The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast - #40: Wrinkled Not Dead Part 2 with Mike and Jen Bell - Repairing a relatinship, chasing perfection & fight recovery

Episode Date: December 6, 2016

Lauryn & Michael are once again, joined by the hosts of the podcast "Wrinkled Not Dead," Mike & Jen Bell. They break down in detail, the night Michael proposed to Lauryn, how to make a marriage last, the importance of repairing a relationship, chasing perfection in the digital age, what to do if your in an unhealthy relationship, and how quick you can recover from a fight. To listen to Wrinkled Not Dead click HERE To connect with Lauryn click HERE To connect with Michael click HERE This episode is brought to you by The Skinny Confidential Bombshell Body Guide and Meal plan.  tired of combating inflammation & bloat? Want to feel lighter and sexier? Check out lauryn’s latest 7 day meal plan. In this simple & super effective plan you’ll find: + tsc grocery list with every ingredient you need for the 7 days. + what the f*ck to do when you love carbs guide. + quick and delicious recipes: breakfast, snacks, lunch, dinner and dessert. You will also find 28 weeks worth of fat burning, muscle toning, 27 minute long, effective workouts you can do at home with no equipment. USE PROMO CODE: HIMANDHER at Checkout for 20% Off

The following program is a podcast one dot com presentation. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to the skinny confidential.

Him and her. We're about nothing. This god dang show is over and now we're done. The show is about nothing. It's true. It is. And we're back again. Babe, do you have to do that intro every time?

I like that intro. Well, I do the same intro. I'm Mike Bell. I did. Welcome to episode number 34 of Wrinkled Not Dead. That's a voice. I'm back with making my voice look bad. No, but that was my Gary Owens voice.

We're back. Lauren Everett's from the Skinny Confidential. Michael Bostic from the Michael Bostic Confidential. No, Michael. Can you just introduce yourself normally, please? Like, please. I guess I'm not so confidential anymore. Yeah, you're not.

Michael's an entrepreneur. Who knew when you called yourself the confidential that you'd put our whole life out to everyone in the world? Just when you thought you were confidential, you're not. Walking contradiction. We have Mike and Jen from Wrinkled Not Dead back. I will let them introduce themselves.

Well, I'm Jen Bell. Apparently, last in order is Mike Bell. I'm here and delighted to be here again. Back again on the show. You can't get rid of us. No, they're our godparents. We come over a lot for dinner. A lot?

Yeah, we can't get enough. Mike's an amazing cook. But we really use you for your dogs. Yeah, they love our dogs. I use her for the dogs, too. Well, it's good that you do that, because seriously, they're the best dogs. By the way, Boone took a dump upstairs, but we'll deal with that later.

Michael can pick it up after his behavior tonight. We love them. We do love them. We want to keep them, so go home. So if you guys remember Mike and Jen, they're my godparents. And while I was bartending from the ages of my early 20 to like four years in, I was living with them for free. Well, you had no money. So what was the point of asking for any?

No money. You guys would give me wine. Yes. Salt and vinegar almonds. And I could pack your lunch or your dinner. That's a pretty good deal. Just have no money, squat, get wine and pack lunch. It was actually fun.

It was. Flaming hot Cheetos, which you introduced me to. Pumpkin rolls. Pumpkin rolls. Oh, no. Remember when one night I came home from work and you woke up in the morning and there was flaming hot Cheetos on the floor, like sprinkled on a trail?

There was. Because I had gotten drunk and eaten flaming hot Cheetos and they were like sprinkled on a trail because I had gotten drunk and eaten flaming hot cheetos and they were sprinkled up the stairs. Interestingly none of the dogs were interested in them at all. Also interestingly that still happens to this day at our own house. I love a good drunk flaming hot cheetos moment.

They're like rose petals but they're cheetos. That's how you should have proposed. You know you shouldn't be eating them if our dogs won't eat it because they will eat anything. They're so good. They're so addicting. But yeah, I lived with Mike and Jen for four years for free. They were amazing. We had the best time.

Everyone said when I moved in with them that we would fight and not have a good relationship. And we ended up having a beautiful friendship that we're still friends and we still come over for dinner. That's because we were afraid of you actually. No. But we never fought and we had the best of times and memories of staying up late on Christmas Eve and wrapping like one million gifts. That were all from the Target

$1 section. Forever 21. But carefully packed in a giant Gucci bag for distribution. was the ultimate santa that was the most fun i'll never forget that christmas eve though because you were screaming and she was just wrapping stuff like just putting like one piece of tape over this entire gift and i said oh lauren we need to use the ribbon the ribbon and she says i don't care about the ribbon because i was on a budget like let's be

honest i couldn't afford a ribbon so lived here for four years ended up moving out on my own to a place down the street it was like a one bedroom kind of studio place cute super cute natural light very nice and then after living on my own for like a year and a half so i had to shack up with me i had to shack up with me. I had to shack up with you. Because again, you ran out of money. Moved right in with you. No, we actually got our house together. Because I didn't want to move into your house.

We did. We've already told this story. You made me move out of my beautiful place. Yep. That's okay. Yeah, get over it. But it was worth it. Yeah.

It was worth it. Everything's worth it with me. Mike and Jen were actually the two people that helped me with your proposal, as you remember. Yeah. What do you remember? They have to tell the story, though. It's an ugly story. Oh, my gosh.

