The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast - #108: The Bitch Bible Part 3 with Jackie Schimmel - Online Dating, Marriage, & Dating Standards

Episode Date: April 3, 2018

This week for the third time we have one of our favorites, Jackie Schimmel of The Bitch Bible podcast on the show. As always this episode goes all over the place. A conversation amongst friends on all things dating, drama, marriage, and all that falls in between.  To Listen to The Bitch Bible click HERE To connect with Lauryn Evarts click HERE To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE  This episode is brought to you by TaxAct. It’s tax season but that doesn’t mean you need to feel overwhelmed and underprepared. Use this year to start to take advantage of your deductions and maximize your credits. Taking advantage of these opportunities means more money back in your pocket. With TaxAct you have a partner and a tool that can help prepare your return. To sign up for TaxAct go to www.taxact.com/self-employment 

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. you play it smart, which just means more money in your pocket. With TaxAct, you have the partner and a tool that can help you maximize credits and deductions. You don't have to worry about errors and audits because they have an accuracy guarantee. So many of you are starting your writing, vlogging, podcasting, influencer careers, and you need to know how to maximize your deductions and credit for the best tax outcome. To try TaxAct, go to www.taxact.com forward slash self dash employment that's www.taxact.com forward slash self dash employment she's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire fantastic and he's a serial entrepreneur a very smart cookie and now lauren everts and michael bostick are bringing you along for the ride get ready for some major realness. Welcome to the Skinny Confidential, him and her.

Welcome back to the Skinny Confidential, him and her show. This week, we have fellow podcaster and one of our favorite people, Jackie Schimmel of the Bitch Bible podcast on the show. Jackie has been a regular on the show. I think she's the most had guests that we've had. This is her third appearance. Is that the right word to say? Most had? She's been on the show the show. I think she's the most had guest that we've had. This is her third appearance. Is that the right word to say, most had? She's been on this show the most times, guys, all right?

It's her third time on the show, and as always, these episodes with her are always lively. Jackie is also a London regular. Her and her husband, Andrew, who I love. You know, Andrew, we have a bromance going on if you're listening to this. Come to London frequently, which is ideal right now because Lauren and I are currently in London. This episode covers primarily dating, but it's a little bit lighter on the lighter side of our typical interviews.

It's more three friends sitting around gossiping, having a conversation, shooting the shit. What up, guys? Welcome back to the show. We have another episode, like Michael said, with Jackie. If you're new to the show, I am Lauren Everts, the creator of The Skinny Confidential, which is a blog brand book and obviously a podcast. The Skinny Confidential has become a resource for women all over the world, which has turned into a huge community of hundreds of thousands of women. A lot of them are connecting in the secret Facebook group, which is awesome. If you head over to the blog, I have a bunch of beauty hacks, tips, and

tricks. And of course, you have us on the podcast. And I'm Michael Bosick. I'm an entrepreneur and the CEO of Dear Media, which we recently started. It is a podcast company with an emphasis on female voices. Jackie, who's on the show today, is actually one of our talent and we love having her. So let's get into it. We just got back from Marrakesh, Morocco. And at first we weren't so sure about it. It was a little hard to figure out and kind of gather our bearings. But after a couple of days, we just ended up loving it. So once we figured it out, we just really started to fall in love. There's so much culture and detail there. And what I loved most about it is the people are super, super friendly. As we started to get to know people, they told us where to go that were kind of the non-touristy spots. So we also went to the Yves Saint Laurent Garden, and I'm not sure how to pronounce it

exactly. I feel like I'm just going to call it Le Jardin. Is that how you say it, honey? I don't know. Anyways, it's very beautiful. And now we're in London. We are currently at our hotel podcasting and we just had tea time, which was super fun. I ran into a couple of TSC readers and we're here for work and some pleasure as well.

You know, I love that pleasure. So anyways, because we're anyways, because I want to get, because we're traveling and because I want to get into the episode with Jackie right away, we're going to jump right into the him and her tip of the week. I have a good one this week. I've talked about it in the past, but recently on this trip, since whenever we travel, I read a lot, especially when we're flying. And there's a couple of books that I always go back to, either if I'm having trouble sleeping or if I'm on a flight and I don't want to start a brand new book. And there's a book that I've actually recommended on this podcast, on Lauren's blog, and also

multiple times, but it's been a while since I've talked about it. And that book is by one of my favorite management gurus, Peter Drucker. It's called Managing One's Self. So like I said, I've talked about this book in the past and on this podcast briefly, but it's a book that I've constantly found myself referring to throughout my life and recommending to a lot of my friends and family as they either start new businesses or they're just looking for new answers. I love the book because it's really short. It's really impactful. It's only about 50 pages. It's very big it's a small book and I keep multiple copies laying around the house as well as a

digital copy on my phone which is how I refer back to it and to briefly summarize the book I took a blurb from Amazon because they did a good job in their description summarizing the book so here's that blurb from Amazon the keys cultivate a deep understanding of yourself by identifying your most valuable strengths and most dangerous weaknesses. Articulate how you learn and work with others and what your most deeply held values are. And describe the type of work environment where you can make the greatest contribution. Only when you operate with a combination of your strengths and self-knowledge can you achieve true and lasting excellence.

So I like this book a lot because I think it's really important for the individual, whoever's reading it, to understand what their strengths truly are and where they can be most effective. I think so many of us get stuck in positions or in jobs or in careers where we're maybe not suited for them. And most of the time, it's not because of the company. It's because we haven't done an honest evaluation of ourselves and figuring out what our strengths are and where they lie. And also how we effectively learn. One of the examples they use in the book is, are you a listening learner or are you a reading learner? I'm definitely a reading learner.

And most of the time for people that are reading learners, they actually have a difficult time in school because they're not listening learners. One of the examples they use in the book is when General Eisenhower during World War II used to give press conferences. He would fucking nail them because his generals before would brief him on everything that was going on and all the questions he would be asked. So when they came up, he was able to knock them out. And then when he became president later and got asked those same questions without those briefs and he had to listen, he completely failed and got obliterated by the press. So figuring out where your strengths are,

how you learn, how you work with people is really effective. And that book is called Managing Oneself. I highly suggest it and I highly suggest that you take it out and do a deep dive into your own psyche. So my her tip is kind of different. It's like a plot twist from yours. It's random too. So mine is actually from my friend Ingrid. So Ingrid and I were friends online via Instagram for years. We DM on there, kind of like we text back and forth. And it's been really cool because she lives in Monaco and I live in Southern California

and we've developed this friendship online. She's been featured on the Skinny Confidential and she has a banging body and really good tips. So if you haven't read that interview, Google the Skinny Confidential Ingrid. Anyway, like I said, we never had met in person until a few days ago. So we both happened to be in Morocco at the same time, which was super ideal because like I said, she lives so far away. So we ended up meeting for drinks. We did a double date with her husband and obviously Michael, and we did some tuna tartare too, if we're being honest and getting specific. Anyway, Ingrid is super smart when it comes to health and fitness. So I was asking her like a billion questions, as you can imagine. And when

I was asking her a hundred questions, she ordered white wine. And when I was asking her a hundred questions, she ordered white wine. And so I asked her why she was ordering white wine, because I knew there was a reason. And Ingrid said that she likes to order white wine because it's a good thing to sip on. And let me explain it. So with rosé, she said you feel the need to chug it. And I feel like I've had this pickle before. And I feel like you guys have had this pickle before. Rosé is just, it's so easy to drink. And, you know, you find yourself on the second glass very quickly.

