The Scathing Atheist - 705: A Steiner Correction Edition

Episode Date: September 17, 2026

In this week’s episode, the midterms are more Godless than ever, we meet the man who puts the Orr into “illegal donor”, and we learn that our high school experience could too have been worse.---To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheistTo buy our book, click here: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/If you see a news story you think we might be interested in, you can send it here: [e-mail] check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticratTo check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-moviesTo check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/Report instances of harassment or abuse connected to this show to the Creator Accountability Network here: https://creatoraccountabilitynetwork.org/---Guest Links:Hear Eli on Murder Made Fiction here: https://www.patreon.com/MurderMadeFiction/posts/teenage-bonnie-169200080---Headlines:Hemant Mehta publishes this year’s list of openly non-religious candidates in the midterms: https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/here-are-the-openly-non-religious-22fConvicted sex offender offered opening prayer at rally for GOP Senate nominee in North Carolinahttps://apnews.com/article/whatley-pastor-sex-offender-prayer-rally-01eab33af03f6a308719ce6a62157451Orthodox church sends medieval prince’s remains to Russian troops in Ukraine | Russia | The Guardian https://www.theguardian.com/world/2026/sep/10/russia-orthodox-church-dmitry-donskoy-medieval-prince-hand-troops-ukraine After backlash, President of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary retracts his support for blasphemy laws: https://religionnews.com/2026/09/14/al-mohler-reverses-course-rejects-blasphemy-laws-after-controversy/The 'golden door' is 'closed': US won't admit persecuted Christian refugees in 2026, report warnshttps://www.christianpost.com/news/us-wont-admit-persecuted-christian-refugees-in-2026-report.html

Warning, the profanity comes early and often in this one. This week's episode of The Skating Atheist is brought to you by the shellfish industry. Turns out they've been behind the anti-biblical movement the entire time. And now, the Scathing Atheist. Thursday, it's September 17th. And it's Constitution Day. Have you guys still got one of those? We have one. It's there.

I have no illusions. I'm Eli Bausnik. I'm Michael Marshall. from Bill Mars, New Jersey, Liverpool, England, and way across Georgia, it's The Scathing Atheist. This week's episode, the midterms are more godless than ever. We meet the man who puts the awe into illegal don't-a-oh. And I'll learn that my high school experience could too have been worse.

But first, the diatron. Okay, so I'm probably going to piss some people off with this one, but if you are one of those people that shared the conspiracy theory that Mitch McConnell, was secretly dead and that the GOP was hiding that fact until an election deadline was reached, you should be stepping back right now and asking where your skepticism went wrong. You should be jumping on social media, owning your mistake, apologizing for it and correcting the record because there was never any fucking plausibility to this argument. And that was really easy to verify.

Now, I want to be super clear what I'm talking about here, right? I'm just talking about this specific theory. Because if you want to argue that the thing that Mitch McConnell is doesn't count as alive, I'll give you some leeway on that. With this constant updates and buffering, that motherfucker's really challenging our binary notion of alive and dead. I will grant you that.

And if you want to argue that he's too far gone to meaningfully represent his constituents, I will march arm in arm with you. That's not what I'm talking about. I am very narrowly talking about this conspiracy theory that said that Mitch McConnell died on June 14th or in the days immediately after that and that since then,

members of his office or a cabal within the GOP have been fucking weakened at burnizing him around in an effort to avoid a special election in Kentucky. See, according to the conspiracy theory, if Mitch died before September 6th, Kentucky's governor could appoint someone to serve out the rest of McConnell's term. And if he died after the 6th, the seat would just remain vacant. So they were trying to hide the fact until then. And since Kentucky's governor as a Democrat, they didn't want to risk turning over a vote for the last few months of his Senate term.

And that right there is where the state. the conspiracy theory falls apart. That shit just isn't true. The state of Kentucky passed a law in 2024 that said that a vacancy like that would have to be filled by a special election regardless. Andy Bashir does not have the ability to appoint a senator

if McConnell dies, period. And debunking the conspiracy theory took literally no more work than double checking that premise. Now, there is a slightly more sophisticated version of this theory that says they were doing it because they were afraid that Thomas Massey would step in, if there was a special election and they didn't want this rogue Republican gumming up the works

potentially. And while that's at least got the advantage of possibility, it didn't rise to the level of plausibility. Thomas Massey just lost his primary in Kentucky by 10 points. Kentucky is one of the fucking Trumpiest states in the union and it pretty much is a guarantee that any special election there would go the way of the Trump endorsement. I mean, I guess I might be wrong here, but is it so likely that I'm wrong that at least dozens of people would commit multiple crimes to hide a death over it. And keep in mind that the whole time Mitch McConnell spent away, the Republicans have been down a vote in the Senate.

So they'd have to be so scared of Massey winning that primary that they were willing to forgo a vote for months over it. None of that passes the smell test. And some of you might be tempted to whittle down that number of people involved to some unrealistic degree in your head. But keep in mind that multiple colleagues said that they had had conversations with him in the interim. So you have to add all of those people to the list.

And then you'd have to explain why they'd be willing to tell that lie with the certain knowledge that the truth was going to come out shortly after September 6th. Consider also how fucking hard it would really be to hide the death of somebody that famous, a death that consequential for months. Nobody involved leaked this shit to the press. No doctor, no coroner, no staffer with a guilty conscience. No Republican with eyes on McConnell's seat. Not to mention that they released two proof of life photos over that period.

Both of them were thoroughly examined by every expert the media could afford. nobody found any evidence that they were fake or manipulated. Y'all, there were calls for Andy Bashir's impeachment if he didn't declare McConnell dead in appoint a replacement. Never mind that governors don't have the ability to declare people a fucking dead. And the fact that Bashir didn't have the ability to appoint a replacement anyway, but the calls got so fucking loud that he actually had to wade into this bullshit and lend it credence. We're supposed to be the fucking skeptics here, people.

That means we have to apply the same standards to the theories we like as the theory we dislike skepticism is a process and it only works when it's evenly applied. So if you shared this conspiracy theory or even believed it, you have some work to do. And you probably have some sources to purge.

