The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast - Dr. Edith Eger On How To Improve & Change Your Life Using Forgiveness, Perspective, Resilience, Gratitude, & Love
Episode Date: March 25, 2021#342: On this episode we are joined by Dr. Edith Eger. Born to Hungarian Jewish parents, is a psychologist practicing in the United States. She is a Holocaust survivor and a specialist in the treatmen...t of post-traumatic stress disorder. Her memoirs entitled The Choice - Embrace the Possible, published in 2017, became an international bestseller. Her second book, titled The Gift - 12 Lessons to Save Your Life was published in September 2020. On today's episode Dr. Edith joins us to discuss How To Improve & Change Your Life Using Forgiveness, Perspective, Resilience, Gratitude, & Love. To connect with Dr. Edith Eger click HERE To connect with Lauryn Evarts click HERE To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM To Call the Him & Her Hotline call: 1-833-SKINNYS (754-6697) This episode is brought to you by Policy Genius Spring is springing as we speak, and it’s the perfect reminder to tidy up and get your life in order. Why not start by protec6ng your family with life insurance? Policy Genius makes it easy to compare policies from as little as 15 dollars a month. You might even be eligible to skip the in-person medical exam. Go to www.policygenius.com to get started! This episode is brought to you by JuneShine JuneShine Hard Kombucha is the most insanely delicious, better-for-you alcohol. t’s made with real, organic ingredients and unlike other alcoholic beverages, they are transparent about every ingredient they put in their products. Best of all, it doesn’t leave you with that I’m-too-full-after-drinking feeling, but it does give you a lighter, brighter buzz. We’ve worked out an exclusive deal for Skinny Confidential podcast listeners. Receive 20% off PLUS Free Shipping on their bestselling variety pack. This is a great way to try all of their delicious flavors. Go to www.juneshine.com/skinny or use code SKINNY at checkout to claim this deal. This episode is brought to you by Pique Tea Ever since I discovered Pique Tea, I’ve been obsessed. I now incorporate at least a cup of Pique into my daily routine and it’s really been increasing my productivity levels. Pique Teas are made from organic high quality tea leaves and ingredients sourced from around the world, delivering up to 12x more antioxidants than any ofor heavy metals, pesticides and toxic mold so you know you’re getting the best stuff. Use code “SKINNY” for 10% off piquetea.com. They rarely (if ever) have sales so you’d definitely want to check this out! P.S. This discount does not apply to their fermented pu’er due to their limited quantity.ther tea. What’s better is that they are all Triple Toxin Screened The episode is brought to you by AncestryHealth Your inherited health risks don't have to stay unknown. Learn if you're at lower or higher risk for some commonly inherited conditions linked to breast cancer, colon cancer & heart disease, with AncestryHealth. Find out what your DNA says about genetic risk with AncestryHealth®. Head to Ancestry.com/SKINNY to get your AncestryHealth® kit today! Produced by Dear Media
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The following podcast is a Dear Media production.
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Welcome to the Skinny Confidential, him and her.
Aha!
When will I see my mother?
And he said, you're going to see your mother soon.
She's just going to take a shower.
And she pointed at the chimney and said,
you better look at that chimney and the fire there
because your mother is burning there.
And my sister hugged me and she said,
the spirit never dies.
And this is so important to me
because I could not change what was going on outside of me.
But my sister kind of made me feel so good
that the spirit never dies. Welcome back to the Skinny Confidential, him and her show. For those
of you that are new to the show, my name is Michael Bostic. I'm a serial entrepreneur and
brand builder, most recently the CEO of the Dear Media Podcast Network. Across from me, my wife, the co-host, creator of the Skinny Confidential, Lauren Everts Bostic. Yes. And today we have an amazing episode. I have to
tell you, I walked away from this episode shocked. I had so much perspective on life. I've thought
about it every single day since. This woman, Dr. Edith, is so inspiring. You guys are not going to believe what she went
through and how she chose to embrace what she went through and be happy. Through all the trauma that
she's gone through, it's so wild that she wakes up every morning just grateful. I think having
someone on like Dr. Edith and listening to her story, you know, for those of you that are unaware, she's a psychologist, she's a Holocaust survivor. And speaking to someone
like her who has gone through such a hard life and such a hard time really gives you perspective.
