The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast - #121: Melissa Wood Pt. 2 - Understanding Eating Disorders, Vulnerability, Social Media Comparison, Productive Routines, & A Live Event Announcement

Episode Date: July 3, 2018

On this episode we sit down again with Melissa Wood Tepperberg aka Melissa Wood Health. This is Melissa's second time on the show and it is a very powerful episode. Melissa is raw, real, and extremely... vulnerable in this episode when she shares her journey with an eating disorder and what it was like to heal herself. She also shares information on how to talk to your loves ones, comparison on social media, and productive routines. This episode also has some exciting announcements for our first live event and information around the upcoming event.  To Attend the Live Event click HERE To connect with Lauryn Evarts click HERE To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE To Call the Him & Her Hotline call: 1-833-SKINNYS (754-6697) For Detailed Show Notes click HERE   This episode is brought to you by THRIVE MARKET. We use Thrive for our online grocery delivery on a weekly basis. They provide the highest quality products and ingredients delivered straight to our door with unbeatable prices.  Be sure to grab our deal by going to to https://thrivemarket.com/skinny to receive $60 of FREE organic groceries from Thrive Market + free shipping and a 30 day trial!" Keep in mind that Thrive Market's  prices are already 25- 50% below retail because they cut out the middleman. And now they are offering $60 off free organic groceries!   This episode is brought to you by RITUAL Forget everything you thought you knew about vitamins. Ritual is the brand that’s reinventing the experience with 9 essential nutrients women lack the most. If you’re ready to invest in your health, do what I did and go to www.ritual.com/skinny  Your future self will thank you for taking Ritual: Consider it your ‘Lifelong-Health-401k’. Why put anything but clean ingredients (backed by real science) in your body? 

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Starting point is 00:00:00 The following podcast is a Dear Media production. This episode is brought to you by Ritual Vitamins. So they're these vitamins that are vegan, sugar-free, non-GMO, gluten-free, and allergen-free. They also have this minty cap, so it makes the pills taste minty instead of like all chalky. They're made in the USA without any synthetic filters or colorants. And you guys should know that 95% of women do not get the vitamins and minerals they need on a daily basis. So Ritual created a smarter vitamin with nine essential ingredients that women lack most. Go to Ritual.com slash skinny to choose clean ingredients backed by science. Sign up now at Ritual.com slash skinny.
Starting point is 00:00:45 She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to the Skinny Confidential, him and her. Aha! confidential him and her it was you know it was like highs and lows roller coasters of like
Starting point is 00:01:12 maybe months not doing it and then just doing it for months and it was like I back to I never thought I had an eating disorder I just thought it was like this thing once in a while, it just happened. And then when I lived alone by myself is when it started getting really bad again. What up guys? Welcome back to the skinny confidential him and her show. If you're new to the show, thanks for joining. So that clip was from our guest of the show today, Melissa Wood, also known as at Melissa Wood Health on Instagram. And on this episode, we're going to discuss addiction, overcoming eating disorders, and how to talk to your loved ones about eating disorders, comparison on social media, how to seek out help, and productive routines.
Starting point is 00:01:57 We also have some exciting announcements to make around the live event space. For those of you who are new to the show, I'm Lauren Everts. I'm the creator of The Skinny Confidential, a cheeky resource for women that's filled with beauty, wellness, and bossy tips. Of course, you can also find me in The Skinny Confidential secret Facebook group or on Instagram and Instagram stories
Starting point is 00:02:17 where I like to showcase the crazy BTS of my life in a way that hopefully brings you guys a ton of value. And I'm Michael Bostic. I am this lovely woman's husband and business operator and entrepreneur. I've specialized in brand building and direct-to-consumer marketing over the last 10 years. Recently, podcaster and now the CEO of a podcast network focused on female audience and female hosts called Dear Media, a new kind of podcast network that is kicking ass. Michael, you're also sick. I'm surprised you didn't introduce yourself as, hi, I'm Michael and I'm sick.
Starting point is 00:02:47 Oh my God. I thought your name was sick today. Well, we spent all week in New York last week, just got back last night. And I think I was operating like, you know, at that like adrenaline all the time. You mean cortisol? And I was running around with Paige
Starting point is 00:03:00 who works with me on Dear Media. And we had all these meetings and meetings with you and interviews. And I was just refusing to feel sick. And I think after it all ended, my body just was like, whoa, dude, and gave out. He was running around New York with his suitcase with podcast equipment in it. His adrenaline was at a functioning at 800 the whole entire trip. And we literally worked from the second we woke up to the second we went to bed. We also had our parents in town. So it was like,
Starting point is 00:03:29 it was a lot. It was a lot. It was amazing. It was like the best time ever. Um, it was so, so fun to have, um, our parents in town and take them to all our favorite spots. But at the same time it was like just nonstop 24 seven. Well, imagine you go from working and doing high octane stuff all day and then you got to get the whole family bandwagon together so anyone would be stressed yeah but it was fun okay guys very exciting announcement so we touched on this last week and we're so so excited to finally let the cat out of the bag we are doing our first ever live event in la the event's going to be at the grove which many of you know is a landmark location in Los Angeles, and it's only nine days away. The seats are limited, so we waited to announce it. The event is going to be completely free, no charge, and there's going to be major goodie bags for the first 100 people to arrive. Also, if you miss a goodie bag, we're going to do
Starting point is 00:04:21 three huge $1,000 giveaways, So you have a chance to win that. You can expect tons of Kopari. We love Kopari. Lots of beauty goodies and some health and wellness items. So here's the details. It's Thursday, July 12th. Doors open at 6.30 p.m. And the show starts at 7.30 p.m. sharp.
Starting point is 00:04:41 Our guest for the show will be a him and her twist with Emily Schumann and Jeffrey Fuller of the mega brand and blog Cupcakes and Cashmere. So you can expect fun conversation, lots of cocktails, candy, and macaroons. So, aka, lots of Instagrammy moments. So if you're in the area, San Diego, Orange County, LA, come by and bring a friend.
Starting point is 00:05:03 We're also going to do a Q&A after the show, which should be fun. To RSVP and get a spot to the event, go to deermedia.com slash live. Again, the event's free and there will be a lot of cool people in attendance. First 100 people to arrive get a festive, very TSC goodie bag. Yes, and each week following that event, Dear Media in the grove will host another live show all of that information can be found as well at dearmedia.com slash live we have a lot of great talent that will be at the grove all month long looking forward to seeing as many of you there as possible yeah you guys it's going to be so fun lots of cocktails lots of
Starting point is 00:05:39 macaroons like we said goodie bags so come Okay. With that, we also have a massive giveaway that plays into this. Okay. Don't mean to brag, but this is the biggest giveaway ever. So we're giving away two round trip tickets, one for you and one for a friend with a hotel stay for two nights and guaranteed attendance to our live event. Okay. Michael and I will be paying for you and your guests flight and hotel stay. All you have to do to enter is write a review on iTunes and leave your social handle on the review. Then you're going to screenshot your favorite TSC him and her episode. Okay. It could be any episode and post it to your Instagram feed for 24 hours. You can remove it after 24 hours, but we just need to see that you entered the giveaway. After you did that, just leave a comment on my latest Instagram,
Starting point is 00:06:30 letting us know you reviewed and posted to your Instagram so we can stalk you. Again, we're giving away two round trip tickets, one for you and one for a friend with a hotel stay for two nights and guaranteed attendance to our live event. Michael and I will be paying for you and your guests flight and hotel stay. All you have to do, like I said, is go to iTunes, leave a review, leave your social handle on the review, screenshot it, put it on your Instagram and leave a comment letting us know that you reviewed and posted on my latest Instagram. Super easy to enter guys. I cannot wait to meet the two winners. They'll be out of towners. Aren't you excited about this? Yes. This giveaway was actually my idea. Learn. Okay. Okay. So excited. Well, you're sick and this was your idea. I know I'm limiting my talk during the
Starting point is 00:07:13 intro because I sound like garbage, but I'm agreeing and promoting everything that you're saying. Maybe throw in some more silver spray. Speaking of your cold, you need vitamins real bad. No doubt. I am thrilled to tell you guys about Ritual Vitamins. So I've been doing this challenge where I take two every single morning and you sort of keep track of it with these little yellow stickers. I love like recording stuff. You know what I mean? I'm kind of OCD like this.
