The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast - Candace Bushnell On Modern Dating, Sex & The City, & Evolving Gender Roles In Society

Episode Date: September 25, 2025

#889: Join us as we sit down with Candace Bushnell – best-selling novelist, TV producer, & most recently the star of her own one-woman show, the critically acclaimed True Tales of Sex, Success and Sex and The City. A cultural icon who redefined a generation, Candace shares her perspective on the importance & beauty of being a modern, independent woman. In this episode, Candace opens up about societal shifts in dating, the evolution of gender norms, changing dynamics in relationships, & spills what audiences can expect at her one-woman show!   To Watch the Show click HERE   For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM   To connect with Candace Bushnell click HERE   To connect with Lauryn Bosstick click HERE   To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE   Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE   Head to our ShopMy page HERE and LTK page HERE to find all of the products mentioned in each episode.   Get your burning questions featured on the show! Leave the Him & Her Show a voicemail at [phone].   To learn more about Candace Bushnell and purchase tickets to her one-woman show, True Tales of Sex, Success and Sex and The City visit http://CandaceBushnell.com.   This episode is sponsored by Nutrafol For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you go to http://nutrafol.com/skinnyhair.   This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp Give online therapy a try at http://betterhelp.com/SKINNY and get on your way to being your best self.   This episode is sponsored by Bon Charge Go to http://boncharge.com and use coupon code SKINNY to save 15%.   This episode is sponsored by Bobbie Bobbie is offering an additional 10% off on your purchase with the code TSC. Visit http://hibobbie.com to find the Bobbie formula that fits your journey.   This episode is sponsored by YNAB TSC Him & Her Show listeners can claim an exclusive three-month free trial, with no credit card required at http://YNAB.com/skinny.   This episode is sponsored by AG1 Go to http://drinkag1.com/skinny to get a FREE Frother with your first purchase of AGZ.   This episode is sponsored by Good To Know Visit http://GoodToKnowFacts.com for more information.   Produced by Dear Media

The following podcast is a dear media production. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to the skinny confidential, him and her.

Aha. Come on in. As we sit down with Candace Bushnell, she is a best-selling novelist, a TV-producing, a TV-produced and most recently the star of her own one-woman show. It's called True Tales of Sex, Success, and Sex in the City. This episode goes all over the place. It gets a little heated at moments, which I'm sure you guys will enjoy. And it's honest, it's raw, it's candid.

Candice Bushnell, welcome to The Him and Her show. This is the skinny confidential, him and her. One of the things that I'm most fascinated about writers is, it's a lot of work and it's a lot of discipline. Do you have a cadence and a routine that you adhere to every single day? Well, first of all, I'm not writing a book now for a variety of reasons. I've been resisting writing a book since, really since the pandemic, because you have to spend so much time alone. I am doing a one-woman show, which I've performed literally all over the world

and we'll be doing in New York City again on December 5th. I have to put in that little plug. And yes, I have a routine which is basically writing six hours a day.

Whoa. Ten pages a day. Kind of whichever comes first. I mean, there have been days when I'm like really warmed up and I could write 25 pages in a day. But there's a lot of pressure writing a book. You have deadlines, you have an advance, you really have to stick to the schedule. And it's not just six hours a day

when you're writing. It's, you know, the rest of the day, which is absorbing, you know, material, looking at other, you know, other books, other novels, absorbing, like, other creative, you know, outlets for inspiration. And when I'm really writing a book, I don't go out. I mean, I would go out for maybe an hour a day. Wow. So it's a very, you know, it's a novel is still an entertainment product that one person makes. And it takes a long time. You know, it just, it takes probably at least a year to write the book. And then there's editing and all of that. So, you know, it's a, it's a two year, two or three year investment. And, and then when you're finished, I mean, with every single book that I've written, you know, you look at Amazon and it's like, did these people even read the same book that I wrote?

Because somehow with books, people come with like all of their history, all of their neuroses, all of their psychoses, all of their prejudices. they bring to your book and to your writing. And, you know, people aren't, like, my, you know, my point of view is pretty absurdist. And I, it's absurd. It's about how absurd life is. Okay. And that was really what's driven all of my writing. So in that sense, it's like.

this is my voice, it's always been my voice. I'm not afraid to, you know, write the truth about people, which, you know, a lot of people who read books, they want to read, you know, a happy ending where everybody's nice, et cetera. And as an observer, I just, I can't buy into that and I can't fake it so how much of that's one of the realities i would say of writing a novel it's really about your voice and like sometimes people get it and sometimes they don't whereas i have found you know when people are looking at a screen or anything where there's an actor and it's presented to them that seems to be a much more universal experience. Like so many people love sex in the city.

You know, it's a TV show. It's on TV. It's on a screen. When you, when people go to a movie, you know, there tends to be a sort of unanimous viewpoint about it. That's kind of the beauty of art, though. I feel like it's art. Some people love it.

