The Shane Dawson Podcast - 🫦Pop Culture Conspiracy Theories and Mandela Effects MIND BLOWN⚡️

Episode Date: May 29, 2022

In this episode Shane and the crew leave NOTHING to the imagination! From their "grower" insecurities to their most embarrassing teen moments, they leave it ALL on the couch! With plenty more Fivver theme songs to reveal and a few new Mandela Effects to discuss, this EXTENDED audio episode is ready to spice up your day. Enjoy the chaos! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Rolling, rolling. Lips are so dry. Okay, okay. Do you need cream? I got checked. Thank you. The chain uses nipple cream, so. Nipple cream?

Yes, what a pack. Well, nipple skin is pretty much the same as lip skin. And the inside of your mouth is the same as the head of your dick. What? I'm sure you're, wait. And I'm sure if you, no. Within like a centimeter in of your anus, probably that skin. Yes.

Chris, how are you, how are you healing? They're on the same page. What? How are you healing? What do you mean? Sorry, that's just, it's what Lizzo says. How are you feeling? Is everything good?

Yes. Are you good? Are we rolling? Yes. Oh, this is happening. Oh, my God. How are you healing? Is that like what she's trying to say?

How you healing? Is that, no. Yes. That's the lyric? Yes, because it's all about like, coming back after like a long break. I wrote the song. Jared, how are you feeling?

How are you healing? You know, I'm healing all right. I'm healing all right. You know? Chris, you always outshine us. What are you guys right now? You look so cool. You're wearing a black leather jacket.

If you're an audio listener only, which by the way, thank you so much. Make sure to subscribe. Hit that five stars. But for audio listeners, Chris is dressed like in 1950s. Greaser. It fits you perfect.

Thank you. Do you really think so? Yeah, I love it. Thank you. Okay, before we get into it, hey, God, I feel like we haven't really said hello yet. How are you guys healing? Let us know what the comment. What is that, Chris?

It's a comb. It looks like a switchblade. Is that a knife? It looks like a knife, but it is in fact. Wow. Wow. It's right. That looks pretty serious, dude.

I don't feel it? Why am I turned on when you flip the knife down? Shane. What? Get a knife. Keep me interested. Is there something sexier about the fact that it's a comb? Like, would it be sexier if it was a real knife?

Yes. Okay. Hey guys. Let me just throw out there, right? If somebody rolled up on me and they're like, give me everything you have. And that was like, they ain't got a weapon on them. I ain't worried.

And then they pulled out what you just did and were serious. I'm like, this motherfucker's crazy, dude. He got a comb and he's this comfort. confident and robbing me, I'd at least give you like 10 bucks, you know, just for the effort. Depending on how you came at me, I might think you're crazy enough to really do something, though, you know? Well, hey guys, welcome back. And it would also be offensive, like to roll up on me with a comb. You know?

So maybe I would think it's like, is that a joke? You know? Whatever, I digress. Yes, it's, yes. Hey, you got a good beard, though. Welcome back to a whatever the hell this is. We're not really sure, but you know, we're having fun. It's episode three.

I feel like we're in a good groove. We're in a good vibe. And you guys, I think you like it. I don't know. This feels good, right? I love it. We're talking about them at home. Yeah, I'm talking about them.

Oh, I think they're healing great about it. Okay, I have a lot of notes, a lot of ideas, a lot of things written down for this show. But before we get into that, I think we need to address something that is going to be become a problem. Oh. I question my life every day because of this. What? Wow, the buildup, dude.

You guys are doing great. Okay, here's the thing. So my plan, our plan, sorry, I'll include you next time when I say it. Our plan was to go back to Colorado to our other house. Our house. I mean, we literally, like, we weren't even supposed to be here now. This house was supposed to be sold. Wait a minute, oh my God, I just realized something.

Hold on. Oh, I'm excited. You'd say we're fighting, right? I mean, of course. We're always fighting when we're on a podcast. Oh, here we go again. Fight with Shane and Ryland. Fight with Shane and Ryland.

Shane and Ryland. See? So now it lightens it up a little bit. No, that means you paid somebody because you want us to fight on the podcast. Like, that's all that tells me is he went on fiber and was like, write a song about how we fight so that I can pick fights and have a theme song for our fights. No, I just knew

that, you know, once in a while we get to fight and it's okay, it's healthy, I think. Are we going to work it out? Yes, we're working it right now. Yeah, a lot of things happen. We came back here to sell this house. We got cold feet. We didn't want to sell it. Then Jared was like, you should film a random podcast. Just try it out.

So we did. Now I love it. And now this is my passion. This is my thing. I had a lot of caffeine today, so I'm losing my mind. But I am like in. I'm like, I love this podcast. I want to do this. Like, let's do this. And what do we do about Colorado?

We have to go back soon. How are we going to do this? Like, what do we do? So now we don't know what we're doing. Are we going to go back to Colorado? How are you guys going to get there? Am I going to come back here to do the show? So there's a lot of questions up in the air.

Are you all going to be fine if it's a different location is what Shane's saying? He's really attached to this corduroy couch. I ordered this exact couch for the Colorado house because I'm like, I have to have the same vibe. But then it was like too expensive to show. ship. So there's a lot of things. I don't know. I didn't expect to have a podcast, you know, with fam. That's you guys. I didn't expect this to happen. Bing bong. So what do I do? You guys think we should keep doing the show? I look forward to this so much. I'd be so sad if we stopped.

I look forward to you so much. You know, I think that we got something good going here. So it feels like something in motion should stay in motion. And I feel like we're in motion here. So it'd feel like it makes sense to keep it going so are you guys willing i mean obviously i'll pay for travel but are you guys willing to come to colorado you know like once a month yes and i come here once a month and then we make it work it's like oh fuck i mean i feel like with modern technology and the transportation available to human beings we got this i'm worried about it you tell me well are you talking virtual are you talking a plane no man fuck the zoom shit we ain't doing all that because i think the whole is the vibe is us being in the same room.

All right. I mean, listen, I want to keep doing this show. It's honestly, and I'm not just saying this, and not because I'm drunk and also high on caffeine. And thinking about Chris murdering me. And you, you too. I'm saying this really genuinely. This is the most fun I've had making something and also the most proud I've been of something, I think, ever.

And I don't want to stop. So thank you guys for doing this with me. Thank you, Jared, for pushing me to do this and inspiring me. And thank you, Christopher, just coming to set, looking beautiful. And thank you to Ryland for, um, here you go. No. No, thank you to Ryland for being the asshole. I feel like it's fun.

Or for being supportive or for being loving for showing up for you. Totally. But also being that little bratty fucking asshole that we love. I don't know if they love it. But like, I mean, you need, but no podcast is fun if you agree with all four of the people. somebody you have to disagree with somebody or it's boring and i think assholes are underrated you know imagine what life would be if you didn't have an asshole you wouldn't be able to poop you know i think asshole is a crucial part of uh i agree of anything i agree well then okay we'll keep doing the show

if you guys want it give us a like let us know in the comments do you want us to keep doing the show because it's going to be real complicated but we're going to figure it out if that's what you want because that's what we want no but like i really like literally all that i do is work and this is like the one time i get to work and hang out and talk and like i get so excited now like when i get social the day i'm like i'm like i get to talk to like my friends i love it okay well here we go um let's jump into it all right chris is cool he's from peru his peruvian facts are fun for me and you okay chris i have a surprise okay i know that you think we're about to do peruvian facts okay but we're actually going to take a break from peruvian facts for a week okay and focus on

the other side of your heritage He's half German He's so bright He's a factual delight Are you ready for some fun German facts with Chris Is that the same girl?

Yes She's our queen She's the best He's amazing Okay Chris So you're going to give us a German fact today And I want you to do it in your German accent Because I like it and it's fun

Yeah, okay So the German fact of the day is 65% of the highways in Germany have no speed limit and are in fact called the Autobahn. It's like a highway you have in America, but no speed limit. You go as fast as you want. I literally didn't even hear you because I can't with the accent. It's so good. I wasn't even focusing. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I was focusing. Is it proven to have less or more accidents without a speed limit? Per billion kilometers driven is lower in Deutschland's Autobahn. 2.7 fatalities than in most U.S. interstate highways, my accent went to crap, but so it's 2.7 fatalities versus 4.5 on U.S. regulated highways. So it's like drastically less. Interesting. Yeah. Give me a compliment in the German accent. Or would it be less weird if you give Jared a compliment the German accent? Your jacket is very nice today. And your beard is always very maintained

and kept. Yeah. It looks very good. And you have stunning eyes, may I say. Just very nice, a nice feature of yours, yeah? Yeah, okay, yeah. Wow, good job. German fact. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, bittishen.

Yeah, I don't know anything else. Wow, well, good job. That was a good fact. Yeah. Good job. I like that. I like that. Oh, and really quick, before we really get into everything,

I want to remind you guys that there is an extended version of this show on the audio platform. There'll be an extra, you know, 10, 15, 30 minutes, maybe an hour. I don't know. It depends on how much we talk. So if you want to check out the extended version, go over there. I'll put the link at the top of the description below. Okay, we are going to do a segment where we're going to give some advice, mainly Jared, because I feel like you have a lot of life experience more than us.

