The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast - Cancel Culture, Empathy, Understanding, & Forgiveness With Creative Activist Dom Roberts

Episode Date: September 22, 2020

#296: Dom Roberts is a creative activist and host of The Uncomfortable Podcast. At 22 years old Dom left her full time job at Nordstroms to dive into activism and is inspiring people around the globe to take action around causes they believe in by providing tangible advice and tools to start participating as activists. On today's episode we discuss the chaos that is 2020, cancel culture, forgiveness, empathy, and how we can try and understand each other better.  To connect with Dom Roberts click HERE To listen to The Uncomfortable Podcast click HERE To connect with Lauryn Evarts click HERE To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM To Call the Him & Her Hotline call: 1-833-SKINNYS (754-6697) This episode is brought to you by PayPal With PayPal sending and receiving money is faster and easier. Quickly and securely send money to friends and family to just about anywhere in the world*. You can also support the places and the causes you love most. Download the PayPal app today. Terms and conditions apply.  This episode is brought to you by ShipStation ShipStation helps online sellers get orders out quickly, save money on shipping costs, and keep customers happy. No matter where you’re selling – Amazon, Etsy, your own website – ShipStation brings all your orders into one simple interface. Our listeners can try ShipStation FREE for 60 days when you use offer code SKINNY. Make sure your business is ready to meet the demands of a massive online shopping season. Get started at www.ShipStation.com today! WOO MORE PLAY is the all natural and organic coconut love oil that is changing the way we have sex. With only 4 all natural ingredients WOO is the perfect personal lubricant to spice up your sex life. That's just the pre-party.  All Him & Her Listeners will receive 20% off your entire order plus free shipping when when visiting www.woomoreplay.com & using promo code HIMANDHER at checkout. Produced by Dear Media

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A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to the skinny confidential, him and her. If this is wrong to you, then you need to say something about it. But at the same time, if you see the silver lining between it, you know, like stick to your convictions. And that's the hardest part is when you have the unpopular opinion in the room, that's when things are very uncomfortable or more so. I think the uncomfortable thing is giving people a second chance, letting people grow. Hello, welcome back to the Skinny Confidential, him and her show. That clip was from our guest of the show today, Dom Roberts. She is a total

badass and creative activist who has a podcast called The Uncomfortable Podcast with Dear Media. We recorded this episode about a week and a half ago, you guys, and right now it's more relevant than ever. Before we dive into this insane episode with Dawn, I wanted to discuss something that's been weighing on my mind. The Skinny Confidential Facebook group was archived this past weekend, and I wanted to announce it on the podcast so any of our listeners who were a part of it have context to why it was archived. About six months ago, the group started to have so much negativity.

It was wild. There was women attacking other women, horrible comments, women discrediting each other, and even women trying to tear each other down, especially, like I said, in the comment section. I have a few admins and we were doing our best to keep it positive and respectful where we could just have this online place where women could support women. But here's the deal. There was close to 60,000 women in the group. And obviously with that, there's going to be some people that want to spread negativity and not listen to the rules. The main rule and the rule that I am not budging on and didn't budge on is no hate. And just to give you guys

more context, we had implemented rules such as no politics, no religion, no attacks, no negativity. We just wanted a really positive space where women could talk about the issues we all face. So like tips and tricks and helping each other was basically the goal. Think of it like happy hour for your friends. The group was growing bigger and bigger. And with everything that's going on in the country right now, there started to become exceptions to the rules. And what we discovered is that when you make exceptions to rules, the heart of the group breaks down and there's chaos and there was chaos. And what happened was there was all these people that didn't know me and my platform and sort of what we stand for. And they entered the group and

it became a very, very negative space and it became a negative space quickly. With that, I decided that I'm going to keep the group archived until there's a period where I feel like we can be civil. And guys, I know that this is annoying to some people and I empathize with that, but I can't allow the brand that I've built in the community that we've all been a part of to participate at all in tearing women down. It has always been about uplifting women from the start. And if the Facebook group couldn't be that, then it just can't exist at the moment with my brand associated. Some people commented that I am silencing women. I think this is important to say. I would agree with you. I am silencing women who are set on tearing other women down. I'm just not standing

for it. I think it's important too to get on the mic and just to refresh everyone that anyone who's going to spew hate on any of my platforms. Moving forward is going to be blocked and deleted immediately. I just feel like I wouldn't come into your house or onto your social media and spew any kind of hate. So I expect the same respect. I have really made it a point in my life to worry about my side of the street. And I just want to continue to stay in my lane. So if anyone who's hateful wants to come to my page or Instagram or podcast or blog to solely hate on me or anyone in the community, you will be blocked and deleted. Like I said, I am not here to be a punching bag for people. I'm totally open to constructive feedback.

And the people who have followed along and participated in the community know that it's my life's mission to always learn and evolve. But the idea that just because someone has a public forum that people get to come and be toxic is absurd. And I feel like I want to encourage anyone who's online in any capacity, whether you're a public figure or not, to really think about this. Ultimately, if someone came into your house and started breaking shit, you'd want their toxic energy out too. So if you don't like what I'm saying, I get it. Unfollow me. I am totally not for everyone. I personally don't believe in cancel culture. I've talked about this so many times on the podcast and on Instagram story. I am a believer in growth and evolution and learning.

And I just feel like that's what my content's all about with my dry humor sprinkled in. If you want to hate me, I get it. It's your choice. But hatred for just hatred's sake is not going to fly with me. To wrap this up, the groups, the subgroups are going to be archived until we feel like we can get back to a positive space. If you want to leave the group, I understand. If you want to stay, we welcome you if it reopens. And I also just want to take a minute. And again, I said this on Instagram stories, but I just want to do it here too, to say thank you to everyone who provided the group with positive, good energy

and valuable tips. Your good vibes are shining through and I see it and I just appreciate it. I am just going to choose to live in abundance and not scarcity. I think it's the way to go. With that, we are so excited for you guys to hear this conversation with Dom Roberts. It really happens to be so relevant and timely. So let's meet Dom. Dom is a creative activist who's the host of the Uncomfortable podcast on Dear Media. On this episode, we discuss cancel culture, empathy, forgiveness, uncomfortable conversations, understanding people, and paths to redemption. Let's welcome Dom to the show.

This is the Skinny Confidential, him and her. Dom Roberts in the studio. I'm so pumped to have you in here. First, we're going to talk in a second, but can I pay you a compliment first? Oh my gosh, thank you. Yes. I'm going to give you a compliment. I usually don't start out the shows with compliments, though maybe I should because it might make the guests feel better. But I do want to give you one because there's so many people that come to me with different types of ideas and thoughts.

And of all those people that come, there's very few that actually follow through and execute. And we talk, what, once or twice about a podcast? Yes. And then you fucking execute it. And now you have a podcast, an uncomfortable podcast, and it's crushing it and it's here at Dear Media. And I'm just proud of you for actually taking an idea

and turning it into a show because there's so many people that just have these ideas and they never actually follow through. And we all know like people that say like, oh, like Uber, I had that idea. You didn't do anything. You didn't execute. You fucking did.

So it's cool. It's the dreamer mind. I call it the dreamer mind where you think of something and then you just dream all day about it and never do day about it and never do anything about it. I know you got it. You got to put in the tools to execute. Yeah. And as a creative, too, I mean, I'm sure you guys can relate to this. That's like the biggest thing, because all day long, all you do is have ideas. And it takes it just takes going

the extra mile to execute it. And then the world gets to just be a part of what you're creating. And that's the beauty and being a creative. But that's the hard part is getting out of that dream mindset. I think about like how many things how many amazing things we haven't seen throughout the history of mankind because people have been too scared to put something out there. Maybe we don't have that fear mechanism, but it's weird. Yeah. Failure is scary. Choked on a sunlight. It's just a choke. You're allowed to cough these days.