Where do we begin? It ended in heartache. I feel like we need to talk about the proposal since we just got married. We do. Yeah, that's true. We do. Because as unusual as the wedding was, the proposal was probably even more interesting, exciting, and, yes, unusual.

Because Michael set up a scenario that was unbelievable. It was perfection. It was. Michael, weren't you going to have all of her favorites at her house? I did. I tried to get as many of her favorites. Right. You missed the fucking cheese sauce. As possible.

No, I didn't get the cheese sauce because that stuff was liquid poison oh god it is i'm so glad and she wouldn't be alive today to be married to you so there was a cheese sauce in san diego i won't throw the restaurant under the bus but this stuff was literally poison it was literally the best thing ever you guys tell tell us your plan and how we put it into action and then we'll go from there well i was talking one of my buddies just got engaged. Mark, congratulations if you listen. And I asked him, I said, hey, when you were doing this, were you really nervous? Because I was more nervous about the engagement than I was about the actual wedding. Everyone asked me during the wedding, hey, are you nervous?

I wasn't nervous at all. It's normal. I had buddies telling me they were throwing up before. But the engagement, I promise, at the engagement I was very nervous because well one it's pressure asking someone a big question and then two

like the girls put a lot of pressure on the engagement and it has to come off right and you can't screw it up and it's a big moment for them and so I didn't want to screw that up

and so much of your life was on social media at the time that I wanted to do something that was much more private and intimate and I didn't want to have the videographer pop out of the bushes and like swing out from behind the wall.

You wanted it real. I think the only two people I told were you two. I think so. You asked my dad for my hand in marriage. Oh yeah, I asked your dad for my hand in marriage. Oh yes, which I thought was very, not only good but galant. Yeah, took him to dinner, did the wine and dined in, did that whole thing. But yeah, then I got as many of her favorite items as I could.

I got you your hot Cheetos. There they were. Your blueberries. Your. Kale. Kale. I think I had an actual like kale stock. You did.

Jamba juice. I had a jamba juice. I had. I think you had champagne. I had a lot of champagne. A lot of whispering angel. A lot of rosé. A lot of tequila.

That was mostly for me. All that. Yeah. I wore your favorite That was mostly for me. All that? Yeah. I wore your favorite outfit that I wear. What is that? What's that? Black pants and just a white button-up. You should have been butt naked.

That's my favorite outfit you wear. So it was like this Mark Zuckerberg uniform that you're wearing and she loves that. I think, yeah, she liked that. And then I got it. I set all these candles and all like the romantic stuff you know but I want Mike and Jen to like tell the leading up

to it no no no we want to start with this first the plan was to have you come over here first with Mike and Jen

have a nice dinner like you usually do this is by the way this is before we were living together so I had a place you had a place

and then I snuck into your place and got it all set up and I told Jen I said okay get her out of there and give me a call when she's on the way. Stall for time. Stall for time. And now Mike and Jen, when I come over for dinner, like it's like kind of a drawn out

thing. Like first we sit in the living room and we listen to bossa nova and we typically have a glass of champagne. Right. And then from there we'll move into is this the dining room i guess what is it the kitchen yeah the kitchen and we'll have we'll have we'll typically have like sparkling water salmon on crackers this salad that we've dubbed the ill salad which is like this amazing like mustard dressing that Mike makes that maybe he can come on my blog and share.

Happily do it. With homemade croutons and sliced avocados. So we're eating our typical meal. We're having our rosé. And then... Oh my gosh. Stalling for time. You know, I mean, normally it takes you 17 hours to have dinner.

I mean, everybody else is done and you're still picking at it. Yeah, I take a long time. You do. You eat slow. And we counted on that. But this time, you were kind of, you know, going along, and you were kind of taking your time, and you were sitting on the sofa,

and the weird thing was Michael kept texting me, and I forgot to turn my Bluetooth off. So I kept beeping over on the jam box and you kept saying while we're sitting there, what is that? Who keeps texting you? And meanwhile, it was Michael saying, okay, I'm here. This is what I'm doing, a play by play of what was going on. So you're taking your time eating and then you're saying, you know, I don't know if I'm going to go home tonight. So you're taking your time eating and then you're saying, you know, I don't know if I'm going to go home tonight. Maybe I'll just stay here tonight. I'm really tired. And I said, well, Lauren, no, no, no, you got to go home. We've got an early morning.

And you never kick her out. Never kick her out. Like I could stay here. No problem. By the way, I was in sweats and an old men's shirt with my hair that hadn't been washed for literally a week and a half you had a sweatshirt with you had a sweater with moth literally yeah so you're saying it's good i didn't get the videographer yeah i would say so so she says well i'll have another glass of wine and we thought oh god no she won't be able to drive you another glass well we're out of wine wine And we thought, oh God, no, she won't be able to drive you another glass. Well, we're out of wine. Wine bottle clearly sitting. Yeah, there's a wine bottle behind my, you know, a full wine bottle behind my head.

