The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast - #16: Mary Evarts - Why Comparing Yourself to Others can Hinder Your Success, What we would tell our younger selves, and how to rise when feeling low

Episode Date: June 21, 2016

On Episode we bring in a very special guest! Lauryn's grandmother, Mary Evarts. We get into conversations about living a long happy life, and how comparing yourself to others can slow you down. We also talk about what we would tell our younger selves and how to rise up when feeling low.  To learn more about The Skinny Confidential visit the site HERE To connect with Lauryn click HERE To connect with Michael click HERE

just like that we're back with the Skinny Confidential, him and her podcast. And we have a couple special guests today. One is the bare naked cucumber who's been a regular. And the other one is my grandma, the Nans. Say hello. Hi there. Hi there. You don't have to look at me when you talk.

You can look, you can talk right there and just talk into it. You see that? Yeah. She's, she's a little new to podcasting, but somehow she figured out how to listen to our podcast. I'm still not really sure how she figured that out. That's okay, because we're a little new to podcasting, too. Yeah. I think it's awesome that she figured it out. It's fun.

It's fun. It's fun to listen and clean and do your makeup. And I love laughing at your conversations with Michael. How many of our episodes have you listened to? I think every one. Really? Except that my computer's been down over the weekend, so I haven't heard anything past last Wednesday.

We'll have to get Taylor over there to... Podcast and chill. We'll have to get Taylor to go over there and fix it up. Taylor's single now, so that'll be fun. So anyways, really important that you guys subscribe, rate, review us on iTunes. Give us five stars. We are bringing you free content every week lots of questions realness uh with michael and i and sometimes taylor and now the nans yeah and i

would say if you like the show and it has brought you any kind of value please let your friends know about it podcasting is new to a lot of people and it's been really fun bringing awareness to the platform it's it's been funny because a lot of people don't know how easy it is to listen to podcasts they don't know that the podcast app is already pre-installed on your phone and that you can just really just go in there, search the Skinny Confidential or whatever podcast you want and listen for free. So if you know anybody and you like the show and you think any of your friends will like it, let them know about it and let them know where to listen to podcasts, any podcasts. I mean, where I like to listen to podcasts,

if you guys need some creative ideas, I listen to it while I'm cleaning my closet. I listen to it while I'm doing my makeup. I listen in the kitchen when I'm cooking, when I'm cleaning. Cleaning's a big one. When I'm doing laundry, when I'm folding laundry. I even listen to it on my phone out loud when I'm walking up and down the stairs to my house.

I'm constantly listening to podcasts, even in the car, because I feel like I'm walking up and down the stairs to my house. I'm constantly listening to podcasts, even in the car, because I feel like I'm gaining knowledge while I'm doing something that's maybe kind of boring. Yeah, no. And if anybody that has seen me on my Snapchat, shameless plug, Michael Bostic. Oh, he always shameless plugs his Snapchat. You see that I love the headphones. And a lot of the time when I'm just walking around or working or in the gym, I listen to podcasts on my headphones. And, um, I think listening like one, it's fun. And two, you're learning as you're, as you're listening, you're learning about different people's lives, different industries, stories. So it's a, it's a lot of fun.

And honestly, if my grandma's listening to podcasts and she's being hip with it, it's time for everyone to get on board. So, um, you know, start podcasting, get involved, listen to it. Sometimes it's a good laugh it's a good laugh right you told me you were laughing out loud i was pop a bottle of wine through the whole thing were you sitting in front of the computer just listening to it see she said that's right that's right well you gotta get her lauren you know you gotta get we were i was on her phone you called me earlier my phone was on silent and you called her phone and she gave me, it's been a while since I've had one of those flip phones.

It's an early addition. It's the one where you text by pressing the number like three, four times to get to the right letter. She kind of knows how to text. Yeah, but I can't text on that. But we're going to get you an iPhone. No, you got to get her the iPhone so she can listen to the podcast or at least an iPod. Oh, I listen to it on my internet.

Yeah. She listens to it on her internet. Santa Bostic over here is going to be the jolly good fellow and bring you an iPhone for Christmas. I really like how you refer to it as your internet. Why? I don't know. I just think it's nice. It's just funny. So let's introduce the Nans for a second. A lot of you guys have read about her or seen her on my blog or Snapchat. She's a very important person in my life. She's my best friend. We like to go

get margaritas, chips and salsa, watch a little Netflix, chill, hang out, listen to Bossa Nova, and what else? Gossip. We love to gossip. In a healthy way, though. The two gossip girls. Yeah. What would you say your favorite thing to do with Mia's?

Oh, just go anywhere with you. It's fun. She wears her glasses inside like me. And she loves white nails. Yes. And she's pretty badass. Yes. Some say. Some say.

Most say. We actually all, we did a quadruple date last, was it last weekend? Yeah, that's true. And Taylor was there. And we were talking about his relationship woes and Nana was giving him advice. What was your main thing of advice for breakups? I thought everything was going to turn out really well for him. I think so too.