Oh, shit. I didn't even think about that. No. Oh, yeah. I was, I saw a meme. It was like, because the air quality is so bad. And it's like, are you coughing because of the air quality?

Are you coughing because you were just smoking weed? Or what about when you just like swallow something down the wrong pipe? Yeah. And then you feel like you have to exit the building and leave and never come back and then get your temperature taken again and go to the hospital. It's a lot. I swallowed something like green tea down the wrong pipe the other day and I had a cough attack.

Did we just turn this into the uncomfortable podcast? Everybody like, oh shit, this dude just coughed. I'm like, you're allowed to cough. What about that? That's the title of the episode. Yeah. You're allowed to cough. You're allowed to cough.

I'm scared to do anything in 2020. I'm scared to you're allowed to cough i'm scared to do anything in 2020 i'm scared to do anything in 2020 because yes coughing offends people now no oh it's so funny i was having a conversation with a friend and we were talking about that idea of how everything offends everyone and i feel like people are losing a grasp of what should actually be offensive. And then on top of that, no one knows how to communicate or have a conversation. This is why I wanted to have you on here. Because I was going to do this podcast called like The Little Cancelers Who Cried Wolf. And I talked about before because it's like what's happened is we've gone so far. Everything's offending everybody so much.

Everything is being a cancelable offense or something that piss pisses people off we've gone to a place now it's like what do we actually need to cancel like what is what actually is offensive yeah it's too much now no exactly and i what's so interesting with being a part of the world of like activism and social justice and like raising awareness is essentially you're advocating for things that are important and necessary and need the attention of people. But then in the midst of all of that, you have a side that's so extreme. Okay. In seventh grade, you said the N word and you're done. Like your whole career is over for something you did years and years ago and no one's ever been able, there's no forgiveness. And, and no one's ever been able there's no forgiveness

and and then on the other side there's people that have done things wrong for a really long time have set up a system that hurts and offends and oppresses people and they get away with it and so it's like right now 2020 we're seeing this in every sphere it's not just racism but it's like COVID-19 where's the line of being respectful? But also like, I need to live my life. Like I need to go to the grocery store for my mental sanity. Am I allowed to go shopping? I feel like I fall in the middle.

We need to take a look at everything that's happening in the world. And it's for me, I'm so careful with what I put my voice behind because it has influence. And I think what people can't give into is fear. Shoot, if I don't say something, are people gonna hate me? Am I gonna be wrong? No, stick to your convictions. If this is wrong to you, then you need to say something about it. But at the same time, if you see the silver lining between it, you know, like stick to your convictions. And that's the hardest part is when you have the unpopular opinion in the room. That's when things are very uncomfortable or more so. I think the uncomfortable thing is giving people a second chance, letting people grow and also showing the road to redemption. If you there's a lot of people that were fired or quote unquote canceled, like there has to be some road of redemption that people who are screwing up still can look to and see and take no. is room for you. And I posted something about cancel culture. It was like a graphic where I

was saying, pretty much you shouldn't count everyone out if you've messed up in the past and how it's very harmful. And what's so funny is people were like, oh, you're you're fake. You're a coon. You're this. You're just wanting to give white people room, all this stuff. And I'm like, what are you talking about? Where did you even say you didn't say white people? Yeah. And I was like, see, there you go. Once again, it's this divisiveness that I just kind of started seeing and a trend of divisiveness that it's like us against them. That doesn't help anybody. Yeah.

And I think Daryl Davis, a total inspiration to me and just a little bit about his story. He started befriending white, like white supremacist kkk members and through their friendship he's black clearly white kkk members a little bit of oil and water yeah and through their friendship they started handing in like their robes and then it started to be like higher up people in the KKK. So whole chapters were being taken down through friendship, through love. And also probably because a lot of this stuff is based in ignorance. And when you start to understand people, we've been talking about this a lot, when you start to understand other people's perspectives, and maybe you can't share that experience, but if you can reserve a place in your mind and your heart to be like, okay, maybe my

experience is different from someone else's and I got to try my best to understand theirs so that I can be a empathetic and sympathetic and comprehensive person. There's so much unwilling to do that. And I think the problem is what you nailed on the head is that we've created this divisive culture that doesn't leave room for education. We've seen these people get canceled. And I think to myself all the time, wouldn't it be way more powerful if they didn't get canceled and that we all had to watch their road to redemption. And so that not just they would learn, but other people would learn alongside, but we just cancel, say goodbye. Like that takes a learning lesson away from everybody. Do you know, there's this question we always get asked.

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Check it out. ShipStation.com. Promo code SKINNY. Yeah, I'm big on accountability culture. I think that's what we need to change it to. Because when we come to cancel someone, like, oh, they're canceled, they're taken out. Instead, what we need to be asking for is accountability. OK, you did something that was wrong.

You need to be called out for it. You need to be educated on why that was wrong. And now these are the things that you can start doing to start changing the way that you live your life. And then it's up to them to decide, okay, am I going to change or I'm going to be a jerk and stay in my ignorance and brush it off and not take ownership? Because it's two pieces to the puzzle. It's accountability. Okay, so you're called out. And then it's the ownership. And I think what breaks my heart when I see a cancel trend or whatever is when someone takes full accountability for their actions and they're still not. People don't give them the room. Yeah, there's no reconciliation there.

And with that, on the other side, none of us can forgive someone when it's not us to accept an apology. And so I think that's where people that are still hurt from whatever's been done to them, whether it's like you offended me with this statement, or you said something out of pocket, or you did something to me. We're not the ones that the majority, I guess that can accept someone's apology. But at the same time, I'm not going to cancel someone for it. And that's the silver lining is where it's really hard, where if someone's still sitting in hurt, of course, they're going to be. I know if you've been crossed before, it's hurtful when you see one of your friends hanging out with someone that's crossed you and there's a lack of forgiveness there. So it's kind of on the other

person to like walk that road of forgiveness. But I'm not forcing anyone to do it. I'm just saying that's the problem is people think they can walk in unforgiveness and move forward. but I'm not forcing anyone to do it. I'm just saying that's the problem is people think they can walk in unforgiveness and move forward. But I'm like, but what happens when it happens to you? You're going to be begging for forgiveness. You're going to be begging that someone would give you a chance and recognize how much you've changed because we're so lucky that high school us and college us, we weren't just videotaped all the horrible things that we said oh my god can you imagine could you imagine i was like i don't care who you are what demographic you come from we've all said horrible things that if it got to the light of day we would

be done that's why when i see people commenting all judgy on people's photos and being an asshole or the worst one says like, do better. I can't do better. That's so condescending and self-righteous because I'd like to see your perfection. If you're going to yell at someone for not being perfect in a certain area where they have room to improve, let's see your perfection first. Yeah. And it's also how you go about it. Because when someone says do better, it's like, okay, what do you mean by that?