Starting point is 00:07:40 So I first found out about Ritual when I was stalking the company on Instagram. If you haven't checked out their feed, you have to check it out. It's very aesthetically pleasing. Then my girlfriend started raving about it, and then I actually heard about it while I was getting a double brow tint and a dermaplane. And I just feel like you know a product's good when you overhear a girl blabbing about it during a beauty appointment. Anyway, I decided to try Ritual and I immediately fell in love with the product. It's just so on brand for TSC listeners. And before I get into it, I want to tell you guys why it's on brand. So the benefits are endless. Okay. The supplement fills in the gaps in your diet. And I personally very much needed this while I was in New York,
Starting point is 00:08:22 stuffing my face with truffle pasta. I have a very big need for vitamin D. I've talked about this a lot and ritual contains the perfect amount of vitamin D. You should also know it's a vegan sugar-free non-GMO gluten-free and allergen-free. It's also made in the USA without synthetic filters or colorants. And this is a big one. There's like this delayed release capsule, which is really important because it prevents nausea. But the best part is I love a detail and there's a mint scented cap. Okay. Within the bottle and it's enriched with pure peppermint oils. So the vitamins taste good. Okay. So what you guys need to know it's subscription-based $30 a month delivered straight to your door, okay? Happiness guaranteed, no questions asked, and can be canceled easily at
Starting point is 00:09:10 any time. And let's be real here, okay? 95% of women do not get the vitamins and minerals they need on a daily basis. Ritual created a smarter vitamin with nine essential ingredients women lack most. So go to ritual.com slash skinny. Choose clean ingredients backed by science. Sign up now at ritual.com slash skinny. Trust me, you'll smell like peppermint. Okay, so some backstory. We had Melissa Wood on episode 86. You guys can go back and listen if you want. She was so vulnerable and raw and real, and you guys just really loved her. She resonated with the audience. On that episode, we talked about smoothies, meditation, being a mother, and we briefly
Starting point is 00:09:51 discussed her eating disorder. So after that episode aired, Michael and I saw that there was space to go deeper with this topic and I started to really research eating disorders and found out that at least 30 million people of all ages and genders suffer from an eating disorder in the United States. I also found that every 62 minutes, at least one person dies as a direct result from an eating disorder. Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness and 13% of women over 50 engage in eating disorder behaviors. So I just felt like it was extremely important to bring the right guest onto the show to discuss this horrible illness. We felt that Melissa was perfect because she's not a doctor.
Starting point is 00:10:35 So none of this advice feels clinical. It just feels authentic. And it feels like she's sharing her journey. To me, this episode is beautiful. I think Melissa is just really a beautiful person on the inside and the outside, and there's no one better to sort of talk about this disease. So I hope, Michael hopes, we hope that this episode can be impactful for anyone who's out there struggling with an eating disorder to know you're not alone. And now I'll introduce Melissa.
Starting point is 00:11:05 So Melissa Wood Teppenberg is a mom, wife, certified yoga and Pilates teacher, wellness coach, meditator, and thriving on a plant-based diet. Her life wasn't always like this. Like I said, for years, she struggled with severe anxiety, painful cystic acne, and an awful eating disorder. We'll discuss her journey in this episode. Her website contains tons of beautiful plant-based recipes, lots of low intensity workouts and raw real conversations on her YouTube channel. Her goal now is to help people become their best self through movement principles, mindful eating and meditation. She lives in New York city with her husband and son. And I should also note that she's pregnant
Starting point is 00:11:45 and just so, so cute. With that, we'll be back with Melissa after this break. So let's talk about one of our favorite brands, Thrive Market. We love Thrive, you should love Thrive, and Thrive Market should love all of us here in the Skinny Confidential Him and Her community because so many of us are customers.
Starting point is 00:12:03 So Thrive Market, if you are new to the show, this may be your first interaction with the brand. And if you're a regular listener, this will be a good reminder as to why you should be using Thrive if you don't already. I just ordered a bunch of stuff for my cold, including silver spray, and I'm waiting eagerly for it to get here. So if you don't already use Thrive, let me tell you why you should. Do you like doing things the hard way? Nobody does. And Thrive is your answer. It's easy and efficient. It's still amazing to me that in 2018, some people don't use this service. So Thrive, it's your one-stop online shop for all things
Starting point is 00:12:35 grocery, household supplies, and supplements delivered straight to your door. It eliminates all of that aggravation of going to the store. If you know me, you know I do not like going there. Some do, but you don't want to go for your repeat products and have to scroll through the aisles and stroll around the grocery store. It's a huge pain. So if you have things on a regular basis, just get them through Thrive
Starting point is 00:12:53 because then you don't have to worry about tracking them down in the store. So Thrive has so many products that Lauren and I both use and everything on the site is priced below 25 to 50% below retail. So even if you don't like quick and efficient deliveries straight to your door, you can appreciate the price discounts unless you don't like better pricing as well, in which case I can't help you.
Starting point is 00:13:13 You can also shop by diet. So if you're vegetarian, gluten-free, paleo, or a carnivorous meat eater like myself, Thrive has the goods for you. It breaks down items by preferred diet. They also have household supplies for babies and supplements. I get all my supplements on Thrive. For my cold, I just ordered a bunch of stuff like I mentioned. They have everything though, all your groceries, all your needs. So check them out. We place regular monthly orders and even had stuff delivered to New York while we were out there so that we didn't have to go to the grocery stores there because some of
Starting point is 00:13:41 those hotel beverages and foods can get pretty expensive. So it's nice to have our stuff that we have at home at the hotel. So Thrive is giving all Skinny Confidential, him and her listeners, $60 in free groceries and free shipping, which you can't beat when you visit thrivemarket.com slash skinny. Again, that's thrivemarket.com slash skinny for $60 in free groceries and free shipping. I know you guys hear this regularly on the show, but you wouldn't hear so much about this brand if we didn't love it so much. So check them out. This is the Skinny Confidential, him and her.
