The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast - Ed Mylett Pt. 3 On Discovering Your Inner Strength, Ridding Yourself Of Fear, & Unleashing The Person You Are Meant To Be

Episode Date: October 18, 2021

#401: On this episode we are joined again for the third time by one of our favorite guests; Ed Mylett. Ed Mylett is an entrepreneur, creator, and motivational speaker who has helped thousands of people find their true callings. On today's show we discuss how to find our inner strength, rid ourselves of fear, and discover who you are really meant to become.  To connect with Lauryn Evarts click HERE To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM To Call the Him & Her Hotline call: 1-833-SKINNYS (754-6697) This episode is brought to you by House Of Wise.  House of Wise launched last year in the pandemic by a single mom looking to help her friends drink less, sleep better, have better sex and make the most out of their workouts while juggling the demands of being a woman.  House of Wise is helping women take control of their sleep, sex, stress and strength through originally formulated and effective CBD products. Go to www.houseofwise.co and use promo code SKINNY to get 20% off your first SLEEP, SEX, or STRENGTH product.  This episode is brought to you by Just Thrive During a time when boosting our immune health needs to be at the forefront of our minds Just Thrive has the answer for you. The Just Thrive probiotic can help boost your immune system and heal your gut. 80-90% of Americans suffer from gut issues and these issues can track to many of the diseases that humans face. With Just Thrive probiotics we can help combat these gut issues. Use promo code SKINNY at www.justthrivehealth.com/skinny to try today!  This episode is brought to you by Theragun Theragun is the handheld percussive therapy device that releases your deepest muscle tension using a scientifically-calibrated combo of depth, speed, and power-and it’s as quiet as an electric toothbrush. The Gen 4 Theragun doesn’t just feel good-it gets to the source of the pain by releasing tension-using Theragun’s signature percussive therapy, which goes SIXTYPERCENT deeper than vibration alone. Try Theragun for 30 days starting at only $189. Go to www.therabody.com/skinny right now and get your Gen 4 Theragun Today.  This episode is brought to you by Bliss Bliss is a clean, cruelty-free, planet-friendly skincare brand on a mission to empower everyone to achieve a higher state of happy, one self-care moment at a time. They started in a spa, and now use that skincare expertise to make transformative–and affordable–products so everyone can experience the confidence that comes from healthy, glowing skin. Shop Bliss Youth Got This Retinol Serum & Moisturizer at Amazon for 20% off using code 20SKINNY Produced by Dear Media 

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to The Skinny Confidential, him and her.

Aha! The lie that we play on ourselves isn't a lack of vision. Like we don't think we could get there. I don't see myself walking on a beach with someone I love. I see it, but here's the lie. We create this image that it's so far away. A lack of vision in your life isn't that you don't dream because you dream. It's a depth perception issue.

You think it's so much further away. It's going to take so long. And the truth is it's not as far away. There's like this veil and that veil on the other side of it is the life you want. It's a very thin line. It's one decision. It's one relationship. It's one meeting. It's one encounter. That's how far away you are from a completely different life. Hello. Welcome back to the Skinny Confidential, him and her show. Ed Milet is back. Ed Milet, part three. Part three, you guys. He has been on twice before. He is such a popular guest that we

invited him back for a third time. Ed's a super powerhouse. I mean, he's one of our favorite people to talk to. And obviously, that's reflected in the listens as well. We can see all the data, all the analytics, you guys that have been listening to the show for a long time. He's always been in the top 20, both his episodes, you know, out of 400, his two first, his first two episodes that he did on the show still live in our top 20 of all time. So if you're new to the show and have not heard Ed, I highly suggest going back and listening to those ones. He's a great guest, phenomenal, really gets everybody, including us, fired up, motivated, just excited to live life in a better way. This is one of those episodes that you play over and over again. I go to Ed's podcast episodes when he was on the first and second time and I'll

re-listen to them. It's like reprogramming. If you're having a bad day or you need a kick in the ass, he is your guy. I go to him all the time. I love his solo episodes. And I, again, even listen to our own podcast with him because he's such a powerhouse. Who is Ed Milet? He's a coach, an entrepreneur, a consultant, and a top podcaster. And he is here to motivate the fuck out of you. On that note, let's welcome Ed back to the podcast for the third time. This is the Skinny Confidential, him and her. Favorite guest in the world is here and I'm going to be selfish today. I feel like a lot of people, including myself, have been in a creative rut during this pandemic.

I can feel the energy of the internet. I can feel even in LA. I just feel like people feel stuck and they don't know where to start. Yeah. Say I'm going to wake up tomorrow and I'm feeling not creative, uninspired, maybe even just feel like I'm not progressing. What would you say? I'll give you the corny answer.

That's the actual real answer for me, which is when I'm feeling helpless, I try to get really helpful. And I know that's really corny when I say it kind of where helps in both parts. But for me, I literally try to wake up and figure out how I can serve, how I can make a difference. And I'm talking about like little small things even. So the really cool thing about what's happening right now is this is a brand new beginning of a whole new economy, of a whole new way of life. For a lot of people, that's scary because it's changing their old way of life. But the really cool part about it is we're literally entering a whole new world that really COVID just sort of fast-forwarded what was coming anyways.

People do feel displaced. They feel uncomfortable. They feel anxious. They're not sure what direction things are going to go. But I can tell you that for me, it's like a brand new opportunity to get creative. And so if you're a person who's sort of saying, get creative, get help full with other people, start to remake yourself. We're entering a spaceless world now.

So all the confines that restricted you before about geography, being able to reach people, getting to market, scaling a business, scaling your brand, all those things, they don't exist anymore. And so it's a great opportunity and you're going to, here's the cool part. Most great movements, great brands, great fortunes, great everything happen in times of transition like this. They just do. Like the retail transition made the Sam Waltons of the world. The technology transition made the Jobs and the Bezos and the Gateses of the world. Except now you're going to have millions of little mini ones. They're going to have brands that were never created, products that were never created, businesses didn't exist anymore or before. And so I just think you should begin to get optimistic.

This is a great time. It honestly is. It feels uncomfortable. It makes us feel anxious. But for me, it's the creative people, the innovative people. And then there's the last thing. You got to move. You got to take some action. No one can coach you or mentor you. I can't help you steer a parked car. You got to get up and do some things. You got to reach out to some people. And for me, I've started to think of what are the new innovative ways that I can reach people, that I can help people, that I can serve them. And so for anybody listening to this right now, this is really a good time. You're going to look back in 24, 36 months. And if you were sitting still, if you were down, you're going to be way behind. Think about you guys, how you've innovated on the show. We were talking about it before we got on here. And so I've innovated in the different businesses that

I have. You can do that in your brand too. And I'm just telling you, everything's going to be okay. I think like the, and you touched on this a little bit and maybe you would be elaborated more, but I think talking about innovation, I think there's so many that are saying like, okay, well I'm going to wait and then it's eventually going to go back to how it was. And then I can get started again and I can feel good again. And I can feel comfortable again. And I, in our conversations on here and then private, I always keep telling people like that old norm is gone and ain't coming back. It's never coming back. And so you have to be able to, in my opinion, let it go and figure out what your new norm is. Yeah. Well, you, it's a sense of loss,

right? Like I'll just be, just to be clear with everybody, because you know how my heart is, I want to serve people, I want them to feel okay about things. Blockbuster Video thought that too, and now they're extinct, right? Barnes and Noble Bookstores thought, it'll come back the way it was. When progress happens, it doesn't go backwards.

And so this is progress, it just doesn't feel like it. And for the record, we don't know that this isn't the last one of these situations we're going to go through. You know, now that the world's sort of figured out, you can shut stuff down and change things by sort of infiltrating society with something like this. There's going to be another thing after this, another thing after that. And so it's not going backwards. But the cool part of it is when things like this change, let me tell you what happens. It allows what I would call little companies, small people, when I say small people, not a lot of resources to emerge and become more relevant. It's not everything now because it's spaceless and everyone can reach everyone. The spoils,

the goods, the reach, the difference you can make is not reserved to everybody with all the capital, with all the money, with all the connections, with all the resources. More than ever in history, this is a time where someone who's got no connections, no resources, no money, but gets curious, gets creative, gets helpful, starts solving problems for people, can build something significant for their families and themselves because the way things are changing right now. It's moving from the big to the small. So it's really a great time if you can get ahead of it and get behind the idea of that's not coming back, Michael. You're exactly right. We're not going back anymore to where we were before. And that's a good thing because the world needs to innovate. It needs to evolve. It needs to change. Think about this. How much better is medicine going to be the next two or three

years than it is now? The idea that you have to walk into a doctor and sit with someone and wait two and a half, three hours. And this has already sped up the idea of mobile medicine, mobile. Think about those things you could be doing in your space, in your business, and you'll find some pockets of growth for yourself. I really want to get micro with you. Is there something that you could give the audience like a homework assignment that they can do tomorrow morning that you think will get them a little closer to where they want to be? I would take an inventory of your giftedness. Nobody does this. Everyone's humble. If you made the average person, you ask them, what are 10 things you need to work on? They're like, well, I need to work on my fitness. I need to work on my writing. But if you ask the average person, what are three or four things that you're

great at that you're not using right now? Like, oh, they have a hard time. And so I would say, I would get up and take an inventory. Like I know in my case, I'm limited. Like I'm not the brightest guy in the world. I don't know how this microphone, I don't know why what I'm saying right now goes into this microphone and lands on some chip over there that people are going to listen to. I don't know. I don't know about all that stuff, but I do have some gift. And so I've got a heart to serve. I've grown myself. I've got a, I've got a deep voice that's, you know, somewhat okay to listen to. I've got a face for radio, you know, I'm not Michael. Right. So you know what I'm saying? I've got a face for radio. I'm not Michael, right? So you know what I'm saying. I've taken an inventory of my gifts.

