The Shane Dawson Podcast - Panda Express Conspiracy Theories & HUGE ANNOUNCEMENTS!

Episode Date: November 9, 2025

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This theory is about... Panza Express. Finally. Not Panda. All right there. People are now saying that Panda Express's orange chicken is no longer edible because they change the recipe. No way. Hey, welcome back to whatever the hell this is.

We're just boys edition. Not just boys. We're just a couple boys. Wait, is that something people say? No, okay, they usually say. It sounded like a thing. Isn't it? We're just girls.

Yeah, that's what it is. I'm just a girl. So I was thinking because we're all boys here, you know, and we are just boys. What does that even mean? I don't know, but I hate it. It's in a lot of, like, dating profiles, like, no. I'm just a girl. I swipe left.

What's right? No. I have no idea what this is. I haven't heard of this. You haven't. It's when a girl, like, I ate spaghetti. dry because I'm just a girl I don't even know how to do anything yeah is it like I can't be expected to do anything because I'm just a gay man in the world is that you're just a gay

I'm just a gay I'm just a gay I'm just a gay the reason I said that is because I feel like today my goal is to just vibe do you know what I mean oh I am vibing you can't see the white shot but he brought in a poop his legs are up I'm reclined I'm like as they're like Because somebody installed a projector, I'm ready to go. Me and Jared are in gym shorts. Oh, yeah. I'm always ready for a swim. Just a boy, you know?

I like to swim, just a guy. That is kind of just a boy thing. It is. Yeah. We're very cozy and comfortable. Last week was a lot. When we all switched bodies and fucking the hair and the makeup and the this and the like, we need a break. Jared's still exhausted from his incredible impersonation.

It was fabulous. I appreciate that. It was very hard to be you. I have a newfound respect. I've been telling people that for years. It's really hard to be me. So humble. You're a humble king.

My back is still in pain from sitting there. You know, and listen, sitting in this position for hours and hours while we do this show is ruining my life. And I need to figure out how to change it, but I don't know how to do that. Because if I'm sitting back and like really cozy, my vibe is different. I need to be like, ready to go. Yeah. I could see like a group of scientists. is coming in here and taking measurements

and figuring out an apparatus that's, you know, invisible to the cameras. It might already be there, we don't know. I need a big man, Chris. Yes. You know where to find him. He has a roster. Right behind me, holding me, not gay.

Not gay. Not gay. But just like cradling me so I can just tuck into their belly. Are they in green suits, so you can just edit them out of the camera? Just a big guy in a green leotard hugging you. We just see Shane move around every now.

It would be fun, though. Like, you know, listen, if I make a little joke, a little funny once in a while, it would be, you know, get a little chuckle back there. Just my confidence a little bit. Okay. Can I say, speaking of big men, I want to say something right now, but I don't know if it's triggering or like, it's 20-25, so I don't know where we are in, like, being able to talk about things like this. But, Jared, can I, can I say something? And you let me know if it's too far. Continue.

You are wasting away. I know. You literally look like you like you like. Thank you. No. going. It's crazy. And I was going to say it when you walked in the room, but I'm like, I'm going to save this for the podcast. Because this is such a genuine reaction. I literally was like, I was a little worried. No, that's what I want. I just saw you. I just saw you. I just got off a two-day

water fast. So you're seeing me at my probably thinnest in like at least five years. I think today would probably be one of the first times I've had something that wasn't cooked at our house. And it's only because last night I didn't want to cook food after doing two days of water fast way too difficult but uh yeah but then I realized I was like no literally the title of this episode that we prepared for is panda express conspiracy there is serious about us all trying the orange chicken and I was like which is your favorite thing ever this was not planned like that I feel so this is like a biggest loser contest right now like can I stay away from the orange chicken it's like a temptation test it's okay you know for the first like two weeks of doing the diet

I was very much triggered and it was hard, not triggered, I don't know if that's the right word, but it was hard for me to even go into Ralph's or something like that because I would see all the treats everywhere and you can't get out without candy bars right there. Holidays. But I think after like three weeks, it just completely left and now I'm just eating to eat. I don't live to eat. I eat to live. Where are you finding joy? Good question. Good question. I think just, I'm not looking for it in one specific area. I'm just embracing it in all walks of life right now. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Thank you. Give him a call. I'm a little weak right now. It's hard to clap. He has like 7,000 hot wheels like pouring out of his room. Yes. Accurate.

Well, congratulations. I'm just proud of you. How long do you endure? Is this forever? I believe so. I think this is a lifelong commitment. Oh, no. Wow.

Well, I've accepted I might never eat out again outside of a very rare circumstance. Ever in your life? Ever in my life. What? Which is okay. Because one good thing about it is it's totally eliminated the whole where are we going to eat tonight conversation. Oh, I love that. Which is, you know, which is fun.

But now it's just who's going to make dinner, you know? God, who would? Because every night's the same with him. What are we going to do? I don't know. You pick. And then I order like, you know, a salad from some place. And he goes,

We both have our roles. Whatever. I'm not that picky of an eater. I also just... It's just... Disagreed. Yeah, they're fucking right. I'm not...

Whatever. Well, we're all proud of you. Thank you. Wow. Chris, speaking of being worried, I was worried for you when you told me that recently you went to a straight bar. Yes.

Oh, my God. Okay. Did you come out straight? No. My straight friend who loves football invited me. to go to a sports bar and watch a 49ers game. Why did you say yes?

I don't know. I like him a lot and mainly for that. So we went to the sports bar and I've never like they were like, oh, you can't just go and you need to wear something 49ers or like it could be trouble. And I'm like, what does that mean? So they gave me a 49ers jersey and they were like, remember the player on the back is rice, couldn't remember. You better have cropped it.

And I went there. I was very nervous. It was very like intense. masculine energy that I wasn't used to. Everyone was like... Hi. What are you talking about? What do you mean?

Were they not water fasting over there or something? I mean I felt right at home. I felt right at home is what I meant because I'm so used to that. Right. Right when I walked in, they were all like, something, something touchdown! And they were all like chanting and like screaming and like I was very intense. And I was like, I'm going to go to the restroom.

I'm anxious already. And I go in there and there's another like, drunk guy with a 49ers jersey on and he like hits me while i'm taking a piss and he's like hey bro we got to pull out a win huh and i was like yeah bro that's what he calls it i don't like talking to people what i'm being but he keeps like he's like especially after last game huh don't and i'm like yeah bro and i like run out of there because it was so scary well good for you you uh held your own in a straight environment very proud of you bang bang niner gang you know what i'm saying what Can you say that?

Yeah, yeah, they have to edit that out. That's a little too masculine. I'm offended, personally. I'm scared. Wow, well, speaking of straight boy shit, Spencer, I asked you. I was like, well, what did you do? And you said I went camping. And I'm like, what are we doing here?

This is the straightest episode we've ever done. Yeah, I went camping with two straight guys. Weird. Yeah, I know. Everything sounded good. Where were the chicks? Yeah, is it one. I only know, the only thing I know about camping is from like the parent trap.

So is it like, do you just go like, and it pops up? No, it's so annoying. Yeah, you got to like set everything up and like. It's like Survivor. Yeah, yeah. It's like building baby toys all day. Yeah, kind of. It's not all day.

Once you do it, it's done. Okay, you might be faster than me. We found a great spot, though. I was very happy. What's great about it? I'm like, it's outside. Did you find a Hilton hotel? What did you find?

He found some drugs. Oh, it's amazing. Oh, we don't have to go there. No, it's, I don't care. What'd you find? We took some, we ate some mushrooms, but also a good spot is just when you're not near other people. Like, the worst thing in camping is when you're like right next to someone else. Like, oh, because then it's like, what are you, what are we doing?

Yeah, are you sharing a pooping hole? Comes your significant other. We did have to go, there was no facilities. So we had to go, like, dig a hole and pooping holes and stuff like that. Oh, God. Oh, God. Is it just at like a local park or? There were a lot of people like hunting nearby, and it was just like, it wasn't like an official camp ground.

