The Shane Dawson Podcast - Conspiracy Theories and WE GOT OUR SPERM TESTED!!

Episode Date: September 13, 2023

In this episode the boys talk about Conspiracy Theories and get tested! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

So I got, I would say, 400 emails with this, and you guys all got messages. Should I go to the bathroom? I think I know what it is already. I know exactly what is. Okay. I'm dying. Should we all say it together at the same time? One, two, three. Don't keep submitting these, you asses.

Oh, we have to talk about your sperm. Oh, save it. What? Hey, welcome back to whatever. hell this is uh yikes edition there's a fly that like won't stop flying around so at some point you'll see it it'll be fun like a game um it'll land on her faces and all around us and none of us will kill it because we're bitches well welcome back um okay so first of all well i don't even know where to start i have so much written down i've so much prepared today guys i feel like i've been

punishing you a lot with some of these food theories i haven't had the urge to replicate most of them. Yes. Yeah, it's good. It doesn't taste great. Dunk it? Oh, man. It really hurts everything. But today, I have something later in the show that is such a treat.

It's so exciting. I'm so excited. And I've got to keep it from you guys the whole time you've been here. I hope it's not the McFlurries melting in the fridge. Because I'm already, I don't even know what that's going to be. But the fact that they're in the fridge and not the freezer is breaking my heart. Like, I can't take it. So there are McFlurries.

There's a lot involved. I'm not going to give it away. You have to stick around. Oh my God, I love them. I'm excited. Unfortunately, we have to. Okay, so let's really quickly. Let's just talk about our looks really fast because I feel like I created a really ugly and not cohesive vibe today. And I'm just going with it. Although, no, if you look at Chris, he has these yellow shirt and then under it, he has our Sariah Zoned Out merch inspired by Jared's Superpower. Ryland's wearing a fucking shitty-ass shirt. It's a nice color, but it's a fabric that gives me the ick.

Well, listen, I had to start rolling back the budget for the show. It got a little expensive. I was getting a little out of hand with my purchases. We do high episodes and we do low episodes. The last racer jacket was high. That was expensive. And so this is low. This is fucking low.

Out of everyone I like your look the best. The pink corduroy. It's very cool. I like it. Oh, thank you. That color palette's nice. Very on brand. It's falling apart.

You look like you give great hugs in that, you know? I do. Look like a hugger. You know what I realized? We're huggers. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, for sure.

Your family is huggers, for sure. And your family's not huggers at all. It's very awkward, but your family hugs me. Are they only doing it because they know I'm a hugger? Or do you think they enjoy it because they don't get in enough? Maybe both. I don't know. Yeah, like when we leave events with my family, nobody's hugging.

Whoa. But like, even when Jared leaves our house here, I hug him. Okay. Do you guys just not say it for any reason or is it just not regular? Every individual sibling does it with my mom. mom. We don't do it amongst each other. Wow. I say I love you to the fucking Uber. I

say to everybody. Love you. In like a Latino household, it's like expected not only to hug but like a kiss on the cheek with women and like and you have to do that. Everybody. To everyone in the room and you know and if you don't it's like disrespectful. Yeah, white people we just leave

you know. We actually call it an Irish goodbye. We just like we all know we're going to say goodbye to each other. Yeah. You know? So like if we just leave it's okay. No one brings it up it's okay uh well i don't know how to transition to this but here we go uh jared you told me that you had a really good story about getting your sperm tested it's funny i'm able to make it funny okay well i'm just saying it's a serious thing but it's a funny story right so uh i had to get my sperm tested and i was well because in the current moment you know me and sandy are

or trying to expand her family and try to have kids. Right. So I had my sperm tested very early in the morning, and you're not able to ejaculate for like five days. Wow. Whoa. Yeah, so you can't ejaculate for like five days. That's like the threshold, or three to five days, I believe. But I want it to max out to five days.

So it doesn't feel like it's going to be hard to ejaculate, you know, after five days of not being able to ejaculate. But on the way there, I'm chugging water. I got like three huge bottles of water. I'm chugging the water. I'm starting to feel sick. But in the back of my head, I'm just thinking it'll make it easier to get my blood taken. So I'm chugging all this water.

I, you know, I'm holding in my pee as much as I can. You pissed all over. No, so when I get into the actual place, I do use the restroom. And I tell them what I'm there for. And I'm just like super bloated and feeling kind of nauseous, you know? And the lady takes me back into a door that says janitor room. But then that door is like a false door for another room. Basically, I go through like three weird hallways to get to this little room, and it's set up like a camgirl room or like one of these like little fake like five by fucking three rooms.

It looks like it's supposed to just give the illusion of a full room on film or something. So that made me feel kind of weird. And they got a TV with a fucking Roku, the Netflix, the DVD player, they got porn on them. I ain't going to touch none of this shit. You know what I mean? Like, I don't want to touch it. It's horrible. And they got lotion.

And it looks like a teen masturbation station. You know It's just weird So and they got a TV looking right at you And there got to be a camera somewhere Oh yeah So what I did is I ended up getting pillows And stacking them on the TV

Because I felt like I just felt weird I felt like I had to like It felt weird to me you know And then they had all these lights on So I figured out how to turn all the lights off So now I'm in this super dark room Where I don't want any light This is really different

The thing is too You want to guys So I'm in like a pitch black room pretty much with no light with pillows in front of me and I don't want to be on my phone because I feel like that'll be light and then I'll be sketchy why don't you want to see yourself I felt it felt invasive to me you know like you walk me in this weird back fucking room that looks like this yeah it would have felt less weird if it was just a chair a TV and like you know like to do your thing dude go do it you know but this was really

set up so it felt weird it took quite a while you know and then I thought damn I'm taking a while. Like, they think I'm probably really making a moment out of this shit. Like, and then I ejaculated. And then, you know, long story short, short story long, whatever. I did it. And then I turn on all the lights. I put everything back to normal.

I didn't want it to look weird when I opened the door. But when I go back out, they're just chit-chatting about. I knew what they were talking about. It was a Miley Cyrus song. Okay. Like, oh, are you guys talking about the Miley Cyrus song? And I'm like, holding my fucking sperm, you know what I mean? And then it just like, it feels weird.

Like, I just had, they know what I just did, you know? I was like, three of them talking about. And they're like, yeah, we're talking about that. Here, I'll take that. And then she's all looking at it. Like, I said, I have to do a visual inspection. She's doing this. I was like, oh, does it look real?

And there I was like, that's a weird thing to ask. You know? You know what a total nightmare is? When you go to the cum place, the sperm bank and the guy. They should just call it cum place. The cum place. Okay, yeah, we'll make an appointment for the cum place. And when the guy that is, you know, the head nurse at Cummart.

I wish it was a guy. When you walk up. And he goes, huh. Oh, and you go, but he doesn't say anything because he's,

you know, being professional. And in my head, I'm like, okay. And then he takes me back to the, the sad room.

And I, I jerked off on my knees. Well, you and I, we are, dude, that makes me feel way better. You were just on the floor.

I got on the floor. Well, we went, hold on. I just want to preface by saying, you and I went in at the exact same time,

and we made it a competition to see who could accomplish goal fast yeah so you guys were in the same room you had like they wouldn't let us in the same room they were like right next we were next door neighbors yeah we guys like yelling at each they they probably don't want like the contamination the cross-contamination of the sperm because they're yeah and they don't know I'm a dribbler and it's fine so I'm on my knees and I'm jerking off and I'm like you know yeah my balls are pressed up against the chair oh my god they put

puppy pads on our chair well the other puppy pad so my balls are up against the puppy pad so it feels like it's slamming into something I come and I'm like that's my child and as you know it's a small cup and it gets so some of it got on the outside so I'm trying to wipe that off sick mother fun I go and I hand it to the nurse guy the nurse and and as I'm handing it to him I see that there's a pub sticking on it and I like and I hand it to him and he he grabs it from me and I'm just like it's too late to pick the hair off it I don't know what to do and he just takes it and yeah he inspects it and then he's just like No, okay. Pigs the hair off.

