The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast - Alexandra Potora On The Secret To Success & The Key To Productivity

Episode Date: October 2, 2020

#298: On this episode we are joined by Alexandra Potora. Alexandra is a digital creator, entrepreneur, and the founder/CEO of VREA Cosmetics. Alexandra joins the show to discuss how she emigrated from communist Romania to the US to pursue the American Dream. On this episode we discuss how to start from nothing and build a business, the secrets to success, and how to be productive.  To connect with Alexandra Potora click HERE To connect with Lauryn Evarts click HERE To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM To Call the Him & Her Hotline call: 1-833-SKINNYS (754-6697) WOO MORE PLAY is the all natural and organic coconut love oil that is changing the way we have sex. With only 4 all natural ingredients WOO is the perfect personal lubricant to spice up your sex life. That's just the pre-party.  All Him & Her Listeners will receive 20% off your entire order plus free shipping when when visiting www.woomoreplay.com & using promo code HIMANDHER at checkout. Produced by Dear Media

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the vibrator, okay? Like I said about the functions, but it also has a heart-shaped handle, so it's the perfect accessory for solo play or partner play. You can use it while you're having sex or you can use it alone. All I know is that you're going to want to use it. Like I said, Woo Vibes is the only vibrator on the market with a cute, pretty travel case, okay? So there's no more secret sex toys in your sock drawer. Ew. This one is displayed on your vanity. You can travel with it and no one will find it when they're done because it's in the little case.

To get 20% off your white and rose gold tone vibrator, use code SKINNYVIBES at checkout. That's S-K-I-N-N-Y-V-I-B-E-Z. S-K-I-N-N-Y-V-I-B-E-Z at checkout. 20% off. Share this with your friends. You can't go wrong. I'm telling you. And just remember, I come first. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to the skinny confidential, him and her. But the most important thing that I have learned throughout all these roller coasters that I've been on is businesses that are

not sexy will always be the most stable and the most profitable. We made it through another week, Michael Bostic. Barely, barely, Lauren Everts. Yes, yes, we did. Welcome back to the Skinny Confidential Him and Her Show. You have me, Lauren Everts Bostic. I'm Bostic today. And my husband. Michael Bostic. Who needs a haircut.. And my husband. Michael Bostic. Who needs a haircut. Nope. Well, you know, I know a lot of people have mixed reviews about this hair. I don't know how I feel.

I know I don't look too great, guys. Like I haven't seen a barber. COVID and everything. I just haven't. That's one thing I've just really let go of this year. The hair. It's getting wild. And we got new cover art that's debuting your new hair.

I didn't like the first cover art. And I don't know if I like the second cover art. It's an improvement because I'm not just against a huge pink background but um literally no one cares what you look like honestly think i look like trash in that i just looked at myself when you look fucking great in that look at you're all like dialed in you got your glasses look at me i look like a like a disgusting guy that's been in the mountains for a year i look like a sexy school teacher that's about to give you a bj look at that look at all that hair too much hair on the face too much hair on the eyebrows i'm really you're hairy yeah well that's about to give you a BJ. Look at that. Look at all that hair. Too much hair on the face, too much hair on the eyebrows. You're hairy. That's okay though. Today we have

a very colorful episode for you. We have Alexander Petora on the Skinny Confidential, him and her show. She is a master content creator. And the way that she got to where she is, is so inspiring. She walks us through every single struggle that she endured and just really goes back on her childhood and talks about how she got to where she is. She gives tons of tangible tips and tricks, and she, like I said, is going to motivate the fuck out of you. So if you're listening and you need a little inspiration or motivation, this is your girl. With that, let's welcome Alexandra Petora to the show. She is a YouTuber.

Crazy enough, at 16, she became a music pop star in her native Romania. And now she is basically famous on YouTube. She has an amazing blog that deals with personal growth, relationships, sex, fashion, beauty, career, and money. She spills it in this episode. Like I said, this episode goes all over the place. So get ready. This is the Skinny Confidential, him and her. Okay, so go back to what you were telling us before the podcast. You were saying that you met your husband and he wasn't your type. Yeah, my husband is actually not my type. At first blush when I met him, he wouldn't have been my

type. But I was able to recognize things in him because I've approached, I approach my relationships the way I approach my business, which is I knew exactly what I wanted in a relationship. I categorize it, number one, most important, number two, number three, what's non-negotiable. Give us the list. Well, one of the things, so I, the relationship prior to him, it was with a guy that was a lot younger and he was still going to college. So I was essentially babysitting, paying for the bills and the rent and all that. I was like, oh, I was in love.

And I'm like, that's some bullshit right there. I don't care how in love you are, sweetie. You gotta, no. So he's a great guy. I mean, we just spoke recently, but he just I've realized this, you know, being with somebody that is on a more advanced playing field than I am is very important to me. I believe in feminism, but I still believe that, you know, my guy should pay for, you know, my dinner. Give me a nice steak. You know what I mean?

So I knew that financially I had to be with somebody that is very independent and well off. Then the second thing, I knew that he needed to have a good relationship with his mother, but not too good of a relationship. Like we don't want the umbilical cord. No, I can't do that. And she should live far, but he should have a good relationship with her, but she should live far. And then the other thing was, I wanted him to be of the same political views as I am, because I'm very, you know, into it.

So if I was with somebody that was of polar opposite, I just knew it's going to be a lot of contention and that just wouldn't work in the long run. So anyway, those are just kind of the top three, which may sound silly to some, but that's what really mattered to me. So before going on our first date, I had formulated in my mind these questions. Just, you know, nothing like, so who are you going to vote for? You know what I mean? Give me a question.

Say I'm on a date with you. What are you asking him? This is intense. Michael's sweating. Okay. I mean, give me a question. Say I'm on a date with you. What are you asking him? This is intense. Michael's sweating. Okay. So one of, I knew because I met him through work. I knew that he had his own company.

So I was like, okay. But I started asking him questions. You know, who's your clientele? You know, what kind of, you know, size projects are you guys working on? I thought you were going to say, what kind of, what size is your deck? That was my first question. That was actually like fourth on the list. I was like like how big is your dick when it's rock hard i was like go stand across the room and you'll see oh get a measuring tape no but i mean like listen yeah those are some intense those are some intense

first date questions no but and i didn't ask him i mean like with a lot of you know like but just you with the smile on my face and being all cute. How was the relationship with your mother? You know, and you know, how did you grow up? Did you have any siblings? Oh, where does she live now? Oh, she lives in Norwalk. In my mind, I'm like, great. Where does she live? Norwalk. Norwalk. We live in OC. Okay. Okay. Okay. So she's perfect distance. She's perfect distance. So is that like an hour away? It's about an hour away, a little over an hour. Okay. So when you met your husband, was he an entrepreneur like you? Yes, he's been an entrepreneur since day one.

He was actually homeschooled and it was seven of them. He has four siblings, he's one of five. And all five, plus the parents, were living on his father's janitorial salary. He was being homeschooled by his mom, who's ASD Mexico, so she didn't speak a lot of English, so good luck homeschooling English-speaking kids. And by a stroke of luck, his dad ended up being a Spanish teacher at the Norwalk School District, and one day he brought home a computer. Jeremiah, I think, was about six years old at that time, and he was so fascinated by it, so he started pulling it apart, putting it back together, figuring out how it works, taught himself how to code, would go to

the library and get different books on how to code, started coding in various languages. And by 12 years old, he was getting paid by folks in the neighborhood and people from their local church to build their websites and whatnot. And by 16, he was a full fledged hacker, a white hat hacker, and his specialty was trying to find the security flaws in online shopping. So what he did is he went on guess and he wanted to buy a pair of jeans. And before putting in his credit card, he said, Well, wait a minute, let me try to see if this is safe. So he was able to hack into Guess and get access to all the credit cards, etc. He's reaching out to Guess, telling them you have a security flaw, you know, you're violating your privacy terms in terms of use, you're not doing all this stuff. And nobody cared. He's

some 16 year old guy. But one of his friends was the editor in chief at Wired magazine. So Wired runs the story. And the next thing you know, the New York Times hears about it, they start calling him, he starts hacking into various different things, you know, to try to prove the security flaws. The FBI gets involved. Even to this day, his mom tells me, yeah, mija, el FBI would call on the phone and be like, mijo. She had no idea. But then these companies started coming after him with a vengeance because by now the Fc started pursuing lawsuits so in a nutshell lawsuits against the companies that didn't have the right security exactly because they were saying one thing in terms of how they're providing online security and they were doing another and i am

calling you if michael's ever shading i'm gonna be like i need to talk to your husband we can find out exactly what he's doing where how but anyway. But anyway, he is, you know, and then lawsuits started coming his way from these various companies. A professor of cybersecurity at Stanford University wanted to reach out to him and tell him, hey, you know, I want to represent you because this was at the forefront of online shopping.

