The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast - Amber Lancaster On Overcoming Life's Hardest Moments, Perseverance, Cheating, & Heartbreak

Episode Date: June 1, 2023

#575: Today we're sitting down with Amber Lancaster. Amber is a model, actress, content creator, entrepreneur and mother. In addition to her career as an influencer, you may recognize her as a gameshow model from "The Price Is Right." After beginning her career as a Seattle Seahawks cheerleader, she's gone on to appear on multiple major tv shows & magazines in addition to running her own retail company, Broken Hearts Club. Today Amber joins us to talk about her story: from how she was raised by her grandmother & what it was like to grow up with a parent who was addicted to drugs, to the various obstacles she had to face at a very young age. She also describes her experience with IVF, pregnancy and her traumatic birth story that was followed by divorce & heartbreak, the discovery her husband had been cheating for months prior to their breakup, and how she's currently co-parenting with her ex-husband. We lastly dive into the importance of resilience and how the choice to remain resilient through life's hardest trials, can be one of the biggest choices we make in our lifetimes & she gives our audience important insight into how challenges create opportunity and strength.   To connect with Amber Lancaster click HERE To connect with Lauryn Evarts click HERE To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE Subscribe to our YouTube channel HERE For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM To Call the Him & Her Hotline call: 1-833-SKINNYS (754-6697) This episode is brought to you by The Skinny Confidential This episode is brought to you by Sun Bum Sun Bum creates products to protect the world from the sun, specifically formulated to help protect those of us who love and live in the sun. Use code SKINNY15 at www.sunbum.com for 15% off your first purchase. This episode is brought to you by Branch Basics The Branch Basics Premium Starter Kit will provide you with everything you need to replace all of your toxic cleaning products in your home. It’s really a no-brainer. Go to branchbasics.com and use code SKINNY for 15% off their starter kit. This episode is brought to you by Just Thrive These days, stress seems to hit us from every possible angle in any environment at any time, day after day. Enter Just Calm - the breakthrough new stress and mood support formula from Just Thrive. Get 20% off a bottle of Just Thrive probiotic + Just Calm supplement at justthrivehealth.com or use code SKINNY90 at checkout. This episode is brought to you by Vitaclean Vitaclean is a triple-filter, Vitamin-C infused aromatherapy shower head that removes toxins from your shower, prevents product buildup in your hair, and calms skin irritation. Go to vitacleanhq.com and use code SKINNY at checkout for 20% off shower heads and starter kits. This episode is brought to you by Jenni Kayne Find your forever pieces at Jenni Kayne and get 15% off your first order with with promo code SKINNY at jennikayne.com/SKINNY Produced by Dear Media  

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to The Skinny Confidential, him and her.

Yeah, so we're at home. was like something must be wrong so I called and I was like I don't know if I'm doing this right but the reading says what it says and she's like oh you need to go to labor and delivery I'm like what so I get there and I didn't even bring anything with me because I literally didn't think anything was going to happen I get there and there's like a room full of nurses that come in. They start like poking me. They're like, you're being admitted. I'm like, what? I'm like, no, like this isn't, I'm fine. But I guess I wasn't. We went in to get the C-section and that was really the easiest part of it because after that has been everything really hit the fan. This episode has been a long time coming. I have probably harassed Amber Lancaster online for two years asking her to come on the podcast. And because her story is so incredible and so

amazing, but also traumatic at the same time, she told me that she waited until I wasn't pregnant anymore to come on the podcast. In this episode, she opens up about pregnancy, her traumatic birth story that was followed by divorce and heartbreak, and a discovery that her husband had been cheating on her for months prior to their breakup. She also talks about co-parenting and, of course, running her business and being a mother. In person, Amber is vulnerable. She's raw. She also talks about co-parenting and of course, running her business and being a mother. In person, Amber is vulnerable. She's raw. She's real. And I feel like it really shines through in this episode. I am so just grateful that she came on the show to share her story. And for her to open up about her healing process really to me shows resilience. Amber Lancaster, she's a model, an actress,

a content creator, a business boss, a mother, an entrepreneur. And she's also the game show model from The Price is Right. She runs her own business, The Broken Hearts Club. And I know you are going to love this episode. With that, let's welcome Amber to the Skinny Confidential Him and Her Show. This is the Skinny Confidential Him and Her. Amber is in studio. I'm so excited. Taylor's so excited. He's very excited that the Price of Right girl is in the studio.

I mean, I can do some modeling for you. I know. Show me a little flick of your wrist. Someone has to do the... I was about to say, can I buy a vowel? That's the wrong game. Is your mic on back there? It is on.

Why can I never hear you in the headphones? It's just I need to change it to where you can hear it in the headphones. Buy a vowel. That's the wrong game show. It's over. Taylor, you're out. Taylor's out. Okay.

So I have wanted you to come on the podcast. I think I've probably been DMing you since 2020. Yeah. You were pregnant. I was pregnant. Yes. I remember. I have just think you have the most incredible story. And I wanted you, I told you off air, I wanted you to talk about your story in long form content. Because one, I think it will help a lot of people. And two, what you're doing now with the Broken Hearts Club is so cool. And I feel like this is the platform to do it. Yeah. Well, thank

you so much for having me. First of all, I've been following both of you since you like lived in a little apartment and we're like engaged, I think. It always makes me a little nervous when people say that because I'm like, we've said a lot of wild things on here. And I always am like, no, what have you heard me say? Oh, no judgment. You're with friends. A little apartment. I don't know if Michael lived in the little apartment wasn't there an apartment did you live in an apartment yeah i wanted to have a moment before i got engaged where i was just completely on my own in a little tiny studio sometimes i miss that studio though i'm not gonna lie did you turn that the the headset on back there and it's like super loud in my ears

no man yeah see i knew it i knew it back there. He's always fucking around. Can you hear me in your head? Yeah, it's like, oh my God, man. So Amber, first of all, take us back before you got pregnant, before all these things. When did you get into influencing and how did you fall into this? Oh, geez. That's a loaded question. So I was never a traditional blogger or I never started like influencing to do that. I just had an Instagram account. And I have done, you know, previous acting jobs.

