The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast - Ben Nemtin On Burnout, Our Passions, What We Regret Most, & How To Stop Feeling Lost

Episode Date: May 29, 2025

#848: Join us as we sit down with Ben Nemtin – Motivational Speaker, Author, & Co-Founder of The Buried Life movement. Ben first captured hearts after starring in & executive producing MTV’s hit docuseries The Buried Life, where he & three friends set out to accomplish their list of “100 Things To Do Before You Die.” For every goal they checked off, they helped a stranger achieve a dream of their own – sparking a movement around purpose, connection, & possibility. In this episode, Ben shares how he rediscovered his purpose after struggling with societal pressures, what led him to hit the road for a two-week bucket list adventure, & why taking action, even in uncertainty – is the key to momentum. He dives into the power of overcoming fear, the magic of simply asking a stranger, & how anyone can start chasing their dreams today, no matter the circumstance!   To Watch the Show click HERE   For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM   To connect with Ben Nemtin click HERE   To connect with Lauryn Bosstick click HERE   To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE   Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE   Head to our ShopMy page HERE and LTK page HERE to find all of the products mentioned in each episode.   Get your burning questions featured on the show! Leave the Him & Her Show a voicemail at [phone].   This episode is sponsored by The Skinny Confidential   Your daily routine done better – with The Skinny Confidential Caffeinated Sunscreen. Subscribe today at shopskinnyconfidential.com and get it delivered right to your door – because great skin doesn’t take days off!   This episode is sponsored by Nutrafol    For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code SKINNYHAIR.   This episode is sponsored by Branch Basics    You can also use my code SKINNY15 to get 15% off at branchbasics.com/SKINNY15.   This episode is sponsored by Purely Elizabeth   Visit purelyelizabeth.com and use code SKINNY at checkout for 20% off.   This episode is sponsored by Naked Wines   To get 6 bottles of wine for $39.99, head to NakedWines.com/SKINNY and use code SKINNY for both the code AND PASSWORD.    This episode is sponsored by Boll & Branch   Get 15% off, plus free shipping on your first set of sheets, at BollAndBranch.com/skinny.    This episode is sponsored by Nowadays   Nowadays is easy to purchase, with direct-to-door delivery. Must be 21 to order at trynowadays.com. Produced by Dear Media

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Hello everybody, welcome back to the Skinny Confidential Him and Her show. What if the secret to changing your life isn't about achieving more, but about daring to dream in the first place? Today's guest is someone who's not just talking the talk, he's living the ultimate bucket list life. From playing basketball with Obama to having beer with Prince Harry, he's checked off dreams most of us wouldn't even dare to write down. Ben Nemton is the bestselling author of What Do You Want to Do Before You Die?

and The Bucket List Journal. This episode with Ben is all about unlocking possibility, beating burnout, and giving yourself permission to go after the life you actually want. With that, Ben Nemton, welcome to the Skinny Confidential Him and Her Show. This is the Skinny Confidential Him and Her. I think people have it wrong when they're trying to find their purpose. I think it's about building towards purpose. So moving towards the things that make you feel more alive and starting to use that as your compass and not using your head follow feelings. And ultimately that leads you to happiness because the definition of happiness is the feeling you have when you're moving towards your potential.

So it's not actually about achieving the goal, it's about your pursuit and moving towards it so you're not stagnant and just starting to take small steps of action. So I've read this and you're the perfect person to ask. It's like depression is actually when you feel like you're regressing or standing still, right?

Stagnation. Yeah, so humans are unhappy when we are stagnant. So movement makes us feel this sense of fulfillment and I actually think, and I've heard this before from certain people, and this is what I've experienced because I experienced depression. I went through quite a big depression when I was in my first year of university in Canada. And I felt, and looking back it's quite clear, like I was not aligned with my authentic self and I wasn't moving towards that sort of,

that true version of myself. I was living the dream, but it wasn't my dream. And so I was moving towards this dream that I thought I should live but it actually wasn't what I wanted and I think that is the thing that can get tricky is that we sometimes feel like we're living for other people but we don't know it and I think that's where unhappiness can stem from. Who were you living for? I was living for everyone around me. Like people told me that I should do really well in school.

People told me that I should be a star rugby player because rugby was the big sport where I grew up. People told me that I had to be popular and be like, like society had just kind of ingrained these things in me. And what I wasn't doing was I wasn't being creative and I wasn't doing was I wasn't being creative and I wasn't hanging around with people that really energized me and it's not until I was intentional about surrounding myself with people that inspired me that I started to learn

about the people that made me feel more alive and then when I made the bucket list the things that made me feel more alive. So if I look back, for me, these feelings of depression came from just not moving towards the life that I wanted. It was moving towards the life that I thought. It was like a great example, the child that is pressured by the parents to be a doctor or lawyer, then they become the doctor or lawyer, and then they hate the profession, they're miserable. Even though on paper, everyone's like, hey, you're making a lot of money, and you're a doctor and you're a lawyer, then they become the doctor or lawyer, and then they hate the profession, they're miserable. Even though on paper, everyone's like, hey, you're making a lot of money, and you're a doctor and you're a lawyer,

and what's the problem here? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you should be happy. It makes sense, like everything adds up, but why are you unhappy? Or they love to play hockey, and then the parents are like, okay, go, go, go. They're pushed to this highest level, and then the joy are like, okay, go, go, go. They're pushed to this highest level.

And then the joy comes, falls out of the actual act of doing it and then they feel this unhappiness. I find this in real life too, like when even not with just parents, I have like friends that feel like they need to be this business person or this entrepreneur. That's such like a hot word right now. They feel like they need to be an entrepreneur, but at their core, they're just, they're not.

And they don't want to be doing it, but they're just doing it because it looks good on Instagram or because it's a talking point at dinner or whatever it is. And what I've realized is like, if you're just doing it because you think that's like the hot button word and it's cool to post or whatever, that's not fulfilling either. I feel like it also happens not just from parents. Yeah. Honestly, this is I think the biggest challenge we have as human beings. Because if you look at the biggest regret that people have on their deathbed,

76% of people on their deathbed, their number one regret is, I wish I would have lived for me, not the life others wanted for me or the life that was expected of me. So this is the biggest problem we are facing as human beings because that's the number one regret we have. So how can you reverse engineer your life so you don't have that regret? Well, that means first, stopping to think about and check in and figure out like, what do I want?

And the problem is like most people and me included, I have no idea, I didn't know what I wanted. And so what happened was this list became really a list of experiments that allowed me to try different things and start to understand what were these things that gave me energy. different things and start to understand what were these things that gave me energy. And then I followed that energy

and that led me to LA from Victoria, where we made a TV show that led me to speaking where I'm what I'm doing right now led me to the book. But all of these things were just following this momentum or this enthusiasm and this energy. And I think that's where purpose and fulfillment comes to is the pursuit of that which always changes which is why you're always changing your goals but you know I think sometimes we don't even know that we're living for other

people. It's like a little. It's very small it's hard to. You have to leave this in. The pregnant person has sushi rice on the head which by the way you're not supposed It's like a little. It's very small. It's hard to. You have to leave this in. The pregnant person has sushi rice on the head, which by the way, you're not supposed to eat sushi when you're pregnant, but I have sushi on my head.

