The Shane Dawson Podcast - Conspiracy Theories and OUR WEDDING BACKLASH!!!

Episode Date: January 30, 2023

In todays episode Shane and the guys hop in the Mystery Bus and take a trip to through some of the trippiest theories of all time! We also get serious and talk to Chris about what’s going on in his life at the moment. Prayers for his father and his family. We love you Chris!!!!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

No. What? This shot on. And it's going to keep going and going and going until you get that fucking A plus. Oh, my God. Hey, okay, really quick before the show starts, I just wanted to say a little something that I'm excited about. So my plan for 2023 was to really take things up a notch with a podcast and put more energy and more effort into it. Hopefully we'll be able to go to weekly episode.

I want to have guests. I just want to do more exciting things with the podcast because it really is my favorite thing that I think I've ever done. So hopefully you're enjoying it. But another thing I wanted to take up a notch was the merch. I wanted to do more special merch, more like customized. I wanted it to feel different than things I've done in the past. And I'm really grateful and excited for killer merch who I'm still working with and I love so much who have been creating some really awesome designs. Like, for example, the grower merch, which I am so excited people have been actually wearing in public, which I was not expecting. And also the corduroy merch with the bucket hats, uh, which matches the couch that we're always sitting on. And I love those. And now we have our Emo Y2K merch, which is my favorite. It has patches that are real patches that are on the beanies. We have our first zip up hoodie, which I wanted for a long time. And we obviously have the conspiracy shirt. And it really goes with our, you know, we're all over 30 years old and we really miss the early 2000s aesthetic. So check it out. If you want, no pressure. Obviously, it is Shane Dawsonmerge.com. And if you use code grower, you will get 10% off of your order. Okay, enjoy the show. Bye.

Hey, welcome back to whatever the hell this is. This episode specifically is very confusing. I feel like I'm having a fever dream. I don't know what's happening. Rylan's in a wig. The makeup looks sickening. Oh, please. We had 500 breakdowns because I thought we were going to be borderline offensive with my makeup artist over there. My MUA flopped. I thought I wanted a contract that I'm going to have a makeup artist for this show the next time I'm a woman. Hey guys, welcome back Okay, we should explain what's happening Right now we are dressed as

Mystery Inc, the cast of Scooby Doo Never seen it, have no idea what the fuck it is But here we are How did you come to this conclusion? Well, because a lot of the comments were saying Very specifically, there was a lot of comments saying We want to see Ryanwood is Daphne Out of where? We've never talked about Scooby-Doo.

I think people are just like getting into you as a woman And they're just like requesting different versions of it And I'm into that. I love that. You should do an only fans as different characters. That makes me nervous. Another competing only fans. Oh, God.

You're not going to jump right into this, I'm thinking about starting one. Why not? I don't know what to start. Sorry, we've had a lot of off-camera conversations, and I don't know which ones to touch on. It's a lot. So, strap in.

But, Jared, you're a shaggy, which is the smoker, the stolen. Yeah, he's part of Mystery Inc. he's the one that's like you know always high and confused and but evidently he's a genius yes and his only kryptonite is scooby snacks that's the only thing i relate um wait so you shaggy you're the only one that can hear scooby talking right i looked that up and it seems as though that's incorrect evidently everybody could hear him really i feel like he talks and everybody's like what is he saying but he's like i know but don't worry i got some juice on scooby

Oh, what? Yeah, I looked into it. Come to find out, Scooby is actually an Ananaki, which I've talked about in the past, which is like an alien race that came to the earth and created human beings. But, dude, Scooby-Doo is a trip. Like, I didn't know Scooby-Doo is what, it's like a Rick and Morty type situation. Oh. The whole concept is for teenagers that hang out with a talking dog and just get in this van and just endure mysteries together. You know what I'm saying?

That's like the whole thing And it's conspiracy theories and everything Wait, so you've never seen Scooby Doo? I don't, I didn't watch that None of them? No, not that dumb shit Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, you dressed us as them It's like nerdy shit, though.

I watched it growing up But you know, I can't remember anything. Did we fuck? My character and you, did we fuck? Allegedly. Oh, they fucking, look at them sparks. Anyways, we're here's the cost of Scooby-Doo for no other reason.

Huge fans. You guys wanted to see what I'm still so curious how this came about. Like, out of all characters existing everywhere. She's the slutty one. She's like the dumb, like, so we could do an OnlyFans porn as these characters right after this. Perfect segue.

Only fans. I'm kind of into it. I know. No, I'm saying, like, we could do that. Oh. Okay. You know, I've had so many career ending moments, and I think that would be the final one.

Speaking of OnlyFans that would make people sick, Chris was saying that we were talking about OnlyFans and if we had one, what would we do? Jared was talking about his kinks and his ideas and fat man eating chips or what was it? Anything you want to see a fat guy do. Anything. But there got to be a king for like me laying on the couch snoring. Right. You know?

They got to be someone out there like, dude, I just want to watch a fat guy fucking snoring a couch. I don't think anyone wants to hear anyone snore. When Shane starts snoring, I start kicking. Sandy definitely doesn't. She wakes me up to tell me to stop as a. if that helps. You know what I'm saying? It's pretty funny.

How does she wake you up, though? Yo, get up, stop. It's like, I don't know what I'm doing. Chris, you said that you would show hole pictures. And then I started asking, you were like, yeah, I'd show my butthole for a certain amount of money. And I said, well, I said, I don't know if I would because I don't know what my butthole looks like.

And then Chris goes, you'd, just like Scooby. You don't? And I said, no, I don't. And I was like, you know what your butt hole looks like? And you were like, oh, yeah, I wax it, I clean it. You're sick. Chris, you're sick. I think you're sick.

I think you're sick for not cleaning it. You just let it go wild back there? You do no maintenance? How do you? Okay, I have a question. So, take us through your whole routine. The whole routine. Well, okay.

The fact that you have to do maintenance, does that mean when you're investigating it's really like hairy? No, it's actually not even bad. I just want it to be as best of possible. I just can't imagine taking a razor to your asshole. Like, that skin is so sensitive. And it's like...

How do you see your asshole? mirrors interesting how you're squatting over a fucking mirror with a razor shaving your asshole

wait so hold on serious question though you guys just let it go crazy like you even know my asshole is fine I don't

how do you know when I go to wipe I don't get stuck in a wig like I don't know what you're talking about what do you mean crazy I don't think so I don't know

I don't know I touch it though and I'm not like it doesn't mean it's not when I touch my asshole my mom Happy birthday belated I don't feel like a bunch of hair

I feel very very soft-skinned You know it's pink I can tell If I was gonna do anything I would go get it fucking waxed Yeah no way in hell would I take a razor back there See but I also shave my balls And it's really easy Like it's I don't know

What do you do? Do you just like pinch them until they're smooth Like grab them and like blow it up like a little ball or something like I pull the skin and I just like go to have you ever cut it no you've never cut your sack let me ask you why why do you do that is it like it just do just not licking your nuts unless they're freshly shaven or no in fact I've had people be like let it grow I like it and the one time I have shaved my balls it is like a motherfucker when it's growing back yeah okay that's true it does it's nothing is worth that pain I'm like not a very hairy person in general but I just like want it to be maintained and nice and as nice as it can look. And this is a good advertisement for your only fans. I'm plug it right now. I feel like I'm selfish, dude, because I don't care. You know, am I a selfish guy

because I don't care if my nuts have hair on it? Is Sandy putting her face down there? I mean, she is not telling me like, you should shave it. You're right, Scoob. We're dealing with one sick son of a bitch. Okay, I have a question. This is for all the women watching out there who have men who, you know,

might need to shave their assholes. How would you tell your partner or if there was something you wanted them to change. And like, because we've never really had a conversation like that. You've never been like, oh, you need to shave this or, you know. No, and you've never told me anything like that. Or I'd probably be like, oh, it's over. I wouldn't be able to, like, have somebody micromanage the, like, hair on my body.