They're talking about your Jesus. And interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for headlines tonight are the cookies and cream of this podcast, Eli Bostic and Michael Marshall Phyllis. Are you ready to be sweet? Okay. Is cookies and cream the American name for that game

teenage boys play where the loser has to eat the biscuit at the end? Because if it is, you've got to tell me. I don't think that I do. You are going to be deeply upset by the freezer aisle when you get here. Check out some grocery stories. Let me tell you. In our lead story tonight, one of the many services,

friend of the show, Hemet Meta provides for the atheist community other than putting up with Eli's increasingly bizarre set of fetishes. Yeah, I mean, I'd say Don't King Shem, but that's actually also one of Eli's fetishes. It is, right. Exactly. Win-win. But among Hemet's many contributions

is that every year he'll publish a list of all the openly non-religious candidates running for office in the US, which admittedly sounds like the second half of a harder-to-find-than-joke. But they actually do exist. They're there, despite the fact that

36% of Americans say they wouldn't vote for a well-qualified atheist even if they agreed with their platform. Okay, but I've seen the politics of your country. Can we be absolutely sure that that issue isn't with the well-qualified? That's a great point, Marsh, which is why I, as an American, will never vote for you. Now, to be clear, despite the very real prejudice is working against us, non-religious candidates have won in the U.S.

And I'm not just talking about Obama. I'm including people who admit it, like congressman and author of no profits, the fight to save democracy from Christian nationalism, Jared Huffman. H. Who's book is, by the way, super accessible for people who aren't already plugged into these shit and are maybe a little scared to atheism. Also, in addition to Huffman, a dog catcher in Schaiggen or something, the list is not, it's not very long. Yeah. And that guy, it's only because he had to promise to only target catching Muslim dogs. That's what God in the rules to need. So the spreadsheet, which will be updated as the last few primaries wrap up over the next few weeks, is linked in the show

notes. It includes all the members of the Congressional Free Thought Caucus, which is up over 30 members now, by the way. Good news, guys. We no longer fit in the minibus. We've got to buy a coach. Yeah. Okay. At this rate, listen to this. At this rate, the Congressional Free Thought Caucus will be the same size as the number of congressional members accused of domestic abuse in like a decade. If our rate of growth continues. It also includes no fewer than a dozen House candidates with no religious affiliation, including two that actually use the A word. Ooh. Yeah. Others identify as agnostic, not religious, religiously unaffiliated. spiritual but not religious. Gross, not voting for you. And a rather cheeky

Michigander that lists his religious identity as scientist. So, it's kind of weird, though, that none of them are Republicans. What a strange coincidence that is. Yeah, that's strange. I'm going to say, though, Michigan guy, I get it. You're being super smart. You're being cheeky. Maybe don't give them fuel

for their whole science is just another religion bullshit. Do you need us to send Heath around to have a word of you? Because we'll do it. We should check that it Isn't Heath before we promised that, March? I mean, you can't be too careful. Yeah, go call. Now, there don't appear to be any non-religious candidates for Senate.

Either that or James Tilariko is so fucking Christian. He just balanced them all back out. But we do have a candidate for the Secretary of State of North Dakota. Also, Texas Railroad Commission. But I know that's not very impressive, but there are about 180 additional candidates listed who are running for state legislatures about half. of whom are incumbents. Yeah.

And look, whenever we talk about this, people point out that like a bunch of those are lost causes in deeply red areas. But do you know how you change that by doing literally anything rather than nothing? Right. Yeah. Absolutely.

Now, of course, as anyone who spent any time in atheist spaces online already knows, or offline for that matter, just because you're an atheist doesn't mean you're a good person. It's entirely possible and even probable that some of these candidates all the way suck. And I'd never recommend that you vote

for a person or against a person based solely on their religious views. Okay, I mean, that very much depends on the religion and the views. Like, they would have to have some really persuasive, progressive taxation platforms before I consider voting for a Scientologist, for example. Okay, yeah, no, I should say religion, and I don't think cult status. I think that's a different category, but fair, yes, fair. And I feel like if Britain ever gets a Jew, you guys should vote for him, right? Just for the novelty marks.

Hey, we tried it, and Ed Miliband did not get the vote. it turns out. So we won't try that again for a while. Not a good last name. He didn't, people didn't know. They didn't know. I think they knew. Much of it. When he was front page, the newspaper being criticized for how he ate a bacon sandwich weird, I think they knew. You think? Wasn't the name thing? So the point that I'm trying to make here, though, is that Hemet's spreadsheet also includes links for more information about the candidate. And while it is statistically most likely that you don't have one to vote for in November. It's pretty likely that there's one that could use your volunteer time or your donations. So I would strongly encourage you to follow the link

in the show notes. And in, come on to the children news. With the midterms less than 50 days away, candidates across the nation are pulling out all the stops when it comes to endorsements. Celebrities, singers, beloved world leaders. Hey, I'm just saying the skeptic magazine editor called Michael endorsement is still very much a. available. And my rates are so much more reasonable than Sherman. It's true. It's true. But for Republicans, like North Carolina Senate hopeful Michael Watley, pickings are a little slim. They tried Charlie Kirk's ghost, but everyone was too afraid of the Ouija board to get it going. They showed that super hot picture of Hassan Piker and all that did was Graschrinder. So now they're

going back to the basics. The known quantities, the sure thing among their base. I'm talking, of course, about having a convicted sex offender to their opening prayer. Okay, I take it back. Michael Sherman is a much better brand-aligned. Hey, look, if they're available to do an opening prayer for a Republican, the only variable they're in control of here is convicted, right? They can get a convicted one or an unconvicted one, but you're going to get one.

Yeah, and God knows they've been trying to control who gets it convicted or not for some time. Yeah, right. Right. Now, I know we usually leave child abuse details out of the show, because Lord knows make jokes about the now times is already a hard enough job. But for the record, in 1999, not yet Pastor Damon L. King was a marching band assistant when he raped a 15-year-old student. He served five years in jail.

And then in 2010, he raped his underage female relative and went to jail for three more years. Okay. The diminishing tariff there is a bit concerning. Right? It kind of suggests that the next one's essentially free. Yeah, oh my God, you should see how they punch the punch card, man. Exactly. But none of those facts stopped him from asking God to bestow, quote, integrity and honesty upon the event in his opening speech.

