The Shane Dawson Podcast - True Crime Conspiracy Theories!
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Transcript
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Hi, I'm Danny L'Priori.
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He ends up going to get a tailored Santa suit.
What?
Okay.
He pulls out like an air compressor that he somehow made into a torch.
He lights up the whole house on fire.
As Santa?
as Santa Claus.
That is one of the craziest things I've ever heard.
What?
Ha ha ha.
Hey, welcome back to whatever the hell this is, Christmas edition.
Oh, yes.
Except only half of the cast showed up in Christmas.
Okay, we were busy.
We did a lot of things for Thanksgiving,
so I didn't have time to go on websites and get everybody's clothes.
Um, yes, half of us are dressed like Christmas.
Some of us are dressed like stripper Santa.
And one of us is wearing a shirt with a word on it that none of us know what it means.
Yeah, what is this?
I don't, this is not my shirt.
Watch it be so offensive.
Stupigno.
You called me what?
Oh, my God.
Um, okay, yes.
First of it, we have so much to talk about.
The energy is going to be insane in this episode.
I woke up at 7 a.m.
I am at peak energy.
It's really a burden to my life.
Three night coax in.
Like, it's fucking crazy.
Sandy came in the house today
fuming.
This was nuts.
I was feeling hot, very passionate.
And like Jared mentioned,
it's because I was thinking
about things on the way over here.
So he was trying to talk to me
and I said, I need to not talk right now.
So when I came in,
I was heated, yeah.
It was like a balloon
that just needed to release air.
She had so much talking
that she wanted to do.
She just let it all out
when she got here.
And you guys got it.
I did warn to Jared.
I said, once I go in there,
I'm going to tell them.
I'm going to tell them the story.
She told everybody
And keep in mind
I had already told
like my whole family
So individually
Every woman loves a press store
Yeah
Hold on hold on
We're gonna get to that
Sandy get ready
Because you're gonna have to tell that story
To everybody again
Because it was really good
But before we get to that
We have a special guest today
Everybody welcome Colby
This is crazy
Okay first of all let me explain
If you don't already know
Colby we've talked about him on the podcast
He's been around his vlogs
all over the podcast Instagram.
So Colby is my friend and an amazing photographer and, like, graphic artist.
You have made the last podcast cover that we did.
We just did a photo shoot.
And today you're going to reveal our new podcast art for next to you.
Great, baby.
Exciting.
And you said that you were going to come Santa down the boots house, chimney sweet.
Okay.
I would like to say it said holiday themed.
My version of holiday themed and your version of holiday themed are too entirely different.
You went for like suburban mom core, and I showed up as like, your kid would be scared of Santa if I showed up.
Although you are technically our children's first vision of Santa Claus.
I love it.
That's iconic and scary.
And they loved it.
It was very exciting.
I broke in.
We leave a couple gifts.
There weren't cookies, and we do need to discuss that later, but for right now.
You also didn't come through the chimney, so I have beef with you too.
Wow.
Okay.
So we have so much plan for today.
Obviously, we're going to get to the artwork and all that stuff.
We have the secret Santa that has been a drama, real drama for my life.
Everyone got a gift.
Everyone has a gift.
We do?
Yeah.
Oh, this is big.
Yeah, so everybody came through.
So pretty soon, what's your Santa name?
I feel like we tried to think one.
We had, there were a couple of good ones.
There was Santa Claus.
Santa Claus is going to be giving us our gifts later, and we're all going to have to guess who we got.
By the way, I can't believe I didn't do this yet.
We have backstory with Colby.
Okay.
So Colby, do you.
want to explain how you met me and Jared for the first time and then I will show picture evidence
that you don't want me to show. Okay, to be fair, the first time we met and I brought this story up
the whole time on the first time we shot, I was like, I'm not going to show him this. This is
embarrassing. And then somehow I still was like, hey, you want to see something crazy? But this is
for you at home. Yeah, anything is possible. I waited in line like six and a half hours at VidCon
to take our very first photo in that crazy Anaheim convention center.
of chaos and like the real tea is I used to have the vacation song poster posted in my
bedroom period like this is a long time coming but yeah this photo is okay here is me and
Colby at Vincott look at this oh my god oh that is first of all I would trust you with my money
I'm going to say is that you and your first agent like I'm going to take you place of Shane
It's rough.
Okay, so that is, you know, it's so crazy.
I actually literally remember this so vividly,
and I think it's because the universe knew
that we would be in each other's lives again at some point,
because this was over 10 years ago.
And when you showed this to me,
I was like right back into that moment.
Then there's another picture.
So Jared, you also met Jared,
was this of the same VidCon?
Oh, yeah.
Oh my gosh, look.
Jared looks exactly the same.
Yeah, what the heck?
It's crazy.
Like, I think there are so many opportunities,
but the fact that we've gotten to hear is just mind-blowing.
The fact that you're in my house dressed as gay Santa is fucking insane.
And I knew.
I knew in that moment.
Yeah.
Um, okay, Sandy.
You got everybody in the comments is always like,
Sandy and Jared are goals.
Their goals are always holding hands today?
They are.
No.
He's pressing her behind the scenes.
They're always being so cute.
Not today.
You guys get emblazing.
Sandy's pissed.
This is the first fights with Jared and Sandy.
Sandy.
Uh-oh.
Yes.
So here's the story, which kind of makes me look bad a little bit, but mostly him.
So Jared, well, we've been sharing socks.
And by sharing, she means stealing Jared.
Yes.
And so for those who don't know, Jared actually likes to pull up his socks.
Like, he's in the 90s.
He's always done this.
And the other day, he told me that he doesn't think we should share socks anymore.
Because his socks, because his socks no longer stay up.
I was like, wait, are you saying that?
My calves are so big, they're stretching out your socks.
Oh.
I know, I know.
This is triggering me.
And then, like, and then he says to me, well, I just think our bodies are built different.
Oh.
Can you believe it?
Well, yeah, and that's why her calf's got 50,000 steps in someone else's cap.
And I'm sorry that my family's just super blessed with very muscular caps, you know?
When was that ever about that?
Tell him, Sam.
So then I told him the other day, I feel like I just feel, you know, I was feeling down about my weight and how I look.
And I told him, I said, man, I just feel like I'm really gaining weight.
And I just feel ugly.
And he says to me, no, my love, you're so beautiful.
And that's it.
And so then I say to him, are, did you just call me fat?
We did not decide with Jared, but this does sound like a shame trap.
Then he says to me, well, we both have, you know, talked about that we've been gaining weight.
Can you believe that?
I got to go.
He was digging his own grade right there and then.
Not on Christmas.
I'm sweating.
And that was it.
Sandy, let's leave.
I'm not mad about it, you know?
I'm strong.
She's beautiful.
Who cares about calves?
My legs are fucking, what do you call them?
No, you.
I mentioned one time that they look like pork chops.
He always spent my pork chops.
Ever since then, that's all he calls.
He's like, I was like, you gave yourself that name.
I guess it's different.
Yeah, but you shouldn't be using it.
You should say, oh, you mean your chicken legs?
Nobody wants like a sturdy upper half in like two picks.
This is what he says to me.
He goes, I like your big legs.
No, when he goes, when he's acting insecure about them.
guinea legs like I like your big legs but Shane's legs aren't fat they're muscular there's a
difference a nicer word I will actually have been big I'll back you up on that right so if it's an actual
compliment I don't know bad about it I'm stressed it's sexy this is a lot see I what I tell
Jared is I was telling him that I love his long beautiful legs I don't say like big or small I
just like long beautiful life and then you say it look like a fron well I love okay I'm not
That's for another story to tell.
Well, let's move on.
Okay, should we do the big, our artwork reveal?
Yes.
Okay, here we go.
Are you guys ready to see our new iTunes, Spotify, whatever else, podcast apps out there artwork for the next year for the 2025 podcast.
Here it is.
Whoa, Colby, you killed.
Rabbing on to each other.
Holding on for dear life as we fall in a hole.
How did you do that?
Can I just say?
Did you Photoshop or eyes?
No.
That's the original photo.
We're all delivering the exact same.
I love this picture so much.
Like, right after you took it and I looked at your camera,
I was like, that's the one because we all look so intense.
Okay, really take it in.