Starting point is 00:14:15 So traumatize me. Yeah, traumatize them. I mean, are you sure? When do you want to have kids? I want to anchor baby her pretty soon. I love how you think you're going to anchor baby me. I'm going to anchor baby you. I don't want to get too far before she's like, wait, I don't need this guy anymore.
Starting point is 00:14:34 So I got to lock her down, you know? This is true. No, no. You're the best. So it was so rough. I'm just one of those people who has challenging pregnancies I don't I don't want to say difficult but so extremely difficult I was so sick in the beginning I could I mean I was fully depressed couldn't function was vomiting like projectile vomiting all day for it was about a good 15 weeks during this pregnancy solid yeah that didn't happen before not I didn't vomit with Benjamin
Starting point is 00:15:16 but I was endlessly nauseous which is I thought was worse but being endlessly nauseous and projectile vomiting all day is, it definitely took the cake. So I can expect vomiting all the time. Cause I'm not, vomiting gives me a little bit of the heebie jeebies. You know what? Lauren actually faints and passes out when she vomits. Oh my God. Well, why don't we just like, so she has to lay on her side. That's really riveting. She has to lay on her side and just shoot the vomit out sideways. Cause she literally passes out and she can not, like I've heard her collapse before in the bathroom. Cause if she gets sick and then she faints, cause she's like, what's that? Vasovagal. Yeah. Is that how you say it? I don't know. You seem to know more about me than me. No, but so the doctor said she, when she, if she does that, she has to lay
Starting point is 00:15:59 cause she could fall and like smack her head, you know? Right. No, you can't do that. Okay. So I mean, it was, yeah, it was, listen, I had one of the roughest experiences. I don't know too many people besides all of my sisters and my mom and I have four sisters. They were all sick like this. So is there anything you can do? Can you eat ginger and all that stuff or it doesn't work honestly I hated it it didn't do anything for me this time until I was about probably like four and a half five months then I could tolerate it what did I do oh my god I I mean I think just the giving over to it was the hardest thing for me because it brought me back to a place of almost to that, like limited way of thinking until like that limited belief, like, you know,
Starting point is 00:16:54 where, what do you mean by that? So it brought me back to like the life I lived before I got into this space and was meditating. So just thinking like living through the negative like thoughts and symptoms. And like, I was, I couldn't get past it. It was like, no matter what I did, I, I mean, in a way it was like, I was feeling sorry for myself because I just felt like shit. There was nothing that made me feel better. And I could barely get out of bed. I was feeling sorry for myself because I just felt like shit. There was nothing that made me feel better. And I could barely get out of bed. I was, I was like laying on the floor. Dylan would come in and I would literally have to be like laying on the kitchen floor.
Starting point is 00:17:36 I was, I was so awful to be around. And I hated just being that. I hated that energy that like I felt and I felt I was giving off, but I, there was like, I couldn't break through. And then I think allowing myself, like being gentle with myself, like, okay, like I feel awful. I don't feel good. I, I don't like the way that I look. It was just like an accumulation of everything and like giving over to that and allowing myself to feel that way was like almost a bit of a release. You've been obviously through something similar, like you're saying, which was your eating disorder. Totally. And that's, do you feel
Starting point is 00:18:14 like it was bringing you back to that? A thousand percent. That's like right where I was going with this. I mean, I remember when I was like probably the sickest with this one day where it was just endless and I was laying on the kitchen floor and I just couldn't believe that I used to hurt myself like that and that I used to force myself to do that. So it definitely, it brought me back to a dark place in my life. I would think it would bring up the same exact feelings. Yeah, it did. Very similar. Um, what, what kind of state of mind were you in when you were dealing with your eating disorder? Like what, what's a state of mind that you feel like you were constantly in? Was it angry? Was it, um, was it sad? How did you feel? Um, definitely sad and just living in a place
Starting point is 00:19:09 of comparison and really looking at everyone's life around me. I, you know, had just gotten into the modeling world, always wanted to be a model and was told when I first signed with one of the top agencies that I had to lose 15 pounds, like right off the bat. So it was like immediately I wasn't enough. So is your eating disorder already happening before this was told to you or like walk us through how like the timeline sort of. Yeah. So I, I moved to New York about 13, 14 years ago. And I was living in this little apartment. And it was, I think, just like growing up with so many siblings and a bit of chaos.
Starting point is 00:19:54 My parents divorced early and there was a lot of trauma young. The second I like got behind closed doors, like on my own, I was like on my own. It's when everything started to come up. It was, I was super anxious. Like every, um, just like every feeling of almost like being neglected as a child and things just started resurfacing for me and not having a lot of friends, not having a strong circle here. It was like, I just felt totally alone. Can you remember the first time that you did something that, that you look back on that was disordered with your eating? Yes. I was out late, like really late. It was, I think I was at Marquee. Can I say that?
Starting point is 00:20:48 I was at Marquee my first time and I took a taxi home and I just, I was drunk and I felt like totally out of control. I stopped at Dunkin' Donuts and I got, I think like an egg and cheese biscuit or whatever it is. I ate that, and then I lived next door to a Baskin-Robbins pizza shop, like donut. It was like I had everything right there. I went in, and I got ice cream. I ate that, and I had two slices of pizza,
Starting point is 00:21:21 and then I went upstairs and just. So it was like a binge, and then get rid of it. Yeah. It was this, it was this idea of just like pushing all my feelings. Is it like a control thing? Because it's almost like you can control like, okay, I can have all, I can have all this and then I can control the outcome of having all this. Absolutely.
Starting point is 00:21:42 So I think like one thing I want to say about sharing this experience is I'm not an eating disorder specialist and I hope I'm not triggering anyone else who has been through treatment and is in a good place. You know, I'm simply just sharing my experience and what helped me overcome this. You know, it was, it was a lot of things I had never dealt with as a child. And as soon as I was alone, it really surfaced for me, all of these, these feelings of really, I think just like not feeling safe, not having security. I think when your parents divorce and there's always, it's just so rocky and you don't know if you're going to move to your mom's boyfriends this week, or if you're going to switch school districts again, it was like always in transition. It's chaotic. So much chaos. So being alone in a big city where I was like segueing into this whole new world with these perfect people, I felt like, my god like it brought so much up for me so that was one it was like
Starting point is 00:22:47 it was so weird because I enjoyed it I was like oh this feels so good so was it like once you thought oh my god this feels so good is it something that you say okay tomorrow I'm gonna do it too the next day like do you plan Monday Wednesday Friday It's impulsive. Okay. So that's a really good question. So once I did that and then, you know, finished, if you will, and then woke up the next day, I felt awful. Like I felt really bad. I had a really bad headache. But as soon as I would like step out into on the streets and like all of my anxiety came back, I knew that I could go back that route because it felt, it was like I could handle what I knew what was going to
Starting point is 00:23:33 happen. I knew the outcome. You can, you can control the outcome. I could control the outcome. So I never thought I w I never thought I had an eating disorder. That blows my mind. Not at all. But it's almost like an alcoholic. Yeah. If you feel like you're in control of something, you don't look at it as a disorder. You're like, this is something you have power over. And I didn't do it every day. I mean, I shared this on the previous episode that I did with you guys. It was like maybe I had a great week.
