The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast - #22: The Bitch Bible with Jackie Schimmel

Episode Date: August 2, 2016

Creator of "The Bitch Bible" podcast & blog Jackie Schimmel, joins Lauryn and Michael to discuss how she got into podcasting, her love of all things "Real Housewives," why James Kennedy from "Vanderpump Rules" is the worst, what made her start a blog, and why people should be honest about the plastic surgery they get. To listen to the Bitch Bible Podcast click HERE To connect with Lauryn click HERE To connect with Michael click HERE This episode is brought to you by The Skinny Confidential Bombshell Body Guide and Meal plan.  tired of combating inflammation & bloat? Want to feel lighter and sexier? Check out lauryn’s latest 7 day meal plan. In this simple & super effective plan you’ll find: + tsc grocery list with every ingredient you need for the 7 days. + what the f*ck to do when you love carbs guide. + quick and delicious recipes: breakfast, snacks, lunch, dinner and dessert. You will also find 28 weeks worth of fat burning, muscle toning, 27 minute long, effective workouts you can do at home with no equipment. USE PROMO CODE: HIMANDHER at Checkout for 20% Off

The following program is a PodcastOne.com presentation. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to The Skinny Confidential, him and her.

Hi everyone, it's The Skinny Confidential, him and Her Podcast with Lauren Everett and Michael Bostic, and we are coming at you from Podcast One Studios in Beverly Hills. So bougie. We have a very exciting guest, but first I'll let Michael introduce himself if you guys are new to the show. Well, that's awkward. Now I got to just jump back in and reintroduce myself. My name is Michael.

I'm a new podcaster, entrepreneur. Michael, come on. Just introduce yourself. Let's go. Yeah. So I'm Michael. I'm a new podcaster, entrepreneur. Michael, come on. Just introduce yourself. Let's go. Yeah. So I'm here. I'm podcasting. This is my show. Michael. No, I'm just kidding. Okay. So yeah, I've introduced myself again and Lauren's giving me weird looks, but we have a very special guest today that we're very excited about. I'm Lauren Everts. I'm from the Skinny Confidential. As some of you guys know, I'm introducing myself, Michael. Get over it. So the people that are new know. And today we have Jackie Schimmel. Is that how you pronounce it?

Yeah. Perfect. Nailed it. She's from the Bitch Bible. You guys have to listen to her podcast. It's definitely my favorite podcast. That is so nice. Thank you. It is. I'm a big fan. Thank you. There's nothing I love more than pretty, funny girls. Oh, stop. I'm going to stay forever. I love it fan. Thank you. There's nothing I love more than pretty, funny girls. Oh, stop. I'm going to stay forever. I love it here. Thank you.

Take Michael's place, please. Okay. You can stay all the way till 1 o'clock till they boot us out. Perfect. So Jackie has a blog and a podcast. It's called The Bitch Bible. I don't even know how I stumbled upon you. I'm trying to remember.

It was so long ago. I don't remember. But I think I found your blog first and then it led me to the podcast and I fell in love. Oh my God. I'm in love with you now. That's all it takes. I do love you. You're so sweet. And you like, uh, you tweeted me not too long ago. And then I started stalking you as well. And I was like, Oh my God, she's cool and funny and pretty. We're in a stalking relationship. Totally. I stalked her dog. I know her fiancé's name.

I now know what he drinks. I mean, I kind of know everything. That's really deep. We're basically best friends in five minutes. Yes. It's so social media 2016, like you said. So yeah, we have a couple interesting questions. Ooh. But before we get into them, just tell us about yourself.

Oh my god. I'm so bad at this. You must know. Tell us this because we were just talking before the show. Tell us how you got into podcasting because I thought it was a cool story. Okay. So I got into podcasting when I didn't even know what a podcast was. And I'm sure most people still don't know what podcasting is. It's so bizarre. But I went on Watch What Happens Live and I was doing tons of housewife recaps because I am obsessed with the real housewives. I don't give a fuck who knows it. That was my first fuck. I feel like that was a moment. I'm so glad I got that over with. We'll put the E next

to this episode. Yeah, you might have to. You're also obsessed with Gia specifically, the song she sang. I love that song. I know every song that any housewife child or housewife themselves has performed, recorded. My whole dream in life is to have my fiance do a song for one of the housewives. I don't care who he's worked with. That's all I want in life. I love that you sang the whole song. This is Jordan, by the way. Where was my intro?

I got excited, you guys. Sorry. Jordan Bostic here, Wrangler in chief. I love that you sang the whole song on your show. That was shameful. Yeah. And I knew all the lyrics. You knew every word.

And you actually knew the notes. Inflection. Exactly. Your fiance should have played the triangle in the background because her fiance is so into music. I felt like it would have just brought it together. I want him to reproduce a cover. Oh my God, I should do that. Like I should release an EP of me singing all the housewife songs, but I definitely real close by Danielle stop. Does anyone know what that is? I don't know

that song, but I, you need to have Daniel on your podcast. She's coming on. She's coming on. We made contact is happening. Can you explain to everyone who Danielle is if they don't know? Okay, Danielle Staub was on a few seasons of Real Housewives of New Jersey. Okay, first season, she's a little crazy. She's had like a million ex-husbands. Oh, I shouldn't say this. She's going to get so mad at me. Whatever. It doesn't matter.

She has a few sex tapes. She has changed her name twice. Her book. Did she go to jail? Cop Without a Badge. Did she go to jail? What's her Badge. Did she go to jail? What's her name? She was in jail, I think.

Danielle, stop. What's her book called? Cop Without a Badge. Oh, okay, okay. No, that's a book that was written about her because she was involved in the Colombian cartel,

kidnapping, like, crazy shit. You should put that on your recommended reading list this month. Cop Without a Fucking Badge. Yeah. If it was legitimate, I would love

to run a cartel. I would be the best drug dealer in the whole wide world. I say it all the time. You guys should go into business together. Do you want to? I would love to. My lawyer Nico's here. Nico? Cartel business? No? Maybe not. He's giving the thumbs down. Okay, well we can just keep it on the down low.

