The Shane Dawson Podcast - NEW Mandela Effects That Will BLOW YOUR MIND

Episode Date: November 15, 2023

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kidding me oh my god hold your judgment they said this will settle the debate ready yeah okay rightland's so much welcome back to the podcast i'll never let you go I'll never let go You literally did You literally did And fucking drown me You sure about that There was room for you

There was room and you killed me We'll get to that later Hey guys, welcome back to the Halloween In Thanksgiving episode Because the costumes came late Oh Sorry Megan wants to say something

Oh wow You never seen huh She sounds a little more like a woman Like a little girl Hi Hello I'm Megan Oh that was

And the tattoos peeking through. It's very creepy. And your beard matching, oddly working. I feel like when you showed me, I felt, oh, yeah, that's it. Yeah. I look like that. Yeah. Yeah.

I like it. And Chris is a pumpkin spice latte. He's such a gay one, too. He's a copyright-free pumpkin spice latte. I got him that because he won't stop talking about how much he loves pumpkin this year. It's like his thing. I love pumpkin. Everything to, like, such an annoying degree.

I'm so sorry. It has become your identity, which I'm fine with. I like it, too. I'm so basic. So I know what you guys are thinking. Why are they doing this in Thanksgiving? Well, I guess I already said it. Our costumes came late.

But yeah, I wanted to be the iconic couple Jack and Rose from Titanic, my favorite movie ever. I have to say, you killed your makeup. Like the icicles, your hair is really killing it, like with the wet gel. The best Etsy has to off. I think I like you now more than ever. Oh. You like me hypothermic and dead. I agree.

Although I heard you gain weight when you get hypothermic and die. Because your body pops up. Like when they find bodies at the bottom of oceans. Oh, they're like, puff. They're like 200 pounds heavier. And like, I don't need that. How embarrassing. Oh, my God.

Not to wait, shame the dead, but. Anyway, so yeah, Rose, by the way, I was looking at pictures of Rose trying to really mimic the look, and you guys have the same mold. I know. Me and Kate Winslet, just iconic duo. I wish I could be in the same category as Kate Winslet.

I love her. Is she still doing it? She's still acting. Hello, have you ever seen Avatar, too? No, I haven't. Open your eyes. Oh, my God. I'm glad to hear that.

I should have made one of us an avatar. Oh, my gosh. I fucked up. That would have been so good. I fucked up. Okay, so since it is so close to Thanksgiving, we should be really celebrating family, love, things we're thankful for.

Yes. I wanted to talk about something that was sent to me by a viewer named Mariah. We're very thankful for you. And I'm very thankful for this email. Hear me out. I don't know why it's taken me so long to submit this to you guys, but I would love to hear your thoughts

and feedback on this new trend that's going viral on TikTok. I can't wait. I'm going to play a video with no context. And you'll see why I'm so thankful for this. Have you guys ever seen an egg made out of jizz while you're about to. My client sent in his semen sample and we processed it into a powder. What?

That's come? Yuck! He wanted a simple showpiece for himself to put up on his shelf. If you're thirsting for asphalt melting your workbook, tape measure has anger issues, nail guns talking smack again, and hard hat baked on the head-level refreshment? We definitely have that. Cool off with Gatorade Summer Blaze.

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Wait, what the fuck? I thought she's making a candy or something. Why does he need his sperm in an egg on a shell? Okay, hold. So many questions. Let me just show you a second of another one. Let's make a jizzy pearl necklace. What?

What? Seample and spreading it into translucent clay. I think people overestimate sometimes how much we actually need. You really only need a teaspoon. And that's it. So this is called Jizz jewelry. What? And there's still, I think.

I think they're still working on the name. There's got to be something fun. How do they turn the jizz into a powder? Sorry, it's called jizzy. Jizzy jewelry. Okay. I like that one. Jizzy jewelry.

So there's a woman named Amanda Booth, and she creates jizzy jewelry. She asks you, this was something that somebody asked her to do, and now she's found her new niche. So you send her a cum sample. She dehydrates it. Wait, I'm going to come in a cup. Send it to her, and she'll turn it into a powder? What does it say her? A sample.

How do you get it in that? I don't know. Oh, my God, I just copy and paste it that and put it somewhere shit. I didn't need to do it. And then she takes a dehydrated semen. It looks like drugs. And then she turns it into, look at it, cute little necklaces. Dude, there's no way. How many people are doing it?

She got to be the only one, right? Is this a thing? I think she's the pioneer. Oh, she's definitely is. We got to be close to the source. And how can we trust that she's not just whipping out of powder after she says she's dehydrated it? Like, how do we trust that it's. That it's authentic.

Like, how do I know I'm wearing my own jizzy jewelry? I don't want to shame, but I don't understand why anybody would want this or need this. How did we get here from Thanksgiving? Is it? Because I'm thankful for TikTok, for trends, for things that make me happy. And for semen. This really, also semen. This really made my day.

I just thought it was fun. I thought it was interesting. I think it's a fun gag gift. Like I can wear your DNA. Like, imagine giving someone a bracelet and saying that's made out of my jiz? I think you should get one for Sandy. Actually, that's a good idea because isn't that a thing now? Like friendship bracelets, people like take those stupid bracelets to, like, concerts.

You start giving people your gist. Whoa. And you just have power. It's like when you jack off before you shake somebody's hands you hate. I'm surprised Gwyneth Paltrow hasn't already done something like this. Well, yeah, I'm thankful for that. So thank you, Mariah, for sending that in and just really making my holiday start red. Okay, I saw this, and this is kind of like a serious topic.

But I really wanted to talk about it because I was like, oh my God, that's me. Isn't it weird how so many versions of you exist in people's mind? Some know you as the shy person that doesn't talk. Some see you as the annoying person that won't shut up. Some see you cold and mean. Others find you caring and kind. So I was thinking about it and I was like, you know what? Yeah.

Because around certain family situations, I'm kind of really quiet and shy. And then here, I'm loud and annoying, won't shut up. And then in other situations, I've never cold and mean. But I would say I'm uncomfortable. and weird. Yeah. That is interesting to me. Like, I wish, I do wish everyone in real life could also get, like, the version of you when

you're very close to somebody. I'm not saying it's a bad thing. You're just a little more shy and reserved. Okay. Is that mean? No, it's true. It's true. It's the truth.

Or even, like, when you're in a relationship, like, I saw this meme or something on Instagram, and it was, like, this guy and his girlfriend, and he was, like, very, like, you know, cool guy. But then his girlfriend was secretly recording him, and he was like, maybe they want to go get some Sonic. And I was just like, oh my God, does everybody do that? Because we kind of talk in baby voice. A lot of couples do some variation of baby voice.

I know like pretty much every couple of like friend that's in a relationship does that. Right. You don't? No, I do too. Oh, okay. Yeah. I think it's a pretty common thing. What are your vibes?

I'm extremely shy. Like almost always, especially if it's like a large group of people, I don't really know what to do. If it's like a friend and it's like a small get together like this and like it's like you and I were hanging out. and you were like, oh, this is my friend Chris, and, like, I was introduced, and, like, maybe I can talk. But if it's a party with a lot of people, I panic and I'm shy, and I don't know, I can't, like, I have a very hard time talking at first. So I'm oftentimes the guy at a party that's, like, with a drink in the back, like, by themselves. The reason I was so fascinated by this is because I have certain friends where I can be with that friend and not say anything. We're not talking.

We're quiet. And you would look at it from the outside and be like, oh, God, like, this is so boring. What are they doing? But for me, I enjoy that. And I think it's like, yeah, I could say I'm shy around certain groups of people. But in reality, I think the real me, the genuine real me, is really quiet, really shy, and like a little bit depressed. And I feel like when I'm that person around you, it means that I love you. You know what I mean?

