The Shintaro Higashi Show - Blame The Uke! | The Shintaro Higashi Show

Episode Date: November 10, 2025

In this episode of the Shintaro Higashi Show, Shintaro and David dive into the often-overlooked but crucial relationship between uke and tori in judo and jiu-jitsu training. They explore the dynamics of uke-blaming, communication breakdowns, trust on the mats, and how to be a good training partner. From dojo etiquette to grappling psychology, this conversation covers it all with humor and insight.00:00 Welcome Back & Episode Intro00:38 What Is Uke and Tori?01:30 The Problem of Uke Blaming02:15 Miscommunication and Unrealistic Expectations03:00 Is It the Uke’s Fault or the Tori’s?04:00 Trust as the Foundation of Good Drilling04:45 Marriage Analogies and Nonverbal Communication05:40 The Diplomat and the Uke-Tori Dynamic06:30 Higashi Brand Hoodie Plug06:55 Being Introspective as a Tori07:30 Drilling Tips: Slowing Down, Communicating Reactions08:30 How to Give Feedback to a Higher Belt09:00 Humor and Tact in Giving Constructive Criticism09:45 Ego, Hierarchy, and Navigating the Dojo10:20 New Techniques and Equal Confusion10:50 Black Belts Look Like Beginners Too11:15 Being Humble & Avoiding the Blame Game11:35 Outro: Be a Good Uke and Check Out the Merch🚨 LIMITED-TIME OFFER: 40% OFF 🚨The All-in-One Instructional Bundle just got even better.Every major instructional. One complete system. Now at our biggest discount yet.Grab yours now at 40% off : https://higashibrand.com/products/all-instructionalsThis won’t last. Build your game today.🔥 Get 20% OFF FUJI Gear! 🔥Looking to level up your judo training with the best gear? FUJI Sports has you covered. Use my exclusive link to grab 20% OFF high-quality gis, belts, bags, and more.👉 https://www.fujisports.com/JUDOSHINTARO 👈No code needed – just click and save!Links:🇯🇵 Kokushi Budo Institute (The Dojo) Class Schedule in New York, NY 🗽: https://www.kokushibudo.com/schedule🇯🇵 Higashi Brand Merch & Instructionals: https://www.higashibrand.com📚 Shintari Higashi x BJJ Fanatics Judo Courses & Instructionals Collection: https://bjjfanatics.com/collections/shintaro-higashi/

The Shintaro Higashi Show is sponsored by Judo TV, your premier destination for live and on-demand judo coverage. Never miss a throat. Higashi brand. Train hard, live strong, wear Higashi brand. Hakuin AI. Hakuin AI helps you measure, predict, and solve customer churn. Visit Hakuin AI and start your free churn on it today. Hello everyone.

Welcome back to the Shantaro Higashi show. It's been a while. David's sort of been MIA. What a busy guy. Harvard graduate, entrepreneur, has no time to get on the podcast with me anymore. Thanks for that, David. Hey, you know, only love.

Only love for you, Shantaro, every day, all the time. We're going to talk about something you know a little bit about. Is that right? That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are we talking about? Being an Uke and Ukei blaming. I'm always blamed as the UK.

I never blame the UK. Yeah, so this is the thing, right? When you're drilling with someone, You need a Tori and a Uke, Tori is a person doing, Uke is a person receiving. That's what it means, did you know that? Uke means receiving. Yes, I did. My education did reach that far.

Yeah. So if you're the primary person drilling, there is the other person who's taking the drill, called the Uke, and a lot of the times things don't go well during said training session, and then Tori does a little bit of what we like to call Uke-Blaming. I'm very curious about this, actually, because I'm wondering how different it is, you know, between the different, you know, there's always an Uke and Atori, no matter, like even if you're not doing judo. Yeah, but I'm wondering if the culture of Uke-Blaiming changes depending on your context. Yeah. So what do you know about Uke-blaming?