It very much distracts me when you creep up like a leopard in the corner. Hold that clip for a tick shot. Please, please refrain from creeping up. It's like if the leprechaun came out behind. I see you standing back there slowly creeping up. And it's really. All I can think about is like, you know, like in Japan, you can like eat sushi off, like

female naked bodies. Yeah. I was just thinking somebody eating sushi off your forehead. Taylor doesn't know about that. He's running to Japan. He's booking a ticket. I've seen you speak before many times on Instagram. And I know that you, you that you you you mentioned it just

now you wrote so explain it to the audience you wrote a bucket list and then you went down the bucket list and did it yeah so this short version of this and I'll try and keep this short and you jump in and like I'm in university I'm putting all this pressure on myself to do well. I just made the under 19 national rugby team and rugby in the west coast of Canada is like football in the south, like big sport. And we're training for the World Cup. And at the end of our high school season, I'd missed a game winning kick that we lost the championship. And so leading up to the World Cup, I was like, shit, like, what if I do that again at the World Cup?

What if I blow this opportunity? And now you can like imagine, like this meant everything to me, this, this shot that I had to play at the World Cup. And so I started getting anxiety and I started losing sleep and all of a sudden I couldn't go to school. And I got, I was stuck in my car. I couldn't go to class. I drove home.

I dropped out. I couldn't go to rugby practice. Like I was just, I was stuck in my car. I couldn't go to class. I drove home. I dropped out. I couldn't go to rugby practice. Like I was just, I'd never experienced these feelings before and they just started to spiral and spiral. And this anxiety was just crippling and I wasn't able to do anything. And so I dropped out of school.

I got dropped from the national rugby team and someone who had been A type, lots of friends, really social, all of a sudden I couldn't leave my house. So I would just go, and my parents would push me out the door to do a 15 minute walk. And so these feelings lasted for a few months. And ultimately there were many things that contributed to me coming out of these feelings, right?

One was I finally talked with a therapist and I started to understand what was going on. But one of the big things that happened was I realized that some of my friends energized me and some took energy from me. And I thought, well, by necessity, I need to be around people that inspire me to get me out of this slump.

And there was one kid that was inspiring and he was a filmmaker that lived around the corner. And I thought, man, I secretly, I wanted to make a movie and I'd never talked about it. And so I called this kid up out of the blue and we gathered two other friends and we started talking about making this film. We had no idea what it was gonna be about,

but we thought, let's just make a documentary this summer about something. And Johnny had been assigned a poem in English class called The Buried Life. And it was an old 150 year old poem. And it talked about how the day to day buries what we really want to do. And we have these moments when we're inspired to go after those things, but life gets in the way. So we push them and we just never do these things.

So our dreams kind of get buried and that's how we felt. And so we thought, well, let's make a list of all of our buried dreams that we've never tried to go after. And let's just go on a road trip for two weeks and let's go after these dreams and let's help other people achieve their dreams because like we're not going to accomplish any of these things on our own. We're going to need the help of other people. So we'll just go on a two week road trip to tackle our bucket list and help other people. This is back in 2006. So it was like before social media, we're like beg, borrowing and stealing to get this thing off the ground. We make a website, we borrow an old RV, we buy a camera on eBay.

We're fundraising in our hometown to save money so we can pay for gas. And we hit the road for this two week road trip. And as soon as we started to travel, it started gets in the local news and people start hearing about it. And then emails start to come in through our website and they're like, I saw your list. I can help you do that.

You wanna get up on a hot air balloon? My friend can help you out. You wanna ride a bull? My uncle owns a bull ranch. And then people started sending us their dreams asking for our help. And so we did not expect this response. And so we thought, well, I guess we should keep doing this.

We were having a lot of fun. And pause for a second. Were those real dreams you had? And like, what else was on that list? Yeah, I mean, it was, when we wrote the list, there was two rules. You had to pretend you had a hundred million dollars in your bank.

Okay. And you had to pretend you could do anything. So it was everything from grow a mustache, plant a tree, to make a TV show, go to space, play basketball with Obama. Well, this is before Obama, so that wasn't on the list yet, but that was one of them. You know, like pay off our parents' mortgage, to sit with Oprah, write a New York Times bestseller.

Just the craziest, wildest dreams we could ever think of. We wrote them down and we thought, we're going to go out and we're going to try and do as many as we can in two weeks. So what happened? So it hit this chord. People really resonated with this idea and we noticed people started to go after their dreams because we were going after ours and they were offering us help.

And so we thought, well, let's just keep doing this. And so we went back to school. We fundraised throughout the school year. We saved up money. We got sponsors on board. We bought an old transit bus so that the next summer we could go for a longer tour. And so this two week road trip lasts like 10 years.

We just keep doing it in the summers. And ultimately, one of the dreams was to make a TV show and so we took the footage we've been filming for the documentary we edited a pilot we drove down to LA and we ended up selling it to MTV three years later and that's what's brought us down to LA and we did a show with the same idea of doing something on our list and helping someone else do something on theirs and so it's sort of taken us on this wild adventure, but along the way,

what I, you know, in reflection, as I look back, what it really was was it was when I wrote my list, it was the first time that I had declared or identified what I truly wanted. I just hadn't done that yet in my life. And it started this process of kind of living intentionally because we started to go after these things that we had written down, and then we started to talk about it,

and then people started to help us. And that led us down this path of sort of living a life that was a little more authentic. And like, yeah, it started out as just kind of a laugh, but it actually led into sort of really like this journey of self discovery. First of all, you have to tell us if you did the World Cup. No, I never played in the World Cup.

You never did it? No, but you know what's interesting? What I realized is that I didn't really love rugby that much. I was doing it because it was the cool thing to do. What a great thing to realize though and to be able to, maybe the anxiety was coming all from that. I think so. I have heard though rugby players have great asses.

Yeah, they do. I can't show it because I'm sitting on it, but I don't have one anymore because I don't play anymore. Okay. Yeah. That's what happened. Our trainer was pulling up men's, male's rugby asses to show me and she said, Michael, I need you to get to this.

And I was just sitting there looking at a lot of male asses. And I was like, well... Michael, you have a great rugby ass. I don't know how we got here, but I was just... That's what I was. What are things that you have personally checked off your own list based upon this whole concept? Some things that the audience would be interested in hearing.

Everything from, we survived on a deserted island without any training of survival skills, we just kind of got pushed off of a boat to swim to an island and had to fend for ourselves. For how long? It was about- Cause you said like an hour, I was like, all right. No, it was like threeend for ourselves. For how long? It was about. Cause you said like an hour, I'm like, all right. No, it was like three, four days. That's a long time.