And I know that, you know, this last year we've had, it's been a challenging year for many,
but hearing these stories, you realize that it could be so, so much worse. And Dr. Edith is really good
at pointing out that perspective and sharing her viewpoints and really just making you appreciate
life. She is 93 years old, you guys. She is doing amazing. She has published two books,
one called The Choice, Embrace the Possible, and the other book is called the gift 12 lessons
to save your life she was born to hungarian jewish parents she's a psychologist practicing in the
united states she specifically works on the treatment of post-traumatic stress disorder
and she's a holocaust survivor and she is so open she's a mother of three she's married and she's
this incredible woman. Like
she's someone who I wanted to just keep talking to and talking to. I think you're going to find
so many gems in this episode and just fall in love with Dr. Edith. Yep. So if you want your
perspective change, if you want a greater appreciation for life, this is the episode
for you. With that, Dr. Edith Eager, welcome to the Skinny Confidential Him and Her Show.
This is the Skinny Confidential, him and her show. This is The Skinny Confidential, him and her.
Hi, it's so nice to meet you.
We are such fans of you.
We're so excited to have you on the podcast.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You're a wonderful role model to us all.
How to be healthy.
Healthy body.
Yes.
Our audience is a lot of millennial women who are going to love you so much.
I'm sure they've heard you on all the different podcasts you've been on,
but we're so excited to have you.
93 is a wonderful time to me.
I'm not worried at all about chronological age, my attitude, my way of living.
I think young.
I think that it's the best time, the happiest time for me.
The older I get, the smarter I become.
And most of all, I become a very compassionate listener.
I talk less and I listen as compassionately as I can,
meeting people where they are, but treating them the way they can be and could be or even should
be. Hopefully my husband listens to you about being a compassionate listener. That's something he could work on. Yes, that's the hardest thing sometimes.
And before I want to say something, I ask myself, is it really important for me to say this now?
And chances are it isn't. And then I just turn on my third ear and start practicing
compassionate listening. Well, hopefully I can pick up a couple of tips from you.
I need to get a second and a third
and probably a fourth year.
And like I said, we're just so happy to have you.
Very, very lovely to be with you
and talk about just how we want to be remembered
and how do we want to use every day in our lives
as productively as we can.
You know, I know you've been doing different shows.
We've been listening and really admiring you from afar.
But for those that are unfamiliar with you,
can you give us a little bit of background and tell us a little bit about yourself?
I am Dr. Edith Iwa-Iger.
I was born 93 years ago. In September, I'm going to be 94, and I get
younger and more enthusiastic about the celebration of life. I look at actually life as one day,
the morning sunshine is not coming back, but the older I get, I'm not smart. I'm wise. And I hope to be wise,
a good role model, especially to young people so they could really just live life, stay in school
and find a way to have meaning and purpose in their existence.
Can you talk about some of the struggles that you've experienced when you were growing up?
I was born into a family that was very, very talented.
My sister Magda played the piano
and my sister Clara was a child prodigy in violin
and my parents really wanted a son.
And guess what happened?
I came along and then my sisters were actually
not treating me very well. The middle one usually was teasing me. And so one day,
my mother looked at me very seriously and said, I'm glad that you have brains because you have no looks.
So I became a very studious young woman.
And my mom took me to a ballet school.
And I had a wonderful ballet master who said to me
that God built me in such a magnificent way that ecstasy, ecstasy
is the word that you use. And he said, ecstasy comes from your body. It comes from inside out.
And I did not know what he was talking about. I didn't know there were ecstasy until I was in Auschwitz.
And that's when I realized that nothing came from the outside and I better discover my inner
resources in my body and look at life from inside out. Can you explain the circumstance
and what was going through your mind when you first were admitted into Auschwitz? And we were told we're going to go to Hungary.
And the next thing I knew, I was seeing a sign called Arbeit macht frei, work makes you free.
And my father said, it's not going to be bad.
