The Shintaro Higashi Show - Judo Parents

Episode Date: May 27, 2024

As many of you know, Shintaro grew up with a Judo parent (his father), and he himself is a Judo parent. In this episode, Shintaro goes into the details of his relationship with his father and Judo, and how it has affected him in raising her daughter. Join our Discord server and start chatting with us and other grapplers by supporting us on Patreon: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/shintaro_higashi_show⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Any amount helps!

Hello, everyone. Welcome back to the Shintaro Higashi Show with Peter Yu. Today, we're going to talk about Juno parents, receiving Gend, giving Gend, all this stuff. But first and foremost, thank you, Jason. Thank you, LeVon. Thank you, Joe, for being our sponsor. That's right. And come on, Drew. Come on, Drew. Yeah, Drew is one of our friends. And, you know,toeing tiptoeing about the idea big time entrepreneur yeah that's right he's we're so proud of proud of him black belt long time probably 15 years at the dojo right yeah yeah he has two kids all the ogs so come on drew also judo tv discount coaching taro hegashi brand.com check out the merch a lot of good stuff you too could sponsor us and be a patreon or patron through our links down below.

We're working on polishing our membership. So if you want to join, let us know. Join up, whatever it is, and give us suggestions too so we can make the product a lot better. And the experience just overall just amazing for you. You know, we want to be providing a service. That's what we're trying to do. That's right. be providing a service. That's what we're trying to do. That's right. Judo related service.

And yeah, we've been, and this is our first time doing all of this. So we've been learning as we go. And then I think we're at the point

where we can really, you know, polish it up, ramp it up so that it could be a better product for everyone. And yeah,

any suggestions are welcome, obviously, which are, you know, we're still beginners. So, here's that. But, and suggestions are welcome, obviously, which are, you know, we're still beginners. So, here's that. But, and having said that, today's topic, Judo parents, came from one of our patrons, Jonathan.

So, he wanted to hear more about your experience as a Judo child, growing up with a Judo dad. And now that you are a dad, how you're approaching introducing judo to your daughter and then all that. So let's get into it. And I think we should start from how it was to grow up as a judo child. So, you know, I saw a lot of kids that I grew up with that would quit two years in, three years in. Kids who were champions on the national level get burnt out. kids that get injured kids that end up hating it and resenting their parents. I've seen it all really. And the kids that are getting really pushed at a young age, I'm talking like pre-tenured old, those kids almost never make it. You know what I mean? Never. Even like the kids I knew in high school who were like state level high, like all state

level wrestlers who were doing judo every day, lifting weights, being pushed. I bumped this one guy in the street he was so out of shape and it's like did you do judo after college or you know he's like dude going away to college is the best thing that's ever happened to me because i don't have to do it anymore and it's more it's more common than not you know like i grew up around tons of kids and none of them are really in the sport anymore you know so i see so it's more caught you're like the exception exception and there's probably a lot of reasons why you know probably because i wasn't very academically gifted and my options were very limited you know what i mean um but there's a lot of stuff that i know don't don't say yourself sure you you you got yourself an mba for stern and

everything yeah you know the two double masters, you know, not very academically gifted for an Asian. That's what I was trying to say, you know? Yeah, that's right. Yeah. So, but you did start when you are like, why? Three, four years old, three, four years old, but it was never serious. It was once a week, twice a week, three times a week, maximum for many, many years. And it was just just fun like i had to just be at the dojo and i really brought into the community at the dojo and you love hanging out with all the older dudes yeah part of the thing and my dad was the king there so it was like awesome to see all these guys idolized my dad listened to my dad my dad giving speeches even though they weren't that great in hindsight you know what i mean like even like some of the technical stuff, now it's like, oh, you know, whatever it is.

But like seeing him teach, seeing, being around him, it was like our thing. You know, we would go to judo together. We would compete. Right, right. Competitions go, you know, I always talk about Burger King. You know, we all, I don't eat Burger King that much as an adult, but my father loves it.

And when we were kids, like, you know, he would take me to a judo tournament and we would get burger king afterwards it was like a little treat like it's like every time i drive you get a whopper get a whopper yeah double whopper or cheese you know so every time i would drive by a burger king it's like oh man you know you know that's so he never wanted to push you like he didn't want because he was a high level competitor himself. He didn't want that for you necessarily? He did.

He did, but he also didn't push me too hard to a way where it was almost just the appropriate amount. Wow, that's amazing. How he, yeah, how, do you think he consciously did that?