I think the happiest people in life, honestly, the most productive, the richest, rich in terms of money, bliss, peace, influence, contribution, identify what their gifts are and use those gifts in the service of other people and their businesses and their personal life. So what are you great at? What is your giftedness? What are you curious about? And you know what? The other thing, if it's a business question, you don't always have to create something new. Sometimes you can find a way in business that's something that already exists and you just find a way to do it better, right? Kind of like

what you do here. So that's, those are some of the things I would do, but I would take an inventory of my gifts. What about people that are already really successful that feel like they hit a wall? I think that Tony Robbins talks a lot about this. I know you're really good friends with him. And I feel like you've talked about this too. What if someone already feels like they've hit all the milestones and they feel stuck? They're losing the hunger. Yeah, well, they've, and this is really important.

If you're not throwing it out there, if you're not getting in front of your current situation, you're not dreaming and innovating and getting curious about something bigger, here's the fallacy. This is what people think. And I really, I'm writing on about this right now in a book I've got. People think there's a finite amount of stuff in life. So like, they're like, well, if I'm really after it in my business, my fitness is suffering. Or if I'm really crushing the gym, then I'm not home with my 18 month old. As if one takes away from the other. This is when we hit walls.

We think, well, I've achieved what I wanted. And here's the thing that happens. When you get to a particular place, it's never as good as you think it is. If you're really being honest, you get there and you go, I thought I'd feel better. I thought everything would be better now. I thought I'd have no problems. I thought I'd wake up every day like with bubble gums and rainbows. And it's not what you think it is.

Because the truth is, the place you're getting to isn't really what you want. It's how you think it would make you feel to get there. So if you can begin to take an inventory of the emotions you want to experience on a regular basis, like I thought when I got there to have more peace, I thought when I got there to have more joy, more ecstasy, more passion, more sense of accomplishment. Those are the emotions you wanted to feel. And you thought if you got something a person a relationship a body a business an amount of money then you'll feel those things. That's a fallacy. So what you really want to get connected to is what is it that you want to feel like't speak for Laura but I'm sure but getting granular and saying like you know going in like how do you like say you just want you want to feel like you want to feel like you're a great parent all the time and you think okay well if I do that like once I get this amount of money I'll do this and

then like then I can unlock it like but yeah how do you how do you connect with the feeling more than the material let's do that for a minute, and this is a huge thing in life, that our culture, especially in this country, in the United States, has become fixated on things, achievements, levels, accomplishments, titles, things like that, thinking they would deliver to us these emotions we get. Why? It's important to know why. Because probably when you were a child, you got more love when you achieved something. You brought home an A, you got love. So you've connected achievement with love. But it's fleeting because then the next day you go back to school and it's what are your grades now? And that's how life works. So granular. Here's

some things. Number one, and I've really discovered this, Michael, the last three or four years for myself as I've been writing and coaching people. These things aren't external. And the minute you think you're chasing them or you have to go get them is when you've got a real problem. This guy said, guru on my show, and he said, are you pursuing happiness or is your life an expression of joy? In other words, you can tap into these emotions at any time you want to. Step one, you have to be intentional about it. You're so intentional with that goal, that contact, those calls. So you've proven in your life when you get intentional about something, you will go get it. What if your intentions were more to pursue the emotions

you want on a regular basis and eliminate the negative ones? So for example, my negative emotions, I know what they are. My emotional home is worry, is anxiety, is angst, is stress. Michael's pointing at himself, so is Lauren. That's my emotional home. And it's really weird. If that's your emotional home, oddly, you enjoy it because it's familiar to you. So your mind and your heart will create scenarios like, I function very well in stress and chaos. There's a consequence. No matter how good my life's going, I find a way to create chaos. So my emotional home are those things. Believe it or not, we enjoy them. I want my emotional home.

And you enjoy that we enjoy them because it's familiar. It's familiar and it's comfortable and we've lived with them. We like sitting with emotions we've experienced the most often in our lives. And so you have to be very intentional. What I want my emotional home to be is peace, is joy, is passion. And in my case, laughter. I'm a great laugher. Most of my friends are all standup comics. Why do you think? Because they deliver to me this laughter and joy. Now I'm intentional about it. So when I'm experiencing the negative emotion, the awareness of it makes it lose its power over me. I'm like, I'm doing it again. I'm doing it again. I'm doing this thing I do where I get that emotion and now I anchor it.

So there's a part of your brain, won't get too boring, called the reticular activating system. And what that is, is it's the filter of your life. It's like the matrix. It allows you to see and experience that which is most important to you. Okay. So what's most important to Michael most times is worry, angst, problem, stress. What are we going to do next? Blah, blah, blah. If you can begin to become intentional, like your goal list, isn't it be interesting if your goal list wasn't a million dollars saved, 20 million dollars in value, 194 pounds, 4% body fat, but that your goal list was peace, joy, ecstasy, passion, and you begin to become obsessed, obsessed, because our obsessions become our possessions, obsessed with these emotions. Your reticular activating system will go to find the people, places, and circumstances that are actually

internal to you that will deliver those emotions to you. And when those become your habit over and over again, and then you're aware of the negative ones when they happen, over a window of time, your emotional home changes. I can honestly tell you, brother, the first time I did your show, I helped lots of people in my life, and I had a great life, but I was transitioning out of my emotional home. Here

we are three years later, four years later, whatever it is. I can tell you most days I experience a much more rich life of peace and joy than I did before because it's become my obsession. We get our obsessions in our life. Stop obsessing over the stuff, the levels and the achievements. I'm not saying I don't want you to have those things, but really what you want is how it's going to make you feel. And I give myself the gift of it. I'll say one thing to you and then I'll shut up. This is allowing yourself to feel it. There's a fear that if I begin to feel these things, I'm going to lose my edge. I'm going to lose who I am. I'm going to lose my identity. Are you in my mind or what?

Okay. There's a fear. And we go, wow, if I start feeling a lot of joy and peace and comfort in my life, I'm going to lose who I am. It's just like what you were asking Lauren earlier about this change has happened. It's, it's over. I want it to come back. And what I can tell you sitting here as someone who's changed, I'm more of the real me. I'm more impactful. I make, I'm creating more content that I'm proud of. I've helped more people. What I did is I lost this fallacy because I had all that angst and all that stuff as a kid. That little boy wasn't very happy. This grown man is a much happier 50 year old than that eight year old I was that had all those emotions because we are our emotions. So the intentionality and the confidence to let go of the old ones, not thinking you're going to lose who you are in doing so.

I can remember the first time I really fell in love. It was when your mom brought over the Theragun. Wasn't when she brought over me. No, she brought me the Theragun and I absolutely fell in love with it because it's heaven. I can remember the first time I had a full-blown affair with the Theragun. Okay, good, good. Finish your sentence quick. So the Theragun, it's this handheld percussive therapy device that releases your deepest muscle tension.

It has depth, speed, and power. And you know what else is great? It's as quiet as an electric toothbrush. I travel a lot and I'm constantly sore. And so it's really important for me to constantly release muscle tension. So when Michael's mom got me this, I just felt so much relief. Any general tension on my neck and in my shoulders felt immediately better. You can use the device and how I like to use it is for two minutes on each muscle group. It's so important for circulation and to release tension and also just for lymphatic. You know, it's great for your

lymphatic system to move things through you. You know, it's the worst when you go and get a massage and you have this one area that you just need worked out. And for whatever reason, you just can't get it worked out and you leave the massage and you've been charged all the money and it hasn't gone deep enough? I love this device so much because I have excruciating neck pain probably from all my years of doing debaucherous things, sitting at a computer, traveling back and forth, driving. And I just place this thing on the base of my neck and it gets out all of the tension within two, three minutes in something that would usually take me an hour and a waste of time and money.