You know, it's kind of like water if you think about it really. Anyway, she said that red wine feels heavier. And again, it's a little bit easier to drink than white wine. It's not as light either. And then she explained white wine was something that you sip on so you don't get too buzzed. And it was funny because I ended up ordering white wine that night too, because I had to copy her of course. And I had like a glass and a half throughout dinner, which is different from my you know two huge glasses of rosé so I really liked that tip and I wanted to share it with you guys for any of you who are out there and maybe feeling like you get too buzzed off rosé or tequila this

tip is for you so if you're feeling a little loosey-goosey order yourself a white wine I like Chablis Michael likes Pinot Grigio and then do a side ice and you're good to go you could even make it a spritzer if you want and let me know how you like this tip also I'm still going to feature one of your tips on the her tip of the week and I'll show your Instagram handle I'm going to pick one of you to do this all you have to do to win this feature is to tell me on my latest Instagram a Her Tip. I'm going to be picking the best one. I'll feature you on Insta. We'll do a little Insta story. The whole works. So get specific. Wellness and beauty is what I really like. And I'll pick one of you. I really like that on this show with our audience,

you know, a lot of other shows like healthy shows, they talk about how to limit alcohol and the way we're talking about it is how to slow yourself down from chugging it. So I really appreciate that our audience is the type of audience that we can say that to because that's how we are and we just got to slow down on chugging that wine. Okay, guys, time is running thin. We are getting very, very close to tax day. If you haven't yet filed and are dreading the day, don't stress. We have time. So we've been talking about Tax Act a lot on this show

and there have been a ton of you providing feedback and asking questions. A lot of those questions are coming from people who have regular jobs with a side hustle. So they are a typical W W2 employee that has another job or is starting a new business on the side and they're saying, hey, can I also use Tax Act? The short answer to that is absolutely. As a matter of fact, that's exactly Lauren's story. Lauren started as a bartender,

she was teaching Pure Bar and Pilates, and she started the Skinny Confidential as a side hustle with the idea that it would one day turn into her main job and her main business, which it did. So she did have a regular day and night job when she started the Skinny Confidential and we have a ton of you're building towards that by your creating a side hustle whether that's a blog or whether you're a freelance photographer or makeup artist or a writer there's a ton of you guys out there and tax act is definitely for you so the difficulty when you're starting a new job and you have a side hustle is how do you keep track of all of the expenses and what could you take deductions with your new business? It's not officially a business yet.

It's a side thing, but you do have expenses and you are paying to get it set up. And so it's important to keep track of all of those expenses and all those deductions. And at the end of the year, when you file your taxes, it's important to get the credits for all those expenses and deductions so that you can put more money back in your pocket. And Tax Act is a partner that can help you do that. An example, when Lauren was starting out, she had all these different expenses with her photographers and with her developers and her website design. And she kept a trapper keeper with all of these receipts, which gave me a fucking nightmare, and didn't organize any of it. So at the end of the year, she had all the expenses

and everything documented, but she didn't have a way to code it and present it to the government so that she could get a deduction. So you guys, you need to be smart with this stuff. It makes a ton of difference financially. We all need to know what we can write off. Using the employee with the side hustle example, you could potentially write off all of your supplies, all the different travel, any

commuting stuff. You could write off all your development, any expenses that go into web hosting. If you're buying a computer or anything that you're going to use for your new job or side hustle, maybe you started an Etsy shop or a Shopify, any of the fees that you're paying on a month-to-month basis to keep those sites up and running. You could definitely deduct those. As you can see, all of this stuff can get really confusing and difficult to do on your own, and you need someone or something that can help you keep all this organized. I can't recommend TaxAct enough as a tool to help you figure all this stuff out. I like it because they just rolled out a package for freelancers and independent contractors,

which means all of you guys with side hustles and doing freelance work, you can all take advantage. When I first started out, I didn't know how to take advantage of any of this stuff, either did Lauren. And so we lost out on a ton of money that we could have used to dump back into the business or put back in our pocket or travel, whatever it may be. We just didn't know about the benefits of doing this stuff. And so we want to use this show to spread awareness for all of you guys that are out there starting something new because at the end of the day, the purpose of this show is that we want all of you guys to win and to get some value. So when Tax Act came to us, we thought it would be the perfect partner. So this works for anyone who is filing their taxes. It doesn't just work for

people with a small business. You could be an employee. You could have a small business. You could be a freelancer, anybody, independent contractor. If you're a W-2 employee, Tax Act is also backed by an accuracy guarantee. So if you're overwhelmed by this stuff and say, oh, shoot, I hope I don't do this wrong, don't worry. They're going to help you organize it, and they're going to give you an accuracy guarantee that will protect you in the case of an audit.

So to try TaxAct, go to www.taxact.com forward slash self dash employment. Again, that's www.taxact.com forward slash self dash employment. The link will also be in our show notes. Good luck and don't stress. Two years ago, I was combing through the internet and stumbled upon Jackie Schimmel of the Bitch Bible, which provoked me to actually wake Michael up from his slumber and tell him that this girl that I randomly found on the internet was going to be a superstar comedian. I actually did wake you up. Do you remember that?

So anyways, the truth of the matter is I actually met Jackie by internet stalking her. Seems to be a theme this episode with me, huh? If you guys don't know who Jackie is, do yourself a favor and subscribe to her podcast. It will really take you over the edge. She is so funny. You will pee your pants. You will cry laughing. She's a real hoot. I'm telling you. For those of you who don't know Jackie, she's the creator of the Bitch Bible blog and podcast. And like I said, she tells it like it is. She touches on every aspect of celeb life in her podcast. And she's been on the podcast two times before, like Michael said.