And to write the wrongs, quote, hammered down on the conservative movement, end quote. Yes, God for integrity and honesty. Bolt a lightning hits him. Yeah. Now, to be clear, Wattley's campaign has said that they had no idea that King was going to be doing the prayer and that he had been invited by the hosts the I shit you not, this is their real name. Craven County Republican Party.

But I find that excuse hard to believe. King is a registered sex offender. He probably had to send them a fucking, I can't be part of the baby kissing permission slip just to be there. Okay, but you see, this is the problem with Jen Alpha. If you never answer your front door, then Megan's law is practically pointing.

Exactly, yes. Right. Okay, but like even if we accepted his excuse, His excuse is just like, no, I hired the guys who hired the child rapist. Exactly. How is that better? Yeah. One last thing about this story, because I want to address the elephant in the room.

And I'm not talking about Hassan Pikers' massive cock and the way that it haunts the dreams of everyone who looked at that Jumbotron or Googled it later and really, really took it in. No, I'm talking about the fact that Republicans hired pass. because he's a black guy who likes Trump. And they think hiring a black guy will fool people into thinking they aren't racist, which is especially weird because everyone who's going to vote for them in North Carolina is racist and proud of it.

So also their president is a well-documented rapist of children. So it's fucking weird that they aren't just using the discovery as a bragging point. Yeah. Right. No, at best, this is a, you aligned with the wrong child rapist situation for Republicans. Yeah. Either way, from what I could find on the New York Times website,

Watley is losing in every single poll so far, but that doesn't mean North Carolinians should get lazy or complacent. Sit out the midterms, and you could end up with an inauguration that has to be a certain distance from a school. Yeah, right. And next up in headlines in, That's not what we meant by Send Arms News.

Amazing, dude. Russia's war in Ukraine hasn't been going well. whether you consider that it started in February 2022, or if you take a longer-term view and say that it started in February 2014, or whether you take a slightly longer-term view, that it actually started with the Treaty of Periasolov in 1654, whichever way you look at it, this isn't going to plan. And it's not going to some kind of divine plan.

Maybe God's just a huge fan of drones, right? Yeah, right. We want to see what the technology could do. And also, we know he has a whole end-time thing. that requires a big war and a dude with a communist accent, let him cook. Right.

Let him cook. Yeah, it could be. Well, you know, it might actually be about to change after the decisive intervention of the Russian Orthodox Church who would figure out that the one thing that was missing

from Russia's military push, they figured out what it was. Apparently, throwing 12,000 tanks and the lives of half a million Russian soldiers at the problem, that wasn't it. That wasn't enough. What this invasion was missing

was the 700-year-old hand of a dead dude. So I guess that makes it 500,000 and point one dead Russians in Ukraine right now. Sorry, Marsh, I hate to push back, but I've read enough fantasy books to withhold judgment on this. We are going to need a plucky gang of amateur sorcerers in a robot to fight this thing when it comes to life, okay? Or maybe this is like the Russian Orthodox way of lifting the ban on masturbation. No, it's the prince doing it. Well, this obviously isn't just any old regular dead right hand, obviously.

That'd be rickus. That would be of no real military use that it would be frankly a silly thing to send to an active front line, regardless of how hard the Russian soldiers might be able to throw it at something. Now, this is the right five digits of one Dmitri Donskoi, who is a medieval warrior prince who is revered in Russia for having defeated the Mongolian Golden Horde in 1380. And then a couple of centuries later, Don Skoy was formally canonized, and his remains were sealed in a tomb at the Kremlin

until last month when his tomb was ordered to be opened and his body was exhumed. Okay, so we tried murdering all our generals and hiring North Koreans who immediately deserted with phones full of pornography. Dead guy? Yeah. No, you attach it to a drone with some duct tape,

poke the eyes. Slap. Yeah. Historic slap. Well, now his hand in the form of a relic, it's been taken to Russian-occupied Eastern Ukraine, and it's being paraded around the front line.

Presumly, their existing military commanders are all just out of ideas, and they're hoping that St. Dmitri can pitch in with some strategy. And, well, yes, at 646, he's a little on the old side, but youth is no substitute for experience. And admittedly, being

only a very small part of one single hand might hamper his military effectiveness. But these days, 90% of war is just directing drones where to shoot. And as long as his index fingers intact, he'll probably be fine. Yeah. The middle one might come in handy too. Yeah. Mongle Horde is one thing. But what was his KDR and call a duty? You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Thumbs could matter. Yeah. Now, obviously, I'm being ridiculous. The relic isn't being sent to the front line to be an active physical help in progressing this illegal invasion. It's been sent to the front line to be a spiritual help in progressing this illegal invasion. So it's even less useful than any of the things I've suggested. The eye poke is better. Yes. The idea is that knowing that there's a wholly right hand just

knocking about the conflicts on, that's going to somehow help the soldiers mobilize their strength. And that'll be the final push that was needed to conquer Ukraine. Okay, but how embarrassing would it be if that was the final they needed, right? This whole time. They've just been one dead guy hand short. They're like, fuck, dude. Next time we lead with the dead guy hand, okay? Well, as the Russian Orthodox Church

said in a statement, quote, the Holy Commander is going to where the fate of the Fatherland is being decided today so that he may invisibly take his place in the same battle ranks as our defenders, unquote. Which is obviously going to be a huge comfort to the Russian soldiers, you know,

many of whom are young, barely out of training and conscripted against their will, but at least when they're forced by their commanders to run headlong into the firing line as part of Russia's meat-grinded tactic of giving their opponent so many easy targets that they eventually exhaust all of their munitions, those Russian soldiers will know that they had

an invisible medieval warrior by their side at the same time, presumably asking them if anyone had seen his missing hand. Yeah, you're not going to use that one, it looks like. Ghost general looking around, hey, a lot of these guys are from like Nigeria. Are we sure this is the right war? Is this?