But is there anything on me that you want to change? Because now's the time to tell me. You used, okay. What? You want me to tell you what really used to bother me? And I don't know if I ever confronted you about it or if you just stopped. But your sideburns used to drive me bonkers. Why?

What were they doing? Because you would shave your facial hair short, but your sideburns like came all the way down to here. Right. And it gave me the ick. Ruh. Real? Wait, really? Wow.

Yeah, it really did. I was like, shave those fuckers. Why didn't you just say something? Well, this is still like in our first year of dating. Oh, wow. And then I think you progressively stopped doing it. So I never had to have that brutal conversation with you. Wow.

But yeah, I couldn't have married you if you were still. keeping that up. Anyways, thank you for sharing. I think I want to end this segment. This is too much. Okay. I always immediately ask. I'm always like, I just, I don't know.

I'm like, what can be better? What do you like? What's your thing? Interesting. What made you originally think to shave your, and we'll move on, but what made you want to shave your hole in the first place? I mean, I just know like in high school,

it was very trendy for guys to shave armpits and chest and everything at my school. Like everyone on the football team and everyone was seeing it. Yeah, where did you go? High school musical? You're going to high school. That's what you look like a high school musical. No, I never seen it, but I look like the ungly. Jane Lynch.

Yeah, that's more accurate. There's less facial hair. I'm just kidding. She's like a bad joke. She does. Sorry, Chris. So you're whole and you're gay high school. So wait, how did you know it was cool?

Like how did people know that a true? friend was to shave your butthole and your armpits. Not butthole. You started that one, but like, how did you know? People just talked about it? Well, you just saw in the locker room and stuff. Like, you had to change and shower and stuff. Oh, I did not go to the locker room.

People saw it. We had to. You did? Yeah. Like, showering and everything. Did people get hard? No, no one got hard. But also, this is like at a time where no one would admit to being gay.

Do you know what I mean? I know, but I still feel like I get a boner at the doctor's office. It has nothing to do with attraction to anyone. It's like a fear bonus. It's like. And you know what I mean? I do, actually. I think myself into a boner all of the time.

No key, my biggest, like, boner paranoia is at the doctor's office. Orthodontist. What? Or a dentist office when I was younger. And you always wear the shorts that it will show. We call them NRBs, you know, no reason boners. So, and that's why even, like, in class or just as you're going through puberty, your penis is just, like, always doing, like, backup test.

Like, let's make sure we work. Let's get really hard for no reason right now. And any time I was at the dentist And you know, it happened They always have like pretty attractive looking ladies Oh yeah They're wearing masks So it's a mystery where they look like

You know And as soon as they start tilting you back It's like please don't have a boner Please don't have a boner But then like they would cover you at something And you would just like hold your hand like that In case you did Oh wow

Mine's at the doctor's office When they leave the room And tell you get to get naked And then I'm just like looking down And I the fear of them walking back in, I'm always half hard. And it's like, I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do.

It's the opposite for me. You're like, flight. Actually, thank you. You guys are so good at helping me with segways. I have the perfect segue. So in the last show, I asked you guys at home, if there's any girls out there that have bought the grower merch, please send me a picture of you wearing it because I just want to laugh.

And shout out to rain. This is her wearing it at her school in her car. Straight up grower. Shout out to Desiree. This is her wearing it. Queen College, Queen Desiree. Yeah, so thank you girls for reppping the growers out there. Dude, there's a lot of us growers out there that need women to grow.

So, like, women are vital to the growth. Any feedback on if women bought them for their man's? Yes, I got a couple people saying that they bought them for their man and that their man was humiliated. Demasculated, felt horrible about himself, loved it. And I also got, okay, this is. sorry we're getting like really sexual which is like this is kind of a lot but this is another good segue um so hannah sent me this i asked for like any cheap trick ideas yes um and she said

girls and boys to make your man happy flatten your tongue to act as a wall and it feels like they're deep in it and i don't quite know what that means wait head i'm assuming flatten your tongue to act like a wall like a wall how she voiced to texting this maybe and there's a loss in translation. Because how else would your tongue be with a dick in your mouth than flat? Like, do you know what I mean? Because you have to make room for the dick to go in.

I think she's just saying like constrict your mouth in any way you can to make it feel tighter for the penis. Okay. Thanks, Hannah. Shout out to you for the comment. Yeah, cheap trick. It is so strange to think about the women

that are watching this and like, what are they getting out of this? Why are you watching? It's like humiliation porn. That is my only fans. Well, that's what I'm hoping people want to watch a fat guy on a couch doing nothing, you know? You could try live shooting that on Twitch first. There's too many people doing that.

I've never dabbled into that world. Okay, I am so excited because our first sponsor today is Displate, which we've talked about before. But today we take it up a notch because, yes, we now have official disc plates of the podcast. When they asked me, they were like, do you want to have special, like, displays for the podcast? I was like, I don't even know what those would be. I don't think people would care or want them. But I guess some of you guys have been requesting it. So now we have, I think, like six designs.

There's a couple of duplicates. I'll explain in a second. Okay, so before I get into it, displayed. The one-of-a-kind metal poster that captures your unique passions. You can customize, collect, and arrange them however you want. They have over a million different designs available for everyone, like designs from Marvel or DC, Star Wars, Netflix, NASA, Game of Thrones, and a bunch of other games and movies. And now they have posters for the podcast.

