The Sean McDowell Show - I Watched My Son’s Life Change in 3 Months — Here’s Why

Episode Date: January 30, 2026

Today, I sat down with my son to talk about his testimony. We talk about How porn shows up today (not just “hardcore,” but the stuff that finds you through social media) and how porn impacts relationships, faith, and the way you see people. If you’re struggling, you’re not alone and you’re not beyond help. My hope is this episode gives you clarity, courage, and a next step. *Get a MASTERS IN APOLOGETICS or SCIENCE AND RELIGION at BIOLA (https://bit.ly/3LdNqKf) *USE Discount Code [smdcertdisc] for 25% off the BIOLA APOLOGETICS CERTIFICATE program (https://bit.ly/3AzfPFM) *See our fully online UNDERGRAD DEGREE in Bible, Theology, and Apologetics: (https://bit.ly/448STKK) FOLLOW ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA: Twitter: https://x.com/Sean_McDowell TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sean_mcdowell?lang=en Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/seanmcdowell/ Website: https://seanmcdowell.org   Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Most marriages aren't falling apart. They're being refined. Tried and True is a scripture-based marriage guide for couples who want a resilient, faith-filled marriage, especially in seasons that feel ordinary, difficult, or stretched. Through 12 and perfect biblical marriages, this book shows how God uses trials to strengthen connection, not destroy it. Learn more at Tridentrubmarriagebook.com or find Tride and True everywhere books are sold. Life Audio. Scottie, your mom and I were talking just this week that I had never seen somebody have such a big heart change and their life change as I have with you over the past roughly three months. What happened? Man, dad, hearing you say that means so much to me, right? And so, but ultimately, I can't take any credit for it. It is all the Lord working in my heart, right?

And honestly showing me that his will and his path for me is greater than any choice that I could have ever made. And so for me, like, I remember just, you know, growing up, my biggest struggle in my life has been pornography, right? It's been sexual sin. And one of the reasons that when you asked me to come on here, I wanted to do it because I believe it is so prevalent for young men in our generation, right? And so going back, you know, I remember the first time when I saw pornography. I think I was eight or nine years old, right? Close family and friend showed me some stuff. And from there, it just, it just set me on a path towards, honestly, destruction.

Right. So I remember, yeah, growing up, you know, being addicted to porn. And now saying that, right, I didn't, I wasn't, you know, watching it all the time at 10 years old, right? It didn't really kickstart until I got into high school. But throughout high school, I was addicted to pornography, right? Addicted in masturbation and doing it, you know, all the time. Honestly, right? It just became a part of my daily routine, right?

And so I remember. I just remember just growing up and feeling stuck, right? Feeling like I couldn't tell anybody. And that ultimately was the pride in my heart, right? Because I remember growing up, one of the most loving things that you and mom ever did, every single day you guys would tell me, Scotty, I love you, and you could tell me anything, right? So in the back of my mind, I always knew that I could tell you guys, right? But the enemy was feeding me lies saying, oh, man, if you come out, like, you're going to put shame to the McDonald's.

me, right? Like, your parents aren't going to love you, right? Your friends aren't going to love you, right? And so I started to put that towards myself being like, you know what, I'm okay. I can handle this. I can deal with it. Right. It's not affecting me, right? And if it is affecting me, definitely not affecting anybody else, right? And so it just became just a part of my just daily routine, right? And I didn't honestly, like, see anything wrong with it. I didn't see the way that it was affecting me, the way it was affecting my relationships. And I was headed towards the structure. Okay, so you say you didn't see anything wrong with it. You knew in your mind it was wrong.

But what were some of the lies looking back that you think you told yourself to be able to live for so long with that? Oh my gosh. So like some of the lies that I would tell myself was, you know, I could quit when I want to. Right. I'd be like, you know what? Like when I get married, I'll stop. Or when I get, you know, serious, right? I'll stop.

That was one of the biggest lies that I believed. Also, I believe that it wasn't really affecting me, right? I'm like, oh, like, you know, I'm not looking at it every day. You know, I can just, whatever, you know. It's not that big of the deal, you know? Like, oh, it's like once a week. You know, like, it's not that big of the deal. And but the biggest thing was, I think, was, oh, I can stop whenever I really want to.

It's not really affecting the way that I'm looking at people, right? But then when I started to see the way that it was affecting people, you know, it quickly was, okay, it's not really affecting anybody else, right? It's just me. It's a burden that I can carry, right? I'm still on control of it at the end of the day. And so that's what I would say That would be two-lead's lies.

So it doesn't affect me. I'll quit later. If it is affecting me, it's not hurting somebody else. So it sounds like it's just a series of things you were telling yourself to justify it. Did you have kind of the back of your mind was there a constant just guilt or a feeling of shame that you just tried to cover out

that before? Like, how prevalent was that? Oh, 100%. Right. Obviously, so I went to a Christian school. Right? And we didn't ever really talk about it, there were certain times, you know, Bible classes that get brought up, you know.

