The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast - #118: Lewis Howes - Male Vulnerability, Emotional Trauma, Overcoming Stress & Anxiety, and Eliminating Negative Self Talk

Episode Date: June 12, 2018

On this episode we sit down with entrepreneur, author and podcaster Lewis Howes. Lewis is a pro and this conversation covers a lot of ground in a quick period. On this episode we discuss the mask of��masculinity, getting vulnerable to experience breakthroughs, emotional trauma and the emotional release of trauma, overcoming obstacles, stress and anxiety. We also dive into what its like being stuck in your own head and how to stop negative self talk.  To learn more about Lewis Howes click HERE To connect with Lauryn Evarts click HERE To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE This episode is brought to you by FOUR SIGMATIC We have been drinking this company's mushroom-infused elixirs and coffees for over a year now. When we need a break from coffee but still need that extra morning jolt and focus the Mushroom Coffee with Lion's Mane and Chaga is the way to go. Lauryn also drinks the Mushroom Matcha which is a green tea designed as a coffee alternative for those of you who want to cut back on caffeine without losing focus and cognitive boosts. This stuff doesn't actually taste like mushrooms, it's delicious. All of these blends have a ton of nutrients and amino acids to give you balanced energy without the jitters. To try FOUR SIGMATIC products go to foursigmatic.com/skinny and use promo code SKINNY for 15% off all products.  This episode is brought to you by RITUAL Forget everything you thought you knew about vitamins. Ritual is the brand that’s reinventing the experience with 9 essential nutrients women lack the most. If you’re ready to invest in your health, do what I did and go to www.ritual.com/skinny  Your future self will thank you for taking Ritual: Consider it your ‘Lifelong-Health-401k’. Why put anything but clean ingredients (backed by real science) in your body?   

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. mushroom coffees, mushroom superfood blends, and mushroom elixirs. If you're looking for a coffee alternative to switch up your caffeine intake, Four Sigmatic has the blends for you. They're all delicious. Just open a pack and add to hot water. They don't taste like mushrooms. And like always, we have a special offer just for him and her listeners. Go to foursigmatic.com forward slash skinny and enter promo code skinny at checkout for 15% off your entire order. I love this stuff. This episode is also brought to you by a ritual. So you guys know I'm a human guinea pig. So it shouldn't surprise you at all that I am still testing out the multivitamin ritual. It's actually by my tongue scraper. If we're being honest, it's filled with so many standout stars like iron, vitamin E, magnesium, and folate. So all you have to do is go to ritual.com

slash skinny and consider it your lifelong health 401k. That's ritual.com slash skinny. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to The Skinny Confidential, him and her. Aha! Describe your upbringing and what your childhood was like for you. Hmm, lonely.

Lonely, vulnerable, insecure. I felt like the dumbest person in the world yeah i couldn't read and write in eighth grade i went to a private boarding school and they uh they tested me for reading and math and i had a second grade reading level so i was always picked on and made fun of i was in the special needs classes all through elementary school my mom would actually come into class which made it more embarrassing to help me read and write just because she wanted to make sure i could get through and not be held back um yeah my brother went to prison when i was eight years old for four and a half years so i wasn't allowed to have friends during then because being in like a lower middle class white suburban neighborhood. There was no one else that went to prison.

And so I was like the bad kid. Can I ask you why he went to prison? He sold drugs to an undercover cop. Not the best drug dealer. Two sheets of LSD. No. He'd only sold like pot before then. He was like a 19-year-old at Ohio State.

And how old were you? I was eight. Okay. Pretty traumatic. Yeah. I mean, it is what it is, you know. We all go through stuff, but for me, I, and this was, I didn't know how to emotionally handle the traumas that I was feeling.

I mean, I was also raped when I was five by a man that I didn't know. So for me, and I didn't talk about for 25 years cause I was so ashamed and guilty and felt like if anyone knew they would think that that was less than a man, they knew what had happened. So I just was constantly battling these inner demons and didn't know who to talk to. Welcome back to the Skinny Confidential Him and Her Show. If you are new to the show, thank you for joining. That clip was from our guest of the show today, Lewis Howes. As many of you know, Lewis is a pro and has a podcast himself with over 600 episodes.

This conversation is extremely diverse and goes into a lot of different areas, including the mask of masculinity, getting vulnerable to experience breakthroughs, sexual assault, trauma, and the emotional release of trauma, overcoming obstacles, stress, and anxiety. We also dive into what it's like being stuck in your own head and how to stop negative self-talk. For those of you who are new to the show, I'm Michael Bostic. I'm an entrepreneur and business operator. I have specialized in brand building and direct-to-consumer marketing over the last 10 years. Most recently, the CEO and co-founder of Dear Media,

a podcast network that puts women and female voices at the forefront of conversation. What's up, guys? I'm Lauren Everett's Michael's wife, a podcaster, an author, and a blogger behind the skinny confidential. The skinny confidential is a cheeky resource for women. That's full of beauty, wellness, and bossy tips. You can also find me in the skinny confidential secret Facebook group. And of course on Instagram and Instagram stories, where I like to showcase the crazy behind the scenes of my life in a way that hopefully brings you a ton of value. So as you can tell from my on point introduction, I am super wired up right now. I have my Four Sigmatic mushroom coffee with Lion's Mane and Chaga. If that doesn't sound badass, I don't know what it is. This stuff honestly is like

rocket fuel for my brain. So Lauren, I don't know if you know this, but I first learned about Four Sigmatic listening to Tim Ferriss and he was talking about the beginning of the show and I knew it was a sponsor and I knew he was getting paid and I still went and bought the stuff. This is really funny. Sorry to interrupt you, but I also learned about this from Tim Ferriss and separately ordered the hot chocolate, which is hilarious. Well, it's amazing. And I've been drinking it now for over a year and it's the best. Then as some of you know and heard, we interviewed Four Sigmatic's founder, Taro Isokopola. And that was one of our favorite interviews. And we did that a couple of weeks back. I believe it's episode 116. So if you haven't listened to that, check that out.

So what does Four Sigmatic do specifically? Well, they mix different types of medicinal mushrooms into delicious drink blends that each have different functions. The mushroom coffee that I'm drinking right now is a perfect morning drink and coffee replacement. It's amazing for productivity and creativity. I originally started experimenting with the mushroom coffee when I took a hiatus from actual coffee because as many of you know, I have a gland issue and I needed a break on the old adrenals and the mushroom coffee was a great alternative. So if you don't want to be

so wired as much as I am, they also have a mushroom matcha blend, which is great alternative to coffee and great if you're trying to limit your caffeine intake like I am. I have to say my favorite, honey, because I just want every girl in the world to go try this. They'll thank me later. It's the mushroom hot cacao mix. Guys, it's like a warm hug from your grandma. This is really, really awesome to end the night with, especially if you're like me and you have a sweet tooth. And the sweet tooth is worth it because there's so many benefits. It's antioxidants. It's good for your immune system. It's anti-aging and detoxifying. It's heaven. Yeah. These blends include a ton of beneficial amino acids and don't

give you the jitters like regular coffee. If you're wondering if it tastes like mushrooms, want to know more? They don't, but you do get the medicinal benefits and nutritional benefits of mushrooms. So Lauren and I have an assortment of the products that we keep in our offices and our house for guests. We give them out to everybody. We use them for different scenarios. Sometimes you want to wind down in bed or you want to wake up in the morning or you want to focus. They have a blend for you. So check them out. Go to Four Sigmatic. That's F-O-U-R-S-I-G-M-A-T-I-C, foursigmatic.com slash skinny and enter promo code skinny for 15% off. Again, go to foursigmatic.com slash skinny and enter promo code skinny for 15% off. You should have had some of that