And she's looking over. I said, no, no, there's no more wine. That's gone off. I don't know. Because Michael's slowly getting ready. And then finally says, I'm ready. Make her go home now. And you just would not move you were moving as slow

as a snail which is you know usually you move pretty quickly and so you said you must have we were we thought you knew and then you said can i have like some more raspberries i'd like the raspberries and i just want to finish this blog post because you were working really hard on your blog then and we kept thinking oh my god how are we going to get her out of this place she's not going to leave and mr desperado what were you doing still interrupting the what was i doing you were looking through remember you were looking through your peephole like later but but thank god there was not a camera in there to see me because i was paid i was probably pacing back and forth like a nut i was just you know you were you so nervous i'm in the dark you know i can't

really like sound i can turn all the lights on because i didn't want you to see that somebody was in your place you freak out so i'm basically in candlelight dark back and forth but then even if the lights were on and the music was going i would have never noticed no you would have noticed something yeah so you text me and said okay she, she's on her way. And you guys live maybe, what, five, ten minutes away? Five or ten minutes away. Finally, I got rid of her because I said, Lauren, we've got to go to bed. I'm so tired. And you said

afterwards, that was really weird because I never kick you out. No, they always say, spend the night. You're always welcome here 24-7. This is your home. But I had to kick her out this time. And then I text you and said, she's on the way. And then time goes by and I'm so excited.

I'm thinking, oh, my God, she's going to have the ring. I can't wait. Must be there by now. And Michael texts and said, she's not here. Where is she? And I thought, oh, my gosh, where is she? This is ridiculous. Tragic accident on the night she gets betrothed?

So I can't find her. She's not showing up. I'm staring out the peephole like a creep. You guys, I had to be late for my own proposal. Oh, God. Then I'm worried. Then I'm kind of irritated. Then I'm mad. Why is she lying to all of us and saying she's going home?

Didn't you think I was cheating? I was confusing. Not with that moth hole shirt i wasn't i said where the hell are you because i text you oh no here's why i thought something was weird i text you and i said where are you right and you thought i was at home and you and you responded i'm at home but at the time i was sitting in your home so i'm like okay what the hell is going on okay turns out you were down of all nights you decide this is going to be the night that you're going to stay down in the garage and unpack and reorganize your entire car no i was on the phone with a girlfriend and like you know when you're in like a deep conversation in the car and

you just kind of sit there and like talk in the car i was on i was on speaker in the car and we were having an in-depth conversation and I was at home. Essentially, I just wasn't in my home. I was underground. This needed to come off though because I had spent so much time setting all this up and organizing this

and everything in the house. Well, you could have fucking told me to get a blowout. No. And wasn't there something in the oven? You put something in the oven. Like I was warming some things. It was a Devante pizza with the Brussels sprout salad. Yeah.

I'm texting Jen like a psychopath saying, where is she? And I'm freaking out because I worry about everything. I always go to a dark spot and think, oh my god, she's in an accident. Or I thought maybe you went over to your friend's house. Parking in the underground and being assaulted.

I was so excited. My hands were all sweaty. I'm sweating from my brow and I'm thinking, I cannot wait for this to happen. And we're waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting. And then finally, did you see her come up? I feel like the theme of our relationship is making you wait. She made me wait at the altar. I made you wait.

For like 25 minutes to our wedding. Oh, fuck yeah, I was. And I was sitting in there waiting. I was like sitting on purpose. Oh, come on. I couldn't be early to my wedding. That would be so off-brand. It would be.

She had to scramble for pictures because she almost ran out of light. So she was freaked out about that. That would be so off-brand to be on time for my own wedding. So anyways, you finally show up. Yeah, so yeah. So okay, let's back. So do you see her? When you're peeping through the peephole like some creep, you see her coming through?

Well, I saw some raggedy figure coming up in old rags from a Charles Dickens book. And I said, that can't be the girl I'm proposing to. No, I'm just kidding. Yeah, I saw her coming. She had pixie. And then she walked in. And okay, tell us, what did you see? And what did you do when you walked through the front door?

I said, are you serious? Because I couldn't believe that he was proposing on the night when I didn't have a blot and a manicure. How did you know he was going to propose when you walked in? Because there was candles everywhere. Okay, so you kind of knew. You had the vibe. It wasn't the Cheetos. I didn't see the Cheetos initially, and after I saw the Cheetos, I said yes.

Okay, I see. So you saw all your favorite foods, everything you like to drink. Everything. There was like her favorite items, too. I'm not a big crier. I didn't cry. No, I didn't cry either. No, because it was like.

We both didn't cry at the wedding. The thing about Michael and I, and I've said this a lot in this podcast, is that people would always be like, when are you getting engaged? When are you doing that? We had always like talked about where we were going in life. So I was always very like, I, between him and I, I knew, but sometimes outside noise gets in. And so when he proposed, it was like very, almost expected, not in a bad way, but just like, I knew that's where we were headed. So there was really nothing like to cry about or be like super surprised about. It was like, that was, we were kind of creating a strategic future. Like we talk about with Steve.

