The Sean McDowell Show - A Deep Look: “Do Not Commit Adultery"

Episode Date: October 13, 2023

In this video, we'll unpack the meaning and importance of the 7th Commandment, which states, "You shall not commit adultery." It's important to understand adultery and God's design for marriage. I'll share insights on how God's original design for marriage is a sacred covenant between a husband and a wife. Hopefully, you'll be able to learn some practical tips on how to honor the 7th Commandment in our modern lives and the importance of communication, commitment, and mutual respect in our relationships. *Get a MASTERS IN APOLOGETICS or SCIENCE AND RELIGION at BIOLA (https://bit.ly/3LdNqKf) *USE Discount Code [SMDCERTDISC] for $100 off the BIOLA APOLOGETICS CERTIFICATE program (https://bit.ly/3AzfPFM) *See our fully online UNDERGRAD DEGREE in Bible, Theology, and Apologetics: (https://bit.ly/448STKK) FOLLOW ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA: *Get a MASTERS IN APOLOGETICS or SCIENCE AND RELIGION at BIOLA (https://bit.ly/3LdNqKf) *USE Discount Code [SMDCERTDISC] for $100 off the BIOLA APOLOGETICS CERTIFICATE program (https://bit.ly/3AzfPFM) *See our fully online UNDERGRAD DEGREE in Bible, Theology, and Apologetics: (https://bit.ly/448STKK) OLLOW ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA: Twitter: https://twitter.com/Sean_McDowell TikTok: @sean_mcdowell Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/seanmcdowell/ Website: https://seanmcdowell.org

It's the first week when George taught of our 10-part series on the Ten Commandments. Right up in front, Jay, a member of our church, walks up to me and goes, Hey, I remember you taught last summer. Will you be teaching as part of the series? I said, Yes, I'm teaching on the Seventh Commandment, which, by the way, is Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery. He goes, Oh, that's my story. I thought, Wow, he's really opening up. I haven't written my talk yet. Maybe here's a story that he'd allow me to use. I said, tell me your story. So he starts launching into his childhood and going to church. And he says, yeah, I went to a Seventh-day Adventist church.

And then it dawned on me. He didn't think I said the seventh commandment. He thought I said seventh day Adventism. So if you're here this morning and you think the sermon is on seventh day Adventism, it's too late. You cannot leave now. We're in week seven of 10 weeks on the 10 commandments. And the theme is do not commit adultery. That's a topic. So honestly, where do you start a sermon on a topic as sensitive as this? This is a sensitive subject. So I went to the obvious place, which is chat GPT. Just in case you don't know chat GPT, it's a form of artificial intelligence. And I wrote in, I said, chat GPT, write me a brief one paragraph introduction to a sermon on Exodus 2014.

Do not commit adultery. And here's what chat GPT wrote. Good morning, beloved congregation. Today we delve into the sacred words of Exodus 2014, which carry a profound message that resonates through the ages. You shall not commit adultery. These divine commands handed down to us from Moses out at Mount Sinai speak directly to the sanctity of marriage and the purity of our relationships. They serve as a guiding light, reminding us of our commitment to fidelity, trust, and respect within the covenant of marriage. In a world tainted by

moral compromise, this commandment invites us to reflect on the importance of honoring and cherishing the sacred bonds that unite us. Let us explore together the timeless wisdom and transformative power of these words. Not bad, right? Not bad at all. But as I read and I thought about it, there's one key thing that's missing. You see, ChatGPT is artificial intelligence. It's not real human intelligence. And it's lacking one of the big differences between AI and humans, which is empathy. Everything chat GPT spouted out is true. But what it's missing is that this is a real human issue.

And if we went around the room, there would likely be a lot of pain from people who have seen it and who have experienced it. In fact, some of you are probably wishing the theme was Seventh-day Adventism. Some of you, maybe you've seen your parents' marriage devastated by this. Some of you have been affected personally

in your own marriage. There's a good chance this morning that some of you here are actually in the middle of an emotional or adulterous affair and are worried about the pending just pain and hurt that is likely on the horizon as you deal with this. Bottom line, wherever you're at in your journey at this, know that you are loved here at the shoreline,

and we wanna help you experience God's best through your marriage. Now, this is perhaps the shortest passage I've ever given a sermon on. Do not commit adultery. So you kind of got to get creative to pull out relevant biblical themes. But it occurred to me that we're in week seven. Some of you might be tempted to think, you know what? I don't take the Lord's name in vain. I don't worship idols. I haven't killed anybody last week. I honor my parents. I'm here on a Sunday morning honoring the Sabbath.