mushroom coffee before you went out for Mimi's birthday on Friday night. Whoa. I realized at this point in my life, finally, and I don't care anymore if I'm boring, I am not a nightclub guy any longer. Baby, I don't think you've been a nightclub guy since you were 21. At 31 years old, it's over. I did it for a long time. Guys, girls, if we partied in the past, it was fun, but I'm done now. I think it's only day things for me and dinners. I'm done. No, sometimes we love like a bougie rosé prosciutto melon lunch. Yeah. But other than that, I think we're retired from nightclubs. So Mimi, sorry, you're going to have to go through the 21 years and above without me at the nightclub. So we wanted to start giving some context behind why we choose interviews because we got some

feedback from our friend Ariel in Cabo. And we give very detailed introductions at our guests, but we want to also give some context about why we interview the people we choose to interview. So Lewis Howes has been on our radar for a long time. The podcasting world is huge, but also very small, if that makes sense. So as you will hear later in this interview, we talked to Lewis about who and why we interview people. And I think we both take similar approaches. We want to have interesting and unique conversations. Unique being the key word there. Recently, Lewis has opened up about the mask of masculinity and what it's like when men and specifically men start opening up and showing a vulnerable side. It's a conversation we haven't touched on very much on this show and we thought Lewis would be the perfect guest to shed

some light on the topic. There is a lot more insight he can and does provide around entrepreneurship, successful mindsets, and health, but this particular conversation focuses a lot on male vulnerability. You get pretty vulnerable in this episode. I know, he turned the tables on me for a little bit. I loved it. So to give you some background on Lewis, Lewis Howes is an entrepreneur, New York Times bestselling author, former professional athlete, and the host of the wildly popular podcast School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Lewis has built multiple businesses online and interviewed some of the world's top performers, including Tony Robbins, Lilly Singh, Gary Vee, Ray Lewis, Julian Huff, and many more. With that, please enjoy this very vulnerable, very real, and very wide-ranging conversation

with Lewis Howes. This is the Skinny Confidential, him and her. So describe your upbringing and what your childhood was like for you. Lonely, lonely, vulnerable, insecure. I felt like the dumbest person in the world. Yeah, I couldn't read and write. In eighth grade, I went to a private boarding school and they tested me for reading and math and i had a second grade reading level so i was always picked on and made fun of i was in the special needs classes all through elementary school my mom would actually come

into class which made it more embarrassing to help me read and write just because she wanted to make sure i could get through and not be held back um yeah my brother went to prison when i was eight years old for four and a half years so i wasn't allowed to have friends during then because being in like a lower middle class white suburban neighborhood there was no one else that went to prison and so i was like the bad kid can i ask you why he went to prison he sold drugs to an undercover cop yeah two sheets not the best drug dealer two sheets l LSD, no. He'd only sold like pot before then.

He was like a 19-year-old at Ohio State. It is what it is, you know. We all go through stuff. But for me, I didn't know how to emotionally handle the traumas that I was feeling. I mean, I was also raped when I was five by a man that I didn't know. So for me, and I didn't talk about for 25 years because I was so ashamed and guilty and felt like if anyone knew, they would think because I was so ashamed and guilty and felt like if anyone knew they would think that was less than a man if they knew what had happened so I just was constantly like battling these inner demons and didn't know who to talk to so when that happened

did you share that experience with anyone or you just held it I held him 25 years yeah nobody knew until five years ago I I went to uh actually right down the street there's a basketball court outdoor basketball court and i was going through a challenging breakup at the time that i was dating someone and i didn't know how to let go of my frustration i wasn't like taking anything out on her i was just kind of like taking the the pain and the stress of the relationship and taking it out to the world. So I wouldn't like take it out on her or yell or anything. But I'd go play basketball every day.

And I'd like use that aggression with all these guys I was playing with. And I got in a really bad fight. And it's right across the street from the police station. I got in a really bad fight. And I hadn't gotten in a fight since I was like 12. And I remember after this fight, I couldn't gotten a fight till i was like since i was like 12 and i remember after this fight i couldn't recognize the guy's face and i was like what is wrong with me now he hit me first so i like justified it whatever it was a basketball but you're a big dude he was

bigger than me but he was bigger than me which justifies me like being like okay i can fight this guy but i realized like why am i reactive so much in this moment? I was getting more and more reactive as my years went on. I was using, uh, I guess the pain and energy to be driven, to do something good with my business, you know, my life. But then I was very reactive in relationships or in certain situations. So, um, I went to this, some friends of mine were like, you need help. Like, something's off. Like, you shouldn't be reacting this way.

So I finally took a look within and was like, okay, let me see why I'm reacting like this. And I went to some workshops. I hired some coaches, therapy. I tried a little bit of everything. And in one of these workshops I went to, I finally opened up about being sexually abused because they just cultivated an experience for us to really share and open up. And then I realized, like, wow, I've been holding on to a lot my whole life. And it all comes out in anger. For me, it came out from passive aggressiveness and then anger.

Why did you decide to open up to your audience? I started telling my family members one by one for a few weeks and then my closest friends. And after I realized that people still accepted me and loved me, I was like, huh, okay, I'm not going to die. Because that was the biggest fear. Like, are people going to accept me for who I am? And then I opened up to my audience. It felt like more of a mission. It felt like more like a duty and a responsibility.

Because I didn't know any other straight white men in the business world who had opened up about it, who were also like former jocks. So for me, I just felt like there's so many men suffering. One in six men have been sexually abused, and yet very few of them talk about it. I mean, have you ever had a conversation with a straight man that you're aware of who's just openly talked about it or that you even knew that they did something, something happened to them? I never. Usually men don't talk about it, and we've been conditioned not to talk about it. And so it affects, you know, it affects our intimate relationships,

our relationships with family, friends, everything. At least it did for me. And the men that I talk to who tell me about their stories, it's definitely affected them. And so I felt like this duty, it felt like every person I was telling my friends one by one, they would encourage me, why don't you open up on your podcast? And I was like, no way. Like I can tell you, but I'm going to, it's going to ruin my business, my image, like, you know, everything's going to struggle after after that and then the more and more i thought about it i felt like i was doing a disservice to humanity by not sharing i was like i can be an

example of like what's possible for people and if i lose my audience or if i make less money then so be it at least like i can set myself free how did you open up was it on the podcast i did on the podcast yeah i had a friend of mine kind of interview me on my podcast and help facilitate it, like a spiritual friend of mine that I trusted. And because I really didn't know how to do it. I was like, how do you just open up about this publicly? I had zero clue. I consulted with a female friend of mine, Glennon Doyle. I'm not sure if you've heard of her.

She's a number one New York Times bestselling author. What book has she written? She wrote a book called Love Warrior. Okay. Oprah endorsed her in her book club and, yeah, everything. And I said, listen, here's my story, and I'm looking to share it. Can you guide me through the process so I don't alienate or hurt anyone or upset anyone, but just do the best I can?

Because I'd never seen another example of a man opening up publicly about this i'm sure it's happened but i just never seen it and she gave me great advice on how to do it and i was like okay we did the interview and i remember holding the podcast episode for like six months because i was just terrified still i'd recorded it but i was like uh should i really do this or should I hold back? And just one day it just felt right. I was like, okay, this is the day I'm going to publish it. I had it all ready for months, and then I finally published it.

What was the response? It's funny. I published it. I showed you guys. We're just across the street from my building. And I published it at like 10 o'clock at night, somewhere around 10 o'clock at night. And I go out on my balcony, and I see the brightest moon I've ever seen. And I sent one tweet out at the time to just check it out for the podcast.