What are the action steps? That's like my biggest pet peeve. I'm just a very actionable person. I hate when people just say things and there's no action behind it. And so if you want someone to do better, you want to see change happen. Okay, what do you want to see? Because I feel like that's very void and empty and a cop out. You're dumb. You're stupid. This offended me. Okay, what offended you? How can you be better? I'm always for giving people alternatives and things to say. I feel like even when I if I make a graphic for something like something that's been like going through my mind, the next swipe is usually questions to ask yourself, self-reflection or things you can say, just things to jog the mind and idea. I feel like that's a whole point of ownership is the action

steps behind it. Yeah. And this is I mean, there's so many reasons I wanted to talk to you. One thing we just kind of jumped into. Yeah, how did you become so passionate about activism? I know you kind of like started with your graphics, but before that, what were you doing? And maybe like give people a little bit of your background and story, because obviously we jumped forward and said, hey, go listen to the Uncomfortable Podcast. And here we are. But I think just to give some context of who you are, your background for the audience that's maybe unfamiliar. Yeah.

So how it happened was an accident. I just think it was genuinely an accident. I just think it was genuinely an accident. What was happening with just the civil unrest with the injustices and the Black Lives Matter movement, starting with Ahmaud Aubrey's murder, I had made a graphic with an action step. And then what was that graphic? They were doing a run walk jog. It was like 2.3 miles for his birthday. And so I was like, this is the way you can be involved. And then when George Floyd's murder happened, I was just so upset that I had created like numbers you can call things to say. And then I realized so many people weren't going to look at it. Like it was

just going to be a flash in the pan, like you're going to see it and then it's going to be gone. And so I put a statement in front of it, just don't ignore something because it makes you uncomfortable. And then I think it took off. And the reason I think it took off was just because of the fact that so many people didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to say. And so I was like, this is uncomfortable. This is going to be hard to see, but we can't ignore it. There were so many other things that were floating in my mind as news was coming out and people were starting to come out with statements and just it was craziness. And so I just kept adding like action steps and things to do, things to say, how to navigate certain ideas. And through that, so many people were like, thank you.

It was smart because one, it was creative and it made people think and remember. Because I remember that graphic got, your graphics have been shared by a lot of people now. I mean, at this point, it's pretty incredible. But in addition to that, I think you hit the nail on the head, which you actually created some tangible, actionable steps that people want to take. And we've caught some flack on this show because we're just like just posting a black square not really knowing why not really know what you're doing and like not having a real reason behind anything and just like aimlessly doing things like i think there was a social media blackout today but nobody really knew and it's like people are just doing it to do it yeah i think that's become part of the problem it's like if you really

believe in a cause and you want to be helpful like there has to be some thought behind it and so like with this platform like the goal has been okay let's take a step back, have some conversations, some uncomfortable conversations, like figure out ways that people can actually learn and educate themselves and then take action. But just doing things to do things doesn't move the needle for anybody. Not at all. And what's so interesting with this particular wave of this movement that we're seeing is it's long term. And that's we're in an area that's never been like covered before. We're in like uncharted territory where no one knows what to do, because I feel like this is the longest that we're seeing. I guess our generation is seeing with civil unrest. And also we're in

like the unprecedented times of COVID-19 and just a generational change happening from 2020. And so with all of that, there's so many unknowns right now. And with that, I think it's so important to just know that everyone's trying to figure everything out. No one has anything figured out and that's okay. So if you were like, when you're sitting down talking to your friends and you're like, and they're coming to you, let's say, let's take Kenzie

because I kind of like Kenzie. I can pick on Kenzie. Kenzie comes to you and says, hey Dom, I'm really, and I could talk about Kenzie because- Yeah, it's great. Hi Kenzie, how are you? And if she comes to you and says like,

hey Dom, I'm uncomfortable with this topic, but I want to do something. I don't know what, like how how do you navigate that? Because I think that's the other thing why I love your podcast is there's a lot of people that want to do things, but they don't want to misstep. And because what happens in the missteps is like, maybe somebody tries to do something and they fuck up. And then instead of like being rewarded for the attempt to try to do something good, they're attacked and shamed. And then like, they get scared of getting, and they can think that's part of the problem that's going on right right now it's like you it's a backtrack then it's like oh i'm never

doing that again it's like back to posting whatever you know yes exactly i think the biggest thing to know and what i tell everyone you need to put your comfort aside and your fear aside because at the end of the day you're talking about an opinion. You're sharing something that to some people is a very unpopular opinion and also an offensive opinion. But you know that it would bring good to share it. And so you need to put those two things aside. No matter what you do, you are going to get some there's going to be an aunt that's going to comment and send you a message saying how horrible you are and all this stuff. But you need to accept that. You need to be, you just need to know that's part of the deal. And I think for me,

that was the biggest thing is there were so many things that I wanted to speak on, but I was so scared of what people were going to say back to me. And once I started getting all the crazy comments, the death threats, the Jesus. Yeah, just it was so intense. And I was like, people are still going to say this. People are still going to come for me for saying this. So I'm just going to keep saying it because it's my truth and I'm going to own it. And people say shit in real life behind your back.

Yes. You just don't hear it like social media. And they probably think things that they shouldn't be thinking all the time too so it's like i feel like you're damned if you do you're damned if you don't and so putting yourself out there like you might as fucking well do it exactly and that's why i tell people stick to your convictions and be honest with yourself and for people that are trying to navigate dang like how do i say this say it in your words say it Say it in your truth. If you don't, if you're like, I love people that are just brutally honest. To be honest, I haven't known what to say for the

longest time, but I'm just going to try saying something. And usually the thing that they say is so heartfelt and beautiful and it might not be perfect. I get the picture of what you're trying to say. That means so much more to me than. OK, yeah, so sign these petitions and make phone calls if you can. I also think we need to give people the benefit of the doubt. What happened to the benefit of the doubt? See where their intention is. Like you just said, it's like, what is their intention? Wait, quick break. We are going to talk about PayPal, specifically the PayPal app. Okay, I feel like everyone uses PayPal.

I recently downloaded the app and I found out that you can send gift deliveries to family. You can split a takeout order and you can also help someone out financially. So the other day, I actually donated to a Chihuahua rescue. And then the same night, I went out to my dad's restaurant with a bunch of friends, and we split an order on PayPal. It was very ideal. There's nothing worse than going out to dinner with a bunch of friends and then having to split the bill with 18 credit cards and cash and this and that. Just put it on PayPal, be done with it. Is there anything we don't use PayPal for now? We're just receiving orders online, building a business, sending money to friends, sending money to family, receiving money. I like to receive more than I like to give,

Lauren, in this case. So our normals change and we're finding out new ways to connect and continue supporting one another. And we're all trying to do everything we can to support each other from afar. So the solution obviously is the PayPal app. Sending and receiving money, like Michael said, it's faster. It's also easier. You can stay connected with the people that you love and you can quickly and securely send money to family and friends just about anywhere in the world. Anyway, you can start a money pool to split the bill, go in on a gift or fundraise for a good cause. Just on another note, I've used PayPal to run the Skinny Confidential for the last 11 years. So if you're a business owner, it's for you. And just on another note, I've used PayPal to run the Skinny Confidential for the last 11 years. So if you're a business owner, it's for you.

And just on another note, Lauren, we use PayPal in the very beginning of Dear Media and still do for all of our online payments. So it's obviously working. It's built some pretty good entities, guys, Skinny Confidential and Dear Media to name a few. And one of the things I love the most about PayPal is it's one location where, you know, if you have a small business, you can link your bank account and your business credit cards there. If you want to link your personal credit card or your personal bank account, you can link it. It's all in one place and you can navigate where the money goes, where it's sent from,

all easily, securely, and in one place, which makes everything so much more convenient. PayPal is making it easy to pay safely, quickly, and easily. Download the PayPal app today. Terms and conditions apply. Okay, let's get back to the show. That is literally my motto, my life motto and the 2020 motto and the only thing that will keep you sane in fighting against any type of anything, I guess, with any conflict in the world, you have to give people the benefit of that. It's the only way for genuine change to take place. Exactly. If you're always constantly just saying, oh, did you see their post? I can't believe they did it. Dude, you actually don't know. You don't know what they meant by that. You probably took it out of context.

