The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast - Dean Graziosi On The Power Of Mindset To Build Inner Strength, Confidence, & Overcome Obstacles

Episode Date: December 15, 2020

#314: On this episode we are joined by Dean Graziosi. Dean Graziosi is a multiple New York Times best selling author, entrepreneur, and investor. He has started or has been involved in 13+ companies that have changed lives all around the world. On today's episode we discuss how to develop a powerful mindset to build inner strength and confidence. We also discuss what it takes to break past obstacles in our path and how we can not only survive but thrive in any environment.  To connect with Dean Graziosi click HERE To connect with Lauryn Evarts click HERE To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM To Call the Him & Her Hotline call: 1-833-SKINNYS (754-6697) This episode is brought to you by Joovv. Experience the benefits of red light therapy by one of the best in the business; JOOVV! To experience the Joovv and receive a free gift with purchase go to joovv.com/skinny This episode is brought to you by Function Of Beauty One size fits all may work for your accessories, but when it comes to your hair we all need something a little different to help us look our best. What if your hair care was as unique as you are? Function of Beauty is hair care that is formulated specifically for you. No matter your hair type, they create shampoo, conditioner, and treatments to fit your unique needs. Head over to www.FunctionofBeauty.com/skinny for 20% off your order today! This episode is brought to you by GLOSSIER What matters to you most when it comes to skincare? Quality of ingredients? Effectiveness? Glossier believes beauty starts with skin first, makeup second. Glossier's Milky Jelly Cleanser is the perfect way to start your skincare routine. Plus, all new customers will get 10% off their first order on Glossier.com/podcast/skinny Produced by Dear Media

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to The Skinny Confidential, him and her.

Aha! Right, and uncertainty breeds lack of confidence. And when you're uncertain or you have lack of confidence, you don't make decisions. In times like this, more than people realize, their mindset shifts from playing to win to playing not to lose. Happy holidays, everybody. Happy holidays. That clip was from our guest of the show, entrepreneur, investor, bestselling author, overall badass, Dean Graziosi. And on this episode, we are talking all about self-improvement, talking about how you can go into the new year as a better you, better self, improved, ready to kick ass. For those of you that are new to the show, my name is Michael Bostic.

I'm an entrepreneur and brand builder, most recently the CEO of the Dear Media Podcast Network and my co-host of this show and wife also, Lauren Everts. Hello. I am so excited for this episode. Dean is so inspiring. You guys are going to love this episode to end the year with. It's just so refreshing. He gives so many tangible takeaways and tips that provide so much value, which you know

we love. And as we don't have to remind anybody that listens to this show, this year has been a challenging year. But with that, there's also a lot of opportunity. And Dean is the perfect person to have on this show to point out some of those opportunities and to kick us into gear for the new year so that we can tackle 2021, take on any challenges. This year was met by so much uncertainty. And with that fear, and I feel like what Dean does in such a great way is take those uncertain times and take those uncertainties and things that we might be fearful of and turn them on their head so that we can not only deal with them, but thrive in any circumstance. With that, let's welcome Dean

Graciosi. He's a multiple New York Times bestselling author, entrepreneur, and investor. He's been involved in 13 plus companies that have changed lives all around the world. You should also know Dean wrote Millionaire Success Habits and The Underdog Advantage. Recently, him and his best friend, Tony Robbins, launched the Knowledge Business Blueprint with the goal of making self-education viable for millions. He is a badass. He lives in Paradise Valley, Arizona with his wife, Lisa, and his three children. With that, let's welcome Dean to the Skinny Confidential Him and Her Show. This is the Skinny Confidential Him and Her. I want to hop right into this because I feel like this episode is going to be so valuable for so many people, especially because of quarantine and COVID and all this stuff.

Let's hop right into it with confidence. Tell us about how to get more confidence, especially with what's going on in the world right now. People are feeling insecure, not as confident. What can they do? Yeah. I mean, you think about it, this is the craziest year of my life, right? And uncertainty breeds lack of confidence. And when you're uncertain or you have lack of confidence, you don't make decisions. In times like this, more than people realize, their mindset shifts from playing to win to playing not to lose. And though that seems subtle, it's a little shift. And I bet if you're listening right now, really think about the last six months of your life. I bet you you're protecting. You're scared. You're not sure what to do. And a lot of that is lack of confidence.

I mean, we don't do anything good in our lives in a normal time when we don't have confidence and then nonetheless when there's a pandemic and shifts and a crazy election and all those pieces that have hit us in 2020 so here's a couple things is not to oversimplify this but there's things in your life that rob your confidence and there's things in your life that support your confidence. So again, I don't want to oversimplify this, but I really love for you to identify the things in your life that when you do them, you feel insecure. You don't make moves. You don't move forward.

You play to like you're playing not to lose. For me, just an example, I went the last 10 years without watching the news because I've just never, I've never once in my life watched the news and got done and said, damn, I feel amazing. Huh? And Lisa, you just met her. Lisa, babe, you got to watch the news. It's just so empowering today. You watch the news and you're like, wow, our world's going to hell in a handbasket. Now, the last couple of weeks have been crazy. I've probably watched it more in the last two weeks than I have in the last 10 years. And I hate it and I'm done. Like I went back on a news diet just three days ago. But I say that because I've never watched the news and felt good about myself and felt like moving forward. And I want you to think of

confidence this way. And maybe you've heard this. We all need simple hacks. To me, losing your confidence is not one instance. It's not your best friend telling you, oh, stop dreaming. You can't move out of California. You'll never get that job or you shouldn't start the new business or, hey, that's just the way relationships are. If you and your husband are like friends, that's just the way it is. If you have that friend, they might not shift your life, but it's cumulative. And all of a sudden you had lunch with that friend and you're like, I guess I got this. I'm more positive. I'm going to go listen to an inspirational video. But then that night you turn on the news and they say, well, we're fighting here and this is going wrong here and the world's going to hell in a handbasket. And

that stacks up. And then you're asking advice from friends. It's like your broke friend telling you how to make money or your single friend telling you how to fix your relationship. And that stacks up. And what I believe, and then something like COVID comes along or the insecurity of an election or race relations. And it's just enough. I feel like it's like this tipping point, like they're added up. You didn't see it accumulating. And then one day you just go, I'm just going to play small. Like the book, Who Moved My Cheese? If you haven't read that book, I'm sure you understand the concept. There's two mice. There's cheese being brought every day. One day the cheese stops coming. One mouse says, I'm going to sit here until they bring my cheese back. And the other mouse says, well, I'm not sure the cheese is coming back. I'm going to go look for

more. And what I believe if you're craving another level of happiness, joy, abundance, wealth, more intimacy, passion in your relationship, I believe it takes confidence. It takes bold, I guess the word is uncomfortable action, imperfect action, courageous action. There's nothing in life that we desire that we just go, oh, I feel good about making this decision. It's the scary moments. It's the fear that you have to face. It's that obstacle in your way you have to face and you can't face it without confidence. So the only reason I'm going through this whole thing is I believe our next level of life always lives on the thing we fear the most, right?

I mean, the challenges, the quitting the job and starting the new business or making the move, packing up and going someplace else. And you don't make those decisions unless you protect your confidence. So that boils back down to what are the things in your life that when you do them, it chips away at your confidence. And then like who moved my cheese, especially in a time like this, you sit still and you go, I need someone else to fix this. I want the world to go back to the way it was. Come on. It wasn't that bad before. I thought it was bad, but it really wasn't. So let's just bring it back.

