The Shane Dawson Podcast - 📈VIRAL Conspiracy Theories and The Simulation Theory MIND BLOWN!🤯

Episode Date: July 11, 2022

In this episode Shane and the crew get deep and talk about their struggles with addictions and how they recovered. They also lighten the mood by discussing their most awkward moments with parents and their funniest birthday party memories. Throw in some “Glitches in the Simulation” and an EPIC “Ryland’s Recap” and you got yourself a fun time on the couch! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jared's blasting off over there Have you ever woken yourself up with the fart Shane definitely has Me too I got and I just got scared and I turned to Rylan Because I thought somebody was like in our house Yeah The worst thing is if you have hemorrhoids

And you fart really hard Oh fuck It feels like daggers going into them Farts can be painful Bro, bro. Wait, should I, okay, I'm going to post me at ranch for later because I need some pizza. Do you got, should I post me in anything else? Are we eating tonight or no?

I ate yesterday, so I'm good. I eat all kinds of shit, guys. What do we have for dessert? Wait, what should I get? I shouldn't post me anything. That's stupid. Well, yeah, we've got to record the podcast right now. Yeah, but you know what's stupid or eating pizza without ranch?

Exactly. Oh, my good. Can we talk Can we do the whole podcast in Irmaigurd? Ermigurd. You're improving, facts? Oh, Ryan, do re-kirp.

I don't think I'm versed in this language. Nobody is. We're making, we're kind of, we're evolving the language right now. So future people that do it are going to do what we do right now. Welcome to the per curse.

you don't remember ermigurd it was like in 2012 i think when it was like it was like memes where there would be an er in the middle of every word like hello i thought we were doing tyler perry i thought we were doing medea the whole fucking time now i know you're talking about though the urmmergir you're saying you thought i was just sitting here being medea like that's like that's like That's a lot. But now that you're saying it.

After everything I've been through for me to just sit here. Let's do the whole podcast in Medea. Shaves Mental Health at an all-time high, hosting the last podcast of the whole time as Medea. But I thought you were saying, oh, my Girt, like, oh, my Gert. I can't roll my tongue and sound like a little, l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-a-l-l-l-l. Now that's what you're talking about it's great, because now I get to appreciate it on another level, because it's that stupid. Yes. Animation.

Or my Gert. Yeah. Irmerger. Yeah. Oh, no. Nice. Oh, yeah. And not supposed to be triggering to people like Chris with Gerd.

Actual GERD, which is a health problem. Oh, my GER. Which is where you burb. In case you have. It firms up your mirth and it hurts. In case you have word associated yet, now you can feel mildly offended if you want. Hermagird. Hey, guys, welcome.

We're rolling. We're rolling. We're rolling. Welcome back. Welcome back to whatever the hell this is. We honestly don't know. but we're in Colorado and we're IrmaGerd. We're in Colorado.

I don't think you can be Oh, my Gerd. What? He said, we're, oh, my Gerd. Why not? Now you can't. Now everyone moving forward can say, I'm so Irmigurd. So what's going on today? Wow, geez, ready to leave?

Well, no, I just think we need to wrap up the omeligurd. Hi, okay, first of all, welcome back. Hopefully you guys are enjoying the show. so far this is episode six right yeah it's crazy um all right this is a test of uh whatever this is how does everybody feel can you hear me i feel positive i can hear you and i'm glad to be a part of whatever it is i feel like i feel like we're in a good group like i don't really get it's nervous anymore i feel like we're just free flowing uh getting a little more offensive every every time and not worrying about it i'm getting too i'm getting too

comfortable where like I feel like because I really like you guys and I get so excited to talk to you and I like truly forget about everything else and we just talk about stuff and there are times when like we're done I'm like that I shouldn't have said that I got too comfortable and then I am upstairs with Ryan and I'm like did you hear what Chris said oh no that's my nightmare I know it was weird right and I'm like oh my god and actually my fear is his woke persona is falling to the waist sign what I I kind of feel like, yeah, I don't know. Are you still the woke king? Should we do like a woke test? You all called me woke and I said I don't identify as that in the first episode. I thought you're being humble woke, though. Just because you're nice, we trampled all over you and called you woke. Here's some work.

No, we love you, Chris. And don't ever overthink anything that you're doing. By the way, I love your shirt. Thank you. I love the snarks and the gurs. What made you buy that? Oh, my gosh. What?

That's like, what? I've never seen that before. I would be so offended if somebody said, what made you buy that? Because I fucking liked it. Well, no, I just curious. Where did you find that? What made you buy that? Like, what?

I think it's everything. When were you presented the opportunity to own such an amazing piece, Chris? Thank you. I was just in the mall and I walked by Zara and it was in the window and it was like, huh, interesting. I like it. And I tried it on and I was like, if it's kind of nice. Okay, the mystery is gone now.

It's not as great anymore, Chris. Yeah, I thought you were like on a safari. I was on a safari. It's just Zara. Not that crazy. I will say, you are bringing it today, fashion-wise. I mean, we always do a fashion update. Yes, you are.

You're wearing something so unique. And I need a haircut. I think it looked terrible. No, you look good. Oh, my God. Wait, this is getting sad. It looked great. Everybody tell Chris how amazing it's comments below.

Also, audio listeners only. Check out the video. And if you're listening to the audio, give us five stars on whatever audio platform you're listening to. And leave Chris some comments on. how he looks. But all of you have really cool jackets today. I feel left out.

Chris? What? Do you want to run really quick to get the jacket that I bought for you that you're not wearing right now? Oh, I forgot. And it fits a safari theme. Look at him around now. Look at him, Jot.

So fit. So fit. I don't think I will ever in my life say the phrase. I was just walking by Zara and Sarko. So I bought it. my thing will be like I walk by Zara and nothing

like for what you know what why I feel bad you know laughed at myself okay wow

holy shit you look good you've turned him into a real housewives of Beverly Hills thank you no you're giving me like like SoundCloud rapper or you know what I mean like little Peruvian

um okay let's do a quick fashion update Jared you're wearing something I picked out for you this is a little nice little moment yeah definitely it's um from the closet i was gonna say the fashion thing is the gayest thing you two do like we're getting ready to do the podcast and shane's like okay jared let's go upstairs as a straight man why can't a straight man be fashionable i'm not saying you can't why does it have to be gay that me and him are i'm concerned about looking awesome listen jared i'm not saying you can't be as a straight man concerned about

fashion. I'm saying the way in which it evolves is very gay. It's like, Shane's like, let's go up to the closet. And then you guys like, I'm a millisecond away follow each other up to the closet. And then I go upstairs because I'm going to get dressed for the podcast too. The bedroom doors closed. The closet doors close. I walk

in. Shane's like hand on his hip, like, mm. And Jared's like looking like, okay, first of all, you know, right? It's like a beautiful moment between brothers. Literally family. Right? Hello. I'm not saying it's actually gay.

I'm saying it looks gay. I've never been lucky enough to see this moment. So now that's all I'm going to think about when we record. It's beautiful. And also, by the way, you are shitting on me right now, but guess who bought you that gay jacket that you're wearing? I love the jacket. It's gorgeous.

We went to the coach outlet and I was like, I love that coat. Oh my gosh. I love it. And I woke up a few days later and Shane had got it. He was like, it's a podcast look for you. So it was very sweet. So you dressed me as well. We just didn't go, like, have our closet moment together, which I'm fine about.

