The Shane Dawson Podcast - 😱Conspiracy Theories and Emo Takeover!❤️‍🔥

Episode Date: September 5, 2022

In this episode Shane and the guys get EMO as they travel back to 2008 to relive their Hot Topic past! We’re coming at you with some intensely awkward experiences, reactions to new cringy Tik Tok trends, and enough Conspiracy Theories to turn your hair straight! Grab your eye liner and fingerless gloves cause we’re heading to W@RP TOUR!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh my god, I just kind of choked on my lip ring. That's like the most emo phrase ever. I don't think I've ever done the emo voice. Is it just not trying very hard? That is so good. It's just like, what's the point? Why don't you just stay in front of my camera, Chris, I'm too ugly to look up? I don't know who the laptop is.

Uh, you don't really need it. Okay. Just fake it. You could use your phone if you have your phone. Whatever. No, you look fucking good, though. Like, I'm not gay or whatever, but, like, I would fucking suck your dick for sure. Like, all of you guys.

You look pretty weird. Cool. Like, I'm not into, like, incest or anything, but, like, you know, fuck it, you know. Whatever. I'm totally flattered. Like, the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me No, like, I love your music And, like, I would, like, do weird stuff with you

Dude, like, I love your early stuff, dude Like, I like Green Day before Duky Yeah, after that they were so out of sure Yeah, like blink way before Travis was the drummer Oh, yeah I love people that do that No, for sure. I went to Warpter.

Very cool. Oh, I have so many questions. Many of times. I was just scared. You never went to Warp Tour? I mean, like, I played there. But like, no, I never went. Because every time I saw a picture on MySpace, like, people had blood on them.

And, like, there was people in wheelchairs being, like, thrown off stages. And I was like, this is too much for me. That's the bastard. Hey, what's up? Oh, sorry, fuck. Hey, what's up, you guys? Welcome back to whatever the hell this is. Uh, yeah, it's a special emo edition.

Uh, by the way, like, we're not mocking emo culture. Like, we are emo culture. We started emo culture. And, like, shut the fuck up if you're mad about it. Dude, love is when hurting him would hurt you more. Uh-huh. Don't ever fucking tell me. I'm not emo, bro.

For a second, I thought you were saying Hurtingham, like it was a band. And now I'm thinking our band should be called Hurting him. Hurting them. Actually, on that note, I do have an emo band generator name. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, so all we have to do is type in our favorite word. Okay. And it's going to generate an emo band name.

Oh, favorite word, pussy. What? So it just is an emo. I know. Sorry. That's a weird favorite word. It just kind of is, you know. You love what you don't have.

Oh, I mean, yeah, bro. That's very true. All right. So, pussy. Let's see here. So if you were, if pussy's your favorite word, they're recommending, they're recommended, pussy Brazil, small pussy love, real pussy some, foxing pussy circuit. That's it. That's the one.

Oh, my God. Pussy alkaline heroes. Black Pussy 20 Brave Pussy Republic Oh that's a candidate These are just ripping off other emo band names Really? I didn't know any of them What? Okay

I'm still a fan of hurting him Okay before we get into our pussy bands Let's talk about what we're wearing And by the way, I have a song Yes This comes from the same queen that gave us The hit song Ryland's Recap I'm expecting a lot

Let's see if you can do emo Fashion update What's he wearing What's the outfit for the day What's got Jared looking sexy Why does Chris dress oh so gay What dumb shirt did shame by now That's why his money's gone away

Fashion update what's he wearing What's the outfit for the day Fashion update fashion update Fashion update That was Wow That was a banger Oh my God

Kind of offended the only one without a shout-out. Oh. No. Oh. I mean, I just got called gay. Right. Which is, thank you.

It's accurate. To her credit, I gave her ideas. I didn't give her lyrics. I was like, well, Chris is gay. Jared dresses like sexy every episode. I waste a lot of money on clothes. I guess I forgot to give you something. Oh, I'm sorry.

You're gay, too. How could she forget you, though? She wrote Rylan's recap. Honestly, you know? She probably was like, I don't even need to mention it because Ryanlan's recap so iconic. Like, he already has his own song. Okay. Very true.

Whatever. Very true. I can't believe that I haven't said this yet. I have a new microphone and it's fixed. Whoa. Whoa. Thank you. Listen, I wanted to elevate a little bit because, look, Ryanlin got me these little

microphone things that have the Shane Dawson podcast logo on them. But if you're an audio listener only, check out the video. Yeah, so we have the Shane Dawson logo thingy on all of our Microphones. It looks so classy. Hey. Wow. So thank you.

Um, yeah. And, uh, Jared has a lot of jewelry. I got on Amazon. Well, I don't know if I'd call it a lot, you know? These, these are like mainly my Saturday pieces. You know, meant to just like ground me to my core. Um, those look slightly Johnny Depp, just a little bit. Wow.

I stand with you. You heard? Weird, because I just shit in my bed. So, uh, connection. Hey, sorry to interrupt the show, but we have a special announcement. We have merch. Woo! I didn't mean to do that.

I didn't mean to do that. I can't believe we have merch. It's so exciting. I'm, uh, okay. Oh, where do I start? Okay. So for mine, I have this hoodie, which says, hope you enjoy whatever the hell this is. And it has it on the sleeves. Matches my hat.

And then last night, Chris was like, oh, if people don't watch the podcast, that could also be like, you know, a gender thing. And I was like, oh, it kind of is. Hope you enjoy whatever the hell this is. It's kind of fluid. Like if you weren't aware of the podcast, you just saw that on the street, it could be a lot of things. And it's blue and pink. I like literally did not put that together.

So I love the inclusivity. We also have the conspiracy club shirt that Jared and Rylind are wearing. And then you can see Chris is wearing the purple hoodie, which has the leopard print, which I've been really into lately. neon Illuminati and a little logo of the podcast and then on the back

you can see on the alpaca or Chris will turn around and show us the last. Oh, oh no it shows that wait what?

What? I didn't say anything you'll see the conspiracy club logo Wow, I feel like that's the classic

Shane Dawson podcast hoodie. Lid. This hoodie feels amazing. Thank you. It's like really soft.

It's really nice. Thank you. I went through so many approvals because I just like want to make sure everything's top of the line. Dude,

that's two years of R&D. Oh yeah. And Rylan is wearing And the Apaca The Hope You Enjoy Whatever the Hell This is tan hat And I've worn it all day long

I love it so much It really is going to be my new dog walking hat So hopefully you guys Check out the merch Shanedoss and merch.com It's on sale now And I hope you like it Can I say something positive about your merch

That you can totally cut out? I just like I own other of your sweaters And like they're so soft And so nice And like I've spent like a bunch of money on sweaters On like Hot Topic and other places And they're like very cheap and thin and, like, fall apart.

Hey, don't... Come on a hot topic. Sorry, bro. But, like, you, like, have, like, really quality sweaters. It's not a thing that's, like, talked about. It's very important. You have, like, nice merch. It's comfy.