Look at the arms.
Look at the hands.
Look at Ryland.
Gripping on dispensual.
Help me.
Yeah, it all came together very nice.
And then I'm just kind of only touching Ryland.
Because I need to maybe possibly get out in front of you guys in case someone comes up.
It feels like I'm like the first one into your cold.
Well, Jared looks like he's like, don't worry, guys.
We're going into the rabbit hole.
I got you.
So cute.
He's like, what am I doing here?
Oh, wait, that's big.
Spencer's an addition.
Oh.
Oh, yeah.
Okay, so that's the new artwork.
I love it so much.
Let us know what you think.
Please go to iTunes or Spotify or whatever and like rate it.
Is that how you made of it?
Yeah.
Send Colby some love for doing such an amazing, amazing job.
Okay, so let's look at a couple of the other pictures
that I thought were highlights from the photo shoot that we did with Colby.
This one, we have Jared eating a chicken big mac.
Jared eating a chicken big mac.
Wow, McDonald's shouldn't pay for the rights to that.
It's so good.
After talking about gaining weight and feeling fat, this is definitely like high-level motivation.
If I can get really inside on the day on the show, Shane's like,
Oh, James eating the chicken Big Mac.
Get over here with it.
And he's like, it's gone.
Thanks, Ryland, for really bringing me back to the moment of eating the chicken big back.
That was his last bite actually of that.
Yeah, it really is good.
I think you look snatched.
I think you look good.
I think we should sell that to the stock photo websites.
I think people would use it.
No, we just Photoshop the ad and then leave it inside of a McDonald's and see how long it takes for someone to realize that it's not.
Yeah.
That's good.
I love that.
I think it's a great photo.
Well, speaking of great photos, here is Jared and Sandy, which I thought was so cute, so natural, but I was like, I want a cute one of me and you just being fun and cute.
And then we tried to take some, and all of them are just me and Riley getting mad at each other.
Yeah, I was in the way.
Your face is crazy in that.
You look handsome, though.
Well, it was just us fighting.
And then literally, he was just like, well, what do you want from me?
Never mind.
I hate photos shoot days.
Why do you hate them so much?
I hate still photos.
They're my nightmare.
There are two types.
of people, you either are really good looking on, like, video camera and the non-in photos.
Watch where you're going.
Where are you going with this?
Let's make it three types of people.
It's universally looks great all the time.
But no, it's a real...
All of us?
No, for sure. It's a real thing, though.
But I mean, your photos with the trash can, they look so good.
Yeah, we'll throw some of those up.
We also have photos of Riley getting out of trash can.
There's one of Ryland running me over with his car, which was a choice.
A fantasy.
I think it would be...
I'm just kidding.
What? Whoa!
It's just a spicy episode.
My life would not go around without Shane.
I am not wishing that into the world.
Please, cop.
Wow, very ficey episode.
Little preview of the sip.
Yeah.
Check it.
Sit miss.
It's us yelling.
Is that a thing?
We're actually currently in a feud with the radio show right now.
Oh, yeah.
That's real.
That's good Lord.
No big deal.
What are you talking about?
The radio won't stop talking shit about us.
Yeah, we're like going back and forth with the radio show.
Is this real?
Yes.
This is real.
Wait, why have you not told me about this?
Yeah, why have you not told him about this?
Well, if you would listen to my podcast, maybe.
A real radio show?
A real radio show.
Who? Do I draw?
Wait, like that.
Keep it out.
It's like Ali and Alex or something.
Wait, what did they say?
I took it as a compliment.
This is huge.
I took it as a compliment.
They said that we were like, not good at what we do.
They were reacting to our podcast.
And this girl's like, yeah, I put them on to fall asleep.
Vanessa listens to this while she falls asleep.
And he's like, well, let me listen.
And the guy's listening.
And he's like, they're not even doing anything.
And she's like,
exactly the point.
It sounds like they're trying to
set up a podcast but don't know
how microphones were.
That's exactly what they're doing.
And then allegedly
they've reacted to us reacting.
Did they?
Because that's on the radio
we don't know how to find you.
You guys need to go on.
Okay.
And the next thing.
The podcast is going to be
talked about on K-Rock?
No.
This is going to be turned on the radio.
Well, every, like, everybody in L.A.
Every 80-year-old in L.A.
Yeah.
My step down.
Cat Williams once said,
if in beginning of the summer
you got two haters,
you got to figure out, you got to figure out,
how to get 16 haters by the end of it.
Yes. You keep doing it.
Honestly, I'm flattered and it's the most
fun beef that I've ever had.
Wow. How come you haven't told me about this? I don't know.
And Lizzie kept telling me about it and I didn't believe her
because one of her friends was listening. And it's a friend that's like...
Well, they didn't even say the name of our podcast. They just
started talking shit and didn't even plug the show.
What the name of their show is is so
irrelevant to this conversation.
Why would they react to a podcast?
I don't know. They were talking about things that put them to sleep.
listening to random monotonous podcasts as you go to sleep.
And this bitch comes to work and says this podcast,
which shall remain nameless,
because we're not going to plug them because I'm a nasty wench.
And they go on and listen and react.
And it's great.
Sorry to make this about me.
But if you want that kind of fun, seriously, come on over.
Okay.
Okay.
Should we get started with the Secret Santa.
Ooh, so excited.
I love that Santa's on a budget and everything is in a trash bag.
Well, that's because we have.
I have a Santa sack, but...
Our first one is for Rylan.
Maybe just chuck it, or no.
Oh, God.
Oh, my God.
Wow, Santa got skills.
Okay.
And nothing fell out.
Sam, throw your boot up so they can see the boot.
The wrapping bill.
The wrapping paper alone feels more than the budget.
It does.
Look at.
Oh.
I'm very excited.
I'm so excited.
Oh, my gosh.
What is it?
Shane is going to lose his mind to go with your reindeer.
on the car.
That's so cute.
I will say the reindeer ears on the cyber truck
fell off and broke and now it's just a clown nose.
I'll have to order another one.
This is nice though because it goes on the back
and like the back two and the rear facing car seats.
The boys will love looking at this.
That's a good one.
Oh my gosh, Joshua Tree.
Now I've narrowed it down to two people this could be.
That is cute.
There's no way this was under $20.
Who knows?
Who knows?
Who knows who got it?
Okay, time to guess.
Who do you think gave it to?
Well, there's more.
Chris, that's crazy.
Hydrating cleansing wipes from Sephora.
Ooh.
I did see Sandy got the 5 for 5 deal there, so I'm wondering if this might have been in that.
Somebody's been watching her vlog, miss.
Oh my gosh.
And Dr. Sasquatch.
Oh, my God.
I've been using their deodorant.
I love their soap.
Wow.
Oh, there's a bucket.
Oh, there's a bucket.
Oh, the bucket might say something.
too. Welcome to the magic of
Christmas. This is
incredible. Believe. Believe.
It says believe. That's crazy. He's all welcome.
I don't think he can read.
There's no way.
Who do you think got it? Sandy.
All right. Who's next?
A multi-dimensional
queen, aka Sandy.
Oh. Oh my God. A little
compliment on the box.
Chris. Okay. Thrashed up.
Yeah, the wrapping's a little bad.
But the paper is beautiful.
I don't know where they got that.
Oh, my gosh, look, I got ears.
Take them out.
Let me see.
Is there the Eggie Buggy Wants?
A little Disney moment.
No, it's Slippis.
Oh, spooky.
And they're glittery.
And Billet, Disney Villains Cookbook.
Oh, thank you guys.
Wow.
I think it's between you and Rylent.
I'm going to say you.
Wrong.
Don't say who was.
Oh, okay.
Who's next?
I look a lot different on this wrapping paper,
but for Shane.
Okay, so this is to me, they obviously wrote the wrong name
and scratched it out, which is interesting.
Oh, that is calculated.
Interesting.
Which one should I open?
I don't know.
We do this one.
Let's do what it is.
What?
Prinks, little hands.
I love them.
I love those things.
Which I already have a little hand, so thank you for making me think I can go even smaller.
Okay, these are cute.
These are, oh.
Those are really fun.
There's like TikToks for videos.
Yes.
Okay, okay.
Let's see what number two is.
