The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast - #7: Expanding Your Team and Delegating Effectively, Maintaining Independence, Jealousy, Your Friends and Your Snapchat, Sex on the First Date? #askhimandher Episode 7

Episode Date: April 20, 2016

On this episode Lauryn and Michael answer questions on Expanding your team and delegating, maintaining independence, jealousy, your friends and your Snapchat, and Sex on the first date? #askhimandher Episode 7 To learn more about The Skinny Confidential visit the site HERE To connect with Lauryn click HERE To connect with Michael click HERE

Welcome back to the Skinny Confidential Him and Her Podcast. What is going on? Jordan is back. Back from Peru. We got her back with not a hitch. With a tan and a couple pounds to lose. That's not true. You look great.

We are here today with at Michael Bostic. At Michael Bostic, the number one presenter of the show. Lauren Everett from the Skinny Confidential and Jordan. And we have got a couple of hot topics today. But first, what's going on? What's been up? Jordan, how was Peru? Like I said, I got a tan. I've got a couple pounds to lose. Had one too many Peace Coast hours.

I knew you did. But I'm glad to be back and back in action. We are back in action. We got Taylor behind the scenes. He's got those headphones on a little too tight, but that's okay. He has kind of his own sound room now. Yeah, it's actually just my office with the blinds open looking at our conference table, but a little creepy. We'll call it his own sound room for now. Like a crocodile

in water, but that's okay. So, okay, well, before we get into the show, let's talk about the weekend. We did something different. Yeah, completely different. I haven't done it in about 15 years, at least not in San Diego. We went to the beach for the first time in 15 years. Our best friend Weston recently moved back to San Diego. Some of you may have seen him on my Snapchat. He's working out of my office now while he resituates here in San Diego. He just came back down from LA and he had the bright idea to go to the beach. I had informed him that... God forbid you go to the beach in San Diego.

Yeah, you know... God forbid. I gave it a try with an open mind. I was like, look, it's a new year. It's a new me. It's 2016. I'm going to the beach. It's not a new you, though.

It's not a new you. No, we found out it is definitely not a new me. So Michael, ever since I started dating him, does not like the beach. In fact, he has like a strong, not hatred. It's just you don't want to go. Let me clarify. I don't hate the beach.

I love beaches. But I like my beaches with 80 degree clear water, a wader that comes down to the sand. Little Pinot Grigio. Little Pinot Grigio. You don't even know what Pinot Grigio is. You know, little club sandwich here and there. You're disgusted by the bathrooms. He's disgusted by the cold water.

He's disgusted by the kelp. I'm not a big kelp guy. I feel like there wasn't that much kelp. You had fun this weekend. No, it's fine. But, I mean, it's just such a production. It's such a mess. The water's cold. Jordan was there. Jordan, did you have fun? I had a blast. I went paddle boarding. It's my new

favorite sport. Yeah, Jordan's cool. Michael's a bore. If you live in Chicago, you're probably cursing us right now. I saw some dolphins actually while I was out there. So that was cool. Listen, send me to San Tropez. Give me some wine, a waiter. So basically, Michael's completely and utterly spoiled and I'm going to break up with him. No, it's not that I'm spoiled. It's just that we have access to pools around here and barbecues, and I just think that that's my thing, right? Like, I don't need the mess.

I'm not a surfer. I never have been. I might try one day. I can't wait to see the barbecue that you're going to throw for me this weekend. Yeah, it's gonna be it's gonna be good i'd like my filet medium rare grass-fed and a couple of cold coronalites please and thank you so we brought down you know like it's another thing i hate like we had to bring down the rosé and hide it in wine jugs he could not even stand that i was sneaking a bottle of rosé in my purse you were acting as if I was smuggling drugs.

Well, the guys come up on their little ATVs. No one came up on an ATV. They're looking at me. It reminds me I'm like 16 years old. They're about to bust me with a cold one. No one was about to bust you. I had my rosé in my cute pink and white tumbler. I had a little ice in there.

I poured a little sparkling water. I had a little spritzer. Jordan was taking chugs of it. I was enjoying the rosé. I had a little spritzer. Jordan was taking chugs of it. I was enjoying the rosé. I really was. You know, I was enjoying it for a while. Then I was like, you know, I haven't used the bathroom all day. I've been chugging wine out of a jug.