And as I'm on Twitter, I'm seeing everyone talk about like this is the biggest supermoon in the last 100 years or something. And the meaning behind the supermoon and how the world shakes in this moment. And I was like, oh, this is so symbolic to like what i'm doing and i woke up the next day to hundreds of emails from men sharing essays of what had happened to them as children men getting raped in churches by family members by friends by getting kidnapped and being in the you know hung up in basements i was like these are horrific like stories you wouldn't even think about in movies and it made my story seem like very you know like nothing compared to what was happening in the world and I just realized like wow I couldn't believe that's when I started researching like wow like this is happening to a lot of

men not just me but there's men all over the world this is happening too and it um it just kind of shook me for about two or three weeks i felt like i had this hangover and i've never been drunk i've never you know had alcohol and been drunk i've had sips but i've never like why but this is a tangent but why just not that there's anything wrong like yeah but just i'm wondering why you never partook i think my brother going to prison was like a big indicator of like, okay, I just don't want to go down that path of like, I have a very strong personality of like, I don't even say addictive, but it's like when I'm focused on something, I'm committed to achieving it. I know exactly what you're talking about.

It's called a vulnerability hangover that you're talking about. That's what I had. Yeah, I had a vulnerability hangover. And you were like, there's a fog over you? I couldn't do anything. I was just reading these emails. over that you're that's what i had and you're like there's a fog over you i couldn't do anything i was just reading these emails but i'm also very empathetic in general and very intuitive and sensitive and so i was just reading these emails from this man these men who were just like opening

up and saying you know i've been married for 25 years i have four kids my wife doesn't know my kids don't know you're the only person that knows and so just the weight of like i'm opening up i'm hearing all these men open up for the first time and say like thank you for giving me permission to set myself free finally and then going and talking to their wives or family members and so i just felt like wow but everyone was like well get they were asking for advice and i was like i have no clue how to like guide you through this here's what i'm doing right now you know find a therapist like a professional um and that was really like the why i wanted to start talking about it more and why i wrote a book about masculinity because i was like huh there's so many men who are just messed up that have feel like they cannot communicate how they really feel was writing

the book cathartic for you to write or was it was it daunting no i mean it was a few years after i had really gone through and expressed a lot of stuff so it wasn't as like cathartic for me it was it was cathartic in some ways but it wasn't super emotional because i'd already let everything out for a couple of years and talked about it so much that it's a very neutral experience for me now thinking about that experience was horrific but it doesn't have power over me anymore because I've talked about it so much and I've processed it so much and I'm just like ready to move on um but releasing the book and hearing more stories from men hearing hearing stories from women,

how they're now be able to understand like their boyfriends or their fathers, why their fathers never, you know, connected to them in certain ways they wanted or why they're whatever, why their brothers never looked them in the eyes or whatever it may be. They're able to understand the men in their lives better and communicate in a language that works for them. So it's been, you know, cathartic in that sense of just always, I think when you're, when you help anyone get through trauma or any type of pain, it's cathartic and fulfilling at the same time.

So if somebody's listening, man or woman, and they're holding something like this in and any kind of traumatic experience from a personal experience what could you tell them about the feeling of you know releasing and letting go and sharing this experience like what has it done for you as a person uh it gave me like a sense of freedom i never felt before i was essentially a prisoner in my own heart and was always defensive constantly. Like I was a very joyful, happy person until someone did something that triggered me. And then I couldn't let it go. Like I had to be right.

I had to like have the worst last word. I had to win at something. And I felt like I just always had to prove myself. And so after that, it was just like, I don't have to prove myself anymore to anyone. I just need to live the life that I feel I want to live and pursue the things I want to do. And if I fail and I fail and it's all good. I like, I don't care about, you know, someone's opinion as much anymore. I still do, but it's, you know, I just have freedom for myself. So you were a

professional athlete for a long time. Do you think that this was a driving force or do you think that it held you back looking back now for being an athlete or for just being like because you you were so driven yeah to perform as a high level force and so looking back now do you think holding it in at that point was helping you or do you think it was hindering it was a driving force but i was the worst loser like do you think it was hindering you? No, it was a driving force, but I was the worst loser. Like when I lost, it was an attack on my self-worth. So anytime that we didn't win, even when we did win, it was an attack on my self-worth because I could have been better. And so I wasn't able to, it was just a constant, I need to be better. I need to be better to prove the people who hurt me wrong as opposed to let me do this

because I want to inspire people or I do it because I love it or i want to lift others up or be an example of something so i think that was the challenge was i was constantly like finding this battle within of like but i want to prove them wrong like they said something and i got to tell them that they were wrong by winning or making it to you know professional level so you know a lot of people that come on this podcast that are successful say their driving force is, is to prove it's really interesting. And then they have this epiphany in their life later where they realize that's not, it got them here, but they need to do something else and pivot and move into something else that fuels them. Yeah. I mean, I've heard this from a lot of people. That was my drive for my whole life to prove everyone wrong.

And you see that on Instagram. It's like prove them wrong. You see that all the time. And I'm like, I used to love that. And I probably used to say that all the time, too. If you go back on my old Instagram, probably from years ago, I probably used to say that all the time. And I've realized that the only thing we should be doing is proving people right and lifting others up. And proving people wrong is a waste of energy.

How did you feel when you had to change your career can you tell us kind of what that transition was like yeah it was uh it was terrifying and what what exactly happened again i was uh i was playing professional football i got injured playing arena league so there's walls it's like a hockey rink essentially so there's walls and i was diving to catch a football and i dove around the wall and snapped my wrist so you can see the scar uh my wrist right here and i had a they took a bone out of my hip put it in my wrist and i was in a forearm cast for six months so it was just like i didn't have a college degree still because i left early to go play football i barely studied in school anyways so i was just kind of like doing school to play football.

It wasn't like learning anything. And I was living on my sister's couch for a year and a half during that time just trying to figure out, well, who am I now? My whole identity was wrapped around playing football and being this athlete and proving people that I could do this thing. And now I can no longer prove to people that I could do this thing. And now I can no longer prove to people that I could do this thing. And my whole dream was gone now. So I was just for about a year and a half

trying to figure out, well, what am I going to do in the rest of my life? Or what's the next step? But I luckily had great support and great mentors that I started reaching out to and finding. I was using LinkedIn to reach out to local mentors. And I think that's one of the challenges most people make when they lose their dream or they're in transition is they like just

sit in a hole or they sit at home and they're not active, actively looking for something. And I knew I wanted to surround myself with inspiring people. So I just started surrounding myself with them. No matter what industry they were in, I was just like wanting to learn from people. And the thing I did first was like, I need some skills because the only skill I had was sports. So I went to salsa dancing every, I started learning from YouTube. Actually, I taught myself from a channel called addicted to salsa. Why the fuck don't you know how to salsa dance?

I'm going to have to, I'm going to have to get some classes. But I also had all this downtime. I had no relationship. I had no job. I had nothing so i just had like time on my hands trying to figure out what i was going to do and um i started doing salsa and i lived above a jazz club in an apartment that had salsa dancing once a week so i could go down and like you know be in the environment and for about a year i was just salsa dancing every

single day i only this is when we had to like burn cds back in the day those are the days those are the days i had a a friend of mine get all the top salsa tracks and i just would listen on repeat every single hour of the day i was truck driving at the time from columbus ohio to cincinnati and back So six hours a day I was driving a truck with car auto parts. And I was listening to this salsa. And then at night I would watch YouTube tutorial videos and then go out to the club and learn and practice. Then I was taking group lessons, private lessons. I was doing whatever I could.