He's a nice guy. Didn't turn out so well in that particular case well uh he had suspicions but i was reassuring i thought you were as you ate your cheesecake and coffee at fidel's i thought it was flan no i had the flan he had the flanchmon me me and nana are the only ones that'll have uh dessert yeah everybody else on their healthy kick but we yesterday what did we split yesterday? We split brownie and ice cream. Brownie and ice cream, yeah.

Yeah, I had lettuce cup tacos. Yeah, well, we're living over here. Yeah, you guys are living. Yeah. So introduce yourself to someone that's never met you. How would you kind of pitch yourself to someone that you've never met? Tell the audience who you are. Well, I'm the Nans, and I'm lucky enough to have a great family.

And I'm very happy. You have two kids. Oh, I have two children. They're grown with their own families, and that gives me my granddaughters. Three of them, two in California and one in Florida and my dad is is your son Brad Lauren's father is my son you've lived a sassy life uh it's been a thrilling fulfilling uh crazy ride yeah a little Pinot Grigio here and there. A crazy ride with some good things.

Okay, so you guys, if you want to know more about the Nans, you can always Google the Nans Skinny Confidential, and like 40 posts will come up where she gives relationship realness and talks about her rose tip. She's getting her own unique following. I see people in San Diego recognize you, and they come up to you in the grocery store. Yeah, tell the story about what happened.

Shopping with Lauren. A girl ran up, greeted Lauren, because she knew her from Skinny Confidential, and said, oh, you're the Nans. And I felt like I was now in showbiz. You were like signing autographs in Rite Aid, I feel like. You also got approached by another girl when I wasn't there. And you said you were becoming famous now.

Oh, I have. At a car, yes. She said, oh, you're the Nans in front of a market. So if you see her, go up to her and say, oh, you're the Nans, and then ask for her autograph. Or she'll do a selfie, which she calls closies. It's really up to you. Oh, a closey. She hates closeys.

You said you don't like them. I don't at all. Why don't you like closeys? It's an invasion of your privacy. Why? Because maybe I'm not ready to be filmed. You sound like me. My privacy is invaded every day by Lauren.

At least somebody hasn't made up a male name for you. Like, you know, people call me Susan, which is unfortunate sometimes. Yeah, well, at least you're not called the barony of cucumber. Yeah, well, that's his own doing. Maybe he should have thought about that a little more. But let's not get so into that on this show. That might turn a little awkward. All right. Well, let's talk about this weekend and your sunburn.

No, I don't have a sunburn. I'm tan, but I'm fine. I wouldn't call that a tan. My grandma's making a face at him. We were in Los Angeles all last week, and every time I go, it's funny. Nana always gives me advice on where to go and eat in Los Angeles because I have no interest in all the trendy hot spots with bad food. I like to go to the places that have been there for a long time. You used to live in Los Angeles, right?

Oh, for many years. Grew up there. And your favorite spot is the Bel Air Hotel, right? Oh, lunch at the Bel Air Hotel. Absolutely. What should one get there to eat cold poached salmon cucumbers with dill sauce sliced cucumbers with dill sauce i think they slice avocado on it it's fabulous what should they get that's a lunch dinner you know whatever you like some gin martinis

we like the gin martinis me and you yeah or you and I oh Bombay yeah I mean a Gibson

yeah Gibson yeah her favorite drink is a gimlet no a gimlet that's what it is no a gimlet

well Gibson is a martini gin martini without olives. They have a couple of onions in it. So we had a funny thing happen this time. Sounds good.

Lauren and I were up. We were doing meetings up in L.A., and we finished, and both of us really needed a drink, so we went to Ciccone's. I don't know if any of you have ever been to Chaconis in West Hollywood and I was snapping away and Lauren said oh look there's Oprah and I turned around and sure enough there was Oprah Michael did one of those stalkerish things where he was

zooming in with his iPhone on Snapchat I did a big zoom I did a big zoom on O can you not call her big O we call her big O now then she left and at the same time we were leaving, and she was super cool. She actually stopped her car and got out to take some pictures

with some little girls, which I thought was really cool because she didn't need to stop the car. She literally stopped the car. She told her chauffeur, please stop. I'm actually going to take a couple pictures with these little girls. Yeah, and then so she was taking pictures with little girls, and Lauren jumped in, and she's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, why aren't you a little old?

I did a closey on her. and she did a closey on oldo and uh or big oh and um old oh well maybe don't call it i feel like she's calling her both no i feel like she's fab oh yeah like she is fab she's so cool she has so much humility but you did a closey on her and invaded her privacy amid how impressed we were with her humility yeah i mean it was so cool of her to get out of the car and take that time when she does not have to do that. And then you stepped in front of those little girls. I did step in front of the little girls, but what can I say? I needed my closey. After that, we went to the cutest restaurant called Craig's.