Have you talked to them? What have they been going through? Have you kept up with them? What's their background? You know what I'm saying? You don't know any of this until you have a conversation. So it's like by giving people the benefit of the doubt, it's like you're saving relationships

that don't need to be taken away. I feel like so many people are like, I've lost so many friends in 2020. And I'm like, really? I haven't lost that many. And I feel like I'm speaking my truth. And there's people that have posted things that I'm like, ooh, I do not agree with that,

but I've talked to them. And then come to find out, we actually believe the same thing. It's so funny. I saw this video about someone who was like, oh, I'm conservative, da-da, and we're like reposting all these like hateful things. And then someone asked them questions like this and this. And all their answers were the same as the person answering the questions. And so I was like, they believe the same thing. And same with this other guy.

This guy DM'd me and was like, I can't believe you would post this. And I was like, well, what do you believe? And then he told me and I was like, I believe that too. First of all, a lot of this year has been so politicized, which I think is a huge problem. We're in an election year and it's, you're on this side, you're on this side.

And if you're not, there's no, there's no room for logical conversation. You know, I don't get political on this show. And it's funny. The funniest thing is we don't get so political here. And when we don't get, when we're not political, people are like, you should be more political and take a stance. And then we do and people get mad.

So it's like, if you do something, you lose. If you don't do something, you lose. You know, so you just got to do what's right for you. I also think too, with like content creators and friends, let's take both those groups. I don't want to agree with every fucking thing my friend says. That's the most boring thing ever. those groups. I don't want to agree with every fucking thing my friend says. That sounds like hell for me to go out to dinner with a friend and sit across the table and we agree on every single thing. And I think with content creators, and you can tell me if you agree with this,

but I think we're in this point now where a lot of people have already gathered these followings and people will unfollow people if they're not exactly aligned with every single thing they agree with. For me, I like when a content creator speaks out about something maybe I don't agree with. It shows that they have a stance. It shows that they have their own personality and are going to do things on their own terms. Yeah. People will say to me, they're like, well, are you conservative or are you liberal? Because I don't really get into either side. And I'll be like, well, there's an easy way for me to answer. I don't want the government in my personal life telling me who I can love or not love or telling my friends who they can love or not love. I don't want them at all involved in my

social life at all. And I also don't want them involved in my money. I don't want them touching my money. I don't want them raising my taxes. I don't want... What does that mean? Because I'm probably very socially liberal and I'm very fiscally conservative maybe. Does that mean I can only be in one side or the other? Like, no. And I actually disagree with a lot of things conservatives do. And I disagree with a lot of things liberals do. And I think the problem is we've gotten to this place

where it's like, you're either with us or against us on either side. And if you're not, it's like, well, that's not how human beings work. Like I always tell people like, when it comes to parenting, you can't do that. You can be like my way or your way. Like it doesn't work.

Or friendship, like it's either my way or your way. It's like, no, it's a a relationship you gotta give and take exactly and what's so interesting is we i think the reason why we're seeing these two extremes come out is because right now just with the way our government is ran is we have a lot of extremes in office and a lot of and a lot of extreme voices with our news outlets too oh god if you yeah i'm not even gonna go there but i'm just gonna like make one thing that i was talking to a friend about if you turn on the opposing side if you turn on yeah it's oh look what they're doing i can't believe it they're the most horrible monsters. And then you turn on the

other side and they're saying the exact same thing. I don't know. I'm the same way too. And what's so interesting about me as an activist operating in this world is that I am in the middle. I'm in the happy middle of understanding. Because what's so interesting is when you, when I understand someone and I hear their story, I'm like, that would make sense. Of course you would believe that. Why wouldn't you believe that? You've known anything else. And then people get mad at me. Like, I can't believe that you would stand up for this. Or I can't believe you wouldn't stand up for this. I'm like, what are you talking about? Or when it comes to COVID, you could be like, listen, I'm all about human life and keeping people safe and doing all that. But at the same time, maybe I'm like, what are you talking about? Or when it comes to COVID, you could be like, listen, I'm all about human life and keeping

people safe and doing all that. But at the same time, maybe I'm going to question the lockdown and be like, hey, if we love human life, there's also a lot of humans being affected because they're shut down and they can't get outside and they can't see friends and they can't run their business. Can we not question anything anymore? Can we not say, hey, is there a better way? Can we not say, hey, we tried something and it didn't work as well as we thought? It's either like, nope, you're either with or against. There's no room for conversation.

Yeah. And it's all about how you do it to be respectful. I love that you posted on your story when you were talking about COVID and just your viewpoint on things. And you did it in a way that was so respectful and so thought provoking, too. And a lot of people, like you said, felt the same way, but felt like they couldn't. And that's walking in your truth. I think that's the most important thing that you can do is walk in your truth and just know that you're not alone. Well, what's interesting about that, and I think you'll relate to this, is what was interesting to me was, it's on my highlights, that's actually the only highlight I have. Cause I thought, cause, and I left it for a reason. Where is my highlight? I don't, you don't have one yet. But what was interesting was not my viewpoint. Cause there's

people who agree, people disagree and that's okay. I actually think, I actually say that's a really good thing, but was how many people wrote in saying, Hey, thanks for at least saying something. I may not agree with you or I do agree with you, but thanks for saying something. I've been so scared to say something. And my response to most of those people is like, why are you scared to speak your truth or to question something or to open up a dialogue? That is a problem. Like we're all scared to have the conversation because listen, I put that out there and maybe somebody writes in and points out something I'm not aware of. Oh, okay. I can change my mind and respect that. But if people are too scared to voice their opinions, we get

to a dangerous place. Yeah. And I think the fear comes from the extreme, right? You don't want to come off as an extremist. When you share your opinion, people like to label you just anytime you do that, good or bad. And so right now we're seeing, okay, I'm confused about the lockdown, right? You want to open a dialogue. You know what I'm saying? You're now labeled as x y and z we don't have to do that you don't have you shouldn't be labeled an extremist just because you agree with one side or another or because you ask questions or because you ask questions exactly and that's the thing is I feel like right now our world is so divisive more divisive than I've ever seen. And for good and bad,

there's a lot of really important and good conversations coming out of it. But at the same time, there's a lot of people that are just trying to create more divide. We can actually stand together in this. It doesn't, and I think people get so offended and so closed off that they're not even listening.

With the George Floyd murder, 9-11 united this country years and years ago. And it was like one of the things we were united on when it happened. Everybody banded together like this is an American thing, American problem. We're going to deal with it as Americans. I feel like with George Floyd, there was every single, like the majority, I'd say 99.999% of people said that was a murder. That was wrong. We all agree that was wrong. That was terrible. And that was an injustice. And we're all on the same page. And then the protest started. And it was like, that's a good thing. We're going to, we're going to speak out. We're going to make this issue louder. But what's happened along the way now, as I think like to your point, there's gotten these extremists involved. And so now we're like, Hey, I hope we're not losing

what we started this for in the first place. And what the message was to begin with was against social injustice. Like there's a lot going on now. It's convoluting the message. And I think that's a problem because now people are divided again, where it's like we were all united on one thing, like this was something that was wrong. I think also that that's where grace for this movement has to be involved too, where I think people start to tend to forget the bigger picture, right? We're fighting for human rights. Human life is really what we're talking about. That's the issue. Like you're saying, there's so many different messages

and there's so many conspiracy theories now. And I'm like, hold on to what's true. What we know has happened. And don't be afraid to say something's wrong just because you're scared to be tied in with everything else that's bad. Every time I speak out about a murder, an unfortunate killing that takes place or police brutality, and I create something and action stuff, whatever. And the first thing I'll always get in my messages is, do you know that they actually had a history of abuse?