Oh, thank you. Yeah. Well, now we all have nice merch that's comfy for the podcast, and, um, hope you like it. I got to say, I rarely just get a shirt and it's comfortable. I usually have to do a bunch of, like, a bunch of that. I've learned how to do without getting pinch marks. Me too. Luckily.

Oh, my God. Me too. Right? Expert. grab don't pinch oh yeah you got a bunch from the bottom pinch it up there's a method to the madness but no this is a really comfortable shirt i like the length of the arms i mean it's it and all the notes yes long sleeve short sleeves that's my jam and yeah sorry that there's no grower merge i really wanted to do something with grower on it and then i just like i didn't have the strength i don't know i just feel

like it's weird but maybe if you want that let us know pretty bold to like wear around town you know What if you have a grower and a shower? And then people... Well, I want to use a lot of girls listening. And a lot of girls are like, my boyfriend's a grower, and I love him. I wanted to get like, I'm with a grower with like an arrow. Okay, because that's going to make them feel great when they're in public with their boyfriends. The boyfriends are going to be like, I don't know.

Oh, you're right. But this merch that we're wearing is great. Yeah. Shane Dawsonmerch.com. Get yourself some and look like us. Wow. Good job. Yeah.

Enjoy the rest of the show. I actually have. a question. Chris, you were actually emo, right? Like, you showed me pictures before this, and I was like, I wanted to beat you up and then suck your dick. Which... Thank you.

Dude, that sounds like an emo mosh pit. I'm gonna punch you and then suck your dick. I mean, cry about it. I just feel at home, like, this just, this just feels like, this is how I dressed for 10 years of my life or something. Like, this feels very... I sent

a picture of myself to my friend and they were like you just look like yourself in high school like they thought it was my clothes like they didn't even know that you bought clothes and honestly i'm not just saying this this is the best you've ever looked thank you i'm serious i love i mean i yeah i love like punk metal i was in like three different bands i sent you a photo actually doing what uh i played bass guitar and screamed and sang you were doing screamo well screamos it's on genre i never did that punk and metal He just said you were screaming You don't scream only in screamo

Okay That's its own genre All right I just left Okay He just He just started doing that Levo

So wait hold So it's like The use They like go in and out of screamo But they're not screamo They're emo Yeah they're just emo Screamo is like a very specific

sound But in the photo I sent you I was in like a punk band At the time What was it called? Upset stomach that is painful though and like they wanted the photos to be real punk and like authentic

and so they were like we're all going to throw up in our punk in our photos in our band photos because that's punk rock okay that's my high school experience and I like couldn't do it I couldn't make myself throw up and I finally did and like I like blue chunks and then like the photographer only snapped the like last bit where there was like almost nothing left and I was like that was for nothing and not real it was real throw up because that's punk rock

Okay. First of all, bulimia is not punk rock. It's a lifelong struggle. We'll talk about that later. Second of all, Blue Chunks, iconic band name. But it's B-L-U-E, just like a spin on it. Whoa. That's iconic. I miss those days. Good time. Jared, what were you in high school? I dressed pretty much the same I currently dress, shorts and a shirt.

Costco King. I would say Costco King. Those memberships are expensive. There was like two years there where cargo shorts were cool. But I was more into punk music. You know, emo, I don't know if maybe emo was a little bit after my time. I'm getting the genre is confused. So punk rock music, I believe emo music is more or less, and Chris, correct me if I'm wrong, but it's very like it's about being antisocial and being sensitive.

And like every other song is how you broke up with the girl. and like she doesn't deserve your love. Yeah, fuck that bit. You know, where punk music is very anti-establishment, where punk music is like, fuck the government, you know, get wasted, beat people up, you know. I guess the biggest difference is in a punk mosh bit is just beating people up without the dick sucking.

You know? It's just straight violence. Okay. And, you know, I played drums. Oh, I forgot about that. You're good. Yeah, you know, better than people that don't play drums. Wait a minute, I can kind of sing, you can scream, you can play the drums.

What can you do? Gymnastics. You can do gymnastics. Perfect. We need to start Blue Chunks. Blue Chunks. You play drums in a punk band? I mean, it was me and a friend of mine that played music.

We never actually got on stage. That's cool. But we put out one demo that one copy exists and we called there our greatest hits. Where? Where is it? Because it was. Where is it? I don't even know where it is.

Does it exist on YouTube? No, this is pre- YouTube. Wow. But yeah, I mean, I did the drums and the singing, and he did the guitar and the bass. I fucking, you just unlocked a memory for me. I remember your singing voice. You can actually sing. No way.

And you kind of sang in like an email voice. No way. I want to hear this. I'm freaking out. Wait, we have to start blue chung. I mean, I'm all about blue chunks. I love it. I had a hamster named Pughke when we were younger.

So I mean, it's... Honestly, Shane can write a song. It's like a tribute band to him. Okay. You're a great writer. We're doing this. This is literally happening and we need to perform live. We need to do it.

Speaking of you writing songs, I just very recently, my boyfriend didn't know that you had made music in the past. And I was like, oh, we have to go through all the hits. And so I played in the every... I love Christmas time because his Christmas songs are my favorite. And I can't wait until we have kids and they can hear your Christmas music. Yeah. How do you feel about that?

You look kind of excited about it. I don't know. Maybe one day I'll come out of retirement. Who knows? You know, just wait. I just blew a booger out of those. Oh my God, yuck. Did you see it?

You know what? I don't even fucking care, though. Oh, no, wasn't a booger? It was my nose reed. You got to fight it. Oh, no. We can't have our dogs joking on us. Tippy, emo, did you have to also be emotional?

Like, or could you just like the music? Well, I mean, emo is short for emotional. I know, but And like most emo kids were like Sad boys But like punk kids were not sad boys They were like angry I wasn't super sad but I really liked the music

That's okay You're a poser Oh my god I'm just kidding I'm just kidding So life update We'll start with Jared Because you've had the most chaotic

I think Experience since we last saw you You got the Rona bro Bro Cron, brah. But the COVID isn't even the worst part of it. You said because you got COVID, something happened. That has changed your life.

Oh, man. I was super heavy into, like, slamming Thai crunch salads before I got it. It was serious, dude. I think we talked about it last time. And, like I'm wet. And for some reason, during the fucking Nemmerichron, I just had no craving for tight crunch. and now just thinking about it almost makes me a little bit sick

I tried to get one when my appetite was coming back and it took me like two days I had to power through something that before I would eat three times a day no problem okay now I'm not a scientist but and I haven't talked

Don't under do it dad don't underserve yourself All right thank you thank you so much You know what no I am I have a PhD in the internet pretty hilarious dude thank you right pretty huge dick um sorry i didn't laugh after you start that was more of a of a respect like yeah he has a huge pain yeah this incest thing is getting weird um okay what was i say all right salad okay so i never talked about this because i anytime i talk about covid people are like you spread misinformation bro um but i will say since covid i can't have soda and i was drinking like

24 diet cokes a day diet root beers i was drinking hundreds a week and since covid i can't even think about soda it makes me sick it makes me want to barf and now it's been what oh my god it's been a long time it's since the beginning of the year uh-huh holy shit i i haven't had soda in eight months shout out covid Chris, you texted me saying that you had a really good story for the podcast, and it happened at the airport. Oh. And you sent a lot of emojis of, like, embarrassed wanting to die. Dude, dude, you're an emogee.

