The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast - Derek Hough On The Dark Side Of Success, Elite Discipline, Loneliness At The Top, & His Wife's Health Battle

Episode Date: May 25, 2026

#974: Join us as we sit down with Derek Hough – Emmy Award-winning choreographer, actor, and television personality best known for his groundbreaking work on Dancing with the Stars, where he won a record six Mirrorball Trophies as a professional dancer before becoming a judge. Renowned for his innovative choreography, magnetic stage presence, and relentless discipline, Derek has built a career that extends far beyond the ballroom – from global tours and film to acclaimed live productions including Hairspray Live! and Singin' in the Rain. In this episode, Derek opens up about his journey from childhood to becoming a world champion dancer, discovering identity and purpose through movement at a young age, the discipline required to sustain excellence, and the loneliness that can come with success. He also shares an intimate look into his wife's health battle and recovery, and reflects on the gratitude, perspective, and deeper joy they've found on the other side.   To Watch the Show click HERE   For Detailed Show Notes visit TheBossticks.com   To connect with Derek Hough click HERE   To connect with Lauryn Bosstick click HERE   To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE   Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE   Head to our ShopMy page HERE and LTK page HERE to find all of the products mentioned in each episode.   Get your burning questions featured on the show! Leave the Him & Her Show a voicemail at [phone].   This episode is sponsored by The Skinny Confidential Shop the Memorial Day sale at http://ShopSkinnyConfidential.com for 30% off sitewide, for 24 hours only.    This episode is sponsored by Troscription There's a completely new way to optimize your health. Give it a try at http://troscriptions.com/SKINNY or enter SKINNY at check out for 10% off your first order.   This episode is sponsored by The RealReal Get $25 off your first purchase plus an extra $100 to shop when you sell for the first time. Go to http://TheRealReal.com/skinny.   This episode is sponsored by Batch Go to http://hellobatch.com/SKINNY and use code SKINNY at checkout.   This episode is sponsored by Xyzal Visit http://xyzal.com for more information   This episode is sponsored by Kion Go to http://getkion.com/skinny for 20% off.   This episode is sponsored by Momentum Go to http://momentumshake.com/SKINNY to get your free Welcome Kit and Travel Collection!   This episode is sponsored by MasterClass Head to http://MasterClass.com/SKINNY to see the latest offer! Produced by Dear Media

Welcome to the Bostics, starring Lauren Bostic and Michael Bostick. Together, they are the Bostics. Hello everybody, welcome back to another episode of The Bostics. Today we have Derek Huff in the studio. He is an American dancer, choreographer, actor, and television personality, best known for his work on Dancing with the Stars, where he won a record six mirror ball trophies as a professional dancer before becoming a judge. He's an Emmy Award-winning choreographer, recognized for his innovative and high-energy

routines. Beyond the ballroom, Huff has appeared in films and stage productions, including Hairspray Live and Singing in the Rain, and has toured globally with his own dance shows. He's also a musician and fitness enthusiasts, known for blending, performance, storytelling, and athleticism across his work. Today, some of the topics include how to master your own discipline, navigating loneliness at the top of success, and finding happiness beyond your current profession, in his case, the dance floor. This is an uplifting episode. It's inspiring. We talk all about longevity, redefining success, career transition, lessons and when to pivot so that you can find happiness in your own personal life.

We had an incredible time with Derek and this episode has a lot of insight. With that, Derek Huff, welcome to the Bostics. We were just talking off air about how when you were 12, I'm not going to say you got sent away. I'll let you say it. You went to England. Was that a choice you made? It was very much my choice. Yeah. In fact, I actually was like begged my parents to go because I went to England for this big Latin ballroom competition called Blackpool and I got kicked out the first round. I was like, oh, I am nowhere near the level of these answers. You know, I'm like just a different, you know, it's a different level.

And so I knew in order to get to where I wanted to go, even at 12 years old, I kind of had clear goals. I knew I needed to be there. I need to be around that, you know, environment and those coaches. So when the opportunity came up, I was like, please let me go. Yeah, I want to go. How did you have the foresight at 12 years old to be that smart to know you needed to get around people who were better than you to get better? It was a combination of things. I think during my parents' divorce, so the home was, the whole foundation was completely uprooted.

Both my parents lived in different apartment buildings opposite each other at the time. and yeah I was at work all the time my mom was kind of gone and so I would get kicked you know beaten up at school and I was you know got kicked out of schools and then dance was sort of my refuge and I just fell in love with it the community of the people and I got to travel I got to go to L.A. I got to got to go to New York and then the coaches Shirley Bouss you know and quirky Bous Mark Bous's parents came and taught and they were just like hey man you're really talented why don't you go why don't you come with us for a few months and we'll train you and I was like yes like you guys are the the best and so I was always supposed to go

for a few months but I ended up staying for almost 10 years because I just competed and became a champion and in this division and in this division and then yeah I just had a clear goals I had a clear direction of what I wanted to do but it's funny because then I look back I look now at my nieces and nephews I'm like you're you're how old I was it's wild what that's crazy like I'm I can't, it's hard to fathom in that way. At that time, though, I felt like an adult. I was like, oh, yeah. Do you think with the split of your parents,

it kind of, like, in a way, force you to grow up a little faster? Yeah, I think so. I mean, yes, I guess, I define growing up, I suppose. Well, I guess, like, what I'm thinking about is, I know a lot of, like, I have friends that have 12-year-olds. Yeah. They're, I can't imagine, like, knowing the maturity levels that they would, like, they, you know, some of these kids are still having their parents cut the corners

of their sandwiches, which is another issue. But, um, But no, I mean, I just, that's a very mature 12-year-old to say, I'm ready to leave the home and go to another country and live there. Like, that's just, I don't know how many 12-year-olds that would do that. Yeah, I think I was, I think I got the competition bug at a young age. I was, I got the, I enjoyed competition. I would go to those competitions and I was, I was, you know, doing okay.

