The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast - Ed Mylett Pt. 2 - How To Achieve Your Goals, Enjoy Success, Strive For More, & Hold Yourself Accountable, All While Avoiding Burnout

Episode Date: December 31, 2019

#238: On this New Year's episode we are sitting down with the one and only Ed Mylett! Ed is a best selling author, top 50 wealthiest under 50, global speaker, and serial entrepreneur. This is Ed's second appearance on the show. His first appearance was on January 1st of 2019 and it's a top 10 listener favorite. In this episode Ed is back to help kick off 2020 and as always he delivers! On today's show we discuss how to achieve your goals, enjoy your success, strive for more, & hold yourself accountable all while avoiding burnout.  To connect with Ed Mylett click HERE To connect with Lauryn Evarts click HERE To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM To Call the Him & Her Hotline call: 1-833-SKINNYS (754-6697) This episode is brought to you by Joovv. Experience the benefits of red light therapy by one of the best in the business; JOOVV! To experience the Joovv and receive a free gift with purchase go to joovv.com/skinny This episode is brought to you by ButcherBox This year it’s time to eat better and spend less time and money at the grocery store. Thanks to ButcherBox this is all possible. ButcherBox is a meat delivery subscription that delivers high quality meat for a better price than the grocery store. All meat is free of antibiotics and hormones. Options like 100% grass-fed and finished beef, free-range chicken, wild caught salmon and more. Right now you can get two pounds of salmon absolutely free, plus twenty dollars off your first box. Visit ButcherBox.com/SKINNY or use promo code SKINNY at checkout. This episode is brought to you by RITUAL Forget everything you thought you knew about vitamins. Ritual is the brand that’s reinventing the experience with 9 essential nutrients women lack the most. If you’re ready to invest in your health, do what I did and go to www.ritual.com/skinny  Your future self will thank you for taking Ritual: Consider it your ‘Lifelong-Health-401k’. Why put anything but clean ingredients (backed by real science) in your body? Produced by Dear Media

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. do not get the vitamins and minerals they need on a daily basis. So Ritual created a smarter vitamin with the nine essential ingredients women lack most. Go to ritual.com slash skinny today to choose clean ingredients backed by science. Sign up now at ritual.com slash skinny. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride.

Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to the Skinny Confidential, him and her. Aha! So what I would say to you is absolutely, I can tell you exactly what to do. You need to begin to make promises to yourself. Set up the game early where you can keep them, stack that stuff and create momentum. And what happens is you will begin to build a reputation with yourself that you can trust you. And that's what a self-confident person has. That's what you have. That's what you have is you've built a pattern with you of

keeping the promises you make to yourself. That's what self-confidence is. happy happy new year that clip was from our guest of the show today ed my let ed my let is one of my favorite guests we have ever had on the show. If you have not listened to his first episode, I highly recommend. Guys, like Lauren just said, we started off 2019 with an Ed Milet episode all about peak performance. That was all the way back in January 1st of 2019. So you're getting this one a day early, December 31st, 2019. Great way to kick off the new year with one of the most motivational speakers we've had on this podcast. I'm telling you, if you haven't heard him before, go back all the way back to a year ago when he first came on. On today's episode, we're talking about motivation, how to find strength, empathy, and most of all, how to find confidence within yourself. Guys, this is one of our favorite guests on the show. Ed, open invite

anytime you want, brother. And also, I just want to say that when I consume content in the morning while I'm making the bed and making my sports tea and getting ready and doing my almond butter and walking to Pilates, it's typically Ed Milet probably 75% of the time. He's become like an online mentor to me. I have learned so much from him. You guys are going to see why I'm so in love with him secretly. Sorry, Michael, from this episode. So I personally think this is an insane way to start your new year. Hopefully, you're making your sports tea in the kitchen ready to conquer the day. For those of you who are unfamiliar with Ed Milet,

we're going to hop right into it. He is a serial entrepreneur. He's a vision leader. He's a global speaker. And he is a performance coach to some of the gnarliest people in the world. Think top politicians, celebrities, athletes, influencers. You get it. With that, let's welcome Ed back to the Skinny Confidential Him and Her Show. This is the Skinny Confidential Him and Her. All right. One of our favorite people.

One of our favorite people. One of our best performing all-time guests. Didn't believe me, but I swear to God, it's true. Ed Milet, back on the show. Last, it's been one year. We had you kick off 2019 new year good for you're so far along for eight and a half months pregnant i'm about to pop yeah and you said it was pretty easy too it's been pretty easy but i have to be honest i really miss alcohol i knew you would say something i do and also the gaining weight thing we've talked about this on my show has been like hard where did you gain it i don't see any weight oh my god she's too hard on herself she's too hard on herself yeah are you yeah you're not hard on her but she's hard on you no she's way hard i tell her i'm like listen you're growing a healthy baby like have fun that's exactly right by the way and the genetic combo is completely unfair between the two of you

we'll see it's gonna be gorgeous listen i'm just happy it's healthy right now you know yeah let's hope that it gets my nose though still i'm putting that out into the ether okay so it's healthy right now, you know? Yeah, let's hope that it gets my nose though, still. I'm putting that out into the ether. Okay, so let's hop right into this because this is a theme that I keep hearing on your show, you on other shows. And I just, I think that this is a good way to start the new year. Why is perfectionism hurting you?

Well, perfectionism is a cop-out, number one, because you know going in that it's not a real standard that you can maintain. And so it's your's it's not a real standard that you can maintain and so it's your way out most people say they're perfectionists as a way out of doing things right and it's hurting you because it's an impossible thing to achieve because if you are a perfectionist you've already set the game up where no matter what you do you're deficient it's funny because on my show when i started my show it's mainly achievers, right? And I wondered when I did it, what will they all have in common? Like, is it hard work? They got lucky brains. And ironically,

like I've been shocked, not every single person, but the vast majority, what they have the most in common is a mild touch of depression. Does that surprise you? Like on and off camera, a mild touch of depression. And I know why that is, I think. And I think it's because people that are achievers set these incredibly high standards for themselves, and they're never measuring up. There's always this incongruency between what they think they're capable of and what they're doing. And the worst of those are the perfectionist people, because then they never live up. So not only is it a standard you'll never meet, it's a cop-out to not doing things, but it's wiring yourself for misery your entire life

because you'll never live up. You'll always have that gap. You've already pre-wired yourself for some form of depression, anxiety, worry all of the time. One of the worst things you could do to yourself is to call yourself or make yourself a perfectionist. What are other excuses that you keep hearing? Like for, I'll give you one of mine

that I hear all the time. Well, I can't go blog on Instagram because it's saturated. I can't stand that. That's a biggie too. Yeah, the other one is that people think they have nothing to offer. People sell themselves super short, right?

So it's not imposter syndrome. That's different where when you're achieving, but you sometimes think maybe people they're going to figure out I'm not as great as great as i am i have a little bit of that from time to time i think everybody does the big one i have is i don't have anything to offer nobody's going to listen to me somebody's already doing it my brother-in-law for example just started a dad podcast and he came to me because i just want to do a podcast and i said well i think what's your best dad is being a dad he He's not a super big earner in life.

You know, he's not in unbelievable shape. He's a wonderful father. And I said, you want to podcast about that? You want to talk about that? He goes, nobody wants to hear about that. There's already a dad podcast. I'm like, Brian, there's not your version of it, dude. It's not your message, your way of doing it. And you shouldn't do it to get downloads or likes.

You should do it as a form of expression of yourself. Not enough people just give themselves credit that one of the things you were born to do is express yourself, whether that's through spoken word, written word, music, the way you treat people. These are forms of expression, right? And so for me, I think the big one is, well, no one will listen to me. I don't have anything to offer. Every human being does.