Oh. You are an emoji. Yeah, at the airport, I had my dick touched my TSA for the first time ever. It was very interesting. So I had to go through TSA twice for stuff because I showed up. I always show up extra early because I'm paranoid about missing the flight and whatever. And so I'm always there like an hour early. And I show up and I was like, I ran outside and it was like a million degrees in the valley and I was sweating.

And I like run to TSA and I get through. And I always have like all my cameras and everything. So it's really tough for me to get through TSA because I have to take all my cameras out and put them in bins and all like everything electronic. Right. So it's a nightmare. I finally get through. Everyone's mad at me. and they always stopped me because of my bag

and look at all my camera stuff and I did that and I made it through and I was fine but then I realized I left my keys and my lift Oh my god I was like no Oh bro So I had to go through the exit

Call my lift She was really sweet Came back on my keys Then I had to go through again The second time For some reason was way worse Than the first time And when I went through

I heard like a sound And I looked over And there's like a body drawing And like if there's something on you it lights up in red and there was a red box on my dick just like where my crotch was there you see the photo did you see like the outline and the size of your dick no it's like it's not a photo of you it's like a drawing of a person and like it just lights up on it doesn't show like your dick flailing no i'd be so embarrassed but i think about that but no so there's a red box on my

dick and i was like what what is that and then this guy walked up and he's like hey so i'm gonna have to inspect the genital region. I just want to make sure I have your consent before I do that. And I was like, what? And then he's like, yeah, and I'm like, why would that even happen? And he was like, various reasons, do I have your consent? And, like, was, like, very rush and pushy about it. And I was like, I guess so.

And I figured he just, like, pat around it or whatever. But he, like, pulled off my, like, my button and, like, looked. He, like, looked in my pants and, like, shoved his hand in my pants and was, like, feeling around my boxers and like straight out hard and he got like a handful of like just dick and ball bragging no no no like he just like he grabbed the full thing i'd probably get hard and was like reaching under in the gooch and stuff like why he was he looking for everywhere i guess because that's what wait where where was he doing this at right when you get you know the thing where you stand like this and it scans you because dude you can probably sue dude i think it's supposed to take

you to like a private room if they do that they have For consent? He said yes. He did ask for consent. It's true. Damn. But I got played. I figured just be dead.

Yeah, but bro, you're telling me the dude undid your pants and, like, did a full-blown flesh-to-flesh. Was he wearing gloves? Not flesh to flesh. It was on top of the boxer. Did he seem gay? Oh, that's gay. What does seeming gay mean?

It's quite the move, honestly. Yeah. What do you mean? You work at TSA? I mean, he seemed very masculine. He did not present as gay at all. But he didn't have any tails. But, no, but he, yeah, he just got.

I've never had that happen ever, and I walked out, and I was like, oh, my God, I feel so violated. I still don't understand why. And I texted. They thought he was smuggling drugs on his dick. For some reason, in the scan, again, like, it, there was something on my dick, and I don't know why, and I don't know what set it off. Do you have a dick piercing? You're a freak. I feel like you would.

I do not. I do not have a Prince Albert. A what? A Prince Albert. That's what they call. Wow. How do you not know that? Actually, though, on that note, uh-huh.

I actually put Dildo in to the auto-generator emo band. Oh, I thought you were practicing. Dildo came out with some heat, bro. Use Dildo Firefight. Whoa. All-American Dildo Day. That is iconic. See, but they're just playing off of all-American rejects.

See, but I don't know that. What? Some of the best. Native Dildo Whisper. That's, like, offensive and appropriating. that I like it. Whoa. I don't know if this is.

Saying you like a... Dildo reverse driving. That is iconic. Dildo apparatus. Scientific. Plamed Dildo punchline. Funny. And then Dildo Capital.

These are amazing. They got lazy a little bit on that one. I would rather just have quality over quantity. But yeah, there was some hitters in there for sure. This is actually a good idea for the comments because I feel like it could be fun to do some type of contest. So we should give you guys a word and then in the comments, you make up an emo band name with that word and upvote them and like tell people the ones that you like. And then on the next episode, we'll reveal the winner and maybe we'll write a song. We're writing a damn song.

Wait, what's the word? We need to all agree on a word for the band. We already did del doadone pussy. Oh, yeah. Prolapse. No. Something. What's our vibe, though?

You know, like what are we telling the world? I'm growers. We're growers. Okay, speak for yourselves. Put gross. Hemorrhoid. No, it has to be a fun. Dude, no bullshit.

Hemorrhoid was the first word I typed into the fucking band. We are like so tapped in. We're incestrial. Ew. Gross, dude. Should we just do penis? Is penis just like classic? Penis is good.

I think I might have it. Okay. Chode. Oh. Isn't that like a small dick? Or, no. A chode is the skin between your nut sack and your butthole, which I call them dirt highways. Ew, no.

That's the mud vein. And how do you spell chode? Because I'm fact-checking. Chode is C-A-H-O-E. Or we could go with taint. I always read. I've always heard it as taint. I like chode.

I always referred to like fatter, smaller, like shorter, but like girthier as chodes. That's what I thought were chodes, too. Well, maybe that's okay then, because it's like, it could be both. Urban Dictionary also agrees that Chode is a dick that's wider than it is long. Uh, chow drama. She tried to suck the chode, but had a hard time handling the sheer girth of it. Okay, stop reading your diary. Gertz is a good word.

Gerth. Oh, that is pretty good. By the way, out of context, but I do have an emo to-do list. What? Wait, wait, okay, hold on. These are things that emo kids do. I love that. I think we need to, let's settle on, actually, should we just do grower?

Because it could actually become her name. No, I'm not identifying with all of you as growers. What? I think girth is good. The girthy, like, what is that? Flat girth. You know what? Okay, we'll let you guys decide.

Gerth or grower or chode. one of the three. Have fun. Go crazy. Bonus points if you use one of those words, but extra bonus points if you think of a better one without those words. But then whatever song we write has to be along the lines of one of those, because that's pretty gross. Yeah.