Or did you know? I'm like, okay. I mean, what are we saying? We're discounting human life. And then on the other side of it, people are not going about justice the right way. And it's like. People would love to use stats to try to justify their position.

Like, that's the problem is you can't just look and say, like, that was wrong. That was a murder. They look for confirmation bias. Yeah, they look for something and they keep confirming their opinion over and over again until they feel they have solid facts to present. It's a way to make ourselves feel better about something that's wrong in the world. We're like, well, if we back it up with these stats that correlated across these widespread issues, then we can maybe see why it could potentially be justified. You can't just say like, no, that was not justified. It was wrong. There needs to be consequences moving forward. Exactly. And I think the reason why this outcry has lasted as long as it does is because we've seen it firsthand. Unfortunately, there's video evidence and we're seeing it and it's horrible and it's sad

and then it's like this civil arrest of waiting like we're waiting for someone to get charged arrested and put in prison for stuff that's happened or if we're waiting and in that waiting period it's i don't know the world's kind of falling apart and it's where this divide is happening. And I think that for me, I was kind of having just like a morning reflection thinking about just the podcast, my social media platform and the conversations that I'm having and moving forward, what is it going to look like? Because I've also noticed a drop off with just the conversations that were having of people starting to check out again or it's not as important or there hasn't been any news breaking things that have happening. So the conversation slowed down and I'm like, but this is still so important to me. And I've noticed even with me, like I also have a life and in the midst of everything that was happening, I was posting a lot because

there was a lot to be said, a lot of information to be shared. But now where things have kind of slowed down, I've posted like pictures of me. Hey, guys, how's it going? Just on my story, whatever. And people are upset about that, too, where they're like. I used to follow you because you were posting about social justice. Now you're posting about you. And I'm like, wait, so now I'm just a resource. Why is there only one layer? Why can't a person have 800 layers? I have a lot of different facets.

I'm a fucking Gemini, by the way. One day I'm a bitch to my husband. The next day I might be nice. The next day I might want to have sex. I'm changing. Or maybe even all that happens in the same day. Yeah. You never know. You never know. I don't understand this thing with Instagram and social media where you have to be one way all the time. I have a lot of different layers to me, as I'm sure you do, as I'm sure every human does. We're complex. There's so many different things, hobbies. Maybe we want to show what we're wearing one day and

then maybe we want to talk about activism another day like where did it become that you have to be this one thing all the time because i don't want to follow someone that's one way all the time i need some diversity i need to mix it up yeah like i need a hundred personalities from you i can't do boring flat flat, like one thing. Dude, I agree with that so much. And that's how I've been feeling too. And I posted about that the other day. I'm like, you need to respect people's life. Like they have a life and they're sharing it with you on social media. And you need to respect that. Like it's technically my personal Instagram. And I think that's what we need to start doing is like accepting people for who they are, knowing that people are complex, like humans by nature are complex. There's no yes or no to the things we're fighting for. Everything is a gray area. And that's what if we started walking in those truths of understanding, like humans aren't perfect. Everything's a gray area. And we're still trying to figure everything out. By the way, we're in the middle of a pandemic. I think people would

approach other people's views with a lot more kindness, understanding and empathy. And that's what I want to see happen because I'm personally I'm so sick and tired of just being mentally exhausted from unpacking nonsense all day long from both sides. You have to just ignore it. I think that what I would say to people that are writing hateful shit on the internet, I myself have never gone out and commented something negative on someone else's page because I believe that negativity is taking away from me being productive on my own life. I think that we have to get to a place where like if you're projecting negativity all the time, you have to look inward and realize that you're taking away from you growing as a person. It's such a waste of fucking time. Yes. Well, it's like Lauren and I were

driving. We were in San Diego this morning. We're driving. I was like, you know, like those T charts we do like pros and cons. And I feel like it's like such like I were driving. We were in San Diego this morning. We're driving. I was like, you know, like those T-charts we do like pros and cons. And I feel like it's like such like a first grade exercise. But more people should do that in their actual life. Like pros and cons. Pros of writing this negative, hateful comment to this person. And they could actually, maybe they might have a few pros. And then you say cons like and do that list.

And I feel like honestly, just people are just firing from the hip. They're not thinking. They're not thinking about what they're putting out in the world. They're doing it with the intention of hurting people because maybe they're hurting. But it's like, that's not going to make you feel better.

And just to give you a micro example, imagine if Taylor put as much time as he did into masturbating into a hobby. Like he would know the fucking violin in and out by now. He would be a symphony violinist if he took the time that he takes into watching porn, masturbating every day and put it in towards learning an instrument.

I bet you could be famous, Taylor. Self-absorbing. It's a self-reflection period now. No, exactly. I think it's like a waste of time. And that's the worst thing about this is so many people are hurt. And we're operating with hurt people that are just talking all this shit 24 seven. And it's very toxic. I think that the internet has come to a boiling point where I personally have seen that like, the toxic nature of accounts, they're literally accounts just for exposing people. And that to me is mind boggling. What do you mean? Like there's accounts that are just there to look for dirt on people and make them look bad. Yes. And that to me is mind boggling. Or trying to take away from some like coming to tear people down.

Yes. And coming for their character constantly. And I'm just like, oh, my gosh, I would love if we just dropped a camera just to follow you through your ins and out for a month or two and just really see how you live your life. And I'm sure there's some actions that will be cancelable, like whatever the case is. And I just think that I've come to a place where honestly, I write out my truth 24 seven, I will live in it. And I'll operate in it. And I think I operate in this gray area. And I just

want to let everyone know that's okay. It's okay to fall in the middle. Which is why I love what you're doing, right? It's why I wanted to work with you because I think you're a perfect person to start having these conversations and to leave a gray space for people to like come to their own conclusions and learn along the way.

And like, you know, Lauren and I, after doing this for a while on this show, as you can imagine, we get pitches for the show. And like we, there's been plenty of times where there's some kind of hot button issue in the press that's like a negative thing. It's like somebody found something out about somebody or some service or some product and they like want to come on here and put it on the show so that we can tear

them down. I'm like, listen, we could do that with the show and turn it into the negative space. But there's so many other outlets doing that. For us, we want this to be a platform of learning, of inspiration, of potentially turning something into a positive. If there is a negative, the only reason we would want to start talking about is like, is there a positive thing that we can learn from that? Because if not, it's like, there's plenty of other people tearing each other down. And why I wanted to work with you

is like you reserve that space to help people, one, maybe find that path of redemption. And two, for people listening to you to keep an open mind like, oh, maybe there is a path of forgiveness for other people and potentially down the line for themselves. Yeah. And it's draining too. It's so draining to just hear people be negative 24-7. And there is a statement that I say constantly 24-7 when people ask me for just a piece of

optimism. But I always say, I just genuinely believe there are more good people than bad operating in the world right now i share that opinion yeah and i think that if we remember that truth because i think the negative the bad can be overpowering a lot honestly i think when you operate in knowing that there's more good people than bad. There's more people that see your side, that understand what you're fighting for than not. I think you'll start to like let go of this social pressure of performing and trying to be something you're not. And then also reminding yourself, we don't live in a perfect world and there are going to be moments for us to step up. And so we have to be bold and take those opportunities to do so.

