The Shintaro Higashi Show - How to Manage Parents in Your Dojo

Episode Date: November 29, 2022

One of the most important aspects of running a dojo that frequently gets overlooked is how to manage parents of kids at your dojo. They come in all kinds of variety, from the busy ones that barely pay attention to the ones with extremely high expectations who pay too much attention. They are an integral part of the dojo, so how can we manage them so that their kids, and the parents themselves, can get the most out of Judo? In this episode, Shintaro talks to Peter about how he manages the parents at his dojo. Please support us on Patreon if you can: https://www.patreon.com/shintaro_higashi_show. Any amount helps!

hello everyone welcome back to the shintaro higashi show peter you today we're going to talk about managing parents at the dojo that's an exciting yeah that's a that's a very different from other topics i think um uh so it was actually a suggestion from one of our patrons cory um he's trying to see if he can start his own dojo and kickstart and then yeah he has some questions about this so i think there are two aspects like the easy one is during practice when you know a lot of times parents will come and watch their kids do judo and then i think the biggest problem is uh sideline coaching i don't even know what you would really call it like yeah i'm tricking on the side yeah helicopter parenting you name it

you know it's so common. Right. And it's so easy to be like, hey, get up or do this or do that if you're sitting on the side and your kid's getting pinned. You know? Yeah. Especially in practice. But this is the thing, right? It's a small – dojos aren't humongous places. It's not in a stadium.

It's not like outdoor in the bleachers in the, you know, soccer field like this. You're in a small intimate space, right? Yeah. And then you're like, get up, that kid, you know, whatever it is. You're coaching against the parent and the kid that's right beside you right right right you know i mean it's not fair to the other kid too especially depending on the age as well your kid's seven years old and you're doing great and you're happy you're holding the other kid down yeah i'm winning mommy whatever it is and all the parents screaming it can be intimidating yeah and also i

think also maybe sometimes my parents are not as well versed in judo i mean as you and then yeah they make you know wrong advice or something they give wrong advice yeah i'm pretty good with this nuanced way of addressing that you know what i do is like uh i've done this many many times and it works very well you gotta do it a smile right yeah uh when you know the parent is coaching their kid and i said hey johnny you did judo i didn't know you did judo all right how long have you done it for buddy really they're like oh well i dabbled it in and i was like oh that's cool that's cool all right uh you know let us teach a kid you know oh you do you do explicitly tell the parents right generally the first few times it's like that it's like hey

how long have you done judo for and usually it's like oh i haven't i'm like oh great that's cool and they'll usually get the get the cue some people will get that just like that yeah how long have you done judo for oh i've never really done it you know but i watch youtube video i watch you on videos i'm like oh cool cool all right and yeah some people and then and then just the timing of it right because i'm teaching the kids and you know at my dojo i hold the kids up when they do randoi with each other yeah you know

and then it's like right how long have you done judo for and just the timing of that kind of makes me feel like oh yeah I guess I haven't done judo haha yeah

and then all the other parents are looking at him like and then you know sometimes it prompts a conversation amongst the parents too like oh I've done judo for like 8 years

oh that's cool I was a black male as a kid or whatever it is you can't get a black male as a kid in judo but or you know you can't get a black man as a kid judo but like you know i'm a brown mouth or okay and then they talk about themselves and then they establish their own like judo hierarchy within the with the parent yeah oh that's interesting so but you know this is the thing if they've done judo before they kind of know right yeah some of these unspoken rules then yeah they wouldn't really give out unsolicited advice to kids yes yes right i mean sometimes they do and then you know sometimes

it has to escalate and be like hey man you want to come out here and coach your kid you want to teach everybody what you know i've done it just like that too you know really and fed up with this guy right how was the reaction oh no no yeah so they'll get it usually at that point they will really get it right they usually get it you know and if they don't get it they get they're out i don't want there you know and you know you get a couple of those guys it's a very unsafe environment you know right and then sometimes if that doesn't work sometimes i'll say something like hey you know what you seem like you're really into it and you want to take this next level you take it very seriously like yeah i want my kid to be a champion all right let's do