I need to go track down the common bathroom. And I walked in there, and the first thing I see is a used tampon and an old crusty thong. And at that point, yes, I swear to God. And at that point I said, you know, I've had enough of the beach. I'm going to stick to the pools. And that was that. But we gave it a try. I hope the tampon got stuck to your ass and you had to walk around the beach on it.

Stuck to his ass of all places. Yeah, what were you doing in there? I i mean definitely not sticking tampons to my ass but anyways um for those of you who have turned tuned in for some business stuff we will switch the topic from tampons and get into some questions um jordan let's uh let's get going i'll take it away. At Tara V asks, can you talk about expanding your team and delegating work as a content creator? Yeah, I can talk about expanding our team. Lauren's new to this. We just started this year expanding the Skinny Confidential. And I think it has been a new thing for her to watch her company grow and watch her team grow.

She is what we call a control freak. Lauren likes to have her hands in every pot. Yeah, I am a control freak. I'm very specific. I like things a certain way. I have a very clear vision. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. However, Michael Bostic, I do need to learn to delegate a little clear vision. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. However, Michael Bostic,

I do need to learn to delegate a little bit more, but I've gotten better. No, you have. Would you agree? I would agree. And I think, I do not think that there's anything wrong with you being a control freak. I think that that's fine. I just think that you need to understand, and this goes for anyone that's trying to run their own business, that at some point, the business grows and it's impossible for any one person to do every role that comes with that business. I think at that point, you have to delegate out. And my advice for delegating and expanding your team is to invest in delegation where you do not have strength. So for me, I knew, look, I'm not a financial accounting whiz. I'm not a guy that can sit down and go through a program like QuickBooks

or Mass90, shout out to the Mass90 users, and knock out all of that data by myself. So the first person I invested in in one of my businesses was a bookkeeper, somebody to come in once a week. Whose name is? The first person I invested in in one of my businesses was a bookkeeper, somebody to come in once a week. Whose name is? Ironically, her name is Susan. So, okay.

But that has nothing to do with anything else. So anyways, where I see people making a mistake, for me, I think I'm a salesman. I think I'm good at pitching sales and selling products. So I would not necessarily invest in a salesman for my business. I think Lauren is very creative. So I would not advise her bringing on a creative director to the Skinny Confidential. She is the creative director.

I would freak out. I think I would freak out. I would go full-blown ballistic. Do you agree with what I'm saying, though? I do agree with what you're saying. I think that Michael is more of big picture and I'm more of little details. And when we come together, it just really works. My mom and dad had a restaurant back in the day that was very successful.

And my dad was more like me and my mom. Or my mom was more like me and my dad was more like you. And that came together and it really worked. I think it was the opposite. The opposite. Okay, the synergy just really worked. So I think my advice with delegation two would be to find places that you don't have the strength and hire those people or get an intern or find a college student or someone that wants to learn. An example of this for what we're currently doing is Taylor's very technically savvy. I also have some technology in my blood. I'm okay at that,

but I know he's much better. So when I said, hey, we want to do this podcast, I knew Lauren and me were not going to figure out the sound and we're not going to put together the equipment. So I said, hey, Taylor, can you figure this out? And now that's what he does. That's an example of delegation. But when you delegate to people, make sure, like I've said before in previous shows, that it's over the shoulder delegation, that you're not just offloading tasks you don't want to do. Basically, what you need to do and what you need to make sure you're doing is explaining that task, working with someone until they understand the task so that they can actually take that task and train someone else and be comfortable training someone else, and then you let them do it. But don't just offload tasks you don't want to do an example of that would be lauren saying you know i don't want to ship these this product this day so so you would say just go take care of that

that would that would be bad for you yeah i mean i totally agree with you i think i think too with with delegating that um interns are a great way to delegate like i prefer to work on obviously as we know creative stuff so the interns will do like the more kind of mundane tasks is it mundane or mundane mundane excuse me tasks and the stuff that that i don't want to do i think um that's where i shine the most is to be able to do what I love and to give them kind of the more, you know, maybe I guess boring tasks. Yeah. So, I mean, you hired on Jordan when now, Jordan, when did you start working for us? It was about a year ago. About a year ago. And what was the first tasks that you came on and started doing?