It was just like, you sort of like pulled off. I'm sorry. You're not afraid to be hunted. I don't do drugs, but if I ever do drugs, I'm not doing drugs and then pooping in a hole and being hunted. This is too much. I'm worried. I'm worried for everybody in this room now. Well, I was wearing orange, but my friend was on mushrooms and he was wearing like dark green, like running around the world.

It's just like, you need to put something else on because they're going to shoot. You should have told them that you left a candy stash over in that. hole over there. Whoa. Hey, I buried some chocolate. It tastes delicious. Yeah, that was my... Okay, I think a really good video one day would be you taking us camping.

It's going to be miserable. You guys, it would be miserable for everyone at all. It would be a good video. You could take our kids camping when they're old enough. Yeah, that's more. That's more. And then we could go to the hill pit. Our kids are going to be like, we're going with them.

There's a rumor that when Bear Grills would film, he would like, cut and be like, we're going to like the hill nearby no way not all of it but that was like he would do that a lot so maybe that would be our shoe to be like said everything i'd be like all right let's go get a book hotel uh okay what have we been doing well honestly what oh i know it is exciting i took me a second i was like what the pumpkin festival we went to a pumpkin festival no that was exciting yeah um but other side note so we talked about this oh my god six months ago now So it has been a while and sorry, I'm not going to talk about the Patreon too much. I know it's annoying, but the reason we started it was because we were trying to start a production company and start funding bigger projects. And I had a pilot that I really wanted to make. I wrote it a year ago, almost a little over a year ago. And because of you guys and all your support over on the Patreon, thank you so much. I'm fully funding it. Like it is really scary, really exciting. It kind of like literally two weeks, maybe three weeks ago. I was like, all right, we need to be. make this before the end of the year. I contacted my friend who has a production company.

Now it is like every day. We're meeting with people. We're doing it. We're filming in a few weeks. Everybody here has a role in the pilot. It's so exciting. Have you, has Jared seen what his role is? Yes. Jared is playing. So a little background on what the show is and what a pilot is. So I don't know if I explained this previously, but basically it's an hour long and it's my pitch for a TV show. So instead of going around and pitching a script and like showing people, I'm like, you know what, fuck this. I just want to make it myself. So, the show is called canceled, and it's about an A-list starlit name Rachel,

and she gets canceled the night before the Oscars. And it's kind of her life unraveling, people coming into it. You know, it's kind of what I'd say, like a mixture of hacks and American horror stories, kind of how I've been pitching it. So one of the characters in the show, well, we'll go through and say on your characters. So one of your characters, Jared is playing the Vogue cameraman.

Yes. So, and those are the people who, like, you know you're kind of bored you're kind of annoyed you have the camera and you're kind of like all right when are we going to get out of here and you have a few little funny jokes i do so that's very exciting i feel like you give vogue cameraman energy yeah whatever lizzie's the like the bitchy producer that's like we gotta wrap this up yeah lizzie's playing the vogue producer so she's very pregnant right now which is great hilarious production value having a pregnant woman with her belly out and she's going to be like come on we got to wrap it up we got shallomay in an

our Spencer is playing a employee at an establishment my my name is just employee in the script yes okay now do do a little bit of yours so one of the characters is having kind of a breakdown in public and maybe Spencer is gonna film it oh shit wait is that my line nice dude I need to work on that was maybe actually the given employee vibes yeah no that was good that's good okay It wasn't good, but that's okay. Don't spoil too much.

Chris is playing an employee at a dog adoption center. It involves a dog, and it's a very sweet moment. You have to bring realness, groundedness, sensitivity. You're talking about a dog that might pass away. I said, it's you, babes. I'm so excited. I can't even believe, like, I don't know if you know, but right before you had sent me the message saying that I had a part in it,

which I freaked out about. I was so excited. But I was sitting there thinking like, I haven't acted in the thing in a while, and I love acting, and I miss it so much. And I even, like, had a whole conversation with my boyfriend about it and how I want to make more time for it. I posted a thing on threads where I'm like, can someone kill me in a horror movie? Why? So badly, like, want to be in a thing.

Like, it's like all I was thinking about and talking about. And then you texted you that. And I was like, oh, my God. This is like my literal dream coming true right now. So thank you. So much. Oh, my God. And I'm so excited.

And the character's so, like, sweet and loves dogs. And I feel like I relate. And I'm excited. So we have someone coming true. kill Chris in episode two. Sure. Just go back to the dog. Well, that's the plan, right?

So this is the pilot. We're going to make it, and then we're going to be pitching it to all those places and, you know, hope that somebody sees the vision and wants to give us a show. But that's the plan. And the plan is to expand the characters, right? So that would be great. And yeah, yeah, maybe there will be a dog adoption employee that gets murdered. You never know.

And then Rylan, this is crazy. So Rylan is playing like a lead role. My name's Dylan. I think I'm described as 30-year-old gay elf man. Period. I'm an assistant to one of the leads. So I'm not a leading character, but I am woven throughout. Well, he's the lead.

Okay. Here's how it works. The writer-director, who's my husband, won't tell me how the season's going to unfold, even though I have questions. You finish the script, and it's on such a cliffhanger. My mom's like, I've read it twice. I need to know what happens next. And his mom, Teresa, also texted like,

I've got to know what happens next. and I was like, I'm sleeping with the writer. I should be guaranteed to know what's going to happen next, and he won't tell me. Well, and I'm starting, sorry, I'm starting to feel like it's something like severance where, like, Ben Stiller didn't even know what was happening next. And it's like, he's just playing it cool, like, I can't tell you. You're going to keep my lips sealed. Yes, it's exactly like severance.

Please, Apple buy it. Yeah, please. It's like severance. No, but there's, you know, the main girl and she has an assistant. And then her manager, Sharon, who's like kind of an intense, aggressive Hollywood manager has a little gay assistant named Dylan so they're always in scenes together so yes that's you that's exciting and um and then my mom my mom has a role no way your mom has a role Morgan has a role i'm giving everybody in my life standing because i was like there's nothing more fun than like

i think like my goal for this obviously is to pitch it and to have somebody buy it have a show worst case scenario it goes on you know my youtube channel which is still amazing and i'm excited about that but i had another idea i was like what if we did a tour with it like what if we went to you know 10 cities and did like live showings of it and that was so fun to me because I'm like every time there's a cameo on screen people get excited and I don't know it's just to me it feels more personal to have you know people from my life in it and I forgot I haven't filmed something like this in 10 years and you forget how many people are involved I mean there's like a hundred people like we're hiring all these people I we literally like we're people that are so doing us a favor

really, because our budget is relatively low. What's crazy is it's so much money, but in the world of production, it's nothing, which is so wild. It is funny to hear in a meeting people talk about it, like, oh, like, this is, you know what mean? I'm like, kind of like, low budget, and you're like, oh, it's a lot of money. I know, I'm like, it gives me diarrhea every night, but, you know, it is cool that people believe in it and they're excited about the script and, like, they think that maybe there's a

chance it could actually become a show. So, yeah, the show is called canceled. We start filming it very soon. We've been filming all the behind the scenes in the docu-series over on Patreon. We have a podcast over there. All of that is over there. Thank you so much if you have supported it. Boarding for Flight 246 to Toronto is delayed 50 minutes.

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Boating will begin when passenger Fisher is done celebrating. 19 plus Ontario only. Please play responsibly. Concerned by your gambling or that if someone close to you, call 1-866-5-3-1-2-6-0 or visit Connexonterio.C.A. And, yeah, we appreciate you so much. So, okay, last little update of the day. Guys, I have not forgot about the set. Okay? We've been focusing on the cancel pilot and all those other things. That does not mean I forgot about our podcast set, which is number one priority. So let me show you guys a few images that I've created. So we'll start simple, right? So here's my background. That is cute. So I'm thinking a hanging plant, which I bought.

You did? Yeah, I bought the plant. I bought the books. I bought books. Colorful books. A bookshelf. So that's what I'm thinking for mine. Let me know in the comments.

Do you like it? Is it too simple? Do we need more? We start there and then we fill it out as we go. Yes, okay. I have a feeling I'm going to be the one responsible for hanging all this stuff. Yes. But also, this was before Pod Boo-Boo's entered the chat.

