The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast - Ed Mylett Pt. 4 On The Power Of One More, The Ultimate Guide To Happiness & Success

Episode Date: June 6, 2022

#467: On today's episode we are joined again for the fourth time by one of our favorite guests, Ed Mylett. Ed is an entrepreur, renowned speaker, and peformance expert who helps some of the most sucessful individuals in the world. Today Ed joins the show again to discuss his new book and idea, The Power Of One More, The Ultimate Guide To Happiness & Success. To check out Ed's new book click HERE To connect with Lauryn Evarts click HERE To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM This episode is brought to you by Feel Free from Botanic Tonics. If you are looking for an alcohol alternative try this euphoric kava drink and get 40% off your order or subscription by using either code SKINNY40 or code SKINNY240 at www.botanictonics.com  Produced by Dear Media 

All right, you know what I'm so excited for postpartum? I'm excited to do a cleanse, but it's gotta be the right cleanse because how many times have you started a cleanse and then you've realized maybe it's not super nutrient dense? I know this has happened to me many times. I'm like in the middle of it and I'm like, oh, I don't know if this has enough vitamins in it.

You know what I mean? Well, have no fear because Owl Venice is here. They are a health and wellness company operated in Los Angeles and their whole mission with their cleanse, it's called the Owl Reset, is to heal the gut and restore balance to the body. And they do this by having nutrient dense, herb infused bone broth elixirs and milkshakes. And each one is packed with ingredients that help with your digestion, reduce inflammation, which is what I need postpartum, and draw out toxins. I think this is so unique because I keep seeing cleanses everywhere. And sure, they make you lose like water weight or weight.

But I don't feel like they're helping with the gut. And that for me, postpartum is like number one. So I'm definitely going to be doing their owl reset. Okay. I'm so excited to just drink like their broth elixirs and milkshakes. I've been drinking it forever. I drink it at home. We get like their glass bone broths. They're so delicious. I'll add like carrots and celery and a bunch of herbs. You can even add chicken. It makes like a great chicken noodle soup. They have a vegan one too, if you're vegan. But the point is these bone broths incorporated in

a cleanse are amazing because like I said, they're nutrient dense and they're good for the gut. Owl Venice has a bunch of different wellness products. They have a supplement line. They have all the things to add to your self-care ritual. You got to try the bone broth. And if you want to do the cleanse with me, drop into my DMs. Maybe we can do it together.

The Owl Reset. And you get a code exclusively for the Skinny Confidential listeners. Owl Venice is offering code skinny at checkout. You get 15% off. You're going to visit owlvenice.com for more information and you get 15% off. Use code skinny. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to the Skinny Confidential, him and her. What is thinking? Thinking is the process

of asking and answering yourself questions. That's what it is. So if you want to change your thoughts, you have to change the questions you ask yourself. What are the questions you need to ask yourself to change your thinking? Because it's easy to go, I'm going to change what I think. How the heck do I do this? You have to change the internal questions you ask yourself. You have a series of questions that you're regularly asking yourself that either serve you or don't. You're unconscious.

It could be, what are people thinking about me? What's the mistake I'm going to make? How do I avoid pain? What do I need to be careful of? There could be all kinds of different questions. And these answers, you find them regularly. So if you're going to change your thinking, you change the questions. My, oh my, Ed Milet, the man, the myth, the legend is back on the Skinny Confidential,

him and her podcast. Just to show you how obsessed we are with Ed Milet, this is his fourth appearance, okay? If you want to have peak performance and achieve your goals, this is the episode for you. Every single time he comes on the podcast, I pick up 20 gems. I take notes. I have probably a notebook full of Ed's notes. He is so, so gnarly when it comes to committing and discipline and execution. He has helped me truly unlock a part of my success. I listen to his podcast all the time. Michael and

I have been on his podcast. You have to check it out. It's called The Ed Milet Show. I personally like this episode. It's called One More. You got to listen to that. Here's my advice. If you are stuck in a rut or if you want to take your life up a notch, if you want to be the best version of yourself, this is what I would do. I would listen to this episode with Ed. I would take notes. Like I said, I took so many notes during this episode. And then I would go back through the Skinny Confidential archives and I would listen to him on part one, part two, and part three of our show. You will feel so incredibly liberated and realize that you are in charge of your own destiny and you have the potential to create your own future through listening to him. He has truly helped me with any kind of success I've ever had. I look at him as a mentor,

and he just teaches you how to find your true calling. I cannot say enough nice things. He is by far one of my favorite podcast guests. On that note, for those of you who are unfamiliar with Ed Milet, I don't think there's a lot of you, but if you are, he is an accomplished entrepreneur. He's best friends with Tony Robbins and also speaks at all his conferences. He's an author. He wrote Max Out Your Life. And he just recently dropped his new book, The Power of One More. I've highlighted the fuck out of it. He's a businessman, a husband, a father, and a philanthropist.