Anytime someone wanted to dance, I was dancing. I just wanted to become fluent in other skills. I started public speaking classes every single week. I would practice that for the year. I invented a product off of Alibaba.com. I invented this cast cover, like this comfortable sleeve. It was kind of like a double padded sweatband. And I made this long thing with a thumb hole so it could fit over a big cast

because it kept scratching my face and like it was smelly and dirty i don't know if you've ever broken a bone but i've broken my nose a few times and oh yeah from her yeah yeah whenever i mouth a punch in the face wearing a cast on the face is not fun oh my gosh that sounds miserable yeah i had to do it uh my freshman year of high school i broke my nose and so you're like showing up like a i don't think to get a nose job and i'm like oh listen sports or was it just something stupid you walked into a wall it was um stupid i think maybe similar to you i used to have some anger issues smash your face took what someone someone got me in the nose on a clean oh my gosh yeah well breaking a bone is not funny either way i don't want to do it on my face but you know you've got this cast and it smells and

it's scratching your body. And it's just like, I had a problem. And that's when I became an entrepreneur. I was like, I have a problem, and how do I figure out the solution to this? That's the core of it, right? That was it. I didn't even know what entrepreneurship was, but I was like, I don't want this to happen anymore. I'm in pain, and I've got to keep wearing this thing for months.

And so I went on Alibaba.com. I found a manufacturer. I wired like $70 to like some Chinese bank account. I was like, hopefully something comes. I like designed something up. I talked to them on the phone and email. And I was like, here's what I want. You know, I want different colors, different sizes. And they sent me

samples and my first product was born. And then I was like, and I was using it myself. And I said, I need to find an inventor who knows how to bring this to market or how to sell this thing. I found an inventor through, I just started telling everyone,

I need to find an inventor, I need to find an inventor. I was just like on a mission. So before we get into that, I wanna talk about the multivitamin I've been taking. I told you guys that I was committed to using a multivitamin, and I've been doing it every single morning. Like I said, it's next to my tongue scraper and my toothbrush. And what I love about this vitamin especially is

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nutrients that were shady. So up came about Ritual. Ritual contains nine essential ingredients, which we love. And a lot of these are essential ingredients that women don't get from their diet alone. So think of vitamin B12, activated folate, vegan D3, even vitamin K2, vitamin E, omega-3 fatty acids, and my favorite standout star, magnesium. I love magnesium. It gets everything going, if you know what I mean. So Ritual supplies these in a form that are easily absorbed and utilized in your body. And all the capsules are vegan, gluten-free, and non-GMO. My favorite part of Ritual, hands down, is that it's mint-scented.

And in the bottle, there's this tab that's enriched with pure peppermint oil. I just think this is such a good idea. I'm obsessed with the minty smell and the taste, and it just makes taking vitamins pleasant. So there's no chalky vitamin BSs so you can visit their website and you can learn everything from why each ingredient is beneficial to where it's sourced like you get all the information it's very transparent i went on their site and i checked out everything before we started collaborating

and i think that it's something that you guys should all do too really easy easy. Everything's streamlined, super easy to read. And it explains every single detail down to the ingredients research and what the brand is all about. Ritual is the brand that's reinventing the experience with nine essential nutrients women lack the most. So if you're ready to invest in your health, do what I did and go to ritual.com slash skinny. That's ritual.com. like give him this pitch i have this cast come uh it was called the cast comfy and i had this thing on and um i hound this guy for weeks i was just like whatever it takes i just want to pick your brain and i was like i'll work for you for free for free i'll do whatever and he saw like a passion or energy in me and he ended up bringing me on for the next year and i was just in there learning about design and product development and how to bring any idea to market and design it and i was on the phone calls doing press calls with them

selling their products i was going to trade shows networking i was like learning everything right then when that thing that product never went anywhere yeah but the reason i like this story for people that are listening is it's like it's showing the drive to try things and go and like you didn't know anything about this industry and you pursue nothing listen and think about how much you learn along the way like that's what people don't understand it's like even if you completely fuck it up yeah it gave me i mean it helped me essentially do everything i'm doing now because i you know i learned about branding and messaging and naming he was like a naming expert and

just everything i do was based off of those that year training essentially um and then we started going to trade shows and i learned how to network and build relationships just everything so it's extremely powerful is that is that headset too loud no it's i'm just like sweating because it's like covering my ears but yeah just let us know if we need to yeah it's okay cool okay so why a podcast how did you get from here to podcast so after and you were early in the podcast we were just talking we're shooting the ship is that how you call it yeah to podcasting how do you yeah well i'd uh yeah i'd built a business after that i started doing like linkedin training courses and then other courses online and ended up quickly after that actually what a

year and a half after this internship i made my first million dollars so i was like broke on my sister's couch but then like something stuck i figured something out online and just went all in with it just like all day all night obsessed over it it's like how can i make the maximum amount of money from this one thing and then i got burnt out with that sold that to my business partner and i was in this like transition where i'd moved to la for this relationship i was in actually um just kind of like trying to figure out what i was going to do next and i was sitting in traffic near here like trying to go one mile and it took me like an hour and try in la traffic and i remember just feeling like huh i was frustrated in the

relationship i wasn't sure what i want to do with my life. Um, you know, just things were happening and I was like, I just felt stuck and just being stuck in that car. I was like, this sucks. I don't want to be stuck in traffic or stuck in my life because I'm usually the guy that knows how to get things done. So it was just a moment in time where I felt stuck. And I remember thinking like, what do I really want to do? Well, what did I do five, six years previous to that moment? I was reaching out to mentors, inspiring people, interviewing them and getting insights, applying what I was learning and look at the result I got. I built this multimillion dollar business and sold it. So I said, I want to do that again. I want to interview the most inspiring people in the world.

But I was like, I think I could do it from a different perspective. I could interview athletes because I was an athlete. I can interview business people now because I'm in business i could interview spiritual people you know because i did meditation i was like maybe i could tap into like the greatest people of all time and what year is this just to give us context 2012 i believe it was okay i think it was either 2012 or 2013 i'm forgetting now five five and a half years ago and how many interviews at this point episodes we're at 640, but I think probably 400 interviews. That's a shit ton of interviews still.

It's a lot. It's a lot of interviews. Yeah, and it's an art to interview. When you think about interviewing people, when you invite people on the show, what is the criteria that you look for at this point? And before you're looking for answers, you're trying to find the top performers. I think you're still probably trying to do that. But at this point, after doing so many, what is something you look for now to bring someone on yeah like what are you looking

for when you interview because at this point it's a feeling okay it doesn't matter sometimes how big their following is like i've turned down people with you know whatever 15 million followers but i'm like if it just doesn't feel right i feel like and sometimes it's people that have zero audience um but if they're the smartest person in the world or the most inspiring person in the world or they have a unique insight that only they can share, then it's interesting for me. So I think it has to be a number of factors, but it's got to be like a gut feeling of just, I'm inspired by what they've done. And again, I have people who've sold $100 million businesses.

They're not interesting unless it's something unique. So I've just like, and again, like you were saying, if they've been on everyone else's show or they're just doing like a book tour, then it's like, it's not interesting to me if they're on 20 other podcasts in the same day or week or whatever. So it's just really about finding something unique that's never been said. Yeah, I agree. And I think it's as an interviewer now, like it's doing, you know, a I agree, and I think it's as an interview right now like it's doing you know 100 something episodes I think it's important to have you want to do it only for interesting interesting conversations right like yeah If you're not having that then it's like What's the point what's the point right? There's a half a million podcasts out there and

You want to stand out from the rest of them you know whereas you know there's tons. I see a lot of like Influencer you know women you know there's tons i see a lot of like influencer you know women doing podcasts just talking about nonsense and i'm like who's gonna listen we're able to go into interesting topics right that i think like as like individually as a man would be difficult and individually as a woman would be difficult but because like we just had aubrey on the show right and we're like really yeah he's great what's the topic you guys haven't talked about yet well one of them was with him and and we really dove into open relationships. But it was interesting because we had his fiance on as well.