A little bit, maybe. Yeah, I asked on the podcast Instagram at Shane Dawson podcast, if you guys could send in some voice memos asking for some life advice, career advice, love advice, whatever advice you want. And Jared is going to give you unfiltered, blunt honesty. And then we'll chime in. Let's do it. I don't have a theme song for this.

So I'll start, we'll start small, easy, and then we'll work into it. That's always how I start. Small, small. I'm a grower, not a shower. Edit that shit out. Listen, I'm just kidding. It's relatable. I think, you know what?

We should start a fucking Facebook group for it. Oh, I've already thought about getting merch made that said grower on it. No. But then I was like, who would buy this? Anyways Okay Here we go I'm into it, dude

Oh me too More grower awareness Is that also a cancer I'm a grower? Oh my god No you're not 100% Oh my god

100% of growth No you're not Growers unite Growers The growth The growth in this room So all you growers out there you can't judge a grower

you can't judge a grower by it's showing oh what the one not grower is laughing so hard at us right now well okay here's a thing too and it's annoying because he's the

opposite of a grower which it's still gross but it's one of those things where like just hangs like like this he's a shower but here's a thing it's one of those things we're like good for you I've had to play a lot of mental

tricks with myself to not feel weird about it. But it is one of those things where it's like, listen, I feel, I take pride in my grow because I feel like it grows a lot. Yeah. Like it's almost scary. It's like, whoa, what the fuck? What happened? What is that?

It's amazing. Whereas you, yours just gets hard, but it's kind of the same, you know, flop and then it's hard. It's not like, you know, it's not shocking. It's not like a science experiment. I mean, it still grows. No, it's great. It's great.

No, I'm not saying that. It's not very theatrical. It's not. I'll give you that. I'll give it to you. Yeah. Okay. Wait, so when you're on Grindr, were you ever with growers and were you like, was I

the first one you were with? Let's not talk about it. That actually, I will kill myself. We go there. Let's not do that. Never mind. You love me. So we're, I feel like most people would already have been hard too.

What? Like before I see it, they're most likely getting there. Are they just in there beating their meat before you get there? You're like, I'm sorry. So attractive that they're hard before I even comes the door. You start hooking up before you fucking put your dick in each other. I don't get hard in that process because all I'm thinking is, oh my God, I'm a grower. I'm a grower.

So then grow. You're just thinking grow, damn it, grow. Grow, damn it. I don't have that. I get hard like immediately. Leave. Leave and don't take it by. Oh my God.

The worst are. We'll get to the advice in a second. But the worst was there was a rumor that when you went from middle school to high school, that there was going to be locker rooms that you had to change. and shower in and like it didn't happen that didn't even exist but everybody told us that oh you're get ready because you're going to have to go shower what you had to do that no you didn't so what did you do as a grower it was horrible well i like avoided it at all costs and would act sick and would leave and like a whole well you could i mean there's towel maneuvers that you could do

you can just leave your towel and put your boxers on you're not a part of this you know i'm not I'm not going to disclose who it was. Oh, my God. But I've spoken with somebody because I had to do that at my high school, too. I did it the first day. It was very much like, don't look at me. I ain't looking at you. And then I realized if you're a tennis reserve player,

you don't even got to take a shower or change or nothing. You just got to play hacky sack with your friends and, like, get a credit for it. So I just did that for the remainder of my high school career. Whoa. Yeah, it was a life hack. Lifehap, guys. If you got a tennis program at your school, check out the reserve program. You've got a growing, if you're a grower, you don't want to show it.

Life act for all you growers out there. Join tennis. Wait, so you had to show? I mean, I think I got out of it pretty much every time. I think I just found a way. I refused. Like, it was my nightmare to do that. I also almost like was on the swim team and then I'm like, I'm not wearing a speedo.

I can't do it. It's my nightmare. So I never did that. I stopped myself doing a lot of things. Okay. My worth, this is actually my most embarrassing moment. and I still think about this every day. Like, actually every day.

And this kid, I don't even remember his name. And he wasn't even a hater. Like, he was like a nice kid in my class, in my P.E. class. But I think he was just so shocked that he had to say something. So I was wearing, you know, PE shorts. And they were really tight because I was fucking huge. So I had on, you know, the biggest size they had. And they were fucking spandex.

And my, I have big balls. You're not supposed to be laughing. You're supposed to be like, stop, don't tell this story. Well, I don't know. story so it's like it's visual your painting is something really bad okay so we're lined up outside and I'm wearing you know before PE class and I'm wearing my tight-ass shorts and I have big balls and then when it's hot outside my balls are really big so so which by the way not a brag because like when you're a grower and you have big balls it's like scary when you're all eggs no

sausage on your McMuffin you know I'm with you exactly so okay my big balls are really hot and they're big right and my shorts are really tight yeah a lot of people excited right now literally who i don't if there's a big balls grower community like hi hit me up um you right you love me okay that's a look on his face right now i had my mouth full of fucking a drink okay but i just think like most of the people that listen are women right well they have men in their lives though that probably relate to this okay And they could go to, like, inspect and see what's going on there. I'm a grower, but I'm sorry, I don't relate to this scenario.

Oh, because you don't have big balls. Well, that's more proportionate. Continue. Good for you. Your balls grow? No, I'm sorry. Yes. Cool.

Okay, so my big balls, there's a big ball, like two-ball hump shape, right, on my short short. And I'm, once again, you know, three, 400 pounds. I got this. So I'm just giving you the visual. So now I have these big, very obvious balls. And with no dick. And it's too much too much, I think this story, I think you're telling this story, but keep your second, but keep going. All right

This makes the cut Okay So All right No dick Okay Okay So

You should just get hard Right now I'm just Touching yourself I'm trying to get yourself Rout up If you ever have to show it off Just make sure you're hard

Oh my God Tiggle Okay So the kid in front of So we're supposed to down now, right? And my shorts are so tight that because these were like loner shorts because I forgot mine, whatever, it's the whole thing. So, you know, everybody's sitting down and I'm like, oh, how do I sit down? The kid in front of me, he sits down first. And I'm like trying to

figure out how I'm going to sit down these tight-ass shorts. And he's down and he turns around. So his head is facing my crotch, right? He turns around and he goes and not kidding. I don't know why he did this. We were probably 12, 13. So like, I'm not trying to say he assaulted me. But he definitely, he took his finger and he looks and then. And then he goes, he goes, where's your dick? And he just poked.

He just poked my, like past my balls and poked above my balls. And he just goes, where's your dick? And then he pokes. And then everybody starts looking. And then two boys next to him. We're just like,

where is it? Where is it? And now they're all pointing at it. And I'm just like, oh my God, oh my God. And yeah. And then the PE teacher came in and I wanted to die.

So that literally, literally, Every day, when I put on my clothes, I put on my tight underwear, I look down and I just hear, Where's your dick? Where's your dick? Because all I see is two big balls. And I, that's another reason I got scared that I got casual sex is scary because like, now we're getting to the root of it. Casual sex is scary because I just kept thinking what if the person says, where's your dick?

Well, you just get hard. Like you would make sure you're kissing before the. Oh, and the worst was like my first, you know, relationship. right after sex I would like run away or hide or do something and she finally was like why do you do that I'm like um well because you know so I have a blanket covering my like I just came so now my dick is shriveling up and really fast it's weird because I stay hard for a long time okay fucking showers fucking they're so on oh god show yourself out show on so my dick is shrilling up downfall and she's like what's wrong what's wrong and I have the blanket covering

it. I'm like, nothing, nothing. She's like, why do you do that? Why do you hide your dick? What is going on? And then she just pulls a blanket away. And my shriveled up, sticky dick is like right there. Shane, what are you doing? Like, I'm pretty violent to the rescue. I'm like, you really? Is this what you want out there? I just feel so comfortable with you guys. I've never talked about this before. Yeah, I know. It seems very liberating.

Go ahead, keep going. Okay, but here's the point of... There used to be some mystery when you said, like, I'm a grower. Here's the point of my story. I really opened the floodgates on this one. Here's the point of my story. Because this was really early on and like, you know, I was... Early on and you're growing.

In my, yeah, in my relationships and all of them. And she, and it happened, it was my worst nightmare. Like, my worst nightmare. was like for to be in that situation and like I don't know because whatever because yeah it was a thing where I'm like I have to get hard before I do anything so she had never seen my grow ever it always was hard right away type of thing um yeah I'm comfortable with you so you see my grow but um I'll show you guys my growth oh my god grow bros um okay and then she goes what that's what a lot of guys look like when they're whatever and I was just like oh and she's like yeah and I'm like oh I thought everybody was like you like I thought everybody had you know hangies and honestly I think growers is kind of a big part of the of the world also I think a lot of people like when you hear grower like you assume like the person is a tiny penis but that's not like like when I'm growing I'm fine you know what I mean like totally comfortable feel good about it it's it's just the pre yeah which is like you know it and I know it's gross to talk about this but it really is it can be really humiliating and I do think about sometimes like okay when we have a kid if we're We have a boy and we use my sperm, like, if he's a grower, I don't know how I'm going to like. If he's a grower, you got to be a shower and show him how to survive with him. Yes.