Nothing to cry about besides your outfit. But was it the perfect setup? I mean, was it everything you ever would want? You know, it was because I think if he had done it in front of people or done some big production, it just would have been very opposite of how I would have wanted it. Cause sometimes I like a private, like intimate moment. I just want to be a private, intimate moment, which is exactly why we did such a small wedding. It's like, we actually went up and said, can you guys not do social media? When we walked down the aisle, like we needed those 15 minutes or 20

minutes of the ceremony to be just about us and be intimate and private. And I think in a world that's so exposed, it's really important to be intimate and to, to have that privacy. So I really appreciated the way he proposed to me. Okay. So if you guys are looking for a gift for your boyfriend or your dad or your husband, you have to check out Harry's. So basically it's a limited edition shave set that makes a great gift. It feels special. It's practical. It's something they use every day. It's a really pretty unboxing experience. Michael loves it. A good shave kit is a great gift for men. I like Harry's a lot because you get a really good shave and I never get razor burn, which is always a problem. The products are also really good quality. The limited edition feels special,

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idea as a special deal for you guys we have partnered with harry's to give you five dollars off your first order when you enter the code skinny at checkout okay so free shipping ends on december 9th so act now go to harry's.com right now to get the limited edition holiday shave set while supplies last and don't forget to enter code SKINNY at checkout for $5 off. That's harrys.com code SKINNY. So Michael, when did you spill the question? Yeah, was it the beginning or at the end?

I think right when she kind of walked in. Oh, you did? Were you on the knees? Yeah, I got on the knee. You did? Oh, that's cool. Oh man, that's alright. That's unusual for nowadays. I mean, that's old-fashioned. I know. Normally, he would, like, text me nowadays.

So she walks in the door, and you pretty much said, will you marry me? Well, she was, like, shocked at first, and then I did it. I was shocked because I didn't have a blowout. No, I think you were shocked because he remembered everything that you loved, and they're the little things that matter. Yes. It didn't have to be the big dinner or the cruise or this or that. It was a Cheetos.

Yes, it totally was. Everything was like $3 or $5 or, um, it was just, it was really special. And I think the first person I called was my grandma. Yeah. He called Nana. And then I called you guys and my dad and Julie. And we just really enjoyed our engagement for like two months. We didn't tell anyone.

So the only people that knew were just like our close, close family. And we kept it off social media. And I thought that was something special too. We just got to like let it sink in and enjoy it. That is true. I hadn't known that about the event. And you know, of course, I'm so glad that you called us because we were literally vomiting

and anxiety to make sure that after all that, everything went all right. Did Michael call you the day before? Oh, yeah. We talked a little bit, like a week before that. A week before that, and then we kind of went through exactly what everything was going to happen to that evening

but everything changed because you were moving so slow and you wanted to spend the night and you weren't sure about this I was curious because there was these whispered phone calls between obviously it was Jen and Michael but I think what the heck's going on because Jen is the organizer in the family

right and Michael's very much an organizer in your family, right? And Michael's very much an organizer in your family. And so... Okay, bye. Well, I was so excited. It was like I was getting engaged. It was just so much fun. Well, you saw a relationship from the start to now.

I mean, you saw when I first... I think I was living with you when I first started dating Michael. Oh. Right? No. No? No, I don't think so. No, you weren't, started dating Michael. Oh. Right? No. No? No, I don't think so.

No, you weren't, because I used to come over to your house and you had roommates, remember? And I would take care of them. Oh, yeah, my roommates with scabies. Yeah. Yeah. Lovely. Remember that? And you were dating other people along the way, but didn't, again, for listeners that

are just coming in, you knew Michael from way back. And Michael, you said many years ago when you were a kid that you were going to marry her. Isn't that not true? Yep. I mean, we were like 12. She didn't believe me for a long time. He told me he was going to marry me.

And I was like, okay, we're 12. Don't lie. We found this scrapbook. And in the scrapbook, this is a little bit crazy, a little bit borderline psycho. I'm psycho. A little stage five. Don't you forget that. Lauren actually wrote like a proposal

to me back then. It was kind of like... So you were proposing to him? I was proposing to him. She's been chasing me for years. So let me ask you this, Lauren. Did you practice writing Lauren Bostic like 50 times?

When you were a kid? Not once because I don't love a bee. Why? I just don't love a bee. Why? I just don't love how the bee flows. Well, you're dealing with people in Bostick. We're not excited about this. A bee is a little hard to write.

You're going to have to teach me. You're going to have to give me the flow of a bee. So you proposed to him when you were 12 or you proposed to him? I proposed to him. And you said, will proposed to him when you were 12 or you proposed? I proposed to him. And you said, will you marry me when you were 12? You were 12. I said, listen, give me some breathing room.

Oh my God, no you didn't. You wouldn't give me any. I proposed to him. Well, his balls hadn't even dropped by then for heaven's sake. I don't think he had balls. Do you have that letter still? Oh yeah. We had it printed and brought it to the wedding.

Oh my gosh. We still have the, it's like a, like a match. I don't know what it is. I'll show it to you. So you guys were in love when you were little kids and then did you drift apart or did you come together again later on? Before we get into that, we're going to take a quick break. Hi everyone.

I am Brandi Glanville. And as you know, I'd like to share what goes on in my unfiltered life. I'm bringing you all the fun, exciting details of the lives of my celebrity guests. I ask them questions that nobody else will. And my life is crazy and I like to share it. It's almost like therapy. So listen to Brandi Glanville unfiltered every week on podcastone.com or on the Podcast One mobile app. This is the skinny confidential, him and her.

We are back. Back, back, back again. So you guys were in love when you were little kids, and then did you drift apart, or did you come together again later on? I think we just, you know, we both had to go through high school and do our own thing, and then college, and I'm glad we did.

We were in Tucson. Yeah, I went to a different state. I was inucson shout out to all my t-looks and um i think i'm glad we did not date through high school and college because i think it was better to come back and find each other again later we both need to go out and get some different experiences maybe not so many but for you not for me but how did you guys connect again at the end? Like, so you were in Tucson, you were over at San Diego state.