You're comfortable. But you're also. It's like falling asleep. You can only fall asleep when you're comfortable somewhere. Right. So if you fall asleep at someone's house, it's like you feel comfortable there. Right. But what fascinates me, though, is you're like also so hilarious and so funny.

And sometimes you just don't give that to people. That's with anything, though, right? It's like humor, it's a reaction. It's not an action. So, like, you have to be in an environment that's either observationally funny. You have to be in a vibe or else it's just, what are you performing for people? You know what I mean? So I'm with you because there are moments where I'm like trying to be in hilarious and whatnot at a party.

And the next time I'm not, you know, but I'm with you. I get it. God, I didn't mean for this to get so deep. But it's a Thanksgiving episode. I guess we might as well. With that voice, you know it's getting deep. Exactly. Thank you. That's the, it's getting deep voice.

Anyways. I also think, like, in the video, like, people are different at different stages of your life, too. Like, you know, before I was out and I was trying desperately hard to come across what I thought a straight man acted like. That's like a very different version of like my authentic self now. You know what I mean? Like, so friends that met me at that point and then we maybe haven't talked in many years would meet me now and would be like, you're not the same person anymore. And I'm like, this is the real me. Especially today.

But yeah, I mean, people will experience different versions of you. Also, if you're just exhausted or having a bad day or something, or I don't know. I think I'm pretty consistent. I'm like perfect. That's great. No, I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'm just that you are. And no, no, no, I'm not saying that by any means.

But like, I think you are more of like, you're very like punchline funny. You're like more like comedian almost, whereas like I'm pretty much like even kiltered all the way around. Like, I'm never, like, killing a room, and I'm never, like, bombing, you know? Right. But that's also probably because we're so emotional, like, things affect us and how we are. No? I mean, yeah. No, I get that.

I'll soak up energies for sure. Yes. Sometimes not good energy. Yes. I get moody for sure. Oh, yeah, no. But I'm still consistent. Yeah, you can be a real asshole.

I was just glad seeing in the comments section, and somebody's like, I just know Rylind's a Kieran sometimes. And I was like, you're not wrong. You are. Like, the other day, you are. almost started a fist fight in a parking lot because somebody took our spot. And I was like, we can just park two seconds away. Okay, you're right.

Yeah, but off principle, you got to fuck them up. And it's about being consistent. Yeah. Like today, when that person was going 15 under the speed limit, I was going to run them off the fucking road. And I'm like, listen, five under the speed limit's fine, but 15, I got to be my fucking Karen. You tailgate so hard. And we literally at the moment, we have, hold on that, Karen. If you're going 15 under the speed limit, you're asking for me to write.

your asshole. I know. So we were in the car today. So we have our car seats, our baby car seats in because we're trying them out. And we were driving around, and he's tailgating somebody to the point of almost crashing. Literally, we're on a street where so many people have died that it's haunted. A haunted street. How spooky is it that you guys are driving

out with empty car seats on this spooky-ass road? What are you guys doing? Like, optical, like tested them out like, all right, stop. See how they do. When bitch in front of me is going 15 under the speed limit, we're only going 30. My babies are fine. Maybe she's memorializing somebody on this sad road. And that's what I have to remind myself, give them grace.

Maybe they're having a bad day, but I just, you know, sometimes my blood boils and the Karen jumps right out. It really does. Okay. Hey, sorry to interrupt the show. I know what you're thinking. Shane, why are you wearing a pink beanie? Is it to match your hope you enjoy whatever the hell this is hoodie on sale now? No, it's because my hair is fucked up.

Like, I know usually when I do a hair story ad, I'm showing you guys my hair. and I'm like, look what it did to me. Look how it changed my life. This is going to be a little bit different. This is going to give you the worst case scenario. This is going to show you what my life is like without hair story. So I actually ran out of it a couple days ago. I ordered it. I was like I need my hair story right now because I washed my hair with shampoo the other day. I know. I had to wash it with something and all I had was like dandruff shampoo and it completely fucked up my hair. Like my hair is so bad. So bad that Rylan even said, what's going on? And he never notices stuff like that. So I cannot wait till my hair story gets here because I've been wearing beanies. I've been putting my hood up.

And it really did show me how much hair story has done for my life and for my head. So yes, today's podcast is sponsored by Hair Story. So if you don't already know, hair story makes something called New Wash, which has changed my life. It's not a shampoo. It's a cleansing cream. And here's how it works. So when you're in the shower, instead of doing the shampoo and the conditioner and

all those steps, all you have to do is use new wash. It cleans your hair. It doesn't strip it of anything. There's no chemicals in it. Normal shampoo is full of chemicals. It strips your hair. That's why they tell you, don't wash your hair more. than twice a week because of what shampoo does to your hair.

I mean, should I take the beating off? Do you want to see this? Let me just show you. This is what shampoo does to your hair. What is happening? Did I use a crimper? Okay, now I'm self-conscious. Oh, this is bad.

Okay. Oof. This is a mess. Should I just refilmed this when my hair story comes? No, no. I'm going to keep it real. This is my life right now. So New Wash uses all natural ingredients, nothing chemically.

Alvara, sunflower seed oil. different oils that'll help your hair, not hurt it. So if you haven't tried new wash yet, please check it out. I promise you will love it. Just go to harestory.com and use code grower to enjoy 20% exclusive savings when you try new wash for yourself. That's hairstory.com and use code grower at checkout. So please give it a try. I promise you won't regret it. And I am going to go shove my head in a hole and never look at anybody until my new wash comes. Bye. Let's jump into some of your guys's emails and voicemails. Okay, this is so,

So this is from Chelsea, and she said that she met me and Ryland six years ago on the Santa Monica Pier. Wow. And I have pictures. So here we go. So here's three of us. Oh my gosh. I got so wasted that night. You do remember.

Yeah. And then that's you and her. Yeah, you were fucked. Oh my gosh. That was in our. Do you remember? We got so drunk and we wanted to try this burrito place. I know.

And you were so full and drunk and sick that you made yourself throw up so we could go get a burrito. I was so cool. And then here's a picture of her. her and her husband now wearing grower in front of her. Oh my God. The couple's wearing the matching merch is so cute. Everything. I love it so much.

So shout out Chelsea, we love you. Um, okay. Next, this was kind of like sexy. Or that's weird to say. Nah. Look at this email. This is from Robin. Shout out Robin for sending me this email.

She said, my boyfriend Dave is a hot-ass sexy grower and I could farm his crop all day long. Absolutely. addicted to the podcast, been a fan for 10 years now, and your merch is iconic. And she sent a picture of her and her boyfriend in the grower merch and look at them. This is honestly so cute. The couples are wearing the matching shirts and the way that it came about. I know.

Like, this might be the best set that has ever come to fruition out of your merch lines. Yeah, I love it. So thank you so much. That was like, I love that. I love like the, you know, because usually it's like a like, my husband's a girl. He, which we love that too, but she's like, my husband's a fucking grower. She loved it. The mission is working.

I guess it is kind of satisfying. Like, if, no, I'm just saying, like, if you go from soft to heart and you feel like, oh, I did that because there's such a good payoff. Right. You know? Okay. Okay. This is from Arabi. She said that she hopes this makes it on the podcast.

She loves the podcast. And on her bumble, she mentions our podcast because she thinks that if they don't get her humor and they don't watch a podcast, then they're not for her. That's amazing. That is of the biggest honor. So here is her bumble page. It says, I'm tired of this grandpa. I don't know what that means. I'm tired of this grandpa.

That's two damn that. I'm honestly just trying to find somebody who will wear grower and farmer merch. Look at that. And take pictures of pumpkin patch with me. Bonus points if you know what I'm talking about. I love that that's like something to aspire, like a couple that's so strong that wear the matching grower and farmer merch. But also, if you don't know about the podcast, would you be like, what?