But this is the thing. How about this? I wasn't planning on changing the world today. I didn't put this jacket on him thing. Superhero for humanity. That wasn't on the agenda. but why don't we really get on the ballad for education in a health class make a grower like a and B penises

so they don't show a grower they don't show grower penis oh yeah and especially I feel like the first time a lot of us when we're younger are exposed to other penises are in like porno and shit ain't no growers in porn no we need more grower representation or no if we're gonna keep doing that but I think health class they should say hey yeah these are examples of penises yes here's a grower here's what's that yeah oh we'll look at it when it's hard you know I don't know about that yeah yeah it got weird kind of quick I think no but it'd have to be a peer to peer conversation but yeah but you're right because the health class the pictures of penis it would

normalize it normalize growers oh I literally would look at because you know in health class it has like you know age 5 age 10 age 15 age 30 like penis like art illustrations and I'd be like oh my god I'm not even at five I'm like I ain't even have five yet what am I going to do I'm 15 like that was so scary but if the teacher would have been like and some guys you know are growers and that's why and maybe throwing

a little like and you know like Sam the teacher if it was like yeah you know my husband's a grower and big and big you know and as a student I'm sitting there like yeah I can barely walk today you know And you know, I will say, like, not, you know, not to get too heavy into it and still, but I also had one testicle that hadn't descended when I was younger.

I had to get, like, they almost did surgery on me. Whoa. But I was told I had one, kind of person, but I had one testicle that was ascended. And so I thought it was like the penis the same situation, like is my, you know, like at some point, just like, bloop. It just like my nut came down But then all of a sudden I realized

Oh, this is a grower You know Yeah Wow Well I'm glad that we did that That's a lot of penis stuff Can you Google What percentage of the population

Are growers Yes Oh wait now I'm scared Dude gee you man Growers unite Dude Yes Oh my god

Grow up We could Dang Oh What Oh my gosh. Lucky you. No, that.

You have, according to a men's health survey, 79% of men are growers. Shut up. The market is huge. We're going to break the fucking internet with this podcast, guys. Title, we're growers and proud of it. Yes, but while 21% are showers, and so, like, good for you. You're special.

I'm jealous. But I wonder what classifies a grower, because, like, Like, most show, I wonder, but I guess it would have to mean that, right? Maybe it's like if your penis over quadruples in size, you know, or something like that. Like, what is the metric? But we don't have to get into that. No, we don't. We don't.

All right. Well, we didn't get to any advice. We'll do that in a second. We're going to take a quick break. I'm going to go. Grow. I'm going to go grow real fast. And when we come back, we're going to get into some advice with Jared.

All right, let's cut. Oh, my God. What happened? What happened that made us laugh so hard? I don't remember. You told your story. Going in graphic detail about the size of your dick when it's not grown. You were like a shrivel covered in.

Get away to see the DMs this week. I can't believe we talked about our penises like that. This is really something. We just want to let you guys know this is a purely satirical show. Nothing serious. I have a huge wiener. I feel like I have a huge wainer. Oh, Donald Trump is a grower for sure.

Well, yes, Stormy Daniels wrote a whole book about it. Really? She said it looked like a mushroom character from Martin Brothers. No! Oh my God. Yeah, that's my nightmare. Oh, my God. Jared. Yes. So we have, you know, your segment, Cheap Tricks with Jared.

Cheap Tricks. We got it. Now, do you have any cheap tricks today for us? I don't necessarily have a banger, I would say. So I'm going to come next week with a killer one. The reason I ask is because I might have a couple songs for cheap tricks. And we have to pick the one we like the most. I can't wait. There's one that is literally, I've been singing it all week.

Like, it's a radio hit. Like, do you, should we start there? No, save it. Okay. Well, no, now I feel bad. Because I'm like, okay, let's play the other. Okay, play the radio. No, okay.

Yeah, I'm going to finish. They're all special in their own right. Some, yeah, not all good music is radio friendly. Agreed. Okay, here we go. Cheap tricks with Jared. He's got a pocket of change. He makes a lot of sense.

When the price goes up, he'll get it for less. It's cheap tricks. Oh, yeah. That was so good Dude, is that the fucking cheetah girls right there? I felt like I could see four girls all from different ethnicities Dancing together Yes

You know there's one that's like the star But they're all equally fucking great You know what I'm saying? So wait, you're telling me that's just an appetizer Like you consider another one a hit I think he hits with the hit. I think that's a, well, I don't want to be, or is that the hit? He hit us with the hit.

That was, let us decide. Let us decide. How about that? Here's what I will say. Okay, okay. Okay, I'll do the next one. Ready? Okay.

I got to close my eyes. I got to get into this. I got. Okay. Now, Jared, bitch. He got cheap tricks. And he always doing cheap shit. If you're trying to budget, it's the remix.

Remix. And no, he ain't budget. Never he switched. Broke motherfucker fuck. Okay. Okay. So, Mix bag. I loved it.

Well, because it wasn't about you. I feel like that was more of a diss track. Calling me like, he's a cheat motherfucker. Jared, you broke motherfucker. So like, to me, I'm into it, you know. I'm not offended or nothing like that because the whole vibe is being frugal. But that didn't feel like a team move to me. That felt like a dis.

you know. Wait, now I need to hear it again. Yeah, yeah. So let's listen it back through the lens of they're talking shit about me. Sonically, though. He got cheap tricks. He calls me a bitch right away. He always doing cheap shit. If you're trying to budget, it's the

remix. And no, he ain't budget, never he switched. Broke motherfucker. Okay. So it starts, Jared, bitch. Like, he calls me a bitch and then he said I'm doing cheap shit. What I will say, though. Here's what I will say, though.

He asked me, he said, am I allowed to cuss? Like, and I was like, oh my God, throw anything you want in there, make it hard. So he gave me what I asked for. I thought like him saying broke motherfucker at the end was like everyone that's going to try the cheap tricks. The MC in me, though, is having a hard time not wanting to clap back. You know what I'm saying? Oh my God, wait. So do we have a name for this gentleman?

Because he knows my name. So it's only fair I know his name. Okay, hold on, hold on. Because I'm getting riled up. Are you about to freestyle? I don't think it was as personal as you took it. I think Jared's about to freestyle rap. I want to see.

I don't know. I don't know if it's going to be a freestyle necessarily. Okay, ready? His name. His name is Loomy. Loomy Lifestyle. Do you need to see a picture of him so you can like see? It's only fair.

He's seen me. Okay. I'd like it, though. It's hard to say I don't like the music. I think that's him. He could probably beat me up. Loomie. That was great, dude.

Shut up. you know I liked it you might use it you know but I'm coming for you verbally okay do we want I have more I didn't save all of them because some of them were really bad keeping it real but okay let me see I think I

just got one that I haven't heard yet oh my god I'm scared okay here we go here's another Cheapoo Boo Boo Boo Boo Boo Boo Boo Boo Exclusive Preview It's a banger Cheap tricks with Jared, he got it

He's been in short like hobbits Stay cheap, no need for often Your girl need game She walking, run it up, can stop it, drop it Now when we're speaking of funds Jay yeah, he got it, it's only deposits I'm speaking of property, getting it done, yeah. You know, real talk, real talk.

I don't even need a clap back at Loomie Because whoever that is just showed him how to really do it to be. Whoa! I let my gunners clap back, you know what I'm saying? But now he did your girl. You're fine with Loomy dissing you, but this guy's dissing your girl. Who's my girl?

Well, he did say if you need gas. Your girl walking. Your girl got to walk. Yeah, but that was just a bar. You know what I mean? I didn't feel like the laser beam on me for that one. I just felt like he was sliding a bar in, you know what I mean? I have one more.

And this one, I actually got as kind of a joke because it's the guy who made the Peruvian song that we all loved. The Peruvian icon Chris is back Giving us Peruvian Chris is going to give us Peruvian facts What? I'm never about hating on anybody Standout moment for me in the last one Which I was scared to even message him

Because I didn't know if he saw it And I was like, hey I have another song I want from you Like we loved your last one Luckily, he was just like, thank you. I loved making it. I'm like, okay, he hasn't seen it yet. Perfect. We definitely didn't laugh at it.

So he made one, and I got to say, it's kind of good. I was not expecting this. Okay, ready? Okay. Chief tricks with Jared, Cherit, Chief Tricks with Jared, Cheechaw, Chief Tricks with Jared, Cheecherichs with Jared. Karen's going to teach you how to beat the system, yes. So sit back, relax, and learn life hats with. Cheat tricks with Jared.

He's the most traditional jingalist, I feel, that we have. You know, that was a jingle right there. It was fun. But I love where this guy's going. I mean, Jared's going to teach you how to beat the system. That's iconic. I mean, my dude went deep on it, and I like that. I do actually remember, I have one more rap that we could end this with.

I forgot. And they're all raps, and I like that. I had a female rap. That's the best. Okay, it's a buildup. Cheek tricks to Jay. Yo, Jay, get me some life hats. I'm the most for the lesson.

That's what my sights had. Show me how to free play tween for the iPad. Get that twin right back. Where did you for price tag? I like that. Wait a minute. Hold on. I like the double, I like the multisyllabical rhymes that she was doing.

That was cool. Okay. You know the whole iPad, I like that, life hacks. That showed some technical prowess. I enjoyed that. I like, I guess I'm confused. So she said, show me how to get an iPad for $20 and then get the $20 right back. That's genius.

I mean, yeah, can you give us some iPad? That's incredible. You've got something to live up to. Wow. Okay. Wow. Oh my God, I'm so happy. Those were all so great.

