The SCP Experience - When the Trees Go Boom | SCP-3032

Episode Date: October 9, 2026

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Blazer still gets nervous being outside in the wide-open world. Having spent most of his adult life inside a foundation site, consigned to maintenance work or horticulture, when the researchers didn't need him for the countless experiments they ran on the anomalies in their possession, Blazor is still adjusting to his newfound freedom. Not that he is all that free. He glances at the man standing to his right,

their shoulders almost touching. Muggins. A friend of a friend. of a friend, who did another friend of favor, and sprung Blazer from the foundation site, where he'd been held for two decades. Relax, Muggan says, smirking without looking over at Blazer. Now one is going to nick you and toss you back with those foundation losers. You're living free and working in the free market now. Sky's the limit for folk like us. Blazer wants to tell the smug prick that they are not the same. Did Muggins ever have his name stripped from him and

given a new one? One that wasn't even a real name, just an identifier? No. But Blazer had lived with being called D-1495 for years, never hearing his real name pass anyone's lips, unless his file was being read to him out loud. Muggan's tenses and looks over at Blazer. You good? We aren't going to have a problem, are we? And there it is. The underlying threat that reveals Muggins' his previous statement as complete BS. Yeah, someone can return Blazer to a foundation facility. Muggins can. Stands to reason that if he can get Blazer out,

then he can stuff Blazer back in. And Blazer is well aware of this reality. He watches Muggins carefully, noting the knowing smirk and confident swagger. I said relax. Mugins snaps, then nods at the grove of larch trees standing before them. We wouldn't want to make these beautiful. he's nervous, not would we? Blazer doesn't argue that point, because he agrees completely. From what he'd seen back at the foundation site, the last thing anyone wants to do is make the

trees panic. Not unless massive destruction and countless casualties are your aim. But Blazer knows that Muggins' goal is to figure out how to sell these trees to the highest bidder, so that said highest bidder can be the one to weak massive destruction and countless casualties on their enemies. Blazer is not so sure he's down for that, despite it being a condition of his illicit freedom. A man, well over six feet tall and geared out like he's a one-man army, weaves in and out of the large trees. He loosely grips an M4 carbine, but Blazer knows that the loose part is just an act. The man, Tobias, is deadly and dangerous, and ready to blast anyone or anything at the drop of a hat.

Blazer wonders how the hell he even got into this, but he knows how, and shakes his head. Leverage. He has a sister and two nieces. Muggins is well aware of those family connections, and hinted that it would be in their best interests if Blazer cooperated. So Blazer has cooperated,

but now, standing in front of trees like this out in the wild, he's not so sure cooperation is a good idea. A man like Muggins can do some serious harm to a lot of people selling these trees. So they, what? They explode? Tobias asks. Done with his sweep or recon, or whatever he calls it. You piss them off and they go boom? Blazer doesn't answer.

Muggins turns on him and raises an eyebrow, then sweeps a hand toward Tobias. Blazer gulps. Yeah, sort of. Blazer says, clearing his throat. Um, it's not. Not like you piss them off so much as you alarm them, or give them a reason to want to retaliate. So, like us cutting them down would probably qualify as alarming them, right?

It would if you could cut them down, but you can't. Tobias gives Muggins a highly skeptical look. Muggins shrugs. Blazer is the expert here. He worked the greenhouse for. How long was it, Blazer? Eight years. Eight years. Damn. That's a lot of time around trees. There were worse jobs to have. I bet, I bet. Tobias looks back and forth between the two. Great.

You were a gardener. Good for you, Buster. It's Blazer. I don't really care what your name is. What I do care about is completing this job. And if you say we can't cut the trees down, which I highly doubt, because they are just freaking trees,

then how are we moving them so that Mr. Muggins here can make himself a fortune, while also enriching us poor folk, too? Do we dig them up instead? No, no, their root system is too strong and deep. And the second we start digging, they'll know what's happening and retaliate. Tobias scoffs. You think trees scare me?

They should. Gentlemen, not productive. Muggin smiles at Blazer. I freed you for a reason, Blazer. Now it's your turn to fulfill that reason. How do we move them? Like I said, we don't. Blazer holds up a hand before either man can protest.