Okay, so here's how this happened. We did a photo shoot, I think like back in July or August of 2022. And my friend Colby, who is an amazing photographer, he did these pictures of us and he created the album art for the show. And I always kind of wanted to turn the album art into a poster, but I was like, eh, is that weird? Are people going to want that? Well, then Displate came around and they said, hey, we want to do posters and I said,

I got designs. So Colby took the pictures that we did and he made these really awesome poster designs out of them. So like we have the group one, but then we have individual posters. So like for Jared, it says cheap tricks for Jared and it has little money signs, little things he drew. And then for Chris, there's two different versions of German facts and there's some bears and some German flags. It's very specific. I mean, listen, if you love the podcast, you're going to love these. If you've never seen the podcast, it would be really weird to have these on your wall. But you know what? Go for it. We also have Ryanland and he has his little Ryanland's recap. So it has

little movies and little like spotlights and stuff. And then there's mine, which I have two different color versions behind me and it's just little cool things from the podcast. So I love them so much. I think they're so cool. I love how practical they are because they snap on the wall because they're magnetic. So you can kind of rearrange them however you want or if you just want one or if you just want a couple. It doesn't really matter. You can just put them right on your wall. So please go check them out. Go support displayed and get some posters if you want. No pressure, but it would be really cool if you could have us on your wall and you could like send pictures to us and we could put the pictures in the podcast or you know just put them in your

bathroom. I don't know. Shit with us. Anyways. So here is what Display is doing. They're giving you guys a special discount. If you buy one to two designs, you will get 22% off. And if you buy three or more designs, you will get 33% off. All you have to do is go to Displate.com slash Shane Dawson and use code Grower at checkout. That's Displate.com slash Shane Dawson. Use code grower before you check out. Displate. Collect your passions. Thank you so much to Displate. I'm so excited. I can't wait for you guys to see the posters and have them on your walls. I can't wait to have them on my walls. And yeah, hopefully you like them. All right, enjoy the rest of the show. Um, okay, Chris, I don't mean to bring down the mood.

Okay. This is a lot. I feel like we should have started with... Okay, sorry. Um, okay, you're dressed as Scooby-Doo. Okay, how do we... So, Chris, you've had a very traumatic week. Yeah.

Um, and we've talked about it a lot, a lot off camera. You've had a very emotional week. I'm, can't believe you're... Shut. Claps for Chris. Wait, where is it? Hold on. Oh, there it is.

Claps for Chris. Thank you. for showing up today because I can't believe you did. I gave you so many outs. I was like, no, you don't have to do it. You're going to be in a Scooby-Doo costume. Do you not want to do that? So you had a pretty serious family situation happen.

I feel like we should talk about it. If you don't want to talk about it, though, you don't have to. I can talk about it. I mean, it's definitely on my mind. I'd be lying if I said I'm not thinking about it even right now. Although this is a really nice escape for that. And that's one I told you one reason why I did want to do it because it's like this is a fun escape from my reality.

and I haven't had that. So, yeah, this week has been one of the tougher weeks of my life. I think we talked on the podcast like a little under two years ago. My dad had a heart attack. And that was really traumatizing for me because my dad's such a strong, toughest nails, old school guy that you just think is invincible. And then when he had his heart attack, you flatlined.

I saw him. I didn't know if he'd ever wake up for a little while, seeing him look so frail with a breathing tube was one of the toughest things I've ever seen and really traumatized me. the following year I kept going in and out of the hospital thinking I was having heart attacks and just like not being well generally and it took me a long time to kind of I don't even think I'm fully over that yet but to feel sort of normal again and just a lot of things happened like a breakup

and all kinds of breakup of my 10 year relationship a lot of things happened and I felt like I was just starting to get over some of these things and now my dad had a stroke and my poor father is just like really going through it and I feel so bad for him and what's more frustrating than anything is he had the stroke trying to prevent a stroke he got a thing called

I'm not going to word it right I'm not a doctor but coiling to prevent he had a brain aneurism and to prevent that from causing a stroke he got a thing called coiling I think to prevent that and that something happened where he ended up because of the procedure having a stroke

and And it just sucked because after the procedure, there were two days where he seemed totally normal, totally good. And I was like, wow, you did it. Everything's great. Everything's good. We're clear. We're out of the water. And they were like, in fact, he's clear to go home.

Everything's fine. And then he went home and everything seemed great. And he was walking. He was normal. And then he just started having a headache one night. And it made me and my mom worried, but he's like, you guys are so annoying. It's nothing. It's a headache.

Leave me alone. And then it turned out that was the beginning of a stroke. Oh, my God. And was he alone when that happened? or what? No, he was with my mom, thank God. And my mom is the reason, actually, that he went to the hospital

because he would have never gone on his own. Truthfully, if I weren't for my mom, he wouldn't be here right now, you know? So she pushed him to go to the hospital. And, yeah, and they found out he, I don't know what was having or had, I'm still not sure about the whole thing, a stroke.

And the entire left side of his body went numb, so he can't feel his leg. and so he's at the hospital currently and oh my gosh I'm sorry yeah I mean it's rough even like I talked to him on the phone and just hearing him say like hello and I love you it was really tough for him like his speech has slowed down a lot and and it's just it's it's a nightmare

it's the scariest thing I've ever gone through and I can't like there are days where I feel so hopeful and I feel like he's going to be normal again but then there are days when I feel like I'm losing him and I never know what it's going to be. What are the doctors saying? Right now, there's not a lot they can do. So they're just kind of watching him and hoping he's. Do they have like a prognosis?

Do they say like we expect this to happen, you know, or we expect this to take place in the next month or so on a recovery path? I mean, the good news is they said the first after a stroke, the first like couple days are the toughest in terms of things going south or whatever and those days have fast

so he in theory shouldn't get much worse hopefully but you know my dad is such an active person who does everything himself he fixes everything he's like he's always needs to be doing things with his hands and like he doesn't have an arm

it doesn't have a leg as right now and it's like that's going to be so devastating for him. I can't even imagine. And my mother and my mother and I rely on him for a lot of things. And like, I just don't even know. I'm like, I don't know what my life looks like going forward now. I'm very scared. Like, it's, everything's going to be different going forward, you know. And I'm, yeah, I'm scared. Well, we're here and I'm so sorry. And everybody watching, I know some people don't believe in anything, and that's fine. But, you know, send prayers and good vibes. And we've all been praying really hard for your dad it's horrible i can't imagine like we've had strokes in our

family and it changes everything in like the blink of an eye and it's crazy that i mean yeah it's but you're really strong i can't believe you're here and i can't believe you're in a scooby-doo outfit you know i i'm just feeling like in his honor are we german factin dude you know for him what is the german fact what's the best german fact we got going right now Oh, no, he doesn't have one. Wait. Yes. Not only, but Chris might not have a German fact, but he has a family fact.

Ooh. That he gave me a taste of, and I was like, hold it, save it. Oh, my God. And then I asked him, I'm like, are you sure you can talk about this on a podcast? And he was like, yeah, I think I can. So hopefully he can. Wow, I'm fucking in. What is it?

So, firstly, I mean, truthfully, I didn't really prepare a fact because this week has been brutal. I didn't really have time to, like, figure out. Where were you letting shame taste earlier? What? The only silly German fact I have is Germany has a thousand varieties of sausage, which is just a same thing. Hey, for pops, man. German has a thousand sausages. Wow.

Hell yeah. But the thing Shane's talking about is insane. Have you guys heard of Freemasons? Yeah, of course. The Freemasons are read of it? I know very little about them, but my mother was showing me a photo. book of really old photos and she's like oh this is your grandpa

and ooh I mean this is kind of I don't know some people don't like hearing this and I was like hearing what and she's like I mean this is he was a freemason and this is him with all the freemasons of Peru and I was like what? And she was like yeah your grandpa was a free mason

I was like I didn't even know if that was like a real thing until just a thing I just like heard about like national treasure or something Free masons are pretty I mean there's Freemason lounges like up the road from here, you know. What does that mean? I don't even know a fucking Freemasons. Freemasons are like-minded people that are looking at, like, progressing and helping the world as it is, you know?