So what this actually signifies is just how much the Russian church is willing to portray this invasion as a spiritual war, which the church's leader, Patriarch Kirill, has repeatedly done of late. In churches across the country, priests in their congregation are even instructed to pray to God for victory. And yet the outmanned and outgunned Ukrainian troops continue to be unconquered. And it really makes you ask some serious questions

about the effectiveness of those prayers, doesn't it? Maybe it's just that God can't read Cyrillic. They keep praying to me for B-I-C-T-O backwards R-Y. I have no idea what they could possibly be. Or a new mortal combat game? Maybe God's just like, hey, sorry y'all, but anybody called Patriarch Kirill

will always be the bad guy. Have you never watched a fucking movie? read a comic book? So this is really just an example of how the religion has willingly supplicated itself to politics. As one Orthodox priest told the Guardian, quote, by the fifth year of the war, the church leadership in Moscow began to wonder what else it could do to show its support for what Russia terms its special military operation, unquote. Yeah. And related news, look to evangelical, how bad were the Crusades really turns coming soon to a pulpit near you?

Yeah, I mean, you joke, Noah, but literally Gadzad, on. Joe Rogan, May 13th of this year. Exactly that I'm. Please don't reference your mistress when you're on our show. It's very hurtful to us. The near you was the new part. So, yeah, this is yet another reminder that while religions like to tell their followers

that they're driven by a divinely influenced external morality, in reality, they only serve the interests of the men who control them. Yeah. Yep. And in extracting a molar news, if there's been a theme to the headlines in 2026, Other than a holy shit, we're all going to die from stupidity, that is.

It's been strange bedfellows. Whether it's Christian YouTubers taken on Greg Locke, douchebag trolls in Bali, or an infallible Catholic cake topper taken on JD Vance, we found ourselves arm in arm of some pretty unsavory characters this year. And that's a trend I'm going to continue today by emphatically agreeing with an op-ed by the executive editor of The Christian Post. But don't worry,

it's an op-ed about how much of an asshole some other Christian is at least. Yeah, to be fair, they've been hating each other way before we got to it. Yeah, and look, in each of those examples, Noah, it's been a case where another religious person has just happened to be right. It's not speaking well for their one true source of morality

that the times that they're actually right are rare enough to be newsworthy. Of note, of note. So this story is about Al Moeller. He's the longtime president of the Southern Baptist theological seminary in Louisville, and he's about as mainstream as Baptist get. We don't talk about him a lot on this show because he doesn't earn Harry Potter books or fall downstairs drunk with his dick out as much as most prominent Christian leaders do, but he's

widely considered one of the most influential intellectuals in American Christianity, and he's not the guy I'm going to be agreeing with this week, because he argued in a recent book that it should be illegal to deny Christianity's pivotal role in America's founding. illegal to deny it. And he said that atheists, quote, cannot fully contribute to the American order, end quote. I mean, we're trying, man. Stop taking away our fucking rights.

There's that. Running for dog catcher in Shiboy. Okay, but like, atheists can't contribute to what he wants the American order to be. Like, that's pretty sure. But that's just like saying black people can't meaningfully contribute to the smooth running of the KKK. Like, it's true that they probably can't, but it's also true that they wouldn't wanting, really. Exactly. So, so Mueller is one of five authors to contribute to a new book called Five Views on Christian Nationalism published by Canon Press, which means they're all going to be

five shit views. Canon Press, as you might recall, is Doug Wilson's publishing arm. Doug Wilson, as you might recall, is possibly the most dangerous man in America. Yeah, just next to the guy who procured Taco Bell's letter supply of him. Right, yeah. No, but so Wilson is the Wacken new Christian nationalist priest who just basically took over the town of Moscow, Idaho, and counts among his disciples, one P.D. Hegseth. He's also one of the five authors of that book. But unlike Mueller, he's got no mainstream credibility. So it surprises nobody when he endorses fucking blasphemy laws and secondhand citizenship for non-criticians. But when Mueller did it, it sounded alarms among the moderate wing of the Southern Baptist Convention. Eventually.

Yeah. Usually people wait to get caught being a sex. past before they write there. Actually, the right-wingers were right about everything book. So this guy's ahead of the curve. Yeah, isn't either? So after Mueller expressed his aberrant views in this book and in an op-ed and on multiple radio interviews about the book and reiterated them on a conference panel with other prominent Christians, former president of the Southern Baptist Convention's Ethics

and Religious Commission and current executive editor of the Christian Post, Richard Land, took to his keyboard to emphatically push back on Mueller's bullshit. He pointed out that blasphemy laws and state religious coercion haven't always gone great for Protestants in the past. He also pointed out that the SBC's official statement of faith expressly forbids several of the opinions he's expressing. And as if at afterthought, he also reminds us that the Constitution is sort of a thing against religious tests for office. Guys, they already passed us on the list. We're fine. They didn't come back for the Quakers. Read the poem. He made it through. Now, for his part, Mollinger. had, like, has now backed away from these positions, but mostly because sticking by them would

almost certainly cost him his position with the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. Amid the backlash, he put out a new op-ed where he admits to, like, you know, oh, shucks, I apparently got that one wrong. Yeah, I read the op-ed, he wrote in it, as a Baptist, I would never want to coerce religious belief, period, before, presumably adding, now kids, it's time for Sunday school, or you'll all go to hell. Yeah, right. But yeah, throughout the whole thing, he frames it very much like, you know, well, you know, I said I double check the back door, but it turned out it was unlocked.

Not like it was something that he expressed in book form and then reiterated for months in multiple venues until there was an online backlash that threatened his authorities. So fucking sincere by Christian standards, I guess. Yeah, there you go. And finally tonight in too late in the persecution news. If the Trump administration has had one goal during this second go-around, it's been creating a secret fascist police that kidnaps people and kills civilians with impunity that they can use to suppress the votes of brown people. But it's fighting Christian persecution.

They've promised to roll back anti-Christian laws that don't exist, to defend Christians' right, to not have to follow laws in the first place. They even started a little committee of religious persecution to find all the the heffalumps and wuzzles that Joe Biden hid under Christian beds. But don't worry, when it comes to defending Christians from actual persecution, they have done absolutely nothing. And that's according to the evangelical Christians who are keeping count. So we're going to talk about it. Okay, you know, a podcast is a largely audio-based spoken word medium, Eli. The listers already know that the things you start talking about

are the things that you intend to keep talking about. That's kind of how that works. You don't think like a meta-commentary, like someone actually turned on the audio description for the visually impaired. Well, he argued last week, Marsh, that it's no longer lazy writing because Morgan added a visual effect. Exactly. Yes.