But we can carefully, and I mean carefully, take cuttings and grow new trees from those cuttings. Muggins' smile falls away. Tobias shakes his head and turns to regard the trees. Blazer shifts nervously from foot to foot. Listen, Blazer, I'm not in the horticulture business. I'm in the sell bad things to bad people business. Now, understandably, those bad things need time to be manufactured. That's part of doing business. But growing trees is a year's long process, not something you can do in a few days or a couple of weeks.

I need a solution that cuts the whole growing part out. Give me that solution, Blazer, and everything will be right as rain. Blazer doesn't ask what will happen if he can't give Muggins a right-as-rain solution. He's been dealing with pricks like him for decades now. A dozen horrible and painful scenarios that can happen to his family come to mind. He tries to smile, but Muggins' gaze kills the grin before he can even start. Blazer isn't sure how to get himself out of this snafu. Muggins never mentioned a timetable or expectations of fast delivery when he sprung him from the foundation site.

Not once during their planning did the weapons broker state that he needed the trees to be ready for sale right away. All he said was he was glad to have Blazer on board, and that Blazer just needed to be the tree expert while Muggins hand-hens. everything else. I really hope that you're thinking hard right now, Blazer. Muggan says. I'm going to need a solution in. Muggins checks his very expensive watch. The next 30 minutes.

I need to call the client and let him know that delivery will happen and give him at least a ballpark as to when. And that ballpark cannot be years. Blazer racks his brain for a solution to the tree problem, as well as the problem of him more than likely ending up buried out here in these woods. if he doesn't voice his solution in the next couple of seconds. A thought hits him, a dangerous thought. Um, there might be a way to speed it up.

Great! But it would still be weeks before the trees would be viable as, um, weapons. Not great. Tobias looks over his shoulder at Muggins. Muggins shrugs. Tobias turns and charges his carbine, putting a round in the chamber immediately. Hey, hey, calm down. Blazer cries, his hands up.

Weeks is the best that you'll get, and it'll be worth the weight. Blazer focuses on Muggins, even though he keeps tabs on that carbine out of the corner of his eye. I bet you have to factor weeks into product delivery all the time. Factor in? Product delivery? Mugins laughs. Look at you sounding all business and stuff. I wasn't just a gardener. Blazer replies, sounding hurt.

Oh, don't get your panties in a wad. Muggins makes a mock thinking about it face. Okay. How many weeks are we talking? Three or four? You don't sound certain. They're living plants. I can't be exact. Try. Yeah, try. Tobias echoes. Four. That's called a month, Blazer.

Muggin says with his patented smirk. Blazer swallows hard. His mind racing for a way out of this without that way, meaning he catches a bullet to the head. Four weeks, tops. Maybe three of conditions are perfect. And how do I make those conditions perfect? Blazer almost answers, then stops himself. It's his turn to smirk. I'll tell you that part later.

Once I know for sure that I'm not expendable. Tobias snorts. Muggins looks Blazer up and down. Fine. Keep your secret sauce to yourself. You make certain that I can have a steady supply of these freaky trees, and I'll make certain you aren't expendable. He jabs a finger at Blazer.

But don't even think about renegotiating. your pay, that number is locked. He shrugs. I have other expenses to think about. The budget is set. Blazer nods. He hopes not too quickly, so that he still looks desperate and scared, even though he is for sure desperate and scared.

More so than he's ever been in his life, because he is 100% lying through his teeth. There is absolutely no way to grow an American large tree in four weeks. Hell, growing just one instance of SCP 3032 takes close. to four years, maybe more. And if Muggins or Tobias finds that out, Blazer knows his grave will be in these woods. What are we waiting for? Tobias asks. I'll call my men, and you can show them what to do. Um, yeah, sure, Blazer says, turning to face the large grove. No cutting tools, no axes or saws. We will need clippers, sharp clippers that won't tear. Tearing can upset the trees.

Well, crap, we sure don't want to upset the trees. Tobias says with a mocking laughter. The mercenary leans his head to his shoulder and barks orders into Akam's handset. Then he nods at Blazer. Come on, talk to me about your plan. Blazer smiles and steps up to the Merck. His mind whirring fast as he tries to figure out exactly what his plan is.

There are a couple of options, none of them good, none of them without major risk to himself. He might come out of this alive, but there is a good chance that he won't, or not fully intact at least. Blazer gives Tobias a thumbs up and follows the man into the grove. Tobias eyes the trees like they are vermin. Pests ready to be exterminated. Blazer notes that and starts to formulate. They can talk to each other, you know, Glazer says offhandedly.