You and Jared should have those moments together. Thank you. I'm really proud of us for breaking down stereotypes. Yes. Stereo Terps. Breaking them during, baby. We should get Jerry. Oh, my God, that's Caitlin Jenner.

Oh, my God. Kiela Jenner speaks in Armagedg. I just figured that out. It says, we're coming to fern. She's Sarah, what are to swimming in their purr? You're not allowed to swim in our purr. You have a good way of maintaining the sound. I have a very hard time, unless it's a bunch of urns.

We need to get... Okay, what about your outfit, Shane? Thank you, finally. No, I bet it's just really typical, you know, a little jacket to remind us of the L.A. couch that I miss so much. And then a little Britney Spears shirt. And, yeah, you can't see from what's under the... The legs down is really bad.

The shoulders look really good. It looks like you, like, you work out 24-7. Wow. This is so annoying. My shoulders. My shoulders. I'm not even kidding I'm saying it's annoying

because he wants that compliment and then you gave it to him and now it's like I'm the bad boyfriend I want any compliment Oh my god no I'm sorry What do you mean? Do you know what I mean

How it has that cut or it Like there's certain blazers And jacks when I wear it I'm like oh I look like Actually work out today Chris is trying to fuck both of us tonight He literally I walk down

I'm like sitting down into the set And he goes Every time Ryanley wears blue I just can't stop looking at him It's true Every time this is a weird turn of events. No, wait.

Okay, okay, keep going. Look in his eyes right now. When he wears blue, do his eyes not pop and does he not the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? Wow. Wow. This was good. See, okay.

What do you think about Jared? Come on, Chris. Spread them up. Jared, I said this earlier. He's just the coolest person here by far. That's not physical. No, with what he wears, his swag, his attitude, all of it. It's okay, though.

I took that compliment in a high regard. Is that a burberry jacket? It looks like. it because he's so cool. Bermere. It's sort of burberry, it's not a burmere. Did you know boo?

But do you know what I'm saying? Like, he's just effortlessly cool. I mean, yes, yes. But, I mean, you didn't give him like a physical compliment. That jacket, it was included in that. You know what? Here's what I think I just crooked occurred. I think the truth.

I think the truth is that you, I think the truth is that you, because Jared is technically more of your type than we are that you're like nervous to give him a compliment because it's too real and with us you're just bullshitting us no that's not in any way because I'm laying down at night thinking like

why not me what am I doing wrong that's pretty fucking gay because you know because it's not gay with me and Shane are getting dressed maybe possibly because what I'm saying is dude like what is Chris going to fucking notice to that every week I take it up a bar And I'm like, let's get you the crazier jacket.

Tonight you were like, I'm like, yeah, it's got to work. Jared's just dressing for Chris. Yeah, that's common when you have a crush. You, like, really have to think about what you're going to wear. What's happening? Chris is cool. He's from Peru.

His Peruvian facts are fun for me and you. Chris, yes. I heard that you have a special Peruvian fact, and it might involve your co-host. Yeah, okay, so. So, uh, oh, are you? Oh, sorry. Oh, sorry, my ranch came. So my Peruvian fact has to do it with alpacas.

Because alpacas are, like, a pretty big part of Peruvian culture, and I didn't really know why growing up, I just know that, like, on every, like, Peruvian, like, merchandise, if you go, they're, like, every Beanie hat shirt that I ever bought from there, always had alpacas on it. And they're just kind of, like, on everything everywhere. I think they're on the flag. There are, see, I'm a terrible Peruvian. I didn't notice if it was.

are we really debating on whether or not we think there's an alpaca The Peruvian flag I think there is no way There's no fucking way We'll get to that in a second That could be the most offensive thing I ever said If there is one

There's no way they put alpaca on their flag In my brain I'm like if it's like tiny and hidden In the middle of the thing anyways Okay that's cool So my proven fact is that three quarters Of the world's alpaca population live in Peru Which means that there are more than 7.5 million alpacas in Peru And since pre-Inca times, they have been, and still are a big part of Peruvian culture.

And yeah. Oh. Wow. Okay, you guys are about to be shook. What? I'm about to airplay something for you. Oh, I know exactly what about. I fucking told you.

There's an alpaca on the flag. There is. Is that the actual flag or the crest? That's the flag. It says flag of Peru. Most offensive thing I've ever said. Of course, there's an alpaca on the fucking flag. And a tree and a cornucopia, fruit of the loo, mandela, fictoon.

You know what's so funny is like, I've seen. I like Peruvialial. so much more now. I love that. I like Perubia. That's offensive. I've seen the Peruvian flags so many times growing up. I know the crest in the middle, but I've never thought what's in it until just now. This is such a cute flag.

Wow. That's so nice. Wow, good fact, Chris. Okay, so I was thinking about this today and, you know, because I've been thinking about having kids, you know, and how are we going to, you know, do certain things? What rituals are we going to create? What little memories are we going to do? What are we going to do for their birthdays?

Because like when I was a kid, I had some good birthdays, some terrible birthdays. I feel like our childhood was very up and down in a lot of ways. Yes. I would agree. Our birthday situation? I remember when we were very young. I mean, it was like fucking extreme. We had a dunk tank at one time, a bounce house at one time.

And this was like very early on. It would be like, all the neighbors. were over you know all of our friends would come over but i want to say those stopped relatively early uh maybe i don't know i how many we had two or three of those i think because then they got divorced and money was gone so yeah that was like nine yeah because i mean then i had a birthday where it pretty much was just driving to hollywood and looking at hollywood and getting like a cd and then driving getting food and then going back still fun i mean it's still great better yeah i mean oh rylan what was your uh birthday situation when you were your kid

oh my parents went all out because my brother and i are three days apart and my brother and my dad are born on the same day so we would always have theme parties it'd either be like a scientist would come over and we'd have all these tables and we'd all do scientists like you know like explosions or whatever that would be really fun or we'd have like characters from our favorite movie like you know like whatever there'd always be like themes and then the cakes would revolve around the themes, but my brother and I would get different cakes, like, about the... It's so crazy that this exists.

Like, your life is like a movie. Yeah. They did put on a good production for our childhood, I will say. Did you feel like the parties were for the kids more than the parents? Because I feel like our parties were also, like, pretty parent-head. I was a... You know what I'm saying? I know that I think our parents watched this,

so I don't want to shade them too much, but looking back, it was giving like... And I know they weren't 100%. I'm not starting a rumor. It was giving swinger vibes Because I just remember being nine I just hated because I don't like people Too many people

So I'd be hiding the whole time And then I would just remember hearing Really loud fucking music And just like drunk drunk fucking adults You know and we weren't allowed to come outside After like a certain time It's like your birthday party you stay inside And look and there was like a DJ

And they went all out And I'll imagine if like Would they be the kind of people that would have an only fans right now yes oh my god you see now it would be celebrated they'd be millionaires you know oh the time's how they've changed they would because I found moms like sexy pictures

that she would take with you're kidding she showed them to me oh my god well those are his favorite pictures so I enjoyed I enjoyed going to fit and trim I got to go I was trying to see if they're my phone

pictures Anyway, they were in love. Okay, what was your... Just to add on to that, by the way, I barely remember those big outrageous birthdays. There was only a couple of them. Maybe it was only like two, and that's why I don't remember many birthdays, and I don't think we made very big deals about them. You know what? I just did remember one birthday.