If you haven't listened, you need to listen after this. She's well-written, super witty, and will serve you a platter of reality. She likes dirty martini with blue cheese olives and is known to bring blue cheese in her purse just in case the restaurant doesn't have any. Sounds like my kind of girl, right? Welcome to the show, Jackie Schimmel. This is the Skinny Confidential, him and her. Jackie Schimmel, third time in the Dear Media studio.

Well, first time in the Dear Media studio. No, not my first time. Well, on this show. Oh, yeah. With you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And yeah. Well, now I took my thunder there, but now we are back. And here we are. Oh, my God. Excited to be doing this again. And we're going to talk about dating.

Oh, I'm so excited. You know, we're like a work thruple. What does that mean? It's like a three-person couple. We're work throuple. I'm into it. I was wondering, I saw your Instagram story and I was like, what's a throuple? Well, you know, the more you know, cue the rainbow. That's what I do here. I'm just providing you with some wisdom.

You always say words that I have to like go Google. Really? Yeah. Always. Like slang words? No, like very high level words. Bullshit. I swear to God. Are you sure I'm not just making shit up? I'm positive. Are they real words? Yeah, they're real words. Fuck. Isn't it nice we're all under one roof now? It is really nice. He wants you to toot his horn about Dear

Media. No, I don't. I was, I want to toot Jackie's horn because Jackie believed in me when I told her the concept like months and months and months ago, dropped everything to the wind and said, wherever you're going, I'm going. Blind faith. She believed in you? Fist bump it. Yeah, she did. Blind faith. Was it worth it? Yeah, so far so good. I mean, this view and this lighting alone is totally worth it. I actually

fully forced myself into Dear Media. I told Michael, I'm like, listen, when you start a podcast company, I'm coming with you whether you want me or not. He wanted you. I'm just one step closer to getting to your music producer husband and laying down my mixtape. Your sick beats. Yeah. Close. So Dear Media needs a little bit of a, we need to add a little couple things here. We got to do like a little, little yeah like a rose gold refrigerator with rosé chilled in a can oh my god i love that idea daddy warbucks daddy warbucks we want a rose gold fridge i don't ask for much i want perrier's maybe topo chico's even if we're getting honest but make sure you have a bottle opener like at the beverly hills hotel one that we have or miss sony pellegrinos i'd love a masseuse too and a diva light yeah kate somerville facialist

i'm gonna send you an email later with all of my uh requests this venture is just gonna put me fully under i want m&ms only yellow oh i want white ones with my face on it so when's the last time when's the last time we did this we're were on your show a while back. Was that the last time? Yeah, I think so. But that was a while back. Way back when. Way back when. And for anybody that's heard Jackie's episodes with us before, I think this is our third

time. Go back and listen. This time we want to do something a little bit different. And I want you to be, or we want you to be like a dating consultant. Oh, my dream. You're married. We're married. So maybe all of us are going to give the completely wrong advice.

No, just because I'm on a diet doesn't mean I can't check out the menu. I knew she was going to be like this. I saw Orlando Bloom a couple weeks ago and I turned my ring around. And that's the truth. Because there are a few people that I do not care. My marital vows go out the fucking window. Am I allowed to cuss? Yes.

Okay. I forget. I might turn my ring around for Charlie Hunnam. Just being honest. For sure. I would too. There's like, it's a long list actually. You can't turn your ring around.

It's all one side. Just take it off. Nope. What about that tan line? That doesn't come off ever. I don't even think about it. She's probably, there's a tracking device in that ring. This is drilled into my bone.

Oh, that hurts. Oh, my God. A tracking device in the ring. Ugh. But I do that with the phone anyway. You know what I told my friend? She thought her boyfriend was cheating on her. So I was like, it's so simple.

Go get one of those babysitter bears. You know, with the camera in it? Right. And say you got him a little bear with a little ribbon on his head but then you're that crazy bitch who bought your boyfriend a fucking teddy bear but you have to have the bear with the camera so they can watch so she puts the bear in the house the guy would look around be like what's that bear with the like no yeah why did that weird ass bitch buy me a build-a-bear thinking i it starts like sparking it's like a fuse problem okay so dating 2018 the internet when is the last time that you actually went on a date because how long you been with andrew now

oh so long um like seven years okay so it's been like almost like 2000 almost prior 2010 since you've been on a date unfortunately yeah so i love my husband but you know yeah seven years is a long time it's almost i haven't been on a date since pre 2000 answer that's the right way 2000 don't fuck it up michael 2008 who where why yeah so who was that bitch what yeah that's a long time so 10 years so knows? Okay. So last time you were dating has been over almost eight years. So what advice would you give to all the people dating now? Oh, Jesus Christ. First of all, I mean, I don't know if I'm in the minority here, but I think dating in 2018 seems so fun. It's like online online shopping the fact that you can scroll through these profiles like in the convenience of your own home like in a snuggie just hammered with a face mask i i don't

know that anything sounds more appealing to me in general i mean think about how much like work it just got out of the way right you don't just show up and peacock around especially for guys right like totally you know i don't be sexist but you don't have to like show up and then approach somebody you can you can basically just swipe left or right and then i love it i find it to be very black and white no shades here's what i don't like about it though for a guy to upload his profile picture most likely he's taking it like in the mirror flexing his muscles like he has a casual protein shake like sitting on the counter i just it's hard for me to get on board with even doing the

shopping that way like i don't know if i want to shop that way i almost would rather date but then you swipe left on those like you got to find the right profile like a guy should be it shouldn't be posy it shouldn't be like a selfie it shouldn't be douchey you have to really navigate it so in that aspect it's kind of difficult but I mean what was your question Michael Michael what would yours

be like what would your picture be I feel like yours would would do you want to know what mine would be I really thought this out but my question was fucked up before because I went too broad with it. So now we're going to go more targeted. Fine tune it. But to answer what my picture would be, it would be a bunch of pictures of Lauren and

I, and it would just say, the skinny confidential is X. And that's all it would be. Diabolical. I feel like people would come. They wouldn't come for me, but I feel like people would come just to, you know, they're like, it must have been something right when I was with her. So you would use pictures of me to get a new girl. It definitely wouldn't be me alone, like doing a pose. I feel like it would be before you met me.

Yeah. What would your what would your pre Lauren profile? Let's call it a Raya profile. Well, when I first got back together with him, he was in a bar wearing overalls without a shirt on. No, no. Are you serious? No, I was at a costume party. So dark.

I don't care if that was a costume party. I was at a costume party in college, and I wasn't in... What do you call that? A romper? No, it was overalls. It wasn't my, I wasn't. What do you call that? A romper? It was, it was overalls. It wasn't my best moment for sure, but it wasn't, I wasn't even, you weren't around at all.

You were wearing overalls without a shirt on. Just admit it. In a bar? She saw, no, she saw a picture, old picture. No, listen. I'll bring up the picture and put it on Instagram. Everyone else can decide. Back then.