That's so. They have an accent, or is it just good old middle American? No, they can't speak. They're trees. Tobias stops and stares at Blazer. Trees that can turn into freaking ballistic missiles and blow up entire buildings while laying waste to the surrounding areas.

Laser gulps. Well, yeah. So them speaking isn't such a stretch. Is it D-Class? Former D-Class. If you say so, I do. Tobias laughs at the grit in Blazers' voice. Okay, Gardner.

How do they talk? Their root sister. is like a wireless system. They can transmit and receive signals from other trees in the grove, alerting each other to possible threats. And we don't want that because it'll make them panic. So don't spook the trees or they'll tattle to each other. Got it. Yes, something like that. With the plan quickly coming together in his head, it is suddenly Blazers hope that the trees do tattle to each other. If they don't, he's a dead man. Boots crunch behind them. Blazer looks over his shoulder to see six men stomping into the grove, their own M4 carbines at the ready.

Each man has a hatchet on their utility belt instead of clippers. Blazer now hopes that one of them uses their hatchet, despite his earlier warning. Okay, this is far enough, Tobias says in regards Blazer. What now? Blazer points up at the large boughs above. We climb, Tobias frowns. See those cones on the branches? We need to harvest them, as many as possible.

That's the first step in growing one of these trees. Pine cones. You want my guys to climb up there and get pine cones. If we wanted pine cones, we go to Hobby Lobby. They have them in all shapes, sizes, and some are even spray-painted gold. Tobias' men laugh. Blazer grimaces. They aren't pine cones.

They are large cones. And the cones hold seeds. Ah, seeds. Now we are talking. Tobias gestures to his men. They all sling their M-4s around their backs, cinch them tight, then pull their hatchets. Tobias sees the worry on Blazers's face. Yeah, no one told me to bring pruning shears, so the hatchets will have to do.

Okay, but be careful. We're professionals. Tobias' words don't exactly instill confidence in Blazer, but then he's no longer trying to keep the trees from exploding. Quite the opposite. Blazer watches as the six mercenaries pull on thick gloves and then strap climbing crampens onto their boots. As soon as the men are halfway up their respective trees, Blazer shouts, The higher the cones, the better.

The ones at the top have been exposed to more sunlight and will grow faster. Which is complete BS, but none of the mercenaries know that. They all look to Tobias, who gives a nod, and they scramble faster and higher, soon lost from sight by the dense branches. Can I have a hatchet? Blazer asks. Tobias doesn't say a word. Blazer waits and waits, and waits. Then Tobias nods. Yeah, sure. Go to the second from the front Humvey and open the back hatch. Third crate on your right. Should be a couple more in there. Okay, thanks. Blazer hurries back out of the grove, surprising Muggins, who is standing there talking on his soundphone. Everything good? Muggins asks,

cupping the phone's mouthpiece. Yep, perfect. Just gonna help out. Muggins watches him for a second, then nods and goes back to his phone conversation. Blazer hurries to the Humvee and opens the back. He finds the crate that is jokingly stenciled with non-lethal on it. It's filled with hatchets, folding shovels, crowbars, and other tools. Blazer doubts anything in the mercenary's hands as considered non-lethal. Blazer snags a hatchet, even though he'd rather have a little.

folding shovel, but that would be hard to explain. Then he studies the other crates. One is stenciled explosive ordnance. He opens that one and smiles at the variety of grenades set in heavy-duty foam. Blazer stuffs his pockets with the grenades, although he's fairly certain he'll only need one, maybe two. Then he closes the crate, closes the back of the Humby, and hurries around the side, where he runs directly into muggins. Find what you need? Blazer holds up the Yep, I know the perfect cones to pick, so they'll go faster if I help. Great, that's why I hired you. And thank you for that.

Muggins claps Blazer on the shoulder. You bet, buddy. Blazer swallows hard and eases around Muggins, heading back to the grove. Once in the grove, he weaves through the trees, passing all the ones that have mercenaries climbing in them. Technically, as he knows from experience, just the cone harvesting should upset the trees enough for them to stop them. for them to start panicking, but Blazer isn't taking any chances. Where you going? Tobias asks as he leans against a large trunk. Just gonna scout and see if there's a better harvest up this way.