And doesn't seem very emo unless we're sad about our chodes. It's an underserved genre for sure. Yeah. Nobody's talking about chodes. Have you guys ever hooked up with like a really thick dick? Yeah. Yeah, Jared. Jared

Not really my style Necessarily It's always Sorry No no Continue I apologize I love to know

I'm not shaming the thick tics out there But it's just pretty disappointing When it's like Like a brought worst Are you fucking chow shaming Yeah What the hell What about all

There's a lot of brought words out there Hey hey guys They're brats better okay you know what but there you know what listen if you're out there and you have a brought word there's probably a butt for you but there's not it's not like every brought fits every butt i think everyone okay but there is a butt for every brat yeah you know like i did that we can agree on a butt for every broad that could be our first single wait so are you saying that you have a history of a lot of brotworths because now i'm spirally no but if it's too like it's never

this is too far for the podcast you bought it up too far you all know where it's going just picture the conversation and where it goes in your head no i want to know i thought it goes in your butt what are we talking about right now i'm so lost you're looking at my to do last yeah okay wait what are you talking about what were you going to say no this is a lot sounds like you got a mouthful exactly moving on no you can't do that you know yes i can because you know where it's going everyone knows where it's going everyone knows where it's going. Yeah, if you pull somebody's pants down and it's fucking thicker than

LaCroix. It's not happening. Why? What? Yeah. Small than a fist. And you don't love him. That's right. Oh, I mean, I don't know. I've seen one where I was like, it's a shame we can never have sex. They say sumo wrestlers have

Pringle can size penises. Whoa. Yeah. Shout out to them. Honestly, it's a struggle for them. I'm a tiny person I can never. You guys just aren't committed. The flat girth movement is fucking here to stay, guys.

Wait, then what would you do, though? But, okay, but then would you rather have like a really, really thin one? No, but I guess size matters in a way. Are you a classic Cheeto or a Cheeto puff kind of a guy? That's a good one. That's a good one, right? If you love the person, you can make it work, but it's like work to make it work every single time. Actually, think, okay, first of all,

I wasn't nervous the first time that we were, you know, doing stuff. But now looking back, I should have been. I didn't know you were so judgy with that. I'm not so judgy with that. It's that if it's going to work or if it's not going to work. I wonder if girls are the same. This is when we should have a girl on the show. Of course.

No, yeah. No, I've talked to, I've had this conversation with Lizzie and she agrees size matters. In a sense of not even like what it's a preference to look at, but a preference for utility. Size matters to me in the opposite of most people. always talks about how they wish like I want a giant thing and stuff like I'm the opposite like I'm I'm a little person I don't want it to hurt like I don't I'd prefer smaller I think if we actually wanted to put our scientist hat on uh-huh we can probably Google search the top selling sized dildo and that would be a good let me look into it on the preferred size for for pleasure because I don't think all the women out there are buying fucking 12 inch dildos no what I'm saying like I think I think the pocket rocket rocket rabbit scoot like that out of sales footlongers all day i actually got an email from somebody to the podcast email which by the way if you have anything you want to talk about or any funny things or

conspiracies let us know um her name is brittany and she said you guys should discuss what vabbing is it's a new ticot trend yuck vabbing is where a woman sticks her fingers way up inside of her close to her cervix wait this is on tic talk i need to get on tic talk society off of this thing dude. Wow. Oh, my God. Oh, wait. Oh, they put their fingers in their cervix and they get the juices and then they put it on their pressure points of their body, like behind their ears, inside their wrists and on their neck. And I guess it's supposed to like release pheromones and like make people attracted to you. Chris's face. I hadn't seen it until just so yeah, pussy juice. Oh, pussy juice. That's a good band. And they put it on their neck and stuff and it's like perfume. Real perfume. What? Nobody?

It's herfume. Yes, herfume. Yes. We need to start a line. Dude, we just started like $8 billion empire right now. It's hard. Should we have a girl do it and then give us the results? We need to find a girl.

We do. We need to test dildos. We need to test vabbing. We need like hair and makeup. We need a vabber. It's like, guys, come on. I need my pheromones. Come on.

How do you circumcise a redneck? kick his sister in the jaw I don't help it she's been vaping but um but damn it what was I gonna say man what are we talking about?

Is babbing the word is babbing a better word for the comments for the bands Guys take a word from this podcast and use it how about that Yeah whatever you want Um Oh you were looking

Before we get to the emo list Gosh we really need to get to that Oh you were talking about dildos Yes. And the article I found seems super legit. All the popular dildo companies. And I was like, oh, the length seems right. And then I went down to the girth and I was like, this is not real. It was saying, okay, the average length that a woman buys is seven. But they say the average girth is four inches is four inches. So that would mean it's four inches. So that would mean it's two. No, like, if you measure, like, I think most dicks are like three or four fingers together, right? So I'm saying, you're saying it's measuring all the way around. It's not like four inches. Because four inches, that would be.

Oh, no, you're talking, if you had a measuring tape, you'd measure all around the dildo. And that'd be, uh, okay. But so I'm saying if four inches is the norm, that's probably about two when it's a circle, like two wide. I love math. Um, wow, good fact. Wow. Dildo fact. Um, okay, Jared, sorry.

Emo list, to-do list. Yeah, no, it's cool. Yeah, let's go through it. One of the things on the list is be sad that people won't let you talk about your last. Check, work. So, make a moody playlist. Oh, my gosh. Play with a Ouija board.

Oh, Shane. Update your wardrobe with more black clothes. Experiment with makeup. No. A little bit. Binge watch all your favorite horror movies. No. Never.

Yes. Carve a scene-themed pumpkin. No. Visit something haunted. Yes. Change up your hair. Oh. Gosh.

I think I do all of those. I'm so anti-emo. Yeah. So that's a to-do list. So I guess it's like you might be an emo if you do these things. Huh. Wow. I guess I am an emo.

I guess I am a poser because I really enjoy the music. Like could not love the music more. R-R. Do you guys remember that? Oh. I do remember that. R-A-W-R. R-A-W-R.

Is there a male version of vabbing? Ball sweat? I don't know. I don't think so. Would it be assing? Oh my God, I read an article, and this is true. Vapping? This is real.

This rich woman would make her, did I already say this on the podcast? I feel like I did. This rich woman would make her son jack off, and then she'd use the comma as face cream. You're kidding. Is that what Gwyneth Paltrow is doing? If you told me that was the Gwyneth Paltrow method, I would believe you.

Is it called like Gooch? Goop. That's not what that. Our company's called Goop. Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. That sounds nothing like taking sperm and putting it on your face. You know, if you... It's not that bad.

If you told me... If you take up the son and say boyfriend or husband, I would believe that this is Gwyneth Paltrow's Made in Voyage. We are not starting that rumor. Gwyneth, we love you. She has a candle called This Smells Like My Pussy, I think. I think so. She's going there, Dad.

She is. I happen to love that. I don't want to go with her, but she's going there. really want to smell that candle. Can we smell it on the podcast? Yes. Yeah, I'll I'll buy one for the next podcast. Let's see if it's still available. You ever heard that joke? A blind

man walks by the fish market goes like this. Hello, ladies. Wait, as a straight, is there truth in that? Oh, yeah. Yeah, dude. I mean, if they don't, it's like, do balls smell like shit if you don't wash them? Yeah. This tiny

ass candle is $75. Well, that's her pussy. You can't put a price on your pussy. It does ship free. That's a steal. That's a bargain. No, it's tiny. Her pussy?