And if you've ever listened to me on one thing, if you need any kind of motivation, listen to Ed. On that note, Ed Milet, fourth appearance on the Skinny Confidential Him and Her Show. Let's go. This is the Skinny Confidential Him and Her. Oh, it's so hard to have Ed Milet on for the fourth time. It's just the hardest thing to do. What a burden. Thank you. Well, thanks for having me on.

I was just saying thank you because I know that's not normal. So I appreciate it. Ed, you can come and sit here and just be a host and we'll kick Michael off. Yeah, we're tired, man. You can just take a moment. I know you're tired. We're just talking about that. I would love to sit next to your wife and host the show. She better be a good dude.

Oh, look at that. Maybe I'll just sit back. Like a father-daughter combo, obviously. But I would still love to do it. Listen, careful what you wish for. Maybe I need a break. I think you do. The power of one more. What's the power of one more? My new book. I know, but what is the power of one more? What's in that sentence? Well, there's a lot of power in it. And the big point of the book, there's a lot of meanings in the book. Obviously, the one more part came from my dad. My dad passed away last year and i decided to write this book but in that my dad there's these themes of one more throughout his life so my dad tried to get sober a bunch of times he was

an alcoholic i'm 15 driving in the car with my dad and i'm seeing him cry i never saw him cry after that day or before it and like i could tell he wanted to tell me something and finally he leans over he goes eddie i'm gonna go try to stop drinking again and i said dad what would you know what would be different he goes i'm gonna give it one more try and i said why would this be different he goes well your mom told me i'm gonna lose the family so i'm gonna lose you and i think your sisters and you deserve a dad you can be proud of your mom deserves a husband she can respect and he went away and came back and was sober and then when he got sober so you're gonna have a going to have a drink again? He goes, no, I'm just not going to drink for one more day at a time.

And then when I was a kid, I had all these dreams. My dad was not a dreamer, dude. I said, dad, there's no way I can ever do this. My dad would go, you're a lot closer to your dreams than you think you are. You're one decision away, one relationship away, one meeting away, one thought, one emotion. And I'm like, gosh, he's right.

And everyone listens to the same thing for them in their life. They keep thinking their vision for their life is like infinitely far away so they act in accordance with that belief system and so it perpetually stays there but what if the truth was the progress towards that is actually one decision one meaning one relationship right one new thought one new podcast away from completely changing your life. And I'm a living proof of the stacking of those one more. So that's the power of doing one more. If you could give an example of someone else besides your dad that you've seen this work on, what would that be? Maybe in the business space. Yeah, I just had this happen. This is the most extreme one of all time, right? So

like three weeks ago, I belong to this club that you guys know, this golf club. And there's a lot of very high profile people there. And friends of mine are like, I belong to this club that you guys know, this golf club. And there's a lot of very high profile people there. And friends of mine are like, you got to get together with this dude. Your net worths are similar. He's a fan of yours. Go play golf with this guy. And I'd seen the dude from a distance. I'm like, I don't think he's my kind of guy.

So I finally agreed to do it because someone canceled. I go to the first, he goes, oh, Ed Milet, five hours. I'm going to learn everything from you. And I go, I go, that ain't how it's going to work, bro. I already know about my story. I want to know yours. And he goes, we can just do it here on the tee box.

I said, give it to me. This is true. He goes, 1986, I loaned 50 grand to a guy. My best friend made the same loan to the same guy for 50 grand. A week later,

my friend got the money back. He got cold feet. I kept the loan. It turned into $750 million. I went, say that one more time. 86, I loaned the guy 50 grand it turned into 750

million bam me and you were playing golf today i said who the hell did you loan this money to jeff bezos oh i said you gotta be freaking kidding me i said so you were legit one decision one relationship away from a completely different existence on earth and that's true everywhere you man as much as you guys joke about it, the decision to marry this woman completely changed your life. Right? And so these things are true in our lives.

The question is, how do we find them? How do we get them? Yeah, but that's 100% true. I mean, the decision to marry Lauren led to obviously many things, not only just our personal life, family, and all that, but led to us even sitting down doing this together, led to Dear Media, led to me sitting here with you,

led to all of these things. Without that, none of this happens. Right. Execution is something that I see as the common denominator that people are missing. And the power of one more is about executing. When you see a lot of people online and they're constantly consuming other people's content and not putting it towards their own side of the street, what would say to them well it's a waste of time and you got to pick a few people right like if you got a hundred chefs in the kitchen of your head you're just

going to keep cooking really bad meals you got to pick two or three people who you really admire who you really expect and follow their stuff but here's the thing you're going to get your standard long term you're probably not going to get your goals so i have have a whole chapter on goal setting, which is a great chapter. I'll show you how to do it better than anybody in the world. But the truth is you probably, if they're real goals, you probably only get like 25% of them at best in your life, but you will ultimately always long-term get your standards.