some privates you know let's work on one one i think he has some talent you know and usually those kids of those parents are being pushed into it and they do show some level of success at an early age because they're being pushed into it right yeah yeah dad's talking about it watch this damn video whatever it is so then that's a great way for me to segue into like all right let's do a one-to-one i don't do it but like i used to do stuff like that right and then you kind of shield them a little bit from the general population you know right and it's like hey man listen i'm gonna work with them specifically on these things like you don't have to because i I got it. I got it.

So generally, that may be a strategy. That's a good segue to that other aspect. We're going to start in practice and kind of move out of it. So that's the disruption during practice. That's how you deal with it but now like it like you said some parents who are very eager for their kids to be like olympians or super athletes in judo and whatever so how do you handle that because it's um it's not necessarily the best way to go about it i guess i guess you can't just say oh my seven-year-old kid was gonna be an olympic champion you gotta put a lot i bet you get a lot of like oh, you got to push him harder or push her harder. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's managing expectations. And that's the beauty of being on the Upper West Side. People know what it takes to get to a high level in anything. A lot of these guys are PhD, lawyer, doctor, have been athletes themselves. Whatever it is that they've done, they understand what it takes to get to the top because they're in a very competitive environment all the time in the New York City private schools where they're gifted and talented program.

They're putting their kids in chess and violin and all this stuff. And they see these kids who are doing violin five days a week. So when they're bringing their kids into judo once or twice a week, they already know they're once or twice a week kids. There's once a week judo, twice a week judo once or twice a week they already know they're once or twice a week kids right there's once a week judo twice a week judo skill level yeah it's according to how long they train and all this stuff right right and most of these people take an approach where they just pepper their kid into everything and then they try to determine which thing will be the most beneficial for them right down the line with college and longevity and see where they you know show talent

yeah and see which one they like and if all those things meet then they double down on the time in terms of this right but judo is never really that for upper west side because there's no scholarship opportunities uh right right like right so you don't really get that in the dojo because a lot of these parents have their kids in stuff like lacrosse or hockey or baseball or other things that could potentially get them somewhere. So first, they already know what it takes to get to the next level. If they're doing judo once a week or twice a week, they know their kid's not going to beat a kid that does judo five days a week. They already kind of know this, right? And they're still kind of testing the waters to see if the kid really likes it.

Likes it, yeah. See if it's going to... And they're already kind of against it, right? Because this is, like I said, fencing, right? They only have Division I across the board for fencing. There's no Division II, Division III for United States College Athletics, right? So if you for fencing. There's no division two, division three for United States college athletics. Right.

So if you do fencing for four years and you say you fenced in college, right. You're a division one athlete. Yeah. Which is kind of a nice thing to say on a resume. I was a division one athlete. What was your sport? Fencing.

And 99% of the time, people are not going to know that there is no division two or three. I actually didn't know. I knew that it was an NCAA sport, i actually didn't know i knew that it was an ncw sport but i didn't know it was only for big schools yeah it's a great one right so you know that's specifically to the pocket that i live in yeah yeah but if you're elsewhere you have to manage the expectations you know it's like hey listen man if you want your kid to be a champion you gotta do more than twice a week and you have to kind of verbally say this do judo twice

a week you know and look at the even if you look at any of the classes right they're not designed to pump out champions you know if you want that kind of a thing you have to do private you have to do other stuff you have to do extra yeah how are we going to do that let's come up with a plan for you and you're a kid and you have to be able to have a product to sell to them to give to them yeah you have to if you have that kind of a parent that parent who wants their kid to be a champion right who there is no extra anything to support that is going to be annoyed right yeah and sometimes you got to say too it's like all right let's uh and I had this issue once.