And I don't say that in like a corny way either. I learn a lot from my own audience, as I know you guys do too. And not all of them make millions of dollars a year or have built huge companies. I learn a lot about how to treat one another, about different ways of thinking, about experiencing the world. Particularly for me, as you were saying before we went on, a lot of my following is women. And for me kind of being, I don't know, you know, at least on outward appearances, sometimes, you know, a masculine male, I have an awful lot of followers that are women or feminine. And I've learned a lot about how to treat people differently, how to communicate differently from my audience. So everybody has something to teach somebody else.

You know, it's funny sitting in my seat, 90% of the talent that I find to be the most successful are the ones that set out without an intention to try to earn money or money. It was because they wanted to do what you said, express themselves. They wanted to create something to put out in the world and provide value to people listening, watching, reading, whatever it is. The business kind of just popped up out of nowhere once they started doing that. Brother, that's the most amazing thing. I had a whole day. There's a well-known celebrity person that I coach and I was with him yesterday. And that's exactly what I told him. I said, you need to stop trying to start with the money in mind first and start with the expression,

the need, the desire, your gift. I can honestly tell you, I've obviously been blessed financially. I've not started any of my businesses with the idea to make money in the very beginning. When I started in the financial business, I had just come out of the group home, the orphanage that I worked at. And I was like, these kids all come from broken families. I'm going to go serve these families. I never computed in the beginning, like this is going to make me a lot of money. It wasn't my intention to do it, nor have any of the businesses that I've started. 100% right. It's so funny. I mean, I think it's so funny that people, I think they believe now with any type of content with art, there needs to be a monetary association with in order to be successful they don't think like hey i'm just

going to go out and create anymore people just can't they can't wrap their head around like if you just get out and create things that that will start bringing value to people and they'll want to support you they won't support you and maybe and maybe you won't make a ton of money doing it but maybe you'll create change doing it too i had a guest on my show maybe you'll be happy maybe you'll be happier you'll certainly be fulfilled when your fulfillment is the process of giving your gift or serving other people it's the only thing that ever fulfills you there's a lie out there people say well material things won't make you happy total lie yeah yeah when i bought my jet i was happy right you buy a nice car you're happy you get a nice pair of shoes you have a nice meal you're happy it's just a lie that those things don't

make you happy what they won't ever do is fulfill you. It's fleeting. It's not long lasting. It doesn't fill your soul up with something. One of my most impactful guests ever was a lady named Kayla Stockland. And she makes no money with the speaking she does. I love that episode. Thank you. And her husband was a pastor, three children, six, four, and two years old. He goes to one of their football games, kisses his children, six, four, and two years old. He goes to one of their football games, kisses his children, goes back to their church to prepare his message, and hangs himself. Yeah.

And she has taken that message of what it's done to her family, and she's changing lives, man. And when she started, because I knew her before, she's like, well, who would want to listen to me? No one wants. I'm like, maybe you won't make a ton of money doing it, but I'm going to tell you something, you're going to change the world. You're literally not going to change lives. You're actually going to save lives with your message. Lo and behold, just now she's starting getting paid to do some

of this speaking. It was never the intention. We never saw that coming, but it was her form of expression. It was also for many people, it was her form of healing. She was healing herself by helping other people, by expressing her pain, right? So for some of you, some of your businesses may be to express yourself. It may be to heal you. It may to make a difference for other people. And ultimately there's a high probability

it'll be profitable if you get good at it. You have to get good at it too. It takes practice, takes time. You speak a lot about serving people. You said that you've, you sort of had it all, but you said in your podcast that what gets you off now is serving people. You said that you've sort of had it all, but you've said in your podcast that what gets you off now is serving people.

Yeah. Can you speak on that? Yeah. You guys are the best at this, by the way. It surprises me how much I like it, to be really honest with you. I think when I was younger, I think this version of me as a grown man

might even surprise me when I was young, to the extent of how much I love helping people. It's not work for me. I think this version of me as a grown man might even surprise me when I was young to the extent of how much I love helping people. It's not work for me. It's like my calling. It's almost like I found my home in my life. And so the first chapters of my life were all about business and making a difference for other people.

I made a lot of money, but I really wanted to, I kept telling myself, this isn't even filling me up. And so for me, every time I'm down, every time I'm hurting, every time I'm lost, I get anxiety. I get worried. I have this button I push, which you may sound crazy, but how can I make a difference for somebody else? How can I help them? When I'm really feeling my worst is when I call my friends and check in on them. When I'm really hurting the most is when it's nuts. I just did this. I got into the elevator in the parking garage here. This is going to sound so twisted, but it's little things that I do that

make me feel fulfilled. I press the button to go in the elevator to come down to come see you guys. This guy walks up next to me and he presses up to go up and it was a parking garage. For some reason, I got this sense. This just happened. This guy was sitting next to me. I looked at him, gave me a great smile. I said, hello, bro. He just had this look on his face, right? And I wanted to ask him if he was okay, gave me a great smile. I said, hello, bro. He just had this look on his face, right? And I wanted to ask him if he was okay, but I didn't. But I went up with him in the elevator just now. I went up.

And while we were in there, it makes me emotional now. I don't know why I did this, but we were in the elevator. I just said a prayer for him. I just said, God, give him peace. Give him comfort. Give him strength right now. And he got out of the elevator and he turns around. And I said, hey, man, have a great day. And he gave me this huge smile. Like his whole disposition changed on the ride up. I think he knew I rode up with him. I don't think he knew why I did.

And for me, that gave me the gift, not him. Like I feel great having done that. I feel energized. I'm not having a great day coming here today. My mom and dad are both really in a bad space. And I was talking to them all the way up. The way out of that, the pathway out of that for me was to serve somebody else. Quick break to talk about new year, new you, new juve. I have been standing butt naked every morning in my man cave with red light therapy all over my body for the past three months. I am so on point. My skin has never been better, stronger than ever.

Man parts are working better than ever. I am so on point. My skin has never been better, stronger than ever. Man parts are working better than ever. I am fucking on point, Lauren. And you know what's funny is that today I woke up and I was grumpy. I had my second cry of the pregnancy last night. My hormones were all over the place. And Michael looked at me in the most loving way and he goes, I think you need to go stand in front of the juve. And the reasons that he wanted me to stand in front of the juve is because it gives you more energy. It puts you in a better mood. Honestly, I always say that it feels like it turned the lights on. Like, you know, when you get adjusted by a chiropractor and it feels like the chiropractor turned the lights on, that's how it feels after you use a juve. It enhances sleep,

reduces pain, inflammation, and increases libido, which we don't need any more of your libido right now, Michael. No, no. For those of you that are on the fence, I really, I highly suggest you go and listen to episode 233. We had the founders of the juve team

come on the show and talk about the benefits of red light therapy. Guys, we're living in a world where our circadian rhythms are messed up. You know, we're working under all these bright lights all the time.

Our sleep patterns are off. Our health is off. Our skin is off. Our hormones are unbalanced. And it's because we're lacking a lot of the benefits that red light therapy can bring. So we had the founders on this show just to talk about all the benefits. And like Lauren said, who doesn't want better skin, better sleep, better libido, all of these things red light therapy can help you accomplish. And that's why we partnered with Juve to give you a special offer just for our beloved listeners. Go to juve.com slash skinny. That's J-O-O-V-V.com slash skinny and use code skinny to receive a free gift with your purchase. I'm telling you, this is a game changer. Lauren and I both love this product so much. I know you guys will too. And definitely check out the one that I use, the mini. And with that, let's get back into the show.