And who knows if the world will ever go back? Who knows if the relationship will go back or the income will come back? So we must be courageous. And I think the last thing, I'm kind of going on a rant here, but courage is the precursor to confidence, right? Courage is walking in the room and asking for the deal to happen before if you know it happens, right? Courage is not taking action in absence of fear. Courage is jumping out of the plane when you're scared to death and hoping the parachute opens. So I think we have to flex our courage muscle. We have to avoid the things that rob our confidence. We have to do whatever it takes to build our confidence so we could take those uncomfortable actions. And then the complete opposite of doing the things that take away your confidence. What are the things that make you feel good about yourself? Can you reflect

back on times in the past when you were scared, you still did it and it moved you forward? Is there certain books you read, certain videos you watch? Listening to this podcast where it's always uplifting and empowering you. It's like, do the things that build your confidence. Again, showing my brilliance and do less of the things that take it away. I love that you've taken it in this direction because I have two little, we have just, we never have like written out questions, but we have bullet points in the, and after confidence, the bullet point was like, taking a chance, how do you do that? And doing hard things when you don't feel like, and so I love the direction and confidence. One thing we've said on this show for a very long

time is like exactly what you're saying. Whenever you get into something, you got to start taking action. You got to take that step. You got to move fast. It's not that you're doing these things without any fear. Like there's a ton of fear. You're scared to death, but you're still doing them. Yeah. And I want you to talk about that a little bit because there's so many people that are looking for that inspiration to get them comfortable to go do something. And when I keep trying to tell people, it's like, you never feel comfortable. Like I've never felt comfortable taking a chance. I don't think Lauren has. You probably haven't either. Never. And I still feel like an imposter. You guys are doing amazing. Honestly, my sister-in-law

and my wife love what you guys do. I'll be honest with you. I just started listening to you the last couple of weeks because I knew it was coming. I love what you guys do. I'll be honest with you. I just started listening to you the last couple of weeks because I knew it was coming. Oh, God, what have you heard? I love what you guys are doing. But my wife and my sister-in-law obsess on what you guys do. And my sister-in-law loves pink, so she loves you. Like all this cool stuff. But tell me, with all the success you're having, this beautiful building that you built,

the other people that you're helping do their podcast, there are days you feel like I'm an imposter. I'm not good enough. Oh, every day. It's going to go away. I'm still that kid that didn't know if this dream could become a reality. What if they shift the taxes, the regulations? Like, oh, what if it all goes away? And should we just cash out and move someplace and live small? Do you ever think of that? I wake up with a pit in my stomach every day,

but at this point, I like the pit. I always get the most uncomfortable now when I feel like things are good. I'm like, oh shit, what's about to happen? All right. Let me ask you this. You wake up with a pit in your stomach and those listen, some of you do, but would you wake up with that same pit in your stomach if you were working for someone else and you had to commute in this traffic for an hour and 20 minutes each way, and you had to leave your baby that you couldn't play with whenever you wanted to, you couldn't plan the vacations around your business, like you were on someone else's dime. Would that give you a pit in your stomach too? Yeah, but a different type of pit. Of course, right?

Because at least you have a pit in your stomach of things that you're in control of. Even if you fail, you have the opportunity to say, hon, we went for it and we succeeded compared to doing something you don't like. So what I always say is we really have to look at, life is gonna be fricking brutal no matter what. People are gonna let you down.

Crazy elections are gonna happen. Your friend's to talk crap about you. Somebody who said they were coming through that you thought they were honest, didn't come through. They screwed you over. You're going to get sued as you grow as a company, this big, you're going to get sued. Like all those things happen, but they happen if you don't go after your dreams and don't take uncomfortable action. And they also happen when you think you're playing safe. So the way I look at it is I would hate, and I know this sounds a little dramatic, but I would hate to be at the end of my life and be 90 years old, 100 years old and meet my maker. And you get to explain what your life was like. I was going to go for that.

I was going to build that company. We were going to do our own thing. But it kind of made me uneasy and I was a little scared and I felt like an imposter. And maybe I wasn't good enough. So I just kind of played it safe. And I lived a good life. Like I don't want to be at the end of my life. I don't think anybody listening wants to say I lived a good life. I had a good relationship. I had, I was a good dad. Like I want to be outstanding. I want to do everything in my power to, I'd rather fail and try. And I think everybody would. I'm not just talking about me.

I hope that I'm just giving a little inspiration here to say, if you're scared, congratulations. At least you're on the edge of thinking about doing something. You have to get uncomfortable to get comfortable, in my opinion. It's like everything you're saying. Greatest sentence I've heard in a long time. So true. I am so excited to bring this partner back on the show, guys. We have talked about this in the past and we use it every day, literally every day this year. The Juve Red Light Therapy. Every day, I'm telling you, this has saved Lauren and I during quarantine. It's probably saved our relationship, to be honest, not just all the other things. It's saved our skin and our cells and our immune system, but probably our relationship. Honestly, you guys, I do this every single day. I have implemented it into my routine. It's so easy.

I actually do Wim Hof breathwork while I juve. So I feel like I'm passably multitasking. I get my breathwork done and then I get all the benefits from the juve. Anyone who's familiar with light therapy knows that juve is the leading brand, okay? Obviously, you know we've talked about them in the past, but they have new devices, and they're sleeker, and they're up to 25% lighter with the same power we expect from them. They have all the benefits. I'm telling you, they have a new Juve Go, which is a great option because it's really affordable, and you can take it anywhere you go. So you can do your breathwork anywhere. You can do it outside. Yep, and many of you guys have heard us, like Lauren said, talk about this brand before we actually had the founders on the show back on episode 230 to really dive into the

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like I said, I have exciting news. Go to juve.com slash skinny and use code skinny. You'll get an exclusive discount on Juve's next generation devices. Exclusions apply limited time only. Again, guys, that's juve.com slash skinny. Juve spelled J-O-O-V-V.com slash skinny and then use code skinny. Enjoy. I would love to know when you decided to stop playing it safe. Go back, way back. You said that you make a decision to stop playing it safe. When was that moment for you? Yes. Really great question. I would say I started so young that I was a little naive. I just thought I could. Ignorance and confidence. What's that? My dad always used to say with ignorance and confidence.

But don't you wish you had more of that sometimes? Don't you wish you could give it to you? You have right now, both of you have friends that you wish you could give a little ignorance and confidence to because you just need to go for it. If you look at the stats, the stats don't say that we should be in business. So you won't do it. If you look at marriages, 57% end in divorce. Why the hell would you do it? You have to have some ignorance and confidence. And if I look back, I just think growing up without money, and I did live in a trailer park in upstate New York with my parents. My mom worked three jobs to make nothing, and we didn't have anything. I went to school with hand-me-downs, and I sometimes went to school

with no lunch money, or worse yet, like a bunch of quarters or nickels and pennies to pay for the dollar lunch. But I didn't have much to lose back then. It's like I went for it. And even then, even when I went for it, it was a really good question, I still was scared, but I just felt like, for me, I know this might sound really, I love my parents. They're still alive, thank God, and they're amazing. But I just didn't want to be my parents.

I watched both my parents work their asses off, like consistently late night, not there for games or any of that because they had to work hard, but neither one of them had anything. I mean, thank God I've done okay. And I retired both my parents by the time I was 30. But if I didn't, their hard work didn't do anything for them. And I just didn't want to be them. They played it comfortable and it didn't work out. Well, I love stories like this because I always say on the show, well, not always, but I've said it a lot of times that I think people that come from circumstances like yours have an advantage in life because you know what it's like to really struggle and you know what it's like to have nothing. So you're starting at a place where like you can take those

chances. You're like, hey, worst case scenario, I've already been where I'm fearful of going. You don't have to fear it. Where like, if you start a little bit further and you're not prepared for those setbacks, you don't know how to cope when you get there. Really good point. You've talked about this before. It's like not about where you start. It's where you just, where you finish and where you decide to go. I think there's people that are listening that may think they don't have the advantages in life that others have. And what I'm trying to point out to those people is it's maybe a bigger advantage than you recognize. Yeah. I love this conversation by the way, because it's just the time and history. Like this is what people need more than anything. People think they need the tool and really,

they need the mindset so they can go find the tool. They can be aggressive enough to find, be an investigative reporter to find your solution. But if you don't have the right mindset, if you're afraid, you're not going to look for it. So here's something to think about. Everybody right now, whether you're driving or listening or jogging, we all hear the story of people who hit lotto and the majority of them go broke. Why did they go broke? They had the resources, right? Most people think the only reason, this is what we tell ourselves, the biggest lie we could tell ourselves. I would start my own thing. I'd scale. I'd be happier. I'd be a better dad. I'd be a better mom. I'd be a better wife. I'd be, if I had more money, if someone could lend me the money, someone could build security, give me the foundation, I could do it. And that's BS.

