrong, though. Incorrect. Yes, that would mean, yeah.

And, and to answer your question, as we're Klein Showerdell, I do not have a complex regression analysis to prove that Christianity gets you more miracles. He actually says that except for the Ezra Klein part. So, like, there's just so many paragraphs in this book that start with nobody nothing. And then he's like, add to answer your question, my shower thing. It's the best. I see our sudsy bodies have intertwined again, shower is right? It seems we always end up here, don't we?

After our little spats. Ross, what are you doing in there? Did you say my name? Nothing. No. Barry Weiss said you're not allowed to come in here when I'm in here. Barry said. So, but at this point he's like, so he's like Christianity, by the way, we also get

ghosts, aliens and other religions miracle claims. That was us too. That all counts on our tally. Yeah. You know how sometimes someone will believe something stupid? And so, like, as a way to start the conversation, you try to find common ground on a stupid thing that they don't believe. but then they double down.

Right, yeah. Ross is doing that to himself. He sure is. Right. No, he talks about NDE's and he's like, hey, well, but you know, hey, again, I promise you this is a real argument he makes in the books.

He's like, how do we know that NDE's aren't demons tricking us into thinking that that's what death is like? Right, mostly tricking Hindu people. Yeah. The demons don't fuck with white Christian people because, you know, you just don't do that. They know better, yeah. Uncomely.

Then we get the argument from holy code switching, wherein we learn that Catholic God sometimes pretends to be Hindu when he's hanging out with Hindu people. Yeah. Every once in a while, God gets surprised. He's just like, hey, Roheet. I was just holding my extra other arms behind my back when you first. Oh, there they are.

There they are. Anyway, you're alive again starting now. Get out. Get out here, you, scamp. He poofs away and he's like, wait, why did I do that? That just sent Rohit to hell. I am fucking mysterious. And then we get to his conclusion, which is literally just, but in the end, I think I'm right.

So this is an actual quote. But in the end, I think that God has acted in history through Jesus of Nazareth in a way that differs from every other tradition and experience and revelation. and the gospel should therefore exert a kind of general interpretive control over how we read all the other religious data, end quote, which reduces to like, well, my religion is different from all the other religions, so it's the rightest. Yeah, or I think we all see the world through the lens of my religion after all, don't we? Yes, right. Yeah, he literally argues that Jesus and the gospels, quote, seem God touched to a degree unmatched

by any of their rivals, end quote. Like, would win in a fight. This is the final chapter of the book, the big finale for Ross. And he goes with like, Jesus could totally beat up Gandalf and Muhammad Ali. Same time. Yeah, they fought in different eras, I guess.

And the game was different. But like, pound for pound, if you could, you know, equalize all that. I'm taking JC on Fandul, probably. Yes. in a fight. No, it turns out that the overwhelming majority of biblical scholarship is wrong, by the way, because Ross disagrees with it.

So there's no such thing as a distinct historical, Jesus, damn it. There's just the one Jesus. Okay. What I love about this little next couple of paragraphs he's going to do is it's obvious that what he wanted to do was close out his final chapter with this big haymaker of, like, historical evidence that his religion is true. But even he couldn't find the bullshit he was looking for. so he's wrapping up with

So it's bullshit, okay. Yes, yes. Well, he's like, I'm lying, okay? I'm lying in my book and I wrote this down. Nothing historical about my most important beliefs. Yes, right. Well, he's like, he's like, no, it is historical.

It is because like, look, I mean, the gospel seemed to know all about the local geography and topography and culture of their time. And I'm like, well, how could they not? Nobody's arguing that the Gospels weren't written. Okay, if they were lying, they would have said that Israel is covered in snow so that Santa could have gotten there for Christmas. Okay, you ever notice that Gotham seems to have lots of correct details about New York City?

Right. That's a weird. Batman is the son of God. Obviously. He's like, well, you know, they sure don't seem like myths to me. I'm like, they're your religion, man. They seem like myths to everybody. else.

Azra, did you type into my book that I don't think my religion is a myth again? Hey, you're kind of sweaty over there, bud. Maybe like a quick shower. Don't suggest that, Ashr. You want to do a quick shower. And I want to see what you have in your locker. No, you're saying my name from inside the shower earlier.

I was saying. So now. Ezra. What? You trailed off. He's descended all the way to like, Buddha didn't come back from the dead, though. He fucking.

dead, Ross. It's a whole thing in their religion. It's a whole fucking thing. I know he didn't like, but he fucking, it's a whole. He broke the cycle of reincarnation. Yeah. Reseract. So he also, he claims that Christianization brought an awesome civilizing effect to the world. So now he's gone full Rudyard Kipling. Yeah, it's the white and delightsome man's burden. Exactly. Yeah. And Ross closes out the section by arguing that Christianity is the best religion because the central figure lost the game so fucking hard. Yeah. Actually, it circles back around to winning if you think about it.