I'm sure a lot of you guys have been there if you live in L.A., but it reminds me of New York. Yeah, it was cool. I liked it. It was really old school. From what I remember, because at this point I was about five gin martinis deep, we had a... Five? Yeah. I feel like you had two and you were bummed out.

No, no, no, no, no, no. I had them come and I was sneaking them. You were sneaking them? Yeah, and I really liked that place. It's so cute. What street is it on? It's on Robertson and I think Beverly or Melrose, one of them. What's your favorite old school restaurant?

Oh, you told me you like La Scala. In my day it was. La Scala was good and there was a restaurant on Sunset Boulevard that was tops called Scandia. I feel like that's still there, maybe. No. It's not? No.

When he died, he was from Switzerland, and elegant food, and you could go in there after going to a stage show or a movie or anything and get hash, beef hash, you know, late at night and different kinds of things like that. Lauren's a big beef hash fan. I feel like I'm not a beef hash fan, but I think that there would be something there for me to like.

Cheese Wellington. What is it? Wellington. Cheese Wellington. that sounds good um so yeah we are excited to go back to craigs it was very cute um and then it was father's day no we went to the baseball before father's day baseball game went to the baseball game with uh weston and his girlfriend jessica are you a baseball fan was panicked the whole time. You do? Ooh, you must have been a fun date. We got to go.

I went and had like beer and hot dogs. He shoved an extra hot dog down his throat when I wasn't looking. I had two hot dogs. I can't make that up. I wasn't looking. I went to the bathroom. He came back and he had ketchup on his lips. And I said, did you just have another hot dog?

And he cackled. Yeah. You got to get a good hot dog when you're at the game. Oh, yeah. I feel like one is good. You don't need two. This was the Dodgers? No, the Padres.

I feel like Nana would be. Oh, the Padres were playing. Yeah, Nana, you'd be more fun than Lauren to go to the game with because Lauren doesn't want to eat hot dogs. I like football too. Yeah. A lot. Maybe you can sub in for Lauren when I go to do that stuff. Yeah, you should. Because Lauren just sits there for Lauren when I go to do that stuff. Yeah, you should.

Because Lauren just sits there on her phone and snaps and does closies. No, I didn't do a closey at the game. You did like four closeys at the game. I had a bite of a hot dog, but that's enough. More than a bite doesn't make me feel good. So after that, I forced all of my friends and Michael to go to a Mexican restaurant because I was really craving. What do you think I was craving?

Chips and salsa. Ah, you know me so well, Kitty. Yeah, you like the salsa. I do love salsa. Kind of can't stop. So I had them go to a Mexican restaurant, and we had chips, salsa, margaritas, and some fish. It was good. It was terrible. Oh, oh my god it was a trendy

place food was bad lauren saw it on instagram they had a white marble table so she thought we had to go there and take pictures i'm not even gonna do the credit of saying the name of it don't say the name it was terrible not going back okay well the chips and salsa were good nope okay oh there was a rock in my soup i almost knocked my tooth out there was a literal rock yeah there was a i thought it was a black bean and it was a black rock a rock yeah what kind of soup was that some black bean rock soup rocky mountain so then yeah it was it was father's day then we went to we went over to my parents place for a little bit to say hi to my dad. All he cared about was eating his barbecue sauce and taking a nap. And we were just out there in the sun laying like old snakes on a rock, heating up.

What does that mean? I don't know. I was talking to my dad, and he goes, man, we're out here. He's like, we're just like two old snakes on a rock. And I thought it was really funny. Your dad came over and plopped down on the couch next to me and said, Oh Lauren, too bad you're over here or I would have swam naked. Yeah. I don't know what's going on with her. Sorry to ruin your father's day. Yep. So we had barbecue there and then we met, uh, Nana and your dad, Brad, and we had,

we watched the game and, uh, but we made you guys move tables yeah that's okay lots of tables yep we had to move outside because we had the dogs so nana what do you what do you think about this podcast and what lauren and i have been doing now that you because it's new i love the podcast it's new it's different and like lauren says you can actually be doing something else, multitasking. Isn't it funny, though, that we're not in a traditional radio studio? We're just sitting in my office. Yes, interesting. Very unusual. What's the weirdest thing that you've seen from this generation?

Like, is it the internet? Is it the podcasting? All the electronics. All of them? Oh, man. Have you ever seen anything like it? No, everybody in my generation is just overwhelmed. And all of your generation laughs at us, and we know it.

Here's the funny thing, though, that's ironic. Our generation is overwhelmed, too. So both the generations are overwhelmed, but each of them are for opposite reasons. So your generation is overwhelmed because you just don't even know where to start well we're teaching ourselves if if that a lot of people well the interesting thing is we've grown up with this stuff and yeah we haven't yeah yeah so you're overwhelmed about about all the new things and we're overwhelmed because there's so much stimulus but i guarantee if we needed to know how to use a sewing machine you probably know your way around the sewing machine my mom does. My mom's like, oh, you need to sew something? I do.