And, okay, this is probably why I blocked them all out. Because I remember, I remember me and mom went to the beach, to the pier. I was probably, like, you know, 12, and we got ice cream, and then we were sitting eating ice cream. and an older woman walked up and said, you ladies having fun. And then she walked away. And I was confused and mom started laughing and I said, what?

She's like, she thinks that we're lesbians. And then I laughed so hard that I peed my pants on a bench with my mom on my birthday. Just two big old lesbians having to my... That is good. I was misgendered all the way up until I was... Honestly, I was misgendered in my 20s. You act like in actuality?

Literally. My whole childhood was. was ma'am, uh, miss, little missy, um, because I had long hair and tits and I pretty face and pretty face, big waist. And, um, and me and my mom were, you know, conjoined at the hit basically, hanging out all the time, going to, you know, country, western places and, you know, line dancing. And we just look like too big old fucking my whole life. Yeah. And then in my 20s after I lost weight and I was on YouTube and I was like, it wasn't a date, but it kind of was a date and like, you know, we were walking around now to Barry Farm and we were getting candy or something.

And then the lady behind the shelf was just like, Um, miss, you're not allowed to do that or whatever. She's talking to me. I was misgendered. Well, your hair was, I had a long similar hairstyle to you as well. And I'd walk into Subway with my mom and they'd be like, what are you ladies wrong today? That happened to you too? Yeah, I mean, not my whole life.

Only in my like era of skater boy where I went, I went too drastic with the hair where it was like shoulder length. And then my bangs would swoop down and around. I remember crying the first time that somebody called me. sir i was at petco you weren't used to it no it had never happened and i was at petco and um they were bagging our stuff and then the guy was just like oh here you go sir and i was walked to the parking lot and i started crying and mom was like what's wrong i'm like he called me sir and then she just hugged me and she's like thank you jesus and i knew it would happen because we've been waiting because literally it's not a joke i was called and then when i started new high school

everybody thought i was a girl the teacher would think i was a girl i'll show pictures like i i I look like a fucking, you know, big old bitch. I think it's called BBW, actually. Okay? Because Drake says, I like my girls, BBW. So thick. This is so thick everyone in the room so uncomfortable. That was me.

Well, no, everyone. Chris, what were your birthday? Fucking Drake knows everything. He really does. Drake, or Drake? Drake is everyone. Hey, Drake. Chris, what was your birthdays like?

My parents always did everything they could for me. I mean, they're the best parents ever. But at different stages of my life, we were at different financial points, you know, and there were times where they couldn't do a lot. And when they could, they did everything. They could, you know, like the most amazing parents ever. But, I mean, there were times when I was younger where there was just no money, you know. It was tough.

But they always made it feel special. And I always felt loved and happy, you know. Oh, well, I think we're all going to be good dads. Are we all going to be dads? Do you guys want to be dads? I definitely want to be a dad. You want to be a dad. Yeah. It would be cool to have a mini-me. No. Oh, Chris found out an interesting fact today. What? That the dentist can tell if you've recently sucked a dick because it leaves a bruise on the roof of your mouth.

No. Wow. What does it look like? The bruise. I can show you. There's a video that I saw. So I was sent a video from my friend, Rick on the top of What kind of dick sucking are they doing To be getting a bruised? Yeah, how are they bruised? Well, I guess it's just because you have such a soft palette That I know, but doesn't the dick go towards the throat? Like that's a conspiracy Like it's not when I'm sucking a dick, it's not going Yeah, but it should it should I don't know lightly touch it

And maybe it's really towards the back. Your teeth are right here, so if it I don't know Do you want to see the video of somebody sucking a dick? No Of a dentist talking about it. Yeah, but what about if you're eating a popsicle? Oh, he just cracked the conspiracy. It's not just dicks. Because wouldn't, I mean, I've never eaten a popsicle, let's say that, you know? But is it much different?

I saw on TikTok that. Oh, my gosh. Dentists can tell if you just suck a winner. Is it true? Yeah. That one's true. How? Because you can see bruising your soft tissue in their back.

Shut the fuck. Oh. in particular pattern of ho. Wow. I'm gonna say. I'm still curious if a Popsicle does the same thing, but it looks like you really gotta be jamming a motherfucker back. You know what I mean?

Well, no, I think they're not jamming it back enough. I think if you were more of like going for the deep throat, that wouldn't happen. This is like hitting the top. I don't know, this girl's bad at giving head. That's all I'm gonna say. How many days? Like, how long after you suck a dick does that stay there for?

I don't know, but my friend sent me that, and like, so many of my Diaz are dentists, and I'm just like, does everyone in my Tia, did they know every time I ever gave it? I'm horrified now. I would like to try this. We should report back right now, right? Go in the other room real quick. Suck a dick and then show your mouth. I feel like that's a lot with my brother here. Well, I'm just curious.

I don't, I, okay, I'll do some research for the next podcast. but I don't think so that would honestly that would be great anything to get you to do that oh my god research for a podcast whatever we got to call it

you're kidding I do that way more than you do that to me you're kidding oh my god yeah perfect timing oh here we go again fight with Shane and Ryland

fight with Shane and Ryland I can't even believe that you just said that I would say that you get it more than the average I don't know I don't think so no no and that's no well this is I feel like this is too much can we segue into a different topic so we can get away from this

addiction yes you want to go straight in wait a minute yes addiction it kind of it kind of could correlate some people are addicted to sucking dick I would say Chris earlier so oh that's wow what a great fucking segue that was I wasn't even planning it it happened sometimes you're very good this too. You're so gracious. Yeah, thank you. You really are. Earlier, you know, we were standing around the kitchen and we were like, what should we talk about today? And then I was like, you know,

I kind of want to talk about addiction because I've struggled with it in many forms. Jared has had some history with it. Rylent's had some. And I said, Chris, what have you been addicted to? And you, uh, what'd you say? Well, sex, maybe. I don't know. I like not officially. You said dicks, but yes. Oh, dicks. You're right. Yeah. Yeah.

So how are you addicted to sex? Because I, It's a sex addict. And just to confirm, like, you're addicted to pleasuring penises. I mean, not just like, you don't collect penis mold or nothing like that. You don't cut penis off. It's not like a fucking, you know, knick-knack situation. Are we using addiction a little loosely? Because I think, like, if Chris was a true sex addict, I don't think you'd be able to focus on your everyday tasks.

No. Like, so I think we're saying, like, addiction, but it's things that we have obsessions. Well, that's so funny that in the middle of the. The word is what you're addicted to. But there are times, like, I used to edit for this new media company in downtown, and just in the middle of doing my job, I just, like, had to, I'm so sorry for any family listening. Please stop listening. I had to check off, so I would run to the bathroom. Is that why you go to our bathroom so much?

No. But I've been honest, I thought it. Because I've thought about it. I, like, stop listening because I was thinking about the dentist thing. Did you just say you jerk off in our bathroom? No, that's what right? Oh my gosh, Shane. Where have you been?

He's talking about his... In the bathroom window, peeking in. That's his masturbation station. I'd be sitting there editing, and I'm just like, I need to come right now. So I would go. What would happen? Would you be editing, and it's like, a chubber comes on. You're like, okay.