We're just going to work and go home. That's not happening at all because my parents were taken to the gas chamber in Auschwitz and I was at the other side,
thrown to the other side and caught Birkenau. And it was very, very, very unexpected,
totally unanticipated as it is happening now, actually. I like to bring the there and then to the here and
now. And when I was thrown the other side, actually, I asked the man who was Dr. Mengele,
when will I see my mother? And he said, you're going to see your mother soon. She's just going
to take a shower. And so when I was thrown into the other side, I asked the woman,
when will I see my mother? And she pointed at the chimney and said,
you better look at that chimney and the fire there because your mother is burning there.
And my sister hugged me and she said, the spirit never dies. And this is
so important to me because I could not change what was going on outside of me. But my sister
made me feel so good that the spirit never dies. And my sister was the pretty one in our family. And when we were completely shaven,
completely naked, she asked me a question, how do I look? And that's kind of a typical Hungarian
woman, like Xhosa Gabor. And so I told Magda, and I had a choice, as we have a choice now, to point out what she lost,
but also point out what she still has.
And remember telling her, Magda, you have beautiful eyes, and I didn't see it when I
saw the hair all over your place.
So today I really am very interested to say not yes, but, but yes, and.
And sometimes maybe our mothers tell us, as my mother told me, you're okay, but you don't have
any looks and but. So I ask people, give me the but, I give you an and. Yes, and furthermore.
And I teach people how to speak English and I'm doing a good job of that.
How old were you and your sisters when you went in and how old were you when you came out?
I was 16 when I got in. I was 17 when I got out. And people also ask me, Did you love your husband? And I said, love?
I'm very skinny.
I'm very lonely.
And most of all, I'm very hungry.
And this guy gave me Hungarian salami.
So we got married as quickly as we could because we wanted to belong.
We wanted to be normal.
And then I became pregnant. And the doctor wanted me to have an abortion.
And he already planned it.
And I said to the doctor that I want to give life.
And thank God I didn't listen to the doctor
because I had a little girl who was a 10-pounder,
could have had a horse doctor.
I always tell people, get a second opinion.
So I'm hoping that today we are talking to lovely people and young people and middle-aged people.
What I find with middle-aged people, that they are afraid to be alone with themselves. Is this what you experience?
A hundred percent. I would love it if you spoke on that. I've seen so many people feel boredom
or loneliness when they're alone with themselves. Yes, yes. If you don't love you, why should I?
It's very important to have self-love, which is self-care. Love thy neighbor as thyself, not better than yourself.
So I like that idea of self-love, which is self-care.
It's not narcissistic.
April is among us and it means unfortunately doing some things that are not so fun you get fooled
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it's nice to get it right. Dr. Edith, I would love for you to talk about
what your mindset was when you went in as opposed to when you came out. Did you come out and you
look at the sun and it's so special to see the sun and the flowers and the birds? What were
some little things that you noticed that maybe you didn't notice before you
went in? I think you are so brilliant asking me that question because when I went in,
my boyfriend told me that I have beautiful eyes and I have beautiful hands. So I would go to everyone, tell me about my eyes, tell me about my hands.
Because if I survive today, then tomorrow, tomorrow became such a wonderful thing to me.
That tomorrow I'm going to see my boyfriend.
I found out that he was shot the day before liberation.
When I was liberated, I was very ill. I was lying in a
hospital. They put me in a cast. I actually realized that my parents are not coming back.
My boyfriend was not coming back either. And I became very suicidal, very suicidal. And today when I work with suicides, I kind of make it simple.
I'm thinking that they either have something what they don't want or they want something what they
don't have. Do you find that experience too? Because I know you do such brilliant work, especially how to have a good balance between the body and mind and the spiritual dimension.
Yeah, I think we've talked a lot about mental health on this show and obviously everything that's going on with the pandemic.
A lot of our peers are feeling depressed or anxious.
Is there any little tips or tricks that you would give them to maybe feel better
on a day-to-day basis?
You know, my daughter calls it idioms, so I give you a couple of those.
I say the opposite of depression is expression.
What comes out of your body doesn't make you ill.
If you have any secrets, share it.
Get it out. get it out.
And the other one is, are you revolving or are you evolving? Because some people just go back and do the same thing over and over again and complaining and complaining rather than say to
themselves, it's time out, just like in football.
It's time out to take inventory of my life, where I've been, where I'm now,
and where do I want to go, and then pick an arrow, an arrow that I follow,
and I'm not going back.