The one that I like that Michael's mom got me is the Gen 4 Theragun. This makes such a cute holiday gift. Everyone can use it to release tension. The Theragun is trusted by 250 professional sports teams. You can try it today. You can try the Theragun for 30 days, starting at only $199. You're going to go to

therabody.com slash skinny right now and get your Gen 4 Theragun today. That's therabody.com slash skinny. Therabody.com slash skinny. Release your tension. I call what you and Michael just talked about MUS. Okay. Made up stress. For no reason, he'll stress about shit that doesn't matter at all. No, but you're so right. It'll be like things are like objectively, if you came into my life and we're looking at things objectively, not all the time, but like in these moments that Lauren's be like, you would be like, Michael, what are you talking about? Like things are going fine. You know, you're like, this is going, but I will find, okay, well, what is not fine about it? Like, what do I need to, what's around the corner? Like, why is this not okay? What's the boogeyman going to get me? Because why do we do this?

This is important for everybody listening. This is what I've discovered for me. Because you produce some pretty good results doing it externally. So you're so addicted to the external achievements that you've linked these internal emotions with that connection. When the truth is you've done it in spite of them. You've done it in spite of them. There's no boogeyman in the closet. Most of these boogeymen you worried about weren't in that closet the entire time, just like when you were a little boy and you distracting yourself with it, you depleting your energy, you depleting your comfort. All of that being depleted has actually robbed you from getting further in your life. But I'm

the same way. I'm like, I was 45 years old. I'd saved several hundred million dollars. I've got a great family. I've got this. I've got friends. I'm like, hey, wait a minute. If I start really enjoying this, if I like don't wake up in the morning, we're like, what do I got to do? So if I don't do that, Lauren's pointing it. If I don't do that, then it'll go away. That's how I got do that, that's how I got this money. That's how I got this family. No, I got it in spite of doing that. You know why I got that money?

Because I made a difference. I'm a pretty good human being. I've contributed. I work hard. I've got pretty good curiosity and judgment. That's why you're where you are. You're not where you are, brother, because you're a worrier.

Well, I think the way you contextualize it makes so much sense, because there's a lot of people that think the exact way you just pointed out which is like these things happen because I'm like this correct It's in spite of it and and let me just say this to everybody give yourself the gift of being intentional about your emotions Most people probably have not covered this on here I've got a few friends that have been on your show that tap into this but they do it in such a complex way That they lose the average human being that's why everyone loves you well it in such a complex way that they lose the average human being. That's why everyone loves you. Well, thank you. And I don't think you have to understand how your brain and your internal

nervous system and your neuroplasticity works. They lose me sometimes on that, if I'm being honest. Right. You're sitting on the show going, got it. You're nodding. You're like, I have no freaking idea what this dude is talking about. Because most things in life, we don't have to understand how they operate in order for them to serve us. And most people that write about these things are constantly trying to teach you how it operates in your brain and your neurochemistry. Who gives a shit? What I want to know is practically, how do I apply this to change my life? And we apply this by being intentional, by being prayerful. When it comes up, we eliminate it. Laughing at yourself when you're doing this shit makes it a great pattern because it's a pattern interrupt. You're interrupting the pattern the minute you begin to laugh,

the minute you begin to get intentional. Because what you do, Michael, is what everybody does. We emotion stack. So one thing happens, then you stack the next one and the next worry, and then this what if. And now you're down 11 roads that are never going to happen, that you've stacked the emotion of worry. You've stacked the emotion of anger.

You don't get flipped out right away. You stack, you stack, you stack, and then you snap for most people, right? So it's interrupting the pattern as it begins that allows us to change the emotion. Can you give us an exact example in how you talk to yourself? So for instance, let's say you wake up tomorrow and your wife rolls over and says something that you really don't like. This is common. Okay. Tell me how it works. Like tell me in your brain the conversations that you're having with yourself or anything that upsets you.

Say someone sets up a podcast and they do it wrong and it takes an extra 45 minutes to set up. Okay. I'm going to get real creepy with you here. Okay. This is Creepersville. So I'm going to say something and then you'll get the point. We're all going to die. Like a lot of this stuff that we're doing doesn't matter. And most people

don't think they're going to die. Let me tell you what they think. They think other people are going to die. They don't think they're going to die. They kind of know they might, but they don't live as if they are. So a lot of these things, like when she rolls over and says something I don't like, or someone cuts me off on the road or a business deal is this may sound morbid, but I'm like, is this really going to matter in this grand scheme of things when I'm dead anyway, what's really going to matter for me is the memories I've accumulated, the emotions I've experienced. And so when she says it, to be honest with you, I'm like grand scheme of things, not all that big of a deal, grand scheme of things, grand scheme of things. When things happen, listen to me, everybody, when things happen

that are small that you make big, it's because you've changed the context and you've shrunk the context. Make the context really big and the thing that's happening to you now becomes very small. The biggest thing that could possibly happen to me is the end of my life. So now the context of that inside this little thing that just happened, it becomes sort of ridiculous. So I'm not saying you have to go all the way to death, but expand the context to the big. In the grand scheme of this month, is it really going to matter that they miscooked my lunch here at the restaurant? No. So expand the context to the big and the event becomes smaller and it loses its power over you. The

reason the event becomes so big is you've shrunk the context and made the event bigger than it really is. That is incredible advice. Oh my God. If you don't do that every single time I say something that you don't like, I'm going to cut your balls off. I want to, I want to talk about fear. Okay. Because you're somebody that went right away. She wants to cut your balls off. Well, listen, it's going to play into it. Cause I could be, I can make the choice to be very fearful about that. And I choose not to be right now. I don't know if that's right. And I ask you for this particular reason.

You're touching on death. I think it's such a heavy subject. It's the biggest life event that any of us will experience, right? Death. And so it's so big that I think we have trouble contextualizing that. It's almost impossible. Yes. But I've done a couple posts and sometimes I get some pushback on it

talking about fear. And I say like so much of what's going on in the world starts out as everyone's operating from a very fearful place. Not everybody, but many are operating from a fearful place. And that manifests in anger. It manifests in scarcity.

It manifests in lashing out at people. It manifests in so many ways. And I kind of pointed out, I was like, fear is a choice whether you agree with that or not. And I tell people like snap out of it a little bit. And I wanted to, I wanted to talk to you about, cause I don't have the tools to snap people out of it, but I think you might. How do you snap people out of fear and get them to stop making the choice of being fearful?

Ones expand the context. It's a big thing where you just get in the big and this event becomes smaller. My dad died last Octoberober the end of october thank you and so i was with him when he passed and it was like a two or three day process he was on breathing and it was in his living room my sisters and i my mom were all there and i was with him and my dad was my best friend and i thought about all of the different things that my dad wasn't worried about in those three days he wasn't worried about the fact that the right tire on his car was a little bit low. It wasn't stressing him out. Although my dad would have obsessed about that for weeks until the air got in the tire. He wasn't worried about some bill that was due, some disagreement he had, you know, some political thing that happened in the world

that day. It's interesting when you get to that point of your life, what becomes unimportant. Well, everyone says, well, what if you just had one more conversation with Lauren, right? Let me ask you this. What if you started to get to the really big and when she leans over and you say that and you go, what if this was my last conversation with Lauren? What if this was the last time I saw my precious little daughter, right? That context of the last time takes all of the fear away and it changes the context. Oftentimes, if you're at lunch with a friend and your phone's beeping, what if you just said to myself, what if this is my last lunch with them? How present would I be if this was the last time where this is the last conversation with my

dad? Do you know what I would give right now for one more conversation with my dad? One more time. Do you know how many times my dad called me in my life where I saw my dad's and I'm like, I'm in a meeting. I'll call him back. Do you know how many times I did that? I can guarantee you right now, if that phone rang and for some miracle, it was my dad on there, there'd be a completely different reaction. So start to think through what's the last time. The other thing on fear is move your body. I know this is something that Tony talks about as well, but I don't know that it's always applied correctly. Fear is a move. Fear is staying still. Fear is hunched over. Fear is shallow breathing. Fear is our face muscles sort of going downward. So if you feel fear, if you can get up and move your body,

I'm not exaggerating, walk around the building, jumping jacks, do three pushups, breathe deeply, laugh, something you can do to change your physiology. It's almost impossible to be moving in a peak state and experience any negative emotions of any type whatsoever when you do that. And so I would challenge you to move your body when those things happen and get to the big. What if this was the last one of these? What if this was the last conversation? What if this was the last podcast? No joke. Swear to you. You guys were a little bit behind today, so I got here about 10 minutes early. And I'm having a very interesting day today. We'll call it interesting. I want to be in this moment with two of the people I love the most in the world that I've met in this entire space. And I said to myself, this is my third time being on

your show. What if this is the last time? How present do you want to be? And I just said a prayer like, please give me the words, Lord, please help me guide people. Please help me answer the questions of the best of my ability. And it changed my whole perception on it. I went from being a little bit anxious about doing the show. Now I get to do the show. I went from fear about it to I get to do this. It changed my complete perception. I noticed that when we wake up in the morning, our first thought is, what's wrong?