Or something would strike your attention? Are you editing moupon? No, I'm editing the most boring, nothing like video. I don't think I've ever felt that urgency to come. That's what I'm saying. Like, I think, I don't know. I don't think I'm an addict necessarily, but it's definitely higher of a drive than a normal person. I would say you're more addicted to relationships, right?

Well, yeah. Or like being in a relationship. I can't have, oh, I don't want to have sex when I'm not in a relationship. But I don't know. I'm just, in my mind, I'm just. How often are you doing that? Jerking on? Uh-huh.

Well, when I'm in a relationship, I'm just having a lot of sex. But when I'm single, like, multiple times that. day. Wow. Whoa. Yeah. So if you're like is it just always at the crib in the stage or? He was just telling us it's at work too and that's why I had asked if he's jacked off in our bathroom. You're like very rarely single. So what is this like? Also this is a warning. You need to be careful about where you jerk off because I read an article. I didn't fully read it. But I read an article and a guy was jerking off in a plane and now he got arrested and now he's a sex offender. What? I know. Wait, in a bathroom or in the seat? I didn't fully read it. Okay, just to add on to that tip, something that we've talked about in the past is that's also why it's important just to pee in your car. Don't pull over and pee on the side of the road. I think peeing in your car is still exposing yourself. I mean, I think you can cover it better, and it'd be a lot harder for a cop to see you doing it, as opposed to you peeing on the side of the road, though.

You know what I mean? Where's the weirdest place you jerked off? I don't know. I mean, there's so many places. He's like, wow. I just, I'll, you like, are you like a guy? Are you, like, a connoisseur of, like, crazy jackoff spots? No, again, I'm just horny a lot.

Like, this is weird to me. I'm sorry. I'm answering. It's not weird at all, but weirdest spot. I got a bear's wheel? Parks. One time I was like, I realized I was near a church and that made me feel bad. It was like a parking lot.

I don't know. Like, weird. One time I did it while driving up a road that was really dangerous. dangerous and I almost crashed. Okay. Okay, anyways. So your guy's addictions, huh? Yeah.

No, you're so brave. We're talking about that. Yeah, yeah. Nah, that was good. Okay. Wait, can add one last thing, though? I am so in a relationship. I would, like, I've just made it sound like I'm so horny all the time.

I'm very good. Just want to be clear. I'm like the most monogamous human. I wouldn't know. Okay, anyways. Okay, yeah. You're driving up a hill. Check it off.

And you said you were, in the last episode, you said you were a shooter, right? Yeah. So, like, you're shooting on the windshield? No, I had a shirt. It's messy in the car. Okay. Anyways. This is very fucking weird.

Yeah. I don't know how to segue. I've also. Be addicted to do shit. Also semi-a-workaholic is something that... That's a segue. Okay, my addictions are... So this is...

The reason I brought this up earlier about talking about talking about it's... All right, I'm done. Do you have any more questions? No, go ahead, your addictions, I'm sorry. Is last night, I would say I had a mini... Not breakdown, but there was a situation last night Because I have felt myself getting really back into my workaholic vibe, which is like all consuming.

I'm obsessed with this podcast, wanting to make it perfect, wanting to edit it. There's a lot that goes into it. And it kind of started consuming my life. And then I noticed that Ryland, he was like, you're becoming a workaholic again. And I miss you and I don't understand. And I'm trying to figure out how to balance that and not get it. Because when I become a workaholic, when I get back in my shit, it is bad. Like I don't eat, I don't sleep, my face falls apart, I don't leave the house, I don't see anyone.

Like, it's really, really bad. So I don't really have any tips. I guess I'm asking right now for them. Does anybody in this room have tips for how to conquer? But for the tips, I think this is an overarching theme in your life. So it's not only work is what you're the most passionate about. So it comes out the strongest. and it's the most intense.

But you are this way in a lot of elements. Like, if you have emails in your inbox, you can't focus until it's cleared. If we move, you can't focus until the house is decorated. Like, you're a very all or nothing person, and that's like a recurring theme in your life. Right. Yeah.

Yeah. I think it's just about finding a balance, you know, because it's understandable because you want to work and do as much as you can. You want to be productive. And I think especially like for me and you from our upbringing, it's also very important to make sure that you're staying busy and all of that so you can provide for your family. But on the flip side of that, providing for your family also entails that you have a family that needs you in other avenues and other arenas. You know, so if you only contribute one aspect to that relationship, then you're going to suffer in others.

And, you know, that's why I say there's a balance, you know, find moments to prioritize both sides. And it's going to be a little sacrifice possibly, but you're going to realize that after making a little sacrifice, the outcome isn't as devastating as you might have thought. It's maybe even going to make it happier when you get your work accomplished because you have that full, rounded relationship that's even healthier and full of happier moments. So that'd be my advice. And obviously it's not healthy to not work at all. But we did have, I mean, after a while, after we found our footing again and stuff, we did get closer than ever. we had so much fun and it's not that I don't want you to work but then when this podcast starts it is like this is such a big production produce the show schedule the show film the show

edit the show promote the show thumbnail everything it's like but at the same time I still want to have a life outside of work because we've learned what putting all our eggs in one basket being work does and it's not healthy it's not conducive for a happy healthy life yeah I mean especially now that we you know we're planning on having a kid Like we actually, hopefully, fingers crossed, we have a surrogate by the end of summer. So then we'll have a baby in May next May. I mean, yeah, best case scenario. But yeah, I need to figure it out.

I need to figure out a nice balance with work and family. Because, yeah, once we have a baby, my addiction is going to be wanting to be the best dad ever, which actually is probably also a bad thing. Because then it's just too much. I mean, I think you just... If you do anything, you do it all the way. And that just is what it is. I don't know the solution. I genuinely don't.

And that's the problem. Well, see you guys in there. Let's take a break. No, I'm kidding. No, there is really no solution. I'm going to keep talking about it. But I think it is good to talk about it. True.

You have more, I don't know how much you're willing to talk about this. I don't want to make you feel weird, but you have more of a. I mean, dude, to be honest with you, if we're just kind of lining up the topics, I, him talking about driving up a little bit of a little scratchy while he's jacking off nothing's too crazy you know nothing can be too much i whatever you want to talk about man i can't i can't get more personal than that so but yeah so i mean really it'd be drugs for the most i mean i guess i could say i'm a workaholic too but i'm really addicted to anything anything that i enjoy anything that puts me in it puts me in my own moment with it so when i was younger

i think we talked about it one time like the first time i smoked weed and all that but uh I started smoking weed at a pretty young age, which I don't think weed is bad necessarily, but I think developing a habit that you become relying on at an early age. Because there's a lot of people that could just smoke or have a drink, and that's pretty much it. But once my brain registers that life seems better if I'm doing something, or like I'm able to alter my mood in a way that makes things more bearable, whatever the case may be. So regardless. But I think starting at a young age, developing those patterns. And then as I got older, I started drinking a lot, which was bad. I got like a couple DUIs, which isn't cool.