Starting point is 00:24:01 I did nothing. It was like I had a solid week. And then the following week was a lot of stuff came up. But okay. Let me ask you this. When you had a good week, is a good week is binging and purging or is a good week staying away from it? Staying away from it. So you knew that there was something that was like, well, I knew because I was hiding it from my roommate and I didn't want anyone to know. And, and then I started like, I started really getting into health, which is funny because I was doing all these awful things to myself, but I, I started getting just, you know, I was into like how many calories I took in
Starting point is 00:24:40 and I was very careful. More like, I feel like that adds to the obsession. Totally obsessive. And it was, I didn't have a healthy relationship with it. And then I think I also restricted myself from so much and like, especially around people, I was like rigid. And then when I was by myself, it was like, I could do whatever I wanted. Let's say I call you and I say, let's go out to dinner and you're in this space. What do you, what do you say? A lot of the time I don't go. Okay.
Starting point is 00:25:09 But what if you do go? Are you drinking alcohol? Like what is, what does that feel like when you're out to dinner with a friend that really cares about you? And like, are you ordering strange or is it just normal? No, I was so normal. None of my friends knew. I was going to ask you, did anyone know? Or at some point did anyone know? Or at some point, did anyone learn? I think one of my girlfriends
Starting point is 00:25:27 caught on to me because when I had my, so this went on for a good five years. It's a long time. It's a long time. And it was, you know, it was like highs and lows, roller coasters of like maybe months not doing it and then just doing it for months. And it was like, I I back to, I never thought I had an eating disorder. I just thought it was like this thing once in a while it just happened. And then when I lived alone by myself is when it started getting really bad again. Did you move out on your own by yourself strategically? Because you knew that that was something that there wouldn't be anyone else in your space?
Starting point is 00:26:08 No, I was really afraid. I had broken up with my boyfriend at the time. It just wasn't working. And I had asked, when I was at my lowest, lowest, lowest, I was still living with him. And we had like a wild night out. I was out all night and then i was purging in the morning and just it was like i had never felt worse what does he think he just thinks oh she must be hung over that's what i would think about oh man she's hung over i definitely think he was aware that i
Starting point is 00:26:41 had something something that was weird but I also had a really bad relationship with my family so he just thought I had a fucked up family and that that brought a lot up for me but and I've never I've never had this conversation with him and I wish that I did you know like if it's like kind of weird now because cause it's still friends with this guy. We're, I mean, cordial. Yeah,
Starting point is 00:27:08 totally. If I saw him, I would say, I'm sorry that I never told that, you know, I just, I feel as if I, you think it was affecting the relationship or like maybe if he knew he could have been different.
Starting point is 00:27:18 It's almost like you're dating someone else. It's like, there's a third person. What do you, what do you have to tell me? When you get something weird? Well, there was,
Starting point is 00:27:24 yeah, there was definitely, I, I hid a lot of things from him. Yeah. I was fairly secretive. It's hard to, you know, it's hard to navigate a relationship if you don't have the full picture. Right? Yeah. And I, and he's just such a nice guy and such a nice person that I feel as if we've never
Starting point is 00:27:42 had that place for me to just go back and say that was really what was going on. And I'm sorry you had to hear it through social media or podcasts. I think you make space for that when you see him, if you see him, but you know, that's all you can really do. Yeah. So, so you said this goes on for five years, you move out of your boyfriend's house into a place alone. Does the, does the eating disorder escalate at this point or does it get kind of stagnant? What, how does it, how does it sort of rear its ugly head? Yeah. So let me just say that when I had that, it was like, I had this moment in life where it was like, if I didn't do something, I was, things were going really bad. Like I was going downhill. Things were not going to end well for me. And I called
Starting point is 00:28:28 a therapist. So I knew right then I needed help. That's the first thing. I think instead of having everyone come to you and be suspicious that something is wrong, which no one ever did. No one ever did that with me. I had one friend say something to me one night. She called me the next day and she was like, you have a drinking problem and you get like, you're the most beautiful person, but when you drink, you're so ugly and you're, I don't want to be around you. Was it like anger? Yeah. I was very angry. I mean, I'm a recovering hitter. I'm like, I can't, I'm sorry. It's so hard for me to imagine you like this because I see you in
Starting point is 00:29:03 such a different light. Like hitting your friends, hitting your boyfriend, like punching or smacking? Oh, I would deck anyone if they just like didn't. No, I was like really bad. What? Like I've been in fights with girls, my sisters, boys. Let's talk about the fights. Let's talk about the fights.
Starting point is 00:29:19 I got to hear about these fights. Like, you mean like you would be in like a fist fight with a girl? I've been in fist fights, yeah. Really? Yeah. And not proud at all i do not don't like i would never do that now i like can't believe nurturing like i want to be like you when i'm a mom that was how i don't even handle what was going on that That was my way of coping with anxiety for things that were coming up that I didn't know how to handle. And then hitting was another tool for me and drinking. And then, yeah. So what would trigger
Starting point is 00:30:02 you? Is like somebody said some, say something, or if they look at you weird or like, what is the. No, it was more like if they kind of came at me, like I wasn't. Was this random or was your friends? Like you would lash out at your friends or this just could be anybody. It was like definitely an issue with the boyfriends. Okay. In the past.
Starting point is 00:30:19 So it was like you guys get in a fight and then the way. Like I like caught an ex, like many like many acts ago like doing cocaine and I punched him in the face like I just like that was how he dealt with things I mean I've thrown a remote at Michael if I'm being really honest yeah let's talk to you right now I feel like everything like every guy kind of gets it but if it gets to the point where you're getting hit a lot then you're gonna figure it out I like to flick his balls too sometimes when he annoys me I'm dead serious I know you are that's why i'm dying we're on the plane on the way over here and she in front of everybody she keeps like i was making her man and she kept grabbing over like trying to hurt me i like to flick them there's something about a flick you know this couple be this old couple behind us
Starting point is 00:30:56 like what is going on here it's like flick like a fly dylan you do that too flick hurts she's a creepy girls if you're out there you're listening and your boyfriend acts up flick his balls if you get the flick right it hurts really bad so you gotta be careful i have a great flick i was more of like the punch in the face i'd rather have the punch than the flick good to know noted um sorry we got sidetracked yeah and i was also abusing adderall at the time. Okay. This is like hiding. I want to talk about this. This is really, really important because there is so many women abusing Adderall. So I, I'm talking to women and I actually didn't even know this about you.
Starting point is 00:31:36 So I would love to hear more about this. So I'll be really honest. This is something I have never spoken about because I just, it just wasn't the space. I went through like a very short period one summer where, um, girls that I was cocktail waitressing with were, it was like, I worked all day and then I was cocktail waitressing and these girls had so much energy. And I'm like, what are like, what do you guys do? And they're like, we take Adderall. So one night I was like, like, what do you guys do? And they're like, we take Adderall. So one night I was like, like, what is this? I've never taken this, took it, had the best night ever. I was like flying around the room. It was like, I was on top of the world, woke up the next morning,
Starting point is 00:32:15 ran for seven miles. I was so thin, but I was still in that disordered way of living and thinking and felt as if like, I wasn't good enough unless I was really skinny. So it was great. It was like everything was working. And then when you say abusing Adderall though, do you, you take it once and try like what, like what are you doing every day? Is it just when you cocktail? Like what's, what is, I really want to dive into what Adderall abuse looks like because so some girls would say, well, I just take it on Saturday night. Right. So no, I, I got to the point where I was buying it off people like paying for it and then taking it as long as I had a supply and it was really to
Starting point is 00:33:01 lose weight. Yeah. It was like to help me lose weight, to make me feel up because I just did a video with this girl, Vanessa Fitzgerald, who you would really like her. She just started sharing her Adderall detox. She was on Adderall for 15 years. Her story just like grabbed me because I mean, obviously very different, but I love that she shared this. Nettie talked about her, I think. Yes. And how it just, it like affected all her relationships negatively because you like, especially, I mean, I am not a doctor. Some people are prescribed this.