But I remember the biggest thing, I remember sitting, Papa giving a certain about porn. I remember sitting there and being like, wow, little does, you know, but his own grandson's addicted to the porn. Right. And so, I mean, it's also, you just, you have the conversations with my friends, you know, we're just, it is just normalized for our generation, right? And when I'm talking about pornography, so for me, in high school, right, I wouldn't go to those certain sites to watch that stuff, right? And after, right, that wasn't really what I was going for, right? it would be on Instagram, it'd be on TikTok, it'd be on Reddit, it'd be on those social media platforms, right? That certain people wouldn't classically label as pornography, but it was, right?

Or I'd be looking too long at somebody's whatever on their social media, right? And so I think pornography, people just put that term into, oh, that's, that's, you know, those certain hard websites, it's like, no, that's, that's not. Penalrophy can even be the stuff that you're listening to, the music that you're listening to, certain things that you're just, you're watching, whether it's movies, TV shows, social media anything right and one of the things that i i've learned right is that just because you're not watching porn right doesn't mean you're walking in period right and so the first time i remember i came to you i was after high school i was out of prep school right and some things happened in my

life and i remember thinking you know like i saw the way that my life was headed and i was like i don't want that i remember my coach sound is down he told his story right about how he had a wife and he had kids and that he had to come out because he was still through the deport right and he had to tell his daughter i remember sitting there being like that can't be me that cannot be me yeah so um you know i'm you know i'm 18 years old still and just figuring some things out and i actually remember being at practice in the word put it so heavy on me i actually remember we're in a drill i just remember dribbling i remember it was so heavy on my heart i just went you know what nope i threw the ball to our coach ran out the gym grabbed my phone and ran down remember this big hill that they had and i remember

FaceTime anymore. I don't know if you remember that FaceTime call. I remember that FaceTime call. I remember that FaceTime call because I remember I got on the phone I just immediately started crying. It was like so heavy. I remember being like, here it is. And I just remember sitting there praying. I was like, Lord, I cannot do this without you. Like, I need you to do this. And I remember in that moment, I remember being on FaceTime with you and just

telling you. I didn't even exactly remember what I said. Honestly, maybe you remember. I just remember just like, remember exactly when I told you. It was like, I had been running a marathon my whole life with a hundred pound vests. And it was like, Jesus just took the desk off, right? And just I was able to just run three, right? And I remember the words you told me, you're like, Scotty, I'm proud of you and I love you, right? And that confidence, that gave me so much confidence in the world because A, it showed me that you actually practice what you preach, right? You've given sermons on porn, right? Like, so has Papa. And you guys would always say those

same things, right? And to see you actually live that out and to not look at me and be like, are you serious, like, or turn it on yourself and be like, oh man, man, why didn't I do anything different. Why didn't yada yada yada, right? And that just meant the world to me that you did that. So what was I the first person that you told? I believe you were. Maybe I told my coach first. I don't remember. That was a couple years ago. Fine. But I believe you were at least if you were not first, you were second. Okay. So let's go back there and make this distinction from people. There's there is between hardcore and what's called softcore pornography. Hardcore we don't need to go to what people can imagine what's on that level of just violence, twisted, kinds of sexuality.

Softcore pornography is more just nudity and it's accessible. You're saying to your TikTok. I wouldn't even say necessarily nudity, right? It can literally be anything that your brain puts to, like, I would say as, you know, honestly, like as porn, right, or something that you're wanting to look at, right, but you know it is wrong, right? and you feel it, right? Like, it can, like, porn to literally be a fully club woman.

If you are looking at her and you are looking at her lust, right? Or it can even be the music that you're listening to you. So I had a mentor, I remember right after I first came out to you, right? I remember I had this just, oh, man, like, I hate this sin, right? I'm never going to look at it again. This is gross. I remember I went a decent amount of time with never looking at it, right? And I remember sitting with a mentor mine, and I was telling him and he was like, man,

like, I'm so happy for you, you know, like, it seems like you're turning the new leaf. He's like, this is great. and he goes, I have some encouragement for you because he had also struggled with pornity in his life. And he goes, he goes, you may never want to look at heart porn again. He's like, but I'm telling you right now, he's like, soft porn is going to come. Right. He's like, and it's going to be there.