He can give Ryland a back massage.
Somebody went in the budget.
Okay.
Number two is, oh, this is cute.
Little SpongeBob little figurines, and he has his underwear on his head,
and he's holding a rainbow, which is pretty gay.
Okay, let me think.
I'm gonna get, oh, to me it's between Jared and Chris.
But I think it was Jared.
Yeah.
Let me explain.
Just so you know, it was just barely in budget.
And that thing was originally $40.
Oh.
Oh, my God, you're right.
But look, that's you walking at night with your underwear on your head.
Yeah.
And then that's Rylund being your cheerleader.
Oh, you can do it.
And then I just thought this was fun because I only had about $3 up in budget because I thought we took that serious
It was in budget. She was a good gift giver by the way
Yeah, he always shus with like his like thoughtfulness. Oh, um, all right. Who's next? Oh, this is easy
Merry Christmas
Oh, okay. That is really cute the wrapping paper and I all my god
Are those kind of a moment? Wow
Come on beauty guru
Spencer is a beautiful
He clips it up. Oh
Oh, Shrek slippers.
Oh, yeah.
His face lit up.
That's so cute.
I love Shrek.
I feel like you would wear those unironically all.
I do.
That's so jimsy of you.
Yeah.
Well, I think I do know who these came from because they were here when I got here and I know who Rylund had.
So I think it was shade.
It was me.
Thank you so much.
These are great.
Wow, the wrapping?
Oh, my God.
Wow.
They arched you.
Okay.
Who's next?
Who's big?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, for Lizzie.
I'm not going to chuck this one.
It's kind of heavy.
We love to hear it.
That's like that gift you get that you shake a little bit before you open it.
Should I shake it?
Oh, there's two parts.
Oh, there's two.
What?
Wow.
Whoever got you was rich.
Come on part two.
I think I know who it is already.
The wrapping paper is incredible.
And it smells like Chris.
Oh.
It's smell.
What does that mean?
What does it smell like?
You know what that means.
Chris, that it smells good.
Chris does always smell.
Good. Thank you. I thought that was going from our different.
There's little dogs. Oh.
It's a matching
for me and my dog. I love
my dog. I love my human.
Mug and water.
Oh, that is so cute.
That is cute. I love that.
Which dog gets it.
They share. Sharpie F at the end of it.
That's so thoughtful. Okay. It's from Sandy.
Wow.
Wow.
Bloss floating frame.
Wait, what is it?
It's my baby and his best friends.
Oh, that is so cute.
He's literally pooping in this picture.
And it's one of my favorite pictures of him ever
because he looks like, I'm okay.
But he's pooping.
That's so cute.
I love this so much.
And this is over budget.
This is definitely over budget.
Chris.
It's gorgeous.
Definitely not me.
It's Sandy.
No, it's Chris.
Oh, and the wrapping was good.
I tried.
So hard.
I love it.
Thank you so much.
Wow, that's really cute.
Wow, you should have saved that for real Christmas.
Real Christmas.
I was going to say, Chris, don't do anything else ever.
I love this so much.
Okay.
Who's next?
Next one.
Oh.
Chris.
That's also heavy.
Oh, it's really heavy.
Y'all must be bulky gifts.
Look how cute is.
Wow, that is cute.
Whoa.
Okay.
Rainbow-y.
Peruvian-e.
Is it Peruvian-e?
It is for me!
It is!
Wow!
The cookbook!
Wow!
I love this because no one in my family ever taught me to make anything ever, so maybe now I can.
It's a gay Peru buck!
I love this.
This is really cute.
I really need to learn how to cook.
Who do you think it's from?
Sandy?
No.
Nope.
Who's next?
Wait, is it over?
One more.
No, wait, one more.
Oh.
Oh, happy birthday.
Jesus.
Oh.
To Jared.
Bye for a gun.
Okay.
Nice reuse of the happy birthday bag.
Yeah.
Budget friendly.
In the budget.
Several things.
Oh.
A 7-11 kuzi.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
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What is that?
A pretty, like, intense beanie.
It might be from 7-Eleven.
Yeah, it's like a bald eagle.
It's a bald eagle.
It's a bald eagle be.
I love that.
I think this might be 7-Eleven.
It might be a theme in front of the wear all the sun.
Wait, it looks good with the jacket.
Oh, does it?
Oh, for the earphones, it's a vibe.
Yeah, that is a vibe.
A big gummy, a big gold.
Good, it's all 7-11.
Oh, it's a big old gummy.
Can we all taste that?
A gift card.
It could be up to $100.
I think there's an amount on the back.
20.
So this is over budget.
Over budget.
I can't accept it, unfortunately.
Like you what I'm seeing.
Oh, there's more.
Yeah.
Somebody went crazy.
An iPhone charger?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, I love those.
Hell yeah.
Wow.
Look, Bob Eagle.
There's more?
That's it.
Wow.
All right, who do you think gave it to you?
I'm going to say it's either Lizzie or Spencer.
I'm a guess Lizzie.
Wrong.
Okay.
I know this one.
That was a funny one.
So who was wrong?
Chris and Jared and Sandy.
Did you tell me I was wrong?
Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
Okay, Sandy.
Who wants to reveal who got Sandy the cute ears?
It was me.
Oh, man, I should have known.
And I even said you call me that.
Well, it's because you keep.
saying you want to be perceived as a multidimensional
character. So I was like, and she's in her villain era
because let's see the face. There it is.
And I did feel like I brought it this episode. You brought the
Malibate for sure. Yes. Thank you.
Who, uh, Chris, who got Chris the gay Peruba?
Well, now I think it's either Ryland or is it right?
I have beat with Ryland over there.
I have beat you because I picked it out. Really? No.
Oh, that makes more sense because he gave me shit when I got him
a book last year. He's like, people don't want books.
Well, nobody wants a book. Nobody wants a book, but it's gay.
And Peru.
Are you kidding me?
Like,
how could anything be more Chris?
That's sitting on his coffee table.
It's a pretty,
like put it in the house book.
Right.
Am I the only one that kept within budget?
Were we the only ones I kept in budget?
I was very close.
Were you?
Jared was very like,
I put the budget very seriously.
Jared said you better not spend more than 20 bucks
so that's a budget.
So I was very nervous about it.
I wasn't that much over budget, I'll say.
Yeah,
I was very,
everything except the gift card.
Wow.
Wow.
Well,
well,
there guys go.
That was our secret Santa.
I feel bad.
Colby anything.
On Santa.
This is my Christmas.
Oh,
Christmas Santa.
Okay, well,
we're going to take a quick little break
and when we come back,
something I've been waiting for
all year.
We're going to be playing
Christmas Mafia.
Oh!
You're ready.
See you guys in a second.
Hold on.
Don't snow anywhere.
That didn't work.
Slay.
right there. That was better.
Guys, can you believe Christmas is in
three days, or depending on when you're watching this,
might be over. You know what's so weird about Christmas?
The second it's over, I'm not.
Santa knows not to overstay his welcome.
The second Christmas is over. That motherfucker is back on the North Pole,
closes the blinds, delete his social media.
He really takes a break. Good for him.
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All right, enjoy the rest of the episode.
We'll see you guys later.
Bye.
Okay, welcome back to Santa Claus's Village where all the little elves are sleeping in their
I'm so excited for Santee to come tomorrow.
Does Spencer the elf want to take us through our first round of Christmas Mafia?
Okay, you guys ready to play some Christmas Mafia?
Yes, sir.
Yeah!
So I have all the roles in this Christmas pot.
Not a little gnaug here.
There might be eggnog in here.
So there's going to be a mafia and a guardian angel, so mafia is going to kill someone,
guardian angel can save someone.
Only one mafia?
Yeah.
Okay.
We haven't played this in a while.
I'm nervous.
Oh my god, this is the last episode of the year.
It is?
That is sad, yeah.
This year went by really fast for me.
I know, it did.
Does everyone have their role and know their role?
Yes.
No, your role.
No, your role.
Slow your role.
Okay, everyone, townspeople, go to sleep.
A nice relaxing night in Christmas town.
Mafia, please awaken.
Point to who you would like to kill.
Very good, very good.
Go to sleep.
Guardian Angel, arise.
Please select the person you would like, the elf you would like to save.