The Price is Right. I even did interior design at one point. So I had a small following of an assortment of people. But I didn't really start using it. And it was like around 2000, maybe actually 14. One of the boutiques that I like shopped at all the time online they fulfilled my order and they saw that I was on the prices right and so they reached out to me they're like hey can we send you some clothes like in exchange and just post a picture

and I was like yeah I would love that I spent all my money with you guys anyways so that's kind of how I started and then it started taking up a lot of time and I was like you know I'm gonna need some compensation but it was still just very minimal and like amazing just like extra cash whatever but then I started posting more things and I've always kind of been someone who shares things that I love anyways with like my friends like the Nordstrom anniversary so I would like send my friends like you got to get like this jacket or whatever. So I just started sharing that kind of stuff. And it just like snowballed. It just really took off. Is the company that you're talking about Beachy Dolls? Yes. Okay. That's so funny that you say that because I was at the pool, Beverly Hills Hotel. I'm sitting there and I got the opportunity to meet the owner. And this is a long time ago. This

is years ago. And she comes up to me and we started talking. And she told me, she goes, Amber Lancaster is our biggest performer, our top performer. We love her so much. Like, she's incredible. And I think that was one of the first times I heard your name. She just, like, raved all about you. Oh, it was probably Sandy or Amy. I think it was Sandy. Yeah.

Yeah. And so they are very, very happy with your performance. I love them. Yeah. It seems like you guys have had a long relationship. Yeah. I mean, literally since like 2014, I was a customer. That's crazy.

Yeah. Okay. So at what point do you meet your, what do you want to call him? At what point do you meet your? Baby daddy. Baby daddy. My ex. Your ex.

End of 2015, maybe. And for anyone who's listening that's caught up in a relationship, was it like love bomb, love at first sight? What was the energy of it? It did move pretty quickly. We moved in together like five months in, I think. And then we were engaged a year later and then got married a year after that. And then when did you get pregnant?

And when you get pregnant? And when you get pregnant, are you guys like so excited, obviously? I mean, yeah, I was, I was never somebody who was like gung ho to have kids. I was kind of, I don't know. I felt like I was kind of weird in that way because I was never one of those girls. It's like, I want to have a baby. Lauren was like that. You know? Yeah, I know.

That's why I love you. It's like, you know know it's hard to find women that maybe not feel that way but they don't say it you know what I mean it's just I think when I envisioned my life I always I did want kids I just never like romanticized it if that makes sense now that I have them you know like I'm obsessed with them they're my everything but I never was like dreaming of my wedding yeah I never wanted to do it on my own that's for sure I uh it's a lot of work I wanted to it's a lot I always wanted to have a relationship with someone and I didn't have the best situation growing up so I knew I wanted to provide that. What do you mean? Well, I was raised by my grandma.

My dad died when I was 11. My mom has been an addict my whole life and I'm only child. I'm so sorry you hear that, but I'm going to guess that you had a beautiful relationship with your grandma or. Oh, my God. Yes. And yeah, both of them. There's nothing better than a relationship with your grandma. Yeah. You know, you know, it makes me want to cry because it's like the most special relationship in my opinion. Yeah. No, me too. Because one of my, my last grandmother just passed away like six months ago. I already heard that.

Yeah. No, it's okay. When you were growing up, was your grandma constantly there for you? Yeah. I mean, she was, she was my everything. She was, if you've ever, have you read about attachment theory, like with children, every child baby has like, um, a primary attachment figure and usually it's the mom, you know, but it can be anyone who's, you know, an adoptive figure, the dad, but usually have one primary attachment figure. And do you still have a

relationship now with your mom? No, I don't. I mean, not really to speak of. I mean, I've tried, you know, it's just really hard. I don't know if you, I hope you don't know, but it's hard. My sister's been sober for nine years now, but I understand there's a lot of intricacies with addiction. Yeah yeah and when you've been abusing yourself for that long you're just never going to be the same like the the mentality is just it's there even if they're not on drugs anymore it's like they've messed up they've messed themselves up so badly that like she lives in the past a lot she will talk about things that happened when i was like 16 and she's just very i don't know if there's also some sort of like psychological personality disorder or something undiagnosed potentially you know.

Was she older or younger when she had you? Oh super young she was 20. Okay. Yeah. And how do you think that you're so driven and you've done so much in your career like do you think that has to do with your upbringing with your grandma yes and no I was I did go back and live with my mom for a brief period of time you know it was it was probably the hardest part of my life you don't realize it because you're just like kind of in fight or flight but like coming home to no food or or the electricity's shut off or like your mom's still sleeping when you're home from school. That terrified me. I never wanted to live that again. And were your parents together or had your father passed? My dad and mom got divorced when I was like one. And then my dad

passed when I was 11. I think that that probably has to do with making you resilient and driven and all the things. And I bet it also has to do with the fact that you maybe weren't like so excited right away to become a mother. Right. I always and I still no matter how secure like I am financially, it's always in you. Like I feel like I have to constantly be like on this hamster wheel of like trying to trying to make money and trying to like keep you know save it and trying to like take care of myself even though I can totally relax now which is like a survival mode that's yeah yeah exactly I I think too your experience makes you uh and this goes with what you just said, really, really independent. Yeah, I could only ever really depend on myself. Right, right.

And I mean, this is what I try to do with anything bad that's happened in my life. And I don't know if this will help anything. But I try to just realize that every bad thing that's ever happened to me, I think, attributes to, hopefully, the businesswoman, the mom that I am now. If I hadn't gone through a lot of the stuff that I've gone through, I don't think I would be doing a lot of the things I'm doing now. I agree 100%. Someone actually just asked me that, like, would you change anything?

