The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast - Dr. Michael Gervais On Combating Anxiety, Dealing With Narcissists, Starting The Day Right, & Avoiding Toxic Negativity

Episode Date: June 16, 2020

#275: On this episode we sit down with high performance psychologist Dr. Michael Gervais. This is Dr. Gervais' second appearance on the show. His first was episode 120. Dr. Gervais works with some of the best in the world including olympians, internationally acclaimed artists, musicians and MVPs from every major sport and fortune 100 companies. On today's show we discuss how to combat anxiety, how to deal with narcissists, how to start the day right, and how to avoid negativity. To connect with Dr. Michael Gervais click HERE To hear Dr. Gervais' first appearance on TSC click HERE To check out Dr. Gervais' new book "Compete To Create" click HERE To connect with Lauryn Evarts click HERE To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM To Call the Him & Her Hotline call: 1-833-SKINNYS (754-6697) This episode is brought to you by GOMACRO Enter promo code SKINNY for 30% of your order at check out. We love these all natural, plant based, and organic bars. We keep them in our bags on the go and love that they are a completely natural and farm produced bar.  This episode is brought to you by HYDRANT Hydrant is a simple, morning hydration mix, optimized to hydrate you rapidly. Lightly flavored with real fruit juice = subtle, refreshing taste. Up to 3x the electrolytes of a traditional sports drink. There are no synthetic color or artificial sweeteners. It's also vegan and only a buck a day for a 30 pack. For 25%off your first order , go to DrinkHydrant.com/skinny or enter promo code ‘skinny’ at checkout Produced by Dear Media

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slash skinny and enter promo code skinny for 25% off your first order. drinkhydrant.com slash skinny and enter promo code skinny. Now let's get into the show. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic

are bringing you along for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to the Skinny Confidential, him and her. So that's the brain's DNA. That's the dictum of the brain is to survive by scanning the world and finding danger. And our systems in our brain are remarkable. You know, it's three pounds of tissue that we barely understand how it works. But we do know that certain regions do certain types of things and certain networks is a better way to talk about it. So every nanosecond of the day, when information is

coming in through your senses, it's going to the parts of the brain saying, do I need to respond? Is this a threat? Is this a threat? Is this a threat? And it's constantly saying, nope, nope, nope. You're okay. You're okay. That's okay, it's okay, and allowing the information to go to the thinking part of the brain. Welcome back to the Skinny Confidential Him and Her Show. That clip was from our guest of the show today, Dr. Michael Gervais. This is Dr. Gervais' second appearance on the show, and this episode is fire. If you want to check out his last episode, it's episode number 120. On today's episode, we're discussing how to combat and understand anxiety, how to start your day off with a positive mindset, and how not to fall into the trap of negativity. We're also discussing narcissism. My name is Lauren

Everett. I am the creator of The Skinny Confidential. And across from me is my husband in a pastel yellow. Pastel yellow. I mean, it doesn't really matter what I wear these days because I don't see anybody well-endorsed, except we did get to get out this weekend, which is nice. Looks like the world's opening back up again. Guys, my name is Michael Bostic. I am the CEO of the Dear Media Podcast Network and the co-host of this show. Lauren, it looks like the world is trying to open back up, get back to normal. Maybe not normal, but at least it's trying to open back up again. We took the dogs, we took the baby and we went to a hotel next to us. It was so cute. It was like a staycation. We met up with our friends there and we celebrated

Mimi's birthday a little bit. We had lots of margaritas and it was fun. It was bright out. Vibes were good. I'm back. I'm ready, excited. It's weird though, when you run into people that you haven't seen in a while, like do you, you know, you instinct, you know, going for the hug or the handshake. i don't think you do and everyone's doing this weird elbow bump no no i could use like a really um social distancey air kiss nobody's doing the kiss like i didn't see anybody going in for the kiss but people are still like by default forgetting and going for the hug the handshake elbows you know i'm doing a little like nods a little salute kind of like i do like a little like you know two fingers to the forehead

salute that looks like something else you're doing two fingers to the forehead i'm gonna stick with my social distancey six foot air kiss yeah i mean it's it's weird nobody really knows what to do but i also find it strange you go to like restaurants or hotels and everybody's you know in mass and everything but then you get to your seating area where you're eating and everyone takes them off and then the people preparing your food and drinks and drinks are wearing masks and stuff but then like they're touching it maybe they're touching i don't know i think that i think it's all kooky nobody really knows what to do i think i've maintained from day one that nobody knows what the fuck is going on and none of us know what to do and we're all just kind of like in it like no no one knows what the fuck is going on and i read an

article on daily mail that says you're not supposed to have sex well guilty then because that was that that's been you you know, obviously, that we're in quarantine. Why are you getting so sweaty about it? Well, I mean, like, we've broken the rules, I guess. We broke the rule. But yeah, I mean, again, I don't think anyone knows what to do.

I was reading this article, and like two weeks ago, people were being arrested. No, not maybe about two, like maybe three weeks ago, people were being arrested because they were on the beach alone, and now like everyone's out together and protesting, which is fine. It doesn't matter one way or the other, but it's just weird how we go from one to the other. It's just weird. Nobody knows what's happening. Yeah. No one knows what the fuck is happening,

which is why we asked Dr. Michael Gervais to come back on the show. He is this amazing high-performance psychologist. And this episode is so interesting. I was truly taking notes during it. We talked so much about narcissistic personality disorder, but the one thing that we really talked about that I think everyone that's listening will love about this episode is we discussed how in the morning we're trained to wake up to look for the stressors. So he goes into detail about how you can sort of rewire your brain and your human nature experience in the morning to look for the good. This is not something we've talked about a ton. I mean, we've talked about gratefuls and stuff,

but to actually wake up and to be searching for what's wrong, the conference call we have to do, or what your husband didn't do last night, or what your girlfriend should have said, it's an interesting way to start the morning. I have been waking up every single morning, and instead of opening my eyes to think about all the shit I have to do, I think about something I'm grateful for. And we get into it in this episode. So I am trying to rewire my brain because of this episode.