Very good, very good.
Please go to sleep.
It is a bright and beautiful Christmas morning.
All you beautiful little elves run down to the tree and open the presents.
But wait, someone's not here in the house you guys all share together.
Someone is not here.
Because last night, Sandy was...
You're looking psychotic.
I feel crazy.
She has psychotic energy already.
It's just because I feel bad and guilty even though we just keep going.
Funny enough, last night, Lizzie was going to take a walk outside.
She wanted to check on the reindeer, make sure everyone was ready for the big night.
It's true.
And everything was.
And it was, you went to sleep.
But then Chris was like, she must have missed something.
And he went back out, and the mafia had poured a bunch of water on the ground, and it froze to ice.
And it was on a person.
Slope.
And so Chris slid all the way down
and there was a tree branch.
No!
Impaled to death.
You guys found him impaled to death
on a Christmas tree.
Oh.
Oh. And it was because of the mom.
I know.
It's fucked up.
In his Christmas shirt,
nobody understands.
But unfortunately, the guardian angel
wasn't flying around that night.
So Chris, you have been killed by the mind.
I swear I have died
every time we played this game.
Who did it?
Oh, my God.
So now the talents people have to figure out who was the mafia.
Sandy.
Always.
She is always the most conniving in this game.
She can, like, present a pretty face.
She's in her villain era.
She came in heated.
Oh.
I feel like Shane's really putting up a fight that I'm the killer.
Yeah.
Kill it.
Well, now I think you might be Lizzie.
No.
Sandy, don't be dumb, Sandy.
Obviously, Shane.
You were acting suspicious.
Because I always feel guilty the second we do anything that has anything around guilt to it.
And I feel like you would kill her.
It is not I, because everyone who's a town person knows that their card does not say Villager, it says something else.
So the fact that you said Villager means you never pulled a card out that said it.
Mine says Villager.
Lies.
Mafia.
It really does say Villager.
Spencer, did you write multiple versions of the word Villager?
I wrote one alternate version.
Oh, my God.
That's crazy.
Just to make it fun.
I love it.
What might as out of shape is not the mafia?
You just made it feel so crazy.
When she said that I thought, I also got villager.
It's also funny because I know what it says on yours and it's really funny.
Now you've been funnier.
I feel like I don't know who I am.
You really like meant it to do.
Because I was like you.
I'm so sorry, Shane.
I love it.
Okay.
And now I do think it is Shane.
No, now I'm a villager.
No, I remove my second.
Okay.
Who are you thinking?
Okay.
Well, now I'm thinking you.
And now you're thinking me.
You are in your villain era.
My love, you're not going to stand up for me.
You're multi-dimensional.
Is Kobe playing?
Oh.
He is very quiet over there in the North Pole.
Did Santa Claus?
No, of today's Christmas, I was getting ready.
I couldn't have done it.
Oh, right.
No, that was.
He woke up super early to get ready.
What does your card say?
Maybe Villager.
Maybe something else.
Maybe not.
Because when a person got us something that says to me out?
But that would be crazy.
Santa just out here, slaughtering out.
That's a movie.
The next film.
It would be ironic.
All right, so what do you guys think?
Are you thinking, I'm hearing Sandy and Colby is too.
I would second Colby if someone nominated him.
I'm saying Sandy because she always gets mafia.
Every time we play, somehow, she gets mafia.
The odds are in her favor.
Sandy, are you the mafia?
I think it might be Ryland.
Are you kidding?
Ryland is scary, like, scary good at this game.
I asked you a yes or no question, and I'm wondering why you know.
No, I am not.
I am a villager.
Oh, shift the eyes.
I don't know if I believe that one.
Okay, so I vote Sandy.
Is there any other people on the chopping block?
Anyone else will nominate?
I guess Sandy's nominating Ryland, so.
So Rylent and Sandy.
Anybody think Colby?
Me.
I second, Colby.
All of a sudden, Jared's speech.
Okay, okay.
Well, I like to observe.
The sun is going down.
It's time to vote.
All in all people who think Riland is the mafia.
Right here.
I believe it's Ryland.
Okay.
Everyone who believes it is Colby.
Me.
Can I second vote?
We've all switched from Sandy to Colby?
Everyone who thinks it's Sandy?
Wait, I thought you guys.
I'm going with Sandy.
Okay, well, we have a tie, so let's break the tie.
Okay.
Everyone who thinks it's Sandy, raise your hand.
Well, can I add one last thing?
That would be gay on gay hate crime.
So it was not me.
And he brings that up?
Seems very suspicious.
Playing the gay card on Christmas.
Interesting.
All right, everyone who votes for Sandy, please raise your hand.
Nobody's going to flip.
Everyone who votes for Colby.
Oh, it's even.
Oh.
Okay, you know what?
Which everyone comes up?
I'll flip to Colby too.
All right.
Sorry.
It's not a very warm welcome.
Oh.
What are you?
Get racked.
No.
It's Ryland.
It's Ryland.
Okay.
Okay.
All right.
You are so good at it.
Me, sincerely, I am so sorry.
Yeah.
I am so sorry.
Yeah, we'll take it out.
Take that.
I hate crime.
I said it was a game.
Okay.
You killed Santa on Christmas.
Oh, my God, gay Santa.
You were too cool.
I didn't realize.
I'm just cool.
I get it now.
I'm not.
Are you gay?
Yeah.
Okay.
Because we've never talked about if you're gay or not.
And I'm like, wow, we're really throwing out.
No, so gay.
You know what if he's not out?
I'm like, and this whole time, he's just like, oh, she's out.
The closet is glass doors in his glass.
It's like when Ryland was in the closet.
Yeah.
He wondered when Ryland came up and he's like, well, I'm gay.
Did the picture of us not scream everything it needed to scream?
Okay, that was a long day.
You guys killed Santa Claus.
He killed gay Santa.
So it's time to go to sleep.
I'll never not feel bad about that.
Riley, if you're not dead, it's you.
Okay.
It's you.
All right, all right.
Bedtime, bedtime, bedtime.
I'll back you on that, Sandy.
Eyes close.
Finally.
If I go out, it's Ryland.
I didn't mean that.
I'm not a target.
I just want to play.
Okay, Mafia, please awaken.
It's Shane.
I knew it.
Please point to who you would like to kill.
I'm dead.
Very good, very good.
Interesting, interesting.
Guardian Angel, please awaken.
Please select who you would like to save.
Very good.
Cockadoodle.
Another beautiful morning of the North Pole.
Who did Sandy Kill now?
Okay, okay.
If it's not you, then it's you.
So last night, you guys decided to go, I was going to say, trick-or-treating.
Because in the North Pole, they do things a little differently.
So you guys are going around from house to house, trick-or-treating,
because you guys had to work on Halloween, so now it's time to party.
But, wait, you left someone behind.
Where is Lizzie?
No.
You can't find her anywhere.
All of a sudden, under a mistletail?
No, you know who it is?
Someone's trying to frame Ryland.
All of a sudden, we see Lizzie's.
course. She was strangled
by Santa. A plastic Santa
This is really violent.
Sorry, things are rough up there.
But Lizzie was killed and it set on her arm
from the mafia.
So now a new tattoo.
And no one saved me?
And yeah, the Garne Angel.
Literally. I'm already an angel. They take forever.
And they're not good.
All right. So who do you guys think?
Rylan. No. I felt it.
Sandy was going so hard.
I feel it.
If I was the mock.
Look at him.
He's so mad.
It's you.
I feel like it is Shane.
And I said it, let's just be clear.
I said it from the get go.
It's Shane.
And I was saying you were going so hard after me.
I would have killed you just to shut you up.
Or they wouldn't to frame you.
Whoa.
I'm going to look at body language from Colby and Chris because they're dead.
They had their eyes close.
They did.
You guys.
I want to be surprised.
Why would you do that?
I feel like I'd ruin it.
It's so much more fun.
I'd look a certain way.
I'd look a certain way.
do something. I was going to say something.
Jared's being pretty quiet. Yeah, it's
suspicious. It's still Rylan, but Jared's looking
pretty quiet. I'm just being observant.
Jared, why do you take so long as Guardian Angel?
I don't take long.
And why do you get it wrong?
This is the least...