So even I know a couple of Freemasons and their big thing is they donate to children's hospitals. They throw charity events. Like, there's different levels of Freemasonry. Like, the only way you could even be a 33rd level of Freemason is if you're Scottish, or if you're in the Scottish branch of it. But I mean, generally speaking, Freemasons have had like positive influences. Wait, oh, wait, hold on.

I thought Free Mason, I don't know much either, but I thought Free Mason was Illuminati. No, the Illuminati are the people with all the money that control the agendas and the narratives, typically through media sources. Then how come every person that's come up to me has been like, how come you haven't talked about the Freemasons yet? Have you talked about Freemasons?

They've made it sound so scary. Like, free. And you're sitting here saying that they just don't need to. Well, I'm saying there's evil and everything and whatever, but like Freemasons, my understanding of it is the reason they're even called Freemasons, masonry is working with bricks and building things. So if you look at old architecture, there's a lot of similarities between how things are built. The pyramids have a lot of hidden meetings within the, within like the dimensions. A lot of older temples have the tri-tech or the tri-tap, which is the three openings. And Freemasons are responsible for building all these things.

and their goal is to pass along sacred knowledge through generations within architecture and things like that. So, I mean, I don't know my understanding of it and the people that I've met that are actually freemasons, they're like solid individuals. Yeah. But then again, I mean, you can pollute whatever waters you're in, but I mean, you know. But it's okay. So you're coming at it from an angle of my friend is a freemason. If your friend wasn't, what is the general public's idea?

Like, what is the mystery and why have so many people come up to me? They're scary because it is like somewhat of a, it's a member's only society in order to be a part of it. It's like a fraternity. It's looking like a cult when I'm joining here. But I mean the thing is you're joining? It says, be a freemason, not just a man, a mason. Okay. And it says they're committed to bettering themselves. Yes. A community and the world. They're on a journey of self-discovering.

And it says, take the first step. Phil Scientologist. I mean, look at it like this. If it was really about like, yes, I guess you saying Scientology does add an element here. But like, if it was really about that, they wouldn't just openly, you know, promote that they have lodges and they have meetings because they would get, you know, people would go and they'd try to look in and they'd see what's going on. but there's a lure to it but it's really just like a fraternity of guys that are trying to pass along information

looks like a brotherhood I do wonder why my mother would say that in town that people would find out because my grandfather owned like a shop in town like a clothing store and people would come in and would sort of like curse at

my mother and be like oh he's going to hell and he's like he's a bad read this and that because he's a freemason and like I don't know why they had that opinion like i also don't want to get like in trouble by them so like no it it sounds great i'm joining what i'm saying what i'm saying is like speculative based on my own experience what i've seen you know but it's like i i've always seen it as the freemasons and then there's the illuminati and it's almost like the two secret societies that control everything

you know where one is knowledge based one is pretty much agenda based with like money you know that's what I've always seen but yeah it was like my mother was sort of like scared to tell me and I was like why have you never told me this and I don't know it felt very like so what was her opinion did you inquire to your mom what was your mom's perception of a freemason I mean she didn't get to see a lot you know but she was like I don't know my dad was a hardworking guy and a good guy but you know and she was like people didn't like knowing that about him and people in town were weird about it and it was always a kind of weird hush hush thing and so this is worldwide that I don't know well where was the where was the This was in Peru. Who would have thought Chris would have had all these secrets? I didn't know I had this. The Freemason? A million dollar matchmaker. What else are you hiding?

I didn't mean to hide any of it. You've been waxing your buttholes since high school? Shaving, even worse. Dude, that's risky, bro. I waxed too. That's risky. If you cut that shit. I waxed my back a few times and a lady offered a butthole treatment.

I denied. Okay. We're going to take a quick little break. When we come back, I don't know. We're going to get less into buttholes. We're going to talk about something else, I promise. Okay, our next sponsor is one of my favorites and a classic because they've been with us since beginning, Ridge Wallet.

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one of their burnt titanium pens and i love it it's like heavy sorry i'm getting on a pen tangent but i just love it all right thank you ridge and enjoy the rest of the show okay our first week of marriage. Go. How do you think it's been? Give me a grade. 10 out of 10. Really?

Yeah, I think, well, how honest do we want to get? What is that supposed to be? Well, I think sex has been better in the first week of marriage. Oh, my God. Okay. Just saying. Okay.

Okay, you know what? No, weird brothers here. Chris is in... This never stopped you from being weird when my family's in the room. True. Okay, you know what? I will say, I think what's different. Well, you said it. And I cringed, but I agreed. And it's, it's different because things just feel more official. Well, no. Well, how did you put it? How did, what do you mean? Oh my God, I'm playing dumb. No, I don't know. I don't know what you're talking about.

So, Daphne. So Dap. I have no idea. No, I honestly don't. No, you said because it doesn't feel like sex anymore. Oh, I did say, oh, this is really good. Wow. I feel like it's too much. I feel like there's a cheesy alert. This is like a really, yeah. Wait, I want to know. No, this is too much. He said it. No.

No. You, if you want to say it, then you say it. That's so cringy. Can I guess? I just said sex was better. You don't have to go into personal details. What's that? How am I?

Let me guess. Okay. Now it feels like you're really making love. What? That's the gayest thing I've ever heard. Is that it? Yeah, that's what you said. No, I didn't.

That's what you said. Well, no, I just has been better. And then other than that, nothing really feels different. Okay. I think that's cute. I will say, you know what is, listen, not that I'm saying that you should wait till marriage. Although if you do, that is your choice. And I respect the hell out of that.

You're not going to promote this right now. Are you saving yourself to marry? You do look like a fucking guy that would be like an accident. That's so crazy. Shane like guys it's totally cool I would say don't even marry somebody before living with them Okay hold on actually this is a good conversation to start Because we were watching a video of a guy talking about the fact that he was waiting till marriage to have sex

And we were watching it and we both had two very different reactions to it Your reaction was like fucking idiot You want him just to go fucking idiot? Sure if that's what we'll make him feel better I, like, need to explore lots of elements before I settle down in my life. But maybe I'm different. My reaction was like, oh, I couldn't do that. But, like, wow, that's really cool that he can do that.

And I think it's obviously because we were raised really religious, really Christian. You know, you don't have to settle marriage. Yeah, but gay people go to hell. Oops. And then, you know, you were raised. Buy people go to hell? I know, I don't know. What does the Bible say?

I think bi people are in purgatory, like in the summer. So I'll see. It's called the Bible. Whoa I'm just saying Is that blasphemous? I can't smell Bible without five Is that blasphemous?

I don't know. No, because God knows my heart, dude. Yes. God knows my fucking heart. God knew your heart. When you were out there on Grindr fucking around almost catching something. Yeah.