And I can't say that I would. Even the very worst things that have ever happened to me, I wouldn't change. Well, it's like, and we talk about this, and I was listening to Charlie Munger speak the other day and he was saying like victim mentality is one of the worst things you can do because you may very well be a victim, but it doesn't ever help you by, by thinking yourself like that. Right? Like it's so hard for people to do because there are, I don't want to say there's not victims, there are victims, but by categorizing yourself as that and thinking that way your entire life, you really put yourself in a position where it's hard to grow or look at life from the bright side, right? And if you're able to

say, listen, I've had a lot of terrible things happen in my life, but it's propelled me and made me this resilient person, you're able to go further where if you sit around and wallow as a victim, you're really going to be stuck. Yeah. I believe that there's a lesson in everything and there's room to grow from even the very worst things that could happen. And it is just a total perspective. It's a, and it's a choice. I felt like when I got pregnant because of some of my past that I, I was so happy to be pregnant, but it also brings up so many different things that you thought you had moved past. When you got pregnant pregnant did you feel like

that no I felt I feel I felt good I felt like secure I was in a you know I was in a marriage I felt like I could provide for him and I was excited so during your pregnancy was your ex supportive I mean yes but like what like was he helping you was he like tending to you or was there things that you looking back that you're like you know it's so i struggle with like if you and i were just like you're not on no i don't want to like put him on blast oh yeah just because as i as russell has gotten older i just really want to like protect yeah no this relationship okay so talk to us about what happened when you decided to give birth not decided to give birth when you gave birth

without deciding to give birth so i was 30 weeks pregnant and i had gone to my OB weekly because I was high risk already because of my age. The last few appointments, I was like, you know, I am super swollen and I know that people get swollen and this was my first pregnancy, but like just something didn't feel right. I just kept bringing it up. I'm like, I just don't feel right. And so finally, at the last appointment, she was like, are there any other symptoms? She's like, have you been having any vision problems? And I'm literally like trying to like pull things out because I just felt like something wasn't right. I was like, you know, I was in the shower one time and I saw stars. She's like, well, that's not normal.

She's like, OK, let's do this additional test so we did the additional test and like everything like there was protein in my urine or whatever the there was like two out of three of the things that it required and my blood pressure although it didn't reach the number that it's supposed to to be technically preeclampsia for me it was such a high number that i also kept bringing that up but it's just they don't flag it unless it's, unless it reaches over this number for some reason. Because you knew your, your blood pressure as it was normally. Is there a black and white test for this or is it more gray?

It's pretty black and white for, you mean for the additional tests? Like at that point. For a preeclampsia test, if you asked to get it, is it like a blood test? Like what's, is it quick?

What is it? It's, it's blood and urine. Okay. Tell me exactly what preeclampsia is because especially for the men listening it's high blood pressure which sounds like not a big deal but if you can't control your blood pressure if you go full on eclampsia you have seizures and die okay you know and so it's very scary so it's rising blood pressure not lower yes okay yes it's high blood pressure so at one point i think it was like one i would say 180 over 40 or something

crazy like that is was the threshold where she was like as soon as i got the test i mean they called me on my way home they're like you need to pick up a blood pressure cuff on your way home and start and start monitoring your blood pressure and what what sets this off during pregnancy specifically nothing and that is the scariest part anyone is susceptible like there's no dietary thing there's no no way you're living nothing nothing there are certain risk factors but honestly being really young is one being really old is one like IVF for some reason a factor but it but it still it is not like a for sure thing that you can't prevent you can't prevent it so there's no diet or anything that

you can do to kind of mitigate it but IVF provokes it you have a higher risk you have a higher risk okay so when you find out you have preeclampsia are you at home or are you at the hospital yeah so we're at home it was literally like the second time taking. I was like, something must be wrong. Like, I must be doing this wrong because it was already elevated. And they said to call. So I called and I was like, I don't know if I'm doing this right. But the reading says what it says.

And she's like, oh, you need to go to labor and delivery at Cedars. I'm like, what? I'm like, OK, whatever. I'm just going to get there and they're going to tell me like, because I still felt okay. I was 30 weeks and like five days. So I get there and they, I didn't even bring anything with me because I literally didn't think anything was going to happen. I get there and there's like a room full of nurses that come in. They start like poking me. They're like, you're being admitted. I'm like, what? I'm like, they're like you're being admitted I'm like what I'm like no like this isn't I'm fine but I guess I wasn't because two days later they couldn't control my blood pressure they put me on this magnesium drip which is like horrible to prevent seizures they had me on blood pressure medication and the goal was to try and keep me there until

like 34 weeks because that's like a safer time to stay there for a month that was yes and some women do that if they're lucky if they're lucky what do you mean the magnesium drip is like weird it feels bad oh my gosh it makes you feel like oh the worst hangover and then you got hit by a truck and you're just constantly nauseous so at this point you don't know that you're going to be giving birth is after two days. How did you know you needed to give birth? They told me they couldn't control my blood pressure anymore. And it wasn't worth because at that, so I had hit 31 weeks. There was no way they were going to get me to 32 or three. If I had been like, like there's some

women who are maybe at the 25 or 26 week mark where it's like every day is crucial there there was just no benefit to to holding on to one more day when it could be affecting my organs or you know and I was what do you do what did you say when they said that I mean I can't say anything they're like we're having we're having this baby today. And we went in to get the C-section. And that was really the easiest part of it. Because after that is when everything really hit the fan. So you have a C-section. Yeah.

And they could not control the bleeding. So I ended up in there for like five hours. And they couldn't control the bleeding. So they ended up having to remove my uterus. Oh my God. Yeah. Poor thing. So I had a massive blood transfusion, like three liters, the last three liters of blood,

which is a lot. You only have six in the human body. So it's like half my blood volume. I go back. I'm trying to, you know, I go to my own recovery. Russell goes to the NICU. Again, I'm on the magnesium because some women also get postpartum preeclampsia. Where high blood pressure stays there after.

Yeah. Or it comes on after. I'm trying to recover. I feel awful. I literally, like one of the doctors comes in and I'm like, am I dying? Because I feel like it. Like, this has to be what death feels like. It's the worst. Like, I didn't even hardly care that I just had a baby. You know what I mean? It was that bad. All I did was sleep. And so, and then this kidney doctor kept coming in. I had so many doctors in and out, you know, and he had, like, this accent that I couldn't really understand. And like come to find out my kidneys were failing basically. Like, yeah. So he comes in at around midnight, like two days after I have Russell. And he's like, we need to send you to the ICU.