I started out doing like answering emails and helping out with the bombshell body guide and slowly just grew over time, which I think is a great way for an employee to advance just slowly over time. Yeah, it was great because when we launched the Bombshell Body Guide, Lauren and I, Jordan at the time had a background in building a similar site and Lauren and I did not. So we said, hey, this would be a great person to come on and help us with this project. And her role since then has kind of expanded. But as you can see, that was us investing where we did not necessarily have strength and investing in someone who did.

And I think that's how you delegate. And I think that's how you expand your team. Yeah, as far as expanding your team too, I believe in going slowly but surely and not adding like a huge team right away. I think you should just really take your time and pick the right people and make sure that those people are going to work well with your company.

In my opinion, the slower you go, the better. I think that you're going to find quality people like that. So expand your team slowly and be meticulous about who you're choosing. I agree with that. I do agree that you should expand. I don't know if necessarily... You don't always have to agree with me.

No, I don't know if I necessarily agree with expanding slowly. I think that, let's say... You're a little more swift than I am. Yeah, but let's just say that your revenue is $100,000 and your net is $60,000, okay? Which means you've made $60,000. As the founder of that business, you do not need, you being Lauren, do not need to pull out $60,000 and put it in your pocket right now this early in the stage of the game.

And I'm not saying that's what the real number is. I'm just using $100,000 as an example. You could take the majority of that money and invest it in an employee who's going to help grow your business because essentially what you're doing is you're investing it right back in yourself. I think a lot of people, a lot of founders of companies run into trouble when they start making some money and they start pulling the cash out right away. Instead, take that cash and expand your business. Like put it places where you can grow. I mean, I look at every new employee as another opportunity to help grow one of my businesses. Yeah, I would agree. I think, I think also it depends on what business you have. Like for something like mine, it's so intimate and

so personal. Jordan, you know, you have like, you know, such an intimate position in my job. There's so many like things that a normal employee wouldn't know. So I think you need to like adapt to your business. And if your business is, you know, a company like Michael's who does advertising, like maybe you're going to grow differently than a company like mine, who's a blog and like a lifestyle and it's constantly like going throughout the entire day as opposed to nine to five.

I think we covered that one. The only, the last part of that question, Lauren, that we didn't answer was they said, what about having somebody, what about delegating someone else to write your content? No. No. I agree. No, no, no.

I think if you're a content creator and you're trying to delegate or outsource that work, I think that's a formula for failure. Let me tell you why. I can spot from a million miles away a blogger that I've read for a while that's not them. I can spot it. I mean, maybe everyone else can't. I can tell when someone's having someone write their content. And to me, that puts a barrier between the blogger and the reader that's saying that they're too busy for the reader.

And at the end of the day, the reason that you have a blog is because of the reader. And at the end of the day, the reason that you have a blog is because of the reader. So in my opinion, if I have 6 million things to do, my first thing is going to be to write content. That is where you become successful as a blogger. That's where you show your voice. That's where your engagement is. I think you absolutely 100% cannot delegate writing your content unless of course you are like a huge company like well and good and you have a lot of different writers but if you're like a Huffington Post right I mean of course but I'm talking about an intimate blog where you've grown with the reader I have seen a lot of bloggers recently do that and that might work for them but for me and my blog and skinny confidential i feel like if i had other people writing my content it would be way too obvious and i feel like they'd be gypped

yeah i agree okay are we done michael we are done we are done okay not done with the show yet no we have a couple more questions next question carolina mezzarina hopefully I'm saying that right. She asks, what are your tips on maintaining independence while in a long-term relationship and how to not have jealousy issues when your dude seems to platonically get along with females? I feel like this is like three questions in one. Do I still have independence? No, you don't. You have a leash pretty tight around your neck. I'm just kidding no I mean in all seriousness I think it to maintain your