Give me an example. I mean, I would think like if you're trying to train a technique, the most obvious thing to me would just be he's being a dead fish or he's being a bad. partner and kind of blocking you from doing the very thing that you're supposed to be practicing in that moment. That's the first thing that comes to mind. Yes, for sure, for sure. And you know, a lot of the times what happens, it's Tori is to blame as well because you have to directly communicate what you're trying to do. And then sometimes, I'll give you an example, right? Like someone teaches a technique, here's the technique of the day, you're doing it. But it's a little bit beyond or like behind or below your pay grade or whatever it is. And you want to know,

drill something else so you tell you're okay like yo can you get into this position and some people drill their own thing while the teacher's showing a certain technique how dare you shantara yeah and then it's like what i'm expecting is one resistance one like softball problem here is what i would normally do for instance knee cut framing right so i could clear the frame and then do the thing but a lot of the times the expected reaction isn't directly community And I think there's a lot of problems there with that, right? Yeah, like, yeah, the two of you get out of sync or confused as to like, what is the goal of what you're doing? And then people get annoyed.

Yeah, they do. And then sometimes it is the Uke's fault because they're just kind of letting you go or doing the wrong reaction. And that's a big one, right? Yeah. And then, but sometimes the Tory also sucks. And they're not capable of making the shapes. and then they're like oh my god my uke this and that or quit being so stiff or whatever it is

and maybe they're stiff because they have self-preservation well let me try this al-sotagari on you but the uke is very scared so they're kind of stiff or resistant because they don't want to get to slend on their head because they don't fully trust the tory you know what I mean? So it's like when to uke blame how to be a good uke all these things kind of work together and the main foundation of being a good uke

or relationship with duke is trust yeah no and then when i think back to my own experience like when i have had to take falls a few times i will allow it um that's definitely a thing because if you feel like that tory doesn't know what they're doing or they're like going overly agro just on a practice you know rep you're kind of like you know what what is going on here and you instinctively you instinctively stiffen up you know even trying not to yeah 100% it's like let me see this thing that i just saw online like this georgian guy did this stuff on the thing it's like let me try it you're like i didn't agree to this yeah i don't consent to this murder that's about to happen so trust in communication is the first and forward it's kind of like a marriage you know

what i mean and you know a little bit about marriages yes i know an embarrassingly little amount count given my situation. So the analogy, right, you ever like come home and the dinner's cooked and there's things you say not verbally but nonverbally just to get the message across? Like what are some examples of that that can sort of be in an analogy with like this Tori Uke situation in the grapple mess? This is the most relatable thing ever, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know it's a really good example of this? Tell me. My wife has been watching this show called The Diplomat. Have you heard of it? No. It's Kerry Russell. And Carrie Russell used to be hot. Is she still hot?

Yes, she's a handsome lady. Okay. But she's married to this guy. And there are all these little moments where they've been married so long. They automatically, like, she will automatically help him with his cufflinks when, And then he will automatically help her with things. Even though they have a dysfunctional marriage, they have these roles and these expectations that are unsaid that are sort of baked into their relationship.

So it's sort of an interesting thing if you've been married for a long time. Yeah. And then if she's mad at him, she won't fix the cufflinks. No, actually, sometimes she still will, you know, because it's just so ingrained into their marriage. Interesting. Yeah. Yeah. Well, she's pissed too.

And, you know, I'm sure, like, you know, sometimes it'll happen right after. they've been like screaming at each other so that's what I admit that's what makes it super interesting interesting and then that reminds you of your wife I don't wear cufflings never it's never a problem by the way I'm wearing a higashi hoodie it's brand new we have hoodies and geese now on the website yeah I haven't seen this I haven't seen this hoodie yet in person this is a good one it's thick it's very comfortable the inside is brushed super high quality fabric you know good zipper feel the here the zipper oh nice I know