I have a new beginning.
I'm going to give birth to the me that was meant to be, to be free.
Freedom is a big word, as you know.
And if I would live today with hatred and complaints, I would still be a prisoner.
I don't have time.
I don't have time.
I like to be for something, for life and for how we can form a human family that you can be you and I can be I, but together
we're going to be much stronger than me alone or you alone, right?
Yes. I imagine after an experience like you had, which obviously is one of the worst human
experiences you can have, that your perspectives
on life and your appreciation for life change drastically.
Can you talk about how that changed when you came out?
You know, we don't seem to appreciate what we have until we lose it.
So even today, I don't throw out a piece of bread. If you take me to a restaurant, chances are I'm going to eat your leftovers or take it home.
But I can tell you that the closer I became to suffering, the stronger I became.
I think suffering is feelings.
Otherwise, you just go through the motions in life.
I think we all of us were traumatized one way or another,
and we could have died because it's easier to die than to live.
But I am very proud to tell you that I'm proud of my ancestors because they didn't have
it as good as I did. And they were slaves and took them 40 some years to go through the desert
and they never gave up. So I want to be a good role model to people that the best is yet to be and not to be optimistic, but to be realistic.
Because many times people don't realize that anger is really something that we need to look at as not a primary emotion. We either vent anger, we suppress anger,
and I like to teach you how to dissolve the anger
because underneath of anger is a lot of pain,
a lot of other kinds of emotions,
but most of all, there is a lot of anxiety
and a lot of fear. It's good to ride on all your fears from the
least anxiety producing to the most anxiety producing, and then we just check them off.
You don't need years and years of therapy, but it's very important to think about your thinking and paying attention, what you're paying attention to.
Anything you pay attention to, you reinforce that behavior.
So when I speak at churches, talk about Jesus, and Jesus said, turn the other cheek, what that really means to me that I am your ophthalmologist and I'm
guiding you to see how you can see the same situation from a different perspective.
Outside of your own perspective.
Exactly. And so I think people can really cause mass hysteria. And that's what happened when Hitler needed a scapegoat because they didn't win World War I and the country was suffering economically. Same thing happened in Iran. Let's go kill Carter. And they said that Jews are cancer
to society. Now, there's one thing I must really say when I begin to tell you about me as a survivor,
that unfortunately, genocide is happening as we speak, but never in the history of mankind.
Fifteen highly educated people got together and celebrated at night that they were able to find something systematic, scientific,
way that 30,000 Jews can be put in the oven in one day.
So you see, Hitler didn't do that alone.
I am part of that final solution of Eichmann myself.
However, different people responded very differently.
Today I beg people, don't spoil your children,
because those poor children were waiting,
were waiting for someone else to come and liberate them,
and that was not a good idea.
Hans Selye got the Nobel Prize in a study of stress,
and he said, when something stressful comes to us,
we have two automatic reactions, whether fight or flee.
But that didn't work in Auschwitz at all,
because if I saw girls touching the guards and they were shot right before me, so I knew
not to fight, not to touch, I couldn't flee because if I touched the barbed wire, I would
have been electrocuted.
So I like to talk about the third alternative, that you learn to study the situation and do everything in your power
to rise above your needs and commit yourself to each other. All we had was each other then.
I had my sister, so I ate that ever soup. It was full of medication. But the following day, I shared my bread with her.
So I think it was very important for us to form a family of inmates.
And just like now, how we can unite and how can we have, hopefully, a goal that we follow.
And there is no forgiveness without rage.
You got to go through the rage,
go through the valley of the shadow of death,
but don't camp there.
Don't get stuck in there.
And some people are stuck in anger
and not realizing it is just hurting them.
But you got to go through it and then get out of it.
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Everything you say is so spot on, but I think you nailed it right now, especially in this
time in the world, and many times in the world, but people are very angry right now.
And what we try to talk about on this show a lot is that at the end of the day, like
you said, it's not necessarily that anger, even if you're projecting it outward, it is
hurting you most of the time more than it's hurting others.
And once people understand that a little bit more, hopefully they can work through it and
get to a place of peace.
You know, it's very important when you get up in the morning and you go to the bathroom
and look in the mirror, the way you talk to yourself changes your whole body chemistry.