This kid did judo once or twice a week. He's not a great athlete. And his dad was obese. You don't even need to take these kids to his son's tournament. And sometimes I'd be like, don't go to that tournament. He would do it anyway. And the kid would get smoked. Smoked.

And he's like, how are you? He just didn't get it. He actually came to the dojo once yelling at me he was like yo how's my kid are you supposed to be the best teacher like what why is my kid so bad you know why is he not winning anything and you know what is wrong with this place or whatever it was i was like first of all right there are kids here competing and winning those kids come three times a week those kids come four times a week. Those kids come four times a week. They run and lift on their own. They also have great athletes' parents. Their parents are great athletes.

You are not an athlete. Your wife is not an athlete. You guys are actually out of shape. There's nobody in your family that's an athlete. And I kind of had to, you know. Whoa, you really, I mean. I didn't really lean into him that bad. But it's like, if you want, we can.

And then I left that at that. I was like, if you want, we can. And then I left that at that. I was like, if you want, we could do some stuff to make him a better athlete. There's other training things. We'll put together a thing. But they were just already so unhappy to begin with. Yeah. So that was the beginning to the end.

And I wanted him out the door. Seriously. Actually, it was kind of like, how dare you come in? Right? He's huffing and puff he's coming down the stairs it's like i'm not trying to like fat shame him or anything like that but it's like yeah you know that was a misstep on my part too like i should have managed his expectations better oh you know what i mean so the lesson learned is that yeah like if if someone if parents yeah have over

overly blown expectations you have to manage that early on yeah man because I mean I remember like him watching his kid

do judo and he was like oh man I get so good stuff you know he's like going it was mostly his mother

right he's like he's so great he's a great athlete like yeah you know all this stuff and he's gonna be great

and he goes into a tournament right and I remember he was like a green belt at this time yeah he goes against like a jacked up all right this this is like a chubby unathletic kid we're talking about yeah he goes in and he's like fighting in like the 10 to 12 year old division and you see this 12 year old phenom of an athlete probably does like six times a week though like six times a week the purple belt and you look at him you're like this kid's a killer yeah that look it goes out there and

looks at takes one look at this kid and goes bro this is this is i'm gonna steamroll this is lunch man this is lunch you know he grabs him and launches and lands on him. And this kid starts crying and whimpering. Oh, no. And it's like the softest kid, right? Uh-huh. Being pushed by his mom and dad and told that he's going to be a champion and all this stuff. And everybody knows it, that he's not. Right?

For a kid, you know? It's a tough situation for everyone. Yeah. But this is the thing, right? It's like like could he train three times a week yes right

could he train more but he's in nine other sports he's doing this he's doing after school that he's playing an instrument he's playing chess

he's playing baseball it's like he doesn't have time to dedicate to this right is he working out no he's not doing anything extra

he doesn't have time i mean 10 to 12 like you don't really need to be doing sprints or anything like that right right he's not an athlete he naturally by nature wants to sit at home play video games you know which is okay people like that yeah this is at best a hobby thing that he was doing but his parents sometimes somehow got in this thing of like rabbit hole of youtube watching this stuff and my kid could do it he's incredible you know and partially this was a little while ago right it's not yeah but like i should have managed that expectations far ahead yeah and then i've seen i've seen these cases too like uh you know you should have seen this kid getting on the line

for a sprint dude oh sort of like all right guys a lot of for sprints and he gets in stance right yeah this kid would like line up with like like one hand like cocked like next to his chin and one elbow up and yeah he's like running side to side with his like elbows like pointed outwards and it's like it's like you know looking at the mom like how do you think that kid's a great athlete right it's like it just blew my mind you know that's the thing i'm nice about it right yeah but sometimes when they're like i want my kid to start competing i should have said to him then you gotta compete you gotta train five days a week because other kids are training five days a week right and if you're gonna go against kids who train five days if you're coming once a week because other kids are training five days a week right and if you're gonna go against kids

who train five days if you're coming once a week man he's five times the training right right right even if he's been doing judo for one year you have to train five years to get the same volume of training that's a huge difference yeah yeah so managing expectations really is the thing and i've heard sensei's do this you drop your kid off at the dojo and leave oh not even like allowing them to watch yeah yeah you don't do that though do you no yeah i want them to stay and it's actually nicer and this is the thing right this is a pro tip for you for you man if you're trying to open up a dojo they're parents that whip out their phone and start doing emails calls whatever right those parents aren't paying attention, there are parents that whip out their phone and start doing emails, calls, whatever it is.