Your kidneys aren't improving. But I'm confident, you know, that you'll be better. You know, that this will resolve. But we just don't know. I had some sort of. And is someone there with you something acute kidney injury i know because because my husband at the time was with russell and the nicu but he did yeah i can't remember everything's so such a blur well just the reason i ask is like i imagine this is just like so overwhelming right i mean kind of but you know survival mode is where i

thrive so i'm like i can get through this i'm like never once in my head was i thinking like i wasn't gonna make it well it's probably also why you did make it when when when they had to remove your uterus was that even like did you even know what was going on or were you too out of it? No, they brought me up out of anesthesia to like ask me, but pretty much tell me, you know, they're like, we have to do this, but we want your consent. I recently went on vacation with both my kids and I wanted to get serious about their sun care. I obviously take my sun care very seriously. I have driving gloves, the hat, sunscreen, all the things. But with my kids, I wanted to know exactly what I'm putting on them. So enter Sunbum. You guys, they have this roll-on sunscreen. Okay. First of all, I love the roll-on thing because then you don't get white everywhere and the kids don't freak out. So it's like this roll-on mineral sunscreen and it's SPF

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Calm at justthrivehealth.com with promo code SKINNY90. Send this to your parents. They all need a probiotic. Send it to your friends. Go to justthrivehealth.com with promo code SKINNY90. So when you're going through all of this, you posted a video. This is later that you posted the video, but you posted a video of you and you can see it on your page. It's pinned of what you were going through. And I thought that was so real and so vulnerable. What was the at what point were you going through that video? Because the video looks like I mean, it's it's raw.

Yeah. So this is so then I get sent to the ICU for the kidney dialysis. were you going through that video because the video looks like I mean it's it's raw yeah so this is so then I get sent to the ICU for the kidney dialysis and before you have that type of because there's a few different types of kidney dialysis this is like it's called CRRT it's like a life support type it's 24 hours you're hooked up to this machine like it's not like you go in there's some like outpatient ones anyways they have to put a catheter like a like a i don't want to say i don't know what it's called but in your jugular vein yeah so i go in for that to be done and the doctors come in this is the this is the freakiest part this is like gonna get me goosebumps and they wanted me to like sign all this all these things and I'm just like

can someone just please call and so my OB answers the phone and I'm like I don't know do I I don't know I have a bad feeling about this like am I gonna die and she's like um she's like no this is you know this is standard procedure this is what Dr. Rodriguez you know says you need to get done your kidneys are failing so there's really no other choice at this point i don't have it i don't have another choice it's like i'm like okay they ended up inserting the catheter into my carotid artery instead of my jugular vein what the fuck yeah hold on they made a mistake and they put in your carotid artery well i don't really know what that means because i carotid is if you want to kill someone, you cut them right there.

Okay, so your jugular vein goes down to your heart. Your carotid artery goes to your brain. They run right next to each other. They use this little ultrasound device to go over it. And they take this little needle to puncture to make sure that they're in the right vein. They withdraw the blood. And because the carotid artery goes to your brain it's high pressure so it's like um bright red and the one that the jugular is darker red so that's one way

they can tell but also they have the ultrasound device so they so they use the little needle to make sure they're in the right one and then they take the big catheter it's like the size of a pencil and stick it in your. How did they mess that up? Girl, I'll be asking that question for the rest of my life. Was it students? It was a fellow. What does that mean? So doctors go through their residency. And then if they want to specialize in something, it's called a fellowship.

Listen, I'm like, guys, we don't need the trainee here. We need the real guy. I mean, he is supposed to be. I mean, he's already a doctor, but he's not a resident. But yeah. So wait. It was like his first week on the rotation. How did you know it was wrong?

I didn't. I immediately, like, so they, I know now, but they inserted it in my carotid artery. And I immediately, I mean, I lost three more liters of blood. I lost oxygen to my brain. Like, I lost three more liters of blood. I lost oxygen to my brain. Like I immediately was out. Like acute respiratory failure, pulmonary. Like I have a list of all the things that. Your heart starts to fail.

Everything starts to fail. Yeah. So what do they do at this point? At this point, they had to send me into emergency surgery to repair my carotid artery so they had to wake up some woman some this amazing um vascular surgeon actually and she came in and uh fixed me but the woman was probably like what are you dopes doing in here i mean yeah so then i was on a ventilator for a few days in like a medically induced coma. And so I didn't really know what had happened until I woke up. And so meanwhile, your husband's there with the baby in the NICU, which is also traumatic.

Yes. And then you're over here. In the ICU, yes. Oh my God. Yeah. I don't know if I'd be equipped for that. I don't know. So that's hard.

I mean, you don't know what you're capable of until you have no other choice you know sure no but i'm just saying that's i mean obviously you were in a terrible situation yeah i mean being in that situation where god it's a lot it yeah it was a lot so and then yeah so then the video is of me walking to see Russell for the first time because I didn't get to hold him for when I first had him you know that was like my motivation so for everything I mean it still is but to to walk again to do all those things it's crazy how quickly your body shuts down the first time you saw him what was that like I mean we can see it on the video but explain what you were feeling i mean it's just it's surreal it's i mean i'm sure it's the same as anyone getting to hold their baby for the first time it's yeah but with all i'm explaining i wasn't thinking of that you know i wasn't thinking of any of that but now in retrospect

my god it's crazy it it makes me so emotional for you because i know how stressful it is when you just have a baby and how and i can't even imagine all the other layers that you had on top of it and then to see your baby yeah no i know i mean i was stressed about what to put in my hospital bag and like you know oh my gosh that's the last fucking thing you're about to do yeah so anyone listening listen you listen, you don't need a thing. So how long were you in the hospital for after you got your artery fixed? And did they have to insert something else into your other vein, your jugular? No.

Oh, yes. So then they ended up having, they did. You can also go through your groin area. Why didn't they tell you that? They did. And I asked them for that. And he was like, oh, well, Owen can get infected. I could just tell they weren't comfortable with it.

So I was like, okay. They had the fucking trainee in there. Doctors are going to get mad at me. They're like, we got to get through residency. Listen, I want the top guy. I want the guy that's been there for 30 years doing this shit daily. I don't want the trainee. Right.