He's like, and you're going to have to stay true to your convictions. Right. And I remember being like, ah, in that moment I remember exactly me. I was like, oh, I know exactly what you're saying. I'm good. I don't need any help. Right. And part of the thing about pornography that's so unique is, and honestly,

just sin it generally. You can't defeat it on your own. You cannot defeat it on your own. Right. So when I first came out to you about pornography, right? I came out to you and that's all that I thought that I needed to do to stop. Right. I brought it into the light. That's what I thought true confession looks like. Okay. So hold, let me hold this start right here. I want to come back to where it went after you came to that first time. But let's go back a little bit because your mom and I didn't give you a smartphone at eight or nine years old. Yeah. You were careful about. what friends you hung out with and who we had as babysitters, but you still saw it anyways.

We don't have to name names and call people out, but is that going to happen today in your assessment? Is there any way to protect your kids from seeing it? What would you do when you have kids and they're six, seven, eight? Yeah. No, I actually just don't ask this question the other day. Like what would you, would you guys have done anything different, right? Like, what would I do? And the biggest thing I think is straight, life and anime, I think you want to do that if

your parent is to say, I'm going to do everything in my power to have my kid not see porn. I'm just going to tell you right now, it's not going to happen. Your kid is going to see it, right? You guys did a pretty good job of, I didn't have a smartphone until, what, eighth grade freshman year, what I don't even fully remember, right? All those different, like you guys, you know, were careful to stuff that I watch and a lot of stuff.

But I still saw it. I still found. a way to watch it on other people's stuff, even on my own, right? Like, I found a way, right? And so, like, sin's always going to find a way to present itself to your, right? But one of the things I think you prepared me was, is what's my reaction to be when I see it? Right. And so I remember early on, I seen it and it was like, oh man, I shouldn't be looking at this. I know that this is wrong, right? And ultimately, it took me time. My heart was not ready to get the healing that it needed. Right. And it took me time. But what eventually happened? I did eventually come to

to you, right? Because you told me from day once, you're out. You can tell me anything and I'll still love you. Right. And that's the biggest thing. So when you ask me, what am I going to do with my kids? I'm going to do the exact same thing. Right. Now, I think it is foolish if you give your kid a smartphone at seven years old, right? You're only going to add to that addiction, right? You're only going to add on to that addiction, right? But if you're as a parent, you're sitting here as like, man, oh my gosh, porn is so much forced onto this generation, right? I'm going to do everything that I can. I'm going to lock my kid in the basement. that's a detriment to them, right? Because the second they get any freedom, right, they're going to want to just go crazy, right? But it's also,

you have to trust your kid to an extent. Right? You have to show them that you're there for them, right? But also just to prepare them. The biggest thing that you guys did was you prepared me for when I would see it, right? And I had a place that I could come to, right? A safe place.

And you guys provided that for me, right? That if you guys did it, honestly, I probably, there's a good chance I'd still be addicted right now. Oh, okay. that's interesting. That's another, that's where I'm sure we go down with. But how do you, how big do you think high school, college age? You mentioned it's a big issue for young men.

And it's a growing, it's an issue for many young women. I mean, just a separate conversation. I'll make sure people don't hear that this is only a male issue, even though far higher numbers of males do than females. How big and prevalent do you think this is amongst few? your generation of Chanzi. I think it is the number one issue that's pressing against my generation.

I think it's number one, right? So obviously, I go to Biala, right? And I have a ton of friends at Bial, my teammates and everything. And so many people that I talk to are digital one, right? Or at least have seen it. Right.

And it's just different things. Which are two different things, right? But I've never met somebody who was like, no, I haven't seen porn. Right? And now with porn and stuff, sexual sin, right? There's a different, there's a different level of shame that comes from it, right? There's a different level of shame. I think that's biblical too, right? Because Paul and Jesus will talk about that, you know, sexual sin against the body, right? So it's more than just, you know, sin about just, you know, lying, right? It encompasses all of that. And so with pornography, the thing is so it's so interesting about it is that it, it allows you to just creep into the shell, right? That it just, it's like it's wrapping you and just, like just discussing and want you to sit in your shame right so by all there's this men's group that we have

we call it pawn legacy right where it's like monday nights we meet as group and we get into our small groups right just a bunch of men at bill right that are wanting to choose purity and we watch videos about what it looks like the conquered morning we talk about our weeks right hey when the times we feel tempted right we're supposed to confess if we fell and all and that's one of the biggest things that i love right is because there are men right that are choosing purity right and that group has helped me so so much in terms of you know how How do I chase purity, right? What does that look like?

Is there freedom from this, right? Am I going to be addicted to porn from the rest of my life? Right? Is there freedom from it, right? One of the things that group has shown me is that I'm not alone. One of the things you ask me is my lies. I'm like, man, like, am I alone? You know, am I the only one that struggles with this?

Now, I don't think I actually fully believed that because I saw the way that all my friends were talking, right, and the way to be to talk about this. So I knew I wasn't alone. But I know if a lot of people, people believe that they're alone. people believe that they're alone in this group, right? That you, oh man, I'm the only one that's watching porn. It's like, no.