Some people hate it. Does it bother you? True. If people don't get what you're trying to, to convey or don't like the work or critical of it or is it is it is it not like if you read one of those Amazon reviews like they just don't get in it over the yeah it you know you just that that was something that writers never had to deal with right in the past and you know I do think that in general people you know there's a lot of criticism out there and do people want to destroy you

Yes, they do. And, and, you know, I, you know, there's so many actors. Like when I did Lipstick Jungle, the actors on Lipstick Jungle, which was based on one of my books, you know, they were really disturbed by the things that they were reading online. Like, give an example of something that disturbed people that was an absurdity of life. That's too complicated. I, you know, something that disturbed people. This would be what actresses would tell me, you know, that they were very disturbed and they found it, you know, people criticizing their looks and this and that.

And so that made it hard for them to, like, go out on the set because they were very self-conscious, you know, are people going to dislike this? Are they going to dislike that? And this has ended up being a much more serious conversation than I was expecting to have. I thought we were going to have fun. We are going to be light and fluffy. We can make it light and fluffy. I think we're just curious about this process

because, you know, somebody who's built such an extensive career doing what you do and it's kind of had tentacles now move into, you know, television and books and so many things. Like one of the questions I was wondering is how much of that do you think is kind of God-given talent versus the practices around the discipline of actually, like, do you think if you have the right practices and discipline,

you can become a great writer and write great stories? Or do you think some of it is natural? Like, what's the kind of like the balance, I guess? Well, I think that's hard to say. There is, like, I do think that there's an X factor with things. And, you know, that's one of the reasons why they're movie stars. That's one of the reasons why they're influencers. Like, a lot of the time you look at these influencers and you're like,

they just have that X factor that makes everybody want to look at them in that medium. And, you know, it's the same thing with novels, too. I mean, there's some people who they just, they have something that naturally connects with a large audience. And, you know, then there is the, you know, there's the discipline of doing. it. And, you know, when I was younger, I felt like, you know, if I didn't write, I was going to die. So I think that if you're going to be a writer or an actor or an artist, you have to have that innate passion where you feel like if you don't do this, you just have no reason for living. And that was really how I felt for a very long time.

And, you know, that was what made me pursue, like, being a novelist, really. If someone's listening and they want to get into the profession of writing, what are some other tips that you would give them? You know, I really resist the whole idea of giving people tips. because there's so many different paths to being a writer. You know, it's like, what kind of writer do you want to be? Right. You know, number one.

Like, you know, I always would get asked that question at book signings. And finally, I asked this guy, you know, what kind of writer do you want to be? And he said, oh, I just want to write better emails. I just want to write less emails. I just want to write better emails. So, you know, there are a million different paths, but it's really about having, you know, the passion, I mean, really the single-mindedness of doing it that, you know, makes, I suppose makes for success, but it's like you have to have that passion. I don't think it can really come from the outside. Yeah, I guess that's what I was asking is like how much, you know, some people just like they want to strap a formula or something like if I do this thing and follow these directions, then I will become the thing.

But I think that's kind of. Well, you know, I mean, one of the things that I see again and again, and one sees this in all of the creative fields, you know, there are people who are incredibly talented, but they don't connect. with a large audience and you know at the end of the day it's all about selling you know it's it's it's it's all about like money if you you make an entertainment product and people buy it and pay money for it you will be successful you know people spend as much time as the successful writer you know, writing books and they just, for whatever reason, it doesn't connect with the audience. And that's, you know, that's like the X factor. That's the sort of mystery of, you know, you just, you don't know.

You don't know. But I imagine it's so hard to not make it as a novelist or a writer because you have to put so much into that for so long. And then if it... And I know so many people who have not made it. Yeah, that's tough. I mean, you know, living in New York, I've known tons of people over, you know, over the years. They're wonderfully talented, but for some reason, it doesn't connect.

How do you think you're the perfect person to ask this, how dating has changed since the 90s? What has changed? Well, people have changed enormously. and we now live in an era where it's all about being an independent person and not depending on other people. So, I mean, just, you know, physically, you know, the fact that you can be a single independent person, you know, live on your own is. something that, like, that's really changed. You know, in the 1950s, there was no soup for one. So, you know, you couldn't go to a supermarket.

And, I mean, even now, it's hard to go to a supermarket and buy, you know, food for just like one person. But back then, it was even harder. And, you know, we've just evolved into, I mean, it's, you know, it's probably part of a, continuum. But we've become a society where people can be single and live on their own. And when people can do something, they do. That's what I found. Like, you know, I used to have a radio show on Sirius. And I had a plastic surgeon on. And this was back in probably 2010. And, you know, I was kind of like against plastic surgery and like, oh, it's cheating, you know, because of my background. Of course, now I'm like, everybody should get it. But so I said to her, why do you

think so many people are getting plastic surgery? And she said, because they can. And it's, it's often that simple of an answer, you know, because people can, because they can live on their own and you know be independent and we have our phones where you can construct your own entertainment and you know i mean i think the future is really more and more single huh well i mean listen i this not a political symbol do you have people like elan must saying like the greatest risk to humanity is population collapsing because i i 100% disagree with that if these men can come up with crypto,

