The SCP Experience - ONEWEIRDTRICK!!! | SCP-3299

Episode Date: January 8, 2024

Want to listen ad-free? Try it FREE for 7 days here: patreon.com/TheSCPExperience SCP Foundation EUCLID class object, SCP-3299: ONEWEIRDTRICK!!!  This story was derived from https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-3299 and is released under Creative Commons Sharealike 3.0. https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/ Author: Cyrus Spears * * * DISCLAIMER: This episode contains explicit content. Parental guidance is advised for children under the age of 18. Listen at your own discretion. #thescpexperience #scp #scpfoundation #scpencounters #securecontainprotect #scpstories #scpexplained #whatisscp Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I let my antivirus software expire last week. That was a big mistake. I realize that now. But I truly did not think that I needed it. After all, I don't really do anything that most people set up firewalls for. I don't go on any strange or sketchy websites. I mostly doomscroll through the news and check in on my social media. I don't download music or watch anything that isn't on streaming.

I don't really have the time or the motivation for the most part. If you saw my schedule, you would understand why. I work three jobs. Most nights, I'm too exhausted to care about what I have for dinner. And honestly, the idea of having one less bill was really appealing. I kept seeing the pop-ups and thought, Okay, maybe I should renew that. But I never did. I am here.

It really didn't seem like a big deal. I guess you don't really know how many random ads you get until your ad blockers go down and your firewall expires. They pop up everywhere. One minute I'm reading a recipe for brownies. In the next, I'm closing out of two or three pop-ups with the same obnoxious red font screaming at me to lose weight with these three tricks!

Or, contact hot single moms near you! The worst part is that if you aren't careful, you can click the wrong X and end up in another browser altogether. Lately, my computer has been beeping and screaming more than usual because I keep clicking on the wrong ad and getting random colorful prize wheels or flashes of heavily photoshopped naked women.

It is never ending. You just get buried in them. And now it is getting to the point where I can't even re-download my antivirus because I am too afraid to enter in my payment information. I can't afford a new computer or I would just throw this one away and start again. The ads are exhausting,

but I have been trying to live with them. It takes me 30 extra minutes to accomplish any task. I can't even scroll through Reddit without having to pause every few minutes to mute and click out of a video ad that I didn't even realize was playing. Again, I know it's my own fault. I didn't realize it could get this bad. I keep thinking that I should try to get it repaired,

But that costs money. And it's also pretty embarrassing. I could have prevented all of this if I wasn't such a lazy bastard. Last night, I saw an ad that I cannot get out of my head. I was just trying to unwind after work. Even though it was midnight and going to bed would have been the smarter option, I couldn't sleep. After a solid hour of trying, I gave up and I went to open my laptop. As soon as I started typing in my browser, an ad.

popped up. It took up the whole screen, and it was one of those that had three different X's and a click here to close line of text. So I was not sure where to click to get out of it. I tried them all, and none of them worked. The ad was a slim woman, and I mean she was photoshopped skinny. It did not look real at all. She was wearing a pair of denim jeans that were several sizes too big. She had one finger dipped down past the waistband, and she was pulling them away from her abdomen so that her largeness was exaggerated against her skinny frame. Across the top of the ad, written in red caps was, This local woman lost 20 kilos in a month. Clicked to find out what two ingredients she used.

Underneath it, it looked like it was supposed to be some kind of description, but the words were really small, and I didn't think it was English at first. I kept trying to click away, but nothing could make the ad disappear from my page. The red words began to flash and scroll, and the woman's picture began to shift, fading back and forth between a larger version of her and the skinnier version. Her denim jeans went from being squeezed around her stomach until the flesh bulged out from over the waistband, spilling over like the puffy edges of a breakfast muffin, to being stretched away from her abdomen, almost 20 sizes too big once again.

It was fascinating to watch, and I found myself staring at it for a little bit too long. The smile on her face never faded, no matter what size she was. Her bright pink lips were stretched from ear to ear, with straight white teeth that looked as fake as her stomach. She never gained a double chin or anything else besides a grossly distended stomach. My eyes wandered back over to the words. I was one more bad click away from just hard resetting my entire computer. The text was as small as they could make it, while still still.

being barely legible. It all ran together with no spaces in between. It was just the word feed written over and over again. I got distracted trying to count how many times I saw it, but it ran all the way to the bottom of the ad and probably continued past that. My window was just not big enough. A chill shot up my spine and I closed the whole laptop. I stayed hunched over my desk for what felt like a solid minute. With my hand resting against the lid as I tried to process exactly what I had just seen. It is just a dumb spam ad, and it probably had some sort of weird coating issue. Were the words that kept playing over and over in my brain, as I tried to give myself the reassurance I needed to lean back in my chair.