independence you have to have your own thing right don't wait to maintain your independence you have to have your own thing but you have to cultivate that yourself someone can't cultivate independence for you yeah and I think that if you don't have your own thing I mean me and Lauren have been together now for eight years or Lauren and I, I'm being corrected. I've been together for eight years. Shoot me. And, um, we both kind of always had our own thing. And I think that's probably a reason that we've lasted this long is it's never, we've always had a sense of independence. We have our own set of friends. We have our, our, you know, what I loved about Lauren and what I still

love about Lauren is every morning we wake up, you know, we have breakfast together or whatever, we see each other in the morning and then I go off to do my day and she goes off to do hers and I have no idea what she's doing and she has no idea what I'm doing. And I think that one, that shows independence, but two, that shows trust. Unless you beg me to come into the office, which you've been doing a lot lately. She's been coming into my office a lot more lately, which has been a treat, a real treat. A real treat. You got a show the other day with my low cut office. Yeah, I mean. Which you've been doing a lot lately. She's been coming into my office a lot more lately, which has been a treat, a real treat. A real treat. You got a show the other day with my low-cut top.

Yeah, that was nice. But, I mean, it's true. I mean, I think it's important. You know, I would come home from work, and I would see her, and I would actually be like, hey, I wonder what she did all day, and we'd have a conversation. Sometimes I even will come home

after having sushi with my grandma at like 11 at night. And he'll be like, where the fuck were you? Not in like a jealous way. Just like, where have you been? So like, how would we answer? How do you maintain your independence? You maintain your independence by cultivating it yourself. No one can do it for you.

Michael's not going to cultivate my own independence. I'm my own person separate from Michael. Michael enhances my life. He doesn't make my life. I think what a lot of girls do is they put their eggs in one basket, whether it's their husband or their boyfriend or whatever. You put a couple eggs in that basket and put the rest of the eggs in your basket and your family's basket and your friend's basket. Why are you laughing, Jordan? I can't take you seriously.

Okay, let me just describe to the audience what you're doing. He's holding a pen. Listen, my mic broke, guys. Okay, he's holding a pen, though, with the tip of the pen in his face with a microphone that's, like, attached to the ballpoint pen. So earlier when I was saying my sound engineer was on top of things, this is what I meant. He formed together an old shitty pen with a little mic and handed it to me. I can't take you seriously. No, but I found my answer

within your answer as you were giving it. Oh, great. Thank you. And it's simple. Thank you for being independent. The way you maintain your independence

at the core of it is making it so that not making your life 100% about someone else. Like my life, I told Lauren as much as she wants to hear it, my life doesn't revolve

around her. Kind of. Sometimes it does. I mean, she may wish it to and her life doesn't revolve around me i think certainly does not i see yeah i certainly i see a lot of couples sinking into themselves and making their lives about the other person like completely and i think that's that's what a bore what okay what about you jordan i mean you've been in a relationship a long time well are you an independent woman i'm totally independent.

I think what you said about having, like, your own days. Like, I go off, I do my own thing. Nico does his own thing. Yeah, we'll talk, but we're both busy. We have things going on. We're not, like, always attached at the hip. Yeah. It's like absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Exactly. During the day, it certainly does. And then in terms of jealousy jealousy I don't believe in jealousy in a relationship I think it's completely counterproductive and I think jealousy what about when my nipples

were showing the other day well if you want to show your nipples then you should no he gets a little jealous when my nipples are showing no I just think it looks strange when you're in public

with your running around I mean we're not talking like nipples we're talking like we're eating dinner and your nipples are hanging in the soup bowl

no it wasn't anyways no I think jealousy comes down to confidence I mean, we're not talking like nipples on a shirt. We're talking like we're eating dinner and your nipples are hanging in the soup bowl. No, it wasn't. Anyways. No, I think jealousy comes down to confidence. I mean, if you're a jealous person, that's on you, right? If somebody else is making you jealous and you're not confident enough, I mean, when Lauren goes out, you went out the other night with your friends till like two in the morning. Yeah, that was fun. And you know what I did?

I read a book in bed and had a wonderful night watching Star Wars. I just laid there. I came in at 2 a.m. and was eating watermelon jerky in bed. Yeah, and I was dead asleep. I'm not going to be one of those guys that's calling saying, where are you? What are you doing? Like, who are you with? Like, the way I look at it.