I started to notice that every morning I'll wake up and be like, what's wrong? What do you do in the morning that changes that? I'm sure you have an exercise or something. I do. And by the way, I'm not going to get too detailed on this, but that's actually part of what's happening when you're sleeping in your brainwave state, that it is very normal to wake up with anxiety. It is, it's part of a, we won't get into all of it, but it is part of the state of sleep

when you wake up, the waves that you are in that can induce the fact that you feel anxiety and fear and worry. And I had it this morning. I actually had it this morning. I actually had it this morning. About 2.30, I woke up and I was having some anxious thoughts about something. And then when I woke up this morning at 5.30, they were back with me. They were my friend. So I go through, I know you guys have all heard this before, but when I do wake up, before I literally get out of the bed, I literally do this whole thing of what I'm grateful for. I just shift my perception right away. I flood it. I call it an emotional flood. My gratitude exercise is a little bit different. I literally reclose my eyes and I do pictures that come at me in slow motion from far away closer to me of the people and things

that I'm most grateful for in my life, just to give you a really detailed answer. So for example, for you, it might be, you know, a picture of Lawrence coming at you and then your Zaza's coming at you, right? His boobs, hopefully not his boobs, that would be a big problem. He's looking fit so I don't think there's any man boobs going on there. But I actually flood myself with these images and the more I bring them closer and closer and closer the more the emotion hits me and then I do them fast. It's like kind of like this and it's just pictures coming at me that flood me, they overwhelm me. It's almost like shock and awe from my visual and my auditory and my kinesthetic system.

I just see, feel, and hear these things coming at me, and it shocks my system. It literally takes me about 15 to 25 seconds to do it, and I flood myself with that. And then I do get up, I'm a prayer, so I get up and I actually get on my knees for me. The reason I get on my knees when I pray, people laugh at me when I do this,

but for me, it just reminds me of how small I am and how much I want wisdom. If it's for you, if it's from the universe or the quantum field, in my case, I'm a really interesting dude. I'm a Christian, but I also believe in energy in the quantum field. My great God created that. And so I tap into energy. I tap into that space. And so I just kind of get small for a minute when I pray. I like to be on my knees. So for me, it shifts that. And then you know this, I drink almost a half a gallon of water before I actually get on my feet. So I flood myself with hydration, which completely energizes me, completely changes my nervous system. And then I'm off to whatever the heck I want to do. So emotional flood, pray, CBD and CBD, not only for sleep, but for sex. We have a new podcast partner. I could not be more excited. House of wise. I'm sure you've seen them all over Instagram, but basically their

mission is to help you take control of your sleep and stress and your sex. Okay. So what I like to do is I like to take the sex gummy, the house of wise sex gummy, and it has horny goat weed extract, maca root extract, Ashwagandha extract, and CBD. And what you do is you take one gummy, you wait and you breathe. You want to take two most. I usually take one and I'm good to go. I have the best sleep. I have the best sex and I am not stressed. A lot of people during this pandemic have wanted to drink less. I know that because I actually stopped drinking. I'm on day 32 out of day 70. And I think this is a perfect way to wind down at night. I just feel like it's the perfect way if you're trying to drink less, have better sex, have better sleep, all the things, and you get to go to bed early. I like

to get in bed at like 8.30 now, have a gummy, I go right to bed, maybe have some sex before that if Michael's lucky. As our partner, House of Wise wants to give you all 20% off your first purchase. Simply go to houseofwise.co. That's H-O-U-S-E-O-F-W-I-S-E.co and use promo code skinny to redeem your discount. That's 20% off your first sleep, sex, stress, or strength product. They have all four. Like I said, I'm a fan of the sex. When you go to houseofwise.co and use the promo code skinny. Check it out. Better sleep, better sex. We're into this. Do you have a nighttime wind down that you do? I do. Lately it's been infrared. So I have an infrared bed in my house, which not everybody can afford, but I'm really into infrared technology right now. And so I do that. And

then lately it's really interesting you asked that. I use this app. I'm not selling it. And if you have an app, you can delete the name of it. But I use Calm, which is just an app that just actually sounds. For me, it's like a light rain sound that I play. And for me now, because I've slept so deeply doing it, now my reticular activator and my nervous system has linked those sounds to deep sleep. And so it's the sounds that I listen to that put me in that state. I obviously lay out my clothes for the next day. It's just little things that I do so that I'm prepared. I review my calendar.

But like a thing that you probably never heard before is that if you get into a deep sleep state and there's a sound that triggers that, that sound will trigger that for you. And so now for me, it's the auditory of that sound. I tricked my baby with this. We have a sound. It's the same sound every night that I put on.

And immediately when I put it on, she just winds down. Perfect example. Yeah. She tricked me with it too. Did you get up and do like changings in the middle of the night? Did you do all that stuff? He does a lot. He does.

I would say he actually does 60%. Is that right? I love being a dad. I know you do. It it's a life changing experience. You can't explain it until you've obviously had children of your own. Like people, it's funny. I have friends be like, I get it, man. I'm like, no, you don't get it yet.

Once you have them, you'll get it. But yeah, I mean, like it's obviously one of the great joys, if not the greatest joy of my life. Which is interesting because you two were like the coolest single couple. You know, you're all over the world. Yeah, we're total nerds now. No, we're dragging her around. You I do when I met you both when we were done with our first conversation Actually, the first thing I told you both is you two will be great parents. Oh, that's nice I did I do remember that actually I was pregnant on your show and didn't know it

So there's no idea. Gosh a lot of people watch that show Really good If you guys haven't heard that episode, go to Ed Milet podcast and listen to that. But also they need to listen to, and this brings me to my next question. What changed my life that you said? And that was one more rep.

And I want you to talk about that here because now when I'm in the gym, I think Ed says one more rep. I'll do one more set of pushups. I'll do one more arms. And I also think of it with my business. I'll do two more Instagram stories when I was going to do one. I'm always I'll do one more arms. And I also think of it with my business. I'll do two more Instagram stories when I was going to do one. I'm always trying to do one more. Can

you explain that to our audience and how they can apply it to their own life? I'm writing a book called One More right now. So I'm really glad you asked that. I got to come back out when it's on, which will be the end of this year. You can come back anytime you want. Thank you. So for me, I struggle with my self-confidence, thinking I'm worthy of whatever the external result was all my life. So I started thinking when I was much younger, like what could I do that would trick or convince me I'm worthy of stuff these really cool, big, strong, fast guys get? I'll just do one more. So if it was batting practice and it was like, okay, guys, take 10 hacks, I'd take plus one more. If practice ended, I'd stay one more hour in the gym. I'd do one more rep in

business. I'd make one more phone call. And what happens when you do one more, not only mathematically have you increased your chances of winning, but you start convincing yourself that you're doing things other people aren't willing to do so that you're going to get results other people aren't going to get. And when you start stacking that up over time, self-confidence is really just a reputation you have with yourself. If you have super high self-confidence, you have a reputation with yourself that I can trust me, that I do things other people aren't willing to do, that I do things that weren't even my old standard.

So I have pretty high self-confidence, not because I think I'm super smart or super cool, but because I've had 30 years of doing one more of about everything, like one more prayer, one more I love you to my daughter, one more kissing of my wife every single day, like one more thank you, one more rep in the gym, one more i love you to my daughter one more kissing of my wife every single day like one more thank you you know one more rep in the gym one more phone call it's actually it's legitimately who i am now it can get super goofy like i do a lot of one mores that make no sense

whatsoever which i like what give me give me a weird one that we would think is weird okay this is like everyone now that's been listening to me is like i'm gonna lose all i have to turn the radio on one more time that's okay so it's become like a habit it's become a little ocd like it legitimately has like i have to legitimately do one more of everything i do like it's pretty psycho stuff okay though because you've i feel like it's a positive habit so if that's what comes out of it who cares as long as you're not going in the other direction, like I got to do one more bottle of tequila. Well, it's a whole other conversation during COVID. We've gotten a lot of one more. But no, it's pretty healthy stuff typically that I've linked with it. And then like now I'm kind of at this point where it's like, I just know that's what I'm going to do. So when I

walk in somewhere, you might be smarter. You might have more connections. You might have, you know, better education than me, whatever it is. But I got one more. What's something that you, you work so hard on your business and you work so hard with your children because I've heard you talk about it. What's something to do with your wife? I know you probably apply business principles to your relationship. What's something you can do?