Yeah, we also talk a lot about anxiety. There's a lot of, obviously like for the last few months, all of us have been feeling very anxious. There's been a lot going on in the world. And with that, there's been a lot of challenges that all of us had to face together as a world, as a country, as individuals, as families. And so we really dive into anxiety, how to combat it, how to understand it. So I think this episode is going to be valuable for a lot of people as we start to try to get back to some sense of normal, whatever that may look like for

all of us. So who is Dr. Michael Gervais? Dr. Gervais is a high performance psychologist who works with some of the best in the world, including Olympians, internationally acclaimed artists, musicians, and MVPs from every major sport and Fortune 100 companies. He is a published author and speaker, as well as the host of the Finding Mastery podcast. Check out his new book on Audible, Compete to Create. Dr. Michael Gervais, welcome back to the show. This is the Skinny Confidential, him and her. Dr. Gervais, welcome back to the show. It's been a minute. It's been a long time. I mean, we're just counting backwards. We're on episode 120 when we first had you on. It feels like you're one of the OGs of this show. Now we're like close to 300. So it's been a long time. What's been

going on? The world's been trying to fall apart. How are you hanging in there? I appreciate you guys bringing me back on and congratulations on what you've done and created. I love following and watching what you're doing and honored to be back. And yes, the world is in a very different place than we first spoke. In some respects, as a psychologist working in high stakes and rugged environments, I understand this space well. It doesn't mean it's easy. In some respects, the empathy and the emotional parts are the parts that are being challenged by us. And so I'm swelled that way. I'm a little fatigued in that sense. But at the same time, I feel like I spent my whole life

building to be able to manage this type of unrest, internal unrest, as well as social unrest that we're dealing with. So it's mixed, that's for sure. So many people right now are feeling so sensitive and so stressed out, which is totally to be expected. If you were to give them one tip, what would it be? Just to kick this off, because I know you're going to give me something good. I'm not sure it's going to lead to a lot of other tips, but where would you start? Investing in your ability to become more aware of what's happening inside of you at the same time what's happening outside of you. So it's the investment in awareness. Now, that's not a tip.

That really is a strategy. If there's a tip, it's like, get your sleep in because that's where you recover. But the deepest thing that people can do right now is invest in understanding what's happening inside so that you can pivot and adjust and you can navigate the emotional experience that we're all having. Mostly fear, lots of sadness, plenty of anger on board. And all three of those are difficult emotions. And then when we become more aware of our internal, we can also become more aware of our external. And the social injustice that's taking place right now is this interaction between our inner dialogues and narratives and how we think and treat other

people. And also, sometimes we're not aware. And we are three white people on this call. Sometimes we are not aware. It's a thing called whitism. Like, what is it like to be somebody that lives in a different skin color? And we can never fully know, just like we can never fully know what it's like to live your life, let alone my life, let alone somebody who has a very different experience. So the awareness is key right now. And that is what allows us to pivot and to adjust. And if you get really, really micro on that, how do you become aware? Do you just practice it? Do you wake up every morning with an intention to practice it? How do you do that?

Okay. Awesome question. So here's the thing about psychology. It's invisible. So at every turn, let's put handles on these things, right? So you're asking about what's the handle? What can I do? So awareness, one of the great strategies for awareness, and there are three that I can talk about, but one of the great ones is mindfulness training. Some people call it meditation. So practicing meditation is the practice of awareness. And the way that that works is as simple as you focus on one thing for an extended period of time. And so wake up in the morning, focus on one, set your alarm first, maybe eight minutes is the minimal effective dose according to some research. 20 minutes is a more optimal dose. But so say you set your alarm

for eight minutes, maybe it's even four minutes, whatever. And then you just practice focusing on one breath at a time, work on focusing all of your attention on the inhale, then all of your attention on the exhale. And we can get into the weeds of this in a little bit. And what that ends up doing is it clears up the clutter of your mind, and you become really aware of how thoughts that spring up, how they hook around or stitch to the next thought, and how that's related to a third thought. And then so you go from thought one to thought two to thought three, and you're following that without judgment and critique, you can also notice how those are wrapped around with emotions. And that's the inner life, thoughts and emotions. That's it. That's the inner life. And when you become more aware, you become more skilled. And so that's the most concrete I can say is set your alarm,

focus on one breath at a time and just watch. You know, one of the things I want to talk about is like how to have, I don't want to say the right awareness, but I think for the first time in a long time, many of us have been forced to sit alone with that awareness where, you know, when we, before the world got locked down and before all this craziness started, you know, we were all very, very busy people. You know, people are running around, they're going to work, they're going to see friends, but I would say they're distracting themselves from their own self in some ways, right? They're not forced to sit with their own thoughts and analyze if they're enjoying the path of their life or if they like what they're doing for work or if they

like their spouse or whatever they're doing. And we have all these distractions to get away from the mind. And I feel like for the first time in a long time, all of us have been forced to sit with our thoughts. And a lot of people are struggling with that, us included at some points. And so when you talk about awareness, like how do you go about, let's say the right awareness or a healthy awareness so that you're not beating yourself up? Oh, that's cool. That's really cool. So awareness is just the observation. It's the ability to have a sense of what's happening. And that's actually like the tool, knowing what's right and wrong.

That's different, right? That's like noticing the thoughts. And then you say, does that thought or thought pattern? So thoughts lead to thought patterns and thought patterns lead to habits of thought. And habits of thought are the thoughts that are non-conscious below your awareness. So back to like the thoughts, you'd notice a thought and you'd

notice how it works into a thought pattern. And then at some point you'd say, does that work for me? Is that the type of thinking that helps me, that creates space, that creates a sense of peace and joy and happiness, that gives me the right tone to the energy and intensity I want to, you know, crush the day with or whatever phrase you want to say about getting after it in life. And so that begs the question, what does right mean to you? And my sense is, after studying humans for so long, is that we tend to know very easily what right and wrong is. And how do we become attuned to what's right and wrong? Well, it tends to be religious doctrine. It tends to be how, if you don't have religious doctrine,

it tends to be how the community that is most influential at a young age, how they thought about right and wrong. And so right and wrong is often shaped. And then when you become aware, awoke, as people like to say, when you become aware, then you can say, does that really work for me? And then adjust accordingly. And if it works, great. If it doesn't work, okay. Now, how do you deal with that? Well, if I were to give you, we'll pick on Lauren here for a minute. Lauren, if I were to give you a hot skillet, what would you do? Drop it. Drop it like it's?

Hot. It's so bad. I mean, that's such a bad joke, isn't it? I know psychologists are not funny, but I try my best. I'm into it. I'm into it. So that's what you do. When you have a thought that you don't like, you just drop it.

And what do you do with that? You just replace it with something that is more fitting to how you want to live your life and last note that i'll say on this because i know you have a question loaded here is that if your thoughts and thought patterns are not about creating space for yourself and others more importantly others we're probably not going to be in the right path, quote unquote, right path. So back in the 80s, you know, this big self-help movement. And it was like, so you can make more money so you can be successful so you can live, fill in the blank, success, which the money and the fame and the recognition we know

are short-sighted. But that was like the 80s, like self-help. It's so, so bad for a lot of reasons because it never really included taking care of other people. And so right now there is a demand that we get ourselves right so that we can be there for others and treat them with the highest regard, the highest respect, and help them flourish, help them be fulfilled in life. Give them the chances to be able to feel joy and happiness and peace in ways where we're not constricting on it. And that's the essence of the social unrest right now is to create more space so that people can flourish. You've heard it here before, and we're going to discuss again, go macro bars. Okay. So their mission is to spread awareness for a balanced plant-based

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Don't lie, Lauren. I've seen you eat a few yourself. Don't just blame it on me. No, they're so good, you guys. Like I said, they're little, tiny, keep in your purse. And whether you're chasing a fitness goal or you want to go for a hike, I know I really want to get outdoors in nature right now, then keep these bars on hand.