I'm doing pretty well. Well, that is one thought that Jesus would not allow any of us to have. Jesus addresses this commandment in Matthew chapter five. He says, you've heard it said, you shall not commit adultery. But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery

with her in his heart. Now between the commandment thou shall not murder and Jesus says, it's a matter of, if you wish you could murder somebody and had that had that in your heart but don't if you wish you commit adultery or just have had a lustful thought pretty much who does jesus condemn in those two commandments alone pretty much all of us pretty much all of us what jesus does is he moves this just from an action to a matter of the heart. Corruption essentially is a matter of the heart. Every worldview says there's something

broken in the world, and Jesus said it's the human heart that is broken. That's the root of the problem, so to speak. So I'm gonna ask you a few questions. What keeps you at times from committing sexual immorality? Is it truly because you love God and wanna honor others? Or could there be some selfish motivation mixed in? Is the person who fantasizes about sex with a neighbor but doesn't actually do it for lack of opportunity

or fear of consequences truly a good person? If we judge others who have committed adultery or other forms of sexual immorality, but we have only refrained for fear of getting caught, marring our reputation, or lack of opportunity, are we really any morally better

than those who go ahead and commit the act? I think Jesus would say, no. That's where Jesus condemns all of us. He doesn't let anybody off the hook. In fact, I think Jesus would say, the heart of the problem is the problem of the heart. The heart of the problem is the problem of the heart. So as we jump into this passage, it might be helpful in light of that that we actually define our terms. Now, what do we actually mean by adultery? In a sense, adultery is sex between a married person and someone who's not their spouse. So if you're married, it would be having sex with anyone who's not your spouse. If you're not married, it would be having sex with somebody who's married. Now, technically, the commandment to not commit

adultery doesn't rule out premarital sex. It doesn't rule out same-sex sexual activity. But in some ways, it's a stand-in for a larger sexual ethic that the Old Testament expands upon and Jesus ultimately expands upon. And we'll get into that. Now, as I was looking at this passage, it went through my mind. I'm like, why is this in God's top 10? I mean, it makes sense, don't murder. It makes sense, honor your father and mother. But if God could give 10 commandments to follow, why does the commandment to not commit adultery make the top 10?

And sometimes this might be hard for us to understand in our culture because our culture kind of mocks biblical commands about sexuality, doesn't it? They're repressive. They hold us back. They limit my freedom. That's how we tend to see it. In fact, in the recent Marvel film, Ant-Man 3 Quantumania. I, look, the title alone deserves somewhat chuckling at. There's a theme in this. If any of you see it, you know where this is going. So bear with me. Janet Van Dyne, played by Michelle Pfeiffer, is trapped in the quantum realm

and thinks she might never get out. And so she cheats on her husband, Hank Pym, who's played by Michael Douglas, by sleeping with Krylar, who's played by, don't act like you don't know, the great Bill Murray. Thank you. We have a Marvel fan in front. Now, she laughs it off when asked about it. And the movie wants to think, she basically says, she goes, well, I've got needs. And I look at that, I'm like, wow, Marvel's taking the time to just give kind of a cheap laugh

at the thought of infidelity. I'm not sure this is something we should laugh at, let alone mock. Now, when we ask the question, why is thou shall not commit adultery in God's top 10? You might say there's horizontal reasons between people, but there's vertical reasons. So you remember of the 10 commandments, the first four are vertical between us and God. The last six are between human beings. So the commandment to not commit adultery

has both vertical reasons relationally between people, and I'm sorry, horizontal reasons and vertical reasons. So what would those horizontal reasons be? You might recall two weeks ago in week five, Pastor Dan shared about statistics about how destructive breakdown in marriage is to society. Stats are valuable, but in this case, I'm not sure we need them. There's a TV show that I was really committed to recently called Suits. If any of you have seen it, I'm not judging. I'm just curious how popular this is. Oh, come on.

More of you have seen Suits. Just own it. I finished the ninth season about like a month ago. So committed to the show. And the main character is this. His name is Harvey. He's a cutthroat New York lawyer who almost always finds a way to win. But to make him human, he's haunted season after season

by discovering that his mother had an affair when he was probably 10 or 12 years old. Now, the movie doesn't have to stop and say, you know, here's what adultery is. We know it harms them. Everybody watching this show gets immediately why this hurts him and why it's so hard for him to reconcile with his mom. We get it intuitively because we've seen the hurt of this. We've seen the pain from this. But when this commandment was written, I think in some ways, when God says don't commit adultery, literally society rested upon people not committing adultery. Wars were fought. There were honor killings. Tribes were wiped out that started with affairs.