Exactly. Do you have to tell you guys that I ended my SAT essay with I have spoken because I could not think of how to end it? is the way. So, you know, here we are. Right. So this report comes to us from the global watchdog open doors and the evangelical refugee resettlement agency World Relief. And it's titled, State of the Golden Door, evaluating U.S. refugee resettlement and asylum in light of global Christian persecution. And I want to say at the outset that whatever else is true about these

organizations, they track actual Christian persecution, right? They are not defending your uncle's right to fucking write a slur on an ice cream cake. They're helping people escape getting murdered by the Taliban, which makes it all the more horrifying that the number of refugee admissions from the 50 countries on the 2026 Open Doors World Watch List has plummeted from 23,000 in 20203

and 29,000 in 2024 to literally zero in 2026, leading to charts in the report like this one. and infographics like this one. So podcast listener, Eli has placed two meticulously designed illustrations of the number zero in our notes that would be hilarious if they weren't fucking genocidal. Yeah. Yeah.

I think I wrote that first graph at Alton Towers. And the cue to get on it was the queue to get on was only slightly shorter than the current queue of persecuted Christians waiting to get asylum in America as well. Yeah, well, what you have to understand, guys, is that those refugees are brown. Yep, yep. And it's actually worse than it sounds because this report tracks the fiscal year, which for my fellow not knowing what that means people, ends in September. In short, unless a bunch of Christian immigrants step through portals like the end of Avengers in the next couple of weeks, that number is going to stay at zero.

And even if they do do that, they're going to find themselves deported back by ice, like their Thanos using the Time Stone to click Undo. Right. Yeah. And the human cost of this decision is tremendous. The report puts the number of Christians killed for their faith at just under 5,000. It points out that 14,000 Iranians who were already approved for asylum are now left in limbo and points out that 21,000 people were deported to developing countries many times, but not always,

the country they fled in the first place. So you complain when ICE deports people to places they've never been before. And now you complain about ICE sending people back to the places that they know well. It's like the fascist, extrajudicial hit squad just can't do anything right in your eyes. It's true. It's true. I wonder if we could maybe sway a few Trump supporters with the he's given foreigners all the good gulag jobs at this point. Oh, yeah, that might be it. And look, I'm not going to hit you with all the gory details on this story because

there are a lot of them and they are not fun. But the next time Uncle Frank tells you that he's voting for Trump and his cronies because Trump stands up for the rights of Christians, maybe hit him with a couple of these very professionally illustrated zeros and see what he has to say about that. There you go. And with the hope that Uncle Frank can count that high, we're going to wrap the headlines for the night.

Eli Marsh, thanks as always and or sometimes as the case may be. Jim Angie. And when we come back, Marsh will dig up another historical ass. I was going to say dig into, but the visual wasn't. Yeah, no, I get it. I will do that as well. The biggest reason we like to have Marsh on this show is because British people have a habit of calling mildly intelligent things brilliant, and that makes me feel good.

But the second biggest reason is to pick through his encyclopedic knowledge of bullshit artists, which we're going to do again on this week's installment of, who's woo. So what do you have for us this time around, Marsh? Well, last time around on Who's Woo, listeners might recall that I talked about the founder of the Theosophy Movement and the all-round autobiographical liar

Helen Blavatsky. And as it happened, the only reason that I talked about Blavatsky in the first place is because I actually wanted to cover someone else, but I couldn't cover them without first explaining her. Oh, so you can construct a podcast of her. but when I ask for one episode of Be Reasonable with Senior Pets.

Yeah, I cancel the entire podcast. It did cancel the entire podcast. Such a shame, Marsh, because on Gam this week, we found a guy who calls himself Patriot Street Fighter and claims that thousands of Americans currently live on Mars. Oh, God, I might have to bring it back. Bring it back.

He carries an axe in a holster. He has an axe. That sounds great. Okay. He has an axe. I'll put it in the whiteboard. Leo the lion didn't have an ex. Yeah.

Look, it's not because my original subject wasn't sufficiently interesting in his own right. Quite the opposite, in fact, it's because while he was actually closely tied to the theosophical movement, he was also so diverse in his pseudoscience that theology and spiritualism was such a small part of his woo journey. It wouldn't have done them justice to just feature them in passing in an essay about him among all of the other things that we've got to talk about when we cover this guy. And that's because today we're going to be talking about Rudolf Steiner. No, let me guess. As a child, he wasn't allowed to play any reindeer games.

Well, he's the most famous woo merchant of all. Rudolph Joseph Lorenz Steiner was born in February 1861 in the town of Murakirai, which at the time was in Hungary, is now known as Donji Pralievich in Croatia. His father was a gamekeeper for the House of Hoyos, and his mother was one of the housemaids of that house. And it was a union that their employer, the Count, was not happy about. And when she fell pregnant, the two of them had to set out for Pastors New. Oh, I'm sorry, boss.

Let me just hop on 1800s Tinder to find a date instead. Now, I will note that... That one's also called Field. It's also called Field. That's the Pasture's New All right. So I will note at this point that, like so many of the historic woos who find themselves chronicled in this segment, Rudolph's backstory, very hard to verify. Because as his Wikipedia page even notes, almost all biographs,

of Steiner are hagiography. So as ever, Salt Shake is at the ready for that all-important pinch throughout this. Yeah, I mean, I was already suspicious when his hometown damn near

had the word miracle in it. So, yeah. So during Rudolph's early life, the Steiner family traveled around the Austrian Empire of the time. And at the age of nine, he saw what he believed

to be the spirit of one of his aunts who lived in a far-off town asking for his help. And little did you know at the time, that aunt had died. That said, he didn't write about this sighting at the age of nine.

He wrote about it like many, many decades later when he was in his 40s. So by the time he was telling that story of who he was definitely sure he definitely saw as a child, he was looking on back at it with like the benefit of decades of hindsight. No, I actually get this because when I was nine, I wanted everyone to pay attention to me. And that turned out to be my career too. Yeah, there you go. Also, it's 1870. Anybody you think of, my fucking hand,

50-50 shot their dead, right? Like at any given moment. Exactly. And also, during the intervening time, he's retold this story about seeing this spirit at the age of nine. He told it multiple times. And he even claimed that children, therefore,

quote, must carry the knowledge of the spiritual world. And this wasn't an idle belief. He felt that he'd actually proven that the spiritual world existed by a geometry. He wrote later in his life, quote, I confirmed for myself by means of geometry, the feelings that I must speak of a world, which is not seen, unquote.