You know that, right?
That it's very important to pay attention to your self-dialogue and tell yourself that I'm in charge
of my thinking. I'm in charge of my feeling. And certainly I'm in charge of my behavior.
And don't say anything else. It's really, really very important to say. But most of all, is it kind?
Is it kind?
I would love for you to speak about post-trauma and recovery from it.
Were there anything that you did every day besides, you know, of course, looking in the mirror and being kind to yourself?
Was there anything that you did to help heal what you had went through?
I think about my thinking a lot.
And I ask myself, is this good for me?
Is this going to empower me or deplete me?
Is this going to make me feel soft and warm
or cold and stiff?
And really taking care of that in the morning
so in the evening, I feel satisfied.
I look at life as one day, and now I am in the evening part of my day.
So the question comes up, how do I want to be remembered?
And I want to be remembered as someone who did everything in her power to see to it that it will never happen again.
I experience cannibalism.
When I go to schools, I am very careful not to talk about cannibalism to 10-year-old children
because I don't want them to have nightmares.
So I think it's very, very selective.
I am very selective.
The way I talk to myself, that I live life fully, fully, fully, fully.
I ask people many times, many questions, but I never ask, how are you?
I think that's the stupidest question question because people lie if you ask questions.
How are you? Fine.
So one of my students, I was professor of psychology, said to me,
I heard that in America people are hearing but not listening.
And I said, oh, okay, well, let's test it out.
Tomorrow morning, you're going to pick up your books, yeah?
Somebody's going to say hi to you, yeah?
And I want you to say very quietly,
my mother died this morning.
Guess what was the answer?
Oh, wonderful, I'll see you later. Bye.
Proved it. Yes. Yes. People are hearing, but not listening. I think many times I ask people to
repeat what they say, because when I came to America, people talked to me and I didn't understand it, but they wanted to know
whether I get it. And I said, yes. I didn't want them to see me as a real weirdo. I already felt
like a real weirdo anyway. I just wanted to be a Yankee dude or dandy like you. So I am very honest right now in terms of asking people not how can I help you.
I'm not humpty dumpty.
I'm not going to put you back together.
But I ask, how can I be useful to you?
What are some things that you do on a daily basis that is self-care?
So maybe a workout or a walk or look at nature.
What are the little things that make your day special?
Yes, I do have a very bad scoliosis
and I have a machine called, I call it shake and bake.
It's W-E-S-T.
And I start the day so my breathing
and my lungs are getting taken care of.
Because if I don't do it in the morning, the day goes by.
I learned not to be a perfectionist because if you are a perfectionist, you're going to
procrastinate.
And I've been working on myself not to be a perfectionist and not to procrastinate.
So I like to also do some stretching.
And I like people to watch a movie, Gone with the Wind, because remember the Yankees are coming and war and all these things going on.
And she says, I'll think about it tomorrow.
I'll think about it tomorrow. I'm going to say that to you when you ask me a question I don't
want to talk about. After everything you've learned in life, I think, again, people are
in an angered place right now. And there's been a lot of fighting back and forth between people over the last year.
I mean, it's always happened, but especially this last year.
How do you get to a place where you can forgive someone?
I think revenge gives you a certain amount of satisfaction.
And the best thing to really do is watch a movie called The Karate Kid.
I love that.
The best power is brain power.
What is very, very important for me to acknowledge, many, many things, but a couple of things that I ask other people, I'm going to ask it now.
When did your childhood end? Because some of us,
especially immigrants' children, become the parents to the parents. My little girl was two
years old. She introduced me to peanut butter and tuna fish, which I've never seen.
And she taught me how to speak English, ducky lucky, turkey lurkey, goosey loosey.
And that's how I learned English from my daughter.
So I think it's good to find the whole family within you, within you.
Not to be childish, but to be childlike.
When you ask a child, why do you do that?
The child would say, because I feel like it.
As an adult, I still feel like it.
God gave me temptation.
Why?
So I can practice the freedom of choice.
I don't have to run away from my Hungarian chocolate cake.
I can just look at it and say, my doctor told me that it's not good for me to have any sugar at this time. So none of the positive thinking does any good unless it turns into a positive action.