Yeah. You're probably right. It would probably been like terrible terrible raya and whatever what would your song be because that's how you really can tell what kind of guy like what they're you know the slideshow for people who don't know raya you have to put photos up i don't know about other dating sites but you do like a slideshow and then you have to pick a song i want to preface this with saying that i would be the absolute worst person in the dating scene because i haven't been dating for 10 years like basically my whole real adult life we don't need your whole life story just tell us what the song would be cut to the

chase oh my god i don't know i probably buying time i believe i can fly or something at this point it'd probably be some type of like sinatra sound or something because sinatra you and every other guy that is That's too hot. Yeah, too on the nose. I'm like a heavy metal kid so I couldn't lead in with some heavy metal. I feel like you would put a Bossa Nova song on. Couldn't lead in with Ride the Lightning from

Metallica. They'd be like, what the fuck's this guy doing? This guy's a little aggressive. No, I'd have to find something. Again, I'd probably have to pull something from Lauren. Probably have to ask my ex what she would choose so he really like could not exist without you you are the pillar of strength holding up the coliseum i look it looked like you said it looks kind of fun to be on the online dating world but at the same time it looks completely miserable so what i'm trying to do here on this episode is like how do do we give some valuable advice to people that are in that

scene while also knowing that all of us have not been in that scene? Well, this is going to be interesting. My best advice is to keep it one hundo all the time. Like don't go into a date playing the cool girl like you're so fun and you love hiking and oh, I love steak with fries and I'll get a margarita too. Like if you're a crazy ass vegan who wants to wake up at 6 a.m. and do Pilates that's cool too but like let's just be transparent. I completely agree and you just sprinkle in a little self-awareness with that. Oh yeah. And it's a great medley. For life in general. Yes totally. So your advice would be to just like because actually now that I'm thinking about it,

I think I would have to go into it telling them exactly what I'm about and what I want. Because at this time, I don't know. What do you mean? What would you want? I don't have time.

What are you talking about? I didn't know we were talking about like what life is like without me. So I want to get into this. I don't have time to pretend and wade through at this point. Right. Like I got to,

that wouldn't work. I think self-awareness is really important, especially especially after watching the bachelor i have not been the biggest bachelor watcher but i've been watching it lately and i just think you just you can't lead with desperation it's not cute no you gotta lead with confidence you gotta lead with you could take it or leave it i always call it meh i could take it or leave it you know the poodle you're aloof yeah i always tell like everyone that like reaches out about a guy. Act like a poodle. Put your tail up.

Yes. Or a shih tzu. Yeah. Or like, you know, the nail emoji that's like. Totally. Yeah. Don't like blow your load and make people. That was the wrong thing to say.

No, it's amazing. You know what I mean? Like, be cool about it, but not too cool. Right. You don't want to be the too cool girl, but you don't want to be someone that's leaving Be yourself, but like a better, more bitchy standoffish version. Okay. We're going on a lot of tangents.

Okay. Sorry. What? Okay. So a lot of us have friends dating. What do you see the biggest mistakes your friends are making in the online dating system? Women particularly. Oh my God. oh my god needy needy and stupid needy and stupid the worst combination just like needing companionship to a point of

desperation where you don't care if you are going out with a guy who like beats his dog and has one leg and like maybe some type of a brain aneurysm problem and you're still going out with him because it's friday and you can't be alone and oh my god everyone has plans it's pathetic and stupid and you need to like get your shit together because if you don't want to hang out with you alone why the fuck does anybody else want to hang out with you they don't so like what's the and stupid so what so that's a lot of overview but what sorry so how do you how do you cure that or how do you you get busy what are the steps you take to get busy get busy and get interesting get busy you know my grandma always used to say get interested outside

yourself so you know go go out with a friend go read a book go watch a movie i like to do things alone all the time i I'm a huge fan of going to a restaurant with a hooded jacket and eating sushi on my computer with maybe some sake. Same. Like I don't ask for much. Yeah. I just think it's really important to get busy. I think when you're always available, it's a big turnoff. And I would say it's a lot of work. I'm going to toot my own horn here that I was too busy for you for 10 years um right I mean I was too busy for you so I feel like that made you lean in instead of out totally it's attractive no I mean guys want a challenge I think I think everybody wants a challenge not just guys guys and girls

yeah I think so and I think that it's you know like, like girls dating now, girls and guys, I would say it's the level of desperation of just needing companionship is so overwhelming. And if you meet someone that's just like kind of decent, that's like not a serial killer, you're so excited about it that all of your not not I don't want to say requirements. What's the word? Standards. Standards kind of take a back seat i have a lot of girlfriends that i see dating and they're dating these guys that are fucking terrible and i hate them but they are so excited

to have someone to go see a movie with and you got to do you so what do you think that what do you think causes that issue like what do you think the root cause of that is you think it's just our need insecurity okay because if you think you're the shit you want someone that's also the shit yeah i mean i think you have to choose what you want your energy to be surrounded with like i just i think you know some of these girls they they want it they want to go to the movie so bad like you like you say with someone why not go yourself? I love going to the movies by myself. Going to the movies by yourself is badass, I think. I go once a week by myself. Every single week I go see a movie by myself. A matinee. That's amazing. Do you ever do a double bill? No, I can't sit that long. But I mean, maybe one day I would. Does Leo go with you? No,

but I went to the movie by myself last week and I saw a woman with a service dog. And I was like, you go girl. And then I found out she was like blind or something, which is weird because she was seeing a movie. But too soon, too real. No, but then I'm going to start. Okay. I like it.

Yeah. Okay. So it's basically get busy. Michael's like, edit that out. We're going to keep it all in. But I guess what I'm trying to do is because all of us are in relationship and there's a lot of people that write in and saying like, how do you, how do you get into a successful relationship? They're dating. And it's hard to give, at least from my perspective, the dating advice because I've been out of it for so long, but I'm trying to find like

character traits or not even character traits. What is the word I'm looking for? For the girl or for the guy? For girl and guy or behaviors that lead to what can be considered a successful relationship. And I don't want to use our relationships as like the pinnacle of that because there's obviously challenges, but like, how do you coach somebody if we could to find love and have a successful relationship? I think you really just can't lean into it too much. I think you just have to have your own independence and your own confidence.