I don't know if you're a Howard Stern fan at all. We're in the past or are now, to step up. And so we have to be bold and take those opportunities to do so, you know? I don't know if you're a Howard Stern fan at all, or were in the past or are now, or you might be too young. But he, back in the day, like he came out this movie called Private Parts. And he was like, he's the king of all media. So he was, it's this, it's a really good movie. But it highlighted his journey as a radio guy going through the ranks. And like, he really was like out there and like saying things that other people wouldn't say, and like rubbing a lot of people the wrong way. And the people at the network level, the executives, they hated him because he was just like this rogue, specifically this one guy. And at one point, they asked him

where his ratings and they were crushing it. And he's like, the people that love him are tuning in here. And he's like, well, what about the people that hate him? And like the people that hate him were turning in double the amount of time. Yeah. And I think about this with mainstream media now. If you turn on Fox News or you turn on CNN, what they're doing is they're stoking hate in a lot of cases on one side or the other. And what is that using that example of the movie? What does that do? Boost ratings. And these people are running a business. And if they just played the middle of the road, maybe the ratings wouldn't be as high because it's not as dramatic and it's not as exciting. But is it really doing us a

service to listen to these things back and forth? Because I guarantee you, if you lean right and you turn on CNN, you're going to be pissed. And if you lean left and you turn on Fox, you're going to be pissed. And like, that's what they're doing. And then they're selling us at the same time in stoking fear and dividing. It's like, I just think people should always remember like who's behind and what their intention is and like what the reasoning is and what the and who is actually formulating the messages before they come to their conclusions. Exactly. I want to talk a little bit about your journey. I want to switch it up. Tell us about your childhood. Let's go way back.

So I grew up in Arizona. I grew up in a predominantly white neighborhood and it was like a suburb in Arizona called Chandler. So it's like 30 minutes away from like Metro Phoenix. And I'm like half black, half Asian, but I grew up around my like Filipino side. So that was like really interesting growing up. And just, yeah, it was, I had a really interesting upbringing because I'm very blessed that my parents,

they both worked and they had two good jobs that I was able to, I think, have a very enjoyable childhood and just be intelligent and learn things and have space for me. But then also just this weird time of the early 2000s where looking like me and being me wasn't popular, but not understanding that as a kid. So I had like really weird encounters with just families and operating in like a diverse household of two different cultures, like black culture, Asian culture, and then being surrounded by only white culture and stuff, I think really added to like this weird layer of like childhood trauma that I didn't realize.

And I don't know, also just my relationship with my parents. I feel like everyone had really chill parents and my parents were like, okay, like do your homework, like all this stuff. Like they were chill or not chill? They were like half chill. Like I'm like, does that exist? My mom is very savage, Asian, classic. And that's great. Gotta have that kind of. And then my dad was like'm like, this is like to paint a picture. So I didn't like understand what races were when I was a kid. I just I thought everyone was just, I don't know, I thought people were people. But then I had a friend when I was in first grade. This was like my first encounter with just realizing that I was different. It was like my first encounter with racism. And we were best friends. And I was supposed to hang out at her house after school.

And we had this huge plan to like hang out. And then she came up to me when school started. The day we were supposed to hang out. And she was like, oh, we can't hang out today because you're black. And my grandpa hates black people. So you can't come over jesus and i was like wait i'm black like i was like what does that mean and yeah and she was this was another first grader yeah and she was like in first grade i was in first grade like

looking back on it now i can just know that she heard her dad say that and she said that to me like it wasn't like it's like she wouldn't have known yeah she didn't know what she was saying and she probably doesn't even know like that word hate like she doesn't understand it to its full extent and so that was the first thing that like marked me as a child oh there's something wrong with me like i'm different and then like my hair too i had like really crazy long hair and all I wanted was straight like straight hair like clueless just straight cute. And so I was like mom straighten my hair and she like tried but didn't work. And then I went to school the next day and totally got just like annihilated by all

the kids and they're like what's wrong like your hair is it's so ugly and just made fun of me. And that was like another thing I was like I hate that I look like this. And then I was the only black kid in my class until third grade. And another black family enrolled like their kids into school. So one of the girls was my age. She just was different. Like she came from like black culture. And so I was learning a lot from her. Like I started to change the way I talked and the way I dress and all these things and for the first time people were like you like Dom's ghetto and ratchet and like all these like labeling me all these things that were considered bad and that was the first time that I didn't want to be labeled those things. So I started to like hate her. And so I developed

like internalized racism against her. And I carried that all the way through like high school. And I did everything in my power to like fit in with all these people that didn't even care if I look, you know what I'm saying? Like they didn't care anything about who I was, like my interest as a person. And it was like this weird fine line where it was like, I loved things about black culture, but I was too scared to operate in them for fear of being labeled and like expelled and look like downcast in like all these things.

And so it wasn't until I graduated from high school where I just started, I took this journey of accepting myself and where I think I kind of being now 22 and like far from that world and seeing so many people struggle with that. And I think how the world treats black people. I just want people to know that like you have to go through that process of loving yourself whatever that looks like and I'm seeing how society has set up like just beauty standards I guess is what really my childhood like I noticed a lot and so now like seeing that I'm like fighting against that like that's so stupid or we're like tearing down people for all the wrong reasons.

And I think going through like all that childhood trauma of just me growing up and like mixed and not like liking white people things, but also liking quote unquote black people things and just operating in that weird space. And for me now, it's so cool that I have a voice where girls who I get like messages all the time. I like had an episode on my podcast called the Durack discussion where I talked about hair and like the struggle that I had with hair as a kid. And so many girls message me like,

dude, I needed this episode. This is me right now growing up or people being like, thank you so much for saying this because I just feel seen by this. And I think that's so cool because I didn't have a person like me growing up. Isn't it cool when you have something that you think is a weakness when you're young and then you use it as a strength when you're older? Yeah. That is like gives me chills. It's the best. No, it's honestly incredible. I hate hearing stories like that because I, well, let me clarify. I hate bullies so much. When I was a kid, I used to get in a lot of fights when I was a kid. Taylor will tell you, unfortunately,

but it was, you know, and a lot of people at the time was like, cause I would just go and get mad and hit somebody or whatever. It always started originating with like a bully bullying somebody else. And then like me, like I would just get angry. Like I hate it it but i think as i contextualize that over the years obviously that's not it was like anger right it was like violence and like now it's like over the years i just think it's so important to for people to hear these stories because what it is what bullies are and what people that are judging other people are is they're ignorant and i just keep saying that over and over it's like they don't know those the girls that you reference or the people that are making fun of you like they didn't know better it's not giving them a pass yeah but it's like they're ignorant people right

and the only way to get them out of that and to make them stop bullying people and to make them be compassionate humans is to teach them right exactly and i think these conversations are so important because there's a lot of young people that listen to this show that are going to spawn the next generation of humans and like you said like a young kid is not born racist or judgmental as a bully. Those are learned behaviors. And if we, as the parents or adults of the next generation can like teach that out of people and say like, Hey, that's not okay. Or like, Hey, this is a judgment that you shouldn't have. Like, that's how things start to change. But I don't think they can change until people hear conversations like this and educate themselves. And then it

gets rid of, cause like when I started educating myself, I'm like, okay, like violence is not the way to go about this. That's not helping. It's making me actually maybe be the bully and it's actually hurting other people. And it's definitely not changing anything. It's making them more angry and more insecure and bully more people. And so like the outlet now is this, it's like, if this conversation between us triggers thousands of people to go and say like, oh, like I'm educated. I'm going to start educating myself more and I'm going to start training the next generation to not do these things. That's how you actually make change. Exactly. And it all starts at the home. One of my graphics, Reese Witherspoon, she like shared my graphic, but her post was so good. She talked about how she talked to her son. And I like, I think, and she just wrote this whole thing about how she talked to her son and

how like, it starts in the home, like it starts in the house. And I think that is everything to me. Every learned behavior and the good and bad, we learned it somewhere along the way. For us, like we're leading voices in our generation and the world right now. And people listen to us and people are hearing and watching the things that we do. And because of that, we have a really cool opportunity to show people the right way. And I think that having conversations in the home, like sitting down and having ugly, hard conversations is so important. And I think back to like when I was a kid, did you guys have family meetings? I had family meetings. Yeah, I mean, they're kind of like, I don't know if I've ever listened to my family, but they were kind of like half-assed meetings.