How did you guys connect again? Um, I think I would come back and visit, you know, cause I had family here and friends. I visit and ran into each other. And then, yeah,

it was kind of like, how did I, how did that happen again? I just found you. And then I was a pursuer. Yeah. And I found her again that happen again? I just found you. And then I was a pursuer. Yeah. And I found her again and I would always like be pursuing her. And then I just,

you know, chipping away, chipping away. I remember you were living here when you went to see Michael in Tucson and you said, I'm going to see an old friend of mine. I'll see how it goes. That's exactly how you were very nonchalant about it. Yeah.

If I've been nonchalant about him, just an old pal. Yeah. I was like, I'm going to go see an old friend. I want to know, though, because I feel like we just got married. We need all the help we can get. And I'm sure there's a lot of listeners out there that are getting married or in relationships. You guys have been married for 25 years?

No. Longer. 33. Three. Three years. 33. I think I'm thinking of your parents. My parents have been married for 32. 33. I think I'm thinking of your parents. My parents have been married for 32.

Oh. So 33 years. Not only do you live together and you're together in a couple, but you also work together. We actually have been together for 35 years. We met in the theater. Yeah. So we're both doing theater. Okay.

So I don't want you to answer this question together. I actually want to hear what your answer is, and then I want to hear what your answer is. For what? We can just speak over each other like we're doing now. No, no, no. I want to hear the different perspective of how you guys have made it work living and working together for 33 years. Well, I think it helps when you meet working.

So the working is already there. So you have a foundation of work. So it's not like an elephant. It's already there. Exactly. And so that's how you kind of know each other. So you've got a common ground to begin with there, a common foundation. And then you're friends and you kind of hang out in the theater. It's a very close knit community. And you're kind of like a mini family when you're doing a play. And a play is normally six weeks long, and you get very, very close, and that's kind of how we met that way. And then we continued on through then. And it's not easy living with someone and working with someone.

And we kind of have our own different duties that we do that take us in different directions, but we work for the same company. You always say to me that you feel like this generation is quick to throw things out. Very quick. No one repairs anything. Okay. So how do you guys not throw each other out? Well, I mean, like today, I went through a bad day today and I was ready to throw everything out, which is unusual for me. But this year for for many, has been very difficult all over the world, financially, physically, I mean, you name it, everyone's been going through some trial and tribulation. And this has been the toughest year of our lives. And so you think after 33 years, you've seen it all? No, there's always something that comes out of the corner that blows you out.

But the bottom line is at the end of the day you have to say, I want to repair this. I want to make it better. This is a comfortable shoe that needs re-soling. I'm not going to go get a new pair of shoes and try to break them in. And you make it work. And that's all there is to it. What have you seen in your 33 years

where you've seen people that do try to get a new shoe? How does that work out? It generally never works. It generally, they go from, if they leave a relationship, they go to another one, another one, and then eventually rest on one. But why not originally find we're in love? What made you in love in the first place

why why does that go away go back to finding what made you fall in love in the first place and then stay there well i think a lot of the time the thing is it takes two people you know in a relationship to repair and there's i don't think there's a lot of people that are willing to compromise right i agree like i see there's even you know there's a lot of people that are willing to compromise. I agree. I see there's a lot of people that say, you have to meet me here, and I'm not going to meet you there. And I think that when that happens, it makes it really difficult. So when you have people that are unwilling to work together to come to a compromise and a common solution, a lot of times people get frustrated and they say, screw it, I'm done. And I think with social media, with all these things, people think there's so many different options. And like they have this

whole grass is greener on the other side. I think so people are quick to say, screw it, whatever. If you're not willing to meet me where I want to be met, I'm just going to go do something else. And I think that's never going to work out. Like you have to, you have to be willing to work together to come to a compromise. And I think you guys do that really, really well. And Lauren and I are trying to do that. I just think the thing with the social media and Instagram in particular is that you, when, when guys go on Instagram nowadays, there's every single option of every single woman right in front of their face. So what's happening is that maybe they're dating someone and they're looking at like an Instagram models thigh gap and they're like, oh, well I could have this. Why am I with this? And so what it's doing is it's like dangling

carrots and all, especially men's faces. And I think that it's fleeting and like our generation just needs to really remember like what you guys are saying, which is things need to be repaired and worked on. You just don't throw it out but why keep starting over with something new because you start at the same place all the time you never get beyond the start gate if you keep starting with a fresh new person all the time if you stay with the same person you work through life you've you come across different obstacles different wonderful things to share together why keep going back to the starting point? That's what I want to know.