So if I tell you tomorrow morning, I'm not going to put sugar in my cereal or in my coffee, whatever, then I know that the thinking will lead to a positive action.
What do you think the key to marriage is? I've been with my husband for about four-ish years,
and I would love to know what you've found really makes a good, sturdy, team-like marriage. Oh, hello. We are going to talk about Ancestry Health. I am such a fan of this because
every person on the planet can use this, okay? Do you want to know things about your great
grandmother, your grandfather, your family, your dad, your mom, your history? I feel like we all
do. You're going to go to
ancestryhealth.com slash skinny, and I'm telling you, you are going to get all the things. Basically,
Ancestry helps you search through billions of records to learn more about your ancestors.
This is so cool, you guys. So they sent it to us. It's this little kit. You spit in it. Super easy.
No blood. That's a big one for me. I'm not a blood fan. You spit in
this little tiny tube and then you send the tube back. Okay. And then you get your results. It's
so amazing. You get them all through email and you can find out all these details. Michael and I
learned so much about our family. I'm telling you, you can get closer to your ancestors by learning
their stories. And it's just a way to get closer to your family in general. It's so cool to learn your roots and where they came from, especially when it involves no blood
and all you have to do is spit. It's so easy. I know a lot of Skinny Confidential listeners have
already used this, which is so amazing, and I know they've discovered so many fun facts
about their ancestors. I'm telling you guys, you can learn all different kinds of things about
your family.
Michael and I had the best time looking over our results together and learning more about each
other and then our baby. That's so important to be able to put that in her baby book so she knows
where her ancestors came from. Anyway, there's strength in every family story. Learn more about
yours at Ancestry. Head to our URL at Ancestry.com slash skinny to start your free trial. You guys,
that's Ancestry.com slash skinny. This is such a fun gift, especially for Mother's Day.
A couple of things, give and take and tolerating differences.
Men always want to understand everything.
That's why we call men thick-headed,
because they want to figure things out with their brains.
Our cortex is differently built than a man.
So I want you to be financially and emotionally independent when you get married.
And you marry your equal.
Okay?
So you got to really be a grown-up to be married.
But many people look at victims as being weak
and victimizers as being strong.
And part of the psyche can identify with the aggressors, and that we call the Stockholm
Syndrome.
Remember?
Same symbiotic liberation army or something.
The daughter of Hirsch?
The Hirsch Castle?
Hirsch.
Hirsch.
Hirsch.
Hirsch Castle.
So again, forgiveness to me is not me forgiving you.
I don't have any godly power.
Forgiveness is a gift that I give myself because if I would live in hatred today,
I would still be a prisoner. And we are the prisoners of our own mind.
And the concentration camp is in your own mind and the key is in your pocket.
So if you want freedom, think about that freedom comes after you go into that rage.
You got to have rage before you even start forgiveness.
And I had problems with anger.
And I told my sister Magda to come back with me to Auschwitz so I can honor my mother.
Because she told me in the cattle car, we don't know where we're going.
We don't know what will happen.
Honey, just remember, no one can take away
from you what you put in your own head. And my sister told me I'm an idiot. My sister told me
that I'm a masochist. So different people, there is a difference between reacting or responding. When you react, you don't think. So when Hans Selye said fight or flee,
I had to learn how to flow and stay in a situation. And the closer I came to suffering,
the stronger I became. You mentioned that you have a daughter. Do you have more kids or one daughter?
I have two daughters.
Two daughters. And I have a son.
Two daughters and a son.
What do you think,
what do you think the most important part of parenthood is?
In raising a child?
That you do not leave your child
through your own ways of being.
Because if you're a turtle and your child is a rabbit or vice versa, when your child
walks slowly, you push her to do it faster because you want to feel like a good mother
or you say, I love you if you bring home a good report card.
That has nothing to do with love at all.
It has to do with manipulation.
Children don't do what we say.
They do what they see.
And the best thing for a child is a happy marriage.
That you never raise your voice.
You write a constitution.
There is no punishment, only consequence.
So if then, if you don't do this, then you don't go out this weekend.
But you don't have to tell your child, don't forget to come back 11 o'clock, the way we
talked about it.