So now that the pod booboos have entered, they will be incorporated. They are. They're coming tomorrow. She's so sweet, too. She heard on the podcast that I, like, magnets are, like, strong magnets are, like, bad for my pacemaker. And she was like, I can take all the magnets out of everything. I was like, no, please don't do that. That's not going to kill me.

But anyway, thank you, Sarah. That was very sweet. Okay, Jared's set. Okay. So, here's my thought for this. Bookshelf two. I got this hanging alien tapestry thing, which is, like, kind of fun. A neon sign, which I ordered.

Okay, it's still showing the pink light. Okay, yes. This was before the green entered the chat. But that shows you how long you've been working on this. Oh yeah. This isn't just a fly-by-night project. This is, time's gone into this. This is months. Okay. Chris is, okay, now this is a work in progress because I want Chris to really like put his own spin on this, but I was thinking floating shelves with some cute items.

And I don't know if you see in the top right, we have a move on GayCup and a little Yoda man, baby Yoda man, both of which just so you know, I have ordered. Oh, this is the cup. And this is the little baby Yoda man. So we're already there. We also, I ordered a little picture frames. I ordered a bare clock.

That's just a white couple. It shows that Chris is inclusive of white people. Of a white. Of ginger. The ginger community. He supports straight people. Hetero. Dude, he went to a 49er game.

49er gang bang gang gang gang. Yes. Bang, bang, bang. I'm a straight ally. Yes. We should get a straight ally. So that's right now. I think Rylan's angle is perfect.

He doesn't need anything. Spencer's, I mean, we got the blanket ladder. I'm thinking, if anything, like, maybe a fake tree or, oh, a tent. Oh, yes. You guys know tents are really big, right? You could be in a tent. It's a facade. I need a set designer to make, like, a tent facade.

Sounds intense. That's like a popsicle sit joke. Okay. Well, I got to go pee. I'm just going to be honest. Me too. You're shaking your little legs, too. We're all going to go pee together.

Let's all pee in a line and pull out a double. We should get at one of those troughs in the office. Whoa. All right, we'll be right back. And when we come back, ooh, we have a game. Get ready. Bang bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Hey, sorry to interrupt the episode.

I'm so excited. Today we have a brand new sponsor. I always am so excited when a sponsor wants to jump on board the podcast. And I always want to make sure that I only, work with sponsors that I believe in that I think are great products or companies and that I think you guys are actually going to like and enjoy and use. And when this one reached out, I was very excited because I was literally talking to Ryland about this. I have been wanting to learn Spanish so bad, really open that part of my brain up. I think knowing more than one language really does

enhance your brain. I don't know if that's real or not. I'm not a scientist. But for me personally, I do think that it does help keep the brain alive. And that's why I'm so excited to say today's new sponsor is Babbel. So if you don't already know Babel is an award, winning app that makes learning a new language simple and effective. You can learn a variety of languages, Spanish, French, German, Italian, Portuguese, and they have courses covered by over 200 language experts. It's like having a private tutor in your pocket. My favorite feature that they have is the real-time feedback.

It helps you stay motivated and know like this is how much I'm learning, this is how far I've gotten. It's nice to have little checkpoints and also to have a goal. Like my goal is the next time we take a trip to Mexico, I would love to go with my whole family and really communicate with people and know what they're saying, go into the city. And I think that would be really fun. And I think it would impress my kids. I mean, listen, I know they're too young to really know what's happening. But they're going to be like, whoa, what is daddy saying?

I want to be cool, you know? And obviously, the goal is to learn an entire language and be an expert at it. But Babel's great. If you even just need, like, the main go-to phrases and words and commonly used things so you know how to communicate when you are talking to somebody who speaks that language. For example, Spanish, let me give it a little bit of my commonly used phrases. Me yamo, Shane Dawson. Don't de'estal, El Banyo.

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breaking the language barriers every single day. So thank you so much. Oh, sorry. Gracius, Babel. And I hope you guys enjoy the rest of the show. I'm going to go to El Pano. Yeah, that's right. I'm using it in my everyday language.

All right. I'll show the rest of the show. Bye. We're going to play a game. We haven't played it in a little while. I'm very excited about it. It is majority rules. Okay, Spencer, so you have crafted some majority rules questions.

We are all going to write down who we think in this group of just boys is the majority, and then whatever's in the majority gets the point. Yeah, so we've played it a few times, and at a certain point, it's kind of obvious. These questions are that it's all going to be one of us. So I have some about people. and then I have some about just other subjects, too, so we can keep it fresh. Okay, number one.

This is a great one to start with. Who is most likely to photocopy their own dick? This is easy. Okay. All right, ready, reveal on three, two, one. Ryland. Ryland told me all I needed to know. We all got Ryland.

Except for Chris. Whoa, a grower willing to photocopy? That's bold. I've done it. That's why I put me. Why? I just did it. I don't know.

I was just a boy. Show us. I was with a bunch of my boys. We were looking for art to put behind you on the shelf. And they all like, it became a thing where like they were like, oh, like sit on it and scan or whatever. Oh, so it's like an asshole with your balls down? It's like an asshole ball, Gouche, the whole nine. So it does not.

Okay. Was this at the sports bar the other day? Is this a 49er gang situation? Bang, bang, nine. If I photocopied my balls, it would just. just look like a turkey. I feel like Riley would definitely photocopy his dick.

You do not care. You walk around the house. I mean, not when, you know, there's people present. Just dick out. Like, last night was crazy. I was like, where did Ryland go? And I looked, just dick out walking around the house. I was like, I don't like to be naked by myself.

Yeah. All right. All right. Up next. Who is most likely to steal someone else's food at the office? Oh, interesting. Oh, this is hot I don't think that it is

Don't, it ain't me This is a long shot Me? Oh, from you This is tough Oh, interesting Well, I disagree You sold me Like, well, I'll talk after

I don't want to sue anybody All right, all got answers Swade Three per Swat Two, one, flip Damn What'd you say? I put Spence, I put you

I almost put myself I was swayed But not at the office. Well, shit. Yeah, I don't think Spencer would eat my food. I was wrong. I never know what I'm walking into because I feel like, well, every time I walk back here, if it's around lunchtime, it's a different scent.

That's true. I know. Sometimes I do eat fish and I'm like, I'm glad at my office is far away. Like, it's fun. Oh, I don't care. I mean, I got fish yesterday and I don't care about you guys. I just mean you're more eclectic than me. I have a same literal thing every day in so does Ireland.

And I walk back there. And I'm like, we're having Indian food. Or, you know, like, what's crazy is, I was just thinking he probably eats Indian food. Yes. Which is very different. Makes a good curry. Like, when you take, okay, if you were to take a friend out to dinner tonight, where would you go? Like what type of food would we get?

Yes. Maybe my favorite is Mexican. Maybe like a ramen. Yeah, I like ramen. My experience of Spencer is that you would, depending on the person, because you're thoughtful in that way. You would want them to go to a place they would like. I'm a people pleaser too. So it's like, I like, I like showing someone a good.

time. Like, I love when people visit, and I like to dress up as margin. Here's my defense. Yes, sometimes the middle of the night, I will pick at Ryland's food. If I leave, if I leave, he never finishes his food and then he leaves it in the fridge for weeks. So, like, and by the way, and by the way, I buy the food. So in my head, so in my head, I'm thinking, all right, he didn't eat this. So I'm hungry. I'm going to eat this. And if he bitches about it, I'll buy him another one. Well, and I always do. I leave it because I don't like to think. about breakfast or lunch so i always ration out a portion for lunch so that when i'm working you never i already have you always eat it you never eat it it's because you get to it i don't have the

opportunity to eat it that's not true and if there's leftover sitting mediterranean peter grill had been sitting in the bridge for two weeks you ate it after it was sitting in your fridge for two weeks no i had self-control and i was doing it as a point i was like you know what i'm not going to touch that and let's see how long it lasts i i just threw it out. I clean out our fridge almost nightly. I have it. We do a trash run every night that I have to force you to participate in. That's not true. I have to force you to go on my nightly prison walks. This is annoying. It's our favorite time. He's like my second or my fourth dog. It's like I already have to walk my three dogs every day and I have this heavy weight on my

shoulders. Whoa. I don't know where that was going to go. If I don't walk my dogs, it's like I'm robbing them of a wonderful life. So I walk my dog seven days a week, no matter how busy I am. Now Shane has implemented a second walk, which is walking him. I have to walk him at night. And if I don't, he pouts like my dog's tube. Oh, it's how we connect. I said, can we connect?