Like maybe, what do you think? You know, I saw a meme about like parenting and it's like things you want to hear from your parents in your older age hey sorry kid i was in survival mode you know maybe i wasn't the best at whatever it is right so it was kind of like i'm sure a lot of it was conscious but a lot of it was just survival mode too oh just he was just like learning as he goes. Yeah, because it's like, okay, Tuesday, Thursdays, he wanted me to go train.

But what's he going to do? He's going to drive me to another dojo? He had to be at the dojo himself. Right. And he can't take me to the dojo five, six days a week because I had to do homework and I had other things going on. You know what I mean? My mom was like, no, this kid's not doing judo six days a week. He's going to do math classes and abacus. Very reasonable. on yeah you know what i mean my mom was like no this kid's not doing judo six days a week he's

gonna do math classes and abacus very reasonable it's a very reasonable thing you know he's not gonna be like this uh judo goon you know yeah ironically i turned out to be one of those guys but you know they really wanted me to be well-rounded so you know playing little league baseball out of the question you know i mean But like wrestling at high school, great. That was like one of the things that they allowed and they kind of sort of guided me into this path, you know, and they would titrate it in and they made sure that I loved it. And then it was a good atmosphere to be in, in the dojo, even though in hindsight now it's a little bit toxic, right? The stuff that were set in the locker room and dudes getting injured all the time

because there was no safety stuff in place. You know, guys are just ripping Taniyatoshi, people breaking their legs in the room all the time. Different time. Different time, you know? And my dad would just be like, oh man, I don't know why the judo program isn't growing. And I remember thinking even at the age of 12 like that, it's because it's not safe. I mean, that's why you're putting so much focus on safety safety yeah you see that yeah that's cool so you know i it's

interesting you brought that up the burger kid thing because i saw an interview about this uh golf pro and he was asked like how because his kids. And then the interviewer basically asked how he, like what he would tell other parents that want their children to play golf. And they're like, it's not really about golf. What they want is they just want to spend time with you. Yes, yes. So, you know, it's not about golf.

It's not about judo. So he was saying, yeah, like just do a couple rounds, you know, don't push push him if they hit a bad shot just pick it up and then move on and before they get tired take them back to the clubhouse give them them you know let them sit at the bar like the big people you know like the adults yep and get them get them some soda or whatever and then just hang out with them. That's how they started. And then you had that experience with your dad. I did.

But there was a lot of challenges because he wanted to coach me. Oh, you did? I couldn't really distinguish this guy, my dad. We were just wrestling and joking around in the house, making fun of my mom. And now, all of a sudden, in the dojo, he's giving me commands. You know what I mean? He's so lenient in the house. He's like, you know, I want an ice cream.

I remember my mom lost it on me. Like something I did that was pretty bad. You know, I think I put glue on the teacher's seat in school. And I got in a lot of trouble. They called my house. They were all pissed off. And then my mom was furious. And then I talked back, you know?

And then like, she like approached me in a way like oh shoot she's gonna strike me so like put my hands up and i like shoved her yeah and then my mom like lost it and put me in the garage you know and i'm like sitting there crying in the garage with a little kid and my dad comes down i hear his footsteps and he's like oh man you really messed up you know and he's like eating ice cream and he's like i was like oh man i want ice cream and he goes i got you one and he like pulled out an ice cream oh Oh. And then I'm sitting. What a dad. It was like, what a dude.

And then like he goes upstairs and my mom's like, oh my God, like we're supposed to be on the same side. Teamwork. What is this? You know, you're, you know, you're sporting your kid and blah, blah, blah. And then like, he's that guy. And all of a sudden we get to the dojo and he's like, Hey, you got to do a thousand Uchikomis.

Go. And I'm like, I'm like, shut up. You know what I mean? It's like, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You know, like, so it was really difficult to listen to him and technical side. And then him being a coach was almost impossible because I won't, I won't listen to him, you know? Right, right, right.

So he would kind of like circumvent that by coaching other guys and the other guys in the room would coach me. Oh, that's an interesting way. Yeah, Bob Krafarski, late Bob Krafarski, man. I love this guy. He was like my mentor. He was like one of my dad's top black belts for years. He passed away, unfortunately, a couple of years ago. But man, like he was the top dog in the room.