Going back to when you were younger, younger days, what would your older self tell your younger self now? Like think yourself 20s, 30s. How would you, you know, because you're so different now, you're focused on different things. Like how would you coach yourself back then? And I would even like for you, just because I'm a consumer of your content,

to tell yourself what you would tell yourself at 20, 30, and 40? Because those are different eras. So is there certain things that you would give advice in separate sort of segments? We're doing this selfishly because we want to know. Yes. Well, the first thing for me is I would go back to that five-year-old, 10-year-old, 20-year-old, 30-year-old, even 40-year-old me. And I just say, hey man, everything's going to be okay. I have this thing about me. It's why I love helping other people. I kind of just was wired as a little boy with worry and anxiety all the time. I wish somebody would have said, Hey man, it's going to be okay. I relate to that.

Yeah. Do you? Yeah. And I would say that to the whole audience. It's going to be okay. God loves you. You're blessed. You're favored. Everything's going to be okay. You're wonderful. You're amazing. You're special. You're chosen. You were born for a reason. I wish I could go back to that little boy or even the 20-year-old and go, hey, man, you were born to do something great with your life, and you're going to find it. And just keep serving people. Keep making a difference. Keep believing in yourself. Keep improving yourself. Keep growing. That's what I'd say to the younger version of me. The 30-year-old version of me, I would have told myself back then, probably the 30-year-old version of me, I would have said, enjoy the journey more. I think in my 20s, I was all about achievement and running.

Maybe I'm backwards for most people. I think a lot of people in their 20s are partying. And I was like, man, I wanted to win. I wanted to be somebody. I wanted to make it. And I think if I could grab me at 30, I would have said, hey, man, enjoy this. With the two of you having your children children regularly, Christiana will say, do you remember when Max, you know, my little boy went and I'll go, I don't, I don't remember,

you know, or, or do you remember when Bella had her first? I don't remember. You were just out there working too hard. I was too much. And for everybody that's out there, I want you winning. I want you achieving. I want you growing. But the greatest gift you could actually give yourself is to be present more often, to just put your phone down, be present, enjoy the moment. The thing about social media that's wonderful is we get to do all this stuff. The downside is we're far less present than we used to be. And between social media, between how hard I was working, I wasn't there enough.

In other words, I just went moment to moment to moment, win to win to win to win to win, and never just took it in and enjoyed it. That's what I would have told the 30-year-old me is, hey, man, you're only in your 30s once. Everybody listen to this. You're only in the prime of your life, which is probably 25 to 55 years old, at least physically for most people.

That's a short window of time and eternity. Enjoy it. Have some more bliss in your life. Win, compete, achieve. But I'd have told eternity. Enjoy it. Have some more bliss in your life. Win, compete, achieve. But I'd have told myself to enjoy it a little bit more. And that's what's happened to me in my 40s. I figured out, you know, I talk about this a lot about being blissfully dissatisfied, but I figured out, I used to think, man, if I enjoy this right now, if I start to take this all in, I'm going to lose all my drive, all my desire, all my ambition is going to go away if I start enjoying it, which was a total lie. Actually, the more you enjoy the moment,

the more you celebrate it, the more your brain gets this dopamine hit that says, let's do this again. Let's do this again. I started to burn out. Literally burnout is the process of not enjoying the previous wins, the previous moments. And your brain fries and goes, I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to do this work anymore. i would that's what i've done in my 40s it's different as i've celebrated more i've enjoyed more that's really good we need to do that more both of us because we're probably in i'm probably at least me speaking personally i'm in the seat where it's like achieve okay achieve achieve and there's never a moment where it's like oh that was that was good we could celebrate that a little bit we could take a step back and enjoy it you you you need a composition notepad so do i so i'm gonna talk to guys like that because both of us do so do most

people by the way this is the human condition and then and here's why our few friends who seem to be enjoying themselves all the time are the ones not achieving sometimes right you're like well yeah i got my buddy from high school he's he's always having a beer and a blast and he doesn't do shit. So that formula doesn't work. So we equate celebrating and partying and enjoying to lack of achievement. They're not correlated at all. Blissful dissatisfaction means this. You can be blissfully dissatisfied. People conflate two different things. Satisfaction and happiness are completely separate things, but people think they're the same thing. They think, well, if I'm satisfied, I lose all of my desire. No, I'm blissfully, I'm happily dissatisfied still. I like chasing stuff. I like the journey. I like the run. But if the whole journey is you

never stop and see any of the places you've been, I've seen you guys in some of these beautiful places you guys go. And every once in a while, I feel good, at least on your your social when i see you yeah michael i'm like i think he's enjoying this moment right now i think they're enjoying this we do we do enjoy travel i think we do i think we enjoy travel you take it you take some time off those that those trips are the ones time i like that's probably an instance where i am enjoying i am taking time but there should be more there's a danger can i tell you what that pattern is i have a few friends i had that too that your pattern is i only enjoy things when i leave my environment so when i'm in my environment all the time that's the place i don't enjoy myself and so in the challenge with

that is you're going to be in your environment 95 to 99 of your life right so that's the next level guys go well that's not true when we go to cabo man i let it go man for like three days every 150 days. Yeah, that Cabo airport's seen me in some bad states. So you know what I'm saying? So you got to make sure that you're not, you have that pattern where your environment is a place you don't enjoy yourself because you're gonna be in your environment all the time. What does it look like when, I mean, you coach all these high performers and athletes and

celebrities. What is it a coaching session with you look like? You mean like the first one? Yeah. It could even be the third one. And what's a common denominator you see in these individuals? What are they lacking? What are they looking for?

What do they need help with? Happiness. 100% of the time. Everything in the universe comes back to, I want to be happier. So I want to build a big old company. Why? So you have a bunch of green pieces of paper. No, you think all those green pieces of paper will make you happier. Well, I want to have, you know, um, a jet. Well, why do you want to have a jet? Because I think flying around on my own plane will make me happier. Everything comes back to

happiness. And the irony is that most of the people that are become, that are achieving things are not wired to have more happiness. So usually what a first session is like, is that most of the people that are achieving things are not wired to have more happiness. So usually what a first session is like is a lot of listening for me and getting them clear on what it is they actually want. Because 99.9% of them come to me for what they think they want, which is, would you show me how to get more movie roles? Can you show me how to get out of this slump I'm in because I have two for my last 40 at the plate, or I've missed six straight putts to win golf tournaments, right? And they think that's what

they want. But what's really blocking them is their inability, their lack of patterns, their lack of skills to be happy. If you think about it, everywhere in the world, right? You learn how to do different things. There's no course. Our parents didn't teach us. Our parents probably weren't that happy. We probably weren't raised around happy people. And so there's no course, no mechanism, no learning, no environment, no large group of associations where we learn to be happier. So the truth is the vast majority of humans aren't quite as happy as they'd like to be.

Well, it makes sense because if you think about the people that, for your level of coaching, they're already kind of hit the society benchmarks. A lot of them probably already have the money and the success and the companies and the jets, and they're still not happy. They're in the most, Michael, you're brilliant. They're in the most dangerous place. They're like, I did this. Because society validated them.

It still didn't get me. It still didn't fill me up. It still didn't do it for me. And usually when you ask them, crazy question, what have you been doing to serve other people? What are you doing to make a difference? Like all of my athletes, number one requirement, if you're going to work with me paid or unpaid is you're going to start some type of a foundation. And they're like, why in the world is that one of the first?

Because I'm going to force you egomaniac, selfish athletes. Since you were 12 years old, you were the biggest, fastest, strongest. Everywhere you went, you've been treated special. You don't relate to normal people very well. All your life, you've been this way. I'm going to get you out of you, out of your ego and into serving other people. I'm going to force this with you, with these environments. And the athletes that I know that take their profile, their money, their influence to serve

other people are always the happiest athletes. And here's what's ironic. They make more putts. It's not that I don't teach them, as you know, my stuff. I teach them neuro-linguistic programming. I teach them how to use a reticular activating system. I teach them all the triggers and anchors and skills to get into peak states and filter things out.