Thank you. Fiverr of people. I mean, I pay for it. sponsor your podcast? Yes. Literally yes. Oh my God. Okay.

I don't know if this is relatable to anybody out there. Actually, I do know because it is because I feel like a lot of a struggle with it. Shopping for clothes, trying to figure out something that you feel comfortable and confident in is a nightmare. And I went shopping and it was a nightmare and I had a couple breakdowns. A lot of stores don't carry double XL, which is a problem. So I shop online and then the clothes come and then I try them on and I don't fit. And then I'm like, how am I supposed to do this?

Rylan pretends that I look good in everything I know he's lying so like it's hard to know what you look good in and feel good in something what are your guys's experiences with clothing shopping you know like I don't think I feel more like a piece

of shit than how I feel after I've eaten a large meal and then went shopping for clothes the worst it's the fucking worst you know and then like just the bonus is if I'm lucky enough to get into a booth that has surrounding mirrors all around me because you don't always

see certain angles of yourself so you only feel bad about maybe the front and the sides but when you're able to feel bad about the back angle the diagonal angle it adds a whole new layer so typically what happens is about 30 seconds into me trying on clothes I'm like sweating and nothing's fit and it ain't feeling good and I just I'm out so it's the same thing with you brothers the second you guys start sweating it's over yeah starting to sweat right now. And that's a problem. I know like I try to be considerate of this, but it is a problem because then once you start sweating, you don't, you don't enjoy. I have certain things that like on my checklist of happiness, right? One of them is I can't be sweating. If I start

sweating, it's fucking over. And I'm starting to sweat right now. So I'm getting close. So if I'm sweating, it's fucking over. Um, if, if my butt feels weird, I don't want to get gross. My butt feels weird. No, my butt feels weird sometimes too. What are you guys talking about? I had like itchy ass. No, like you get if your butt, if you start sweating and then you're called swamp butt. Yeah, swamp ass, really. So if you start sweating in your ass crack.

Our dad actually invented something for it. No, he did. It's called the TOC, the tissue of cleanliness, which is you put it in between your butt sheets to kind of counteract this swamp butt. Yeah, and I tried that life hack in high school at one point, and then it fell out. Ooh, what color was it? No, no, no. It was not good. Yuck.

Not good. But you know what? There's nothing more gratifying than when you have your swamp ass tissue and you take it out and it's white. Wait, so you just have tissue between your cheeks? Is it like a man pun, you know, for your butt? It's not something you guys are... A man pawn? Yeah, for your butt.

It's like a butt band pot. That's an invention. Okay. Wait, I feel like we just grossed everybody out that's watching this. Yeah, so far, it's been gross the whole way. It's been pretty gross. You know, it's been. Well, we can go back to our shopping problems.

Yeah, I actually wanted to say something about, if that's okay. Yes. Get us off of this. We started talking about, like the other day, I think, about my boyfriend is a big guy, the biggest guy I've been with. Now, how many exes are talking about? Stop bragging. Stop bragging. No, but he's 4X and I've never been with someone that was a 4X and I've never realized how difficult it is for someone that of a bigger size to shop to find clothes because like we were going to go somewhere together sort of last minute and we just wanted to find a polo shirt and it was impossible.

So we went to like a million different places and only one of them even had a larger size clothes. pardon me 4x 4x no but um so only one of them even had

any options and it was a Burlington co-factory which is just Burlington now by the way no co-factory anyway but um

so it was like was it ever Burlington code factory but it was like in the corner tucked away with like

four options and not taking care of the rest of the story's taken care of but not that section like no one gave a crap and like it was felt very shameful

and shit shitty and like and we went around looking everywhere and like jacy penny i like looked online they had options and store did not macy's online at options and store did not and like what why is it impossible to find a shirt this is insane like it actually made me really upset i've never had to deal with that i'm like i don't know i got really upset about it and i was like this is bullshit like no one who like no bigger person should have to deal with this like you shouldn't it shouldn't be impossible to find a shirt why is this i don't know i got really annoyed about it is impossible i mean i'm a two x and it is hard to find two x at the store i don't know why like it's crazy

I don't know. And yet, when I was, I think I got up to, not to outshine your big boyfriend, but I think I got up to 5x at one point. Did you? I did. And, oh, impossible. Like, impossible to find clothes. But why? Like, I feel like in America, like, we have a lot of, have you said people in America. I have a theory. So I have a theory and this is dark, but I'm just going to keep it real. Big people, me included, don't like going shopping. Don't like going clothes shopping because it's humiliating. It's hard. It's embarrassing. You see all the pictures on the walls of all these like thin people wearing these clothes and you're like I'm never going to look like that I got to go to the bed sheets like it just gets dark it gets dark life hack though

it doesn't feel like that if you do all your clothes shopping at Costco they just realized they make up to whatever X you know they're not everybody elastic shorts because that's it's really hard to find a really solid pair of elastic shorts so but yeah shout out to Costco got me looking like a boss though And there's food samples. Oh, yeah, they're feeding you. Only downfall. It's like if you told someone, oh, yeah, I went to this clothing store the other day.

They were bringing me samples of nice food and all these things. Like, oh, wow, where was that? They'd be shocked if you said coffee. Yeah, that sounded like a Gucci store. It's like, oh, where was that, Rodeo? It's like, no, you know, off the freeway, you know? Like, my theory is that I think these stores know that big people like us don't like to go shopping. so they just put it all online.

Like, I bet all those stores have X's online. And then in real life, they're like, eh, they're not going to come in. Again, I'm so upset. Question. Do we wear shirts when we go swimming? I'm going to start with me. Yes, if there's a bunch of people around,

I will wear a shirt in the pool. If it's just me and you, I won't. Sure. So if I'm going to the beach, for show, I'm wearing a shirt. One, because I'm embarrassed. First, two, because the sun. You know, I don't want to get over the sunburned.

It's too much sunscreen on my whole body, but it doesn't even matter because of the first one. You know, it trumps the second one anyways. I always swim with my shirt off, but I hate my body, which is interesting. Like, when I have my shirt off, I'm, like, extra sucking in an extra, like, sitting in certain ways and extra, like, I'm self-conscious about it the whole time, but, but, yeah. Listen, my goal for before I die is to go to the beach or go into a public area. a water park maybe and take my shirt off whatever my body looks like i don't know if i'll ever get ripped or anything but like i need to do that once or else i'm going to die sad you're sad i've never been able to go to the beach and just be a normal person i always have the shirt on and then i'm like

self-conscious and i don't know why even when i was like at my skinniest i was too afraid to take my shirt off and i don't know why would you feel any more comfortable if you were at like a bear event and it was like all big dudes hey rylan can i go to a bear event take my shirt those are things that it's like all big dudes. And I think other big dudes feel more comfortable. To add on to your note, I remember when I got my driver's license, my main goal was I just want to wear a tank top, you know? I see.

It's tough, you know, because I feel like from the side, I have side boob, you know? But yeah, so I would say my short-term goal, because I'm with you, I want to go to the beach with my shirt off, you know, but my short-term goal is a tang-top. That's scarier to me. Really? Oh, yeah. Isn't it strange that we're all in a relationship with someone who thinks we're, like, the most attractive thing in the world?

Oh, Shane. I don't think that's how it works, though, you know? Rylan does. Oh, my gosh. I can tell how he looks at you. I mean, we have a very, this is weird to say, but we have a very good sex life, and I don't think that would happen if I wasn't attracted to you. Really?

Yes, of course. No, I don't think you are. What? No, and especially the things that you like least about yourself are things that I think are on you like your legs and your chest you're always like I have like pork chops is what you call them I think your leg my pork chops no I think when you're out there dating if you're looking for someone maybe say yes swipe yes on someone that maybe isn't necessarily your type because you never know you might find a bigger connection I think it's also important to note that when we say something

like my type what are we exactly referring to solely physical attributes you know and just the physical appearance and oftentimes these aren't the things we talk about when we speak about love and what we love about each other yes it's a factor but i mean it's hard to say oh that guy's not my type it's like well that's just one variable of a human being you know what i'm saying so it's not like every guy that was your type had all the other attributes that you wanted you know so arguably none of because if you're sleeping with somebody based on a photo on grinder you're just looking to have sex and it's like they're they were arguably the one of worst people. I don't know if we should get into this, but I kind of want to get into it. The thought of

you being with somebody else makes me want to throw up, but like, I just can't imagine. I mean, it was my early 20s, like 20 and 21, 22. Meeting up with strangers and having sex with them. Yeah, because I didn't want to date anyone, but I still wanted to like. Can you take us through the process of like, what does that even mean? Like you get on the app. Well, I think I got addicted to Grindr for a while and take like sex. I mean, no, for real. I think, did you ever do Grindr, Chris? I've never been on dating app. Like, I'm not someone who's ever been interested in a hookup. I've never, like, really just hooked up with anyone. I've been with very few people in my life. I'm paranoid of STDs is a whole other thing. But, but, like, I don't know. I'm very, like, I'm, like, a hopeless

romantic. I need to, like, feel in love and, like, feel things and care for the person before. I can't just, like, have sex on anybody. My penis is linked to my heart, and it won't work if it's not, like, feeling something. That, put up that on a coffee cup. And Shane will buy it. My penis is linked to my heart. You have to give my heart a boner first. Do you know what I mean? I mean, I'm just curious. Like, take me through the process.