But if we're going to kind of narrow it down, the worst thing that I ever got into was definitely cocaine. That was like a real bad look. So one night I was just hanging out with friends, and we were looking for a different drug, which we were looking for mushrooms actually at the time. and the dude that we called didn't have that but he had cocaine i had never tried it never had the idea that i wanted to try it i was more into chilling out and tripping out but we did it i loved it we ended up going to parties until like six in the morning to the point where we went to someone's house because they said that they had a party there that night and everybody

in the house was sleeping you know what i'm saying and we walked around the whole house it was very fucking weird. You know what I mean? And seeing if anybody had more Coke. Wow. I told people were sleeping. Yes. But I did this for years you know and for a while there I would do that and drink to the point where one time I drank and I did so much of it and I passed out from like days and days of not sleeping and I woke up in a outdoor pond in an apartment complex. You know? That was kind of fucking weird. But for me it was just all consuming, you know? And it's like every moment, all I could think about is if I wasn't on it, when I could get it. And that was really

dangerous. And thank God, I was able to get out of it, you know, and how did you get out of that? What was like your rock bottom moment? How did you get out of it? Uh, my rock bottom moment was to go back real quick. Um, because this is the type of moment that becomes very common is when you do a drug like cocaine, it does something to your brain where you're really, really wired up for X amount of time. It could be depending on how pure it is and all these other variables, it could be 20 minutes or it could be hours and hours and hours. But as soon as it wears off, there's a come down where you just feel fucking miserable. You know, you feel depressed because it's very easy to be energetic, to be happy, to be all of these things when you're on that drug. So when

you're off of it it just like drains all the dopamines so the first night when i was telling you we went to like a fucking house and walked around like idiots uh when i got home that night i laid on the couch i couldn't go to sleep i had work in like you know three hours and the only thing i could think of doing to relax me to put me to sleep was listening to sarah mclaughlin music i kind of love that so like i was laying there thinking about sarah like listen to fucking sarah maclachlan you know who i love but um that was a common occurrence though, coming home at a certain point, you know, I would try to take a bunch of NyQuil or something and all this stuff. When I really hit Rock Bottom is I started just really neglecting my family, like really you and mom.

And I think before that, you know, I would really make an effort and I would really try. But it became all-consuming. I would avoid phone calls. I wasn't present. I was fucking up at work. And one, it was a combination of a few things is on my 20-second. birthday I was at my buddy's house and I had a split shift at work where you would work from like eight to 12 and then four to eight so I had four hours where I can go out and do whatever

I wanted so I went to my buddy's house and we did a bunch of drugs then I went back to work and mom also worked for the company that we were with and when I went back she was there everybody even people that didn't work that day came they had all the all the favorite snacks that I come in when I you know because in the morning I'd usually come in like high on weed with the munchies and I buy all these little snacks and shit like that so they bought all those snacks they had birthday cake they have sodas and all these things in the unfortunate part really was or not unfortunate part I mean I put myself in the predicament but you don't want to eat when you're doing those drugs you know you're not like super hungry so I couldn't eat anything it would actually make me sick to think about eating and everybody was singing happy birthday to me the other thing about doing all drugs are going to make your eyes look different like if you smoke weed you know your eyes are going to droop a little bit they might get red but when you do hard drugs your pupils get really big and they're very sensitive it's hard to keep your pupil steady it's hard to make you don't want to maintain eye contact because all I could think is they're going to look at

my pupils so I walked into this room full of people people that actually cared you know mom was there they had cakes and I couldn't eat anything I couldn't look into anybody's eyes I just felt horrible about that and then it wasn't long after that that I got home really late one night and it was just like a weird night you know because the deeper you get into shit like that

you might start off doing it with your buddy you know like me and Chris might start off doing it together but Chris might be the kind of person that it gets to a point where he's like I'm straight on all this shit bro like I just want to go back to like doing what I'm doing and I don't want to keep doing drugs so I'm gonna have to find

people that are more into it than Chris and it's going to get deeper and deeper for me i'm gonna end up living you know i'm gonna end up basically going to it that's why crack houses exist because because it gets to that point where you know and i found myself in a lot of bad environments and all that and it was getting like very un luxurious and i came home one night and uh when we were younger when we're going through it for christmas we would like take trade off so one year you would get let's say a hundred dollar gift and I'll get like a couple things and the next year it would be the opposite vice versa and one of those years where it was my turn to kind of take the smaller gift I remember I got Pringles hair gel and like a patch that had the Kurt Cobain suicide note on it and that was it you know

and I came home one night and it was just a weird night and I felt funky about it I mean I think I had gone to a ranch in Compton with this guy and like just weird shit and I got home and there was a can of pringles with a note and it was from mom and it just put me in my feelings really bad you know and i think it was like the next day that i asked her to have lunch with me and i just pretty much told her i was like mom she knew i smoked weed i think it was obvious to like anyone that knows me to like you know i smoked weed but she had no idea that i was getting that heavy into stuff so i admitted it to her and i think if she would have like made it because we were at a restaurant i kind of planted it out like I don't we can't make a scene at a restaurant I guess and again she probably

would make it if you know she wouldn't care yeah people make scenes of restaurants right so she didn't she was totally cool about it you know she just told me she understood and you know she's a human too and I think she's able to relate in certain ways to it after that we started going to a rehab class I don't know if it was like that day when I quit but I remember that I just like couldn't do it anymore i looked at it in a different manner like now it gave me anxiety like i couldn't even think about it and it took a little bit of time but uh since then i mean i haven't drinking alcohol on like fucking probably since i was 22 or 23 i haven't done hard drugs since then but i saw a lot of people ruin their lives you know a lot of people because the other thing about drugs is

once one thing doesn't get you the fix once you know one shot doesn't get you drunk you got to take too and you know and i'm also very blessed um i feel blessed that i didn't get into it in a time like right now you know because right now i think like 60 000 people died of fentanyl you know and with there being such a high demand for drugs and so many people wanting to find ways to make money very easily uh there's a lot of fake drugs on the market i mean look at like mac miller died because of fake drugs and all these people we lost so i have no doubt in my mind that would have appealed to me. You know, if I had a buddy that just so happened that night instead of mushrooms, he had fentanyl laced something or another, because I would take anything. You know,

I took a pill one time my guy gave me and I passed out for like two days. It ended up being what they give psych ward patients when they come in, you know? So like that, I think that was the last time I took a pill. I didn't know what it was. So really that was it. And then just trying to find other places to put my focus and my energy, you know, because you got to, if you're an addictive person, you can't have nothing going on you know you gotta have something where you can focus that energy like stuff like a a and all that it's good to look at other people in different stages of addiction you know you feel a little bit less alone because if you just feel like a fuck up and you don't when you're a real fuck up and everyone around just seems to have it together it makes you feel

way worse you know but if you're a fuck up and you realize that it's not like it's uncommon as you think and there's even groups of people that are willing to share experiences about it and help you through it uh that helps but yeah that's pretty much it you know It's interesting to me too that you mentioned like cocaine being so negative because I've always been so terrified of specifically cocaine mainly because I remember growing up hearing about like Winnie Houston and DMX and Mac Miller like dying from cocaine so or at least being involved in some way potentially from what I understood and then also in high school there was a party where a girl I knew not really well but I knew her she did cocaine for the first time at a party died and And then the people at the party didn't know what to do with her. And we found out days later, they, like, drove down a road and dumped her body and bush it. And so I've had, like, all these terrifying things. Like, cocaine specifically terrifies me.