I'm not sure what geometric proof he feels he had at the time. Presumably there's like a jotter out there somewhere where he proves that the interior angles within a cube all add up to spooky ghost off something like that around. It's that S everyone drew in middle school. Fun fact, the official name for that symbol, according to Wikipedia is cool as. You can't deny that it's cool.

Look at it. It's so cool. So stupid. I hate it here. Well, if all of that sounds like a kid who was overly sure of his intellectual capacity, you should also know that when he was 15, he claimed that he had gained, quote, a complete understanding of the concept of time. Nifty. He believed that was related to spiritual clairvoyance. And Wikipedia notes that later at the age of 21, he met a herb gabableness.

he met a herb gatherer, Felix Kogutski, who spoke about the spiritual world as one who had his own experience therein. But to be fair, we've all met people like that who are overly fond of herbs. Haven't we, though? Honestly, I feel like I can disprove the complete understanding of time shit just by asking him to reset the clock on my stove for daylight stavings time. At the age of 18, Rudolf's family took him to Inzadorf, where he enrolled at the Vienna Institute, of technology. And he studied maths, physics, chemistry, botany, zoology, mineralogy, literature and philosophy. It was the education of a Renaissance man and that diverse set of interests, but not necessarily expertise. That would be a theme that continued throughout his life.

Yeah, I never would have spotted that ghost if I didn't know so much about giraffes. Some people would say that intellectual depth is overrated, Marsh. It's more about breads. Exactly. Thank you. That's fair. That is fair. Oh, it's not about that either. Narrow and shallow. Exactly. Yeah. So once he completed his studies, one of his teachers

recommend him to Joseph Kirchner, who is editing the latest work from Wolfgang von Goethe, the German polymath. And despite Steiner's young age at the time, Kirchner appointed him to edit Gerther's writing on natural science, which was quite a coup for the young Rudolph, given his lack of academic credentials

and the fact that he had zero publication history. Or maybe it wasn't much of a coup because according to one scholar, the general consensus on Gertor's scientific musings was that they were useless as science and dreary as literature. In truth, no one else wanted the job of editing them. Yeah, so basically Rudy got the honor

of transcribing the stuff the guy without shoes yelled when he got on the subway car. Yes. Yeah. So it's perhaps not a surprise that the task got shunted on to the young, conceded upstart who lacked the experience and the expertise to be able to see how worthless the writing was. And that might explain why Steiner became a lifelong believer in Gertr's work, leading him to reject germ theory, dispute Isaac Newton's discovery of the color spectrum

within light, dismissed relativity entirely, and from a geocentric view of the universe that actually had the motions of the planets dictated by the relationships of the spiritual beings that inhabited those planets. Wow. The fucking Joe Rogan of his day. Yeah. I mean, can I say it sounds like a lot of things, but I wouldn't categorize it as dreary. Okay, that's fair. Trieri?

Well, Steiner was then hired by Goethe's archives in Weimar, where he worked for almost a decade. And while that work was notably dull and pretty low-paid, it did afford in time to explore his other interests, particularly easeltericism. In 1902, he became the German head of the... The Theosophical Society, 10 years after the death of its discredited founder, Helena Blavatsky. Who is Carl the Pockepegokoran's grandmother? My podcast is mine. It's mine.

By 1904, he was already remodeling Blavatsky's doctrine into his own image, incorporating his own views of Western Christian-oriented spiritualism to replace the faux-hindore roots of Blavatsky's doctrine. And soon, his group was at odds with the global leadership. The inevitable outcome when everybody's just making shit up, yes. Yeah. But however, his popularity by this point as a speaker made him really hard for the global leadership to contain.

And in 1912, the riff between them became insurmountable when Steiner rejected the new ascended master that had been announced from the Indian headquarters of the movement. Oh, sure. Because he believed that while people definitely can and definitely do reincarnate, once you reach the purity of Christ, you're only ever going to reincarnate ethereically. not physically. And later scholars, they've also speculated to whether his rejection of that ascended master

and his subsequent relocation of the center of spirituality back into white Westerners were maybe to do with his not cash money views on the relative worth of different races. And that is something we are going to return to. Oh my God, you guys are not going to believe this.

It turns out that your religion is kind of like a drum roll to the white one. So, great job setting me up, guys. So his group at this point was kicked out the Theosophical Society. And so he reformed it as a splinter movement, the Anthroposophical Society, because his deep knowledge of time allowed him to foresee that one day, skeptics would have to repeatedly say the name of his movement in semi-humorous biographies of him. Yeah, did you win by having the least Googlable name? What the fuck?

And it's Stano's new Anthroposophy that saw his pseudoscientific views really branch out. So based on his principles, the group founded a school of farming, biodynamic agriculture. If you've heard of biodynamic wine, it was invented by Rudolf Steiner in a series of lectures in 1924. Now, biodynamic farming is organic,

but also bans the use of synthetic pesticides, and it seeks to replenish the nutrients in the soil by filling a cow's horn with cow manure and then burying it in the ground in autumn. And then later, by crushing powdered quartz into a different cow's horn, I guess most have to, so that works out. And then burying that in the ground in springtime

to harvest and focus natural energies. And in winter, you've got a bury Yarrow blossoms stuffed into the bladder of a red deer. I should be writing this down. And in autumn, it's camomile in the small intestines of a cow. Unclear if it has to be the same cow that you got the horns from. He doesn't write that down. He's not clear about that. Plus, you also have to bury chopped up oak bark

stuffed into the skull of a domesticated animal. Heaven help you if that is a wild animal. You must have domesticated it. And that'll sort your soil right out. Yeah. I've always said the problem with vegetable growing is that there aren't six dead animals involved. It was crazy that you started with a cow horn full of dung and it got weirder with every additional thing. You've got to wonder how many different combinations they tried before they landed on that one.

Right? Like, okay, try fucking quartz in winter dung in the spring and intestines filled with lavender? Fuck, no, we're getting there. We're getting there. We're getting there. And trying to make up the mnemonic for that fucking sucks. Lovander the spring. The cow heads the thing. And there's one other thing that I missed.