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guys, I'm telling you, try the oatmeal chocolate chip ones. They are legit. It's so interesting that you say that because I was reading Anthony Kiedis' book, who's the singer of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and he's a really big fan of AA. And he said the reason that it worked on his horrific heroin addiction

is because if you really look at AA, what AA is, is people helping other people. So once you get sober, your whole thing is to go help other people get sober. And he said, and that's the like pinpoint of why people stay sober, which is interesting. I actually have a question. I was listening to Joe Dispenza the other morning, and he said that we as humans, we wake up in the morning, and it is by nature, and I want to know if you agree with this or not, our first thing we do is we think of what's wrong. Did we drink too much last night? Did we say something we shouldn't have said? Do we have a call we don't want to do today? Do we need to

cancel on our calendar? Do we need to add more? Are we not being productive? Where's my kid? Whatever. But it's just our natural instinct to wake up and think of what's wrong. So I guess my question is, do you agree with that? And if you do agree with that, is there a way to rewire that natural human instinct that we have in the morning? Good question.

Really good question. Okay, let's go upstream from thoughts good question. Okay. Let's go upstream from thoughts for just a minute and let's talk about our biology. Our brain primarily is designed for survival. Part of the survival game is scanning the world to find what is a threat in this moment or could be a threat later. So that's the brain's DNA. That's the dictum of the brain is to survive by scanning the world and finding danger. And our systems in our brain are remarkable. You know, it's three pounds of tissue that we barely understand how it works. But we do know that certain regions do

certain types of things and certain networks is a better way to talk about it. And I'll explain. I want to get to the question about can we change it? The answer is yes. But I want to explain this as just a quick moment to drive this point home, is that there's two routes that come, that our brain is processing information. It's called the high road and the low road. So every nanosecond of the day, when information is coming in through your senses, okay, and we've got lots of different senses. But when it's coming in, it's going in the high road.

At the same time, it's going the low road. So the high road is information that's routed up into the cerebral cortex, the thinking brain. And then at the same moment, it's going double the speed to the amygdala, to the limbic system, if you will. And that is the survival mechanism. So twice the speed, it's going to the parts ofdala, to the limbic system, if you will. And that is the survival mechanism. So twice the speed, it's going to the parts of the brain saying, do I need to respond?

Is this a threat? Is this a threat? Is this a threat? And it's constantly saying, nope, nope, nope. You're okay. You're okay. That's okay. It's okay.

And allowing the information to go to the thinking part of the brain. Isn't that fascinating? So our brains are designed for finding danger. When you wake up in the morning, if you don't train your mind, which is the software that runs your brain, the brain will win. That's why training the mind, conditioning the mind, becoming aware of how your thought patterns work is so important because your DNA, your brain, it's not about thriving. A very small part of your brain is responsible for finding opportunity. The majority is to scan to find danger. Can you build the muscle of opportunity? Is it like a muscle?

Hell yeah. Hell yeah. We'll talk about two different ways. One way, there's a thing in the brain called the default mode network. And so the default mode is the thing that's just like it sounds. It's on most of the time. It's the default. It's the idle running in the background. That default mode network sounds a little like this. Am I okay? Is it really okay?

Wait, is this moment okay? This is a new moment. What does he think of me? What does she think of me? Is there danger there? Am really okay? Wait, is this moment okay? This is a new moment. What does he think of me? What does she think of me? Is there danger there? Am I okay? Is this okay? So, it's a constant self-checking. Am I okay? Yeah, but it's for survival. And so, if left unchecked, I'll get to that in a moment. But we think that that is at the seed, right at the core, the core seed of suffering. Because if you're constantly checking in, am I okay? You can't really get to the art, the connection, love, joy, and happiness because you're just kind of at the

basic level. And so understanding that that's a very natural state of your brain is really important. And then how do you work with it? You condition and train your mind to develop the opportunity base, the parts that are responsible for gratitude, love, and joy. That's why gratitude meditations, that's why gratitude journaling has had such phenomenal research that it's actually strengthening parts of your brain that are damping down the default mode network. I have a very medical term for this that I made up and my husband and his father have it and it's called MUS and it's made up stress. And whenever my husband does it, I say, you're doing MUS. We will be sitting

in the most tranquil place you can ever imagine having tea with nature around us, reading a book, and he will do MUS. And I'm like- I love it. Literally- Well, you never know. There could be a bear pop out of the bushes. My husband will find what could go wrong. And listen, sometimes, you know, I would say 50% of the time he has a reason to be stressed out, but the other 50%, I think that he needs to work on this muscle. You guys are awesome. I think we always do. We all do.

But yeah, I am definitely more guilty than my wife. That's for sure. Oh my God. Like last time that we had this conversation, I left and I was like, oh, those guys are great. And then I was like, how do they do it? And I know you must get this a lot. Like, how do you work and live and raise a child together? Like, how do you do it?

We're hanging on by a thread, all right? It's like the muscle in the brain. You practice it over and over and over again, and it becomes easier as you stay in a relationship, I think, especially if you're committed to the same goal. But it is, it's a muscle. No, but I do think that like, there's actually like two things, like one, we deeply love each other. I've known each other for a long time, but two, like from the beginning, we are very, very aligned and have a lot of conversations frequently about what our, what our long-term vision for our life is. So it's not, so like you can, you know, couples can fall off the path a little bit and trust me, we fight all the the time. We fought on this show. Literally, if we've had a guest like you on, we fight in the

show. So it happens. But I think we're both very aligned in what we want out of life, what we want to build together, how we want to raise our kids. And I think if you have that compass and you have that goal together, you can get back there pretty easily. It's hard when we're having sex and he asked me about QuickBooks, but you know. That would kill the mood. I don't know if I've ever done that. Pretty much. I just pull out the ledger. I'm like, does this turn you on? Does this ledger turn you on? Oh, God. While we're on the subject of negative thoughts and negativity, I think in the vein that Lauren and I sit in the world that we interact, there's a lot of, obviously, we're on social a lot and we work with talent that's on

social. And, you know, we've been in the digital space for a long time on pretty much every platform. And I would say in the last few months, you know, starting in March with COVID and quarantine until now, I have never seen social be as negative as it's been. You know, I think there's a lot of people obviously in pain right now and there's a lot of anger and hate in the world. And so I'm very aware of why it's going on. But one thing that Lorne and I have talked about a lot on this show, and probably not as eloquently as you could put it because we're not trained, but talking about how unproductive