But in Hollywood, in, like, our industry, it's, like, such a common thing. And people do it and act like I'm crazy when I'm scared of it. But that I had, so I've talked about this before in a video a while ago, but I had a friend in high school. Actually, I think I started with him in fifth grade. and then we kind of went to each school together. We weren't super close or anything, but, you know, he was in my class, so I knew him pretty well, and he was, I think he was a valet Victorian. And then, like, a few years after high school, I heard a rumor that he was in jail for murdering someone,

and I was like, what? And I looked into it. And yeah, in a drug-fueled, you know, rage, he killed his uncle. And did you hear about this? And then he took the body and burned it. And, like, it was a whole thing. He's in jail now. And it's just, and so question, can you do something like murder or?

like something you know less crazy than that and it really is the drugs it's not a direct effect of the it's not the high that the drug is producing okay if you take PCP or something like that's like a disassociative the uh makes you hallucinate i mean there's people one guy in particular like cut off his penis and jumped off a building it's a pretty famous story i forget the gentleman's name uh chris i'm sure you can look it up rapper cuts off penis and jumps off building it's a cautionary tale though you know i think anyone hearing that probably doesn't want to smoke pcp if they've never tried it but what happens is when you do these hard drugs you're going to get you know days and days and days without sleep and you're going to get sleep deprivation and then

if you have sleep deprivation and you're trying to fuel yourself with these drugs you have a psychotic break you'll see things that aren't there you'll hear voices i'm sure we've all seen in movies like drug addicts looking through their window thinking someone's watching out at them and all this stuff so depending on how strong you know those effects get you could definitely have a psychotic break and kill somebody like very easily and then do and i'm not i don't want to scare people like there's all kinds of out there they're going to kill people but if you have any like kind of dark thoughts naturally and you stretch yourself to the limit with sleep deprivation and and and drugs like that for sure i mean it could happen the rapper you're referring to by the way is andre johnson is he alive

yeah i think so so he cut off his dick jumped out of a window and he survived Did they have to reconstruct? I mean, it wasn't the 37th floor. You know what I mean? I think he jumped off of like a three-story building, which is very survivable. He probably fucked his legs up or something. What happened to the penis? The wiener.

Did he flush it down the toilet? What? He like did something weird with it. What do you do? There's interviews. He's on a bunch of like interviews and stuff with it. If you want to get teenagers to not do drugs, tell them shit like that. Like when they used to come to our schools and be like, you know, oh, you're fucking, this is what you're

brain looks like and this is what your lungs look like no tell me i'm gonna cut my dick off and throw it in the toilet i would never do drugs doctors were not able to reattach the penis so did they do you think they just had to reconstruct a way for the pee to get out i don't know and just a little context because i know a little bit about that story the reason he did that is because he felt like his penis was ruining his life well because his penis was a driving force behind every bad decision that he's ever made okay so he was a sex addict probably I mean, he did talk about, he did talk about Jack and off, but, but I mean, so that's, that's that, that's that. Well, well, thank you for sharing all that. I mean, I mean, listen, but everything happens for a reason and, uh, it does. And look at what you're able to do here. I mean, talking about this. I think honestly, I, even as funny as it sounds, even just you telling that story about somebody cutting their dick off, it's going to stop people from doing drugs. Like, literally 100%. Like, I'm never doing drugs. Because I always kind of. fantasized about, you know, maybe I would, you know, be more creative or maybe I would have more

fun. Maybe I would be, you know, whatever. Maybe I'd be skinnier if I did Coke. Like, I would always have those thoughts. Um, so yeah, now I'm definitely never going to do it. So thank you. You're the first person to tell me how cool I was. Oh, wait, who's cooler? Me or Jared? Jake's the coolest person. Oh, my God. I agree. But who's the sexiest? The sexian? Don't answer that. Okay, so before we get into the glitches in the Matrix, which is really what I want to focus on today, I do have a couple of theories that are stupid. But it made me, it made me think, I'm going to throw this out and you tell me how crazy this is.

I think I'm going to hate it. There is a theory that the government created dinosaurs to keep us from trying to event time travel. Okay, okay, how about this? I'm in. I've actually made a video before about dinosaurs being fake in general. So I'm, uh, I understand what I'm, why would their bones be everywhere? Uh, because the government time traveled and planted them there. But which government?

Because every, every different countries. The Illuminati, Chris. The ultimate government. Let me say a few things. Let me say a few things. Why are their paintings of dinosaurs on cave walls? Because they saw the bones? They saw bones of dinosaurs, you think?

And they were able to draw what the actual body look like. Oh. So there's the conspiracy. It goes a couple different ways, right? Oh, Chris is Googling. Either dinosaurs never existed because every dinosaur name was invented by two guys in, like, a New York apartment in, like, I believe it was the 1850s. So it's a very weird timeline of how they were found out about and all this stuff. Okay.

The other theory is dinosaurs didn't go extinct 65 million years ago, and it was actually much more recent. And that's why it's interesting that in, like, Acamberto, Mexico, they have little figurines of dinosaurs from around 2,000 years ago. Because how would people only 2,000 years ago know about things that were supposedly extinct 65 million years ago? Well, okay, I have another question. Yeah. How come in Jurassic World Dominion, the whole idea is... That's real? Is that like a new one?

Yeah, the final one. How come it's 30 minutes too long? there's that. Conspiracy. But also, the whole thing is like, oh, my God, what would happen if we live with dinosaurs? Oh, no. And then they do live with dinosaur. Spoiler alert.

They live with dinosaurs. And they're like, yeah, well, anyways, look at those bugs. Like, they, like, didn't care. So I'm like, would the dinosaurs kill everyone? Like, so then I started thinking, maybe dinosaurs would live with people and be peaceful, which makes sense for your theory. How embarrassing. But then where did the dinosaurs go?

That's the whole thing, you know. time traveled they did okay well that's my question so you're saying that the conspiracy is that they don't keep us from time traveling but why wouldn't why wouldn't we time travel if dinosaurs exist we'd have scary oh I get it here I am I've arrived yeah yeah but that's very specific it's like to keep us from time traveling I don't who that wants to go back 65 million years my takeaway from Jurassic World Dominion is how have how have creatures not re-evolved into dinosaurs What? No, I get what you're saying.

That was either the smartest thing I've ever heard. But I think that's actually a good thing because if evolution is constant, what's driving it? And dinosaurs had to have been like the pinnacle apex of evolution. What do you mean? Like, why? Why don't they exist again? Like, what's keeping from like a bird to become a tarotactyl or what's like... By the way, chickens and birds are related to dinosaurs?

That's what I mean. Why haven't they evolved further? Well, supposedly when they were alive, if they were ever alive, is they had feathers and things of that nature. And they looked more like chickens than they would like what we're presented as. That's even scarier. I would never want to time travel and see a fucking 30-foot chicken. Did you see the hairy one that went underwater in Jurassic World Dominion?

That's probably more accurate because it was hairy and looked like a chicken. It looked like a messed up rooster. Do you remember that one? From what I understand dinosaurs, like we're actually not smart. at all. They were like really unintelligent. Really? No interesting world.

The Raptors are like, I don't think they could do fucking calculus, dude, but I mean, they were pretty smart. The T-Rex is like, is like, hey, you do this and do this and then do this and I'll help you.