My dad would teach this guy and he would do it and then he would kill everybody with it. And then I'd be like, how'd you do that? And he would like teach me, you know? But it's really the same thing as my dad would be like, son, the secret is, dad be like, son, the secret is, I'm like,

get out of here with that stuff. So what do I do, Bob? Yeah, Bob, help me learn this. My dad doesn't know shit. So there was a,

yeah, he really leaned into the dad side of stuff, you know? Yeah. It's like, yeah, teaching, that's,

you know, when you're, when you yeah, teaching, that's, you know, when you're, when you're trying to teach something to your family member, it's, it's, it gets muddy, right?

Yeah. It's like, you're, you have your, a lot of emotions get involved. Emotional, yeah. That's why they don't, don't teach your spouse

how to drive, kind of thing. That's like a, you know, one of the things they say about marriage. Yeah. It's like, what are you doing?

Like, why are you so bad at driving? Like you on a flight or something like yeah don't don't do that guys yeah it's like we're waiting on a stop sign like are you waiting for a lighter shade of green like it's green freaking go yeah yeah then you're yeah you're sleeping on the couch oh yeah yeah so yeah it was yeah. So, yeah, it was tough. You know, it wasn't easy, but it was something that we did. And a lot of it was him, you know, being the guy in the room, you know, and it was like,

oh, that's my dad, you know, and it was really a cool thing to be able to experience this stuff with him. You know, going somewhere. So he, what your dad really did was to provide you with this, like a safe space to explore judo. It was definitely not safe.

Or safe in the sense that, you know, you could go anytime. It's like, you know, everyone knows you. You know, it's like a fun place, a fun space for you to explore judo. Kindly. You know, he really developed a love for it. And then, I don't know if this is the right way,

but I identified with being a judoka for a long time. Like, that's who I was, right? That was, okay. And then, so like... You're a judoka. Yeah, it's like, hey man, you're a judoka. But you're not like all the other judokas because you're going to be good at school

and you're going to do all these other things. And he had these crazy, unreal expectations, you know? So that was a little bit tough, but like the messaging of like, hey man, you could do it, you could do it, you know? And yeah, I don't know, man. It was like, you could, it was also like, you could do it because I'm here also, you know, with the thing, right? I'm always going to sit in your chair.

I'm always going to coach you. And you would show up to the wrestling matches and you'd be in the stands. And I felt like I could accomplish and compete more more even at a higher level because he was there. Even though I didn't really respect his technical expertise back in the day, you know? So, like, whenever he would give me any sort of technical advice, I would just, like, not listen to it. So, I was highly uncoachable at the time as well, you know, as a kid. Because I always felt like I just took the parts that I wanted to hear.

I'm better than everyone. I'm a freaking genius. I'm really good at this stuff, you know? And then that was part of my father's messaging, which kind of hurt him in the end, I think, because I wouldn't listen to him. But yeah, it's like this weird, complicated- He pumped you up so much. He did.

He was like a hype man. You know what I mean? Yeah. So it was something that we did together. And I don't know, man. It was just like, fuck. It was awesome, really. But it was also really hard.

I don't know how to explain it. I mean, that's what I meant by safe space. As in, like, you're not alone. You have this community around you, headed by your dad. And you could really just do it without a fear of being a failure or like fitting in right people feared him you know because he was really rough around the edges and he's kind of like doesn't really speak english well but he'd yell a lot and he kind of he's jacked right back then he's not jacked anymore but he's pretty jacked and you know people bow to him even like

when he would show up to my wrestling matches, all my friends would be like, that guy, he looks freaking scary. And then they would always joke, like, is your dad in like the Yakuza? You know, they would joke, right? Yeah, he had a mustache back then too, right? Yeah, mustache, jacked, like sitting there, like yelling shit that made no sense. And then it's like, people would be scared of him. But then I always felt like, you know what? If this kid like hurts me, like my dad might run out and punch this kid in the face like and i felt like yeah okay like that i don't know weird weird

thing yeah you know so but then then when you got into it more seriously because you've been that was became part of your identity judo yeah and then technically and then you would go out to train at other places and whatnot right like he would just support you I think when I started it was a jujitsu school BJJ school

near the house when I was in high school I was like I want to go to BJJ my dad's like no way you know he's like what makes you think that guy is legit in that gym

that guy's not legit he's just some random dude no one knows him you know and he was right at the time it wasn't like anybody famous and no one really knew bjj back then you know and then he wouldn't want me going certain places but you know he would send me to his friends like watanabe school or matamorod athletic club so he little by little started like let me go to these places you know and then i

would get hurt at some of these places you know what i mean um but it really changed me when he pushed me into an adult tournament when i was 12 and then when i started going to training in japan at the kushikan high school university oh yeah yeah yeah and i think those two that was like a big experience really shaped me and shaped who I was. And I got to double down on my identity of, hey, this is who I am. This is what I do. Right. You know? I see.