I mean, the theme was basically, if you kill, if you sleep with my wife I'll kill you if you kill me my family will kill your family if your family kills my family my tribe will wipe out your tribe it was like this escalating conflict that started off with adultery so God's commandment is meant to stop that for the flourishing of society so in some ways it makes God's top 10 for horizontal human reasons, but it also does for vertical reasons. Why is adultery such a big deal? Marriage is the primary relationship God uses to illustrate his love for the church. Instead of siblings, instead of business partners, the primary relationship that God uses to illustrate his faithfulness to the church is marriage. And over and over again,

we see things like James calling loving the world a form of adultery. Idolatry, covetousness, and apostasy all are described as spiritual adultery. So do not commit adultery in the sanctity of marriage matters for human relationships, and it matters so we understand a divine relationship. Now here's another question. Why is the command negative? So the fifth commandment is honor your father and mother. Why doesn't it just say honor marriage? Why is it negative? Do not commit adultery. Because we don't like, especially in our culture, being told what not to do, do we? It feels negative and controlling. Now think about this. When God gave the commandments, they had just come out of slavery. Do you think they they had just come out of slavery.

Do you think they're gonna come out of physical slavery and God say, now I want to enslave you in a different way by controlling what you do with your bodies? That's what our culture would say, wouldn't it? But one thing I learned from my father is every negative commandment in the Bible has two positive motivations, to protect and to provide. What seems negative is to protect us from harm and provide for human flourishing.

Now, I still teach a class at CVCS. I'm full-time at Biola, but I teach a class at Capistrano Valley Christian Schools in the morning. And one thing I do is I ask my students a lot of questions. And a few years ago, I went to the board. I wrote something to my students. I said, I want you to define for me how you understand freedom. I said, what is freedom? And they gave me the same answer I get all the time when I ask young people this question. You know what the answer is?

Freedom is doing whatever you want without restraint. Freedom is doing whatever you want without restraint. I want you to think about this for a second. Is freedom always doing what you want? What if a man or woman come home and they want to look at pornography and do it? Is that person free? No, freedom's not doing what you want if you have the wrong wants. Freedom is not doing what you want, but cultivating the right wants. But second is freedom rejecting restraint. Imagine we take the piano up here,

the keyboard up here. We take two people. Student A says, I'm gonna take a bat and bash this. Student B says, I'm gonna sit down and'm going to play the piano according to its design. Person A says, no restraint, do whatever I want to this one, I'm free. Is that person more free than the person who sits down and understands the purpose of the piano and uses it according to its design? You know the answer, don't you? Freedom's not rejecting restraint, but actually embracing the right restraints. That's why when we see do not commit adultery, in our culture, we think it's stealing our fun, it's limiting my freedom. And God says,

no, these commands are actually to set you free. These commands are for our good. So if you say, well, I don't want to follow that command. The problem is not with a command. The problem is we don't have the right wants. And we need to align our wants with what God wants because God is our good designer. So really freedom is not rejecting God's design like our culture says. Freedom is understanding God's design and orienting our lives to it. That's actually what it means to be free. So freedom lying in ourselves with God's design for marriage, that raises an obvious question. Then what is God's design for marriage? There's a lot of confusion about this today, isn't there? What is God's design for marriage? Well, if you want to know what God's design for

marriage is, turn to the obvious place in the Bible, which is the book of Zephaniah. I'm just kidding. Just making sure you're with me. Nobody in the Bible, which is the book of Zephaniah. I'm just kidding. Just making sure you're with me. Nobody in the history of preaching ever said that until now. If we want to know God's design for marriage, you turn to the book of Genesis, chapter two. And here's what it writes. It says, therefore, a man shall leave his father

and his mother, hold fast to his wife, and they shall become what? One flesh. So notice it says a man will cling to his wife and they shall become what? One flesh. So notice it says a man will cling to his wife. He leaves his father and his mother. It's not a man shall cling to his wives. It's not his mother and his mother. From the beginning, God's design for marriage was to be one man and one woman. Marriage is a sexed institution. You say, wait a minute, Sean. Just Friday, I was doing a live Q&A on YouTube on the toughest questions on same-sex union. And somebody goes, biblical marriage, look at David's marriage. Look at Solomon's marriage. Look at Jacob's marriage, LOL. And I said, you're right.