You've got to do all of that, according to a complex astrological chart involving the phase of the moon and the zodiacal consolation that the moon is passing through, which changes depending on whether the crop is the root, leaf, flower, or fruit of the plant. Wikipedia notes, quote, there's no difference in beneficial outcomes has been scientifically established between certified biodynamic agricultural techniques and similar organic and integrated farming practices, unquote. Yeah, despite those techniques being used to this day on over a quarter of a million hectares of farmland

across 65 countries. Jesus. Okay, until there's a double-blind study on a Yarrow Blossom stuffed bladder, I will be the judge of that. You're probably using the fucking wrong-colored deer's bladder or something. That's the problem. How red was it?

Was it a brown? Did James Randy know about that? Morve isn't even red. This is wrong deer. Completely wrong deer. Well, pinkish. If your first thought when you hear that farming protocol is, if only this genius had tried to revolutionize medicine and education as well,

well, then I've got some excellent news for you. So let's start with anthroposophic medicine, which Steiner begins to develop after working with homeopaths. And actually, which drew on the work that Steiner had previously cribbed from Gerta. Oh, your foot hurts. How do you feel about camamil and cow intestine?

Is he like a big fan? So Steiner, he came into the 1920s with some very particular views on how the human body worked. So he disputed the fact that the heart acts as a pump. Instead, he believes that blood just pumps itself, it like propels itself around your body of its own volition. He also claimed that knitting produces strong teeth, and that overstimulating intelligence produces dwarfism.

Plus, he thought that the sex of a baby is determined by the alignment of the stars at the moment of conception. Huh. I can see why he was warning his followers off of overstimulating intelligence, at least. Yeah. Yeah. He also believed that mainstream medical science was overly materialistic and therefore degenerate.

Okay. Broken clock twice a day all that. I wouldn't get it. And he believed that it treats the body solely as a mechanism, having no knowledge of or concern with the etheric structure, the invisible field of force and energy, which all too often is found to be the seat of disease. And honestly, I say that to Dr. Alice all the time,

and she's like, get out of my house, how did you get there? Never addresses my point. So for Steiner, the crime of medicine was in ignoring the role of the spirit, in that he firmly believed that a patient's past life influence what illnesses they'd get and how those illnesses developed. And therefore, illness, he says, was a rite of passage that a patient needs to go through

to purge themselves of the spiritual impurities of their past lives. Okay, I'm not sure what past lives version of my son did for the whole autism thing, but I hope it works it out, because I have watched that same song from Frozen 2 about 55 times this week, And I would love.

I mean, look, if you're going to make up your own bullshit version of medicine, you just deserve to be sick. Is at least one where, like, you know, you can't fail the million dollar challenge with that one. Yeah, that's true. And as a result, he created anthroposophic medicine in conjunction with Ita Vegman, the lady that he co-founded the Anthroposophic Society with and the lady he was cheating on his wife with. Vegman opened the first anthroposophic clinic and Steiner would just come along and then suggest treatments for patients, despite having no medical training at all. He'd just go and like, spitball it.

But who needs training when, as a former theosophist and now anthroposophist, you can just meditate your way into the Akashic records via your intuitive powers and then draw on the mystical knowledge of humanity we're there in. You guys picture and just sitting there on the crinkly paper while a lady checks your Akashik record. It's like, so I was, oh, you're still reading. You're still reading Akashik records. Honestly, having your shit listed in an Akashic record that you can only reach through dedicated meditation is only slightly less antiquated than still making them fax the shit over, right? You only take appointments over the phone for the Akashic record? Why? Why aren't you on my chart? Inkarsic record. And in practice, anthroposophic medicine used a combination of homeopathy

and herbalism tinged with notions of alchemy. While preparing a potential treatment, patterns that are formed by crystallization are then interpreted to see what etheric force they most closely resemble. You also pick which plant to use as a treatment based on where it grows and how it grows, and then also what you can interpret about that. So, for example, the treatment, Iskador, is an injectable form of mistletoe, and it's given to cancer patients to shrink their tumors. And we know it can do that because Steiner observed that mistletoe is a parasitic organism that leeches life force out of a tree and growing on the tree as it does so

until it eventually takes over and kills the tree much like how a tumor works like to grow in the body. Therefore, mistletoe cures cancer. And I am going to point out, Iskador was actually funded on parts of the NHS until 2016 when I brought that to a close. Well done.

See, at the start, Noah talked about his favorite of having Marsh on. My favorite thing about having Marsh on the show is that it's like we get to do a true crime podcast with the murder one sometimes. Right? No, I killed that guy. I love that they can say rid your body of toxins and inject your body with mistletoe in the same breath.

That is fucking impressive. Yeah, it really is. And meanwhile, there are still Steiner hospitals in Germany. And they did not do well during COVID, where they were found to be giving sedated patients, some of whom were critically ill, homeopathic pellets that they claim to contain the dust of shooting stars. Huh. Weird that they were like, look, if you want to inject someone with mistletal, because it gets big, so does tumours. That's one thing. But lying about which rocks came from space, that is a bridge too far, my friend. But it's homeopathic amounts of stardust, guys, and that's none.

That is none, yeah. Now, unsurprisingly, followers of anthroposophic medicine are almost always antivaxes. And that has only got more true over time, which is a major problem when you consider the other huge area of society that Steiner sought to control and revolutionize education. Huh. Can we still call it education when he's the one doing it? Yeah. Well, education was one of Steiner's earliest preoccupations. In 1907, he wrote, the education of the child, where he outlined his approach to education, including what he believed were the major phases of child development, with an emphasis on training the will and the feelings of the child, as well as their intellect. Arguably,

more so than their intellect. Okay, you say that like a man who hasn't dealt with his 100th, but I wanted to open the car door tantrum, March, okay? Steiner believed that education ought to be focused on a child becoming free human beings to help them develop their unfolding spiritual identity,

that's a quote, which then gets carried from past life to past life as part of a progression towards becoming ascended. I see. I mean, like, honestly, that sounds bad, but it doesn't sound all that much, worse than the who can sit down and shut up the longest contests that we had instead of education. Yeah. Well, in 1919, he was invited to talk about his educational approach at the Waldorf Astoria

cigarette factory in Stuttgart, which led to his first school named a Waldorf school in honor of that lecture. If you've heard of a Waldorf school, the largest independent school movement in the world, they were created by Rudolph Steiner. And to this day, they continue to educate children based on his educational. principles in more than 3,000 schools and kindergartens around the world. Though in many or most of those schools, the word anthroposophy may never be said. Just as I can't say it.