Right. Those parents aren't paying attention. Uh-huh. There's parents that are paying attention. Uh-huh. Right? You got to know. And then every now and then,

when the parent that isn't paying attention, right, you got to call out their kid's name, specifically. Ha, ha, ha. All right, I'm at one. Johnny's coming up. Johnny.

Right, Johnny's up on that one with so and so johnny's up and you like turn your head toward the parents so they hear they can hear you yeah and it immediately triggers something hearing their kid's name and they'll look up from the phone they see oh johnny's up and then they'll watch this is a real pro tip pro tip real pro tip that way right the parents can say see him be like oh shit and they'll film and then they you know

okay great now the kid's happy because papa watched or mama watched and then the dad saw it filmed it and said you know what

I was a part of this thing and then go right back to scrolling reddit right so you've already managed that one parent because sometimes the parents

look up every now and then see that their kid's not doing shit, look down, look up at their kid, look up at their dad, see their kid's not doing shit, look down. And then a practice goes by. It's like, how's practice, son? And son's like, oh, it was, you know, okay, like, whatever. And then the parent is like, what's my kid doing out there? Right? But it's like, how would you know? Yeah.

You look at your phone the whole time. That's never even thought about that kind of yeah so if you do it like this then you could always kind of give them a little bit right yeah and you know i'm not trying to bash the parent for having their phone out and you know because a lot of times that's the only time they get to answer emails or whatever it is yeah Yeah. Who knows? They're busy. And they get the time to take a break. But that way they're satisfied. And then obviously the people who are like watching their kid like a hawk, watching the whole entire time,

those kids need a little bit more attention almost, you know? Yeah. Because the parents are watching. Right, right. So that's a nice way to manage those parents too. I see. And, you know, to be fair, there's a lot of kids who do have talent who I definitely want to nurture. You know, I'm actually not in the kids class anymore.

Right, right. Right. And then with those parents, I'll tell them specifically, your kid is very good. This is kid Harvey at the dojo. I probably shouldn't say his name. He's like five classes deep. The kid's unbelievable. He's four.

Oh. So, yeah. There's like, I'm like, what unbelievable he's four uh oh so yeah there's like i'm like what like this kid is really good so i've said to his parent but you know most parents are like oh he probably says this to everyone oh there's nothing i don't say that to everybody yeah i'll say that high praise high praise i'm very careful with my words in the dojo i'll say things like oh your kid's getting better oh your kid got a lot better look he learned that thing that we did last week oh that's very nice you know like and his sprints are looking nice oh he couldn't do two push-ups last week he did three right

yeah but i generally won't say your kid is really good oh i won't say that i won't say oh i will if they are and i will meet it yeah so it's like parenting you know if you lie to your kid long enough they're not gonna know what to believe yeah that's right yeah you know so even the smallest thing oh you can't have candy because santa claus ate it all right i won't i won't do that i'm very careful with what I say to you because for that same reason, you know? Yeah. So if the parents know what you're saying is… Really genuine, yeah.