You are always going to get the standard you set for yourself. So the reason that you're struggling so much is we've talked about this on your show before. You don't have any self-confidence. And the reason you don't have self-confidence is you have a relationship and reputation with yourself where you don't keep the promises you make to you. So then there's the baseline advice we've all heard. You want to change your confidence, keep the promises you make to yourself. And you know what? You can become a confident person.

How do you become superhuman where you can execute at the highest levels like the two of you do in your businesses on the show? Here's what you do. You keep the promises you make to yourself plus one more. So if I'm going to do 30 minutes, the promises I'm going to work out, I'm going to do 30 minutes. Great. Check the box. I got self-confidence. Do one more. I'm going to make 10 contacts a day. Don't just do 10, do one more. I'm going to do 10 reps on the bench. I'm not going to do 10. I'm going to do one more. I'm going to tell my wife I love her every day. Nope. I'm going to tell her one more time a day. So you start setting this standard because you ultimately will get your standards in your life.

Now you start executing very differently than most people. Very, very differently. One little other tidbit is that you've got to be able to see things that already exist that you don't see. So the second chapter of the book is called The Matrix. And that chapter is exclusively about the reticular activating system in your brain, which is the filter of your life. It reveals to you what's important to you. So you'll hear things, see things, and feel things that you didn't before. For example, like Michael, loud room, 300 people in it, not even auditorily very loud.

Someone goes, Michael, you can hear your own name auditorily over everybody else because it matters to you. I just bought a Tesla. I bought a Tesla today. I bought a Tesla last week. I like what Musk is doing. I'm like, I'm going to buy this Tesla. I told Lauren, I was like, maybe you should think about a Teslala i bought a tesla today i bought a tesla last week i like what musk is doing i'm like i'm gonna buy this tesla i told lauren i was like maybe you should think about a tesla lauren yeah i know only person that convinced me of a tesla is ed my let hopefully

you get an affiliate for that i don't have an affiliate and i just not gonna lie to you i wasn't like dying to drive one but i'm like all right and now that i have it i kind of think it's cool now dude everywhere i see teslas i'm like babe red one white one three lanes over other side three i just did the other day babe black plaid because you're paying attention to him now because everywhere i see teslas i'm like babe red one white one three lanes over other side of the room i just did the other day babe black plaid because you're paying attention to him now because now it's in my ras it's now part of my awareness it's become part of my filters become part of my matrix and so what if the teslas of your life could become those meetings those relationships those thoughts those emotions and they can by the process i take you through in the book which is

really repetitive very simple visualizations because and I'll come up for air, our minds move towards what we're most familiar with. And it will find resources to prove you right. A belief starts as like an empty table, and then it starts finding legs under it for resources. So you will hear things. You will see things. Here's the hook. They were always there. But they were filtered out of your RAS because they weren't programmed

to be important to you. What's important to you is your worries, your anxieties, your fears, your problems, your to-do list, the stuff you got to get done. So you see those things and you're oblivious to the resources around you that were always there. There is a mixture of things that I've done this pregnancy differently than the first, and one of them is your one more. Every single time go to the gym i do one more rep i was telling weston this the other day i do one more every single time this is really weird i post an instagram story i'll post one more

i've been practicing it i love it actually so it's wild that you called your book this because i think i heard it on your podcast first about doing one more and then i've mixed your method with joe dispenza who i think you know i love joe he's been on three times i just had him a couple weeks ago on again i love joe one of my best friends i'm starstruck that he's been on three times you might have to introduce me to him for you haven't had joe on here oh that's insane i will do that i've done his meditation every single day of my pregnancy and in it i've i've done exactly what you said, which is I've put out a frequency into the future of new beliefs. Yep.

How important do you think it is to sit and think and meditate and go be introspective? Big time. I do it a lot. And so what is a thought though? What is thinking? Thinking is the process of asking and answering yourself questions. That's what it is. So if you want to change your thoughts, you have to change the questions you ask yourself. So I have a whole chapter in the book called One More Question. What are the questions you need to ask yourself to change your thinking? Because

it's easy to go, I'm going to change what I think. How the heck do I do this? You have to change the internal questions you ask yourself. You have a series of questions that you're regularly asking yourself that either serve you or don't. And unconscious they could be what are people thinking about me what's the mistake I'm going to make how do I avoid pain what do I need to be careful of there could be all kinds of different questions and these answers you find them regularly so if you're going to change your thinking you change the questions I got to tell you one thing this thing you said about beliefs I haven't said this on any show so I'm gonna say it here I wrote the book and the biggest decision that's changed my family forever, guys, is