But then when I would do well at a competition, I was like, oh, I want to, I want to keep that thing going. And so I think I just got sort of locked into with that, feels like and knowing that in order to get better, I need to be around better people like you said. It's like, you know, you become who you hang around with, right? You become the people you're with. And so I need to be with people who are at the absolute top of their game. And, and that, you know, Shirley Ballas was, she was great. She even told me she was like, you have potential to be a champion one day. And I believed her. I was like, okay, I'll let me follow you. Like you tell you show me the way,

you know, essentially. And, and they did. So it was pretty cool. Well, I were you being bullied and why did you get kicked out of school before that? So I would be getting bullied. I was kind of like a young little, you know, scrawny little kid. And as funny, as I've gotten older, I've realized that I'm pretty awkward, actually. I'm actually kind of an awkward person. I've done okay for myself. By the way, a lot of people in entertainment, right?

Like, I feel like, some of us can be a little awkward. But I really, and even like my dad now, like I looked at my dad, like, he is the most amazing man. And he's just like, can hold a room. and he's, you know, he's, you know, he was the president of his company. But now as he's gotten old, I'm like, oh man, you're kind of goofy. You're kind of awkward. And that's, I think that's where I get that from. The reason why I say that is because as a young kid, I really found it hard to connect

with, you know, kids at school and to hang out. And, like, I didn't have, like, the little clicks. And so I was always on the outside just trying to, like, fit in and get in there. But it was being a dancer didn't help. I think I would get the, you know, the crap eaten out of me. He had, you know, one school kid like punched me in the face, bleeding everywhere. But then I, like, retaliated and started, you know, beating him up. And then I got a spell from school.

One time this girl, like, took a, I don't know, she kind of liked me, I guess, when we were kids. We're talking like 10 years old, 11 years old. And a few of the guys didn't like that. So they found me in a corner and they beat me up. And so, yeah, it was interesting. And then even my neighborhood, where I lived. lived in my neighborhood. We had these neighbors who were, bullying is kind of too nice of a word. They, like, tormented me where they were, like, hanging me up in a tree by my ankles and put a gun to my head and spit on me or hog-tie me in a field.

And I was scared. I would have night terrors. Very traumatic, man. It was. And I would, like, wet the bed. And, you know, I was a scared kid. I was a terrified kid. scared of the dark, scared of my shadow, like just scared and constantly on edge. And so it was interesting, and I couldn't sleep over at people's homes. I had to be home. I would try, I'd like, let me sleep over at my friend's house and I'll go over there and I'd call my mom, like, come pick me up, you know, and just scared. So it's kind of ironic the fact that at 12 years old, I moved across, you know, across the world

and trained and, you know, competed and did stuff. did stuff. But it was interesting. Once I was there, I felt, I was like on track, you know, and I felt safe. I actually felt safe being away. I felt like I had a goal. I had a vision. I knew where I was doing. I had, you know, each day I was like, this is the plan, you know. There was not sort of like this sense of floating around and being scared. It was like I had clarity and that clarity is power. So I also think, and I don't, dancing. gets out so much energy that's sometimes suppressed. Sure.

And this is my own opinion. It just gets out energy. And like if you are, if I was feeling scared or fearful or upset, a way to get it out is to move your body. So it makes sense to me that you were attracted to dance. Well, and before I danced, I played drums. I was a drummer.

I was played in a Beach Boys tribute band, you know, in the Utah County Fairs and stuff. And or get up and sing Hound Dog, you know, singing Elvis and and so when I walked into dance I was teacher named Rick Robinson and he was from Chicago and he was like yo heavy D you know why you like come do this hip hop and I was like all right and then he also did Barman Latin so that's how I got into that style as well but the music the rhythm you know being a drummer understanding you know musicality I took to

dance even quicker I think because I understood it you know the musicality part of it. And then once you have this thing with your body, you get this control, it's like, there's something about that, right? Where I often say this, there's, it's primal, right? Dancing is primal. Before you can walk a crawl, we all have babies. You put them on the ground before you put music on, they're kind of like, you know, they're moving around. It's in us. But somewhere along the way, we sort of decide not to dance anymore. So having that for freedom, listening to the music, sinking your body up to the rhythm and the beat. It just does something.

And then you get yourself in the community and then in competition. It was like a perfect storm, you know, and I love music as well. Who originally pushed you into dancing? Both you and your sister for entertainment, was it someone in your family? Did your mother, father? Like, how did you guys even get involved in this space? My mom made me go. Yeah.

Okay. She made me go. She dragged my assless to dance. I did not want to go. It was, I was in the parking lot. My sisters were going to dance class. And she's like, you might as well go inside. And I was like, no, no, no, no.

It's for girls. And I'm, you know, and I walked in there. And I was like, oh, yeah, there's a lot of girls in here, actually. And, you know, being a young boy, I was, I was like, oh, this is actually, this isn't so bad, you know. Because I loved, I remember getting in trouble at school because I would like, I would like want to, I was kiss the girls or something like that. They're like, you can't do that, Derek. If you want to, if you want to, I remember this is Fox. she told me, she said, what she said to me.

She goes, Derek, you can't, you can't do that. Like, well, we're just, you know, we're just kissing. And he's like, no, no, if you want to impress a girl, this is what she told me. You have to give her a trophy. And I'll never forget that. I was like, what? Okay. So maybe subconsciously I've been trying to compete and try to win trophies because

someone's always trying to impress. And, you know, it's kind of funny. It is true. We do like jewelry. Yeah, but you know, maybe she meant that. Maybe I said jewelry and I said, I said, I, heard trophy. Yeah.

So we have, you know, so many different people and high performers and different walks of life that come on the show. And I'm always interested in the childhood because I, the more I've talked to people with Lauren over the years is you realize like so many of those early years informed the behaviors later on, the drive, the need for competition. Yeah. And it's really, like now that I have our own children, I think about that a lot. Because like, okay, there's this window of time probably sub 10 years old where you're really

like molding who the person's going to be for the rest of their life. And of course you change and you evolve as you grow. Yeah. But a lot of it is like that early development. And when I saw, like we keyed into where we're doing this brief and thinking about you, like 12 years old, like what's the motivation? What are the parents saying? How to like, and you just answered a lot of it. It's really interesting. Well, it's interesting too. You're talking about like the formidable years. Later in life, you know, I had this moment where I was in my apartment here in Los Angeles. and I think I had just won Dancing with Stars for the third time. I think I had won an Emmy by then.