Well, no, but then it's a good conversation starter. They can be like, hey, what does your bio mean? Right. And she can send a link to our podcast. It's great promotion. Well, I thought that was great. And if you find love, please let us know so that we can, you know, be a part of it. Oh, okay.

This is from Erez. Interesting. I've never heard that name. Like Eres. With a Z. I like that. Hey, Jane, I saw this plant in my town and it reminded me of the grower merch and I thought I'd send it. And it's a podded plant.

Now, okay, listen, I have, I have an issue with this. Yeah, because it's a grower that's a shower. Yeah. It's not, that's, you know what I mean? It's not necessarily. It's on the cusp of show and more than you're growing. Listen, I mean, it's hanging down past the ball sack. It's fine.

But that doesn't mean that it's not a grower because if it grew five times the size, then it's still a girl. I know, but come on. Like, like, we're talking about the majority of growers here. We don't want them to lean in. We want them to be all in on this. Yeah. That's, that's leaning. I want somebody to be like, is that a fucking belly button?

So we're ostracizing the grow. What I will say, though, is they did get the little, like, fupa right. The little fupa right. That. like fat, fat chunk? Wait, I don't have any of these. You're making me feel like I'm not a grower? You don't have a fat foop a chunk?

Well, you're skinny. Okay. This was interesting, and I wanted to read this because I've had this on my list for almost six months, and I keep not reading it. I'm going to finally read this. This is an email from Tori. And the subject is uncircumcised dicks are hot. Fair enough.

True. Okay. L.O.L. Tori, and I've been watching this week's episode. I have some opinions on circumcision to make men feel better. I think uncircumcised shit is so hot. I don't know what it is about that extra skin turns me on. Now, if they have schmegma, aka dick cheese, that's when I'm like, clean your dick.

Am I weird to say that I'd like to clean a guy's dick for him? I feel like that's a loving favor to do for a partner. I also think that would turn me on as well. Now, obviously, uncircumcised men are hot too, and dick is still dick. I'm sorry, love the podcast. Wow, she loves the dick. So I wanted to share that because I feel like we don't talk about uncircumcised dicks. Are you uncircumcised?

You don't remember his traumatizing story that he got circumcised as an adult? I feel like we don't talk about it enough and I just want to give a shout to all those uncircumcised growers out there. Shout out. Because that must be there's probably more uncircised men

in the world than not. Yeah. It's very America. I loved her just dick is dick. Amen. Dick is amen. All dicks are good dicks. How would you respond to that be a text?

That was like a text of one sent you. Not single, L.O. But I am. Okay, so I have some voicemails. Now, this first one, oh, I'm just going to play it. Hi, Shane. So, my of my boyfriend are very, very risky, and we've been caught multiple times making out in my car by his aunt.

But the worst thing is that when we had sex, we do it in his bed. And sometimes I squirt, and whenever his mom comes over to sleep, she sleeps in his bed. and she found the stains and I don't know if I should be worried about that please give me advice thank you guys so much and I love the podcast okay I love y'all I think you need a second set of sheets

yeah put some plastic down and just wash the sheet no like I mean there's a lot of options well the stain yeah change sheets there's so many options yeah there has to be some time in between the squirting and the mom getting in the bed that just doesn't seem sanitary that's got a girl Like for, well, it could leave a stain, though. Like, even if it's washed, Shane has a good point. It could still leave the stain, but I still like having a backup set of sheets.

You pop one off, you pop one on. Is you think the mom would know what it is? Like, hey, is that squirt? That's what I'm saying. Like, I don't know if I'd worry about it. Like a squirder knows a squirder. Right. I think that's not cool for the mom personally.

I don't, why is the mom sleeping in his bed? Yeah, that's weird. I don't want to sleep in anyone's dirty sheets. No, exactly. Guys are coming. Girls are squirt in. It's not a safe. safe place.

Yeah. Clean or change the sheep. That's the solution. We'd have to really analyze that, you know, to understand. I don't know. There's one bed available, I guess. This is their bed that she sleeps in? Yeah, that's what I'm confused about.

Why is mommy sleeping? There's no option for her to sleep anywhere else. There's not like a couch. That's what I'm saying. There's something going on here. I don't know if I want to no more. Happy Thanksgiving. Next voicemail.

Oh my god, it's me again. The guy from Baker sales. I need your guys to help. Oh, my friend married a gay guy, like one of those in the closet gay guys. And I have a question, should I tell her or should I just let him be? You should have told her before she got married. Any of your guys just help, please help me out. That is eke.

I feel like everyone, like whenever this happens, I feel like I at least give a couple hints. I'm like, we sure? Whenever this happened? How many times this has happened to you? I feel like twice in my life. Okay. I try not to meddle in others' relationships at all, no matter what, you know? It's like, would you tell your friend if you saw them getting cheated on?

Yeah. Would you, is this like the same thing or like, I don't know enough about this? Well, to me, I just feel like it's a recipe for disaster. You're going to get hurt way more in the long run if the guy is in fact gay after you've built a life with this person, had kids with this person, fell more in love with this person. So it's like, if you're not going to out. the hard questions. Maybe I should hint at the hard questions. I think I would let them figure it out between themselves personally.

I think what your best friend. Maybe there's a way to say, because you know, listen, if you're in a relationship with a gay guy who's actually a gay guy pretending to not be a gay guy and you're willing to marry them kind of secretly knowing that something is often, there's kind of something with you that you need to talk about in therapy. Usually the woman knows or knows and they choose a gay guy because of a safety thing, comfortable, they want to be with somebody that it's like, you know, there's usually a reason. It's usually not a totally random thing where it's like, I had no idea that he was, they always kind of know. And even if it's not spoken out loud, they have a hunch. It's like my mom always knew I was gay before I confirmed it, you know.

Well, see, my parents didn't know at all. That's the thing. Like, I, I know gay men who have like zero tells and no one knows. I know gay men from high school who still aren't out and are gay and our fucking dudes on Grindr and stuff, but like no one to this day knows that they're gay and no one would ever think it because they have zero tells and like if they were in a relationship, I don't know. I feel like they could trick someone to thinking they're straight. But if you're a guy who, and this is getting really deep in it, but if you're a guy who is so good at hiding that you're gay and you're out fucking guys on Grindr, would you really want to get married to a woman? I feel like guys who want to get married to a woman or guys who are like religious or have an issue with it or haven't come out to themselves yet. But if they're actually fucking guys on Grindr. Yeah, I don't think guys that are fucking guys are marrying girls. Sometimes culturally, sometimes jobs are super homophobic,

sometimes for a million factors they feel the need to. They feel like they have to. And I think if I know that your soon-to-be husband is matter-of-fact fucking guys, I'm definitely going to go in there and ruin that shit for you. Right. Okay. Well, speaking of divorce. Dude, great segue.

Let's have another fight with Jamie Riley. You have another one? Okay, so this is sent to us. Well, here, let's take a listen. Oh, this is a submission. So this is going to be a fight and we have to referee it. Thank God, I love this new segment. Hey, Ryan and insane.

This is for the fighting podcast, I guess. So I had a fight that me and my husband had. So I recently flooded the house because I kind of out a little drunk and I think my medication mixed with the alcohol and I fell asleep in the shower. So I flooded the house. Okay. But I woke up, he was mad at me, but he could have checked on me. You know, I was asleep for an old.

like about an hour or two, and it was a stand show. But I feel like he could have checked on me. And, yeah, I don't think he should be mad. I mean, I don't know. We did have to pay like $6,000 in repair. But luckily we had house insurance. But yeah, I hope you guys are on my side, not his. Love you, and congrats on the twins.