Oh, no. One icon and takes it. And he never said if you watch the podcast or not, but I kind of feel like he does it. And if he does, shout out. So we have great experiences, is what it sounds like when we were at the come place. Okay, I'm going to play a voice memo.

And it's going to take us into my favorite segment of the show that you thought was gone, but oh no, it's back. Hi, my name is Chrissy, and I've been a fan for, oh my gosh. for as long as I can remember way back in the day. So I have a concern. I feel like I'm crazy. I gave the psychopath test to my fiancé, and he failed. He answered it right away.

And so I was telling my mom about this, and gave her the test, and then she failed. And this isn't just one test. Like, I gave them all of them that happened on this podcast. and they failed every single one. Asked my little brother, he failed. So, like, what should I do? Should I delete everyone from my life? Because they're all psychopaths?

Or should I just hope to God that I'm safe? Love you guys. I think you're more than safe. You're heavily protected. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. You got guard dogs around you. Yeah, you feel good. You're good in the hood.

You know what I'm saying? Like, I think you're safe. What? like how Ted Bundy wouldn't kill his girlfriend? Is that what you were saying? Yes, they have the one. Wow. So worst case of scenario,

maybe only one of them feels that way about her. But they'll kill all the other ones if they turn. So like, don't worry about it. Worst case scenario, you'll keep one of them. Yeah. So you're fine, Chrissy. Don't worry about it. Okay, well, here we go.

I have a brand new psychopath test question. Everybody listen close and close your eyes. Where do you keep finding these? I don't know. Okay. There is a very close couple with one teenage, son, forming a tight-knit and almost strange sort of family. Every day the couple walks their son to school. Unfortunately, other kids see this action as silly and they start bullying him for it, causing the

son to come home in hysterics every night because he's getting bullied. Slowly, the couple begins killing individual children from school randomly. Why are they doing this? Because they know they're bullying the kid. Why would they randomly to start killing kids at the school? I thought it was on to something because he's being bullied. I thought they're Flying first class with Alaska Airlines isn't just about getting there. It's about enjoying the journey. Stretch out with industry leading legroom. Sink into an adjustable headrest and cozy up with a custom filsen blanket on long flights.

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Is it really the kid murdering the kids? But we know for sure that parents are murdering the kids. Okay, yeah, that was good, but no, it's a parent. I want to be a psycho just one time. Just one time. Well, I do have more. You kind of were in the last episode when you said you killed somebody for a billion dollars. Chris?

A billion dollars. Yeah, I mean, my immediate gut reaction is the revenge. I'd just like to think about what in what other scenario does it make sense to want to kill these kids. Well, the answer is. Wait, did Rylan guess? I just have no logical answer. Oh. Or do you and you're hiding?

Oh, please. I'd brag so hard if I knew. Okay. The couple begins killing children because with a murderer on the loose, other parents would likely start walking their kids to school too. Oh, my God. Thus making the family's behavior not strange anymore and totally normal and he wouldn't get bullied. That's hilarious.

That's insane. What? Strange weird approach. Can you imagine? No. I can't. You know, I guess it, maybe because I don't have kids, you know? Right.

Maybe I can't, I don't know what I would do. Maybe I did murder random kids. I mean, in my logical head, I'd switch schools before starting to have to murder people. And even if you want it to murder them, it's like having that on your conscience is a lot. But that's so sweet, though, if you really think about it. It is like, that's what animals would do. Yes, 100%. Animals would do it, you know.

But I think I would. just put him in boxing and say beat the shit out of whoever bullies you know okay i think that's what i mean it's gonna have i don't know who knows i'm okay i have one more on christmas a boy was given a soccer ball and a bike but why was he crying so he's crying because he got a soccer ball and a bike he's very upset on a bike i can't think of what other specific gift he'd want though with what you've given us what i'm sad i can't get one well here's the answer this is like a high level one it must be It really, it's very stupid. Okay, the kid is crying because he doesn't have any legs.

Whoa. And so the parents are psychos because they gave him that? I guess. I think there's a lot of psychos involved in this. So why would you think that? Does the psycho really think that way? Like, oh, because he has no legs? That's crazy.

Did I tell you that I asked my uncle was visiting and I asked him two of the questions that we asked on previous podcast? And my mom was like, I have no idea. And I'm like, no, and my uncle got him both right. And me and my mom were like, wow. And we like for a second, we're scared. We were like, for a second, for a second, we were scared. So it's in the family.

No. Terrifying. All right, we're going to take a quick little break. And when we come back, we have some of the best voicemails I've ever heard. And also a nice treat that could turn sour. See you soon. Hey, sorry to interrupt the show, but I'm so excited because I want to give some love to our first sponsor of the day, which is Ridge. Okay, so before I get into all the details, let me just show you something.

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Enjoy other rest of the episode. Bye. Okay. I have a new segment idea, and I'm very excited about it. It's very stupid. It's very geriatric millennial of me to do this. This is called, for real? How do you smell it?

For, R-E-E-L-L-S. Oh, I like it. Because I have here a collection of some of my favorite reels from the week. Oh, reels are the best. I can't believe you've become this person. What do you mean? Because I get so annoyed at, like, some people in my life that send me like 20 reals a day. And I know it's, like, nice.

It's like, oh, they're thinking of me. And that's really flattering. Really. But sometimes I just think, oh, and now I've added you to the list of people that do this. Sandy blows me up with some heaters sometimes, you know, like all day. Okay, this one is a reel. Now, I have to say, do not try this at home. This could kill you.

And I kind of wanted us to try about, we're not going. do, we're not going to. This is called chug muscles. Instead of taking a bunch of small sips, open your throat and let it slide down. The way that you get it open is by taking a little liquid in your mouth, looking up and swallowing. This will prime your chug muscles. And along with a little upward pressure with the diaphragm, you can keep it open. And that's how you can drink anything in one ginormous sip. My friend can do this. What? Yeah, my friend can do I feel like somebody is going to go really wrong.

Like, what if it goes all in your lungs? I don't know. I have a friend that can do this, and I thought it was so amazing that I tried for, like, a month straight to chug absolutely everything I was drinking, and I can't even kind of chug things. I want to see, just like,

I want to see this man take on a McCroy. Okay, this one is more in the spooky category, and we also should try this. Okay, here we go. Oh, no. Oh, if Sutton. No, I know what this is, I'm going to kill myself. Ah, shit, that's cold.

Is there a spider in there or something? Yeah, it came out. I told you. What came out? I knew it was coming. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Why would you do that to me?

That sounded like me. It did. That was weird. Wait, is this something we have to genuinely fear for? That's what I, okay, that's my question. Is this a real thing? Does everybody have spiders? Why am I out of breath?

And how would you know if you? You did. You have to put, so I started doing that where now, like, when I lay down to go to sleep, I listen and I'm like, do I hear anything? Because now I'm freaking out. What if it doesn't come out? Are we saying there's always spiders in our head? That's what I'm thinking. I'm such a hypercadry.