war, all kinds, AI, all kinds of other inventions. You can figure out how to make the economy work with fewer people. So basically what he is

saying is he wants a Ponzi scheme, which is the most basic economic. He wants people to have more children. Why? Because he thinks, was in his mind based on, and a lot of people share this, that if people aren't at least replacement of themselves, right, like you're having enough children to at least replace society, that you will slowly over time collapse society that way. Again, it's not my theory. I'm just sharing

with you. I totally, I completely disagree with that. Pull up the graph. We don't have a graph. I mean, I totally disagree with that because first of all, there were, you know, there are exponentially so many more people in the last 20 years than there were, you know, there were for like all of human history and guess what people were just fine i mean people look back and they you know people want those days okay so let's follow a different thread like what so if you if people are going to start to be more alone and more single what do you think then happens to our society like what do you think that looks like for future generations well i mean what do you think it looks like with ai well i think i think i think a lot of guys have like robot girlfriends

And women can have, I saw something on TikTok the other day about some robot boyfriends and... But don't talk back. And they, you don't have to pick up their boxers. You don't have to put the seat down. I mean, it sounds kind of nice. I think in the future there will be a lot fewer people. Sometimes I think, you know,

there'll be so much like climate change that, you know, Manhattan will be some kind of giant bubble. I think people are over... You know, big bubble over it. They're overstimulated. I think the internet has gotten everyone over-stimulated. So by the time we all get to our beds, we're all exhausted

of stimulation. So then if you're going to add another person, the person better be fucking great. Because if you're not fucking great, then I don't want to be over-stimulated anymore. I've had enough at the end of the day. I think like 10 years ago, maybe we weren't as stimulated by everything because there wasn't the phone

in the face all the time all day long. Well, this is one of the realities, whether we like it or not, technology tends to only go in one direction and, you know, we're not going back. Right. And technology is making, you know, I mean, I think that there will be fewer people. And I pray that there will be like less violence, less. less abuse, you know, fewer animals will need to be killed. I mean, the system that we live in is, it's pretty flawed.

I mean, you know, you have to admit that. I mean, but, you know, the reality is that the, you know, the family thing, it works for a small percentage of people. That's the problem. And, you know, the problem with, you know, telling women that, oh, they've got to find a guy and their only route to happiness is, you know, being married and having kids. The problem with that is that it doesn't work for so many women because men are abusive. They leave. You know, the list goes on and on.

So that structure works now for, it never worked great for most women, but now women have the opportunity to not have to put themselves in those positions. And, you know, that system doesn't work well for at least 50% of women. So that's the problem. Your work, I think, has contributed to making women feel more independent and more confident. I hope so. Yeah. I hope so because I have really been a feminist ever since I was a little girl. I was hyper aware of sexism.

Really? And I've always, you know, I grew up in the 60s. I mean, it was in your face. Here? This area, yes. You know, it was really, really in your face. There was no escaping it. When do you remember the first moment that you sort of recognized?

sexism. Probably when I went to kindergarten at four and was told that women could only have four jobs, nurse, teacher, secretary, or librarian. But you could not be a doctor. And, you know, women were, you know, people would come out and say, like, women aren't as smart as men. You know, women aren't creative the way men are. So there were all of these. restrictions on women and who you, it wasn't just who you could be, it was also how you were supposed to think. Like you really, you weren't supposed to be critical of anything. You were supposed to just accept things and be quiet. When do you remember challenging that?

From a very early age. Like probably, probably like four. You know, I mean, me and my sisters, I had two younger sisters, and, you know, just didn't buy in, just didn't buy into any of it. I never have. And I always had lots of little girlfriends, you know, and really saw the whole false narrative of men and women and the sexist narrative. And the restrictions of that. But, okay, so like, if following this line of reasoning, if, like, say, 50% have a good experience and 50% have a bad experience, then, like, what is the universal advice to men and women about relationships? I don't have any universal advice to men and women about relationships. But if you're saying 50% of the relationships are not good experiences, like, I think, like, what I'm getting at is, like, what's the takeaway for most people is, like, don't try or still try?

I don't know I don't know I mean I don't know that I have to have the answers for this I think that I think that women like the fantasy of a relationship and you know there's a lot of like fantasizing about who this person is

and what they're going to do for you and you know I mean it's like fantasy versus the reality I mean I'm just talking about the reality And it's probably more than 50% of women who it doesn't work for them. I mean, judging from things that one sees online. I mean, one of the things that's different now about, I would say, you know, from 20 years ago is that this is the first time I've ever seen women speaking out and saying, guess what? motherhood didn't work for me. I didn't have the experiences that everyone said I was going to have. And, you know, relationships, heterosexual relationships didn't work for me either.

And that was something that women always kept pretty quiet. It was always like, you know, oh, but there's still hope that you'll find, you know, this person. And so this is, this is really the first time with social media that I have seen women speaking out. Like, you know, the 4B movement. When you started writing everything you were writing, was that one of the pillars that you wanted to hit is to question that? Was, did you, when you set out to write everything? I've always questioned it. You know, it's just, it's in my nature.

