The Shane Dawson Podcast - 🔍Conspiracy Theories and New Fears UNLOCKED🔓

Episode Date: May 4, 2022

In this first test episode Shane is joined by his fiance Ryland, his brother Jerid, and his Cinematographer Chris for a roller coaster of a conversation. From deep diving in on Conspiracy Theories to giving out our controversial opinions we definitely kept it 100... well some of us 70. But we’re working on it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We're live. Thank you, Chris. Test take one. Game Mark. What are you calling it? It sounded like Gay Mark, or no? Yeah, like Game Mart? What?

What the fuck you're talking about here, dude? Game Mark! Wait a minute. Talk Chris? Okay. That mic is that. You look official, dude. I feel you look proper.

Thank you. All right. This is a test of whatever this is. How does everybody feel? Can you hear me? I feel positive. I can hear you. Okay.

And I'm glad to be a part of whatever it is. I'm here. Chris? I hate my voice. This is terrifying. Oh, I love your voice. Okay, everything's going? Everything's going.

Is it happening? Oh, my God. I think we're live. She has her notebook. Guys, welcome to the first test episode of whatever this is. There's tape on my microphone because I got the wrong thing. So that's what that is. Tumbling.

Do you have plans to air this? Yeah, I don't know. I might turn one of my many channels that I've abandoned into a podcast. Okay. Yeah, welcome to the podcast. We don't really know what this is, but I think we should go around and introduce everybody who's here. And what our part on this show may be? Okay.

I'll go ahead and start. Yeah, yeah. You start. You start. I'll start. So my name is Jared. And what I'm bringing to the table, almost like I'm in an interview.

When I'm bringing to the table on this one, I think I come with a very conspiratory perspective on things. Ooh, okay. I'm often as skeptic. I like to deeply analyze situations. but I also just like to shoot the shit and I feel like there's going to be some of that as well so I'm hoping to bring a dynamic mix

of all that in you know I just want to be just one of the ingredients in this delicious cake on a scale of being cancelled how scared are you? You know? Of giving your real opinions unfiltered I feel like the only way we can

stop the culture is to be uninhibitedly honest with each other right So, you know, I think as long as we just keep it 100, I'm not really too worried about it, you know. I'm going to keep it like 70. Yeah, 70 is safe, you know? I'm raw dogging it. I'm just going in. I'm barebacking.

You know? Dangerous. So Chris is. You got a sheath. So Chris, from his moan, you can tell. Chris is the gay one. No. Well, there's you.

Okay. Yeah. Chris is also gay. Chris, who are you? Hi, I'm gay. Diverse representation. Straight by gay. Honestly, the gay is leading the pack.

Well, Peruvian. You're Peruvian? I'm Peruvian and German. Wow, work. Okay, so Chris, who are you besides being Peruvian and gay? No, I'm your, I'm, everyone in this room's cameraman, except for here. I'm production for this. I'm lighting and camera.

everything behind the scenes and on camera which is terrifying because I hate my face and my voice but. Oh, I love your voice. I would say out of this group you are probably the most woke. I would say that in a way. I would say most politically correct. Like he is most

in line with the values of that in which would be a correct person navigating the world. Is that what woke is? You know, because I feel like I don't know. I feel like earlier because I want to, you know, I think it's an interesting topic but earlier we were all talking about things and that was brought up how chris is the most woke because he typically goes with what's politically correct i thought being woke was almost

the opposite but it is kind of right it is being politically correct depending on your political viewpoints or which view which political viewpoints is it aligned with to be woke we're also projecting on chris that he's woke he might also just be the quietest and not screaming his opinions at all time like me no no no okay here's what here's how here's why i'm say Chris is woke and we'll get back to introductions in a second I'll say it because we were filming a video at one point and I was really hungry and I was like I need grilled chicken and that's it and maybe a sauce and that's when I was like oh chick-fil-a obviously and then Chris was like I don't know about chick-fil-a and I said why and then you kind of like laughed but then it was like a serious laugh

so I was like what's going on so we didn't go to chick-fil-a because I was too nervous to talk about it was that why yes because I was like oh my god Chris is going to like a gay tantrum oh no I drive him straight through the Chick-fil-A drive-thru. He has no choice. You fucking fraud. That's what woke in. No, no. But that's the hell of the need? I can't have my grilled chicken because I'm killing you.

This is the difference. You're like asking, is everyone comfortable? I'm like, I'm going through the drive-thru. If you don't want something, don't get it. So you're like a casual woke. Because I mean, if you were really woke, you'd be like, no, Rilin, I'm getting out the fucking car right now. You can go through Chick-fil-A.

I'll go to subway. I'll eat there. Well, listen. But you do it. You end up going through with it. I have, I, for the record, I don't identify as, whoa. I'm sorry, I take it back. I don't know.

I was just thinking about they got to have some of the best sauce. Like the Polynesian sauce, which is so delicious, you know? And they're willing to substitute your drink for a nice coffee. Nobody does that. Which is generous. Although they've dropped the my pleasure thing. It's no longer their pleasure. And it used to be their pleasure.

I know that the CEO or like someone who ran the company at the time, like, pretty openly said he doesn't support gay marriage and gay people and that sort of thing and that was upsetting and uh and the company has donated money to multiple anti-gay charities some are just churches and things like that but some are like politically backed to things that like supported like prop eight like yes on eight and things like that the bill to get married and stuff like that but the CEO apologized recently about it oh thank god what are you look at him fact checking beep beep I'm going he said he apologized the CEO for all the anti-gay statements he deserves to be forgiven I hope okay you just want to eat chick-foot yeah and I think lots of gay boys do this is a lot I'm just wondering if they stop saying it's my pleasure because it seemed kind of gay you know it's like dude ain't no one else saying my pleasure guys like what the fuck they just say have a nice day generic Literally. Nobody cares. No one's banking on them to say it. My pleasure is just that's gay. Let's stop saying that. You know, we should stop saying that. I don't think you can say that's gay anymore either, Jared. I'm actually dependent and I'm leaving the fucking podcast. So I am not woke.

So that was a clear moment of unwokenness. Wait, but for the record, I don't care if you go there or if we go like I was speaking through the the third person perspective of homophobes that that don't chickfully they could they probably feel like I'm not offended okay no I'm not so what this is um is you know listen I did podcast for a long time because I really do enjoy the kind of conversations you can have on a podcast because it's longer you can kind of get into it you're not too worried about offended I mean at this point well you're the one you were more offensive than me so I feel great like at this point you can kind of do that and then I can just you know no but That's like saying, you're, no, because you're, you're in the end producing the podcast.