No, it's really hard. It's very difficult. And parents, therefore, may have absolutely no idea on whose principles their child's education has been founded. Oh, Timmy, this deer skull full of geraniums that's going right on the fridge, kiddo. Would you look at that? Oh, our soil is fantastic this year. And those educational principles aren't great. So students at Waldorf schools, they're often called

Waldorf Steiner schools or Steiner schools, but students at Waldorf schools aren't to be grouped by their academic ability, but by their temperament, by which Steiner meant, whether they be melancholic, sanguine, phlegmatic, or choleric. And each of those four men temperaments have their own curriculum and their own teaching style. So calerics, he says, are risk takers. Flammatics take things calmly. Melanchonics are sensitive or introverted and sanguins, they take things lightly. Yeah, Timmy's in the gout reading group this year, but he's all the way up to white bile in math, which is so proud of him. All right, so I get not knowing, you know, whose principles your kids' education is founded on, but you would think that they'd at least have questions when the grades

were named after blood and drool and shit like that, right? Yeah, you'd think, you'd think. And also, while it might sound lovely that his schools focus on developing artistic skills and imagine and creativity, it isn't ideal that those things are prioritised over things like literacy and numeracy. Because I don't believe that you should only be taught to read once your character and your temperament had been sufficiently developed. And that was judged by when you lost your baby teeth. So at a Waldorf-Oskine school, reading, writing and basic arithmetic aren't to be formally taught until the age of seven. Teach it any earlier, and they believe you'll harm the child.

Look, your kid could end up reading about Waldorf students. But if they don't know how to count, how will they know when they're seven? This is important. So this reliance on waiting until the character and temperament have been developed, that overlaps really badly with Somersana's other pseudo-scientific beliefs that make their way into his educational policy. So take, for example, his belief in reincarnation. In health, your past life causes your illness.

this life and struggling through the illness is a right of passage to clear out the bad karma. In education, the same ideas arise. In Steiner's children who are struggling to develop their character, they're deemed to be purging the sins of their past lives, and so they should just be left to make their way through that right of passage alone. Because it matters less what you achieve in this life, as long as you're progressing from life to life, up the ascendant ladder towards being fully ascendant, till you soul eventually transcends into the ether. that he talks about. It's weird how an IEP really cleared up my son's past lives.

Right. And yeah, for anyone not immediately spotting where this leads, that spiritual development pathway from past life to past life isn't so much a ladder as it is a paint-swatch color chart. Because one undercover investigation at a sign of school in UK found that teaching methods based on Steiner's beliefs that reincarnation related to race, with black people being the least spiritually developed and white people the most.

That's what they were teaching the school. And I did tell you, he split from the Theosophical Society because he found that it didn't center white Western culture anywhere near enough for his tastes. Yeah. A lot of people miss the harms of reincarnation belief because they're only looking forward, but congenital blindness is hard enough

without motherfuckers feeling like you deserved it, right? Yeah, exactly. Now, Steiner, in his writings, described certain races and ethnic groups as flowering and others as backwards or destined to degenerate and disappear. And he explicitly presented this as a hierarchy with the white race, European culture,

as the highest point of human evolution as of the 20th century. Now, he did concede that they were destined to be superseded by an even greater culture in the future. Big booty Latinas. I never thought that the time we would rank the races would be when Heath was off. I just never thought that.

It feels crazy, right? It feels wrong. You get jealous. So, yeah, when you're born. I did know Marsh would be here. I'd be here for it. Obviously, I'd be here for it. So when you're basing who you teach on how developed their spiritual temperaments are, and when you believe that people pay in this life for their sins of the past,

and you believe that white people are just objectively closer to spiritual pureness and that black people have to try that bit harder this time around and maybe they might come back a bit whiter next time, all in all, that's not a sound pedagogical framework. Yeah, but the Supreme Court says you still have to pay for it, though. You do this true, yeah. Oh, and also because of Steiner's views on medicine, Waldorf Steiner's schools have significantly lower rates of vaccine take-up,

which means that when you send your child to one of his schools, they'll likely come out well behind on their reading and at a high risk of contracting measles, but on the plus side, they'll be able to rank the races to a 10th grade level. Yeah, and that's tough because it gets into Samoan percentiles, and it's pretty advanced. Rudolph Steiner died in March 1925, He'd actually been writing his autobiography and giving lectures almost until the day of his death, right at the end of his life there.

And a century later, his influence persists on how a significant number of people all around the world treat their illnesses, educate their children, and grow their food. So with such an enduring legacy across so many bullshit disciplines, Rudolf Steiner has well and truly earned his place in Whose Woo. And on yet another reminder that half of the world's bullshit could melt away if people knew any single fact. about the person who developed their deeply held beliefs. We'll wrap this one up. Marsh, thanks again. Before we tie the bow this bow this week, I want to let you know that if you need more Eli in your life, you can check him out on an episode of the murder made fiction podcast, which you will find linked on the show notes.

Anyway, that's all the blast maybe we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,000, 22 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be in lookout for a brand new episode of our sister-s or the skepticism. debuting at 7am Eastern on Monday and an even newer episode of our sister-so's hot friend Goddiffel movies debuting at 7-in-Eastern on Tuesday and an even newer episode of our half-shr-sl citation needed debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, I can't punch the clock until I thank Eli Bostic for giving us a lift and Michael Marshall for giving us an elevator. I want to thank Lucinda and Heath who will be back to more fulsome roles next week. But most of all, of course,

I want to thank this week's best bipeds Bradley, Anthony, Trent, Merlin's Merkin, Mimo, Michelle, and Brian. Bradley, Anthony, and Trent, who have to put blinking red lights on their dicks if they want to sleep on their backs, Merlin's Merkin and Mimo, whose IQs give Puraavati digit envy, and Michelle and Brian, whose martial arts are so advanced they could teach a fly

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