No, I couldn't deal with that because you know what? That's not insecurity within the relationship. That's insecurity with yourself. Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying. And insecurity with yourself is something you need's exactly what I'm saying. And insecurity with yourself is something you need to work on independently outside of the relationship. I mean, I feel like everyone gets jealous once in a while.

It's human nature to say I've never been jealous. Yeah, but you gotta check that shit. You gotta check that shit. I mean, it's not attractive either when a girl's super jealous. No, do you know what? It comes off as insecure and it makes you look weak. So in the past when I've dated jealous girls and they and I come back you've dated other girls than me

When they come and say where were you what were you doing? Who are you with? I'm like Jesus Christ like calm down It's gonna be alright, but who were you listen if someone's going to cheat or someone's going to leave you they're going to do it They're going to cheat and they're going to leave you and you being jealous about it is not gonna stop that And just for the record for all the girls out there i have found that when women are more jealous it puts that that thought in the man's mind i have found when women are very secure with themselves and not jealous men are so attracted to that because it's such an unusual trait in a woman. And that's not to be mean. Women do get jealous.

Now, if you're talking about a man. This goes for men too. Yeah. When guys are jealous, when I dated jealous guys, I was like, you know that show Next? I was like, next. For the men out there, let me tell you, women look at jealousy as weakness, I think. And I'm telling you, women do not like weakness. They like confidence and strength.

So if you're running around acting like a jealous little bitch, and I'm going to say that, then you need to check that shit at the door. And you need to get control of yourself and realize that's not helping. Okay, but on that same note, I'll just say, it is human nature to get jealous once in a while. That's totally normal. No, no, no. No, I'm not.

No, I get it. That is normal. It's fine. Jealous, but you got to check that. I think the people in this question are looking for me to have a softball answer. Be like, well, well, you know. I don't think anyone's ever thought you would have a softball answer. This guy, you know, he's talking to females. Listen, you have two options.

Either he's being inappropriate and you have an option to stay or leave, or you need to check yourself. What about the fact that she says that her man seems to platonically get along with females? So what if a guy is, like, really always hanging out with females? You'd have to be more specific with the circumstances on that. When I hear platonically, though, I mean, that means platonic. No, I think, I think, though, like, is it really platonic? Is he, you know, interested in hanging out with other women as more than that?

I think you have to feel it out and just kind of, I mean, I feel that women know their intuition. If it's not platonic or if it's sketchy as shit like you can tell like what your guy is doing is he being like is he being truthful and honest and how does he have integrity or is he a fucking sketchball so i think that a woman's intuition can kind of dictate that and meter that um i would need more like circumstances with that with that question so um at caroline how do you say her last name? Caroline Messerina. Messerina. Write in and give us specifics. Okay. Next question. Okay. At Katie Kane asks, I'd like to gear my Snapchat toward a more fitness wellness focused approach, but I'm afraid my

friends will be annoyed with this. How do you deal with the diversity of personal Snapchat friends and public followers? Here's the real truth for me. I would not mind if not one of my friends did not follow me on Snapchat. And here's why. My Snapchat is for business. It's for the people I'm connecting with on the Skinny Confidential. It's for the Skinny Confidential community, which is why I respond to all my Snap mail. It's not for my friends. It's not for my dad. It's not for my grandma. It's for the readers and the engagement. So personally, I would be fine if they were uncomfortable and they were annoyed. Tell them, be like, unfollow me. This isn't for you. And I think that, I think that if, if, you know, if they're not annoyed and they like it, then that's great too. I think that you could go

either way on that. Yeah. For me, let me just tell you, first off, your friends don't sign your paychecks. Okay. So their opinions about, you know, if they're being haters and they're your friends, first, they don't sign your paycheck. Second, if they're your friends and they're hating on you, I don't really think that those are real friends. I know as I've started my Snapchat, I've had a lot of support from the people closest to me and that's all I really care about. They get it. You know, if you don't recognize in 2016 that social media is not only a tool for friends to interact and be social on, and that it's also a tool for business, you need to go back to 2006. And if it's that big of a deal, you can also create a personal and a business.