So if you're laughing at something awful, you're also co-signed. I can't get more canceled than I already am. So I'm at a point now where I'm like, let's just keep it real. Let's be honest. Let's have fun conversations. Let's bring in some weird guests and talk to some people that, like, I was so tempted, which brings me to my next topic, because I was very tempted to bring in somebody really misunderstood and controversial.

And I have a list. Oh my gosh, whip it out. Yeah. Well, one of, one of my people. was Caitlin Jenner just for a lot of reasons do you want me to pull out the DM where I asked her to come on my podcast what of course this was before she started running for office and everything she never read my DM Chris what are your thoughts on Caitlin Jenner oh um I don't know I mean as a gay Peruvian see you speak for the gay Peruvians out there what is the general

consensus on Caitlin Jenner I definitely don't speak for any Peruvians but he's he's woke because he said that like what even that was a test and you you're by far the woke like I would I don't speak for like that would be like me saying well I don't speak for everybody I don't eat disorder or like you know whatever my things are yeah I don't think this is a good conversation to be like debating who's the most what right it's like who's the worst person here Chris is like I'm great no we're saying you're great I mean like in the court of public opinion that's what we're saying you know thank you well those are introductions these are woke check whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa I was breezed

right oh right well we were talking about Caitlin Jenner okay well I'm engaged to the person who's producing the podcast yes and I'm just here for support thank you I'm trying so hard not to let my laugh is so obnoxious and I'm trying really hard what do you mean I have the loudest do you hear that I sound like a tea kettle it's very loud it's like a lot but that's what makes you you I mean you don't speak for everybody with a loud laugh but you laugh you laugh you laugh you for them. I've heard annoying laughs you know. Super quick. And I will

say yours isn't annoying. I'm holding back so much. Well, maybe that's what we should start with because I have a list I have a lot going on on this piece of paper you guys and I have a list of topics and ideas and segment ideas. But I think the thing we should start with first is our biggest insecurity about

doing this podcast and why we think it might be a bad idea. I'll go first. I think for me, I'm a little nervous to talk openly again about random things because I don't want to censor myself, but also back then I was trying to say the craziest thing I could to get people to laugh. And I don't really do that anymore. I guess I should, though, to be entertaining, but I just don't think I'm going to do that. Well, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm not going to be

screaming crazy things. Jared can do that. I'm in. So yeah, my big insecurity is I feel like maybe oh, something broke. A light shut off. It's okay. Where? I didn't see it. This is real. Is it just one of the back? Should I switch the battery? Yeah. You're fine.

Should I mute it? Perfect. Okay. So yeah, my big insecurity is that I'm going to be boring and that I'm going to censor myself too much and also that I'm going to say something that's going to get me in trouble and then everybody's going to be like, see, he hasn't changed, even though I'm literally 33, almost 33, four years old. So I've definitely changed.

And also not being able to get guests because I don't, but we don't really need guests, right? We have each other. But like, is Caitlin Jenner going to want to come? I mean, she's been doing a lot of things. I feel like she will. I feel like she will. She wouldn't come for me, but I think she'll come for you. See, I almost said something crazy, and I held back.

So I'm changing, because you were talking about Caitlin Jenner coming and we're like holding back. Just, you know, round of applause for Chris, you know. Round of applause for Peru. For Peru. Peru. What is a, give us a fun fact about Peru. For those of us like me that I, you know, I don't know fun facts about Peru. So can you give me one? I mean, I'm pretty sure potatoes come from Peru, which is not.

Not like, people think like Ireland and stuff, but I think they come from Peru. I'm not positive. I need to fact check that, but I think so. All our dishes are like potato based. You have a laptop there. So while Jared's talking about his insecurity, you can look up if potatoes are from Peru. My man just gave us a fun fact and is fact checking himself. You can't get more dedicated to the game than Chris is right now.

Chris, you're going to get Caitlin on this show. I already know. I'm excited about it. Do you want Caitlin on this show? Didn't Caitlin go on Ellen and say she doesn't approve of gay marriage? That was a while ago? I guess you have a list of things to fact check, Chris, and that's going to be one of them. I think her stance has evolved since then, but why can't we talk to somebody and have an open conversation?

I just have questions. I just want to know in a relationship, is she a hit it and quit it type of person? Or does she stick around for the long haul? I think she's longing for love. You know, because we don't know. We don't know who she's in a relationship with last. are you ready for the potato update you know yes tell us they originate from the wild andes of Peru thousands of years ago so they do come from Peru new no wow every episode I'd like a

new Peruvian fact oh my gosh and we'll make a theme song and it won't be offensive and oh my god we'll do our first live episode in Peru I would love that you'll become a Peruvian icon can you Google what Peruvian icons are Tara what's your insecurity uh really it's purely cosmetic okay It's just looking fat, but it's okay because I'm eating healthier now. So if anything, my biggest insecurity is becoming a motivating factor to get me to be healthier in life. Wow. So I can't really hate a lot on that. Do I worry about maybe saying something stupid?

Nah. Only because if you've been around me for any amount of time, I just say stupid stuff sometimes. You do. But it's all about intention. And I think the intention behind everything we're saying is just to be honest. Maybe there's some humor in there, but I'm never trying to hurt anybody's feelings. You know, I avoid walking on top of ants, you know? Me too.

I don't even kill ants. I don't want to hurt ants. I say sorry to dogs and cats when I bump on. I'm like, so I'm not trying to hurt anybody's feelings. But so as far as insecurity, so yeah, so over the course, you know, of the further episodes, I should be looking better, dinner. Same. you know so yeah maybe look good so weight loss challenge i'm doing it all right well you look good

thank you i wouldn't worry about it you're beautiful just the way you are uh riley what's your show insecurity my show insecurity well you and i fight more when we're on camera so like that's never good and then people think like we have a toxic relationship because we are always like trying to be the most entertaining we can be if we're making something and a lot of times that comes off as you and i picking on each other in a loving way but it comes up very aggressive i think it's fun and that's my toxic trait is i like fighting with you i mean only though when people are watching yeah it's not like we're fighting is my nightmare but i like picking at shane with my small annoyances throughout the day publicly you know it feels better that way sounds healthy what do you think chris at a curiosity

as the wokenest person here is that is that cool Is that like a, what are your thoughts? Seeing you guys from like an outside perspective, I can say that I think you're like a sweet, amazing couple. I see how in love you are. I see how wonderful you are together. Off camera outside of the fighting and stuff. And I think the only.