I can sew. I can make a dress. There's a lot of things that our generation can't do that we need to get better at. Well, that's a very important point because you're missing home ec that they used to have in school, which was home economics. You learned to cook. You learned to sew. Wow, we should have sent Michael to home ec. You know, it's interesting because I'm slowly starving to death because Lauren never did home ec. Be careful what you say because guess what's at home for you.

What? Just take a guess. Pop-tarts? No. Pasta? Why did I make pasta? Because I told you that I like pasta. Why?

This is the first time. Kylie Jenner last night on the Kardashians made Tyga spaghetti with meat sauce. And when she made it, I knew he was going to say something. And he goes, why don't you ever make me spaghetti and meat sauce? So you did? So today I got immediately on it and you have a fresh, huge batch of spaghetti and meat Well, that's nice. That's really nice.

Homemade with a side of lemon. Wow, you threw a curveball. I was not expecting that. I thought I was going to go home and have two pieces of bread and some ice cubes. Last night he asked me for a piece of toast at like 11, but we didn't have any toast, so I had to give him a cracker.

So speaking of technology, my dad today was trying to send me a story that he read on the internet. And so what he did was he went to the website on yahoo and then he printed out the whole story on his printer about 20 pages and all that all the yahoo ads are printed on the side and then he went in his scanner and scanned it as a pdf and then sent me the whole pdf and i said yo man like you could just copy and paste the link and email it over so it's been been interesting, but I love them for it. Okay, so before we get into the questions, I have to ask the most important question.

Tell us about the caftan shirt that you got. Oh, it's really beautiful. It's silk. It's drapey. It's beautiful turquoise. Why'd you get it? I'm going to use it at a wedding in Cabo San Lucas. I'm going to float around in that a little bit.

And on that note, my grandma has done more for my wedding than I have. Uh-oh. Yeah. She bought this beautiful, like, flowy teal top. Don't worry. I'll make sure to get it on the blog once she wears it. And it matches perfectly with her eyes, and it's so bougie. Don't you love it?

I love it. I feel like it's perfect for the Bel Air Hotel, too. Like, to drink gimlet. In this instance, I'm going to wear it with drapey white pants. That's cute. And your big gold sunglasses. Oh, big gold sunglasses for sure. Great big ivory bracelet. You can wear it the next time you come on the podcast.

So interestingly enough. I'm thinking a white nail too. Okay, white nails. We're working on, pretty soon we're going to start, we're working on a new deal for the show that's going to really up the quality of the show and up the production value. And we're going to be. We're working on a new deal for the show that's going to really up the quality of the show and up the production value. And we're going to be recording in Los Angeles.

So next time you come on the show, you have to come up to Los Angeles. And we'll all go to the Bel Air Hotel and have some lunch. We can go on the train. It'll be fun. Do you want me to get into the questions? Yeah, let's get into the questions. Okay, Nana, here's some questions that have been submitted. These are readers who into the questions. Okay. Nana, here's some, here's some questions that have been submitted. These are readers submitted these questions. A lot of them have

actually been geared towards you because we put up an Instagram and we also asked on the blog. So, um, people want to know your opinion. Okay. So here we go. How do you deal with not comparing yourself to others when it comes to success professionally in relationships and generally where you should be in life and should be as in quotes, like what society thinks like where you should be. Yes. I don't like to compare myself. I think that's a bad thing to do. It makes life harder for you.

You just do the best you can in the way that you, and you're happy for the others. If they're more successful, that's terrific. I'm happy for them. But I don't like to compare people against each other generally. Okay, but when you were in the tennis club and, like, you're walking around and everyone's in short skirts and, like, all the girls are dressed to the nines and they have, like, their bellinis. We wore backless tennis dresses then. kind of slutty huh no it was good to get a tan that way i don't like to go what about tan lines no never bothered me no okay so what do you do when you're

at the tennis club you're wearing your visor everyone has the hottest new tennis racket like what was the dynamic there? Are people comparing themselves? What was that like? I never thought about it. I was just too busy living and playing my tennis. You're like me. I agree with you.

I don't believe in comparing yourself to anybody. I think it's a complete waste of time and a complete waste of energy. If you're worried about what other people are doing, you're in your own way and you're not going to be getting anything done yourself. The best advice I've ever gotten about this question was actually from Bethany Frankel. She gave it to you personally? She gave it to me personally. I don't know why you're laughing because she did give it to me personally. Okay.

He's making fun of me. No, I'm not. I just want to hear the story. I flew out to New York and worked with Skinny Girl. And we got to have this Q&A session with her that was very intimate and drink tequila shots. So of course I had a question after half of a tequila shot. And I asked her, what is the best advice that anyone's ever given you when it comes to business? And she said, stay in your own lane. Be like Michael, how do you say his last name? Phelps. Phelps. Be in your own lane. Be like Michael, how do you say his last name?

Phelps. Phelps. Be in your own lane. Don't worry about what everyone else is doing because if you're swimming and you're worried about what the guy on your right and your guy on your left is doing, that distracts you from the end goal. So whenever I feel, and let's be honest here, everyone felt sometimes they're comparing themselves to this or that.