Selfishly, I just want you to tell Michael. You always ask him about her. I'll tell you what we both do pretty well. We thank each other for little things. So I'm conscious of like one more thank you. So like this may sound really, really stupid, but like she made breakfast this morning and she came downstairs and I just said, thank you, babe. Thank you. I said it twice. I said it one more time. And then we went out to dinner the other night. Oh, we were in Maine two days ago. We went out to dinner, had a nice dinner. This doesn't happen in most families because it's both of our

money. But we got back, we were walking back and she goes, thank you for dinner, babe. Almost like a first date. So a lot of thank yous and a lot of gratitude. And I think that that overrides a lot of other stuff. So I'm really, really good at that. But the truth is she's better at doing those things than I am. She's really good at the one mores when it comes to our relationship. Also take one more second now before I respond to most things. I'm the type of person, Michael, that like you just said something, I am going to let you know immediately what the heck I'm feeling. The truth is it's usually an elevated emotion for me out of fear. You know what you're really worried about when you're going to disagreement? Ultimately, if you took it all the way back to what's the fear in any relationship, in my opinion, that fear is

you're going to leave me. Like if you reduced anything all the way back, you're going to leave me. That's what we're afraid of in our relationships in life. It's the strangest thing. You go, no, that's not really my jam. Really break it all the way down. It's a fear when I get mad. You're like, no, no, no. She insulted you. She said you didn't look good. Or she said something in a dinner conversation about you she shouldn't have said. That's not her leaving you. Yeah, it kind of is because that's an abandonment conversation you had. You left my side and took their side. And so most times for me, it's like, I'm going to take one more second here before I reply. That serves me really well

as I've gotten older Because usually it's a slightly reduced response now Sometimes it's not but most of the time it's like there's probably a more articulate way to say this or to handle it or maybe I'm not even gonna say anything I'm gonna see if this was just me being me and she didn't intend it that way and that Sounds like we really have our act together better than we do on this stuff because we don't, we disagree, we argue. In fact, we had a pretty good disagreement on that trip in Maine. But for the most part, the duration. So my son's a golfer. Great golfers all hit bad golf shots. I tell my son this all the time. It's their dispersion, by the way, that's the difference.

It's the gap between how far their bad shots go. So he hits bad shots, but mine can go eight miles left or right. My sons can go eight yards left or right in a bad shot. In a relationship, I think it's your dispersion. How long are the fights? How deep are they? How hard do you hit with the wounds that you give? And it's not that you're not going to disagree, but if you can shrink your dispersion, you have a probably healthier relationship. So what I was going to ask you is, if you do get into a huge fight with your wife, how do you recover quickly? Wow. Truth. We physically recover. So usually our intimacy, physical intimacy has a lot to do with the recovery of our disagreements. I'm just not going to lie to you. So yeah, it's kind of how we

recover too. It is. And I think a lot of healthy relationships have that. I said this to you on your show before, like what's the secret of a great relationship? Yeah, you got to trust each other and there's got to be communication. You better not just become roommates or friends. You two don't struggle with that. And that's a really important part of a relationship. Intimacy, by the way, doesn't have to always be sex. It can be holding hands.

It could be hugging one another as you get older. I'm sure that stuff, you know, I'm 50. I'm sure that stuff changes. But I think physical intimacy is a big part. Cause here's the deal. Like I know the, I know her love language is physical touch. And so it's very difficult to be in a heated exchange. I'm just to think about this when you're in a really bad disagreement with a loved one, if you just hug them, I know this sounds nuts, but like, if you'll just touch them during the disagreement, you'll see the reduction

massively of the charge level. I'm the exact same way. So I totally know what you're talking about. So usually it's a good reminder for me. I love when Ed comes on because there's like 400 reminders. Well, what happens when you're in a disagreement? What's your what's your intuition? Separate physically different part of the house. You this you this you literally pointed each other to create separation physically. Right. So every part of you in a disagreement with a loved one is to create physical separation. And the truth is one of the things you could do best to reduce that disagreement is just grab their hand. I love you. And even you don't even say that, just grab their hand as you're talking. The charge goes down. If you can hug them, if you can all the way up to kissing,

all the way up to the good stuff. But anything, any type of physical proximity typically will reduce it as long as you're in a, obviously you need to make sure that you're in a, you shouldn't be in a relationship if there's any physical contact that's, you know, not healthy. But if it's healthy, that's the best reduction. Next time we're in a fight, I'm just going to grab your balls. Well, there's some obsession with your balls today. I don't know what happened before I got here. A lot happened before you got here.

We had Lala on and Randall. A lot happened before you got here. We had Lala on and Randall. A lot happened. I would like to know because I feel like this is sort of the climate that we're in. I've been talking to a lot of audience members. A lot of people are experiencing depression and anxiety. And I don't know if this is two separate questions, depression and anxiety. But what advice would you give to someone that's feeling in a depressed state or an anxious state. Recently, we had the founder of Just Thrive on our podcast, and we also had a microbiologist.

And I got to ask them both so many questions. I got to dig deep. Highly recommend that episode if you have not listened. They really go into gut health. And I've decided that I am theming my year as the year of the gut. I want a healthy gut. I want my daughter to have a healthy gut because a healthy gut, I have found, means a good immune system, a good digestive system, and good emotional health. So what I've done, you already know this, is just thrive. I'm taking their probiotic. I'm very into this probiotic because it's vegan, non-GMO, gluten-free, dairy-free, and free of anything artificial. It's safe for kids. You can literally break the capsule open and give them a little bit, like have them lick it. You can mix it into a smoothie. Sometimes I even will bake with it. I made Zaza banana chocolate chip muffins

the other day, which were so good. And I put a little bit of the capsule in there and it doesn't lose its potency, which is great. This is one of the only probiotics that actually lives when it's in your gut. A lot of them don't survive. So you'll take one and it doesn't survive the trip from your mouth to your gut, but just thrive does. So that's why I'm very into this one. It's very effective if you have gas, constipation, bloating, we want a probiotic. And the third thing I do is I've implemented a lot of kimchi and sauerkraut into my diet. So all of these things are helping to support a healthy, happy gut. I am about it. And lastly, you should also know that they have a probiotic for dogs. So while you're getting your probiotic, get one for your pet.

Okay? You're going to save 15%. Go to justthrivehealth.com slash skinny and use promo code skinny. That's justthrivehealth.com promo code skinny. Enjoy. Again, you got to move your body. You're doing doing depression you're not working out every day you're not moving around you're not being physical if you're depressed so if you would change your physical state i promise you that we'll have a massive and you go well i that's my problem i'm so depressed i can't move move your body get up walk run jog cardiovascular

sex laughing something that moves your body okay so that's walk, run, jog, cardiovascular, sex, laughing, something that moves your body. Okay. So that's one thing on depression. The second thing on depression is there's a story you're telling yourself and the story you're telling yourself is creating this emotional state. So what you have to do is you have to create a new story. The story you're telling yourself is probably an exaggerated amount of bullshit that you're giving yourself. And you're kind of getting comfortable with it. If you've been in that depressed state, it's become an emotional home. You live in this story. I'm never going to get out of here. I'm never going to find another job. I'm never going to do this. I'm never going to do that. There's no nevers in life. And so the truth

is you have to stop telling yourself the story and create a new story you're going to tell yourself. This narrative that we tell ourselves is powerful. You go, well, what should the story be? Well, if you were the author of your life or you believe in a God and a universe where you're co-authoring it, what would the story be? What would it look like? What would you be talking about? Because at any point in your life, you can change it. You can literally decide at any moment, I'm a new character. I'm more powerful. I'm more kind. I'm lighter. I'm smarter. I'm more influential. I'm more beautiful. I make a bigger impact. Whatever it is, you can create a new character. I am 50 years old. I have been a different character for the last 30 years, almost every single year. There's different parts of me that I want to express. And so I would say that to you. And then the other part I would

tell you is talk to somebody about it. I would say talk to somebody if it's really severe for you. And here's the thing. I know I don't know you. And I know I don't know your current circumstances and your situation. But you know what I know about you? You've always come out of it better eventually. All your life you've proven, because there's a God that loves you. And you're supposed to do something great with your life. You're supposed to make a difference with your life.

And even if you've forgotten it, I'll just say this to you as a friend, you were born for a reason. You're not a mistake. It's not some fluke of the universe. And these dreams you've had in your life, they're not hallucinations. They were put there, I believe, by God to give you an image and a glimpse of what you could feel like about yourself. And so I just want you to know you were born to do something great. You were born to do something beautiful with your life. And even though it seems very far away, the great lie that if you believe in the devil or just negative emotions, here's the deal. Stay with me on this. This is what I found out after about 50 years. Take this from probably a guy older than most of the audience. The lie that we play on ourselves isn't a lack of vision. Like we don't think we could get there. I don't see myself walking on

a beach with someone I love. I see it, but here's the lie. We create this image that it's so far away that it's just going to be years that it's just so far away. The lot that lack, the lack of vision in your life, isn't that you don't dream because you dream it's a depth perception issue. You think it's so much further away. It's going to take so long. And the truth is it's not as far away. There's like this veil. And that veil on the other side of it is the life you want. It's a very thin line. It's one decision.

It's one relationship. It's one meeting. It's one encounter. That's how far away you are from a completely different life. It's not 11,000 miles. It's not 40 years from now. It's one. That power of one is true. It's one meeting, one encounter, one lunch, one conversation,

one decision, one thought, one podcast, one guy with a deep voice you're listening to on one show. And all of a sudden you're in a different life in the beginning of a new life, in the beginning of a new time in your life. It's not as far away, your happiness, your bliss as you think it is. But you thinking it's that far away keeps it there. Stop thinking it's so freaking far from you because it's a lie you're telling yourself that is eroding your time here on this planet. It's much closer. What if you believed you were one conversation, one meeting, one person, one emotion away from it? What if you believed that? Maybe you don't believe it's now, but what if you believed you were only one away?