So when I see them fight, it's funny. Yeah. And we hide it from you, really. And I think the only reason it even works is because it's obviously a joke. Right. There's nothing funny about people really talking shit. Well, most of the time it falls on Shane. Most of the time people think I'm being abused by Shane.

No, go to any podcast comment. section we've ever had together it's like i don't i know because they're always team team me i wonder if your audience will be team you oh no there no here's the thing the way that he treats me oh my gosh here we go the way no and i'm just going to say there are going to be fights on this podcast because the way that you treat me it's like you poke at me on purpose to get me to snap no oh my gosh you're do you want to talk about a tiff we had the other night how do i turn down my sorry your voice is so loud and grating. How do I turn down my head? Oh, my gosh.

I'll just move my mic back. Or no, actually, though, how do I turn down the headphones? Well, this is the beauty of you not knowing how to work your own equipment. My gosh. I don't even know which one you are. Oh, no. It's a mess. Everything's a mess.

Um, Peruvian icon, Ernesto de la Cruz. From Coco. Love him. From Coco. Benjamin Bratt, who played Ernesto de la Cruz in Coco. Yes. We don't talk about Bruy, no, no, no, no. That's in Canto, but that's okay.

That's literally the wrong movie. This is the only song I know that's come out of the last 10 years from Disney, and I'm about it. Well, I'm good. What? We have five minutes. I love you. You know what you remind me of? Me and Jerry were talking about this before we started.

Have you ever seen Wendy Williams? A couple of episodes, not a lot. Okay. I'm Wendy in this scenario for so many reasons. You'll see me pass out at some point. So yeah, on Wendy, you know, she's on her purple chair and she's saying things that are offensive and awful. So maybe you're Wendy. And then behind the scenes is Norman. He's like the gay guy who's back there and he's like, when he's like offended and he doesn't want to get canceled for something Wendy says. He just goes, so that could be you. That's you. You're Norman. And then you're, who are you in the Wendy Williams show? Oh, my God, you're Suzanne. If any Wendy Watchers are out there, you know exactly why that is so funny.

Yeah, I'm like the audio tech. I'm screaming at Wendy to wrap it up to like, yeah. Okay. Well, on that note, Norman is telling us that we only have to do it. So we're going to take a quick little P break and we come back. We're going to talk about some controversial opinions from you guys at home. Perfect time for an ad break. If we had one.

Oh, my God, no. This episode is sponsored by me. Check out my merch. Jared, you have merch? Check out Jared's merch. Uh, no, but, you know, after a long, hard day, my balls smell like shit. So I use this lotion. I'm just, I'm just, this is just for people out there watching, I could definitely be the spokesperson for certain things.

Oh, I see. My balls smell bad sometimes. Uh-huh. Have you tried to manscape? The world would notice if I had fresher, prettier balls. and I think it'd be a huge huge play for anyone to get behind it okay

all right we'll be right back in all seriousness have you tried Manscapes of all the ocean Oh my god Oh wait are we were filming right Yes Okay I took my headphones off because I can't It's just too much noise in my head

But wait before we get to the controversial opinion segment Big news before we started recording From Norman Are we allowed to Okay are you sure this is okay to talk about he said because if you change your mind it's going to be a lot to edit out no i mean he said so okay wow this is big so okay as you guys might know if you watch the videos i'm obsessed with chris's social life chris is into what's the politically correct way to say it bears my type bears yeah chubs

cubs fat men thank you okay okay we got there uh all right yo you pop the cork on fat now we can say fat okay we're allowed to get nervous we're in a safe place uh we're in fat place um so you like bigger guys yes and i'm always i think the reason i've been fascinated about it and it doesn't make you uncomfortable when i ask you questions right no not at all you love it kind of yeah okay um makes you feel heard uh and seen the reason i like it is because i smashed it makes you feel smashed oh my god yikes you know i just like how my biggest insecurity is looking fat and the next topic is just all about fat dudes

why this is where Shane's going oh my god and one person's insecurity is another person's kink sure that's beautiful so now I'm feeling objectified prior to being in a relationship like when you're just seeking out porn to get off

you would search a bigger boy yeah Chubbs Bears yeah oh my it's the only thing I've ever been attracted to my first crush ever in high school was like a football lineman uh named chris hi chris um but yeah he's he's a big dude i don't know and it was just like the most turned on i've ever been in my life and so it's just programmed in you like liking boys yeah you that's what you that's what i would always say like what gets me to ejaculation is probably like what i'm into wait what do you

say okay we'll get back to that second because now i'm freaking out because i have great sex What are you talking about? Your brother's here. But listen, you literally, okay, we'll get to that a second. Because what, okay. I'm saying when I found out I was gay. If you're not looking at fat guys, we have a problem. Wait, what are you?

Yeah. I wouldn't say that you're a fat guy. Okay, we're not going to go there. Well, I don't think Ryland is the expert on the topic, though. No, sorry. Sorry, back to Chris. Chris, hi. So the reason I'm obsessed with it is because as somebody who was, you know,

400 pounds for a while, a long time, I thought nobody would ever like me I thought oh my god who only a serial killer is going to want to fuck me like that was actually in my brain I was like a serial killer is going to want to fuck me I'm doing the thing oh no I'm doing the thing saying things I shouldn't be saying but that was

what I was thinking and I was but I was kind of okay with it I'm like maybe I could fall in love with them and like you know anyways they won't kill me so if I would have known back then that there were somebody like you out there who wanted a fat guy are you kidding me I would have kept gaining way. Well, there's always been chubby chasers, but not in Long Beach, California.