Wow. We have a whole episode dedicated to Sitar's experience in Japan. So you guys make sure to check it out. But what do you think made him decide to send you there? I think there are limitations you know when you know small local judo club you know in new york city and then no one's a real competitor you know no one's really winning nationals or anything like that and you know like i said you know his english was very limited so he wasn't very good at business he wasn't a businessman and he didn't

understand marketing or anything like that you know uh it was it was rough you know he's an immigrant you know what i mean yeah yeah so he. You know, he's an immigrant. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. So he has this skill and he's teaching the skill, but he didn't know how to get in front of the people that wanted to learn it. So business was always tight. Money was always tight.

He's just this guy just grappling every single day. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. And because there's no YouTube, there's no anything, like how do you know who's good at what? Right, right, right. You have no clue. So that's when like did you did you

guys decide that you're really gonna get into it like in high school like oh this is something i'm gonna like shintaro's gonna put more time into it i mean i mean that's a big move to go to japan or was it more like uh like like hey, I've got my friends there. It's going to be a cool experience for my kid. I think it was time when, you know, it's always like progressive overload. You know, you want to give just enough stimulus above your reach to be able to grow into that gap. If you go too far too soon, you're going to get injured or you're not going to have any experience that's positive. You know what I mean?

If you're a 15-year-old judo guy and you really absolutely suck and they send you to Japan, you're not going to magically get better. No one's going to work out with you. No one's going to work out with you and then they're going to hurt you. So you're going to come home worse. So I think he just kind of looked at me and I was one junior. So you're kind of growing out of the New York local judo team. Yeah, I was already like a high school national champion. I won high school nationals.

I won junior nationals, all this and like uh you know i was a big kid and you know i was quite like athletic and mobile i was fat i always say that i was chubby i was a fat kid you know but i was also like 220 pounds by the time i was 13 years old 13 14 years old entering high school yeah i was a big kid i was a big kid. I was a fat kid, but I was big, but I was very mobile. So everyone was like, maybe if this kid got jacked, he might be really good, you know? I see. Yeah, so I think he was like, it's ready.

It's about time. He wanted to challenge you because there was nothing much for you in the States. So I think that's the advice, I think. You know, know where your kid kid is know how they're motivated and then find exactly the right amount of stimulus and sometimes you know you push them too hard you have to pull back a little bit and say you know what it's not fun for that kid if you're on the sidelines commanding and giving and coaching and stuff like that right and the reason why a lot of these coaches parents do that is because they didn't do it themselves you know they don't know

how hard it is to be out there that's that's so yeah and also it's like uh you know they're trying to live through yeah their kids i think my dad was doing that too that's it yeah i mean i i think he handled it the right way though because uh he wasn't trying to like push it too far like he wanted to spend time with you and make sure you still have fun. Yeah, but you know, man, I say it's a net positive, you know, really, but like four times out of ten, man,

it's like driving home from the dojo and yelling and screaming and I'm crying. You know what I mean? And it's like rough. And it's like, what do you fucking know? You know what I mean?

It's not all rosy. It wasn't all Rosie. Definitely not. It was really rough because the way he coached you is a lot of negative enforcement too. And he's like, you're physically too weak. You know, you have to lift weights. And then he would drive me to the gym, you know, at six in the morning,

you know, and I'm in high school. I have to go there before school. And I'm like there. And then like, it's like five o'clock, six o'clock. And it wasn't even like he was in the gym with me, with me he dropped me off and wait in the car so sometimes I would like lie on the bench and just take a nap you know sprinkle water on my face and go back out there because like that was my form of rebellion you know and I didn't have like that intrinsic drive I really didn't you know some champions were different you know what I mean

you look at some of these champs they're're- They're asking their parents to drive them. Yeah, they're asking. You know, so I kind of needed a little bit more. And, you know, if you have your kid in judo or whatever it is, you want them to succeed, I think you have to know your kid the way they get motivated and why they're doing it in the first place. And then why you're making them do it in the first place also. You know, all those things, really important factor. And you have to get extremely lucky that your kid doesn't get bombed, you know, and then they quit, you know? Yeah.