Okay, something is going on.
Never. He's never this calm.
He really isn't. Is it, Jared, are you a mafia?
No.
I don't know.
He would kill Lizzie and not Sandy, too.
Oh. I think it's Ryland.
What?
Lizzie, you're dead.
Who do you think he killed you?
Honestly, am I allowed to speak?
Yeah.
I've got a strong vibe that it was Jared.
And I think because it was a calculated kill.
Oh.
It feels as though this is a frame job.
Oh, interesting.
But I'm also insane and wrong, usually.
So take that with a grain of salt.
All right.
I think we have our two candidates.
I think, and I think we're going to use one of you guys as the deciding vote if it's a tie.
Okay.
Because you guys, your eyes close.
Everyone who thinks it is Jared, please raise your hand.
You guys are kidding me.
And everyone who thinks it's Ryland, please raise your hand.
Well, sorry, sweetie.
So.
I mean, I think it's Shane, but I'm going to be free.
Well, I'll go for Shane with you.
Okay, yeah, let's go for Shane.
Okay.
I'll go for Shane.
Wow.
This is the mafia.
Wow.
What a...
Rylan is just so good.
Wow.
You guys are flopping.
And so...
Is that an official vote?
Official vote?
Official vote?
No, you can't change now that he was just like...
I don't know.
I'm getting really mind, like, screwed right now.
It's Ryan. You guys are wrong.
So, the Elves, the remaining elves storm into Shane's room, beat him to death.
Brutal, brutal, brutal crime scene.
And they look everywhere and they find in his wallet on his ID card, it says, Villager.
I knew it, Ryland. I knew it.
Jared.
No.
It's Ryland.
So, with only three elves in this big house, it's time to go to sleep.
I'm fucking watching.
If you're dead, you are allowed to watch.
Hi.
Hi, sweetie.
No, but I'll ruin it.
I can't.
I'll give it up.
Asleep, please, everyone.
I have to close.
Whoever's a garden, you better save me because I knew it.
All right, Mafia, please wake up.
Who would you like to kill?
Please point.
Very good, very good, please.
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Guardian Angel, please arise.
Please select who you would like to save.
Who is this?
I don't know what he's laughing.
Very good, very good, very good.
What?
Cock-doo-lou!
Oh my God, another gorgeous morning here.
the North Pole, and there's only three of you left, but, wait, now there's only two of you left.
Where's Sandy?
I knew it.
Jared killed his wife?
Well, Sandy decided to go out for a walk on the ice last night, and she walked into this funny patch, and she fell right into the ocean.
The mafia had caught a big hole in the ice, and she didn't even notice.
She died, and she died, girl.
With only two people left, I believe, I think the mafia won, right?
I knew it.
But at what cost?
Did I call it?
I don't know if there has a friend or a husband.
Did I call it?
I said mafia guardian angel.
I knew it.
Everyone was convinced.
Everyone had their hands up to vote me out.
Did you were saved at the last second?
Did the guardian angel save himself?
You're sick.
Wait, you saved yourself?
Wait, you saved yourself?
Yeah. That's genius.
You guys, I had to lie to my best friend too.
She looked at me and she's like,
there's no way you did it right?
And I was like, absolutely not.
And I was like,
That's one of Shane and I's biggest fights, too.
I lied straight to his face while we were playing Mafia.
He's scary good.
And I was already fucked with enough emotionally from Spencer writing Towns Idiot on my car.
Town.
I think what if I said Town Idiot?
Your handwriting is so hard to read.
I was like, his part of this written upside down.
I just said it would be funny because someone would get it and be like, what the fuck, town idiot?
This was really good for me.
I love that you thought everybody said Town Idiot.
That's my favorite part.
She was, like, very determined.
Everybody knows it doesn't say,
Village.
That's so funny.
Wow.
Well, Merry Christmas, everyone.
Oh, ho.
Okay.
Well, we're going to take a quick little break.
We're going to have a couple fights in there.
I'm going to sit somewhere else.
And when we come back, guys, these are some of the craziest conspiracies.
Some are banned.
Some literally, I think YouTube might make me remove.
Um, and we also have a true crime from Sandy that is fucking insane.
So stick around.
See in a second.
Stay with us.
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Hey, welcome back.
Okay, I'm very excited because we're going to be doing something because it's the last episode of the year.
We're going to be counting down the top five conspiracies of 2024, as voted on by you in the group chat on our Instagram.
So we went to the group chat on Instagram.
If you're not following us there, please follow us.
And we asked, what were your favorite conspiracies of the year?
And you guys submitted all your ideas.
Spencer took them, picked the top choices.
And here they are.
So before we jump in, an honorable mention didn't make the top five, but it was honorable.
Is the bohemian.
Bohemian.
Bohemian.
Bohemian Grove?
Yes.
The bohemian growth.
I could go off about this forever.
Go off, Santa.
Okay.
So first off, it's like all of like the top powers basically in the world that all get
together in the middle of the forest.
And they have this like giant owl statue.
But like supposedly they do like sacrifices and they talk about like wars and power
an economy and like everything to basically like control it kind of illuminati-ish but like with a
giant owl i'm in i'm in yeah i fell down that rabbit hole i love conspiracy clause
yes so that is an honorable mention and one of the scariest theories we've talked about and number
five a zombie fungus that inspired the hit video game and tv show the last of us has come to life
you might be safe if you're a human but sadly
For one tarantula, wasn't safe from the...
He was infected by this fungus and he took over his nervous system
and forced him to come to this location and then as he died,
the fungus sprouted out of his body, allowing the spores to spread to another unsuspecting
tarantula. The way he's lounging above it.
The zombie fungus was number five voted by you guys.
This has been something that we've been talking about for, I think, three years now.
And it really hit its fucking peak this year.
with this zombie tarantula.
So yes, mushrooms are taking over.
They're growing into animals now.
It will be people soon.
It is controlling the animal's brain
to make them die and make them do whatever it wants them to do.
It's literally the last of us and it's fucking happening.
Jared, do you have any predictions for 2025
when it comes to zombie mushrooms?
I think that they're already in our brains.
Oh.
What?
I'm fucking shook.
They're in our brains.
Okay.
Okay.
Whoa.
And I think around May.
Stop.
We're going to start seeing a shift by July.
It's an all-out shit show.
Wow.
Do you really think that?
September.
Kansas season?
There's going to be less than a thousand people left.
What?
Come December, we're going to have to huddle and join forces to take back over the world.
You know what I mean the shit out of that is so toxic.
I think that would be the course, but AI is going to step in.
Oh.
Okay.
Number four is the Olive Garden conspiracy.
Which, if you don't know, we did a video, it was our first conspiracy van video now that I'm thinking about it, which is honestly one of my favorite things that I think I've ever done. I love it so much.
Okay, so the Olive Garden theory was that they reuse breadsticks because people leave breadsticks on the table, and then the Olive Garden employee will take them to the back, reheat them, bring them back out.
We tried sharpying on them, seeing if they would get taken back, they didn't, and it flopped.
But it was still a fun time. Spencer licked a breadstick, which people talk to you about in public.
People DM me about that
And they talk to me about that
I would say that's one of the most popular videos
That people bring up to me in person as well
That happened just the other day
Yes, so Olive Garden
People really fuck with Olive Garden
Yeah, they love it
Yeah, so if you guys want a sequel
Who does?
What's funny because we did a Chipotle one
Which was true and had a whole effect
But people didn't give a fuck about that one
I just love that that beats this like fungus
Taxiard
It's Olive Garden
That wasn't even
That wasn't even true
Number three is
The Hair Theory
So we talked about this multiple times
We get so many comments about this
So the theory is if a celebrity changes their hair
To a certain color
That is what shoots them to superstardom
And if you don't have an interesting hair color
You're a flop and you're never gonna hit
Let's talk Chapelle Rhone
Boom red hair boom there she goes
Top of the charts
You have Sabrina Carpenter
She's been around forever
And then she does the bang thing
And she has an interesting hairstyle
Boom top of the charts
We have
It's a wig
Have you not seen that conspiracy theory?
It's definitely a wig.
It's for sure a wig.
We were trying to figure it out the entire concert.
No.
No, it's a way.
So there's this whole theory going on
that it's just a wig.