Yeah. It was a long time. I wouldn't have survived. We lived off coconuts. You can actually live off coconuts for a long time. Yeah. That's not surprising. You can eat it, you can hydrate.

Can you imagine the complaints from me? We had to, so, okay, we could, we, we, we said we, you could bring one thing, but it can't be fire or food. Okay. So I brought a headlamp. Okay. So you could bring one thing, but it can't be fire or food. Okay. So I brought a headlamp so you could see at night. Johnny brought a pot so that we could boil and distill water, but we had to make fire. Okay.

Dave brought a mask and snorkel because he thought he was going to spearfish his fish, but he didn't. That was an image that he had in his head from Little Mermaid. Exactly. And then Duncan brought a machete, which was key to open the coconuts. Ah, the machete is the smart one, huh? Very smart.

Yeah. Cause that's what we lived off. What about a rifle? You can't bring a rifle. Why not? You could shoot the coconuts open. You could shoot the arrows. I'm not worried about seeing the dart blast away.

No, that's so extreme. You can't bring a fire. But you can't bring the ammo with it. Oh, that's- You know what we did though? Cause this is, we got, it kind of got Lord of the of ammo. You can't bring a fire. You can't bring ammo with it. Oh, that's- You know what we did though? Because it kind of got lower to the flies because we started to get a little squirrely after the third day and we were just eating coconuts and we needed something and we couldn't

start fire with a stick, but what we realized is the top of the pot was glass and we could use it as a magnifying glass and we propped it up on sticks and it the husks of the coconut were really flammable so we started a fire that way and then one of the guys Duncan he went and killed a seabird and we ate it after we roasted on the fire it was like the most primal thing I've ever done. How did you know to get picked up? Like we're starting it's's been an hour, kill the birds. Yeah, so we had, so this, this we did with, when we did the MTV show. Okay. So we had a rule with production where they would come in the morning, they'd film.

Okay. And then they'd leave. We had walkies if there was an emergency during the night and then we'd film the rest. Got it. Via flip cam. And so you lasted three to four days. Yeah. And what are other things that you did that were on this list? I tried to, one of the list items was to ask out the girl your dreams.

So I tried to, this is keep in mind this is back in the Transformers days when Megan Fox was like the it girl. Okay. So I was like, okay, I'm going to ask out Megan Fox. So it was the second Transformers movie and it was the premiere. And so we knew she was gonna be there. So we snuck onto the red carpet. And so what I've learned is like,

if you wanna sneak in anywhere, one, if you wear all black with a walkie talkie and a clipboard, you can walk in the back of any venue. Just sort of- Good tip. And also if there's a press, if it's a premiere or something, you know, if you're sneaky and you have a camera

and a microphone, you can kind of get in a couple of different places. And so I was able to get into the red carpet and there's all these slots on the red carpet for the different outlets, like Access Hollywood, right inside. And so we stepped into this slot and luckily they didn't show up.

So I was just waiting as Megan Fox was coming down the red carpet. And she got in front of me. And I started talking with her. And I didn't ask her out. And she got pulled off by her publicist before I could ask her out. So I failed at that. But the next time that my friend Duncan did it, he was like, okay, I'm gonna ask out Taylor Swift.

And we're like, okay, how are we gonna ask out Taylor Swift? Well, we know she's gonna be at the CMT awards. So we dress up Duncan like a fake country music star named Boone McCaw, all in white. And we get this white horse and chariot. And we tell our followers to meet us at the corner of where the CMT entrance was. And we gave them like shirts that say,

our I heart boon, fake covers of country music magazine with his face on it. And we say, when you see the white horse coming down, go nuts. And I'm walking of course with my black and the walkie talkie and the clipboard. I'm like of course with my black and the walkie talkie and the clipboard. I'm like his manager and we, we also had like fake like wigs and everything so no one could notice us. And we

roll up to the front of the CMTs and the police open the barricade because they're like this crowd's going nuts and there's this horse and chariot like clearly this is somebody. We go all the way up to the red carpet. Great security. Yeah. And they stop us at the red carpet because they recognize one of us. And so then we dress up Duncan in all in black with the clipboard. We're able to go up to the desk at the CMT, sort of like the backstage area,

and sort of pretend that we were on Kid Rock's production crew. We get a pass and he goes in and he walks right up to Taylor Swift who's sitting in the front row during a TV break, passes her a note and says, hey, it took me a while to get here, I just wanted to give you this.

And then the note was sort of an explanation of how he had gotten in and asking her out for a date. And she texted back and they went on two dates. No way. Yeah, so it actually, 50% success rate for that list item. So she liked him kind went on two dates. No way. Yeah. So it actually won 50% success rate for that list item. So she liked him kind of two dates. Yeah, two dates. Not bad.

Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't have given a guy another date if I didn't like him. Right. There you go. Yeah. So that's sort of a success. We like, and then we would do these, like, so we would help other people with their dreams and those became kind of like the most meaningful part of this like whole journey because we started to realize that like

When you help someone do something that means so much to them you you immediately connect with them. Well, it's what Oprah did exactly Oprah helps dr. Phil she helped Dr. Oz she helped a lot of people come up with her. And that's a different feeling. I think that's a different, it's almost a different added layer of purpose. Yeah, I think it resonates in a different way. And you start to feel like, I mean, talk about fulfillment,

you start to just, there's like a different vibration when you do that. What's the common thing that you see on people's bucket list from because you've seen so many people's like inner dreams what's the thing that you see standing out the most? If you really like boil it down like a lot of times it's sort of surface level things and achievements but when you start to really get into deeper conversations with people and you start to look at

it's consistent with the five regrets that the of the dying basically so the top five regrets of the dying are I wish I would have stayed in contact with friends I wish I would have let myself be happy I wish I would have worked less I wish I would have lived for me this is one other one but I can't remember so a lot of times these are, the goals are like about telling people how they really feel. They're about relationships, spending more time with the people that really mean, like that are really important to them. And so that is what I think ultimately your list comes down to, are things that you end up not keeping top of mind.

So you sort of push them, but you don't realize that actually that's gonna be the thing you're gonna regret at the end of your life. And so I think it's the smaller sort of goals that end up being the most meaningful when it comes to relationships and those types of things. What are the people who are checking major accomplishments and moments off their list doing differently

than people that aren't? What people have wrong is that they're waiting to feel ready. Right, it's a forever student. And you're gonna be waiting your whole life. Right. So you wanna take action in the face of not being ready, in the face of fear, because at the very least you're going to grow.

So this fear that we have, there's two fears that stop us, the fear of what other people think or the fear of failure. And so if you really break down those two fears, the fear of what other people think, I mean, these are common fears. I actually look at these as like taxes that you have to pay to achieve anything that means something to you and these fears are actually good. These are markers that this thing you're about to do is meaningful because you're going to have to put yourself on the line. You're going to have to be vulnerable.