After another minute, I was able to peel myself away from the laptop and run my hand through my hair, driving my palm against my tired eye sockets to try and chase away the lack of sleep that was probably making the extra jumpy. My stomach growled, and I realized that I had not eaten, which might have been half of my problem. My stomach trembled as I got up to walk into the kitchen, but absolutely nothing sounded appealing. The want of something lingered over my tongue.

I pulled open all of my cabinets and checked for anything that felt remotely edible. It all sounded awful. It all sounded too sweet or too soft. I wanted something with substance that I could really grind between my teeth, an apple. I plucked one off the counter and ran it under the tap just to rinse off any dust. When I bit into it, the flesh was satisfying, but it was still too sweet. I managed to swallow down the first bite, but the second was an absolute no-go.

My stomach clenched, and I threw myself over my kitchen trash can, clutching the counter until my knuckles felt cold and my fingers went numb. I dry heaved over the plastic, my stomach flopping, my tongue, hanging out of my mouth like a painting dog's. The chewed pieces of apple dribbled off my tongue and went splat against the plastic, but nothing else came up other than a belch. My stomach was too sour to try and risk finishing off the apple. I ended up throwing it away.

It felt like a little bit of peel had gotten caught in my nose, And no matter what I did, it would not come flying back out. I eventually gave up and went to lie down. Lazzangue sur-gillet, puissance-moyance-moyerned for 15 minutes. We're like to dojo. Vive the pleasure with Leo Jo. The casino in line that proposes the more recent machine-assizant-sou and the

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The voice that we love that am. I woke up three hours later with the worst stomach pains. They were absolutely awful. It felt like someone was trying to saw my stomach open using a blunt bread knife. I almost cried out, but I managed to keep it together and dull the sound down into a whimper. I curled up underneath my blanket, driving my knees into my soft belly, as if that would help. It was hunger like I had never felt, like my stomach was an open void trying to suck the rest of my body in. I tried to move, but I was too weak

to push myself up onto my arms. Every time I tried, they trembled underneath me to the point where I collapsed. It was difficult enough to raise my head. My neck was so stiff that every time I made an attempt, it sent a stab of pain like an ice pick into the back of my skull. I have had the flu only a few times in my life, and each time I get sick, it puts me under. But I had never experienced anything of such intensity that I could not even cross. off my couch. I managed to push my feet against the back cushions and roll off the side.

When I hit the floor, pain shot up my arm in a jolt that felt like it went straight to my heart. For a few horrible seconds I laid there, thinking that I was having a heart attack. I could hear every solid wet beat behind all the blood rushing in my ears. My vision spent a few seconds going in and out, gray around the edges, then back to color. It felt like an eternity, but in reality, it might have been a minute or two. I have a kerosene heater in my living room. It is because my place does not have working heat, which should be a crime somewhere, but my landlord refuses to fix anything.

He put the kerosene heater in there and said things should be fine, and not to set any furniture too close. It has thick metal rods all around the outside, and the center chamber has a little window, that blazes bright orange when it is plugged in. I don't know why, but I knew that I had to get to it. The orange, glowing heat chamber beckoned to me. The electrical whir promised to solve all my woes.

Not knowing exactly what awaited, but being able to feel that it was what I needed gave me the strength to push myself up under my elbows, even though it hurt. I half crawled, half dragged myself across the floor until I was in front of the heater. I grabbed the metal cage without thinking, and it seared my palms. I could smell my own flesh burning, and I screamed.

But it did not stop me from tearing the cage apart, even as the metal stuck to my burning, gooey skin. I pushed my fingers through into the chamber and into the holes of the cylinder that pumped out heat. There was more pain, and I ground my teeth against it. I pulled my hand back, fingertips putting off acrid black smoke, and found the little cap that uncovered where the nozzle of the ground. kerosene siphon could be placed for refills. It was a bit difficult to unscrew, considering how the skin was peeling up around my throbbing fingertips. I could barely get any traction. After a few minutes of trying, I managed to pull off the cap, and I wrapped my lips around the gaping entrance.

The metal seared my tongue. There was another driving lance of pain that made my skull feel like it was being torn apart. I pushed my tongue against the entrance and sucked as hard as I could. For a few seconds, there was nothing. Then it came shooting out. Hot as hellfire, but oh, so satisfying. It was bitter, too. Not so sweet, like everything else I had been trying to eat. I sucked down as much of the kerosene as possible.

The heater made an awful sputtering noise, as it was being drained while it still ran. The hot oil made my skin sizzle, and Pock Mark Burns were already bubbling up on my chin, ruining the side of my mouth, and making the whole bottom half of my face feel like it was melting off. I kept drinking the kerosene. I did not mind the way it burned as it kept going down.