It's human nature. I step back and I just stay in my own lane yeah the best advice I got was from Michael Jordan and he said oh did Michael give it to you said Michael just keep doing what you're doing you're on the right track and I said thanks Mike wow did you guys play basketball together yeah I taught him I taught him a couple things I'm just'm just kidding. But no, in all seriousness, I think, you know, comparing yourself to other people can be really dangerous. It can set you on the wrong path. You don't, you don't know their story. You don't know what they're going through. And I think that if you, if you get stuck comparing yourself to other people, you get caught

in a downward spiral potentially where you could, you could really be hurting yourself. And, you know, you know, when you, when you start to compare to what other people are doing, you, you can hinder yourself because you're constantly worried about other people instead of focusing on what you should be doing. And I think there's nothing wrong with looking at other people and aspiring to be something like I look at other successful people and it inspires me to want to be successful myself, but I never find myself comparing things like oh they have this or they're with this person or they're wearing that I really think that that's negative and I don't think that can help you in any way well what I've realized

too with blogging and and I feel like you've seen this too and Nana you can maybe relate as well I see a lot of people look at where someone is five years into something and compare their beginning to someone's middle or compare their middle to someone's end. I'm not going to go and compare myself to Gary Vee or Mike Cernovich or someone that's been doing this for, you know, 15 years. I've been doing what I'm doing for five years. I can't compare my five years of time to someone that's been doing this for 15 years. You know, it's, it's interesting. Cause I like speaking to Mike Cernovich, I think he's the one that wrote about this or spoke about it. I can't remember, but they were talking about Arnold Schwarzenegger

and how people compare themselves to Arnold Schwarzenegger now and want to aspire to be like Arnold Schwarzenegger, but they forget the years where he was struggling as a bodybuilder, where he was running around in the woods butt naked, lifting weights. They were saying if you want to compare yourself, you have to do those things that got him to where he is. You have to go to the movie store. It's easy to compare yourself to the end result, but people forget about the climb to get there.

But if you stay in your own lane, then you're not focused on what everyone else is doing. So you kind of just put your blinders on and go for it. Do you agree with that, Nana? She sips tea. I do agree with that. Totally. You haven't got time to worry about what others are doing and watching others. Because you're too busy living your own life if you're really living. Yeah. Plus, when you have kids, I feel like it's too much. You know what makes it difficult, though, now? It's social media because everything is in everybody's face.

So they get on Instagram. And just remember, when you're on Instagram or Snapchat or all these places, this is a curated place where people are presenting something that they want you to see. Don't you think they're only putting their best, their best stuff up? Like I'm not going to put, I had a shitty day. I was bawling, crying. Um, I accidentally like ran into a car and, um, listen, I woke up that day after having all those martinis and I'm not going to take a closey and show what I look like at seven in the morning with my hair all over the place and my eyes drooping down my face. Like you're going to feel like you did take a closey though that day. No. Well, I mean, I'm a little different.

Sometimes I might take a closey and show that. But other people, you know, that really beautiful girl that you see on Instagram pose with the sun glistening off her hair like no people are just let's see what she looks like at 6 30 in the morning after a bender and in a couple drinks and with her makeup running off her face like that might not look we've all been there putting our best our best foot forward on social media and just showing the best side of our lives and that's fine but as long as you remember that everyone's doing that that it's not just what about the pose that the girls do with the one leg in front of them? What about it? To like the slimming the slimming leg pose. Yeah girls will like they like step forward like they're walking and like lean forward with a pointed toe and like do like oh the lean forward. I want to see I want to see a lower angle with the legs wider apart with the

with the linebacker stance. That's creepy and weird. We'll see that. So yeah, I would say in anything, don't compare yourself to other people. You are you. There's one of you. Stay in your own lane and put your blinders on. Okay. Next question is, what do you wish you would have known in your early 20s? If you could give your sassy 21-year-old self some advice, what would it be? You go first, Kitty. I would begin saving money when I was young. Talk about this for a second because you talk to me about this all the time. And we like talking about the finance aspect of the show. It's very important because what you don't think about or realize or pay any attention to, there are many years when you're not in earning capacity. Even if you're married with your husband and he's retired, the capacity of earning money changes. So you want to

be comfortable in all your years that you're alive. And you also want to be able to help your family when they're ready for college, when they have certain needs, they've wrecked their car, they need another car, all kinds of insurance is very expensive for your children when they start driving. There's so many reasons that you should, when you start saving when you're young, it multiplies very fast. Compound interest. How much would you say you should put away? Like, what, do you have a percentage? Oh, you have to decide what income you have.