I'll run it. I feel like Danielle's interview is the first one in a while. If she comes on your podcast, that's gnarly. Oh, this is going to be one-on-one Oprah. I have so many questions for her and they're all really inappropriate so I'm going to have to tiptoe

in and then I'm going to go for it. I love it. Yeah, she'll probably threaten to sue me because she does that. She does? Oh, yeah. She threatens to sue people. She has bodyguards. I love it. Yeah. She'll probably threaten to sue me because she does that. She does? Oh yeah. She like threatens to sue people. She has bodyguards. I don't know what the fuck she's doing or who she's with or what's going on, but I'm obsessed with her. Okay. Speaking of suing, now I don't know if we can say the name, but there's a certain bus boy at Pump. Yes. That we all know his name. James Kennedy. I can say it. Yeah. you can say it. That is kind of pissed at you.

Yeah, he's such a little troll bitch. Like, the worst. He really is. The worst. Michael literally, like, his eyes are glued to the television. That guy cracks me up, though. What is going on with him? He's the worst.

I mean... He's the white Kanye West. But he's also the best because he's so... Oh, for sure. You know what I mean? Like, I'm not so into reality TV, but when that guy's on, I'm what is what's up with this guy what's he doing annoying though like we get it you're you're kind of a bitch we get it i love how he got annoyed like stop i love how you just have like a full meltdown you know what i mean like you're just like chugging the liquor and just

oh my god when he's in his little like what's that what's the character from that show arthur with the rats or the mouses? Daphne or Danica? I know exactly who you're talking about. I think it's Daphne. Danica. We gotta get this name. Beatrice, it's something. That's what he looked like with his weird wig with the bangs. And then he's like chugging fireball and he's like, he looks

like a ballerina. I'm like, what are you doing? You're not cool at all. He was hitting on another girl in front of his girlfriend in front of Kristen. It was not a good look. So was hitting on another girl in front of his girlfriend. In front of Kristen. In front of Kristen. Yeah. It was not a good look. So how did you get into podcasting? Oh, sorry.

I tend to go on tantrums. Michael will keep you right on track. Don't worry. Thank you. Because I first encountered you. Lauren showed me your blog. And you're a very good writer. Thank you.

And it's creative. And it's funny. And I was laughing at it. And I actually showed the guys in my office at the Leonardo DiCaprio post. And they were laughing at it. I actually showed the guys in my office at the Leonardo DiCaprio post and they were laughing at it. Oh, thank you. How did you make the transition from blog to podcast and why? Okay, so I had the blog and then I went on Watch What Happens Live.

And then it just really honestly just kind of fell into place really naturally. The executive producer of Watch What Happens Live uh my production company and came to me and was like listen i want to start a digital network he's got a bunch of tv shows but never really like you know segued into podcasting and he was telling me it's like the new cool thing and i'm very impressionable and i was like sure let's do it what's a podcast so that was really honestly how it happened like Like super. How long have you been doing it now? A year and a half. Do you love it? I kind of really love it. I, at first I was so anxious about it and I would get nauseous and I was like, how am I going to

sustain a conversation with a stranger for an hour and make it entertaining? Because there are so many podcasts out there, but like you want people to be, you want it to be like, you know, entertaining, like bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Like a boozy brunch. Like a chill. Totally. We still love this podcast. We're like, listen, we're not just going to go in there and talk about social media marketing

because you're going to fall asleep, right? Yeah. We're going to, we're going to tell some funny stories. We're going to talk about our lives and then we're going to do it. Then, you know, we had the same issue. Like we're in, what, there's 22 now. So we've been, you've been doing a little bit longer. He loves to do the episode brag every time no but it's i love that

but i think for the first like 10 episodes we were stabbing each other like it was like sleep with one eye open status totally it's well doing it with like your significant other is a whole other animal like i did one podcast with andrew and it was brutal Like I haven't heard this one. It's called conditional love. Oh, I can't wait to listen. And it is, he does not want to be there. He did not want to talk. He is so shy. And I'm just, and when people kind of hold back on a podcast, I, it makes me go more turbo and get more aggressive with people. So I start just like poking, you know what I mean? Which is so terrible to do, but it's just my first instinct. Cause I'm just like poking, you know what I mean? Which is so terrible to do, but it's just my first instinct. Cause I'm like, I gotta get something. Like,

even if they storm out, like how dramatic and amazing would that be? It would be the person that just stormed out. I was like, I was hoping that we, like, I want to get a storm out. That was a good one. That was good for publicity. I love a good Tara Reid moment. I was just talking to Taylorlor in our last podcast about his bumble experience i was trying to get him to storm out we were talking all about his uh his he didn't have a terrible moment he almost did who's the best guest you've ever had on because you've had on some like very legit people i mean like vanderpump rules everyone i feel like we've yeah we've had a lot of a lot of people like some might even forget about but i for me it it's not really about who's the most current or relevant or whatever. I really like people who just own it and bring it and are there to play.

Because some people come and they might be famous or whatever, but they're not being authentic or they're afraid to say certain things. They're boring. Boring as fuck. And I'm like, really? Are you going to give me anything? Just give me something. Give me a nut okay so there's not like one podcast guest that's been like your ideal

danielle might have that moment i feel like danielle's job is gonna have the moment because i feel like if anyone's gonna like end it short and be like you're uh you know like flip out it's gonna be her i love morgan stewart's she's funny huh She's so funny. And I love Julian Brandy from the people's couch. Oh, okay. I need to listen to that episode too. I've listened to almost all your episodes. I love your podcast. Again, you guys, I'm serious. It's definitely one of my, I mean, it is my favorite podcast. Um, she's hilarious. So is this your full-time is your full-time gig now? Full-time gig. Full-time gig. That'stime gig full-time gig that's awesome so blog and podcast yeah i mean the blog is kind of more just like a hobby and i write articles for different magazines

and that's kind of like you know my thing what were you doing before all that okay so i was working at chelsea lately and then i moved on to like a couple of her projects i did after lately and then i actually did heather mcdonald's um pilot and a pilot for Ross Matthews and the pilot for Whitney Cummings. So it was kind of just like floating around. And when those didn't get picked up, I took a temp job for 30 days at a, it was like an investment bank. And I was a receptionist. Whoa. You went from comedians to, I wanted like, I wanted no responsibility. and my parents were like are you gonna get a job and i was like totally i got this i also dropped out of college so you know limited options that's amazing and you know i'm super great in the corporate workspace

as you can imagine i'm very i can't imagine you being my banker no i mean i wasn't i was like getting people coffee and answering phones i did nothing Like slip an extra hundy through the... You know what? I actually watched, and you might kill me for doing this TBT, but your YouTube channel. Oh my God. So bad.