And I was looking up and I'd won the world championships. I've won all these awards, you know, those trophies. And I was kind of looking up with them. And I was really in a dark place in my life. I was really, really depressed and down. And I was just like, I'm confused. I'm supposed to be like, I'm at the top of my, I'm in the number one show in America.

We're getting, you know, amazing ratings and all this stuff. And I've won in the show and more than anybody else. And why am I so depressed? Why am I so down? And because my, my sort of belief in myself growing up and being judged and criticized and picked apart, I always was like wanting to impress and wanting to be better. And my sort of philosophy, my belief that I created within myself was in order to be loved, I had to be successful.

In order to be worthy of love, I had to succeed. I had to achieve something. And only then would I be worthy of love and worthy to be accepted. And maybe it was instilled with Mrs. Fox. tell me that I got to give trophies, you know, or something like that. But that is interesting. I had to reprogram myself essentially being like, maybe I am enough without achieving anything and succeeding and, you know, having to prove anything. I can just be myself and be me. And that was a scary, you know, thing to think about, actually. Do you like Tony Robbins? I love Tony.

Yeah. So he talks about what you're saying all the time. Like I feel like he's talking about people like you when he says you have the science of achievement without the art of fulfillment. Correct. Is that something that you found yourself through being quiet or did you have to go to therapy or do psychedelics or do something crazy to figure all that out? Well, it's funny to mention Tony Robbins because I actually went to Tony Robbins when I was 15 years old in Cardiff Wales. I went to a seminar and three-day seminar.

We walked out on the hot coals, did the whole thing. Cool moss, cool moss, cool moss, cool moss. and but the thing that stuck with me in that at that time of 15 years old was state right staying in the language focus physiology that stuck with me and for me I actually attribute a lot of that particular tool to winning the world championships winning competitions winning you know because I was able to sort of like you know make your move and channel that state to to compete or to do a show or to coach somebody you know on dancing with SARS so It's funny you bring him up because he's a dear friend of mine and I love him to death.

He's great. So when you were figuring this out, was it in a moment? Was the epiphany the moment looking at the trophies or did you have to go through and figure it out yourself through other modalities? How long did the dark period last for you? Well, let's be honest, the dark period isn't just like one moment, right? There's moments where it comes up, it creeps back in. It's more about like shortening the gap, right?

Yeah. How long that you allow that thought or that feeling to stay there and linger. But no, for me, it was active, I would go to seminars. I would go to, you know, go to events or go to places and learn and absorb. And actually being a teacher on Dancing with the Stars helped me a lot. Because now I'm not focusing on myself. I'm here to serve. I'm here to be like, how can I bring the best out in you?

How can I like, oh, you're nervous? Okay, how do I work on that? How do I help you with that? And I would look up like, how do you deal with nerves? You know what I mean? because I wanted to help serve my partners. And by doing that, it helped me a lot as well, because I was learning a lot.

But then more so, I started liking the person I was becoming because, you know, being a competitor, you got to think about yourself. It's very selfish. It's about me. I got to be the best. I want to win. I want to beat you, you know. And that's fine, but it's not really sustainable.

Once it started getting into a place of like, hey, how do I, I want to help you. I want to serve you, then it just changed. It changed so much. So as far as, listen, that still creeps in my mind all the time, that feeling, like, I got to succeed. I got to achieve something. It's still there. It's very much there. But it's like certain techniques and certain things that I have to get myself in state to where I got to, you know, remind myself, you know, and remind all of us that, like, we're fine.

everything's fine. We're good just as we are, you know. And I think the entertainment industry, as an industry in general, puts a different kind of pressure on people that, you know, are trying to achieve in this space. Because you build your own thing, doing your own thing, but you're also in a way at the mercy of public opinion. Sure. Right. And that can be fickle at times. Yeah. It can sway. And there's always somebody newer, younger, coming up the ladder. And I think it's a, it's a little bit of, you know, it's a hard thing for, I think, a lot of people in entertainment to manage because the public

opinion also has impact on the success of your business. Sure. Yeah. It does. You have to maintain and sustain that over long periods of time. And it's, you know, as you, as we all know, like, there's a lot of people that come and go very quickly in this space. You've been doing it a long time.

Your story is much less common than most people that, even if they have a breakout. Like, a lot of careers are very short-lived. I'm so thankful. Honestly, I'm so thankful when I think about just even. the career being here in England because before, sorry, in America, because before I came to America after living in England, you know, I was doing, you know, the West End and doing theater and, you know, competition and it was felt very successful in that, you know, previous life, if you will. And then, of course, being on this massive show that, you know, catapulted dance and this very niche

dance form, which is, you know, Balam and Latin, into this sort of very commercial space. and being a part of that from the beginning and seeing this grow each and every year. And now into this new era where it's like literally never been more popular ever is amazing. But for me, I'm definitely in that era of, you know, I'm having a tour coming up and I just had auditions the other day. And I literally cried. I got so emotional because these dancers are so good. They are so good. They're so talented.

They're so athletic. They can just do things. They're superhuman. But what I told them, I said, I cannot wait to share the stage with you. I cannot wait to give you an opportunity to go on tour and give you your first job. Because some of them, this is their first job, the kids I've hired. And even tours that I've gone out in the past, now I've seen them. They're on their own world tours with like Bad Bunny now and Lady Gaga and all these.

I'm like, wait, I remember what I just got you out of college. You know what I mean? This is so cool. And it's been really cool just to mentor these young kids. and to see them grow and they all have these amazing careers, you know, blossoming. So it's cool. I'm sort of in that era right now. What is your body actually need right now? More energy, better sleep, less stress.

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you're performing, obviously. If someone's listening and they want to be on stage in any capacity, whether it's a podcast or putting themselves on social media or dancing, what advice would you give them if they were nervous? Oh, nervous? Well, I go back to some of the Tony stuff because, you know, we all know like being nervous and excited. I think Joe Despends talks about that, right? About like

being nervous and excited is identically the same, chemically in your body. And I actually learned that I learned that when I was dancing with Kelly Pickler, one of the seasons, I was dancing with the stars, and she just had paralyzing nerves and she'd like, Derek, I'm just so nervous.