Well, you just didn't know it existed for the opposite because, like, guys have always been into thick women. No, here's the thing. I love it. It makes me love you so much because, like, the fact that you're out there, like, trying to find the fattest. Well, I wouldn't say that. Kind of. You literally said to me, it was like a competition. You were showing me pictures of guys that you've dated and you're like, this one's bigger. That just happened to me. And then you were just like this is the biggest and I was like wow you're like so excited right it was so sweet it's also real like big in my opinion for people with big fat gay kids that are maybe worried about it because now that we don't worry there's people like chris out there they're going to really

for who you are one day um no but there's a whole community I mean there's a whole like there's a bear community like there's like chasers chubby chasers people like me who like bigger guys who are thinner guys and like a lot of bears tend to only like other bears which is very depressing when I was single. But it's like a whole thing. And like I always go back to like, you know, Sigfried and Roy, the like lion tamers? Like if one gay lion tamer can find another gay lion tamer, we all have somebody out there. You know what I mean? That was so beautiful. As beautiful as it was, it was kind of like, so who's the lion tamer? Siegfried and Royd, they're both. But in this metaphor, who do they represent fat gay guys?

Or like, what is it? He just means it's so specific. I just meant that if they could find someone okay I tried so no I thought it was beautiful the reason I liked it I just I was trying to understand it more and once a good you don't speak for all uh thing guys you like fat guys you don't speak for all of them no but you're my favorite one okay uh beside you this is what he always does wait so the reason we bring this up isn't to make Chris uncomfortable which you're not right no no about that not at all no so um this is kind of a big deal because you started dating somebody new and it's one of those things where every time we bring it up in a video or something I cut it out because you're like oh it's you're like I don't want to talk about my personal life

but now you said you're ready yeah you're ready to talk about it that's so fun yeah I don't know it's a complicated situation for all of us and I've never admitted that I'm seeing someone so this is also terrifying to me and because max is probably going to see this coming out of a 10-year relationship did your ex start like going to the gym or something or what happened What I'm just saying, ma'am, like, what was the problem? Okay, I always ask Ryan and I'm like, if my dick broke or, you know, if my face fell off or something, would you leave me? And so, which don't answer that because I'm too insecure. Well, I want to get to the bottom of something else after this.

But with you, if you're dating a thickie and he starts to lose weight, is there a problem? No. Not at all. Like, once I fall in love with you, like, I love you for you. and so it doesn't matter. Everything is saying makes me cry. That's beautiful. But truly, I mean, I wouldn't care.

If I ever need to say something, right, I'm calling you. Chris. Yeah, next time I need an apology, which will be after this podcast goes up, I'm going to hit up you to help me with that notes app. No. What were you saying? You're mad at me. Oh, well, Shane, no, no, no, I'm not mad at you.

I'm just saying, you were saying like, oh, if my dick broke off, would you still love me? Shane was trying to tell me the other day that guys' dicks break during sex. They do. And I just don't believe it. They can. If it slips out and then the person hits back on it, it could either flop this way or this way and make a break. Have any of you had a close call to thinking your dick was going to snap while fornicating?

No, but I mean, I've heard of it. I don't know if what I saw was in a TV show per se, but I don't think a broken penis would be like it wouldn't be a first. If your penis were to break, you wouldn't be the first person in history to break a penis. It's horrifying. It happened to me. You know, you'd be in a large club. would imagine. I just feel like if we were at risk of our penis breaking during sex, like we'd be much more cautious during sex. All of us. That's why I am. Because it's happened

to me where the person was doing, was there. And then it made a snap sound. No. And it hurts so much. And then the person, it was so traumatic. The person was on top of me. And, and the person was screaming, what did I do? What did I do? And like, that visual has never left me. Oh my God. Yeah. So it's scary. Anyways So does that want to bring us to irrational fears or what? I guess we could do that as the next segment. I have a list of different segments and one of them was going to be,

I have a couple names for it. We haven't really chosen one yet. One was going to be new fears unlocked and I was going to have like an unlocking sound with like a scream. But now I just might play, you know, what have I done? And I just play that with a snapping sound. So it works. So this is a segment where we're going to talk about some irrational fears that might be new

or maybe one of our irrational fears or triggered the other person to have that fear and maybe you at home. Chris, why don't we start with you? I mean, my irrational fear is, I think a lot of people's rational fears to an extent is sharks.

Like, I'm terrified of sharks, but the part where it gets unreasonable is like I've avoided pools because I'm so scared to shark. Like, I saw that cover of the goosebumps book of the kid in the pool. Did you ever see that with the shark? Anyways, that ruined me,

jaws ruined me. I'll be in man-made lakes and, like, there's no possible way. But then I saw Shark Night 3D where there were sharks in a manmade lake and they lived long enough to kill people. Anyways, so I'm like just terrified. If, like, the water goes higher than my waist,

I'm having full-blown anxiety attacks and, like, panicking. So even, like, you and Big Boy are in getting in the jacuzzi. You can't even get in the jacuzzi? I mean, that's probably okay, but I'd probably still look, like, look under the water. Like, it's super irrational. So, like, our pool right now, it's pitch black outside.

If I were to, whoa, yeah, it's real. Look at you. If I were to say, like, hey, go get in the pool alone pitch black you would think that you were going to get murdered no you'd have to like turn all the lights on and even then i'd be nervous and like yeah i don't know it's pretty irrational wow you guys look it to shame none of us are afraid of that you're weird um no i get it that's really scary that's scary chris okay that's pretty woke though dude like like there's always sharks in the water you know it don't got to be the ocean there's always sharks in the water

Like a bathtub in a pitch black bathroom. That's probably okay. Probably. But you're not afraid of like a little spider or like something coming out of the drain and getting you? That doesn't scare me. It's just sharks. It's just. I did hear that 80% of black widow bites are male testicles.

Wow. Because most spider bites occur when a spider comes in through the toilet. And it just attacks nutsacks. That's kind of the M. See, that unlocked it. That got me. And so there, they're like. fish they can breathe underwater.