So nobody knew what to expect and she wanted to represent him to protect him because what he was doing wasn't, I mean, we can say that it was illegal, but it was for the right reasons. We need, he needed to essentially figure out the security flaws of these companies. Anyway, that is his story. So what did he, did people start hiring him to like basically beef up their security? Well, part of-

Or consult with them or what? Well, when he started his digital company, that was one of the things that they were doing. He was offered some jobs in government, but he said, government money doesn't, you know, doesn't pay well. I'm going to make my own path. So he created, you know, his company and his company built a website at the time. And that's how we met. And after our project was done, he asked me out. And that's when I came prepared because I'm like, I need to, I cannot waste my time. I was like 24 at the time. And I'm like, I'm old. I need to figure my shit out. Well, now at 36, I'm like, oh my God, what was I smoking at the time? Yeah, I just, I approach the beginning of our relationship with the same kind of structure that I approach every relationship, even my friendships. Before, you know, I meet a bunch

of different women and, you know, we want to forge relationships, but I don't go in any relationship blindly anymore. If it's a friendship or if it's a romantic or a business, I need to know exactly what I need in a friendship. I need positivity. I need somebody that's a go-getter. I need somebody that's honest and is just going to say, speak her her mind if i don't recognize those things and that's what i'm looking for specifically that i'm not even gonna pursue that that is such good fucking advice that is a gem of advice from our podcast that you just gave i'm a firm believer in like very few friends and a shitload of acquaintances right like i there's a lot of people that i know that i'm acquainted with that if i saw out of like hey let's have a drink or like you know lunch or whatever but like they're

not necessarily like super close to me and then i have like very few but also that's that intentionally because i know that like with how busy everything is like i know i only have so much time to really invest in those true friendships it's not that i don't like the acquaintances it's just i want to make sure that if i'm in a friendship i'm like fully vested and then if i'm not then it's like hey we could still like hang out, be friends, like go on a trip, see each other. But it's not necessary. Like we're not, you know, that close. We have these ideals of, oh, we can have everything. And, you know, the reality is, no, you cannot have everything because you cannot be a badass bitch CEO of a billion dollar company and also make dinner at home every night and take care

of your baby and do X, Y. It's just, it's impossible. And I've realized in that process that a lot of things in our lives are not sexy. And that's okay. And the way you're going to navigate successfully most of the times is if you stay structured, if you know what you want and you approach every aspect of your life with that structure. You don't do that. You're just going to be like algae. Any girl. You know what algae is? That's some limp dick. It reminds me of those little things in Little Mermaid, the poopsies. But you know what I mean?

I don't want to sound mean, but I recognize people that are like algae, where the current just kind of takes you. Today you're on the left, tomorrow you're on the right. And why appreciate just kind of floating you and you're moving. Today, you're on the left. Tomorrow, you're on the right. And why appreciate, just kind of floating through life with enthusiasm. You know, you can't, you're not, where are you going to go? Well, you know, it makes me think, you know, there's that saying, like, if you love what you're doing, you'll never work a day in your life. Like, I think that's such horse shit.

That's such horse shit. And I'll tell you why. Because people are like, what? Like, chase your passion. Yeah, chase your passion. But like, chasing your passion and doing what you love only gives you the staying power to give you a reason to go through all the shitty things that come along with that. So for example, like I love podcasting and this is like, this is the reward right here.

Like being able to sit and do this. Like, it's great. I hate doing all the coordination, doing all the monetization, doing all the advertising, doing all the back, the coordinate, like everything that goes into the business, the accounting, the fucking legal shit, all the stuff. I hate all of it. Like, I don't like to do it at all. I just want to do this. But all the other stuff comes with it. And I think people get confused with like, oh, well, you know, I only like creating and I hate the business side. So I'm not going to do this. Like, well, you're not going to be very successful then. Like you're going to be, you can create, but like you need to have a reason

to eat the shit that comes with doing the thing you love and i'd say like the shit part is like probably 60 of it 70 in some cases you know what i mean and i think that's why a lot of startups fail i mean how many girls look at you lauren and they see the final product you know or just the surface part of it not knowing all the deep layers of all this shit that you have to do but that's why i wanted to interview you and that's why that's what drew me to really want you to come on the podcast because i see your content and i mean i i think i know i probably don't know because it's 10 times gnarlier than what i think how much work it is it's a lot of work it's a lot of work what you do like you you are i mean first of all to even get yourself to that point i'm sure is a lot of work what you do. Like you are, I mean, first of all, to even get yourself to that point, I'm sure is a lot of discipline because you can't be puffy and hungover because you got to be, you're

right. And when she's on camera, it is right here. It is not far away. It is zoomed in. You have your lighting. You have what you're going to talk about. You are very much a content creator that talks about niche things too. You're not just like, here's a pimple cream. You're very specific. So first, I want to get into how you got that drive and entrepreneurship. I want to go back to when you

were little. So tell us about how, did you have an epiphany one day? Have you always been like that? What happened? Everything that I am, honestly, is the result of my desire to be who I am today. So I was born and raised in Romania. It's in the Eastern Bloc. But it's not really an Eastern country because we are Latin-based people. The Roman Empire conquered our territory, and that's why it's called Romania. So we're Latin people. But communism, Russian-Soviet communism took over our country. And I grew up, my first memory in life is waiting in line for food. We would have gas, electricity, water turned off every night, which is why I have this scar.

I don't know if you can see it, right? This fucking thing, no brow pomade, which is why I'm going to make my own brow pomade. It cannot get in there and like really give me an eyebrow shape. It's because, you know, the way we were living and I went through the revolution and and so I I had this thing since I was a little girl that I felt that I didn't belong My mom told me that I was three years old when I told her that I don't belong. She didn't know what I meant by that But then I remember specifically being six years old and telling my mom that I was born in the wrong country. And not to be misunderstood with, I don't love Romania. I love Romania.

I love the country. I love the culture. I love the people. I love, you know, everything about it. But the problem is that when you live in the circumstances that we were living in, and you're told how much water to drink, what kind of food you're going to have, and how much, how many cars you can have, etc. That either makes you much better, and you strive for a lot more, or it takes you in the opposite direction, and you turn mean, and sour, and resentful. And I started noticing that,

unfortunately, that's how people were turning, and it wasn't their fault. It was just the circumstances that they were living in. They were making them very hard, and I didn't like that. I'm not the kind of person, if I have water, I will gladly give it to you. And I'm not some, like, oh, I'm a saint. No, I'm a fucking bitch. But I am, you know, I just, I believe in we work together as culture, as people, you know, we help each other out. If I do something for you, you're going to do something for me eventually when I need you. It's just, it's good karma. It's just how this world works. And there was a lot of scarcity. So long story short, I felt I didn't belong in Romania. I just felt like this, I was born in the wrong country. My mom was a single mom. I grew up with daddy issues and, you know,

the whole shebam. I belong to a very poor school district. And my mom, since I was three years old, she has saved every penny she could so she can essentially bribe the schoolmaster of this school that was about five minutes further away, but it was a much better school. And that's how the system was working. And she was able to do that. She got me in a nice school. But the problem was that I was a poor kid in a really nice district. So, you know, now we are more aware of bullying and things like that. Back then it was called building character. So you just kind of took it, you know, and go home and cry, you know, cry it out. I was very insecure and I didn't have the nice clothes. I was the only child. So I didn't, I would go home. My mom would be working. I was walking myself

back home and I was alone all day. So my social skills weren't, you know, advanced. So I was kind of shy. I was very timid. I wasn't talking to a lot of people. When I would talk, I was very conscientious, thinking I'm going to say the wrong thing. Kids are going to laugh at me. I didn't have, so, and all that. And I just, I remember the catalyst for me was for my 12th birthday, I invited all the girls in my school at my house, and my mom made some snacks, and nobody showed up. So I remember crying, and I was so, and I was like, I hate everybody. And my mom, you know, my mom, she looked at me, and she said, you know, you can feel that way, or you can feel empowered to become the kind of person that everybody wants to be

around, or everybody's going to look up to. And she taught me from a young age, people have agendas, you know, which is unfortunate, but people have agendas and they will hang out with you if they feel they have something to gain. In a sense, this is what I do now with my friends too. If you don't have something positive to bring into my life, I don't really want you around. So you can say that, you know, we are all seeking something, you know, out of our relationship. So I made up my mind in that very moment that I will make something of my life to where other people want to be around me. That was just my 12 year old mindset. You know, that's kind of how it started. How long were you in Romania? Till I was 18. I turned 18 in August, September, I actually September this September

27th, I'm going to have 18 years. And how and how many years of that was under communist rule? About six, my first six years were under communist under calm but it's even the turnover after that it takes years to recover what is it like being under communist rule like give us like some actual micro examples and the reason i want the reason i think we want you to speak on this is we're in a time in this country where i think like there's people should hear more stories like this because listen every country has problems we have problems we have issues got to work through but like I don't think people are aware how lucky they are to live in a free country you know and like let's like I said there's flaws and people are saying like well and they're going to be screaming at the mic but like I don't think

they understand the alternatives and the contrast and like the way you grow up is so much different than the way this country is founded and built. And I think people should hear these experiences like, oh, maybe we don't have it as bad as some other places in the world. Not to say that there's anything wrong with Romania or like these other countries, but communism, it's not a productive way of life, in my opinion. It's not a good thing. It oppresses people. It's like, it's honestly a terrible way to have to live. And if people understood it a little bit more, understood they could be a little bit more appreciative of like the opportunities they have in this country. I really love the direction this has taken because I love that we can talk about anything. I am one of the biggest American patriots you will ever meet because... Many immigrants are. Yeah. I am very proud. Because they know the alternative.