Tobias rolls his eyes, but doesn't say anything or stop Blazer. With sweat running down his back, Blazer keeps moving until he's pretty sure Tobias can't see him. Then he does something he really, really doesn't want to do. I'm so sorry. He whispers to the tree he's standing in front of. Blazer uses the hatchet to cut up the earth around the base of the large tree, exposing the roots in a couple of minutes. Back behind him, Blazer hears one of the mercenaries shout something. Another Merck responds. Then Tobias's voice calls out. Calls out for Blazer. Grapp, grab, crap, grab. Blazer mumbles as he keeps digging with the hatchet. His goal was to expose enough roots, then whack at them with the hatchet, so that the tree would start to panic and put itself

in launch mode, but he no longer has that kind of time. He can hear Tobias's heavy combat boots crunching through the grove, headed straight for him. Hey, partner, Tobias yells. My guy say something is happening with the trees. Get your ass back here and tell me what's going on. Blazer keeps digging. In three seconds, he has enough space to clear out some of the dirt between two large roots. He pauses, takes a deep breath, then pulls out a grenade from his pocket, plucks the pin free, and shoves the grenade between the two roots. Then he's up and running, dodging around other trees until he's several yards away.

With Tobias still calling for him, Blazer repeats the same procedure on a second tree. He's almost got a couple of roots clear when the grenade goes off in the first tree. Immediately, there is yelling and shouting from not just Tobias, but the other marks too. Blazer doesn't stop what he's doing. He clears the roots and shoves a live grenade between them.

Then he gets up and runs. A shot rings out, and he's just a shot rings out, When Blazer falls, Gane exploding in his left calf. He tumbles to the forest floor, screaming as he clutches his leg. Then his eyes go to the tree he just fed a grenade to. He's too close, way too close. Ignoring the pain, because he's been through worse at the foundation site, he starts crawling on hands and knees as fast as he can.

Another shot rings out, and dirt kicks up by his right hand. Hey, stop right there, Buster! Tobias yells. What the hell did you do? Blazer doesn't stop. Another shot rings out, and Blazers' left forearm turns to agony. He stares down at the gaping hole in his flesh, and the blood running freely from it. Next one is in the back of your head, you fuck-ass bitch! Tobias roars. Blazer stops and holds his wounded arm to his chest as he rolls over and just sits and waits for Tobias to come to him.

The head mercenary is just about to the second-armed tree. Blazer grins. What are you smiling about, you son of a! The grenade goes on. and Tobias stumbles sideways, then topples over. His face and most of his gear coated in dirt and wood chips. When he tries to stand, blood is pouring down his forehead. He's wobbly, but he's a professional.

He steadies himself and takes aim with his M4. I knew you were scamming muggins. I could smell it. Blazer waits for the bullet to hit him, but instead Tobias pauses, frowns, and looks over at the tree that is currently burning due to a grenade shoved up its junk. What the hell is that noise? Tobias whirles to the other side

and glares at a different tree. What the hell did you do, Gardner? Why are they making noise? What is that sound? With Tobias distracted, Blazer gets to his feet, grabbing onto a large trunk to help himself upright.

He can hear the distinct sound of the tree readying itself for launch. The crackle and throb as the tree creates its own fuel. The burbling noise as the fuel fills the trunk, ready for ignition, and lift-off. But it's never that simple when nature is involved. The trees are panicking,

which means some of them will botch the launch. If they fail to produce the fuel correctly, they can explode where they are, taking out anything nearby. Blazer grits his teeth and runs, or limps quickly, considering his wounded calf. His arm braced to his chest, Blazer runs between the panicked trees as the sound of combustible fuel churning inside their trunks grow louder. A gunshot rings out, and a bullet ricochets off a tree right by Blazers' head. Tobias is literally screaming mad and on his ass, but unlike Blazer, he doesn't have a gunshot wound in his calf, so he's a lot faster until the next tree goes off on its own. No grenade needed. The explosion knocks both Blazer and Tobias off their feet, but Blazor had been waiting for it,

so he's back up and running again in half a second. He screams and uses that scream to keep him going, Despite his leg wanting to give out, Blazer pulls up thoughts about all the indignities done to him while under the foundation's control. Rage soon fills him, and he's almost running at top speed. A second tree explodes, but it is back where the rest of the mercenaries are. Voices cry out before being overpowered by yet another and another explosion. Blazer doesn't slow. He can feel the heat at his back. He bursts out of the large grove and into a small meadow.