that my dad decided to get sober. If my dad doesn't make that decision, I'm really sure I'm not here, right? And I've really been grateful to that with my dad in the book. Most people have a flawed belief about themselves, and that is this, that there are things they're most ashamed of. Their mistakes, their flaws, their weaknesses are why they're disqualified from making their dream happen or being happy this is really what they believe or some shameful thing that's happened in their background or their family that's not even theirs and they carry

these bags as bs belief around that that's what disqualifies them it's the reason why they can't do something or they can't qualify for something or they're not or they don't deserve something it's the very reason and there's millions of beautiful precious human beings walking around life like this 3 15 two weeks ago i've already written the book i wake up i don't deserve something it's the very reason and there's millions of beautiful precious human beings walking around life like this 3 15 two weeks ago i've already written the book i wake up i don't do this often i wake up in tears and i wake christiana up i go babe wake up she goes what i go someone helped daddy she went what honey i said dad getting sober that moment where he changed their life someone helped him i never thought about it before in my dad's darkest moment in some Coffee shop or room somewhere when he was on his knees getting ready to break his whole life apart some precious soul

helped my father and I have no idea who they are yet. I'm indebted to them. My children are Millions of people who listen to me are and here's the hook You know what qualified them to help my dad? The things they were most ashamed of. Their drug addiction, their alcoholism, all the horrible things they did that they're most ashamed of, that they think disqualified them from making a difference in the world and being happy, was the actual experiences, the actual things that made them qualified to help my dad. If they had not had all that shame, if they had not made all those mistakes,

if they had not had their own addiction, their own stuff they had, imagine all the times that person probably drove drunk or stole money from their family to get a drug or lied. And all those things they were most ashamed of, like most people, maybe they're not that extreme, that they thought, this means I'm disqualified from happiness, I'm disqualified from making a difference. People like me don't do this, was the very single thing in that moment where their history, their experience, their shame met my dad's need.

And they connected with them in that moment and changed my life and changed my children's life. And so if they're qualified to make a difference to millions of people, that ripple effect, everyone listening to this, you are too. Do you think that a big part, and this kind of goes with exactly what you were just saying, is the narrative that we're telling ourselves? How important is that? And I would love to know your narrative. What is your narrative when you wake up? What is your narrative when you feel angry? What's your narrative when you feel depressed? And maybe how has that changed over the years? I get asked this all the time. Michael, where do you invest your money? Where do you put your money so that you can have the greatest possible future? And you know where that is?

My health. And specifically, all of my dollars currently are pretty much going to Symbiotica. That's not a joke. They're not only a partner of the show, I am also maybe their number one investor from a customer standpoint. No, I don't actually own any of the company. I'm not actually invested, but I'm investing a shitload of my hard-earned dollars into Symbiotica because I think investing in your health is so important. And this company is my favorite. All of their vitamins are the highest quality. All of their supplements are the highest quality. They are liposomal in delivery, many of them, and they have some of the best source ingredients in the game. I've talked all about their vitamin D3 and CoQ10. I've talked

about their B12. I've talked about their magnesium 3 and 8 and their magnesium oil. You should check all those out. But they also have a game-changing mineral called Shilajit that I think is one of the best. It's got 84 different essential minerals and fulvic acid. Whenever you're having coffee, there's so much acid and there's so much acidity in coffee. Many of us go through the day and we don't feel so good after. If you take this Shilajit and you put it either in a warm cup of water or even in your coffee as you're enjoying it, it's a game changer. You're going to feel so much better. You're not going to have the jitters. You're going to be well balanced, all of this. And in addition to that, it's going to improve your memory, your immunity. It's going to be anti-inflammatory and you're

going to get an energy boost in addition to the coffee boost. So definitely check it out. Like I said, guys, they have so many great offerings. This company is really changing the game when it comes to supplementation. I would get on there, take their quiz. I would go and search around, maybe take a couple of bundles, figure out what supplements you may need. And again, if you're performing in an optimal way, everything in your life, and I mean, everything is going to improve. And of course, as always, we have a code for you, a hefty discount code here. Use code skinny at checkout for 15% off your first purchase. This is an addition to the custom bundle discounts, which you can get if you add a monthly subscription. So people can get up to 45% off. If you do that, use code skinny at checkout for

the greatest savings. Again, that's Symbiotica, C-Y-M-B-I-O-T-I-K-A.com and use code skinny. First off, yeah, we do have a story that we tell ourselves about our lives and then we repeat that story. So what we have is we have this belief system and then what we do is we just reinforce that with a different cast of characters and a different set of circumstances, but we get the same emotion. So as humans, we are our emotions. That's who we are. And so we have an emotional home. Even if they don't serve us, we get their emotions. So if your main emotion is like fear, anxiety, worry, anger, in any given week, no matter what the external circumstances are, even the week of the birth of a baby, somewhere in that week or so, you will find a way to get that home, those emotions again.