Exactly. I am very proud to be an American. You put me in a room and somebody says, fuck America, I'm going to lose my shit. And unlike many people, I have to... You know, I think that the problem, a large problem in our American society right now is that most folks were born here.

They live in this bubble. All they focus on is what's wrong. And you mentioned there's wrong everywhere. But I always say bad in America is better than bad anywhere else in the world. Give us specific examples because I have grown up here and I would like to be enlightened.

Well, I think probably the majority of the people listening have grown up here. And why I want you to speak to it is because they don't understand, like you said, bad here is not nearly, it's good in any other place. Well, the way communism kind of came about in Romania started with the idea of socialism. And I always find, you know, there's this utopian world where everybody has access to everything and everything is free. Somehow it's coming from somewhere, we don't know. But everybody has access to food and healthcare and this and automobiles and housing and free

schools and all that. And everybody will live happily ever after. And you have just like this one government and the government is going to take care of everything. The problem is, is there's not one example in the history of where that's worked. No, it's worked nowhere. It's never worked. No, no.

I can blanketly say it is actually never worked. It never worked. Never worked. And the problem is that if not kept in check and you're trying to kind of revert to capitalism, which always works, you're down on a slippery slope, which leads to communism. And to answer Lauren's question, in communism, you are essentially told how much you're going to eat. For example, it was just my mom and I. So we had roughly around 10 eggs per month and X amount of flour, X amount of bread, X amount of meat, poultry. There were some stores, but they were half empty. And you would just get things like, oh, you want some

beans with your food? Well, that's a luxury. Oh, you want rice now? Okay. But for the essentials, you were told how much to eat and you had to go wait in line. And Romania is brutal in the wintertime. Anybody, anybody that has four seasons, they'll tell you. It's freezing cold. And so you wait in line, you get your food. You are told based on your household how many cars you should have. For my mom and I, we couldn't have any. You're told which school to go to. You're told, you know, from this time to this time, you're going to have electricity. Five o'clock, we're going to shut everything off. Gas, electricity, lights, everything was shut off at five o'clock. When I banged my head, my mom couldn't even take me to the hospital because a

facility without clean running water, it's not suitable to serve as a hospital. So we had to wait till the next day, you had to go see specific doctors that were, you know, part of that very narrow network. You're told how to live. This is what it is. And, you know, it's wintertime. It's three degrees Celsius outside. The buildings are shitholes. They're practically paper thin.

So you have to sleep with your jacket and your hat and your gloves so you don't freeze to death. What if you rebel? What if you're like, fuck this, I want 20 eggs? That's a really good question well one you couldn't because kgb was tapped into all of our phone lines so you you don't come back from that you don't it this is this is what people don't understand like you know people right now are going crazy and you see a rest like oh my god this is like nazi germany or like it's like no it's not like these people come back they go somewhere like what she's talking about is like you don't come back.

Like one day you're there, you're rebelling. The next day, like what the fuck happened to Jim? If they get a hint and they would pay you to rat on your neighbors. It sounds like The Giver. I haven't seen The Giver. It's a book that we had to read in sixth grade. Doesn't it sound like The Giver? Yes, but staying on this lane, like I don't think people understand.

Like there's no form of free rebellion there. Like right now what's going on in this lane, I don't think people understand. There's no form of free rebellion there. Right now, what's going on in this country, it's fine. It's an expression. People have the right to do it. They have rights. If you do that in these countries that we're talking about, you don't come back. No.

There is no free expression. You cannot do this. You go out in the streets and start breaking shit down. You are going to be killed, period. Well, my mom like, you are going to be killed. Well, my mom. Or you're going to be put somewhere where you never are seeing the light of day again. Exactly. My mom has a very vivid memory. And this is one of the things that she lived with in fear.

Two o'clock one morning, our neighbor's door got broken into. We believe we assume he was the KGB at the time. And they took the husband and the family never saw him again. And that's because apparently there were some Western DVDs or cassette tapes at the time that were kind of circling underground and allegedly he got his hands on one of those. So that was, if you guys want to see something that is absolutely crazy, I believe Netflix has it, but I'm kind of boycotting Netflix right now because of this new cutie show that I'm not like a big fan of.

They do have like a movie that's broken into six parts and it's called Comrade Detective. What's the Magic Mike guy? Channing Tatum. Channing Tatum. Yes, Channing Tatum, the 007 guy, Daniel Craig and whatnot. They're doing voiceovers. What they did is they found propaganda movie, a Romanian propaganda movie that was filmed in 1989 at the beginning. And they were going to

roll it out at the end of 1989. And you get to see what they were showing us because the TV was extremely censored. We had one Romanian channel that was from, I don't know, 8am to like 5pm. We had a Bulgarian channel. I have no idea what the fuck. I mean, my dad, my biological dad is half Bulgarian, but I don't know. And even the Russian cartoons. Imagine like the Roadrunner. But in this cartoon, the Roadrunner is a rabbit. And the wolf, no, the whatever, the... Anyway.

The coyote. The coyote is a wolf. The cartoons that we were watching were with the zayats, with the rabbit. And the wolf was smoking cigarettes and getting drunk. And like, this is the kind of shit that they were showing. Do a lot of people use drugs and drink? A lot of people drink. Oh yeah.

A lot of alcohol. And smoking cigarettes, like two packs a day and drinking is very common. So what the fuck did you do? Well, because it's your fucking stress the hell out of it. Did you think when you get to America? After the revolution,

1989, and this is one of the things too, you know, it took underground, the rioters, years to put this together. And ultimately, in December of 1989, they surfaced. And that's how the revolution started. And it was brutal. I mean, we there were militia people that were shooting from the buildings. And of course, the military didn't care. They would point the tank that way, wherever they built the building. And they would fire. And there are people.

We were living in the building next door. Everything shakes. It's unimaginable. But after the revolution, it took several years of corrupt politics. Romania is still corrupt. You know, everybody that lives in Romania will tell you what a shithole. You know, it's really rough on the people still. It's not technically socialist or communist anymore, but it's still very corrupt.

And that's what happens after communism. Before we get into that, I want to talk about something that I have been talking about for the last five years, how blue light damages the eyes. It leads to digital eye strain. I know this because I've experienced this. A lot of my team members have complained about having blurred vision or headaches because we're always looking at the phone and the computer. So I found something that

is so preventative that works. I wear it every single night. I know that everyone out there who is on their phone a lot, which is a lot of people, is going to love this too, and that is Blue Blocks. So Blue Blocks was created to fix these problems and block out the blue light with evidence-backed high-quality lenses. They're these really cute glasses. They have all different kinds on the site, so you can see which flatter your face the most. I personally am obsessed with the Chesters. I wear them almost every single night, and I think they help so much.

What I've especially noticed is they help with my cortisol. So I was winding down at night. I had my meditation music, my salt rock lamp, everything very vibey, and then I would have to look at my phone and it was straining my eyes. You should know that they have over 20 frames in the latest fashion trends and they come in prescription, non-prescription and readers. But, and this is so cool, blue blocks can also turn almost any pair of glasses into

custom blue blockers. All they do is they take your existing glasses and they fit them with their lenses so you can have peace of mind knowing that your blue blocks will fit you correctly and you have the pair that's right for you. Blue Box is also giving back by working in partnership with Restoring Vision in their Buy One, Gift One campaign. For each pair of glasses, they donate a pair of reading glasses to someone in need. Get your cortisol under control like I did, get your energy back, sleep better, and block out the unhealthy effects of blue light with Blue Blocks. Go to Blue Blocks today and get free shipping worldwide and 15% off with code SKINNY or go to blueblocks.com

slash skinny. That's B-L-U-B-L-O-X.com and use code SKINNY for 15% off. Definitely check out the Chesters. Would you ever go and visit there? Yes. So if I was like, I really want to travel to Romania, would you say go? Yes. Yes, I would say go, but you would have to be with somebody that speaks the language fluently because otherwise this glass of water that would normally be five bucks, it would be like 20 for you.

Okay. God bless America. You have money you have money okay okay so you get to america yes so i actually um even on the even the way that information is censored oh it this is actually what's freaking me out right now because i'm going to be honest with you i'm seeing just learning about as i wasn't alive, but just learning from our history, how communism came about in Romania. And I was telling, I was saying earlier, you know, there are checkpoints, you know, there are little checkboxes that you mark in the process. And I'm seeing those checkboxes being marked right now. And that freaks me out. Oh, in this country.

In this country. Yeah. What's one box? The censorship. It's free speech. Though you agree with it or not, you should be allowed to speak your mind. It's scary to me how many hashtags are banned on Instagram, how many accounts are banned because they feel, oh, it's going to start this riot.