It's in my personality to question it. I've always questioned it. I question everything. I question, you know, social status, money, power, all of it. I love that about you. I think that's amazing. And personally, I think, like, why do we, we don't all have to like being a mom. We don't all have to like being married.

We don't all have to like being in a relationship. It's different strokes for different folks. I don't get why that's so controversial, but it seems like, it is. Yes. Well, I think it's because women are pushed and, you know, first of all, there was, for the longest time, there was only one path for women. If you want, you know, if you wanted to have a roof over your head, you pretty much had to get married to some poor slub. I mean, this is, I mean, this is, this is not news, right? Women couldn't have their own credit cards, you could not get a mortgage until, and it's still very hard if you're a single

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feeding journey. They even have DHA to support brain development, which is crucial in the first year of life. And they gave you a code exclusively for our him and her listeners, Bobby is offering an additional 10% off on your purchase with Code Skinny. Visit highbobby.com for more details. That's hibobb i.e.com. I would not have done well in the 50s being married to some poor schlub. Yes. I would not have done well. No. But, you know, even in, it wasn't until like 1973 that women could get their own credit cards. So women couldn't get credit. You know, they had a hard time getting an education, you know, all of that.

And as it is today, the majority of wealth is owned by men out of the 1%. And I've said this so many times and people are like, I don't get it. If you're in the 1% financially, which means you're worth basically $13 million, out of that 1%, how many, what percentage of that 1% do you think are women who are in that 1% because they made their own money? I'm going to say I have no idea, but you're probably going to say something that shocks me. It's 3.5%. So 3.5% out of, I don't know how many people are in the 1%. Probably 33 million, right, in the United States. You're saying 3.5% made their own money. Yeah. There's only 3.5%. But okay, is the counterargument, then doesn't it prove that there is the ability to go and make that money for both men and women? If there is that 3.5%. that's really pathetic on your part i have to say i'm just asking if that's if that it proves that it's possible yes it's possible but is that it should be even more possible okay so it should be but how do you

propose that that we do that well one of the ways to to do that would be for women to get more venture capital money. So a very small amount of venture capital money goes to women. It's probably three and a half percent out of all of the venture capital money. So that's an issue. But what I'm saying is that for 96 and a half percent of the women who are in the 1 percent, they're in the 1 percent because they're married to it or they have a father who was rich you know or maybe a mother who inherited but in general

you know what I'm saying is that the money is going to men as opposed to women and that's still what makes things I think difficult for women no I mean listen you're talking to a guy who's built a company

doing nothing but supporting women. I just am hesitant to paint a narrative of such doom and gloom around marriage and families and the opportunity to be an entrepreneur and build a business and build your own platform because I've seen counter experiences and I know plenty of women that I work with regularly that have done incredible jobs and have been very happy in relation. So I just, I ask these things just to give a little pushback to kind of question some of the assumptions around how we're coming to these places. I'm not saying I disagree with everything. just, you know, I think there's another picture to paint. Okay, but I'm probably not the one to paint that picture.

Clearly. Yeah, no, no, and welcome to have your perspective. But I just, it's like someone coming to me and saying, hey, I want to start a business. And I said, well, you know, the majority of people fail, so just don't try. Right. And I just think, like, I have a more optimistic view. Yes. Well, I mean, I don't know.

I think that, I think that, you know, more women should be in that 1% who made their own money. And I don't disagree with that at all. And, you know, I mean, there are a lot of different reasons why, you know, women don't make that money. But I have to say that number, I think, is pretty, it's pretty shocking to me. What I've tried to do in my own experience is if there's a board. room full of men, I've tried to walk in and not give it any energy. And that's, that's worked for me. I try to walk in and I don't think I'm a woman in there, man. I just walk in and I want a seat at the boys club. I want to see it if it's girls. I want to seat at the table. And that's,

that's worked for me. I know that's not everyone's experience. But I find when I give it energy, it doesn't work in my favor. Does that make sense? I, I'm sure. I'm sure. Sure, that's true. You know, I don't, I don't go into a lot of boardrooms, you know, with men or women. So I don't have that experience. But, I mean, men are pretty much, you know, it's always, it's usually a man, you know, at the very top who is saying yes or no to things. I mean, especially in the entertainment business. Which hopefully needs to change.

It should be more women, more men, all of it. Yes. Yes. But I think that we're moving in that direction where there's more opportunity. And so I just don't want to discourage people from continuing to push on those opportunities. Oh, I think people should always continue to push on those opportunities. I mean, I'm just bringing up, you know, these are the facts. And, but, you know, that shouldn't stop anybody.

It's trending in the right direction or the wrong direction. Well, you know, it's really hard to say, isn't it? Because of, you know, I guess it depends on what kind of media you absorb. You know, if you absorb, like, you know, there's certain rights for women that are being taken away. And once they start taking some rights away, who knows? what other rights they'll take away. I don't know. Who knows?