This was how many years ago? When I was 20. Because I wasn't looking for someone to date. Okay, I don't need the fluff. Like, what was your profile picture? What were you putting out there? What was your name? Depends.

Well, Grindr's different. Grindr is like, like, 1% of the population on Grindr is looking for a relationship. It's living in Hollywood, it's a never-ending scroll of pictures. and you log on to Grindr, and it's like, and you have all these messages of people that potentially want to sleep with you. And people are very to the point. They're like height, top, bottom, verse.

Like, they're very, like, to the point. And then it's, like, scheduling a meetup. You don't FaceTime them or anything to make sure they're not. No, I mean, you could message back and forth for, like, a day if you really wanted to fill it out and try to make sure that they're not going to kill you. So then you go to their house.

Yeah, and you never know what you're walking into. It's crazy. It's crazy. It's crazy. But it, like, makes you feel it. something that's what was like the weirdest thing you ever walked into oh lots of different walks of life that's for sure like it was I what does that mean just like so like DJ like like like so many different career paths like you people like

DJs music I'm guessing there's a lot of DJs on Grindr I'm thinking that 80% DJs you know I mean no offense to DJs but you've like the DJ yeah dick Jackie The thought of you fucking someone makes me want to die, but I want to know more for some reason. I mean, this feels like a lifetime ago, though. So then what do you, okay, but here's my question, because I don't understand casual sex, right? So I'm trying to figure this out. You kind of just get down to business. Okay, yeah, that's what I'm asking.

So, okay, you knock on my, ding. A lot of times, you'll, like, open the door and then you'll kind of just, like, say hi, hug. I am going to barf. This is so weird. And every experience is so awkward and weird. And that's what makes it, like, thrilling and crazy because, like, you don't know what you, like, it's just so crazy. And that's, I think, the fun of it. Okay, so now, okay, so you're doing it.

So now you're like, okay, I'm going to fuck the DJ. You fuck the DJ. Then what? Do you leave? Do you review them? Do you give them, like, five stars? There's some sort of a star rating system on Grindy? There should be.

There should be. You want to know the most sad moment of it? Okay. So I'm like, in my bed, scrolling Grindr, or 22 years old, probably, 21. And we, like, make plans to meet up. And I'm like, okay, I'm leaving. And then he didn't reply.

And then when I was like, okay, I'm outside because I walked because it was close. He like wasn't replying. So I wait like seven minutes because I'm like, I don't know, maybe he's showering or something. He has another guy arriving. And he was trying to ghost me because he found somebody he wanted to sleep with more than me. Most awkward moment of my life because then he comes out to meet the other guy, but I'm still there. And then we had like this weird three-way encounter. And then he was like, well, I guess you could come in with us.

And I was like, no, man, I'm not, I'm not that. desperate. I'm good. Was the other guy more attractive than you do you think? I don't know. I guess it was just somebody more his type. For the stake of the story, can you say that? Yeah. Okay, because that makes me feel so good. It was awful. But I love you so much. It was awful. In an awful world where we broke up, I wouldn't go back to that life ever. It was awful. I mean, it was fun for a while. Are you thinking about his breaking guy? No, I said, I'm just saying like it's not something I would choose in my 30s in a world where we even broke up. But like, how do I compare to like, you know, all of the rest? Oh, I mean, you're

uncomparable to all of it because I actually love you see he did it what that's what I mean you should have stopped before you said because I love you but none of them I wasn't I didn't even get to know any of them so like and I and I didn't if it was mind blowing I would

you heard it right uh oh here we go again life of Chiron of Riland I'm just kidding I love you so much you're perfect don't ever change we're going to take a quick little break and when we come back we have conspiracy theories and so much more. And we're going to go have sex on Grindr. See you soon.

Stupid. Okay. Hey, it's me. Sorry to a barge in on your audio listening journey, but I wanted to let you know that the rest of this episode is a little special. So first of all, the conspiracies that you're about to hear in the conspiracy corner section are very visual. So I apologize. You might want to check out the video version of the episode to get the full effect. But If you want to listen, you can, but you can scroll right past them because I have an extended section that I added to this audio-only episode with, I think, like, 30 minutes of stuff that

I didn't put in the video. Hopefully you enjoy that, and I apologize if our chewing noises get terrible during the conspiracy section. It's a lot. Okay. Hope you enjoy the rest of the show. It started with just a small conversation. Okay.

So, for today's conspiracy corner. I have some Mandela effects that people sent in. Okay, what do you guys want to start with? Mandela effects or food conspiracy theories? Because I have both prepared. My stomach's telling me I want to do food conspiracies because I'm slightly hungry. Okay. But my heart's telling me let's start with some Mandela effects.

Okay, yeah. Let's end with dessert. Agreed. Let's do it. Okay, so I asked you guys last time to send your best Mandela effects to try to shake Jared's brain. And I think I got some pretty good ones. Like some of these I had never heard of before and I was like angry. So, but let's see.

Let's see some of these Mandela effects. Okay. So I'm going to airplay these to the TV. I have them on my phone. And I want your guys as genuine reactions to these Mandela effects. Don't lie. This first one is definitely a popular one that I've seen before, but I still get angry about it. Fabriz.

Which one is correct? And if you're an audio listener, check out the video or just Google pictures of Fabriz. I'm pretty sure it's the, The one, two, three, four E's. The one on the right? Yeah, so what it is is, yes, the extra E. Yeah, that's the one. I believe that's it.

I believe it's Fabriz. I also think it's that. You think it's the one on the right. You're all wrong. It's the one on the left. No way. It's one E, baby. Is it?

Right? That's insane. It makes me so angry. I want to throw something. It's Fabreze on the left. Yes, Fabrizzi. That does raise a good point. Is it supposed to be called Fabriz?

Fabriz, or is it like Fabres? Is that just what we've heard of calling? Uh-huh. Okay, but yeah, it irritates me on the level because that's not how you spell breeze. Yes. You spell breeze with two E's. So then what's your head?

So you would, would you say that this Mandela effect shook you? No. I would say that it did. Yeah. No, just, well, no, I got it wrong, but again, I've never even bought in Fabriz myself. So, but yeah, I would say that this one, how about this you know yeah you got me oh my god that's big that's crazy yeah but do i think that it's changed throughout time i don't know but yes that's it looks like it should be number two to me and it's

number one i shot three internet commercials for free for brazen got it wrong so that's a good one wow whoa that's actually insane um okay this one also pisses me off this is very specific i can't believe i I'd never heard about this one. Shaggy from Scooby-Doo. Yeah. Which is the correct picture of Shaggy? What's the, oh, the Adams Apple. Oh.

I feel like, I don't, I feel like an Adam's apple is more kooky. So I feel like that would be it. I think it's the left one. Yeah, it's the one with the Adams apple, right? Like literally like, Shaggy, like Scooby. Like literally, I remember very specifically. But guess what? No, he never had an Adam's apple.

How? Wow. It doesn't make sense to me. He always had an Adam's apple in my head. But you know what? In that sense, yeah, you fooled me. I thought he had Adam's apple this whole time. Okay.

This one also pisses me off, which is correct. Is it Kraft stovetop or stoffer's stovetop? Stofers. Stofers. Stoffers. Right? Yeah, stoffer's. Okay.

I'm going to go with craft. You're doing that because you know it's... No, because I know the, Stoufers, it sounds like it makes sense because it's almost like it's named Stovers. I'm going to craft. Well, it is technically craft, but I cannot tell you the amount of times I've heard Stouffer Stovop in my life on TV shows in movies, Stouffer Stovop. Like, that's a thing. It is a brand, I think. Stoffers is a brand, yeah, but it's not, but it's not Stouffer's Stovetop. Stoff. Stoffers doesn't make Stov top. What? I'm only bringing this up because you were

shook by this earlier when I brought it up. Put the song Barbie Girl. I'm a Barbie girl in Now I don't remember. I did do this wrong in real time, but now I don't remember which is wrong. So the way that most people sing it is. Well, let's let them do it. Oh, okay. I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world. Wrong.

It's I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world. Which is nuts. Doesn't make sense. Is it? It is. It is. Google it makes sense. Google it.

Google lyrics. I would never say, I'm a human boy in the human world. No. Yeah, but let's not like act like this song has to live up. to all logic you know it's about being a okay get excited riley because i have a couple brittany spears mandela effects okay oh shit now these ones they're kind of dumb but i'm not gonna lie they did freak me out a little bit when i saw the evidence look at all of them are pretty these ones kind of dumb okay okay brittney spears when you think about the iconic

brittney spears outfit pose everything you see this picture right i'm showing a fan. This is a girl in the red jumpsuit with that head microphone thing that oh my God, Chris is wearing right now. That's the Britney Spears vibe. I mean, here's another picture of a girl doing it. You have Lizzie McGuire episodes. She recreated it. You even had a doll that had that headset on it. But what if I told you that Britney Spears in her oops I did it again music video was not wearing a headset, had never worn a headset and she's never worn that red jumpsuit with a headset? Never even at a VMA performance or something. No. Really?