It's bullshit for lack of a better word, because why do most people that hit lotto go broke? Because they had resources and not resourcefulness. I don't know if you guys know any friends or people who grew up that were trust fund kids, not the trust fund. Like this is, it's a crazy challenge and you guys will have it. I didn't have anything as a kid. I didn't have anything. So for me, everything that I made, I appreciate all the way through. But the truth is my son's seven months old. We flew out here in a private jet. Like he's not having that same experience. Like I have to manufacture that. And just as a parent, I'm really obsessing. I have a 13 and 11 year old as well, on talking about our family as a relay race, not sprinters.

And I know I'm digressing here, but I'll bring it all back around, is I watch in today's world with trust fund kids, it's like the dad or the mom or the parents were sprinters. They did a really good job and then they hand the kids money and I've never had a friend or known somebody as a trust fund kid that has found fulfillment. Not the type that their parents handed them off the baton where they're carrying it forward. Like I want to take my dad's mom's legacy. I'm going to carry it forward.

The ones that just get a flop of cash at 18, 21, 27, they got handed resources, but not taught resourcefulness. And most of them I know are train wrecks. Oh, this is such a good topic. I always talk about how my childhood, the theme was figure it out. You want something? Figure it out. Figure it out. You want that? Figure it out.

Great parents. Figure it out. I did have great parents. But that's so true. That's the one thing I want to teach my daughter is resourcefulness. It's so important and underrated. Yeah. And back to your question is, and it's not easy. Like I'm trying to invent ways and I read books on being a dad that creates challenges for children that it's not their fault. They're born into just an easier life. But I live very, it's crazy. I wear a t-shirt every day of my life. I don't wear fancy watches. I don't have a Lambo in my garage. I got my- So you're smart.

What's that? So you're smart. But I do certain things to show them like how hard we work and literally since they've been like three I've been talking about this relay race like you're not just gonna get a chunk of cash that's not the way it works, but let me let me get back to your question is Think about some of your favorite stories or movies. Maybe it's just me I'm a sucker for the underdog story right from Rudy to Seabiscuit to half of the Disney movies. I cry with my kids at Disney movies if someone's an underdog. But if you think of some of your favorite athletes, some of your favorite leaders,

whether you like Abraham Lincoln or George Washington or Martin Luther King or Mother Teresa, if you think of what underdogs they were without resources, it had nothing to do with a leg up or an advantage. Someone didn't come in and say, Martin Luther King, we're going to make this easy for you. We're going to make each city celebrate when you come in. The guy had to be resourceful and overcome all those obstacles. And it made him make a huge impact, just like leaders and sports figures that he loves. So here's the thing I want to share is what if, and this isn't my phrase, I got this from my buddy Tony Robbins, he says it was one of the most powerful things he ever said is, what if you

really just sat for a moment and thought that life happened for you, not to you? And what if all the stuff that went wrong and the people that let you down, or maybe the parents that weren't perfect, or the job you were in, or the uncomfortableness you have in your circumstance. What if it was all designed for you to be uncomfortable, to take uncomfortable action, to be, and I love this word. I say this to myself all the time is I want to be disturbed within action when I know I should do something different. Like I want to look at myself and go, really, you're just going to accept this shit. You're going to accept the relationship, accept the pay you're getting, accept the treatment you're getting at work, accept it. Like I want to be disturbed with inaction.

And I believe that most, I believe every single person listening or watching right now, you have like an inner, this is a silly name, but like not just an inner superpower, but you have this like inner strength that if you just look into it and realize you're thinking it's your anchor, you think all those things you went through are holding you back. It's actually the wind behind your sail if you can just learn to unleash it. And it usually starts with your thoughts. Hold up. We're going to talk about beauty, hair specifically, function of beauty. I have been telling you guys about this company for a while now. Basically, it's customized hair care. Everyone has a unique type of hair and to have a brand that actually gets it and understands

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they have 50,000 five-star reviews and counting women from all over the world are into this brand because it's not a one-size-fits-all when it comes to your hair everyone has different hair definitely check them out i'm telling you what are you waiting for go to functionofbeauty.com skinny to take your quiz and save 20 off your first hair care order you're going to go to functionofbeauty.com slash skinny to let them know you heard about it from our show and you get 20% off your hair care order. That's functionofbeauty.com slash skinny. You're going to love your customized bottles. I think some people though get addicted to the narrative of the victim.

Of course they do. And I feel like there's two things you can do when something bad happens. It's like, is it going to fuel you or are you going to play the victim? And I notice that sometimes people actually like the narrative and like the victim mentality. What would you say to them? Again, I know some of this is just obvious or maybe you've heard it before, but what our thoughts play and the thoughts we focus on is more of what we get. We all know that you've heard it, but sometimes it's really, even though you've

heard it before, do you really practice it? And you're right, that victim mindset. And I see that more in our world now than I think ever. And I'm not judging. I would just say that we have a society that thinks someone else is gonna fix it. And the part that I wanna share with everybody, there's no one coming to fix this. There's no one gonna save the day. It doesn't matter what president we have,

what senators win in your area. There's nobody coming in saying, oh, okay, everything's fine now. If you wanna start the business, here's the money. And if you don't have the money for taxes this month, don't worry, we'll make it easier. And you feel a little uncertain, Don't worry. We got you. It's never going to happen in the history of the world.

So you have, it was a really good point. You have two choices, right? Is look at it through. Everybody's trying to screw me over. It's someone else's fault. I can't believe this could happen to me. I can't believe I have this circumstance. And you can do that all the way to your 100 years old and 100 have more regret than anybody

on the planet. I believe those with the most regret are the ones that blamed other people. And all of a sudden they were a hundred, or you could step up and just say, I know this, like, it might even be uncomfortable for you. You could realize saying, wow, nobody's come. Nobody's coming to save me. Like it is the most. And I know you two feel this way. It's powerful when you admit that to yourself, because you realize that you can start. One question I wanted to pose to the audience was like, everyone's been so crazy and up in arms about this election. And I wanted to ask people like, Hey, now that we have a new, potentially we have a new president coming in. If you just live the same exact way for the next six months that you've been living previous six

months, like in those next six months, like is anything going to change for you? Whoever's president, whoever's leading, like it's not going to change your life. You're not going to feel that impact. And I, and I keep trying to, this is why I don't stress, I mean, like you, we don't watch the news either. Why don't stress about the cycle that's going on? Like we pay attention to what's going on in the world. We realize at the end of the day, like what happens in our life is on our shoulders. Nobody else is coming to help. And you know what? Here's what I say is if we want to fix the economy of the world then fix the economy in your home get your shit together at home take uncomfortable action don't wait for

someone to save you be the investigative reporter when a time when things shift like right now there are industries that will go away we know that and it's sad and their businesses that'll close but there's also other industries exponentially growing and and expanding like how do you get the confidence, like we talked about, to go look for that and work on shifting the economy in your home? And remember, we all overestimate what we can do in a year and underestimate what we can do in five. So what do they say?

This is not my saying. I love, I hear them through the years. I don't know where they come from. They say, when's the best time to plant a tree? Five years ago. When's the second best time? Right this second. Maybe a podcast

listening to this can spark you to go, all right, nobody's coming. I'm going to shift today. I'm going to make a difference today. So again, I love that you said that because you and I are on the same exact page and I see that. Well, five years ago, if you would have asked me if we were doing anything in the audio space, I would have looked at you cross-eyed. I was like, we had nothing to do with audio, nothing to do with podcasts, weren't media people at all, didn't do any of this. We wouldn't have had this conversation. And I think about that a lot because for the first two, three years of this, people not only didn't take it seriously, but every time we brought up, they'd be like, what the hell is a podcast? And so I think people look at the end result and they'll say, hey, that's easy for Dean

to say, or that's easy for Michael or Lauren to say, but they forget that there's a lot of things that took place for a very long time to get here. And it's obviously we've had some help along the way, work with great people and get to interview people like yourself. But like, it's been a lot of really uncomfortable and hard work. And that's just the truth of it. big break was? And then I want to know what the momentum was like after the big break. Did you just gain momentum and traction to keep doing things or were there ups and downs? Obviously, there was ups and downs, but were there big ups and downs? Yeah. Really great question. And so I'm going to... How I think about this now, and then I'll share that, and I won't make this too long of an answer, but... No, make it as long as you want. Here's what I believe. I believe now at this phase, I'm going to be 52 in two weeks. I look back at my history and it absolutely has been a roller coaster. And I think there's this belief like, oh, when I finally get to this point, then it's

like a 45 degree angle. If you could visual like the most horrific roller coaster, like I got, it's the entrepreneurial like meme that you see. I got this worries oh no I don't have it figured out I always thought there was gonna be like this 45 degree angle where you go I don't have to worry anymore so yes the roller coaster has been huge but looking back now it's not that I celebrate when stuff goes sideways you don't like being you don't like failing you don't like when someone lets you down or the business partner doesn't come through or that the tenant like whatever you don't like when someone lets you down or the business partner doesn't come through or the tenant, like whatever it is, you don't like it. But I realize now that I, and it's this name I got two decades ago, is I believe everybody

that's successful has a certain amount of success tax they have to pay. Like walking in here and seeing your beautiful place, man. I'm an entrepreneur advocate. I love fueling people that want to go do their own thing. I look at this different than most people. I don't just walk in and go, wow, these guys are amazing. But I look at it and go, damn, the work they put in to get here. Like that's just the way I feel.