Well, it's, it's, it's not, yeah, there's so many factors that go into it. So, so having experienced that yourself, now you have your own daughter, super cute. So adorable. Yeah. now you have your own daughter. Super cute. So adorable. Yeah.

And so how are you, are you introducing her to judo at all? Yeah. I know the answer, but you know. Yeah. She's definitely introduced to it. She goes to the local judo gym. Yeah.

She comes to my dojo every now and then. Yeah. But I'm not really pushing her into it. She seems to love ballet. She loves ballet. She's like, Hey, I want to do it twice a week. I'm like, okay, you want to do judo twice a week she's like no and i'm like you know you know

and that's partially my fault because i'm not making it fun enough for her really uh but you know when you're right now ballet is more fun than judo ballet is definitely more fun and you know it's not because it's ballet because it's judo it really does come down to the individual instructor you know right and you go to the ballet studios we've been to like three or four different studios and because i am who i am i could have a real keen eye on seeing who is good at teaching and you've you you've done it yourself i'm good you know i know what a good instructor looks like i know the instructor that's doing all these nonsense drills that are just wasting time and just counting the clock yeah you know i know guys who think the fundamentals are the key and they're just making the kids drill fundamentals.

I know all and every single kind of coach out there. And 90% of it is trash. You know what I mean? Yeah. That's really a controversial thing to say. But like, for instance, her ballet teacher now is Japanese. She's extremely sweet, extremely fun, extremely animated. She did dance at a relatively high level, but she wasn't in the ABT or she wasn't a principal ballet dancer at the New York City Ballet.

None of those things. But she loves dance. She loves dance. She loves the kids. She's sweet. She loves dance. She loves dance. She loves the kids.

She's sweet. And she has a very good pedagogical method that's not enforced by the curriculum, by the thing. She has autonomy on how to run the class, how to do the drills and skills. Each one of those drills, because she cares so much, there's a reason why she's doing those drills.

And I talked about this in an earlier podcast, but like, we're doing this to develop musicality and everyone's like, okay doing this to develop musicality and everyone's like okay clap to the downbeat or whatever it is but she's doing it in a different way which is more engaging to the kids and it's just better she's thought this through the the class uniform for creative five is supposed to be black well one girl started wearing pink another girl started wearing pink now everyone's freaking wearing pink in there you know what i mean and i'm like oh let's wear the black because that's the class uniform ago and yumi's only one wearing

black you know what i mean but this teacher is like oh you know like the way she addresses it you know not in this draconian way it's appropriate for her the kids her age you know and you know i only have good great things to say about her. And it's very easy to say nice things about her because she's so pretty. But like, you know, like that's really more important than whatever it is. If that same lady was teaching judo with the same level of passion, it'd be out of love. You know what I mean? But unfortunately for that studio

they don't really do a good job marketing they don't really do a good job following up I have like four unanswered emails when we're trying to buy the recital tickets

you know like the infrastructure on the back end for me it's like it's almost unacceptable it's almost enough for me to be like I don't want my kid

in this thing but you're only going because she's just such a good teacher great teacher and then when she graduates out of that class next year, and then she has a new teacher,

and if the new teacher sucks, I'm taking her out of it. It's like, it's not worth doing, you know? And that's only going to ruin the experience of ballet for my daughter. So in that case, if she graduates out of that class and the new teacher is not good,

I'm going to privately reach out to that lady and do lessons with her and my daughter. So we're going to do a three-way group lesson until she really, truly develops a love for ballet for the sake of ballet, not because of the instructor. You see what I mean? And then she gets good enough at ballet that the instructor doesn't really matter anymore because she's good at it and she gets the right pleasure from being good at it. And that's the goal for the kid you know

right I'm dropping all sorts of good knowledge right now I would say it is I mean you know that's a

I think I'm glad that you're like not like confined like oh I'm gonna have your daughter have my daughter do judo only

the same same lesson goes applies to judo too if you want your kid to succeed yeah and you know what how do you distinguish what's an exceptional program versus what's just a regular ass program down the street you know in like a strip mall with a guy just being yeah what makes this guy so special you know it's like every guy you ever talk to like my accountant's amazing all right how many accountants have you had how do you know even how to audit a great accountant

yeah oh he saves me money every year they're supposed to save had? How do you know even how to audit a great accountant? Oh, he saves me money every year. They're supposed to save you money every year. I have the best doctor. What makes you like qualified to decide whether he's, when they say that, it just means that the doctor has good bedside manners. That's really all that means. You know what I mean?