And so we wanted to know, what's the dynamic here? My vlog is definitely more than just what you're wearing. I want to talk about vagina steaming. I want to talk about UTIs. What is vagina steaming? I bet you haven't had a conversation around that yet. UTIs? Those are paid for right here. I want to talk about a lot uti what is vagina i bet you haven't had a conversation around that yet utis yeah those are paid for i hear i want to talk about a lot of different things what is that yeah let's get into it okay you steam your vagina with like a steamer no you actually sit over a bowl the the herbs come up you want to get some good visuals lewis

yeah let's have a visual i was like what do you sit over a bowl that's like a hot like a boiling hot thing that's like got steam coming out of it yes with herbs it's actually very very popular in china and there's herbs in it and it balances out your ph and it makes you smell good yeah that sounds amazing it makes you smell good then every woman listen doing this show i, doing this show, I've learned a lot, probably more than I should about female anatomy. Wow, that's good. I'm in a vagina steaming your balls. Are you an endorser of this process? I mean, listen, if it's freshening things up, I'm going to get in trouble here.

If it's good, it's good. So are you saying it wasn't good before? No, I'm not. What are you saying? Anytime you give a girl a compliment about something, they're like, wait a minute. So you're saying I didn't look good in this other outfit? I look at it the same way.

Listen, guys should clean their balls too, right? Absolutely. I don't need your holy story. Is there a ball steamer? Yeah, yeah. Maybe that's the venture. We're in this now. Let's crush it.

That's the venture. But what's the conversation you guys have never had? Call Alibaba up and get the ball steamer going. What's the conversation we've never had? What's the conversation you've never had? What's the conversation we've never had? That's a good question. We've had such a medley of conversations. I don't think we've had this conversation about men being vulnerable.

It was one thing I really wanted to talk to you about because I think there's a lot of women that listen to this show. There's a lot of men, too, that it's foreign, right? Like, I know it's foreign to me. Like, how do you be vulnerable as a man? Like, how do you express yourself? How do you, you know, you're taught as a man to, you be strong be strong be masculine like don't don't show weakness right and i think it's an it's an interesting topic that you bring up to explore what it's like to express that

vulnerability there is two things we don't talk about politics and religion that's the two things i don't talk about politics i don't necessarily talk about religion i talk about the different beliefs of religion and like which ones work and which don't for certain individuals but i don't make anyone right or wrong necessarily we just want the audience to have a takeaway that's good i'm curious what's your biggest insecurity that people don't know about i don't like i try to think about it i think there's a lot of there's a lot like my insecurity at this point i think has been explored a lot over the last few years, right? Like I did everything in the past to perform, you know, to searching for the wrong things, chasing material wealth, like having, caring a lot about what people thought about that

performance. And I think over time now I'm like, okay, this is, this is not a healthy way to be right. This is not, these are not healthy things to chase. These are not, these are, there's a reason that this and i maybe i'm still looking for there's a reason that this feeling or that this um pressure on myself is occurring so now it's like i'm looking for what that reason could be is it my upbringing i don't know is it the relationships i've chosen to be in i don't know what are you driven towards at this point like i said like i said we were talking on a podcast um earlier i'm driven towards more of like what is it what is a take like i want someone to look at the work i'm doing now

and i don't and i want them to have a takeaway in some kind of way like i don't want it it doesn't need to be so self-serving anymore right like i've done enough to i've done enough at this point that i'm comfortable right like we're comfortable and he has practiced financially and financially just like in our you know we have a good marriage and we have good friends like it's great at this point and listen there's a there's always issues and there's always problems but it's like what what's next and i think like i'm 31 years old now i'm still pretty young trying to figure out those answers is it's i think it's going to take me some time but when i think about vulnerability i don't i don't know if i if i can define what it is but there's

something there that there's i know there's a breakthrough that needs to occur somewhere right like with you yeah there's like there's a lot there's a lot of anxiety for some reason there's un there's unneeded stress right like yeah and i don't and i think like i am just loving this conversation well this is pretty powerful because not many men are even willing to say this. Just even this part. No, for sure. Like sometimes I wake up like, why am I so anxious? I will give you this.

Over the last three years, there has been some kind of breakthrough. He really started meditating. He reads Stoicism every single day. He has looked inward. When I first met him, he was so driven towards the materialistic things. Four years ago ago you met me you'd been like this guy's an asshole for sure i don't know if it was an asshole for sure i think you just were driven by and i don't want to say the wrong things but no the wrong things right

like you're like you're taught as a as a man or as a provider right like you grow up you do this you do this work you get these things you this you know get this get and then that's success right like and as you go through it You're like wait a minute like this is not fulfilling or is this even what I really want I don't know what's the point of it all yeah? How does this serve humanity like you don't give a shit right like it's like what I'm doing like it Yeah, I got you hope I'm doing well and everything's going great But like you don't care what I have or what I'm doing like that's not high performers Don't that's not what that gets them off right like right and the I care about the impact people make yes i care about if you're a good person if you like

care for people if you're you know if you're doing meaningful work for me yeah it's like there's a reason behind the work you're doing um now if there's not then that's okay too but it's like more interesting having conversations like this then it's interesting to have like for me and the reason we started this show was not for any kind of monetization or any kind of like fame or plot it was literally to have these types of conversations and to provide answers for people that are in the same boat as us right like maybe you and i right now and lauren we stumble on an answer that i'm looking for and somebody that's listening gets some value there like that applies to me as well

right i don't know well anxiety what's the anxiety you feel it often is it like every morning you wake up with it or is it no i don't i don't think it's like i'm a hyperactive person that can get in my own head and i can get stuck there right like it takes a lot of work for me to get out of my own head like if something is going it's a lot of work to be in your own head, too. Yes. Do you feel exhausted ever? Yes. Wait, I feel exhausted from this stress. Really? Listen, outwardly and providing for others and all that, I don't think I have a problem there.

But I can definitely be very self-defeating, where I have to talk myself out of it. I have to get myself in a space where I'm like, wait a minute everything's fine everything's great like everything's doing well i need to not beat myself up like what's the conversation in your head are you constantly thinking a negative let's say that me and you in our business together and i fuck up something there's nothing you can say or do or nothing anyone else can say or do that's going to be worse than what i'm going to say to myself does that make sense i absolutely because i used to be that way yeah i used to beat myself over everything like and that's what i'll tell you i'm like listen i any mistake any you know like anything at all if it wasn't perfect or done the way i said i would do it it's like

i would be myself for weeks over the same thing so what were some tools that you used to kind of change that i think i just started shifting that energy to, okay, I'm a human being. I'm going to make mistakes. What can I do better moving forward? What's my new commitment? It was that simple. That's what you said to yourself. It can be that simple.

Okay. So I'm going to tattoo that on Michael's head and it might work. Exactly. Well, I mean, here's what it was for me. It's a practice of constantly, like you've got to set yourself up to fail and then say how quickly and give yourself a challenge how quickly can i move past this yeah because the more you practice moving past that that anxiety or stress or overwhelm or beating yourself up the easier it's going to be on yourself and it's

easier it's going to be on her or your business or your partners or anything but the more you beat yourself up there's only one thing that can go wrong. Or the one thing that can happen is that you're going to be in pain, she's going to be in pain. And everyone's going to suffer. Everyone's going to suffer when you're suffering. There's two states we can be in, a beautiful state or a suffering state.