Genuine and authentic and all this stuff and you don't sugarcoat it. And you do sugarcoat it with a smile. Hey, you think my kid has a future in this? You know, he's a great kid. I really like him and he works really hard but judo is a really tough sport and the kids who do judo professionally they do judo four or five days a week and they all have judo dads and they train at home you know that's how i grew up on judo you know yeah could he do it absolutely you know but he

has to love it if he hates it i don't want to force you to down down his throat like that's not going to be fun for anybody right That's usually a recipe for disaster. You know what I mean? Let's keep doing what he's doing, and if he wants to potentially compete, we'll have him train two or three times a week and do that. But you have to work with him at home. You have to do extra stuff outside the gym

because that's what it takes for a kid to be a champ. You can't just expect him to drop him off here, love it on his own, me push him, and then him be a champion. can't just expect him to drop him off here love it on his own me push him and then him be a champion and that's managing expectations for real that's a very tasteful way to say like something that's very authentic and yes yeah yeah and then also it's like when they're coaching on the side you could also pull the parent aside and be like hey listen man you could give them all the advice you want i'm sure you know a lot of this stuff and a lot of people get the fence like i know what uh you know what i'm talking about i watch you teaching the thing i watch

your youtube videos i'm like all right you know it's different because you've never been slammed yeah right it is different but yeah when you're actually gonna get thrown yeah but you know i'm sure you know a lot right so why don't you wait until after practice and then as you're going to get ice cream or a burger you could talk to him about it you know and don't criticize him make it a fun thing and then you know you kind of coach them into coaching their own kid almost right i was like hey man that your kid is doing pretty good right but you know if he has an ochi or kochi which is going all the way he could even make it better because now you have a complimentary set. Right.

That's what you should talk about with your kid today. Right? Good advice. Not like, oh, you push-ups suck. It's like, you go out and do 20 push-ups. Right?

And you know what? We had this class for Judo for Parents. We did that for a hot second. Yeah. Oh, really? We did that for a hot second. I didn't even know about this.

We had that for a hot second. Oh. Didn't work? I mean, it was just too annoying for me to do they're so out of shape these parents a lot of times right they're so oh i see and it's not like and there's a very small percentage of the dojo maybe five percent ten percent who are like my kid is doing judo. I'm doing judo. And they come to the adult class independently of their kid. Oh, yeah. I know them. Those guys are superstars, man, because they know how hard it is.

And they're appreciative. And they're the best. They really are the best. They're great. They're my favorite people in the world. And they get it. But then you get these out-of-shape parents who are like, oh, I freaking rode crew in college. And I was a good athlete.

And they go to the gym every day. And you get those guys doing judo and they teach them you know and then uh boy do they have a rude awakening when it's like all right let me show you what it's like to take it yeah and you know it's in the safest way but i've done this thing it's like hey man your kids are in there battling each other, feel what this feels like. Right? Right. And you put your hands on them after they sign a waiver, of course. You pull their head down and immediately they're hurting. Really?

If you're an office worker, like your neck and your back, you're messed up, man. You're already misaligned. You know, your posterior chain is brittle. It's just so brittle. Oh my God. You're making me sit up straight

now yeah then you pull their head down and you go osoto and then they feel getting taken down right yeah i guess around with it you know you play around with the randori like i don't know it's like all right here's osoto guy try to throw me with it and you wouldn't let him throw no well and i'll counter because this is the thing they're sitting on the side like pull his head pull his arm you know kuzushi kuzushi and i'm like all right obviously i'm a exceptional thing but they don't really treat me like an expert expert right because they haven't seen me compete they haven't seen oh really right no but a lot of these guys they don't well i guess they haven't even seen you doing randori even. No.

And they don't have a scope of what it is to be on the IJF circuit. They don't have the understanding of the depth. This guy did karate before. He's a karate guy. He's Asian. He's probably teaching my kids. He's Jack. That's it. I could probably take him down.

I know about judo. I'm like, all right, go try to throw me the osotogari. They grab my gi and I strip it. Bang. Cut it. They can't even hold on I pull their head down they go on soda and I just fucking counter it

and then I you know fucking squeeze them just a little bit and then they know they're like look at what amazing thing

it's about their kids right like your kids are so tough yeah they're grappling can you imagine the other kids going 100? Like your kids are so tough. Yeah. They're grappling. Can you imagine the other kids going a hundred percent and your kids going a hundred percent? That's what a competition is. You blow your knee out,

right? Yeah. But you tried for eight seconds and now you're wheezing. This is a hard fricking sport. Obviously you can't pick parents and then, you know, you can't really do that. Yeah.