Starting point is 00:33:36 I think Adderall is over prescribed and many people abuse it even if they are prescribed. But when she shared that, I was like, I've never shared that. Like, I've never really opened up about that. And I feel like it was a huge component in me, like, going through recovery and just healing myself. And, you know, that was another tool. It was another one of those tools that like made me feel up, up, up. It made me feel confidently insecure. Like, or I say like insecurely confident. You feel like you're like on top of the world, but you're so insecure.
Starting point is 00:34:18 I've tried Adderall in high school. Um, we used to take it sometimes for the SATs. And what I remember about it is that it takes you so high. don't want to eat but then what I remember is the next day I felt like I wanted to just lay in the street horrible so that's why you keep taking it but like I remember feeling so low the next day for me it's like to to retake it again it's just you're just kind of offsetting that feeling to come here's the thing it's a met to retake it again it's just you're just kind of offsetting that feeling to come here's the thing it's a methamphetamine so like i'll tell you a story one of my best friends and i won't say his name we were in college and he took it for a test and when his dad got him a job like a corporate job for the summer and they drug test you said yeah
Starting point is 00:34:57 sure i don't take drugs he took the drug test and it came back positive for meth and the guy's boss said listen we're not hiring you you take meth and he said we're talking about they went and told the guy's dad like hey your son's on meth and he turned this whole thing he wasn't on meth he was taking Adderall but it's a methamphetamine and people don't realize like it's a speed if you're taking legalized cocaine yeah and then there's another story um one of my best friend's brothers he was prescribed to it his whole life and when he graduated college said okay I don't need this anymore. And he got off cold Turkey, went on a cruise and ended up getting pneumonia from being like extreme withdrawals and ended up dying. It's like people, like it's a, it's a date.
Starting point is 00:35:33 Like people don't realize like it could get that drug and get really dark. No, it can. And I've seen it happen in my life and it, you know, people very close to me. So once Vanessa shared that, I was like, you know, I never really shared that. And I feel as if, you know, I'm not trying to hide things. It's more so it just, I never felt the space. And now I feel okay with saying that. And like, it's a segue drug. Like you want to do drugs. If you're not on that, you can't get that. And it can, you know, go into a bunch of, and you do lose weight on it because you lose your appetite but it's not it's not sustainable have you ever seen those bodies
Starting point is 00:36:10 i get in trouble for this you ever seen those things where it's like like um you can see when somebody's on it and they have like kind of like loose skin because they don't have the muscle tone because it's suppressing their appetite so they're not getting nutrients and they're not doing the workouts and i was like yeah i'm losing weight I can tell in two seconds if someone takes Adderall. It doesn't look good. I swear. In the long run. With their pupils and just their behavior.
Starting point is 00:36:30 I was like super edgy and like when, when you're not on it, you're agitated and it's like, it's literally feels like cocaine. Like you're just like cracked out. So, so you're, you're living alone. You're taking Adderall. Thank you for bringing us back. No, I just want to, I just really want to set the scene for anyone that's listening out there. You're living alone. You're taking Adderall. Thank you for bringing us back. No, I just really want to set the scene for anyone that's listening out there. You're living alone.
Starting point is 00:36:49 You're taking Adderall. You're binging and purging. How do you get to being like, okay, there's something wrong here and I need to fix it? And I want to know what that period between, um, you recovering and you making the decision that you needed to get help. Because I think a lot of people don't talk about that space. Right. And there's a space I think, and we talked about it earlier where you have to get so
Starting point is 00:37:15 uncomfortable to get to the other side. Yes. So I had a girlfriend, I was like eating Cheerios in my mind. I was like going, I was like, I'm, I can't eat honey nut Cheerios. Like I'm totally going to binge. I like bought these little packets late one night. I used to, that's what I used to do. I used to go into like corner stores and like buy all this food and then go eat it and then get rid of it. And I was like feeling really anxious. What a lonely disease. It's so lonely. It's so lonely. It gives me chills. No, no. It's so lonely.
Starting point is 00:37:45 Because of drinking and drugs, you can go be social and do those. Yeah. That's why I didn't want to live alone because I was so afraid of what I would do. So this was like an early Friday, like early evening. And I was like eating Cheerios. And then my friend came over and I got so nervous. Cause I'm like, she knows I don't eat Cheerios. So I dumped them in the, in the toilet. Don't ask. I don't know. And then she came up and she had to pee and she saw all the Cheerios. And I just remember her
Starting point is 00:38:18 being like, she looked at me and I blushed and I was like, Oh, and I was like, she knows she's going to know. And I, that made me, like, I was like so afraid that I was going to be revealed that, cause it was just weird. Like why, you know what I mean? Why did I dump them in the toilet? Like it was just a weird situation and I couldn't even come up with anything. It wasn't as simple as just taking it and throwing the box away. You like went deep down the rabbit hole. Yeah. I was like, why did that make sense to me to cover it up? And it's just bizarre. And then I, so I was seeing a therapist. And at this time I was, I was pretty much in the space where like it wasn't really happening.
Starting point is 00:39:04 It wasn't really happening. It wasn't really happening. But I would still take Adderall every now and then. And then that was like it opened the floodgates. So if I went out late one night, took Adderall, and then had a slice of pizza, I would want to throw it up. And like this first second I got. So Adderall sounds like it's actually triggering too. Totally triggering.
Starting point is 00:39:26 100%. And, you know, it took me, I just remember like sitting on the sofa and looking her dead in the face. And she would ask me, have you taken, did you take Adderall? And I would say no. And I would be on it. And I'd say no. And I would be on it and I'd say no. And she'd say like, okay, have you been, have you been, um, how have things been? Have you been feeling an urge? And I'd say no. And like, I literally like threw up the night before and I
Starting point is 00:39:56 just, I started lying because it just, I didn't want to admit that I still wasn't well. And you almost get romantic with your disease. Yeah. Like I knew I, I knew I wanted help and I wanted to stop this, but it was like, I was so addicted to it. It was like, that was my release. And it, and then one day I went in and I was on Adderall and she was the one who said, you know, I just want to tell you that you have this insecure confidence and I, I know when you're on it and I've been able, you know, I think there's been a few times that you've said you haven't been. And I've, I've, I felt as if you were, and I was like, yeah, I am, I am. And I just, it was like, it made me so uncomfortable that she called me out on that. And I'd worked with her for five years. And then she asked me, have you been throwing up? And I said, yeah,
Starting point is 00:41:00 I have, like, I've, I've said no to you so many times and I have. And, and then she said something to me. She said, what if, like, what would happen if when you get the surge, what would happen if you didn't throw up? And I just, I looked at her so at this point, is this more, is this about body at this point? Or is this like a mental block? Is this, like how do you navigate it at that point once you're so deep into it? Yeah. I see you're getting emotional about it. Yeah, totally.