Like, that literally was the movie. I mean, that's a, they were icons. Fucking icons. What are you talking about? Wow, that just ruined my whole life. I thought dinosaurs were Jameson. Were there gay dinosaurs

dinosaurs and if they were tops and bottoms would the bottom dinosaurs be called super sore asses. There are so many... But we already just spelled that myth. There's no soreness. No, there's soreness. Poop is bigger than penises. Oh, I don't know.

Okay, well, obviously... A dinosaur dig is a lot. That's bloody... Can you imagine? But there are so many gay animals and species, why wouldn't dinosaurs be gay? You're right. Because there are so many gay animals.

Which ones? These are all animals that natural... in the wild practice, homosexuality. African buffalo, African elephant, Amazon River dolphin, bison, antelope, Asian elephant, Australian sea lion. There's like 300. Is that like T-Rexes or

never mind? They're like... So dinosaurs could have been gang. There it is. That's the theory. What? Well, that's why I say their icon. That's where it all comes from. What are you doing?

Well, they're the ultimate like... What are you doing? Yeah. How are you doing? Chris, Chris Pratt, what are you doing? Not in my jungle. That's how they were in the movie. And then the chicken with his big chicken head,

and he was like, oh, I don't think so. And he went in the water. I'm like trying to visualize what you just said because I haven't seen the movie, so I'm thinking a giant chicken jumping in the water. It's like, this sounds fucking awesome. Finally, they figured it out. Would a homophobic animal owner

disown their gay dog? Does the dog stay in the closet? is it? Is a dog staying in the doghouse? I think they just hump other dog. Would you even know? No. We've had gay animals before and I knew. What do you mean?

We haven't. Just know. Charlie, big old queen. Well, because it just, his bark changed. He did the invoice. Because it's like,

I don't got to like, because he was going like, oh, and then they're like, fuck this, the dogs do. And we love them anyways. Yeah.

Oh, I would think so. Okay, are you guys ready to investigate some glitches in the simulation? Yeah, I cracked them all last time. Let's start simple, and then we'll get into the crazier ones. Okay, watch this girl on a swing closely. Did you see that? What did she hit? Okay, ready?

Oh my gosh. What? What? What did she just hit midair? Whoa. That looks crazy. It looks like there's like an invisible rope on her hip that yanked at last minute or something. You know what I mean?

That is crazy. Like what happened? Whoever owns the pond and installed an invisible fence. I mean, you're saying it's like some fence, but if you look at the impact spot, it's about her hip when she's going down, right? Yeah. So that means that she wouldn't be able to break that barrier, but her right arm swings through where that fence would be. Do you see what I'm saying? Yeah.

Like her right arm goes down lower than the point of where she's... her hip hits the fence. It actually just doesn't make sense. I feel like they tried to create a viral moment. Her right hand, if you stare at it, it looks like it glitches up. But then again, if it's a glitch in the Matrix. It looks like that. You know?

Wow. That's weird. Okay. Watch the middle of the screen. Okay. And see if you see the glitch. Not a mind. None of mine.

Yeah, how he just appears out of nowhere. Where did the bike? I just again feel like this is a thing, it could be just a perspective thing. Oh, yeah. Really? How? It could be, but it might probably not. Not a mind.

Because he could have been on the bike behind this. Watch the man in front, move around. You'll see nothing behind him. That'd be a really crazy camera angle to be able to finesse that. Ready? He's looking around, walking around. Whoa. That's crazy.

I mean, it is crazy. How would he? There's no way a full-sized bike, though, could fit behind a human. Look at the man wobbling around. If the bike wasn't sideways, if it was straight on, do you know what I'm saying? So you think that old man on the bike was crouching? And it was straight behind him? No, no, no.

I think he could. The bike was straight on. He was sitting on it, and then, like, he was just getting ready or checking his watch or whatever, and then started going. It's either such a coincidence or they set this up, and it was, like, perfect timing. I don't buy it. I think the guy on the bike is too. Glitch in the Matrix. I think it's a glitch in the matrix.

matrix obviously you guys are fucking ops trying to get us off of the scent okay this is uh i don't know if this is a glitch or if it's just something really scary and my nightmare but this is a video of somebody who said uh why did my doll's head just move oh okay so watch the transformer closely it's fucking moving right i don't see it moving you didn't see it move did you see it move i feel like his camera angle is really weird too i mean hold on watch it again really like look close at the fucking doll's head this camera movement is driving me crazy i mean if it is moving it's moving

so slow. Okay. It's moving. It's moving. Okay, I got a devil advocate on this one just a bit. It's literally moved. It just literally moved. Okay. But, and I googled it, that toy is not robotic. It doesn't move. Yeah, but this feels like a very controlled environment, and he's filming it to do this. It looks like a pretty nerdy situation going on. Like this, like, to where I mean, like, I'm sure this person is very, like, all about technology and stuff.

And, I mean, the computer and all the cards all over the walls. so maybe they made it do that. I don't know, but I mean, nonetheless, I'm shook. How? I googled it. I looked at video reviews of the toy. The toy is not a movable toy. It's not a robotic toy.

There's not a button. It feels like he's in his own soundstage to me. Like he has a controlled environment. He's filming it because he knows what he did. I believe the other two. This one I just don't fuck with. All right, fine. Okay, this is another, well, you guys are probably not going to believe this one either.

And I'm sure there's science behind this, but it definitely freaked me out. This is a bubble hover. What does it happen? How? How are you doing this? I mean, that's pretty nuts. How is it happening? I mean.

Why won't you float away? And how are they staying up high? Because the bubble doesn't have, like, helium in it? I don't know. And it's under a shelf, so it's not like. Like it's, like, what is going on? I've got to test this for myself. It's a bubble hover, what you said, or is that like a scientific term bubble hovers?

I just made that up. But look, at, they're not moving. Is it possible for bubbles to hover for a long time? He said 20 minutes. 20 minutes. That's pretty crazy. Is it possible for bubber to hover? You know?

Here's a perciable for burble to herver? Because I don't even know how they could have finessed to that. How? How are you doing this? This one you're going to think is really, like, dumb. But I watched it probably ten times and it just kept getting scarier to me. This is a glitch of a woman laughing and then, well, just watch. That's gotta have been edited

That was weird, right? That's a horror movie Wait, that's from a movie? No, it looks like a horror movie. Oh, because she like froze when she was laughing And then she came out of it And she was like, what just happened? And I kind of believed her when she was like, what just happened?

Okay, listen, I was shook when I was watching it But now that I'm thinking about it, they edited the music to make us more scared So what's stopping them from pausing her as well. Okay, then let's mute it. Let's watch it without music. I mean, she was... Look at her, she's laughing, having good time,

drinking with her girls. And then, oh, her brain just glitched. oh my god oh my god ew oh my god ew this is so scary to me for some reason ew the zoom in live in her eyes they're dead and oh my god welcome back sweetie i mean people glitch for sure like i glitch frequently but not like that okay here's the thing we're looking at her she's a sweet innocent girl would never do anything but there's things that this bitch is a vampire that'll get you looking like that for a couple seconds or she can have narcolepsy or she could have just had a minor stroke which is not funny at all my god

wait way to dampen the mood i know but luckily science has proven none of that is accurate it's a glitch in the matrix that's what i was saying if she had a stroke or i don't think she'd come out of it and be like laughing with her girls and i don't think her friend would zoom in this is either friends doing this on purpose or the most terrifying thing i've ever seen my life should we try it wait okay wait let's try it should we do it one by one or should we all do it at the same all at the same time you can have fun in editing okay what are we doing we're gonna be her so we're all gonna laugh and then maybe i'll should i snap or something and then we all like freeze okay but you have to keep laughing when you're frozen i think that's part of it right wasn't she's still laughing yeah i think

she just she's like okay all right ready okay okay and Did you ever snap? I missed the cue to stop. That proves it's too hard to do in real life. I'll give you a cue. I'll do this. Okay. Okay.