That's where that fear stems from. So this fear of what other people think, it's actually what it really is, is you pretending that people are thinking about you when they're probably not. Like most people are not thinking about you as much as you think they are. They're busy worried about what other people are thinking about them. So usually this fear of what other people think is slightly made up. And the fear of failure, we all have this fear, but this fear, if you think about it this way, like if I'm afraid to go after my goal

or I'm waiting for the perfect time, unfortunately I failed because I did not achieve my goal. So at least when I try and I fail, what I learned from that outweighs any potential hit to my reputation. And so I think people that achieve big goals, they move in the face of that fear because they know that doesn't go away

and they know that it's just part and parcel with doing the thing and they become comfortable with being uncomfortable, right? Like if you think about your growth, right? There were these steps that you took where you actually probably didn't even know how you're gonna do it, but you were just like, we're just gonna, we're gonna do this.

That's still like 75% of the time. Exactly. I'm not kidding. Exactly, and that's such an important piece for people to know, because they look up to you and they're like, oh, well, they figured it out. But if you think about like, when you went from like blog to podcast

or for everything that you're building, you still have to continue to take those leaps and you have no idea. But people see you and they're like, no, they're better than me, they're smarter than me, they know how to do this. If you follow that thread, to be honest, and I've said this so many times on the show,

we were never qualified from a credentialed or learning standpoint to talk on a mic. I was never qualified to do anything in media. I didn't study it ever. Didn't read any books on it. Didn't do anything on it. We were never qualified to do, to build products business. Lauren and I both didn't study anything to do with that. But the common denominator is we started doing the things. And as you start doing the things, you have to

figure out, listen, you have to read and you have to learn. And also the second part of that is both of us fortunately were never worried about the criticism or what people thought about it. My base, like my perspective on anything is first, nobody's thinking about me. And second, when they do start thinking about me, they're going to start thinking bad things about me. And that doesn't bother me. Meaning like, they're not mean about it, but they're just going to be like, why is he doing that?

Or how does that make sense? Or that was a mess? Like most people do that until you get to the end of something and it proves out anyway. But during the process, any process driven part, you're always going to have the naysayers. You really don't get any credit until the thing's done. It's funny when you say that we're not qualified because I'm so delusional that I tricked myself that I am qualified. When you say that, I...

Well, that's the other part of it. And listen, like you almost have to be delusional to, and have that bravado and confidence in yourself because no one's going to do it for you and you can, you really have to be delusional to, and have that bravado and confidence in yourself because no one's going to do it for you and you can, you really have to do it for yourself. Yeah, it's both. It's both. In fact, you can, you can, it can be either or. You can either not give a fuck and just do it and not care about what other people think

or you can have the self belief that you know you're going to do it. So you're going to prove everyone that this is, you know, this is going to work. Either way, you just have to do it and learn as you go. I mean, I care very much what people think, while at the same time I also know I can do nothing to change the way they think during that process. Like, if you go and you launch any kind of endeavor, no matter what you're going to get, some critics and some naysayers and some people that say you're crazy, and I know personally I can't change that thought process, so it's a matter

of just becoming peaceful and okay with the fact that you're going to have those people regardless. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah, I think it's like a quiet confidence in yourself and what you're doing and not worrying about what other people think at the end of the day because it's inevitable that people are going to... look like sometimes when it's just easier and it makes us

feel a little bit better if we see someone doing something and we make up a story about why you know we're not doing that. Right. And so I think at the end of the day, it's, it's best to just act and learn along the way. And that's how you ultimately build that confidence is because like the reason why you can continue to make these leaps is because you've proved to yourself that you've done it in the

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Purely Elizabeth, taste the obsession. We have a friend, shout out to Sean Adler, we have a friend that went to high school with us, I think he was working in banking and he came up with this idea called Nana hats. And essentially what it is, is banana hats for bananas. Because if you don't have a banana hat, it's called aana hat, on top of your banana, it goes brown quicker. And when he brought up the idea, I'm sure, I'm just gonna speak on his behalf, people like... They were like little faces that you put on the top of his banana.

People were like, oh, I don't know if that's gonna work, whatever, but he ended up on Shark Tank. And they invested in him. And they invested in him. And by the way, those nana hats... Hello, Hazem. Look, LT's mom in them. And by the way, those Nanna hats. Her mom has them. Look, LT's mom had them. It's a great stocking stuff for everyone should buy it. But the point is-

You could use it on the tip of your penis. And hello, Sean. Taylor does. But imagine- Taylor uses the Santa hat one. But imagine the pitches and the conversations and the side eye rolls and the confusion when he was out there doing this.

But it's actually a great idea, it preserves your bananas. Who doesn't want to preserve their bananas? But you just, I think the important piece of this is that you have to know that no and failure is not part of the journey, it is the journey. It absolutely is the process is getting through those. And what we've learned is that you can get one no, two nos, five nos, a hundred nos,

because sometimes you're actually just looking for one yes. Right. And so you're not done until you get your yes. So the nos, you're just getting closer to the yes, the more nos you get. If you're getting too many yeses too, that's not, to me, it's not innovative enough. Like I like the nos, I get off on the nose, I expect the nose.

Sometimes it's a compass to tell you that you're onto something that maybe people aren't seeing. So Ben, when people come to you and they're asking you how they can get started, we've kind of shared some things, but like, what do you tell the majority of people that come to you and say, hey, I'm stuck, I can't get started? So if they have no idea what they want to do. Or even if they have the idea and they just aren't doing it. Yeah, so let's just start from not having an idea

because some people don't have the idea and then we can move from there. So the first thing is, the reason why I like writing your goals down, writing your list is because it first and foremost forces you to slow down to think about what is important to you. And you're doing it by yourself. So you're really reflecting on what are these things

that I truly want. Now, when I've done this with people, like I just did the list writing workshop yesterday in Nashville, and a question was like, what if I can't even think about one? Like sometimes you can't think about anything that you want to do. And also that's totally normal. So my advice for if you if you feel totally stuck with even beginning is try

not to think, but like listen to your body or think about or follow feelings. So what are you curious about? Right. Or what excites you when you think about it? So if you think about like a trip that maybe you plan and it's in like three months, just the thought of that trip, you just get excited thinking about it. Like we actually get more happiness

out of looking forward to a trip than we do a trip because we get that feeling of excitement and then the trip sometimes doesn't like hit our expectations. But that's the excitement you're looking for when you're thinking about these things. And also take the pressure off this thing that you want to do

being your full purpose or solving, you know, this big problem for yourself. Think about your list as a list of experiments that you're just going to try to see if they bring you that sense of fulfillment or Give you energy again following feelings make you feel more alive make you feel more like yourself So the the mindset when you go into starting to think about writing your goals is Okay first don't listen to your head as much follow feelings

Imagine you have all the money in your world if If you could do anything, what would you do? And that's a good place to start. So then you write your goals down. And what I would suggest is that, you know, I like a process when I'm doing things. So when I made the bucket list journal, it was how can you reflect your holistic self when you're writing your list so you don't miss these things that you might regret at the end of your life. And so that is looking at the 10 life categories. And there's, the 10 life categories are travel and adventure, you've got your relationship goals, professional goals, you've got financial goals, material goals, creative, mental health, physical health.