So where did this come from? And why does the merchandise and all the parodies and all the costumes have that red jumpsuit with a headset? I guess because it makes it more of a pop star. No, it's a Mandela effect, right? She wore the headset. I know she wore the headset because I remember her touching it and doing that. Did you go back and watch the video for yourself? Yeah, she's not wearing it.

Really? No. Is she wearing a headset and toxic by chance? No. That's pretty weird. Right? That's really weird. It's confusing.

Googling for myself. I mean, it does look like she's touching a microphone in that picture, though. Maybe someone just saw that and mistaken for if she has a headset on. I think it changed. Oh, so people think Mandela effects are things that are actually have changed since they originated. Welcome to the party, dude. I thought we were all under the, well, I thought we were under the pretense. It's just people fucking with people on the internet.

No, Mandela Effect is like the phrase came because people thought there was a moment in time where people thought that Nelson Mandela had died before he actually did die. So that's why it's called the Mandela effect, because people were like, I swear he died, you know, back in 90s. It's come so far as like seems so unrealistic that I just feel like it's fuckery. Okay, this one just pissed me off because I specifically remember Pixie Sticks being spelled P-I-X-E. And it's always been P-I-X-Y. That looks wrong to me. I don't believe it.

That's a scam. Fuck off. Like, that is not how I remember it. clearly remember i.e me too what i used to have these a lot so like in my brain wow me too oh no the last one this is a pretty popular one that i forgot about uh did you know that micky mouse has never had suspenders on what yes what's holding his pants up he's shirtless oh my god he's goals oh my god i want to be micky one day he's never had suspenders on but in all the costumes of micky mouse he's always wearing suspenders and like the stuffed animals he always has suspenders on but no he's never

had suspenders on in the cartoon wow isn't that weird says you won't find a single picture of mickey mouse on the internet wearing suspenders i'm googling it because it's weird it shook him a little bit that one is weird to me why would he be shirtless that's weird a shirtless rat there is a cartoon character that wear suspenders which one i could see it he's on like a fucking train and you go A Mickey Mouse? Or you remember him wearing it because he did. Literally, yes. That's Amanda.

Like, baby. He did wear suspenders. If you have to Google it, you're shook. Right? Oh, shit. You about to roofiest, bro? What do you do it? Thank you.

Why is it sticky? Okay, I know, this is really weird. So obviously we've all heard of different conspiracies involving food. A lot of people think that Mountain Dew makes your dick small. Oh my God. I did it. I remember hearing about that. That had the growers real worried.

Oh, my, yes. I hate Mountain Dew just because of that. Then there was obviously the theory that the McRib, it only comes out once a year because it's actually made with like all the stuff they can't sell from the animal. It's like a liquidation sale of meat. Yock. But that's not true, right? It's not bad.

Are you looking that out? I was looking at the mountain do thing, sorry. Oh, right. Oh, you're scared? Yes. I think it's a lie. It's a lie. Okay, good. But not Baja Blast, right?

So I have handed everybody two different types of soda, and I want everybody to try each and pick which one you think tastes the best. Did you label which is which? It's very... I trust you. We're not guessing what it is. No, just taste it. Okay.

Oh my God, that one's good. You haven't had soda in like three months. I don't think I've ever had not diet soda. Oh, this is regular. Oh. Okay. Does everybody have the one that they like the most? One's Coke and one's like really knockoff.

Oh, wow. That gold went there. Yeah, now, dude, I haven't had soda in. long so this is just kind of like it's so good one so powerful and beautiful and one's like and it's definitely it's like powerfully sweet okay so everybody with the hand you're holding put out one of your hands and and say which one you like the most i like this one the most you like that one which one do you like the most i mean it's not even about what i like the most one's just bad i mean this one has more pleasant taste one's flat and now look under your cup is there a

sticker under your cup? No. No, no, no, no. Yes. Interesting. Okay, so the one, so the only person that picked the sticker one was you. The one that has a sticker under it is Coca-Cola. What? And the other one is Pepsi. Now the theory is, the theory is everybody, except for Jared, chooses Pepsi if they don't know what it is. But the second you know it's Coke or Pepsi, people usually pick Coke. Because Coke is the cooler one.

I did that experiment in, like, sixth grade. Really? Where I think it's the Coke or Pepsi challenge. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. So the theory is the actual product of Pepsi is better. But people love the branding of Coke because it's been around forever. It's like the red.

It's embarrassing to order a Pepsi. I mean, we're looking for sponsors, but yeah. I know. Except for when Britney Spears was promoting them. It's been a while because I ordered one, but it's always like when you go through a drythru and a Diet Coke, We have Pepsi, is that okay? Right? They make you, like, embarrassed.

The thing is, though, the Pepsi was more flavorful. It's so good. It's bursting with flavor. I could not believe it. Like, I literally love it, which is crazy because, yeah, I thought it was a Coke boy. Wow. So try this at home. Try this with your family.

Get a bottle of Pepsi and a bottle of Coke and see which one people are. And maybe you all are Pepsi girls and you didn't even know it. Right. That was kind of fun. Wow. I thought that was going to flop and it didn't. I really did. I'm a Coke boy.

Okay. This one is kind of a Mandela effect. And a lot of people believe that warheads, you remember the sour candy warheads? Yes. That it used to be more sour and they changed it and now it's not as sour. We got a bag here. Like people are passionate about this. There's like Reddit forms.

Warheads has come out and said that they didn't change it at all. That it's exactly the same. But a lot of people think they changed it because there's been lawsuits. One boy ate too many warheads and it burned a hole through his tongue. So the theory is that they have changed it because it was dangerously sour. Let's test it up. Well, that's exciting. I can't wait to eat one of these.

I used to love warheads, and I remember them, like, you put in your mouth, and it was like, oh, God. It was, like, I remember being like, I can't eat this. Okay, so everybody got a red one. We got to do it on the same. So let's see if it's as sour as we remember, or if it's an elephant. I'm like, super not excited about this. All right. Everyone ready?

Three, two, one. Mmm. Mm. Really? I don't think it's sour. Are you, like, pressing it against the top of your mouth? Yeah, it just tastes. I mean, it was kind of sour, but now it's sweet. Was it just intense for a kid?

Because this was nothing. Right? Isn't that weird? This is, like, nothing. And they say they didn't change it. He's like talking. Maybe we're just a little pussy-ass bitch. No, I like spicy food, but this isn't spicy.

This is sour. Ouch. I don't know that you should be. Doing that. That's definitely coming from a lot of my TSA are dentists. I want to be done. Now it's sweet. It tastes like cough drops.

But did you think it was as sour as you remember? No. I mean, I've had more sour candy recently. There wasn't a warhead. So do you think it's changed or you think we all just, our taste buds changed as we got older and Rylum's just a little bit? I don't know. I mean, I definitely remember it being such an intense experience, but I don't know if it was

just a young kid. I don't know. Yeah. I'm going to say, Mandela Effect and I think it's changed. My whole world's upside down. This one I don't understand how this would be possible

but from what I've read online everybody's saying it's true. I have here Oh and boy did we go on a madhouse? Four different sizes of hot Cheetos. I have the tiny bag for like school the medium bag, the large bag and I have the party size. And supposedly every bag

taste different. Why? I don't understand, but everybody's saying, oh, no, they all taste different. All right. You know what, actually, Chris, is it possible to zoom in on, like, on me doing this? Dude, this is so good. All right. So this is the tiniest bag of hot chitos. All right. So let's see how it looks. I mean, it looks like a hot chito. Okay. Very familiar. opening up the uh the next size up so this is that one more of a grower for sure oh okay this is the large one this is fucking different already this one yeah

i like that text family size chili disbursement was a little off whoa that looks good okay family size one so far is the biggest all right how am i going to do this Okay, I'm just gonna do it fast. Let's see what happens. And then you guys can try it. Okay, I'm trying the tiny bag Very hot, very puffy. This is the medium bag He put them on the couch. How is there a collective group of people that are like I've tried to and I can attest to that? Whoa, that one is way spicier. That one is way spicier and crunchier. Weird. That's the medium one. This is the large one. This big puffy bad boy By the looks of it. I would say that one's less spicy. The land is and very puffy me and this is the family size I like that one the most that

one's really spicy perfect texture the family size bag one is better oh and it's the most expensive interesting I don't quite understand the theory though is a theory that the bigger the bag the more you pay the better it is I don't know oh this is gorgeous which one's that family family size really good the parties for some reason the taste of the spiciest. The party size one is better. Yeah. Interesting. Well, I don't know what the theory is, but it's interesting. I mean, they're definitely different. Well, that was fun. There you guys go. That was my food conspiracies. I'd say they kind of flopped, but also kind of fun, kind of interesting. Kind of stupid, but you know. I will say myth proved. They all

taste different. You actually texted me the other day and you said, hey, I have an idea for a segment. Uh, if you want to talk about embarrassing moments, I have a pretty good one. Oh, yeah. Well, and you know what? This actually ties in very well to not liking to be naked. Okay. I'm going to, this could be a very long story. If I could long story short this, but I, but you know, I won't.

So basically it was one New Year's. I had a buddy and I was probably 19 or 20. At the time, I drank and I smoked and I did all kinds of stuff. So me and a buddy, he told me that he knew about this party that was out in like Temecula, you know. And I was like, bro, I'm in. I'll drive. I got gas money, but you got to buy some weed, you know? Okay.