The failures that went wrong. The lease that almost fell through. And I believe that there's a certain amount of success tax, meaning failures, things going sideways, that we all have to pay. It's like there's an auditor or God or whatever you believe in says, if Michael and you guys together want to take this to a whole nother level, they're going to have to jump through these hoops. They're going to have to have those six failures. They're going to have to sit up at night at two o'clock in the morning, looking at each other and going, do we really want to do this? Should we just go back to what we were doing? Because this is crazy, right? I believe you must do that. Like I used to think,

ah, it hardens you you they say the smoothest stone is in the roughest part of the stream blah blah blah but i realize now it's impossible to get what you have without going through what you had to go through and it just gives me a different perspective like when something goes sideways now and it's usually a little bigger i have 13 different companies it's a completely different world when things go sideways or something goes wrong now it's could be tens of millions of dollars. And I'm not saying that, but it feels the same as it did when it was 10 bucks. So it's the same feeling, but I don't appreciate it, but I go, oh, I'm being prepared for what's next. And I've just shifted that. My first biggest break, there was a lot of them.

In 1998, before the internet, in about four years earlier, three years earlier, I bought Tony Robbins' course off of an infomercial. And it really corrected, it shifted. I was already on my way to be successful. I had a collision shop. I had an auto sales. I had 21 apartments. I was building houses.

I had a total truck company. So real estate primarily. Yeah. And which course, just if our audience wants to go down? The Ultimate Edge. Okay, go ahead. The Ultimate Edge. So that was over 25 years ago.

And it just gave me a bug, man. It was like, wow, Tony sold me information. Like there was over 25 years ago. And it just gave me a bug, man. It was like, wow, Tony sold me information. There was no product that came. It was just on audio, like what you guys provide. You provide knowledge to people. You provide different aspects, different perspectives, right? And I just got hooked. I'm like, I want to be in this business. So I was literally flipping cars and flipping houses and I created a knowledge product and I had to launch on an infomercial because there was no internet, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, podcast. So I did. And that was a break only in the fact that I really stepped out of my comfort zone.

And this is the part I want everybody to remember. None of us start on third base. Very few of us start on third base. I remember going from auto sales, collision repair, and real estate, which real estate really put me, my finances on the map. I remember going and telling my family, I'm going to produce an infomercial and I got to spend 200 grand because it was different than what's going on today. You got to build it, produce it, inbound call centers, produce boxes, do all this stuff. And my family sat me down and I want you to really hear this. My family sat me down like an intervention, like I had a drug problem. And we're like, okay, Dean, we're so proud of you. Look what you've done starting from nothing.

You live in a nice house. You're doing well, but now you're going to lose everything. You're going to ruin your life. You're going to ruin, this will be legacy. And now you're going in debt because I had to borrow money to do this infomercial. And I remember I was an inch away. And I want you guys to really think about it. Sometimes it's your own inner self-doubt, your own inner voice, or it's someone who

loves you. I was an inch away from saying, they're right. I don't know how to do this. Like you doing a podcast. Like I know you felt the same way as I say this. I know you're thinking, feeling the same thing. But I remember my sister going, what experience do you have? You barely graduated high school.

You got horrible grades. You're not a teacher. You're going to write a book and a course and a training. Then you're going to go on TV. Come on, let's get real here. Now she didn't do it to hurt me. She thought she was protecting me. But if I would have listened and I was an inch away, no exaggeration, I was an inch away, I wouldn't be a New York Times bestselling author. I wouldn't have touched millions of lives. I wouldn't be here with you awesome people on this afternoon sharing this and all these incredible people that are listening today. Like none of that would have happened.

I wouldn't be best friends with Tony who changed my life 25 years ago. Now we talk two times a day, every day. Like none of that would have happened if I would have let that imposter or that self-doubt or that lack of confidence hold me back. So I don't have all the answers, but I will tell you,

find a way to be disturbed with the life you have. People always say, I don't want to run towards something out of fear. I want to feel peaceful and desire. Screw that. If leaving your life the way it is is painful, feel the pain. If your life is exactly the same way five years from today, feel that pain. What if it's 10 years from now and you're still doing the same shit with the same complaints, talking to the same people, wishing and having envy and even being jealous of other people. How will that feel in 10 years? If that feels like shit, then just do something today.

Are you friends with Ed Milet? Yeah, really good friend. Ed's awesome. He's one of my favorite podcast guests we've had on and you're very Ed Milet vibes in the best way. Ed's awesome. He's a good friend. Very inspired our audience just like you are. But I love the things you're saying because I think a lot of people, we live in a society now where it's like

credentials, credentials, school, school. Like that's how it's been the last 15, 20 years. And people think they can't do whatever the thing they're thinking about. Those days are gone. Yeah. Without the credentials. And I try to point out to people like, I studied regional development in college, right? Like there's absolutely no fucking reason that I should be. I think the generation above us too. I talked to my dad about this the other day. It was like, you get the house and then you have the house and then you stay in the house and you live in the house for the rest of your life. And now I think that people are starting to realize just what you just said. Life is about being spontaneous and maybe you live here for five

years and then you live here for 10 years and you mix it up and you constantly are disrupting yourself. That's what to me makes a really fun, colorful life. The holidays are right around the corner and lucky you because I have a deal for you from Glossier. I'm using my own code for Glossier, okay? Glossier is known everywhere. They're known for their skincare products. They're known for their makeup, their fragrance. It's all over Instagram. They popularize that dewy, glowy skin we all love. They have makeup, body care, and fragrance. And one of the things that I like about them is they're so community-driven. So they're always in conversation with their community about the best ingredients, techniques, and dream products. So I'm going to tell you the three things that I keep using from Glossier I can't stop with. The first one is their boy brow. And I like the boy brow because it makes you have those youthful,

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This is perfect for the holidays. I've been doing a lot of pink and red. This is something that you could wear during the day because it gives you those soft edges with a matte finish. And what I like best about Glossier's lipstick, it glides on comfortable. There's nothing worse when you're trying to like push lipstick on your lips. This gives you a very like juicy wash of color. It's very much like I just ate a pomegranate kind of look. You know what I mean? And then they just

launched this scarf, you guys. It is so cute. It's a limited holiday edition scarf and it comes in the most beautiful pink. It's silky. It's vegan. And here's the fun part. The scarf is complimentary when you spend $70 or more. So get some lipstick, get the boy brow and Generation G duo by visiting Glossier.com slash podcast slash skinny. For a limited time, new customers can get 10% off your first order. Certain exclusions apply. That's G-L-o-s-s-i-e-r.com slash podcast slash skinny you won't be sorry about these fines i'm telling you guys there's there's a cool thing you guys should all google this it's uh theodore roosevelt it was the man in the arena did you ever hear that yeah like just google that and read that and i'm gonna

butcher it a little bit, but it's just a great speech that he gave, I think in France. And it basically says this, like, I don't want to be judged or have anybody make fun or give me advice who's not in the arena with me, who's not getting bloodied and marred,

who's not playing the game. Because as long as I'm in the arena playing, whether at the end of my life, even if I lose, at least I know I valiantly went after it. Like I tried and at best I will try and succeed. Way more beautiful and elegant from Theodore Roosevelt, but you should read it because at the end of the day, there's too many people sitting in the sidelines, sitting in the stands with someone else's name on your jersey. Like you're admiring another life. Like, oh, I wish,

I wish when it's all accessible for you. Like no, most people aren't born on third base. Like you're admiring another life. Like, oh, I wish, I wish when it's all accessible for you. Like no, most people aren't born on third base. There's a misconception in today's world that wealthy people had the easy button. There is a percentage of people that are born with it, of course, but not any of the friends I know. Ed Milet, Tony Robb, like all the people I found, they all started with nothing and they went after it. A dear friend of mine right now that you guys should have on your podcast is Jamie Kern Lima. Okay. She built It Cosmetics.