All the technical things I teach are mandatory for them to win. But to get them to be a whole human being, I have to get them serving other people. It sounds like you give them a whole toolbox. I try. I give them the tools I have. I don't have the whole toolbox, but I give them what I have. And again, from working with them, I often learn things. So, you know, I don't have all the tools. I don't have all the answers. And the reason that I'm a little bit effective at helping people is because I had to learn these tools out of necessity for myself. In other words, usually when you find somebody who seems to have their act together on personal

development or self-confidence or achievement, if you met them way back when, they weren't even baseline. I wasn't even a baseline person. I was a super low identity, super lack of confidence, super introverted, super shy, super down on myself, super, super insecure. I had to learn these things to function as a human, nevermind achieve. So what happened is it just became an addiction of how to get better, how to make my brain work better, how to be happier, how to help people, how to program myself. All that stuff was necessity because I started so far back down the ladder. I think that there's something that you don't talk about often,

but you have a tool in your toolbox, which is your wife. And I just was listening to you and Matthew. I don't know his last name. Pussy. Yeah, he's awesome. He's incredible. On your podcast about relationships.

And he said something so interesting to me. He said that you're actually selfish if you want to start your own business. That's a selfish thing. It caught me too. Yeah. And he said that to you and I could tell like, I was like, whoa, he's right. Why should you think that your partner should just co-sign your dream and be all about your dream when you're doing something that is so incredibly selfish.

So I guess what I would like you to speak on is how has your wife's selflessness given you a foundation for your business and for you to thrive? Hot little break to talk about the meat that you're eating. All right. So we have been talking a lot about high quality meat on the Skinny Confidential, him and her podcast. And you know, I personally love efficiency, like things straight to your door. So it shouldn't surprise you that we chose to partner with ButcherBox. For those of you who don't know what ButcherBox is, it's a meat delivery subscription that gives you more time for what matters most.

So you get high quality meats right to your home. All the meat is free of antibiotics and added hormones. So, you know, you don't have to like go vet it or anything. And each box has nine to 11 pounds of meat. It's packed fresh and shipped frozen and vacuum sealed. So it stays that way. And what I love about it, like, especially for us is that you can customize your box and they have options like a hundred percent grass fed and finished beef, free range, organic chicken, heritage pork, wild caught Alaskan salmon, which is very good for the baby. And then they also have sugar nitrate free bacon, which is amazing with eggs. ButcherBox is basically the most affordable and convenient way to get healthy, humanely raised meat. So check out ButcherBox because like I said, you get the highest quality meat for around $6 a meal. And they even have free shipping nationwide. Right now you can get two pounds of salmon absolutely free plus $20 off your first box.

Just go to butcherbox.com slash skinny or use promo code skinny at checkout. That's butcherbox.com slash skinny or use promo code skinny at checkout. You guys are going to love this high quality meat straight to your door. All right, let's get back to Ed. I just ended up with this. Like you guys, we met really young. We met when I was five years old. But first off, I think God introduced me to her because I think had we not met when we were, I'd probably be incarcerated by now, right?

Like I think I had to just have this really, I had to have someone in my life who wanted to make me want to be a better man. So she makes me, I'm not being, we have a normal relationship, as you know, all the time with fights and disagreements, but she makes me want to be better. What's selfless about her is that she really enjoys watching me win. She really enjoys watching me succeed. She wants me to become who I'm capable of becoming. Since we were little kids she's wanted

that now there's quirks to it i mean like i'd like her to be more excited when i do win like when we do it she's i'm like babe i did it you know and she's like yeah great babe you know i'm like hello you know what most people i think that gets both you guys hard though i think you guys like that i think you like when we're not overly excited you You know what it is? I don't give him too, you can't give him too much. Do you have that too? I probably have that too. I can't stroke it too much.

But I think both on the same side, it's, I think the reason she's like that with you is because she believes in you so much that she's not surprised. That's exactly what it is. That's what she'll tell me. She goes,

I know you're going to do that. When Lauren, my entire life, like with Lauren, Lauren used to put on this little act where she ran around with like a little dog and the blonde hair is like a real, you know,

like, you know, like it was like, was that legally blonde? Like it was like in high school and i used i used to get frustrated when we're kids and i'm like you're so much smarter than this you're so like not not demeaning or just i just knew her potential yeah and so everything she's achieved there like you know when she launched her blog when she launched her brand is i've never i'm not surprised by any of it like this was already destined for you and it's like and i believed it so much so

she sometimes will even get upset with me if i'm not celebrating like listen i already knew this was going to happen for you. You just know it about something. She'd probably like that with you. Well, I think you uncovered something huge. That is what she tells me. And I think you just hit on something huge because spouses will ask me often like,

how do I get my spouse to support what I'm doing? Christiana has not always supported what I'm doing. She hasn't even always believed in what I'm doing. She's always believed in me. Yeah, that's the key. So the key thing I would ask you, if you're in a relationship where they're not supporting the business you're starting, whatever you're doing is stop talking about the business. By the way, they might be right.

Your business may not work. You need to ask them if they believe in you. I think love is what you just said you have for her and what she has for you. I think love, if you distilled it way down is like, you really believe in them. You really believe in who they're capable of and who they really are. You could almost equate love and belief. Like if I look at my children, I believe in them so much about what they're capable of. That's my love for them. I see them as their best self, not as the mistakes they make all the time. And so Christiana, the key in our relationship, she is selfless. It's her belief in me. It's not her belief in me. It's not her belief in the businesses that I've started or even the people that I've

associated with. It's her belief in me. That's what makes it work. And if you think about it like that and it's a real belief in you, then it's hard to jump up and down and celebrate because it's like, you're not surprised. So jumping up and down is an actual, it's fake, right? It's because you've already, you already knew this was going to happen. You believe it so much.

When it happens, like, cool, we're here. This is what it is. One other thing that's been pretty special that may seem really small that I would just say is a gift that she gives me is she's grateful. She doesn't take it for granted. So although she expects me to do it, I left yesterday, had a long day yesterday, and she just texted me in the middle of the day, which was cool. She's just like, thank you for working so hard for our family. I love you so much. Or even when we leave dinner, which is weird because she's my wife, it's our money, right? But we'll leave dinner with the kids and she'll say in the car, she does it

every single time with the kids in the car too. She'll go, thank you, daddy, for dinner. Tell your daddy, thank you. And I say, thank you, babe, because it's ours, right? But the point is, is that she's always reminding herself to be grateful. If I could give you one little key to that, she was raised with a model of it. When we were dating, I've talked about this a lot. I really believe you have to stay intimate in your relationship. You got to touch each other. Otherwise, over time, I'm not just talking about sex either, but I do think that's important.

I told you guys this before, but over time, people grow apart because they're not as intimate. They don't touch. They don't hug. They don't hold hands. There's an intimacy to it. When I was a little boy and I'd go pick her up for dates with her house, you could look into the living room. I've told you this, but you'd look into the living room. It'd be a Saturday. I'm going to pick my girlfriend up. My parents loved each other, but they didn't express it in front of us. And I'd look in the living room and her mom and dad would have the TV off. I'm talking,

this has happened over a hundred times. It's a Saturday night, TV's off. They were in their sixties and they're slow dancing in the living room. Just in love, just dancing, just touching each other. Why the fuck don't you slow dance with me in the living room? I was slow dancing with the chihuahua the other day. And we don't slow dance in our living room either. The point I'm making is they showed their gratitude that way.