This is what the guy in the Denny's parking lot says after losing the fight. Yeah. And Ross's, I chat myself and I also did, yes, get a visible erection that you all saw. It was a lesson for you all. You're welcome. I shat for your sins. assholes. I say that to Heath and know at every live show.

Yeah. He's like, obviously some religion had to become the dominant one, but what are the odds that it would be the dominant one? Okay. You're telling me the horse that wins the race isn't God? Listen to yourself. He's like, but if you start with a broad conclusion that this book urges on its readers,

that the universe looks both made and made for us. And I'm like, well, there's no reason to continue with this eventuality, bro. You don't have to worry about that. Please, please, you have to start. Okay, no, I'll play for fun. So the universe is made for us. Just thinking through everything else. No, I still think the resurrection story.

I think that's a Bill Braskey. I think it's very clearly being like, Jesus is a son of a bitch who resurrected. Write that down. He's like, you know, he's like. They use his foreskin. It's a tarp when it rains at Yang Stadium. He's like, well, you know, some people say that I'm just comforting myself with delusions.

But if that's the case, then why am I always so goddamn uncomfortable? That's probably your posture, Ross. You look terrible. Yeah, you do those little video podcasts that auto play and you're just, you're hunched. You're just hunched at all time. It's just like a shrimp. Yeah, not great. I think right from here.

I think Ross is my favorite person to hate watch. or hate listen. And last week, he interviewed the German billionaire. We talked about this guy, the guy who's doing all this work on human enhancement and co-founded the steroid Olympics, the enhanced games. What's that guy's name? Real quick. What's that guy's name? Christian Angermeyer. Yeah. I think we called him Nazi McNatserson to make it easier. U-Body McBoatface. I called him U-Body McBoatface. So he's doing this interview with You boating McBoatface.

And the whole time this guy, Angermeyer, is just pointing at different places on Ross's body and describing an enhanced way to fix it with whatever tech he has. Yeah, yeah. No, he seems to think that I'd rather my religion was different as proof that he's not just using it as to a delusional comfort, as though the institutionality of that delusion doesn't factor in in any way. In conclusion, I hate this. I live in fear. You should do the same end.

Yes, yes. The end. Yeah, we made it, guys. It only took us a year and a half or so to do it. I miss the Book of Mormon. Yeah, okay. All right. So soak it in while you can.

And now you're done soaking it in because Heath, since it was your emphatic suggestion, would you like to tell the listeners, what's coming up next in our book? Club from hell. Change. Change mine. Mind change now. We're going to be reading.

And that's a different thing. We're going to be reading communion. No. Finding my way back to faith by. By? By. Jance, dance, Vance. No.

The vice president of these United States of America. I can speak for everybody who committed to reading along at home when I say, fuck. No one does that. It's just us. It is just us. It's so funny because every year, like a bunch of people start or every time we started a new book, they'll be like, I'm going to read along with you.

And then like a month later, they're like, I didn't read along. Yeah, words are fucking cheap. To be fair, listener, I need the same. You guys got some jokes I can, yes, sir? You got games on your phone? I don't think you start reading it. All right, well, we're going to have to wait for that Jan, Stan's fans, shit, until the next installment of God Awful Books.

Before we flutter away into the capacious meadows of your memory. I want to make a quick correction. I played an old Farnsworth quote by accident last week from a previous Skeptical Khan and gave out the wrong date and shit. But I did give out the right website at least. But this year, it's June 27th. It's in Oakland, California.

Check out skepticalcon.com or check the show notes for more details. Anyway, that's all the blast movie we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,000, 22 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on look out for a brand-new episode for our sister-so's hot friend, Godduffel movies debuting at 7 Eastern on Tuesday and an even newer episode of our half-sitral citation

needed debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, this episode couldn't reach full episode dumb if I neglected to thank Heath Enright for always looking sharp. Eli Bosnick for always looking out and lucid illusions for always looking good. I also want to thank Alex Jones for providing this week's Farnsworth quote. He's getting pretty desperate, I guess. Incidentally, you should check out Waldo's political stream on YouTube, which you'll find linked in the show notes. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's most precious placentals,

Tyler, Barbara, Sean Zaji, Princess of Power, Trish Alexander, the Happy Bay Butcher, Sacco, and Anna. Tyler, Brabara, and Sean, who are so attractive, they can't help but organize the metal filings they come across. Zhaji, Trish, and Alexander, whose IQs are so high, they have to chase away mountaineers looking for a challenge. And butcher, Sacco and Anna, who are so cool, they give ice cream the headache. Together, these nine people, serial killer nicknames waiting to happen, and princesses of power came together. But not like that. Or, I don't know, maybe like that.

I don't want to yuck anybody's yum. they did give us money. I know that much, and you should too. Maybe if you do, they'll invite you to come with them next time. If you'd like to find out, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash scathing a atheist, whereby you own early access to an extended average version of every episode, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the one-time by clicking to the donate-a-thus-com. And if you'd like to help, but be fucked if you're going to spend money on it.

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