Well, hashtag Antifa seems to be fine, but this other hashtag is not. So it's scaring me because it starts with censorship. It starts with the media clouding your judgment, filtering what they're going to show you. The problem is, is that we're getting to a place where people think that people that disagree with them are their enemies. And it's not like I can go and have a civil conversation with pretty much anyone, even if I completely disagree with them, just try to understand. But people are like you in this right now, what's happening is like you either are with us or against us. You either believe what i believe or you don't and

if you don't you're my enemy and like that's just not how things work like we'll take a minor example lauren and i have a new child we have ideas on how to how to parent her right i may disagree with something she may disagree but like we have to have a civil conversation and figure out okay what where do we how do we meet in the middle and how do we make this work within reason? If you can't do that, if I was like, it's only this way and she was only that way, that immediately breaks up that family bond. It cannot exist. And you know, as an influencer, it's even gnarlier because if you say something that your community doesn't agree with, sometimes they go at you. And I don't think it has to be like that. It can just be an open dialogue conversation. We don't all have to agree. That's the beauty of life. Exactly. What I don't like is they're

making everything political here right now. And they're saying like, this is a political thing. And I'm like, no, this is a human thing. Again, like you can work. It shouldn't be so divisive. You should be able to have a reasonable conversation with people and respect where someone else is. Because for example, you may believe the things you do because of the experience that you've had in your life. Like if you come from a communist country and then you come to a country with free opportunity after experiencing stuff like that, of course, you're going to be very patriotic and you're going to believe that this is a utopia and a great place to live because of your experience. But if somebody didn't do the work to deep dive and like, why does she think this way? And they just shut you down immediately because you say

you love America. Like that's a problem because it creates a blind spot for the people that have that opposing view where they're like, oh, they don't take the time to understand why someone can think that way. And I think that's the biggest, that's where we are in this country is like people are taking their experiences that they've had personally and are trying to say like you have other people have to apply the same way that I think because my experience is more relevant than your experience. That's the problem here. I think because my experience is more relevant than your experience. That's the problem here. I call it emotional illiteracy. Honestly, I think that we've, I don't know how this happened. Honestly, how we became so emotional.

We can no longer have conversations with, I speak with people I disagree with all the time, but I think also it's this inability to want to learn more. It's ignorance. Yes. People don't want to learn more. They're perfectly content and they think that their truth is the truth. And they're not open to listening to anything that could potentially remotely poke a scratch at what they believe in. And unfortunately, that leads to emotional illiteracy.

And you start acting like that. You can no longer have conversations because people are going to start yelling, oh, you must be this. And it's like, no, no, no, no, no, I'm really not. It's generational too. It's, you know, I think it is. Because if your parents, like say that you grew up in a conservative household or a liberal household and your parents believe a certain thing, like you grew up obviously indoctrinated with all of that. And then later, maybe like, you're like, okay, well, my parents thought that. I want to please my parents.

This is how I grew up. This is my beliefs. And you don't question. That's the biggest problem. I'm constantly, as I get older, I start to question. And listen, I love my parents, but I'm constantly questioning what they tell me, what other people tell me. I think that's what you have to do.

You have to be curious and do your own research and come to your own conclusions. My mom told me I was insufferable as a child because I was asking her, I have a feeling your little girl is going to be like that too. She's going to ask. She would tell me to do something. Why do I need to go to my room? Because I said so. I can't accept that. And she was like, what? I'm like, I can't accept. What did I do wrong? And then I'll make modifications. And she was like, what? What's your sign? Virgo. Okay. Okay. So you come to America. I want to know what, were you shocked? Were you not surprised at all?

What was your vibe? I wasn't fully shocked because at 16, I actually ended up being part of this Romanian pop star group. It was called Asia. Not to be confused with the Asia that you guys know. It was ASIA from our initials, from our name. I was the last A for Alexandra. And it was the biggest girl band in

romania you would have to live under a rock to not know who we were so thankfully i didn't know that thankfully for me once i kind of joined that there was a different lifestyle that came with it so i went from being poor and being this to all of a sudden being the nicknamed britney spears of romania that's what the media nicknamed me. Yes. So all of a sudden, Can you sing? Pretty shitty. Yeah, no, but you know, so I got a preview of A Better Life, even though it was in Romania. When I, in the band, the girls were great, but sometimes the management was really rough. And it was a constant, you're never going to be more than this. This is the highlight of your

life. You know, I taught myself, this is why I'm always saying, you can teach yourself everything. You can teach yourself to be confident. There's things that you can do. And that's one of the things that I've done on my YouTube channel. Try, you know, this schematic, see if you gain more confidence. Give us micro examples of how to be confident while you're here. Some examples would be educating yourself more. You know, when they say that knowledge is power, knowledge is also very empowering. That's when you feel that you're learning things, you subconsciously start feeling more confident. It's the same thing as if you go to the gym twice

and all of a sudden, ha-ha, you're in a bathing suit. I'm like, look, check out my body. And you only went twice. Start reading, start being curious, educate yourself. Knowledge is power and is very empowering. And it doesn't have to be about any specific thing for me it was about learning different languages learning computer skills i felt like these are trade things that i can apply in life later they empowered me they made

me feel good with that my self-confidence started growing a little bit more taking care of your body i mean how you look really does affect how you feel. I mean, there's no sugarcoating it. So I'm not saying that there's a standard of beauty because there's not. But whatever you have, make it as good as you fucking can. You know, if you're perfectly plump, just make sure you're fit and toned. And that's beautiful. If you have freckles, take care of them. You know, wear some sunblock, you know, do these things. Like if you're if you don't like your hair color, okay, change it, just make sure to take care of your hair. And so it doesn't like, take care of yourself, whatever you look like, put time and

effort into taking care of your body, taking care of your mind, taking care of your skin. I also found that you genuinely do feel better about yourself when you do things for other people. So basic little things like volunteering, you do a lot of mentoring. That's one of the major things that I'm sure contributes to your self-confidence is doing things for other people. So you empower yourself with knowledge, you take care of your body, you take care of your mind, you take care of your skin, you take care of your hair, you give to others. And those are some key principles. And then, of course, you have to do things like affirmations and visualization and all that. You know, the new age has focused so much on visualization that they forgot that there is a lot of work that needs to be done.

Forget the work part, yeah. It's like the secret to the secret is you gotta fucking work. You gotta fucking work and you have to work hard. And you're right. I love what I do. My husband loves what I do. We still feel like we're working every day. It's hard work and you have to do it but you do these things i feel like they really do contribute so when you came to america did you already like feel like you were confident from the group that you were in or was it something where you felt like you had to start over i had to start over so what did you do where did you like did you move to newport tell us walk us through that yes so i actually came with a band touring in america for the Romanian communities. And we went everywhere.

New York, Philadelphia, Chicago, Detroit, LA, Orange County. And I just envisioned myself in America. When I grew up and I knew that I was born in the wrong country, I didn't know where I belonged. But when I was 13 and finally started getting some Western television, I started getting Beverly Hills 90210. But I just, I couldn't believe that there was a place where it's sunny all the time and like these really funky looking trees, palm trees now I know, and cars with no roofs.

Like, what is this? This is where I want to go. So I knew, okay, America is going to be my target. When I came here with the band, again, I had a mission. I knew I wanted to move to America. So how do I get there? I knew that if I'm a really good student and I get into the Romanian American University, that's one way. If I come here, my purpose is to network. Everybody that comes to my concert, they're going to get an autograph and also like a series of questions like,

how long have you lived in America? Is there a large community of Romanians here? What would you advise somebody that would move in? You know, like, what are some key things to do to an immigrant that comes to me? What should I look for? So I was literally networking with everybody at every show. For me, a show wasn't a show while I was here. It was a purpose, a mission. I need to figure out where should I land. And I'm given the opportunity to travel throughout and kind of gauge that. At every concert, I was speaking with a bunch of people. And I felt like Orange County, California had the more relaxed kind of vibe. It seemed like it would be more friendly with the Romanian communities. And I kept in touch with everybody. So when I it was we had a concert one day. And when we came back, Alexandra, you were this and that. And I just had a moment where I turned around like, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you were this and that. And I just had a moment where I turned around. I'm like, fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.

Fuck you. Fuck you. I'm out. So I hired an attorney and got out of my contract. That's it. I'm done with the band. I'm going to America. I got a tourist visa and I'm like, I'll fucking figure it out.

So I reached out to all my Orange County was first. L.A. was second. And New York was third. And I reached out to all my contacts there and I said, hey, I'm going to come to America. And what do you suggest? What do I do? And, you know, slowly but surely,

that's, I was given like a blueprint of, hey, you should get a phone. Here, we can help you get a job. You know, you'll get paid under the table at first while you get your paper. Because I, week two in America, I started working. I'm like, what am I going to do? Just sit here?

I'm like, no, I'll wash toilets. Like, I don't care. Britney Spears of Romania, she's like sitting there like with the, like, I don't care. Work is work. You got to do what you have to do. So yeah, and that's when I came. But one of the things that really, really surprised me, to say the least, is when I went to the first grocery store. And I remember calling my mom and I'm like, mom, they have an aisle for dogs here in America. Like two aisles down, I'm getting my produce. And then two aisles back, I'm getting food for a dog.

And she's like, what? She's like, yeah, entire aisles just for pets. Because in Romania, dog will eat chicken bones. Here I learned you can't give a dog a chicken bone. I'm like, in Romania, they'll be lucky. I'm like, oh man, I got something that resembles meat today. So the dogs would eat anything, you know, and be just fine. Hold up. Let me tell you about my Thrive Market order this month.