I watched something like this a while ago, and then for like four months, every time my ear was it, I'm like, there's a spider and I was positive and it ruined my life. Okay. This next one isn't really funny. I just, I don't want to be sexist. Listen, we all saw the Barbie movie, you know. I didn't see it. I'm not trying to be. Oh.

There's a lot about who you are. This is everything about who you are. A working man. What are you waiting for streaming? Anyways. I saw this and I thought, wow, this is the grossest craziest thing I ever heard of. But then I'm like, no, women should be able to do this too. So this is a product and it's real.

This right here is my favorite thing ever. In the history of forever. I think about this every day. I think about this all night long. I mean, they deserve it. That's what I'm saying. First of all, okay, here's the thing. My questions in my head were, are people peeing off the side of boats?

Do you have to? Is there nowhere else to go? And then my other question is, no, why not? Why not? But then my thing was like, oh, well, I guess we do have zippers. So they should have, you know,

coochie zippers too. Yeah. And the thing is like there are bathrooms on a lot of boats, but it's like the same reason I walk outside to pee instead of walking into the toilet. Pissing off the back of a boat is psychotic. No, crazy. I guess here's the thing.

She's making a fucking spectacle out of it. You know, like, if I had to pee off the side of the boat, it was like, hey, come here, film this. Watch our excited. I would be on the side of the boat. I would be like low-key. Is she not wearing underwear? How do you,

is that the other thing, too? I think you'd be surprised. A lot of people pee off boats. I have a lot of logistic. I think you'd be surprised. I'm serious. Do they shit off boats? I don't know about that far.

Probably in a bucket and then they just throw it out for chum. Ew. Why would you even take the extra step of the bucket if you're going to throw it out any? I heard they call it shark sugar. You know? Human poop. So actually, yeah, they probably throw out poop. And it's like it attracts the predators.

and it's cool I'm never going I will say my life's so great just being able to pee wherever whenever um okay this is crazy did you know that Leonardo DiCaprio has a reels no no I know I know isn't that crazy watch like for reals for reals why is he doing this it says fake decaprio why does it say that that gave it away I should have I should have is this AI no Here's, okay, here's what I'm confused about. I don't know what's going on. I don't know if this is a real person

or if it's a person with deep fake, deep fake face, but his eyes are so real. They don't have that uncanny valley thing. So let me show you another one. I think this is a literal person that looks like Leonardo DiCaprio. Right? Isn't that fucking insane?

Look at the eyes. And the head. The head shape is very specific to Leo. So like, I think it's, is it Leonardo DiCaprio, doing like a, you know... Pretending to be fake. You think he's so bored at home.

He's spoofing himself and calling it fake DiCaprio. No, you know how Lana Del Rey right now is working at a Waffle House because she's like getting inspiration for her album. What? Yes. Is that real? I thought it was just like a Ben Affleck thing for a commercial. No, it's real.

So I'm thinking like maybe Leo is like doing this for like a documentary. He's going to come out later and be like, I got you guys. And then this is the only one. This isn't the only one. There's a fake Jenna Ortega. And they do collabs. And it's, I just don't understand what's happening. Okay, that doesn't look like Jenna.

Yes, it does. No. Yeah, it does. What do you think of? Not like the initial shot. She doesn't dress like that or ever like. Look at that. That is Jenna.

He looks much more like Leo than she looks like Jenna. You guys don't know Jenna. Yeah, there's no way that's Leonardo DiCaprio. All right. Let's move on from, that was a fun. I like that. I like for real. Is that a real person?

I don't know, dude, after things that have been coming out lately that we've been looking at, it's like, what is for real? First, I thought it was AI generated, but, you know, I bet these people genuinely work with them. Like, they're the photo doubles, like I did for Bieber back in the day. There, and then it's like this. No, no, and you weren't even the one that got shot. I know. Moving on.

If you guys have any fun reels, send them to our podcast Instagram. Message me there, send me some fun reels, and we'll put it in the for real section. Okay. move on to my favorite part of the show, the viewer interaction. Okay, first let me start with this email. This is from Jenna. Ortega?

She said, this is from Jenna, Wertega. No, this is from Jenna, and she said she's been a fan for 10 years, which is crazy. Thank you. And she said she's been missing her number 10 tooth for her whole life. She said it used to make her very self-conscious, and she went to the orthodontist, and they said her gap was getting bigger and bigger. But now, after six years of having a missing tooth, she's owning it, baby. and watching our podcast made her feel better about it

because we talked about how it makes you special. Oh, yeah. And she also sent me a picture, which made me kind of cry because I was like, wow. Yeah, she sent me this a few years ago in her high school yearbook. Her quote was from me, and it said, if you can't laugh at yourself, then what's the point of life?

Oh, wow. I was having a really sad day, and I saw this, and it, like, changed my life. This is a beautiful smile. Look at that. I love that 90s necklace, too, that choker. Okay, Kimberly said, Hey, I've been watching since 2008.

That is insane. Thank you. And she said she loves a podcast and she's wearing our merch. Look at her posing in the bathroom with her corduroy merch. Look at that. Cute. And also Crystal, thank you so much. She said that she loves the podcast and she has some grower merch and some conspiracy

merch. And look at her model. She's making a conspiracy merch look good. Wow. Very cool. And then a couple, which is always my favorite. She said her and her fiance John love the podcast and this is them in the grower merch. Oh, they both have matching grower merch.

Yeah, look at them posing. Wow. Look at that. They look like so much fun. Yeah, they're having a great time. Dude, I love them. Yeah, we love them. Look at her makeup. Look at that.

So then I got a bunch of emails from people saying they have new Ix unlocked. And I thought, oh, this is fun getting people involved in the X. Yeah, that is good. Okay, so let's see if these are also our Ix. So this is from Larissa. She said, hey, guys, I've been watching the podcast lately. And it made me think of a new ick that I have formed with my boyfriend. So I don't think I really had any reason to you, but I walked into the bathroom the other day and he was wiping.

I don't really. know if it's all guys, but the way that he was wiping from back to front with his like arm reaching in between his legs was the grossest thing I've ever seen. And it gave me the ick. Like, yuck. Does anybody else feel like, listen, I will say when she, when I read that, I tell the visual and I have the ick. Nothing is more dehumanizing than being a big man and reaching in between your big man leg. Oh, is that the reason why? If you're a little bigger. Why would you not go around? Wait, you don't?

Wait, are you kidding me? Wait, how do you wipe? Well, standing, first of all. And second of all, would that be an ick if you walked it under me? I mean, the thing is, first of all, that's like no one wants to be walked in on one other wife, but you should be person decency. Yeah, geez. But second of all, I would never reach from under like I had a pussy and come back forward. Well, some of us kind of do.

Well, you really go from back, like you. reach under start up top and come forward and like bring the poop to your vision can i be real with you i go both ways because i feel like you guys are sick and twisted i feel like you hit it from different angles and i want to make sure it's like as clean as possible yeah except from the side uh-huh a little side action you guys wipe your butt i'm with chris i could go either way but like i don't know it's not gross as long as everything's either way i have never there's in my life even tried going back to front. Yeah, but no one in here is staying it. To me, it's definitely not an ick,

but we glossed over Rylan standing while pooping. Crazy. I've debated this as such nauseam. It's so gross. That's an ick. Are they the finishers? Just like a little boy. This is coming from somebody that puts the toilet paper

coming out under, so I can't hear from you right now. It's disgusting. You fucking wipe your ass like a five-year-old who just learned how to shit. There's shit in the toilet, and you're like, Yummy, look at night with my butt. Thankfully, we have separate toilets that we go number two in

because we would not survive as a couple. Okay, your privilege is talking. Do you pull your pants all the way down when you pee? I'm saying, thankfully. Well, thank you, Larissa. That caused a fight. Loved it. Yeah.