Yeah.
And I believe it.
I don't know how to explain that.
Flip that shit around at her concert.
And it's put in really well.
It's iconic, whatever it is.
I stand, Sabrina Carpenter, love her,
but I think it's a wig.
We will not come from no other than I.
Yeah.
We don't want to dispel the rumor today.
I don't even know what a wig is,
but I also don't know what not a wig is.
Okay, first of all,
conspiracy clause coming through.
With the fucking theories.
Well, I do think that there's a video going around with her singing the song from Wicked.
But her hair's like pinned back, right?
Well, I was going to say, I think it's, maybe it doesn't have extensions in.
I think her hair is out in that video.
Isn't it?
But it looks like normal.
There's nothing like, wow.
There's no wow factor.
Wow.
Well, shout out Sabrina Carpenter and shout out all the girls with crazy hair colors.
You're killing it.
And wigs.
And wigs.
Uh, number two.
The number two theory of the year is.
AI taking over.
And this is an update on this one.
Okay, so obviously we did a whole video about it, two videos about it,
AI taking over, it's happening.
We're all going to die.
It's very, very scary.
But there is an update.
Spencer brought this to my attention, and I was floored.
So, Randland, remember the old man who I showed you the video of,
and he was like talking about how he's a fan,
and then you were like, you were in love with him,
and then I showed, actually, he's not real.
He was a part of this website, arcads,
where you can make this fake influencer say anything.
want you remember that okay well spencer found this well look who it is it's old man steve and i am real i'm not
uh a i generated which seems to be a new thing which i don't buy into good i think there should be
limits as to what people can do yes and there's another channel here on youtube excuse me that um did a
that included me and had me say things that I didn't say because it wasn't my voice.
It was my body and everything.
I don't know how they did that.
Okay.
That's fake, right?
That's scary.
No, that is real.
So, we fell down the rabbit hole.
Old man, Steve, shout out.
He has an Instagram, a TikTok.
This is him.
He is not AI.
They just took his likeness.
Let me show you some of his videos.
That's scary.
Oh, my gosh.
I love him.
Oh, there's magic Saturday with old man Steve.
And I got this cute little monkey in the cute,
and I'm going to cover him up like this,
and I'm going to say, Hocus.
Adelaideonocus.
Whoa!
That wasn't AI.
That was magic.
I love him.
So did he sell his likeness to that company or what?
Well, before we get into that, I just want to watch a couple more.
Old man, Steve.
Hey there, old man, Steve.
I just thought I'd drop in and say hi.
Hi.
Oh, boys.
What's up with that?
I hope you all have a great day.
Stay safe.
Stay out of trouble.
But I have a good time.
Okay.
I know I always do.
Anyway.
Okay.
Yeah.
So, old man, Steve, here's the thing.
So this is what's confusing to me.
I don't want to get sued.
But if he's telling the truth and if he had nothing to do with it,
so that means somebody took his TikToks and his videos because he has some, he has like
a presence on the event.
Yeah, he's a good way, yeah.
And they like took it, submitted it to Arcads.
And now Arcads has his likened.
Yeah, it was really confusing because he seemed.
seemed like he didn't understand that,
but Arkads makes it seem like you have to like consent to be like,
I consent to my personality, my vision or image being,
yeah, likeness being like used and all this stuff,
but like he didn't seem to understand.
So like, that's what I think we were so confused about is like,
did something, did he have like a family member trigger him?
Did he like do this?
Like I don't know what went on, but it was really interesting.
I did think for a minute though that it was AI
because of the whole like coughing or, you know,
try to make him seem more real, but the thing that you never know now.
The thing that did it for me,
Because I, I, like, found this, like, this seems like AI.
But he has all these props, and that's really hard to do with AI.
Speaking of props.
Yeah.
Hello there, old man, Steve.
Did you know that I collect Santa Claus?
Well, except for the Monking.
And it's not even Christmas.
But I have them up here around because I think they're so cute.
I've got a bunch of, this is just some of them.
That would be insane if that was AI.
Honestly, AI could take over it.
They could do that.
I mean, there's no way this guy will go.
up one morning and thought, I'm going to be goofy on TikTok.
He has to have a grandkid or a kid or something.
It's like, hey, I think if we, I mean, we used to make videos with their grandma.
Right.
Imagine if TikTok was around back then she'd be on TikTok for sure.
Killing it.
And then I think whoever told them to do that probably got a person.
Hey, we'll give you like five grand if you let us use a video and the likeness.
And that's probably what happened.
Right.
Old man, Steve, get your bag.
Come on.
Yeah.
Okay.
And here we go.
The number one conspiracy of 2024.
Or, Stanley Cup lie, getting in fire.
Which, by the way, look at my new cup.
Did it change anything about my husband?
No.
No, I still love my phone.
He buys them more than ever.
But I am aware that it's a big old scam and lies.
It's not a scam if it makes you happy.
No.
Yes, that honestly was.
The Stanley Cup phenomenon, the cults, the craziness, the fact that they, I don't know if they faked it or not,
but the whole thing with the Stanley Cup in the car being lit on fire.
but it survived, which, like, we tested, did not work.
Then it was, it's bulletproof.
You could shoot it with a gun, which I saw videos of people testing, did not work.
So the Stanley Cup craze was number one, which honestly, I agree.
Although, I will say, really didn't fix me at all.
Although, you know what theory did fuck me up?
Like, actually literally ended my relationship with this.
The fucking salmon having worms in it.
He can't eat.
And that used to be, like, a staple in his life.
I haven't had salmon since.
The fact that there could be worms in our salmon
and when you cook it and they die
and it just looks like the white piece on the salmon
that you just think is like a little something fatty or something?
No, it's a fucking worm.
I can't even look at it anymore.
That's me in organic raspberries.
So all those worms and I'm out.
So here you guys go.
Let us know if you agree.
What was your number one conspiracy of this year?
Let us know in the comments below.
Okay, moving on.
This is a theory that has been,
popping up like crazy, and I don't know if I just don't understand, like, a meme, which could be the case.
Colby, I feel like you're the most tapped in with memes.
Oh, I mean.
Is a celebrity look-alike contest?
Oh, yeah.
First off, the Timothy Shalamey one where he actually showed up.
And people were arrested.
Crazy.
Wait, is it a meme?
No, it's not like a meme.
It's like, yeah, it's a moment.
It's a moment in time.
I feel like I live on a different planet.
Yeah, there's been like a Timothy Chalemay one.
The guy from Twisters.
What is, so Jared was talking about the celebrity clones and how if you're famous enough, you really do need a clone because you could die and then everybody working for you.
Body double.
Here's the one thing I will say.
The first one went viral.
Okay.
So now everyone I feel like is just trying to grab it something to have a moment.
Because the first one just kind of popped up out of nowhere and it really just like the whole city went crazy for it.
I want to say it was the Timothy Schallelman.
It was the first one.
Wasn't there a Jeremy Allen White one that might have been before that?
But it's like, was that after?
The Shalmay one was the, those were the two big ones.
But what is it? I don't even know.
You get a bunch of doppelgangers in one area and whoever wins, whatever, it was like a moment.
They were doing it in New York and they had like a gathering in Central Park and because they didn't have a permit for the gathering, a bunch of people were arrested and so it became like mainstream media because of the arrests and Timothy Shalmay actually showed up.
Wait, is this Glenn Powell or is this the lookalike?
There was a Glenn Powell and the Glen Powell.
We had a Glenn Powell lookalike contest today in Austin, Texas and the people really showed up.
I wasn't sure what to expect, but we actually had a lot of great competitors.
Wow.
Crazy.
The second one.
That one.
That one.
In another universe, I wasn't sure.
I need to go to Texas.
It was a fun time.
The audience cheered for their favorites, but the mom of actual Clint Powell got to choose the winner.
No way.
Oh.
The second place, the winner was the top gun gun.
Yeah.
What the fuck is going on?
I don't know, but we need to do more of whatever that was.
Very Paul McCartney.
Yeah, maybe celebrities are looking for clones of themselves, or maybe it's just a stupid meme that I don't understand.
Okay, this is a quick little one.
I just thought it was kind of funny.
So, it's for Christmas.
So you guys know an elf on a shelf?