And tight. Okay, she's a queen. Okay. She's got that tightening surgery. Hey, okay, sorry to interrupt the show, but I'm very excited to announce that we once again have a sponsor. And this one in particular, I'm very excited about because they sent me the product like, a month ago and i've been using it ever since and i love it genuinely love it this episode is sponsored by ridge wallet okay so you've probably seen these online before they're these little

thin wallets they hold up to 12 cards they have room for cash but the cool part about these wallets that i love and need is they're made with rfid blocking technology which protects you from digital pickpocketers so if you're like at the airport or you're out in public and you have your wallet on you somebody could walk by you and steal your identity steal your card it's actually happened to me before so your cards are in here and you're totally protected Plus, they come in 30 different colors and styles, including the Hennessy performance, the carbon fiber, and burnt titanium. I got the burnt titanium for myself, which is my favorite. It has this cool, like, multicol shift when you put it in the sun, which I love.

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With every dollar spent on their website until September 30th, you'll be entered to win a brand-new, upgraded Ford Bronco. Or if you don't want that for some reason, you can get $75,000 in cash. And the winner will be announced in on top. So to get your Ridge wallet and to enter a chance to win the Ford Bronco, go to ridge.com slash grower. It never gets normal. course use coupon code grower to enter so thank you so much to ridge wallet for sponsoring this episode and also for letting us use code grower thank you rich all right now let's get back to the episode hopefully you enjoy bye now there is one thing i felt like we should cover because it is an emo

episode and i feel like a lot of emo songs are about breaking up and like you know moving on with your life or like not moving on like talking about your breakup so i feel like we staying in it i think is what it's all about as I was saying it I'm not moving on not so breakups does anybody have any interesting breakup stories how did you get through it what's a craziest breakup experience you've ever had you know I I've only had a few serious breakup scenarios but the first one that I had that was very serious I met in Las Vegas and that was cool and I talked about getting DUIs and stuff in one of the last episodes this girlfriend of mine actually had two DUIs as well.

So as we were dating collectively, we acquired four DUIs together. And really, I think we just broke up because it was a bad combination. Yeah. You know, but in all seriousness, it was very hard going through the first breakup. I think whenever you break up with somebody, the initial thought is you kind of forget about anything negative and you just think I'll never find somebody that had all these positive attributes. You kind of blame yourself and I actually read something recently that says you never actually stop loving the first person that you fall in love with Because the first time you fall in love is the first time that your whole psyche is introduced to the concept So it's almost if you got food poisoning off of a certain food you're always going to associate that food with that experience

So whenever you think about like love and you have these deep feelings it's hard to distance it from like your first love. So that's why your first love is always so hard to, you know, escape and get away from them. But I thought that was kind of interesting. So who am I competing with, Shane? Well, okay, my thing is though with love. So first love, can it be somebody that you did that you like didn't even really date? I think it could be love to the extent of how much you can love somebody without ever dating them, you know.

But I don't think you can experience the full. you know, gauntlet of love and being in a relationship if you actually never experienced that part of it. Interesting,

yeah, because there was somebody who I had that feeling and then we, I thought we were dating, but we weren't. And then I still do have that thought of just like,

whoa, there is still that thing there. It's not, I'm not still in love, but I do still have like a weird amount of love for the person. Who? We're not doing this.

Yeah, I want to know. No, I'm not going to put that on blast. But, no, that is interesting though. But I would say you are

the most in love I've ever been well you're the only time I've ever been in love see that scares me that scares me because you're like what if it's not even that great and you just don't know it no I'm sure I I dated around a lot and I'm sure that I hated what I was not hated what I was dating but it wasn't something that I wanted to make long term because while I didn't have breakups I did have a lot of like guys following like I was never ready to commit I wasn't in a place where because I wanted to be complete as a person before I was able to give myself to somebody else and every time that it could have become something with someone I was the one letting the other person down and most

the time I didn't know how to do that so I just slowly distance myself which I know isn't great but like how do you hurt someone's feelings in that capacity it's very hard you know how you hurt their feelings worse you're doing that yeah that hurts a lot I didn't I never ghosted them but it like I would let it escalate too far and then I wouldn't it was like a tricky situation I do that I've I've been working on that a lot though in the last few years but like that was a thing of mine where I would have an issue with somebody and they wouldn't even know it and then instead of telling them I had an issue I would just like slowly stop talking to them and then eventually they'd be like what's going on then I'd I would be like mad at you for this isn't this and they're like whoa what the fuck why do you have a

list and I'm like I'm sorry I'm just mad and then it would be a blow up or it would be a weird distancing thing Not healthy at all. But I'm working on that. Chris. Dude, you can't let your balloon pop, bro. You got to let the air out slowly. You can't just blow it up and wait for it to all pop.

No, no, yeah. Right. Chris, breakups. I mean, you know,

I've only had really bad breaks. Well, and that's, okay, so, and I don't, you don't have to say anything you don't want to say, but there is like a weird elephant in the,

oh my God, sorry. Fuck. Oh, I did not mean it like that. I did not. Okay. Well, you guys have both had like life-altering breakups, I would say,

because you were in long-term relationships with people you lived with. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So. And you don't have to get into specific. But you can talk about, like, you, how you deal with that and what it's like to get out of a 10-year relationship. I mean, that's crazy.

I mean, it's, yeah, it's really traumatic. It's really difficult. And it's like, I don't know. I don't think I could have never imagined how. how painful and life-altering it would be leaving a 10-year relationship. Because it wasn't, my first relationship was a two-year relationship. And that felt like the end of the world when I left. And it took forever for me to get over.

I was cheated on in that relationship. And that, like, destroyed me mentally because, like, I always had trust issues growing up. And then that happened. And then I was like, oh, I'm never going to trust again. And this recent relationship ended really badly, too. And I keep, like, I mean, I've said a million times here and your, podcast and like everywhere like that it ended badly and that they did something badly and like I keep feeling the need to protect them and like it was 10 years and I gave my everything to

the person for 10 years so it's really hard for me to I still feel the need to protect them and sometimes I don't know why and sometimes I do and sometimes I feel stupid about it. Well I think there's a difference from protecting and caring for because I do like when I met Shane and something I really respected about you was that your feelings towards your exes where I spent years with these people and they were my best friend and they were somebody that was so prominent in my life. So even if it's not great in this moment, why would I go on talking like crazy shit or acting like they were a horrible part of my life when I chose for them to be so prominently in my life for so long? Yeah. I mean, you were with somebody for

10 years. Clearly you care for them a lot and you don't want to just, you know, but how did you deal with because now you're in a new relationship are you I mean the new relationship is really is so far the healthiest like best relationship I've been in by far um but I have brought over so much baggage from the other because again I was cheated on in I've been cheated on you know uh by everyone that's ever if this new person cheats on you and I'm just saying this rain to the camera if this new person cheats on you and I know who he is. I know his name and I know what he looks like.

I will go and I will cut off his dick. Figuratively because I don't want to assume. I just honestly like, but he would never do that. Like this is very negative and like very like I need a work on myself or even feeling this way. But like if I was cheated on again, like I actually think I just couldn't handle it. I think that'd be like I don't know. It would be really bad.