And I would walk with her, you know, through this process of like, don't say the word nervous. Just say that you're excited. She's like, take out the word nervous. And she's like, well, what I am. No, no, no, no, just say that you're excited. I don't care if you don't feel that way, but just say it. And she's like, okay, well, I'm excited. And I'm like, well, what are you excited about?

And I would just ask your questions. Well, I'm excited about this dress. This looks beautiful. I'm like, what else are you excited about? And well, I'm excited because I've been working really hard on this dance. What else are you excited about? And what happened was by changing the language, it changed her focus and what we focus on is what we feel. And it changed the experience because the words we used to describe our experience become our experience.

So if you say you're nervous and if I say I'm nervous, then you're just feeding into the focus of like things are going to go wrong. I'm going to say the wrong thing. I'm going to mess up. I'm going to fail. People are going to laugh at me. But if you just say, I'm excited. Then it's like different answers start to pour in and you start to focus on the right things. So yeah, that's what I would say.

I would say honestly, like, change the words that you're using. Also the way you hold your body, you know, the physiology part of it, being a dancer, you know, I have this convention called Ovation and there are thousands and thousands of young dancers that, you know, become in this convention and we're dancing and they compete. And that's what I talk about them with is, you know, is all these different types of tools, you know, that I've learned along the way that have helped me. And, but yeah, man. By the way, I still go those butterflies.

You do. Oh, yeah. Even after all this time. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. That's cool. Yeah. I like that.

I think that's cool. If somebody described that if you get the butterflies, it's just like, it's because you care. Do you get the butterflies when you walk in a room and see me? 100%. Every time. Every time. You better get those butterflies until your rigumortis buried in the ground.

Who was your favorite dancing with the stars person? Be honest. My favorite? Yeah. I think one of them was Bindy Irwin. Oh. She was really special. She was really, really special.

I liked that answer. 10 years ago, which is hilarious. Not hilarious, but so special that Robert 10 years later has won it, so they both have it. That's what they call him the Er Wins. You know what I mean? I didn't. But she was really special because, one, I was such a huge fan of her father. Because he was somebody I looked at and was like, I want to live life like that guy.

Even at a young age, I would see him on TV. I was like, I want to live with. that much enthusiasm. You know what I'm saying? Like when you look at like, he's like, look at this bush. Oh my gosh. I'm like, yeah, that's how we should live. And so I loved him.

I remember being a Kingscross station in London and going on a way to school on the train station and looking up and seeing the headline that he'd passed away. And I remember like crying and weeping. It was so unexpected. Yeah. So out of nowhere. It was so out of nowhere.

And so the opportunity to mentor to guide his daughter, how that makes me emotional, was so unbelievably special. I really, really cherished it, and it was really sacred to me, honestly. And she was amazing. She was just like, people would ask me, like, is she really like that?

Like, come on, like, they're not really like that, right? I'm like, yeah, cameras are off. They're just like, they're just this ball of light, you know? They really are. Who was the best dancer? The best dancer? Yeah. Maybe not the best personality. Maybe the best dancer.

I think Nicole Scherzinger was... The best dancer. Yeah, she's pretty... She's pretty incredible. She's a pussycat doll, though, so I feel like she has to be. Do you feel that you can come in with no dance experience and go through that process? And when do you think you have to have the background in order to... Listen, Kelly Pickler, she never danced. I think I could do it.

Yeah. I do. I do. Is this it? Is this your audition or not? I've always thought I could do it. I've always thought I could do it. I actually have in my brain when I watch the show, I think I could do it because I think that I think that if you have an amazing teacher

and you already are like kind of talented in other areas, I'm a pretty good singer. I don't mean your back. I've been playing Tennessee through lately. A little stuck in the ground. Yeah, maybe a little fluid. I think you could teach me. Yeah.

I'm not going to lie. I could let you know when five. minutes. Really? I could take you, I could take you to the side and I can just kind of like do this, do that, do this. And I could be like, okay. So what, so in your opinion, what are the elements that someone needs to have to be a good, like when you're like, okay, that person will be able to dance versus not? I say that, I say that, and I say that kind of ingest, but there is truth to it a little, a little bit. But there's also been times where I've been completely wrong where I'm like, wow, I thought we were in big trouble, but actually, wow, actually we turned a corner and this is

amazing. Who did you think that way? Um, good question. He's like, careful, careful? I think honestly Lil Kim. Lil Kim when I asked with Lil Kim. People forgot about that one. She moved. I see her come out on stage.

She was fresh out of prison too, by the way. She does like the. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was a little bit like, oh, this is going to be interesting. Okay. By the way, Mark, if you're watching, this one's for you. But she, but she got out there and she was doing it and she was, she was great. She really impressed me.

So, yeah, yeah. Okay, so in five minutes you could tell. I can give an idea of the learning curve of how it would go. But I will say this. It's not really about having experience, you know, on the show. It's really about do you want to be there? That's what I'm saying. If I was going to do it, I would be like, okay, I'm doing it and I'm disciplined.

And it's, I'm eat, live, breathe. Maybe somebody like they get the opportunity. Their teams put them there. Like, this will be really good for your career. Jump on. And you're like, I don't want to. You also can't be difficult. Like, you have to be able to go with the flow.

Yes. However, I will say, and you've got to give a lot of grace because I don't think anybody, I know this. Nobody really knows what they're getting stuff into. It's a lot of work. Nobody does. Even people who are like prepped for it, they go, I had no idea. It was this much. And then you have people who had no idea, they get on the show and they are like, what?

Yeah. I thought this was like a two hour a day thing. How many hours is it? I mean, it's like four to six a day, which, by the way, when we did it was eight. Because there's no limit. There's like a limit on rehearsal time, which... How many days is it? You know?

How long does it take before? Oh, what I mean before? Like if it's four to six hour days, like how many days is that? He's saying is it like 12? Seven days a week. When you're on that show, it is... He means how many weeks do you have to practice until you're on stage dancing? Oh, two weeks, I believe.

Yeah, it's two weeks. But here's my thing. You can't be doing anything else. You can't be like... You train yourself. You say, listen, this is two weeks out of your life. Oh, yeah. To me, I'm like, I'm there eight hours a day.