I liked how it felt in my stomach, like I just had a few shots of tequila. It wasn't nearly as bad as you think it would be, and that smell. That smell is perfect. I was getting high off the fumes, and when I finally pulled back, I was dizzy to the point where I almost blacked out,

just by rocking on my heels. I'm sure that I looked awful, but thankfully there were no mirrors around to sea. Most of the pain was in my face now. My limbs felt brand new. I was able to stand up and straighten myself out a bit, but I was still ravenous. It was kind of like having a thin soup appetizer

before a main course. It does little more than to wet the appetite, and my hunger was sharp, like a razor scraping along the inside of my belly. Now that my knees were no longer wobbly, I could finally get what I wanted. I stumbled toward my back door. My ruined fingers left bloody smears along the glass. I caught a glimpse of my reflection, and although it was faint and distorted,

I could tell that I looked fucking awful. I threw my shoulder against the door, wedging myself between the handle and the frame to push it open without having to use my hands. That worked, and the door slid open. I barreled through the screen, leaving a man-sized hole behind. It crumpled underneath my weight. It was a short trip across the flat brick patio to the lawn. I tripped when the ground changed underneath me and fell to my knees.

My hands absorbed the shock of the fall, and blackness swallowed the edges of my vision. I set my head down against the grass to try and keep myself from passing out, and I caught the first scent of that sharp, earthy smell. My mouth began to water. I opened my mouth and rolled over onto my stomach until I was planted face down in the grass. I took a big mouthful, and the jagged blades pricked my cheeks and tongue. But it smelled so good. It already tasted so good.

I had to have more. I wanted to grind it between my back teeth. I took a big bite, like the earth was an apple. And I used the remains of my tongue to scoop the grass into my mouth to chew. and it was the best thing I had ever tasted. Nothing was as good to me in that moment as fresh grass, perfectly trimmed and untouched by treatment chemicals. I drove my face back down, pulling up another clump.

The roots sprayed dirt everywhere, but I ate those too, sucking them into my face and chewing up the tangly thin roots in the soil that was with them. All the while, the only thing I could think about was that ad I had seen. Why not what two ingredients she used? Kept flashing behind my eyes. But the only word echoing through my brain was, Feed, feed, feed.

I kept eating until I choked. My mouth was full of grass and dirt. I had eaten my way through one patch and had to crawl to continue on to the next. It wasn't just grass. I grabbed weeds, too. Their nettles stung the inside of my cheeks and made my face feel like a balloon.

But I couldn't stop. I ate until it all started to come out of my nose with every gagging breath, and I finally had to force myself to take a break. I set my head down in the patch of warm, soggy soil I had unearthed and closed my eyes. I could hear everything going on underneath, the chittering of beetles and the squirming of earthworms, and the rising blades of new, fresh grass. The sound of the grass comforted me, and I was able to fall asleep. four hours since I fell asleep, and I am desperately hungry again. There is grass just beyond my reach, and I know that if I could just pull myself up and crawl towards it, I could be satisfied.

I could gain new strength, but I cannot seem to make myself get up. Everything feels jiggly. There is no better way to explain it. I put pressure on one of my wrists and bent it all the way back as if the bones were simply non-existent. I put pressure on my other wrist and it snapped in half, but I did not really feel it. I am afraid to try to use my elbows or my legs. I don't want to break more bones, but I am so hungry. I am so, so hungry. There are no blades of grass, no prickly weeds left underneath me. The patch of earth I am laying on is completely barren. If humor could be found in a time like this, it would be in pointing out that I seem to have made a nice little grave for myself. A completely bare spot of earth in my own yard.

The greatest agony comes from my chest, where it feels like my body is eating itself. Every time I take a breath, I hear something crackle. It's as if I no longer have proper bones, but my entire body has been converted to weak cartilage, or something even softer. It is ridiculous, I know, and these are delusions because I am starved. Even rubbing my ruined face into the dirt, I can feel no pain. I keep trying to scream, but my mouth is still so full of dirt. Every time I make a sound, I choke and gasp and spit out clods. And yet, no amount of hacking clears it out.

I don't know how much longer I can take this. I hope that someone finds me before the worm. start moving in. For all I know, they could be. I'm not sure I would feel it if they were nibbling at my flesh and burrowing little tunnels into my stomach. All I know is that I have to feed. That is the only word that sticks to my mind with any clarity. And the brightest, greenest patch of grass is only inches away from my nose. I need to get to it somehow to save myself from getting any worse. That is all that makes sense anymore. That is the only thing that can help. Feed, feed, feed, feed. SCP 3299 is a series of cognito-hazardous internet advertisements of a style that is colloquially referred to as clickbait.

Individuals who follow the link in the advertisement and read the headline and full body of the associated article are subject to its effect. When its effect is triggered, the affected individual is subject to one or more mental or physical alterations associated in some way with the headline and contents of the SCP 3299 instance they were exposed to. These alterations appear to be irreversible. Amnestics have had no success in removing mental effects,

though in minor cases physical alterations can be masked with surgery.