We're changing the subject to sex. In the cut article, sex after 50, you were really candid. What were you most surprised about with people's reactions? I was surprised when people said that they found it depressing. Why? Because I don't think it's depressing. I think it's just a reality. and what did they find depressing specifically you know I don't really know it was just the sort of general I you know and that really came from women who you know women I mean the piece was actually dating over 60 but it pretty much came from women who were over 60 who were trying to date

you know, or dating. And I don't know. You know, I mean, I thought that, you know, the men who were in the piece were pretty much just regular men. And, you know, there was like one guy who he wanted to order for me, he insisted on ordering for me. Like, that doesn't seem strange to me. That seems fairly normal.

for a super successful man who's in his 70s given, like, the world that he grew up in. And, you know, a man that age is, he's definitely sexist. You know, he grew up in an era where that was how everybody was. That was, you know, those were the attitudes. and, you know, I mean, I do find, you know, I do find men are still pretty shockingly sexist in the things that they say, you know, especially if I would not want a man to order for me. I would not want, if someone ordered for me, I would not like that. I know some people don't mind it.

Personally, me, I want to order what I want to order, how I want to order it. Don't you think there's maybe some issue with pain and picture of all men are sexist as the only man on the show right now? That's like a good. I mean, you said you don't like to speak in absolute. That's like a pretty absolute statement that all men are sexist. Oh, I don't know if I said I don't like to speak in absolutes. I absolutely do speak in absolutes. Apparently.

And, and, you know, we know, knowing that, of course, you know, there are exceptions, but me, you know, I would say in general, people tend to fall back onto gender roles. Yeah, I mean, listen, obviously like stereotypes become stereotypes for reasons, right? But I just, I think it, I don't know, I just try to think about, and maybe it's realistic, maybe it's not, the world a little bit more optimistically. Like, I think there are good men, and I think there's. A lot of bad men.

I think there's good women. I just think there's good and bad people. But I have a trouble saying that all people are like this or that. But again, that's just my perspective. I mean, you know, there is that sort of saying, okay, it's not all men. But, you know, the reality is it's enough men. maybe it's not all men but it's enough men but then what about the okay just on this

trend what about the the good ones like what happens to them they just get a bad rap then i guess who's a good man i think there's a lot of good men i think i'm a good man okay you're a good man i think i am all right i don't know you yeah so i think i mean your wife knows you i think there's a lot of good men i think there's a lot of bad men but i think there's the same thing i just, I think that I have a difficult time rationalizing that we, you know, because again, these are prejudices and these are things that people get painted with that then people make decisions on in their life. And I, and I, and I think if you go through life like that, it can be challenging. Like, I start with everybody with the intention of this person's a good person

until they prove me wrong. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Well, I mean, I do too. well it sounds like if you sat down with me I'm just a sexist prejudice you know what I have to say I think you're taking it really personally I'm not I'm really not because I'm just following actually wasn't talking about you I thought we were you know you guys were asking general questions and I was answering them I'm not I'm not personally to be insulted I'm not sorry about that I don't mean to insult you I don't mean to insult you I'm sure you're a very nice man and you're very handsome. So there you go. Why didn't you just start with that? I actually have a question that should have started with that. That's trending on TikTok. This is a huge debate.

I have my own opinion. I'm sure you have yours. What do you think about people splitting the check, a man and a woman, on the first date? Are you for that or against that? You know, that is a huge debate on TikTok. And, you know, there is, there's definitely an element of, and this is something that the internet and online dating has done, where people, if, I feel like if you're looking for like kind of a, you know, normal heterosexual relationship, you want to fall in love, you want the person

to be faithful, you want to get married, that's hard to find, whereas any variation is pretty easy to find. So, you know, there are women looking for sugar daddies. Like, that's a whole kind of trend of, you know, women who are looking for men to pay for them. And, you know, the other side of that is, you know, men who are looking for superficial relationships. And, you know, here are these women who will fill in the gap. So, you know, women are looking for men to pay for them. You know, they're looking for, there's this whole thing

about the provider. I personally am, you know, it's like, I'd rather make the money and I don't mind paying. I want to make the money and I don't want to split the check.

I mean, I don't want to split the check ever. I don't. I want to make my own money and have my billions of dollars over here, but you're still paying for me. You can take me to McDonald's. That's fine, but I want to be paid for. I don't care.

You don't care. I mean, I have paid for, I've paid the check. Okay, but, okay, let me ask you this. Many times, and you know what? I liked it. Does it? You like it? So, I guess, but you know what, I am not, you know, I don't feel like I am like most women.

Do women get the ick if the guy does not offer to pay? You know the ick when, like, you get turned off by somebody? Like if you sit down and say, like if I say, get your credit card out or if I say, hey, you take their care, like, does that an ick? And you're like, oh, I'm going with this. You know, supposedly they do. But, you know, I think whoever pays is the person who's in charge. And, you know, I've always said you're going to pay one way or another. I prefer to pay with my own money.