And we get them. We become addicted to them because they're familiar. We always move towards what we're familiar with for me my main emotions are pretty healthy except one and even to this day and that is that i really live in chaos it's something i don't talk about a lot it's so funny you say that because when i think of you i don't think of that i know i know i need to hear this because i live in chaos too so i need i need you to elaborate i've never heard you say this either and i have never said it really and i think i know why you do but i can tell you why i do and that is that it's familiar and so my upbringing with an alcoholic dad every day was chaotic which guy was going to come through the door which version of

him i was going to get and so that feels like home to you it's very home to me and so no matter how much wealth i've produced no matter how many other people i've helped no matter what it is i will find a way and by the way sometimes it's been healthy that i've had cast i'm like i'm gonna mess it up again and we're gonna do something bigger i'm gonna mess it up again we're gonna do something bigger right bigger bigger bigger but it's not a beautiful way to live and so although it may have served me at some stage in my life this addiction to chaos which is really what i create like i just can't keep it calm i can be blissful to other people i can

give everybody else that but what i give myself the supposed gift of is chaos and it's aged me and it's held me back from some other really beautiful experiences in my life and so the awareness that i'm addicted to chaos the awareness that in spite of all the other things that i have and my emotions are pretty good that is the narrative for me so now what happens is my awareness of it loses its power over me so now i'm like i'm doing this shit again here i go man you're doing the chaos thing you dumbass and i'm almost looking down at myself above it making fun of it and so what i had to ask myself is this because it's always questions what would i need to believe about this circumstance that would not cause me to create chaos in it and then i ask a different set of questions and i usually can change my state and now what i'm

looking for in that situation isn't i'm not some hokey dude i want to achieve i want to kick ass i want to win but i want to do it in a more elegant and beautiful way than i've done it before and so what i'm trying to find in these things is the lesson and the piece that I can pull from it, not the chaotic mess. I almost literally mess things up so that I can fix them because I can fix stuff. I used to brag, I operate so well under chaos. So I have a chapter in the book now, stay with me. My new version, my new narrative is equanimity.

There's one more level of equanimity i call it equanimity is calmness under duress and that goes with the matrix thing that i said earlier where you slow things down when pressure happens they don't speed things up most people when it's chaotic things speed up and then you make decisions that you shouldn't make because things are fast or you react emotionally the two of you get in a fight it speeds things up it spirals boom he says something he shouldn't say look at you laughing at each other right so i've done that you're laughing at me because you think you speed things up in chaos but go on ed oh my god we're gonna let's talk about self-awareness after this okay after that we'll go there so anyway i want to hear your part much more interesting than mine

but i just want to say this to you so for me the antithesis of that is slowing things down under chaos how do I get there? Equanimity, which is calmness under duress. And I'm obsessed with this. That's why it's the word that's in the book. I have a lot of fighters that I work with, but one of them fought recently. And he's a great fighter, one of the top in the world. But when he gets under duress in a fight, things speed up and he gets ragged and crazy. And it's usually, even though he's a stud, it's where he usually gets knocked out or loses the fight and he just had one recently where the same level of

duress and chaos started to happen in the fight and he literally stepped back stepped away from the fray for a second went into that state of equanimity things slowed down and he ended up knocking this guy out with one of the greatest knockouts in the history of the ufc with a leg kick right to the jaw oh i oh I know. You know who it is. And he never practiced it before. He had never practiced the kick. It's not something that was in their pre-fight training, nothing like that.

But he was able to respond and pull something out of himself deep within that he'd not even practiced to have this epic knockout because of equanimity. So I seek equanimity now instead of chaos. That's the new narrative. I will say I've met your wife before, and I can tell that she's super calm. She's very anchored. And I can tell just by outside perspective that you are, I don't want to say chaotic.

You are doing a lot of things. Yes. And she's an anchor to it. So true. How do you guys work off each other when you're chaotic? How does she calm you down really well that's such a great observation by the way she's the right partner yeah you always bring that because people always go hey man you know my spouse isn't as motivated

as me how can i get her to come with me or him to come with me and i'm like i'm motivated enough for both of us in our case i'm inspired enough for both of us i'm driven enough for both of us and i would say that she's calm enough for both of you too you nailed it so she she provides in my opinion like you need that grounding energy the exact word i was gonna use yeah she gives me grounding she gives me grounding a tangent of course but i was reading this harvard study this article about people that um live the longest or the happiest and they said like one of them was because the partner they choose like being actually truly being in love and i like again this is a tangent but i think it is so important we talk about it on this show all the time because it's him and her perspective about the partner you