The statistics show it is a large majority. But I think a lot of people take that and be like, oh, man, so many people struggle with it. So it's not that bad. It's like, no, that actually makes it worse because so many people are struggling with it. Like for you, when you were growing up, right? You had to like find a magazine, right?

Or go somewhere. Like, I have to look up porn in less than 10 seconds right now if I wanted to. Right? That's how just it's so easily accessible. But it's also people not just looking for it. That's what a lot is. It comes looking for you and people, if you misspell something, people are trying to make money behind a lot of this.

And kids, if they're looking for Pokemon or whatever, things pop up. So it's not just going out and looking for it. It's actually looking for you, so to speak. One of the things that's so interesting, you talk to a lot, like you talk to a lot of our generation, right? Not a lot of people, like when people think, oh, man, it's like, you're just, you go up whenever and you just go look up. It's like, that's actually sometimes. Obviously, that happens. But for me, that was not the case.

It was honestly, a lot of it was the situations that I was putting myself in, right? I mean, sometimes, obviously, yes, it was premeditated. I was like, all right, I'm going to watch porn. But a lot of the time, it'd be like, you know, I'm just doing my thing. And then I'm scrolling on Instagram and I see something. And then like, click on it. And then I keep going, right? I keep going.

And then it's like, okay, now I'm watching porn, right? And then it's like, it's almost like one step after another. Right. So in our group, like we talked about, you know, what are the disciplines you're going to put yourself in? Right? So that you're not going to set yourself up to fail. Right. Like if you're up on your phone at 2 a.m.

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in the long middle of marriage and points them toward lasting hope. Available now at tried and true marriagebook.com or find tried and true everywhere books are sold. There's nothing you can do to not watch porn, right, if you've been addicted, right? Literally, it's like having a bottle of Jack Hennessy on your bed if you're an alcoholic. It's like, well, like it's sitting right there. Of course you're going to do it. Right. And so that was the issue for me, right, was I never actually addressed the heart of it, but I also didn't understand, right that this is the sin that the Lord has, you know, not that the Lord has put in my heart, right, but has been the biggest issue in my life. And I wasn't surrendering everything to him, right? And so when I went back to my story,

right, when I, when my mentor said that to me, I was like, I got this. Like, don't worry. That's not me. Because I don't believe that pornography is the root of the issue. Right. I don't believe that it is. For a lot of my friends, we've talked about, right, a lot of it is, you know, someone I have abandoned issues, right? And that's where they run to porn, right? For me, I had a control issue. I want to control over every little part of my life. Right. And that led to me saying, you know, I don't have a pornography issue.

Right. I don't need help. Or I do have an issue, right? But I got this, right? I have it under control. Right. And that was pride. Right.

The root of the sin was pride for me. And so, you know, obviously I want to say it was about two years later, you know, pornography came back to me. Okay. So we're going to come back. We're going to revisit that. But you're right. I do want to emphasize this for people.

that pornography is not the root of the issue. It's the fruit of the issue. Yes. And I think at root of the issue, as we see in Genesis 2, that God has made us for relationship. It's not good that human beings are alone. And when we have broken relationships with God, with others, with creation, with ourselves,

these counterfeits are going to step in and promise things to feel better, have healing, have control, have whatever it is, and then they become addictive. because we rely upon them and don't know how or have the willingness to reach in to have those healthy relationships. So when dealing with something like pornography,

can't just put a Band-Aid on this. You've got to deal with the root of the issue. We're going to come back to the root of the issue. You might have answered this, but I wonder how do you think pornography affects people? And I would say you said a few things. You can have a sense of shame. And I wonder if somebody doesn't have a Christian ethic over time,

eventually just gets callous to that and does it so younger and numb to it as a good word. That can certainly happen, I think even with some Christians. Your poppy used to say that when somebody looks at pornography, it actually caused that person realized or not to question the authority of the Bible. It translates to how we think about God's word and the truths contained within. Somebody feels like, that's not applying to me, that doesn't work. God must have gotten it wrong. to undermine's authority in the Bible.

It changes the brain. I mean, it literally has a pornography. Physically rewires the brain and some of the synapses and neurochemicals in the same way that many drugs can rewire the brain. I think it can make, there's a ton of studies that show that people look at pornography. It affects their, not only their brain,

but their mind and they're stripped about sex, what we think it's for, what we think makes it good, how to treat somebody. There's an article in New York Times, I must have been maybe 23, 24, about the amount of literally stramulation that's taking place, a huge percentage of Gen Z in the act of sex, because people have seen this in pornography. It affects the script of how you treat somebody. did I miss any of how you think it's affecting this generation? Like, I wonder, this generation is less likely to get married, pushing it off, which has concerns for the survival of society.