I think they might just be hanging out under the bowl, you know? And they're sitting, they're just waiting. You don't check before you sit on the bowl? Hell no. You don't check for spiders? Now I'm going to. I check and then I blow. Because if I blow, like, I feel like the air is going to make them scurred. And I never used to

be afraid of toilet snakes either, but then when I walked into the guest bathroom and saw a snake in that bathroom a year ago, now it's like, you never know what's possible. That thing could be coiling around under the toilet scene. It sounds like what like a little kid called big poops a toilet snake you've never heard of toilet snakes i i mean i could i could gather what they would be apparently it's also what you put down a toilet to like unclog it but you're talking about snakes that come in through the toilet i was listening to a podcast recently which is kind

of stealing from the podcast but i haven't been able to ditch the fear of it ever since and i guess some people are afraid of others under their car and slicing their Achilles tendon this I believe that's what it's called and apparently this goes all the way up to your butt and it snaps like an elastic it will go and then you can't move you're a mobile and there's like

the only way for them to repair it is to like pull it all the way back down and so I haven't been able to walk soundly thinking that that could snap at any time and my whole life is just flashed before me i'm about to fulfill my wendy destiny and pass out i feel like woozy i'm serious and the way they were talking about it it just seems like the worst pain in the world okay ah uh jared do you have any fears that are not related to but snapping weird things that scare me hey this is Shane from the future oh we're having a good time uh i just wanted to give you a quick disclaimer from the 31

minute mark until the 39 minute mark. We do talk about some things that involve suicide. So please know that if you or anyone you know is struggling, reach out to 1-800-273-8255. They have 24-hour support. I know it's a very touchy subject, something I've dealt with in my family, even personally with issues revolving suicide. So if that's triggering for you, please skip those segments. And I hope you're enjoying the show uh you know the only thing that i'm really afraid of that isn't illogical i think heights is what creeps me out the most and actually i was at a a high-rise apartment in la the other day why and uh for business okay it was a lunch day we're gonna need to hear about this business well no it was a very the dude very successful and i had some product to show him

and i went to this not helping Hey, I mean, whatever you want to think, maybe it's that. So we were on the 37th floor of this apartment complex, and he's like, hey, you got to see my view. You know, it's like, amazing view. And I could already see it, and I'm afraid of height, so I don't really want to walk outside. But we walk out onto this patio that was maybe four or five feet, you know, not very big. And we're looking out, and I'm like, wow, dude, like, there's a staple center and, you know, all this stuff. He's like, yeah, dude, the dude above me just actually jumped off last week.

And I was like, what the fuck? And it just made me feel so creepy, you know? And then I started thinking like, what it, like, because these apartments are probably $10,000 a month. More. So maybe more. It could have been this guy, you know, what if this was the ultimate plan? Go, rent this apartment for like six months, figure out a way to not pay rent.

He knew exactly how high he had to be to jump and for it to work out. Because let's say you're, you're balling out on the 20th floor. You might just cripple yourself, you know? you might not really fulfill the deed but I don't know why but when he said that and it wasn't just like me formulating a story in my head it was I was almost standing there feeling like the moment when it happened and I felt like this was someone that just wanted to live that life for like three six months they calculated it out and boom that's it and then I was like yeah I'm cool to go inside now bro you know I don't really want to stand out here anymore this is kind of

creepy no knowing that I could have been out here a week ago and somebody was just going to fly by me. That's creepy. And is it a myth you die in the air if you're high enough or is it on impact? But it would happen so fast on impact that you wouldn't even know. Okay, I've, first of all, Chris, now is the time where you do the Norman thing where you go, I didn't, because this is a lot. Well, I'm just curious. There's lots of scenarios. That is a myth because I used to be afraid of getting sucked out of a plane. And then I, somebody was like, oh, you would die before you even hit the ground because you're so high up and you're falling and then your heart would stop and I was like okay that's cool but then somebody I know was like no that's a myth you

die when you hit the ground you are alive for that entire time where you're falling and then that moment you hit the ground you feel it and it's pain and then you're dead so now so Jared's right had that person not been high enough and you're just paralyzed it's like oh my gosh so did you look into who it was or what happened or no you know I don't know why that'd be a weird thing to lie to me about so I got to imagine he's being honest that'd be but I think whoever owns this apartment complex was probably like let's not let this get out the people are jumping off of our building yeah do they have to say to the next people that are renting like oh somebody jumped out of this apartment I don't think places have to disclose unless you ask so he didn't die in the apartment I know but if I'm

moving into high rise you're not renting like hey has anything happened over this balcony Chris, are you Googling it? Well, I was just saying, there's a website called died inhouse.com where you can see if someone died in your house. Oh, great. Okay, let's not check this one. Oh, no. I want to know.

I don't. Why not? I'm perfectly happy not knowing. It might change the course of my life if I know that. It might cost money. Oh, no. Have you heard... See if there's any free deaths.

Before I forget, just on that note of you talking about falling out of a building and not dying until you hit the ground, I did see. that this man created a roller coaster that it took you up high enough like 500 feet up and it dropped you down at insane incline or decline I guess you would say and it had a succession of whoopty-whoops that caused so much G-Force for a specific amount of time that it was called the death roller coaster because one right on it would kill you because your body wouldn't be able to withstand it but it'd be super fun for the first half and this was supposed to be a way to humanely euthanized people.

I saw that. Yeah, I saw that in a documentary and I was like, because it is interesting because if, okay, I guess we shouldn't go here. Well, but when you think about it,

if I am at a point in my life where I don't want to be alive anymore, okay, hold on how do I frame this? Okay, if I'm old and I have a disease and it's like, time is ticking and it's a really painful disease

and, you know, maybe I want some assistance and dying, right? If somebody was like, you can get on this, roller coaster that's so fucking fun and then you die at the end would you be mad if i took it took you on the roller coaster if i took you up like hey we're gonna go to a roller coaster fuck yeah because i knew because i knew like i don't think he had just like when you got to put a dog wait a minute like the dog

don't tell you man you got to make the decision it hasn't eaten in three days i can't see my dog get you know to that point what if it was like i don't think Shane has the guts to tell me but like he might enjoy this roller coaster and we can have the most fun day ever so like a whole So now you're both dying or you're putting him in the cart and saying have fun I'd have you sign something first

You know Did you hear about the assisted suicide pods? What? There's in Switzerland someone made assisted suicide pods that you go in And it gently like rocks you to Shetka I don't think it's been a

He made them I don't think it's been like legally approved yet But they're testing it and trying to get it legally approved? What? For people that want to end their lives? I don't know about this. I think we've got to pivot.

I will say, I think Oregon right now is one of the only states and maybe like Massachusetts where you can, I saw it in a show. I believe it was called Casual. And it was like the old matriarch of the family that he got a terminal disease

and he came to their house, the family's house. And he took X amount of pills and within like 30 minutes it was done. You know? And to be honest, I do think, It's a very controversial topic, of course.