Yeah, they're showing love to each other. They're showing love. One last thing I want to say about relationships that we have done pretty good job of is that, you know how like when you're with someone a long time, you think you know them. Okay. Like I know him, I know her. We don't have that. We're constantly trying to learn new things about each other. When you think you got them figured out already, then there's no interest. There's no dating. There's no nothing. The truth is she's very different at 47 than she was at 27, than she was at 17, than she was at seven. There's a different woman there. I'm interested in getting to know her all the time. And I don't take for granted that I know everything all the time about her. That's

when your relationship gets stale too. Yeah. Matthew said like something about a landscape. It was a quote. I'm going to flip it. It was something about looking at the entire landscape and finding something new each time you look at it. Yeah, and he also said something powerful that I'd never heard before, whereas he said, I said, do you believe there's a one? And he goes, it's not about finding new relationships all the time. It's about being in a new relationship with the same person. That was pretty powerful.

Let's switch gears here a little bit. Not too much, but one component is key. We've been getting a lot of questions about you're the perfect person to ask about this, but in order to have fulfillment, in order to have a successful business, a successful relationship, to be happy, you have to have confidence, right? You begin to build our self-confidence up is we start setting promises up with ourselves that we keep. And when you begin to stack those promises, when I meet someone who's not self-confident, I know this is someone who is consistently broken promises they make to themselves. They start a diet. They don't stay with it. They say they're going to get up at a certain time of day. They don't do it. They say they're going to make a certain amount of contacts a day in their business. They don't do it. When I meet a confident person, this is someone who trusts themselves. So what I would say to you is absolutely, I can tell you exactly what to do. You need to begin to make promises to yourself, set up the game early where you can keep them, stack that stuff and create momentum. And what happens is you will begin to build a reputation with yourself that you can trust you. And that's what a self-confident person has. That's what you have. That's what you have

is you've built a pattern with you of keeping the promises you make to yourself. That's what self-confidence is. And so for the people that aren't doing that, it's just, they just continuously break them. And so like, is it, is it, they're setting, they're setting too big of promises? They're setting too big of promises and they're unintentional about it. They don't connect that me not doing these things I tell myself is destroying my self-confidence. They think, well, if I don't go to the gym, I'm just going to get fatter. It's way worse than that. If you said you're going to the gym and you don't go, not only do you get fatter, but

you erode your own self-confidence, which makes the nest promise even more difficult to keep. Well, I'm going to make this many contacts today. Well, punishment for that is I don't get the business growth. Bullshit. Not only do you not get the business growth, you've eroded more confidence with yourself. It's like any relationship. If you kept telling her, you kept telling Lauren things over and over again that you

were going to do that you didn't do. She's like, I don't trust this guy. Nothing he says, he doesn't keep his word. Imagine how detrimental it is to do it to yourself because you don't believe your own lies. At least if you were BSing her, well, I got stuck at work or this, you might be able to convince her. You can't do that with yourself. At least if you were BSing or, well, I got stuck at work or this, you might be able to convince her. You can't do that with yourself.

There's no way of lying it with yourself. So absolutely, you need to start setting things up initially that you know you can do. And you need to be intentional because it's destroying you when you don't do those things. Have we talked about that book together, Compelling People? Have I told you? Have we talked about that? I swear we talked about it. There's Compelling People.

He checks the list. Well, you check the list. But I think when I say to you, you'll understand. So it says there's two components. It says strength and warmth are two components of a compelling person. And you can't have just one. You have to have both to be somebody that is compelling to people. They say strength is like Ed tells you you're going to do something.

And I believe that you actually are. Like I fully believe whatever you tell me you're going to do, you're going to do. Right. But if you just have strength and that's it, you don't have warmth. Warmth is the component that when you do that thing, you're not just doing it for you. You're doing it to help others as well. So strength and warmth is, Ed's telling me he's going to do this, but I know when you do it, it's not just to help yourself. It's also to help me. So there's a lot of people that you can think about that are very strong and they tell you you're going to do something and you believe

they're going to do it, but they have no warmth because you believe they're only doing it for themselves. Or there's people that are very warm. You believe that their intention is they want to help you, but they have no strength to follow through. That's awesome. You have to be, to be a compelling person.

You have to have both. That's so good. And I think that's something that you can work on too. I don't think you just have to like, you know, be five years old and be a compelling person. It's something that you constantly have to improve on. Of course, nothing, nothing that makes most people successful. They're born with, you know, be five years old and be a compelling person. It's something that you constantly have to improve on.

Of course, nothing that makes most people successful they're born with. I mean, like, there's a few things. Like, if you're 6'9 and you can windmill dunk, then you're born with a few things, right? Of course. But by and large, most of the people that are successful at anything, these are skills, not talents, which is a different. Talent is something you're innately born with.

Skills are something that you develop. I don't have any talents, not any significant talents, which is a different talent is something you're innately born with skills or something that you develop. I don't have any talents, not any significant talents, but I've built a series of skills that serve me in my life and in business, right? So that's the difference is distinguishing between those two things. What a fitting episode to take a little break and talk about a new year, new you. If you're like everyone else in the world and you want to up your health and wellness game, I've got the perfect way to do it. And that is with ritual. You know, I am on ritual prenatal right now. I have taken ritual essentials for women for the last two years now. And I'm such a fan. If you're looking for a way to get all your vitamins in one situation, this is the way

to do it. So why we chose Ritual as a partner on the Skinny Confidential, him and her podcast, because they're on a mission to reinvent the vitamin industry. They're disruptors, which I'm obsessed with. And every single thing is obsessively researched. Each nutrient that they put in their vitamin is legit, guys. They have all their formulas tested. It's science-backed. And they decided to leave out any weird mystery additives, any nasty rat synthetic fillers, and shady ingredients that are in a lot of the vitamins that are on the market today. Personally, since taking Ritual, my hair is thicker.

My nails are longer. My skin is glowier. I have more energy. And it's just become a part of my routine. And one of the reasons that I'm a personal fan of Ritual is because I have really low vitamin D levels, which isn't surprising because I'm not a huge fan of the sun. So Ritual actually, they've tested it and it's shown a huge increase in vitamin D levels and omega-3 DHA levels. Some notes on Ritual, guys, vegan certified, non-GMO, gluten-free,

and allergen-free. All amazing. We love this. Daily changes can lead to big results, so start small today. Ritual's offering all TSC Him and Her listeners 10% off your first three months. Try it out. Satisfaction's guaranteed. Go to ritual.com slash skinny to start your ritual today. That's 10% off during your first three months at ritual.com slash skinny. Perfect way to start the new year. All right, let's get back to Ad My Lad. You've really become a practitioner of learning how to better yourself. So have you. I try.

I try. And so does anybody listening to this. Anybody listening to this, you don't give your warmth. You said something there, but I would flip that I'm going to use, actually. And that is, I wish more people had both those components with themselves. So I wish for most people that they were both, they believed themselves and they made promises, and that they were components with themselves so i both i will wish for most people that they were both they believed themselves in the may promises and that they were warmer with themselves meaning they're kinder to themselves they gave themselves a little bit more credit you ask the average

person make a list of like 50 things that are deficient with you they're like boom give me six things you're great at uh i can think of one right most people are so cruel to themselves they treat everybody else in their life far better than they treat themselves i wish for more people listening to this you just be a little kinder and gentler and warmer with yourself you'd find i know that could be connotated a lot of different ways but i mean it in a good way i i wish more of you would give that gift to yourself especially starting out the year no but that's i think that's all of us that's even that's lauren you know whenever i do something and i'm in and I screw up or I fuck up something,

I always, and I have to get better at this. There's nobody that's harder on myself than me. The things that go, sometimes the things that I say to myself in my head, I'm like, holy shit. Okay.

Like pump the brakes. Got it. This is not healthy. And I think that there's, that's just like, that's wired into us. Right. Yes.