But for a guy like me, who's been in the game for 20 something years, you know, in every sort of way, it's very easy for me to distinguish what program is exceptional. You know? Not just judo. Just anything. Anything. Any kind of class.

Yeah. Yeah. So it's tough because I don't physically teach the judo in my room for the kids, you know? Yeah. teach the judo in my room for the kids you know and yeah you know uh i don't want yumi's experience of judo to be this so-so thing that's same as everything else you know right right so it's a really tricky thing and i haven't quite figured it out what i'm gonna do or how i'm gonna do it right judo great judo's great don't get me wrong yeah i don't know what i'm gonna do with it Judo is great.

Don't get me wrong. I don't know what I'm going to do with it. I see. Well, I mean, you're hoping that she would like judo, but then you need to restructure your kids' class to be more fun for her. Is that what you're saying? She has to do judo in some capacity because it really is, like I said,

it's part of my identity. That's what I do. You know what I mean? My dad, what does your dad do? My dad will take your dad down and throw him on his head. You know what I mean? So that's who my dad is. Then if she has nothing to do with that,

then there's going to be a little bit of a disconnect. Oh, my dad's just some guy that does grappling. I don't know. He's out there doing something. I want it to be something that we could share together. Not necessarily like me sitting in the coach in the Olympic chair screaming at him and then we're winning the Olympic and we'll cry together. Not that shit.

The everyday mundane stuff of like, hey, me picking her up. Hey, you stick up for yourself. If a boy puts their hands on you, you freaking take them down. Know that you can take them down. And this is something that I did. and this is something that you could do too, you know? And the way I find judo interesting and fun, I want her to share

that same intrigue. And, but it's a tricky thing because you can't just push it down to her, down to her throat because then she'll, she wouldn't like it anymore. Yeah, I think I have to. And I think I'm doing a good job right now

because sometimes she wants to go and she's like, I want to go, I want to go. Like tonight, I'm going to teach judo at Essential. And she's been dying to go. Oh, that's good. But my mom is making her do reading and writing during that time. So, you know, it's like, you know what I mean? Well, you know, you got to pick and choose.

You got to pick and choose. Both are very important. But, you know, first and foremost, man, you have to let the kid have fun and develop a love for it on its own, on their own. And when they get good, they're going to love it no matter what, based on who the teacher is. That's right.

And there's a lot of toxic instructors out there in martial arts, and you want to be on those guys like a hawk, man. Seriously. Yeah. It's tough if you don't have any experience in it, because the teacher's going to be like, what do you know? Yeah, yeah. And you don't even know how to distinguish between a bad teacher and a good yeah but if you're an expert in something you can sniff

those things out like the violin teacher that she had their first violin teacher this woman couldn't play the violin gave my daughter uh an instrument that wasn't properly tuned and then she's making excuses i'm like you tune the tune the instrument you know play something for me you asked that she's like well you know i'm more of a pianist okay play something on the piano inspire us you know oh she freaking played twinkle twinkle little saw one arm and i was like i'm not uh you know and i loved it when she texted me the next day hey can you do you want to come back i think your kid has talent i'm like not, you know, and I loved it when she texted me the next day. Hey, can you, do you want to come back? I think your kid has talent.

I'm like, what do you know about talent? You know, like, I didn't quite rip her a new one, but I was like, no way. No way am I letting my daughter be in that, you know. Yeah. Yeah. It's a weird. Be taught by you. Yeah.

You have no business teaching anybody, you know. Right, right. And the thing is a for-profit thing. It's a churn factory. There's volume. There's 20 instructors at a given time. And they just put them in the rooms and then follow on a worksheet. And then, yes, it's good for most people.

Not for mine. Yeah. Not for mine. You know, and a lot of parents there, they don't do music. Oh, my kid gets this lessons, that lessons. Oh, these teachers are so great because they're good at interacting. Talking to the parents. Yeah. This woman, if I wasn't in that room, she's like, oh my God, your daughter is so cute.

She's very good. She has so much talent. She could be a virtuoso. What do you think? 10 pack of privates and this and that. And if I didn't sit in that room, I would have been like, you know what? Maybe, yeah. Did you like it?