And when you're in this negative mindset of suffering, I'm not enough, I messed up, I fucked this up or whatever, I shouldn't have done that, I could have done it better, you're hurting the world. You're not helping your business grow, you're not helping your relationship grow. You're not helping yourself grow. And so all we get to do is just say, okay, I messed up. I'm going to be better. You know, what's interesting is I've gotten really good at pulling myself out of it,

right? Like I can talk, but don't get into it. That's exactly it. So now that's what I got to explore is like, why do I get into it? How powerful you'd be in the world. Imagine how big your business would be. The impact you make, you know, everything was shifts. You want to need a steamer. You would just freshen up with the way you looked at her. You know what I mean? No. And so listen, you want to mentor Michael. That's the next step, right? Like that's the next step is like, okay, you're good at pulling yourself out of it. You're performing, but like, why are you getting into it? How long do you stay in it? I'm pretty good at pulling yourself out of it you're performing but like why are you getting into it how long do you stay in it i'm pretty good at getting myself out of it it's just like it can be a constant it can be constantly going back to it right if something it depends

the thing is any level of like going into stress and anxiety is going to hold you back yeah i agree no it's like a little bit throughout the day even if it's like in the morning a little bit but you pull yourself out and then you go back in later or the next day. It's like that's exhausting going in and out. It's funny. I just interviewed this MMA champion the other day, Michael Chandler, and I said, what do you do when you lose a round against the toughest competitor in the world? What do you say to yourself when you're losing to make sure you don't keep losing

and you can get out of it? And he says, before a fight or in between rounds, when they're pummeling each other in the cage, he says, I have to say positive things and say productive thoughts. Because if I don't say anything, negativity will automatically come in our heads. Oh, maybe I'm not good enough. Maybe I shouldn't be here. Why did I make that stupid mistake?

Why did I do this? So he says he's constantly saying positivity to himself so that he doesn't have to get out of it. And that way when he goes back into the next round a minute later, he's coming back refreshed and ready to go with forgetting the past and just moving forward. So when you have anxiety, say you get a surge of anxiety.

Is that what you do? Is that how you get out of it? I don't really get anxiety anymore. I think I get, I think I get, um, there's uncertainty, there's stress. I mean, in my relationship, there's, there's stressful moments where I'm like, God, I really don't want to be having this conversation right now. This sucks. And I'm, you know, one of us is hurt or one of us is upset with the other person has done.

And I'm like, this doesn't feel good but uh i've gotten a lot better of i used to beat myself up and just people please constantly like how can i fix this you know and now i'm just much more calmer i was thinking this will pass like i'm gonna get over it she's gonna go over it we're gonna get we're gonna figure it out it's gonna pass the anxiety will pass, but me holding onto the stress right now is not serving the moment and it's not helping me move past this any quicker. So I just try to focus on breathing and just knowing that I've been here before many times and I'm still alive and I'm okay. Let me just move past this. So I just try to make it an exercise. Every time I'm in situation I actually think about it, I'm like this is a great moment for me to practice

not reacting, not getting defensive, not getting triggered like my old ways finding a win-win solution and maybe I'm wrong in this moment and I just need to move past it and so I think that's just what I do I look at life as like a game

and every day is an opportunity to play and do we want it. And so I think that's just what I do. It's just like, I look at life as like a game and every day is an opportunity to play. And do we want to be stressed in our game or do we want to have fun in our game? And I just try to focus on fun as much as possible. That's great advice. But it's like every time you wake up in the morning, if you feel anxious, you should say to yourself, okay, I'm just going to say, you know, 10 positive thoughts or whatever it is you want to do to get out of this as quick as possible. And you want to start timing yourself, like how long was I anxious for? And see if you can just take it a little bit less and less each time until a moment of anxiety comes up.

You're just like, I don't need to feel this anymore. I'm going to feel positive and make the best of this moment. Everything's perspective and it's a choice. And gratitude for me is really what keeps me out of anxiety because I'm constantly embedding gratitude in my life. With my conversations with my girlfriend, every night we talk about three things we're grateful for. In the morning I wake up and say what I'm grateful for. I usually ask people, what are you grateful for when I'm having a conversation and just evoking a perspective of gratitude.

It's just like I have nothing to complain about. I do trips to build schools around the world every year. And I just did one in Guatemala a couple months ago. And every time I go to a trip like this, I'm like, these kids have nothing. We're building schools and they have nothing. And they get like a meal a day. They have little grass huts dirt huts and they're smiling perspective they're smiling the whole time they're just happy little kids they're playing with a stick and they're happy i'm like what do i have to be anxious about yeah i live in

freaking beverly hills like it's sunny every day i have food every day any food i want i can get i'm healthy i've got incredible relationships what do i have to complain about why so it's just perspective for me no i agree and i think it's just it's staying in a state to constantly recognize that that point of view yeah right that's what it is it's like no it's like constantly recognizing constantly being grateful and like that takes work as an individual it's a ton of work and I could be easily Defensive with the best of them and easily negative with the best of them like I could out Negative anyone if I wanted to you know what I mean because I've been there and I just know what that does to my it

Just gives me stress and anxiety and you have an opportunity to Michael to really make an impact in a massive way Because when I turn I'm 35 i just turned 35 and when i turned 30 31 that's when all these things started opening up for me i think that's when it happens right turn 30 you're like okay now i'm an adult or like my 20s are gone like i gotta figure this out and that's when i started like 20s is smooth sailing it's challenging no i think it's the first time as a man that you start to like okay like you're having fun as a kid and then you're 20s you're having more fun and then you're having fun as a kid, and then you're in your 20s, you're having more fun, and then you're like, okay, wait a minute.

I got to figure out what the fuck's going on here. When I turned 31 was the first time when I looked at a baby in a different way. Yeah. Oh, my God. This is so funny. This is how he is right now. I'm not ready to have kids. I'm probably not going to have kids for another, I don't know, my 40s.

I don't even think about it right now. You ever heard the term, you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans? That's true. But that's not my intention I don't even think about it right now. You ever heard the term, you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans? That's true. But that's not my intention. That's not what I want right now. But I look at kids differently. And I think I started doing that. But you really have an opportunity because you've got a platform.

You've got a skill set. I can tell you're extremely talented and gifted. But the only thing that's going to hold you back is what's in your head. Oh, yeah. I couldn't agree more. That's the only thing that's going to hold you back is what's in your head oh yeah i couldn't agree more that's the only thing and the way that i look at it now anytime i'm anxious or like negative in my mind for too long listen we're all human it's going to happen but anytime i like hold on to it for too long i just remind myself that i'm robbing the world of my gifts like every time

i'm negative about anything i'm robbing humanity or my friends or my family of a greater opportunity to live life. And I just think about like, what's something you could have done? I could have done that day to help a person in need or to call a friend who could have had a phone call and had that support or just do something good with my energy, my time. And I think you have an opportunity this year, the next 10 years, to light the world on fire. I appreciate that. But the only way is if you get out of your head. I agree.

Please. If you have conversations with your audience like this, your wife and other male friends, that make you so uncomfortable. Yeah. I think the more uncomfortable you get with men this has made me like not uncomfortable but this is you know this is like i'm basically being interviewed by lewis house right now he's coming in hot but i'm serious though yeah i know like you should talk to your three to five best friends and sit them down one-on-one for like an hour each and ask them three questions that make you

uncomfortable to like talk about. And you get to lead with the things that you've never told them before. Well, that's why I find your book in this topic so interesting because I think you and I have something in common. We're constant searchers, right? Like you're looking for high performers. You're looking at different, you're looking for answers, right? Like that is not, that's not a shortcoming of mine. I'm constantly looking. That's great. But the other side of that is if you're not looking inward as well and exploring vulnerabilities, then all of the stuff you're seeking out, you can't take it as far as you need to, right?