It is so good. It gets delivered straight to my door. You know, I get the dates. They have these organic dates that I stuff with raw almond butter i add a few chocolate chips i also threw in thrive market's organic coconut water i got their apple cider vinegar they have these organic coconut flakes that are major with some almond milk and then lastly while you're on there definitely pick up primal kitchens avocado oil i'm telling you you cannot go wrong with the convenience of thrive market Market. They basically take out the middleman. So you don't have to look at ingredients and like sort through all this stuff. They pick the organic, they pick the best, they do all the work non-GMO. It's all there for you. To streamline things for you, they have new membership options. So the first one is a one

month membership for $9.99 a month. The second one is 12 months membership for $5 a month. And the fun part is, is you get to choose a free gift up to $22 value when you join today. So here's the deal. Some of the reasons Michael and I like it is we can get both of our favorites in one order. Like I said, it shows up to your door. Some other notable things to shout out, it's guaranteed savings. So if you're a member, you get member-only prices. A lot of people are saving an average of $32 on every order. You also, like I said, get the highest quality of healthy and sustainable products. And you have stuff that's good for the planet. If you want to get all your groceries in one swoop, then just go to thrivemarket.com slash skinny. I personally really like how you can choose your membership term.

For me, I went with the 12-month membership because it comes down to like $5 per month. But if you're not sure if Thrive Market is the right fit for you, you can easily give it a try for a shorter period of time. Like I said, go to thrivemarket.com slash skinny and try those recommendations. I know you're going to love them. But think about like the drive and the hunger. Like you were, you know, in your world in Romania, like you were a known person and like, you know, like for example, if someone does the Britney Spears here, they're not leaving this country. They're staying. They're like, fucking shit is good. If you're the Britney Spears over there and you're still that motivated and willing to do that kind of work to come over here.

Like this is what I wish more people in this country thought about is like you want to come here. Like it's a lot of fucking work and people are trying that hard to get over here. There's a reason. It's because the experiences that you had prior, they don't like they don't even out. And like I think if more people just thought about how fortunate they were to live in a society like this where there is an abundance of food. I mean, the proportions here in America are disgusting. Oh, obscene. My first restaurant was like, whoa, it's just me. It's not like, can you get some clothing here? It's like, which thousand store do you want to choose from? Like you said, there's an abundance of everything

and it's easily accessible to pretty much everyone. Like, yes, there's degrees of poverty and degrees of, but like even the poorest people in this country are still so much better off than so many other places. You know what I mean? What are some things that you do because of where you grew up? So I'll give you an example. My ex-boyfriend, 5,000 years ago, his dad grew up in a very poor area. And so I remember being at his house and we would be eating in the kitchen and he would go turn every single light off in the house besides the kitchen light.

And that was just like a product of what had happened to him. Is there anything that you notice yourself doing that's maybe because of the way you grew up? Absolutely. So I save my money. I'm like a squirrel. I'm saving that money. These are gifts.

Anything of brand that I have, they're gifts. They're not, I do not buy that. You sent me the most beautiful flowers so many times. She sent me like birthday flowers. I mean, you are so generous. Well, I'm generous with my, I generous. Yeah, but with me, like I don't really spoil myself a whole lot. Like I take care of myself.

I get my massages. I get my, you know, I take care. But to splurge on, oh, the latest Louis Vuitton. To me, that's pissing away money, to be honest. I like brands just like any other girl, but I save my money like a motherfucker. We save, we invest, we save, we invest. I do the same thing. If I'm not in a room, I turn off the lights. Now, here's the thing too, though. I am how I am with money now. But when I first came to America and I started making money, I didn't come with the, I dropped out of college to come to America. And I started working immediately.

I was 18. At 19, I made my first million. I didn't know what to do with it. I've realized making money in America is easy. Making money is actually really easy in America. I know this may sound crazy to some people, but I don't know. Take an immigrant that came from a third world country without college degree. I'll tell you, it's easy for you because the work ethic you carry with you is more than

what most Americans have. And so it's easy to stand out if you're willing to put in that time. No job is below you. People need to hear that more. The thing is the opportunity is there in this country for anybody that's willing to put in the time and effort and work to go and get it. Just many people, because they take it for granted, they don't put that time in if they think it's just inherently given to them. But I started making this money. And is this from YouTube? When you say you made your first million, what do you mean? Real estate. Real estate. Mortgage. Yeah. So you got into real estate when you came here. I got into real estate. I actually worked my way up. I started as a receptionist and then I was you came here. Yeah, I got into real estate. I actually worked my way up.

I started as a receptionist. And then I was like, okay, well, I could do more. Then I went on to becoming a telemarketer. Then I became a junior processor, senior processor, loan officer, account executive. Then this group and I started buying a lot of real estate together, a lot of stuff in Florida, Clearwater, Tampa, blah, blah, blah, flip it. It was the market back then, like 2003, 2004. You were thriving if you were doing that. So I kind of recognized that and I got involved in that.

And I made my first million when I was 19. So I've realized making money in America is easy. Now, keeping it and making more of it, that's a completely different subject. And I was somebody, and I recognize here too, we're not taught how to manage our money. We're not taught what to do with our money. So you get a paycheck and you're going to go to the club and you're going to go buy rims and you're going to go buy, I don't know, makeup. Not to say that this stuff is not bad. So I, you know, I had them in tab when I was growing up, I told myself I will never be poor again. So I started making money and I'm thinking, woohoo, life is good. But I didn't know how to manage money.

I didn't know that, you know, the market is going to something will happen. The bubble will burst, like anything can happen. So 19 and then at 24, I was filing for bankruptcy. Chapter seven bankruptcy, I had to bankrupt everything. And that's when I, it was like another turn. And that's when I was broke again. And I'm like, okay, luckily for me, I know what it's like to not have things. So that didn't freak me out.

That's when I got three jobs. I'm like, I'll do whatever I can. Here I am, somebody. Now, by now, it's 2008. The market, the real estate, we know what happened. So here you are, somebody in America with only experience in that vertical, okay? With no college degree. I mean, you would say that you worked mortgage. You were like Satan, like a demon, like nobody wanted to hire you. So here I am just

with that business experience, no college degree. I was still on my green card. I wasn't a citizen yet. So what do you do? So, you know, I had to get multiple jobs and that's how I became of the mentality. No job is below you. I ended up being a sitting hostess at a restaurant and I was sitting the clients that I was servicing as an account executive seven months before that. That was embarrassing. I was embarrassed. I would go home and I would cry. But guess what? I needed to make money because my electricity was cut off. My car got repossessed. You know, it is what it is. You got to pull. And this is what I'm saying. It's easy to make money in America because I not only made it once as an immigrant, but I made it the second time around. And this time I knew that I have to bring that kind of work ethic, but also organization that I'm talking about. That's when it really sunk into me

that you have to approach every aspect of your life being very calculated. Now, not to say that you shouldn't live life, you shouldn't be spontaneous, that's completely different. But my relationships, my business, everything that I do, it's not emotionally based. It's not, I listen to my gut, but it's not emotionally driven. I think, I try to think five steps ahead every time. And I approach it with that militaristic, very Eastern European, you know, style. So you and Michael could fucking have a conversation for hours about this. Michael does the same thing. I'm listening. I'm like, am I talking to my husband? Well, because it is an emotional thing, but you can't apply emotional strategies to business. You cannot because there's things that like, yes, passion, but like, and same with

managing money. Like, for example, we'll take something like the stock market right now. You know, if you're investing in the stock market, this year has been a fucking crazy year. But if you're investing and you're emotional and you're not paying attention to history and you're not actually analyzing like how markets work and like what a long-term strategy is, when it crashed about, was it back in March? If you were somebody that had a bunch of money invested in there and you're getting emotional, like, oh my God, I'm screwed.

And you pulled all your money out in March. Well, then you've actually, you've actualized a loss bunch of money invested in there and you're getting emotional, like, oh my God, I'm screwed. And you pulled all your money out in March. Well, then you've actually, you've actualized a loss. You actually lose money there. But if you can keep a level head and say, okay, what happens typically in these markets and how much time do I have for my money to ride there? And you left it in. And maybe even you take that moment, like, I'm going to take emotion out of this and actually dump a lot more cash into this down. If you would have done that, you make a lot of money this year, right? Like a lot of people have benefited from the swings of the market by just keeping a clear head and saying, like, I'm not going to get emotional here. Well, you know what's something that I actually

learned, and I think it's very important for people to hear this. You know, you should never, and COVID and the pandemic that has been happening kind of reassured me in that you can't have all your eggs in one basket, number one. If both mom and dad are in the same like job, you know, that could be dangerous. You need to diversify. But the most important thing that I have learned throughout all these roller coasters that I've been on is businesses that are not sexy will always be the most stable and the most profitable. So this is why my husband and I diversified. I mean, here you have, you know, social media and glitz and glam and makeup and skincare. And then, you know, his expertise in, in development and website and applications and such, and we're invested in self-storage

and it's, it turns out it's the most profitable form of commercial real estate. They're always storing shit. They're going to lose their homes. Unfortunately it is, you know what it is, but they will need to store their value. You know what else? Like industrial real estate, like even, estate, even see what's happening in commercial, but people, that's the thing. People have to make things. They always need a place to make them. There's things, again, the boring stuff is the stuff that's stable. Logistics. We now have a logistics company. We're going to have 100 employees in the next 30 days.