A lot of people in the Old Testament didn't follow God's design for marriage. But the Old Testament teaches us through the devastation in their lives that God's commands are actually for our good. And when we step outside of it, we actually pay the consequences. Look at the devastation in the life of David.

So the reason marriage is one man and one woman, in part, is because kids need moms and kids need dads. Part of the heart of marriage is one man and one woman. Second, marriage is for procreation.'s a big word so you might just write down marriage is for babies marriage is for babies now in our culture today they'd say wait a minute what about couples that are infertile and can't have babies if you have couples that are fertile and can't have babies and they can be married then couldn't same-sex marriage, since they can't have babies, also be marriage? Here's the difference. An opposite-sex couple can be infertile, but a same-sex couple cannot. Infertility is lacking something that is supposed to be there when your bodies are

functioning the way they're supposed to function. A man and a woman's bodies are oriented towards procreation. It's a unique kind of bodily union that is different from a man and a man or a woman and a woman. Marriage is the vehicle, so to speak, God has given us to multiply and fill the earth. So marriage is a sex institution. It's about procreation. And third, it's permanent. This is a man clings to his wife or bonds with his wife. Now, the very first week, George asked a really interesting question. He said, what if in our city here in San Clemente, everybody just followed the 10 commandments, what would happen? What if we just followed the seventh commandment? And we're going to say, do not kill them adultery is kind of a stand-in for the larger sexual ethic that Jesus gave about honoring marriage. So if you're not married, you're not sexually active. If you're married, you're sexually active

to your spouse alone. What would happen in society if people just followed that commandment? And you know the answer, don't you? There'd be no STDs, there'd be no abortion, there'd be no pornography, there'd be no divorce, there'd be no crude sexual humor, and there'd be no need for the Me Too movement. God's commands are not to control us and steal our fun, but actually to set us free.

They're negative because God says, that will harm you and society. I love you. I made you to flourish. Stay away from that. God's commands are for our good. Now, as a reminder, we defined adultery. We took a minute and said adultery is basically when somebody's married, has sex with somebody

who's not their spouse. We asked, why is this in the top 10? And we see there's horizontal reasons for society and for flourishing of human relationships. And there's vertical reasons that marriage is the primary vehicle God gives us to understand his love for the church. Then we looked at God's design for marriage, that it's permanent, it's sexed. and one of the things it's about is procreation then we saw how society would objectively benefit if we followed this and avoided adultery and other forms of sexual immorality i think scriptures are pretty clear in this one the challenge of

this passage is not understanding it or why it's living it out, isn't it? So allow me at the end to just speak a few words of encouragement or challenge to four groups of people who may be here right now this morning. Group number one, those of you who want to get married someday. Listen very carefully. No one gets married planning on having an affair. Nobody gives their vows, or at least almost nobody. I'm sure there's an exception, but you get the point. Almost nobody says their vows, thinking in the back of their mind. I don't really mean this.

I'm not committing to you. So why is it that some people say I'm with you for life? I'll stand by your side. And many are not faithful. What happened? What broke down? Well, I did research on this and studies range from between 14% and 44% of married couples will cheat. That's a pretty big range. So I found a study from the University of Utah, which seemed to be pretty well supported. And they said roughly between 20 and 25% of men, that's between one out of four

and one out of five men will commit adultery. And 10 to 15% of women. So between one out of seven and one out of men will commit adultery. And 10 to 15% of women. So between one out of seven and one out of 10 will commit adultery. Now you might be thinking, yes, but it's lower for Christians and it is, but not as much as we would suspect. So the app or whatever you would call it,

the organization Ashley Madison, that basically helps facilitate affairs. On their data, 25% of the people register define themselves as born again Christians. Now, in some ways, I think, guys, somebody's going to define themselves. Why would they bother to write that? So my suspicion is it would be a lot higher than that. So if you want to get married someday and you're here right now, I'm asking you to stand up. You're not married, but you just say, someday I'd like to get married. Stand up. Stand up right where you're at. You want to get married someday. You're not married right now for whatever reason. You want to get married. Okay. I'm looking around the room and I see maybe, I don't know, maybe 25, 30 people.