Do that with someone else. I know. And it's a learning hospital. No, no. I don't want to go to any learning hospital. I remember that. That's a Cedars thing, right? Yeah, yeah.

We were there for a while. I don't want to be in the learning hospital. I remember that. That's a Cedars thing, right? Yeah. Yeah. We were there for a while. I don't want to be in the learning area. I want to be in the main space. Maybe that's selfish, but somebody else can sign up for the learning shit. They did save my life though. So anywhere else I would have died for sure. Well, yes, but they almost killed you too. I know. But remember this perspective thing? I try to focus on the good. I'm here talking to you guys. So they put the other catheter in your groin. Yes. And so now I'm hooked up to the CRRT dialysis.

I still wasn't getting better. I had to do like some platelet transfer, some more like blood transfusions. During the event, I lost another three liters, you know, of blood. Yeah. So it took me a while to recover because my kidneys had already taken a hit from the first massive hemorrhage. And they couldn't figure out why. They couldn't figure out why. And luckily, this doctor who had been following my case from the beginning was like I think that you have this really rare condition called atypical HUS syndrome which is a whole other that's why I was like which part of this story are we gonna go with because there's like 10

there's like 10 parts so then I can then I get um diagnosed with this rare condition. What's that? Called atypical HUS syndrome. But what is it? Hemolytic uremic syndrome. I don't know. I'd have to look it up. But it's a blood, some sort of a blood thing. I honestly don't even remember now. And there's no way to tell if you actually have it unless you don't get treatment. There's no way to tell that you actually have it unless you don't get treatment. And then because my kidneys weren't, they weren't responding to treatment. I wasn't getting better. And so they were like, okay, well, we can give you the treatment for this atypical HUS syndrome,

which are these infusions and the most expensive drug in the country is like over $100,000 per treatment. Yeah. Did you do it? Thank God for insurance. Yes, but they made me do all these other tests to rule out other things first. How do you do the thing that's $100,000? Is it like blood? What is it? No, it's an immunos dollars is it like blood what is it no it's a it's a um it's an immuno

something or other infusion like they they infuse your blood with this i don't know what it is it's something to do with your immune system i think i i honestly don't know what point are you starting to feel better in the hospital just like you're getting your energy mentally yeah i was like so i was starting to lose it there's this thing called like icu psychosis and i'm pretty sure i was like going there what's that you just start to go crazy because of all the there's constant beeping there's constant wake you up yes every every night yeah the lights and the it's just like i was up at weird hours and i was like they do these rounds you know every morning all this team of doctors i mean i literally had everything from like a neurosurgeon to the or a nurse whatever to uh my ob like rounding on me every morning i was and i would tell them like i'm losing losing it. Like I cannot. Also, I think and I

don't even know if you were eating food, but the food in there is not the best and you're getting really no sunlight. Yeah. Just so healing. Yeah. I had like a window, a little window next to me. But yeah. So it's like things that your body is used to circadian rhythm. Also, those beeper, those beeping all day long. So I know this sounds sounds weird but I think it's so hard on your cortisol it's just oh yeah it's you're in a constant state of stress so it's hard to heal I would imagine in the stress 100% I mean what you need most is sleep in that in that time and you're like not getting it because why do they wake you up can someone dm me and tell me why they wake you up every two hours seriously Seriously. I started getting like mad.

Yeah. You kind of get mad. I was losing it. I'm telling you. I want like a do not disturb sign. Yes. That's what I was like. No.

I'm not doing it. Like leave. Can you say that? You can. Yeah. Yeah. It's like you can't be pricked one more time. You can't do it.

Oh, girl. Have you seen any of my like photos of how beat up I was? I've seen your video, which... But, like... Yeah, you do have to show us. We can pull it up on the screen. I don't know if they're posted. Oh, you didn't post it?

Actually, they would be in my, yeah, in one of my highlights. What is it? Just, like, a lot of needles? Oh, my God. No, black. I look, I mean, black and blue, like, everywhere. Yeah, in one of my highlights. What is it? Just like a lot of needles? Oh, my God. No. Black. I look, I mean, black and blue, like everywhere. Like I look like I was ran over by a truck.

So you're not scared of anything now? I mean, like I'm scared of everything and nothing all at once. I tend to like stress over like stupid things that I can control. But like I'm not scared of like yeah the big the big thing you sound like Michael Michael has MUS oh what's that made up stress well I diagnosed Michael you know it's funny it's it's like I really I mean I'm always looking for like the thing around the corner but the big things like actually when big things happen I'm actually pretty calm yeah like I have no problem flying or like any of those kind of anything like that being in the hospital like you don't have a problem being in the hospital i mean i didn't not in the moment like i'm telling

you like i'm i go towards the danger i'm not a flight person i'm like bring it what happens though when you're somebody that does that is you're like, what gets uncomfortable is constantly anticipating, like you're more comfortable in the chaos. You get comfortable in the chaos and then you get uncomfortable when it's not there because you're like, it's not your normal state, right? Especially like listening to your upbringing, what you just went through. Yeah. Right.

You're like, I imagine you're on edge when things are feeling like they're going too right. Yes, they were for a long time. I just was in like three years of therapy. So I'm getting through that, I think, you know, but for sure. What do you think the big reveal there was? Oh, gosh, I have no idea. Honestly, just learning about like childhood attachment and traumas

and how people process those things and how that relates to me. And I never took the time to think about those kind of things. I think the insight that it provided me has been transformative for sure. I think that a lot of people who have been through severe trauma or, you know, things that happened in your childhood to dissociate. Like you almost have to dissociate to like get to the other side. And it's almost like a protective mechanism that your brain does. Yeah. I'm really good at compartmentalizing is what my therapist would say. So while all this is going on, when do you get to really like be with your son? Oh, gosh. So he ended up then being diagnosed with a heart condition.

Oh, my God. Yeah. He was born with a congenital heart defect called a VSD, which is a hole in the heart, basically. And it's the most common one. It's actually more common than childhood cancer. And people don't have never really even heard of it. I had never heard of it. But there's a chance common than childhood cancer. And people don't have never really even heard of it. I had never heard of it. But there's a chance that it can close.