I'm like, we can connect in a hot tub. We can connect at dinner together. Speaking of food, which fast food chain is most likely to give you diarrhea? Oh, I mean, it's sad, but it's obvious. Wait, so this is a new addition to the game. This is, I was switching it up yet. These are the things category because there's only so many things we can say about the five of us. Interesting twist.

I mean, you know what it is. Actually, though, no. Okay, but one of them actually gives me diarrhea every time. But I'm not going to put that one because I don't think they're going to put that one. You know the one I'm talking about. Majority rules. I'm going to write one that isn't true for me, but I feel like other people. Me too.

Yeah, I'm writing mine. Isn't that crazy? Isn't that crazy? The corner and I'm writing the majority one. Good idea. Your personal one. Okay, I'm ready. All right, everyone ready?

Three, two, one. Taco Bell. Whoa. My choice was Chipotle, though. Did you make Yoshinoa? Yes, but like Spencer, having one in the corner just as a little bonus, Yoshinoa, do you know what's in a Yoshinoa bowl? Yeah.

No. What is it? It's like a beef bowl, right? It's beef intestines. What? That's what their ingredient is. Are you sure? And I don't even know if they're around anymore.

Really? They are, yeah. Yeah, there is one and one down the street for me. Yeah, it's intestines. Wait, I have a question. So you all like Mexican food, but you all made a face about beef intestines. So does that mean that no one here is doing like Linguo, three-bed, like, gabesa, like none of those things? I draw the line at beans with lard.

We went to our favorite Mexican restaurant, and I was like, God, these beans are so good. Because you know what, re-frived beans are light-colored and you don't want to know? And I'm like, oh, they're so good. What's a secret ingredient? And she goes, you don't want me to tell you. And I said, oh, come on, what is it? She's like, lard. Yeah, Lada L'A.

Oh, yeah, literally. And I was like, thank you. All the best beings, Lada Lard. Oh, Lada Lard is my drag name. Lada Lard. Oh, my God. You have to go on drag race now. There's no other option.

Fine. Lada Lard. Lada Lard. A lot of Lard. It's really good. Is it? Lada Lard. I can hear, like, the engine.

Lada Lard. Come on out, Lada Lard. It's everything. Okay. Wow, I've never been. more excited about something. All right. We're going back to the personal section.

The mo who is the most likely to get evicted for a noise complaint. Oh, honestly, I hate to say it. Lizzie's not here, so I don't know. Yeah, I know. We couldn't have asked us with Lizzie here. I'm not thinking from a personal volume standpoint. I'm thinking of what the person's playing standpoint. So we know who to go with if we want to be on this is annoying.

I am so polite and like, are those things? Every single one, Ryland's been like, I know who this is. And it's been you every time. I have the quietest little church mouse. Okay. I'm going to have an answer. Three, two, one. This is so annoying.

Oh. I said me, but. I said me too. Well, it's you guys. It's not me. This is annoying. Are you loud? When we rented this office, I literally was so nervous about my walking pad because I didn't

want it to be too loud. I was asking, like, is this concrete floor? Like, I don't want to bother anybody. I'm so considerate. Why would you act like that? No, you're very, I'm not saying in a way that affects anyone but me. And my theater room is on the other side of the house. So you're evicting him?

Shane's very respectful. And if we're going from a personal volume level, it's me. And if Lizzie's here, it's her. You are loud as fuck in every scenario. Yeah, but then when Shane, we get kicked out of Ralph's because he's too loud. That's true. Who gets kicked out of Ralph's? That's the truth.

That's the truth. Give me, what, run me through that. How do you get kicked out of Ralph for being too loud? I'll give you a scenario. You filmed it? Oh my God, the pumpkins are right there! They did they bid too! I'm performing.

What can I say? Always. I put me because I have had complaints. But like 90% of the year, I'm super respectful. I try really hard. And I'm never there. I'm never home. One, like, if I rarely have people over, I'm going to play loud music.

We're going to party. And I'm going to do it. I'm just going to do it. And that's going to annoy people, but it's only once or twice a year. Right. And then also, I don't have quiet sex. I'm not quiet. I don't have the ability to be quiet.

Some people are real quiet. Some people are not moaners. Some people are. I'm loud. The walls are thin. I don't know. You've got a complaint for sex before? Have you got a complaint?

Have people come to you with a complaint? Yes. Yeah. A couple times. Yeah, I put myself because of my downstairs neighbors, just because they have literally complained to our landlord about. It seems like he has a personal vendetta against you. though. Yeah. Oh my god. I hate that guy. Wow. Sometimes I like to stop and just make him mad.

Let's all get, let's get Spencer Dance Revolution for the apartment. Let's make him really happy. I just, I want to go by his ring camera, just carrying that up into the... Hey, sorry to interrupt the show, but guys, this is big. There is something coming, something right behind us, something sneaking its way over, waiting to freak us out. What is that? My anxiety. My inner thoughts. Yes, but also Christmas! That's right, the holidays are right around the corner. Every year, I go into the same exact panic, which is, oh my god, what do I get everybody? Did I already get them this? But you know what gift is personal, useful, a nice, fresh pair of Raycons. That's right, today's episode is sponsored by Raycon. And if you guys don't already

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So thank you so much, kickoff. Please check it out. If you're interested, get kickoff.com slash grower. And I'll see you guys later in the episode. Bye. What is the saddest food to eat alone? Oh, wow. There is nothing sad about eating by myself. I know. I love it.

I can't even love it. Do you mean like a brand or like an item? I think a brand. Oh, you tell me. Ooh, we could do brand. What do you guys? Actually, let's do a restaurant. I was going to put a restaurant.

Okay, what's the saddest restaurant to eat at alone? At or even order it in. I think it's sadder if you're ordering it in. All right, everyone has one. Yes. Three, two, one, flip. Cheesecake Factory. Oh.

Because it's family style meals. And I've eaten there by myself one time at the bar with nobody around and it was very sad. Wait, what did you say, Chris? I put any fine dining establishment. I mean, like, there are places that are very fancy and, like, feel like a date night place. So me and Chris. So, we're in alignment here.

Majority rules. I think cheesecake factory is more in line. You guys are closer at all right. No, you get people watch there. Panda Express, that's where everybody is alone. No, like, you're driving through Panda Express by yourself. Yes, you're talking to everyone, right? It's really sad.

That's like the most common, like, I do that a lot. That's not a place you take your whole family. That's where people cheat and meet their secret lunch. I don't know. I just feel like, I feel like it's dark personally. I would say,

how about this? Let's vote on who wins. I do think Little Caesars is pretty sad to eat by yourself. I was just thinking like, I think that's just sad, period. Like, it's just devastating. Yeah,

I was thinking like Little Caesar eating in would be really dark. I don't even think that's possible. You just to be standing there eating. So who won? None of us, I guess. Me. Little Ceders for all that. Free promo.

Yeah, I'm giving myself a point. That's what you get if you have the scoreboard. Okay, I'm going to give you a scenario. Ooh. A plane has crashed with all of us on it. Oh, God. Why is this a scenario? In the snow, it's just us as survivors.

There are frozen other passengers. Oh, no. Who of us is most likely to eat somebody first? Whoa. Once again, obvious. Once again, different answer. Different. Well, are people keto?

I will be keto on this flight. I may even be coming off of the water fast. He'll just be, yeah, eating all snow. Yeah, no, he'll just be, yeah, melting snow. I think there's one obvious answer. You've said that every time. Every time you say that. Leave Shane alone.