But honestly, I think nowadays, like Michael said before, your personal brand is a brand. So I believe if your name is Jackie King, and Jackie King should be Jackie King Online. And if that's focusing on fitness and wellness and your friends don't like it, they should unfollow you. Yeah, and you know what? If your friends don't like it, I don't know, Jordan, what do you think? I think that that sounds kind of malicious.

Like if Taylor or Weston came to me and said, I hate what you're doing on Snapchat, and they gave me a valid reason is because maybe they thought, hey, I wasn't being true to myself, or maybe they thought it made me look bad. But if they were just like, I don't like your Snapchat, like it sucks, I'd be like, okay, well, fuck off. Yeah, rude. Yeah. I think that, I think you should do whatever. Well, let's ask Jordan. Jordan's my sister. What do you think?

I like your Snapchat. I think it's all good. I think kind of like the whole point you guys always talk about of portraying your personal brand, your personal and your business are all part of your personal brand. What do you think when you saw Lauren's snap for the first time? I thought it was hilarious, and I wanted more of the funny ones. Yeah, I mean, I think that my Snapchat is, I try to focus on things that the Skinny Confidential community wants to see. It's not about my friends.

If my friends want to see, you know, me being funny, then we can go out for a drink. It also kind of gives you an insight into your friends that you might not have known before. Like, you might not know your friends as well. And then you see their Snapchat and you're like, whoa, they're actually kind of weird or kind of funny or like this book or whatever. Yeah, absolutely. And I think too, like at first when I had Snapchat, I was so open and comfortable. Not that I'm uncomfortable still, but I was so comfortable because I felt that it wasn't my friends watching. Like they didn't know I had a Snapchat yet. I felt like it was just the people that really wanted to know what I had to say, like readers from the Skinny Confidential. So it was very comfortable. I think that as I saw

more of my friends following me, sometimes that can kind of deter you from like really going after it business wise. But my advice is go kick some ass. Who cares what anyone else thinks? If your friends have a problem with it, then maybe they're not your real friends. Yeah. So to answer your question, if you'd like to gear your Snapchat towards fitness and wellness focus, I mean, that's what you should do. I think your friends should take a second seat to that, if a seat at all. I don't think that you should focus on the energy, good or bad, that they will be contributing. I think you should just focus on what you want to do, what you want to accomplish and go from there. I mean, one thing I would say about putting yourself out there on social media and I think and go from there. I mean, one thing I would say about putting

yourself out there on social media and I think for us, yeah, I mean, you got to have a little bit of thick skin. You just do. Yeah. I mean, I think when I first started the Skinny Confidential five years ago, I think that there were certainly people that I had known in my past, whether that was from bartending or teaching pure bar that didn't have the nicest things to say, not necessarily mean things, just maybe like more interesting condescending things. And I just kind of had to put their opinion aside and focus on my trajectory and what I was set out to do and just take it from there and go with it and not listen to what they had to say. Yeah. You know, one positive message to me is worth more than 5,000 negative messages. I just, you know, I filter those things out.

I think Lauren does too. If my Snapchat in any way has contributed to any kind of positivity in anyone's life, I consider that a win and I'm happy with it. And I think that that's how you need to look at it. The way you travel on my Snapchat has contributed to my happiness and my laughter level yeah i mean that was interesting too a lot of our friends too yeah yeah i mean a lot of our friends gotta see an interesting sides of us that maybe they hadn't seen before right i mean i don't even know i don't think anyone's ever seen the way you travel besides me, and now the world's seen it.

Well, so, yeah, efficiently. Oh, geez. Okay, next question. All right, the final question. Kayla Maria asks, When is it appropriate to sleep with a guy? Should I wait days, weeks, or months? Lauren?

My answer's really brutal on this this and you know what it is because you're grinning um months and months and months i think i think this is a lot of guys out there just got felt like they just got their spleen ripped out shriveled up shriveled up like a raisin like you did in cryotherapy the other day um you know what? I would say though, that answer is just for me personally. I'm prude when I first start dating a guy. I don't give out. I know my goods. I keep my goods tight to my chest. Literally. Jordan is still a virgin. My sister is still a virgin. Yep. So for her, this question does not apply. Yeah. I think that you should wait as long as you can possibly wait because you have the golden ticket and you shouldn't give it up.