And by the way, on the time off, I'm recovering, I'm sawning. You have to put, you have to be like, you have to treat like an athlete. It's a full time, it's a full time job. People don't think it's a full time job? No, a lot of people get, but I might win now. I said I could do it. I now think I would win. But I think, I think now the, the, what do you want to call it?

The, um, the formula has changed a lot this past couple seasons where I think the people that they are looking for are people who, are people who, are in it to win it and who are going to take advantage of every single moment. They don't want, to be completely honest, they don't want the celebrity, even if you've won an Oscar. They don't want someone taking it seriously. I don't care if you want an Oscar and you want a Grammy and some of that. If you're not in it, then that's okay, but we're good. I'd rather have somebody who doesn't have, you know, all those accolades, but they, like,

want to be there because that's going to create something that you want to watch. The Secret Lives and Mormon Wives. The two girls were in it to win it. Yeah. Whitney, man. Look at her. I mean, she's on Broadway right now with my brother, Mark Ballas. And, like, she had, like, did you talk about clarity?

She was like, okay, this is my goal. And, you know, and it's so funny. They got so much hate, I feel like last season. Why? I don't know. I think the show, she was like a villain in the show, I guess. I didn't watch it, so I didn't know. Yeah.

I mean, a kind of. I guess. I don't know. That's interesting. I didn't know she got hate on the show. Oh, my gosh. Not on the show, but like, you know, in the social world. But you just saw it.

I really loved, I think people gave her flack because she was like, I'm on the show because I want to be on dancing the stars. I want to do Broadway. I want to do this. And she said it out loud and people like, oh, gross. And I was like, what? I was like, that's awesome. I was like, you get a goal. Somebody who also talks about their goals openly into existence is, I'm like, good on you. That's brave. Because, you know, if you say it out loud and it doesn't happen, people are going to be like, you know, they're going to love to say, hey, it didn't happen. and you know point at you and put you down so to put to put it out there like that i was like i commend her i commended her a lot what are the pros and cons of working with a sibling you know what's interesting working with julian because she also moved to england when she was nine years old

she follow you yes were you in the same place nine years old she danced with mark ballast they were dance partners and and you guys moved together well i moved first for like a three months and Then I was like, hey, this is really great. I actually love it here. This theater school we're going to. It's like, I'm like thriving. I'm like getting better. I won this thing.

Julianne, like, you know, you're, this is going to be amazing. And then her, Mark, danced together. That was probably really helpful for you, though, to have your sister there with you. Maybe less lonely. No? It wasn't so much that because I wasn't lonely. Like, I was so busy. I was thriving, I was thriving.

I was there. Never mind. Sorry, Julian. Yeah. No, no. But I will say this. It did, but it, but it was good. It was really good.

because I still have that protectiveness over her for sure. But, um, uh, and what's the age gap? Three years. Okay. Three years. And the pros and cons, the pros are,

we've had such sort of parallel careers, from competing with each other to be on the same show, to like her being a judge, me being a judge, you know, even doing like, she did grease live, I did hairspray live.

Like, we've done like very like parallel things. And, um, it's amazing because at least what I love about it so much is that we're able to relate you know what I mean and be like hey I know you're going through this I know what that's like I know that feels like it's okay things can be okay you know what I mean like there's a lot of like understanding there um funny enough her and I we only really got into like arguments on stage when we

did tours together we would do some things and like I would get we had an argument on stage one time and I thought it was hilarious and I remember asking the audience like, do you think I'm like this? And they thought it was like a bit, but it was very real. It was like we were like actually having a fight on stage. We do that like pretty much every other show. Yeah. They're like, oh, this is sweet.

You're like, that was real. I relate to what you're saying, though, because it's nice to do this with my husband because I can go home at the end of the day and be like, oh, that person was, who, not you. Not you. You're great. Or that person was, I need to go scrub all the energy off me. Or I can go home and be like, fuck, we crush that episode.

Yeah. So I totally, in a different font, get what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's interesting, too. What I find funny is when people go like, like, because her and I, we've had such a great career together, you know, and we're so fortunate. And we get along. We get along, which is like, you know, people are like, that's so weird.

How do you get along with your brother and your sister? That's such a weird thing. I'm like, it's funny to me that that's weird. You know what I mean? And I, it makes me sad, actually, that, you know, having a good relationship with your family member, is like an odd thing, you know. But I'm super proud of her, man. What she's accomplished in her life and what she's done.

It's extraordinary. I mean, what's in the water that your parents gave you guys? I don't know. The Mormon water, you know what I mean? I mean, jeez. I'm just kidding. No, we were just, again, I think we were fortunate. I think moving to England, honing in like our craft and also work ethic.

A lot of work. Because surely, Mark's mom, her work ethic is like unparalleled. and she drilled like this work ethic in us that was you know I'm so thankful for yeah and again it's hard work but it's also a lot of grace it's a lot of grace a lot of luck a lot of opportunity and whenever opportunities would come up we just would run with it and yeah so yeah a lot of hard work but a lot of luck but you've spoken a lot but you've spoken about loneliness and success in competition how do you think about that now because I imagine it can be very isolating

doing what you do in competing the way that you compete and then having the world judge you. You know, it's interesting, I think it's different now obviously because I'm married and I have a baby now. You're busy.

I'm, man, yeah. I'm just, I'm flying right now. But, you know, I think when I talk about the loneliness part of it, I, finally enough, I felt the most lonely when I lived in L.A. When I was in England, I didn't feel lonely.

I felt like I was like, you know, on a mission. But when I was in L.A. in my own apartment and, you know, seemingly everything is amazing and fantastic and at the prime and, you know, it was incredibly lonely. I think I think part of that was just, it wasn't so much lonely with people. I think I wasn't liking who I was becoming, you know, essentially. I think and so I didn't want, you know, to be around other people. And I was isolating. It was very isolating.

I also think L.A. can be a lonely city sometimes. Absolutely. I think people don't talk about that enough. It can feel lonely. And sometimes when you go out here, and this was my experience when I lived here, it can feel transactional. And that is, it can feel hollow and vapid. And I'm not saying always, because, you know, we're here a lot, but we live in Austin now. Yeah.