I liked it. I thought it was so funny. I'm so... When I'm embarrassed by something, I let it die in the universe. I never look back at it. I just pretend it didn't happen. Am I a really big stalker

that I know about your YouTube channel? No, girl. I love it. I showed it to you, I think, in bed. That's shameful. Do you remember that? Michael was listening to your podcast the other night. I actually sent you a video so you know this. Yes, I saw. I was happy. I was doing my research. I had to prepare. He was laughing in bed to himself in the dark

to Jackie's podcast. It was interesting. I think you thought I was asleep, but I was eating watermelon jerky. No, I got no shame in the game. I was like, listen, I'm going to meet Jackie. I got to know what she's podcast. It was interesting. I think you thought I was asleep, but I was eating watermelon jerky. No, I got no shame in the game. I was like, listen, I'm going to meet Jackie. I got to know what she's about. I got to know what I'm getting into. It's true.

It's important to do. I heard about New Jersey housewives, Teresa. I heard about, what else did I hear about? You love Teresa. The kids. I love Teresa and her hairline more than anything. You should totally do a Teresa table flip moment when you interview

Danielle. Well, it's going to be over Skype, but I can still flip the table. It's fine. That's even better. Yeah. Cause then I don't even have to deal with like face-to-face contact. I can really get away with a lot. My dream podcast guest for you is Gia. Oh my gosh. That would, I would, it would be too much. I'd want to do a duet. I know. I would love that. Literally Andrew could like concoct it. I know. Her fiance does music, you guys. And he thinks he's above doing housewife songs.

I disagree painfully. Painfully disagree. So that's interesting. You started and all that, and then you started the blog on the side. I started the blog while I was a receptionist. Because when I tell you, I did nothing. I did nothing. I used to get mini bottles of champagne and pour them in a coffee cup around five o'clock. Everyone was out

by 1 PM cause it was, they were all working New York time. So I was alone in this big fancy office. I put like real housewives on every TV. I was just like living the dream. It was the best job ever. But so that's interesting because I'm like a big, I'm a big proponent of like having a job and starting something on the side until it becomes your main thing totally clearly that's kind of what happened to you maybe even by accident like yeah maybe you didn't plan to go into podcasting you said but now it's your main thing and yeah you can i mean you're good at it like we it gets clear like if i'm listening to it at night in the dark you know i don't listen to a lot of female podcasts so creepy but like great yeah so but it's interesting to hear the story

because i think a lot of people listening are trying to find their way and they're trying to find their path and like what they can do in the in the new social media landscape yeah so you know even if you're working as a banker and you hate it you can start something on the side and eventually i don't want to say that i was working as a banker let's not push it i mean i like it and i am jewish so it would work i was trying to like you know i like that reception and I am Jewish, so it would work. I was trying to, like, you know. No, she was a receptionist. We've got to keep it real.

Okay, so receptionist then. Yeah, and every time someone would walk by. It's relatable. I'd be, like, fake typing, like, song lyrics. Sip a champagne. Britney Spears. I'd be like, she's so lucky. Like, whatever.

Like, whatever. To be like, I'm just really busy. I'd wear a Bluetooth that wasn't plugged in. It was great. I have a guy in my office. I'm not going to name him, but I think he does that thing. He, like, does the quick, like, switch from sports page to the work page. Oh, yeah. Everyone does great. I have a guy in my office. I'm not going to name him, but I think he does that thing. He like does the quick, like switch from sports page to the work page. I'm like, listen, I see you. I'm like, I fucking see you. What are you trying

to pull here? The other day I walked in the office and I thought I was alone. And then all of a sudden I hear, hi Jordan. And he's in the massage chair in the back. I was like, I thought I was alone. You know, I was like, I'm here in the office. Good thing that Michael doesn't need to go to the office anymore. because he just installed security cameras. And I've been hearing and seeing about this for the last eight days every single day. I have to watch what everyone's doing even when there's no one in there. Motion sensor phone activated.

That is so fun. Yeah. I would just love to do that. I'm going to freak you out and just like go in your office and pretend like I'm looking at stuff. Oh, I would care about it for about three days straight. I'm just going to make you paranoid. Wait, do the people know that there's cameras?

Yeah, they know. You shouldn't have told them. They know, but they forget. You know what I mean? They get comfortable. They catch you slipping. Yeah. Yeah.

Taylor has his hair gel in there. He does his hair when we Snapchat. He wants to make sure his hair is done. Of course. Weston's doing some weird stuff the other day when he was in there flicking off the camera. But anyways, that's interesting. So now, living the dream, podcasting, blog, engaged.

Yes. Wedding planning. We have wedding planning. I am wedding planning. How's that going? Really, like, great. Easy. I haven't done one thing.

And my wedding's in November. I haven't done one thing. Do you have a planner? We have a planner. And if she's listening, Ariana, I need you to step your shit up. Get it together, Ariana. Like, seriously, my parents are calling me. There's no room blocks.

It's a destination. I'm losing my model. Oh, she needs to get on that shit. Give me her email address. I'll send her an email. I'm like, Ariana, okay, listen. There's people coming down. I need to make sure they have rooms.