How much is porn play a role in that? Like, we could connect it to so many different issues. So many. How else does it, you see it affecting your generation? Or does that... Yeah, one of the stories of obviously in Luke chapter 2 when it says that Jesus grew in stature with both men and with God.

What pornography does is it takes away from your relationship with God and it takes away from your relationship with other people, right? And what's unique about it too is it's not just in relationships like a girlfriend or boyfriend, right? It actually takes away from your relationships. Like, I saw the way it took away from my relationship with my sister. I saw the way it took away from my relationship with you and mom, my teammates, my other friends, right?

Because it was telling me something that I know I was in control, right? that I had, you know, I didn't need any help, right? And it just, that's what pornography. That's what it does. It shows you that you're in control, right? You are the, you are the master, right? You don't need any help. And it's all about you.

And so I literally saw the way that I would talk to my sister, the way that I look at my sister, right, was drastically different, right, than when I'm not watching porn, right? Or my mom, right? Or my other friends. Even, not even talking about girls. I mean talking about like some of my best friends,

the way that I would talk. with them, right? And the way that it was, it was just okay to talk about girls in a certain way, right? It was okay to just talk about these different things, right? There, it's like, now it's like, you have this just, I have this just natural disfussing. I'm like, I don't want to talk about that way, right? And I think one of the things that you said is what it does to your greed, right? I watched the way that I would just undress girls in my minds, right? I saw that, right? And I know some of the studies show there's this 90-day curve when you stop watching porn. And one of the interesting things is, is I said it earlier, right?

But just because you're not watching porn doesn't mean you're walking in purity. Right. And for the first time with me, right, when I stopped watching porn, I wasn't walking in purity. Right. Because as you said it, you know, porn is not the root of the issue. It's only a fruit. Right. And for me, I took that, right?

It was like, okay, I'm stopping to watch porn, right? I put it into, okay, I'm playing video games, right? Or, okay, now I'm going to put this in the basketball. Right? And I never actually addressed the root of it. issue. And I've had a lot in my group, we've talked about that, right? Where it's like you start using people, you start using things, right? And it's like, okay, I'm not watching porn, but I'm, you know, playing a ton of video games, right? Or I'm putting it into X, Y, and Z. You don't actually

deal with root of the issue. So, because porn is so enticing, right? It's all over the place. It will eventually come back. That's an interesting point. You can deal with it horizontally, which is like putting a Band-Aid on it. But again, how do we get to the root of the issue, which we will come back to in a minute. Can you tell without, I mean, we don't want to be judgmental towards other people, but what are indications when you're talking to seven-year generation? It's like, you know what? I think that person is probably looking at war.

Yeah, I think obviously someone who has watched it, I think it's very easy for me to tell. I'm like not shocked when someone I'm like, yeah, they're definitely watching porn, right? because I saw the way that it was affecting me, right? You can think about the way that people are talking, your words, right? Also your actions. Right, I think those are the two biggest things, right? Especially just the jokes that people tell, right? Especially like young men, you see somebody has a really crude mouth.

Like, I'm telling you, it's, they're more than likely watching more. And I think it's honestly, it's a little bit easier too when the percentages are so high of men. And it honestly, it doesn't drop in the church. It does a little bit, a little bit as much as you. For young men, I wouldn't say, I don't think it's. drops much, right? Because it's so pushed in our face, right? And I'm honestly, I mean, I mean, I don't

know these, I don't have the statistics all the top of my hand. But I am more surprised when someone's like, I'm not watching porn and I actually think they're sincere about it than I am when they aren't. I'm like, oh my gosh, like, that is awesome. Like, how? Right? Like, genuinely, I'm like, I'm like, how? Like, that is just amazing. And so,

like, I wish that that was, you know, I wish I never had to struggle like this. Right? But I think it is an interesting thing. it's like, you know, so many people struggle with it. What does that mean? What does it mean to struggle with porn, right? Is it okay today? Oh, man, I'm struggling with it.

I watch it like once a month, right? Or, you know, only watch it like once a week. Like, or is there just a cutoff? It's like, no, I'm drawing my line in the sin and I am never going back. But what does that look like? And how we get there? That's a fair point. There is the difference between those who just identify as Christians, those who are

practice Christians. Yes. So some of that depends on whether I just go to church once a month or three times a year or verses read my Bible daily and praying. So Christian faith does make a difference, but it's really only when somebody takes their faith seriously. Now, it is interesting to ask. You know, all of us look at our lives who have come to faith and we come to faith because we recognize certain sin that we've committed. That's true for all of us. And I remember when you when you share this with us, you know, I know your mom was just like, I can't believe it.