There is a difference. And I can also see how when you're on the journey, when you're in England and you're dancing and you're progressing and you're, you know, moving up the mountain and then you get to the top of the sort of mountain that you thought you wanted to get up. The loneliness mixed with the L.A. energy. Like, I could see why that happened. Well, it's a very strange city if you think about it. It's one of the only places in the world where people come to try to become famous or known. And I think that creates a strange, like you don't move to New York. Maybe you do actually. That's a bad example. You don't move to Miami or Texas or London to do that.

This is a place where you come to break into entertainment. And I think that creates a strange dynamic in the city. There was a lot of acquaintances, essentially. There wasn't a lot of friends. It was a lot of acquaintances. But with that said, you know, I've, like Mark Ballas. He's like my best friend is my brother, basically. Do you know Mark Ballas is married to someone that we went to high school with? Who? B.C.? Yeah. Really? Oh. Brittany? Yeah. We went to. We went to high. We've always. We went to high. that anymore? I don't know. That's what I know. We went to high school at Torrey Pines with Brittany. She was in our grade. That's

crazy. Did you know that? Did you know that? Did you know it now? That's crazy. By the way, she's crazy. Her voice is bananas. It's always been like that. Oh my gosh. And she was a little girl. I remember her singing at one of my friend's house and it was always like songwriter too, right? And she almost like she has that like Britney Spears younger. Like when she was younger

she had that like like sparkle. I'm sure she still has it now. Oh no. She's she's just like. She's like She's like rock she's like Janice Joplin like rock and roll. Just like yeah man yeah and she just can sing like insane yeah they're incredible That's amazing wow yeah yeah that's she was in Weston's grade our best friend She's in Weston's class I mean weston's class um where did you meet your wife I met my wife um on tour actually so it was julian and i's first tour that we did together and she was one of our dancers and i remember

just seeing her. And funny story actually was an audition. I guess I guess I couldn't take my eyes off of her because she actually went back and said, hey, mom, I think I got, I think I got it because Derek kept, he just kept staring at me. I don't recall that. But um, you just should say yes. Yes. You should be like I was staring. No, listen, it was evident that I found her very attractive, obviously. But, um, but it wasn't for like a couple years after that though, that, you know, we ended up, you know, dating. But it's interesting. Our relationship was kind of unique because, to be honest with you, it wasn't like love at first sight, wasn't like, oh, this is like, this is it. In fact, it was actually the opposite.

We both were like, oh, this is definitely not, we're definitely not right for each other. But, you know, let's hang out. Like, let's have some fun and just date a little bit. But this is definitely not the right relationship. And we both kind of mutually felt that way. But then we just kept, I don't know, evolving and things kept, you know, happening in our lives. and then we kept getting closer and closer. And we've gone through a lot of different challenges,

like a lot of different challenges. And I think that's why I think her and I's relationship is, I really find it really special because it, we went through a lot, you know, before we got married, you know, we were together for eight years. This episode is brought to you by Zizal. I am so allergic to cats, the worst. And I use Zyzal.

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be interred in a chance to win a TSC crewneck. This was designed by our team. It's chic. It's simple. I wear mine to the gym. Everything is 30% offsite wide. No code necessary. Only for a limited time head to shop skinny confidential.com and you can shop the memorial day sale before everything sells out shop skinny confidential.com. There's something special about becoming friends, best friends first. We weren't even best friends though. Like we were like, no, it was a crazy. Like we were like, it was so funny. We did not get along. Like, not that we didn't get along. We just were like, yeah, this isn't right. But it was, it was interesting how our relationship would be like, we would blow up, you know, like a couple, a couple times. It was like...

And break up? There was one time that it was like done, over, dead, finished. And we meant it. And it was. It was completely over. And when we got back together, when we kind of came together, I should say, we still thought that way. We're like, oh, that relationship is done. Like that relationship.

You know, it's like we almost had like several versions of our relationship that we look back on. I'm like, oh my gosh, I can't believe that that was us, or that version was us, or that version. And each one of those versions essentially died, you know, and was over. And that was actually quite cathartic. Who was it? Who's that therapist? Who's a phenomenal relationship therapist? Esther Perel.

Esther Perel. I love her. And one of the things she says, I think one of her TED talks is like, you know, we're going to have multiple relationships in this lifetime. time question is is going to be with multiple people or is it going to be with the same person and I love that so much because it it made me realize like oh I can have multiple versions of our relationship with the same person and that's how our relationship has been we've been we've had 12 different relationships within our relationship and and it's been amazing it's been really great to grow as we go

you know it's been amazing what made you guys decide to get married it just was that time I think we were at a constant actually in Andy Grammar concert and he said something during COVID I think and it was like we were in cars and he said something about having a ring I don't know we was talking about something like that and I just was I looked over to her and I went want to look at a ring and that was it basically and it was like yeah you want to look at a ring yes every girl's saying let's go look at rings yes but it honestly as well it goes back to the idea of just being committed and committing to something and into someone and and putting two feet in, you know, not having this sort of thing of like, well, let me just do one foot in, one foot out. Because, you know, my parents got divorced. I've, you know, been around, honestly, three different types of divorces, like, within intimately. So in my experience, I was like, ah, I don't want to, like, you know, do the whole marriage thing.

And then you're like, no, I think that's exactly what I want. I think that's exactly what I need and what we need. And it's been great. It's the best thing ever. What are some challenges you've mentioned that you guys have gone through if you're open to sharing anything with the audience? I think just like anybody else has, you know, certain things and challenges. But before, I could talk about challenges, at least after. Sure. I mean, we got married.

This is not sort of like a relationship challenge. But we just got married in August. And three months later, she had a brain bleed on stage. Oh, read about this. Yeah. Yeah, we hit heads while we were dancing. and she immediately just, you know, started bleeding essentially in her brain, but she didn't know. Nobody knew until the end of the show.