Be able to stand alone. Be able to stand alone. That's so attractive to people when you could take it or leave it. And you're meh. I know I keep saying meh, but that's how it is. And don't ignore red flags. I feel like people turn a blind eye and people show you who they are in time. And if people are doing, you know, it's like one strike, two strike, three

strikes, you're out. Right. And what's a red flag for you? Basically, everything is a red flag for me. I am full, full gone, girl. I mean, I am looking. I'm married and I'm still looking. And I am convinced that one day Andrew is going to snap because he's just a little bit too even keeled. And I think that's a red flag. Everything's a fucking red flag. But listen, if a guy is noncommittal

at the beginning and, oh, you know, I don't want to have a label or I just don't, I'm not, you know, I need to focus on me or work or this, like, bullshit. If a guy wants to date you, he's going to want to date you. Guys are like animals. Totally. They want to claim their prize.

I always say that if a guy wants to call you, he's going to call you or text you. You do not need to text them or call them. Don't do it. That's like not my thing. Let the guy come to you. Let him pursue you. Yes. I think in any relationship, girl and girl, like be pursued.

It's yeah, it's biology let let the men hunt let the woman you know be i mean now i'm sounding a little bit sexist but guys are flowing with testosterone biologically we're not the same so let them pursue you okay but say you say you're being pursued by someone you don't like? We can do that scenario too. But say a guy's pursuing you really hard and you're trying to, you know, act like a poodle or whatever. Or act aloof. At what point do you give in and then give the guy an opening?

Because that's another problem. I really like to make him sweat. Totally. When I was dating back in the day, four score and seven years ago, I like to make them sweat. I kind of get off on it, which is fucked up. No, me too. But I just, I just think it's a game. I've always like my dad told me when I was little, I have a key and to keep my key.

Like I think he was talking about my virginity looking back, but I thought it was an actual key. He's like, you have a key. Don't let anyone take your key. So I always feel like I just like to dangle it like a little carrot. Your dad always had the creepiest analogies with you. I mean, yeah. When you said key, I just thought maybe you're like your vagina or your hymen.

It sounded like your dad's. Yeah. I think he was talking about that, but he was calling it a key. Well, I'll take that. Key is a little bit better than him sitting you down at age six and being like, listen, honey. Yeah, he's a key. Only daddy has the key to our love. No, I just think everyone has a key and you can just keep the key tight.

Why not dangle it as long as you can dangle it? I mean, I remember dating a guy a long time ago and I literally didn't have sex with him for like nine months and I thought it was so funny the whole time and he just kept coming around coming around and I was like I did that with a guy but he had a micro penis oh I'm not joking I was so into him and he was so perfect on paper and then well he humped my leg first which is a true story I had to have said this on your podcast I don't think you told us this one. Okay. He was so cute and nice. And my family loved him. And I'm like, oh my God, I think this is going to be my husband. Like so compatible. We're at dinner. He let me order my

own appetizer and salad and entree. So, you know, back in the day, that was really exciting for me. And we were in the valet and he like whisked me to the side. And I'm thinking, oh, my God, this is so steamy. He's so hot and seductive. Then he crouched down and hovered his genitalia on my kneecap and looked up at me like a broken rescue animal and was like, is this OK animal. And was like, is this okay? And I was like, is what okay? I thought he was, I swear to God, because he was leaning.

I'm like, is he going to propose? Is he going to like give me something? I didn't know what the fuck was going on. He starts dry humping my leg to fruition. So just let that sit with you. How did that finish? Like how did that? It was like a grunt.

I got on my BlackBerry. I started texting my roommate. I was like, you have to come get me. I don't have a car. My leg is being assaulted right now. He's got to buy you more than dinner to hump your leg. You know what's the sickest part? And this is, I do have a moment of reflection.

So I feel like I can talk about this. This was 2000. Michaelael does the year make a difference yes um maybe like 2010 like right before i started dating andrew yeah see i wanted to know how quickly and see andrew looked real good after this oh once you've had your leg humped like i mean i could have just like gone to fucking skid row and hung out with a meth dealer well michael had a girl that ate glass once we've already done this story yeah but you got to tell it really quickly again fun yeah just for fun no not for fun no we ended up uh we ended up breaking out she didn't eat glass she just bit

through a wine glass but she didn't eat the glass so she was excuse me yeah can you like give us context i'll tell the story briefly we ended up up breaking up. Not breaking up, but just kind of going our separate ways. And she kicked down my apartment door. Love her. And she was holding this. We all lived in this complex in college. And I was there with all my roommates. She was way taller than him, too.

Oh. She was tall. And she was drinking this wine glass. I think in college you have those cheap wine glasses. But I think she was so angry, she bit through the glass. And she was drinking this wine glass. I think, you know, like in college, you have those cheap wine glasses. But she bit. I think she was so angry. She bit through the glass and it was in her mouth. And she was like, why aren't we together?

And my buddy looked at her and he's like, probably because you're eating glass. And it was just this super wild. She bit into a wine glass? She didn't eat the glass. Stop defending her. Okay. She just broke the glass. I feel like you've had a lot of different personalities.

Listen, I am one of the hosts of this show and we will not turn this on me okay i just like i like to find out little nuggets okay here and there let's i love a nugget so we've talked about mistakes what what are some of the okay for the guys that are listening what are some of the biggest mistakes you see guys making in the online dating space there There's so many. From what your friends are telling both of you. Remember your friend Taylor last time? How could we forget?

I mean, I went through his dating profile. And that would be like a great place to just start with what not to do. Let's use him as an example. Let's use that as an example. Because I mean, it's been a while. I haven't seen him in a while. He's been on Time Out big time. Oh, I see.

Yes. He's doing my podcast artwork. So I probably shouldn't talk too much shit about him or he's going to make me look fat. No, he loves it. He loves it. Okay, good. His profile, I remember there were a lot of selfies. There was a lot of like, was it like a ball grazing hemlock?

Like his pants were very low. It just reads like any guy, this this is i'm just going to speak personally any guy that would go into a bathroom and take his shirt off and like prepare himself and pop a leg and do a selfie and then have the nerve to put it on the internet is a sick mother fucker i don't get it i don't understand it and i don't like it and I don't understand it. And I don't like it. And I don't support it. What if there's an oil involved on the chest? And what if there's a Facetune involved?

Please tell me that he Facetunes his photos. I think he may Facetune a little. What is the difference between girls in bikini shots and guys shirtless? Such a difference. It's so different. Okay, that visceral reaction. Yeah, well, what do you mean? You don't know the difference? Okay, that, like you guys, visceral reaction there. Yeah, well, what do you mean? You don't know the difference?

No, but I'm saying like girls can get away with it. Guys can't. Exactly. It's the upside of sexism is that we can post photos whenever the hell we want with our tits out because we feel like it and we just want that double tap life. Yep.