And she goes, okay, Michael, do you want fire dancers or fireworks? Here's the quote. And I'm like, I don't want any of that shit. I just want you to get the people down there. Fucking shelter. Roll out some donkey tacos and some margaritas and we're ready to go you know what i mean like the little tacos none of that shit don't like just tacos like no one no one wants a dover soul like we just want like very like chill chill that's fine then that's easy then you don't have to be like planning like crazy i don't even have a dress. Do you? No. Oh my God. I haven't even

started looking. You haven't done any of that. No, I have a planner and a date and a place. Where's the date? It's May 20th. Love it. In Palm Springs. I'm not going to, I'll tell you later. Just in case. I'm hoping to have a stalker by then. So, you know, I don't want to reveal. I feel like I'm your stalker though. Okay. Then I'll tell you where to go. I'll block you a room. I'm going to block you a room with a view. You'll see Lauren on her balcony with her, her, uh, what are they called? Binoculars. No, I think, I think the reason that I like you is because you're like a different kind of funny. The comedian. Acquired. Yeah, I know. It's like, it's a different, it's not, it's not basic bitch funny you're very detailed with your with your jokes and it doesn't feel like a joke like it doesn't i gotta tell you

99.9 of the time i'm like not joking i'm dead serious and people are like that's so funny i'm like oh i was serious but we'll go with it like if you think that's funny that's fine we have this ongoing joke lauren and i like i'll say something and i'll wait for the reaction and if it's a bad reaction like just joking but she gets so pissed but it's you know like sometimes you gotta like you gotta see like i'm trying to like break the ice by like making it a joke but i'm also dead fucking serious like quit that you're testing the waters i want to slit my throat when you say just joking it's it's not just joking isn't it just kidding yeah just joking who says that you do say that sometimes just joking it sounds so weird it does sound Who says that? Who says that? You do say that sometimes, though.

Just joking. It sounds so weird. It does sound weird now that you say it, now that I'm hearing it back. Just joking. All right, let's get into the topics. Let's do it. Because they're good ones. Jordan, I'll let you take it over.

I love asking the questions. Yeah. All right. So this one is from Sarah. Thank you for giving your name. We had some anonymous. Sarah with an A or an H at the end. It makes a difference. Just A, no H.

Classy. Classy. Elegant. Okay, Sarah asks, would love to get your thoughts on procedures versus surgery. Botox, cool sculpting, body contouring, lasers, etc. Especially in your 20s. Don't you agree that the world would be a better place if celebs admitted

to all the things they get done? Totally. I feel like everyone should be honest about what they get done. And if you're doing it, you should be ashamed of it. I haven't had anything done yet. You don't need anything done. I told you this earlier.

My forehead is like the Appalachian Mountain. I don't even know if that's what it's pronounced. Let me introduce you to Michael because his is a cursed one. Let me introduce you to my forehead. Okay, look at my forehead. I have indentations. It's like Griffith Park on my forehead. It's so disgusting. And I think about Botox all the time. I'm like a topographic map, you know?

Have you ever done Botox? Braille. Have you ever done Botox? I've never done anything. Thought about getting a nose job for a hot second, but it's too late now. The jig is up. Oh, you're getting married. Fuck it, right? You look perfect. I've done Botox. I wrote a post on it. I love when people call me out on Instagram

and they say, you have a boob job. And then I just give them the bit.ly link to the post. I'm like, I wrote about it and I'm very open about it. I feel like if you get something, you should own it. It's not a big deal.

And I am pumped on that boob job. You love it. I'm pumped on it too. They are looking at me and I and i like this shirt is hanging on for dear life that she's wearing i mean if you could see this thing like it's gonna burst one false move and the buttons are gonna blast all of our eyes out of our sockets it's a body suit and i'm wearing nippies see this is when it gets awkward when you work with your family because like i have to hear my brother talk about my future sister-in-law's boobs. It's really uncomfortable. Right.

You seem to be handling it well, though. I am because I've had a lot of champagne and we drank a lot last night. And she does a lot of yoga. A lot of meditation. A lot of yoga. Ujaya breathing? Or what is that called? Ujaya. Ujaya.

She's like, listen, it's one o'clock. I'm having a meltdown. I'm going to yoga. I'm like, all right, that sounds reasonable. It's only Monday afternoon. I can't with yoga. I did it twice and i was so uncomfortable i just like was like someone's gonna fart like someone's gonna do it was all i could

think about and i was it was freaking me out someone started like rubbing oil on my neck the teacher and i was like whoa dinner dinner first was it the kind of oil that like is cooling oil yes okay i was like are you touching me right now? With his linen pants and his balls in my face. He was crouching over my face. See, they bring me to yoga, and I'm the same way. Everyone's like, it's all about you. It's your mind. It's your connection.

And then after, I'm like, listen, the teacher had me in this weird position. I was uncomfortable. I was sweating. He was sweating on me. And I want to talk about it. And they go, listen, Michael, we're not talking about it. It's for you. And I'm like, I want to talk about the experience. It go, listen, Michael, we're not talking about it. It's for you. And I'm like, I want to talk about the experience.

It's like erotic. He went and bought a yoga mat. He's committed. No, I got you that for Christmas. You're welcome. Merry Christmas. Here's a yoga mat that you've never used. What does a man wear to yoga?

Do you wear leggings? So, interestingly enough, yeah, I just wear, you just kind of wear like board shorts, but that's what I wear. You know? I don't think you're nailing it. I don't think people wear board shorts to yoga.'s what I wear. You know? I don't think you're nailing it. I don't think people wear board shorts to yoga. There's not a lot of options. I think, I don't think I'm nailing it either.

How do your balls feel in yoga? Like, what does it feel like? Cause like, explain it. Well, I secure them in. I get some tight briefs. Jock strap? Oh, okay. Sorry.

I get them tied in there. See, again, this is awkward for me right now. It'd be easier to say if my sister wasn't looking at me with a disgusted face like i gotta like i do not want to hear about this but you guys go i'll plug my ears for one second so yeah it's kind of it's kind of awkward but you know it's interesting i'm uh working with a company right now and the guy is trying to come out with a cool men's yoga line and i'm not ready to talk about it yet but like something like elastic around the ankle, something that I would wear, like instead of the Lulu lemon,

like bright green body suit, right. That you do not want to see me in a unit hard. No, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you. But she asked about cool sculpting. I know about cool sculpting. What is that? My mother, Christy Schimmel. Love her. Sorry, Mom.