I am not eating people. This has nothing to do with you. Although I've been told that I would be sweet. Why? Well, mosquitoes love me, and then I think it was somebody told me. They were like, it's because your blood is probably sweet. I have it, too. Do you eat a lot of pineapple?

They smell, they smell your blood. It's sweeter, yeah. All right, ready? Three, two, one flip. I put Spencer. I put Spencer too. Yes. You camp.

Your survival man. That's why I did it. And his taste is so eclectic. Right. I feel like not only with Spencer eat people, he'd be cooking him up. He'd be like. Sharpening, he'd have his campfire. He has a key chain with the flint on it, with the little sparkage.

Well, we're all alive in the scenario. So it's other passengers. Okay, but what if? Maybe the captain is like a power. New scenario. Everybody in the room is frozen except. for you, who has been of us are you eating first? Not personally, like, who has the best meat?

I told them I was sweet. Um, I have my answer. Shane, if you have the sweet meat. I do got that meat. You know what? Laudalard. It's like when you go to a brewery and you get up a little sampler of all the beer. A flight.

I'd get a little flight of everyone's meat. Oh. Why is this making me hungry? Shane. That's not good. Bring out the Panda Express. Um, okay. Okay, this is one I thought of that I don't know we're all going to say the same thing, but I think it's funny

We can vote on the winner. What is the worst response to I love you? Oh, that's easy. That's obvious All right, ready? Three, two, I want to let me. Thank you. Oh Oh, I know I know do I win just because it's rough? That's what I was gonna put thinking about Han Solo I love you. I know Wow, next time we're fighting and he tries to make up with me I love you I'm gonna say I know see I think the worst if it's via text could have just been a K oh that's rough or just hurting it uh liking it just giving it like the thumbs up would be rough

I think the hearts like love you too yeah yeah the thumbs up is like I don't think I've ever had a scenario where I've said I love you and I got a bad response I don't think I have have you? You never said it. You never said I love you before me, right? No. No, I don't know. I was never in a serious relationship like that. I'm no, I'm just checking. It's a lot of hand movement. A lot of this and a lot of that. I mean, yeah. No. No, I did it. All right, should we do one grand finale? One grand finale. GF. Who is most likely to yell, shut up to a loud talker during a movie. Oh. Oh. We all kind of know. We need this person. You guys all know. I don't know. I don't know. I know. If you all, if I don't know, then does that mean it's me? It's not you. You're up by

one point, so there's a lot on the line. Oh shit. All right. Ready? Three, two, one flip. Damn. I put, I was going to put Ryland. I could keep it going. You put me. I almost said me. Damn it. You think I would yell shut up in a movie theater? I am, I never, ever feel like I have to apologize for you in social circumstances, but the amount of times I've thought like I'm going to have to go to apologize to the people behind us at a movie theater. I don't say anything. You get so upset by noise. get upset and I turn to you and I grab your leg and I say, I'm going to fucking kill myself. I would never turn around and be like, shut up.

That would give, oh. Wait, Chris, you said you? That's one of the only times in life I will do that. I need you. I snap and I'll do it. I can't stand it. How do you do it? Because if I did it, the whole rest of the movie, I'd just be thinking about it.

I do think about it for the next like 20 minutes I'm taken out of it. And I'm just stressed that I did it. But like, either way I'm taken out of it in my movie. Wait, can you do it right now? Like, I want to pretend like, we're. In the movies. Oh, yeah, you and Riley would be talking. And I'm, like, texting.

My phone's on loud. Oh, my God. So did you know? Nachos. I'm eating some nachos. Shut up. Jeez, what's going on with him? Back to the combo.

Get a life loser. That guy sounded so straight. He must be a 49er fan. Bang, bang. My nightmare, though, is that happens. And then someone yells back. And then what do I do? Am I now in a fist fight?

I would lose. Yeah. What if they say? Make me. Oh, I'm screwed. But then you just got to go to the like manager. I was in a theater where not only was a group of people like talking out loud. One of them answered a phone call on speakerphone and it was answering.

One of them had a glass bowl with like very intense smelling food that filled the theater. And they had like a giant metal fork and they were like clanking around the entire movie to get the stuff at the bottom. It was insane. Shout out to the Lakewood Mall for getting rid of hometown buffet because that movie theater, people walking in with their hometown buffet buckets

was crazy. That is crazy. I would be like, we're doing pot roast during this fucking movie. It's basically the same etiquette as like a plane. Like don't have anything stinky.

Yes. Me. I'm just saying if there's one person that's going to find a tuna sandwich in the lobby and bring that motherfucker on the plane, it's you.

No, that is not me. Wow. So who what? Well, currently we have a tie with you and your beloved husband. Oh, is there? Tiebreaker! I'm trying to think if there's a tie breaker. Let's see who can be louder? Um, okay, I'm going to write down my answer for one of these and you guys both have to guess. Oh, what your answer. Okay. Can I play just for fun? Yeah. Okay. So, which celebrity would we, would we have the most fun with on the podcast? This isn't fair. You and Shane are always talking about things. If you don't say this, I'm angry

See, this isn't fair I guess you don't know Spencer as much as I do He doesn't even know himself Yeah How about you just tell us Well, yeah, just tell me the answers And I'll tell you which one is I would actually What?

No, I want the reveal I don't have one You don't even know his real name No, I don't Oh my gosh Rylan just wrote a character name That could work revealed Garth Brooks

Oh my God You're right. Okay. Wait, I don't show yours. That's not fair. Show yours. Mall cop.

What? Kevin James? Yes. That's better for the podcast. I love Kevin James. Garth Brooks is only for Spencer. That was the question. No.

Malcoff is really good. It is good, but I don't think we've ever mentioned it once. I got a, what, we, it was like a two years running joke on the podcast. Kevin James was before Spencer's time. B.S. See? Paul Blart. Before Spencer.

Although, now that you say that, I think my real answer would be like Adam Sandler. I think he would be, I think everyone, I think he would be a universal. So since, my fashion icon, since I gave him today. You look like him today. He really do. Yeah. So I won. What are you talking about? Where would Jack Black be on your list?

Yeah, he would be up there. Ah, that's what I've put. A great meeting. Shane is the big winner. Wow. Okay, we're going to take a quick little break when we come back. It's Conspiracy Corner. Oh, my God.

And it's one of the craziest conspiracy rabbit holes I've ever fallen down. It's insane. And I'm honestly a little scared for my life to even talk about it. Shane did say it. Are they going to kill me? I did say that because I was nervous. All right. Stay tuned.

Stop. Okay. I see what you're doing. All right. You're watching the podcast. But you're also scrolling around online. Maybe you're doing some Christmas shopping. Whatever you're doing, you know what you're not doing?

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That's right. Today's episode is sponsored by Squarespace. Let me just tell you a few things. They have templates obviously you can use, but you can also really personalize it. You drag and drop photos, you pick the color scheme you want, the vibe. You can go as crazy as you want. You can go as palm and minimalist as you want. You can also start selling content or videos.

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Hey, welcome back. Okay, I have a couple updates that are crazy. I know I always say that, but these two updates, not to continue to drag this place because we do want to go there. And I would love a sponsorship. That's, I don't know if that's happening. Are you kidding me? What? Are you going to talk about the max and ask for a sponsorship? No.

Little Caesars. That's our second update. Our first update is about Cedar Point. Okay, guys, this is getting crazy. The amount of emails that we're getting about Cedar Point, like, we really do need to go there. Yes, absolutely. It's haunted. There's ride malfunctions.

Like, it really is a fascinating location. It really is an amusement park. But this little update is wild. So in the last episode, we talked about the wildcat ride and how it was involved in two different crashes in 1977. Well, guess what? The wild cat was removed, and guess what is now in its spot? Sirens curse.

The fucking rut that gets stuck all the time. Is that the new one? Yes. And they put curse in the name? I, um. You got to give it to them. They're balzy. They don't give a fuck.

They're balzy over at Cedar Point. We got to go. We got to go. I'm getting more and more excited every day. It's in Ohio, right? Yes, and I love Ohio. I've never been. When have you been to Ohio?