choose and the things you accept in relationship and the person you decide to spend your life with because think about how much of an effect that has like you and i get into a business deal we're interacting once in a while here and there but i'm going home and sleeping with this woman every night right like you would think that that's the thing that needs to be watered the most, but people like, you know, cause sometimes they settle or sometimes they pick the wrong partner or sometimes they accept things in a relationship that they necessarily shouldn't. That's a huge one, man. Accepting treatment that's less than you're worthy of, or just the wrong match energy

wise. So what we are is a great energy match. She's very calm. By the way, I'll say one thing. She's easily happy. Whereas me, the pathway to happiness sometimes requires certain conditions to be met. Hers is almost like non-conditional or unconditional. I used to, when we were young, like, come on, babe, like, come on, don't you want to?

Yeah. And now I'm like, so grateful for the fact that like, she's like, you know, I wouldn't love you more if you did this deal or this thing or the podcast crushed. I'm going to love you no more or no less. And here's, what's really funny. A lot of the athletes I work with now, I catch myself saying that, Hey man, no matter what happens tonight, you can't make me more proud or less proud. You can't make me love you more or less. And there's this energy that I now kind of give off to people that I associate with that I've learned from her. And so there's an easiness, a calmness, and here's what it is. Just give it to you straight up. When I was young, see, we have all

these things installed in us when we're young, when we're defenseless, these software programs of beliefs and whatnot. And when I was young, my dad would show me love when I achieved. So I conflated recognition with love. Dad, I had a home run in the ball game. Come over here, give your dad a hug. Dad, I won the spelling bee. Dad, I got an A. And that's when I recognition with love. Dad, I hit a home run in the ballgame. Come over here. Give your dad a hug. Dad, I won the spelling bee. Dad, I got an A. And that's when I'd get love. When the absence of achievement, I wasn't feeling loved by my dad.

So I went out into the world and I'm like, I'm just going to achieve and achieve and achieve. And that felt like love to me. She's the one person in my life that it's not conditional on that. It's unconditional. I actually get love. I don't get significance from her i get love from her and that's such a beautiful thing to know that even if i do fail i can come home and that person doesn't love me any less and that's been a pillar

of real comfort and strength for me as i've been able to go out and achieve in the world because i know she believes in me and will love me no matter what and she sticks with you in the downs yeah man big downs like when we had no water no car And she sticks with you in the downs. Yeah, man. Big downs. Like when we had no water or no car or no house. Yeah, sure. You guys were showering. I remember you told us on the first episode, like in the pool shower.

Yeah, the water got turned off. I had to go downstairs. I'm out there trying to be a successful entrepreneur, selling the dream, living a nightmare. Walked down the stairs. I'd hold my brand new Mary, too. We were at the pool in the outdoor apartment building we lived in.

And I'd hold a towel up, and my wife would take a shower and brush her teeth and then i'd say babe switch and she'd hold the towel up and i would brush my teeth and take a shower but it's so much sweeter to me that to get to where you are now like you have so much perspective yeah that's important it's huge it keeps you it gives you my favorite people have a really rare combo of humility and confidence. And they tow that line, right? We've talked about this before. For me, the humility part comes relatively easy. It's the confidence part that I've always had to work on.

And that shocks people. They're like, well, you got the whatever, you know, you look this way or they got jets or islands or a muscle or I'm like, dude, the humility part humility part man when you're the child of an alcoholic you don't think real highly of yourself it's your default position is man i'm ashamed and i am like i can't believe this is my family and i wish i was in a normal family so i always will carry that dude with me i have to work on the confidence part not the humility part but the great people have both right like self-confident people with no humility they're gonna burn out their egomaniacs they suck right people with tons of humility but no confidence

you're dragging them through life you're like come on let's go and they take all your energy humility is really attractive it makes it well humility makes you curious makes you want to grow like you have a ton of confidence like you're gorgeous and you got this great husband and you guys are financially successful on your show and all this other stuff but you're one of the both of you are two of the most curious people i've ever met that's why you're great interviewers you want to know the secret there because it's so funny that you say that and that's what makes you great is what people always ask like how do you do a good podcast and i go i actually really care about what the i'm learning from this person i'm bringing on like if you're just there to get a soundbite or to get a question or to get a press

because ed my let's on the show and he said this great thing like you're you're gonna burn out over time you actually have to be interested and curious about the people you're talking about what the hell are you doing i agree totally brother i like i'm really interested kind of drives christiana sometimes crazy because like if we'll fly somewhere people like do you have a car service and i'm like no i got an uber and i want it's such a weird kind of dichotomy right uber picks you up with this but i i love to get in the uber and i want it's such a weird kind of dichotomy right uber picks you up with this but i i love to get in the uber man i go hey man tell me your story right tell me your story this is this last week dude i gotta tell you this really quick i get in

the uber this is why i love life i love curious people humans are awesome but they're a gift but you got to open it up so i get in this uber and this guy i go hey man tell me your story she's like here we go right and he's like well i'm from lebanon i go tell me about lebanon ever been there he's like i lived in a gated community there were christian jews muslims agnostics all on my street we would have a once a month block party i go come on dude you had a block party in lebanon with all these different religions he goes yeah no not everywhere's like that but that's where i lived and we had to flee i said so why are you driving an uber listen to this i've been in the country eight years. I have a son at Harvard, a daughter at Yale, and my little boy's going to Stanford. I'm like, get out of here, dude.