She kind of, I think in some ways maybe I put words in your mouth that felt like, you know, we fail that I was like, I just, I don't look at it that way. What have we prayed for for our son? That you would be humbled, which is what it takes for everybody to know the Lord, have a recognition of sin, a desire to own your own faith, and want to follow and love the Lord. And your mom and I have prayed for since the moment we placed you in that trip 21 plus years ago. So I look at this and I go, guy, our prayers have been answered. When I've chosen the means for it to happen, well, of course not. But we don't get to choose that. So in some ways what you just said to me is I wish I didn't have this in my past.

And I go, I wish too. But I also go, but that's what it took to get your. attention. And now you see the damage of that and it's caused you to be hungry for the Lord. And so you kind of can't get one without the other. Do you agree that? I 100% agree with you. Right. And I guess the reason why I say, I wish it wasn't in my past, right? It's not being like, you know, I'm afraid of it, right? Or I'm not embracing my past. It's like, no, I am. Right. Part of the the thing about healing, I think, I believe what healing is is understanding the way to your past, but choosing Christ and moving forward. despite your past, right?

And so that's like the big thing. So it's like, no, I'm not saying, you know, oh, man, I wish it wasn't in the past. But also I'm like, man, I wish I didn't watch more. I wish I didn't treat people a certain way. But I agree with you, right? Without that, I wouldn't be able to see how good the Lord has been to me through this, right? That, you know, one of my favorite stories in Mark about is when Jesus, you know,

calms the storm, right? And I believe an underlying message about that is, you know, Jesus isn't going to calm every storm in your life. He just wants to be in the boat with you. Right. And I've seen that, right? Like, I'm still in midst of these trials, right? But I've had Jesus in the boat with me and I wouldn't want it any way different. I like that. That's good. Okay. So let's go. You were 18 years old and you called me up on a smartphone and I do remember it. You were crying. You were outside. At first, I thought, did somebody die? Like, I didn't know what you were telling me. I just remember you saying, I can't believe I'm telling you this. Here it goes. that was three years ago. And then we said a while ago, that that's not when things changed.

So fill in the rest of the story for us. And then I'll follow up and ask what's different this time. But first, what happened after that? So immediately, like, what happened after that for me was I was like, all right, like, you know, I need help. You know, I kind of just said that, right? And nothing really happened. Right. Like I was just like, oh, okay, like I don't really have an urge to watch porn because they just kind of confessed it to a lot of people, right? Like there was some shame there. And I didn't install practical disciplines and I didn't listen to people, right? I didn't listen to my mentor, right, who said, hey, soft porn is going to come back. Right. I didn't listen to people. Right. I didn't get to the root of the issue. I thought the root of the issue was porn. Right. And so what I did was is instead of getting to the root of the issue, which was pride for me, I threw into playing video games all the time, right? And so. And so, what I did it was, So I wasn't practically denying myself daily.

Right. So in Luke 9, it says, you know, Jesus, if anybody wants to follow me, you must first deny himself, take up his cross daily and follow me. Right. I was not daily picking out my cross and saying, Lord, if you do not help me today, I will go back. Right. I was not literally sacrificing. That's the Lord.

I was not. Right. And so I went, I want to say, yeah, it was two years. Not until this summer. And I, geez, I don't remember what, July. something August, June, whatever, where it came back, right? And one of the interesting things is I remember when I'm like, oh, man, it came back. One of the things that I recognize is that it actually never left.

Right. Just because I wasn't watching, you know, hard porn doesn't mean that I still wasn't watching porn, right? The stuff that I was listening to, the movies that I was watching, right? I vividly remember, you know, we're going to watch a movie and I knew there was going to be stuff in it. And I was like, I don't really care, right? I'm going, you know, and it was like subconscious.

I was choosing because I wasn't watching porn anymore, right? That shoot. What would you say, what would you say differently? Say before you first shared me with your rating, like back in high school. Is there anything you think somebody could have said to you to wake you up at that point? To realize what you realize later? Or do you think you kind of had to go through this to hit a certain level of wrong? bottom. Yeah. I think, I think obviously I think somebody could have said, you know, oh, hey, I think I want to get some heart of the issue. I don't believe that I was like really pressed upon me as much as it could have been. Right. But I think that that I don't want to use that as a scapego. Right. I, I do believe I needed to go through and hit rock bottom, right? And really understand the weight of my sin. I didn't really understand how much my sin was affecting other people and how much that it was actually affecting me. That's what I believe. And so,

One of the things you asked me what was different this time is this summer, right? Like, the first time around, I did not have disciplines in my life to combat this sin. I did not have the disciplines, right? Like, I would continue to scroll on Instagram at 2 a.m. by myself. Like, that's a recipe for disaster, right? And so, but the biggest thing for me was when I decided to turn everything around was it wasn't that I decided, right? It was the Lord gave me an opportunity, right? So the biggest moment for me was early this year.

he was when Charlie Kirk got shot. I remember sitting in our, in, in the house, I was by myself. I was on the couch and I was working and I remember when the news came on and I saw it and I just went, oh my gosh. I was like, I was like, Charlie's like dead. Like I remember seeing the video. I was like, oh my gosh, he's dead. I remember just looking at myself and being like, what am I doing with my life? Like genuinely, what am I doing with my life?