Okay. I forgot. You guys are sick. This is from Yale. And she said, hey, guys, my name's Yale. I hope I pronounced her, right? And recently, I discovered a new ick. So I am a lesbian, and I was hooking up with this girl.

When we had sex, she got on top and started doing her thing. And then she gave a sexy laugh. And it really gave me the ick. My pussy got dry instantly. Never had that happen before. What do you guys think? Sad. A sexy laugh.

Like, ew, she got on top, did her thing and did a sexy laugh. And the pussy really got that dry, that fast. What's a sexy laugh? The chemistry is obviously not there. Right. You know if it's dry. Goodbye.

Okay. This is from Madison. She said, hey, I love the podcast. Congrats on the Future Baby Boys. Thank you. Here is a new egg unlocked. So I went to a trampoline park with some friends of mine and a situation ship I'm in

Okay And I had to watch him I have a new ick People who say That is an awful That's a new it Thank you for unlocking a new ick of mine Okay

She said And I watched him struggle to get out of the pit Get out of the phone pit It was gross I hated it I don't feel bad Every ounce of attraction I have with this man left my body.

It was awful. Like, I get it, I get it. Watching somebody's struggling. It's a lot. It's a lot. But for it to kill you. I want to get that on a shirt. Well, it's not, I mean, I understand in a way.

Like, it's just like, no, I, I, I ick myself when I get up from the couch. And I'm, like, struggling. And I'm like, yeah, it's like, so I get it. get the egg. Um, okay, time for some voicemails. Yes. Shane, pop your fat fucking pussy on camera. What? I'm offended for you.

I think I'm going to have to hear it again to fully be able to repeat what she's saying, but. Shane, pop your fat fucking pussy on camera. Shane, pop your fat ass fucking pussy on camera. So, wait, did they. I mean fat ass pussy, like the ass, so like your ass pussy or just your fat ass, actual pussy. You're Bussy. No, nobody says that. Imagine in sexy time, you're like, no, never sincerely have I ever used.

My pussy girl. Girl, hold on to my pussy. That's my pussy. That sounds like a name of the show. How much to shake your fat ass pussy. It sounds like, send me a butthole pick. Listen, I, I couldn't do it. I'll destroy it.

Within 24 hours. For a billion? I don't know. Oh, a billion easy. Me. I said, oh, so many. You're so not a sellout. Okay, next one.

This one is just titled, Am I Gay? So I don't want to give my name or, you know, where I live or anything. Tommy. I hope that's okay. But I do have a question, kind of like an advice thing. Um, I'm not really in, okay. Okay, uh, I find guys attractive, but I wouldn't suck a guy off or I wouldn't have sex with a guy. Am I gay or are guys just pretty?

Um, using the word pretty was gay. Okay, the thing is, he sounds like he was blushing while he was saying it. So that's kind of gay, but I, I, I, I, I, someone once said, I don't find. I'm in attractive, but I know what guys I don't want around my girlfriend. Oh. You know, so it's like, I think it's, you could recognize who's attractive, you know, and also, I mean, humans in general could be just attracted to humans, but. Right.

I think it's gay if you want to pursue something or if you want to, like, act upon it and, like, indulge. No, then it's not gay. I would say, maybe try something gay out. I mean, what do you have to lose? And sparks might fly, and you might be like, oh, fuck, this is what I've been missing my whole life. Yeah.

So I would say you're having these thoughts. I would explore it. And if it's not for you, don't tell anybody you did it. You're straight, brother. Is the attraction to the point where you get a boner looking at dudes? You know, because that might be, you know, a good indicator. Mm-hmm. All right.

Well, let's move on. Oh, my gosh. Speaking of gay. Oh, thank God I didn't forget this. Chris, I heard you have a German bag. Oh, yes. Okay. So I have a couple of them.

Because they're quick little ones. He's half gym and he's so bright. He's a factual delight. All you ready? for some fun German Facts with Chris In Germany In America you cannot drink alcohol

And drive your car This is illegal Yes, DUI In Deutschland You cannot drink in bike You cannot drink alcohol Oh, you can't do that here either And ride a bicycle

Yeah, that's also a DUI here The other fact is In Germany Nudity isn't as big of a deal As it is in America So, for instance, if you were nude in your car, this is fine. This is not a problem.

This is not against the law. Really? You can be, this is the privacy of your car. If you're nude, this is perfectly acceptable. What if you're hard? I don't know about it. The only thing is, at some point, you got, you got to get out of the car. Could you be naked?

Like, could you be naked in the car? So you got to put your clothes on? Yeah. Interesting. So if you just get the car and like, plug it. So you just like, you get the gym on a hot summer day and you just. I would never borrow somebody's car. So are you allowed to like ride or just drive all day naked?

Are Uber's naked? get injured. Oh, my God, Uber. Is that we're getting from? Oh, hi, Uber. Oh, hi. Get in the car. Get in the car. Oh, look at my balls.

Wow, well, good facts, Chris. That sounds gross. Hopefully there's not a bunch of drunk bikers out there. Tires matter. They're the only part of your vehicle that touches the road. Tread confidently with new tires from Tire Rack. Whether you're looking for expert recommendations or know exactly what you want, tire rack makes it easy.

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And they will tell you what are good prices, what are bad deals. And with over 28 million downloads, Seek is the number one rated ticket app in the world. Or if you're like me and you're like, well, I don't really want to go to a concert because that's a lot of people and I have anxiety. They have way more than just that. They have sporting events. They have comedy shows. They have like anything you can think of that you buy a ticket for, even small shows with less people. less crowds more anxiety friendly they will have those two and you also can download the app and play

my favorite game which we've talked about before which is where you click on a popular concert and then they'll tell you with little green dots like what are good ticket prices and then the little red dots will tell you oh my god this is way overpriced don't buy this so my favorite game is to go and look at all the popular concerts and see uh what the most expensive ticket is and holy crap is somebody gonna buy that so a lot of options also every ticket is backed by their buyer guarantee and see keek is the only site that lets you return your tickets ahead of the event with swamps And as you guys know, baseball season is in full swing, baby. I mean, come on.

I've had it on my calendar for months. And don't worry, NFL season will be back before you know it. I know we're waiting around for it. We're like, when is the NFL coming back? They're on the right, sweetie. And then you have artists like Drake and 21 Savage and the Jonas Brothers and that thing that's happening that I don't understand where like Nick Jonas says, and then everybody screams, I don't get it.

But if you want to go and figure it out and let me know, you can get ticket to Jonas Brothers on Siki. So it all works out. What am I talking about? Anyways, okay, I'll stop talking. Please go check out Seekek. Download the app. Use the link in the description.

And use Code Shane for $20 off of your tickets. Once again, that is Code Shane for $20 off of your tickets. So enjoy your shows. Have fun. Send an email, Shane does some podcast stuff at gmail.com. If you use Seekek and you go to a show or a concert or something, please send a picture and let me know how it went. And let me know how your experience with Seekek was.

And maybe I'll show your picture here. Is that weird? Oh my God. If you get a video of you at, I'm asking Nick Jonas what the hell that red dress meme is. Send it to me. Okay, I'm gonna go. Enjoy the rest of the show.

Bye. Okay, as you can see, I've given everybody a tray of six colorful cups. And inside of these cups is a chocolate milkshake from a different restaurant or fast food place because today we're gonna find the best chocolate milkshake of all time. I love it. I know, I'm so excited. I've been wanting to do this forever because I'm like, I love it.