People need their packages and their stuff delivered. So all these industries that are not sexy, they're great to get into. And they're recession proof. Yeah, it's very good advice. Michael's friend is into car mats. Oh, yeah. Well, there's he's an anomaly, but there's a and I won't put him on blast and say the name, but he's probably the largest manufacturer. He's him and his kids are going to lose those floor mats in the world. And he's built a massively successful business. You're like floor mats. It is a multi-billion dollar industry because think about it. Every car needs floor mats and they need good ones.

And, you know, in a recession, people hold onto their cars, but they still want to look nice and they hold it. And he's like just vertically integrated the business over years and years and years. And it's like, it's not the sexiest thing when you think about it, but I will say now he's made it extremely sexy because this guy can do whatever the fuck he wants with answers to no one. But it's floor mats. I think people, they're always looking to get the thing that makes them relevant. But sometimes the things that are under the radar are the better things. That's exactly. You want slow and steady wins the race. You want to kind of go through the recessions and go. It's the unsexy businesses. So you're 24. You're a host

to Sing. What's next? How do you start making money again? Do you start YouTube then? No. So when I was 25, I recognized that social media is the way to go. 25. So that was 11 years ago, whatever year that was. 2008, 2009.

2009. I recognized that social media really is going to be a huge thing. So I had started my own social media marketing agency, Alexan Media. Now looking now looking back, I'm like, whoa, could I have picked a cheesier name it after yourself? Good one. I had a media company called Bostic Media, so I fully fucking get it. You know, come on, 11 years ago, we didn't know. So I started a social media marketing business and I had a goal of helping businesses market themselves via Facebook and YouTube and Twitter. Really, at the time, they were kind of like the hot things. And everybody told me I'm crazy. Like, who's going to pay you to like talk about them on Facebook?

And I'm like, well, just watch. So my first client was a car part company. Oh, my Lord. I was on all these Mustang GTO forums trying to understand because I was now the voice of that brand. Not Alexandra Potora, Alexan Media was doing all the, whatchamacallit, social media for them. So I wasn't at the forefront of that. I was just, you know, the company that was helping them create their own voice and market themselves and how to understand their consumer, et cetera,, etc. That business actually really grew because it turns out, oh shit, social media is the way to go. So I had the extreme fortune to work with Hollywood celebrities and large size companies, and he grew into that. After a while, I just realized that it doesn't matter how big or famous

you are, you're still going to be like fucking stingy with your budget. And I had all these ideas of things I knew they were going to work, but I still had to be somebody's bitch and ask for approval and help them understand this is, you know, why you should do this. And that's just bored me. You know, after a while, I'm like, you know, I feel like I'm somebody's entrepreneur and you can't do it. You can't do do it I was the worst goddamn employee that's what my husband tells me you're the worst employee oh it was like I was always late I was in the bathroom posting on my vlog it's just you I just couldn't do it yeah I pushed through I pushed through for five and a half years I was like oh it's just like yeah my soul is dying and I decided you know I'm just going to make a video on YouTube as a creative outlet.

And this was 2013 now. And I was still managing Alexa Media. But let me just make a video on YouTube. What should I talk about? I want to talk about depression. You know, it was 2013. People weren't really talking about that so openly. But it's something that I have struggled with my entire life.

Anxiety, depression. And I always felt really bad about it. And I realized you shouldn't feel bad about it. What you should do is accept it. This is what it is. There's strength and power in that because you get to experience feelings that other people don't. But what you should do is bring that organization into, okay, how can I harness? How can I cope? What are some coping mechanisms? So I created my first video with some things that have worked for me very strategically in terms of how to deal with depression. And of course, I had to give the disclaimer, I'm not a doctor, but these are just,

you know, ABCDs of what has helped me. And it's very ahead of your time in 2013. And that video went viral. You know, I remember it was on my husband's birthday, July 12, 2005, 2006, I don't know, I think 2005. And I got this email. And it was from a girl who told me that she had attempted suicide previously, and she was contemplating doing it again. But in the last ditch attempt to save herself, she went on YouTube searching for how to help myself with depression.

And because my video was doing good at that time, video showed up for her. So she watched it and she felt like she could relate to something in it. And she decided to actually do the work because everything is work, including how you feel, takes a lot of work. And she messaged me three months later, and I still have the message. I took screenshots of it. I'm like, just in case something happens to my inbox. And she said, you know, she told me the story and she said, for the first time, three months later, I did everything and I woke up happy. So I wanted to find you again, subscribe and tell you thank you. So I remember looking at my husband and saying, this is what I should be doing. I think that, you know, there's some madness in all this

organization that I'm bringing about and some people will be turned off by it, but other people will choose to listen and try to approach their lives tactically and, you know, and try to make changes. And I decided, okay, this is what I should be doing. That's right. It was 2005. So then I kind of cleared out the roster. I didn't renew contracts for the rest of the year. And January 2016, I made my first Instagram video.

And Instagram didn't really care about empowerment that much. So I'm like, okay, I have to think about it. What would speak to people on this platform and then just keep the inspirational stuff on YouTube and makeup, skincare, beauty was what a lot of people were responding to. And that's when I started doing beauty and skincare on Instagram and try to keep the business career development, personal growth on YouTube. What is viral? You said you went viral. What does that mean? Does that mean a million people watched it? What does that mean? No, for me at the time in 2013 was like 55,000 people, which was that's a shitload in 2013. Yeah. Okay. And so how often were you posting after that went viral? After that went viral, I started posting every week. And every week was but heavy stuff like how to let go of guilt, how to not be as jealous. It was a

lot of content that required a lot of hours and putting things together and digging deep. And so I would do that. I was doing that. I'm very guilty if I don't post as much anymore now, because I've allowed my business side to kind of take over. So I focus more on business and things like that. But yeah, it was every week and I did so consistently. What were some tips that you gave for depression? I know there's a lot of people that are listening that are struggling with depression and anxiety. Can you share a couple? I believe in allowing yourself to be sad. I believe that if you feel sad today, give yourself the grace to feel sad today and not give yourself a guilt trip. We make our own depression.

And again, I'm not a doctor. I can only speak from my personal experience. But I've noticed that the go-getter in me, whenever I would want to get up and go, no, I shouldn't feel like that. I was feeling worse because I wasn't allowing myself to feel that. However, when I noticed that the next day I'm feeling like that too, and I'm recognizing that I'm going through a pattern, you know, and there's going to be a period that I'm going to feel this way. I allow myself and I give myself the grace to feel like that, but I do have an expiration date.

So the first thing that I do is that I allow myself to feel the way I feel and believe that it's okay. It's okay. I'm feeling things that many people don't. I always tell myself that, but it has an expiration date. So I look at my calendar and I give myself, okay, i'm giving myself a week of this shit and that's a this should be plenty so part of that week i i as the days kind of move forward i try to do little things like today i'm gonna go on a 10 minute walk outside being outdoors is well now yeah fire's going on it's not it's not the best but But maybe, but usually I'm not the gym. See, I admire you that you do the

Pilates and this and that. And I'm like, that's what you look like that me. I'm like, Oh yeah. Yeah. If it's not like stretching or yoga or walking them out, you know, but one of the things that you can do, I bought from Amazon. It was like $30, this little stepper it's in my home. And so I set myself up up, everything that I do has a calendar reminder. It's on my calendar. I know you do this too. It's color coded. It's under various schedules. And part of the personal, this kind of a journey, it would be in orange. And I would say, okay, at this time, an alarm will go off and I'm going to go on my stepper for 10 minutes. And then I give myself the freedom again to be lazy if that's

what my body feels. Okay, I'm going to give myself the grace to eat whatever I want today, but not tomorrow. Tomorrow, I'm going to focus on eating healthy because we know that eating healthy or taking care of yourself really does affect your mental state as well. So in terms of depression, we focus so much on solutions, which is great, and we should, but we don't acknowledge that it's okay to feel like that. This is what you have. You have depression. This is what it is. And I always say, you feel things that many people are not going to feel. So in a way, it is a privilege because you were given the opportunity to feel certain things that most people won't. And that's okay. So give yourself that grace,

but it has to have an expiration period. So start doing a sheet mask today. Go on your stepper tomorrow. Start a little bit day by day to move your body, to try to go outside, to take care of your skin, to take care of your hair, to read something. Again, like the confidence, same thing for depression. Knowledge is empowering and it can boost your self-confidence, make you feel better. It's also hard to be depressed when you're putting your body through stress, right? And what I mean by that is like if you are feeling blue, like if I ever feel really down, like our dog's struggling right now and I feel down. And yesterday I went in, I have this, like in my office, I have this like pull-up bar

and this push-up, all this stuff. And I'm like, okay, like I got to go in there and like just put my body through hell right now. And I put on like extremely heavy metal music and just go. But I'm like, okay, I'm stressing my body up so much right now that it pulls me out of the depression because I'm stressing myself so much. And I think like there's a way to channel some of that sadness. Like it's okay to feel it.

But like, you know, it's really hard if you're feeling sad and then you go do a really hard workout, you know, you start focusing on that hard work. You're like, shit, okay, man, like now you feel better and better. You get those endorphins flowing. Like it's important. And you make a good point. You see, if that works for you, that wouldn't work for me. You know, for me, I would have to do it gradually and do it slow. And that's kind of what makes me feel happy. So it's important to try both and really gauge what works for you. We don't ask ourselves questions, how do I feel right now? You know, what am I thinking?