And you know what else? I can't with the strategically placed items. Like I can't with the protein powder uh items like i can't with the protein powder like turned out so you can i die for it label and then it says like testosterone on it you know what i mean like micropenis micropenis micropenis micropenis so what so what is some practical advice you could give someone like a tay tailor okay if they're actually trying to woo a woman no selfies no selfies just don't do it guys stay away from the selfies it's weird and it's just stay in your lane and also the guys that hire a professional photographer to get their profile

that's even worse actually that's way worse show the layers of yourself. You know, it's okay. You know, yes, you travel. Don't take excess travel pics. We don't need to see you at all the most glamorous, fabulous places. Don't need to see your car. Do not, do not post a picture of your fucking car. Don't do it. It's like, especially the guys who are like, check out my new Mitsubishi with the spoiler on the back. Like, what are you doing? Why are you doing that? Why do you have black? Like, just stop it.

So what should they do? Be normal. Tone it down. Be like, if you really want the way into a girl's heart, be chivalrous. Pick her up or don't. People don't like doing that anymore. OK, specifically for her Uber. Pay for a car.

Pay for her Uber. Because my friend was going on a date with someone in Malibu. Uh-huh. And she's from West Hollywood. Uh-huh. And he wants her to come out there. And that's a long track.

It's a long, yes. Pay for the Uber. Get the car. Pay for the Uber. I mean, that is like common sense. You were really good in the beginning. You took all my friends to P.F. Chang's and i'll never forget that that's sweet i knew that chinese chicken salad was right what is it the kung pao chicken do you know that i've never been to a

fucking pf chang's before oh you should go and get the calamari it's so good i'm by the way it's so in my wheelhouse i can't believe i haven't been yeah i kind of can't believe it died for a pf chang's go alone with the hoodie play your cards right in my wheelhouse, I can't believe I haven't been because I died for a P.F. Chang. Go alone with the hoodie. Play your cards right in the new studio and you might have P.F. Changs in your near future. Okay, perfect. I'm going to be on my best behavior for the rest of the day. Razor burn's also a no, Taylor.

If you have razor burn, like, I don't know, fix it. Why, because he shaves his balls? Let's not specifically talk to Taylor. Michael, do you have any tips for all your guy friends out there i feel like you're your friends what about i guess what about your friend s and the bear fucker shot what i was trying to get through to you guys until the bear no no we already i told that on the show what i was trying to get through here is like okay you guys both have a lot of guy friends and a lot of girlfriends i have a lot of guy friends what do you see them like the ones that are doing it successfully what are they doing successfully and the ones that are

really screwing up like taylor's screw-up example but the guy because i know you have guys that are doing it well oh i have guys that are doing it so well so what are they doing see this is a good question your questions before a little vague you're putting us on the spot i'm trying questions could use some polishing yeah well i'm trying to i'm getting could use some polishing. Yeah. Well, I'm trying to... I'm getting there. Real easy over there, just asking all the hard-hitting questions. Okay, the guys that I know that are doing it really, really well, A, like their work game is totally in order. So they already are very confident in what they're doing. They're killing it professionally.

So I don't know if that trickles down to their love life where they just have like a extra sense of confidence or whatever i think it means they have something going on that they're confident like that they're passionate about talking about you michael step away from me this is about you michael this is all yeah this is all innuendo about michael um so they've got that kind of cover they're not stressed stressed. They're not insecure. They're whatever. They play it really, really, really cool. They're charming. They always all my guy friends always take a girl out to dinner always. So and they're, they're very proactive about it. Like I've been out and seen a cute girl, my best friend. Andrew's the best man at our wedding who's one of my close friends too his game is out of control and I could literally text him a phone number of someone that I met

that I thought was cute and he will call her on the phone and without ever having met her face to face and invite her to go to dinner send her a car and then plays it really cool from there on out but wait so so you've told me about this guy. So what does he do, though, when they become in love with him? This happens a lot. He's always nice. He's pretty honest and upfront about it. Like, he's not going to string you along. So what does he say? I mean, he's gone out with quite a few people that I've set him up with. And a lot of the time, it's a one and done situation and i respect that because you know he's not lonely on a friday and just trying to like have a meal with someone so if he feels it he pursues it and if he doesn't he does not and

the whole time he's pretty open about you know i'm not gonna we're not gonna be like monogamous okay but i want to know i know i want to i don't want to get specific about this guy because I know Lauren will try to make this about this one guy and I want to make it more about what guys can apply. It's also about you, babe. About what guys can apply. So like when you said something like he always takes them to dinner. Are guys not taking girls to dinner? I feel like there's a

lot of people are doing like the late night drinks. I think coffee is bullshit. I know you're not drinking right now, Michael, which I'm just saying. I started again. Oh, thank God. I'm severely judging you from afar for that. I was like, really? Well, he only said it about 800 times. I started again and I went and I started again and I drank sake, whiskey, beer, tequila and wine in one night.

And it was and I had a complete. I heard about it for about three days. Oh, really? I'm sick. I think what happens, I took so long off that I just had to get all of it back in. OK, so we're back on. Is it on the wagon or off get all of it back in. Okay, so we're back on. Is it on the wagon or off the wagon? Off the wagon.

Okay, so we're off the wagon. Okay, good. I want to know, though, how does a girl get the attention for a long-term relationship with someone like the guy you're talking about? You know, because that's an art. My guy friends say it's all about the vibe. I think they're full of shit. I'd love to think that it's all about the vibe. I think they're full of shit. I'd love to think that it's all about the vibe.

I do think energy, though, has something to do with it. I think you need to be like a good hang, not a good lay, a good hang. I think that's really important. I think girls, you have to just you have to bring a good energy. Be cool. Don't be uncool. Don't be uncool. Yeah, just be cool.

Be chill. And by the way way crazy is cool too that's i think that gets confused because crazy girls are the most fun so you can be crazy if you're if it's in your loins like it is with ours yeah let it shine i would describe us as crazy and cool so crazy and cool don't you think that you want to be with someone for the rest of your life that's cool with a tad of crazy? Well, I think for girls and guys, the biggest thing is like there's got to be something to talk about. Like that's not just... Mental stimulation.

That's a big one. For sure. You don't want to be like Lauren from The Bachelor. Oy vey. I haven't seen what everyone's talking about with her. She just like... She is... I mean, I would rather watch paint dry for 24 hours straight than go have a coffee with this girl.

And what ended up happening? He picked one and then said no to the other? Only this kind of a bitch would go back. Okay, he proposes to another girl, okay, on national TV, gets down on one knee, the whole thing, dumps you on camera, and then is with this person for months, and then he decided he changed his mind like a little pussy, and then goes back to the runner-up, and now they're engaged, and they're so happy.

What? In what world? What female? Is he the most hated man in America right now? You know what? I kind of am blaming her. I mean, I wouldn't want the sloppy second. I'd be like, listen, motherfucker. And she is just supporting him on that couch after the final rose.