That's when you stop. Everyone can see that. Okay. Okay. I kind of think we killed it. What just happened? What just happened? Okay.

I hate that. But that terrified me. Okay, I have a final glitch we're going to get into that it's going to, we're really going to have to dissect this. But before we do that, just one little thing I have to show you. Because I never thought about it. Elon Musk's smile is technically a glitch. Have you ever noticed that his smile is a frown? Whoa.

Right? Because he seems happy. but it's a frown. No, he's smiling. You can tell he's smiling, but it's literally a frown when you actually, like, draw with your finger. No, that's, is that real?

I think so. Wait, try it. Is it like this? I was just trying to do it and I was getting myself a headache trying to do it. You know what, though? I mean, who fucking knows, you know? No, Christi, you look sad.

No, now you look like you're disapproving. You're nervous. If anything, what, it's showing me on a macro level is it's really about your eyes you know because his eyes are what we're looking at thinking he's smiling but maybe he's not smiling how do we know he's smiling okay this is the last one this went viral i don't go on tic talk but i guess this went viral on ticot and a lot of people are sending it to me and i watched it and i was like oh this is stupid and then i was like wait a minute i actually don't understand so this is the finale i don't understand anything i've seen from

ticot okay so the craziest shit happened to me earlier So, okay, there was a glitch, a glitch in the system. I'm going to show you guys a video, okay? So in this video, you can see me grabbing the lemon, right? I cut it in half, and then I cut it in half once more right there. You can see me cut it, right? I go get a bag, okay, I grab the bag, I go back for the lemon, and I grab the lemon, and I touch it and I'm like, why is it not cut in half?

In my face, I'm like, what the fuck? So I'm like inspecting it. I take it out of the bag. I grab this lemon trying to see if I cut that one. I recut the lemon because the lemon wasn't cut anymore. I'm freaking out because the lemon was not cut in half anymore. It was literally intact. And you can see me in the video, cut the lemon in half.

There was a glitch. This has never happened to me, and I don't know how to act. I'm freaking out. I'm going to play the video one more time so you guys can see for yourselves. Okay. Okay, so she cuts it once, okay, and then cuts that one again. Okay, close attention to the lemon, let's make sure nobody else does some funky business. Is there something in her bag?

No. Whoa. I'm actually kind of shook because I thought she was doing like a magic trick, but I was watching closely. What the fuck? What? What? happened because I need to know that's pretty crazy so what happened I'm so confused and I looked at the comments and nobody knows everybody's like you I saw

that lemon like mold back together or like oh my God like what what what was that I hate that one that's that's just crazy that's just what I mean what unless it was all just pre you know but I was trying to look for a lemon replacement or trick unless this is like a VFX artist or something so it's either she had the foresight to do all of this ahead of time and make this video and have the idea or it happened and it's a glitch in the matrix I don't know that yeah that one's pretty nuts I have a hard time explaining that one I don't think I can't either I would look to see if she made an update but I don't want to open TikTok so I'm just going to say glitch confirmed wow all right so yeah there you go

if any of you guys know how any of these glitches happen let us know in the comments because we can't figure it out. I mean, the lemon one does not make sense. The girl on the swing, like, hitting an invisible fence. The girl laughing. Let us know. The bubbles. Let us know in the comments.

If you can figure these out, help. We need it. Okay. It's about that time. Oh, my God. What happened? Oh, my God. Is my recap canceled?

Sorry, we've had some changes at the network. We're going to fly someone else, send. On my camera action Ryland's recap is about to happen Ryland's recap On today's episode of the Shane Dawson podcast Shocking bombshells exposed Chris

He's addicted to jacking off Oh my god you can he almost crashed on a hill when he was doing it Oh yeah yeah Chris reveals he's addicted to jacking off And the craziest place he's ever came Not only that, but we learn you can bruise your mouth from giving blowjo. Your dentist will know when you have given fallatio. Whoa, that was medical.

That was great. Hit me with some more. Oh, no Mandela effects. Oh, my God. The first episode we've done with no Mandela effects. But people were remember it as an episode that had Mandela effects. So technically, this episode has been a Mandela effect. This episode is a Mandela Effect.

Reviews are flying in. Some confused that there were no Mandela effects for the full. first time ever. However, some super gay shit went down on today's podcast. Jared and Shane doing questionable acts in Shane's closet. Whoa. Also, what? Sorry.

I liked that. I wasn't expecting it. Wow. Okay, you're coming in. Oh, Armourgird. The official language of the podcast is Ermai Gurd. Are you going to start speaking in Irma Gurd? Let us know in the Kermers, blah.

But in some IrmaGerd news, which you might not. have heard of for about 10 years. The boys are bringing the language back as their official language of the podcast. Are you all on board with Urmogurd? And how often are you using it in your day to day live? Sound off and let us know in the comment section below. And also... No, no, you have to finish it in Omigur.

And they love you, Irma Gerrude. No, you know, leave five stars. So you're ready for the round of that? to end? Oh, no, no. Okay. Subscribe. We'll end in, oh my God, but I feel like we only have like two hits so far of this. Okay, okay, hold on, hold on, hold on. In a bombshell episode for Christopher, we find out he isn't only in love with Shane, but also has an affinity for both Ryland and Jared. Love triangle. There is a potential love triangle as he tries to fuck all three boys in the episode. He let me down kindly, though, by saying I was cool.

Sad. Oh, uh, Chris might get arrested for jerking off in bad places. Chris might join a registry suit In legal news Are you registered In sex offender news Well, wait Whoa, okay Wrong podcast, wrong podcast

I can be associated with this Soffin it No, that's what we learned Allegedly Allegedly I don't think that I didn't know Chris

Or we find out the craziest places he has beat his meat. Whoa. He's a shooter. Okay. Well, that wraps up another episode of the Shane Dawson podcast. We hope you all enjoy. Don't forget to leave a five-star rating, review, and comment wherever you listen to the podcast. Don't forget to follow us on social media at the Shane Dawson podcast, and we hope you all enjoyed it.

Signing off from Colorado, we love you very much, and we'll see you next two weeks. I forgot it's not weekly. Goodbye. Goodbye. Yeah, good job, baby. Good job, baby. You got it. Good job.

Oh, my God. I love you, so much. Yes, Bruce up there, baby. Goodbye. Well, there you guys go. Hopefully, enjoy whatever the hell of this was. I know I did. Thank you, Ryland.

You're such a beautiful, amazing co-host. Thank you, Chris. We all want to fuck you right back. Thank you, Jared, for being the coolest guy in the room, and no longer addicted to anything except for love. That's it. And thank you guys for watching. We'll see you next time.

Burr! Burr! Burr! Burr! What? Freeze. I'm not the only word to earn it? What about it?

What about my mercy? Oh, my goodness. You know,