Starting point is 00:41:39 I mean. And we can stop if you have to stop. No, no, no. It's fine. It's pregnancy too. No, that's okay. If you want to stop. No, no, no. It's fine. It's pregnancy too. If you want to stop, just let me know, please. Um, no, I'm okay. It's, I think that was the moment where I realized I wasn't allowing myself to feel, and I was just blocking, blocking, blocking. And it was like, I had that. Oh my God. Like that's what I've been
Starting point is 00:42:06 pushing down is like, I've just wanted to cry. I've just wanted to be like that little girl who needed to let it out. Once you release that, were you able to break through it to get to the other? Is that a point where you look back and you had this epiphany where it's like, I'm ready. That was a huge turning point for me. And then she said, okay. And I just remember I cried. After all that time to holding it by yourself and then somebody, you have somebody to share it with. It was like such a simple question too. And I had never like allowed that to. But it's so isolating and nobody's talking to you about it. And then after all this time, as you said, like five years or so, and then someone finally, you can share with, it's a lot to hold in. It was a lot to hold in.
Starting point is 00:42:52 And then she said, okay, so if you cry, like. What happens? Cry. And I was like, okay. And I was like, I feel so much better. I feel like I can breathe. That felt so good. And then she said, okay, what if you call someone?
Starting point is 00:43:10 Like if you have that one person in your life. And at the time it was, I mean, I don't remember. I think I, I called my mom a few times just saying like, Oh, I'm just having a bad day or like in a weird space. And I didn't say like, I want to throw up, but it was helpful for me to like get it out. And then doing, um, writing it out, like journaling and writing down, like, I feel so awful today. like i went on a casting and every girl was smaller than me and then realizing that it it it got to the place where i realized my eating disorder was never about the food it was never about the food. It was my coping mechanism for childhood traumas and stressors and just
Starting point is 00:44:08 chaos and that was my way of, that's really powerful. Yeah. That's really powerful that you, that you look back and you can realize, I think if anyone out there is struggling with an eating disorder to hear that, I would think I've never been through it, but I would think that that would be, um, an epiphany. Oh my God. It, it really helped. And then I just remember it was like there on out. It was like, it's not as if it just uplifted and was gone. This is what, yeah, this is what I don't understand. This is where I get confused. But I was developing healthy tools now. Got it. So instead of going and abusing myself and doing things that hurt myself, I was finding ways to release in a healthy way that was safe still and made me feel so much better. And what were those tools?
Starting point is 00:45:01 And I want you to get so specific, even if it was, even if it was like, like the, what are the small, tiny little things that you did, even if it's lighting a candle in the morning that made a difference overall? Because I really think that with success, it's always the little tiny things that make the big difference. Yes. Instead of just saying, you know, a lot of people will say I went to therapy, but like what was it like? Really get deep here.
Starting point is 00:45:25 So for me, it was as simple as waking up in the morning and not grabbing from my phone first thing and scrolling and looking at what everybody, you got something in your throat, got to clear it out. And just looking at what everybody else is doing and like starting on that. No, it's like your cortisol goes through the roof and you're already like, oh God, she already worked out. You feel like you're behind. You're like, how did she already do that? Like she's too kid. You know, it's like you get on this hamster wheel of just, oh God.
Starting point is 00:46:01 So starting right there and then cultivating a meditation practice. So what does that look like? I mean, for me, it was like, this was such a new world. So I do want to say, in addition to working with a therapist, I started working with a health coach long before I knew what a health coach was, but my health coach helped me really develop healthier tools. So like the therapist was great. God, she helped me understand where this was coming from. And then the health coach really helped me develop a practice that worked for me. So it just started with me just sitting for two minutes with my eyes closed and just breathing. Don't mean to brag, but after the episode with you, I have started meditating and it, it, it,
Starting point is 00:46:51 it is really amazing. So go on. I just wanted to let you know that you inspired me to start. I can tell, I could tell you obviously share it, but there's some, there's like a bit of a shift. Maybe Michael, can you, do you notice that? It's just because I've been so great lately and I'm just, she's just so happy with me and everything's just, no, I'm just kidding. Yeah. No, she's, she's doing her, I'm not allowed to bother her in the morning anymore. I have to go. No, no, no. Noah, like just now he would like, wouldn't stop. I'm like, babe, I am finishing my practice. Like this is the most important thing for me to, I have to do that. It's like, I have to give that, give, create space for that. So once I started, do you want to wait, Michael?
Starting point is 00:47:34 Yeah, he does. No, he wants to wait. I'm just watching the levels. No, go ahead. I'm going to keep it in. I'm going to keep it in. Someone needs to meditate. The, um, those are the sirens coming to take me away to the loony bin
Starting point is 00:47:46 i'm gonna flick your balls while we meditate yeah do you know how miserable that would be could be meditating in a deep state and flick that would definitely bring you out it would it would traumatize the meditation okay let's keep going and then so i coffee has always been something that like brings me back to to that place with my mom. I just remember when you have five kids, you don't have many moments alone with your parents. I just remember that being such a warm, soothing thing. So after I did my breathing, before grabbing for anything, I would sit on the couch and just have a cup of coffee and enjoy it.
Starting point is 00:48:25 Where before I'd be like, is this bad for me? Everyone says I shouldn't have this. And I let go of the guilt of holding on to what everybody says about everything. And I allowed myself to enjoy things. Like as simple as like a coffee with almond milk and not worrying about the almond milk and the calories and like what I'm sweetening with and freaking enjoying it. And then, you know, I think just starting there, it was such a solid place just to have a little morning routine. And it wasn't long. And then I just, I started, I was feeling called to go deeper and I started going to I studied
Starting point is 00:49:09 Kabbalah for a couple years and then I learned a lot from there but I felt I was still looking for something you know like almost like my person and I went to Gabrielle Bernstein's Spirit Junkie Masterclass, loved her, learned a lot from her. And just really about embracing who I am. Because you love her. You love her. I remember that. I do really.
Starting point is 00:49:33 No, there was someone else. What's her name again? I love Gabby. I love her. No, I need to buy the book. I forgot to buy it. No, but there's another book. And I feel like Gabby's better than ever.
Starting point is 00:49:43 Like there's just, she just has this more. She's gotten better than ever. You's just she just has she's gotten better you mean she's just like yeah she's just you know those people who you're like whoa whoa whoa she's just but there was another woman so she's a regular she's a regular um they're both regular listeners her and marianne so they'll they'll hear this and hear the compliment will they no oh i was like oh my god i like to pretend that um so Marianne Williamson, who was or still is, you know, Gabby's greatest mentor. So Gabby really learned a lot through Marianne. And then I started going to see Marianne speak.