I don't know. I don't know how like in depth we got on those. His family meetings was just everyone talking at once. No, but family. I was like, hey, Michael, don't fuck up. I'm like, okay. And I don't know if you know this, my grandmother is full Japanese and my mom's half. And so there's a little bit of that. I think I know what you're talking about. Like Asian parents. Just do good. Savage.

Just do good. Yeah. Like, okay. Okay. Got it. Perfect. Don't fuck up. Got it.

You're like, okay, great. Thank you. Straight A's. No problem. Yeah. No, but for us, like, I think when I think of family meetings, they're so messy. For my family, at least. They're so messy.

We'll sit down because there's like this conversation that we need to have and it starts I think everyone's talking over each other and then one person's like stop and then everyone's like frozen and then one person speaks their truth and another person speaks their truth and another person speaks their truth by the end of it you're all sobbing and you love each other again and And you're like, let's go to Costco together as a family. I don't know. But I think that more families need to do that. And once that starts happening, I think it'll be so beautiful. And I think it's really cool now that the generation that's growing up listening to like voices like us are going to have that. And there's also a lot more diversity

and good things that have changed. Like you can listen to a black person that is a voice on a podcast and you can follow people that are breaking stigmas and stuff. So I think the world is heading in the right direction, but we're always going to be faced with walls and it's for us to like carefully just start like dismantling these walls that we're going to come up against to like progress further into like a better society yeah people complain about the internet and the state of social media and they're like because there's obviously a lot of negative things that could come with the power of the internet and giving every single person a voice and giving everybody a platform and all this different information but i actually think there's more positives than negatives because years ago,

we would not have been able to have this conversation at a mainstream level without getting a mainstream network involved. And you'd be up against like a few things. And those people were kind of picking and choosing what got seen and what didn't. So like, again, back to ignorance is like people grew up with a very narrow view of the world and all of it kind of looked the same and was the same and didn't really push boundaries and didn't really cross the line and didn't really get uncomfortable and so like you have this generation that just grew up only seeing those things and with the internet they hear these conversations or they can see a black perspective or a white perspective or an asian but they can see all these different cultural perspectives and in all these different ways of lives in real time and they say, oh, now I'm going to actually question what I thought my reality was because

I can see other things or hear other things that just didn't exist before. Exactly. So how did you know that you wanted to be entrepreneurial? Because you're very entrepreneurial. I had no idea. Did you fall into it? Yeah. It all kind of started with this I I guess actually I had to become when we when you first

opened the the podcast with the compliment saying it's so cool that you took an idea and made it happen and what's so funny is before I would have never considered myself a creative I learned how to make graphics off my phone. And even the graphics I started making were off my phone, just because I like didn't really have a computer where I can make graphics off of them. And when everything started happening with my platform, I just realized that everything I needed was at my fingertips. And once you kind of break down that mental idea, I think everyone gets here. And I think even I'm there right now with some things where you're just like, oh, if I could just have this, then I could do this. And if I just have this, then I can do this. And if you break down

that wall and you realize, OK, what do I have in control of myself? And like, what can I do? And then also being a self starter and a hustler, and realizing that you want to start getting stuff done. And how good it feels when you have an idea and you execute it. I think it was kind of the snowball effect. It first started when I like interned in the social media position. And I didn't realize how hard social media was with like posting and editing and creating captions, all this stuff. And then I started making graphics with them off my phone. And then I started making with just my platform now making graphics here and there. And now upgrading to like getting a computer and making graphics there. Just so much has changed. And I think when it comes to

having that spirit, it's really just a mindset. It's 100% a mindset. I think like you nailed onto the head. It's that if-then thing. So many people think like, if I can get here, then I can do this. It's like, why can't you just start now? That's literally been the message of the podcast from the inception. It's like launch fast, adjust and change with feedback. Like any idea if you just start actually, one, people ask all the time too, like how do you build confidence? That's how you build confidence too. You actually start doing things and taking action because think about like the person, not that you weren't confident before, but the person you're becoming as you do more and more and put more out in the world and try and like break down new barriers that you thought you couldn't do just by trying and actually putting effort in. And I just

tell people like, what's holding you back? Is you're scared of judgment or you're scared of people coming in or you're scared you do it wrong. You do it wrong. Do it again. Do it right. Like as many times as it takes, people don't want to do, they just want to talk themselves out of things. You mentioned earlier something about how you were sitting and thinking about how you wanted to lay something out this morning. Do you have a morning routine? I yeah, I do now. I was going through I feel like everyone's going through it. But I have I just have like struggled with like depression and things like that. And so I had a really bad depressive episode like it lasted for like about a month and a half. And it was really hard to go through. And I've never been honest and open with my mental health online.

And this a couple of weeks ago, I opened up about it and just made a post about it. So I was like, sorry, guys, I haven't been active. This is what I've been going through. And so many people just it was like floodgates of people just being like, dude, I relate. I'm there, all this stuff. And so I was talking to a friend and she said that she kind of was feeling the same way. And I was like, I just want to feel good again. And so I was like, OK, when was the last time I felt good? That's like a question that I wrote in a post. I'm like, so I'm fake. I'm a hypocrite because I had to look back on one of my posts talking about when's the last time I felt good. And I was like, when was the last time I felt good? And so this week I am I like planned a routine. And this week I've been walking in it

and implementing in it. So right now my morning routine is I exercise. Haha. It's new, you guys. But I started running in the mornings with my friend. It's like a run walk. But I'm like, it's a club. It's a run club. Any movement counts. Yeah. And so, yeah, I do that. And then on my drive, I always self-reflect and always think. I think self-reflection is so important. And so I've been spending a lot of time anytime I'm driving, like spending that time to self-reflect. And I've just it's so interesting because I was doing that on the drive here and I came up with a really good episode idea for the podcast. And I was debating. I was like, dang, that's kind of controversial. But I'm like, honestly, it needs to be said. And I think my best ideas have come from in those moments where I like get quiet time and stuff. So I agree.

I you call it self reflection. I call it thinking time. But I like self reflection better. I think I think that's like so, so smart to actually create space to think. Yeah. And you're also fighting for those little pockets, pockets too because some people are like i don't have an hour it's like i when people say that i'm like you can make time yeah i'm like dude you have your it's like 10 minutes you're getting coffee in the drive-thru just sit and think they're like turn off the radio and think they're taylor thinks in the shitter like there's places to think like you have to get creative now it's funny because it, you know, this phone in a lot of ways can hold you accountable. And have you ever seen that like screen time thing?