What are you doing? But now the other girl's the bachelor. So she won. So she wins. So she wins. Yeah, exactly. I mean, I'd want to be the bachelorette. The bachelorette, not the bachelor.

I would love to be the bachelorette. Although I'd be a great bachelor contestant, too. I would fucking so. OK, I have a good idea because we've gone on so many tangents. This is a good idea. If you guys, both of you, we can this is I'll be like playing the interview here. If you guys went on to the bachelor, what would your strategy be? My strategy.

You know that I know with all the numbers above the head and the plus signs and minus beautiful minds yeah like that i would have like a room with like news i would be like maybe we'll be like homeland john nash homeland john nash we'll finally get to the answers that we're looking for here i'm andrew kanon in versace like my wall is cut? When he has all the papers, like I'm planning my attack. It's a game. It is a game. And I, ooh, I would fucking play that shit so well. Okay.

So what would, what would your first step be? My first step would be, here's the, here's the thing. You want everyone to like you, but you can't get too close. You know what I'm saying? So I would be, when I was around the the other women that would be like my main foundation is how i would behave with all the other women because you don't want to make yourself a threat but you also don't want to be too buddy buddy because then you're full of shit when you gotta be in the middle you gotta play you gotta like straddle that line yes before you straddle that bachelor you know

what i'm saying so i would be very very demure about my relationship with the batch. But when I was at the house, I'd be making mimosas. I'm the life of the party. I'm, you know, asking and providing misguided advice to them. So they're like, you know, Ari, like, he seems so distant. I'd give them, like, very sincere but misguided advice to, like, fuck with them in the relationship. And they think you're drinking, but you're not really. But I'm not exactly just OJ all the way.

And I'm just fucking loading them up with champagne all day long. Extra calories, a little loose, you know, the whole thing. This is good to know. I'm so on your page. So I'd start with that. So like all the girls love me. No one's pulling him aside being like you know jackie was saying this and you and i would constantly be

downplaying my relationship with the bachelor and being like it just seems i would i would be planting little seeds everywhere like a gardener just seed seed seed seed seed like making it like we're on the rocks like i just feel so insecure with my relationship. But meanwhile, while I'm on my one in ones slinging the game, I'm glad you put a little bit of thought into this. Andrew. Oh, I would be nailing the shit out of it.

It is a game though. I hate when people are like, it's for love. No, it's a game. I was really just trying to get to like what you could do to get the guy to like you, but Oh,

the guy, this was very like, she's right though what you could do to get the guy to like you. But oh, the guy. This was very like she's right, though. You have to start with the foundation. This is very Machiavellian, you know? Absolutely. Now, with the guy you want to be. I mean, if I was trying to win, I would never be like this in my real life if I was just dating a guy because I'm way too, you know, transparent and impulsive. But if I was on a TV show with a big cash prize at the end um i would never talk badly about the other girls ever i know that's the biggest mistake

you can't talk bad about the other girls because it makes you look insecure 100 you never say a bad word about the other girls they're all fine or you might allude to something with like you know like a pause or a wince or pass the wine we later. Yeah, be like, I don't want to go there. It's not really my style to talk about people. But meanwhile, you just did. They're like, oh, what about Lauren? You know, she's a nice girl. We're just different.

And it's not really my style to talk badly about people. Boom. Seed planted. Exactly. Dark. Okay. about people the word i saw seed planted exactly dark okay um i don't know where to go from here i don't know how to i don't know how to get lauren are you you're on my level right i'm on the same total i'm watching everything they're doing the problem is they either stand out too much or too little so it's a constant balancing act about how to stay in the middle right i feel like we should go on and like counsel girls on the bachelor this is my dream i'd be like what

are you doing why are you wearing that what are you doing figure out your bangs come on let's get it going here get the tits out no crying no crying no crying hold that shit in go cry in the bathroom cry on the inside hold a thing like a necklace for your tears no crying hold that shit in go cry in the bathroom cry on the inside hold a thing like a necklace for your tears no crying no no no no no no you know i will say as a guy crying is a no-go for me too i get uncomfortable when people cry around me i'm not a crier no me either why we're probably married yeah i'm not a crier because what are you supposed to do as a man or a woman when someone's bawling crying crying in front of you? You know what it is?

Actually, I'm going to go back to this. I'm not a crier because I have a strategic reason. I like to hold my cry card in my pocket for a day when I'm ready to attack. A rainy day. A rainy day cry. Yeah. Oh, I'm so with you. I never cry.

That's what I'm thinking. I'm like, I do like to cry sometimes sometimes but it needs to really serve a purpose like i want to make him feel so awful and disgusting but i never do it a lot because if you overdo it then the tears mean nothing yeah when if lauren cries which is rare she's a fucking ice queen but when she when she cries then i really crumble because i'm like oh my god there's something really wrong the rainy day cry but if you if you're with somebody that's crying all the time it's like the boy who cried wolf you're like you're not even sad you're just like having a menstrual cramp like yeah save your tears for when it's worth it like and you really want to drive the point across i cried on command last week because i got pulled over by a cop that's a good one and it it came out of me like lava i didn't first of all i didn't have my

license i didn't have my plates on i also had an open container of alcohol in the back of my car because i had thrown andrew like a birthday dinner and i took like i just had an open thing that i was bringing back to our house and this was the morning after and i launched into these tears like you have never seen and i'm like i am so sorry sir my uncle is a police officer i first of all that's a lie i don't have a police officer in my family at all but so i mean i just started launching into this whole sob story didn't even ask for my license good thing didn't have it on me and he let me go 30 seconds later i'm like that that's why you hold your cry card you hold your cry for any

men listening that does not work for you no if you start crying you're you're done no you're so done but if you get pulled over and you're nice and kind that usually works you should be nice and kind always right like until you need to step it up a notch yeah but i'm telling you that depends that never like to get angry never works i think with customer service reps, you always start nice and accommodating. And then when they don't cooperate, you kick it up. And then if you got to kick it up one more time, play the nice card. And then you play the aggressive card. And then you play the pushy card.

Basically, you're always playing a card. We got a full deck over here. In the relationship, you have your cry card. I think maybe you two are the worst two to try to get information out of today for this type of thing. Why? They have a cry card now. I've realized that there's a lot of manipulation going on. I need to revisit my whole life with both of you.