Okay. So that's my. TikTok will love that. So for you a guy, if you went on a date and he didn't offer, you'd be fine. She's saying you're going to pay one way or another. Like, maybe like you're paying and then you have to... No, because I think a lot of men wonder now, like, do I pay the bill? Is it, you know, is that being a gentleman?

Is it being offensive? Like, you ask a... I think, like, it's a question out there, especially with TikTok. Like, young people don't know what to do it anymore. Michael, if you're wondering for yourself, you always pay the bill. Yeah, no, I know. That's been very clear. Exactly.

But I think it's, you know, you hear a lot of these, like, these debates online now. And it's like, I think people are very confused on, like, what the proper protocol is these days. yes and you know it's like does the person have a lot of money like maybe i'm being sexist if i offered to pay so i should probably stop it's a hard one i listen i mean i think the person who has more money should pay yes you know i mean i was married i was married to a ballet dancer He didn't have a ton of money. I made much more money than he did. And, you know, I paid all the time.

And I didn't even think about it. There's a non-issue. But, you know, I'm that kind of person. So, you know, it doesn't bother me. And in fact, I think that it would be helpful for women if they paid for men. more often that's but you see a woman a woman who's like older being with a younger guy and paying for him is not acceptable in our culture whereas the reality is that all of these women who they can't find that guy who is a couple years older and is willing to pay for

everything. I mean, this would be something that, you know, why can't women, you know, behave the same way that men behave? Like, you know, a man is with a younger woman. He's paying for her. He pays for everything. That's one of the reasons why she's with him. Don't tell the man that. He'll never believe it. He's always going to say it's because she loves me so much. You know, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Ticktops. I like it. And I really think that it should be acceptable for, you know, it should be acceptable for a woman my age to be with a guy who's 35. All right. Now we're talking. And, you know, if I had more money, I'd be happy to pay for them. I don't care. Because you're saying you've had more time to accumulate. Yeah, it's mixed total sense.

I think it just takes people like you owning that if you want to be with someone younger, be with someone younger. Who cares? The fact is, is that, again, and what I'm saying is we've inherited a lot of gender dynamics from previous generations. And I think people are very confused now how to behave in many situations because this is a perfect example. Like, do you pay? Do you not pay? Is it offensive? Is it not offensive? What's appropriate? What's not appropriate? You know, older, younger. I think it's situational and everybody's different. Hmm?

Yes. I mean, I think people have to get out of their heads about like this, these, this, this, this, gender stuff. But, you know, we also live in a time where, you know, there's like a large percentage of women who are on only fans, you know, I mean, they're basically, they're selling some form of sex. They may not be having sex. Maybe they're just texting a guy. Showing a tip. But, you know, it's kind of, I mean, I feel like that, you know, that, is inherently a problem, you know, this idea that, you know, men just want sex. And, you know, a lot of men will tell you that, that they really just, you know, they just want sex. Like, hey, listen, I wish I could be that way. You know, like, hey, I just want sex from you while you're

hot. What does it take to date you at this point? What are your, what are your sort of like boxes when you date someone? You know, I am, I've lived in New York for a long time. I know a lot of people. I like to go out. I like to be social. I really just want somebody who's like in my world. And what does that mean?

What does it mean? That means, you know, somebody who, they like to go out, they like to go to dinner. They like to partake in this kind of great New York society that we, live in in the city where there's so many interesting people to meet. Like, I go out every, you know, every night I go out in New York, I'm going to meet somebody who's really interesting. Like, everybody, I mean, maybe not everybody. Maybe there are a couple of exceptions. Now you and I are getting into a good place. We've gotten through our debate and now we're going to, listen, I'm taken right now, but, you know, he has a lot of friends. I'm in fun. He has a lot of

hot friends. Yes, but how old are they? You're probably 35. Oh, see, now I like even more. All right. No, you have some 40-year-olds, some 45-year-olds. Lauren, go out of the room for a minute. Yeah, but you know what, there's no, you know, it's not in the lexicon of guys who are like 40 to think like, oh, I want to be with a woman who's over 65. You'd be surprised. They don't. Yeah, but no, that's, I don't think so. That's starting to become more common. A lot of my guy friends, actually I have a story recently, a lot of my guy friends who are very attractive single 40 year olds who have their own shit together. They don't have kids. They're single, I said. And they actually enjoy women who are older than them way more

than younger. Well, I also know some of my guy friends that are more mature and have maybe children from previous relationships and they're not looking to start all over again with. Right. Right. They're looking to, you know, they've kind of got that part of their life complete in their eyes. And so they're, you know, starting over with someone who wants all that again is sometimes challenging. Yes. This is, I mean, I mean, my feeling is like, I have these two old standard poodles who I have to take care of them. You know, there's like a lot of people, they're like, I don't want to take care of somebody. I'm like, what's wrong with that? What is wrong with, you know, taking care of somebody a little bit? I'm going to throw him in a retirement home.