For whatever reason, maybe it's the way we grow up, whatever, but it's, it's why you need to be intentional. This, this word intention is monster, man even having negative thoughts you're so good at this bro like even negative thoughts there's a giant power of just being intentional

being being aware when you have them when you're thinking stupid shit and you go i'm doing it again most of the power that thought has over you is diminished. Just starting to be aware and intentional in your life has huge power. Because I do it. I'll be like, I'm so stupid, right? Like, I can't believe I did it. And I have this really weird mechanism where I go, I'm doing it. And then I kind of aware of the thought and it loses all of its influence over me. All of the feeling in my body goes away just by being aware of how stupid that thought was

to have. So that's just a gift I'd give the audience. So this whole episode is like a new year. We're starting fresh. What are some tools, like micro tools, little tools, little habits, little systems, tiny ones could be setting an alarm on your phone that people can take and use to hold themselves accountable? I'm going to give your audience the biggest gift that I haven't done this anywhere yet.

So I'm writing about it, but since it's a new year, well, actually this will be out with your show before mine. I've been working on like, how come so many people set up all these goals and then they don't happen, right? And so I'm going to take you through a little process, probably longer than I should be on a podcast, but just here's the reason why. In order to get something to work for you, you have to have your body and your mind in congruence. So your body is like your unconscious mind. It's how you feel things. Your mind is a thought, right? So what happens for most people is they write a goal down. I'm going to make $300,000 immediately as they write that thought down their unconscious mind, which is their body,

where their home is immediately doesn't feel that that's true. They're not in a peak state. They don't feel that it's true. The feeling overrides the thought. The reverse could also be true. You could have great feelings, but you don't have a very consistent, clear goal. So most people never align their feelings and their thoughts. It's powerful as hell when you get congruency between your feelings and your thoughts. Now you're unstoppable. What I've been doing for about five years that I now know why it works scientifically is when I'm working out, when I'm training, okay, when I'm moving works scientifically is when I'm working out, when I'm training, okay, when I'm moving my body is when I'm doing all of my visualizations of my

goals. I simultaneously have my body in this peak state of, bam, I anchored the thought, I anchored the thought. It could be 30 seconds when you're doing yoga, when you're walking, when you're running, when you're doing cardio, when you're doing any of your workouts, that's when you need to be feeding yourself your goals because what's happening is you're running, when you're doing cardio, when you're doing any of your workouts, that's when you need to be feeding yourself your goals. Because what's happening is you're wiring your thoughts and your body simultaneously. This now gives you a power because your body is beginning to get trained to embody that goal, literally embody. It's why like when you take a shower, sometimes you have the best thoughts you've ever had.

When you're having sex, like you're moving your body, there's a certain way you feel power. If you could begin to align your thoughts during those powerful moments physically, you're a force that you aren't when you're just thinking something. And so this old school, I'm going to write my goals down. I'm going to read them when I'm brushing my teeth. We've proven it doesn't work because there's a body that's in the old mode when the mind is trying to think a new thought. The last thing I do, and athletes do this naturally. Most athletes do this, by the way.

They're moving their body. That's when they're visualizing scoring the touchdown. The other thing that athletes do unconsciously very well is they visualize the celebration of the goal. There's a gratitude they have for the goal before its achievement. More and more athletes will tell you, dude, I literally pictured catching that touchdown in the end zone before it happened. So if you'd move your body while you're doing your visualizations for your goals and then project yourself into the video of that goal happening and flood yourself with gratitude

for its achievement before you have it, you'll begin to step into that space more regularly. So I'm writing about this body, mind, gratitude in the visualization. It'll shift almost everything for you. What are some things that you're seeing our generation 30 to 40 maybe? And I don't want to say wrong because that's negative, but what are maybe things that we can improve on? Not being present is 100% number one. Number two, I think there's a lost art form of what the two of you are great at, which

is the ability to transfer energy to people in person we won't we won't do this show on skype we won't do it we did it three or four times it's just shit and i'm sorry for the guests that that came on it's just yeah i don't you don't have this interaction you got to see i want to be i want to feel the energy of the person that's across to me and that's a muscle you've built too that i think a lot of 30 to 40 year olds i meet because of what they were raised with with technology don't have that skillset and it's killing them in business. It's killing them in their relationships too. It's everything's very surface. If you're listening to this and you feel like I don't have a lot of deep, deep relationships like I had when I was back in

high school. The reason you had deeper relationships in your high school, it was a face-to-face. There were human beings interacting with each other. There's a transfer of energy. As we get into our thirties and forties, more of our relationships become very surface both in business and personally because that transfer of energy the skills are being lost the repetition of it's being lost so that would be that one it's true though there's a deal i'm working on and and basically the people i'm working on with are in new york and i and i don't you know lauren's pregnant and i'm time to travel and it's like oh you can maybe go you do sky Skype you do this I'm like no I'm going I flew for 30 hours came right back because it's these certain things that you just don't get done without having this yes and

it's not the same impact like hey pick up the phone or let me look at you on zoom it's like I know everybody loves technology and want to use these tools to optimize but there's certain things that are so important you need to have a human connection monster connection that's so that'd be another one totally agree and then I think that i think that a lot of people have separated their calling in their life from their work i think more and more people not all of you your calling is going to be your vocation it's not going to be but for a lot of you it should be and you need to start to get more creative with how could you move this calling you have for the environment or for children or for healing people or for your faith, whatever it is, finding a way to create something that can

be profitable doing it as you go. It's almost back to where we were in the beginning that I think that not all of you shouldn't start with the idea of making a profit, but too many of you are at a job right now listening to this and it doesn't pull on your heart for making a profit, but too many of you are at a job right now listening to this and it doesn't pull on your heart for making a difference in the world. You're the reverse. You literally do your job just for the money. And I think that you'll wake up when you're my age, when you're almost 50 years old and go, I took 20 years of my life literally just slaving for some money. And I should have got more creative, at least on a part-time basis by doing something that my heart wanted to do. You've talked about a lot how you've had to improve your skill of listening, which is

another one I think is something that you constantly have to practice. I mean, for me, it's a practice. How can you tell our audience to become a better listener in person? I'm not just talking about like listening to a podcast. I'm talking about listening and communicating. Yeah, a lot of things I do wrong, but I still do wrong. I did a few of them today while we were talking,

but stop nudging people along in the conversation. In other words, this is such a hard thing to do. Could you actually listen to their entire sentence without already pre-programming your response halfway through? And that's what we all do. We've been wired to do this. There was a time when people didn't do that. Nowadays, once you've started to figure out, oh, I know what they're saying.

They're a third of the way through and here's what you're doing. You're like, I kind of get their point now. I'll let them finish these last 25 words. I'm kind of listening to those, but I'm already getting ready to come back with my response. So one is, could you, because here's why. You're afraid you may not have something to say in response to them, right? Just listen. It's okay that there's silence with people. Not enough of us allow a little bit of silence. If you go watch a great comedian or when I speak on stage, if I'm speaking well, most of the great speakers, the great

comedians are most comfortable in the silence. That's when the joke's funny. The joke's not funny when you're saying it, the joke's funny when you stop saying it and there's silence, okay? In human communication, you're a great listener if you're a little comfortable with some silence after they're done speaking. That silence makes them think, and it's true, you actually listened all the way through.

It doesn't have to be, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't have to do that. Listen, be quiet, and then respond. You'll enjoy the conversation more and you'll build deeper connections with people too. The other one is don't n to do that. Listen, be quiet, and then respond. You'll enjoy the conversation more and you'll build deeper connections with people too. The other one is don't nudge them along. Yep, right. Yep. You think you're agreeing with them, but what you're really saying to that person is hurry

up, hurry up, hurry up. It's called a verbal nudge that you do with people when you listen. And then also repeat back to people what they've said. Tell them good question or thank you for asking or wow, I never thought about it that way. Like actually let them know that you've heard them. That's one of the biggest things. You talk about marriage again too. My wife's big thing, man, is like you don't need to fix this shit every single time I tell you something, right? In fact, I already know you could probably fix it. That's not why I'm telling you it.