But sometimes you can do a dedicated parent education class yeah you know that's actually safe and do this thing you know sometimes moms too right and obviously you can't do that to a mom but you know teaching them break falls when they're going for break falls and it's like all right you know your kids do 20 push-ups in the class let's see you guys do 20 pushups. Yeah. Wow. It's a hard thing to do, right? And then I make it about judo is about making you, training you in order to be a great athlete

that can translate over to other sports that they may be able to do in the future. I don't expect any of your kids to stay and do judo with me for 25 years. There's kids who've done it. I like those kids a lot. And those kids, I think, hopefully gained a lot from this. Yeah. You know, the majority of the time, this is something that who've done it i like those kids a lot and those kids i think hopefully gained a lot from this yeah you know the majority of the time this is something that you've done

and the best takeaway from this is learning to compete and then getting the feeling of some other human putting their hands on you right and now they're like huh okay you know i get it you know like yeah do you know how hard it is to make an Olympic team in judo? It's a rough road. You don't want that for your kids. What makes you think you want that? Competition. Most kids who go to competition end up quitting.

How many kids do I know that started doing judo completely hard that never made it? Even I know a lot. The turn rate on judo is ridiculous. You have to manage why they're putting their kid into not even in the business yeah it's ridiculous so you have to manage why they're putting their kid into judo in the first place right and a lot of the times you could reap a lot of the rewards and you could achieve a lot of the goals you're there for with not a lot of training without actually having to do competitions. With the minimal effective dose. That's what we're looking for.

Minimal effective dose. Kid loves it. He's going to stay in it. Right. Don't be a dick. You're not good at this yet. You can try it. Here's the adult class. Peter will injure you. You'll see how hard it is and then you're gonna really respect your kids for getting in there yeah your kids are unbelievable

they're scared out there right yeah look at another kid like you remember when you were in your you know playground and another kid bigger than you looking at you how scary is that you know these kids because not you don't have the population to support, every kid being equal age, equal size, equal skill, we don't have the population to support that. Right, right. Your kid is going up against someone two grades higher. Look at that belt.

All the kids care about is hierarchy. That kid getting into that kid, facing him and trying to take him down, that's the bravest thing a kid could really do right yeah he's doing that once a week he's not gonna be the kid who's doing it five times a week right stop shitting on your kid right you have no clue what you're talking about in the kindest way in the kindest way yeah and you guys can figure that out so that's the right that's the spiel, essentially. And there's different ways to package that whole concept, right? Right.

To different parents. Yeah. Right? And if you can do that, you can manage them. And then a lot of times, like I said, if you're in a very affluent neighborhood, achievement-oriented area, these parents already know this. I was a concert pianist my kid does piano four days a week this is something she does on the side yeah i don't really care i just wanted to have fun i wanted her to defend herself and you know all that and

i'm like you know what god bless you i'll make sure when she's up doing her sprints i will call her name call her name so you see, you can film it, and then send it to all your piano moms. That's cute. I hope this is helpful. I was just kind of rambling a little bit. I have very strong feelings about it. And I am pro judo for kids.

I really am. You have a very good judo program for kids. I hope this wasn't offensive. I don't think so. I think it was a reality check a little. So one last question before we end because I don't know if you've had experience like this because your dojo is, you know, your dad, it's like a family business.

You guys have been running it for so long. But I think in some dojos have these over over eager parents that are basically trying to meddle in the day-to-day operations of the dojo maybe they might be on the board or something and then they don't necessarily know what the best way to teach people or run practice but they want to meddle in it like have you had that kind of experience or like heard other people going through then how to Manage that because I think Corey has a problem like this

Yes, there's always things like this that could happen And you know, I put my kid in a judo program in a local judo program that isn't taught by me You know, oh, yeah, I remember you me. Yeah. Yeah, you know, there's a great job Lopes and yeah, I don't metal at all I put my b on get on the mat and help sometimes right they haven't gotten in a while but like yeah that thing can potentially always happen and you know what the problem is the sensei has to work on himself too yeah there's a pedagogy and all these other things. And maybe that parent is right. Maybe the teacher doesn't know what he's talking about.