And so the reason why I have this, these 10 categories or I like to think about them is it's kind of nice to sort of spark some ideas of what these things might be. Like if you think about relationships, you're like, okay, what are the relationships that are important to me that I want to invest in? Let's write those down. And so what you're doing is you're sort of creating a map of like your whole, your true self through the list.

So let me ask you, Michael and Taylor this, what is one thing that's really important to you right now on your bucket list and you go first? Mine is make a movie. Make a movie. Yeah, like finish the documentary that we started 20 years ago. You'll check that.

What's yours? Taylor, you gotta think of yours too. Pretty good track right now. Taylor's is a gang bang. I think I'm. Oh, no it's not. Write a movie that is so fucking fake. Or maybe it's a porno

cause it's a movie about a double blow job. Fake, that was the fakest thing I've ever heard. Fake or write a movie. Fake! That's the faintest thing I've ever heard. Fake or write a movie. Um... Hmm... I'm actually curious to know what's on your bucket list. I think I'm gonna go for four kids.

I think I'm gonna go for the fourth. As you're sitting there pregnant. Oh my God! I feel like that's rejection onto me. What about the... Is that after the two dogs? No, the dogs aren't coming. The dogs are coming. Are you kidding? I'm using that as a negotiation.

You know what though? I was thinking about that. His bucket list is for me to have another kid while I'm crowning. Unfair. I know that sounds- That should be against the rules. Because that's something I have to do to fulfill his bucket list. This is fucked up.

He wants me to do something for him to check off his bucket list. You know. Well, maybe that means you're his accountability buddy in this. I'm going to call it more than an accountability partner. I mean, here's like, as I've listened to you talk and as I've thought about this more and more recently, like, and as we've had different conversations this week, like I realized about myself a long time ago. I'm a very goal-oriented person, but the difficulty with me is that I will keep pushing the

goalposts forward and that was a problem in my life for a long time. But now I just realized that's always gonna happen and I really actually just enjoy that process of going through that goal. Does that make sense? Yeah, so that's super important because remember I said the definition of happiness is the feeling you have when you are so that's super important because remember how I said the definition of happiness is the feeling you have when you are moving toward your potential. But I didn't say the definition of happiness is a feeling you have when you reach your potential

because you don't reach your potential. So like how many times- He's moving. Exactly, it keeps moving. And if you think like reaching your goals does not make you happy. Yeah, I mean, so to take it further and I was thinking about what's my bucket list.

I've done. It's going to turn into a counseling session. I've done a lot of things that I would say were on the bucket list. And as I thought, as I get older in life, I'm like, I've done, like there's not like the thrills and all the things I've done, the hot air balloon, I've jumped out of a plane, I've been on great trips. You spend with the 10 out of 10, the girl of his dreams, he asked me out. I said, yes, after 10 years.

But what I realized is like, I just, I like the feeling of moving. Like there's, okay. So what I would say is I've experienced success in my life, material, financially, relationship wise, and I've always been disappointed with the end. And not that I'm not excited that I'm get to the end, but I've always looking back. It's the process. Like, you don't, you don't get to the end and like, ah, I made it and I'm done. And the end and not that I'm not excited that I'm get to the end, but I'm always looking back. It's the process. You don't get to the end and like,

I made it and I'm done and I feel great now. As a matter of fact, a lot of time you get to the end and the exact opposite happens. It's like getting to the moon as an astronaut. That's exactly what Ben's saying. Yeah, like I mean. You know what a good example is the Olympics. Yes.

And you think about that post-Olympic depression, you get, you spend four years leading up to this moment. And even when you win it, there's a crash afterwards because you don't have that purpose anymore. And it's that purpose of moving toward that moment that gives you that fulfillment. If you say, I wanna make a million dollars, you make it to a million dollars, guess what? You wanna make two million, right?

We need to be in action. We are not happy as human beings being stagnant. So as long as we are moving towards that potential, and that's why, as you said, as you get older, it changes. And by the way, like me, 10 years ago, I, I wanted the big accomplishments and I'm happy that I went and I, and I, and I did that, but it, but the reason why you want to happy that I went and I did that. But the reason why you want to continue this practice is because you're changing.

Therefore, your list, your goals, your dreams will also change. And it's like now, you know, five kids, no, four kids, no, two dogs. Two five? Not a lot. There's that famous and I'm sure you've seen this. There's like that Reddit thread and I'm going to butcher, but I'm sure you've seen this, there's like that Reddit thread, and I'm gonna butcher, but I think if you Google like Reddit founder sold company depressed, like I'm just giving the prompt.

There's this founder and I can't remember off the top of my head who it was. It's Serena's husband, isn't it? The founder of Reddit, anyways, keep going. But he sold a company, made a shitload of money, had all the big achievements that everybody glamorizes and glorifies on paper. And at the end of it, he's like, I'm depressed and I'm not happy and I don't know

why I've done all the things, I made all the money and I'm not happy. Here's a great example. Okay, someone, they build a company, they sell it and then they buy it back because they want to keep going. People retire, they can't, they don't have a sense of purpose. We put so much of our identity into our work. We reach the end, we drop off a cliff. We haven't spent any time focusing on purpose outside of work.

And all of a sudden we fall off a cliff. We don't have that purpose. What do you do? Come out of retirement, you start working again. So, you know, this is, this I feel like is this nugget that we forget about, which is, you know, the constant pursuit of moving towards our authentic self is really what it is. Like our who, and this is the buried life. This is the same thing the fucking poem was talking about 175 years ago, which was not our true buried life. We were overwhelmed by the day to day

and we weren't living in that true original course, which is a line from the poem, tracking our true original course. So our job as human beings is to track our true original course. And whatever we can do to make that happen, whatever we can do to stay on course and not listen to other people, right?

And not do what we think we should do, but actually stay tapped in to who we are and what will make us happy. Because honestly, if we do what we love, what makes us most alive, then we unlock the gifts that only we have. And then we unlock our greatest impact. If you guys wouldn't have listened to that, you wouldn't be having the impact. You'd be an executive at some company, right? You might have started some company or worked somewhere else,

but the reason you are making your impact is because you listen to that voice and most people don't. It's funny because if you, if you, if I were to like, leave my kids with a line of advice, you just articulated it really well. I would tell them, and I wrote this down to track your original course. It's so important. Why are so many successful people so unhappy?

And this is likely one of the core reasons why, right? It's like you just, you're just on this hamster wheel of achievement without any kind of fulfillment whatsoever. And you're doing it for reasons that aren't even necessarily always for you. You have worked with elite athletes and Fortune 500 leaders. What did they all have in common

when it comes to burnout? I mean, they're all pretty much burnt out. I mean, it's like you said, Michael, like we were on this hamster wheel and we get caught up in this grind that is more, more, more, more, more. It doesn't matter what we achieved. Last year, we need to do better this year.