He sprints across the open field as best he can. on his wounded leg, expecting a bullet in the back of the head at any moment. Tree after tree erupts around him. Panic sends them into premature launch attempts, and some explode before they ever leave the ground. Blazer reaches the other side of the meadow without getting shot and limps into the shade of a non-lethal pine grove. He pauses, turns around, and sees why he's still alive.

There's Tobias crossing the meadow in pursuit, his M4 dangling from one hand, while the other hand clutches a large, large branch branch, sticking out of his belly. He's holding it tightly, trying to keep it from moving, but he's failing miserably. A waterfall of blood is gushing out of Tobias' midsection,

soaking his uniform from the waist down. Tobias only makes it halfway across the meadow before he falls face-first into the tall grass, lost from sight. Blazer moves deeper into the pines until the explosions taper off and get quieter. Then he finds a good spot and sits his ass down. Now that he's semi-relaxing,

the pain comes right. rushing in, and he gasps. He pulls off his belt and wraps it around his bicep, creating a tourniquet for the still bleeding wound in his forearm. He inspects his calf and is happy to see that the wound is more of a deep graze than a puncture. He laughs. Of course it is a deep graze.

Anything else, and there would have been no way he could have fled as fast as he did. The explosions have now completely stopped, and white smoke lifts high into the sky, even visible from beneath the pines. Leaser leans his head back to rest. Then here's the snap of a twig. I have to say, that was impressive. Mugins says as he rounds the pine, a pistol in his hand aimed at Blazer. I knew I couldn't trust you, but I sure didn't think you'd go all Smokey Bear Rambo on Tobias's crew. Muggins cocks the pistol and takes aim at the spot between Blazer's eyes. Too bad you decided to play it this way. I'm sure we could have worked something out.

Go screw yourself. Blazer says and closes his eyes. The gunshot is nothing compared to the tree explosions. It's more like a light cough, which is followed by two more. Blazer realizes that he's still breathing and opens his eyes. Muggins is standing there, looking down at the holes in his chest and the blood sleeping out. Then there's another cough, and a hole in his forehead opens up,

sending the man falling backwards onto the ground, dead as dead can be. Blazer is not too surprised when a handful of foundation operators suddenly appear in front of them their weapons all pointed at his chest then a man in a black suit and tie appears and sucks his teeth for a second before addressing Blazer Hello D1495

the man says Blazer doesn't reply the man grins Did you really think anyone could get away from the foundation that easily? The man in the suit gestures with his hand and the team of operators converge on Blazer, yanking him up to his feet. He hisses in pain, but doesn't say a word. There's no point.

The foundation doesn't listen to guys like him. The operators wrench Blazer's arms behind his back and cinch a zip tie around his wrists. He grimaces through the pain and exhales slowly. It looks like they are going to take him back to the facility, not kill him. Thinking of what waits for him, Blazer sort of wishes they would. SCP 3032 is the collective designation for an anomalous strain of Larix-Larisina. Each instance develops an unusually complex root system that appears designed more for stability than for gathering resources. Its bark is also extremely durable, making most conventional tree-felling tools and methods ineffective.

Combined with its other anomalous traits, this means SCP 3032 takes roughly twice as long to reach maturity. as a normal larch. The anomaly's primary behavior appears when an instance is ready to reproduce or feels threatened. Once active, SCP 3032 can simulate the launch sequence of a conventional ballistic missile. Most instances appear to target random locations, though coordinated strikes have also been observed. Its cones are specially adapted for this method of dispersal. They can withstand extreme heat and heavy impact, naturally angling downward during descent before striking the ground at terminal velocity. The impact can cause severe damage to the surrounding area.

Any attempt to tamper with an instance, including penetrating its outer bark, can trigger what the foundation calls a panic state. In this state, the tree attempts to launch prematurely. Roughly 43% of these panic launches fail. When that happens, the fuel may form incorrectly, causing it. the tree to either explode violently in place or fail to achieve liftoff at all. Thanks for listening. Be sure to click that follow button with all notifications on to get notified every time a new episode is released.