God knew your heart. Yeah. Flattening the tongue. Uh-huh. When you're out there making walls, flattening the tongue. Shut up to Hannah. Cheap trick.

Cheap trick. Anyways, what I'm saying. is if you choose to do that, I think that's cool. Ryland disagrees. But when we have kids, what are we going to do? And I talked about this in therapy. I was like, okay, so when we have a kid, I'm like, I don't want to raise them too crazy religious, but I want them to believe in God, but then I want them to have a choice.

And if they don't believe in God, that's okay, but then I'll be sad. But I want them to, you know, and then I'm like, well, what about sex? I'm like, I don't want them to go out there and just start having sex all the time when they're like too young, but then how do you tell them not to do? And then what are you going to do? Because you're like, Grindrinder. Like, I just don't know what we're going to do. I'm not an advocate for Grindr.

I was, I had a whole phase in my early 20s, which I thought was appropriate because I don't know, how are you going to know what you don't like until you explore something you don't like? And if you marry someone and save yourself until then you're fucked. I am actually curious about if there's any couples out there, leave us a comment. Did you not have sex with your partner until, you know, you were married or something? And then did you realize, oh, God, we're not compatible. Well, it's why the Mormons are getting married so young and popping out.

kids at 19 because they're saving themselves until marriage, so they get married at 18. I still think it's cool. I think it's very cool. Yes. Why not? Yes. You guys are twisted. You know, because it's like, because you're going out there because you want to see

what you like, what you don't like, and you're doing that with a variety of people, but you could have just waited until you got married and done that all with one person and shared the complete experience with another person, you know? I'm just saying, like, I think you can get trying what you're. like and what you don't like if you wait until marriage i don't think that's like an experience you'll be denied of but it does make sense i i i guess i i kind of see where riley's coming from because in my mind if like you got a ho-phase not really oh you don't he's always no you're a serial long-term dater yes so he like gets in the long-term relationships and does this but i have a

whole phase mine but i all yes but i also i mean i i had a lot of sex in the relationships just you know you're addicted to i'm kidding oh i love but okay but okay but okay but okay but i'll You know, it's an uphill battle. But here's my thing, is like, what happens if you save yourself until marriage and then you just hate sex with that person? Like, what if you're sexually completely incompatible? I see what Jared means. I do think that I see the romantic element of if you find your soulmate, hopefully younger,

sooner than later. I do think the sex would be good if you're so head over hills in love with the person. But for me, it was such an. experience in an adrenaline rush and fun to do what I did, I would never want to do it differently or have that erased from my history. I wouldn't want to take that away. While you were doing, the zone out thing. Dude, superpower. I'm telling you. Yeah, killed it. Just kidding. Just kidding. I was listening. You're not even listening to me right now. Yeah, I'm trying. I know. Love you. Um, no, what I was going to say is I realized why I brought this up. Because I always wondered

if the whole waiting until marriage thing was kind of like, and it doesn't really, but you're right. Well, nothing changed. We've been together for seven years, but everything did feel different now that we're married. It was more like, oh, but it's just so sad that I can't put a baby in you. That is sad. I would have been pregnant two years in if I was a girl.

Well, I love you. Well, I love you, too. And I give us an A plus for marriage. You know who doesn't love us? Who? The fucking gay outlets. What? Like the gay news outlets.

Why? So here's the thing. I've detached. After, like, we had been canceled for, like, the fifth time. I love how he says we. Well, I mean. Well, you're married, silly. It was 50% him getting canceled.

True. True. I'm here, aren't I? Well, you're married. I really got good at, I would say, my superpower was detaching from people's opinions about me. Because I was like, I know who I am. I know all of these things. I did a lot of work on myself.

And I thought, who cares what other people have to say about me? Me listening to people's thoughts about me only hinders me from being authentically myself, which would make me less me. So, yeah, dude, come on. Give a fucking applaud. Hell yeah. I can repeat that if you paid me,

but I loved it. It was unavoidable because people were sending me the, like, news articles that they were seeing about our wedding. Like, they were saying, like, you know how you scroll left on your phone and there's, like, news articles? So, like, people were screenshoting and sharing them.

And so I, like, it's our wedding. I just wanted to see, like, what these news articles were going to say. And I couldn't help it. I just had to look. And so, like, I click on e-news. Such a nice write-up. So, okay.

I know, crazy. What did it actually say? It was nice. It was really nice. No, it wasn't. No mention of anything rude or crazy. People also super nice. All these magazines, super nice.

And then my mom accidentally sends two screenshots. Right. And, like, Out Magazine, which is like all gay. It was like controversial. YouTube. Like, of course the headline is like clickbaiting on the controversial element. I think I opened it because your mom sent it to us and I did see it was the very controversial YouTube. It was really aggressive. And then Shane was like, oh, thanks. And my mom's like, oops, didn't see that like the headline was kind of like dissing you. Probably won't

see us on a phone. No, I just thought it was interesting. It's fine. It's fine. I'm married, so whatever. Okay. I want to do this quick because I I feel like talking about New Year's resolutions. It's kind of always the same ones. Like Jared earlier, we were talking about this off camera, and you were like, yeah, it's always, what is it? Save money, lose weight, eat better. Sounds good.

Those are the top three. Fail, fail, fail. Yes. So maybe really quick, let's go around the room and talk about our resolutions, but realistic and try to make them special. So what I'm doing is this year, I'm really making an effort to learn Spanish. Ooh.

For real, for real. That's great. For real, for real. You know what I'm saying? So I got a nap called. delingo and i've been using it every day it's very cool and easy so hopefully because next time i go to mexico i'd like to be able to talk better spanish i'd like to be able to talk to uh some i've seen these family members uh and have longer conversations more in depth so i'm learn

spanish well that's a great resolution should we practice just for a second no oh oh you need necessary no you're hard your whole perked up I think that means your penis is big. I don't even know what that means. I don't know how to say hard yet. You know what I mean? How do you say hard? Hard?

I don't know. I also, I also need to like, do you speak Spanish my dude? Barely, barely, barely. Honestly, that should be my resolution. My her man. I've been trying to, here's my thing. I was raised by a German man and a Peruvian woman and everyone's like, oh, do you speak German and Spanish?

And I'm like, I barely know English. Like I know, that's a sick off. I know, like, I know, like, my. family in germany is mad i don't know german my family in peru is mad i don't know spanish like i just i literally i don't know so it's impossible for me in high school i took spanish one three times failed each time it's my mother's first language and she's like how are you so bad at this and like it doesn't stay i also have duolingo and i've done it like is that a pop star it's word like a language learning app there's like a cute owl but um no i i've done the same like

three beginning like Spanish things probably a hundred times each none of it stuck maybe we should all learn Spanish this year and do one podcast

episode entirely in Spanish yes yes yes yes I need to learn

Spanish well for the world yeah that was good for the whole world

wow that's good wait is your wife fluent can she why doesn't she just teach you uh yeah

she is but it's more special if I learn it on my own. And then you can kind of surprise her. Yeah. Wow, that's cute. But I mean, to her credit, if I said, hey, let's sit down for like 30 minutes and you can teach me Spanish, she'd be all about it. But I'll probably wait until I'm able to have like a conversation-esque.