And so we forget about, and we over-index on that, and we forget about these we over index on that, and we forget about these other aspects of our life, which ultimately enable, like, which bring this fulfillment, right? So it's a trap and like I get caught up in it all the time, all the time. It's so, because we get validation for being successful, right? We get validation for the hard work that we put in and it's not until our older years like if we talk up to all these folks that are in their last leg of their life or on their deathbed, one of the top five regrets of the dying is I

wish I would have stayed in contact with friends. Like how messed up is that? That is such an easy problem to solve. That's a phone call. That's setting a trip. That is a top five regret. So telling people how we really feel, right? That's just having the courage to express what we want, like how we feel to people. All those are pretty heartbreaking feelings, but nothing is as heartbreaking as laying on your deathbed and feeling this regret of like, oh damn, I didn't live for me. I lived my entire life because I thought this was

what I was supposed to do, but it was not my life I was supposed to live. but it was not my life I was supposed to live. How was playing ball with Obama? That was a highlight. Was it cool? Did you beat him? Well, so... Are you allowed to beat him? You can't really beat him.

Why? I would beat him. Why can't you beat him? There's Secret Service there and they're sort of intimidating. But what... What? Okay, so actually what. What? Okay, so actually what we did was we actually didn't, it's a kind of a, so the context is the goal is to play basketball with Obama. Okay.

We don't know anybody in Washington. We drive our purple bus, we had this purple bus to Washington, started asking people on the street if they had any connections to any politicians that could help us. We got nowhere. We emailed politicians, said we're in DC, we're trying to play basketball with the president. We get a few lower level officials to meet with us. We find that in those meetings, we can convince them to convince their boss to meet with us. So we meet with their boss. So we get all the way up, we're kind of lobbying in DC to try and play basketball. We get a meeting with the secretary of Transportation of the United States, okay? And he calls the White House while we're in the room.

And he's like, hey, I want you to know, like, I'm meeting with the buried life gentleman. Not sure how they got in my office. But I assure you, they will cause no embarrassment to the president. Oh. And so we're like, oh my God, we're in. We get an email from the White House less than an hour later. And it says, thank you for your inquiry. We have reviewed your request and unfortunately we cannot arrange a basketball game with the president. So we're like, okay, well we've got our official no,

but we weren't ready to give up because we still knew these secret basketball games happened in Washington with Obama and like different politicians. And so we found a man that set up the games for Obama. It was his personal aide, a gentleman named Reggie Love. Yeah, he played basketball at Duke. So he was always on the court when Obama was playing. And we started sending him emails, challenging him and the president to a basketball game. So we're like, you and the president versus us tonight,

730 at the YMCA, be there. And then we'd show up at the YMCA in D.C. No president. We do it again. Dear Mr. Love, sorry that we missed yesterday. Same time tonight, be there. Fail. Saturday, failed.

One week straight, we tried this until finally, like we've even stood outside the White House holding signs, we've done everything we think of. And finally I get a blocked call and it's the personally, the president calling me. And he's like, what's this I hear about you wanting to play basketball against the president and I. And I was like, pull it together. And I just like told him why we were doing this

and why it was important. He said, I like this. I really liked this. I think I can make this happen. I just need to call the press team. They sign off on this. We can do this. I'm sorry, I'm just like waiting for the block call

to come in. Finally block call comes in. I say, hello I'm just like waiting for the block call to come in, finally block call comes in. I say, hello. He says, talk with the press team. It's not gonna happen. And so now we're just like gutted. And he felt bad. He says, listen, how about this?

If you have time tomorrow, swing by the White House. I'll give you a tour, right? So first of all, like if we have time, yes, we have time. So we go to the White House. We rented suits from a high school prom rental store because we didn't know what to wear. And the personal lady, the president walks us around the West wing. He shows us the Oval Office, shows us the back.

Um, there's a basketball court in the backyard. So perfect court, presidential seal on each hoop and we're shooting around. And then all we hear is, Hey guys, heard you're in town. Thought the least I could do is shoot a basket with you. And Obama surprises us on the court. So that's how it happened. And- Pretty cool. Right away, we forgot, like he's such a cool guy that you immediately forget he's the president.

And we're shooting around with him. We're trying to hit shots he's not hitting, trash talking. So we didn't play an actual game, but we shot around with him for about 15 minutes. I feel like you could check that off the list for sure. I think so, yeah. It was a. That's a check. It was a check. How was the beer with Prince Harry? That was a good one too. That was actually very easy. Some of these things you just ask and they say yes.

So how did you ask Prince Harry himself? He's like, man, I'm stressed a lot going on in the press. I could use a beer right now. Yeah. We found the contact to his press office. Okay. We wrote a letter. We said, we're going to be in London.

At that point, we had crossed off maybe like 80 or so of the 100. We said, this is one of them. Is there any way that Prince Harry would help us cross it off and have a beer with us? And they said yes. And we've arrived, they arranged a private, like, down, there's a bar with like a base, sort of basement, it was like a downstairs area, that we met him and we hung out and had a beer and we ended up having dinner with him. Was he cool? Very cool. Yeah.

I've heard that about him. Very chill. Very nice. Both those guys are I would say top shelf gentlemen. And what did you learn from the Big O when the Big O interviewed you? Obama the Big O? Oprah. Oh Michael keep up. Oh well Christ. He's the Big O too. The Big O can mean a lot of things. There's a lot of big O's. Maybe one day somebody will refer to me as the big B. Ah! Big B. The big B with his banana hat.

Big B, banana hat. The big O was, she was, I mean, great. I mean, it was like a, it was so surreal that we were having an interview, we were being interviewed by Oprah considering where this whole thing began, which was like this rickety old RV taking us around the interior of British Columbia in Canada

and to be sitting there sharing the journey was like just completely surreal. Completely surreal. Was she an incredible interviewer in everything that you wanted? Yeah, yeah she was she was a very good interviewer. She was very good, yeah. Okay. Big O. She's the big O or he's the big O or Michael's the big B. Yeah. I would rather be referred to as the big O. You will refer to me as the big B from now on and

nothing else. Okay, whatever you want. Whatever I got. And then who am I? Am I... Well, no, you're the big N. Because big... Your last name's the N, right? Yeah. Yeah. And you're the big B, I guess, as well. I don't want to be the big B right now, Michael. Thank you. Because you called Obama.

I don't want to be the big anything. Oh, but then Oprah's... Oh, the big O. So she'd be the big W. Oprah's the big W. Michael was told to compliment my outfit yesterday. I think we're onto something, guys. It was silver and he said, oh, Lauren, like he was supposed to give me a compliment. Yeah.

And he said, oh, Lauren looks like a big sparkly disco ball. No, I didn't say ball. I said, I said disco, cause she was wearing a flashy thing. Play back the tape. You said ball. I did not say ball. You said ball, else he just added it. I did not say ball.