And then she started having this, like, you know, thing happening. And I thought she hurt her neck because this is kind of like a, you know, I tweak my neck kind of thing. But she started having seizures on the side of the stage. Oh, my God. And ironically, it was during a part when I was doing a tribute to Len Goodman and talking about how precious life is and how it's fleeting and she's literally dying on the side of the stage and the curtains and I had no idea and The show finished we finished the last number was like right towards the end came over there and she was

You know in agony and just talking gibberish and her pupil one was dilated one was pinpoint that EMTs were just like we think it's a stroke They didn't know what happened. We don't know what's going on. We just something's wrong. They think it might be a stroke. So we have an option to go to a hospital that's 10 minutes down the road because we're in Washington, D.C. Or we can go to the one that's 45 minutes away.

And they're asking me, like, what would you like to do? And I was like, well, where should we go? And they're like, well, this one is like, can be treated if it's a stroke. But if it's anything brain related, we should go to this one. And so in that moment, I was like, well, let's go to the furthest one. So we have all the facilities. We went there, which later I found out, the head of the hospital came up to me. He said, I just want to let you know.

Like, I'm glad you guys chose that because if she would have went there, she wouldn't be here anymore. Oh, my God. Like, it would have been lights out essentially. They couldn't have, like, service or like that? No, because it was an emergency craniacomy where they had to remove 40% of her skull. Holy shit. Basically removed the whole thing. The brain was bleeding, you know, and they couldn't even put the skull back on because,

the brain had swelled up so much. Oh my God. So it had like protruded through the bone. Wow. And then he told me he's like, he's like, listen, like it's, it doesn't look good. It's really bad. The midline shift, the middle part of your brain, the pressure was so intense. It had shifted, you know, a certain degrees. And that is an indication of brain damage. Speech impediment, paralysis, you know, all the things. But remind me what caused this level of injury? Just we think. We think. we don't know for sure for sure but at this point we're

relatively sure now I was certain that we it was when we hit heads at the beginning of the show but we've hit heads like before we were always hitting heads and elbows and you know when you think was it that hard of a hit it was just the right angle it must have been it must have been

because it was on that side we just we just hit heads did you feel it? Oh yeah yeah oh no when it happened I remember like looking at it be like you good and she's like yeah I'm fine but we both got our bells wrong for sure. But yeah, basically he told me, I basically lost her that night, you know.

He was like, even if she survived, she's not going to be the same person, you know. And she's still in her dress, the rhinestones and the makeup and the hair. Because we got off stage, went right to the hospital. And by the way, people were in the hospital, like, hey, can you take a picture? Oh, my gosh, don't even tell me that. I was like, no. And then they want to take it to Reddit and be like, oh my God, fuck him. Oh, no, no.

I was, by the way, even in that moment, I was still like, no, not right now. I'm so sorry. I was trying to be able to light, but then I eventually just went into a corner to a room and just like wept on the floor and cried and just was a mess. Maybe we should like make a law. By the way, like public service announcement, like see someone in a hospital running around. Like, it's not the right time to ask for something. It's the wrong time, no matter who it is. Yeah.

But that was a big, big moment where, you know, she woke up and it was like the moment whether or not she was going to be okay or not. You know, is she Haley? And luckily, she was her, you know, she woke up and she said her name. She said she was in New York. I was like, that's close enough. We're close enough. But she has such an amazing outlook, you know. She never really cried about like, oh, no.

no, me, why did this happen? The only reason why she, the only time she cried was I told her, I said, honey, like, there's so much love and so many prayers and people praying for you. And she goes, and she starts crying. She said, you don't even have to tell me that. She goes, honey, I can feel it. I can feel it. And I told her that.

I said, your head got shaved. And she was like, oh, man, I just got my haircut last week, you know. You know, 60 staples in her head. Oh, God. Her skull is concaving. I mean, it's wild to think what she experienced, what she went through, how to walk again, had to learn, like, hold her arms. And, you know, I'm sleeping on the floor.

And I'll tell you what, you know, you talk about, like, loneliness or, like, this feeling of, like, isolation or this feeling of just, like, a hole was being on the biggest high of our lives. We just got married. We're on on our honeymoon. We're on, I'm on Dancing the Stars. It's the final. It literally was the finale. We're on, well, first we're on tour together.

We're in front of thousands of people living our dream. This is what we're meant to do, dancing together, and this beautiful show we've created together. And it's just like, ah, it's the finale of dancing the stars, boom, the confetti. And then we get on a jet, you know, fly out. We do the show. And then that all happens. There's adrenaline.

I'm running around. I'm like, oh, my gosh, I'm terrified. And where do I put the dog or, you know, Luna, go with her while I go to the hospital. And then I'm calling my dad, please pray for Haley. And then we're in the hospital. He's telling me that she's gone. And then he goes, you got to go home and sleep. You've got a long road ahead of you.

And then I'm like, how do I even sleep? And then I'm exhausted and all these things. And I go into a hotel room. I open, I close the door and it's just, boom. It's just like silence, that hum that you feel. And that was, that moment was like the worst moment of my life. Like, the biggest high and adrenaline just going for two days straight, essentially. And then just...

And you're probably already exhausted from everything you were doing. Oh my. It was like the next level of just despair. But then going in there and seeing her face, even hooked up the wires and the tubes, her just looking and kind of smiling and being, hey, honey.

And she was amazing. She was incredible. She gave us so much strength. How long ago was that? Three years ago now? Three years ago. So it's even more special that you now have this three-month-old. Yes.

It makes it like so, I mean, all of this is like, wow. And that was one of the first things she asked, actually, she said, can I still have kids when she woke up? Because the pressure from her brain, obviously, like her sneezing or her even moving and then the idea of having a child is like. But that was what she said, can I still have kids? And yes, of course. Not only that she had kids, Haley, we had a homebirth and my girl, like, I don't know what, I don't know why. This was her, all her choice. But she did a completely natural, you know, and at home in her, in her bedroom.

Well, I imagine once you've had. It was like, you were. That is gnarly. She is gnarly. I imagine when you've had your head literally taken off and then put back on. Like, not to diminish child, but it's hard. But I mean, like, it just feels like that's like you've already kind of experienced. Well, no, that's actually, she's asleep.