Yes. You can go in and people will message like, hey, Michael, I do this, but I don't have time. I'm like, hey, go to your app and open your screen time and screenshot it and tell me how many hours are on social. Because if I see more than seven hours a week on there, five hours, that's five to seven hours that you could be doing. That is a good one. That one makes me happy. But it's true because it holds me accountable. Like, oh, I look at my screen time.

Sometimes during this pandemic, I'm like, oh, shit. What is a depressive episode look like? Do you mean like you just couldn't get out of bed? Can you explain and walk us through what that actually feels like? Yeah. So I didn't. It's so interesting because I didn't even know what it was. I would just have lows.

But essentially what that starts looking like for me is I start to like lose motivation. I feel like I'm very like driven and I'm very on top of things. And so I just realized I started to lose motivation to do things and create new things. And I started getting like lazy with my ideas. And then my brain starts to like fog, it kind of feels like a fog just like goes over your like head, and then like into your chest. And then the next day you wake up, and there it just feels like you don't feel anything. And that's a really scary place to not feel anything because it's like you stop caring. And that's ultra scary for me because my platform's new.

And before I could have a depressive episode while working a nine to five. And like, you know, you can power through that. But it's when like your career is on your shoulders and you're like struggling with that. It's like a different kind of pressure. So you're going through this mental battle of like, dang, I have no motivation to do anything. Whether it's an actual chemical imbalance or like something happened and it triggered like a depressive episode. For me, I'm not quite sure. I think it was more like of a chemical imbalance thing.

I'm like need to like schedule doctor's appointments, go see. But for some people, something got triggered and it can stir a depressive episode. But for me, it was like, I wasn't eating. I was just like in bed all day. Or I would like veg out and like turn on Netflix, but I'm not even paying attention to what's happening. It just, I don't feel anything. And that would last for like a couple days. People would be texting me in the middle of this too. And

I wouldn't even be able to respond just because like, I know you feel like a zombie, like you don't have any energy. And then this was like in the middle of when I went to Arizona for a little bit to see my parents. And my friends would be like, hey, do you want to go like work on something? I'd be like, yeah, I'll be over at one. And then I wouldn't get to them till eight because that was the first time I had like energy in the day to like do one thing.

And it's really, really hard, but it's also a reality. And I was just like, dang, I mean, it sucks that I feel like I've wasted so many days and weeks and time. But at the same time, it was like emotions that were out of my control. And sometimes you can like snap out of it and be like, OK, like I need to go on a walk. I need to go on a run. Like, dude, I just need to shower, like whatever it is. And then other times

there's really no escaping it and you have to ride it out. And unfortunately, this is one of those, like you just have to ride it out. But I don't know, for people who deal with that, there's also things you can do. Like, are you, do you have the energy to eat? Have you showered today? Like just little checklist things. Are you drinking water? I know that sounds like so annoying, but it's really true. And so now with my morning routine that I have set up, it's more like preventative measures like the drinking water, eating healthy, working out kind of things that will help me and like keep me out of that like episodes. Routines do really help prevent any kind of for me, at least. Yeah. Just speaking of my own anxiety. I thinkines do really help prevent any kind of, for me at least, just speaking in my own anxiety. I think it's really good to have your routines and have things scheduled.

Yes. Yeah. And I think like, I would encourage you to do more of what you're doing. Like, sounds like you're on a really good path. Obviously, like, yes, this is hard to hold a platform on your shoulders. Both of us can understand that. But at the same time, like, I think like, go more into this because if, like, I think like go more into this because if like, I think you having this conversation, not just here, but on your show, like, I think you'd be surprised how many people like identify with that message and feel a kindred spirit there and like would want to support and talk to you about it. And I think like, you know, I always think I'd probably be crazy if we didn't have this platform because we get to have the benefit of

having so many, this is like therapy, right? Like you just get like you to have this conversation where like, if you're sitting at home, you don't get to. And then like what you're already doing, getting out there and exercising and doing all these things, like getting yourself busy and active and productive and putting good things out into the world and helping other people, which you are with the conversations you're having and the content you're putting out there. That's what I think in my personal opinion is going to pull you out of all that. I try to take any of my weaknesses and channel it into creating. So I think that if you created a checklist for other people and maybe you've already done this, but a

checklist for other people to help prevent their depressive episodes and anxiety would help you channel the energy in a different way. Yeah. And what's so interesting, kind of how I broke out of this past episode was the biggest thing that was weighing on me was I was like no one knows what's happening like I think people probably just think oh Dom's just busy Dom's busy Dom's busy that was like the label that they were like like a lot of texts were like hey dude I get it if you're busy but can you and so I was like damn like they really don't know so I just decided I'm just gonna post something and when I did I like sobbed right after I just decided I'm just going to post something. And when I did, I like sobbed right after I posted it because of just the overwhelming response of how kind people were.

And I just came to the realization like transparency and vulnerability is what is going to like see you through this one. You just have to let people know what you're going through and stuff. And I think, like you said, just leaning into that and also creating, right? Like just letting people know they're not alone and channeling that energy with what you have and just also being kind to yourself, just being like you're doing the best that you can. You're living in the middle of a pandemic. No one's crushing life right now. Everyone's just doing their best to create a new normal. And that's okay. Well, listen, it's not, I don't want to keep saying I'm proud of you because it makes it sound like I'm the person that gets to

judge you. But I am, I do mean as a compliment, like I'm proud of everything you're doing this year. It's really cool to see you thrive. It's really cool to see, like, like I said, take an idea from inception. And also like, you're really having a fucking moment here with this platform and you're like you're doing i mean from when we first met when you and i think it was the first time we met when you opened for kenzie at the growth thing right and that's did we meet before i know you've been in here in the studios and you were guests on her show a lot of time but think about how much has changed from the time you did that opening act to now right with your platform with your show with everything like

your audience it's pretty cool to think about i know it's really crazy because I worked at that Nordstrom at the Grove and now. And that was what? That was last August. So it's been a little bit over a year. Yeah. Look how much can change in a year. Exactly. If you could just leave our audience with a piece of advice that you would give them in general, could be anything, your favorite piece of advice that you would give them in general? Could be anything. Your favorite piece of advice, what would it be? Right now, my piece of advice that I'm telling myself and I think everyone should be telling themselves is that you're doing a lot better than you think you are. Everyone's doing a lot better than they think they are. I think everyone's their worst critic. And so if you can just remember that what you're doing right now as long as it's your best

it's good enough i agree and i'm sorry that i had so many seeds from the sunlight what the hell is going on well i mean i didn't want to i didn't want to scare you guys think i had the covet or something but i you know this i i and you know it's funny it's like during that like i should have not kept drinking it during the show but i'm hungry it's why i know it's sun life has the best smoothies and also normalized coughing normalized coughing hashtag i'm going to tell kalio kalio what do you they gotta they gotta grind the powders up like these things are getting caught in my throat taylor normalized coughing that's our hashtag i'm a fucking professional i like to speak on the mic with a clear voice not this coughing all over the place okay we've had enough of you can you pimp yourself out pimp your podcast and your Instagram handle out?

Yes. You can follow the podcast along at the uncomfortable org. That's the at. And you can follow me at Dom Roberts. Instead of an E, it's an X.

And it's on Dear Media. It's everywhere. It's everywhere. We are excited. Everywhere podcasts are available. Yes. To watch you flourish. Wow.

Thank you for coming on. Thank you for coming on, Dom. Thanks for having me. Wait, don't go. Do you want to win pink new cheeky Skinny Confidential stickers? All you have to do

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