I have questions. I think she just admitted to house insurance fraud, which is, wait, really? I don't think if you fall asleep and leave. your shit on they probably had to say that the plumbing broke well okay I have a question she okay hold on she was drunken high on pills or something and fell asleep in the shower and flooded the house it got bad to him why would the why would the house flood if she's in a shower she said it's a standing shower so it's shower so did her body fall on the drain yeah is that what happened that's a good logistical question she must have been pretty fucked up to not wake up with it like

How would her body fall on, was her ass on the drain? Like, I'm trying to, like, visualize how this happened. Yeah. How most my shower, if I fell, I would fall through a door or my body would just down and it would definitely cover the vent. Okay. So, so I guess, yeah, I think her, right. It had to be covering the vent for it to, to flood.

Why is she mad at him? Because she thinks he should have checked on her for taking an hours-long shower, which I will say. like if I knew you were showering and it had been like an hour and a half I'd be like what the fuck is he doing right so I might walk up there but maybe he was watching a movie I'd like

what if she died or something it was because he was medicine and alcohol like that could leave okay I think I'm on her side I think okay I'm on her side I think he should have checked on her I think my thing if I was your partner I would be like okay well if we're taking our

medication and drinking maybe we shouldn't be showering Wouldn't she have made a thud? You shouldn't? Oh, he had to have been high and drunken and passed out himself. Did she say it was something she doesn't normally do? I'm trying not to judge. I do think, though, that if your husband was asleep, then you can't really get mad at him.

You know, like, what is he supposed to do? Well, no, she's upset. He's mad at her. He wanted him just to not be mad and be like, this is fine, babe. Here's what happens. People should be able to have anger without directing it at an individual. I think maybe he's just really upset at the situation. And he should maybe work on not directing his angered towards her.

Maybe call your doctor and see what medication. Yeah. It is a bummer, like, a flooded house sucks. Yeah, that's the way. Because then you have to get the walls checked for moisture. Did we already talk about, I think we did. I lived in a hotel for six months because of it. Do we talk about when I passed out in the shower?

We did, we did. Right? What? I think we did. And I was naked. In Florida? What? And you, never mind.

No? What? No, it was on Mom's 40th birthday. Did we talk about that? What? What? I've heard this story. I don't know. I don't remember. I think you were there.

Or maybe you weren't. Oh, you were at school. I should have been. Long story short. I passed out in the shower, cracked my head open on the faucet. And then my mom came in on her 40th birthday. Happy birthday, Mom, shut out. And blood everywhere. She thought I was dead. At least the house didn't blood.

I'm kidding. I know. And then she turned around. Then my head was just a big, open, gashing. I think you were there. How old were you? If I wasn't there, I do remember being notified, but I remember it. It was crazy.

But I got to stay home from. like a month. Why did you pass out? I do that sometimes. But it's not medication. I just pass out a lot. Or not a lot. But I used to. Not in the seven years I've known you. It's not been a couple times. Anyways. What? I get dehydrated. Oh. Humidity. I have panic attacks. Yeah. Yeah. If there's humid air, I'm passing out, baby. He almost passed out yesterday because of it. Drink liquid ibis be okay. Electrolites. Did I ruin your headphones? Well, you should have been using Raycons because the quality is so good. My scream just now wouldn't have blown up your ear drums. It would have been like echoy and beautiful and going through your head. That actually

sounds horrible. But whatever, you get my point. Today's episode is sponsored by Raycon. Let me explain how amazing Raycon is. Don't go anywhere. Let me explain. So when I do one of these sponsorships, they send me a paper and I'm supposed to kind of go over all the things that they want me to talk about and see what I do is I ignore that and I talk about whatever the fuck and I hope to God they don't see this and request me to make changes. But with Raycon, I actually did start reading this And one of the ideas they had, they said, it may be too early to start decorating for the holidays, but it's never too early to start your holiday shopping.

And I was like, wow, Raycon, do you know me at all? I started decorating for Christmas in October. I started holiday shopping in last Christmas. I literally, the night after Christmas, I went online, and I went to all the sales, and I started buying gifts for the next year. That's how psychotic I am. I mean, that's how much I love Christmas. That's how festive I am.

That sounds healthier. So yes, if you're like me and you want to start holiday shopping early, check out RayCon because you could literally save up to 50 50% on their site right now because they're having an early Black Friday single. So you've seen me talk about them before. I've shown you clips of me using them in the gym, which I regret because yuck. But I wanted to show you how amazing they were and how they could even make me look cool. Raycons are amazing.

They are so affordable and they're high quality. So just because they're affordable doesn't mean they're cheap. They're amazing quality. You could literally get, oh my God. For the price of one pair of other headphones that are out in the world, you could get like two pairs of Raycons. That's how affordable there. They also don't just come in white. They come in black.

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I'm never wearing this beanie again. All right. Enjoy the rest of the episode. Bye. Okay. So, oh my God. You guys are going to hate me. Now, listen, before we get into the real food tasting of it all,

Sarah sent me an email and said, hey, I know, Hey, I know that Chris does not like eating bananas. front of straight people. I don't remember that conversation. Yes, that's the thing. No, I don't know. I'm just like, there are certain things that make me feel weird. Like putting, I don't know, putting chapstick on in front of people makes me feel weird, eating bananas in front of people. So this is straight torture for Chris? Wait, is it straight people or does anybody? Especially straight people. I don't know why. And like, you need to work that out with your therapist. I need a therapist. I need a therapist.

Okay. All right. Well, Sarah said that she has a new way for Chris to eat bananas. Okay. So I'm going to show you guys this TikTok, but I'm only going to show the first five seconds of this because the way she eats a banana is kind of confusing and I don't think it's going to work. Thank you, Sarah. Wow, I can't imagine what I'm about to see. But let me show you something really fun. Good morning. I'm going to demonstrate how I open and eat a banana first of all.

Second. What? I've seen that. How? Like this? I don't know, but we're trying it. I think the goal is just to go as fast and quick as possible. I was gonna show you how I open a banana oh oh you just I so okay you know what I'll

show you how I open a banana and then you guys read the head thing no so this is how I do it ready okay whoa is that crazy it's like a garden it doesn't like perfect yeah what I thought it's gonna like explode or like something or like so yeah that's how I open a banana oh my god and then I have half and put half in the fridge why did that blow my mind okay so let's try the head one so she just went Boom! Wait, did she- I feel like it's what you're doing like this. Yes. I tried. She went back. Her technique is just on point. It's gonna. Oh, it worked!

Okay. Kinda. Wow, that's more difficult than you. You need like a very crispy bag. I feel like she put her head into it. I gotta commit. I just gotta commit. Stop bullshit and Jared do this. Three, two, one. I can't do it.

It's hard. Are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay? It did. The thing is, it like creates a dent in your banana. So if you don't eat it right away,

I feel like the half you leave out has like a forehead dent. Your method is much better. Right. Just pulling it with force. You should just go into a 7-Eleven and do that. Like I'll just take one banana. I love a banana though. That'd be great.

Me too. Um, okay. Now this is another thing I saw that you like lemon right? Love them. You would say you're a big old lemon lover. Connoisseur. Big old lemon head, really. Well, I'm gonna play you a little video. My favorite way to eat a lemon is to eat it whole. Right? Seeds. No, fuck you. And your blender add an entire lemon. Three dates. A small piece of ginger, a dash of cinnamon,

a splash of vanilla, a tablespoon of olive oil, a tablespoon of honey. I thought this was a little bit off with a cup and a half of water. Blended on high for 30 seconds or until completely smooth. This is like a wellness shot. I'm gonna love it. A whole lemon with the peel. your ice and notice how rich and creamy is. Oh, it's so good. I'm gonna love this.

With the whole fucking thing with the seat, with the peel? I'm into it. Well, here we go, baby. I made some earlier. Nice. Now, I did look at the comments and it said that dentists do not approve of this and it actually strips your teeth.

Cause all the acid. Yeah, lately I've been doing like a ton of lemon water when I first wake up and I've noticed my teeth like, feel like there's a layer of. Oh, it's not good for you. Like, that much acid is bad. It's like a fucking smoothie. Yeah.