And you put away what you think you can. Some people can't when they're young. There's a book called The Richest Man in Babylon by George S. Clayson. It's a famous book, and it basically preaches the same thing. And what he recommends is every time you get a paycheck or a payment, that you set 10% of it aside and put it in a savings account, and you don't touch it. And that's what you use. You just keep building it and building and building it. So whether your income is $2,000 a month or $200,000 a month,

if you set 10% of that income aside every month and do it constantly, you'll have a nice nest egg at the end of your life. Some people believe in annuities. Some people believe in life insurance, and they set themselves up that way. It's however you decide decide but you should always be saving i think because rainy days do come what's something that you bought when you were younger that you were you look back on and you're like i should not have bought that that was a stupid investment even if it was a 400 jacket what, what's something that's... That's it, clothes. Clothes.

So you regret spending so much money on clothes? Yes. What else? What about a house? No, that was usually within our means. So a house was fine. Cars? Yes, I think that's a good investment. I think homes were a good investment back in the day.

I think now you have to be very, very careful. And I think that the whole idea and the dream of buying a home now and using it as an investment, that with the economy and how shaky it is, that's not always true right now. That could be, Michael. But anyone that I know in my generation has made a ton of money off of staying in their house their whole married life until the end oh i don't think i could do that because i i'm the type of person that i have to lease a car they would upgrade yeah buy a house sell it for more upgrade and that's been going on since the 50s yeah i just get i get very bored with one thing like i have to if i stayed in a house my whole life i don't think the problem is now you

have to think about the bigger i'll tell you the problem now the problem now even with good financials um the down payment on a home can be very hefty, sometimes up to 30%. And let's just say you're buying a $400,000 home. That's the area you're looking in as expensive. Yeah. You're over, you're over a hundred thousand dollars as a down payment. You can get a nice rent payment for much cheaper than that. And you could put that a hundred thousand dollars or more to work for you and get a much better return. And there's no guarantee that your house is going to rise in pricing. So I think, you know, our generation been taught, buy a home, sit on it as an investment property, let it grow. Or upgrade. Or upgrade. Keep upgrading. But what people aren't factoring

now is to even get that loan, you're talking a huge down payment. And that's very difficult. Well, not in certain areas of the country. In the Midwest and Texas and places. California is probably the most expensive real estate. What about New York? Oh, New York is even more expensive. I'm talking purely just getting the loan. But I don't want to bore you guys too much with finance. Sometimes the cash on hand is better than cash out.

Well, that's why you save. You save to get the down payment for the home. No, I know what you're saying. You start saving in your early 20s. It's hefty. Get the down payment by the time you're 30. Well, I'll start saving ASAP. I'm not the best saver, but that's really good advice,

and I think that I'll start putting aside 10% of my income. What would you change if you could go back to being 21? My biggest advice if you guys are teenagers or you're 20 or 21 is don't, and I say this a lot, but don't wait for society to dictate where you're supposed to be. So if you're 20 and 21, don't think, oh, I'm 20 and 21. I can just go party and have fun. If you're ready to start a business at 20 and 21, and you're ready to hop into your career at that age, and everyone around you that's 20 and 21 isn't doing that, don't feel like you have to conform to what everyone's doing. Do your thing.

If I had started blogging at 20 or 21, I think that, one, it would have kept me out of trouble. Two, my brand would be in maybe a different place than it is now. And three, I think that that demographic needs people to represent, like, the blogger generation. Like, I think a 20 and 21-year year old to start blogging now makes sense. And whether it's a blog or a business or whatever, don't let society define where you're supposed to be. And on that note, if you're 20 and 21 and you don't want to start a business, that's totally fine too. Just, I think that you should not listen to what you're supposed to be doing, but just do you. If I could go back, I would take a lot more chances

than I took because at a young age, you can take these chances and it's easy to recover. When you get older and you start having more responsibilities or family or more obligations, it gets a little bit more difficult. Not saying you can't, you know, everyone that listens, I'm a big proponent on taking chances and putting yourself out there. But at 19, 20, 21, you really have the ability to bounce back pretty quickly and you can learn a lot and you know, you don't have all these financial obligations. So taking a chance when you're young and getting that experience is get out there, get loose. Well, I said what I said, because it's something I didn't do. Okay. And it's from living and being at the point of life I'm at now I wish I had of you wish you

had saved yes and I didn't I thought you know every year was going to get better that's funny you say that because weren't you reading a book about that that that generation thought that everything would just get better and better as, as, as you grew kind of exponential growth for about 25 years. I think it's called, I think there's a book, I think it's called uncertain optimism where your generation grew up in a time where things actually did get better and better. You guys like were part of a generation of massive industry and technological gains. And so each year that life's gone on for your generation, things have gotten better and better. And you're told, you know, if you work and then you save and then retirement, everything will be fine. And it's called, I think it's called uncertain or certain optimism. And then I think

our generation is the opposite where we understand if you work and you plan, things will be good. But if you don't, things will be bad. If you don't, you're fucked. Even at that, they can get fouled up by unexpected happenings so is there any other advice that doesn't have to do with finances that you would give yourself at 20 and 21 oh enjoy your life have fun have fun laugh dance is stress is music is stress worth it bossa nova bossa nova don't you love a little Sergio Mendez? Oh, I do. I bought her a CD player, you guys.