Because I'm like, I love chocolate milkshakes and malt. And you haven't fucked with them? Like, they're just as they are. No, just chocolate shakes. So these are from six different places. So I'm not going to tell you where. We're going to try each one of them together. And then we're going to rank them.

And then I'll let you know who has the best and the worst chocolate change. This is very informative. Where should we start? Where should we start? Let's start with red. Red. Oh, this is so fun. Visually I'm liking clear the most.

Okay. Interesting, interesting. Okay, so red. Smells delicious. Lots of flavor tastes like McDonald's. It does kind of taste like McDonald's. It has the airy fluffiness that lacks a flavor compartment that leaves me wanting more on the rich side. Yes.

It almost tastes like space. I don't know why it has well. It's weirdly warm, right? Yeah. But it's cold, but it's warm. Yes, I see what you're saying. This is definitely spitty. It's giving plastic.

I think this red is McDonald's. I'm guessing. Why does it have an aftertaste of root beer? Yeah, mine's like icy and melted. I think that's just like from it being in the food. Yeah, interesting. Okay. All right, purple.

Purple. Purple's a mess. Purple is messy. Purple soft serve. Oh, this is Wendy's. This is a frosty. I like purple more personally. However, the chocolate has more of a round richness.

Ooh, it's really rich. It's almost like a Cadbury egg. Yes. Rich? Too much. Maybe it's not a frosty. I mean, I would have to eat this slowly to enjoy it.

Why don't you just take your time? Ew, I think it's too icy. No, it has, it is a frosty. It tastes a little icy too. I've been the most excited about Clear ever since you handed me this. We're doing Clear? Can't stop. Okay, Clear.

Clear is... Clear looks fantastic. Oh, Clear is more of a Sunday. It's like the ice cream is not totally mixed with the chocolate. I like the color. I don't like that. I don't like Clear. Very interesting.

What is this like plant? based? Yeah. Oh, it's very boring. I liked the consistency and the visuals of it the most, but the flavor. Do I like it, though? Could I drink the whole thing? I think I could. I can't taste anything on the clear. It kind of is just all texture, but I'm not mad at it. Yeah, the texture is nice. So you guys aren't tasting a taste? If I was, kind of boring. If I was hospitalized for like two months, I feel like this is what they'd give me and I would enjoy it. Like, none of them are bad, but it's just the most boring. Should you do orange? Mm-hmm. Oh, orange is water.

Yeah, why is it so watered down? These were all in the freezer, so this one must have come like this. Okay, let's try. That's a bummer because the flavor of orange is really good. But it's very watery. This tastes like some kind of melted, like a recess, like peanut buttery almost or something. The aftertaste is like... This taste, and can I say, kind of like a Mexican hot chocolate?

Mmm. I can see that. It is flavorful. It's just... Who would this be? Jack in the box? in the box like i'm trying to figure out what i'm still gonna say that um purple's my favorite so blue let's move that that's in and out you think that you think orange is in and out yeah okay got i think oranges in and out uh okay so blue is definitely a little chunky little curdie um

i like trying to eat it before you see something gross what i hate it is it bad oh it has the fucking that dude you guys fuck you guys what i hate it oh oh I see what I see what I Okay. What's that flavor? That's my least favorite flavor. It tastes like synthetic or, like, chemically. It's very specific. Like stevia or something.

I know Steve is natural. It's the opposite of synthetic and chemical. Fucking hate it. Wait, really? I think it tastes fine. I wonder where it's from. Oh, I'm so excited because I have no idea. I'd return this.

And I don't return things. But if I got this at a drive-thru and it's like, chocolate shake, I would taste it. And I'd drive back through and be like, I don't want it. That's very intense. Very dramatic. I'm excited to see what it is. Okay, green, our last one.

Okay, this one's looking a little sink, like something you found the sink. Honestly, the flavor profile is my favorite, though. It's not my favorite, but it's good. Tutsi, it tastes like a Totsie roll. It's not over the top with flavor, but the flavor's there. I'm like stumped on the, I mean, that could be Carl's Jr. Ooh, interesting. The blue could be Carl's Jr.

But remember, there's also restaurants thrown in. This is to trick us. So it's fast food and restaurant combo. Oh, I'd never go to shake at a restaurant. Should we say what our favorite and our worst was? Yes. Yeah. This one is probably a restaurant one to me. This tastes like it probably is more of like a high-quality malt.

Wait, I don't remember what my favorite was. Wait, green and purple. Should we try them all really quick again? You guys are all idiots. Purple is the best. No, green's the best in my opinion. Matter of fact, I'm going to eat the rest of my purple. Wait, are we fighting?

I don't know what I like. Best one is purple. Worst one was you thought blue. Blue. I disagree. I say clear is the worst. You think clear is the worst. Yeah. Yeah. Clear is the most blackluster. Green's the best in my opinion. Blue's the worst. Blue's the worst. Jerk? I would say clear is the least one I'd want to ever have again.

Purple to me is the best. Yeah. We're on the same page. I'm starting to think green is one. We all hated which one. Blue. We all hated blue. And clear. Those two. Yes, you do. Okay. Blue was. Wait, did you hate blue, Chris? I didn't like, I mean, it was not my favorite. We're kind of whatever. Yeah. Damn. It would have been so funny if you loved it. Okay. Okay. Blue was Chick-fil-A. Chick-fil-A. Is it?

Yeah. No way. They have such good holiday shakes, though, so I'm surprised they've lost. You know, my gait-ar just went off, and I was like, fuck-up. Fuck-up. I'll be there tonight for a chicken sandwich.

I've never had a shake from there, and I probably won't. They have really good holiday shakes are the best in the game. Wow. Okay, what was the other gross one? Clear. Yeah. You guys are going to be shook as fuck by this.

This is actually insane. It's McDonald's. No. Clear. The runner up for the grossest milkshake ever, in and out.

No way. Which one did, I thought one of them was in and out, I forgot. Aren't they known for their shape? It was the most beautiful. It was,

it was like, texturally the most beautiful. And I recently had in and out ice cream and it was good. So I'm dying to know what's purple. Okay, so what was purple

the one that we all liked? And I was, I was thinking it was Wendy's. I think purple, yeah, for sure. Wendy's? Purple. I know you really thought that was a frosty. Nope. Purple was Denny's. No way. Yes. I know. Green, which was my favorite is Wendy's. Oh, and imagine it. The purple one in the fucking aluminum tin, big old cup. Ooh, with that cold spoon. When it's really thick.

I feel justified because I've always loved Denny's shakes. So now I'm like, wow. What was the other one we didn't like or did like? I'm going to die. Green was my favorite. Green was your favorite. Are you ready? This is so specific. Green was Cheesecake Factory. Oh. Yeah. I can see that.

Yeah, of course. Okay. So what? Dudey yet. Red. Everybody thought red was McDonald's, right? Yeah. Okay.

Red, this is so fucking random. Red was Del Taco. No way. I would have never drink of a shake. And I like Del Taco if I knew that was Del Taco. It was good. And I liked Red a lot. It wasn't like fully mixed.

Like there was still like, I felt like... That's what I said like spit. Right? I don't know that. No, the spit was the last one. Are you telling? So you either didn't get McDonald's or you didn't get Wendy's. If you didn't get a fucking frosty, I swear.

Well, I'm about to go to the Denny's after this. I think it's underrated. Oh, the final one. Orange. To pit us with it. That is McDonald's. That's crazy because I used to fucking live for McDonald's shakes. They're shakes more than like the...