Listen, for guys out there, I'm not going to give you guys an answer. You guys know. You're ready to get going. For the girls, I did a post on this on Lauren's blog a while back, and I said, listen, I'm not going to put a timeline on it i said listen i'm not gonna put a you know a timeline on it i'm just gonna tell you that men like a challenge fundamentally um they may tell you they don't or they i mean listen guys we are fucking dogs yeah you guys are we are we are just sick we are trying to get to the honeypot you are sick taylor in there he is a dirty dog taylor is a dirty dog hey thank you for

admitting it like we are we're on a mission you know we're trying to get to the honeypot we're gonna do what needs to get done to get there it's our instincts we're hunters you know by nature and we're kind of like dogs like we will chase a ball as fast as we fucking can hop through fences hop through bushes but once we get it, we kind of really don't know what to do. Here's the thing. So, so let me finish this up. So like I've said, I've said on the, before, I think women need to provide a challenge that makes the hunt interesting for men. I would totally agree with you. And for me, it's always been, I like a challenge too. That's maybe a masculine trait of mine. And so it's a challenge for me it's always been I like a challenge too that's maybe a masculine trait of mine

and so it's a challenge for me to see how long I can hold the key to my castle and you better get over my moat and over the crocodiles and it's going to take a long time to get to my golden key. I've got some negative feedback on this answer before where women are like you know it's 2016

women can do what they want. Yeah 100% if you're out there and you just want to get laid like go get laid right learn like yeah i mean i've talked to lauren's friends i'm like look if you if you guys want to go out and have some sex have some sex nobody's talking about that but if you want to you know establish a relationship wait who cares what's the rush there's no rush like i said and everything patience is a virtue it's important everything business relationships or sex life everything i mean i would i would recommend waiting but that's just for me you might you might be a completely different person than me

and completely disagree with me and i that's fine but for me if i was dating i would i will just i just knew that you know i waited with you and we're here for eight years you know and wait you waited with me yeah i mean i'm just every time i did it so cute everybody waited with me. Yeah. I mean, I'm just, every time I did it, he waited with me. I had to wait. You had to wait. Yeah. You had to wait. No, I just got it right in. No, you didn't. I didn't, but no, but every time I didn't have to wait with somebody, it was kind of like, no, I kind of just got, I got, I was like, okay, well that, that wasn't that hard. No. Yeah. No, I just think it's just how men are. I mean, and listen, girls.

Let me just jump in here again. If you're not going to make him wait, you better be really good because. You're pretty excited about this question. You don't want to go right into it and then be bad. Oh, then you're done. Right? Then you're done. Yeah, I think that you should do what works for you.

And what works for me is holding the key close to my heart and dangling it like a carrot and i almost think it's kind of funny it's kind of a game if you think about it right yeah and listen the dangling the carrot is actually a good analogy because us men are like dumb horses we will follow that wait you've now compared yourself to a dumb horse and a dog. Dog, horse. I mean, we, that dangling that, they call it dangling the carrot for a reason. I mean, we will follow that carrot. They will follow the carrot, you guys. Don't be scared about the guy being like, oh, well, you know, I had to wait, so I'm bailing. Anyone that says that anyways, stay next. That's out. Anyone that says because you're not having sex with me, I'm over you, then you can say bye, you're not the one for me later. Now, on the other hand, because you're not having sex with me, I'm over you, then you can say, bye, you're not the one for me later.

Now, on the other hand, if you want to have a one-night stand, you want to have fun, then go have fun. Go for it. Go to Vegas. Have a one-night stand. Go ahead and get squirrely. Get squirrely. Except for Jordan, who's a virgin. Ew, Michael.

Can I just say, I feel like girls that ask this question, or not this question, but girls that tend to have sex all the time on the first night are usually single yeah and that's fine there's there's nothing wrong with that have sex i mean if you want to have sex have sex okay and we'll end it on the sex topic so you guys subscribe subscribe subscribe to the skinny confidential him and her podcast on itunes follow us on snap at Michael Bostic and at Lauren Everett. Send in your questions to hashtag Ask Him and Her on Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram, whatever.

We will be taking them for next episode and we hope you enjoyed this one. We'll see you next time.