Wow, it looks really nice. Here we go. Happy lemon. I just feel like I'm going to die. My guard, it's going to kill me. No, that's not it. Oh, I mean, it's not good. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. I would like it if we didn't do the pill. Like, yeah, the peel. Like, if we peeled the lemon. Well, that's the point is she likes the peel. That's why it's crazy. When it settles down, it has kind of a nice flavor, but it's like really harsh off the rip. I don't know.

That was the grossest thing that I think I've ever said. The peel does get like stuck in places in your house. It's disgusting. Please stop making boozy shit like this like you're really drinking people. We know you ain't drinking that. But please keep doing it and send it to us. Yeah, we can try it at least. Do you guys know who Adrian Balamus?

Oh, no, I don't. You don't? Why'd you say, oh, like you did? You know who she is. It was a quick fake out. You'll know who she is. Okay. Adrian Belmont.

So she is from Cheetah Girl. She was in 3LW. Say you want, say you want, ma'am. Yeah, I feel bad that I didn't say yes. She was on the real? for all the seasons. So she is known. She's on any news right now.

So she is also known for having weird flavor combinations. Ooh. And she posted this video and I cannot believe it's not viral. And, well, let me just show you it. Next, we are going to go in with. I love her. Guys, good old can chicken noodle soup. My son loves this.

And one day I was making it for him, but I just felt like, oh, this is so boring. This is so basic. Yeah. Self, what do you have in the fridge that could make this like... I knew she was gonna dance. And I found some hazelnut creamer in the fridge and I was like, what?

It would be delicious. What? And so, Lana on the sidelines, have you ever had tumium soup? Like what? What? It's a creamy coconut cream soup. It's not tummy soup. That's the vibes.

We're gonna be sick. Yuck. All right, so I take the soup. I mean, it's already gonna be gross because it's cold and uncooked. That's what Adrian said when her crew tasted it and they said it was disgusting. She said it's because it's cold. Ooh, man, I feel like a barista. So she did kind of a lot.

Okay. Are you guys ready? I feel like I might barf. Yeah, this is rough. I might barf even without the cream. Three, two, one. Oh, Adrian, man, you must be high as fucking that shit. I like it.

Do you? I love it. Shut up. It tastes like creamy corn chowder. Oh, my God. Think about the corn chowder. I don't want to think about it. I don't want to think about it.

Think about the corn chowder at El Dorito on Sundays, the brunch. I would say it's good. Maybe there's a combination that works in there, but I don't think I got it. I'm in. Well, don't worry. We have something to wash it. Sour candy. Okay, we have something else for you.

All right, here we go. So let's go to something that I think is kind of basic. Okay, for me. Basic. And it is, first of all, you know that I love a good Hawaiian pizza. Me too. I love bacon pineapple is my go-to. Basic pineapple.

I love a Hawaiian pizza. Yeah, me too. Do I love some bacon pineapple, but I also make. Why does she have to add the creamer? That I dip it into. What is? It's too much cream. Are you kidding me?

I love her. She's just a troll. This can't be real. She's putting hot sauce on the cream. This is a troll. Like, this is not real. Watch what she mixes it. She really dunked off.

Well, we have here. No. This is basic. Come on. This is what. And she's like the pizza. It's like, she's messing with people, right? Like, she has to be.

I, I thought maybe she was until I tried that soup, and I'm like, Tim Yum, yes. Is she just so gross? How do you come up with this? Like, ready whip and hot sauce on pizza? You come from Disney Channel. You know a lot of fucked up shit. Did you already try it?

Megan. We were trying it. It's making her malfunction. Okay, you other girls, let's cheers. So wait, she mixes it like this. I've been mixing. I just, I'm dying to try this thing. But ranch and chelula's good.

Yeah, but that's cool. All right, three, two, one. Let's go. No. No. Okay, this is a no. No. But at least I can swallow it.

I could not. Shane. Shane's vomiting over there. Shane Andrew. Okay. Here's this thing, Adrienne, I see where you're going. Dude, fuck this lady, dude. Keep your weird shit to your soul.

What is wrong with her? I'll be basic all fucking day. I don't think I'll ever be able to eat pizza again All right, well, don't worry, there's only one more thing Oh shit This is the This is the fucking finale This is the...

Is this all from the same video? This is all from the same... It's like it's like it's just fucking my stomach up Okay, yeah Give us a finale No What is she doing? What is she doing? And we've got chocolate milk

So that's tuna No Shut, shame Shane! I can't. Now hold on. Here I'm going. You know I'm a dipper, so dipping it in.

Are you? I hate her. Why are you like this? What happened to you? Yeah. What the fuck? This is fucking sick and twisted. Adrian, what is wrong with you?

I'll get for the benefit of the doubt. I will say it's, um, here's what I'll say. It's a lot. Oh gosh, the smell's coming through. She needs like therapy or something. It's a lot more fun. to just watch her eat these things,

then be presented with the food she's trying. This is like something that you give somebody when they're in a coma and they like wake up. That's how bad it stinks. Slipping salts? Yeah. This is so bad. Oh, this is just a tuna.

Oh my God. It hasn't even. Wait, what tuna is this? Oh, dude. What tuna did you buy? I can't even see it happen. Yeah, did you guys season this? There's like pepper in it.

I eat tuna regularly and it doesn't look like. this. How much? How much? A good, a good amount. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, she really likes to make things creamy and sweet. I'm gonna, I can't. Ready? Oh, okay, I'm, I'm ready. Jared, you put on your feet, son. Look at this. All right, I'm just gonna hope for the best. Three, two, one. No, no, I don't know if I can do it. Oh, I don't know if I can do it. I I like it. Honestly, it just tastes like Tuma fish with a little something. Yeah.

I've suddenly had misofilioma. Oh, this is the most subtle one all night. I like it. What? It's like a, how much did you make it a soup, Chris? How much chocolate milk did you do the dance? Oh, they're throwing it up into a soup camp. Wait, should I?

Hold on. No, that's the worst thing I ever had in my life. What? I'm just. I'm just fixing it. I need some. Oh my God. This trash has got to go to like the big trash can immediately.

Oh. I just eat the pizza alone. It's still in my mouth. I can still take it. That's what I'm saying. Cleange yourself. That's good. Put the whipped cream and hot sauce.

No. Absolutely. I'm done. I will no longer be tortured. Put the whipped cream and hot sauce in it. Adrian. You hear me. Don't encourage your tea.

Wow. Well, thank you so much Adrian by Lawn for changing my life. Please never make another one. I can't do this again. Please make so many more. I enjoy watching hers. I just don't. enjoy doing it myself let's get let's be funny and make it delicious next time what if we did

like cheese and bread yeah yeah what about that oh that was great that was awful all right well we're going to take a quick little break i'm going to finish that soup and we'll have conspiracies see in a second oh hi all right sorry to interrupt the show again but i'm going to give some love to our sponsor today which is seekeek and i actually have a special guest who's going to come in in a second who's just cleaning up dog poop right now god look at her she's beautiful what am i doing see keek so if you don't already know see keek is the number one rated ticketing app in the world and they have over 28 million downloads and there is always something on see keek to check out they have so many shows it's not just concerts it's comedy festivals it's literally anything that involves

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Hello? Um, where'd you go? I'm outside. I asked you to come in. I didn't hear you. You saw me. I literally waved, and you looked at me and you, like, nodded. No, I did.