So we're in this constant limbo of like, is it going to get better or is it going to get worse? Is he going to have to have surgery or is it going to close? Or maybe we'll have to have surgery when he's six months or 12 months or whatever. And he wasn't getting better. He ended up in the NICU for 83 days. The goal was to get him to nine pounds I believe for surgery but at seven pounds his other organs started to become affected and it was kind of like same scenario with me having him at 31 weeks or waiting trying to wait

a few more days or something they were like let's just call it now but it was an emergency like we had to go in there they were gonna life flight him to chla like it was another trauma for sure i mean dealing with his stuff was more traumatic i think for me i'm sure than my stuff yeah so then he went to chla for his open heart surgery which do not look up what open heart surgery entails. I'm such a researcher. And no, thank God it was the one thing I didn't know. I didn't because I didn't want to know because I was already in such a dark place. I was like, I can't I can't go. But I know now. And what I know now is I'm so glad that I didn't look that up. But thank God for me, I think it was because I had, you know, I was the one in one million that, you know, the chance that you take when you have any sort of surgery or have a child or whatever, there's always that very small percentage of things could go wrong.

Right. And that had happened to me like multiple times in a row. So I was like, oh, for sure, this isn't good. This is like not going to go well. You know, that was my biggest fear still is. But during his surgery, but everything went fine. Thank God. How long was he in the hospital after he came out?

Out of the open heart surgery? Yeah. I think another 10 days I would think and tell me if I'm wrong that babies heal almost quicker right or no you know it depends every baby's different and like that's the that's the like most frustrating answer to get as a as a mom too because the doctors are just like everybody and it but it's so true like I don't know if you've had any friends that have had like preemies or anything it's such a wide spectrum of like how they do like one baby can thrive and the other struggles and they both had the same you know what I mean baseline of opportunity when when you're going through all this and then your son's going through all this

what what is your ex what's going on with your ex? I mean, we're there. We're driving to the NICU every day together. So he was supportive. Oh, yeah. I mean, yeah, he's a great dad. So when did you find out that your ex-husband was doing all these things that were not okay? It was like six months after we brought Russ home. And what did you, if you're

comfortable, just I'll let you share what you're comfortable with. It's hard to say because I know more now than I did then, you know? So at the time I was like, where is this coming from? Like, why don't you want to be together? Like, we just had this baby we went through all this trauma the pandemic had just hit I was like why don't you want to at least try it just didn't make sense to me but he was so gung-ho about it made up his mind you know moved out gung-ho about breaking up yeah okay about yeah getting a divorce okay so I was traumatized and I was still just like I had no idea that there was even like it was not even on my radar that that could even be a possibility that he wasn't, you know, being faithful. So.

Oh, he wanted to divorce because he was being unfaithful. But I didn't know that at the time. Okay. So he just comes and says, I want a divorce, but you're just thinking because he doesn't want to be with you, but just because he was being unfaithful. Sorry, I'm just kidding. Yes. Yes. But the gut feeling was alwaysithful. Sorry, I'm just kidding. Yes, yes. But the gut feeling was always like, this makes no sense. Because there was nothing, you know, there was nothing really prior.

Like, sure, we had like. So for you, it just comes out of nowhere and hits you like a truck. Yeah. When she's already being hit by a truck in another sense of the way, it's like, yeah, it's a lot. And with your son. I mean. No, yeah. How much can one person take? Right.

So after he left, were you fine with it? I was still like desperate to try and salvage our marriage. So you were still trying to make it work? Yeah. And at what point were you like, this is not going to work anymore well when more information uncovered itself i guess and i found out that he had been with someone else for the last year and a half what is that while you were pregnant yeah yeah what is that like when you have such a big supportive community and you find this out and you've just gone through all this like is your first inclination like i'm gonna i'm gonna fucking call this motherfucker out or are you like can't even think about that are you like

what is your reaction to this it's honestly yeah god well it's tough all of the all of the all of the above because well on one hand the my first my first reaction is like embarrassment and like i don't want this to be happening to me it's like shame you know you're like i don't want people to like look at me like this i think it's hard to share like the hard things you know what i mean people want to have this like perfect life and this perfect. I mean, that's why social media gets such a bad rap, right? Because people only share the highlight reel. But how much support did you get when you did share?

Oh, my God. Like, like I owe my life to these people. I'm sure you heard everyone's stories. I mean, oh, my God. Yes. And it's so sad how many people still reach out to me. I mean, daily that are going through this sort of thing. And then you go to their profile and it's like just the happy family, like no one would ever guess. And they say to me all the time,

I haven't even told my family or friends because they can't understand. Another thing that I found in my house when I was testing my home, like I had this company come over and test my entire home for mold, for toxins. I just had them do like a once over of the house was that our water was not it. What we did is we got new shower heads And the shower heads that we got are by Vitaclean. So this is a triple filter vitamin C infused aromatherapy shower head. And it removes toxins and just like nasty shit from your shower. You should know that unfiltered shower water can really be bad for your skin and your hair. And Test My Home really recommended getting a really great shower head. And VitaClean is it. So it has this really strong power jet pressure, which uses vitamin C to filter out chlorine.

This is incredible, especially if you're going in the pool a lot and you want to wash your hair. The vitamin C filter also has benefits of promoting hair growth and brighter skin. And I just feel so much better when my kids are showering and bathing to know that there's not all this water that's coming out of the shower that can cause acne, dry scalp, itchy legs, eczema, etc. So if you want to upgrade your shower situation, you're going to go to VitaCleanHQ.com today and use code SKINNY at checkout for 20% off. That's VitaCleanHQ.com to get your new showerhead today. You can use code skinny at checkout for 20% off showerhead starter kits.