I swear to God, play back the tape. I said disco sparkle. You said ball. It seems like you're outvoted on this one. I'm gonna take the big L's on this one. Take the big L. Yeah, yeah. Have you ever headed to a dinner party

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So what I like about this sunscreen is the versatility. So you can wear it when you're off and you're running around and you're running errands and wear it with nothing over it or you can wear it like I'm wearing today right now with foundation and concealer over it. So it works both ways. I will wear this when I'm going to the gym in the morning and just wear it throughout the day with nothing else or I will wear it with a full look. I created this sunscreen because I couldn't find a mineral based sunscreen with caffeine in it. Caffeine tightens the skin, it shrinks the pores and I just like how it lays on the skin and I mixed

it with a mineral sunscreen and then we made it SPF 40 so it's a real treat. I think that you guys will absolutely love it. It just comes out in a pump, fits in your handbag, and it can go through the airport. You can shop this at shopskinnyconfidential.com and it's the caffeinated SPF. Also if you're like me and you go through sunscreen quickly you can subscribe and the sunscreen will get delivered straight to your door so you don't have to worry about it. That's shopskinnyconfidential.com. You mentioned a list writing workshop and you also mentioned off air of giving our audience something tangible that they could apply from this episode. Can you give us some tips on how to do a list writing workshop at home?

Yes, okay. So let's do some steps, quick steps. Okay, first grab a piece of paper, no, don't grab a piece of paper, grab a notebook. Because this is something you want to keep for a while. So that's why the bucket list journal is a journal. Grab a journal, grab a notebook, and start a fresh page and just write down stream of consciousness. You know, picture yourself in five years. No, sorry. Picture yourself on your deathbed. Okay. Looking back and just ask your future self, what will I be proud of? Like in the next three to five years? What will my future self be proud of me doing in the next three to five years?

Okay, and and then just think about stuff that you want to do for fun and you know, you can look at the 10 categories of life if you need prompts think about relationship goals physical health goals but just write down all the things that you might regret not doing if you don't do these things but do it by yourself and it by yourself and do this in a quiet space. So now you've written your list. Now choose something that you want to pursue.

One thing, if you have trouble deciding what that is, imagine that you have a magic lamp and a genie pops out and genie's like, hey, I'm gonna help you do something on your list. But there's a catch, by helping you achieve this goal, you can't do anything else you wrote down. What do you, so there's your most important list item if you want to go after that one.

You choose one thing, next, right? Three things you can do in the next 48 hours, three 48 hour action items, the simplest things, the easiest things that you can do because what we are trying to do is we're trying to create inspiration through action. Right? So action compounds like interest,

just like small deposits into a compounding interest account over time it grows, small actions over time, you see the results. So the easiest, smallest things. And sometimes we get stuck, we think like, oh, I gotta make this huge leap towards this thing. No, when you go to the gym, you don't come out and you're not bigger.

In fact, you feel worse because you're sore. But, when you go to the gym, you don't come out and you're not bigger. In fact, you feel worse because you're sore. But many times you go to the gym, you start to get stronger. So just for three 48-hour action items, that's your first step and commit to those things. Next thing, share this dream. Share it with people that you believe will support you. OK, so share it with friends, share it with family, ask for help. And what this is going to do is it's going to solve this issue that we have with our dreams, is that with dreams there's no deadlines.

That's why we don't do them. So we need to create accountability. Writing your list creates accountability because you take a dream that doesn't exist, you make it real. Sharing your list creates accountability because then you a dream that doesn't exist you make it real. Sharing your list creates accountability because then you feel accountable to the people you share with. So the more you share the more accountability you feel the more likely you are to move forward. The next thing you do after you share you choose one person and you ask them if they can be your accountability buddy. Right? Just like you're his

accountability buddy for the fourth child. And then, okay, so what's an accountability buddy? I've shared the dream with everyone that is... Maybe it's his next wife. So the accountability buddy is someone that either checks in on you or you send regular updates to. Okay?

Because you're 77% more likely to achieve your goal if you have someone checking in with you down the line or you send regular updates to that person. That's when when you train with someone for a marathon you're more likely to go through with it because they're knocking at your door saying let's go train. You're doing it because you feel accountable. Okay? So you've written your list, you've chosen the you've chosen the goal, you've written your three 48-hour action items, you've shared that goal with people in your community that support goal, you've written your three 48-hour action items, you've shared that goal with people in your community that support you, you've asked for help, you asked

for advice, and then you've chosen one person to be your accountability buddy. And the accountability person or your accountability buddy is going to be that person that you're sending updates. Right? So let's just say this dream is to write a book. Like, okay, write a book. How? Where do I start? I have no idea. OK, first thing I'm going to do in the next 48 hours,

I'm going to ask friends if they know an author to see if I can maybe get an introduction. I'm going to research what a book proposal looks like. I'm going to I'm going to write the first page. Right. You can do that in the next two days. Right. And then you're going to start sharing this with people. Lauren, my dream is to write a book. You've written a book. Anything you can do to help me.

You know, my dream is... And so you start sharing it and people will step up to help you. And then I'm like, okay, Michael, I need to be... I would love you to be my accountability buddy on this. I am going to send you one chapter a month. Would you be okay if I did that? And would you be okay in reading that chapter and letting me know your thoughts? I think it's a big ask, but that's what I'm going to ask. And so you start to, or maybe you have a writing partner that you say, Michael, I know you're writing a book. I want to write a book once a week on Sunday

afternoon. Let's get together. Let's just spend dedicated time just to writing that book. That's what we're going to do. Okay, so you start to write it down, you start to share it, and you start to build that accountability. You take those easy steps of action. And the more you do it, the more momentum and inspiration you feel.

So this is why these steps are important. I'm going to talk about the three barriers that stop us from achieving our goals. Number one, there's no deadlines for dreams. So we gotta create accountability. Number two, we're waiting to feel ready or we're waiting to feel inspired. We're never ready.

The inspiration doesn't hit. So we create our own inspiration through small steps of action. And three, fear. Fear stops us that we talked about. So we have to then move through that fear and identify if this is a fear or if it's a risk. It's funny, because there's people that I know

that wanna execute on things so bad and they don't. And they hit one of your points where they just stop. Like the fear stops them, or they're waiting for inspiration and that stops them. So it's interesting to hear those three steps. And I can literally put in buckets where, like, you can see where people are letting certain steps stop them, which is interesting.

And I think it's important to when you're listening to this, to be self-aware of which step stops you the most. You know what I mean? Like which step for me, it's for that. If you list all those to me, sometimes I try to wait to get inspired and I just need to do it

because you're never gonna be inspired 24 seven, we all know that. But you can kind of identify which one stops you. Yeah, and so you think about waiting to feel inspired. So I think you're the architect of your own inspiration through action. Right. And this is what I mean about following your energy, right, is you're taking action to see if this thing you're doing energizes you.