Everybody thinks I'm from there. You love Ohio? I love it. People think I'm from there. I don't know why. Have you been or you just like it? Yeah, I went on my book tour. No, I went on my book tour and people were like, welcome home.

I was like, I think you think I'm someone else. I don't know who it is, but thank you for having me. Okay, this was from Sarah. She said, hey, Shane. So this happened at a discount store near me. I'm back to censoring it because this is crazy. Did you get a threat? No, but this next one's scary.

Okay, so at a discount store, I saw and I immediately thought of the podcast. Okay, this is crazy. So this was a post on Facebook. So who, maybe this is not real, right? This is alleged. So attention community, that's who posted this. I just got home from discount store and bought myself new betting. After getting my brand new sheets on, I threw on my new comforter and I found a very upsetting

surprise. A pipe and a small bag of white crystal substance. No. The authorities were contacted immediately and the items were taken away to be destroyed. Confirmed to be meth. Discount store was contacted to pass on this information and hopefully items will be thoroughly searched before leaving the store. The comforter was not in a plastic bag, just wrapped in its own material. Please be cautious. And then they posted pictures of the meth and the pipe and the cops coming in and all of this. This would be an elaborate prank if this wasn't real. What a sloppy drug addict. Like, wouldn't they want to take you?

Well, I don't think there's any super tidy method. But don't you think the priority is maintaining the drugs in your possession? Well, there's an answer for that. Somebody left to comment and said, if someone is trying to steal items and then get caught, they put their drugs on the items so the police don't find it on them. Then the store puts it back on the shelves, not realizing the items are in it.

The store I work for caught people, and they put all of their stash in a pack of panties, And then it was on the shelf for another customer. Wow. Or this is a very elaborate way for this person who may have been caught smoking meth. It wasn't me. I bought this stuff called the cops. It was in the pillow.

Yeah, the mom got pissed off. In their defense, it's not just them. There's like bloody shanks and poop in the changing room at Roth. Hey, hey, hey, hey. It happened. It's true. That's not even a legend. Okay, guys, we have a Taylor Swift conspiracy.

See. Okay, I know, right? There's so many theories about her. Oh, was she a Satanist? She's a reincarnation of the leader of Satan and all these things. This one to me is even scarier. And I know you're going to be like, what? Once I tell you, you're going to be like what, but it goes deep. And it really freaks me out. There is a theory that every one of her albums when it comes out is correlating with Apple's iPhone colors. Sounds crazy, but watch this video. Okay, whoa, okay, okay, Okay, okay, can you pull up a picture of, yeah. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Okay, and then, oh, I know what you're thinking, okay, maybe that's a coincidence. Um, Spencer, can you pull up a picture of, yeah. No! Yes!

Are you fucking kidding me? I'm convinced. Are you fucking kidding? When she brought out that orange album and orange everything and orange hearts and orange this and orange merch and everything's orange, orange, orange, and people start wearing orange to the theaters and all this stuff. And then boom, Apple drops the orange phone for the first time ever. Yeah, who wants an orange? So wait, Shane just ran to the store and bought it. But I'm saying, like, orange is such a specific color.

It's very fucking specific. And it's not like Taylor and Apple are communicating and talking about what the next color is going to be to, you know, make money off of each other. It doesn't make sense. Right? until I opened up X one day, which I only do to find Big Brother Gossip. And when I opened up X, I saw what was a Taylor Swift tweet.

But then I realized the name of the tweet said iTunes. Okay? So I was like, wait, I don't understand. So I click on the iTunes page, and I'm like, the banner is Taylor. The picture is Taylor. In the bio, it's a link to Taylor's album. It literally everything is Taylor.

And I'm like, wait, but this is iTunes. So this account. has not tweeted in five years. What the? Six years. Hasn't tweeted in six years. Well, also, the iTunes account is following three people. I just looked.

It's following Apple TV, the App Store, and Taylor Swift. Whoa. Whoa. So this next thing involves her music, which, listen, when I see a real, you know, that's like, did Taylor mean this? Is this an Easter egg? I'm not that invested in that.

This one got me. So let me give you a little background. So supposedly, you can let me know as a Swifty, if I'm right. Taylor is known for, like, taking her favorite TV show at the time and putting it in her music. Yes, Olivia Benson. Her favorite show at the time of the reputation era when she was writing that was Game of Thrones. And there's a bunch of songs in that era that are literally about Game of Thrones episodes. Look what you made me do.

She's talking about a list with names in red, underlined, I guess, the main character, Ariya. Yeah, she had a list of people she wants to kill. Yes. the way, the throne that Taylor was sitting in, all the snake references, all of that. There's so many more. I did something bad. I guess that was a plot line from the show, like a bunch of them, which is kind of crazy because you hear these songs and you're like, she's talking about, you know, Taylor Lottner

or whatever. I think both could be true. Both could be true. But then she's like, oh, no, I'm talking about seriously and fucking a dragon. And you're like, wait, what? Okay, so that's interesting. Her favorite show when she was writing this new album was Succession, and she talks about how father figure was literally.

written about the show, which is kind of interesting, which I didn't know that. Two things can be true. It could also be about her and your breaking news. Hi. Welcome to Swift Spiracies. They're also saying Olivia Rodrigo, though. Well, she's in succession. Okay, this is crazy.

So this is a video. I, okay, you're going to start watching this and be like, okay, okay. When he gets to the last one, you'll be shook. What's your favorite TV show of all time? Friends. Me too. Joshua.

Give me a call sometime. Guys like you. Never go out of style. We never go out of style. You, Mr. Wright Place at the right time. Mr. always at the right place at the right time. Okay. You scared me a minute.

Oh, no, shake it off. Okay. Yeah, I've been sailing my whole life. When I was 15, my dad bought me my own boat. Good thing, my daddy made me get a boat and license when I was 15. when I was 15. That's crazy. That one is, all the other ones, I'm like, okay, that one is fucking crazy.

That is crazy. I got a boat license at 15. My dad made me. That's crazy. Are the writers of friends suing? No, nobody's going to sue her. They're scared. I'm scared.

That's a terrible idea. Okay. This next one is actually from Colby, friend of the podcast, a friend of ours. He sent me this, and he was like, I think you should talk about this on the podcast. And I was like, I'm not. not going to watch this until the podcast. So this is a real... You just trust him.

Trust him. This is a genuine reaction. I have no idea what this is, but he told me it's going to shake me up. Please tell me y'all have seen this video where this girl goes to an antique shop in Plainfield, Wisconsin. And she finds this very suspicious looking leather lampshade. Now, if you look closely, it almost looks like this leather lampshade has tattoos on it.

What the suspicious? Well, Plainfield, Wisconsin is where... Oh. What? The guy who inspired leather. face from Texas chains law master the serial unaliver and grave robber

who fashioned furniture and utensils and bowls and plates and stuff out of human flesh. Oh my God. If I That's a find. That's a thrift find right there. I'm jealous. This is a movie. Somebody needs to write this movie.

You go and you get a lamp at a thrift store. Your life starts going to shit. You're haunted and it's because it's literally a person? What? Colby delivered. Thank you, Colby. I want your algorithm. I want anything but Spencer's algorithm. Get his algorithm out of my phone.

My algorithm's been good lately. Really? What does that mean? Good to different people. Yeah, good for me. Good for me. Yeah. It's been working for him. Wow, that is horrifying.

Okay, well, I think we need to lighten it up. This is not a conspiracy, really? I was going to put it in the rabbit hole and then I forgot. Spedger, can you show this really funny clip I found? Wait, we're on the watch. Oh, no. The whole bath.

Oh, no. Are you serious? Is that how cats poop? She did the most laugh. Just with that much vigor? Set up too. It's so good. And also, it's totally not real.

That is an AI clip from the new app, Sora. That is literally like TikTok, except it's all. All AI generated content and I had no fucking idea. I almost I almost texted you a link to that because I was like, oh, this is so funny. And then I scrolled one more time and it was this guy being like, have you seen the clip of the cat shitting in the whatever? It's actually AI. Well, what?