I don't even have a problem with that. You know, I don't have a problem if somebody was like, oh, what about this guy? Well, he does wear a toupee. I was like, I don't care if the guy wears a toupee. You know, we all have hair problems when we get older. You know, it doesn't bother me. Can I ask you a random question? This is just selfishly, where are the spots that you hit in New York City?

Like, where are your go-to spots when you go out? Well, I'm, like, super lazy. My favorite place to go is probably a restaurant that's in my building called Caravaggio. Okay. What is it, like, you know, I'll go pretty much anywhere because I go to a lot of, like, events and parties, and they're always in different locations.

So there's not like a spot? So, no, there isn't a spot. I mean, I am a member of Cassatua, which is a club on 76th. And because it's, it's really close to my house. So I feel like I can walk there. Careful, you're going to get a line of 30-year-old guys outside your house waiting to hang out with you. She's basically geotagged yourself. I probably shouldn't have done that.

Why do a one-woman show? Why did you decide to do it? How did you conceptualize it? Well, this was one of those situations where somebody said it was actually a producer who works with David Foster. I don't know if you know who David Foster is. Not personally, but I know who he does a one-man show. Okay. And I met this guy who worked with David Foster and he said, I think you could do a one-woman show.

I'd never done it. I've never been on stage. And I was like, it was a pandemic. So I thought, all right, I'll give it a try. So I wrote something. He showed it to some people. They loved it. And he ended up getting a Broadway director.

And then we went to the Bucks County Playhouse where we set it up. And so I was writing and rehearsing at the same. time and it, you know, it was a stage, it was a set. And, and then I did performances. And they just kind of threw me out there. And I did it. And the strange thing is, I don't feel at all uncomfortable being on stage. And, and the show lasts for an hour and a half. You never felt uncomfortable? An hour and a half? It's an hour and a half just me talking, but it's choreographed and it's the same every night because it has to be. It's not ad-libbed. Quick break to talk about Wynab. One of the things that stress me out the most in my life before I knew more about money was my financial well-being.

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and we have a code for you. You can use new new at checkout and you will get 20% off. Use the code. new new at checkout to get 20% off. Shop skinnyconfidential.com. And you're not nervous for the whole hour and a half? No. Wow. I'm not. Like sometimes I worry about like, you know, it can be a little bit tough because like if you're sick and you have a cold or you have sore throat, it's like you're still going on. And what, you know, the stage director will be like, oh, I put some tissues there for you.

in case you needed to use them. It's like, oh, that's great. And I like doing it because, well, first of all, it gets a great response, and it seems to get a universally great response. Like, people come up afterward. I get standing ovations and people, which apparently doesn't mean anything these days. But they overabused the stand, I think. Yes, that's what I've heard.

They stand for pretty much anything these days. Yes, this is what I've heard. So, whatever. And now it's a little bit, standing a little too much. I think it's pretty incredible that you get standing ovations for an hour and a half, one woman show. Well, I think sometimes I think people are just like, wow, I can't believe somebody like memorized all that.

And people do say like, oh, how could you memorize all that? But it's really like, when you listen to a song and you know the words, it's like a different part of your brain that does it. But it seems to get a universal good, really good response, which is great because, you know, when you write a book, some, you know, it's like some people love it. Some people don't. I want to come see it next time. Is it going to be out like next time I'm here in like a couple months in New York City? It'll be December 5th.

December 5th. At the Adler Theater. I don't know anything about the Adler Theater, but I will. I want to come see it. yes you should i would love to put you on the list i would love to i would love to come support how does everyone get tickets find you say hello i have a website candis buschannel dot com okay that usually has links to the tickets well i had mostly samantha charlotte and miranda questions but we went down a different route because you we switched gears well you can ask samantha miranda and

charlotte and carry questions okay you and i will get together socially we will She's like, get away for me. Now we're best friends. Then I'll get all the questions that I need. I don't know that you're invited to the show. I think I'm just reading. He is invited to the show. Of course he's invited to the show.

Listen, I love a big personality. You're a good sport. But the only thing about the show is I've noticed. Like when women come with their girlfriends, they laugh a lot more. If they come with their husbands, especially if. The husband get away, just banish them. You know, they're like, they're a little uncomfortable because, you know, they, they worry that, you know, they worry about their men. It's all these terrible men.

I won't worry. Well, we'll go together and I won't worry about him. He's on his own. You know what? They're not terrible. They're just men. Now I'm going to, if I go, I'm going to feel really obligated to laugh really hard the whole time. Yeah.

Okay. I'll be the loudest laugher in there. She's like, I got to prove this girl wrong. I don't show that I'm, that I'm a good guy, you know. We have rapid fire. I don't think you have to worry about that. No. I know that you're a good guy because you're doing this.

When you over. You don't need to worry. It took an hour, but we got there. All right. He's persistent. He went after me for 15 years until I said yes on a date with him. So he's persistent. And you know what?