Literally, a literal CD player. And she puts her Bossa Nova CD in. If you guys don't know what a CD player is, you can Google it. Sergio Mendez? Sergio Mendez. I was asking you about stress, but it kind of goes into this next question I received. It says, what do you do when you start feeling low? Is there anything you can do to stay positive when life gets tough? Well, personally, it's so simple for me because I just get in my car and start driving.

And I love looking at the trees, the shrubs, the flowers, and put the top back and let the wind blow in. That is real therapy for me, but that may not be for everyone. I feel like I need to get in my car and look at the shrubs next time I'm feeling low. Drive up the hills towards the Fairbanks. God, if this whole time all I needed to do was get in the car and look at shrubs,

I'd be driving around all goddamn day. Do you like to drive? I do know. I feel like you don't like to look at shrubs. You should get into that. Taylor, schedule some time for us to go look at some shrubs. Taylor, do you look at the shrubs and the trees and the bushes when you're feeling low?

So Taylor's been feeling a little low. What's going on along the side of the road? Wait, I need to touch on something. You gave me the best advice when I was actually feeling low when I called you. What did you say? Do you remember? No.

You said, get outside yourself. Oh, yes, definitely. Explain that to the audience. Well, driving in a beautiful country is getting outside yourself. But if you're constantly thinking about yourself, you're going down. You have to look at the world and what other people are doing and what's going on outside of you. You're a much more interesting person that way. If you listen to what other people's ideas, whether you agree with them or not,

just know what's going on around you. Who's who and what's what, you know? So get outside yourself. Don't be such a narcissistic prick. Don't always think of my this, my that. I'm doing this this I went there no now that would just be my advice and it sounds kind of simple but it really works for me I do it all the time when I when I feel low I get outside myself I think I I I ask someone questions I read a book I do something that has nothing to do with myself and I feel like that really helps I do that or I clean the entire house and go psycho. And yell at me. No, I just clean the house. I listen to a podcast.

What do I do when I'm feeling low, though? Along with getting outside myself, because you told me that. This is so obvious and boring, but I work out. I go, not only do I work out, I actually do intervals. Because intervals are known to help with anxiety because what it does is it takes your cortisol levels up and then down and up and then down. So it almost teaches you how to deal with stress and anxiety. And when I go do 30 minutes of intervals, I feel like a completely different person because I've kind of sweated out.

So if I'm so stressed that I'm crawling out of my skin and let me tell you, it happens a lot. Everyone in this room has seen it, right? Taylor. Um, I get stressed like everyone. I go do intervals and then I come and clean my house. And for some reason that makes me feel better. And then I call you and have chips and salsa and a margarita. And I'd say one of the most, one of the most important things, and I tell you this all the time, Lauren, and I tell Taylor and have chips and sauce and a margarita. And I'd say one of the most, one of the most important things, and I tell you this all the time, Lauren, and I tell Taylor and I tell everyone is, um, you need to not sink into yourself.

You need to get out and be around the people that you want to be around. Family, friends. I think when you start to feel low and get down and get a little depressed, you want to close into yourself and stop interacting with people around you. And I think that that can be a mistake. And watch Legends of the Fall. Yeah. And sit around and feel sorry for yourself.

Well, walking is good too. You see a dog and you talk to the person with the dog. I was going to say you talk to the dog. And you walk and you see different things that are going on on the streets. I think walking is helpful too. Do you walk with your dog? Yes. Tell everyone what your dog's name is. He has such a small bladder. He has to be walked three times a day. That's not enough. That sounds like me. Tell everyone your dog's name.

Slipper. It's had five names. No, it's named Slipper, Michael. Slipper like the shoe. Slipper is a bougie bitch. He's slippery. He's slippery. He's slippery. And he loves his boo.

Are you allowed to touch his back, his neck, his tail? I can now. He can now. Can you tell the story about this? No, Michael, we're not going to tell the story. That's for another podcast. The Slipper story is for another podcast. It's a funny one. The son that I almost had. You went like this. No, no, no. Just tell the story no we gotta get just tell

the story i'm getting into it now so a few years ago a few years ago this is literally six years we have to tell the story now a few years ago um it was christmas christmas a few years ago and uh everyone was like kind of like doing the little whisper like did you hear did you hear did you hear this and everyone's whispering around me i'm like what okay so fast forward christmas eve we we go to lauren or the night of christmas we we go to um lauren's parents house and everyone decided like my all my friends decided to come and i was like what's going on here like why is everyone coming to brad's house for christmas lo and behold she got me a rescue dog. And at the time his name was what? Bullet.

Bullet. Do you remember who was Bullet? At this point, I was like four or five whiskeys deep. So I was feeling pretty loose. And I saw this dog and I'm like, oh, great, a dog. And I started petting him. And I think at the time I didn't realize you couldn't touch his neck, his back or his head, right? I had held him for Lauren for two weeks. Yes. So she could surprise you.