And if I'm right about that, you're a lot closer than you think you? Maybe you don't believe it's now, but what if you believed you were only one away? And if I'm right about that, you're a lot closer than you think you are and you should have some optimism because of that. I think one of the things you touched on is that story. And I think one of the challenging things and where people can get really defensive is when you say, hey, I don't believe your story, right? Like, I'll give you context.

They'll tell you why their life is so bad or why their circumstances are so unfair or whatever issue. And they'll say, well, you know, and maybe they're, they're talking to their friends and say, well, these people have this because their circumstance and their life was set up differently. And so like my story is the truth. And a lot of times what happens, you say, well, I don't, I don't believe that story. Like, and you start pointing out some of the wins and they get really defensive and maybe then they go talk to other people that believe that story and reinforce it. And all of a sudden they're in a group with commiserators that are sitting there

saying your story is right. It is valid. You should feel this way. You should have these fears and these anxieties and this depression. And it like creates this endless cycle of never being able to get out of the story because they discredit anyone that questions if that story is valid. Very true, by the way. And their story is true to them. And I've stopped trying to pick it apart for the very reason because you push them away. You're so brilliant, Michael. And they do go find people that will validate their story for them. And that's the, that's the, that's the, the catalyst that sets it over the edge because they get that validation. And the truth is you are, if you do believe those things are true. And by the way, in some cases, in many cases, you are absolutely right about your story. But would you also agree with me

that because you believe that so deeply, that reticular activator is revealing to you only the people, places, and things that verify the story? And so the reason we must create a new story is it at least gives us a chance to begin to see with this filter in our mind, the RAS in your mind, in your brain, by the way, filters out all the things that aren't important to you. That's why you don't feel the blood in your left ear. You're not conscious of your breathing right now because you'd go crazy if you were aware of everything. So this RAS only filters to you what matters. So your story is true and you're

validating and proving it every day because you believe it to be true. And you may even be right. Yeah. So imagine the power of you actually just let's buy your story. Let's take it completely true right now. But what if you believed the story that you are one away, that you're one meeting, one person, one conversation, one meal, one emotion, one something away. If that's at least true, you're so freaking close. It's crazy. And that you guys, listen, I'm 50. I've met people from every walk of life, every corner of the world.

I've spoken on every conference. I'm telling you, I'm right about this. You are so much closer. The lie isn't your story. The lie is that you think it's forever. The lie that you think it's far away, that you think it's never going to change. That is such a freaking lie.

And when you get old and you're my dad and you're sitting in that living room and you go, I bought this story that I was far away all my damn life and I proved it. Yeah, it's like, it's not discrediting the story. It's believing the story is always going to be that same story. It's some permanent story of yours. Do you really believe you were born to live the same chapter of your life, the same chapter of your book over and over and over again? What a terrible book to read. Even if it's a good one,

even if your life's amazing right now, I don't want to read this chapter 11 more times and then die. I want new chapters, new experiences. And me, Ed, my, I am one meeting, one conversation, one podcast, one encounter, one stoplight away. You wonder whether you're, you've ever had anybody in your life that just shockingly passed away. They were one event away from their life, completely changing one event away. You think these folks that are in Haiti right now or Afghanistan, they're going through their lives have completely changed in a day or two at the time we're recording this. Whatever story they were worried about a week ago, there is a totally different reality and story of their life because one decision, one meeting, one event, good or bad, this is true in our lives. And so if that's true, it's certainly true for you.

So let's believe that. Wow. I'm inspired. We're going deep today. Well, we love to go deep. It's powerful stuff. Lately, if you've been listening to my podcast, Get the Fuck Out of the Sun, you know I have been on a mission to find a retinol that works for my skin. I have tried so many and they've made me red. So I did find a few that worked for my skin, but I noticed a lot of them were very expensive. And simultaneously, you guys were DMing me asking me to find an affordable one that worked, that was non-irritating. I searched high and low and I found this one called Bliss. And I'm super about Bliss. I've talked about their marshmallow mask before because it's a clean, cruelty-free, planet-friendly skincare brand. And I found out

that they have this serum and it's called Youth Got This Serum and it's made with pure retinol. But here's the deal. It's only $27 and it's clinically proven to reduce the look of fine lines and wrinkles, which retinols do in four weeks. But this one was made specifically to be non-irritating. So if you have sensitive skin and you notice that you get red from like a lot of retinols, you should definitely check this one out. I've never seen a retinol so affordable. So how I like to use retinol is I like to use it twice a week. And let me tell you, retinol works. Okay. It really does reduce the look of fine lines and wrinkles. However,

you have to be very serious about it and you have to find the right one that doesn't make your skin sensitive. If you have sensitive skin, the packaging is so cute. And like I said, it's clean, it's affordable. I try all different kinds of products for a living. So I'm very detailed and specific about the ones that I recommend. Regardless, you got to check out the Youth Got This Pure Retinol Serum. It's made with pure stabilized retinol, along with a curated blend of gentle ingredients like amino acids, peptides, squalene, and antioxidants, all to nourish and protect for hydrated, glowing skin, but without irritation. Shop Bliss Youth got this retinol serum and moisturizer at Amazon for 20% off using code 20SKINNY. They hooked you successful, what your recipe is. For instance, are you daily

journaling? Are you, you know, posting Instagrams every day? What are your little things that you think have made up your success? And it could be really small things. Okay. I hate saying stuff that sounds like, like just, you know, Oh, that sounded good. I'm really love people is so easy in life to, there's a lot of proof that you shouldn't. My son wants to get into the business. I mean, I said, Maxine, one of the things I'm worried about in my business, I said, where are you dealing with the rejection? And I said, Max, let me tell you, when I went into business, I thought, you know what? A lot of people are going to reject me. I said, Max, let me tell you, when I went into business, I thought, you know what? A lot of people are going to reject me. I said, you know what I found out? It's not true. Most people are. But I said, let me give you the good news. Not all. Not all. And in life, I believe that about

people. I believe most people are good. And I'm curious about human beings. I'm curious about their lives. When I took my job after baseball, I got to work at an orphanage. I think you guys know the story. My first job out of college was I worked at an orphanage called McKinley Home for Boys. All my boys were orphans, wards of the court. Their parents were either dead, incarcerated, or worse, had molested them. I'm 22 years old, and I'm now the big brother of 10, 10-year-old boys. All those boys wanted from me. All they wanted. I walked into their cottage, and they all just stopped and looked at me. They're getting ready for school. Now I'm taking them to school. I'm there on Halloween. I'm there when they're opening Christmas on Christmas day, presents on

Christmas day, dealing with their problems at school. I'm not even equipped to do it. I have no psychology background at that time. You know what they wanted from me? They wanted me to love them and believe in them, care about them, and just show them how to live a little better just help them and what i found out in my life you too me and everybody i meet wants me to love them care about them believe in them help them show them how to live a little bit better and so that part of my life i've carried into my business life, into my personal life. I carry it into an Uber when someone's driving me. I just know this person wants, they didn't get this from anybody else. I love you, man.

I believe in you. I care about you. If I can help you, I'll help you. And I've done that in my businesses. I've done that pretty much in my personal life, in between making millions of mistakes and being a jerk along the way, because I'm a human being. But that part of me has made me, if you call it successful, pretty successful.

The other part of it is I'm a reader and I'm super curious. So I love learning new stuff. I love being challenged. I also like to surround myself with people who will push me. I'm not uncomfortable by people being around me going, no, bro, that's stupid. Are you out of your mind? You're better than that.

I like that. I don't like people validating my story. In fact, especially now, it makes me very uncomfortable. Like, are they my real friend? They laugh at every joke. Everything I say is funny. Everything I say is smart. Really? Yeah. That makes me really uncomfortable too. Me too. Same thing. You have coached a lot of, I know I can't mention them, highly successful people. Like I'm talking like the best of the best of the best. What's the common thing that they come to? Come to me for?

Come to you for. Okay. Common thing they come to me for? Okay. I'm going to tell you. They want more self-confidence. You know what the leader of a nation wants from me? You're going to laugh.

Wants detailed information of how to do it. But love me, care about me, believe in me, and help me. That's what they want. Most of them want more confidence, and then they want the tools to deliver more confidence for themselves. So they want to know, like, at my level, how do I articulate better? How do I have more confidence? How do I know the decisions I'm making are right? Most humans are navigating confidence issues all the time, believing in themselves, believing in their decisions, believing in their business, believing their life's on the right path. They want someone to give them the tools.