Because I've had many, many dojos doing certain things. It's like, why are you doing these things? And sensei education is a whole other thing. And sometimes if the parent has their kid in soccer or this, or they have a lot of experience with kids being in programs and they've seen great teachers, they could recognize and point out, this sensei is not really doing his job.

He's not really teaching judo. He's just only jumping these kids through the ladders and stuff, and there's never any actual judo taught. Ah, I see. And a lot of the times, most of it's just acrobatic stuff dancing around doing this doing these drills maybe show a couple of techniques and then it's like let's do andori and the kids kick the shit out of each other and it's just the ramp up is too high right there's no progression

there's no safety net all this stuff you know or they're only doing one door with the teacher. So the quality of the class is definitely a thing. And some parents can recognize that. And if you have too much of parents meddling in your program and all that stuff and giving you the feedback, maybe it's you as well. You know, I don't really know. So you have to have sort of the introspection to be able to look at yourself and look at your program right and the only way you could really do that is by taking kid to the different programs you know and yeah i never usually used to get that

until a lot of these parents would say hey do you have kids of your own and before i had kids i would say no i don't right obviously now have you me And I've seen enough programs to know what is a great program. Right? Yeah. And in hindsight, my program has always been great. I'm kidding. But, you know, for instance, I took my kid to ballet. Yeah.

Oh. Yeah. I went to a local ballet studio. Yeah. How did you like it? Well, no. I didn't even do a trial class because I just didn't like the vibe of the room. Oh, I see. Right? the lady had no time for me and then she was teaching class and i'm paying attention to this woman teach this class and she's going on and on and on about some nonsense

and i know ballet enough yeah yeah i know ballet to how she knows ballet no but i know teaching i know yeah pedagogical methods right and i'm looking at this woman who just started her studio by the way she used to teach at a different studio and then so right so i was like this woman is not will my daughter enjoy it probably right but i'd rather spend time with her one-to-one in the park than bring her to this scammable place i shouldn't say this is a scam place but like i it's time better spent elsewhere yeah you know and if i put her in there and if i was the parent that's like oh no no why why don't we learn this why don't we do this combination

you know why are you rambling about you know the alexander method or whatever the hell it is you know like those kids need to know that. And it's like, why are you focusing on these things? That's just a bad relationship between me and the lady too. She's going to hate me. You know, so I don't know. It's just never a good fit, right? So you have to find the right school.

You know, teachers have to be introspective, all that stuff. You know, there's a lot of factors. This is most things. It's not just one thing. You know, if you want to say,ive, all that stuff. There's a lot of factors. This is most things. It's not just one thing. You know, if you want to say, oh, it's good. It's on both sides, I think. It's a community, right? So parents have to be willing to learn what judo is.

I mean, they don't necessarily have to train in it, but they have to learn and they have to understand how hard it is from on their kids from the from their kids perspective and teachers also have to be introspective enough to understand where parents are coming from yes and you have to all as a teacher you also have to branch out like you said you know it's the traditional way of teaching is not always right yep um you have to not even just right yep um very true you have to not even just within judo but like you have to look outside and there are a lot of like other sports that have developed a lot of methodologies and you can always bring that

you look at the doe right and as much criticism you can throw at the new york city department of education they're professional development classes every week you know yeah where's pd for judo teachers there's none i mean there is there is but do how many people subscribe and actually do it right yeah not too many like that unlike friend i have friends you have to like get licensed and everything right license there's no license there's nothing there's a lot less you do whatever you want you could open up a you could open up a dojo school right now peter you have a little bit of money you throw down on rent you know yeah open a place put mats down you can start teaching anybody and anybody's kids