Oh, we'd love to. Lauren loves it. She started- That is my favorite foundation and secret. She is my dearest friend. She just texted me two minutes ago on the way here and said- We need to send her a picture. I want her on the podcast so bad.

She's a genius. She started at Denny's, saving her money, finally got a job, quit her job. She got denied by every single major distributor, saving her money, finally got a job, quit her job. She got denied by every single major distributor, told her, she even had people say to her, let's just be honest, Jamie, you don't look like you should own a cosmetic brand and look her up and down and say, it's not going to work and have to walk out and find a way to drag herself and through that and have the momentum to keep going. And she made this public and her new book is coming out, but this is, she's a dear friend of mine. You want to hear a story from a woman that

was told no a thousand times. She walked out of L'Oreal with a check for 1.3 billion, cashed out, not stock incentives. That was her check when she left, when L'Oreal bought it cosmetics from her. I'm not surprised because it really is the best makeup because they mixed skincare with makeup. So it's, it's, it's good for your skin. It's amazing. Yeah. And, and now, now she's launching her book and we're helping her, we're helping her get this word out. But my whole point is with all that we're talking about is it's all adversity, but life, like we said in the beginning of this life is going to come at you and be crappy no matter what. And one last thing I'll share, and then whatever you want to talk about, I'm loving this conversation. But I met a gentleman, David Kekich, and I like to give

credit where I remember things. If I do remember, sometimes I don't. But David was paralyzed from the neck down. And when I met him, he wasn't born that way. And he gave me this little, like it looked like a business card, but it unfolded to be like five fold. So it was like a foot wide. And he had called them the Kekich Credos. And it was his credos to live by. And I would guess to say, I can't imagine what it's like to wake up

and not be able to move from the neck down. So these are probably things that he looked at every single day. And one of them that stuck out, this is over a decade ago, one of them stuck out. It said, living the easy way is hard and living the hard way is easy. And I just remember when I'm going

through a hard time and it's like, God, do I really want to start this new company and invest all this money? I'm kind of scared. I'm uncertain. I feel like I'm an imposter. Still, to this day, it never goes away. But I know how to overpower it and know that that voice is wrong. My sister was wrong when she tried to stop me. My mom was wrong. My friends were wrong. Well-intended, but they were wrong. But this Kekich Credo of living the hard way is easy, and I look at it through this lens. I go to the gym every morning, 5.30 in the morning.

I have a gym at my house, but I work out every day. Just to say I'm not in insane shape, but I'm in good shape for 52, best shape of my life. It would be so much easier now to wake up and just have a donut and a coffee and not work out and not exercise. But that'll be really hard now that I'm 51. I have a seven month old. My wife wants four more, so I better stay in kitchen. Oh yeah, you better stay in kitchen. No shit. Like I'm not kidding. She wants four more. She comes from a big family. But it would be easy not to work out, exercise and eat clean right now. But really hard at 65, like some of my uncles who didn't, and they have diabetes and heart

disease. My one uncle died at 60. The other one's 65 years old. Like, it's easy. It's, so I'd rather get up at 530 and work out harder now so I can enjoy my kids and be that grandpa that can run faster than anybody else. It's really easy just to accept a job that doesn't fulfill you and get the paycheck. Really hard to just go after it like you guys did and start your own business.

But when you're on the other side, it's easier to be in control of your life. It's really easy to ignore the relationship that's not working on your life. Maybe be unfaithful, maybe not think about it, maybe not, who cares? I have a friend at home, we do our own thing, whatever. It's easy to find the out button or the ignore button or the mute button now. Really hard when you're 70, 80 years old and you realize you spent 30 years with the wrong person or you didn't step up and fix the relationship and bring intimacy and passion back. So when I think of a lot of the conversations we're having, I go back to that credo from a gentleman who was paralyzed from the neck down. Live the damn hard way for a little while. Stop complaining, stop blaming someone else.

And I know some of you will get upset me saying that, like, you don't know what I went through. No, I don't. And I'm sorry. But what if God designed that or the universe, whatever you believe in, what if they designed that for you? And that's actually a thing that's supposed to kick you in the ass to do something, not sit on your couch and cry and blame someone else. Yeah. I think you're nailing it on the head. And I think like one thing you touched on there is, is control and certainty. And I think people want to feel in control and feel certain, but in my opinion, that's an illusion. It's something you're telling yourself, like nothing's certain in life. You're not really in control. I mean, you can do things to try to

mitigate some uncertain, you know, or some, some sideball things that may happen. But like, you're really like, I never feel really fully in control. And I definitely don't ever feel certain about anything. And so I think like, once you get past the point of realizing that that's your illusion. Yeah, that's a really good point. It is an illusion, right? Like, there's never, there's not enough money that gives you control. There's not enough certainty. I'm in the greatest relationship in my life. I couldn't be more in love. Like all those things are going good. Still, I feel uncertain. How, how could you not when COVID comes and shifts everything? When, when the presidency and the election is crazy, you don't know where it's going. Like they're

always going to be pulling the carpet out from underneath you. And that's why we always have to work on our mindset. I think like the best thing for people to do, in my opinion, and I'd love to hear about you, hear more about this is I live my life in a way where I hope I, in Lawrence here, I think I hope that I live my life in a way where I hope I, and Lauren too, I think I hope that I work on myself enough so that no matter what happens, I'm an able person to be able to deal with any circumstance as best to my ability. It's not saying I'm going to be super successful or I'm going to feel good doing it, but I just feel like I'm trying to build the skills and the strengths so that no matter what life throws at me, I'll be like, okay, I can- Yeah. And I'll step up to the challenge.

Yeah. And you know what? Success is different for all of us. So when we talk about this, I don't want you to think I'm just sharing like step up and take action and it's about getting rich or getting wealthy. Like whatever success means to you. At this phase of my life, success means that I get to be a good husband and a good dad. I coach, literally coach softball. My older kids, I have exactly half the time.

One of my literally foundational pieces of success to me is every time they're with me, I still make them breakfast. I make their lunch before they go to school. And I drop them off and pick them up from school. Michael's inspired. He's going to do that too now. Thanks. Yeah.

I got a little bit of time. She's eight months old. You got time. You got time. I didn't start until they were like five. I'm going to start. I started as soon as their memory kicked in. That's when I jumped in dean just said that you can start now yeah no i mean listen there's this why i love having this honestly the reason we do this show is to be able to pick people like yourselves brains right and

be like i'm i always tell that it's like we are learning at the same time as them i want to know for i have so many questions about it i want for i would love to be a fly on the wall for you and tony robbins conversations every day. Like I can't even imagine. Especially this year. No, how gnarly your conversations are. But first, I would love to know how you guys became friends and how you guys help each other. Because you're both so good at the mindset stuff.

So the conversations, like what are you learning from him and what is he learning from you? That's a really good question. So about a decade ago, about 10 years ago, I had a mutual friend introduce us and he said, Hey, you guys should know each other. I flew to a UPW in Chicago and Tony and I had lunch. It was supposed to be a half hour. We ended up spending a couple hours together and he's like, yeah, I got to go on stage, but why don't you fly to Florida and let's, let's continue this conversation. Sometimes I like, yeah, I understand something for me prior to meeting Tony. And this is just, if you you're in a band you might want to meet a certain bet like for me tony shifted my mindset in my 20s i was already financially on my way to being

successful but i was really hosed up in my head because of my parents were married nine times by the time i was 20 i moved 20 times and my dad there was a lot of chaos in my life i had a bleeding ulcer at 12 because i was so scared about what was going to go on 20 times. And my dad, there was a lot of chaos in my life. I had a bleeding ulcer at 12 because I was so scared about what was going to go on between my mom and my dad. So I was financially doing pretty good from starting from nothing, but I didn't realize I was doing it like killing myself, like really stressed all the time. And Tony really saved me. Like just being honest, like that course 25 years ago really saved my life. Like, I don't mean like I was dying or going to commit suicide. I just was on a really bad path.