Why am I feeling this way? Why am I thinking this way? I think you can go gradually into it. I agree with you. But I do think it's got to be a level up from what's comfortable. Right, right. Like if it's just-

You have to push yourself. Yeah, because if it's something where you're like, it's passive, for example, if it's just a short walk that's five, 10 minutes and it doesn't get you tired or done, like then it lets you actually just sit there and the walk is good. But what I'm saying is like, if you stress yourself a little bit, that stress is going to help you combat. And it's distracting too. I do. I have to do preventative things for my anxiety and any kind of depression.

What do you do? Like I have to do things to prevent it before it happens. That's why I'm that's why I have in my calendar to work out every day. That's why I have self-care in my calendar. So I think to the things you're saying can also be used to prevent it from even coming in the first place. What are the top three things that you do? Like, you know, breathwork has been fucking life changing. I'm telling you, like Wim Hof's breath work. I can't say enough good things about it. And then taking that freezing cold shower for three minutes. You're my hero. I'm telling you, you get so much energy, so much clarity, and it sets the tone. It's so amazing. And I noticed my anxiety drops dramatically. And then the other thing I would say is the wind down.

Like I used to go to bed at 1030 at night after I was on my computer for five hours and just get in bed. I feel like getting into bed is a process. Michael just got this thing called chili pad. Have you heard of it? Oh my God. Okay. Tell me. Weirdest fucking thing ever. Sounds weird. At first I was like, another goddamn contraption. Are you serious? Basically, I'm going to let you explain it, but I'm just going to tell you it works. What he's going to say. Here's what it is. And it's called the Uler from Chili Pad, but it's basically this mattress topper that goes on top of your mattress under your fitted sheet. And what it has these little tubes inside of it, which sounds strange. And then these little receptacles on the outside that you

fill with water. And what it does is these little tubes while you're sleeping run cold or hot water under your body while you're sleeping. And it sounds strange, but it's not. No, it sounds actually pretty like I need this. That's what it sounds like. You can set your temperature and how you sleep. And the way that we do it is we set it up so that when you get into bed, let's say 10 o'clock, it heats it up to like, let's say 100 degrees in the bed, right? For 20 minutes, it gradually goes up. But then what it does over the course of the night is then it drops drastically down to 68 and 66 and 64. So it sleeps. But what it does is it signals to your body to like, it's time to wind down and go to sleep. And then all night you sleep cool. And it's like your body's meant to sleep that way.

So it just gives you better sleep. Here's the wild thing. I need this. I have not used an alarm clock since we got this because my body naturally wakes up slowly. So what it's done for my cortisol- In the morning, I forgot to add this. In the morning, then it wakes you up warm again. So you're cold and so it signals to your body it's time to wake up. Imagine just being woken up so softly without an alarm. I would not be a bitch. It is so gnarly. Listen, I was like this, there's no way. It puts you to bed. I get in bed. It just puts me to bed like a baby and wakes me up like a baby. Okay, is it expensive? It's a bit expensive.

Okay. But there's, you know, there's different codes out there. Yeah, like our friend Ben Greenfield turned us on. I think he has a code. I can't believe it works. Okay, I need the code because I need to get this. I'll tell you what. I'm going to work on one for this show.

Chili pad, I know you're listening. You're welcome. Okay, yeah, yeah. We need this. So making a time in the night, in the morning to wind down and wake up i think helps so much with anxiety because think about it if you wake up in the morning and it's like check my email see what to-do list i have oh i gotta do this i got it's like so stressful and then if you wind down and you've been on the computer for five hours and there's no like i

like meditation music and the lights right and just like everything to to just wind me down. I notice it helps so much. How much time do you take to kind of wake up in the morning and then wind down at night? Now with a baby, I probably get into bed at nine o'clock latest, sometimes 830. And then as far as waking up with a baby, we wake up at seven every morning. Everyone wakes up at the same time. And I usually spend an hour in bed with her just focused on her. Then like when I get up, I like to make the bed and like you know just have oil making the bed great tip for depression and anxiety you have to make your bed well privately tidy up your room have you ever

made your bed because you like to make the bed have you ever made the bed no i don't that doesn't have you ever in the whole hundred years made the bed no i don't do the bed that's not my thing but you do it like i don't by the time like you would never thank me for that i'll be in the whole hundred years made the bed. No, I don't do the bed. That's not my thing. But you do it. Like, I don't know, by the time, like, I'm in the- You would never thank me for that. I'll be in the bed, like, winding in. She's, like, making the bed on me. Yeah, it's time to go. Get out of the bed.

It's time to get out. So I don't even have the opportunity, you know? But, you know, I think, like, all of us, like, privately, and I know we're on here now talking to a lot of people, but privately, you know, if friends in my life, if they, and I think all of us as human beings, we get blue. And to the degrees of that, like, you know, some have more extreme degrees than others.

But privately, when I'm talking to my friends and they tell me they're depressed or sad, or even in my own life, I'm like, well, what are you doing to combat that? Yes, you can sit with your sadness. But a lot of the times, what do you mean, what am I doing? It's like, are you working out? Are you reading? Are you working on something else? Are you putting time into others?

Are you contributing to other people? And privately, I have these conversations because I do think that all of us get blue and can really spiral if we're not careful. But if you start to think like, okay, how am I contributing to others or to myself? You can pull yourself out of it to a degree. And it's not to say that depression is not a real thing. It's not something that people really combat. But I believe there are things you can do to help pull yourself out of it if you're willing to do things. And I really recommend having a list of things that, you know, work for you. So when you start feeling that way, you know, you have like a pool of things that you can

pull from and, okay, I could try this today, you know, to kind of feel better. And a lot of times depression, last thing I'll say, is an extreme focus on the self. And I think whenever I start to feel really sad, I'm like, okay, I got to stop thinking about me and start thinking about what I can do with other people. Exactly. I noticed that men do this thing. I'm just going to call men out. Tell me if your husband does this.

Men want you to match what their emotion is. So if he wakes up and he's like, and I'm like, you know, laying in bed, relaxing. You're going to blanketly apply that? Today, he was looking at houses when he woke up on Zillow. And I looked over at him and I'm like i'm not doing this yeah this isn't how i'm waking up you can wake up over there like that and be stressed and looking at houses i'm gonna wake up in the most beautiful relaxing way with my book so fuck off so but i noticed that when he gets very stressed or he gets very upset he wants me to match the level that he's at and i'm doing

this new thing where i am not matching your level no but i disagree i agree with you that i do that but i also think would point out that i think all of us do that to each other no i'm just gonna say men i would say well because i feel like and not to be disrespectful but women we do feel a lot more emotions than men do traditionally speaking and i think that when my husband does that too this morning he woke up babe we're gonna this sunday we're gonna have 20 breaths we're gonna take it i'm like i can't you're giving me anxiety i'm like i'm gonna go pet the cat because i get a cat for emotional support i'm like i'm just gonna sit in the corner because i can't but he feels heard when i match that's how he feels like I'm listening to him.

Are you listening to this, Lauren? But I can't. I can't match that because that fucks up my whole energy. I'm like, I just woke up. I want to sit here. I want to do the things that I'm grateful for. And then I visualize. I have a process.

No, he wants to start talking about step vans. Fucking step vans. And like 6.45 in the morning, I'm i'm like i'm listening i agree with you can we talk about it in 20 fucking minutes i can't do 20 minutes i gotta do like five hours but the thing is is i like my but that's how he feels in a weird way though i also do that for you to sometimes check me and like okay like i'm spiraling here like she kind of like when she said that it's good for you guys i'm like what am i doing here until i, like I'm spiraling here. Like she kind of, like when she said that this morning, I'm like, what am I doing here? I'm like, I'm stressed. It checks. I'm like, okay, fuck. I got to call it. I call it MUS made up stress. That's such a good one. And the funny

thing is he's like, I don't do that. And then we go down to his parents' house and his parents do MUS all the time. And he looks at them. He's like, you know, Lauren says I do this thing called MUS and you guys do it too. You have MUS. I are you fucking kidding me and just to throw taylor under the bus since we're all here taylor did it the other day he started texting me and michael and this like so he was so gnarly how he was texting us it was like so out of control and so overreactive and i was just like bro calm down i i truly think that when my husband does that the only way he'll feel heard and like I'm part of the conversation is if I match that energy with him. But I can't because that will depress me.

You know, I'm not going on the ride. No, I'm not going on the ride, but I have to tell him I'm like, I'm actually really hearing you. And I understand what you're saying. I'm at the popcorn stand. Go on the ride, the Ferris wheel, come back down. You can have some popcorn when you get off.

I am not getting on the fucking Ferris wheel. Yeah, but that's kind of like in a weird,verted kind of fucked up way like i actually don't really want you to get on the ride with me you know what i mean like i kind of like like if you got on the like if you got on the ride and we're flying off the cliff i'm like shit like we're both so when you say like hey shut the fuck up calm down get off zillow it's 8 a.m like we're not moving the whole house it was literally 7 a.m and you're on zillow i'm like oh okay like okay and he's scrolling like this. Is he a Mad Men scroll?