yeah it's insane you know what i mean yeah but you know that's a good and a bad thing you know yeah i mean it's it's the free there's a aspect of freedom but at the same time how do you make the question of maintaining quality right yeah you know you got to be able to vet some of these parents too in the kids program you can't just let anyone into the program you got to protect them you know and i treat the initial process of onboarding you know and this is the thing most people can't afford it you know in the beginning so they just take anybody and everybody but you kind of have to like do like a interview almost it's like hey you know after you try out the class as much as i think you are vetting me i'm also vetting the family as well and we would love to

have you as a student now right right right but if they don't meet that criteria you can't let them into the program because if they're giving you problems early on right they're going to give you problems later down the line you know what i mean the worst problems probably even worse problems and then it's very easy to cut it off in the beginning kid comes in not listening running around and i want my kid to be disciplined and the parent is out of shape and sitting on their phone the whole time that's not the family that you want you want to help them yeah but then you go you talk to them honestly and say, hey, listen, I don't think it's a good fit. I don't think your kid's ready for this.

It's a very dangerous sport, and I would love to change his life and help you and teach you with my expertise. There's a big risk. Let me show you what Ipon Senayi looks like. Bang, right? He's cooperating, of course, but you're trying to throw someone that's not going to cooperate, and then

how dangerous is that? This kid can land on his head. Neck and head injuries are very, very serious. If the kid can't follow the basic rules and basic direction, there's a huge risk. Not to himself only, but all the kids in the room. He's not ready to join us.

Maybe you can get some of the stuff online. We're not the people that's going to fix and discipline your kid. You have to have some of that at home and then maybe you could join us right right maybe you know maybe do another trial class see how he is next class you know what i mean yeah they're like oh you know whatever you know what i don't want this fucking guy get the hell out right and you know that methodology works because after a little while you'll have a bunch of great kids great community and you don't have to deal with these things

uh huh right I see and then every now and then some family will slip through that's kind of like that yeah and then

the net positive of the room and the community is just going to drown out that one person right right so that person is going to be like oh yeah right yeah I'm so sorry right

and then all the parents are looking at him like what the hell's the matter with you and that guy's gonna feel uncomfortable and you're gonna have a system that takes care of those people by themselves yeah that's the goal so because you don't want to have and pick every battle and battle it's not scalable that way it's not yeah good and this and that you don't want to you don't want that you know so right there's the initial vetting sort of process and then you know those little tiny advice like hey man you know have you ever done judo that kind of a thing that's like very kind and polite right hey why don't you try a class at yourself you know how hard it is to get out there and do this you know

your kids are very brave and strong especially because they do this and then you say you know what all these kids are doing it but it's for everybody. My hope and goal and vision for this program is to give your kids something athletic to do, right? And give them athletic skills that they could take elsewhere as well if they find passion in other avenues. And I want to bless that, right? And maybe they learn a couple of takedowns so they defend themselves. They know what it feels like when another kid puts their hands on them, you know? That way, I imagine it's very direct with what the vision of the school is. And if you're not in alignment with that, go get the hell out.

In the politest way, then you won't have a lot of issues. And a lot of these parents, they don't have access to me, most of these parents, too. Because I'm not that approachable. That's by design. Because I don't want to have this conversation every single day of my life right and there's already a kids director very good guy eugene's running this thing yeah so don't bring your questions to me direct it to the guys on the mat with your kids as eugene yeah you know and eugene understands this kind of a thing

yeah maybe this should be my employee education PD 101. That's right. Hey, Kevin. This is my podcast. Great guy, Kevin. You will not listen to it. I guarantee that. All right. Well, there was a lot of good nuggets in this.

Thanks for that. I hope this was very helpful for a lot of people out there trying to run the dojo. And I think that's about it. Nice. Thank you guys for listening, as always. Yeah. And, yeah. We'll see you guys in the next episode.