She won't. She doesn't even know what a podcast is. She is like the guinea pig. She will try anything that a doctor's like, oh my god, it'll make you thin. And she's like, I'm there. I'll try it. I don't care. She did cool sculpting. My mom's really fit, too. So I saw

no difference. nothing they basically freeze the fat it's kind of like i guess it's not really like lipo because lipo they're extracting but they freeze it you did it or your mom did it no my mom and she did i promise i haven't done anything yet so what are but i will so what are both of your thoughts i mean we already kind of know lauren says what are your thoughts on women having worked on her men having worked? I think it's great. I think if it makes you feel better, it's totally up to you.

And if you want to do it and you can afford it, do it, but own it. Like, I feel like I'm just fucking say it though. That is a thing because then it like, it alters your perception of perfection. If everyone's going around saying, Oh no, this this i was just born this way like no you weren't just own it yeah no i mean if you want to do it do it like who really cares i mean if you're paying attention that much to what someone else is doing there's something there's something going on with you can we just really quick i'm one nap away the taylor swift teardrop boob job oh done yes that was that happened she she got a teardrop boob job it's the new boob job what's

that they look great They look great. They look great. I'm going to give her that because I'm not a T-Swift person, but she's got a good boob job. We have so much to say about Taylor Swift, but we have to take a quick break because we need a little bit more champagne. So we'll be right back. This is the Skinny Confidential, him and her. All right, we're back from our little break. You got a little champagne you got a little energy

going flowing down i'm back i'm just kidding i'm back i'm back i'm ready to go i'm ready to go the taylor swift thing was where we were left off so i have to get myself back in the zone to like switch a little bit of gears to like get back into that michael wants us to be nice about taylor swift but all i'll say okay i don't care if you're being... No, I don't want you to be nice. I love that her hairstyle is just like Nina Banks from Father of the Bride 2. That's nice. It's true.

I just think that Taylor Swift can sometimes manipulate the audience and that kind of upsets me that she has so many soldiers that she's a lot of... It has been manipulated. It's all a game it's all a pr like master plan and i don't like feeling like i'm being duped by people you know what i mean i agree we need like a taylor swift lyric to end what you just said i can't think of like teardrops

on my guitar but there's something i don't know something there's a darling you're a nightmare dress like a daydream yeah i, I think too, what bothers me about Taylor Swift is that she has a squad and I'm not a type of girl that's, that's, I'm not, I've never did the sorority thing. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it feels like you're icing people out. I don't like it. Yeah. It's very, it's a little mean girlsy. It is mean girlsy. It is mean girlsy. I was just trying to be nice because now I feel like I have to control the urges inside my loins.

You guys are going to end up in a song. Yeah. You're going to end up like John Mayer. Maybe. I hope so. That is a dream of mine. Yeah. Taylor Swift song.

Is that PG enough for you? I don't, I don't care if we go negative. I was just like, you know, I want to keep people uplifted, but we can give some, you know, Taylor Swift. Here's the deal. She's super talented. She's an amazing songwriter. What she's done is like insanely, insanely impressive. Okay. The authenticity is completely stripped and people need to just at least accept that and know that and stop like rewatching her YouTube video of her wrapping Christmas gifts for the Somalian orphans or whoever the fuck she's sending gifts to. You know what I mean? I do respect the marketing though behind her brand.

He's a marketer. Okay. So you, that's why you love her because she is a marketing type. Do you love her? Sorry, now I'm jumping to conclusions. Do you love her? Well, guys, if we're being honest. No, I mean, I could give a shit about Taylor Swift, but I do respect the hustle, right?

Hustle's amazing. No one's talking about the hustle. And you know what the funny thing is? As a marketer, even this conversation, I feel like it does more for her at the same time. You know what I mean? She's a genius. She's a genius. Her people are geniuses like anytime you can like there's no such thing as bad press right like no like if somebody said like man that michael boss like he's such a piece of shit like he did this and he like fucked up this thing and would you love it yeah i'd be

fucking pumped same same you really i'm too sensitive no i kind of like it i'm like there was a site lauren told me about she's like yeah they like said these mean things about you and i was like fist bump it fucking made it totally like so he really was like that i don't know because i feel like with marketing like anytime there's somebody creating like starting a conversation about anything about you like yeah you know you have control yeah you have a platform then and then you can but if they criticize your product that would piss you off right right? Because I get pissed about that. If someone's saying, oh, that podcast was terrible. I'm like, you know what? It's free.

Yeah. Shut up. It wouldn't piss me off. Because you know what I do? I think the criticisms are more valuable than the favorable critiques because they help you adjust your product to your customer or consumer. You're good. I'm not that good.

I only read the good stuff. Can we go on a double date with Andrew? Yes. They can talk. Yes. If can talk. Yes. Like, if someone said, like, Andrew, you know, like, I really didn't like that, like, song you put out because of this. Like, the next song he can adjust.

Andrew does One Direction, right? He does a lot of, yeah, he does. That's crazy. He's worked with Kelly Clarks. A lot of people, lots of pop people. But look at it this way. Like, I talk a lot about this. Like, when you first launched your podcast, you probably read some reviews.