Oh my God. Violin's so fun done sold but i insisted sitting in on that class i'm like no i'm gonna sit in this class and i sat in it and 10 seconds into it i was like this is trash i can't even you know that's pretty toxic of me to do really but you know man like when it comes to this kind of stuff like i can't sit back and you know be like aloof about it and a lot of things i am like i'm like ah whatever you know easy you know happy or lucky whatever it is aloof with this stuff no way you know when it comes to like yeah well more indifferent than aloof i guess you're always involved oh yeah yeah so yeah man i'm just rambling like a lunatic today no no i think it's all on topic you know i think i think

people will like this you know a lot of a lot of people are interested in having their kids do this because you i think you know i i felt when i interviewed the Rutolo brothers, that's a good, I think they are a great example of how their dad taking them, doing it together. But they loved it. It was like a fun experience. And now they turned pro and they're seeking this grueling training on their own.

They want to do it. You know, it's not, it's not an easy life. A pro fighter, dude. Yeah. But they love it.

I mean, it's, they have a good, you know, I, I, they told, told me,

you know, they have a good support system and everything, which is very important. But I think you are trying to foster that environment.

I think that's the key part, like a fun, safe environment for the kid. Whether you know Judo or not, you have to be an educated consumer as a parent. First and foremost, you have to be a good parent. You've got to know what your kid wants and how they're motivated and things like this. Of course, they're going to tell you

they want to stay home because they want to watch YouTube or whatever it is. Then you're going to say, Hey, why don't we just go? I'm telling you, it's fun. Hey, Lucas was asking for, you know, in class, like they're waiting for the train and all these different ways. And Hey, maybe we get some gummy bears after class or whatever, you know, it's just something that we're going to do outside the house. I'm good at it. And then when I take my kid to Leo's gym, you know, I put my gi on and I'm on the mat with him. Yeah. You know, and it's fun for her and it's fun for everyone because, you know, I'm the guy that's wearing the red and white belt in that room.

And Leo allows me to wear that, you know. And if Leo, who's a black belt, like if he doesn't want me to wear it, I wouldn't wear my red. Well, I'll just wear a black belt. It doesn't matter for me. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Yeah, man. It's just like being a good parent first and foremost

i think is the key you know i think and part of the being a good parent is realize recognize this maybe you know the kid your kid may not like judah or bjj or whatever it just maybe not be a thing and then just give it up in the beginning man it really just comes down to the individual coach how they talk to the kids if there's any sort of toxic messaging involved in there, you got to get that kid out of there. And if you're listening, if you're a teacher or you're a coach, that's what you really have to worry about. You know, they did a research study on, like, doctors and how people rank doctors. And it really doesn't, majority of the time, come down to skill even. You know, it comes down to bedside manners.

The arrogant, cock-sucking of a doctor that's like, what do you know? You know, you're going on a way to the D, down to skill even. You know, it comes down to bedside manners, the arrogant cuck-stuck of a doctor that's like, what do you know? You're going on a way to the D, I'm a doctor. Like that guy is going to get sued. He's much more likely to get sued, you know, whether he's good or not. Whenever he makes a mistake, he's going to get sued. And his medical insurance, not medical,

his license insurance, right? It goes and it go up, right? But it's like, it really does come down to bedside matter because that's the only thing people can really go by. You know, you're out cold,

someone does your shoulder, you don't know how good he is. You just don't. Don't tell me that your doctor is the best doctor in the world because, oh, he works at a hospital, a special surgeon, HSS.

I don't give a shit. You just like the way he talks to you. That's it, period. You don't know anything about it. Don't tell me this. And I get kind of crazy. I know all that. My wife's always stressed about it,

like how heart patients will see her. She has to be very nice, very forgiving and understanding. It's a hard job in that sense. Could you imagine your wife is a very smart woman, trains, everything. She's amazing, right? I know her. And then if she saw some woman with acne, I have all this acne on my face.

And she said, it's because you're fat and you eat shit all the time. Your diet's garbage. If you clear up your skin just by not eating she said, it's because you're fat and you eat shit all the time. Your diet's garbage. You clear up your skin just by not eating all that shit. Look, you're eating Doritos right now. Stop wiping those Cheetos on your face. You don't need retinol. You need to eat clean and lose 50 pounds. Do you think she's going to be

looked at favorably in the medical community? No, it doesn't matter what school she went to or her grades or what her score was on step one. She'll get a bad review right then. That's it. Now she's a bad doctor. You know what I mean?