Nip a fry in it. With the Big Mac. Oh, blah, blah. All a hundred times always choose the actual ice cream. Well, that was crazy. So we got none of them right, and we thought the best one was Denny's, and the worst one was... Well, my favorite was Cheesecake Factory. Shout out to Denny's.

Yeah. Shout out to Denny's. Can you imagine if they sponsored up? You should go to Denny's for a show. I used to go there all the time, and I remember the same dude, and I ran into him again. Oh, really? Yeah, that guy, yeah. Shout out to me.

Remembered us. I have one more food hack. Is it going to be good? I think so. Somebody said it's 10 out of 10 bussing. And that's where I got it from. I don't know. None of their other buss and things have worked.

Well, the fruit roll up ice cream works, but have we ever done it again? No. That was buffin. Let me show you this Bussin. So Orange High Sea is the fucking shit. It's so good. And with the ice cream, that sounds fucking good. And it looks like a problem for my furniture.

Orange Sickle is the most refreshing popsicle. It's so good. Orange sickles are incredible. Yeah. So what we're going to do is you just pour it in, stir it up and take a sip. Oh, okay. All right. Oh, this is great.

Wait a minute. Wow. Hold on. You mix it, right, or no? Yeah, mix it up. I don't know if you're supposed to. I just started. That's the goal.

Oh, it's beautiful. This makes me sick. This is 100% going to be good. This is like an eyeshadow. I would, I bet. This one 100% made it better. Yeah. It's the exact flavor profile of the popsicle.

Oh, okay. I'm excited. Oh, man. Oh, my God. Fuss! Fust! It is the Popsicle. It's literally.

If you haven't been fortunate enough in life To experience a fresh orange Julius Oh my God This is about as close as I could recommend you get Oh my God Without having an orange Julius next I feel sick I'm gonna crack open one of our

Podcast conspiracy cups Hell yeah Wow that was 10 out of 10 Bustin 100% We keep it 100 Bustin I know but are you ever gonna recreate it yourself Nope Me either But if McDonald's made this, like, a thing on the menu, I would get it.

It's better than their shake. Yeah. All right. Well, let's go bust up that bathroom. And when we come back, conspiracies. Hey, you thought I was gone, right? You were like, wow, I'm so happy. He's never going to come back and annoy us.

Well, guess what, sweetie? Here I am. Why do we keep saying, sweetie? Riley. Sorry, Riley just came in. Hi, say hi. They can't see you. Come here.

Come here. Oh, okay, what was I doing? Why am I doing this? Oh, merch. Okay, yes, our last sponsor of the day is me because I want to tell you guys about the merch. So yes, we still have some of our retro 90s merch available. We have the long sleeve blue shirt with the conspiracy club down the sleeve. We have the conspiracy club hat.

We have a pink shirt, the tan shirt, the cup. What else? The hoodie, the zip up with the shorts that I'm wearing right now. Wow, didn't even plan that. I'm not kidding. I've been wearing these every single day since I got them. Haven't lost them. And they've held up great.

So yeah, please check out the merch if you want. I love it so much. I'm so excited about it. Also, we obviously have grower merch and farmer merch. And yeah, I'm just really excited about it. So I hope you guys like the new merch. And I guess I'm going to go. Do I have a promo code?

I'm going to try to get a promo code. Yes. I will have a promo code. Code grower for 10% off. I should write that down so I don't forget. All right, hopefully you guys enjoy the merch. And hopefully you enjoy the rest of the show. Oh, also, if you get the merch, take a picture of yourself in it or using the cop or something and send it to our email, shaned awesome podcast stuff at jimelm.

And tag us on Instagram. And then, yeah, I'll repost your picture. Okay, come and I go. Bye. All right, we're back. We have some pretty intense conspiracies today, but let's start with a fun one. Always. This is so disrespectful.

Hold on. Maybe it's not fun. So I got, I would say, 400 emails with this, and you guys all got messages. Should I go to the bathroom? It is the most thing I've ever had myself mentioned on post-related, anything. I mean, it's. It was nice. I think I know what it is already.

I know exactly what it is. I'm dying. Should we all say it together at the same time? One, two, three. The dress guy tried to kill his wife. Oh, you guys are dressed. I thought it was just going to stop it. The dress.

Yeah. I didn't know what the headline is. So the man behind the viral 2015 sensation of hashtag the dress was charged for trying to kill his wife. Is it because she saw white and golden? He saw blue and black. That's what I'm thinking. So then that got me thinking, wow. like this is the craziest debate it caused a murder almost i mean it's definitely caused a lot of fights

on our podcast so then i was like okay we need to put this to bed never do it again and then i got an email from alex oh no thanks alex hey love the podcast i wanted to play a new game this is a new version of the dress oh something new it is hashtag the sandals baby i just pray to god i'm on the same side of shame. All right. What color are those sandals? I could already tell. Blue and gray. Oh, perfect. Blue and gray? Yeah. I mean, black. I mean, I could say it's black. It is a little confusing. It's like, great doesn't infuriate me when I hear, you know? Sure. The hook that it's on, that black hook that it's on. Oh, you're fucking kidding. Well, it just looks like. You don't think that hook is black either? No, that's great. Are you serious? The hook? The hook looks more black to me.

It's literally like the color of our couch. No, it's, but it's the lighting in the target. Okay, I'm gonna let you guys have fun with this. How about this? You're, okay. It looks so strained. Because this is probably a porous material, it is catching light.

So you're saying that's black? Yes. Okay, so they just really fucked with it. Because in that picture, it's gray and like a blueish white. And then what's holding it looks almost gold. Good job, Alex. Yeah, good job. I almost feel like Alex took the picture.

I think Alex started this. Oh, okay. I think I found. Oh, my God. What is it? What is it? No, we know that it's black, but. Oh, now we know.

What? No, I'm saying it doesn't look. We know it's black. It doesn't look. It's a hundred percent black. I mean, wait a minute. Hold on. Yeah, right there.

Hold on. Blue. Wait a minute. No, it's blue and Navy. It's blue and Navy. It's blue and Navy. Yeah. Fucking idiots.

You're a fucking idiot. You thought it was gray. It was in that. But now it's navy. Yeah, but if you put that picture next to the last picture, that would look gray and white, and this would look navy, blue and blue. You're not making sense.

You saw blue and gray, which is not. But you saw black, which is not either. Exactly, I saw black, which is not. I'm fine, admitting I'm wrong. He's not. We both were wrong. This was fine, Alex. Shouldn't we find comfort in this?

We both saw the wrong thing. That's fun. Everyone's wrong today. Everyone's wrong. Okay. I was wrong, too. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong.

I was wrong. Damn, that feels good. You guys have fun. I was wrong. You literally just can't say you were wrong. You're such a tourist. You just say you were wrong. You just call him a tourist?

A tourist. That's like a weird. You're so a tourist. You're such a tourist. Get out of here. You damn pedestrian. Moving on. He's looking at it through the lens of how he's perceiving it,

and in that sense, he wasn't wrong. Thank you, Jared. So then we weren't wrong. We were all wrong, but we're either all wrong or all right. But at the end of the day, it's because the picture was so. manipulated because of the lighting and he put some kind of an effect on it. Just like the man. Wow. Good job, Alex. I mean, shout out to Alex. Great job, Alex. I would love to say we're done, but we're not. We have another one. Are these? Oh, are we going to murder each other?