But I think it's your choice, you know? If it's something that you feel you would rather do than live out the next year or six months of your life in agonizing pain and wither away, I mean, I think you should have a choice to do that. I bet you're saying if you're, like, sick or old or just in general. I'm not saying, like, dude, my girl dumped me, you know, and I'm like bumming out.

You know, I want to hit this roller coaster. like anyone that's in a position to rebuild I think they should but like that's why I was talking about in the show in a show but even a dog I mean if like I had a dog that's 14 years old that could barely walk and all this stuff like how humane is it for me just to watch my dog suffer for three more weeks because it's too sad for me to watch it go and I agree I just didn't know under what circumstances because I think if you're young with a promising future or even not young but capable of other. a future probably oh yeah like i wouldn't if my kids having a bad day at school or something you know i'm not be like well son you know there's always the roller coaster you know or you know grandpa i'm not i'm not promoting it as like uh you know a cure for any you know typical things listen we're we're an anti suicide podcast yeah yeah yeah i would say that yeah you know i'm against murder uh-huh i'm against all that shit i just want to put it out there I'm super against it.

Me too. Right? Same. I just want people to know where I stand. Great. Uh-huh. Yeah. Chris, has anybody died in our house?

I can't say it. It costs money. What? How much? I think it's like 24 bucks. 24 bucks? It's not worth it. About this, for $10, I'll guess.

I was kidding. Well, I feel like, you know, this is kind of a good segue. Maybe. Into anything else. Into anything else. Right? So on the at Shane Dawson podcast Instagram account, I asked for your guys as controversial opinions and they would be completely anonymous and oh my God, some of them were pretty offensive and I don't really get offended by anything and even I was like, whoa, like somebody type that. So I think it might be fun if I gave Jared my phone.

I haven't seen these and I said go through and screenshot some interesting controversial opinions anonymously from people and maybe we can get our reactions on it and see where we land on the spectrum. of controversy so that was a grand introduction unfortunately i feel like i didn't get the assignment when i was looking through i don't know if i got as deep controversial thoughts as maybe you were hoping but i did get some that i felt worthy of talking on so the first one and this was written by marcos no anonymous i'm just funny it's anonymous it's anonymous okay you know marcos not I was kidding, it's not you. Sprinkles are gross, and they should stay away from ice cream. Fuck off.

Amen. Right? What? You always eat my sprinkles that I get. Oh, my gosh, I'm always cleaning your sprinkles. Don't make me get into this again. I've already trashed you on my podcast for this. That's the only topping.

When I go to Menchies, one time at Menchies actually, cake batter, vanilla ice cream, enough fucking sprinkles where in every bite, it's a 50-50 ice cream. I'm just salivated. I'm getting excited talking about it. it. But when the person at the register saw me, he actually went, wow. I was like, I don't know if I should be offended or not. But I don't care, because I just made the most delicious ice cream ever, full of fucking

sprinkles. So whoever said that, eat a bag of shit. I don't agree. If you get the soft sprinkles, I will indulge. The hard ones that are crunchy and miserable, no. And then I looked at the sugar content. The fuck is a soft sprinkles. Yeah, what does that mean? They're like the chewy ones. There's a difference. Raisin? Shane has had no.

of sprinkle types and there's really good ones and there's really bad ones and then they all are all sugar and i didn't realize that that's literally what sprinkles are so i'm boycotting them now i didn't realize i was just consuming sugar uh okay what's another controversial take i just thought of something okay it's so off now it's i'm gonna save it actually it's it was what's your favorite leonardo decaprio movie titanic what are you talking about i was gonna say is it the reverent never seen that because it's about a man inside of a bear okay all right that was too far I was going to say the departed but okay well that's afterward when he comes out hopefully hopefully unbroken hopefully unbroken hopefully hopefully unbroken so this one is

specifically for you oh I read this and I thought I need to know what Shane thinks about this friends isn't that good of a TV show I'm not even Gen Z. That's important for this statement. So I don't know what that means necessarily. Okay, let me think. How do I... Chris, how should I...

Remember, we're against murder. Remember. Against murder. Here's the thing. I understand when people don't like certain TV shows because they've never seen them. Because there's no way that you've seen friends and you think it sucks.

There's no way. If you've seen five minutes of it, you think it's great. And then there's the people that are like, Seinfeld is better, which I've never seen Seinfeld. So, like, I would be one of those people that's like Friends is better. But I'm lying too because I've never seen Seinfeld. So I'm not going to hate on them. I'm just going to say they've never actually

seen it. Yeah, sit down with an episode and really give it a go and get back to us because I don't believe you. Do you like friends? I like friends. Whoa. But we're also all old. Is it possible that to young people it's not the same? No. They said specifically they're not Gen Z. Oh, okay. What is Gen Z? I know this isn't about Gen Z, but what did Gen Z watch? What is TikTok? What are you talking about? Oh, right. Are you on TikTok? You're on TikTok, I think Hentai? I mean, I am, but I don't use it almost ever. Do you watch hentai?

No. Hentai, and I might be saying it wrong. Oh, no. But basically what hentai is, it's animated porn where it's tentacles from an octopus that are actually the phallic part of the program, and then the women have the other areas of which the tentacles go into, their vaginas. So it's basically women being sexualized by tentacles. Very aggressively, too.

Not in a way where it's like slow jams. It's like aggressive stuff. And I actually drove by a car the other day and had a sticker and had said, hopelessly addicted to hentai. I was like, why are you putting it on your fucking car, dude? You know what I mean? Like, all I can think about when I'm driving next to you now is, are you watching octopus tentacle porn right now?

You think this gentleman or a woman who's not watching friends is watching hentai. Yeah, that would make sense. Because if you can't logically understand why the relationships between these people also different in their own way, and comical and humorous and represent a little bit of all of us, are not great. They're all brilliant. You must be watching Tenticle's fucking animated checks. You can't have a, I don't know, I don't get it. You know?

I agree. It has to be. So is it Hentai? Is that it? So Tenticle porn is its own genre, I guess, or whatever you want to call it? hentai is just a broader range of like cartoon porn or animated porn okay so moving on

this one was just kind of like I also want to educate people a little bit if we're able to we don't have to Stephen should never be spelled with a pH well it's not because that's fucking Stefan you know so like whoever wrote that common sense it's never spelled with a BH because that'd be a different

fucking name that's Stefan what about Stephen Colbert well you're or woke motherfucker you got me dude I think yeah it's not so you know what you're right

actually we need to fucking be more aware of this stop spelling it with the fucking pH Stephen Colbert okay cereal does not need milk

these are not what I was thinking I thought you were going to pick like the craziest Shane's reaction to the first minute of these were like people are going fucking there And you're like, cereal.