Okay. Well, if it ever happens, you're moving in and I'm making sure nothing bad happens. And also, you know who you are. I will cut off your dick. And what is the... Good. Legally, I'm glad the camera cut. Because I was just joking.

Okay. Yeah. Well, okay. Well, I'm proud of you, Chris, for moving on and trying to move on. And I love you so much. My camera's cut, but it's okay. We're just looking at you, baby. And when we come back, we're going to lighten things up a little bit.

Let's go have a good screaming session in the other room. What about your breakup? Oh, mine cut. Sorry, everyone's kidding. Our cameras are cutting. Wait. Okay, welcome back. The favorite part of the show.

Actually, that's a lie. I love the whole thing. What are you seeking? Are you seeking validation? Okay, this is very exciting. We have a Chris doppelganger. I was a breath. And is he single?

Have you done some research? Because there's a lot of people inquiring to get at Chris. Oh. So, and he's not available. I don't think Chris is his type. Oh. Well, I don't think this guy is Chris's type because Chris wouldn't date himself unless he was bigger. For the people that are hitting up Chris to date, they can hit up this doppelganger.

Oh, well, he's a very famous football player. Oh, probably not. What? But, okay, so his name, I haven't seen his picture yet, but his name is Sandro Wagner. And I got like three emails about this guy. Wow. Okay, ready? So let's see.

Let's be honest. I'm excited. I'm excited. Oh, whoa. Wait a minute. Well, if Chris did his hair like that. Wow. Chris.

When I get a fresh cut. Yes. I shut. I literally just looked over at you and it's that guy. Is it really? That is crazy. That's a handsome man. That is like very spot on.

What team does he play for? I'm very flattered. Oh, my God. He's a German football player. No way. Also, it's technically soccer. That is Chris when he smiles. Whoa.

Yes. The face movements are pretty spot on. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That is Chris when he's uncomfortable. That's when he's blowing a load. That's his orgasm face. Oh, no, there's his orgasm face. You go up. Is he right there? That one. Oh, my God. That is you.

That's you driving up the hill. Are you this guy? Maybe. I'll take it. Wait, should we see like that's everything. Should be a football player? I'm very flattered. I'm very flattered. This is my double gig. Oh, wait, really? Oh, my God. You do that face all the time.

that is yeah he really does oh my god this is you when you're confused I've never seen a more you you wait should we look up like an interview yes I mean see if it matches that is you oh my god that is you is it really well you know what no

now that he's talking I don't see it as much it's more in photos oh no no I'm sad but for a doppelganger it's not bad wait actually no that is you because now that I'm looking at it side by side because you're right in front of me that is you Wow And that looks like Ryland Oh my god

Yeah our hair lines are the same Whoa this is like an alternate universe Where Ryland's like hosting something in Germany And you're playing football Oh my gosh Chris We got ripped off being this version of ourselves Hey what the fuck That's mean

How glamorous does it seem to be a sideline reporter Over in where are they I think Germany Germany How cool Wow I'm so flattered Whoever sent that thing

you okay so that was the only doppelganger update we got unfortunately if you guys have more let us know but i did get a good mandela and i listen i what i have a doppelganger for myself oh it's pretty crazy what i literally i mean i might be flattering myself a little bit okay honestly though when it happened i was scrolling and i're glowing right now dude look how excited you are about this it is a compliment to myself i'm not going to lie but tell me that you don't think that this is me. Wait, I'm scared. I don't want to lie.

Okay. Here we go. Prepare. Jared Leto? In just this photo. I see it. Okay, none of you guys know. I see it.

I kind of see it, but this is literally like when some, like the girl is talking about in high school and she's like, oh my God, everybody keeps telling me I look just like Britney Spears. Nobody's telling me I look like Jared. Well, the reason I found this is somebody tagged me in it. But this moment, this freeze frame. Okay, we'll do the face. Maybe if you do the face.

No, I'm done with you guys. I was sharing something with you, and I got rude responses. I will find a good side-by-side for the edit, and I will let everyone else weigh in. In order to do this, though, can we actually get the picture of Jared Leto? I don't want to look at Ryland up here. You know? Please. Where's the Jared Leto picture?

Thank you. Wow. No, I actually, whoa, weird. I just looked over here, and I saw it. Oh, I can't with this now. No, you know what's making up for? No. Because you know that it's true.

No. It's really the long hair that threw me off. We're not looking at the long hair. Put me in a wig. See, I'm doing this right now. Uh-huh. It's like, Rylan. Hello.

It looks just like that. Whatever. Okay, I know. We're done with Mandela. I can't. We're done with glitches and Mandela. So what do you have for? Except when we aren't because we are not today.

I found a Mandela that actually shook me. And I know I say that a lot, but this one really did because Raisin Brand was my favorite cereal growing up ever. Riley's also shook by the mandelisle's like but wait that's not what I remember here you go Riley let him um okay what's on the cover of a raisin brand box raisins it's a raisin scooping fucking raisins what well for me it's a sunflower close if you were to ask me king of raisin brand you liked raisin brand oh I love it's like too much sugar for not enough taste Like, if I'm going to consume that much sugar, I'm going for, like, cocoa puffs or cookie crisp.

That's that much sugar. Okay. Well, it's not a serial debate. But, okay, if somebody were to ask me, which they did in an email, they said, what do you remember being on the cover of a raisin brand box? And I said, oh, it was a big sun with sunglasses and a scooper of raisins. It's coming back to me, honestly. Now, that exists, yes. Now, this is only going to be shooky for me, and I've already seen it.

Because none of you guys remember what raisin brand. got Raisin Brand stands. So this is for you guys at home. What if I were to tell you that the sun never had sunglasses? Fuck off. Fuck off. He always had sunglasses. I remember, like, looking at the box when I was eating it and talking to grandma,

and I was looking at the guy and being like, I wish my head could fit sunglasses. So I'm not that shook. However, I am remembering that I do like Raisin Brandt. It's a glitch in the Matrix The sun's eyes are too good to cover up with Sunnies No, he had some guys, I know he did. He's so cute! He's like a little taste of joy.

Nobody shook by that, except for me. No, it was great. Thank you. Okay, so I have an update on the back masking. Somebody told me about an app called Reverse Play, not sponsored, and you can say anything to this app and then play it back in reverse. So I started thinking we already did Yes, we can.

Yes, we can. Yes, we can. Whoa, it sounds even more so. But what if we do Dora the Explorer and we try it? Because remember when we played And then they reversed it and said, Hail Satan. But we put it into Final Cup Pro

officially and reversed it. Well, yeah, but I'm wondering maybe can we do it too? And then I started thinking, what if we try a bunch of things and see what things sound like backwards and what if we can make our own backman okay we need to try the shane dawson podcast wait i'm scared what if it's like something really bad okay i'll start dora the explorer whoa that was good that was incredible

okay this straight hair that's kind of scary dude that was creepy bro that was way too good okay let's play it backwards Whoa. I heard, I heard, like, sprinkles of Hill Satan, but I didn't hear Satan. It wasn't clear. That sounds like, like, help, say. Sounds like we're in hell. It's definitely not as clear. You play it one more time?