I'm expressing myself like shut up and like, listen to me. And here's a big one that I tell my wife when I talk to her. Could you please look at me when I'm talking to you? Okay. Like this may seem simple. So what I do is I verbal nudge her. What she does is she does not fucking look at me for the whole time i'm talking and i'm like when you look away she's like but the kids the dom like when you're looking away it makes me

think you're no longer listening to me do you like look at me when i'm talking to you please babe right so dang now she's gonna be pissed at me when she hears this pull this whole clip for me to pull this whole segment for me and put it on my desk so i can listen to it every morning so don't verbal nudge listen all the way through be comfortable in silence actually listen to them and like look at them when they're talking to you these will make you all better listeners repeat back to them what they said too but this is why i want to have people like you on the show because i think to the idea here was to do this show for our audience's benefit but honestly this is to our benefit like i'm not joking like taylor pull that clip for me i need to play it like

10 times a week i need to get better but you know it's funny i think people when they like i'm not joking like taylor pull that clip for me i need to play it like 10 times a week i need to get better but you know it's it's funny i think people when they like i i have this problem with my wife right i'm actually really listening but i don't verbally repeat back to her what she's what she said and so she looks and says like you're not listening it's i'm i really am listening but i need to be better at acknowledging that i'm listening because people so you said listening is a skill part of list most of listening is making the other person feel as if you're listening to them not that you actually listen to them so the mistake i make is i nudge her along and i give her an answer she's like you didn't even let me finish how i feel about this i don't need you to fucking fix it and in her case i'm like i my need i need you looking

at me when i'm fucking talking to you so that I know that you're listening to me. Right. So the best listeners make you feel like you listened to them. That's the point. I also think people that listen are influencing people. I mean, I, I try to listen to my audience every single day. I know you're the same way. What do you think makes someone influential?

Okay. So I want to say one thing about you on that. I just showed you on my phone and I don't mean this to all my friends. There's lots one thing about you on that. I just showed you on my phone. And I don't mean this to all my friends. There's lots of podcasts out there. Tell them I showed you on my phone. How many podcasts are on my phone? He does listen to the Skinny Confidential.

And I feel very, I hope it's a good one. I hope it's not one about like Taylor's one minute man situation. No, I listen to the vast majority of them, right? And so there's two that I won't say what the other one is, but there's my show and yours and one other that I listen to. Cause you are great at that that like you don't come into interviews so here's my set of questions and that's all i'm going to ask there are a lot of podcasts like that i don't do that either i actually listen to them and respond to what

they're saying what makes somebody influential is uh one is a transfer of energy you make people feel something you and here's the key thing you can't transfer to somebody that which you're authentically truly not experiencing like i think the reason that we have a pretty good connection is I think you guys really do feel that I think you're pretty incredible. When we met, I told you, when I met you, I felt like I'm going to know these people most of my life. I don't think we're going to be together every single day because we're both busy, but I'm going to know you a long time. I'm interested in you guys. I think people feel that.

There's a transfer of energy that makes you influential, right? And I think the other part of influence is you can get people to change their states. So if they're down, you can help them not be down and be up. If they're up, you can get them to take action on something. People of influence get people to change, to take actions. And so I'm always kind of monitoring that with myself as well with the way that I talk. And then I think the big thing for me is this. Does this person feed my energy or drain it?

So I have people in my life all the time that I love, but they take energy from me. They're out of my life. I don't have them in my life anymore. You either feed my energy or you drain it. People think, man, all of your friends seem to be these, you know, well-known people that you're working with or whatever. My best friend, man, he owns a transmission shop. You know, my other dearest friend is a flooring contractor. These dudes are hilarious. They give you the energy.

They give me energy. They love me. They believe in me. For me, like my, my most closest friends are weirdos. Like they make me laugh, right? Like that's influenced to me as For me, my most closest friends are weirdos. They make me laugh. That's influence to me is you can change my state. I'm such a serious dude. I'm always grinding and working. My great influential friends are the ones who make me laugh, that just bring my state change. They lighten me up a little bit. They cause me to do different things. They cause me to be a better person. To me, that's influence. So someone's listening. It's a new year. They have a toxic family member, a toxic friend. What do they do? Do they just cut him out? Listen, I would argue that's a new year they have a toxic family member a toxic friend what do they do do they just cut him out like someone listen i would argue that's a form of

influence but negative influence it is it is a form of because they make you feel something that's true and they change your state they change your state we all know those people that we love them but you get around them and they drain your energy they're always down they're always complaining and it makes you feel bad that's interesting it is the form of a different influence big time someone said to me they're like you don't cut someone off you slowly back away yeah is that your opinion or like black or white no it's not so i think you need to distinguish between this is this person purposely antagonistic towards me or are they just an energy draining negative person if about five percent of the people in your life are intentionally antagonistic. In other words,

they are rooting against you. They are, they are programming against you. They are lobbying against you. They are actually scheming against you. You have people like that in your life and you need to be able to distinguish who those people are. And you do have one or two. Those people need to be gone. I don't care if they're your blood relative. If they're literally scheming antagonistically against you, they need to be out of your life. I have a huge family. There's one person in my family who is out. They're gone. And they're going to probably stay gone because they're intentionally antagonistic towards us. The rest of the other people in my life, the negative downers, those people, I've reduced my proximity to them over time.

In other words, and it starts out, it may seem really organized, but once I figure out who they are, instead of them getting a text back to me immediately, it's two, three days later, right? And then the next time it's four or five days later. And just over time, if they don't get the message, there's going to be a message that our proximity to each other is going to be reduced. And even when I'm in your physical presence, I go into the meeting with a force field around me. You're not going to influence me. And here's, again, it's the awareness thing. Once they start doing their little routine, I'm aware of it. It

has no impact over me. That's why that awareness and that intention is a big deal. Some people find this thought a little bit, I don't know, dark, but I read it a long time ago and it was interesting. And like you said, even if it's a family member, sometimes you have a family member that it's a blood relation, but they're just, if they're either rooting for your downfall, they're negative or whatever, you gotta, you gotta distance stuff. And it says that the devil gives you relations. Thank all gods. You can choose your friends. Have you heard that one?

But it's, it's a little dark, but it is dark, but it's, but there, you know, I think some people, they, they, they have a family member or somebody that's really close. Like I can't get rid of this person because it's my blood and they stick around and they, and they don't know how to switch and get away from that negativity and sometimes you have to take care of yourself to come back later and help that person big time you said that better than i did i agree with that i just think there's one or two people in your life that shouldn't be in it not not a whole bunch but

there's one or two they're out after you man and that's just sad to know but as i'm saying it some of you are picturing that person you're like yeah i I still go to lunch with her once in a while. Why would you still go to lunch with her when you know the minute you leave, she's texting all your girlfriends, everything you said in a negative way, talk. That person should not be in your life. There shouldn't be any proximity. Now, if you have another girlfriend, every time you go to lunch, she's like, he broke up with me.

Or a buddy of yours is like, man, I'm down. I'm broke. That's different. I'd reduce proximity to them. These antagonistic people, bye-bye. Sounds like you categorize them. I do. You got to put them in categories.

What are Ed Milet's routines? And I don't, I mean like, do you have a morning routine, a night routine? Do you stop in the middle of the day and meditate? Like even your like little tiny routines. Nothing, not like overall picture. I'm more interested in the little ones. Okay. So, well, all of us have routines.

So does everybody listening to this. You have a routine. It's whether or not that routine serves you and whether you're intentional and conscious of it. So you have a routine. Everybody does. I do too. So my morning one I took control of.