And so, like, think about something that you've started where you're like, oh, I don't feel like doing it. And you just start. And then all of a sudden you're like, oh, yeah, this is like working or I'm getting excited about this or, you know, I'm starting to feel something and that's a marker for you to keep doing. Pour gas on that flame. Keep going. Even if you don't know where it's going, it's leading you somewhere that will be ultimately kind of like moving you forward towards your true self. moving you forward towards your true self. And so the science of energy driven living is really interesting. Like, you know, you are seven times more likely to overcome a challenge

if you come back to why am I doing this instead of how. So if you're rooted in your why, you're seven times more likely to overcome a challenge. You're two times more likely to live longer if you have a sense of purpose. Those are the sense of purpose, bounce back from illness quicker. Those are the sense of purpose.

They stick around in a job two to three times more, right? You're 125% more productive when you're connected to purpose. Yeah, there was that weird study that came out that showed women that have children older in life tend to outlive other women. And I imagine it's because of the purpose of having a child and wanting to make sure that that child is okay

for a long period of time. Does that make sense? Yeah, totally. So there's a, I actually talked to the researcher and he's out of the University of Washington. He found that he studied women with a sense of purpose. And these were in senior living communities. Women with a sense of purpose live past 85, four times more than those without a sense of purpose and these were in senior living communities, women with a sense of purpose live past 85 four times more than those without a sense of purpose, right? And so now this kind of

comes full circle back to living with this intention of moving towards the thing that bring you a sense of purpose, i.e. moving towards your potential or that sense of happiness that we talked about. And you're like, okay, wait a sec, this is like a big deal. This isn't just about me achieving my goals. This is about happiness. This is about longevity. This is about being resilient. This is about mental health. Those are the sense of purpose. They experience less depression. You overcome stress. You're more able to overcome stress with a sense of purpose. And so, and then we're like, okay, well, how do I find purpose? You don't find purpose. You build it through following your energy.

Before you go, you have to tell us about your relationship, because you are engaged, correct? To V's honey, Vanessa, who has been on the show before. And with all that you've seen, and I know she has her own, like she's so dynamic and amazing, how do you guys think you attracted each other? That's a great question. Yeah, I know that there's gotta be like,

for you guys, I know both of you have your own thing going on, you're entrepreneurs, but there was something that obviously drew you together. What did that look like? Yeah. I feel like you had a bucket list for Vanessa is what I'm saying. Yeah, V's honey was on my list.

You know what, yeah, I feel like you wrote out a bucket list of what you wanted in a woman. I did, did you know that? I don't, okay, so yes Are you read my Instagram? The big L they call you a big L, not a big V, not a disco ball. Take it easy big L. Take it easy big L.

That's so big. Yeah. So you're right. Okay. So I went, I was in a long term relationship, seven years. If I look back in my life, I've been through a few, I would call them major lows. I would call them depressions. The first one I told you about was my, in university, that was the biggest, that was like the darkest and hardest.

But I learned from that. And then now I see the signs coming earlier and I'm the type of person that's predisposed to these types of feelings. So I know myself better by going through these struggles to manage them. But I've been through a few and I realized when I go through these types of downs,

a big area in my life is not aligned with with myself. So one, I was building a production company with three guys that I started the Buried Life with and I just I didn't like the work that I was doing and I started to feel that feelings of depression. So I changed and I started speaking and then I got lit up and that and I realized at one point that the relationship was not aligned with what I wanted. And so out of that relationship, I was like, okay, what do I want? And that's when I started to think about the things that I wanted in a partner.

And one was like, I wanted, first and foremost, everyone says this, but this is what I wanted, like a best friend that I just had a lot of fun with. We both loved the same things, and I wanted someone on best friend that I just had a lot of fun with. It was, we both love the same things. And I want someone on the spiritual path. And I wanted someone that had a lot of the same values. And so I listed out these things and I use that as a filter when I started to date. And if people didn't sort of hit what I was looking for

in the past, I would kind of do it for fun and continue the relationship, maybe to have a good time for a bit. I was very clear. I was like, no, this is like, I'm not looking for this. And, you know, and I was very transparent with what I was looking for. And anyways, cut to I met Vanessa and I was like, wow, this is like, I think there's something really here. And we went on three dates and they were great.

And then it didn't work out. And she got a boyfriend. And I was like, wait, what? I thought this was like going someplace. And it didn't feel 100% on, but I knew there was something there. And I was really curious, like, what was it? It was 80% there.

And I always wanted to talk with her and figure out what that last piece was. Anyways, I move on. A year and a half later, I'm still kind of thinking about her and I'm asking her friends and when I see they're like, hey, what's going on with the message? She's with this other guy. And I end up getting a message from her on Instagram about checking in and seeing if I wanted to catch up. And it turns out she's not in a relationship and we reconnect and something's different. And here's what happened.

In that year and a half, this is literally at the same point. Unbeknownst to one another, we both decided that we were, we needed to do personal work to become the people we wanted to be, to be with the ultimate partner that we wanted to be with. So we both realized that there was real work that we needed to do. So I did Hoffman

Process, which is an incredible like week-long personal development. I worked with like, I did, went like all in. I had an energy healer that I never even thought I would work with. I started, I found a new therapist and I really like focused on and she did the same thing. She did Ayahuasca. She worked with multitude of different healers and therapists and she started to, so when we came back together, we were both kind of different people or we were just like, we were a couple layers deeper and that's when we actually connected. It was an interesting journey that a lot of it was about timing, but a lot of it was about being intentional and doing the work

and becoming the people that we knew we needed to be before we came together. And now you have a baby on the way. Now we got a baby on the way. It's a pretty cool story. It sounds like you've checked a lot of your bucket list off. You guys go check out the Bucket List Journal, I'm assuming on Amazon. Yup, Bucket List Journal's on Amazon.

And then also if you don't know Vee's Honey, you got to go check her out. I love her Instagram. She has a lot of great holistic tips and she has a brand called Suppies that you gave me these little they're like little green holders for your supplements. It's genius for when you travel. They're so cute. I'm gonna use them in my cosmetic bag and in my purse. Take your suppies.com. This is so cute. Ben, where can everyone say hi to you, follow you, pimp yourself out? I love posting the most on Instagram. So that's

the best place. And of course, my OnlyFans page is pretty hot. Your OnlyFans page. Just kidding. That's on, that's on my bucket list. Do a pregnancy OnlyFans. Maybe that's my bucket list. No one asked me what's on my bucket list. I'm

going to do a pregnancy OnlyFans. I'm going to call it the big L. There we go. The big list. Maybe that's the next. No one asked me what's on my bucket list. I'm going to do a pregnancy only fans. I'm going to call it the big L. There we go. Now you're onto something. Yeah, I know. Who knows? You never know with me. Watch, in a few years you're going to come back and say this was your idea.

Of course, Taylor has some weird creepy name. Ben, thank you so much for coming on the show. Maybe if anyone heard, they can help Taylor with his lifelong goal of getting that double blowjob. Yeah. There'll be a line out the door. Well you said you got to help others achieve their bucket list. There you go. Yeah put it in the comments. I'm putting it out there. Thank you so much for coming on the show Ben. Thank you.