I'm like, Charlie answered the call, right, that the Lord put on his heart, right? And he lived that out. And I looked at myself, like, Lord is getting me this. What am I doing with my life? I am choosing to live a certain way, contrary to what God's will is for my life. Want to keep God's word with you wherever you go? The King James Bible Study KJV app by Salem Media

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And I remember being like, I need to confess to her. I need to tell her. Right. And I did not want to. right i was so scared right because i knew everything the sheep thought of me was going to be thrown out the window right and i just remember literally sitting there i remember being like lord i can't do this i need you help i just remember that moment he said he was like scottie tell her i got this right and so i remember i was like driving back i'm just i'm in tears but i was like yes lord right and so i remember later

that night i called you and i told you again right and you were just like you know scottie i love you right mom said the same thing right and honestly it's i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry and honestly in that moment, I did not realize that things were going to be different. I did not realize in that moment. Right. I just thought, oh, man, I got to go through this again, right? Like, I go through this again. So I remember telling her was the hardest thing that I've ever had to do in my life, right? But I just thought, oh, man, all I got to do is get rid of the porn again and I'm going to be good, right? All I got to do, right? This is a quick fix, right? Wipe my hands clean and I'm good. And I remember shortly after I started going to therapy, right? At the bio-counciling center, I started to go to therapy. I remember my

therapist asked me a question and he goes, Scotty, what's going to be different this time? And I remember it hit me. I was like, what is going to be different this time? Right. And I remember something you've always said. You said it and talked about a bunch of different things. You asked like, what's your definition of insanity? You said, you know, definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and

expecting a different result. And I sat there and I'm like, I am insane and I am a fool. I'm insane and I'm a fool to think that if I just do what I did last time, that things are going to be different. Things are going to be different, right? And so at that time, I remember just really praying and asking the Lord, like, what is going to be different? Lord, show me.

I need community, right? And right after that, the Lord, show me this group that's at Bioa. Right. And if you're watching this, you're a bio student like, and you're a guy, right? Please reach out to me, right? Like, this is a great resource that by all right, to have a bunch of other men, right, that are choosing purity. And one of the biggest things for me, right, was what is going to be different, right?

Like, am I just going to, you know, stop watching porn and things are going to, you know, things are going to change right? I'm going to be able to get everything that I lost back. Like, no, that's insane for me to think that, right? Like, if you're a drug addict, you're just insane to think that. That was the biggest thing for me, right? And so one of those verses was Loop 9, 23, through 24. And it says, Jesus says, if anybody wants to follow me, he must first deny himself daily

and follow me, right? Pick up his cross daily and follow me. And I was like, I'm not picking my cross up daily. I'm not surrendering my sin daily, right? I need to get to the root of the issue, right? Why am I watching porn? Right? Why am I continuing to go back to this?

Right? And it was not just a stop of the finger I saw it. It was a slow progression of the way the Lord showed me. Wow, Scotty, you're so prideful. You think it's all about you. Right? I lacked all humility. Right.

was insane. Like I was in, like, there's no other way to put it. I was insane. And if I didn't, if the Lord didn't reveal those things to me, right? Honestly, there's a good chance I'd probably be watching porn again right now. It just would be. Right. And so I saw, right, what are the disciplines that I'm going to enact in my life to not exactly just overcome this sin, right? But give it to the Lord. Right. I'm like, I wanted to get in my Bible daily and pursue relationship with the Lord. Right. Like, I'm telling you right now, I start missing days reading my Bible. I will go back. right and that was a big discipline in my mouth also i'm not scrolling on my phone late at night anymore right i'm putting my phone aside and i'm reading before i go to bed right like i'm not wanting to

invite the lord or you know invite the enemy into just like having good toll on my life right and there's so many other disciplines that i've enacted in my life but the biggest thing was is just looked at my son and said what is going to be different this time right understanding that i was not humble whatsoever, right? I was so prideful, right? And I think one of the biggest things that I saw is I saw the way that my sin not only affected me, but it affected my other relationships. Tell what gives you the, just the courage and willingness to share this so publicly because there's a lot of people who would be like, whoa, this shameful, you know, Corinthians, First Corinthians talks about it's one sin you couldn't against your body. You felt

this weight that was on top of you. and, you know, in some ways, your mom and I have talked about how you have so many similarities with Papa Josh, and he shared some hurts and broken this in his life long before other people did about having an alcoholic father, the way he was sexually abused. You know, he's been really open in some ways. I think it probably is some of your wiring the way just God has wired you. But why are you speaking out and willing to share. share this publicly. I think you asked me to do the show more than me asking you if I'm not