that is for an individual to be in that mindset, let's call it hating on the internet, leaving aggressive comments. What I've always said is I get it. I understand where you're coming from trying to be empathetic, but what I'm also saying is it's not helping that individual get to a better place. What I hope is that anyone listens to this show or listens to you or any of the guests that come on is that we want everybody to be a high performer, whether that's as a parent or as in a business or in entertainment, whatever it is, I want people to find

high performance in their own lane, whether that's through us or through a guest like you to be inspired. And, and what I've been saying, and what Lauren's been saying is that being in that negative headspace and attacking people online and being angry about everything and triggered and like upset by something you read, it's, it's not helping. It's not hurting the individual you're coming to as much as it's hurting the individual that's calming. And so I wanted to kind of get your take on that. Yeah. Cool insight. All right. So let's look at this through a psychological lens. Oftentimes, I'll do a sport one first, and then I'll do non-sport as a moment. So oftentimes, what takes place for people is, let's say we're going into a championship game or we're going into a competitive game, right? And the pros, and you can go in as either poised, scared, or angry.

Let's just imagine that as a continuum. Okay. And let's say that you're poised is super elusive. So then if it's super elusive and you had to choose between toggling on one side or the other, whether that is anger or fear, being scared, which would you choose? Probably for me, anger, because I feel like if I was angry, I would be able to drum up some strength. Fear is a bit of an inhibitor in my opinion. I agree with Michael. And I'm also looking at through the lane of sports. I used to box when I was a kid and I feel like if I was scared, that would be the worst thing to do. If I was angry, I could maybe turn that into something.

That's it. Okay. So now let's map that onto your current question, right? Is that for a long time, people have felt incredibly helpless, voiceless, that they were struggling to know how to articulate. And this is not a gender thing. This is a human condition, is that some people have, it's called self-efficacy and agency. Those are technical terms in psychology. Efficacy means a sense of power. And I don't mean power over

others, but they just feel like what they say matters and how they think and feel like they have a sense of internal fortitude, if you will, power. And it's called having agency that you think that you are an independent co-related agent, where you get to really figure out how you want to live your life and to your best abilities and to your best resources and all that good stuff. Okay. So we're talking about agency, people that struggle with agency and self-efficacy, we can confuse it with like low self-esteem and all that kind of stuff, but that's not quite it, is that there's a sense of helplessness that comes. And that is so, oh, it's so hard. Feeling helpless and hopeless is so hard that the better alternative oftentimes for people is anger. Now, both are toxic. To your point, Michael, is that when people are sending the text,

it's actually really damaging to them. Living in moments of anger is very damaging. But if they can express anger as a way to get out of hopelessness and helplessness, there might be a path forward where they are getting better. Okay, so that's not giving permission to express anger onto someone, to inflict pain onto somebody is different than saying, I'm so freaking pissed. When you said that thing to me, Michael, or when you said that thing to me, Lauren, like, I'm telling you, like, I just get all, I get ragey inside. It's different than saying, hey, you piece of, it's very different mechanism. So I want to just put a note in here that like, we're in a remarkable time right now, like, things are changing changing and it's amazing. I think a rising tide is coming and it's a bunch of new shifting tectonic plates that are very different, scary, unsettling for many, and the emotions are going to be on tilt. And so if you have the ability, as you expressed, Michael, to say, okay, I see what's happening, then what would we do?

We would, in a non-patronizing way, we'd say we'd be able to have some space, not swallow the pill that they're trying to get us to swallow, but have some space and say, okay, I want to live with compassion. I want to live with strength. I want to live aligned to principles that matter to me. And how could I live that way now when somebody is actually attacking me personally? And that's radical. That is a radical thing to be able to do. It's a little bit of stoicism. Sure. The Stoics were about control what you can control. That's essentially if you strip down the Stoics, it's like control. Let's never talk about things you can't control.

That's a Stoic approach. Okay. So if we're going to do that, it's really about how do you think, how do you behave and how do you want to think and behave? What are the principles that are going to guide you? So that is Stoicism. Okay. So you, Michael, not my Michael, you wake up tomorrow and the first thing that you think

is something negative, not, I don't even know negative, first thing that you think is something negative, not, I don't even know negative, just something that you have to do. It's, it's counterproductive thought. What, what does Michael say to himself to snap himself out of it? What does Gervais say? Michael Gervais. Okay. So first thing I do is I know that my brain and I know your brain and I know our brains are super powerful. So the first thing I do before my sheets come off is I've got a small little practice that I walk through to prime and open up particular parts of my brain. So the first thing I do is one breath and I commit all of my essence to that foot, to

the inhale, to the pause at the top, to the exhale, to the pause at the bottom. So now I've just created, yeah, there you go. I've just created a mechanism. So I'm not going to let my brain do what it wants to do. I'm going to use my mind. Yeah, there you go. I've just created a mechanism So i'm not gonna let my brain Do what it wants to do i'm going to use my mind. It's called top down So i'm going to use my mind to say okay one breath. What does that do to my brain? It says hey, we're safe A long exhale lauren is a signal to the brain that says you're safe. There's no saber tooth. There's there's no Danger in this moment. So the brain goes, oh, okay, I'm safe.

So now the second thing I do is one thought of gratitude. And this is not a checklist. It's just like, okay, what comes up? What am I grateful for? Oftentimes it's like my body. Oftentimes it's my bed, my roof. It's my wife. It's my children.

It's health. It's the da, da, da children it's health it's the right it's like and i just you just pick one and just get engrossed in it not check the box just get engrossed third step one intention so an intention is not what am i going to do today but how am i going to do the things of my day right so the how is like for me it's it's often grounded, graceful, purposeful. I want to play. This year has really been about playing for me. And so I'll go through my day with a couple notes, like I did it for us today. And I just want to be grounded, authentically grounded. And so I imagine that for, I don't know, 15 seconds, 30 seconds,

as long as I need. Then I take my sheets off, put my feet on the ground. And being present, I'll explain why that's so powerful in a moment. Being present is having your mind and your body be in the same place at the same time. So I take my sheets off, put my feet on the ground, and I just stand there for just a moment. If someone were to watch, they're like, what is he doing? I'm just standing there for a moment. So those are my four steps. Okay. So that's how I get ahead of it. In sport, we talk about front loading before the competition. So you do your training ahead of time so that you can be eloquent and graceful and powerful and whatever, whatever, later in the competition or practice. So this is the practice of front loading. If my mind goes to a place like, yeah, but, okay, that's good,

Mike, but you got this, this and this and oh my, then I have to go back to something that's going to disrupt that train of thought. A breath is one of the most powerful disruptive forces to a negative train of thought. And so I'll use my breathing. If that doesn't work and this thought keeps coming up, I go straight to action. I'm like, right, I haven't solved this thing yet. What do I need to do? What actions can I take right now to solve this thing? And sometimes I just got to think, why does this keep coming up?