Anyway, it shifted my life and I couldn't wait to meet him someday. So for me, this was a big deal. I was already successful. I had already multiple companies doing better than I ever thought. And I was going to meet Tony and I felt 12, like literally sweaty palms. There's probably still people that you interview that you wanted to. And you're like, I still had sweaty palms. And I flew down to Florida. We went and sat outside by the beach and we were supposed to meet for two hours and we met for like 10 hours straight. His wife brought us out lunch and then dinner and then a late night snack.

And we literally just bonded and we've been dear friends ever since, communicate all the time. So what we're doing now though, we've been friends. We launched a couple of companies together that have been really successful. We built a course called the knowledge broker blueprint to help people get in the knowledge industry and did some great things together. But then when COVID hit his main business, Tony's been doing events for 40 years. So you asked a great question that no one's ever asked me is like, how do you help each other? Like Tony is the master at what he does. Like there's nobody better than what Tony Robbins does. He's he'll be, people talk about Tony Robbins in a hundred years from now from his size to his voice to his passion And now he's kind of graduated to he's in this like this beautiful state like he doesn't need another dollar

He couldn't spend the money He has this is all about service for him Like he wants to live to 120 so he can help people through pain. Like he wants to help solve suffering. Like he is like, no matter what anybody ever hears, that guy is addicted to easing suffering in the world. I love his, what he's doing with finance books too. You know, I've read all of it. Even his new one, The Path. I read that. And I tell a lot of people, I ask the show, like, how do you figure out finance? And you wouldn't think Tony Robbins is the guy to go to, but his, his book, Money Master the Game is one of the best. Because he knew Money Master the Game. And I was with him. I helped, I helped him on a lot of those pieces not i should say not writing the book he did all

that but the reason he wrote that book is because he knew people were suffering in the finance world it's like nobody knows what's going on with their 4k this is bullshit and literally he just obsessed on it like i watched that guy going he goes till three four o'clock in the morning and he's interviewing non-stop for years it's an incredible book for people that don't know if they just need to get a base knowledge he interviewed people for years to figure out the best way to do that but back to that what what's happening right now is when the world shifted and went from he's got 40 years of doing in-person events i've really obsessed on the virtual world and market i love market i love personal development but i love like i shifted marketing it to me selling something that's a Tony Robbins product or mine.

It's not really selling, it's service. We know that people are like, we're doing people a disservice if they don't go to an event or get a book or get the course or, or read money master the game. If they want to know about their finances, like it would be a disservice. And when you shift that, then I love marketing. Like if I was selling cigarettes or if I was selling booze, like, I don't know if I'd love marketing, but I love that you give people stuff that changes their life. Just like what you guys do in this podcast. So when the world shifted and went, like all of his live events

were just shut down and they were shutting them down all over the world. And his company, just because they've been doing it the same way for so long, was just having a little difficulty pivoting. And that was my world. So I jumped in to help them pivot. And when I jumped in, we we ended up doing i don't know if you saw it was all over the comeback we did a big challenge with tony and then we did the largest upw in history and it was just going so good so now we're kind of running was that the one when he had like a thousand screens up i saw something okay yeah we that was wild we built that down in florida that was tony's brainchild at 17 foot high you get to see 3 000 people at once He reminded me of Professor X in the X-Men. Yeah, exactly. So yeah. So, so we'll talk about, so last night we talked till two o'clock. We talked till late last night. We'll talk about what's going on in the world.

Talk about different mindsets. And I still, he's my dearest friend now, but I still will pick his brain on certain things. Like how does Tony think through this? And it's fun. It's fun. And, but then he'll pick my brain on how I look through it through a lens of marketing or a lens of crafting that part of the business. So we're always like, we're picking at each other's brains. We got like 65 years as entrepreneurs between the two of us. So we have a lot of life experience, a lot of failures too. What are some little mindset tips that you've picked up along the way that you think are

really valuable? And they could be so micro, like breath work in the morning. Yeah. So I'll tell you a couple. One, I was 47-ish and I was going through a divorce. And divorce hit me in a weird way, not because my ex and I knew that our relationship was over years prior. We were living in separate places. But I worried about my kids so much because I was a family, a child of nine divorces and they were ugly. So I just didn't want to do that to them.

So it was like this traumatic, like I was stuck in this weird spot. And I flew down to see Tony and this is something I'll share with all of you. You've heard it before, but I'm going to ask you to hear it for the first time today. We're going back and forth and I'm in my, I'm in my business. I find certainty in my business. I couldn't find certainty with my children going to be okay. I don't know how to explain it. I just couldn't. And it really gave me empathy. And it's why I really have doubled down on understanding how people think because I want to help people because I know what it was like to feel stuck in my personal life. And I know people get stuck like that in their business life where it seems easy to me. Not easy to succeed, easy to

keep going forward. So it gave me another level of empathy. Long story short, I go down to see Tony's I feel stuck and he just looked at me and he didn't say what do you want to do in your 50s or he didn't say what are you gonna accomplish or what are your goals he said who are you gonna become in your 50s and I was again I was probably 47 and when he said it to me with the intensity that Tony only Tony Robbins can do I just started thinking he's like what kind of man are you gonna be what kind of man are you going to be? What kind of relationship are you going to be? What kind of father are you going to be?

What kind of leader are you going to be? And it just hit me and I started thinking, I'm not going to be a man who's indecisive. I'm not going to be a man whose children see their dad live in the guest house for two years and don't see intimacy and passion and love. I'm not going to be a man that goes and talks about personal development,

but at home, my relationship is shitty. That's incongruent to who I am. I'm going to be a man that can ethically and with a heart and compassion end a relationship, which my ex wanted to as well, but wanted to put compassion over envy, over ego. And I started thinking of who I wanted to become. I wanted to become a man that sets an example. I want to be a man that shows that you can have a divorce and do a child-centered divorce where the kids can thrive, which my kids are thriving and my ex is doing way better and I'm in the best relationship in my life. And I just started thinking of who I wanted to become. And it was just a subtle shift of a framework, right? Usually like, what am I going to accomplish? What am I going to do next year? And I would say

that that was a big shift for me. And I just started writing down all the pieces on who I wanted to become. And then I became a better version of me. And then I attracted the love of my life because I stepped up. It wasn't just like, oh, let me find, she'll make me better. It's like, I had to become better. I got a lot out of that little sentence. Anything that you do in the morning and night that is a routine.

So it would be great if you had an hour in the morning to meditate and do all the things and practice gratitude, but most of us don't. So I kind of took something Tony had done for years and something I do and kind of mashed it together. And here's what I'll say. What did we start this interview off with talking about confidence? Just think, really remember this right now. You must protect your confidence. Like if you have a pen in front of you or put it in notes in your phone, you must protect your confidence. So think of all the things you can do to protect so you can play. And this is, again, these are my words, but you can put any words you want. I want to wake up. I want to protect my confidence and I want to have the power to play offense, not defense for the day.