It's more romantic to like take her on a dinner day and you're like just talk Spanish. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Galli, baby. Guy to let's shut up. He just said, shut up, please. Is he just said? No, no, no, no. Cajete?

Please, cackete le boca. That's shut your fucking mouth. Wow, I think I want to do that too. Cajal de Pinchie Baca. Shit. Wait, that's just fucking, right. Shut your fucking mouth. I thought you were saying we should

Spanish-Ca-Lap. Yeah, yeah. A minute. I don't get it. So, say, where you want. D'Onde is my liais. Yeah, don't, uh, K is your resolution of Luna.

Nuevo, annual. I didn't make New Year's resolutions this year. I'm over it. Okay. I feel like, hey! I was going to give sentiment. Oh, sorry. I feel like they're stupid.

You look like you have no eyelashes right now. It's because my makeup artist sucks. Well, I don't have my equipment. Alexa Losey next time or nothing. I am talking to her about getting on the show. She's Alexa. Did you say her name wrong? I don't know because I get her confused with the other girl that's a YouTuber.

Okay. Well, she's a huge makeup artist and she's coming on the show. soon. Don't worry. You'll be beat. Chris, what is your resolution? I honestly didn't make any either, but that's a really good one. That is going to be my, well, now. I mean, I did also gain a lot of weight last year, maybe, but that's the thing everyone says, and they don't do it. But I don't know. I kind of would like to go back to what I was. I think you look beautiful. Thank you. My resolution is I actually. Be nice to your husband every day. What? Be nice to your husband every day. that's a good one for you

for you mine is actually something fun that I think is for all of us and it's very doable nice it's duolinguble I think we need to take

our first official podcast trip I think we need to go somewhere Cabo shoot it yeah we need to learn Spanish go to Cabo

and then we go to a place right do a podcast have fun but then we get have fun together, hang out, and get some stories for the pod. Yeah, we need to bond. We need to group bonding. Yeah, we're going to think of a trip, so we need to think of a place, maybe Cabo,

maybe Vegas, something fun. I love Vegas. If you guys have any ideas of where we should go, let us know, maybe we could do a live one. I don't know, maybe. That might be pushing it. Live on location. I would love that. I would love that. I've been super intrigued by Florida lately, dude. Why? Why? I mean,

why? I love Florida. It's like a different planet, dude. If you're listening, I love you. I love you. No, Shane has that reaction because of the humidity. Oh, yeah. Fuck all that. I remember the Florida. I remember going to Florida.

Oh, my gosh. But it just seems very unique. I lived there when I was a lot of people. A lot of people have pet alligators. No, they don't. Yeah, they do. You're kidding me. These are TikTokers that are dead like tomorrow, right?

Yeah. From their alligator. What's up with Joe exotic? What does that mean? Is he still in jail? Oh, that's a, I didn't watch it. That's like Tiger. The Tiger King.

Yes. I don't know. I was in Tiger King, too. No big deal. You're in it? Oh, yeah. Wait, were you really? He's in for one second because they show him dancing in his girl outfit on tape.

Wait, really? Yes. Chris. Oh, I didn't bring this up in our TV appearance. No. Ryland. No big deal. Keep getting more famous.

Wait, doesn't Florida have like anaconda like problem? Well, no. In the evergreens, in the 90s, there was a huge flood, or actually I think it was the 80s. There was a flood and it knocked over a bunch of breeding facilities for snakes. So now there's just shitloads of pythons. everywhere in the Everglades growing up to like 20 feet and it's interesting because all the other wildlife species have decreased in population by like 90%

because the snakes are just going through and eating everything. That's horrifying. So all these people that wanted pets before, you know, they're all there just in the Everglades. Huh. The more you know. So combo.

Also, can I just say that I was very scared to admit on the podcast that I can't speak Spanish is kind of a big moment for me? It is kind of embarrassing, right? It's super, it's super embarrassing. No, but like on a cultural level, like any time you hear like someone who's born like, especially second generation, if you're second generation, if you don't know the language, it's kind of like embarrassing. It's embarrassing and it's also a lot of, like I feel like I should and I feel guilty about it. And whenever I go to like a store like a meat market or something where it's like all, you know, Latino people and they all talk to me Spanish immediately and then I can barely like carry it on.

And then I feel like dumb for not knowing it. and then they look at me like, oh, you don't know it. Like, you're not, like, some people, like, you're not really Latino, which is, like, I'm very proud of being Latino. I don't think I'm less Latino for not knowing it, but I don't know. It's a whole thing. Cheap trick. Just wear headphones, bro.

No one talks to you when you were headphones. But you have to order. Oh. Well, Tief, learn Spanish. But Selena, the Latin pop icon, yes. Didn't know any Spanish. Wow.

And she's, bro, are you really? You're going to say that about Salina when you're already kind of pissed on some Latino? Yes. Very dangerous, bro. She's an icon. She's a god. She's an icon. She didn't know any Spanish and everyone loved her and she made songs in Spanish that she memorized the words to and did not know the language.

Okay. What you just did, though, that's really weird is you just try to compare yourself to Selina. No, I would never. That is not what I'm doing and I would never ever do it. But do you get what I'm saying? Yes. I do. Are you prepared to teach your kid Spanish?

Yeah, of course. Okay. I think you almost have to know Spanish. It's like a good thing to know, you know. Well, then I think that maybe that could be... We're all on this together. You guys can do it. That'll be your guys' resolution.

Mine will be to book a trip to Cabo. Yes. Pretty fun goal. Let me book a trip to Cabo. Well, it's realistic because I can do it. I think, well, not because it's something that I can do for all of us. It's something you can execute. Yeah, that'll be fun.

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It's like, yeah. Sorry, I had coffee. I'm like. Enjoy the rest of the show. Bye. Okay, so we have a lot of very weird conspiracies to talk about today. One involves a whole AI simulation that Jared's going to control. But before we get to that, really quick, I just want to bring this up because I got a lot of people reaching out with Titanic conspiracies because of what we talked about last time.

Yes. I've made videos about this before. So, you know, if you've already seen this video, you already know. But I hadn't seen this picture before. I don't think. Unless I didn't. I forgot. Mandela. Okay, so there's a theory that it wasn't the actual Titanic that sank. It was another boat called the Olympic. Now, that is something that is probably one of the most famous Titanic conspiracies. And I always thought, oh, that's kind of interesting. But then I saw this picture. So if you look at this picture. On the top, you'll see a picture of the Titanic right now under in the water, right? Right under that, it's just an enhanced version. Okay, but then if you look at the fourth one down, that is a picture of the Olympic. If you look at the windows, the square rectangle windows, you look at the way that the front windows are,

shaped. It looks very, very similar to the Titanic, all the pictures above it. But then you look at an actual photograph from the actual Titanic when it was floating above the water and look at the windows. So they're more squared. More squared. They're right next to each other. There's not like a sequence of one one one two one. No. But then when so portals. So the one on the bottom is a Titanic the day it was sailing. The one on the top is a Titanic underwater. They look nothing alike, right? No, I mean, you could clearly see that the windows are tall and rectangular and not square. And then the one four down is the Olympic. So did I miss the theory?