And I like the little badge on the, on the chest down. Yeah, it's a little Higashi logo, you know, is the thing. AI chip, right? AI chip, you can track all your things. But yeah, Tori has a responsibility, too, to be very introspective. And sometimes it's like, am I doing the technique right or is the Uke to blame? You know, and I remember, like, when I was a young guy, it was like seeing some of these patterns,

fake turn, turn, throw, Ochi, cut the hand, drop San Agu. And I'm trying to make these patterns, make these patterns, what am I doing wrong? Where am I stepping wrong? but sometimes it is the uke that's reacting the wrong way but sometimes I'm not making the shape of the throw so then ideally it's like you slow it down and say okay you know you slow it down enough to where you kind of think about what you're doing but also think about what the uke is doing and then communicating and say hey you know what I go drop Sanagi don't step around it stay where you are right or when I do coachy push you push back into me okay here what would you how would you react I would push into you okay and there's that Sanagi yeah right and then you know you're doing it as you're like sort of feeling the opponent out now all of a sudden you can kind of little by little ad speed ad speed but you have to be communicative you know once you expect the person to give you the proper

reaction they don't give it to you it's extremely frustrating but it could also be that you're not doing the right moves or that you're not making the guy feel safe you know so okay blaming huge issue in the grappling industry no one explicitly teaches people how to be in UK either yeah I have actually one question about this because it's natural when you talk about about Tori, like giving feedback to the UK, right? The UK's not giving the right reactions. But I feel like it's less natural going the other way, you know, like, let's say you're

being a bad Tori. Yeah. How do you communicate that, you know, without like, yeah, you're freaking doing it wrong, man. Yeah. So, like, how does that work? Obviously, it's tricky because there's all these dynamics in the dojo, right? If you're going with someone who's a higher belt who's trying to move on you, it's very difficult to give that person unsolicited feedback.

And, you know, people don't, that's the least favorite thing, you know, when I see people give in. You don't want to do that. Unslisted in feedback, especially if they're trying to figure it out, you know. Yeah. But sometimes it's like you guys are equals and be like, bro, are you going to put me on my head? Or don't put me on my head, dude. You know, you know, so it's like. I feel like I'm going to break my neck.

And then you say it kind of funny and they're like, all right, all right, all right, you know. Yeah, I'll take it easy. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You'll just set it up first. Just set it up first. I like that one. You know?

Yes. That's a good one. that's a good one set it up on me a few times set it up that way it's like oh I know the entry I know the thing you don't rip it is a good one so someone's like I saw this Urnage right you know and me being the guy that I am I won't take that you know but like if I were to

like let me figure this thing out all right just set it up just set it up okay don't fucking spike in my head just do it real slow do it real slow once you get comfortable yeah guide the Tori doing it you know that's like being a good UK too right you're teaching the Tori but like I said you know in the room it's like Guys have certain ways that they learn, and then guys have certain things that they're not,

I'm not learning from a blue belt. Some people like that. Yeah. You know, so you got to navigate it the right way. Yeah. And that's one thing I have, that's one thing that I learned early in Jiu-Jitsu too. It's like when you're repping a new technique. Yeah. You know, if it's not part of your game, like just because someone is a higher belt, they're just as uncoordinated, you know, as anybody else, you know? I mean, they're just as uncoordinated. And it always used to, like, flabbergast me. I'm like, man, this guy's like a, you know, purple belt, brown belt, whatever. And he's just as close as I am, you know?

Now, the fact of the matter is, that's not true. It's not true because when it comes to, like, the role, like, you know, maybe it's not a technique that they use. Yeah, it takes them a little while to figure it out. But they're, you know, the likelihood of them putting it into practice is much higher. But still, at that time, I remember thinking, like, oh, this is so weird. These guys just as close as I am when it comes with this particular. 100% man and you know what from my bird's eye view when I teach something completely new and out of the ordinary in my gym and then my brown or black belts have never seen that thing before they look like beginners and then a lot of these white or yellow belts who are going with those guys are like yo am i doing it right am i doing it wrong and you see the guys who are like well this is my first time i've ever seen he's never showed this thing before so i'm i'm lost as you and then you see the guys trying to fake it like yeah you go like this and you're just not doing it hard enough and then they're the first ones to gaslight the beginners and blame and

no you're doing it you're not reacting right that's why i can't do this because you suck you know and you see the division and some guys are you know great communicators and some guys are like oh i don't this is the first time so it's a whole thing be humble everybody yeah you're absolutely right check out higashi brand dot com david thank you please don't uke blame absolutely yeah thank you you there