Yes, you did. They saw it. It's on camera. caught you 4K. 1080. Okay, whatever. My question was, how many times have you seen Taylor Swift? Oh, well, three. And how many times did you see Geek? Every single time. And you save money? Oh my gosh. Every time. Okay, good. Because you still spent thousands of dollars, but he hung up on me. Cough failed. Is my marriage okay? Whatever. Anyways, yes, he has saved hundreds of dollars with Seatkeek for every time he has gone to see Taylor Swift. And when you think about it that way, you're like,

Okay, he wasted a lot of money because he saw Taylor too many times, but he also saved a lot of money. So like, it balances out, right? So if you want to save money too, make sure to get Seekek. I will put the link in the description below. And use Code Grower at checkout for $20 off of your tickets. That's $20 off when you use Code Groer. Okay, enjoy your concert or your show. And I'm going to go figure out why my husband is avoiding me.

It's probably my hair. I figured it out. Okay, bye. Okay, welcome back. Sorry, it just really stinks in here. Welcome back to Conspiracy Corner. Okay, so this first thing, it's not really a conspiracy, but when I tell you how angry I got when I found this out,

this blew my mind. So, okay, what would you say is my number one used emoji ever? Oh, ah, the cry laugh? I've never used that. What are you talking about? Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Let me just see. Okay, I'll let you know.

My most used emoji ever is the praying hands. It's actually a high five. Well, that's the theory. So literally, the praying hands, now this is not confirmed, and Apple has not confirmed or debunk this. Very smart of that. The praying hands literally might be a high five.

Wait, what? Oh. And the things that you thought were God, like the light, it's the friction. The motion of the high five. Whoa. Yeah, so someone texts like, hey, so and so passed away, you're like,

hi-five. You know? Yeah. The amount of times I've sent high fives to your mom. Yeah. If someone thinks that's a high five, it like, yeah, I'm conveying the wrong thing off it. That's terrifying. But here's the weird thing.

I will say, because I've thought about this, if you type in prey into your iPhone, this emoji will generate. Well, but did it at first? You know what I mean? That's it, I guess. They probably, like, what if the woman, because there's, like, one woman who made all the emojis. I forgot her name, but there's, like, videos about it. So this woman created all these emojis.

He's probably got paid fucking nothing. I didn't know that either. Fiverr. Yeah, they found her on fiber. So she's the one that would know. So I'll try to figure it out. Maybe I'll try to get in contact with her. But all the emojis that she made,

like maybe she did create a high five, and then people thought it was prey, and then Apple's like, well, we're not going to say it's not. So then they just go with it. Yeah, they just go with the algorithm. It makes more sense. Yeah. Now, there's also another emoji that's in this weird category.

Is there another emoji that you can think of that might be something that it's not? Egg plant. Let me look at my most recent... Well, everyone used it as a dick. I see that. Okay, I'll just give it to you. It's the poop emoji.

So now the poop... What? Now, the poop emoji, there is a theory. And once again, we don't know. It's confirmed or not. But that is actually chocolate ice cream. Hold on. Hold on.

Oh, yo. I'm going to show you because the actual ice cream cone emoji, if you look at it, it is the same shape. Oh, my gosh. The same curves, the same lines. Whoa. Whoa is right. And just to make it even more clear to you,

here's a picture of it. And that looks more delicious than the vanilla cone. I think the bottom is also the emoji for trash. Wait. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. You're right. Is that a chocolate trash?

A ice cream cone is just trash poop. They need to release. Petition to release the chocolate chip con or the chocolate cone. So yeah, all these emojis are freaking me out, guys. This is pretty good. Wow. Don't worry. These theories.

get even worse. Wow, that was peaking. It freaked me out. Think about it. The praying hands. It's a high five. Guys, my mind's blown. Okay.

So this is an email I got from Julia. And she sent me this picture because if you guys remember, we did a video a few months ago about Aldi, which is the grocery store where they create like knockoff versions of everything, right? Like Oreos, they'll create, you know, Shmorios. And the theory was that the actual companies that make these real items also make the fake Aldi version. So this, and I'm not saying this is confirmed,

but this is a picture of the Baker's Treat cupcakes, which are like rip-offs of, you know, hostas cupcakes. But inside of the box, the customer at Aldi found actual hostess cupcakes. They accidentally played at the fucking factory. No way. Well, listen, once again, I don't know, maybe this is a hoax, a hostess.

What? I believe it. I do too, because, I mean, when we did a lot of digging on other brands, We did find that a lot of these, like, name brands and knockoffs were made at the same facilities. Yeah, like all the cereal, Cheerios, all that still is made by the same place that makes all the fake Aldi ones. Greg Goose is just Kirkland. Wait.

You can get Kirkland vodka. Are you shitting me? Yeah. Wait, no way. Kirkland makes a lot of stuff that's, like, name brand good stuff. Great Goose is expensive. I think my theory is either it's a mistake towards the end of the line. There is a packaging mix up.

Or maybe they ran out of packaging and they're like, well, we can't just hold an order back. But either way, if it's at the same facility, the ingredients are probably similar or the same. Identical. Well, yeah. I mean, it hosts its white labels through whoever's doing those for sure. Okay. Now, this is kind of a Mandela, but kind of not. This is very specific.

But do you guys, you know those Tootsie Pops? How many licks does it take so you get to the center of Tutsi Pop? The hour. Okay. So you know how when you would go when you were like, you know, 10 years old, we'd go to the gas station and we get a Tootsie Popsie. Pop. And then what was chocolate? What do you do with the rapper?

You look for the star. You look for the star. Yeah. The cowboy shooting star. And then what do you do when you find the star and the rapper? Make a wish and keep it. It's white people shit. What do you do?

I thought you got a free one. What is your free one? Yes. You take the rapper back to the gas station. You tell the guy, hey, I found the star and he goes, oh, here's your free lollipop. And you go, thank you, sir. I thought you made a wish and kept it. Oh, you're just okay.

Now, this. Supposedly, never happened. Yeah, you make a way to keep it. There's a whole thing on the internet. Tutsi Pop came out and said, we've never given away free Tutsis. That's not a thing we do. If there's a star on some and not on the other, it's literally just because of the printer.

It means nothing. It's not a game. It's not a promotion. It's nothing. But I swear, I swear on Kirkland that we did this when we were young. I remember going to AMPM and getting free Tutsis. Great. Help.

Okay. I think maybe it wasn't a direct Tutsi role involvement. But I think it's hard if a couple of kids come in with a rapper and say, I want a free 10 cent tootsie roll. Maybe we just had really cool AMP people that bought into it. I don't know. But I do remember being told that. So someone told me that.

I'm more heartbroken to hear that they weren't planning the star ones on purpose to make us feel special when we got one. Wow. I'm sad that I didn't grow up with this. It sounds so fun. You didn't you never heard of it. I've never heard. It's like you guys were speaking different language. No, Chris.

No, I know what a Tutsi Pop is, but everything that you just said about the star and the experience and the... You never called them? I know. Can you believe that? I never heard of it. I feel like it definitely happened. Let us know in the comments. Did you ever get a free Tutsi from the rapper that had the star on it? Because I swear in my memory I did that. And I don't think I made that up.

Also, remember, what was that gum that you can eat the wrapper? Zebra. Oh, yeah, zebra gum. You can eat the wrapper. You can eat the wrapper on any gum that's a paper wrapper, actually. What? It's not good for you, but you can do it. I've done it with Trident.

Why wouldn't you just take the wrapper off? Yeah. Why not? I think your brother just told you about the signori kid. I don't think that's like widely known. Someone told me and said, hey, you can just eat the wrapper, did? I heard you could eat the McDonald's Cheeseburger wrapper. I'm sure what is happening?

We'll try it with the same ingredients. No, we won't. I wouldn't eat it. Okay. We'll do it next time. You and Jared have fun. Adrian will come on the show and don't eat a wrapper. Should be like, can we add some creamer?

Okay. So for this next one, I'm about to air drop. Does everybody have their phones on them? Yes. Okay. I'm about to air drop. you a picture. Now, hold your judgment. Are you fucking kidding?