What did I do wrong? Why did it only work for Doran and not me? Well, was it Dora the Explorer, or was it something else, though? I did. Sorry, this may ruin it. No, what? But I did have someone on Instagram message me saying they did it with the real theme song, like from the show and they were like it didn't sound like it backwards and they were like maybe the one that you used was manipulated and I don't know if that's true

but that's what somebody said well wait hold on hail satan the voice let's see I heard Dorothy Explorer I'm gonna say heyle Satan let me see it real quick wait it's not really working

let me see okay so which one do I press start recording maybe you have to say in the exact cadence Hail Satan. Whoa, that was good. Okay. Hell Satan. Well, you played it normal.

Okay. Okay. Oops. Okay. Whoa. I didn't hear anything. We might have just debunked what we were once shook about. I did not mean to do that.

So this is like the reverse effect of what you wanted to happen because now I think Chris is right and the clip we had was manipulated. No, I don't believe that. No. Do it with the actual theme song Dora the Explorer theme song No we're not doing this The Shane Dawson podcast That's what I wanted to know

I think we're in the clear Yeah I think we're good It just sounded like It kind of said It's like knock it's malcneish Not close at all Sheen clams in a con yes Wow

Kind of Almost That is close That is a fun game That's a super fun game Play something Play it backwards We should get sponsored by this app

Wow I just want to see this one okay Okay I put my thing down Flip it in reverse set Yes Sure I knew about that when I was little

Okay I have Dora up here Let's let's see if they Record from this far away Okay I got it Then reverse Hell

Hail Satan It does still sound like it Why did it work It does still say it Play it one more time Super the Explorer Dora Let's all do it

Ready Dora the Explorer Gayest thing I've ever been a part of it Super game I sang a lot with this lockdown Okay let's hear it normal Dora the Explorer Please delete that

I came backwards. It almost worked. Wow. Okay, well, I'm glad that we debunked it and then we re-bunked it. I was a journey. Yes. Dora really took us on that. I started to believe whoever messaged Chris.

Wow. Okay, I saw this video and somebody sent me and I didn't Google it to see what it really was so it's probably fake but I still want to show it because it goes with aliens which I want to get into it in a second so this is a video that somebody sent me it was like they were anticipating it so what was that they said the sky was blue like they knew that it was going to happen Well, no, they started filming because the sky was blue And then the sky turned off Oh, what the fuck

It's fucking blue And then it turned off Yeah, but why would I ever film the sky And said, the sky is blue Because it's nighttime And the sky looked like it was a big neon light Yeah, I mean, I'm having I like to think about the logical things

That it could be Like one of them being, did something go in front of the sun Because in the video, you can see the sun behind it. No, that's a street light. Oh, that's a street light? Yeah. I mean, I am with you, Ryland. I think that this is a little bit suspicious.

However, what could it be? Could it be clouds going over the sun? Could it be? It's night. Wait, then why was this guy? So they're shook. That's the thing. They're shook because that's why they're shook.

Yes, they walk outside at nighttime, and the sky looks like a big blue neon light. And they're like, what the fuck? The sky is blue. And then it just gone. I mean, this is nuts. Sorry, I just imagine God up there, like... So, essentially, this is the Truman Show. A simulation.

That's what I'm saying. And then I thought about aliens. So we were talking about this before the podcast, because you came up with a theory, or I don't know if you read it somewhere, but it freaked me out. Because I've thought the same thing. Do you want to explain it? The one about the 411. So what we were talking about earlier is there's a lot of people that are talking about something called missing 411. And what it is is it's cases of people going missing at National Forest.

And it's a crazy amount And there's no explanation behind any of it So these people just go out to the forest They go missing They never find bodies They never find any kind of Any evidence that would prove That something happened to them

I get a lot of messages about it What I think it could be And it all kind of ties back a lot To like flat earth type conspiracy Where there was a gentleman By the name of Admiral Bird And he was in charge of something called Operation High Jump

And at the time it was in the 19th the government wanted us to go explore an article because there was murmuring that there was a like German Nazi Air Force bases up there. There could be UFOs up there. And people were using that as like land for war preparation, which is illegal. Okay. You know, because that, you know, no one owned that land at the time. So he went up there with this huge fleet of people. There was a lot of stuff he wrote about. But one of them is that there was UFOs up there, giving other countries information about technology so they could build, you know, spaceships and weapons and all of these types of things, all of these like technologically advanced ideas. And in order for a country to gain access, they had to give something

back to these aliens. And for the USA, in order to make the deal, the USA had to agree that these aliens can abduct X amount of humans like a year or whatever. But the stipulation was it had to be in a national park because that would be like the most easy place to conceal it all. That is so scary. So these aliens were given access to abduct

people as long as it was done in national parks. So it all ties back around to the reason these disappearances are so mysterious is because these people got abducted. It does kind of make sense. So many people go missing and there's so many stories of just people vanishing out of

thin air and it's like, oh, what if they made a deal with the government and it's literally like, what if it's even simpler? What if aliens are like, um, so we like to eat people and we won't kill the planet if you give us like a hundred people a year and then the government's like, okay, great, we'll take a hundred. Like, it could be simple. Yeah. Or what I believe maybe is we're like an experiment to these aliens and they're just coming to check in on where the experiment's at. Okay.

Because a lot of people believe these alien abductions also started when we started putting nuclear bombs up into the atmosphere. Because those nuclear bombs, you think about, you know, a shockwave, you watch those videos of a bomb going off and people's windows are blowing out like miles away. Think about when we throw up nuclear bombs into the atmosphere and we blow them up, how does that impact the galaxy around us? You know, and it's in shockwaves through the whole galaxy, and that was like the tipping point in aliens. We're like, oh, shit. Like, who's doing this? Oh, you know, like. So they kind of know where we're at in our stage of advancement because we're at.

at the stage where we think it's a good idea to blow shit up in the sky. Or you can say the government did it purposely to try to lure them in. Oh. You know? But maybe we are just experiments and they come back every so often to kind of see where we're at and, you know. Yikes.

I definitely believe in aliens. I think they have to exist. I think it would be crazy for them not to. I don't know to what extent they're abducting us, but I definitely believe there's something else in the ether than just us. Like, I would think it would be crazy to believe humans or it. Yeah, I think there has to be, but I think my definition of alien is different

than most people. To me, it's just like if there's anything living on any other planet, to me, that's an alien. So it could be like a little creature or, you know what I mean? Like any sort of living thing. So you're even thinking like an insect. Yeah, to me that's an animal. See, I think it. Yes. What would you do if I think about this every time I go to bed? I'm like, because part of me wants an alien to come say hi. No! But the other part of me gets scared, right? Because like, in the moment, I'm like, I want it, but then I really start to get freaked out. because what would you do if you're laying in bed and then you look and in a corner of your room

is a fucking alien like not an insect but a fucking alien and it's just looking at you and it's like Chris we've chosen you what would you do cry I would be so excited but yeah I'd be so scared and then I'll think about it and then I'll put my head

under my blanket or I'll do this and sometimes Rylan gets up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and I still like close my eyes because I'm so scared because I'm like oh my god what if it's What if we're getting killed? That's not a great thing for me to know that, like, a home intruder is coming in, and you're like, I'll close my eyes until I'm dead.