No, no. When you talk about it, you write it down,
and you know that there is no punishment, only consequence.
Because usually the father becomes a good role model to the child
the way he treats the mother of the children.
So love is not what you feel, it's what you do. And that you commit
yourself to each other and work together as a team. Because the pioneer woman in America,
and I studied that, worked alongside of the husband, that they know female work and man's
work. They all get up in the morning. They all wash the car together.
They change the diaper together.
That is a wonderful modern marriage that I love.
I love work with couples.
And many times they become the victim and the victimizer.
And they go back and forth and back and forth so i highly teach couples
when perhaps you meet at night when you come together don't ask how are you what did you do
today what do you want to eat tonight don't don't get into that question answer period. It's I feel, I think, I would like, I'm willing.
I like negotiation and compromise.
What do you wish that our generation
or the younger generation knew?
More of, maybe.
I love the young generation.
I do beg them not to smoke pot
because it interferes with the natural reaction to the brain.
Your brain is the best power they can have.
I make them see the movie, The Karate Kid, that you learn how to negotiate and compromise when you get married. And don't do anything marriage-wise unless you
become emotionally and financially independent. Well, Dr. Edith, thank you so much for coming on.
Really appreciate everything. There's a lot of things you said on this show that I can start
working on myself, especially in our marriage. So thank you so much for coming and sharing your stories and your wisdom.
Before you go, though, I want to hear about your book.
Well, one of the things that people like in the gift that I ask you two questions,
when did your childhood end? And the second question, would you like to be married to you?
Wow.
Those are two really good questions.
It's amazing.
Michael, would you like to be married to you?
I don't know if I'd want to be married to me.
I want to be married to you.
But yeah, I think I'm okay.
I think I'm okay.
I can work on a few things, constantly improving, but I think overall, okay.
Yeah, two people are not one. But you have a goal together that both of you work.
That's what the pioneer woman did in America, but not until the woman became emotionally and financially on a man that wife beating began.
I built transitional living centers for wedded wives and I teach the wife not to listen when the and they feel they are nothing without him
because he brainwashes her,
and especially find that in a military,
when a man is a male,
but really not a teacher and a role model to the children.
Before you go, though,
if everyone wants to find you on instagram or your book where
can they find you and your book so she is on instagram uh she has an amazing handle her
grandson and her you know social media uh she she she loves instagram she loves facebook and for a
93 year old i think she's probably the most amazing Instagram account to
follow. That's Edie with my two boys right there and their three other grandsons and her, her
Instagram handle is dr.editheager. So it's right there. That's her. Yep. Got it. That's amazing.
And then just to end, to round it out, if you could leave our audience with something inspiring before you go, we would love it. Then lie down and take your little hand and make yourself very little, little, little.
Then go say hello to your organs, to the lung, to the heart, to the liver, to whatever, that you are congruent, that you are really together, that you are your best friend and most of all, a good parent to you because self-love
is self-care. It's not narcissistic. You're the role model to the children. And I hope
when you fight with each other, you don't go to the bedroom to fight. You fight in front of the
children so they would know that people can
agree to disagree, that I have a different opinion about this than you do. And the children learn
how to not be a bully and to be able to ask for what you want and learn to negotiate and compromise.
You're incredible. Thank you so much for coming on
the Skinny Confidential Him and Her podcast.
Next time, we'd love to do this in person
if you're ever in LA.
Thank you so much for taking the time.
Thank you.
Just fly freely like a butterfly.
To win a copy of Dr. Edith's book,
all you have to do is tell us
your favorite part of this episode
on my
latest Instagram at Lauren Bostic and someone from the team will slide into your DMs and you'll win
her book. It's such an amazing book. It's called The Choice, Embrace the Possible. Thank you again
for Dr. Edith to take the time to come on the show. We'll see you next time. Don't forget to
pre-order a copy of my new book, Get the Fuck Out of the Sun. There is so
many insider tips and tricks on skincare. You guys are going to be obsessed. You can expect routines,
products, tips, and insider secrets from 100 plus of the world's best skincare gurus,
of course, peppered in with lots of happy hour conversations with moi. Pre-order on Amazon or
where books are available to get the scoop on the book. There's also a whole website called
getthefuckoutofthesun.com.