You must be incredible. He goes, no, my wife is. Let me tell you about my wife. And then he tells me this beautiful story. Like, what an awesome experience for me to learn from this man. I want kids like that. I want a marriage like that. So you can learn from everyone.

Yeah, I think that's the big thing is I always tell people, even of all the years we've done this show i always like keep reminding people like it's easy i don't say easy it's challenging to produce and all those things but it's easy because we are genuinely curious and the people we talk to so we can talk to anyone and it doesn't matter if they have a billion followers or 60 like we just want to that's not a natural trait though and that's okay that's a trait that you can work on. I think sometimes people think things just come naturally to everything. I try to, and I'm not perfect, but I try to work on my traits that are good. If I'm a little curious, I try to become more curious.

Power of one more. No, but I think that's important to work on the trait that you're trying to achieve other than like just think it comes natural to people and it's just a talent that they have. Well, I think everything's like two sides of the same coin. So you really can't be present with people unless you have some level of confidence because most people are constantly thinking about what you're thinking about them. Right. And so it's very difficult when you're talking. They're already thinking about what they need to say next rather than just being present and listening with you so there's an element of equanimity and poise and confidence required to say it's actually okay even sometimes if there's some silence in between the two statements when i speak on stage my stand-up friends i think are the best speakers but often they'll tell me go hey eddie it's okay to have a little silence there man the funny's in the silence not when i'm talking and the point you're making let it sit there a minute and have some silence it's when to have a little silence there, man. The funny's in the silence, not when I'm talking. And the point you're making,

let it sit there a minute and have some silence. When you're with someone you really love in a car, the two of you, you're driving, don't you sit in silence sometimes? Sure. It's when you're not confident in the relationship you have with somebody, like I got to fill up this time with talking the whole time. So there's an element of confidence

that comes with being present with people and being curious also. I am so happy that therapy is being normalized. I feel like when I was 18, therapy was such a taboo word and now no one gives it any energy. They're comfortable with it. They own it, which is so amazing. I'm going to tell you about a customized therapy. And not only is this a therapy, it's an online therapy. It offers video, phone, and even live chat sessions. That is BetterHelp. Whoever invented this is a genius. BetterHelp online therapy wants to remind you to prioritize yourself. So if you're feeling depressed, burnt out, if you have lack of motivation, if you're irritable, or you feel fatigued, this is a great place for you to

go. You can talk about whatever you want, but what I love most about it is that you don't have to do video. So sometimes people are uncomfortable with actually going to a therapist's office and talking to them face-to-face, or they don't want to do video. You could just do a phone call. You could be feeling overwhelmed and just feel like you need someone to talk to. I think this is absolutely genius. We all have burnout and you could be burned out in any area. You could be burned out in your relationship with your friends, whatever it is. BetterHelp is there to help you. Video, phone, or even a live chat session. Like I said, BetterHelp is a customized online therapy that offers videophone and even live chat sessions with your therapist. So you don't

have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to. It's so much more affordable too than in-person therapy. And you can be matched with a therapist in under 48 hours. So it's quick, it's efficient, it's seamless. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash skinny. That's betterhelp.com slash skinny. Look, and I look up to you, obviously, as an entrepreneur, a father, all these things. And I say that with respect, but at the same time, if I was sitting here being like, oh my God, if I ask him a stupid question, I can't then listen to you. I can't hear you. That's a skill people, I mean, that doesn doesn't come naturally that's hard to work on you've obviously worked on huge business deals with

huge celebrities and huge powerful people like huge when you're super stressed about something something like super stressed a business deal like just something that's stressing you out and you get into bed at night what do you guys do do you do you do you stuff on my phone i could show you take it out on her i mean you know i'm sure that this has been an evolution like at first maybe like 10 years ago or 20 30 whatever you took it out on her but now what does it look like it's a reverse 10 years ago i would be quiet and she would say what's bothering you what's wrong and i'm because I'm introverted, because I grew up in a chaotic home, I liked to retreat to my room alone when I was a little boy and just have silence and process things on my

own. And I'm not good at asking people for help, even the people that love me the most. So what it used to look like is silence and distance and a disconnection. So I know what this looks like. It's a behavior. When I'm stressed the wrong way, I create distance between a disconnection. So I know what this looks like. It's a behavior. When I'm stressed the wrong way, I create distance between me and her. I don't talk.