Oh, my God. Hold your judgment. So I got an email from, and I don't want to mispronounce this, but the name is X-O-C-H-I-L-T. So, so I'm so, I don't know. I don't want to fuck it up. I don't want to fuck it up. Okay, they said this will settle the debate. Ready? Yeah. Okay. If you go to your iPhone settings, Right. Go to display and brightness and turn on night shift mode and at home do this as well find a picture of the blue and black dress it looks the same okay did you go to night shift yeah you pressed it yeah okay now what do you see the same thing same thing really you still see what colors white and gold yeah oh well

it's matter of fact well they said if you turn on night shift you can see both colors you can see white and gold or you can see black and blue here hand it's show me from that far away. Like, let me see your phone. They're liars. No, I just want to see like, like, clearer than ever white and gold. Like, that's more clear. That's more white and gold than my phone. There's not a chance in hell that you see black and blue. I literally, it's black and blue. No, this picture, though, is white and gold. I don't care if the real dress is black and blue. We don't need to. Well, then why'd you bring it up? Okay, that picture, though, to me, is black and blue. But it doesn't

matter because. Yeah, it doesn't matter. Because don't show it up for the 30th time. It didn't work. But we tried it out. I just wanted to try. I just wanted to try. Try. Okay. Before I pull out my camera, I'll just, let's change gears. Okay. Okay. This next theory is about Titanic.

It's about us. Okay. It's about us. This actually freaked me out. So as you guys know, if you've seen Titanic, spoiler alert. I don't think somebody in this room has seen it. Okay. Ooh, this is a big spoiler.

Which is crazy. Wow. So obviously at the end, Rose is floating on the door. Plug your ears. And Jack is, you know, in the water and he's freezing and he's, whatever. So then Rose sees him. And what does she say? I'll never let you go.

No, no, you're late. She goes, she goes, check, check, check, check. And then she breaks his hands off the door, and then she, she assumes he's dead. So she lets him go, she's like, they were like, and then he sinks, right? And he's on the bottom of the ocean. Yeah. Now, if he was actually dead, he would have floated. Dead bodies float.

Interesting. If he sank, that means he was just unconscious. No way. in water as he was falling down, which if you rewatch the scene in the movie, the bubbles come out of his mouth, right? And I always thought that was like a glit, like a fuck up in the movie.

Like I was like, okay, James, you missed a spot. But no, the bubbles are because he's breathing in water and he sinks to the ground. No way. Now, I Google, now, this is like a big theory right now online. Even if she saved him, there was no room.

No, no, she was saved right afterward. If you remember in the movie, he sinks and then, is there anyone out there? Can anyone here? me and then she grabs a whistle from the dead guy she's like so literally seconds away he could have been saved because what happens is he was unconscious he was having a hypothermic I think it's stage

three hypothermia and he could have been saved not my Leo I know so she killed him which listen I know this is like such a debate like he could have fit on the door and this is that and it doesn't matter the movie is amazing and perfect as it is I don't care I'm glad he died because she needed him to die so that she can live in life

this is a real life story what no but isn't that crazy could he have just been dead and not yet had his body filled up did he die why of being frozen

I didn't read into all the science because there was like a 10 page article about it I definitely feel like it's her fault let's definitely blame the woman for sure I mean she didn't do all she could MythBusters needs to do an episode does that show still on? I thought they did

they did an episode about the door that there was technically enough room for them both to fit But now that new theories are... Oh, I thought it was opposite. No, I think there was room. Now that new theories are swirling, they need to get back at it for part two. What are we going to do about it, though?

You know, when we find out. Well, I know if we ever go on a cruise, which I don't want to. And if the boat ever sinks, which I hope it doesn't. And then if we're floating and you'll never let me go. No, never. Never let me go. No. He's not dead.

That's so sad. I know. It's actually really sad. If you rewatch the movie and think about it like that. Dude, what a genius James Cameron was? to put it in a scene that's still making us thinking about it. Isn't that crazy that he still has virality on the internet from a movie he made that years ago? He knew it.

He knew it. Hey, welcome back. I know what you're thinking. Shane, stop scaring us. I think that every time I look in a mirror. And yes, I refer to myself as us. There's a lot of people in here. So we want to give a big shout out to our sponsor today, which is Rocket Money.

So if you haven't heard of Rocket Money yet, then you obviously haven't seen my new main channel video, conspiracy theories with Jeffers are out now because they sponsored that which is crazy thank you rocket money they didn't know what the video was about and i hope they're not bad not that we like you know tried to expose a corporation or anything but you know what if i get sued by that corporation luckily i'll have saved money with rocket money what so if you don't already know rocket money is an all-in-one finance platform that helps you save more and spend less it's a personal finance app that helps you manage your subscriptions lower your bills build a custom budget grow your savings all in one place so one of my favorite things it does is it helps you

manage your unwanted subscriptions i bet if you checked your phone right now and you went to subscriptions you're probably paying randomly for things that you forgot about like face tune or not that i am i should be but you know different apps that charge you like a dollar a month you're probably paying for a few of those but luckily with just the press of a button rocket money will get rid of all of your unwanted subscriptions for you they also help you monitor your credit which is huge because sometimes something will be on your credit that you did not know about and it'll totally ruin your credit. And then when you try to go get a loan for a car or a house, they'll be like, oh, sorry, rejected because of this weird bill or whatever you missed five years ago.

But when something like that pops up, Rocket Money will alert you, and they'll give you tips on how to fix it. They also help you lower your bills and negotiate your bills for you. All you have to do is take a picture of your bill, upload it, press a button, and they will help get your bill lowered, which is crazy. You don't have to call and be like, hey, um, is there any chance I could, like, get this bill lowered? What was I just twirling? Oh my God. I'm going to shave my head today. So to save more and spend less, join the over 5 million other members using Rocket Money today. Just go to RocketMoney.com slash grower or click the link in my description to get started for free. And you can also unlock even more features with premium. That's rocket

money.com slash grower to get started for free. So thank you so much to Rocket Money for sponsoring and thank you guys. That was weird. But I mean it. Thank you guys. Why are you watching this? Read a book. Just kidding. Don't leave. Bye. Um, okay, so this isn't even really a theory either, but I put it in the conspiracy section because honestly, I needed more to fill it up. Perfect. I have a new psychopath test. Okay, everybody at home, get ready. Here we go.

This was actually sent in by a viewer, Rachel. So I don't know if she created this on her own or if she found it, but here we go. I'm going to get one right for once. This is the one. You and your two friends, so there's three of you, want to eat some cake. but there are only two slices left. You have a knife and three plates. How do you handle splitting the pieces?

My instinctive answer is I just give it to them. But what's the psychopath answer? I take that fucking knife and I stab these bitches and I say I'm eating it all. No. Okay, good guess. So he's on the right check. He kills one so two people get to share the cake.

Okay, the answer is... Is the psychopath... Sorry, in my brain, it's like you cut it like rather than vertically like horizontal. or something. Oh, sweetie. No. No.

The psychopath, you use the knife to stab the third person so that the two remaining people each have a slice. Nice. That's how you do it. Yeah.

I would just have both of them and eat all the cake. That was extra psychopath energy. I like it. I just want to be a psychopath. I know. Not even Kate can get you there. Well, let's see if this gets you there.

This is from Cassie. She said, Hey guys, I saw this and I thought of you. Let me know what you think. So this is a meme that was going around. I don't know how real this is, but I'm going to pretend like it is. And it says, I'm convinced if you like candy corn, banana flavored Laffy Taffy or drink root beer, you're a cycle path.

Candy corn, everything. Banana Laffy Taffy, the only flavor they should ever make. And root beer is a diet, I'll drink. Yeah, I like all three. Do you look at my pantry or what? No, banana is the best fruit flavor. Banana run. And root beer is the best soda.