And if you don't like it for any reason, they offer a 30-day money-back guarantee. Enjoy. I got to go on Jenny Kane and pick out what I wanted. And I went immediately for the boyfriend shirt. It is this shirt that is absolutely so amazing that I reached out to them to ask them to send me another color. So first I got the white, which is classic. It's such a good fit. It's crisp. It's not overly expensive, but it's something that I'll have in my closet forever. And then I harass them for a blue. It's like a pretty baby blue. So simple. And both of these are hanging in my closet. So I have my white crisp collared shirt and I have my French blue crisp shirt. And they're both by Jenny Kane. This brand I'm sure you've seen all over Instagram. They're known for classic,

comfortable, and sort of California-inspired clothes. They have cotton. They have cashmere. They have all the things that you need for a perfect summer wardrobe. What I like about it, is it's fresh. It's something that you can buy today and you know you're going to use two years later. If you're looking for the white button down, like one that fits right, that goes with everything, you have to check out their boyfriend shirt. I would start with white. I'm just saying. But you can't go wrong with French blue either. Find your forever pieces at JennyKane.com. Our listeners get 15% off your first order when you use code SKINNY at checkout. That's 15% off your first order at J-E-N-N-I-K-A-Y-N-E.com promo code skinny. We were talking off air and I said, Amber's so beautiful. She's got her own

business. She's got so much going on. And for her to come out and share this it it just shows it doesn't matter i mean we said emerata got cheated on like it it it's this happening doesn't matter what you look like how much money you have how well your business does it's like this is happening well i don't even want to just pick on men i just think some people just aren't equipped there's a deep insecurity that some people have to go through to feel validated or wanted and you could be be in a, what's on the surface, the healthiest relationship. It's actually probably nothing to do with you. And I think I have, I know, and we all know people in our own lives, men, women that have been unfaithful. And I think the common denominator there is there is a deep insecurity of feeling some kind of want or some kind of need that even though you have that

from one individual, it's like it's never enough. They're trying to fill some kind of void in themselves, probably from some childhood thing. I don't know how to explain it. It's a personality flaw that people need to address and work with. And I don't think you can do that without becoming very confident as an individual and becoming very secure and independent with yourself. You have to be real comfortable with asking for what you need. Yes. You know, and a lot of people are not. Yeah, I mean.

That's really what it comes down to. Because if your needs aren't being met in your relationship and you're not voicing it, like that's just a recipe for disaster on all parts. But yes, I think also it can be a deep-rooted i also think with a lot of people that there's something kind of hot it's what is it called the madonna horror syndrome about it not being the person that they're married to like i think some people are attracted to that like it's yeah but i think if you root it down it down, it's a deep insecurity of feeling some kind

of want or validation that they don't feel they're getting enough of. Mostly because they can't validate themselves. I'm probably generalizing that. There's obviously cases on both sides, but that's what it is. The men that I know in my life, and some of them have been friends, that do that, it's always the

ones that are the most insecure yeah right and even on the surface if they seem like they're not this goes for women too though like there's there's women are like there it's the it's always the women like the women and the men that need that like extra bit of attention that they just feel they're they're not getting enough of yeah i think that's true. And if you're not getting it in your relationship too, people tend to look outside of the relationship to get that fulfillment or their needs met. How were you able to be such a good mother and rally and take care of yourself when all this is going on? And if someone's listening who has been cheated on and they do maybe have a kid or kids, like what is what is sort of a takeaway

that you realize during all this I mean I am so freaking lucky that I had worked really hard leading up to that point with social media and I was able to like retain all my brand partnerships and just kind of coast and And it wasn't necessarily like the creative outlet that it used to be. It became more of a community of people that I were like depending on. That's really honestly, it got me through it. It is crazy because 10 years ago, you wouldn't have had the kind of community that you have now because it wasn't really possible I know it makes me so sad and and that's actually so I started this like private Facebook group for my followers to be able to talk to themselves and like have have the same sense of community that I feel like I I have so what are other tools that got you through that

was it just primarily community? I mean, therapy. I was like, I went to therapy, like I said, every week for sometimes twice a week for three years. I looked, I mean, I looked forward to my therapy appointments. How do you co-parent with someone that, I mean, for me, I would have like, I would have, it's hard. And you have a baby together right how do you do that honestly I feel like I very quickly realized that I've always wanted the best for Russell and I didn't I didn't want I just didn't want to affect that in any way I didn't I didn't want him to I wanted him to have whatever, like as close to normal.

And as much as his dad wanted to be in his life, I wanted to allow that. So yeah, it was hard. And I for sure, like, I think compromised my own needs at that time. But I wanted him to be in Russell's life. And how is it now? Like fast forward. We actually co-parent really well for the most part. And how old is Russell now? He's three actually co-parent really well for the most part and how old is Russell now he's three and a half he's three yeah

maybe him and Zaza should meet I would love that I feel like I am matchmaking Michael there's only one man in Zaza's life

it's me for forever for the rest of time Michael wants to move to be Amish Zaza and Russell is like it's kind of cute like i'm kind of into

it we're gonna move to a deserted island in the middle of nowhere by the time maybe like 11 12 through everything that you've been through today what are what are lessons and advice that or wisdom i should say that you've gathered throughout this whole experience to today? I mean, it's that life is like not about the cards that you're dealt. It's how you play them. That's very Price is Right of you. There's no cards in the Price is Right, Lauren. I don't think we're talking about the same thing.

There's a couple cards. But it's a game. I know. I mean, think we're talking about the same thing. No, I know. There's a couple of cards. But it's a game. I know. I mean, I think, I mean, your story's wild, but I think it just proves how resilient people can be, right? To your point,

if they choose to be, I think it's hard to explain to people that it is a choice, right? Especially if you're coming from the outside and passing judgment on someone else's life that you're not living and saying like, hey, you have the choice to think about this in a different way that that message is either very well received or the exact opposite right like it's it's it's hard to tell people hey i understand you're in a very terrible situation or something's really not

going right but you do have a choice to change the way you think about that right like it's yeah no it's true it doesn't take away having to go through sure the pain you know you you also have to like experience going through it and it might seem like you're never going to get out you know but like even in the hospital you know i just never even thought of it i was like no i'm going to get out of here like actually price is right came on one day while I was I was like this isn't me I was like talking to my nurses I'm like just so you know that's me what is it I'm gonna get out do they know like this isn't the girl this isn't like the sick girl that you see in the hospital bed right now like like that's me I'm I'm getting back to that I mean that is a damn good way to think. Let's talk about the happy stuff.