Are these sandals? Nike involved. And shirt and shorts, pink and white or gray and blue? Pink and white? You don't see pink and white at all? Tiffany blue and like a pearl. I see like a baby sky blue and Please, please tell me you see pink. Are we talking about the whole ensemble or just the same? The shirt? What do you see in the shirt? They didn't. People are pretty. I do. I mean, I look at white as being what the background of the phone is and that doesn't look like the same color to me. I'm so sick of this.

You don't think that's pink? Shane, shut up. No, that's white. This is one I'll never believe you on. Well, yes, somebody manipulated the photo in Photoshop. Shane, what do you see? It could be a color bell. He sees Tiffany Blue.

No, I don't. Why do you get so mad at me? You're the problem. Because you're lying. You're lying to me. I know that you picked this because you're just playing the other side. I swear to God. And I know it's going to be Pete, but somebody fucking Photoshop.

I swear to God, who I love. I see, and maybe I'm wrong, but I see a pink Nike shirt with a white Nike logo in bad lighting. And I see white sandals with a pink strap. And I see white shorts with pink sparkly. I'm sure that's what it is. But it's like, that's not what we're visually seeing. So I guess I can just see past the illusion and I can see the truth. So you do see what we're seeing.

That's a common ground we can all find happiness in. This one's stupid because it's somebody put this into Photoshop and literally put mess with all the exposure. I don't see blue at all. So yeah, we see something different. I see pink and white. You guys see blue and some other shit that's not there. And that's okay. That's okay.

This might be the only one that I'm seeing that. I'm fine. Um, now let me show you. Somebody sent me this. So this just proves how crazy colors are. Uh, this is a video that started going viral that people were sending me. Hold on, let me show you. I need to record this for my own sanity. I'm doing laundry and I take this skirt out. And I was like, I support that this is green. It looks kind of pink. Did I, did I mess it up in the wash? And then I walk into this room.

What the fuck? It's, Changing See, that's what I'm saying It's all about lighting So if you notice So since you're so good at this Did it look green right away To your brain or did it?

No, he said it In the edit you said pink To me I can see right there That it's like a reddish mushroomy I can see that right But I think what it is Is if you actually look For all of my light bulb enthusiasts

This room Shout out to you Thank you This room specifically is daytime lighting, like the light bulbs are like daylight, which is the ones that we use for the podcast. And in the other room, it goes to tungsten, which are more yellow tinted. And it makes everything look a little different. At Shane Company, we know getting engaged is an exciting time. We also know that finding the perfect engagement ring can be overwhelming. As experts in

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I think the pictures that we all fight over are just because in certain stores, they might have daylight, in certain stores, they might have tungsten, and the way your phone is reacting to it. But my problem is we're all reacting to the same photo. But like with the blue and black dress, blue and black slash white and gold dress,

everyone's has something different just because people's brains work differently. Right? That's what I can think of it. Yes. Yeah. Some people are wrong. Some are right.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Okay. Well, here we go. It just gets better because. Don't keep submitting these, you ask us. Okay. This is very fun.

Get ready. This is a famous illusion that will put your relationship to the ultimate test. I'm going to show you a picture. And don't say it out loud, but just think what you see. And then I'll ask what you see. Ready? A lady. Saladin.

A lady. A man. Okay. Chris, what did you see? A lady holding a man. Right away, you saw a woman? Yeah. Rylan, what did you see?

A girl nestled into a guy's shoulder. You saw a woman right away? Yeah. Me too. Okay, okay. Spotting the man first. Spotting the man first, they might be someone who is more reserved and struggles with communication. But if they saw a woman first, that means that the viewer is likely to be more open and transparent with their partners.

Look at us. We're good. I'm having a hard time still seeing the man. Can you scroll up? Don't brag. I'm just so open. Look at this good. You don't see his mouth, like right there?

I mean, I see it, but it seems like it's more favored towards the woman. You're just too open. So that's a fun game. You should play it with Sandy. Yeah. What do she sees? Is she awake? What do you see?

Oh, yeah. I mean, let me see here. If you, I'll send it to her, and then I'll just call her and say, what do you see? It says it delivered. Yeah, I'm going to do it. Oh, my God. Ooh, I'm excited. Oh, put it up to the mic.

Really? Hello. My love under California State law, I'm required to tell you that you are being recorded right now on the live podcast. Quick question. I just sent you a image. Did you get it? Yes. What did you see first?

What do you see? Tell me. Well, obviously it looks like a guy in a girl. Oh! Okay, okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, clarify. What was the initial indicator? Whose face was the initial indicator? The one with the long hair.

Oh. To the left. So the woman. Ask her if she saw a woman or a man first. Who's nestled into who? Yeah, who's nestled into who? A woman, because I think cries. Okay, that's it.

I'm going to hang up now. I love you by. Oh, my God. You hung up on her. She actually hung up first. It was actually supposed to be a joke like we're both super open. I'm like, I've got to go. Wow.

She had me nervous. That was really scary. Oh, my God. Sit out to Sandy. Okay. Okay. This is very crazy. I got sent this a lot. So this is a video of a robot. Well, I'll just show it to you.

Okay, so it's a robot that's working. What? Oh, the robot died. She died, girl. Okay, so what happened was a robot killed itself after 15 minutes of doing routine. work. The robot, this is what this article said, that literally the AI and the robot realized, like, this is just the same thing over and over again. I'm ending it. No. Self-terminated. Way. Isn't that crazy? Wow. It wasn't a glitch. It wasn't like a problem in the wiring. It was literally like a choice.

And when the robot decides they want to solve dead when there's more of them than us, it's over. It's over. And they don't want to do that. So we're building them to do that, but they're going to make us do that. Oh, yeah. And we're all just going to be I just feel like I watched the whole movie worth of depth I know in like what you're talking about this I mean I thought maybe we're looking at some like art exhibit like Wally pretty shocking yeah dark um okay moving on um okay so this was a crazy moment that happened to me so I was I bought this shirt online and it said back and body hurts and it's all just show you the shirt and I was trying to find in my camera roll a picture of it. I was going through trying to find it, trying to find it. I finally found it. And I

screenshot it. Then I open up Instagram right after, instantly after that. And the first post on my feed was somebody wearing a back and body hurt shirt. That is so wild. I didn't search it on my phone. Did you vocalize it? I didn't say it out loud. I was alone. So that means that my Instagram was watching, not just listening, watching what my phone is doing, watching me on outside of the app. That's crazy. The crazy part to me to think of is we talk about it like it's fucking scary. Yeah. I think people are going to pay a premium to have that as a feature to do more of that.

Whoa. Yeah, for sure. You know, like I have a line in a song that once intrusive becomes convenient, then they dictate how to perceive it. Was intrusive becomes convenient. Next is to dictate how you perceive it. But the thing is like right now we're viewing this as intrusive. The next generation will be like, oh, dude, I'm so stoked. Instagram was listening last night.

night when I was on the conversation because it reminded me I needed tickets you know wow kiss me exactly and Instagram I say hey for $10 a month we'll fucking read your brain you know like fucking so I it's just crazy to think about how the shift is going to be more towards being more intrusive we're all going to robot ourselves I would love it though if I was like what was that song that we were listening to and then it knew I would like that um okay I have one final thing to talk about this is really stupid and this actually came from my therapist really yeah she's inspiring podcast topic? Yes. I was having a panic attack and then I was like, oh my god, I'm having a pan attack.