That's the problem. You could read every book in the world, interview every top performer, but if you're not in touch with yourself, then you're... It's hard man you know every every new stage of our life demands a new level of seeking vulnerability and you know revealing certain things like i've done a lot of work over the last five years and now i feel like man but there's still things that are holding me back that i'm like afraid you know afraid of certain things with my relationship or my family or whatever. What's holding you back?

I just feel like, I don't know. Sometimes we feel stuck emotionally or something. Maybe I'm just speaking for myself. Sometimes I feel stuck emotionally. And I'm like, what's the thing that's holding me back? And I think it's discovering, am I on the truest path in every area of my life? And I just always want to know that I'm doing the right thing. And I'm on the truest path.

How will you ever know? It's just a feeling. That's the tough part. That's like the messy part of life. It's like, I don't know, sometimes. But I just lean into it and I say, okay, I'm not going to run away from a certain situation. I'm going to lean into it. And maybe it doesn't feel good or it doesn't feel right.

And keep leaning in until it feels right or it's time to do something else. When you say stuck emotionally, in in what way like in your relationships or yeah i mean certain relationships yeah and what and like what is the emotion that you can't express or where do you feel like you have to limit yourself i just think like you know as a someone who likes things his way oh my gosh you know and wants to have it all and preaches having it all yeah you know i feel like sometimes you know in relationships that's not the case you get to work with your partner or work with your family or work with your friends and do things that you don't want to do all the time you know in every relationship so i think it's just challenging because it's like

i like to do things my way in everything. And so I get to continue to be selfless and win-win in every situation. But it's a balance. It's figuring that out. What do you love about your girlfriend? Why are you guys so compatible?

She's amazing. Tell me about her. She's a goddess. She doesn't care about uh anything about what i do like like i get you know a lot of girls will send me messages because of the stuff i've achieved she doesn't care about any of that she cares about my heart and that's the thing that i love the most about her and that's why it works really well she's just like connected to me for the right reasons for the right reasons and being in hollywood or this

you know in la in general it's like you never know when you meet someone you know before i was with her i was dating different girls and you just never know i'm a pretty good judge of character but it's just like she didn't care at all about anything i'd done she wasn't in the online space at all she's a doctor of physical therapy. So she's just like dedicated, hardworking, consistent. I love that her commitment to health. She works out harder than I do, which is hard to find.

Um, yeah, she's just down for stuff. She's great. Do you, she's, she's amazing. Do you feel like a pressure or responsibility?

Like you've positioned yourself now? I don't want to say it's an expert. That's you haven't done that, but you've positioned yourself as somebody who's teaching and showcasing other performers and yourself and is there ever do you ever feel like a pressure like shit i gotta i gotta be performing top top tier here because if not these people are looking at me and i'm gonna let them down like do you ever yeah i think i think it's not about necessarily performing at the top it's like not about achieving at the highest level. It's about pursuing at the highest level.

And it used to be for me that I had to achieve everything, and I did. Every dream that I had, I pretty much achieved all of them. And I still wasn't happy, and I was like, why am I not fulfilled? And why am I still resentful and angry? And I realized it because I was trying to prove everyone wrong as opposed to trying to lift everyone up. And so now I'm just committed to pursuing my dreams at the highest level. But some of them are going to fail.

As long as I pursue them to be a symbol of inspiration or be a symbol of like positivity, then that's what I care about. Don't you think if you look back, it's such a waste of energy to prove people wrong. Like there's a couple of people I know in my life and they're just committed to proving people wrong. Prove my parents wrong. Prove my friend wrong. Prove this bully wrong.

Or you get in a conversation and like you have to be the one that gets the final say or the final word. And it's like, that's, I mean, yeah, looking back, but at the time it was like what drove my whole existence. You know, everything I did was to prove people wrong and it worked. It gave me the fuel and the fire and the drive to go through any pain and any frustration because I wanted to prove people wrong that hurt me. And when I would achieve my greatest accomplishments and be miserable 10 minutes later, I was like, why, why is this not enough?

And it was like, I need a bigger dream, I guess. And I just go out and conquer something else. And I was like, why is this not enough? And I was like, I need a bigger dream, I guess. And I just go out and conquer something else. And I was like, why is this never fulfilling? And I realized because it was doing it for the wrong reasons. I mean, yes, I love these things. I enjoyed them. Like I love playing sports and I love building a business, but it was doing them.

The intention behind it was to prove people wrong who were nasty to me or hurt me or whatever. And once I said enough is enough i'm doing this because i love it because i want to lift others up it's given me so much more passion and fuel than than the negative fuel and it's more fulfilling and sustainable i feel like i can do this forever now and i don't have anxiety and i don't have stress and I don't have like this sense of overwhelm. Whereas I used to, I could never sleep at night. I used to go to bed and lay there

and I'm a late sleeper anyway. So I go to bed at like one and I just sit there for two, three hours. I couldn't sleep because I was so anxious. Now I sleep like a baby. I'll go to bed at 1030, which I never thought I'd be able to go to sleep early. I go to bed and I'll crash in bed at 10.30, which I never thought I'd be able to go to sleep early. I go to bed and I'll crash in like five minutes.

And it's 100% because I'm not doing things for the wrong reasons anymore. So at this point, let's talk about a day in life. What's your perfect day at this point? You wake up, what's your routine? How do you get going? Perfect day is waking up at 5.30, lifting at 6 with a trainer, doing something that challenges me. But I like to work out in different styles all the time.

So it might be a sport. It might be a workout. It might be whatever. But doing something that challenges me and that makes me want to cry because I believe that the more pain I inflict on myself purposefully without hurting myself, but dealing with pain is only going to make me stronger throughout the rest of the day. Anything else that comes my way, if I'm about to cry in the morning because I'm so hurt from the pain I'm

putting myself through, it's just like building this level of confidence that I can take on anything, any type of pain or anything that people want to throw my way, I can take it on. Whether it's a big audience I got to speak in front of or an interview or something. It's like I already had the hardest hour of the day. I'm good. After that, I come back and I like to meditate for about 10 to 15 minutes. I have a process I do from a meditation school I went to in India. Can you detail the process?

I need details you can't drop gems and then yeah glaze over um there's a breathing it's a simple breathing process where there's some humming there's some you know inner spoken mantra stuff there's some there's a process of just like breathing in and out for about 10 minutes. And then there's about a three to four minute process where I, not to go too crazy. Um, stop me if I am where I go out of my body every morning and see myself from

above and, uh, Dan have a dance party in the clouds and I, my arms stretch out like Gumby and I bring all the kids in the world up and have a dance party with me. Then I go like Superman and start jumping on planets.

Spinning planets with my hands. This is all occurring in your mind. Is this something you made up or is this something you just see? This is something that happened when I was in India. Where I was just going through this two week experience. Maybe you spent a little too much time with aubrey he did other stuff that's crazy i was conscious the whole time um you have never been high or drunk okay so i've always had like conscious awareness of like

these things and um i essentially go to the farthest place in the universe until it's complete darkness i can't see any stars, the earth anymore. And I sit in complete silence in my mind. And I look back at nothing and realize all the things I'm stressed about are nothing. I can't even see earth or myself anymore. It's so small and insignificant. The stress, the pain, the hurt. Why am I holding on to it?