So the whole thing was, I was getting us there. He was buying the weed. At the time, I wanted to smoke some weed, right? So we end up first, I pick him up, and he says, dude, I got to go to my dad to pick up some money, you know? So we go to Walmart, where his dad worked at the time. We go in. He actually made me go in to ask his dad for money, which was very fucking awkward, but

we ended up securing the bag. We go to buy weed from my buddy else. little Caesars right this is the hard part there's like little funny parts that I have to like get to you know what I mean so it might seem like a lot so basically we get the money that was a part right who cares about that so we go we buy the weed at little seizures this is a very weird fucking thing to say I guess so we're buying the weed at Little Caesars and it's next to a gas station and so we're sitting there and I'm thinking Man, I can really eat some pizza right now.

But we got to get the fuck out of here. I look over at my buddy and his mouth is all stuffed and he's chewing on something. I'm like, what the fuck is this guy eating? It's in my car. He didn't bring any food in. And then I look and I ask him, like, what are you eating? He's like, the weed. The guy, he just ate all the weed that we just fucking bought because there was a cop at the gas station next to us.

Evidently, my man's on probation. He didn't want to get caught with weed. So now we're in a predicament because we're going all the way out to Temecula. and he just ate all of our wheat. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, so it's already off to kind of a bad start. You know, I should have known immediately this was going to be a bad night. But so we drive out to Temecula, we can't find the party that he's supposed to know about.

So I call a buddy of mine and I say, hey, dude, I'm in the area. If you know about anything going on, let me know. So he's like, yeah, bro, just come to my house and I'll drive you to all these parties and stuff. So we get to his house. And because I don't have any weed on me, you know, I have to resort to drinking, which is never a good idea for me you know there's a reason i don't drink so we started drinking pretty early on in the night but i'm with my friend and we're going to all these parties and we're drinking and i got very drunk and we're playing beer pong in the kitchen or something like that and i was

going through a blackout i feel like i remember and i don't remember okay but i i just remember saying i really got to take a piss you know and then someone yelled out there's a trash can right there and there's everybody in the party is in this room playing beer pong and I fucking hold my pants down oh my god and I started peeing in the fucking trash can and then I knew I was doing it and then as I realized what the fuck I was doing I just completely blacked out and I think I had like a panic attack you know what I'm saying the next thing I remember is I woke up on a couch at some random fucking house and there was some some dude sitting next to me that looks sad for me do you know like you look like you had a hard night And then he was like, bro, just so you know, your car's at home boy's house, I'm going to go ahead and take you over there. You know, we didn't want, we didn't want to take you last night or something like that. So my most embarrassing moment by far is getting shit-faced drunk on a New Year's Eve that was destined to be horrible because my buddy ate that damn weed. And I peed in a trash can in front of a whole party.

Oh, my God. Yikes. So the whole party saw your dick? The whole party. Oh. Oh, I mean, that was pre-self. Not only, not a thank God. And I was like, fuck, dude.

So yeah, needless to say, I try to avoid to make it all costs. I guess I haven't, that reminded me of an embarrassing story. That's also pee related. I feel like we have pee issues. You do. So I peed the bed growing up. I don't even remember what age I stopped, but it was really hard. Like, I literally didn't want to spend the night at my friend's houses because I knew I'd pee the bed.

And I just didn't want to do it. So I, like, bought a diaper. one time like an adult an adult lady diaper um for me it was at a point where i hadn't peed the bed in a couple weeks and my friend was having a sleepover and i'm like you know what i'm going to try this and i'm going to pray about it and i'm going to you know it's not going to happen my mom prayed with me and then i go to the sleepover and i'm getting nervous and then you know my friend which i brought like a um a trash bag because my plan was because me and mom game planned my plan was to put the trash bag after everybody falls asleep put the trash bag under me in case i pee and then i have the

trash bag that you know i peed in that but the problem was that my friend wanted all of our friends to sleep together on the floor in the living room like in a big dog pile so now i'm like who okay so everybody falls asleep and i'm like okay so i put the trash bag and i'm like we're all there's no mattress we're all just on the floor like on the floor in the middle of the living room and i get the trash bag and I'm like you know angling it doing all these things and prang and prang and prang and prang and I fall asleep and then I just wake up to the

sounds of screaming no screaming from everybody and it's like one of those things where it's like a horror movie it's like I hear oh my god and then I hear and then I just hear and then I hear an older voice go what the fuck is going on

so I wake up and I instantly feel it I feel it I feel the warmth is now getting cold, which if you're a bedwetter, you know, that's the worst. It's getting cold and then I'm like, no, no, no, God, God, why would you do this? Why do you hate me? What did I do? And then I look and everybody's just covered in my piss and they're all getting up in the middle of the living room and they're just like, what is this?

And now they're blaming the dog. And it's like, oh my God, did Shadow do this? Like, oh my God. And now the mom is yelling at the dog and now I'm in a predicament. It's like, I don't want the dog to take this for me. But everybody, all my friends are covered in my piss. Oh, Chris is something with one minute. I'll wrap it up.

So all my friends are covered in my piss. The mom is like looking at the piss that's seeping through her carpet. The dog is looking at me like, fucking, I ain't taking this for you. Like, what are you going to do? And then, yeah, I just started crying and then got rid of the trash bag. And I changed and I called mom and she picked me up. And it was the worst day ever. And I never, but then I, anybody's house ever again.

And I'm still afraid of that. Anyways. Okay. Let's move on. I can't. Okay Who pees in the pool? Do any of us pee in the pool?

No. Everybody pears at a kid. I don't believe you. I do not. Yeah, right. It's literally a physical thing that happens. You can't help it, right? When you're in warm water?

Absolutely not. How about this? Have you ever peed in a pool? Maybe when I was like a child. Do you remember the sensation? No. That's why you don't be in pools. But it feels incredible.

It does. It feels really good. No. That's gross. Really? The chlorine kills it right away. How do you know? We don't know that.

Yeah, I do. In the science? No, that's what they say, but it's like we don't know how fast. You pee in the pool. Don't act like the better than me. I pee in our pool. I wouldn't pee in somebody else's pool. Oh, no, no, no.

No. But when am I in somebody else's pool? I mean, never. Guys, I'm going to keep it 100. I will pee in somebody else. I don't care what pool I'm in or what I will do is I will be in the pool, fully and drenched in water, and then I will walk around and slowly pee I mean they're pee

Unless you have a very accessible outdoor bathroom for me Peas happening in your backyard So we're not inviting Jared to pool parties My biggest fear When I was young We had neighbors I had pools and stuff

And there was like a rumor going around I don't know if it was real But there was a rumor Like if you pee in our pool It will change It'll turn purple or something Like there's a special thing we put in the water And that would literally give me like nightmare

I wish I could still say that to you So is that real because I know that too. Is it fake? No, it's fake. Chris, can you Google that? Maybe type in like, is there a water, a color changing urine pool, you know, just chemical. According to Google, is there truth to the rumor?

No, there is no chemical which changes color when someone urinates in a swimming pool. What? Oh my God. Who made up that fucking lie? Some genius that doesn't want you to pee in their pool. That ruled my childhood. Good. I'm telling my kids that too

So yeah Do you actually have any deep tricks To give us today? So I do I have a couple of them They're just fun They're quick, quick cheap tricks But one of them

I'm a fan of Chipotle Is anyone here into Chipotle? I love Chipotle I recently threw it up During a flu situation So not anymore but yes I am Okay

I love it I'll come back I'll still eat it You know Like there's some foods If you told me you threw up I'd be over it I'll still fuck with Chipotle

The only thing I will say about Chipotle is because I have a sensitive stomach and I'm very picky. I am kind of a dick when I go in and I will make them get me like fresh sour cream. Oh. I know and I feel like an asshole for doing it.

But the thing is, it's really their fault because when you're scooping the corn salsa over the sour cream, get it over the fucking sour cream. I don't want a side of sour cream with corn salsa in it, you know what I'm saying? The corn salsa is their best attribute. I've never even tried it, you know, but maybe I will.

I'm saving that. So if you go to Chipoli, but it's not the cheapest place okay okay but if you were to get a bean burrito or any kind of a protein burrito it's going to be eight dollars and ninety cents this is a lot of money you know so what you can do get a bowl don't get a burrito get all the sides you'd want on a burrito and you know just kind of be like casual with them and kind of butter the person up that's giving you meat so you can get a little bit extra okay that's always my thing you know I try to be nice maybe give me an extra scoop and then what you do is you ask them for two tortillas on the side a tortilla is only 25

So now what you have is a big bowl That has all of your burrito stuffing in it You have two tortillas that you got for only 50 more cents And you can make two I mean there's videos of it You could actually make up to three full-sized burritos with what you get in one bowl That is genius That is the life hat because I was like you're missing I bet the bowl's the same price But your thing is you make two burritos two meals to your whole family and here's my thing

One of my pet peeves I actually get a chicken case deal whenever I go to Chipoli. I don't even get a burrito necessarily. So this one's for all of you. No, I'm not selfish, guys. I'm not greedy. I'm going to give life hacks even if they're not something I'm going to take advantage of.

It's also good for me because if I do this, I can make a burrito to my own size liking to fit my own mouth. You know what I mean? I don't got a big Chipotle mouth. Second one, bonus cheap trick for all of you make flurry lovers out there. Do we got any flurry lovers of mouths? Yeah.