And if I wake up and look at my phone and there's a bad text or the deal didn't go through or something happened, I go into like this fixed mode defense. Or if I start looking at emails in the morning or I don't practice gratitude. So I, this is just my personal hacks. I need to hack my brain. So I'm like, I'm going to attack the day. I'm't practice gratitude. So this is just my personal hacks. I need to hack my brain. So I'm like, I'm going to attack the day. I'm going to work on things that move the needle. I'm not going to play small today. So what is that for me? So here's really quick and it's minutes. For me, I wake up and as soon as I wake up, I think about, and I do this about six days a week. I still screw up one day a week, just so you know. So I just want to be completely transparent. But

I wake up and I think of something I'm grateful for and not something big. Like I'll be grateful that I slept good or the sheets feel good or that my beautiful wife's laying next to me or it's sunny or it's raining. Like just, it's really just a trick your mind instead of thinking what you don't have that day, what you do. Sometimes if I'm reading a book I love, I'll go over and read two sentences out of the book that I highlighted the day before. Then I think of, and this is really important. I think of one win I had the day before. Because the person that we're usually the worst on is ourselves. We don't recognize our own accomplishments. We don't recognize our own achievements. We'll beat ourselves up. So you got nothing done yesterday

when it's a lie. You got a lot done. So I'll think of one thing that was a win or I achieved the day before. And I'll think of one win or a thing that I want to achieve that day. And that literally takes moments. And then for me, I still don't want to look at my phone. I'll go out. What I do is I just, I go pound a green drink because I feel like, I feel like I got my thoughts in the right line. Now I want to get my body. So I'll do a green drink, maybe apple cider vinegar, and then I'll go move, exercise, go to the gym, workout. That for me, everybody's got their own thing, right? That for me puts me in a state where I'm ready to attack the day. And you still haven't looked at your phone yet, which I love. No, but some days I do. I'm just like, there's about a day a week when I'm expecting

stuff. And what I'll do is, and this is the part that proves me right. Have you ever gone to the gym? Well-intended. And you go, let me check that one thing. You sit on the bench and all of a sudden you look up and your time's up and you're still sitting at the bench going through all your answer. Let me just answer these three emails, send this one voice memo. And and all of a sudden you look up and your time's up and you're still sitting at the bench going through, oh, you answer. Let me just answer these three emails, send this one voice memo. And then all of a sudden the hour's done and you go in your room and you didn't do it. And like the whole day is kind of off. And you've never like done a workout and said, oh, I wish I was immersed in my taxes and emails.

Yeah, exactly. Oh God, I wish I would have done more of that. No, never in the history of the world. That's never happened. Yeah. No, I mean, that's one thing I definitely struggle with is checking the phone too often. And it's because like, I'm probably the same mindset where like I get in these things and things are coming through the inbox and I get in defense and solve mode. And like,

I have to do a better job. What I realized though was like, hey, if I wait an hour, it's not the end of the world. Or if someone doesn't get a response for two hours, like my dad told me this old story back when there used to be a sort of communicator of facts. And he said a fax would come in and it would say like urgent ASAP needs attention. And him and his friends would take it and put it to the very bottom of the pile. And he said, by the time it got back to the top, it either wasn't urgent. It wasn't urgent. It worked itself out. Or if it really was like somebody figured a way to get in touch. And so I think about that a lot. That is really great advice. Well, we get so like, I mean, we've never been this accessible in human history.

Like we can, this was not how it existed. Like 30 years ago, there's no way I could have just got in touch with you immediately where if you were in the gym, you wouldn't have had a phone in the gym. True story. Creating your own future. That's a really big theme of our podcast is strategic future by design. How can someone do that? Are there any tools or tips that you have that helped you

create your own future? So two things. So one is most people that are saying, and this is what your theme is. So you guys are working on it all the time. So I'm probably repeating something that, that that's already been taught multiple times, but it's just coming out a different way because I'm sharing with it, sharing it. One is making sure you know what your compelling future looks like. Most people who tell me they want a better future, I literally, and you probably do this on the podcast or have people I'll say, so what is it? What is your best future look like? 98% of people go, let me think. So it's like saying, I want to drive from California to Florida. That's great. Do you have your GPS on? It's like, no, I was just going to go down the

back roads and hopefully I can find my way there. And that's how people really go about life when it comes to their future. They're really driving down roads thinking that one day there's going to be a big sign blinking saying, here is your best future. Go down this way. You have to design it. You have to know what that looks like.

So I'll give you a little hack that I do. I believe setting goals is a must, but setting goals is hard in today's world. Like legit, like you said, all of our phones are sitting right next to us, right? Like some days you're just happy you get to the end of the day and you put your head on the pillow like, oh, I made it. I'm alive. I just want to go to bed and I'll start fresh tomorrow, right? And it's like, we're so damn busy and so many distractions that we don't, even if we write down our goals, we don't have a way to feel them. Like goals don't fit until you feel them. My goals aren't words. They're not just a vision board. It's when you truly envision and see yourself in that, in that great relationship with that money,

with that job. And if you don't visualize it, I believe it doesn't happen. So this is my little hack, is a way to find your compelling future is simply this. You're listening to us today and I appreciate it. I know you've got lots of other options and you're smart as heck to listen to these two. They're awesome. But let's pretend it's a year from now, one year from today, and you're looking back,

not looking forward to what you're gonna achieve, but it's a year from now, you're listening to this podcast and I'm on again. It's an anniversary edition and you're looking back and it was the best year of your life. I want you to put yourself in what does the best year of your life look like? What does it look like with your health? What's it look like in your relationship? How do you feel when you walk in a room and people say, wow, she looks amazing.

Did she get her hair cut? She tanning? She lose weight? Like your confidence. You know when a friend walks in a room and they're glowing? You don't even know what's up. They're just like on fire. What would have to happen?

What would a year look like? Not what it's going to look like. What did it look like if it was the best year of your life? How much money would you make it? What business would you be in? What would it look like in your career, your relationship, your passion, your intimacy, the person you have to attract yet? And when I looked back, rather than looking forward, it starts to come out really easy.

It's like, oh, I would be 10 pounds lighter. I'd be in the gym. I'd be eating better. I'd have a nutritionist or I'd have a personal trainer. I'd feel amazing. And all of a sudden you start writing it down. And those ingredients are the exact ingredients that can allow you to craft your compelling future. And we all need one.

It's smart. Actually, I don't think anyone has explained it that way on the show. People talk about looking forward. Nobody's actually said look back or shift your perspective to looking backwards and how you got to that place. Is there a worksheet or a book that you've read that helped you create your strategic future by design? Or is it just you writing it down? It's me writing it down. I'm not plugging my own book, but I wrote a lot about that in my last book, not my current book. What's it called? Because people are going to- Millionaire Success Habits. Okay. Yep. It's on Amazon or deansfreebook.com. You can get either one. But the reason I say that is

because even if you craft the plan, even if you craft the plan, I want you to think about, so step one is we need to have a compelling future, but to get one, it's really hard to look forward. So I like to look back. It's like a little hack. Like if I'm on stage, I'll go, people are looking to the right, but let's walk over here and look back. Right? Now you craft your compelling future. The part that there's, there's two parts that really help make that come to life. Because once you craft it, I look at it like your compelling future is like, you know, the lighthouses on the East Coast, you see them in New England. They're beautiful, right? The lighthouses were there for especially the fishermen that would come in to either

avoid the rocks or know which way to get through the fog. We need, well, you got to look at your compelling future as your lighthouse that's going to help you get through the fog because shit's going to go sideways. You're going to doubt yourself, feel like an imposter, feel like it'll never be achieved. You'll never find the relationship. You'll never be happy. You'll never make the money. You'll never start the business. And we need to be able to look up and look at the lighthouse and go, no, I'm not giving up because that is where I'm supposed to be. So once you have that compelling future, the next thing you must have is you have to attach your heart to it, not just your thoughts.

And there's something I share in that book, but I'll share it right now, is I call it the seven levels deep. I learned it over a decade ago. And it really helps you figure out in your heart why you want that compelling future. So for me, I'll just give you an example. I had someone ask me, I hired this consultant to help me with my business. And I hired him to help me get my students to be more engaged, like to use everything we give them. And I helped him, I hired him to help me get my students to be more engaged, like to use everything we give them. And he said to me, okay, I'm going to take you through this process. I'm like, all right, just tell me. He goes, no, I want to take you through it. And I had my team members around and he said to me, so why are you paying me 10 grand for a day of consulting? And I remember saying something that was out of my head. I was like, you know,

I want to, I really want to help. I want people to have more impact. Like if they don't use what I sell them, how do I help them? He's like, okay, so you people to have more impact. Like if they don't use what I sell them, how do I help them? He's like, okay, so you want to make more impact. So why, this is the whole seven levels deep. He asked me seven times with my previous answer. He said, well, why do you want to make more impact? And I remember saying something out of my head. Like I want to leave a legacy for my family.

I want people in this industry to step up. And he's like, why do you want that? And I honestly don't remember what I said, like the third, fourth time, fifth time. But then he asked me again, and I felt it literally, like physically go from my head to my heart. And I remember what came out of my mouth, I'd never said before. I said, I don't want to go backwards. Like, what's that got to do with hiring a consultant? But I got into my heart.