And he's hopping and he's like, oh, what are we going to do? I'm like, I'm just not doing it. I'll tell you what we won't do. This. Yeah, we will not do that. So I want to ask you the question that is like the main question of why I really wanted you to come on the podcast. Only took us like an hour and a half to get into it.

How much work and walk us through it goes into creating your content because i will say you are top five gnarliest content creators so disclaimer i have hired editors now that do my work but um up until like three months ago so i would consistently put out about five to six videos a week each Each video takes about an hour to conceptualize, figure out what I'm going to do, what's going to be special about it. I don't, I'm not those kinds of people that, and ironically enough, and I don't mean to be disrespectful, but I see just mindless videos and they're just woo and they're like, but I, you know, even if that doesn't mean as many views or whatnot, I feel good about myself if I feel like I have something of value to

provide. So I have to think, you know, when you do so many videos and you do them for years, you kind of run out of ideas. So it takes about an hour to conceptualize a video. Then I bring all my shindigs that I need. If it's a DIY, for example, I take months not only to research, but to actually test out a DIY. So DIY is like I'm going to post one right now for a DIY mask for acne from using these filthy masks. And that actually took a lot of research, took several weeks to look into ingredients and mix them. And then I took, you know, another several weeks to try it out and make sure that it works, that it's not going to burn my face and things like that. So DIYs are very special in that sense. But even with a makeup video, you know, I have to think about, I look at my feed.

What's next should I create? I get the posts from the people following me, all my community, my friends. And they tell me, oh, I like to do this. I'm like, oh, I just did that. Any other suggestions? So and then I think about, okay, I'm going to incorporate some skincare. And now I have to teach some form of like makeup trick. What would that be?

What have I done? So it's a pretty elaborate, you know, conceptualizing process that goes into my videos. When you sit down, do you sit down with everything already set up? Like, do you have a station in your house? Yes, I do. One of my bedrooms, which is my closet, it's retrofitted to have all the cameras, all these things that I've learned how to do myself. That's another thing, you know, there was even when there were bigger and more YouTubers and influencers long before me, I never thought once to actually ask somebody, what are you using? I'm sorry. I'm going to ask you what light you're using.

That's my next question because the light looks really good. I can't help it. That's one question I have to ask you. It's on Amazon. I can tell you and you can write it in the thing if you want, but I'll have to take a look. I can send you the links. Yeah, we're going to put it in the show notes or maybe you can come on the blog and like just tell us the light you use. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I had to do my research with the softbox

as I realized that I have these deep set eyes. So I need a light to come from here to try to, you know, smooth that out. I have my backlight, my ring light, but yeah, I have my station. So if I do a makeup tutorial, for example, I have everything listed. I'm a Virgo. It has to be in order of how I'm using it. Can you do like an Instagram story behind the scenes when this episode comes out to just show us? Because I think people, for me, I'm interested in, not like just for myself, I just want to see. Like I want to see what goes into it.

Yeah, tell me when to do it and I'll be more than happy. Like I'll set up to film and I'll show you. Yeah, I set them up in order of how I'm going to use them. And I know all this because I've done my homework in my mind. And I wrote things down, you know, of what I'm going to do this video. And it takes, traditionally speaking, about an hour and a half to film a makeup tutorial. The camera, you know, heats up sometimes. And so you have to stop and things like that.

And you shoot on a Canon? I do. Yeah, I shoot on this. Okay. And after that, you know, you have to take all that footage, download it on your computer. So now you're at about two and a half hours for a makeup tutorial, just because I conceptualize that I planned everything, brought all the products out, recorded. Now I'm importing my footage and I'm very picky with my editing. You know, I don't like loose ends. So I would spend about four hours editing a video. So now you're at six

and a half hours. And this is an Instagram video. This is an Instagram video. Wow. So that's about six and a half hours now for one video. And I would pump out five to six a week. You're gnarly. And also do my email list and do stories. Yeah. And try to launch my brand in the same time. But it got to be too much. That's when I realized. And I had to think what matters to me the most. And what got to be too much. That's when I realized and I had to think what matters to me the most. And what I realized is this brand, that's what matters to me the most bringing the best fucking product that I could bring that I've been working on for three years. Okay, so before you go, tell us all about your product.

So when I got into my 30s, I started noticing that makeup simply doesn't sit the same way on my skin anymore. And, you know, from 32 to 34, it's not a big age gap. But as a woman, there's so many things that are happening in just two years, all of a sudden, I had pores on my face. I know we all have, but you know what I'm saying? Like, what was that? A whoosh? I was like, Oh, hello. So I started being very picky with the kind of makeup that I use. And I realized that I wanted the makeup to do something for my skin, not just sit there and look pretty, you know? Smart. So I started looking into various brands that, you know, were making claims that were incorporating

skincare into their products. And to my dismay, I actually realized that there's a lot of false advertising, a lot of misleading information. A lot of companies that are making claims such as 99% of our users notice this, but there's no information of where that claims data came from. So I would reach out to them. How did you do these studies? Oh, sorry, we cannot disclose. What do you mean? So is it your mom, your sister, your aunt, your brother in a basement and nine out of 10 notice this and now you can make a claim? It shouldn't be like that. They should be very transparent. Okay, you're using ascorbic acid.

Okay, what, like how much is in there? Because we should know because it could be very irritating if it's too much. I want to know these things. So, and then you have, that's the one category, the lack of transparency. But then the other was the misleading information. All of a sudden silicones became bad. And I'm like, no, no, silicones, the FDA approved silicones in products are not bad. They're actually not bad. They're very good for your skin, for most, sorry, for most skin types and for your hair as well. So that just took me down a rabbit hole. And I started

talking to various chemists and cosmetic chemists. And I started looking at aesthetics books and really diving into a more technical side of skincare and makeup. So I decided one day, I was like, you know what? Fuck this, man. I think I'm just going to create my own. And I want to create a brand that is makeup, but has active skincare ingredients, not infused with. What does infused mean with? That's genius because when you put your skincare on your skin with a good makeup and it sets together, it's like amazing. Exactly. And it does something for a lot of folks don't have the kind of skincare routines that you and I do. They would just put a moisturizer and that's it. So is it launched? No, I've been working on

it since 2017. That was another thing that I had to learn. It takes so long. It takes so long. But I thought, because you keep hearing people left and right, oh, like nine months to a year you come out with a product. Because they white label. And that's when I realizing, okay, wait, white label, private label, like all this stuff. No, no, I want to innovate.

So I was like, okay, no makeup. I have no idea how to make makeup. So what do I do? So my husband and I signed us up for cosmetic chemist societies and all sorts of events where you get to meet people that are formulators and laboratories and manufacturers. And I started going to Cosmoprof and like all these things on the hunt for people that could help me. So I found these people, I found an extraordinary lab and they told me this is going to be a challenge. What do you want to accomplish? Our first product is a concealer because that's what my audience told

me that they want. I'm like, okay, we're going to create a concealer. So how can create a kick-ass bomb concealer that has active skincare ingredients, that's clean, that's vegan, but also performs like a high quality makeup and it's at a massive price. So our lab told me this is going to be challenging, actually. That's why you don't see a product like this on the market. And so it took about a year and a half just to make that. And then we started testing. We started doing this, that or the other. And one of the things that I wanted to do, I've realized that if I want to sell in the EU or Canada, other parts of the world, they have different requirements for their formulas.

So what a lot of entrepreneurs do is that they focus solely on the country that they're based out of that they're going to launch in. And they don't realize that if they want to go in the EU, the European Union will say, well, fuck this ingredient. We hate it. Yes, you have to reformulate and you're looking at, you know, your packaging is wrong too. Your secondary packaging is wrong too. So you have this laundry list of things that are bad. So one of the things that I was keen on, because I have followers from all over the world, and a lot in the EU, a lot in Romania, I want to make sure I can deliver this in the same time as it launches in America, because I would hate it when I would be somewhere else. Oh, I don't have access to that. I didn't want that. So we had to engage a regulatory agency

that was along in the process. And that takes more time that delayed us. It took more time and it took more money. But now I have a formula and a package and a secondary package that will work, you know, everywhere. Smart cookie. What's it called? And when does it launch? It's called Vrea Cosmetics. Once we got the trademark, I had it tattooed on my wrist because I told my husband, we're going to make this happen. It's going to be a billion dollar fucking business.

Make no mistake. If anyone can do it, it's you. When does it launch? It's launching March of 2021, next year. So pimp your Instagram out and pimp the brand out

with the handle and everything and pimp your YouTube out. You're so kind. I got to go take a sauna after this interview. We went a lot of places. We really did. I hope that's okay. No, it's great. It's great. So we'd love to do it. Thank you. My Instagram is Alexandra Potora and my little baby is Vrea Cosmetics, V-R-E-A

Cosmetics. And on YouTube, I'm Alexandra Potora, blog Alexandra Potora, everything Alexandra Potora. And I'm going to go on our our YouTube I have no idea what we're going to do but it'll be something fun we're going to improvise and it's going to be amazing okay but I have spray tan all over my body that's all uneven

and I'm pasty white and I can use some spray tan so I think between you and me we're going to be it's going to be balanced thank you so much for coming on that was such a great interview

this was a fun one thank you come back anytime oh thank you do you want a couple of cheeky cute cute, fun goodies from me? All you have to do to win is tell us who you want to hear next on The Skinny Confidential, him and her.

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