And there was, you probably, like, Lauren, you maybe looked at a bad one. We're like, fuck, like got really down, pissed off. But I guarantee you adjusted something from there. And it's been refined since then. She adjusted the amount of martinis she drank. Because you're always, you're always, your show's like always in the top comedy, right? Like it's always ranking. Not at the beginning, but now probably like six months ago, we're always, yeah, we chart. But that's my point though. It's like in the beginning, you got those six months ago we're always yeah we chart but that's my point though it's like in the beginning you got those negative reviews and

you're like shit like i'm feeling down like can i be totally honest with you yeah be honest i never listen to anybody when well we've had producers tell me i've had people like at my company tell me like oh you shouldn't cuss so much that was my first note i shouldn't cuss so much. That was my first note. I shouldn't cuss. Um, I should be a little bit more PC. Like there was definitely certain notes and I ignored all of them because I was just doing what I thought was going to work. And ultimately I think I was right. That's genius because you can't listen to what everyone else is saying. And I'm like,

wait, they don't have a podcast. So why the fuck am I going to listen to them? So there's, yeah, there's two ways to look at it. So you can either disregard it, which is good and do your own formula which i'm always a believer in which is what you've done which is why you're successful or delusional

whatever if you're in a product if you're delivering a product and someone comes in and says you know i don't like this about it you can either get really down on yourself and say fuck like this sucks or you can adjust and like make it better and that's that's why i don't like criticism doesn't bother me in any kind of way. Yeah, because maybe you're competing with yourself. That's how I am, too. I'm, like, very, very, I'm a competitive person. Well, there's no,

in my opinion, there's no other comedian that's kind of like you. I think with the skinny confidential, too, a lot of bloggers, they focus on what they're wearing every day or beauty products. Like, I can't do that.

I have to talk about camel toes and Kegels and move jobs and death and whatever it is. Like I, I can't, I get bored of myself actually. Right, right, right. So you're like keeping yourself stimulated, which I think is important to whenever you're doing totally anything really totally. And I think what you said, how you didn't listen to anyone. I think that's great. I think that that's how you so bad. And it's like the worst advice, but it's honestly the truest thing. No, it's staying true to yourself. It's the best advice. I'm like, yeah, totally. Thanks a lot.

Cool. Love you. Bye. So you weren't like, you didn't have like a Taylor Swift moment where you weren't authentic to yourself. No, it's the best. Me? I like how you brought that back. That's actually like the best advice is to be true to yourself because you can't be anything else. If you're trying to do something being somebody else, you're going to mess up. Like you're going to fail.

It's not going to work. Or you're just not going to be happy with it. At least even, I think it's more important for you to like it than anybody else. If you like it and you're happy with it, that's, I think, or else you're going to get burnt out and you're just going to be like,

this sucks. Okay. On that note, we're going on to question two. Gotta keep this thing moving. Okay. Question two is from at Emma B. Weigard.

I hope I'm saying that right. And she asks, how do you deal with friends who hate your success? A lot of mine have dropped off. I don't have friends like that. That's my answer. Well, you have Ruthann. I do have Ruthann. From your podcast, I know Ruthann. I'm obsessed with it.

All my friends are batshit crazy and have their own shtick. And I don't hang out with people that I wouldn't want to call with the best news in my life. I think that if you have a friend that you don't want to like, something amazing happens and you're trepidatious, that's a really big word. I don't know if I'm using it correctly, but okay. If you're trepidatious, word of the day, about calling someone with great news, they're not your friend and you need to cut that shit. I agree. I had a reader email me about how she got a beautiful engagement ring and it was smaller

but beautiful. Who cares? And her friends were jealous of the size of her engagement ring because they weren't engaged. It's mean. So mean. Stay in your own lane. Stay in your own lane. Who cares? It's weird how people get about engagements too.

It's so bizarre to me because. It's weird about how women get about engagements. Women, that's true. Like guys are just like, whatever. Guys are like, oh shit. No, but women get like so bizarre about it and they become, the bridezilla erupts and they think that it's like this competition and who's getting married first and who's going to have the bigger wedding and who has the bigger ring and like, oh my God, I can't

believe she set the date before. And it's so baffling to me because you get married because it's about you and your life partner and like, you know, having a life together. It has nothing to do with that. And girls like that baffles me where people, I remember before I was engaged, my cousin who I am obsessed with, like I would rather her have everything and me have nothing, I remember before I was engaged, my cousin who I am obsessed with, like I would rather her have everything and me have nothing. I love her so much.

And she got engaged and everyone looked at me like, oh, are you okay? And I'm like, are you, what the fuck is wrong with you people? Like, of course I'm okay. I'm so happy. Like, you're so weird. Oh my God. It's so weird. We dated for a long time before we got engaged, Michael and I, I think five years, weird. Oh my God. It's so weird. We, we dated for a long time before we

got engaged. Michael and I, I think five years, but Oh, same. Yeah. Like, and here's the deal. And you can probably agree with me. We knew the path we were going on. I knew when we were going to get engaged, I knew that this was the love of my life and I want to have kids with them and blah, blah, blah. Right. But I felt that I had to justify that to other people because they ask weird questions like that. Yes. And I don't know why anyone cares. It's like not a competition. It's not like a game show.

There's not like a car with a bow at the end. You don't get like a chest full of cash. Well, I mean, I'm hoping to get a chest full of cash. Same with me, Michael. Step it up. But it's so bizarre. Like, bitches be crazy i really so i would say someone that doesn't like your success i would next them by felicia we got to bring back the show next

i mean if you could just next the friend spend your time with someone that's worth spending time with yeah people that are even in their lowest moments, like happy for you. Totally. I think you guys like, obviously you nailed that. Like I agree 100%. I don't need to go and rehash like everything. Like if somebody sucks, just get rid of them. X them.

And people suck. Yeah. People suck. I mean, you don't need, you don't need those people around. They're not going to bring any kind of value to your life. And so. Since we're on the topic of hating on success and she's into housewives, can we just have a moment here?

Absolutely. I'm ready. I don't think I can stop the moment. hating on success and she's into housewives, can we just have a moment here? Absolutely. I'm ready. I don't think I can stop the moment. Oh, it's happening. I feel like you're involved in the moment because your peripheral is always on housewives when we're in bed. So you can be anonymous. So you kind of know.

No, no. I know. I don't kind of know. I know. Oh, good. Listen, I'm not one to be one of those guys that says I don't. Because here's the thing. Yeah.