I mean, it's crazy. It's like Groundhog Day. You're starting with a fresh new one every day. Why? And everyone comes with their issues, trust me. What do you think is the thing that has kept you guys together working and living? Well, I'll go through the chronology a little bit of what Jen said. If you meet in show business or the theater, then you are, like she said,

an instant family, but you're also absolutely enveloped by trust because everybody on a stage, trust me, looks around and counts on the other

performers to do the show. It can't be done without their cooperation. It can't be done without their cooperation. It can't be done without their trust. So that's the basis of anything to do with that business. And so, yeah, it's true. There are temptations because the show goes on for six weeks or eight weeks or six months or however. And you move on to something new and there's new people and stuff and everybody at the end of a show will say oh god we've got to keep together with we've got to

make sure that we see each other again half the time most of the time never happens but how does someone apply that that doesn't have a relationship that's based off theater like how can someone out there i think what he's saying is it's based off trust to start so what you're saying is that you need to but and that and this is what the best kickstarter there is because my goodness is you are there together and there's there's only you and that audience out there so doggone it you better help me out here i'm looking in your eyes you're looking in my eyes and we are here together to do this so that's a big big advantage but as i say i mean you go on after the show and people go on to other people immediately because they have to do the same developed trust. But in our case, it was well for me, and I've always said this, even on our own podcast is that, you know, I saw her, I knew it. Bingo. One of those, one of those things. Love at first sight? Yes, it was. Period. And in fact, I was in another relationship and

it was fairly along the way. Are you and Michael related? Brothers from other mothers. But, you know, I knew it right away and so I'm sorry, but I hurt the other person's feelings and needed to be with Jen. I feel like you did, too.

Yeah, maybe a couple. Oh, no, he's got two. Oh, dear. We had a couple calls coming in when we first got together. We've already addressed my shortcomings multiple times. Let's keep moving along. But I think what you were trying to say is if you don't start in the theater, okay, how do you parlay that into regular life? And I think the bottom line is you kind of have to know you have to have the same sense of humor that's important

yeah exactly you want to let you like the same television shows kind of stupid things that are little it's all the little tiny things that build up and you just kind of have a gut feeling that this is a person for me and then you go and work at it like anything like a business or anything you work at it and you build it and then you have this wonderful relationship and you decide this is a person I'm going to be with for the rest of my life. Okay. But moving on from the early days of all that stuff that was, is the foundation of our particular relationship. What I think is in a generality is that everybody must learn not only to compromise, but to surrender to a better idea. Admit that, oh God, you know, I've been holding on to this thought for so long and I could be wrong.

Even though in your soul, you truly believe in the concept of the way you approach things, if you can learn to surrender that overconfidence to the other person who you trust, then everybody's going to get ahead. It's like what you always say, Michael. Michael always says, whenever I'm bitching about someone, he says, put yourself in their shoes, put your, see their perspective, see their side. That's really important. I think in a relationship when you're relationship when you're having a fight or you're about to leave to say, okay, let me put myself in their shoes and not just think me, me, me, I, I, I. Well, I try to do that with everything,

business, life, just partnerships, relationships. I try to, you know, when something's not going the way I want it to go, I try to look at it from the way the other person looks at it. And a lot of the time when I do that exercise and I take the time to say, okay, this is the way they're seeing this situation compared to how I'm seeing it, a lot of times I stop myself. But, you know, it takes a lot of work. It takes a lot of practice. And I'm definitely not perfect at doing it, but I think it's a good strategy.

You could work on it. Yeah, no, definitely. I think everyone could work on it. Yeah, no, definitely. I think everyone could work on it. Okay. So one of my favorite online stores is hooking it up for the holidays. You guys already know about soul society. If you read the skinny confidential and just remember it's spelled soul, like the shoe. So basically soul society is a shopping destination for head to toe looks that are super on brand. It's kind of a one-stop shop for shoes. They carry their own brand's shoes, handbags, and accessories, as well as shoes and apparel by brands such as Vince, Lucky Brand, and Dolce Vita. They're quality pieces that

are made to last more than one season at prices that will not break the bank. I mean, I can't say no to a good deal, especially when it comes to shoes, handbags, accessories, and apparel. I hope Michael's looking at my Christmas list and adding to it right now. So there's free shipping on all orders, $50 or more at soulsociety.com. Make sure you guys use the promo code skinny for 15% off your first purchase. That's soulsociety.com skinny for 15 off happy shopping i want to play devil's advocate here a little bit because i think this is all really good advice if you if you find the right person but i think that some of this advice could be dangerous for giving advice to people to repair relationships that may not be healthier i may not you may not have synergy or

may not be a fit and you're just and you see this stuff on social media and you see people in happy relationships and you're kind of trying to force a circle to be a square. You're trying to force a relationship that may not, it might not be a good relationship and you're trying to make it a good relationship because we're hearing this. So what do you suggest for people that might not be in the healthiest relationships? Do they try to repair that or do they recognize that and move on? I think that it has to be a dialogue between two people, honest dialogue. And is this going to work? How do you feel?

Where are you going with this? And then you decide together and then you split. It has to be between two people because it can be more one way than the other. And honesty along the way is very important right out the chute. But I think in the depth of your soul, you know if it's worth working for. And I think the other person does too through the way you come together. Yeah, it's a dance. It's chemistry.

It's a dance. It's a lot of chemistry. Personally, I think that if I weren't with Michael right now, I would be single. And I would be completely confident with that and fine. Because I really try not to let outside influences dictate what I do and where I go and where my life is headed. And I think that if you're single and you're feeling pressure because you're a certain age or just any kind of pressure, I think that you should listen to yourself. And if you're comfortable being alone and not being in a relationship, that's okay.