I would need the alien to approach me, like, an open space during the daytime from far away. So why can't be like, human, don't be afraid. You can watch the UFO coming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'd be like, then I'd be excited about the whole thing. But if it appears, like, a horror movie thing at night. I agree. I'm with you.

Speaking of out of this world, I think it's time for a recap. Let's do it On the camera action Ryland's recap is about to happen Ryland's recap On today's episode of the Shane Dawson podcast The Boys Make America Emo again Ooh

Okay simple but I like that Simple starting point You know Some girls put their fingers in their pussies And put on their necks Vabbing Vabbing Rylind learns a new term

coined Vabbing where women put their fingers in their pussies and put it where on their neck? Use it as perfume. Oh, it's perfume. I guess I didn't really learn what it was. Okay, so it's... What about more of like an attention ladies, new... Perfume?

Attention ladies, perfume alert. You can put your fingers in your vagina, dab it on your neck, and it's the best perfume around. Also free. Depending on your moisture level. Oh. You know, let's be honest. Some women might need to flick around a little bit

before they're able to juice up. So it's fishy, right? Oh. Is that offensive? I don't know. I'm gay. Oh, yeah. Jared confirms, you know,

Jared. His can smell like fish if they're not washed. Jared confirms, depending on who you are, Vabbing can smell fishy. Uh, oh. Oh, uh, uh, Chodes are actually big fat dicks and not butthole skins.

Jared is spreading misinformation that a chode is the section between your penis and your asshole, which we found out is completely untrue. It's actually a penis that's thicker than it is long. Oh, and it's called a dirt highway. What's a dirt highway? Mudvane. What? The space between your balls in here.

Yeah. Is a dirt highway. Yeah. Maybe attention traffic on the dirt. Attention. Pial up. Rylan learns that there can be a pile up on the dirt highway The section between your scrotum and your asshole

Ladies, if you're going to slip a finger in, make sure that it's not a dirty road I think they actually, and it's not sponsored, but I think they call it the Hershey Highway Oh, Wryl wants to be in the recap Oh, Jared and Shane are not incest Not at all No, we're very outcessed. Well, some commenters have suggested. that Jared and Shane seem incestual, the boys confirmed that that is, in fact, not a truth.

Strictly platonic brotherly love. They do not jack off near, next to, or around each other. Not anymore. Kidding. Oh, Rylan's a big gay poser. Oh, Chris said it. Chris exposes Riland on today's episode, calling him a poser since he wasn't actually emotional in his emo phase. I feel just feel bad now

Oh, we Merch Oh my God, we have merch Merch Merch Where of Abbin In a shocking drop How should I

A shocking drop In a shocking drop Shane and the boys Launched some new Shane Doshin Whoa Let me see how I can make it clean That was good

Launching new fabulous merch, Conspiracy Corner, Shane Dawson podcast, everything fabulous available at shayndausenmerch.com. Oh, and we have big sizes. Oh, and Shane reveals that he is size inclusive. He goes from extra small to triple X.

Bigger, I think 4XL. Wow. 5X. Very size. Five X. I'll keep adding the X's baby. If your ex isn't there, he'll add it. Oh, oh my God. Shane's in love with his ex. Oh, Shane and Jared both revealed.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I am not, no. No, no, no. It was something I read. The control room is weighing in, and Shane has revealed that his first love is his only love, leaving Riland to question everything. Oh, we're starting to band.

Oh, my God, what was the name? I don't remember. We don't know yet. It's up to you guys. We got chode, testicles. scrotum, squirt, squirt, moist. In exciting news, cellulite, whatever word you want to use. In exciting news, the boys have announced they're starting a band.

You will not believe this emo sensation that is about to hit the airwaves, but we need your help in determining our band's name. So hit the comment section below with one of the grossest words we used on the podcast today, and we will make a band, make a single, and an album. Coming to a city near you. That's a lot of promise. I'm down to commit to like a three-song EP Whoa

You say out that's a lot of work Jared confirms a three-song EP And Rylind confirms a national tour Oh Chris got Oh Chris got his dick touched at the airport And he's still shook Super violation news

What would it be called? Yikes Do you feel the urge to jack off after that In shocking news If you didn't think you could get touched at the airport, you can. Chris reveals that the TSA touched his dong. That's true. Touching sack all day.

TSA. Okay. They didn't need to grab it the way they did. I'm just, it was a lot. Oh, he's really heard about it. Although he gave consent in the moment, he's rethinking and is not okay with it. TSA, watch out for a lawsuit. Oh, wow.

Lights camera action It's time for legal action Rylin's a penis What did I What something about me Jared recovered from COVID Oh yeah I had fucking COVID

And love to taste Oh! The boys have revealed That COVID has not only changed their taste palette but completely wrecked their favorite dishes. The Thai Crunch salad has gone missing. The Thai Grunch salad has gone missing. The demand has gone down, and restaurants are going out of business.

Well, now I feel bad. What'd you do? If I was the only one eating them. No, you turned me on. The other night, Shane was ordering food. Whoa, this just did. Jared turned Ryland on. Woo.

Hot and heavy. It's not just the incest here, ladies. He's hot. And I'm heavy. Did you just call me hot? Oh, yeah, and I'm heavy. Okay, guys. All right, you guys.

Well, that wraps up today's episode of the Shane Dawson podcast. Make sure you're following us all on social media. And if you're not following the Shane Dawson podcast on Instagram, you're missing out on so much fun. Plus, you've got to get this hot new merch at shamedausenmerge.com. And we will see you in two weeks with a brand new episode of the Shane Dawson podcast. We love you very much. Good night.

Yay! Oh my god, I didn't play it again. Hold on. Wait, should we all... We should sing an emo. Lights camera action. Rylins Recap is about to happen. Lylands Recap. Who got a tear out. Wow, good job.

That was a really good recap. I love that. Oh, where you guys go. Hopefully enjoy this sick emo episode of the show. Make sure to follow us on MySpace and hit us up on Skitscom. And also, like, those are not my nudes. They're photoshopped. I don't know who did it, Heather, you bitch.

And, yeah, anything else you want to say? Yeah. Not, dead. Shame. Oh, yeah. And I hope you enjoyed whatever the hell this is. See you guys next time. Spirit fingers.

Clapping's rude. Who's Heather, by the way? Dunkin' whore. Oh, fuck Heather did. She died. Heavy. Rest in peace, bitch. She never could rest in peace.

Rest in peace. She's so dramatic. The boys are caught being insensitive about Heather's death, and now they are joking about death. Heather's not a real person. Just letting you guys know. Blame it on the aspartine. I'm not a part of this. Chris is not a part of it.

You know,