Yes. You have launched the Broken Hearts Club. Tell us about that and why you decided to launch that. It seems like it has so many meanings. It does. I'm so proud of it. It's in one part to help promote and spread awareness for congenital heart defects like Russell's because there's so many parents and people out there that, you know, have congenital heart defect and there's not a lot

of awareness about it, especially childhood. So to end 10% of the proceeds go towards the Children's Heart Foundation. I love it. Yes. And what are other fun things that you're working on right now? I actually just got to go to the state capitol and speak, yeah, for this. I'm also very passionate about advocating for shelter animals. Cool. Yeah. So, and there's a crisis in LA right now. So, anyone out there, please consider adoption.

Where do you go? Like, I'm obsessed with I Stand With My Pack. Oh, they're great. Yeah. Any any local rescue. You can go to Petfinder dot com if you're if you're not in L.A. Petfinder dot com will match you with a shelter animal. You can search by breed, color. I mean, anything you want. There's literally anything you want in the shelters these days. I think the audience will be mad if I don't ask you a couple beauty wellness questions. Okay. What are your top three beauty skin makeup? Okay. Tretinoin. I keep seeing that all over

TikTok. You've never used tretinoin? I have not. How is your skin so perfect? What is tretinoin? I'm wearing makeup though. Is that an ingredient or is that a product line? So it's a prescription only. So I went to a dermatologist when i was like 25 i had i had like really bad acne and he he prescribed me that and he was like you're gonna thank me in 10 years because this ingredient is what they put in all the like expensive skin creams but only like a tiny bit this is like the prescription strength so it stimulates collagen production it's it's literally a miracle tiktok is obsessed with it right now yeah it's not great for every skin type though so a lot of your research yeah do your research go to a dermatologist what else

what are the other um i secrets i love i love the clarins double serum i use that almost every single day michael's like, what? No, I'm listening. Oh, okay. I'm listening. Just making sure. Your ice roller is actually, like, I use it almost every day. Oh, thank you.

Yeah, I know. That's very nice. That's very nice. I had one of the cheap ones from Amazon. No, no, no. We're going to hook you up with the balls today. You're going to have balls. Oh, I have one. I have the balls.

Well, I got to hook you up. We're hooking you up with the razor. Yeah, give me more balls. Yeah, more balls. All the balls that you can get. Send them my way. What are three things that you do in the morning that are non-negotiables? I mean, you got to brush your teeth.

Okay. Pretty much it at this point because having a kid. You're holding on. I know. I can imagine with one parent, that's a lot of fucking work. I mean, I do. I have full-time help now. You know what, Lauren?

Still, it's a lot of work. It's also like when you're, you know, it's almost like having a significant other that just sleeps the whole time while the other's up with the kids every morning. Yeah, I make him wake up every night. Lauren's got this extensive morning routine. And she's like, why aren't you doing your routine? I'm like, because I'm up with the kid, which I'm happy to do. That's my time with them.

But I get it. Like, you get up and I don't have any time for myself anymore. It's just like, go. Yeah. I'm lucky if I eat rabbits. I'm actually terrible with time management and stuff. That's why I worship what you do with your time stacking all the... I'm like, geez, I wish I had just an ounce of that in me. Well, you must have some kind of time management because you're launching all these things and doing all these projects and posting all these collabs. You must have some kind of system i mean i have a great manager who keeps me on task what about nighttime routine any non-negotiables or are we just are you just hanging on right now because you have a no no no nighttime routine i definitely i don't miss

like hardly ever okay what is it i mean you want the products or you want the... You know I want everything. Okay, so you got to double cleanse with a brush, preferably, not every time. So the tretinoin also makes your skin exfoliate quicker. So you're constantly having to exfoliate or shed quicker, I guess. So you got to do that. Then I do the LED mask. Do you do red light therapy at all? Do you like Dr. Dennis's?

Yes. Okay, that's the one I like too. Yeah, i yeah that's when i have because hands free you gotta do hands free i mean come on yeah no i used to have the wand and i'd have to like no no you gotta do hands free so i love that and then i'll usually do a serum and then oh my god i love the tatcha products have you tried i do like the tatcha products but i don't like i i don't have like a favorite so what's your favorite the the skin what is it the overnight skin repair okay like your skin you'll wake up with like babies off it's also multitasking because you're sleeping while something's doing something to your skin which i love yeah i love just slathering on like a good you know going to bed you're incredible your story is amazing i think it's going to help a lot of people is there anything else that you want to tell our audience before

you go i mean i don't know thanks guys tell us that's an intense story tell us i know sorry tell us where we can shop your merch and find you and follow you. Yeah. So my handle on Instagram is Amber Lancaster. Broken Hearts Club is brokenheartsclubshop.com. But there's also a link in my bio on Instagram. You can watch The Price is Right. Can we do a little giveaway? You're on every day? Regularly?

No. Still? No, there's no. I'm like, I don't know. You're on all the time. Maybe six days a month. She's on a lot. Six shows a month. The Price is Right. We just had a guy come on that said he hacked The Price is I don't know. You're on all the time. Maybe six days a month. She's on a lot. Six shows a month.

The price is right. We just had a guy come on that said he hacked the prices right. I know. I don't even know about this. I wonder if you were on that episode. Okay. So is that the perfect bid? The documentary that was made?

There's also a documentary called. I don't think so. Okay. He came in and he like won a sale boat and they sold it. But he like figured out how to hack how to get on the show. Because he says there's producers in the audience. Yes. He like figured that out. Okay. Yeah. It's kind of he says there's producers in the audience and he like figured that out and then okay yeah it's a it's

kind of there's not producers in the audience yeah don't tell don't tell the secrets michael maybe i'll get on there oh okay can we do a giveaway sure okay can we give away some merch yeah let's do it okay you guys go follow at amber lancaster on instagram and then tell us your favorite part of this episode on my latest post at Lauren Bostic. We'll pick someone. I, if you're going to shop the merch, absolutely love this baby pink sweater. It has like a hot pink writing on it. So cute. I'll definitely be wearing it on stories. Amber, thank you so much for coming. Thank you. This was amazing. Russell and Zaza, look out. Wait, don't go. Make sure you've rated and reviewed

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