mistaken. Is that right? By the way, I think I said you're willing to. Tell me why you speak enough about this? For me, because I know that I'm not alone. Right? And the Lord, my spiritual gift, the Lord is giving me his boldness. I am not afraid to share what I'm going through. Right. Like when I was going to therapy, I remember the guys, you know, the therapist was like, oh, hey, like, I'm not going to be able to share anything. I just like, I kind of laughed. I was like, man i really don't care if you tell anybody about this like i'm not going to tell you anything that i don't tell other people like i'm not hiding anything right and so the lord has given me spiritual uh state of boldness right and i'm like i am going to share right because i know that i'm not alone right i know that there are

a ton of young men out there right even older men right that are addicted to porn and don't know where to go and one of the things right is that you know all it says in romans you know for all have sin and fallen short of the glory of god and i've seen the way that the lord has been there with me since day one and show me that there is no better choice than to follow the will of the Lord. Right. And one of the biggest things it says, right, in our first decedal in four, it says to abstain from sexual immorality, right? For it's the will of the Lord for you, right? And so for me, I'm just like, I want to walk in the world of Lord.

What does that look like? It looks like abstaining from sexual immorality. It looks like, and Craigney is talking about fleeing sexual immorality, right? And so one of the reasons why I'm so passionate about sharing is because I know that I'm not alone. and the Lord has given me a spirit of boldness. I want to be able to help other people, right, and say that I am not alone, right? And also, this comes from a place of humility, right?

Because I've seen the way the Lord has transformed my heart. Literally transform my heart. There's no other way to put it, right? And I don't want to go back, right? I saw the weight of my sin and the way that I was treating people the way that I was talking to people, right? I want no part of my own self, right? I want to continue to choose Christ.

Right. But I go back to it, man. I was insane to think if I didn't change anything in my life, if I didn't rely on the Lord's goodness daily, and also sinning in my sin. Right. There's a certain level of you don't want to, you know, sit in the shame, woe is me versus I've sat in the weight of my sin and seen decisions that I've made in my life and saying, that sucked. I want no part of that again, right? Which is why, you know, God's rules and commandments. Like it says, you know, in first John, that the greatest. this, you know, love is to obey God's commandments, right?

It's because God's commandments keep me safe, right? They keep me and want me to walk in the world, work against the Lord knows best, right? And so that would be the biggest thing for me is I've seen the way that my sin affects other people, see the way that sin affecting myself. And I want no part of that. I want to choose Christ daily. Well, I am super proud of you, buddy.

I think God has commissioned you for a time like this through this interview. And if you join this, you're a parent or you know a young person who needs to see a young person who's been honest and open about this and willing to share. Think about sharing this. I hope God continues to give you a platform to share this because it's needed. And God's, he's made you a leader, buddy. You're bold and you're clear and you're willing to speak up. And what's the reception been? Last question, is you shared with others? Is there a sense? sense of like, hey, good for you? Or is there a sense of like, I need that and openness and a recognition of kind of the entrapping power of pornography? From day one, the Lord, like, has just given me opportunities to share, right? Like, whether it was with my team, whether it was just other bio students, right? Other people, right? I've, like, been giving me that platform. And all the response has just been, A, has been grace for me. Right. But a lot of people have been like, man, like, I struggle with that too. Like, I need help. Right. And

that's how I know like I am not alone right and so the reception has been so good but it's also been encouraging to me that I am not alone right and that I'm able to walk through this not by myself because you cannot walk through it you mentioned earlier right like we're made for relationships not even just with boyfriend or girlfriend right but with relationship just with brothers right and being able to walk through this with other people right who are holding you accountable first time around I was not accountable with anybody right I did not have any accountability right but now I'm walking through with people who are my age, right? We're going to do the same thing.

And they're able to speak life into me, and I'm able to speak life into that. Love it, buddy. Really appreciate you coming on and sharing this. Let us know, I'm starting to do some live streams in 2026 and thought about bringing a Scotty on one time. We're going to do a few Tuesdays. And bring on some Talbot professors with bringing my son on answer questions and answers.

Let us know if you want us to do that together on this topic. and others. Make sure you hit subscribe. We've got some other shows coming up like this. And we'd love to have you. The Accollegeist Program at Top School Theology. By the way, I teach a class on a biblical view of sexuality, which we go on with this. So that's interesting you. We'd love to have you in the program. Skydy, thanks for sharing, man. Hold on. Thanks for having me. Hey, friends, if you enjoyed this show, please hit that follow button on your podcast app. Most of you tuning in haven't done this yet. And it makes a huge. difference in helping us reach and equip more people and build community. And please consider

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