Right. Yeah, right. Agreed. So I guess we're all psychopaths. Guys, we finally did it! I'm a cyclopat. Yes. I'm a psychopath for thinking that.

Okay, Jared, you told me before the show that you have a theory about aliens. I do. Okay, what is it? Okay, so the other day I was driving, and I was looking at the clouds, as I often do. And I saw this shape in the clouds, and it looked like an alien laying down with, like, a capsule that was on his head. like a face shield that had lifted off. And I thought, you know how all people say aliens look the same, right? Yeah.

What if what we're looking at is actually a super advanced suit? And it's not actually the alien that we're looking at. It's their advanced space suit. So they're in there. I'm taking it to the next fucking level. You ready for this? Yeah. Ready for this?

Remember the theory we talked about like a year ago that I strongly believe, which is that UFOs are actually humans in time machines? Okay. Those humans in time travel machines are in the fucking space. face suits and the aliens are just time travelers in suits and it's a fun joke to them like don't think we're aliens yeah wait what was the theory okay how about this how about this i forgot but i got flavored crickets oh fuck you you guys i'm so sick of you i totally forgot i got an extra mile gas station by my house and they're all about the upsell they always got

something in the middle they're trying to sell you on this episode it's usually white chocolate candies that didn't do well. That doesn't make you sick? Tuna. I don't know. Well, because they say that the main push right now is trying to get people on an insect-based diet because it's easy to farm and it's cheap. That's why plant-based... You're trying to make us reptiles? The next

thing is, oh, you know, being insect-based diet is what's best for you. So I just, I figured... Are you going to try one right now? Yeah, let's do it. Oh, you're not. Well, you know what? You didn't try the tuna, so you got to try the cricket. That's why I feel like this is fair, but who else is going to try? You want to try it, right? You want to try it?

No. You want to try it? I don't know if I can. Okay, I'll try. Bacon and cheese or sour cream and onion? Oh, God. I don't know if I can. I want to try, but I'm horrified. Here, bacon and cheese.

Oh, I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can do it. It's pumpkin spice. That was a song. I don't know if I could do it. I don't know if I could do it. I really want to. Are the guts in it?

Oh, yeah, dude. I already. Oh, my God. Oh! I don't think I can do it. I don't think I can do it. It's like scaring me. It literally is like a corn nut.

What? Oh! No! No! You're not going to snack on those, like, sunflower seeds. No, they're getting thrown in the trash. Well, no, I might happen just so I can tell Paveh. Would you even read a cricket?

And then I'd get in the opportunity if they say yes. What's the nutritional value? I feel like I'm going to pass out. Oh, they're super good for you. They're four point, I've never even seen this. 4.3 calories. Should we do an optical illusion or should we leave? I got to go.

Shit, myself. It's the podcast over. I feel like I'm going to pass out. It's so gross. Let's just do one optical illusion, and then we'll do a recap. This will freak you out. On the screen right now, there's a face, and what I want you to do is stare at the four dots in the middle.

In a moment, but not yet. I can actually look at your ceiling and blink rapidly. There, you should see someone's face. If you don't believe me, just keep watching. Wait, what? Also, try your hardest not to blink. Wait, when do we start? At the end of this illusion.

Right, already. What do we just stare? We're supposed to be doing this already? That this optical illusion works for you. Oh my God, stop yelling at me! All righty. Now, just keep your focus on the forecast for a couple more. He is aggressive.

Let's do this in 10. Wait, I just started. Yeah, me too. Okay. Don't blink. Six, five, four, three, two, one. Now look at your ceiling and start blinking. Oh, my God.

Is that Kobe? Kobe, where the hell did you go? What's it Kobe? I think it's Kobe. I've actually, you know, I've done that before, and I was in the bathroom and I saw Kobe too. Is that Kobe? Oh, Mike, I'm going to cry. Looking up and seeing Kobe?

Oh my God. It's Kobe. What the fuck? Right? That's amazing. How can we project images from our brains like that? That's fucking wild. I don't know.

You know what we should do now? Let's get a recap, baby. Let's end this fucking episode. Like camera action. Ryland's recap is about to happen. Rylans Recap. On today's episode of the Shane Dossom podcast, the boys are all dressed as iconic movie characters, except for our black sheep, Chris, who's just a pumpkin spice latte. Hey, not just the pumpkin spice.

I'm kidding. The iconic pumpkin spice, gay ass, fruity latte. The Peruvian latte. Thank you. Ryland's a big old Karen. Oh, shit. Okay. On today's episode of the podcast, I did admit to my Karen ways, so don't even.

try to come at me with Rylins and Karen, I know, and I admitted it. Jiz jewelry. Jiz jewelry is all the rage R.N. You can get it at your favorite Etsy shop. Just jizz and give your boyfriend a collection of your own. Oh, uh, that, uh, one of our viewers, uh, fell in the shower and flooded her house. Oh my gosh. Danger alert. Don't mix your meds with your alcohol or it will start a fight with your significant other. We got people on Bumble repin. Oh, you got a grower show.

In Major Clout Alert, the Shane Dawson podcast is reaching Bumble accounts everywhere as we're being referenced in people's dating profiles as a humor standard. Creating quite the buzz. Oh, I see what you did there. Oh, Adrianna Bailon is a queen and you guys are idiots. Yuck. I'm going to disagree with you, but our queen, Adrian Bailon, forced us into our worst taste test on the podcast ever. Blasphemy. never be trying an Adrian Bylon food combo again, but you are welcome on our podcast anytime.

I think I would pass out if I saw her in person. I know. I love her up. Oh yeah. Praying hands is a high five. It is. An Apple emoji alert. Nothing is what it seems.

We got squatters watching the podcast and they're squirting on their mom's sheets. What was it? Something like that. Yeah, right? The mom's laying in squirt. Yeah. Squirt alert. Be careful where you're resting your head at night and make sure you have clean sheets or just don't sleep in anyone else's bed.

Oh, Jared brought crickets. That, yeah. Crickets. As if today couldn't get any worse with food, Jared decided to bring us crickets that he found at a gas station, which I don't trust. Shout out, Extra Mile. We're all psychopaths. We all pass a test. Finally, the boys are confirmed to be psychopaths. What was the test that we did prove?

We eat candy, candy, corn, Atlanta, lafie taffees, and root beer. I can't believe they like none of those things. What are you looking at that? Well, I'm just trying to think how she's, like, coming to the conclusion that all those things equal psychopath. I think she has an axe to grind. A Tutsi Pops don't get you free Tutsi Pops. That was just something that white people did. Yeah, and weird Shane and Jared Fantasy Lans.

Shooting Star Titsy Pops got you a free one. No, it didn't. And what was the other crazy thing you guys did? Oh, you eat gum wrappers. Yeah, you fucking weirdos. And now he's trying to get us to eat McDonald's rappers? Yeah. Okay.

that the grower and farmer merch is like a goal on someone's bio. Like couple goals. In shocking merch alert Shane's merch has become a phenomenon between couples honestly there's like a lot of people doing it rocking it in public and sending us

pictures. It's like crazy so if you want to get your merch shop it at Shane Dawsonmerch.com I think we need to have our own fall photo shoot to rock the merch. And like are you a real couple if you don't have the hoodies? Right. I don't think you are. All right, you guys.

That's all we have for today's episode of the Shane Dawson podcast. Make sure you're following all of us on social media. Shop the merch in the link below. And make sure you're tuning in to the audio and video of this podcast every two weeks, wherever you get your podcasts. We love you very much and we'll see you next week. Goodbye. Where you guys go. That was a treat, treat.

I'm thankful for it. So hopefully you enjoyed this show and hopefully we all survive after our stomachs deal with what we ate. I already don't feel good. I don't that fear that you go. But you did. You did. You literally did. You pushed him away.

He wasn't dead yet. All right. Well, we'll see you guys next time. Bye!