So here's a trick. It's actually make a better McFlurry. Instead of a McFlurry, what you do is you order a hot fudge Sunday with a side of whatever McFurray topping you would like. And it's going to be about a $1.50 cheaper. All you have to do is mix it yourself. But now you get a McFludgy McFurray. That is genius because it comes with the fudge and the nuts. Exactly.

I feel like that cup might be smaller, but you're still on to something. Well, no, I think a regular size, they only have the one size McFlurie now. like a regular and a mini? Doesn't the fudge come in like the plastic like okay you're deconstructing this. Yeah okay it's even cooler now because you can see through it. You're right. No, no, no, that is great and now I want McDonald's ice cream. So it was just two really fun like food, uh, cheap checks. I'm going to come next week with a killer one. Those were great. Yeah, but you know, those are just a few of them for you guys. Hey, it's me. I'm back. I'm just popping in because I want to let you know that the rest of this episode is gross. And that's why I cut it out of the video version.

Because it's just very gross. We're talking about things that gross us out. So if you're eating in your car right now or you have us on in the background while you're having a romantic dinner with your partner, I would just turn the episode off. Yeah, because it gets really gross. But if you're down for some gross stuff, then keep on listening. And I love you. I love it if you're down for this. And if you're not, I understand and I love you as well.

Okay, enjoy the rest of the gross show. And I'll see you next time. Bye. By the way, when you were getting angry just now, it reminded me of a segment idea I had for you. Because we all are segments. You know, I have, I don't know, depression. You have Peruvian facts.

You have cheap tricks for Jared. And you need something. And I was thinking, okay, you get pissed off a lot. You go on rants. Is it Rylond's rants? Is it riled up? Is it no fucks with Rylent? Like, what is the segment called where you just pop off about,

or is it pop off, where you pop off about something that's pissing you off? I think Rylan's rants or riled up with Rylund. I kind of like riled. Riled up. Riled up. I don't know. Okay, riled up. Ready? Here we go.

Riled up. Well, now I'm not riled up. It really takes, like, the heat of the moment to get riled up. Okay. I mean, I can think of something that would rile you up right now. Okay. But before we get into that, no, let's do it. Let's rile you up.

Are you sure? I'm ready. What did you find on the couch earlier today that made you scream at me? No, okay. That made you hit me. There's two, there's two sides to this story. One is there are certain things I can't even mention around Shane without him having a full-blown breakdown and running out of the room and wanting to just attack me. And so I find it disgusting on my end.

Hold on. You can't say that. Like, not expect. I'm getting a circle back. Can we guess? Yeah, go for it. Okay. It's something that physically brings him disgust that he.

cannot even hear the word let alone witness the act what was it a like boogers yes don't i don't don't talk about it don't talk about it it's crazy it's so insane and i'm not gonna lie every here and now i'm i enjoy a nose pick there's like i don't know if we're being honest with ourselves i could probably make you throw up right now with the fun fact I know what uh okay so it's believed that in ancient times the best way to build up your immunity because all of the bacteria and all these things pass through your nostrils was to eat boogers and let's say that uh you were in a village like 10 miles away from me or however would be considered a distance maybe there was different uh viruses or different conditions where you were at different bacteria's

Before I would go into your village, I would ask you to prepare a plate of your common boogers for me so I could start to eat them and develop immunity to whatever is in your area. So it was also very common when you visited somewhere for them to present you with some of their boogers. Oh my God. So you can eat it and you could, it was like a thing. I'm not even burghers sensitive and that's fucking disgusting. I'm going to cut all this. Okay. So here's the thing.

Because this is so fucking grow. Let me wrap it around. So I'm very polite with my boogers. If I am going to pick my nose, I find- Shut the fuck up. Okay. No more boogers. Point being, I would never leave it somewhat, like a communal place, like under the fucking

counter or on the couch or anything. And so I'm sitting on the fucking couch yesterday. And I look down and there is a fucking full-blown inch-long fingernail sitting on the fucking couch. And I look over. And I was just like. Like, because he doesn't just bite off a piece. He does like, he lets it grow out like a couple inches, an inch.

And then he bites the whole thing off. So it's like you have a full, like a full piece of nail. And so I have a breakdown. I'm screaming at him. I'm like, why do you think this is okay? But me politely putting my booger somewhere is not okay. And so he's like, you're such a baby. Like, that doesn't matter.

That's not gross at all. And so he picks it up and puts it in the trash. I walk over this morning to sit on the couch and there's another one. Okay. And now I'm finding fingernails everywhere. Now, it's fucking gross. Can I take this to... Rant topic, fingernails on the couch.

Riled up. Now, can I take this to the next level and piss you off even more? What? Those were toenails. Oh. Do you bite them off in? No, I wish I was that flexible. What's the technique on those?

I take, I just start picking at them and then I rip them off. You're disgusting. And you think it's okay to leave it on the couch sitting next to you? Like you're fine lounging next to your toenails, you fucking gross person? Oh my God. I would never pick my nose and wipe it next to me and be like, I'm going to watch TV next to that. Like that's gross. I don't put them on the couch next to me.

I throw them onto our carpet. You're probably sitting on one, Jared, so brace yourself. This hair for me. Hair grosses me out. Hair. Here's my thing. Yeah. Like if there's a hair in my food.

Oh, yeah. That's bad. I can get past it. If there's a hair on the table of the restaurant that I'm mad, I can't eat the food. Oh, God. Yeah. It's like, we were sitting outside the other day and a bug was crawling behind me while we were eating. And Shane had to make a whole scene.

He wouldn't eat his food. I'm like, just stop looking at the bug. He's like, it's ruined for me. It's ruined. And I'm like, so. Yeah, it's disgusting. I'm watching a cockroach climb on the wall. And then there's another.

cockroach that it's like meeting for dinner and they're like climbing toward each other and I'm staring at my brussels like I can't I'm like just it's over russell sprouts it's fucking game over he's so sensitive about weird thing I guess if I saw a toenel though I'd be up in arms too Chris you have a thing that grosses you at that like you just maybe it's something weird I feel like you like no no no not specific like that like my things are like like cockroaches are like yeah I don't know like cleanliness in general but not not anything really specific there's nothing your boyfriend does that just like pisses you off um no um what about your ex boyfriend give us something you just are madly in love with everything about your boyfriend to be fair we're

well it's a very new relationship your honeymoon phase yes so to be fair but yeah with my ex he was just messy he was super super messy and uh and that was really frustrating i'm a very clean person and like if if i never were to do the dishes like the dishes would never be done if i never put laundry away, there'd be laundry all over the floor. And like, it would just be a night. Like, if I never cleaned, it would just be a nightmare. And that was really annoying to me. You're fucking dragging the fuck out of your ex-

camera. I don't. I don't. Drama. No, he was just met. He knows he's mess. Yeah, there's, yeah. But, yeah, things like that, like that infarious me. But it has to be, like, I don't know, I think I'm reasonable. Like, some mess I'm okay with. I'm like, my mom is like, anal retentative.

If there's, like, two shirts on the floor, she's like, oh, you know, like, loses her mind. So I'm not that But interesting I don't like mess Be clean I don't know Take pride in your space

You know So messiness Hair I can't even say the word And toenails Interesting Let us know in the comments Do you guys have anything

That grosses you out Something weird Something specific But yeah The word that I can't say That we already said earlier The word Anything about it

If I see in a movie If I see Like if we're watching A YouTube video And a girl's like And she's like Hey guys And she has

A bee in her nose it's fucking over I unsubscribe he's done yeah if I have a bee in my nose during a vlog and he's like he watches it back he's like you gotta cover it or it's you got to cover it people are eating their lunch while they're with you you have to cover it true

this is true Sandy actually knows the shit that grosses me out so she'll tell me if she's seen something to close my eyes if we're eating because she knows I won't be able to eat if I watch that like even if I'm just scrolling through let's say like a Netflix or a Hulu I don't know which one it's on but if I'm getting

ready to eat and I even scroll past Dr. Pimple Popper. I can't, I got to start watching something and get into the zone because I'm thinking of just pimples and it's disgusting to me and I can't even eat. Wow. So you guys are similar like that because Shane, too, if he sees something that throws him off, he won't eat dinner for an hour even if he's so hungry. And that just doesn't exist to me. If I'm so hungry, I'm like, well, I feel good about today's episode.

I feel like we definitely overshared to a point where I hope. I hope you guys still continue watching. Go home and tell your boyfriends what you learned. Yes, and if you have a grower boyfriend in your life, say to him, I love your... Well, hopefully you guys enjoyed that. If you did, make sure to give this episode a thumbs up if you want us to keep making more, because we have to figure out what we're doing.

Like, are we going to Colorado? Are we making more? Is this going to continue? I want it to. Dude, I think we gave it all right. think we gave it our all. We left it all out there on this episode. Okay, guys. So you can say we're not real. You can't say we're not willing to share everything with you. I'm having a great time. It seems as though everybody else is too. So I appreciate all you guys. I can't believe what we talked about. I feel like we all are going to wake up tomorrow. Like I might on the way home be like,

What the fuck was I did? Yeah. But I'm proud of us. Same. We definitely showed a lot of growth tonight. Oh. Okay. All right.

You guys, we'll see you next time. Bye.