I get in bed. She turns the reality shows on. I'm trying to read and expand expand my mind fucking hooks and then vicky gunnelson flies in going ballistic about something screaming in that high pitch and like you can't turn away i don't care who you are fur like i've tried noise canceling headphones i've tried like horse blinders i've tried like anesthesia and nothing's working don't fight it i. I can't. It just keeps me engaged. So I'm not watching by choice, but yeah, I'm watching. I know what's going on. Really quick before I hop into what I want

to hop into with New Jersey, can you just tell us who your favorite housewife is? Because he hates someone that starts with... Oh my god, tell me, tell me, tell me. I'm going to try not to judge you, but I'm going to judge you. Give me a reminder because I can give you it, but I just like off the top of my head. You like Lisa Vanderpump. You over her? I'm kind to try not to judge you, but I'm going to judge you. Give me a reminder because I can give you it, but I just like off the top of my head.

You like Lisa Vanderpump. You over her? I'm kind of over her. I'm over her too. Manipulative. T-Swift. She is the T-Swizzle of housewives. I like Heather Dubrow.

I think she's smart. I think her husband's smart. I love Heather Dubrow. Me too. She's great. Jackie was on her podcast. You guys check it out. Love her.

Who do I not like I don't know I get over that Brandy girl because she's always whining about some shit wait stop did you hear about the new show she's on famously single have you watched it

Pauly D is having a moment with Aubrey O'Day I never Audrey Aubrey what was that? Show. Stop in. Oh, my God. What is it? What is it?

Dandy Cain. Dandy Cain. Gosh, that's a throwback right there. Making the band. I've, not to be mean, but Facetune, I've never seen worse. Oh, really? Oh, my God. I have not seen that.

I think everyone should use a little Facetune. I love Facetune. I need to get on it. Just not. Don't overdo it. For my forehead. Don't. You don't need to get on it.

Don't whiten those eyes too much. Oh, really? See, see like that's why i don't use it because i'm scared i'm gonna get busted but here's the thing i don't dislike anybody like i don't actually i hate i don't hate anybody i just like you don't dislike anybody no i dislike people but i don't i just i don't dislike them i dislike the way they act like where i get irritated with people in life when they complain about stuff but you are your actions yeah when you try. I get irritated with people in life when they complain about stuff. But you are your actions. Yeah, when you try to get into shit with people. Do you know why? Because I feel like, and I'm a big proponent of this, we live in a real world. Shit is how it is.

Stop complaining. Stop stirring shit up. Just get in your own space. Do your own thing. And I feel like people make themselves and people around them miserable by engaging in those activities. So when I see it, I'm just like, I'm irritated. I'm like, it doesn't need to occur. Yeah, but they can't stop or we won't have the show they have to continue i really like teresa from new jersey and i'll tell you why i just finished her book you should read it it's a

quick wait what is it flipping the tape what is it called something about a table it's it's about it's about her experience with prison i don't know what it's called i mean i'm audiobook on the way home you will love it i'm so excited and you know what i like about her she's about her experience with prison. I don't know what it's called. I mean, I'm audio book on the way home. You will love it. I'm so excited. You know what I like about her? She's on her own trajectory and she doesn't give a shit what anyone thinks. Like, yeah, she's there for her family. She's all about her family.

And I think she wants to give a shit, but she just like doesn't know how to. You know what I mean? When she got out of prison, she looked like way too polished and cute. Yeah. Was that weird? She got home and it was like perfect hair, like a little peplum top. I was like, what's going on? She did yoga.

What are they serving there? Oh my God. And she, it looks like she got a blow dry. Yeah. Like she was fit. I'm like, gosh, maybe I need to go to prison. Same. I'd love a good prison time.

I actually would like that. No social media. You just get to work out and like work on your hair. I feel like it'd be great in prison. Let your eyebrows grow out so you can get them perfectly shaped when you get out. Yeah. Babe, I should go to prison. All right.

Let's do it. I'd love it. All right. I'm going to ask the third and final question because we are going slow today. Yeah. This is my fault. No, no, no. I take full accountability.

I love it. Okay. Question three is from Anonymous, which, come on, guys, give your name. I wrote this question. It's you. Damn it. Okay. Why do guys suddenly disappear?

I'd been seeing a guy for two plus years. We got along great and had amazing chemistry, and then out of nowhere, he vanished. No phone call, no text, nothing. I'm not the needy, clingy type, so I never reached out to see what was up. This is a long question. It's not over yet. Hold on. If a guy doesn't want to be with me, I'm sorry, I don't want to be with him,

so I moved on. Then recently it happened again with a different guy. Why can't guys man up and say they're no longer interested, or what am I missing? He wants to be the first one to i missing i'm out of breath i'll let you go for that yeah you go first you can take one well it's not that like it's not that we're disappearing i mean here's the thing ghosting is the term yeah ghosting it's not that you're disappearing but you are unfortunately i've probably been guilty of this in the past and it's not it's it's it's a selfish thing i'm not a proponent of it but i understand like why this happens and a lot of the times i totally get i would so do something like

a lot of the times it's not so much about like the person or maybe maybe a little bit but it's it's more about the guy not being not ready to commit right like and we don't really know how to express that and the problem is is sometimes like men and women are different men are like they by nature don't like confrontation yeah and they you know when it's like at least for me in the past you guys are like baskin robbins you want it's kind of like when i've eaten like in the past and this is fucked up to save i'm gonna say like in the past like i finished my dinner like what am i gonna do lick the plate you know what i mean oh that is amazing okay but wait she said you pre-plan that that is to die for i'm gonna steal that for you to say

so happy that you like his joke i love that he's beaming ear to ear i love like a weird food metaphor it's not it's not that like it's it's not that that's being like it's not being an asshole it's just like there's there if there's if the guy's leaving maybe there was nothing there right and so like why are you licking my plate why do you want to force it see like so i so i'm sticking around for your plates you are china yeah you're not just any plate you're not a dixie plate yeah you're a dover soul mackenzie child shit over here i think what's i think the problem is and that like comes off bad is that maybe sometimes people are trying to force a relationship or feelings that maybe aren't mutually shared and And so I think just wanting something really bad and hoping that this is going to be the

next big thing, you've got to be a little bit more honest with yourself. Maybe this guy's not the guy. Don't ignore red flags. I don't think that people are just Prince Charming and then all of a sudden you never hear from them again. I think there are signs that people choose to ignore because they so desperately want to be in a relationship. And also, this is probably not the right thing to say, but if every guy you're dating is ghosting you, maybe it's time to look inward. I agree.