And boy, did she ever. So I knew he was very upset if you touched him behind his neck. Well, it would have been nice. And I think at some point in his life, before had him he had been mistreated and you know i think dog catchers put a thing around their neck to pull them in and so when the dog was put into michael's lap the first thing he did to pet it was to come down on it at the back of the neck and then well i just went so the normal way you pet a dog is you touch its back and um i wish somebody anybody that knows me too it's normal

i'm a i'm a chihuahua whisper i have two chihuahuas of my own i know i take care of chihuahuas like i know but it would have been it sure boy it sure would have been nice to tell me that you i had a little baby alligator on my hands because he snapped at my face and bit me. I didn't even know myself what he would do. I only had him two weeks. It wasn't the best Christmas gift, I think, to get someone a dog. However, let's... Long-haired, Joelle. Long-haired.

Let's talk about the silver lining. My grandma ended up falling in love with him. He ended up falling in love with her. So now she owns Slipper. This is four years later. It's a good companion. You didn't even say the dog was for Michael. Michael had no idea at this time that the dog was for him.

Yeah, he did. The dog rejected me and chose Nana and now they're fast companions now. No, he did the same thing to me. I'm working. But I do want to interject. I've heard from the outside perspective that there's this really awkward moment where Lauren handed the dog to Michael like here's the dog and everyone, that there was this really awkward moment where Lauren handed the dog to Michael, like, here's the dog,

and everyone, his face was kind of like, the way it was mine. The point of the story, you guys, is live and learn through me. You don't gift someone with a dog. You don't. And that's okay. Guess what? I was very young.

Unless it's your six-year-old child and you're having the family dog, that's a different story because then you've committed that person that rescue dogs have been rescued for reasons and sometimes they've been terribly mistreated by the way you have to retrain them to get confidence otherwise they're always trying to protect themselves yeah so you know my dog boone is a rescue dog yeah boone's a rescue yeah he's a sweetheart well we've we've we have to work with them, and we will tell you, I think one of the most rewarding things you can do is getting a rescue.

They are so appreciative and just loving that they're getting loved and touched and rubbed, and it's unlike anything I've ever seen. So if you guys are looking to rescue, hopefully we can leave a link maybe somewhere for rescue dogs there's a chihuahua rescue in san diego um they make the most awesome companions when we get married we don't want any gifts we just want people to donate to the chihuahua rescue fund unless you get bullet then run no bullets nice it's named slip It's named Slipper now. So anyways. Did you have a gender?

That was off on a tangent. Transition? Went from Bullet to Slipper? Yeah. That's okay. That's what's going on. It has a transition. So we love Slipper now.

Hopefully we can find a picture of Slipper that we can put up on the blog. I was going to call him Bronco. Oh, yeah, that's what I thought his name was. Someone told me they like Slipper better. When she calls to make an appointment for him at the vet, she goes, hi, this is Mary. And they go, okay, well, what's your dog's name? And she goes, Slipper, like the shoe.

And Slipper's vet bills are racking up. Oh, we forgot to mention. Yeah, we have to pay the vet bills because Slipper was supposed to be ours. I have to pay the vet bills, but that's a whole other story. So, Nana, if you could give anybody listening one last piece of advice before we end the show, what would you tell them? Have good friends for long periods of time i treasure my friends that i've had since grade school and you know try to be upbeat and happy and dance to bossa nova oh yeah listen to music pick the kind of music you like

that really puts you in a mellow mood and then go into that mood i love it but on that note before we end my grandma has a friend named bj yeah i do people think that I make up that your best friend's name is BJ. Well, she's someone I met at church. Tell us about BJ. Well, we have a small group that we meet halfway between the week and discuss the previous sermon. And BJ is a member of that, and she's always been called that. Her last name is Schneibel, and I don't want her to ever hear.

Because I didn't know, think about what BJ could stand for. What does it stand for? What does it stand for? She points her finger and drops the mic. I finally figured it out when some people in the kitchen that I was in started laughing at me. Michael and I don't know what it stands for either. But she doesn't think of that. Yeah, no.

I was just telling everyone that you have a best friend named BJ. Taylor, do you have a friend named BJ? My best friend is BJ, yeah. Oh, you lucky guy. So anyways, thanks for listening today. If you guys get a chance, remember to submit your questions on Twitter, Snapchat, and you can always send them in at podcast at theskinnyconfidential.com. If you like the show, remember to review and rate us five stars or nothing.

And thanks for tuning in. We will be back next week. The Nans will be back. Nana, say bye to everyone. Not next week the nans will be back nana say bye to everyone not next week but you'll be back soon say bye give everyone a big farewell bye so long so long um and just like that we're out of here and say bye bare naked cucumber bye to bj bye to everyone bye bj bye bye bj what is this bare naked cute we just call it that sometimes. There's a lot of reasons.

We'll get to that in a minute.