Sure. I also think it's really unhealthy and we'll get into the perfection thing, but looking to social media and Instagram as something of how relationships should be. I actually know a huge Instagrammer, like huge millions and millions of followers that was in a fake relationship with another Instagrammer. That's huge because they were trying to build each other's Instagram following. So it was like a kind of like a business transaction. So they would pretend like they were in this perfect relationship and all these young girls looked up to these people. Anyways, they ended

up splitting after like four years, but they both built their Instagram followings up for the sake of social media. So looking at some of these Instagram people is almost like looking at a celebrity relationship. It's some of it is not attainable. It's airbrushed. It's airbrushed. And what I wanted to get into with you guys is you guys did a podcast episode on Wrinkled Not Dead called, I think you said perfect perfections of facade what was it called it was perfection um chasing perfection in the digital age which is impossible

yes and i i think you guys's podcast is for i would say your demo is what 40 and up yeah 40 and up well but you have a lot of young listeners. We do. In fact, we thought our demo was going to be 50 and up, but it turned out to be much different from that. But the particular episode that you're referring to about chasing perfection in the digital age was more along the superficial lines, until we got into it, of retouching this, airbrushing that,

statistics on every Vogue magazine has been retouched until we got into it of retouching this, airbrushing that, statistics on every Vogue magazine has been retouched since day one kind of thing, all those kind of things. But now, after you've said about those two Instagram fake friends, more or less, it becomes much deeper. It is deeper because what you're saying is that Vogue's been retouched from the beginning. And what I'm saying is that Instagram is being retouched like Vogue. So we're looking at these Instagram celebrities or whatever you want to call them, influencers as like real people, but like, it's still not like a real tangible thing.

So people need to recognize that when they're looking at someone's relationship on social media or, you know, the way their skin looks like We're essentially looking at Vogue back in the day. Yeah, perfect, perfect, perfect. And there's no perfect relationship. And no matter how they have it out on The Bachelorette or The Bachelor or any of these programs that make it look like Bachelor in Paradise, it's not like that at all. You know it's down and dirty, it's gritty.

Nothing's perfect. There's bad moments and good moments and there's never a solid good day. So you're saying that I set the bar so high that if you weren't with me you'd just have to be celibate and alone the rest of your life? You can think that if you want, but we'll let you

believe that. We'll always see you with the sweatshirt with the holes in it then. And mustard stains. No, hot chili sauce stains. will see you with the sweatshirt with the holes in it then i i am and mustard stains i think it was no there was ketchup no no hot chili sauce yeah mustard stains and i would have been out really why you don't like mustard i do but i'm not in for a mustard stained you love garlic when i pop it she eats garlic oh man i saw that today that you were eating but i think you guys are

lucky because you found your soulmate early in life, and then you found your way back. It's almost like a storybook. It truly is. Is there a soulmate? I don't know. I don't know if there's soulmates. How much time is left on our Instagram contract until we can stop this for some time?

Two years. I'm telling you. Oh, God. Don't even think that. No, you are definitely soulmates. No, you're the real thing. I mean, it's hard to tell the world how much you love each other, but you truly do. We do.

But let me tell everyone something. We totally love each other, but we also totally fight. And here's the thing. I think the key to that is recovery. How quick can you recover from that fight? I heard Rachel Zoe say this on a podcast. She's been in a relationship for 25 years. She works with her husband. She's built a huge empire 25 years she works with her husband she's built a huge empire and she said how quick can you recover from a fight and that really resonated with me because him and i will be like screaming at each other and then like two minutes later i'll be like what kind of coffee do you want black or with almond milk yeah we let things go really

quick i was actually i went to a meeting today and uh i went into a bar that my buddy owns i went to home and away today you know frankie's bar it's in san diego if you guys are here you should check it out and uh he didn't he has three kids now so he wasn't able to make it down to the wedding but he was congratulating me and one of the things we were talking about only things he was saying is like yeah he's seen me and you the whole time he's like he'll see me and lauren bicker and kind of go at each other but we drop things really quick and it's never malicious and it's never to at the expense of making another person look bad in front of somebody else i feel like we get off on it well we never demean each other right like we never really we never do hurtful things and i

think that's one form of banter and uh relationship that you can have but if it ever crosses the line where you're trying to demean somebody or make somebody feel less than themselves or put somebody down to hurt them, I think that's when you have to question, okay, is this a healthy relationship or not? Like we never cross that line, but we definitely go at it. I mean, you guys.

I feel like when people hold on to stuff and you guys can comment on what you think as well. But like when you hold on to stuff in a relationship, it ends up just hurting you and it's giving like i feel like it's giving negativity more of a um an ugly head to rear yeah it definitely feeds it but it also is hard i mean you do say things to your significant other that is hurtful because you want a response we were talking about earlier. When you know exactly what to say. Yeah. To push.

You know exactly what to push. And you just want it to, I guess, to open up the wound and to start some kind of dialogue. That's why I do it. Chaos, too. Yeah. You and I are like that. We like to poke. I know.

Flick it. And, you know, I'm old. I should have learned by now. But you still do it. But at the end of the day like you said you come together and you don't let it continue on no recovery is important very important it's interesting you should say that at your young age that you have learned that this early i think i think that it's important to kind of i mean forgive and forget like you know sometimes people say things they don't mean when they're emotional like sometimes mich Michael will say shit and I'm like okay like no I know that's not true and I'll just move on from it I won't I won't

fixate on it I try to shift my perspective to something that's more positive or more um more productive yeah generally when I say mean things to Michael I'm really saying it about myself Michael Bell not Michael Bostic yeah Michael. We've got too many Michaels here. I hope. Michael Bell. My Michael Bell. I don't mean it. It's just I'm saying it really about myself. Yeah, it's deflection. It is.