The theory is, well, it's long and complicated, but the theory is that they sank a ship called the Olympic that actually had been damaged in a previous situation. And they wanted to sink it and collect the insurance money. And they just pretended like it was a Titanic. And that's what happened. But there's a lot of holes in that theory. Like, for example, if you wanted insurance money, why would you have to kill thousands of people in the process. That doesn't really make any sense. Why would you do that? But when I saw

this picture it did, it shook me a tiny bit because it does look very different. But also, no disrespect. Titanic's my favorite movie of all time and, you know, rest in peace to all the people. I saw James Cameron down there. He was doing the work. I watched like 50 minutes of James Cameron in a fucking submarine doing the thing. No, James Cameron definitely went down there. And there is definitely a boat down there. But some people think that it's the Olympic. It's not the Titanic. I know, but I trust James. I trust Jamie. With anything he wants to tell me, I'll say, yes James yes but but whatever you say James the thing is the James would also be getting bamboozled in this scenario because he does think he's looking at the Titanic and I mean if

you're dedicated in your life to that you don't want to hear that that's not well I'm sure he I'm sure he heard the theories before he did his research and I'm just telling you James knows best wow we hit a weird weird soft subject here yeah you even know James Cameron was like Until two months ago. No, I've always loved Titanic. Really? Have you guys heard, though, that the Terminator is actually the prequel to the Matrix? I've never seen the Matrix.

And the mom, so the Terminator, the whole concept of the Terminator is there's this thing called Skynet, which is like the future internet where it's like this matrixy thing anyways. And they send back the Terminator to save the one that's able to save everybody from the Armageddon, which is John Connor. John Connor evidently grows up to be Neo. Oh. And it's a whole intertwined story. But that's not true, right?

I saw a clip on Instagram. I don't know. From a very credible reposting source. Right, right, right. Okay, yeah, interesting. Well, this is also something that was sent to me by Keanu. And we haven't done this in a while, but this is a doppelganger from one of her books that she had at school. Oh, my God, for you.

That kind of looks like me, right? It looks like you in a very specific robe. It does. It does. Like, I could probably find the picture. I kind of feel like that's me. And that could be you. Oh, that's, oh my God.

I love, we should hang this piece of art in our house. Look at her holding money. She's probably pregnant, that bitch. Anyways, okay. So, now let's get to the real theory, which isn't even a theory. It's just something really scary that I just heard of 20 minutes ago. Jared, keep this up. So you have something on your phone called, what is it called?

Yes, it's called chat GPG, I believe. And if you go to chat. dot open ai i'm just trying to get on the screen here a i dot com you can go to this and what it is is basically a a i generated you ask it whatever question you want you tell it to do a task and it'll do anything to the point where principals at schools have actually had to go over the loudspeaker and say that no student is allowed to use chat gpg to uh like for exams or for book reports or Because I can literally just type in right now Let me film, let me film so people can see this

Yeah, it's like name a book, you know The Catcher in the Rye The Catcher, so I could just put Write a book report No way What? This is a cheap trick The Catcher

Is this free? And damn straight it is On Catcher in the Rye Yeah, so The Catcher in the Rye is a novel written by Bubba Blah Dada And it's gonna keep going And going and going

Until you get that fucking A plus Oh my God Yes, sirpid Plagiarism but do your thing girls But yeah so but basically like earlier I've been using it I haven't been using it But I was curious what it could do

Okay And I even had it write a rap battle For Mario and Luigi And it did the whole thing No way Hugs watch so uh Wait Side question

Can you make it talk or is it just text? No it's just text Okay I know it's I'm sure there's a nap coming out for that Okay But, like, Chris, what is something that you think I should type into this? Like, what is something that you want to know?

A great German fact. Oh, yes. Oh, what is the best fact about Germany? Oh, my gosh. Don't give Chris this. He's not going to have to do his homework. Okay, so the best fact about Germany is... Oh, wait, Chris, can you read that in a German accent?

Germany has many interesting facts. It's going by so fast. Additionally, German is known for its strong social well. welfare system and has one of the lowest unemployment rates in the European U.S. See? Shout out to JADDGB. That's like faster than a Google search.

How does it do it? Wait, okay. Can I try something? Yeah. Um, write me a rap battle. Right. A rap battle. Between James Cameron. James Cameron. Okay. And Hillary Duff. Ooh, I like that.

Why hasn't that happened? I don't know. Right? That's fucking weird. that that doesn't happen. The combo we didn't know we need it. Okay, so Hillary Duff and James Cameron. No way. Oh, no. Oh, wait.

Rap bottles. Okay. How about this? Write a love song. Yes, better. About, well, not a live song, you fucking weirdo. A love song. It doesn't want to write a love song, did. Song from James Cameron to Hillary Duff. Oh, genius.

Okay, so let's see. James Cameron, what do you got, dude? Why can't they do... Wait, this is actually more of a conspiracy. What are we... Is Hillary Duff? Is this Hillary Duff? Okay. Are you Hillary Duff?

Let's see. Are you Hillary Duff? I mean, dude, I'm fucking freaking out, dude. Can it predict things? Oh, wait. No, I'm not Hillary Duff. I am chat G. But wait a second. I didn't even spell Harry Duff right.

I didn't know I'm an Hillary Duff. Wow. Weird. Okay, well, what else can we ask? Should we ask, how is the world going to end? end? Yes. How is the world going to end? What if it knows? But this is the thing. This is like fucking mainstream chat GBG. We need like the dark web one because I think that would really tell us. I don't know. How is the world going to end? There are many different theories and

predictions about how the world might end, but no one knows for certain. Some religious believes. So basically it's just going to tell us a bunch of stuff. It's not going to give us an exact though. A bunch of like theories. Yes. Do women love growers? Okay. Interesting question. Do women love growers? I'd be very interested to know if it knows what that is. As an AI, I do not have the capability to know what every woman thinks are feels. Anytime you talk about love because they don't want to push like, you know, love.

Can you say how big is my penis? Yes. How big is my penis? It's going to say it doesn't know. Imagine it gives the exact. Oh my God, you've been violated. No way. Oh my God, I got you kicked off your favorite app.

You got me kicked off. How about this? Where is the clitoris? That's informational. I don't know. This is an app all need for that. Where is the Cliffers? Where is the Cliffers?

No, okay. But yeah, I mean, you could, people are using this to, like I said, that the main thing is to do research, right reports, things of that nature. But, I mean, you can use it for anything you want. Well, maybe type in what is a good conspiracy theory. What is a good? Because I'm out of them. Conspiracy theory. we got this.

Okay. Theory. But a lot of people are saying that this is essentially going to be like, you know how Elon Musk talks about the neuralink? Uh-huh. This will be in your brain. You know what I'm saying? So at any point, it's like, write a rap battle.