I think self-awareness is really important. And so underrated. So underrated. You can get away with anything if you're very self-aware. A hundred percent. That should be the hashtag of 2017. Self-awareness. Yeah, I like it.

And she, she says that they were together for two plus years. Oh, okay. Okay. Oh shit. I didn't catch that. I did not catch that either. Guy number one, two plus years. Guy number two, we don't have the exact dates, but I'm going to assume.

The two plus years one, I would say like, that's kind of fucked up. But you have to have known. That is super fucked. I feel like you've done that though. No, I have not winky winky i have not done that confirmed confirming i have not done that but i'm just like two plus you were a real ass in college i mean i guess you could say bottom line like that guy was just a pussy he was a coward like he should have manned up and said like hey you know this isn't like what i want it's not working out i'm leaving like carrie bradshaw leave a post-it or something. Anything. Anything. A text.

A YouTube video. Michael went through all his post-its. What should he do? When I answered that question, I was assuming this was like a one-night stand type deal and the guy never called again. I didn't realize it was a... Two plus years? That's weird. You weren't paying attention. Yeah, because now that I'm thinking about

my answer about licking the plate, two plus years is kind of fucked up, right like i wouldn't give that answer so everyone listening apply that answer to like a short-term one night that's a one night stand i am such a big believer if and this is i'm how i am with friends too if you don't want to be with me i don't want to be with you if you don't want to be my friend i'm not gonna like it works or it doesn't like i'm not gonna like try to prove myself and like try to make someone like me. If a guy likes me, he likes me. If he doesn't, he doesn't.

You know, it's a great relationship mantra. It's not me. It's you. Oh, I love that one. I say that to him every day. It's so original. I'm perfect. And you're the problem.

It's very original and never been said before. So it's perfect. Most people say it's not it's not you it's me i just wish oh oh you flip it you flip it oh okay that's good i like that it would be better if somebody was just like listen it's not me it's you i have said that to somebody when i broke up with them that's amazing i'm like i gotta tell you like i want like it's not me it's a hundred percent you i love that and i just wish mich Michael would just get ingrained in his head, yes, dear. So I'm trying to do, I'm on this training regime right now.

We're in boot camp. All he has to do is say, yes, dear. It's not hard. I'll help you. Please. I'll help you. I feel like Andrew's like that. He's just like a really nice person.

It's super exhausting and sometimes irritating, actually. But he's so just like, okay, babe. Like,, he has a breaking point and I like to push it sometimes, but he's pretty patient with me, which is nice because I will freak. Like if he's like, babe, like I told you that I was kind of like, I told you to get coffee or something at the market. I'd be like, oh really? You want fucking coffee? You know, you have two fucking legs. Why don't you go? Like, I'll get crazy. So he kind of like gets me and he keeps me like, you know, complacent. Okay. So, so if, does he get mad at you if you joke with him or is he easy? No, not at all. He's an amazing, that's why we work. So while he has an amazing sense of humor. So, I mean, I'm definitely the funny one. He's not like particularly like hilarious. He is in

his own like dorky way, but he has a really good sense of humor, so he can take it pretty well. I feel like you need to... Oh, please. You made a nickname for me. Who in the half over here? He was listening to my podcast at night. I love him. You made a nickname for me named Susan, and there's women coming up to me

on the street, and I have to get along. My sense of humor is decent. I call Andrew Angela or Angelique when he's being bougie. Oh my God. We're literally soulmates. I did not know that. Angelique. That's amazing. When he's getting his keratin mask, he's Angelique. Yeah. His keratin mask. I don't want to talk about it. Okay. So I'm going to go back and just answer that question in a nutshell, just so I can redeem myself from the one night stand. Susan. No, no, no. It's actually panicky Susan, but we call him Susan for short. Suze?

Yes, Suze. So if a guy is leaving and he's not giving explanation after two years, he's a coward and you don't want to be with him anyways, because that's just not the person you want to end up with. And the other guy, if that's happened twice now, like maybe look inward a little bit and figure out what's going on there because maybe you're trying to force something that's not there. And yeah, that's, that's happened twice now, like maybe look inward a little bit and figure out what's going on there. Because maybe you're trying to force something that's not there. And yeah, that's my answer to that.

Word. I feel like you've been this guy, though. Like what's in this guy's head? I mean, like thinking back on my past selves, like I probably would have changed a couple things. A couple? What do you mean? Interesting. Yeah, like. But we've already been over

this you know like i was young i was so hosed in different areas i was soiling my oats you know what i mean is that what they call it soiling the oats uh planning some seeds i'm literally none of them grew though right a couple a couple maybe girl, just a blossom and then you brought the gardener in. Son, if you're out there, call me. I miss you. I love you. I'm looking for you. Cute, cute, cute, cute. Well, that's it. I'm so glad that you guys got to meet Jackie. I'm going to let you like give your social media handles, like whore yourself possible. Hint myself out. Okay, this is my specialty. Follow me everywhere at Jackie Schimmel, S-C-H-I-M-M-E-L. And my podcast is called The Bitch Bible.

My blog is thebitchbible.com. That's it. That's all I got for you. She'll give you guys definitely a laugh. You'll love it. You can also hashtag Ask Him and Her on Twitter if you guys have questions. Or you can email podcast at theskinnyconfidential.com. We will see you next week. I think we're going to be podcasting from France.

Ooh. We will. Bougie. We will be. Love that. We will be. And be careful of the plate lickers out there. That's dreadful.

I'm over that. Plate licker. That's the best metaphor I've ever heard in my life. Yeah. Great. I can't wait. Plate licker. That's like dreadful. Like I'm over that. Plate liquor. That's the best. It's the best metaphor I've ever heard in my life. Yeah. Great. I can't wait. Plate liquor.

That's what you are. All right, guys. Thanks for listening. Bye. Bye. Thank you. Thanks for listening to the skinny confidential

Him and Her with Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic. Download new episodes every Tuesday at podcastone.com or subscribe now on the Podcast One app.