Starting point is 00:50:20 She speaks. She speaks tonight. Seven thirty, nine thirty. Speaking of speaking, I wanted to I wanted to go back Speaking of speaking, I wanted to go back a little bit. I wanted to go back a little bit because I was thinking, so you told your one friend at the time, and that was healing. Wait, the one with the Cheerios? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:36 I didn't tell her. You didn't tell her. No, I was. But you told someone else or the one that approached you. She said she called someone, but you couldn't remember who it was. Because I'm kind of trying to think about. So i never fully came out and said it yet at this place but like i had a person like i would call a friend and i wouldn't say what it was but i would be like oh i'm just in a weird space or like i need to talk or but i wouldn't tell them i wanted
Starting point is 00:51:01 to because i didn't tell anyone yet i want to know the reaction of like of the other people when you started telling people because I'm thinking maybe someone's out there like I really they want really want to tell someone but they can't like what is the reaction you get once you actually start talking about it what's the feedback compassion yeah and shocked like I you know I used to I think of one of the first girlfriends I told my friend Trish who suffers from anxiety she She has a book called a face of anxiety because I felt very safe telling her and she was telling me about, you know, we were talking about anxiety and I think she was the first person I told. And, and then it just, and what did that feel like when you told her? Like, what does it, does it feel like a weight
Starting point is 00:51:43 lifted? Do you feel like you can start growing? Oh my God. It was scared is it does it feel like a weight lifted do you feel like you can start growing oh my god it was scared no i felt like a weight had been lifted off me and she was so compassionate she was but so shocked to the point that i was like i was so good at hiding it like you really had no idea i feel as if they're, so she, her dad actually said something to her. The girl that I told, her dad, um, said she has an eating disorder and her dad's like, they're Guatemalan. I've been around them like not many times. And he picked up the energy. When you see, you said you can spot someone on Adderall, but when you see someone who's struggling with an eating disorder, can you, is that something that you can see as someone who's experienced it? I feel as if I, I have a pretty good handle on being able to tell people who have. So let me ask you this. Disordered eating. You as who you are now have, has a friend
Starting point is 00:52:42 that has an eating disorder. Cause maybe there's someone that's listening that has a friend that has one yeah how do you approach it in a way that that's compassionate what's the right way to approach because I would not know how to approach someone I think that's a really good question and I wish someone did I wish someone asked me is everything okay like I'm just sensing something seems off and I don't think you even have to mention the food part because that's when things can get sticky yeah I think just making sure you're just checking in on someone okay yeah and sometimes even just asking that question you can I mean it's almost like when my therapist asked me like like, well, what would happen if you didn't do it? And you have a breakthrough. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:26 And I was like, oh, my. You know, and I think, you know, those days when you're not OK and someone's like, let me just give you a hug. And you melt and you cry. And I think that's really what people are looking for is just to feel safe to be able. Is having an eating disorder like my sister is an alcoholic. So every day, um, you know, she has to work at, you have to work at being sober. It's not something, something she wakes up and she makes the choice every single day. Right. Is that how an eating disorder is where you have to check in with yourself every single day? So yes, especially
Starting point is 00:54:01 during the, you know, when I made the choice not to do that to myself anymore and like really make the choice. Like it wasn't, well, you always have that if I, you know, feel like I overate at dinner. It was like, no, I'm no longer doing that to myself because I'm hurting myself. And, you know, it's not as if I just, it was like one day it just uplifted and was gone. I had to really come back to the things that I was, I was taught. So you almost are channeling the energy that you put into hiding the disease towards getting better. You almost have to make a shift. It sounds like with your energy. I did. So I mean, that's what really opened up this world for me. I, I, I like went for a weekend, like meditation retreat just here in New York where I learned how to meditate myself. And
Starting point is 00:54:55 instead of like listening to guides, which guides are amazing. And I think it's such a great place. And I listened to them often, but to be able to bring yourself to this place of peace and like learn how to live with ease in your body, that's what has transformed me. That's the number one thing. And you know, I share that I eat plant-based and like those are things that I love, but the most important thing is like I have created this foundation because I do think an eating disorder is a mental disease and I some people may argue that but I agree with you yeah it was like I lived in my head and it was my way of not I never I, I didn't feel enough. So as soon as I got behind closed doors, it was like, that was my route. That was how I dealt with it. I would make an argument that most diseases start, they're mental, right? And like, there's not a lot of conversation in our
Starting point is 00:55:58 society around, you know, there's a lot of medical things that you can do to try to fix, but people aren't getting to the root cause of, you know, why your, your mind thinks this way or why your brain's telling you it's okay to act. The same with, you know, alcoholics and drug addicts. There's something there. There's some kind of pain you're dealing with or numbing or, you know,
Starting point is 00:56:13 numbing or trying to escape from it. I want to talk about something that I think is a huge issue right now that I'm seeing. Cause I, I have this Facebook group where I can connect with women everywhere and I'm seeing that this is an issue, social media. So how do you sort of manage social media so it doesn't become triggering to you? Because I mean, I've never had an eating disorder and I can see how it would be triggering. I mean,
Starting point is 00:56:37 I've felt not triggered maybe is the word for me, but, um, it can ruffle your feathers. Yeah. So good. I I'm happy that we're talking about this. This is on top of my list. Okay. So this, it brings me back to when I was at the Spirit Junkie Masterclass four years ago. And I was like still in this space of like, you know, there were these girls who were in the wellness space and blogging and doing everything that I, I thought I wanted to do really. And I was like, Oh my God, like they, they have so many more followers than me. And like, I just, it was like, I was so envious of them and I was sending that energy to them. I was like
Starting point is 00:57:17 looking at their stuff. And, and then I finally, I deleted all of them with love. I sent that is love amazing because I didn't do in a way that I'm like, you bitch, you have so many followers. They're like, Oh, every, you know, look at you blowing up. I like had, I was like, good for you. And like what you've created and what you've built delete. And there was like three or four of them and that I follow them all now and like friends with them, which is amazing. They're amazing.
Starting point is 00:57:52 You can contextualize it better now, right? Yeah. And then it was like one day one of them commented on something and I was like, I can follow all of them. Like I wasn't in that space of looking at what they had and what I didn't. It took a long time to get there though, because it's, it's through the commitment of your practice where you'll have just, it's like just one day you're like, I like, even I had my, my sister and her kids here this weekend. And you know, it normally would have brought up a lot of chaos for me and like maybe like bringing back ways of my childhood. And I was like, wow, I've grown.
Starting point is 00:58:33 I was in such a peaceful place through the chaos. And I enjoyed it. And it was like I felt the place where you're like, I've really grown. You know what I love about you? I feel like you're constantly working on yourself. Even though you feel like you've recovered and you have this amazing house and this life and this amazing family and kids and friends and blog and you have it all. You're still, to me, as an outsider, you always seem to be trying to be better and I think
Starting point is 00:59:08 that's so important it's like you never fully and you're like this too you're like this you're always trying to progress and do better I think that's important that you never really feel and I feel like this I never want to feel like this is it you always want to try to be better I think what it is is like thank you all of us you're making me cry no here's that story imperfect thank you right we're all imperfect but you present your best foot forward and so if you're of course in your own social media and these platforms to the rest of the world it looks like oh wow that's perfect but you know you're constantly there's a lot of things that i need to work on and being able to acknowledge start by putting the toilet seat down. I'm going to start by wearing a fucking cup.