All right, so statistically speaking, roughly 20 to 25% of you as a whole, if you give your vows, would end up not being faithful on your spouse. If you were born between January and March, I want you to stay standing. The rest of you can sit down. If you're born between January and March, stay standing. Now, don't worry. This is not personal. I'm not giving a word of prophecy about you. I want us to just look around statistically speaking in a room this size, that percentage of people who say, I want to commit to married for life, you can sit down now, don't worry. That's somewhat startling, isn't it? This is not just an issue out there. It's an issue in our church and our community and our families and our friends. So if you want to get married someday, what's going to separate you from those who fall short?

And let me suggest one thing. Rather than looking for a person worth marrying, become a person worth marrying. Confess your sins. You won't magically wake up married someday and your problem's fixed. You will bring them with you into your marriage and end up hurting a lot more people,

yourself included, if you don't get right with God now. Build in accountability. Confess your sins. Develop a biblical worldview on sex and marriage and know that God's design for you is for your good. Second, to those who are married, how do you safeguard your marriage? I asked my wife this question last night with moderate fear and trembling thinking, I hope what she says is on my list and I've done this. Well, there's three things that I think. Number one, remove seeds of bitterness. Hebrews 12, 15 describes removing seeds of bitterness. Don't

let the thought that I deserve this. He or she mistreated me. Just the thought of bitterness and anger and resentment is like a camel's nose into the tent that will culminate in the kind of decisions you never wanted to make. Have those difficult conversations. Second, years ago, my dad spoke at Biola's graduation. He said, son, you're going to be surprised. I said, okay. He stood up there and he said this three times. He said, if you want your life to count for Christ, never stop pursuing an intimate, loving relationship with your spouse. Spend time with your kids.

He said it three times and he sat down. And I remember it word for word. And that's what my wife said yesterday. She said, you gotta keep working on your marriage. Remove seeds of bitterness. In fact, my dad has said to me many times, he goes, son, the day you stop working on your marriage with Stephanie and dating her

is the day you start to make yourself vulnerable. And third, continue to watch your eyes. There's a show that came out and I might step on some toes with this, but it's called Game of Thrones. And when this is out, I love to watch shows and be cultural savvy. I love the time period of that show, so I started watching one episode and could not get all the way through it because it's essentially pornographic.

Now, I do think Scripture allows us to make decisions based on our maturity and our ability, So I don't want to become legalistic, but I want to say, should we ever watch shows like that? Does that encourage us to love our spouses more, or does it put ideas into our mind that pushes us another direction? That's a fair, honest question I think we have to ask. What about to those who are here committing adultery, whether emotionally or spiritually right now? I'll promise you a few things.

I cannot promise you that if you confess your sins, your marriage will be salvaged. But I can promise you if you continue in this sin, you will only hurt yourself and God and others more. I can promise you, like it says in 1 Peter 3, that your sins are hindering your prayers to God. I can promise you many couples have been through adultery and come out stronger on the other side. I can promise you that by confessing your sins, you will only be free of living a double life and the shame that comes with that. I can promise you that God will forgive you. And I can promise you that our team here at Shoreline will pray with you and support you

and be with you every step of the way. I know what God's will is for your life if you were in an adulterous affair and it is to stop right now. Finally, last word, to those of you who are brokenhearted, wish I could give a whole sermon just on this. But I wanna say to some of you in particular, if your spouse was unfaithful to you, it's not your fault.

It is not your fault. If you have hurt and you have pain from the past, there is healing, you are not alone, and there is hope like the main character in the show suits you are only free when you're able to forgive those who have hurt you our team here at the shoreline is here to pray with you and support you every step of the way friends the, the Bible's clear. Do not commit adultery. Why? Because there's consequences for human relationships and there's consequences for how we relate to God. God's commands are not to steal all our fun, but actually to set us free, to flourish, to best love God and love others. So wherever you are on your journey with this, my hope is that you can move

and we can move as a church closer and closer towards living out God's design for marriage because a non-Christian world is watching, aren't they? And they're in part judging God and his faithfulness based on our marriages or lack thereof. May we have the courage and conviction to live out God's good and beautiful design for marriage. Amen. Father, thank you for our church, just that we can speak on difficult issues like this.

I pray wherever people are at in their journey, if they need hope, that you would fill them with hope. If they need conviction, God, convict their hearts. And just give us encouragement so we may know that your design is good. God, just give us your faithfulness and your compassion and your empathy, no matter the hurt that's in the past, that we can experience your freedom and your goodness. We are grateful for you and your

commands in this series, and we pray this in your name. Amen.