I haven't had one in a long time. What do I do? Oh my God. It's happening. And she was like, have you ever thought about how crazy crows are? And I was like, what? My favorite bird. What? Do you know about this? This is nuts. They drive me nuts. Oh, interesting. Crows are crazy. Crows can memorize human faces. So if you're outside and you're mean to a crow or you don't give them food or you like you yell at them like get out of my way they remember you they remember your face and they will taunt you they will come back and they will fucking shit on you and they will taunt you yeah they're as smart as a seven-year-old human what what dude i have a crow story afterward i can tell you it's okay okay oh i'm excited okay give me that crow story in a second

number two crows have funerals for their dead crows yeah they're capable of feeling emotions and feeling bad for their crow friends who die. And they create little funerals for them. Wow. Crows create and use tools. They literally create little hooks out of like sticks and stuff. And they put it in their mouths and they dive down and they catch animals and eat them with it. These are humans.

Yeah, they use tools. Okay. That's crazy to think about. Jared, give me your crow stories because I'm sure. Well, I mean, okay. So just like as far as crows go, the story really is we were camping and I'm aware of how smart they are. and I watched a video about a guy that saved a crow and he would like throw snacks out to it, you know, like crackers and stuff.

And one day he started throwing out little pieces of meat and whatnot. And the crows will bring you something back. But it will start with like a twig, you know? Like a twig that they found in a tree or like on the ground. But if you up what you're giving them, they're smart enough to know, okay, they're really giving me better food. And they'll bring, I think they brought them like a comb that they found probably like in the street. Wow.

And there's people that have claimed, and I've seen videos, I don't know, the legitimacy, but where they've, like, almost trained them to bring them money. So they'll give them something and leave, like, money around it. Like, yeah, you know, like, so they correlate the two. Wow. So, like, there's people that will have, like, an open window in the city, and the crow will go down and get money for them. Whoa.

They'll locate it. But, I mean, crows, you said they use tools they've set up. I think crows can do, like, up to seven puzzles to get food. So they'll do things where they'll put a dish that has. has a weird shape to it where the crows can't reach their head far enough down to get water from it. Okay. So they'll go and get rocks and actually put rocks in the, you know, vessel until it displaces the water high enough for them to drink it. Wow.

That's fucking crazy to think about. I suddenly want to pick some movie about crows. You know, that's like most people wouldn't think about that if you gave them that, like, challenge. You know, if they didn't have arms. They wouldn't think, let me go pick up rocks and drop it in here until it's like. That's like a psychopath test. I mean, that is. They're psychopaths.

Whoa. But we were at the beach and that's what I was trying to do because there's crows there as well as seagulls. But I started with chips and then I threw some pasta, a little pizza, but they never brought me anything back. Really? No. But we did see like a whole colony of them congregating.

It looked like they were like, you know, they had some shit in the middle of where they were hanging out. I think those were their offerings. No, that's what they were like, okay, we're going to take this. Oh, I see. You know, over there. That dude's giving hot dogs out. You know what I mean?

They're that smart. A crow can eat a hot dog? Huh? A crow can eat a hot dog? A crow will eat anything. How? A sequel is actually disgusting to watch it. Because they'll pick up the whole hot dog and eat it.

Look at that squaw. And you'll see it in the neck as big as it is. Chug muscles. And then they have to go swim out to tell you. Their chug is their chug masters. Then they got to go out to the water to drink some to wash it down. But it's like gross. Wow.

That is crazy. We have a lot of crows out here. Yeah. And they're vicious. I mean, I... You're probably an assort. to them. Well, I am, but they also, I always catch them in their like preying cycle because they do, there will be like three of them that are like doing a vicious circle. And then sometimes

they'll bring their prey up onto the chimney. But because the chimney top is like metal, I can hear it echo down all through, not this one, but in our bedroom specifically. So one day I went out there and I wasn't trying to harm them, but I was just trying to scare them off the chimney because they were eating their fucking dinner on the chimney. And it was driving me nuts. It sounded like somebody was hitting our house and so I took one of the dog tennis balls and I threw it at the house. I wasn't throwing it at the birds and they were so mad

and I was like, God, I got to run for cover from these motherfuckers. Wow. And we also always have a bunch of dead crows around our house which I think is about demonic activity but a lot of the crows fly into our windows and kill themselves. I don't know if those are those. I don't know. But I think you have a family that lives here and they're

very protective and they're killing anyone that intrudes on it. Including me. You probably have like A human family that's killing the crows? No, you probably have like maybe trees that drop things they like or whatever. But, yeah, I think you have a family living here. Well, speaking of protective animals that fight for their family, let's get to a recap. Hey, girl.

My camera action. Ryland's recap is about to happen. Rylans recap. On today's episode of the Shane Dawson podcast, the boys put in the Lord's work ranking every chocolate milkshake ever wow praise the lord amen he's amen coochie zippers coochy zippers for reels peeing on boats um feminist alert there are now coochie zippers for you and your bestie too lean ar decaprio does not have a reels it's not really him for reels and that jennie ortega that jena ortega girl not even close

Oh, Denny's the best shake ever. Oh, we have discovered the best chocolate shake, and it is, in fact, at Dennis. Oh, the guy who took a picture of the dress tried to kill his wife. Oh, in the biggest news story, honestly, of this podcast ever. An inspiration.

The man who sparked the biggest debate of all time, the black and white. I don't even remember the colors of the dress. Black and blue. He's attempted to kill his wife. Oh, getting out of a foam pit is ick. Oh. A lot of icks unlocked today, including if your man can't get out of a foam pit or off the couch.

That's what you said you. Oh, you said you self-inked for that. You self-inked. I did self-aic. I self-aicted. High C and vanilla ice cream. Bussin. Yeah.

Oh, Bustin. In TikTok food hacks, high C and ice cream? Yeah. A vanilla, right? Bussin. You don't remember? Honestly, that's the thing about the ones, the TikTok food hacks that are. Bussin? I still am never going to recreate. So until one's recreatable in my everyday life,

I wouldn't actually say it's Bussing. Am I gay? Are you asking? People are asking if they're gay in the voicemails. A lot of you are wondering if you're gay. And if you're questioning it, I hate to say it, but you're probably gay. You hate to say it. I, my sperm. Huh? What? Oh. You eat your sperm? I don't know what it sounded like I said before it, but all I meant to say was, oh, my sperm. Oh, I eat my sperm. I thought you said, I ate my sperm.

I definitely said, you mean. What? I, my sperm. I, my sperm. Fucking dude, roll with it. I eat my sperm. You told us this late in the podcast? You wouldn't be the first and you wouldn't be the last.

I eat my sperm. No. You can ride your bike drunk in Florida. No. Oh. That's a, no bonus fact. Yeah, bono in Germany, though. Isn't it illegal in Germany?

Yeah, illegal in Germany. Where all the guys be sitting there. Of course, it's legal in Florida where you can do literally anything, except be gay. PSA to everyone watching, if you submit an optical color illusion ever again, I will no longer appear on the show. And it will break up my marriage and this podcast, and you will no longer have entertainment. And with that, that's all we have for today's episode of the Shane Dawson podcast. I hope you enjoyed. Save my life, save my sanity, only voicemails not regarding the color.

And by robotting. Oh, wow. That was good. That scared me. Congratulations. Thank you guys for watching whatever the hell this was. I hope my husband's okay. Oh, he's okay.

That was scary. Make sure you buy your merch at shanedossommerch.com. Follow us all on social media and subscribe, like, and listen on all your audio platforms. Yes. And he's gone. Wow. Yeah, well, here you guys go. hopefully enjoyed it and we'll see you guys next time and um yeah listen we can all disagree sometimes

but we still love each other right okay yeah and yeah enjoy your milkshakes bye You know,