Okay, so basically you put a little elf on a shelf and you tell your kids, it's watching you.
If you're bad, your gifts are going to be shitty.
He's going to tell Santa all the bad things you've done.
And then you move the elf every day, so it thinks your kid is like, oh my God, the elf is moving.
It's everywhere.
I think it's fucking creepy.
Well, the theory is that this idea was brought into a.
world to normalize being constantly surveillance to our kids so when they grow up they're going
to be used to it and not question why they're constantly being surveillance or there's elves everywhere
which honestly i kind of believe that because yeah kids growing because we didn't grow up with elf on a
shelf and now i'm like my fucking phone is listening to me kids in the future are going to be like
of course my phone's listening and most babies are on baby monitors and we had furbies since
babyhood since infancy yes well there you go um
Okay, so I asked in the group chat,
I was like, does anybody have any theories
that are like too crazy, banned, you know?
Lizzie.
So there's a theory that dinosaurs perhaps
did not really exist.
And one of the things that, like, back set up for me
is I heard on the street
that none of the dinosaur bones in museums
are actually fucking real.
Like, they're all replicas of the bones.
We're like, show me the bones.
You're taking the information from the street?
That's where we need to start.
Listen, hey, hey.
We don't learn it in schools.
We learn it in the streets.
And that's why we need a complete overhaul of our educational system
because I am a victim of this circumstance.
Hold on.
So you think you alone as your entity, not us,
think that dinosaurs are fake.
So what's the point of that?
Well, is that what you got for it?
So what's the asteroid hood?
Well, that's also maybe not.
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No sleep, bus, museum, another museum,
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Not real, but...
They found the impact area.
Well, then, well, that's a difference.
They got a dog a hole.
I've seen Jurassic Park.
How do we know what dinosaur's skin looked like?
Do you know what we know what that's
something that we can't talk about?
They didn't know whether or not
it was like feathers or things like that
because we've never been able to like hand-
And all these drawings are right.
Sorry for, I'm just, I'm bursting at the scene here.
But I will say like, you don't fucking know.
And then it's like, if you show me
the skeleton of a cat, but you draw it under the guise of like,
it's a dinosaur, like it's gonna look freaky-diki too.
Right.
But there's so like, there's no reason why we know like,
well, this one has,
like red spots on its knuckles.
Like, nobody fucking knows that.
Was it your theory that there weren't dinosaurs,
and now you're on the other end?
No, I'm just saying that it's a little suss.
Like, it's a little bit like,
plug your nose and take this information
and then repeat it as though it's facts.
Again, it's just another stupid feeling I have,
but, like, on the simplest level,
it's like, how do you know what they look like?
You know what I mean?
The bones of dinosaurs are often very well preserved indeed.
But that's not the case with the skin
or the soft parts.
So imagining what they looked like has been largely a matter of guesswork.
So what would, okay, so if dinosaurs were, and I'm going there, let's go in.
If dinosaurs are fake, what, what's the purpose of creating this fake world that we used to have dinosaurs?
So that I can have a nursery that's dinosaur thing.
Period.
So that our boys could love dinosaurs.
I love Jurassic Park could exist?
I mean, I do love Jurassic Park.
The merchandise alone.
Yes.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I never thought about it that deep.
I told you it's all very basic bitch on my side.
It's because it was after like Darwinism started and evolution started.
So this proves if something went extinct 65 million years ago,
now we could put a timeline of billions of years on the earth.
Because think about evolution in its perfect sense.
Nothing gets bigger.
It only takes more resources for something that's bigger to exist.
Like an ant can live off of what?
A grain of sand a month?
But a human, it takes us a lot more than that.
So what if dinosaurs were the ultimate first creatures
and they evolved into being lizard people
and now run the planet.
I'm down to that.
Wait, is that just your theory or is that real?
Because honestly, it is making a lot of sense to me right now.
Well, let us know, do you believe dinosaurs existed
or do you think it was all fake?
Is this video going to get demonetized?
I don't really know.
It's a gamble.
Okay, well, that was actually interesting.
Thank you, Lizzie, and Jared, for breaking down
the dinosaurs are fake theory.
I may have a video on it on my channel.
Check it out.
Okay.
Speaking of some of our favorite things from this year, I would say one of my all-time
favorite things is Sandy's new life is a true crimeer.
Because when you break down a true crime story on this podcast,
people fucking stop what they're doing to listen.
You were good at this.
I had no idea.
So thank you.
Her preparation was so intense.
On the way here, there is almost a true crime story.
He's trying to break your concentration.
Yeah.
Yeah, he tried talking about it.
I said, I can't talk right now.
Okay.
So you have prepared a story.
the final true crime story of the year.
Yes.
So this story is going to start with this man named Bruce Jeff.
Bruce Jenner.
Bruce Jeffrey Prado.
He's in his 40s.
He is an engineer and he was single.
Thank you.
Until his co-worker introduces him to a woman named Sylvia Ortega.
Now Sylvia Ortega, she is a single mom.
She has three kids.
And they hit it off.
They end up getting married about two years later.
And then within like nine months of their marriage, she wants to like get a joint account.
So he tells her that he doesn't want to do a joint account because she decided to have these kids.
And he does not want to be responsible for them financially.
And tells her you decide to have these kids so you take care of them.
And so things are changing.
He starts becoming more controlling.
But on the outside, everything looks great.
They end up purchasing a home.
and, you know, they just live in life,
but on the inside, he's controlling and he's rude.
And so she just kind of plays along, right?
She's like, okay, you're right.
I'll pay for my own kids.
You know, they split everything 50-50.
Well, taxes start coming around.
And so she starts looking into, you know, just paperwork.
And ends up finding out that Bruce has a kid.
So Bruce, prior to their relationship,
had a child with this woman.
And very creepily,
something happened to his child. He ended up drowning, but he didn't die. So he sent him to the
hospital and he ended up becoming brain dead. So Jeffrey, when they find, when him and this woman
that he had this kid with, find out that his kid's brain dead, he ends up leaving. He leaves
this woman, leaves the child, leaves them with this like $300,000 debt and just flees. He just
never looks back. So when Sylvia finds us out, she, you know, addresses it to him. He ends up
telling her the truth. And so then she's like, you know what, I got to
get away from this guy like this is way too much so she ends up moving in with his with her parents through
the divorce he has to pay her about $3,700 a month and unfortunately he never ends up paying her
because the next month he ends up getting fired from his job so that happens in May in June
Bruce ends up going and purchasing a gun not just and then in the same month he ends up going to get
a tailored Santa suit what okay so
Colby.
Hi, Bruce.
Every, so in every 30 days.
We have a live reenactment.
No, every 30 days, every 30 days, he ends up purchasing a new gun.
What?
Every 30 days.
He even goes out of state because he doesn't want to, like, set off any alarms.
Well, Christmas Day Eve happens.
Around 11.30 p.m.
He goes to the parents' house.
He ends up knocking on the door because they're having Christmas.
There's about 25 to 30 people there.
He knocks on the door.
Katrina opens the door.
He shoots.
her twice in the face everybody just starts scrambling around trying to get away from him he starts
just shooting everybody after that as santa as santa claus after that he goes into his bag he pulls out
like an air compressor that he somehow made into a a fire blower a torch i'm sorry a torch
he lights up the whole house on fire and the only thing is that he didn't think that their
fireplaces are going to be on but because they were on and the way the
gas interacts with it, his suit starts kind of catching on fire. So he runs off into his car
and he heads out. But everybody's just in scramble. They're either on, you know, I don't want to get
graphic, but it gets pretty bad. People are jumping out through the windows. And Sylvia's
sister ends up going next door and calls the police and says, hey, my daughter's been shot. You need to
come. Hurry. My daughter's been shot. She was shot in the face on the side. And so the police
get there. They tell them, hey, it's my brother-in-law. He did this. Like, please go get him. So it didn't
take long before Bruce's brother calls the police and says, you need to come to my house. My brother
is in on my couch and there's blood everywhere. But he was laying on the couch and he had a gunshot
to his head. So he had killed himself. He had like $17,000 strapped onto his leg. You could tell
that he was trying to take the suit off of him because he had burned all over his body.
The suit had like melted into his skin.