Why does this thing keep coming? I got to solve it. Well, what's the solution there? And then I'll be really crisp about the solution. And then I don't go back there. So when it comes back up again, I go, Mike, you've done the work. You've already answered this question. You already know what it is.

So it's like I've externalized this invisible internal train that's running, this hamster wheel. So I externalize it, I solve it, and then I give myself permission to not have to go back. It's almost like you're observing your own thoughts all the time. Yeah. That's really the game inside the game. I want to talk about anxiety a little bit. And we've had a lot of people on this show talking about strategies to combat anxiety, right? But I think from your perspective, from a psychiatrist perspective, like what, you know, if you were to dumb it down

and just talk about anxiety and how to define it and why it occurs and why it's happening in people's brains and why they feel anxious, I think that's a good place to start. And then we can maybe talk about some of the strategies.

Because I think a lot of times, you know, we have a lot of great people that come on the show and they start giving these strategies. But I think a lot of people don't know why they're anxious to begin with or why it's occurring. And I think it'd be interesting to hear from your perspective, the definition as you see it, so that people could maybe understand the root. Awesome. So anxiety is an obsessive, a ruminating, an excessive thought about what could go wrong later. So it's an

excessive thinking about what could go wrong. That's it. That's anxiety. Now, when you think about it in a clinical term, so as a trained psychologist, like as a clinical term, it's a mental disorder. What does that mean? It means it's a disordered way of using your own mind, so much so that it creates suffering. So this excessive worry about what could go wrong is actually part of suffering. And it's a mental disorder that we think 30% of the population in the Western world suffer from this mental disorder. So how do you get it? Right? Like you don't catch it like COVID, right? How do you get it? Two ways. One is you're kind of born with this predisposition to be fast twitch, to be hyper kind of like alert, like your brain is really attuned to the survival mechanisms about what could go wrong. Okay.

So you're kind of born with this advantage slash disadvantage. Okay. And the second way is you got to earn it. So some people have earned anxiety because they, they are not chin checking themselves. They're not checking in like, and the train starts running. The train of thought just runs. And before you know it, the train has gone past 50 stops. And it's like, hey, final destination, welcome to your world, you're a mess. And they didn't get off on stop, you know, 48, they didn't get off on 25, 12, they didn't get up on stop two. You know, if you get on the train of worry, I want to get off on stop one, I want to get off as soon as I possibly can. So that's with great awareness. Hey, I'm on this train. Ah, okay. I can get off the train at this thought. I can do that. And then that's the game inside the game. So I blended a little

bit of a definition, a little bit of why, and then a little bit of a strategy. Awareness, it does come back to awareness though. Yeah. One of my favorite quotes I keep on my computer, just to remind me, it's by Seneca, and it says, two elements must therefore be rooted out once and for all, the fear of future suffering and the recollection of past suffering, since the latter no longer concerns me and the former concerns me not yet. And it's just like a reminder, stop worrying so much about the past, stop thinking so much about the future, be a little bit more present. I think it's taken me a long time to kind of figure that out, but talking to people like you is super helpful because I think I'm probably in the category of that first description where a little

bit more active brains, a little bit more active thinking, looking for things that could go wrong. And, you know, it's taken some practice to be like, okay, get a little bit more centered here. MUS. I love it. No, but I think there's a lot of people. I mean, 30% is a big number. That's a huge number. How bad is it to wake up and check your phone? You know the answer. You totally know the answer.

My husband doesn't. You guys are awesome. Yeah, I mean, I'd say wake up properly. Like just because your body's woken up doesn't mean that your mind and your brain are woke up. It's like, I'd say finish the job. Finish the job and then get into the noise of the world. And so signal to noise ratio is typically reserved for an engineering term.

It's a psychological principle as well. Signal to noise. So the noise are all the things that create constriction and tension. It's external stuff that's kind of pushing in on you. The signal can only be experienced in the present moment. And the signal is like, that's our job to get to the highest fidelity, the greatest signal, meaning spending more time in the present moment. The present moment, this is my life mission, by the way. So I love talking to you guys about this. My purpose in life is to help people train and condition their minds to live in the present

moment more often. Why? Because the present moment is where all things that are true and good and beautiful are experienced. It's where wisdom is revealed and it's where high performance is expressed. And so if we can increase the frequency of time being in the present moment, we're definitely going to be on the path of a good life. And we need to train our minds though. This doesn't just happen. Even the Dalai Lama, even the spiritual leaders of the world, Jesus, Muhammad, Dalai Lama, Confucius,

fill in the blanks. They practiced. What did they practice? Being aware. Aware of what? Of the nature of their mind related to the principles that they wanted to live their life by. So I say to all the athletes I work with and the artists and entertainers and entrepreneurs and executives, like what are the principles? What is your purpose? And how do you want to go about becoming more aware? If there's something you see, I mean, you work with a lot of high performers in every industry.

But if you were to strip everybody down and just to people, what do you see as the most common starting point for these people that are looking for your type of expertise and help? What's the root? Where's it all beginning? Well, I was going to say this to you earlier, is that a little bit of anxiety is actually one of the threads amongst the best of the best. A little bit of narcissism, a little bit of obsessiveness. So really they're quite neurotic. And the true tip of the arrow people, like I'm talking about the true tip of the arrow, the half a half of percenters, I'm not sure you would want them over for dinner.

Why? It's so much about them. I knew you were going to say that. I just wanted you to say it. Yeah. And rightfully so. They're taking on something massively big and they've had to be the center of everything in their life. That doesn't mean they're bad people at all. Maybe you'd want them over once, but probably not two, three, right like yeah there's been people on the podcast that you like you just you you idolize and you meet and then you're just like oh i look at a little differently though like you know i look at some of those characters and i give like a lot of leeway because i just think that some of those people that are performing like that and changing the world like it's got to be a different type of wiring in the brain and it's you know i mean if

you're you know. Let's just talk about someone like an Elon Musk. You're clearly a genius. He's going to space, changing the world. I bet he's... I've never met him, never talked to him, don't know what he's like, the person. But I would give someone like that a lot of leeway because they're doing things that are just so, so far out of the norm and so hard to do that it's got to require a very unique mind to be able to accomplish a lot of the things that he is accomplishing. That's just my take on it. I'll add to it as well.

Sati Nadella, I've been fortunate enough to spend real time with Sati Nadella and his team. He's the CEO of Microsoft, one of the most significant tech companies on the planet. And he doesn't fit this description.