I need to figure out what's going on here. Okay. What would both of your Tinder bios be if you were on Tinder? Ooh. You know what? You got to do a good one one it can't be something like you know i like long locks and the beat like no die in a fire no um mine would be like acknowledging how awkward writing a bio about yourself is that's like mine would be like this is so awkward i'm not writing a bio about myself on tinder i like it i have no fucking idea i have no idea why i haven't put zero thought into this you know you've thought about your tinder

picture there's certain things would you get like for the point i'm at in my life right now where you just like you can write certain things and thoughts out you don't have to even think about anymore would you be like uppercase lowercase uppercase lowercase no i would changing your s's to dollar signs i will say say that I would have proper grammar. Okay. That's important. For sure. Would you just write boss for your last name? No, I wouldn't. Oh my God. With $2 signs. Yeah. Yep. Yeah. That's creative. I would have no clue. I would honestly, I'm telling you, I would be the worst person for online dating because it's been, I wouldn't even know where to begin. You know, my whole life, I've never even had a chance on online date. never are gonna have a chance so i would either be really really really bad or because i'm so ignorant about the whole thing

i'd be really really really good that has an appeal too right that for guys we'll never know that are not like so they're not like so well-oiled machines and the in the online dating scape that's attractive if they know what they're doing too much, why are you not... I love an Instagram with a Nashville filter because they have no clue what to do and there's no pictures of themselves. It's just nothing what they're eating, but just a couple pictures with friends.

That's a good account. With a Nashville filter? You know Nashville? Of course I do. It's like the worst filter and you just put Nashville on it. It's like they have no idea what they're doing. I don't like guys who filter. I feel like it shows too much effort. You do a little filter.

I don't filter. You filter. And you always do that one that makes me look like a pale ghost. You are a media figure, so you're allowed to. I've never been described as a media figure. The things we're going to talk about at dinner tonight. It's going to be all the compliments that you've given him. I feel like I haven't given him that many compliments.

I've never been described as a media figure. Do you like media figure or public figure? Yeah, what do you like? Just a star? Kind of neither. I don't know. I don't want to be a figure. I just want to be...

You're thinking about it. I like to just be a normal human being because then I don't have to... Just with exceptional qualities? Yeah. Just a superior human. Just want to be- See, I think that's where I'd run into trouble is I'm not that good at managing social media.

We're still talking about your dating bio? Haven't we exhausted that? I'm trying to think about what I would do here. And I really like when you asked me what I would do, I'm completely stumped. And I didn't realize that I would be this terrible at online dating. But you would be better than most

because you have an Instagram. You know how to do the thing andrew would die alone for sure because he doesn't he would be so fucked the guy can barely i mean love him does he even have instagram i tried to follow him no he has one from years ago but he doesn't use it andrew would just say hey you know but you want to go to my music studio you know? I wouldn't have a dating profile. I really wouldn't. I would not have one. Yeah.

I would just, I think, fly to San Tropez, sit outside in the cafe, put some oil on my leg. Bikini. Bikini. You know, sit with a book. You know what I mean?

Like a book, like and put the bookmark and like I've been like bookmarking it so I look really intelligent and smart. Yes, and intellect. And not look at them, but just do a grin. like i'm laughing at my book and just sit there because you're just a couple days spirited and well traveled instead of this i'm well traveled i'm reading my legs are oiled up you know what i mean for sure that's how i would date sometimes don and i play a game like if we weren't together like what areas are you allowed to go to what

because you know like this is my area this is your area like where can you leave because i wouldn't stay here i'd be out oh you'd be yeah gone oh yeah i'm holding him back here oh oh yeah i would have to go somewhere i think you would go somewhere rapunzel yeah i would go somewhere can i have new york nope you can have minnesota oh yeah you could yeah Minnesota. You could do really well in Minnesota. Okay. Minnesota it is. Minnesota, here I come. You can have a coffin.

I feel like we haven't answered any specific questions. Yes, we have. We've given so many ideas of people that are on dating sites. We've talked about the fake cry. We've talked about how to win the bachelor and bachelorette. That in itself is a hidden jewel. Yeah. And by the way, the bachelor and bachelorette tips can be applied to real life if you're like if you're

going on a group date oof yeah and be cool and and you know what another good tip is like be cool with the friends don't be an asshole that's a good one because if i mean they say it doesn't matter but i would be really bugged if my friends didn't love who I was with. Yeah. I think it's really, really important for them to fall in love with the friends. You've got to be. I mean, I think that's a huge part of our relationship. It sounds like it is for you.

Bro down with the guys. You want them on your side, ultimately. What's cool about both of you, chicks, is that. Keep it coming. Yep. Is that I feel like with Laurenuren in lauren's case she has relationships with my friends outside of me and i feel like you're the same with andrew's friends i think they would all choose me in a burning building actually um andrew's best friend john

said that at our wedding that he would save me i made him put that in the speech yes and you know what our best man at his best man was basically my maid of honor too because i just feel like forming relationships with the friends makes it even deeper so like he can't leave i lead with fear there yes oh that's a great that's a great relationship all the friends call me they have 200 questions like they want to know every little detail and i just think that that's a good way to go fear is a great foundation for relationships i've said this before i think i said this on your podcast i mean that they should be a little bit scared yeah you never know i'm always scared you should be yeah

you should sleep with a fucking eye open okay yeah for sure i know it's a good thing though it's exciting don't you think yeah nothing like i like wondering if you're going to do it. I think Taylor would pick me. Weston would pick me. I love to ask them, too. I'm like, who would you pick? Oh, yeah. I ask everybody that. I think about it. You have no one else to ask questions to, girly questions.

You're just going to have to deal with Michael. It's pretty downhill. Yeah, totally. Well, we're going on Jackie's podcast right now. We're doing a little switcheroo. She's at the Bitch Bible on iTunes. and pimp yourself out to the audience. Give your Instagram handle and everything. Okay.

I'm at Jackie Schimmel, S-C-H-I-M-M-E-L and subscribe to my podcast, The Bitch Bible by Dear Media. Plug, plug, plug. And is there anything else I should be plugging, Michael? No. Okay. Yeah. Plug, plug, plug. And is there anything else I should be plugging, Michael? No. Did you do what Lauren did and go Jackie Schimmel Haas or did you do Jackie Haas? I have not changed my name at all yet, but I am going to be Jackie Schimmel Haas. Yeah. You know why we do that? Because Kim Kardashian West, that's the way to do it now.

Okay. That's the cool thing. Yeah. That's Lauren Everett's Bostic. Okay. I like it. Yeah. I like a lengthy name. Yeah. It's a lengthy name. thing. Yeah, that's Lauren Everett's Bostic. Okay, I like it. Yeah. I like a lengthy name. Yeah, it's a lengthy name. I'm into it. He loves when I say Bostic.

Andrew is like dying for me to change my last name. Both, I like both your last names. Schimmel's a little chewy. I like it though. Schimmel. It's like rhinoplasty for days. Are we still recording? Thank you for coming on.

Thank you.