Yeah. She's like, oh, well, you know, like we're going to do this. I'm going to prescribe you this best cream and it's amazing. You're going to be so beautiful. Let's work together. Oh, my God. This is the best doctor I've ever seen. You know, I'm just going to assume she's at the top of her class and she went to the best medical school and she must be at MD,

PhD and all this stuff. Yeah. You know, medical school, I believe they do teach this type of stuff. Like how to,

how to interact with patients in a positive way. They get one class, dude. I bet you it's one class. It's such a small percentage of the thing. You know,

they take nutrition 101 and they're like, oh, you know, I know about nutrition and whatever it is. And then, you know, they go to residency and then they, you know, as they interact with patients and they see good doctors and bad doctors,

right? And that's how they learn, you know. But yeah, again, like when you're trying to suss out bad teachers and good teachers you have to watch out for this and the irony is i'm talking about good docs and bad docs i have no medical training whatsoever that's the irony but a good teacher bad teacher i could definitely sniff that out yeah because that was also my one in education yeah you're not only a teacher but also you started to become a teacher and all.

I mean, that doesn't really mean anything, really. But you're doing it as a job, for a living. Also, that still doesn't mean anything, too. Those are owners who suck at teaching. You know? That's true. That's true. Just be a good parent, first and foremost.

Don't push your kid in a way. It's like, let the coaches coach. You just be a good parent, first and foremost. Don't push your kid in a way. It's like, let the coaches coach. You just be a good parent. Be supportive. That's really what it comes down to. Make it fun. Don't give them commands. Don't criticize them.

Don't tell them they're weak, they suck, whatever it is. Positive reinforcement. Make the whole thing fun. And then sniff out good teachers. And if they like the teacher, they'll stick with it. They'll develop a skill. One day, if they have a good skill, they're going gonna like it because they're good at it done that's the formula that's how you here it is shintaro's recipe to sending your kid to the olympics not

even olympics is a whole nother bag of stuff man that's a that's a rough life man i don't wish that for anybody really yeah you think those people are happy you know they um i read this is like kind of a tangent now but uh i read something about how they get olympians after they win the medals get so depressed yeah it's like now what i saw i spoke to brandon slater that once he took took gold in Sydney. And he was like. It just feels empty apparently. He goes, when I won the Olympic gold, the next morning I woke up at 5 a.m. to run. And I said, I don't have to run.

Oh my God. And he goes, I didn't know what to do. I've never been so lost in my life. Here I slept with my gold medal. I woke up. He's like, what do i do now and i was like this i was like damn because i was hoping i was in high school so like i was hoping he's like oh the best i woke up it was the greatest feeling and that's what i was expecting

here yeah and it was like it was like such a dude hey he laid it out like he was real yeah and i was like damn bro like man i'm kind of sad from hearing that story now like why did you tell me that you know yeah that's a whole i guess it's a whole nother animal sending your kid to the olympics but you're not gonna do it if you if your kid doesn't love the thing. You know, whatever it is. You just want your kid to feel loved and supported. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I really,

that's your job as a parent, you know. Yeah. You know, I got an email two days ago. How do I push my kids into the

judo this and that. That's the wrong attitude, right? That's the wrong question. That's the wrong questions. That's the wrong attitude, right? That's the wrong question. That's the wrong questions. That's the wrong questions. I mean, he did go into this huge thing and I didn't read past the first paragraph.

But I will. I will. I'm gonna. Yeah. Yeah. I will give it some thought and hopefully I could add value. Yeah.

Yeah. All right. Well, that was some real talk. Yeah. give it some thought and hopefully I could add value yeah yeah you know alright well that was some real talk yeah you know I hope you guys find you know

all your parents out there found this episode useful anything else you want to add at the end to close no yeah well I was neither

a judo child nor a parent so I can't really add much but no yeah well I was neither a judo child nor a parent so I can't really add much but but you have

hyper success with that yeah my mom was also you know she was a professor and

everything and then you have a brother that you treat like a son no I don't I kind of did but I I let it I kind of did but I

I let it I let it go you should not to be him oh yeah maybe I'll talk he's coming to visit me this weekend

so maybe I'll float that idea yeah yeah well yeah all right that's it guys

judo parents you know what's the deal all right thanks for listening guys and we'll see you guys in the next episode