So that's one thing to make sure that I don't stay anxious or stressed throughout the day. This is why I wanted you to go into it. Yeah. And the second thing is the reason I'm spinning planets and jumping on different planets like a bouncy castle is it's a visualization for myself to remind me that anything is possible and I can control my own universe. And so it's just like, not like I'm going to move planets, but essentially I'm going to move my own planets and anything I dream of, I can create. Um, and then I fly back through the earth's core. This is probably too much here. Now I fly back through the earth's core i love it and i find uh i go through the center of the earth i find the smallest particle and i hold it in my hand and then i punch

through the particle of sand and explode it into a universe a thousand times as big as the one i was just in and then i keep diving back into the planet to the earth's core and explode it and keep exploding it's a lot to get done in 10 minutes it's a and explode it and keep exploding it's a lot to get done in 10 minutes it's a lot yeah but i keep exploding it over and over again i keep finding the center of the universe and expanding it and for me that just reminds me of expansive thought expansive mindset expansive belief of what is possible so it's just like a thing that i do and they didn't teach me that i was just like coming up with it as they were going through different processes. And I've just stuck with it because I like it.

It's obviously working. And then I make my bed every morning. That's a must. Making my bed is more important than working out. Making bed might be more important than working out or meditating. Well, hold on. I'm not opposed to making the bed. You don't make it, right?

I'll make it. Yeah. But also, if you're in the bed still no i'm not in the bed lately still we have different sleep schedules you wake up well see i go to bed at like 1 30 in the morning which is bad you know what i used to get on people like i used to be like hey you gotta like you know because i'm earlier and like early and better but i've realized and over time my creativity the creative process some for some people it takes place late at night sometimes it used to take place with me i couldn't go to bed until really late you know i'd be working till 3 a.m most nights and that's where i was getting the most because no one else was up and i was just grinding and if there's one thing

i've learned during this show it's you got to let individuals be individuals and do their thing you know and we all have a process and a journey of you know that was my 20s and early 30s and now the value like i thought i would never be in a morning person never i was like it's just not me i can't do it then earlier this year i said i am going to train myself to wake up early and i'm going to pay a trainer to be there at 6 a.m hold you accountable hold me accountable and i'm going to do it for a month. And if it's so exhausting that I can't do it, then I'll go back to sleeping late at night and just say, this is who I am. And it's been the greatest thing for me.

I have more clarity, more focus, more energy, and I'm up at 5.30. It sucks waking up. Still, it's not like I'm, yay, all happy. Like, I would rather sleep for four more hours. But it's good discipline. But it's the discipline of like I'm back by 7, 7.15

my bed is made people are asleep for two more hours and I am like ready to work and go and no one's even up and I'm just like let's crush this by 9am I've done more than most people who are you know still in bed like I was right what are you doing between 7 and 9 after you make the bed

um lately I've been connecting with my girlfriend because we've been going to bed at like 10 30 right now so it's like we spend like an hour 45 minutes to an hour in the mornings connecting and just like sitting there in peace and just going over stuff talking about ideas or whatever um or that's when I'll meditate or you'll make a smoothie, something like that. And then I just shower, get ready, and clean my space. It's important to have a clean space for me, which I never did before. My space was always sloppy. But it's the most important thing is to have a clean space because then I have a clean mind and I have clean work afterwards.

But it's all things I've learned over the last four or five years. It's not like I was perfect. So, yeah, and then i just go after the day yeah you go into the office i have a home studio home studio yeah okay so and are you working from nine to five and then stopping at five or does it go work doesn't work is not really a term that i use because it's a it's a mission totally get it so it's like i'm doing it all day long all night long that's a good way to put it i might steal that from you i've heard you say that on your podcast before i completely relate to that so it's not like it doesn't feel like it's like a clock in clock out as entrepreneurs

obviously it does it's not possible but it's like this is a thing that i would be doing even if i wasn't getting paid i would love to sit down with the most inspiring people in the world i would love to connect with my best friend who's my COO like talking about ideas and how it can impact people. I would love to plan my next book. I would love to like plan our next big event. You know it's like this is what I'd do even if I wasn't getting paid. What about your evening routine? Is there any

way you wind down? Evening routine is almost as important as the morning routine. I need to work on that. It's what sets you up. This is what I believe is the greatest achievers in the world do is that they have the morning routine and the evening routine. Because if we can't sleep peacefully, if we have anxiety or stress, we're constantly thinking that's going to affect our health long term. Because if our sleep patterns are off, it's just going to keep making us in sleep debt and what i've realized is that i used to never sleep because i was like i'm going to outwork anyone and sleep is for the poor and all these things that are here right

prove them wrong sleep is for the weak that's wrong you know and sleep is one of the most important things for recovery of the brain of anxiety of the muscles of everything for longevity of health you know the people that live the longest sleep the best. And I think it's, you know, important that we maximize every hour of the day for our longevity of life, for our inner peace. And the evening routine is what gives me inner peace. I'll shut things off, you know, the TV or the phone or whatever I try to shut it off within

30 minutes before I go to bed sometimes I'm not perfect but if we shut it off within 30 minutes and it's darkness and we're just able to talk me and my girlfriend are just able to talk and then we share the three things we're most grateful for from the day when I do that again gratitude brings me back

to peace it brings me back to perspective and gets rid of the stress it's like right after i do that within moments it's like i just want to sleep and um so i think it's important it's important for me to to do that ritual you know brush your teeth everything like that um but try to be 30 minutes without any electronics on before and just be in darkness and just having conversation makes me like also want to be tired so talking gratitude lights off and then um knowing that i gotta wake up at 5 30 makes me want to sleep too well you're a pro i basically we you turn the tables on me if you if you wanted to leave this audience with a final thought or something that you know you you really want

to push on them or not i don't say push on them but something that they could really apply that you think really helped you what would it be it could be a thought could be a resource could be could be just any kind of gem that you would say is important. Yeah, I would say one of the things that we're looking for the most is to be acknowledged. The thing that we care about a lot is acknowledgement. You know, the reason why we dress nice, the reason why we buy the nice car, the reason why we build a business in the first place is to gain some type of significance or acknowledgement from others and when we die

that's when everyone comes out and acknowledges us at the funeral everyone says nice things about us rarely do i see people acknowledging others and that's why i think it's important to acknowledge yourself for the hard work you're putting in and also acknowledge the people you care about. So I would say the person you're in a relationship with, send them a text, give them a call, and acknowledge them right now for the gifts that they have in the world. And or acknowledge someone in your life that you care about. And also acknowledge yourself for how hard you've been working lately in your life that you care about and also acknowledge yourself for how

hard you've been working lately in your life if you do that i think that's enough for right now where can everyone find you you're a rock star yeah lewis howes on social media and school of podcast and i have to say your instagram is like really good guys his instagram is great so you should all follow him and your books on Amazon, right? It's everywhere. Yep. And listen to his podcast.

There's so many good episodes. If they were going to start with, with one or two or three, where would, where would you tell them? Sorry, there's so many at this point. I just did this.

I just did this series, like this kind of mashup series of like the masters. I did this one, the high performance habits of masters. I did the relationship secrets of masters. And just like a mesh of different. Where I'm getting like seven minutes of like the top episodes from these top people in that field. So I would say go to one of those in the last couple weeks. And yeah, those are really powerful.

I liked your one with Ryan Holiday. I liked your one with Aubrey Marcus. I liked your one with Gary V. I liked your one with Nina, and I'm going to flub her last name. Dubrev? Yes. Yeah, she's great. her last name and Julianne Huff

really good episodes love your podcast thank you so much for coming on and thanks for the therapy session wait don't go just yet guys I have some festiveness for you like a super valuable newsletter and a ball mask giveaway would you be interested

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