So he's one of the rare of the rare. Because he leads with empathy, because he leads with a deep curiosity and care, it's incredible. And he's got the most amazing kind of mathematically inclined intelligence. Like his intelligence is through the roof, but intelligence without compassion, it's so prickly, it's nearly dangerous. And so he really does have both parts of it. And so I think that some of these geniuses that we're talking about, let's say that they don't have a

mental disorder of Asperger's or something like that, right? But I think some of these mavericks, they're so out of touch because we didn't, we gave them a pass like you were, Michael. We've given them passes like it's okay to not be empathetic. Well, that's kind of gotten us into a mess, you know, is like not really caring about the other, but more about the mission. And so that feels a little bit like old school war, right? And the real leaders in war,

in wartime experiences, they could muster up the men and women who were fighting the war because they believed that they were doing it for the noble cause and because the leader understood them, what the ask was. And so they'd take hills that were dangerous to take, sometimes giving lives. And I just want to say this note, if we could shift just a minute, is that empathy is required in the new world. Required. And it's amazing because it's a human ability. Machines can't do it, maybe yet, but empathy is something that's available to us, and it's going to be required to do this next phase of humanity right. And I would have said that prior to the injustice that we're experiencing. I would have said that right out of COVID.

And I want to say just this last note, and then I want to be quiet here for a minute, is that I first bought this COVID experience like, yes, it's a war. And there's people on the front lines. And then we started using language that was so wrong. And the language is isolation, quarantine, solitary type stuff. It's jail terms. It's all right angles. It's control terms. And it's so out of dislocated, it's so dislocated from mother nature that we went at it wrong. But it's the evidence of the sickness of the way that we are thinking about nature. So what are we at? We're at war with the virus.

Virus is nature. Are we going to go to war with nature? I'm telling you, I don't think this is right at all. And so we're seeing some of those effects as well. I've caught some flack on here for saying, like, I don't think the media has done us favors in the way they portrayed COVID and the way they've gone about telling the stories. And listen, it's not an attack on individual journalists because there's a million amazing journalists out there. I just think, like you said, there's a lot of language that basically was adopted by all major media platforms using that type of language. And I

think it caused a lot of fear and a lot of anxiety. It caused us to make a lot of decisions that if we would have been a little bit more empathetic or thoughtful about, I think would have put us in a better place. That's my individual take as somebody who doesn't have a lot of say in the way the world works, but you know, I agree. Michael, you have, you have a lot of say in the way your world works. It's true. You know, you and your relationships in your home and outside, like you have a lot, we all do, you know, like some people, their microphone is the planet, you know, the globe. And some people it's the, it's the three people in their home, but we actually have quite a big influence.

We are the pebble in the pond. Every one of us is the pebble in the pond. All of us have a pebble, a pond. And so how far do the ripples go? You know, it's a, it's, that's a really interesting science term, but it's also a very emotional term, a very human term. It's a big problem when the sexiest word out of all those negative words that you used is quarantine. There's a problem there. I mean, out of all the isolation, even the word COVID, I've really tried to stay away from that on my social channels because that

word just has all these negative undertones. But quarantine like the it's the sexiest word out of all of them which is an issue it's so bad though isn't it yeah yeah let's talk about real quick because i want to make a distinction here because i i did a video a few weeks ago that i think was received well and it was a it was a comment on everything we've seen with the with george floyd and then obviously now with the with this movement but it was before a lot of stuff happened it was like right when that came and I in my perspective as a as a white guy that you know doesn't have a place to interject myself into the into the narrative necessarily but from an outside I said like this is a time for listening and empathy and it was received well and it wasn't me passing judgment or telling people what to do it was just like listen and be empathetic and I

and in my own personal life for years like Lauren and I have a lot of private conversations. I believe empathy is the superpower. If I could think of one thing, that's the superpower. When I get asked on interviews, like, what did you learn in podcasting? I say, empathy. We get to talk to a lot of different people, different points of view, don't always agree. But we get to learn something new and at least appreciate how they may have come to those thoughts. But I always talk about the distinction between empathy and sympathy because there's a difference. And I think sometimes people get them confused. Yeah. So empathy is the ability to

understand another person's experience and convey it back to them. So it's feeling and understanding it, embodying it if you can, and then using words or gestures to say, however you can communicate, is this what you're feeling? I understand what you're feeling in this way. So it is an interlooping exchange. Compassion is just feeling what somebody else is feeling, but not necessarily conveying it back to them. Sympathy is like, I feel so bad for you. So there's a bit of a stepping stool that the person that has sympathy for another can easily find themselves on.

And that's not, that's not, I like where you're going with that. And then I would say the reason though, to have empathy, the reason it's so powerful is because it will inform action. So listening and empathy, great. It's really about listening with empathy and then to take action. And that action comes in the form, as a psychologist, we believe that thoughts are actions. So, and you know, we just can't measure thoughts, but we can measure the artifact of thoughts. We can measure the physiology of thought. We can see behaviors. And so changing thoughts, so empathetic listening,

caring, and sharing back to somebody what you think that their experience has been will hopefully inform the right actions moving forward, including right thoughts. This is going to sound weird. Would love to know your hot take on it. Microdosing mushrooms has really helped me with empathy. What are your thoughts on that? Yeah, I'm probably not the right person.

I've studied microdosing from a distance, and I'm probably not the right person to have a fully informed thought about it. So I need to pass and say, yeah, I think that the science that I've seen is new. It is still, there's some unknowns from that standpoint, just like anything on the edge, there's risks involved. And you're not the only person I've heard really incredible things of. And so I'm not privy to the conversations where people come back and say, what did I do that for? The return, I'm worse. So I don't know those stories and narratives and I haven't seen that science. So yeah, but if I were to take a leap and say, what is happening? It was basically a hijack of a particular part of your brain that opened up a sensation and access

to, again, particular networks and parts of your brain that said, hey, there's more to the world than I knew before. And so we've seen that return. We've seen microdosing anxiety. We've seen some of that research. And so it's like a hijack opening up different regions of the brain is the best I can understand it, but I am not the right person to dive deep on. I want to say, let's stay on the empathy thing for a minute here, because I think it's something that's coming up a lot more and we're hearing a lot of people start talking about it finally. But I think people are like, oh, great. I'm empathetic. And they just think that because they listen to someone they are. But what are tangible actions and ways that you can actually become empathetic? Because what I've also found in my own personal

life is it's really difficult now for me to get angry or upset with people when I practice as much empathy as I can. It's like, oh, I didn't agree with that. And I didn't see it that way to begin with. But when I heard it now, it's really hard for me to think that this person's coming from a bad place. It's just the thought pattern they came to and a perspective they came to because of X, Y, and Z. And so I find myself personally, why I call it a superpower, not being angry, not being upset, really just being a lot happier by practicing empathy. So the question is like how to practice it. I'll tell you, if you're new to it, you'll be tired from it because it's a practice, it's something new. And so some people really are not connected to empathy at all. And so here's how you practice it. Empty your cup.