Starting point is 00:59:48 But yeah, I think it's amazing that you come in here and be vulnerable because you are one of those women now that other women will look at and say, oh, she has a perfect life, husband, kids, everything, beautiful, everything. And to show this kind of vulnerability, it can help people. I hope so. I mean, that's, I, I never felt more fulfilled in my life through just touching people through social media. It's the craziest thing.
Starting point is 01:00:16 And, you know, I built my entire business off being a recovering perfectionist because I, you know, my workouts aren't perfect. I don't film them professionally and I put them out because I put them out with love and I, I want it to help someone feel good in their body and exactly the way they are. And I, you know, that's, that's just the place that I constantly want to come from. So don't you think it's powerful though, that you can sit here after everything you've been through and help other people? I mean, I think that's pretty fucking cool. Yeah. That's, I mean, it's even if it helps just a few people, 100%. Yeah. Okay. I want to end on this. If someone
Starting point is 01:01:00 is out there who's struggling or they know someone who's struggling, and I know you mentioned Gabby Bernstein, but is there a resource, a podcast, a book? It could be a couple things that you just think are really transformative. Yes, 100%. Two books, You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay and A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson. I think I mentioned both of those last time, but I swear by these books. Okay. And you also, I've seen on your Instagram story.
Starting point is 01:01:33 A Course in Miracles. Yes. So if you start with A Return to Love, it's almost the cliff note version of A Course in Miracles. A Course in Miracles can be a little heavy for some, like some people get really overwhelmed by the text. So I always say start, I started with A Return to Love and it was like, I was like, I want more, I want more. Listen to Marianne Williamson's
Starting point is 01:01:59 talks on YouTube, Gabby Bernstein's talks. And, you know, if you, if you feel like you really resonated with a return to love, then I say definitely pick up A Course in Miracles. And there's 365 lessons. So you have a lesson every single day and it teaches you to shift your perspective about everything about yourself. And that was, you know, the biggest thing that I think one thing one girl had asked me is, you know, now that I'm in this place, do I have any urges or triggers? And I don't because I've done so much work and I'm, I'm always doing work, but I have powerful tools that I always go back to that I know will only make me feel better.
Starting point is 01:02:49 So if I'm feeling stressed when I was in the car with my sister and all her kids and her kids are crying, I put on a guided meditation. It was silent. It was like the whole car, everyone just like took it in. And I always find, I think there's always space to do something that can bring more peace to your life and and that's you know just why I started sharing my workouts
Starting point is 01:03:11 bringing these slow controlled low impact movements where you're not killing yourself and you feel good and easy in your body and and sharing my meditations and and just uh in hopes to well everyone's gonna want to follow you. And you guys, she's one of my favorite people to follow on Instagram story and Instagram. Like tell us where we can, I mean, everyone. You're the sweetest. I love you so much.
Starting point is 01:03:34 I'm so happy that you like reached out to me and that we're now friends. I know. And you know where, you know where I found you? I don't know if I've told you this. No. Brow teak. I was getting my brows done and I heard someone say, Oh my God, you got to follow Melissa with health to her
Starting point is 01:03:48 eyeball lady. And I looked over and I think I want to say they're twins. So it's hard. It was either Ashley or Lauren, um, work is of summer house. Really? Do you know who that is? No, I, I think that, I think that they just like were big fans of you. I don't know. That's so sweet. I'll show you who they are. They're adorable. Yeah, show me who they are. They're on Summer House and they were just raving about you. That's so sweet.
Starting point is 01:04:09 So immediately I was like, follow. And that was when you had just started out, I think. Just started. Yeah. When was the last time we did, when was the last time we interviewed? It was like a year? It was a year.
Starting point is 01:04:21 Yeah, you guys, if you want to listen to Melissa's first podcast and we'll say this at the beginning, we podcasted with her before. We'll link it all. It's like a year. It was a year. Yeah. You guys, if you want to listen to Melissa's first podcast and, and, um, and we'll say this at the beginning, we, we podcasted with her before. Um,
Starting point is 01:04:29 we'll link it all. Yeah. We'll link it all in the notes. Thank you for sharing your story. You're incredible. Thank you. Like really? Thank you guys.
Starting point is 01:04:37 Follow her on Insta. And if they want to see your blog, yeah. Pimp yourself out. Okay. My website is Melissa wood health, where I share all of my workouts. I have free meditations there, plant-based recipes, and my Instagram is at Melissa Wood Health. Is there anything I'm forgetting? Your workouts, where can we find?
Starting point is 01:04:56 My workouts are on my website. So not to confuse people because I used to share my workouts on an app. I no longer do that. I share all of my workouts on my website. If you go to the workouts tab and create your profile, you can subscribe to me and I have 12 workouts available to you at all times. I update. So every Monday and Friday, I bring up new workouts. So they're always changing. So you don't get bored. And you have amazing green juices on there. Yes. Green smoothies. Yes. I have plant-based recipes and those are all for free. The only thing you subscribe to is my workouts, which are $9.99 a month, or you can pay for the year. It's $99. And is that the total? I think, yeah, $99 for the year. And yeah, I just added a new bonus section where I share bonus free meditations
Starting point is 01:05:48 and bonus workouts that I'm doing with people I'm inspired by. I love it. Yeah, thank you for coming on. Thank you for doing this. Thank you so much. If you or anyone you know is struggling with an eating disorder,
Starting point is 01:06:00 call the National Eating Disorders Association Helpline at 1-800-931-2237. Okay, guys, for all the live event information, remember to go to dearmedia.com slash live. There's going to be a lot of fun stuff happening, okay? A lot of fun conversation, cocktails, candy, and macaroons. Goody bags to the first 100 people. And it's on Thursday, July 12th. Doors open at 6.30 p.m. and the show starts at 7.30 p.m. And it's all free. It's all free with Emily Schumann and Jeffrey Fuller of the mega brand Cupcakes and Cashmere. It is going to be a wild ride. Again, that's dearmedia.com slash live to RSVP. Also, don't forget we're doing a major, major giveaway. Okay. We're giving away two round
Starting point is 01:06:45 trip tickets, one for you and one for a friend with a hotel stay for two nights. You'll get guaranteed attendance to our live event and Michael and I will be paying for you and your guest to enter, write a review on iTunes and leave your social handle on the review. Then all you have to do is screenshot your favorite episode and post it to your Instagram feed for only 24 hours. You can remove it after that, but we need to see that you entered. Then go to my Instagram and let me know on the comment section that you've entered. So again, that's two round trip tickets, one for you, one for a friend, a hotel stay, and you get to hang out with me and Michael. It's going to be fun, right? It's always fun. Also, we mentioned this last week and we see messages coming in. Don't forget the new Skinny Confidential Him and Her
Starting point is 01:07:29 hotline at 1-833-SKINNYS. That's 1-833-SKINNYS. Go there, leave a message for a chance to be featured on the show. All the directions are on the voicemail, which are here. Ask us anything. Yes. Ask us anything. This episode is brought to you by Ritual Vitamins, the vegan, sugar-free, non-GMO, gluten-free, and allergen-free vitamin. It's made without synthetic fillers or colorants, and it has this minty cap that's infused with pure peppermint oil, so the vitamins taste good. Did you guys know that 95% of women do not get vitamins and minerals
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