I literally was like, oh my God, we can't even say this. This is so crazy. Oh, I get it. I'm down to, okay, but it's like, it goes a little too extreme, you know what I mean? How about this? You still got your, we could go through more, but I mean, I am cereal does not need milk. You know, I disagree wholeheartedly with that. Um, okay.

Well, wait, give us one more, one more controversial opinion. Oh, yeah, yeah. Maybe make it controversial. Okay. Caitlin Jenner is not a hero. I know we're trying real hard to get her on the next one. Yeah. I mean, you can have, there's different facets to people.

She's still a world Olympian. You don't have to like her politics to think she was a great Olympian. Do you remember going to a train museum when we were kids? Yes. With Diane. Yeah. Backstory. We grew up with a family friend who was trans.

And, yeah, we hung out with her all the time. She babysit it up. She was hilarious. Yeah, one of my favorite people ever. I loved her. And, but now I'm thinking. about it. I'm like, what, what did we call her? I don't think was a word trans or that wasn't like a thing, right? I mean, it was, but it wasn't really. I think we just called her Diane. Yeah, but I do remember

when she would explain to us her past and that she had children and she would explain, you know, when she was a little boy. Like, she didn't hide it. But I don't know if we, she ever fully like, it was just what it was. I feel, and she was still with the same woman. I think so. That when she transitioned, she was still with the same person. So it was kind of just like a fluid story of their lives. How cool for her to just be an example, though, to just live in her truth. And it's not weird to you guys because that's just who she is. No, and she worked in retail with my mom, women's clothing.

And yeah, I don't know. She was just cool. And it was never, I think that's why it's interesting. It's interesting to hear about people who don't understand trans stuff. and what certain things mean. And I don't know. I guess, yeah, because we were around somebody like that so young that, I don't know. I get it.

Yeah. When I came out to my brother, he didn't have any gay people in his life. Like, that was weird to him. And I, like, that's all I can compare it to because it's my life scenario. Like, I didn't transition. But, like, I didn't fault my brother for, like, having to work through it and come to terms with it and just, like, realize it, you know? Yeah. We're going to take a quick little break because the camera's about to go out.

And, um, we'll be back. Guys, when I get home from a long day of work, and my nuts just smell like shit, I use manscape. Oh my God. I like it, dude. Okay, the last thing I want to do for today is a conspiracy corner. What I want to start with is something that I just feel so gratified that I was right. Because I've had a theory about friends.

Oh my God, weird. I had a theory about friends a long time ago, and I was right. If anybody's ever watched Friends on like, you know, reruns, especially on TV land, I can't even watch them because everybody's voices are like extra high pitch and I don't know what it is or why. It's like really annoying. It's really hard to listen to. You see, the problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always just trying to stay awake.

And I had a theory. I was like, oh, I bet they're speeding up the episode. Otherwise, next time you're going to find yourself. So that they could, like, fit more episodes in, or maybe they could, you know, maybe that's what they're doing. Then I was watching an interview with Courtney Cox from Friends, and she said this. Some people can't watch themselves. Even a show as great as friends, they might go, oh, I can't watch myself. But did you have enough distance from it to say, you know what, this was as good as people said?

Yeah, except for the ones where they added an extra commercial, so they sped it up a little bit, which I can really tell. And you can tell with all characters, but I, oh, my God. hate my voice so much but that's because as far as my parents are concerned ross can do no wrong oh that is not a happy hide when it's not sped up i like it well that's not your fault isn't that crazy i was right it's to fit more commercials that is so genius that is i mean not it's so ruthless i mean they buy the rights to friends which i'm sure is expensive and they're like all right we're going to really make our money's worse so they just i'm just happy that it's like you know people make fun me sometimes like oh you're just making up conspiracies oh you're crazy because

I had one the other day too that Ryland made a joke he's like oh you should put it in a conspiracy video but I stand by it Panera bread and we'll get into real conspiracies in a second but Panera bread like the bread they give you on the side it goes moldy and bad in like a day and rock hard and rock hard honestly it goes rock hard in 10 minutes and I think they do it because they don't want you to save it and eat it later they want you to have to buy more panera bread to get more bread because that's what they're famous for. So devil's advocate just really quickly on that one, because we got Panera bread a while back, and I threw the bread away, you know? And Sandy, my wife, was like, why did you do that? I was like, well, because the shit's hard, you know? It's like, well, no, it's a

baguette. You just heat it up. So evidently, if you just heat up the bread, it might actually do something. Whoa. And I don't know why the first thing I did when I found out wasn't tell you. But come to find out, this might be a bust. It might be busted. So let's just get Panera bread, macaroni and cheese. Okay, yeah, I was going to say this. Chololet, flat bread, whatever we want to get. Some bread. Fine. Well, wrap it up

with one last conspiracy. And this one is actually inspired by you. Oh, thank you. Because you asked me the other night at dinner, which is weird that you asked me this out of nowhere, but you said, what does it mean when somebody sells their soul to the devil? And I was like, what? And you're like, well, what do they get? And how do they

do it? And what does it mean? not considering or anything so then i started thinking i'm like well i believe that that's a real thing and i know there's like you know there's history of different singers or people throughout time selling their souls to the devil for fame or whatever i think i was asking if katie perry did it why specifically katy fairer why are you why are you outing her what it's not a fact i'm just asking if she did i don't think she did yeah but did her deal go bad oh my why well i'm just saying And if you're going to sell your soul to the devil, it better last more than 10 years. Well, listen, she's having a kid.

You know, that's her soul. You know, I'm a Katie Cat more than ever. I never even knew that was her fandom. And I think in my old age, I've discovered that I actually love her right now. I don't watch American Idol. But I think her deal's still good because she's making like 40 million plus a season on American Idol. This is my ignorance. I didn't even know she was on American Idol.