Jared did have a good point. Like our cats don't poop like that, but I still believed it for some reason. We talked about this in the last episode and I know we talk about AI too much and I promise we're going to stop. But here's why this freaked me out because in the last episode we talked about how they were making a new version. of TikTok, which was going to be by Chad GPD and SORA, and it's all AI generated. And we were like, who would even look at that? It's not real. You're not connecting to real people who, like, what is it? It's going to be that. That is so funny. We all laughed out loud. We all thought it was real. We didn't even question it. And it's going to be thousands of videos

like that, all created by AI, probably run by AI. Literally, the whole goal is to keep us scrolling on our phone forever and ever. The algorithm will probably be so good and so catered to you that they'll I'll probably just be making AI videos specifically catered to you. What makes me so mad is almost everything, maybe I'm just forgetting one, but almost everything AI you've shown on this show that was a video, I could tell it was AI. And this is like one of the first, if not the first one that I had no idea.

Yeah. So we're there. We've crossed the line. Like I know the Turing test is supposed to be when AI like makes you think it's a person. Whatever that was, the cat's shitting in the bath where we've crossed the Turing test. Speaking of SORA, so all right, we're going to talk about it. You guys have been emailing us.

This happened after we shot the last podcast, so we didn't know about it yet. So yes, we are going to talk about Jake Paul being gay. Oh, this is hilarious. Is he gay? No. So all of these videos started popping up on Instagram and TikTok of Jake Paul being gay and dancing in front of pride flags and putting makeup on. Let's just watch, you know, one of those.

You got a couple. Just so you can see. The vibes are immaculous. Honey, I'm serving rainbow realness, feeling cute and soft. No tough guy today, just sparkle and sweetness. Oh. Okay, wow, the voice was pretty good. Real talk.

I've been holding something in for a minute, and then I don't want to anymore. That looks very real. I'm gay. That's me. Took a while to say it out loud, but it feels good. Okay. I don't know what that one was. So, yeah, just lots of videos of him being gay and putting on makeup and doing everything, right?

Well, people started freaking out for him because they were like, oh, my God. Like, Sora took his likelihoodness, and they're making these videos. and people are making these crazy videos and like, I wonder if he's okay with this or is he going to sue them. So he actually came out. He should. And he came out.

He actually came out and said, it's me. No, he actually revealed that he is an investor in Open AI and that he is actually the mastermind behind all of these viral SORA videos. Even back when we did that Jake Paul series a long time ago, off camera, he was telling him about all these things he was investing in.

He's always been investing in things way. And then years later, I'll find out about it and be like, oh my God, Jake Paul told me about that five years ago. Two weeks ago, I was like, oh, this won't become a thing. Like, I don't know, whatever. Now we got Jake Paul involved. We got cats shitting in bathtubs. And I'm like, I think this is the future.

And like, we're not going to have real people. But also, what does that mean? Well, just to be fair, this will only exist on the internet. We're going to have to start seeking experiences like camping. Yeah, I think you're right. You got to interface with nature in other ways. But I think. Someone make a sore video of Shane and Rylind camping.

I did hear, I believe maybe even Sandy told. me that because she works out of high school, she's a little bit more in tuned with that demographic. And evidently right now, that demographic by rebellion is actually doing live experiences because it doesn't seem cool to be on the internet all the time. Good. But can I watch TV? I don't want to leave the house. Well, speaking of mind-altering realities, I saw a video. It's called I tracked down the company ruining restaurants. If you guys haven't seen it, Please check it out. It's so well made. It's so scary. So basically the video is about a company called Cisco. Please don't sue me, Cisco. I'm sure I love your jalapoppers. I think they're like

the largest food distributor in the world. So have you guys seen these trucks, these Cisco trucks? Yeah. Oh yeah. I worked at a restaurant many times. I'm not going to say every because I don't want to get sued, but pretty much every single restaurant orders from this company, right? So this company has prepackaged frozen food, but they also have like napkins and plates and all those things. But what they really specialize in is like pre-packaged frozen food for restaurants. So I watched this video and they basically were saying like, you know, when you go to, you know, like a pub or like a mom and pop restaurant or something, you know, whatever. And you get like jalapeno poppers.

Those are the same jalapeno poppers at the restaurant next door or the restaurant across the street or the restaurant in a different state. Or it's like it's all the same. But they call it like, oh, we make them here, but they don't. Or they'll prepare it a little different or season it a little different. different, right? So then I was watching all these videos about Cisco and how, you know, they literally control the food in pretty much every single restaurant. So some of these comments were crazy. So this one said, choice is an illusion. Going to the grocery store, you can see 10 different cartons of eggs with different labels, but eight out of 10 times, those are all coming

from the same farm. This one, I'm a professional chef. I was telling people about this a decade ago. In our local area, people would argue about things such as which restaurant has the best lasagna and get mad when I told them it's all the same lasagna. At all the restaurants, right? So I was like, I need to look into this. So Cisco, the company, has an app where you can look at all the food that they make and that they sell. So these are the jalapeno poppers on Cisco. These are, you know, the frozen ones that pretty much every single restaurant gets.

Sonics included. I recognize them. Maybe, maybe. So these are what they look like cooked. Okay. So then I decided to search jalapeno poppers on Postmates because I was like, oh, maybe we could like try on the podcast, try a bunch of different ones. different restaurants and then I tell you they're all the same right so of course I find these at a restaurant that's like a pizzeria okay so those are the jalapeno poppers they sell

they look eerily similar to the ones on Cisco right then I find a different restaurant that called the noodle nest that's selling jalapeno poppers not confirmed but they look very similar but then when I was searching jalapeno poppers into postmates it showed me these three different restaurants and all three of them had the same picture of onion rings okay the same is that crazy the same picture of onion rings at three different restaurants and I was like oh that's weird so I go to Cisco and I'm like do they sell onion rings of course they do so they sell these onion rings in these huge boxes and they look just like the ones from the pictures yeah so then I refresh the app I go back and it gives me a recommendation for a restaurant called Hay's slice of cake so I see that they're most famous for their tiramisu and I was like oh interesting taramisu I wonder if Cisco sells that of course course they do. They sell the Taramisu dessert tray, right? Okay, so maybe this restaurant is getting their taramisu from Cisco. So then I go back to the homepage of the restaurant and now there's mozzarella sticks next to the taramisu at case a slice of cake. And I'm like, those mozzarella sticks

look eerily a lot like the mozzarella sticks on Cisco. Okay. So I'm starting to think this restaurant has a lot of Cisco food. Sorry if you don't, but it's starting to look like that, right? So then I look and I notice, oh, the restaurant's only 9.6 miles away. I've never seen Kay's slice of cake before. That's weird. And then I'm like, wait a minute. Let me go back to the place that held the jalapeno poppers, the pizzeria. I look at the pizzeria.

It's 9.6 miles away. The same distance. Yes. So I'm like, okay. So maybe, maybe the pizzeria created a fake virtual postmate restaurant for their desserts. Okay, I'm not mad at that. But then I go back and I start to think. about the onion rings and i'm like wait a minute how far are those places that have the same

pictures of onion rings so i go to one of the places that has the onion rings cheesecake daddy oh wait it's 9.6 miles away okay that's weird so then i find the address and i'm like oh okay so there's an address on cheesecake daddies so then i search that specific address in postmates and i find wing zone 9.6 miles away Nathan's famous 9.6 miles away whoa known as table. 9.6 miles away. L&B Burger Boy, 9.6 miles away. Big Leaf Salads, 9.6 miles away. This is so many.

Pasta Glory. This is more albums than Taylor's worth. But don't worry, Pasta Glory also has a social media, so they have their own Instagram account where they have a bunch of AI videos of people eating pasta. That's like sad, though. Why is it like he looks so depressed about it? I got to eat this again.

All right. So you probably think it's a lot of. over, right? No, they also have Jen's Burger Blades, 9.6 miles away. So then I start to think, I wonder if they have any DoorDash. So I searched the same address on DoorDash. They also have Goldie's Burger and fries. 9.6 miles away. Stuffed calzones. 9.6 miles away. The Calzone Empire. Two calzones. 9.6 miles away. So then I searched the address in Google, and it takes me back to just the pizzeria, a literal place. That just says pizza and they have 15 fake postmate restaurants.