And then boom, you got a rap battle in your head. So we're all going to be Google computers. Wow, it's giving us a lot of conspiracies, all of which I've already talked about before. So is no one ever going to actually do their homework again? It's like everyone. Well, that's what we were talking about this months ago. But yeah, Elon Musk is trying to put, or not, I don't know. But he had an idea to put a chip in our brains.

It's going to make our brains be able to do this or be like Google. Yeah, basically we'll give your brain like a Bluetooth capability and be hardwired into your neurons to be able to access information through it. They're saying that it's going to be something where it'll monitor like your blood pressure. It'll let you know if you have impending health ailment coming. Wow. So I really think it's going to be mind control, you know. So you think they're going to, that's how they're going to try to get us to want it.

Like, oh, it tracks all these things for you, but in reality. And there's people pushing it saying, like, you know, when you get it, you'll be, like, have you seen Limitless the movie where the dude is like super rich because he knows how to do everything in a millisecond? It'll give you that kind of capability. So people will get this and just be rich the next day because they'll know everything and be able to. But if everyone knows everything, what does that mean for society? Yeah. Exactly. That was iconic.

That was very deep. Oh, you just said that. Whoa. Okay. well that's really scary but I worry about like with that okay so what if I'm just thinking I'm pissed off right and it's like obviously guys I'm anti-murder you know I'm against it but what if I'm thinking like I want to kill this motherfucker would it be like ding ding ding ding ding and it would arrest me just right there whoa is it illegal now to have that thought or calls the

police if you're having bad thoughts is it going to send me thoughts like is it going to say me like hey just run this red light and crash into somebody can a hacker get into it and and like make you press a kill switch anything that can be hacked can be hacked. But this does seem like the next logical step. That was the stupidest smartest thing I've ever said. I mean, this is going to happen 100%. I mean, the Jetsons, I saw something recently

about everything the Jetsons has predicted. Really? Yeah, smart watches, robotic vacuums, FaceTime, the internet, flying cars. Not yet. Yeah, so we can discredit everything they thought of. Wow. That is scary. I need a flying car. Would you get a chip in your brain, Chris?

Hell yeah. And it tells me like five facts about Chris? That would be into that. I don't want it in my brain, dude. That's like The Terminator. I don't even like the level of technology in my core. You know what I'm saying? So I don't want it in my head.

I'm scared about stuff in my body. You're right. I mean, but I don't know. Not everything. Okay. All right. You know what? I don't have a segue for this, but Rylan,

get your sweet ass up and give us a recap. I thought you'd never ask. My camera action. Rylid's Recap is about to happen. Rylid's recap. On today's episode of the Shane Dossin podcast, the boys are dressed as the cast of Scooby-Doo-Doo. I don't have anything.

That's it? The first week of marriage. You're making love, baby. Riland and Shane are celebrating their first week of marriage by officially making true love in the bedroom. By the way, your mom was here for the whole first week. So this is weird. We did not have sex while you're not.

actually we didn't we did not once not one criminal um okay um oh oh chris shaves his butthole in cringy news chris is taking a razor to his asshole and his balls let that sink in and his balls wax like a normal person you you wax your butthole no hell no so it's just the nightmare down there she's just it's very clean i can show you a picture shane's never say the picture oh i've never seen In shocking news, Shane has never seen his butt hole. We're assuming it's pink. I've never seen mine either. And we know it's pink.

Thank you. I'm starting only fans. Only fans. Oh, Jared's starting the only fans, fat guy laying down on the couch. In controversial news for me to say, Jared's starting a fat guy laying on the couch only fans. Maybe people throw food at me or something. I don't know, guys.

I don't know. Yeah, you can just throw. What do you want to see? Jared get thrown at him today. Bologna! Damn, that was very exciting. My baloney pony. Oh, I'll help you produce this.

Honestly, if you guys didn't only fans like that together, it would make me feel weird. What? Just give me a little bit. I think I'd feel weird, but let's do it. Okay, premarital sex. Shane's a youth counselor. Real controversial news. The weirdo brothers over here

believe you should wait to have sex until after marriage. had fake news. Come on. Fake media. I'm the reporter. I can spread fake news. Fake media. Oh, Chris doesn't know

Spanish and he's embarrassed. In sad news, Chris is disappointing the entire world by not knowing Spanish. Dude, it feels so deep with that. It feels like the whole world, man. I think it's fine.

Don't more people speak Spanish than English? Probably. Wow. Chris isn't one of them. I'm just kidding, Chris. I think you're beautiful just the way you are. Yeah.

A beautiful embarrassment. Oh, Chris is a Freemason. Possibly. In weird frat news, we've learned Chris comes from a long line of freemasons. Honestly, why didn't no one ever ask me to be a Freemason of offended? I don't know. We can join together. I was never even asked to be in the Illuminati, not even at my peak.

Offensive. I know. Oh, the Titanic never sank. Fake news. It was the Olympic. Duh. He won't even say it. It can be like a James Cameron fanboy.

You're a fucking agenda right now? Yeah. My agenda is James Cameron. Fucking Jim. Oh, but the boys are going to Cabo possibly. Vacation alert. The Shane Dawson podcast is headed to Cabo. Do you have a passport? Oh, yeah.

Really? Yeah. Why didn't I feel like you're bad. Dude, I got a passport card. Where are you going? Mexico. Why? Sandy's family.

Sandy's family lives there. That's why he's learning Spanish, an idiot. You didn't listen? He's owned it. He took your cheap trip. I love you. Oh, yeah.

You're mean. Mean. Do you have a passport? I do. Okay, good. Well, Shane and I don't. We don't. We need to get them.

We lost them. Now, if you ask me if I know where it is, that's a different question, but I'll find it. Got it. Same. What else happened? I've been looking for two years. Oh, wait.

Okay. In serious news, shoutouts and prayers all around the world. Okay. Yeah, yeah. In serious news, we want shoutouts and prayers for Chris's dad for a speedy recovery to be back and healthier than ever. Thank you. That was really nice. Yeah. Shoutout and prayers. But seriously, pray. Yeah. Whoa. I'm threatening them a little. You got to pray just to make it today. Oh. MC Hammer, dude. I say we pray. Oh, AI is ruining the world. I forgot in what context. All of it. Oh, we just did a long thing. A.I. is taken over, buckle up, bitches, there's no escape. All right, I think we can end it.

And that's it for today's episode of the Shane Dawson podcast. Thank you guys so much for watching, subscribing, listening, anywhere you get your podcast. Make sure you follow us on all our social media platforms. Shane has dropped new Shane Dawson podcast merch. It's so cute. The email line. Click shop, buy, love, and we will see you next week or the week after that on the Shane Dawson podcast.

Well, there you guys go. Hopefully you enjoyed whatever the hell that was. That was a journey. I'm exhausted. It was. Let's hop in that mystery ink van and do some drugs and get out of here. Let's do it. Let's go to Mexico.

Perfect. Yes. On your Spanish. We'll see you guys. Next time. Bye. Thank you.