So the old Zen koan, like empty your cup, because it's so full with thoughts and anxiety about you It's like figuring out how to not be anxious frustrated not Trying to search for your needs being met but having a very clear intention that you're going to work your ass off to listen Not just the words, but what's happening underneath the words. So you're listening at two levels. What are the words? What's the storyline and narrative? That's cool. But really, that's not what empathy is about. Empathy is the second level underneath. What must it be like? And so you're listening to try to imagine yourself in their experience,

and then trying to snap into the emotions. To do that, you have to know your emotions. You have to have range of your emotions. So how can you increase your range of emotions? Meditation and mindfulness is certainly one way to explore. So set a timer again, go back to that. Let's say you do 12 minutes. You're feeling like you're not ready for 20, whatever you're doing, 12 minutes.

After the buzzer goes off in 12 minutes, like, okay. And you've played with emotions. You've experienced them. You've watched them and learned from them. You say, oh, this is anger inside you. Oh, it's in my neck. Oh, look where it wants to go. Oh, it actually wants to go to my throat. Oh, my gosh.

If I keep watching, it moves down into my chest, my stomach. Whoa, anger starts in my stomach. And so you just keep learning and understanding. And so you can feel range. So first order business, you got to take care of yourself. If you're anxious, if you're trying to get your needs met, you really can't be there for another. Second is understand that you're listening for thoughts and emotions. To be good with emotions, you have to explore them within yourself. So that's kind of the full loop of empathy and you'll be tired from practicing it. It's not easy. Question that a lot of the audience has asked, we had Mimi compile some questions,

is about narcissism. Is narcissistic personality disorder curable? And how do you deal with the narcissist? Okay. That's really good. So let's separate this out. NPD, narcissistic personality disorder. Let's separate that out from people that have narcissistic tendencies. Okay. So NPD, let's define it for just a moment. It's born out of the Greek myth and it's born out of the idea of narcissus, you know? And so essentially, narcissus fell in love with his own reflection. Okay. And so in modern times though, the way that we think about it is that the person is so distorted in how they view the world that they have the inability to understand that people are separate from themselves. Lauren, what that means is that when I see right now, I think you're wearing a black, is it a blazer? I can't tell. What are you wearing? A black robe. I'm a little lazy.

Yeah. Okay. So I see you wearing a black robe. And then I say, if I'm narcissistic, personality disorder, you are reflecting me. See how distorted this is? You don't have your own life. You're reflecting me. And I think like, well, what are people going to think of what she's wearing? Because it's a reflection of me. And then, so I would berate you. I would make you feel awful until you changed it to a pink robe. Explain it literally. Say you're in a fight with someone that has narcissistic personality disorder. Are you in a losing battle? Yes. Because what they'll do at the end of the fight, they'll flip the chessboard. They just flip the chessboard. There's no winning against, let's call them,

let's be kind and call, there's a kind of a bundle of these disorders. Let's call them difficult personalities for just a moment, right? And it's borderline personality disorder. It's people who are manic in a phase. It is certainly NPD. At the end of the fight, they just flip the chessboard. It's done, like they win. And so it's really important that you know that you don't really matter with an NPD and you never really want to back yourself into a corner with an NPD. And if you back them into a corner, watch out. Yeah. So should you not back them into a corner? What should you do if you're dealing? You should just what? Try to diffuse it? I think you're in a really unhealthy situation. Let me ask you this. So maybe somebody's listening and they realize like, oh shit, maybe I have this. Maybe if you have it,

you don't even realize you have it. That's the problem. They don't. Yeah, that's the problem. They don't. That's the problem, Michael. They don't know they have it because they're so narcissistic. So is someone with NPD, is this just like a lifelong diagnosis? Yeah. But let's separate out NPD versus narcissistic tendencies. Okay. Okay. You both have them. Sure. Yeah. So do I. Michael has more than me. I'm just kidding. That's narcissistic of me to say. I'm starting to see my reflection to you. And so, I'm just kidding. So, you know, that's very different. That's like somebody who it's like, oh God, they're so obnoxious because they just keep talking about themselves and they don't really

see anybody else. And like, it's all about them and their narrative and their stories. It's like, oh God. So that's more like annoying, if you will. Those people can snap out of that. They just, they're practiced in it better. You know, they've got the tendency to go there. So under stress or under sometimes quiet space, they'll lean into that way as opposed to somebody who's got a tendency for compassion or kindness or they lean into that. But I imagine in your field, working with a lot of athletes, you probably see that a lot. And to some degree, it's probably what makes them perform. I don't know, I could be wrong, but I would assume specifically in a field that's as competitive as that, that there's probably a lot of narcissistic tendencies. A lot. Welcome to elite just about anything. I mean, I'll be nice. I'll say 50%

have tendencies. I'll be nice. But how do you help a true NPD turn on the lights? How? Turn on the lights. How? No. Literally physical lights? Give them the microphone, turn on the lights, like put them on stage. Like that's how you work with them.

That's, that's all they're, that's all they're searching for. They want attention. That's it. When you say don't back them into the corner, what does that mean? As soon as they get stressed, they thrash. And so they thrash at, it's like they're cutting themselves in a way, but it's you, you know, because they can't tell the difference, but they are going to thrash. And so you've probably been at the whips end of it.

And I'll compare it. There's a great title. It's about borderline personalities disorder, which there's some differences, but there's some similarities in the way that you manage it. I hate you, habits that are small. For instance, one of mine that I've been using is a freezing cold shower that you do throughout the day to either wind down or wake up. I know you shared you're grateful, your intention, putting your feet to the ground, doing your breath, but are there any little things that you do to check in with yourself throughout the day? Yeah. Thank you. So I have a set of practices that I work and let's go upstream before we get lost in the tactics. Upstream is that most people are sympathetic dominant. Most people are under duress and stress, even micro levels, call it chronic stress throughout the day. So it's sympathetic dominant. What we're trying to do with most of the practices is activate the parasympathetic

system, the rest and digest. So to oversimplify, it's like the on and the off. And again, without awareness, you're not sure which to toggle, which to employ. So the beginning morning mindset practice that I talked about is really a parasympathetic activation, you know, turning on some rest or some recovery stuff, even before I get started, because I know I'm going to hit the ground running. So next thing I do in the morning is music. So I just get the vibe, right? Yeah, I use music. What are we listening to? What are we jamming out to? Yeah, you know, oftentimes, so I've got an 11-year-old son, and he developed a playlist for the mornings. And so it's really, it's his music, but it's upbeat, fun, kind of, you know, kind of get going, sing along type stuff.

That's usually happening. The next things that are really important for me is that I toggle between intermittent fasting and not. And so the first thing, if I'm fasting, then I'm waiting, you know, to eat. But if I'm not, then I get a really solid meal in. So I start my day with a big solid meal, which is lots of colors, healthy protein. Just for note, I don't eat things with four legs. So that's part of my thing.