And at that moment, I remember wearing hand-me-downs and not having lunch money and feeling was like when other people got to go off to college and my parents like, we don't have money for that. You're not going to college, right? Like I felt all those emotions. I'm like, I don't want to go backwards. I didn't like that. And I got emotional and he said to me, okay, but we're only on number five. I'm going to ask you two more questions. Why didn't you want to go backwards? And then I said, and again, this is just me personally. I'm hoping I'm sparking something for you guys to think through as I said I want my kids to have choices and as a parents now you get it when you think about your kid

I started like my eyes filled up to start tearing up and I don't mean like Raising and we talked about it earlier to entitled kids The world does not need another couple entitled children or adults in this world But I wanted that I felt like I didn't have choices as a kid. If my parents had to move, I had to move. We didn't have money, we had to get out. I want my kids to be able to have choices in life and follow their heart and their dreams. So now I'm completely in my heart and emotional.

And he said, okay, but there's one more. You didn't have kids when you started your businesses. Why do you want your kids to have choices? And I remember what came out of my mouth still sick. It sticks in my head. It's a decade ago. And I said, I want to be in control of my life and at that moment I had all these flashbacks and it was not flashbacks like like a movie but I just started thinking like when you

move 20 times by the time you're 19 that means you move in with a new stepdad he's a cool dude he bought me a new Mongoose I remember it was black with red like tough turf wheels and all this kind of cool stuff lived in a cul-de-sac had new friends but my mom and dad mom and him split so i had to leave it leave the bike leave the friends different school and then another school and another school and then i moved into my grandmother for a while and then my my grandfather died so i moved into my dad and all like i was never in control as a kid i felt like my parents are great people but i was just a part of their bad decisions

and all that came flooding back, flooding out. And I found this emotion that anchored in my heart that I want to be successful. And I never really thought through that lens. And I know some people say, find your purpose. And that's a great line or find your true why. But this one just was simple and it just got me. And I was like, if I think to myself, why the hell do I work so hard? Why do I push hard? Why do I take uncomfortable action? Why do I look at the lighthouse of my compelling future? And why do I go for it? My friends have dreams. My friends have goals, but I go to upstate New York where I grew up and most of them are still doing the same crap we did when I went to high school, still complaining about the same

people. And they complain no matter what president got in, right? Love these guys, but why did we all have desires to break out and do our own thing? Why the hell did I keep going? And I anchored in because I never want to go backwards. I want my kids to have choices and I want to be in control. I like to dress the way I want, raise my kids the way I want, pick my kids up at three every single day. I don't care if I'm in a $50 million business meeting at 245. I leave my office every day because I'm in control to go pick my kids up. And why did I, I know this seems all about me, but why did I share that?

Is because I know that bad days are coming. I know stuff goes sideways. I know I'm going to question myself. I know the emails are going to let me down. I know a lawsuit could come. I know stuff happens. But when I go in my heart and I go, I am never going back to who I used to be.

My kids will always have choices and I'm not giving up control of my life. When I do that, I will chew through this wall sitting around. I'd find a way out this window and down this wall. Like that's when a brick wall goes in front of you and you dig under it, around it, you knock it up, you blow it over, like you blow it up. Like that's what we need. So you asked me a short question. I gave you a long answer is you must have a compelling future sometimes to find that better to look backwards. And then once you have it, it's got to be your lighthouse that you stare at. But if you don't have an emotional connection to your heart on why you should achieve it, you'll never achieve it because things are going to go sideways. You're going

to have to pay success tax. Your family's going to doubt you. Self-doubt is going to tell you you're not good enough. If you're just like, well, I just want to get rich. Not enough. Never going to work. You'll give up and go back to your job. I just want to have an okay relationship. You'll go back. Like it's got to be heart driven. I love all that. That was incredible.

That was a really great response. So good. I need to tell everyone at the beginning that they have to hear that. That was amazing. Can you leave our audience with a couple of hacks in your book? And then maybe they'll have to go read the rest. But just a couple of little things that you can expect from the book okay one don't don't wait for happiness once the success happens you've heard this before if you can unlock happiness is like a power plant doesn't have energy it

creates energy right we don't have happiness, we create happiness. And I know I spent my 20s, and Tony Robbins helped me a lot, is thinking I can be happy when I finally can be successful, when I can take care of my parents. Oh, we have a friend like that. We have a friend, it's always one idea. Like delayed happiness. That was probably me for a while too.

It's all of us. I went through it. For sure. I went all through it. And what I want to tell you is if you can evoke happiness, create it like a power plant inside of you, success will come exponentially faster. There's zero doubt. It's not a guess on my part. I'm 52 in two weeks. I've been in business for myself for 30 plus years. I'm telling you those that find can unlock happiness, success comes so much quicker. That's one. Number two, I'm telling you things you guys

already know, but I explain them much deeper, is I teach my kids all the time to focus on the fix. Meaning we all get in this habit of when things go sideways, our brain wants to default to whose fault is it? Why did it happen? What's going to be next? Then we start panicking. And I've spent years obsessing and I try to teach my kids this and my daughter's great at it. My son's on his way, my middle son, not my little seven month old, but train your brain that when shit goes sideways, things go wrong. You immediately spend all your energy on the solution. What did I learn from it and how do I solve it? It's simple. You've heard it before, but we must do that because why do some people get ahead and some people don't? Why are some people, we all have one thing equal, 24 hours in a day. If you spend time on who let you down,

why it happened, is it the government's fault? Is it the new president or old president? The more we think about that, the energy goes out in different directions compared to going towards your bigger future, towards your lighthouse. So obsess on solutions. Especially this year. I mean, I think like when the pandemic happened, there were so many people, I think so many businesses got caught. They're not calling anybody individually out that focused on the pandemic and all the things it was doing to them. Right. And they spent very little time being like, okay, how do I adjust under these new circumstances? And I think the businesses that did and said, okay, how do I make some of these, how do I take some of this digital? How do I take it online?

How do I get away from some of the things and some of the practices that I used to do in the world that doesn't exist right now? And those people are going to thrive and they're going to continue to survive. And the ones that focus continuously on the problem, I think we've seen what's happened there is like, because it doesn't do them any good to think about the problem. I always try to point that out to people. It's like focusing on what happened to you or who did something to you in the wrong way or what the problem is, it doesn't do anything to get you out of that situation. In fact, it cripples you. Book, resource, or podcast besides your own, of course, that you would leave our audience with that's brought you value. I love Ed Miletz. So do I. I told him, though, I really like when he goes

solo. I do. He does a really good job going solo. Ed, we need more solos. Yeah. And I love Jenna Kutcher too. She's great. She's a dear friend of mine too. She's awesome. She's great. Yeah. Both of those are such good recommendations. You can come back anytime you want.

You are a wealth of knowledge. Thank you so much for coming on. Oh, it was a blast. Great to know you guys today. Pimp yourself out. What's your Instagram and where can everyone find you online? At Dean Graziosi. Instagram is fun.

I do a story there every single day. We've been growing like crazy. Podcast At Dean Graziosi. Instagram is fun. I do a story there every single day. We've been growing like crazy. Podcast is Dean Graziosi Show. That's been growing pretty fast as well. So, and check out my books and you can check out Millionaire Success Habits at deansfreebook.com. I also really liked your interview

on Lewis Howes' podcast too. If you guys want to hear him on another podcast, it's very good. Yeah, Lewis is an awesome dude. I like Lewis too. Very good interview. Thank you so much for coming on another podcast, it's very good. Yeah. Lewis is an awesome dude. I like Lewis too. Very good interview. Thank you so much for coming on. It was fun.

Thank you, brother. Little holiday giveaway for you guys. If you want to win one of my favorite beauty products, tell us what you want to see next on The Skinny Confidential on my latest Instagram at The Skinny Confidential. We're always picking winners through the comment section. So make sure you're engaging and someone from the team will drop into your inbox and send you some goodies, some gifts. And of course, make sure you've rated and reviewed the podcast. If it's brought you any kind of value, it takes two seconds. Hope you guys love this episode and stay tuned for next week.