And I do a lot of mental tools and visualization tools and auditory tools that I do with them. But more than anything, they want someone who does not validate their story and they want someone to give them the tools to do that. And I'll tell you what they have in common. These people that perform at a high level tread a very interesting line between having tremendously high self-confidence and a high degree of humility. So I know a lot of people with a lot of self-confidence that don't have any humility. You've met them and you've interviewed them and they are not fun people to be around and they eventually burn. Then we know people

with tons of humility, but they don't have that self-confidence to deliver. So for me, with all of them, it's getting them to toe that line about as perfectly. It's an art, not a science of tremendous confidence, but staying humble, having the humility to grow, to care, to know they're not any better than anybody else. A great leader of a country, a great baseball player, a great golfer, a great CEO, they have tremendous confidence. And I give them the tools for that. But I also want to give them the tools to keep their humility because humility allows you to grow, to learn, to listen to people, to care about people, to be on their level and not be superior to them because we're all humans, right? We all have our frailties and our weaknesses. So for me,

I already know they want more confidence and they want to learn how to stay humble and stay curious. If they need more humility, I'll give it to them. I'll put it right to them. If they need more confidence, I help them with that. You know, I'm going to ask you this. What are the visualizations and auditory tools that you were talking about? Can you give us something that we can go listen to? Or is it something that you do yourself? How can we use these tools and access them? I don't mean it to sound this way either. I do it in my coaching program that I have with some of the people that we have. And I don't mean it just could be longer than for a podcast, but I'll give you, I'll give you one of them.

I said it earlier in the program, but people just literally don't do this. I don't think most people know what their real giftedness is. So what my gift is, my actual gift of all the things that God gave me, which is like five, and I'm not kidding. I'm like good at like five things is my ability to identify other people's giftedness. If you're a Christian person, and I know your audience is probably 50-50 or not, but it's seeing God in them. It's seeing, like with your daughter right now.

Already at 18 months old, you two discuss some of her giftedness. She's so smart. She's so coordinated. Or her smile and in her case, these beautiful eyes she has, which I know about your daughter. Right. But like there's these, how funny by the way, that you to the DNA you put together made the most beautiful child that's ever been in creation other than my own. But, but she didn't get any eyes from me. I could barely see out of these fucking things. Yeah. She's got, she's, she's just such a beautiful baby. But

anyway, I, I go back. So it's actually identifying their real giftedness. We do it with things, people we love, like we do it with our children. My son, I know he's not doing it in school, but he's so smart. He just doesn't love school, right? Or you should see my son throw a football, or you should see my daughter dance, or my daughter's got the kindest heart, or is the fastest runner, or the funniest you've ever met. We do this with other people we love. We don't give ourselves that. And so I do a really heavy inventory with them and I can quickly identify. And you'd be surprised I'm working with someone right now that used to lead a pretty prominent country. And when I went through it with him in the beginning, he said, these are the things that I've always known all my life for my gifts. And then after about the

second session, I said, I'll just submit to submit to you sir that you're incorrect about a couple of these and these are your actual gifts and when I Said this to him he cried and I'm talking about sobbed. I'm talking about we're on a zoom. He's in another country He sobbed because it was true and no one had ever spoken that to him One of the truly amazing times in your life is when you do Identify what your gifts are and you really do start to use them to serve other people. It's such a great way to live. It's really hard to be depressed. It's really hard to be down.

It's really hard not to be able to write another chapter. It's really hard not to believe you're one away from a different life. And so for me, that's one of the big things is my gift inventory that I do with them or identify them. It's never usually what they think it is. It's usually something more profound and more simple. Say someone wants to do a big goal, a goal that you've done. So I'll give you an example. Write a book, launch a podcast. How does Ed Milet work that out? Do you create systems? Is it a calendar? Bingo. You just nailed it. It's a system.

But like give us, let's say you want to write a book in six months. Let's do the book. That's a perfect example. So if you want to have anything in your life, if it's personality driven, it'll be much more work. You have to create systems. I'm a system freakazoid. Like I want to reverse engineer everything. So the way I create systems, I reverse them. I get to the very end thing and then I do each step in reverse.

Most people start with the idea and then build the steps to the end. That's not what great systems do. Great systems start with the end in mind. You know, you know this from Think and Grow Rich, but then you reverse engineer the steps to the end. That's not what great systems do. Great systems start with the end in mind. You know this from Think and Grow Rich, but then you reverse engineer the steps. You slow motion walk it backwards to the beginning. You will screw things up and miss problems that will arise in your system if you do it from the front to the back. Do it from the back to the front. So that's a big deal. So for example, in writing a book, my first book I wrote is 100 pages. People go, why was it only 100 pages? Because I suck at writing and I had no system. It took me forever to do. My new book's almost 400 pages. I'm writing it in about half the time and it's 3,000 times better. And the reason why

was I asked John Maxwell, what's your system on how to write a book? How many books has he written? 4 billion, right? And sold like 500 trillion. So he's so prolific. And Mark Victor Hanson, I asked Mark, who sold like 500 million books, both of them said the same thing to me. They go, well, my system first is, I thought this was crazy. I write the chapters first. What are the titles of the chapters I want to write in sequence, reverse from the last chapter to the first. And then I begin to write the chapters as I go. And then in my case, so I wrote the chapters. There's the amount of chapters all the way back to the beginning. And then in my case, I've got a system. I do voice because I'm an auditor. I'm a terrible writer. I am good at putting together my thoughts by verbal. So what I do is I verbally put them into a recorder first,

and then I type. I have someone transcribe them out, and then I begin to write the chapter based on that. So I've got a whole system from the sequence of the chapters, auditory into a recorder, transcribed, then the actual written chapter all the way to the very beginning. And so now I've got a system. It's been really smooth. And so the reason you want a system is when something's broken, it's a step. It's not something you don't know how to fix. So you look at any great McDonald's that just distributes the most food on planet earth. Why? They've got a very simple system. Their system is so good and their food isn't good, but their system is so good that they can have basically 16 and 18 year olds run the entire distribution of all the food in the world because the system's that specific. You are so right. That's a great example.

Instagram, you've grown it so gnarly and I know that it hasn't been easy, but you've made it look effortless, which is very impressive. Thank you. Your captions are long form. Is this something you plan a week in advance? Yeah. So you have everything all planned out, ready to go. I have a system now. So my captions are too long. I need, I need, I need, I need more inconsistency in my caption length. I just expressed myself so much that no, I really do. I've started to write some that are only two paragraphs because mine are books to read. My content, my Instagram has grown basically a little bit unique that I believe it has been mainly content reliant, meaning that it's good content. I'm going to be honest. I think it's good content. It's diverse

and you can go there and get real stuff. I don't repeat myself a lot. There's certain people out there that just, I get, I know what they're going to say about every third post. Yeah. There's certain people you kind of just tune out and stop listening because it's the same, it feels the same. Same stuff. Luckily for me, my diversity of experience every day helps me create new content. But now my system will give you, I'll tell you what it is. Stories are very variable, just like they are for you. What's ever happening in my life is how I do my stories. But my main posts, I start writing them. I have a team and I'll say, these are my ideas for the six posts I want to make. I post at the same time every day, which is 730 Pacific time. It's just something I've done

consistently. I post at the same time and my team, I'll say, this is my idea for the post. I need you guys to find me a visual. So my team will find me the visual, a photo or something like that. Or I've got a video I already know. And then I write them all Wednesday through Friday for the week in advance. I like that tip a lot because, you know, and this is selfishly and I don't want to interrupt, but I struggle on social one because I don't care about the visual part of it. I don't care. I don't want to post a picture of me standing somewhere. Like I don't really think any, but I like to write. I have to start. I don't either. And so I have to start with the thing I don't like first, which I need to get it out of the way. What's the visual going to be for this? Now for the first three or four years, I was the guy finding the visuals.

Yeah. Now I'm fortunate enough that I have people that i say look i need a picture of me doing this because i'm going to write about it but i think i could find someone to help with the visual and then just do the other part yeah and i love to write them so i do them all at one time people say gosh you write those every day no i write them the previous week usually in one or two days for the whole week most of the stuff i writes on stories which probably doesn't get the most doesn't get it doesn't get the most views or it doesn't it doesn't get the most engagement because it's just on story so it's like only people that are really following there you know instagram's really changed people are starting to push't get the most engagement because it's just on stories. So it's like only people that are really following there. Instagram's really changed. People are

starting to push me towards TikTok because it's a more viral platform. I was just going to say you would go crazy on TikTok. Well, here's what's funny. It's funny. All these motivation pages out there, my team's doing this all the time. I do go crazy on TikTok. It's just not on my account. My content is ballistic on TikTok. You go to these motivational accounts and I'm not trying to say, but I'll get 10 times the downloads on my videos that aren't on my page from everyone else in the space, except that's not me posting my own content. TikTok's got a lot of repurposing it and doing very well with it. So I'm starting to build my TikTok. Instagram, you know, the algorithm, the way they do things, they've suppressed my stuff on a really regular basis. I don't know

why they do. It's frustrating to me. It's certainly a platform that's still probably the most relevant, but it is harder and harder to grow for me on there just because of the way the algorithm works there. They seem to just suppress content regularly. You did a post recently on negative energy and toxicity and how to cut it out of your life. If someone's listening and they have negative people or negative situations, what would you tell them? Well, the negative people thing, you need to, you need to identify if someone's depleting your energy. Here's the thing. I'm, I'm pretty harsh on this stuff. I do not know why you're keeping people around you that deplete your energy, that help you get negative, that help you get more

fearful and that validate your story. To Michael's point earlier, I just do not understand it. My friend circle as I've gotten older is smaller. I've just accepted the fact that the circle is smaller. Is it not smaller for you than it was gotten older is smaller. I've just accepted the fact that the circle is smaller. Is it not smaller for you than it was 10 years ago? Sometimes I feel bad about it, honestly, because I look and I'm like, man, I used to have a lot more friends. And I think we talk about this a lot.