And she's got the fattest check of anyone on a contestant show, I think, ever. Maybe Ariana Grande came in the reader. This speaks to your point. So, okay. So what do you know about selling your soul to the devil? And do you think that that's a real thing that happens? So I definitely think it's a real thing that happens. And when we talk about selling your soul to the devil,

I feel like the devil in this sense is the main evil agenda that's being put out there by the powers that be. You know, and the story that I think of when I hear that selling your soul to the devil is, there's a lot of rappers. It seems like rappers have this story of going to parties and there being these rooms. And in order, like, you have to go into this room and you have to go through with this ritual or this ceremony. I don't want to get into the details of what people talked about it being.

Wait what? But a lot of the times it's just the same kind of things they would use to blackmail politicians. Stuff of that nature. Like give a guy a blow job. Yeah, stuff of that, stuff like that. It could even be worse, you know, but and the concept is once they get you locked in like that, then you're pretty much a puppet. So selling your soul to the devil means being used in a way to push forth the negative and the bad agenda.

And really what it is is just keeping humans on a low frequency. That's what they want. They don't want humans to really use their full consciousness and to really enlighten themselves. They want to keep you bog down. That's why mainstream music is just all the same repetitive bullshit. shit you know and uh that's why artists just to get on the radio have to make certain songs that are radio friendly like what does radio friendly mean you know what that is mind fucking you know because like and so we're we're saying it's potentially someone with a lot of power so you'd have to be

that's what i was thinking that like how does the opportunity even present yourself like you have to be of uh like up and coming yourself to probably even be presented with the idea they just they just have to see it in you, you know, that you have the ability to really have people gravitate to you, to believe in you. It could just be you got to look, you know, because really they're just trying to get the message out there to the vulnerable, to the gullible, to the generations coming up. So then what happens if, okay, so say I'm a pop star and I just sold my soul to the devil and now my song is number one and everything's going great. What if I realize, oh, I don't want this anymore can i get out of it then you will be in a living hell i would imagine that they put you

in through litigations to get try to get out of whatever contract you're in like selling you selling your soul to the devil is just the equivalent of putting a price on your art you know and your artistic integrity to because if if i'm a singer-songwriter like a bob dillon or something like that um and then i signed to a label and they're like you got to sing about this from here on out you know like we don't want you saying just like anybody right now that's worried about saying certain shit i guess you know but it's only it's more agenda driven you know so that's selling your soul to the devil is in my opinion just signing a contract that says i am at your service now and whatever the label tells me to do whatever my agent tells me to do so i i think a lot of

people realize they're they sold their soul to the devil and that's why they want to get out of the record deals so it's not something you can just do like you can't just say like oh i would oh my i don't want to say it out loud but like if i wanted to do that i couldn't just ask the devil for that maybe you could and it would an opportunity would present itself that is so that is actually the scariest because i mean it's man it's like the idea of manifestation i know you're not really big into that but it's still like if you're speaking that into an existence like i will do what i mean not big into that i think i think i crystals on me right now the devil does doesn't say, hey, I'm the devil, you shouldn't do this. He comes in the presence of a snake

and he persuades you to eat the apple, you know, he's very persuasive. And so if they wanted to get you, they would probably bring someone into your life that was able to relate to you on a whole another level, get really close with you, someone that you felt like, just almost like they're recruiting you for a cult, you know? They're making you feel best friendly with them, like almost making you distrustful of everybody else because of how much you trust them and then they would probably start steering you in a direction you know it's almost like handlers oh please it's like handlers and and people that come into these like child celebrity fucking lives when they're young and they try to guide them in all these weird directions you know

what i mean like i think those are the people they got the contracts and satan sending those people out you know that's how i look at it well so it's not even a theory at this point it's just a real thing possibly but it can also be like as simple as just signing a really bad contract right i mean it's like there's a wide range of this well yeah i mean if uh metaphor for signing a bad contract it okay chris you know you got all this cool lighting stuff in these cameras if someone came up to you and said hey chris we're going to give you 20 million dollars a month but you have to film nothing but snuff videos and blackmail videos for us and that's the situation are you going to do it or are going to use all this equipment you have for those purposes or would you rather

film stuff like this you know what i mean i'd rather film stuff like this you better not leave you're going to leave to film snuff movies no with the devil are we no to know i gotta go or maybe they just want you to film aimless propaganda and that's what you're using your talent with you know well i always wondered that about not to get into because i'm afraid and i'm I'm not even to say the name of it, but there is a religion that people are very against. And that religion has like a lot of video shoots, and I guess the craft service is really good. And I've talked to actors who are like, oh, I just got off set. I was working on a, you know, religious video.

And I was like, oh, that's kind of scary. Are you like scared? Is it weird? And they're like, I mean, but they pay really well and the food's really good. And like. I've acted for them. I auditioned for one. Yeah.

I've acted for a bunch of their stuff. The pay is great. And they do. So you already sold your soldiers. the devil kind of i don't think i'm not a part of their thing at all i just acted and got my check and left uh you were a little side piece for the devil yeah you know if they would have offered you like if they would have offered you a oh are we talking about like bill nye i'm saying like the ultimate of that is like the successes we know from that like

they've really signed over i don't know if that's quote unquote the devil but they're hugely successful. Right. Okay. I'm not trying to have them show up outside of our house. So, yeah. Anyways, well, I'm happy that you're here. You're in life. Well, there you guys go. I mean, we kind of covered most of the stuff on my list. I don't know how. I feel like it went well. I think so. Yeah. And I'm also wondering, like, how Caitlin Jenner would fit into this scenario. Like, where would she be? Oh, I'm ready. She can have my spot. I'll sit on the couch. Can you imagine?

Kayla comes over and we're like, just hop on the beanbag. She's like, well, okay. I will say that it took a little bit for me to get hard. But once I got hard guys, I really enjoyed what we did together tonight. Well, let us know down the comments. What do you want us to do? Got any ideas? Got any conspiracies?

Any unpopular opinions? And yeah, if you guys have any guest ideas for people you want on the show, let us know. And it doesn't matter who they are. Because we're not bringing anybody on until Caitlin Jenner is on this show. I feel like we're on a guest hunger strike until we get Caitlin Jenner sitting here talking to us. Fuck it. I'm good with, we could have other people. I don't want to wait on Caitlin.

I know she could just walk over and we could talk, but I don't want, I don't want. She's a busy lady. You know, she golfs. You know? I want to put too much pressure on her. All right. Well, I hope you guys have fun. Whatever this was.

I'll get a new mic, I promise. Hit the yellow one. What? The yellow button. Oh, my God. What is that? What is that? Trickets.

Bye guys!