I've always been telling her that she should be paying for everything and taking care of me this whole time. I think that it's kind of sexist that she doesn't do that for me. I thought like, you know, down with the person. Patriarchy and have her take care of me. Who makes more money? Also, she's got an amazing ring. Yeah. I told her, I said, go buy. If you want whatever you want, you got to get it yourself. You know, I, listen, I know women who have bought their own engagement ring. I hold my own. She does hold her own. I do hold my own.

You know what? We've been together so long. But I want to hold my own and his. Do you know what I mean? That's, it's fantastic. I mean, there is, you know, there's nothing better than a great partnership. it's just that it seems to be difficult for a lot of people to achieve. I don't project. I've been married for a long time. I've known my husband, but I do not project marriage onto everyone. Everyone's got to do what works for them. Some people want to date. Some people want to be single. I have to tell you, if you and I broke up, I'd probably be single for a long time. So I don't project any of my situation. I'll be calling Candace. Well, I mean, I do feel like with marriage, people need to be.

You know, they need to be, like, emotionally and, like, psychologically together. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. It's like they, you know, you need to be, you need to be like a fully well-rounded person, I think, to make it work. And, you know, not everybody is for a variety of reasons. Yeah. You know, I mean, some people had terrible childhoods and, and, you know, you know, you. You know, they're never going to be able to kind of not put their ego first in a relationship.

I mean, I think relationships are, you know, when I was married, it seemed like it was really about giving to the other person as opposed to taking. It's this guy's fault. No, it wasn't his fault. You know, I love being married. I thought he was like a really good husband. And he got a little, you know, distracted. A young woman went after him and, eh, don't blame him. All right.

We've covered a lot of ground here. You guys can be jerks, though. All right. Rapid Fire questions. Samantha, Charlotte, Miranda, Carrie. Who are you most like today? That's a really good question. Because are we talking about the characters now and just like that?

because they've evolved so much from do sex in the city and then do just like that okay so sex in the city carrie bradshaw was my alter ego i came up with and this is one of the things i talk about my one woman show i you know i was in a panic because my parents i went to a sex club that was the first column and my parents called up and said oh we've gotten a subscription to the new york observer my parents were very conservative So I was like, what am I going to do? And I was sitting at my desk. I'll never forget it.

And I was looking out at a brick wall, because that was my view from that window. And the name just came to me, Carrie Bradshaw. I was like, I am Carrie Bradshaw. And so that was how that happened. And I feel like the first two seasons of Sex and the City were, I mean, in the pilot of Sex in the City, 90% of the lines in the pilot come from the book. So Carrie's voiceover is my voice. Wild. So, and that really set the tone for the whole series. But, you know, I didn't marry my Mr. Big, and I always say to women, you know, in, in the stage show, and this has happened in real life,

you know, I had an epiphany. I don't want to be with Mr. Big. Big. I want to be Mr. Big. I get that. So, I get that. You know, I want to be the one walking into the restaurant with the gold, you know, with the, the Black American Express card. Don't do that. Then they bought, they will nail you for wanting you to tip even more. They just, they look at that and they say this, you've got a bright, even, like 40% or else you're a cheap skate. Um, but, you know, I didn't, I didn't marry my Mr. Big. So, you know, where Carrie is now, like she married Mr.

big and and then he died and you know she's a rich widow in the city like that is that's not my life so what about what about and that and just like that who are you most like in that you know i don't feel like i'm like any of those characters i mean i'm you know i'm not like charlotte not like miranda and, you know, that, you know, that's not, I, I, you know, maybe if Samantha was in that show. Rapid Fire question number two, out of all four of the actresses, which one are you the closest with? Well, you know, I like them all. I think they're all great. You know, I'm not really, I'm not really close to any of them. I mean, I was probably, would see Kim Cottrell a little bit more

because she was really good friends with Darren Starr and I was really good friends with Darren Starr and I love Cynthia Nixon you know I mean really I only run into them

at kind of at parties so we get a little behind the scenes Sarah Jessica Parker is she's great but you know I don't like

I don't hang out with her you know she has her own she's got kids. I have to say her kids are super, super nice. Like her son is so nice. Everybody loves him. And I just have a ton of respect for her because she works really hard. And she's also, I think it's a really good mother. Best book you've read recently. Last question. Maybe how to lose your mother by Molly Jong fast. It's about her mother, unfortunately having Alzheimer's. And it's so honest. And, you know, she talks about fame and kind of the price of fame. And it's, it's really good. I just finished that. That's so funny that that's your favorite book. And it's,

it is funny because she, you can tell she loves her mother, but it's also complicated. Yes, it's complicated. And I love that she doesn't shy away from the complications of it. Yeah. It's a very good book. Everyone should go read it. And they should read your books. Where can everyone find your Instagram? Candice Bushnell. Instagram. Thanks for the conversation. Our show tends to go up, down, all around. Our hotel's right by Cassatua. All right. We should tell you in. We're at the mark. Maybe take that. Actually, no, we'll be gone by the time this goes out. We'll have at the mark. That's nice. Fancy. Well, hopefully she's paying. Thank you, Candice.