She doesn't know what's going on with all that. She's very awake for this. She's very aware. And has she made a full recovery? Yes. Yes. Full recovery. There's still some things like lingering things that we need to take.

care of but we can't do that yet until you know because she's breastfeeding and certain things like that but crazy but yeah but she was back on the stage within four months it was insane and we're actually going back out on the road this summer with the same tour because it really is like that it's such a special show and it's interesting because I'm calling it's symphony dance encore because it's an encore performance of the same show we're changing some things but in an encore performance there's you know they do roses right They throw encore and they throw roses up.

Or at least they did back in the day. And but she's also like, she is the rose. She is the rose of the show where when I think about what a rose represents, it's like, you know, the sweetness of the bloom, but like the thorns, you know, tell the story. And when I look at her, I really, I see that. You know, she's this beautiful woman, just beautiful light. But man, she's gone through so much. and I just can't wait to share the stage with her again.

It's going to be amazing. If you don't get interviewed and talk about me, the way he's talking about his wife, don't even speak. Sometimes these guys come on and start talking this way. I'm like, no, it's the way you're talking about it. Wrap it up, bro.

You should flip it and send it to her for Valentine's Day. For you personally, I imagine that had a profound effect on just the way you view life in general. Like when you think about yourself before and after that experience or their thought process or things you think about different? You know, yeah, I think, man, again, I'm such an overachiever,

and, you know, I'm always wanting to do things and, you know, do the most. And then there's moments where you just stop and you kind of reflect a little bit on those moments. And you're like, man, I would have, you know, it's interesting, actually, during that time of me in the hospital, I often say that it was like the worst time of our life, but also one of some of the best times of our lives. because the amount of triumphs that we experienced,

the amount of successes that we experienced in that time, because it went from being like, okay, measuring success became like, okay, I got to win an Emmy Award, and then I can be happy and successful. And oh, I got to win the Danceful Stars, and then I can feel good and like, yeah, I achieved that. This was like, oh, she's walking to the bathroom.

And we were like, oh, my gosh. Like, there's no award that I've ever won in my life that has, you know, compared to her walking to the bathroom for the first time. That was like, I was like, it was amazing. A massive perspective shift. Oh, my gosh. And then her walking over her tissue boxes. I'll never forget it. Her walking upstairs the first time.

I was like, oh, my, this is the best thing ever. It was like scoring a touchdown, you know, in the Super Bowl, like every time she did that. And so it was interesting because it was difficult. But at the same time, it was like these awesome. milestones, amazing moments of like victories, you know, it was really cool. That's amazing too that she can dance on stage again with you. How cool is that? We actually filmed a documentary about that, about the whole process.

About her recovery? Recovery and her getting back out on stage. And it was a dear friend of ours, Jason Berg, who he just shot a documentary for like Jennifer Lopez and for, you know, he's like an Emmy winner for 30 for 30. and I told him, he's like, dude, how are you doing? And I'm good.

And he's like, like, how is she doing? I was like, man, dude, we're actually going to go back in the dance studio soon. He goes, what? He's like, can I come film that? I'm like, yeah, yeah, come film it.

And so he just started filming one day and then they turned into a whole, you know, whole documentary. And what was amazing about it was that she was, again, she was stronger than I was. Like, I was a wreck.

I was dancing with her, like, being nervous. Like, I was going to ask you, Are you nervous? I was very nervous. And I was like, this is too soon. And oh, my gosh. And oh, no.

And then she kind of pulled me aside. I was like, honey, like, you have to trust me. You got to trust me. I know what I'm doing. I'll listen to my body. I trust me. And also, you can't be scared or timid because if you do that, it's actually more dangerous. Right.

You got to be very confident. And I'm like, you're right. And, yeah, it's pretty cool. It's pretty amazing. And I'm excited for people to see that because it was a, it was a, a beautiful and difficult process, but the outcome was just really special. Well, it seems like you are hitting your box of science of achievement and art of fulfillment. Just fine right now.

Yeah, working on it. Congratulations on your new baby. Thank you so much. Enjoy every second of all of this. Thank you. Beautiful story. Where can everyone find you, support what you're doing? Come on your tour and watch you guys dance.

Tell us all the things. Working Lauren audition for the show. Yeah. By the way, would you want to be on Dance with the Stars? Is that like something like for real? She's like, yes. I don't like. Come on, speak out into existence.

Say it. I don't know that they do like entrepreneurs though. Yeah, they do. They do. Who? Who? They do everybody. They do all sorts.

They do. Who is an entrepreneur that they've done? I can't think of anyone. Hmm. I, I, listen. See, I know. This is like I haven't seen anyone. I don't know.

I'm telling you. I'm telling you. They, there's, you can check a few other boxes. You got to throw, throw the name in the box. You never know because again, like I said before, it's amazing to see. She's like, by the way, watch it, watch it happen. I'm telling you. I might win.

I might win. Somebody over there will see it. I will win. I will. I love that. I only want Derek as a partner. You know what's funny? I was saying that.

I was like, there's a few people who could give me back at, like, from the judge's desk being a pro. And my wife was like, I was like, If Celine and Dion ever did the show, I would command you to return. If I can't get you, who are you recommending for me? Val's a good buddy of mine. He's great. He's very experienced. He's very capable.

Who else? Who's the ugliest one? The ugliest one is... You're going to do it. Who's the guy that looks like you just crawled out from under a bridge? No, you don't want that. You don't want that. Actually, I don't think there is that, honestly, in that show.

They're all three. I'm kidding. I'm confident. Really? You're going to be in the audience? Yeah, I'll show you on. You're real. Okay? Yeah, man. Dancing with the stars.

Call me. I'm a winner. I love it. But you guys, to answer your first question, yes, come see the tour. It's this summer. We're going to be going to 40 different cities across the country. It's called Symphony of Dance Encore, and it's a really, really beautiful show. It's a fun show. We've got a live band. Amazing cast of dancers. like truly incredible cast dancers. Are you coming to Austin?

I don't think we're in Austin. This tour. You'll be somewhere in Texas, probably. Oh, we're in like four different places in Texas. Okay. Well, you guys got to tell us where you are in Texas so we can come support. Thank you, please. Come and come on stage.

We'll dance. Okay. Ask me twice. Derek, thank you so much for coming on the show. What a great episode. You guys go support all the things. Derek, thank you. Thank you very.

Appreciate you guys. Thanks so much.