And so the police ended up going to his car that he had rented
and noticed that he had set booty traps all over inside of the car.
So the bomb squad came in and with the robot,
they ended up, the car ended up blowing up.
And so they ended up going to his house to investigate,
like what is going on?
How did this come about?
They find tickets to Canada.
And so they figured, okay, he was planning to do this.
this and then head over to Canada with this money on his leg. In a Santa suit? And then what
happens after that is that then Sylvia's lawyer calls and says, there is this unfamiliar car
in front of my house. It's been there for days. Like, please come and check this out. So they think
it's another car with a booby trap and it's going to blow up. So they go and they realize that
was his real getaway car. His whole plan was to convince the police that he was going to Canada.
but really he was going to go to Mexico
I guess there was maps of like Mexico
there was clothes there was more money
so the plan was like he was in go
kill the lawyer take the car
and head out of town
dude what if he found another person
lit them on fire put them in a
Santa Claus outfit
shot them in the head on his couch
and Bruce actually did get away
because he had a third getaway car
that nobody knew about
are you Bruce
continue
the crazy thing
though about that story which is horrible
I mean horrible
is that Sylvia
so the people that passed away ended up being
Sylvia her parents
her two brothers their wives
her sister
so she only had one sister left
that you know survived and the girl that got
shot twice survived
and she's
a gun control activist
and she's been at all
most of the events of like school shootings
like talking to the news
the news and telling them how important it is that you know about gun control you're left here on
this earth for a reason you're left here for a purpose and your job is to keep fighting and to shine
that light on everybody else that has been affected being able to really fight for something that is
truly truly close to my heart is very different so it's pretty crazy how her life kind of under
you know that is one of the craziest things I've ever heard yeah that is a little choppy at first
And the fact that Bruce can still be out there?
That is, I don't want to clap for that.
Well, it's a good story.
Well, you clap for her ability to convey some.
I will clap for the storytler.
I'll clap for you and for the girl that survived.
Yeah.
That was insane.
Yeah.
Well, speaking of villainous masterminds.
I thought you're going to say Bruce.
It is my middle name.
Oh!
Oh!
What?
Uh, let's get to a recap, the final recap of the year.
You got to recap the whole year.
The whole thing.
You're ready.
My camera action.
Ryland's recap is about to happen.
Ryland's recap.
On today's episode of the Shane Dawson podcast, Gay Santa Colby's here.
And I really thought to end out the year, Chris was playing with that pop.
I thought he was just going to smash it and break the glass of our fireplace.
That's true.
It would have shocked us all.
Oh, shout out K-Rock.
Oh, hey, K-Rock, you motherfuckers.
Budholes?
More like butthole rock.
I think you spin this.
Are you having a hard time going to sleep?
Are you having a hard time going to sleep?
According to K. Rock.
Then find an old-ass radio and listen to K-Rock because that shit will thank you right to Slumbertown.
Or turn into the Sip Podcast with Ryland Adams and Lizzie Gordon.
If you want to stay awake and laugh and enjoy your life.
Allegedly, it makes people fall to sleep.
And it's a real good time.
I tried it last night, guys.
Rylent is a cycle path who can manipulate everybody in the room during Mavia.
Oh, a new winner has been crowned in the Christmas version of Mafia.
And no surprise, it's me.
The winner.
Hello.
I almost lost not one, but two friends and one husband throughout trying to win.
Artwork reveal.
Were you guys getting sick of that old Shane Dawson podcast art?
It was sickening, but were you tired?
Were you searching for something new?
Were you thinking this podcast might put me to sleep?
Well, not in the next season,
because this new cover art that was just revealed today
is stunning, fabulous, iconic, and beautiful.
Thank you, Kobe.
Okay, special correspondent Jared
wants to recap our secret Santa.
Throwing it to Jared in the field.
It was a big controversy on who would stay on budget.
Of course, Jared did.
Spencer did not.
I don't know about everybody else,
but I would say that the best gifts
were probably received by Shane
They were very thoughtful
The underwear on the head
The gay thing
But in general
Secret Santa was a success
I stayed on budget and possibly got the best gifts
How much were the Shrek
Is the price tag on the Shrek slippers?
It says under 20 right here
Wow
We know
Speaking of Slay the House down boots
Sandy had a great story about a killer Santa.
Very nice.
Yeah.
That was good.
That was good.
I don't know if referring to a killer is like Slade the Houseout boots.
Nice.
I did not think that one.
Oh, Sabrina Carpenter wears a wig.
Oh, oh, yeah.
Controversy.
Do you think Sabrina Carpenter that little pop princess would lie to you?
Yeah.
Turns out she might.
It's not that her espresso, it's a wig.
Oh, that was good.
That's good.
That was dish.
Compared to what we were just watching.
That was good.
It was good for me.
Did your wife ever stretch your socks?
How about two soon?
I'm a little hurt on that intro to that.
Still going to drive home with her, Ryland.
There's trouble in paradise as Jared accuses Sandy of stretching his song.
Or of having strong calves, it sounds better.
Of being just beautiful.
If anyone didn't want to exist right now more than dinosaurs, it's me.
That's a fucking shirt.
I'll make it.
Thank you.
All right, you guys.
Well, if that wasn't one of the worst recaps of the year, I don't know what was.
Hope you enjoyed this week's episode of the Shane Dawson podcast.
Make sure to follow it.
Wait, wait, wait.
Hold on.
You have a gift for everyone?
No, I want you, because you have long sleeves,
I want you to end it with a time.
If you would have given this to me the entire recap,
maybe things would have been different.
You're about to see why these are amazing.
Take more strong hand.
Okay, you guys.
Well, that's going to do it for today's episode
of the Shane Dawson podcast.
We hope you enjoy this.
How is this not offensive.
I know.
I was like in the same day.
We hope you enjoyed this year full of.
Why are you doing a voice?
Why don't you like punch down and do it?
Controversies.
You can have small hands and be the same.
And everything.
Oh.
If you want a controversial podcast,
make sure you to check out ours.
The radio hates it.
If you want great photos.
Pretend like you're doing the head on the pillow.
Like,
oh,
if you want to go to sleep in there,
don't you suggest the SIP podcast with Lizzie and Rhyland.
Whose sign are you are?
If you want great photos,
check out Colby.
Wait, take a photo.
Take a photo.
In the description.
below. He's a great photographer. Among other things. Oh no. I fear that we need to do the
recap again. This year was a great one and we're so glad to really long the right
with this. Fix your hair, fix your hair. Can you do every recap with these? Can you do the sip with
these? Both of you? Are there any weeks after we're going to be back here in two weeks?
We'll be back in two weeks. Oh, we don't get a break. All right, guys. And we're
wait, big announcement in two weeks.
We got a sponsor.
Raycon is sponsoring the finale of Big Brother, $5,000 for the winner.
And who's still left in the competition?
Me.
Ryland, Lizzie, Chris, and your Reid.
And you better believe if I don't win, there will be hail to pay.
As a new mother, that $5,000 would really change my life.
And the evicted house guest, me, Sandy, and Spencer, will be a part of the jury voting for the winner.
It's going to be crazy.
The strap in.
I'll see you in two weeks.
Sorry, you keep doing the recap.
Okay, make sure you shop
your Shane Dosson merch at shandustinmerch.com.
Follow all of us.
We're linked in the description section below.
Jared and Sandy are doing vlog miss.
I'm doing a version of vlog miss.
Lizzie's doing a version of vlogmus.
Wait, try to hold my Stanley.
Yes.
Okay.
And with that.
What's in this?
Oh, my God.
Ew.
I thought you were drinking Diet Coke.
This is sick.
It's water.
You need rehab.
It's water.
Maybe in Utah.
Oh, my God.
All right.
With that, we'll see you in two weeks.
Right here on the Shane Dustin podcast.
There's one thing.
What?
Okay, so this is really weird, but every single year I always get my family, like a celebrity Christmas gift.
And so, like, last year, like, coffee Anderson, sent my mom, like a Merry Christmas video, whatever.
Could we just say Merry Christmas to them, and this is going to be my celebrity.
Yes.
Yeah.
Hi mom, hi dad.
I guess it worked.
Merry Christmas, everyone.
Merry Christmas, everyone.
We'll see you next time.
Bye.
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