And we all do it. So every mean thing you say to me is really just about you. That depends on the time of day. It's debatable. I'm learning a lot here. It's always a learning. Yeah, you're lucky I'm learning a lot here. Okay, well. It's always a learning curve here. Yeah, you're lucky I recover. I recover quick. I asked my dad, I've told this before on this podcast, I said,

Dad, how the hell have you been married so long? I love my mom, they're still married. He's married to my mom. Yeah. And he says, son, I can't speak and I don't hear. I wish you couldn't speak and you couldn't hear. I'm learning. I mean, I would wear shirts, though, so you could see with like slogans on them.

All I know is that when he was getting ready to propose to you, he was out of his mind and so nervous. And he knew from the very beginning that this is what he wanted. And so he was prepared. He was good when he proposed. And he was great at the wedding, too. Very sweet. What did I do at the wedding, too. Very sweet. What did I do at the wedding? You just were sweet.

You knew you wanted to get in. You showed up. Yeah, I showed up. Thank you for showing up. We'll have to have the person that married us on the podcast sometime. He was great. Oh. He was great.

Very, very sweet. One of our best friends married us. Very nice. I think maybe we'll have him on when we go to New York. Yeah. So when you said I do It's forever I guess

Today it's forever, we'll see tomorrow Oh come on, no that's not the attitude How long is forever? Until death do us part What's your definition? Until there's an Instagram contract On our show we just interviewed a guy Who had a heart attack and was dead

Yeah, if you guys want we just interviewed a guy who had a heart attack and was dead. Yeah, if you guys want to hear, tell a couple episodes that you guys have done lately. This is more fun. No, it's just Wrinkled Not Dead. And it's just, we talk about everything from a guy who survived a heart attack to perfection. The skincare episode was my favorite. Skincare, you name it, for young or old. We started to try to direct this for older people, but younger people are podcast listeners. That's the challenge.

They are our biggest group right now. So before we go, they can find Wrinkled Not Dead on iTunes. Did you have another question? I'm dying for more questions. Mike wants another question. Can we do one more? It doesn't really matter. No, we're good.

You can find us on WrinkledNotdead.com, iTunes, Podomatic. We always post it on Facebook if you're a Facebook friend, which you may not be. How else can they find us? Wrinklednotdead is gmail.com. I feel like the easiest way to find them, you guys, is just go to iTunes and put in wrinklednotdead. And definitely listen to my favorite episode, which is the skincare episode. There's so many good tips and you guys will be obsessed with Claire.

She does Jen in my eyebrows a lot and she has great skincare tips. And her skin herself is gorgeous too. Yeah, it's glowing. It was a wonderful interview because we went to her little tiny studio. It's gorgeous, perfect, but small. And so we're kind of scrunched in there and everything else.

And she had done volumes of homework. I mean, pages of stuff. And she overcame, in her case, a severe case of total nervousness. I mean, her hands were ringing and she was working away on the sleeves of her shirt. But she was determined because she knows so much that she would produce some interesting results for us. And thank goodness, because that really means commitment from somebody, doesn't it? It's like we're talking about each other. This is all about commitment.

We are committed to each other as friends. We're committed to each other as spouses. And she was committed as a participant in our show and that's why it's one of the most popular because she believed in it and we believe in each other listen to that show you guys the skincare show on wrinkled not dead and you can also hear the skinny confidential me and michael we've been on the show we've been on the show and we're going to be on the show i think in a couple weeks too yeah oh yeah okay so it's almost the holidays and it's time to get that shopping started. If you're like me,

you're a procrastinator. So hurry up. You could go old school and spend hours searching for a parking spot and wrestling with crowds in a mall, or you could get it done at home in bed with a glass of wine and your dog by clicking a few buttons. Yep, I'm talking about Amazon. I'm obsessed with Amazon because it's like a one-stop checkout. You basically press a button and you're like good to go. But not just any Amazon, guys. I'm talking about my Amazon banner on podcastone.com. So when you buy stuff through my Amazon banner, it's a small amount of the purchase that goes directly to help support the podcast at no extra cost to you. We would really, really appreciate it. So here's how you do it. Go to podcast one, click on killer deals link, click on our show, and you'll see Amazon

and all of our sponsors. Then when you guys click the link bookmark it. So it's super easy to use next time. It's kind of a cool way that you can help us keep doing this show for free every week. We will be back next week. We'll be on the road either in New York or London. We'll be podcasting from the road. We're going to try to get one of our friends to come on. They'll probably be drunk, though. Ask the queen.

We might be as well. Yeah, maybe the queen. We didn't want to spoil it for everyone. Okay, Kate Middleton. Your dogs will be with us, though, and they'll be in good hands, and we'll all have a great time while you're away. The dogs are with you guys. We'll miss you. And we're so happy you're married, and congratulations.

Thank you. Okay, guys, remember to send in your questions to Twitter or Instagram using the hashtag AskHimAndHer. Send us questions to our snaps, Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic, or email us us at podcast at the skinny confidential.com mike and jen thank you wrinkled not dead thank you you're welcome cheers thanks for listening to the skinny confidential him and her with lauren everts and michael bostick download new episodes every tuesday at podcastone.com or subscribe now on the Podcast One app.