Wow. 15. They took the Denny's game plan and they showed us what's possible. Shout out to them. Good for that. I mean, that's, to me, that is really maximizing, although it is a little bit of trickery. It's very good. Listen, here's the crazy thing.

Like, the reason I was scared to even talk about this is because I'm like, if they're willing to create 15 different fucking. restaurants. Shout out to all those restaurants like Cheesecake Daddy, I'm coming. Maybe we'll go in the video to that address and see, maybe it is like a magical world where you open the door and there's 15 restaurants. Although there's four that all sell calzomes, which yeah. Yeah, it's a lot of calzones. Shout out, Nona's table. Let's do a taste test. We should honestly get jalapeno peppers from all of those restaurants and just see if they're all. And the video is just, well, they're all the same. Yep.

Okay. Well, speaking of food and restaurants that would never, ever do anything to hurt us, this theory is about Panda Express. Finally. Oh, not Panda. Sorry, Derek. People are now saying that Panda Express's orange chicken is no longer edible because they change the recipe. Well, Panda Express has officially ruined orange chicken.

Once the greatest fast food culinary invention, they've changed the recipe. I can't find anything online that confirms this, but I eat this shit. like once a week. Now, in that man's original thing, I trust him. Until people who worked for Panda Express started to message him and tell him that, yes,

they did indeed change the recipe. And according to a former employee here, he even showed you the exact recipe that they used to use for the orange chicken. Except now, people are saying that they are using a mass-produced food company, something similar to Cisco,

and now that nobody actually will ever taste the original Panda Express Orange Shoe. No way. Okay, can I just say I didn't actually finish that whole fucking reel before I sent it to Spencer? I did not know that Cisco was a part of it. Yeah, that's crazy. Seriously, I thought that was how it all tied to go. Yeah, me too.

And I just like how they took the survey at the bottom of every receipt as their launching pad to do this. No happy people fill out something for the comment. It's always hate. It's only the Karen. So it's only people saying, I just wish it was less spicy or something like this. And they're dictating on like the minority of people that hate on it to change their whole game plan, which is very weird. Wait, if that's true, that's really depressing because I did love their orange chicken.

Their orange chicken is one of my all-time favorite foods. I love it so much. And the fact that I might not be able to actually taste what I remember as a kid anymore. So here's what we're going to do. We got some. It's okay. We got some orange chicken before we realized Jared was on ketosis. So we're going to bring in the orange chicken.

We're going to taste it. We're going to get rid of it really fast. Throw it away. But it's okay, Jared, because it's the new shitty one. Oh, no, no, no. It's okay. Yeah, so I'm going to know. The second I take a bite of that, I'm going to know if it's the new or if it's the classic.

Here, give me. Can I just smell it? Well, are you giving my fortune away? It was already delivered to me. Just do this near me. Oh, no. Didn't Pan Express start in Glendale. I don't know.

It smells like the real orange chicken. It smells like the real orange chicken. All right. Let's see what my fortune is, because I can't eat the fortune cookie. Hold on. Let's get Jared's fortune. Yeah, just a second. Chris and I are like, I'm just a guy who can't eat orange chicken.

He's just a boy in ketosis. A simple lifestyle will guarantee a happy existence. Whoa. And I'm just eating simple. Whoa. That's really weird. Cool. This Panda Express being like, we know you're not coming back.

Well, wait, now I want enough mine's fun. Well, no, I can't just keep doing it. Let's do it. A bold and daring adventure is in your future. Are they saying I should just eat some? Maybe. All right, let's try. It's good.

It'll taste pretty good to be honest. It tastes different to me. It tastes more like American. It tastes less like sweet almost or something. It tastes more like chicken nuggets and not like orange chicken crispy, like with the hard pieces in it. I agree. You know like orange chicken used to have the candy, like hard, like crunchy. You're like, is it a bone?

I don't care because it's so sweet. This is mushy, which I'm not used to, and, yeah, I don't know, it doesn't feel right. That's so sad. Our kids are never going to know what we experience at Panda Express when they're older. What? An unlikely ally will push you over the top. Over the top. That sounds almost bad.

It's a small cop. Is that a scary? That seems like one. Wait, what is Chris's? That would be a fun company, like fun fortune cookies with like goofy fortunes. Personalized. I don't even have a cookie. Oh, no.

I don't know. I actually recently thought of a restaurant called Cheat Day. Ooh. You're like, hey, I don't eat food anymore, but here's my restaurant. Cheat Day. Wait, Ryan's leaving? He, we literally, it's time for a recap. This has been.

Where did he go? You guys missed me? Oh, it was one of those. He's just a boy. I can't do a recap if I have to pee. I'd be thinking about how I have to piddle the whole time. He's just a gay boy in the world. He can't.

Recap? He's method acting. This is Dylan. All right, it's time for a recap. My camera action. Ryland's recap is about to happen. Ryland's recap. On today's episode of the Shane Dawson podcast, we debunk the theory that Panda Expresses

Orange Chicken is now different. No, we didn't debunk it. We unbunked it. I thought it still tasted pretty good. You confirmed it. Sallie, what do you think? They're so good. Wait, you're not going to have Sally in the recap?

Okay, well, I just wanted to do one creative thing. No, you're just trying to get out of here. Jared is wasting away. We're looking so hard to find Jared, but we just can't seem... There he is, swimming in a shirt that used to hold him. Is that you, Jared? That's me. Looks like ketosis at its finest.

Did you just complete a water fast? I did for 48 hours Sally Congratulations Thank you Oh Chris is straight now Just when you thought Chris was at a disadvantage for being gay Turns out it was a plot twist

And he's been acting gay this whole time Turns out he's straight peeing in troughs with straight guys At bars watching sports Hoorah What's the same? Bang Bang Nighter gang Bang Bang gang gang

Oh we have Chris live at a peeing trough Who? Who? Oh, what's up, guys? I'm here with my boys. Bang, bang, bang, Niner gang. What's up, Ryland? This is Sally now. How big is the dick of the guy that's standing next to you? I mean, it's pretty girthy. Everyone in the Niner gang is thick as fuck. You know what I'm saying, Sally? Are you in the four gang or the Niners? Spencer's also doing gay things in the woods with his friends. Spencer? Hey, Sally, yes, that's right. I'm doing gay stuff like having fun with my friends.

outside. Jake Paul's not gay, but he plays one in AI. Yes. On purpose, he's a part of it. Are you? Yeah. Sorry, my leg is killing. I need to. Next time we film this podcast, I will be in a different location. Really? I have to. This hurts my back. Coming to us from a different location? Yeah. Well, maybe, okay, if I sit all the way back, do you still see me? Take your mic with you. Oh, yeah. Shane's become too old to host the Shane Dawson podcast. His grandpa is really showing, and he may have to retire soon. This is nice. Human lamp.

Ever thrift in the state of... Wisconsin? Wisconsin? You might just find an artifact of a real human from the serial killer... Ed Gein. Ed Gein. We're shooting canceled, and everyone's in it. We all just got a little more employed in a backwards way,

because I don't know if anyone's getting paid and Shane's losing lots of money but we are all chasing our dreams. I'm the actor I've always screamed I was going to be. And Shane is directing, producing, and not starring in his pilot canceled. Yay! Okay, that's it for the Shane Dawson podcast.

We'll see you next time. I hope you enjoyed. Shop you Shane Dawson merch. Shane Dawsonmerch.com. Follow his Patreon and IA everyone's things are in the description section below. We'll see you next time on the Shane Dawson podcast.

Same time, same place, different set next time. Bye. Bye. I would clap, but one of my I have to hold the mic. Yeah, and I have to hold sound. Yeah, yeah.

That was good. Thank you, thank you. Uh, well, yeah, thank you guys for enjoying whatever the hell this was. We're just boys edition. Just boys. Don't hate us. We're just boys.

Guys, don't be mad at it. us. We're just little wibble boys. Okay, I'll see you guys next time. Bye!