I was a vegan for a long time, but I'm eating chicken and fish at this point. So starting with sustenance, stuff that builds is a big part of it. Cold showers. Yeah, I like them. I've been using is a big part of it. Cold showers. Yeah, I like them. I've been using them a little bit more lately. I like warmth, you know, so some light. I make sure that I get sunlight in my eyes first thing in the morning as well. So whether that's a walk or sitting on in my backyard just for a little bit to get some

sun in. And that's all important for homeostasis, balancing the brain. And I know you guys know about this. What else am I doing? I'm meditating just about every day. And so I'm making sure I have time for contemplation and then some sort of fitness, making sure that I'm sending signals to my brain to stay long and to stay strong. So sometimes I'm lifting heavy stuff and sometimes I'm doing things that require some length and sometimes there's a hybrid between the two. And the last

system that I'm making sure I'm doing is laughing as often as I can. So connecting with people, laughing, you know, being almost reckless with love and joy and freedom and fun. Those are some of the really concrete things that I'm trying to do throughout the day. And I've got specific times, other than the laughter, I don't schedule laughter, but I've got specific times that I organize my day. And when I do those things, I celebrate like a madman. So when I'm going to the gym, like sometimes it's hard to drag your ass to the gym, you know, but when I'm in my gym right now is my garage. But when I'm going in there, I'm celebrating like,

hot damn, I'm one step closer. Let's go. And so I'm flooding myself with dopamine so that I don't rely on social media to get dopamine. And remember that dopamine is the chemical in the brain that is a feel good reward thing. So when you get some dopamine, you associate it with what you're doing. And I don't want to be in front of social media. But if I'm getting dopamine, which we do, while we're on social media, we're going to do it more. So I want to oversteer and get lots of dopamine from these madman celebrations like, yes, right? You know, talk to myself celebrating, I just crushed a workout, or I'm going to get a workout. And it doesn't look phony, it's authentic. But I'm making sure that I'm priming dopamine in the parts of my life I want more of.

Yeah. I mean, listen, in terms of social media, I'm not one of these guys that's like, I mean, I think social media is an amazing tool and amazing technology. But I think we are living through a period here where this period, particularly with COVID, has exhibited some of the most negative aspects of social media because we're cooped up at home without sunlight, without our gyms, without social interaction, staring at a phone all day long. And I think the spread of information is so quick. And unfortunately, a lot of that information is not good. And so like you said, I actually think we're living through a time right here where this

is highlighting a lot of really bad things about, let's call it social media or the internet or whatever. And hopefully we get out of this soon and get a little bit further away from it. I know it's a tool and I know we all use it, but you know, you got to recognize the good and some of the really bad. Who needs your book? Oh God, thank you. Let me hit the social media note real quick. And I love that you answer that or ask that question to me. Thank you. Is that I'm super, I'm bullish on social media because it was, we got lost. The look at me, Insta, whatever, we got lost. And I think what's coming next is authenticity. We're moving away from it. I agree. I agree. I think that's what podcasts like this are for too, to have these conversations. You can't have this on an image picture. You can't

have this on social, but that's why I love podcasting so much is getting to talk to guys like you because it really is, you go so much deeper. And in the beginning, people were trying to figure it out, taking a selfie, taking a picture of your food, taking an outfit, taking something you bought. And I think that's becoming stale. And I think the youth is not liking that anymore. And they want a little bit more. They want to see behind the scenes. They want to see some vulnerability. So I hope that's where it goes. I don't think we're there yet, but I think we're getting there. Amen. The book, it's think we're getting there. Amen. The book, it's called Compete to Create.

It's named after the business that Coach Carroll, the head coach of the Seattle Seahawks, and I built. And I'm super excited for this first book. It's been a long time coming. I'm super honored to be able to basically do what we've done is we pull back the curtain. And the book is designed to help people know what happens inside the most high-performing organizations on the planet, the Seahawks being one of them that I've been fortunate enough to be part of. But how do we organize our inner lives? How do we help other humans that are already high-performing organize their inner life and train their mind to flourish, to be fulfilled, to live authentically. And so it's called Compete to Create, an approach to living and leading

authentically. And so it's infused by science. It is informed by being on the frontier and sometimes in high consequence and environments that I've been fortunate to be part of in some rugged, high pressure environments. And so we're really just, that's it, pulling back the curtain, help people condition and train their minds to live in the present moment more often so that they can create a rising tide in their life for themselves and for others.

So it sounds like a lot of people need your book. Well, let's hope. And we made it as simple as we can. Like here are the five pillars. We've made it crystal clear. Here's the five main pillars to invest in when it comes to upgrading your mind, right? And self-discovery. We walk through what a self-discovery process is and how to do it, how to generate your

philosophy, how to get crystal clear with the vision of the man or woman you want to be. That's one. The second pillar is what are the psychological skills? What are they and how do I train them? How do I train confidence? We'll show you. How do I train calm?

We'll show you exactly how to do that. And then psychological framework. So we've got skills and framework. How do I think about myself and the world and explain events healthily? And then we've got recovery tactics and strategies. How do I recover well? If I'm going to get after it in life, how do I do that? And the fifth pillar is mindfulness. What's the science and the art of that practice? Well, everybody's definitely got to check it out.

I'm actually going to get it on Audible right now because I'm on the link right now. Guys, Dr. Michael Gervais, thank you so much for coming on. We should have done this sooner. Just reminding me why I love having you on so much. Check out his podcast, Finding Mastery. Definitely check out the book, Compete to Create. Anything else you want to throw out there? Yeah. What's your Instagram handle? It's at, oh, cool. It's at Michael Gervais. And last time we met, I asked you guys, I said, hey, I'm kind of getting rolling on this podcast thing. And what are some ideas you have for me? And you said, get somebody to help you on social. And I did. And it's been a massive accelerant.

So thank you for that nudge. And so last name is spelled G-E-R-V-A-I-S, Michael Gervais. And we'll link everything out in the show notes, everybody. Check it out for sure. I love your content. I love what you're doing. I love what you're putting out there. You guys are awesome.

I just learned so much. No, thank you guys. You guys are legends. And so seriously, thank you for that nudge. And I'm still a rookie at it. You know, we're trying to get better. No, you're kicking ass. I'm going to look right now.

I'm going to see really quickly. I see your stuff everywhere, man. And you're kicking ass. Thank you so much for taking the time. That was one of the most interesting conversations that we've had. Thank you so much. Okay. Talk soon.

All the best. Wait, fun giveaway. Dr. Michael Gervais has offered to give away three of his new books. It's called Compete to Create. All you have to do is let us know your favorite part of this episode on my latest Instagram at the Skinny Confidential and someone from the team will drop into your inbox and we'll pick three winners. With that, we will see you next Tuesday. Thanks for listening.