So my whole theory was, if I could control the first 30 minutes of my day and the last 30 minutes of my day, the probability of me having some control and the last 30 minutes of my day, the probability of me having some control over the rest of it is higher. So not always, but so I do control the first 30 minutes. Biggest change I've made in my entire life is that I do not look at my telephone the first 30 minutes after I've woken up. It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. It was a habit that was difficult. I broke it a few times. Now that phone does not get looked at the first 30 minutes.

Why? Because everything on there requires a response. And if I start out my day in the dynamic that I respond to things, I react all day long. I'm not in control of my day. I'm going to dictate the terms of my day. And there's nothing on that phone that can't wait 30 minutes from when I wake up. And so, and I'm not going to start my day as a reactor. I'm going to start my day as a dictator, meaning I dictate the terms. And so that first 30 minutes is pretty

routine for me every single day. It's pretty detailed. So I'm not going to get into all of it, but I do get up. I do a quick prayer and meditation right away. I do some stretching. So I move my body and my mind. I get them in congruence right away. I do a gratitude exercise very quickly where it's in my book, but it talks about, you know, who loves me, who do I love, what am I grateful for in my life, what am I excited about right now. I learned that from Tony Robbins many, many years ago. It stayed there. I do a cold plunge every morning, whether it's a cold shower or the ocean or this little

pool that I jump in. It's two minutes. It just absolutely activates my flight or flight. My nervous system is completely alive. I do that. Then I go through my goals and visualizations, and then I get my day. And some days I work out first, then I eat. Other days I eat first and then I work out. But those first 30 minutes are totally dictated. And then at night it's reversed. One thing I do that's different at night is I sleep in a cold place

because it helps me get deeper sleep. But I actually do something warm before I go to bed. So that's of a hot bath, hot shower, hot something. It activates my body into sleep mode when there's heat. And then if you sleep in a cold environment, you'll sleep deeper. So I sleep on top of a chili pad. You can get one of those on Amazon if you wanted one where it's a cold thing underneath me,

but I keep the room, drives my wife crazy, but I keep the room pretty cold when I sleep because it just helps with deeper sleep. I don't do blue screen. I don't eat way before I go to bed. I don't do, I do all those things that you probably heard before, but I'm pretty routine. But the biggest thing I probably do

that most people don't do is like, I'm constantly selling myself the dream. So like when I'm in the car driving, I'm just, it's a habit. I just visualize the future. I visualize where I'm going. I visualize what my life's going to look like. Like I'm a hyper crazy dreamer person.

I'm just, I'm a big believer in, in dreaming and an excitement and in picturing the future of my life. And I give myself that gift all the time because here's the truth. Your present isn't all that great most of the time. So I give myself the gift of escaping into the future pretty regularly. And that's something I don't know that most people do, but like I do it, I did it driving up here. I'll do it driving back little moments of just, I'm dreaming about the future. Give you one last quote. I'm sure you've heard it. Abraham Lincoln said, best way to predict the future is to create it for yourself.

You're loaded with quotes today. Yeah, Michael, what's going on? Well, I just- Doogie Howser? I'm on that four-sigmatic focus shot. I swear to God, that stuff gets me, it makes me recollect. Okay, if you can leave our audience,

it's a new year. It's a way to start fresh with a couple tangible takeaways. It could be just a medley of all different things from this episode. Just a couple sentences. What would you leave them with? One, I would tell you that you need to start to anchor yourself, anchor your goals when you're working out again. I cannot emphasize that enough. You're going to begin to change your damn life when your body and your mind get in congruence. Okay, that's number one. Number two, I'm going to tell you something. You are enough and you're supposed to do something great with your life. And not enough

people are telling you that you were born to do something great with your life. Forget tangible. I'm telling you the truth. You were born to do something special. You were born to do something great. And you ought to start to believe that you are to start to chase that you ought to stop settling. If you're in relationships, stop settling, stop settling for your life. Malcolm X has this great quote that says that which you do not hate, you will eventually tolerate. And maybe there's got to be a part of you that as you start this new year, and this may sound uncomfortable. Maybe there's a part of you that just despises that former life.

Like you hate it. You're no longer going to tolerate a life like the one you've been living, that you want to step into a new space. You are the author and creator along with God of your life. You can write a new chapter any freaking time you choose to. Like any time you choose to, you can turn the page of your life and be an entirely new human being. And this is a time of year where that ought to be the time.

This ought to be the time where you go, what an occasion. You don't need January to do it. You can do it in July if you wanted to. But right you could step into this new person walk different talk different think different Bow your back a little bit Decide to be a new character in your life This is the greatest time in the history of the world to be alive between what we can do a technology What we can do to connect with one another the access to information like your show this stuff did not exist 20 years ago There's no reason why you can't be bigger dream bigger do bigger become something more special in your life

and we want to help you your show my show our content it's like our honor to do it and guess what if you get to my age you get to 50 years old and by the way even if you're 50 listening to this there's a few okay you still got time on your hands too. But trust me when I tell you that you do not want to get to my age and look back and regret the chances you didn't take, the opportunities you didn't pursue, the times you didn't show yourself more confidence and more kindness. You're going to regret it when you get to my age. You're going to think, I had it all. It was there and I didn't know it.

It was like the matrix. I thought I was in this box. I thought I had to live a certain way. I thought I was destined for something. And then I had to live a certain way. I thought I was destined for something. And then I just started to think differently and act differently and be differently. I could have had a completely different life by the time I get to 50 years old. And I want you to get there and love it. I want you to get to that stage of your life where you're at my age and you're like,

you know what? I'm maxing out my life. I'm doing all I'm capable of. So that'd be my message. Ed Milet, I fucking love you. You're the best. You're the best. You are the best. I want you to pimp yourself out.

But what I would love is if you could give them one episode that they could start with on your podcast. If they're not already listening. I'm sure there's a ton that are already listening. Like I'm obsessed with your listening episode, guys. Thank you. I love your solos. Thank you.

I know you like when I do just my own stuff. If you went way, way old school, audio only. listening episode. Guys, I love your solos. Thank you. I know you like when I do just my own stuff. If you went way, way old school, audio only, so it's not on YouTube, way, way, way back, there's one called Unlocking Your Success Code. I think that there'd be a whole bunch of notes in that one for you. I'd go there. The Keys to Maxing Out is another one. Blissful Dissatisfaction is pretty good too, but I would go back all the way on the audio platforms to Unlocking Your Success Code. When you were talking, i almost flipped the fucking table i got so instagram handle ed mylet e-d-m-y-l-e-t-t and what what are you doing next what's in the works what's brewing what's brewing my podcast is going to blow up i've got more great guests coming next

year i'm going to be doing some things on social media that'll be different and i have a netflix show that i think that you'll see come out in uh or July. So be looking for that. Amazing. Yeah. Thank you so much for coming on. Happy New Year. Taylor, I hope you took notes, man. Hope this episode brought you as much value as it brought me and Michael. We are obsessed. We want to go re-listen to this episode. Before we go, we're going to do a quick New Year's giveaway. If you want to win some TSC swag, we got all kinds of stuff, some really sick new pop sockets, guys. They're like little tiny hearts stuck together that say TSC.

I can't explain it, but I'll show you on Instagram story. Just tell us your favorite part of this episode on my latest post at the Skinny Confidential. And as always, make sure you've rated and reviewed the podcast so we can continue to enter you into these giveaways hope you all have a happy new year and we will see you next week this episode was brought to you by butcher box butcher box is the meat delivery subscription that gives me more time for what matters most and can give you more time as well every monthcherBox ships a curated selection of high quality meat right to our door. Anything from grass fed and grass finished beef, free range and organic chicken, heritage pork, wild caught Alaskan salmon, and sugar nitrate free bacon.

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