I'm like, why do I not? There's probably a little bit true to what you're saying. And also like you become a parent and you get busy with business. But yeah, I mean, I really like it. The circle now is just us keeping the people that really like uplift us, make us feel good, make us happy.

There's no pressure. We just enjoy seeing each other. We have fun together. If it's not all of those things, then it's kind of like, eh, life's too short. Well, think about it. If you're 30 years old, you're listening to this. Let's just say you're 30. You're 25 years old. You're listening to this. Okay. You're going to be young until you're what? My age? 50? So let's say you got 25 years until you're not young anymore. And I'm pushing it by saying that, right? That means you have 25 more Septembers in your life. Who do you want to spend them with? You have 25 of them. You don't have 250,000 of them. You have 25 more Septembers in your life. You start to shrink down. I remember one time someone had asked me, hey, my dad was like 70 years old. How many times

a year do you really see your dad? And I'm like, I don't know, five times a year. Well, if he passes away at 75, which he did, that means you're going to see your dad 25 more times. You're going to get 25 more times with your dad. And so when you start to think of it that way, I really want to spend my last 25 Septembers, I only have 25 more of them, with this person who's negative, who gossips, who robs my energy, who constantly is getting me to fill their cup up, never fills mine up. I don't mind if I have a friend who's like, hey, man, I'm down. I will fill your cup. Once in a while, could you pour into mine? So if it's a one-way street constantly, like, and you've just said, my gosh, it's been five years. It's all me to them.

This is not someone that should be around you. Stop it. And maybe you keep them around you. If you're really being honest, yeah, they're funny. We go out, we have drinks. Or do you keep them around you? Because you kind of feel better about yourself compared to them. Really be honest about this. No, I love them. Okay. I can love you from a distance. And I have that too. There's people like I just really good human beings that aren't in my life anymore. But you know, I found out very few people are supposed to be in your life the entire duration. They're in their life for a season and that's okay. It's beautiful that they were,

and maybe their proximity to you is going to be less over time. Yeah. And I also, I think like, I, how do I say this without pissing people off? I, my dad is,

you know, 75, 76, whatever it is. And then we have a new daughter. And now whenever I think about extra time that I have, like, cause if you're saying I'm working and I'm being a parent and I'm with my

wife, I get these extra time. And I think about in the context, like, do I want to go somewhere where it's going to be a surface conversation or maybe a pain in the ass conversation or negative? Or do I want to take that extra time to go spend more time with my dad or more time with my daughter or more time with Lauren's parents? And I look at everything from that reference. And I think the friends that really get that, like, they're fine. They're like, good. We have, you know, it's fine. And the ones that don't, I'm like, listen, this might, this season might be over.

Brother, you just said the most important thing you're ever going to say in your life. I'm on the other side of it. My daughter's 18. My son's in college. I don't regret any of the times I spent with them. Yeah. I don't regret any parties I missed, any gatherings. I'm like, so what do you do?

Oh, really? Yeah. Hey, we'll catch up and have dinner. You never do. Right? Like I'm over those surface conversations. The ones I've had with my children, with my family, with my dearest friends are so valuable to me. And it just became a point in my life where I don't need to be anywhere to feel good about myself that I miss, you know, like, oh, I missed this. You didn't miss anything. So I'm a hundred percent with you. I would love for you to leave

our audience with ways, and this is selfishly for myself to end it out, but also for the audience, how you protect your energy and your space and how you set boundaries. So for instance, say you're obviously jam-packed with your schedule. Say people reaching out all the time, asking you to do things. What are your tips and tricks for protecting that? Great question. By the way, I want to say one thing to everybody as we're listening to this because you're so kind to me. Just so you know, I'm a human being who's screwed up. So this all sounds a lot better on a podcast in my life than it is every day in application.

I want you to give yourself grace because I have all kinds of mistakes that I make every day. If you compare it to the perfect conversation on a podcast, you'd think, well, I'll never be there. I think everyone should know I have all kinds of stuff that I need to fix. One thing I do in advance of my week when I schedule, I schedule my free time first. So my calendar is my free time first, my children, my family, my free time, my training, my fitness, my meditation time is first in my calendar. Everything else goes around that. So it's a massive protection of that. The second thing is I've really asked my team and myself

to really review commitments that I make. There's nothing, you know, what's so great about this morning, I'm telling you straight up, actually it was yesterday, I was flying back yesterday. I was looking at my calendar today. I mean this too. I looked and I saw you two on there and I smiled and Christiana asked me, what are you smiling about? I said, I get to see them tomorrow because I love you guys. I wish that we saw each other more. There's nothing more cool than looking at your calendar going, I can't wait to do that. There's nothing worse than going, why did I agree to this? What was I thinking when I agreed to it? So I protect myself by scheduling the most important things in my calendar first. The

second thing is I say no way more than I used to. And I only want people in my life to Michael's point that will understand when I do it. And then for me, it's, I really have finally in my life gained the courage to reduce the proximity to people that drain my life. There are certain people that are family that I don't want my own family to think that I think this, but there's a little bit of an exception where I want proximity to them. But I go into those conversations kind of knowing with my guard on that from time to time, they're going to be a little bit different. And then I don't listen to much media anymore. The thing that was really getting to me is turning on a television

or Instagram or other things. And just the world's going to come to an end. We all hate each other. Everything's horrible and believing it and then forming really aggressive opinions about things I really don't know that much about. And so I've just reduced what I cannot control. I put out a post about this yesterday, control the things you can control in your life. Have an opinion, stay informed. But I stay focused on things I can impact, that I can move, that my energy can make a difference for. Because if this was my last day,

how would I want to spend it emotionally? What would I want to be focused on? Would I be on Instagram popping off about some political thing and worrying about that if it were my last day? And not everything should be that way because some things are long-term and we make investments in things that pay a dividend later, but I protect my peace that way. And then I'm super guarded about what we talked about earlier. I'm going to get my peace. I'm going to get my joy. I am not

pursuing happiness. I'm an expression of joy. I'm an expression of it. It's within me. I don't have to go get it outside of me. And so at any moment, I can feel peace. At any moment, I can have the gift of happiness. These are emotions that you've already had at some point in your life. You can have them anytime that you choose to if you give yourself permission to feel them. But if you keep putting conditions, these conditions must exist for me to feel peace. These conditions must exist for me to feel happy. These conditions must exist for me to relax.

If you keep putting these massive conditions on the emotions you want, and there are no conditions on the emotions you don't want, someone can just pop off and you'll feel it. So it's stop putting massive conditions on the emotions and feelings you want to have. Drop the conditions. And I think your life would be a whole lot more blissful

if you did. Ed Milet, you're a legend. You guys, every single person I have raved about him, I call you my mentor everywhere because I always, always wake up with your podcast. I put it on when I'm making the bed. It's enhanced my life so much. I'd go back and listen to our podcast that you were on.

You've been on twice. You're incredible. Thank you. And no bullshit, this conversation fully just like reset me too. So I appreciate you coming in, man. And also the feeling of like... Hopefully it reset you being like giving me extra love and touch

and all the things. Yes, all the things. But honestly, like I can, one, feeling could not be more mutual. Lauren and I look at our calendar. We're like, oh, it's coming in tomorrow. It's gonna be a good day. We adore you. Pimp yourself out. Where to find you, what you're working on. Tell us everything. Pimp zone. It's to find you, what you're working on. Tell us everything. Pimp zone. It's go on social media to Ed Mylett, E-D-M-Y-L-E-T-T.

Same with my podcast, my YouTube. I do have a book coming out. I think it'll be the end of this year, maybe the beginning of next. I might have a television project that's pretty substantial that you'll hear about too. If I can help you, I'm here to help you. I would love to have more of you listening to my stuff or watching it. I'm always here to, hopefully next year I'll be saying something a little bit different that's not just the same thing.

I think this audience should all go follow him, you guys. I've never said that before about a guest. I think it's going to enhance your life. Like I said, thank you for coming on. You're incredible. I would go listen to Ed's podcast, The One More. Is that what it's called? That's my favorite and it changed my life.

Thank you. Thanks, Ed. Thank you. If you loved that episode with Ed, definitely go back and listen to episode 160. It's part one with him and then episode 238 with him. Both amazing episodes on how to achieve your goals, enjoy success, and strive for more. And check out his show, The Ed Mylett Show. We were on and the episode is called Trust the Process with the Skinny Confidential. On that note, to win a copy of Get the Fuck Out of the Sun, my latest book on Amazon and Barnes and Noble, all you have to do is tell us your favorite part of this episode with Ed on my latest post and someone from the team will drop into your inbox and send you guys a signed copy of Get the Fuck Out of the Sun. On that note, we'll see you next time.