I don't touch. I'm disconnected and I'm not listening very well. So I know when I'm stressed, this is going to sound crazy. I'm going to give you a really big thing right here. I just touch her. I touch her. I grab her hand when we're laying in bed.

I say, babe, come here and lay on me for a minute. And just her touching me and her presence with me creates that connection again where I do now want to talk. And so it's actually, most things in life are physical. They're physical things we do or don't do. I would literally be away from her. I'd find myself like if we're watching TV on the couch, she's on that couch, I'm on this couch when I'm stressed.

And so I've learned like, let's reverse this. When I'm really stressed, I want to pull her closer to me, actually physically closer to me. And that's typically when I'll open up. I'm not a big take it out on you person. I'm a retreat quiet person. And so now it's just a matter of getting her closer to me. And like, I can feel that energy you talked about earlier when she's in my proximity,

when she's really close to me. And so I would always tell people, when you're stressed, even when you're fighting, grab her hand. Grab her hand. And now try to still fight. We're going to see what he does when you get stressed. I'm going to expect you to grab my hand. Are we in a fight I don't know about?

No, we're not in a fight. But I look to your wife as an example because she's dealt, she's, I feel like she finesses you. She does. Yeah. She knows. And, but I want to say this to you, even when we're gonna have a difficult conversation, when you have a difficult conversation in an intimate relationship, what do you kind of do? You go, can you sit down? I need to tell you something. Or you're in the kitchen arguing, right? And now I'm like, come over here. Sit on my lap. I want to talk to you about something. That's a good one. And I really pull her physically closer to me because you can feel my love.

You can feel my energy. Even my daughter, if something's really difficult for my son, like they've done something I don't like, what do you usually walk in there and, hey, you did it. You don't get it. And there's this distance. So I've learned this with my daughter. I said, sweetie, come over here. Come close to daddy. And I just get her close.

I'll either grab her hand or I'll hug her. And I go, I want to talk to you about something. But I want her to feel my love and the nature in which I'm trying to deliver this thing to her. Not push her or hurt her. I don't want to hurt them when we have to talk about something. And distance hurts people. Proximity makes them feel your energy and your love. So I've literally learned these strategies with my children and my wife's to pull them closer to me.

It's really good advice. Very good advice. I have a friend that I was talking to this morning before this episode, and I was telling him that we were having you on and he was telling me to ask you something, and I think this is a question a lot of people who are listening are wondering, he is in a relationship where he feels like he wants to be the best version of himself. He wants to achieve his full potential in life and he has high expectations. His partner is more satisfied with kind of just being average,

but he loves his partner and he wants to be committed to his partner. Do you think that's make or break and if you don't how do you make that work because you're someone who's so much like i gotta reach my full i mean i i think you've exceeded almost your like it's like wild what you've done thank you so how like if you not having the right partner is that okay that someone else in the relationship wants to just have an average life well not having the right partner, is that okay that someone else in the relationship Wants to just have an average life well not having the right partner is a deal breaker But I don't think that makes someone not the right partner necessarily, right? And so in my case i'm such a psycho That the truth of the matter is like if there was another psycho in this relationship boy, we would be at each other

So we've talked about that already. But no, I don't think that that's the case I think what you do need to do though, and I've just challenged him. What is it that makes her happy though? It's not just nothing. It's not just nothing. Stuff makes her happy things, moments, memories, whatever it might be. And we do this thing that sounds nuts, but like a couple of times a year, I'm like, all right, what do you want to do?

What do I want to do? My stuff's always like, get a jet, get the island, make this 10 million downloads, 100 this three to that. And hers isn't't but it's funny when you actually you think you know somebody and then like i'm like like just recently i'm like so what would you i'm like if you'd ask me like she doesn't want anything i get her clothes she returns them i get her this like she goes you know what i'd kind of like when bella leaves actually not kind i'd like to go i'd like to go to italy and go to a cooking school i'm like you would like that's something you would really do she goes no no like i would really

really love to do that and then she goes and the other thing is this could we do this could you take two mornings a week and just walk on the beach with me just two mornings a week just take a walk with me on the beach like and you just talked about this before we went on which is ironic and she goes i don't have to have you do it every day, but like if every three days we could just get up and instead of you going to work out and doing your routine and the cold plunge and all your meditation bullshit, could we just, cause she does none of that. She's just like, could you like just walk on the beach with me? I would just love that.

And I said, yeah, I can totally do that. 100% I can do that. And I'm like, and here's what I would like you to be able to do. Cause she does. And I go, would you come with me to some of my speeches like i would just like you to be there like you don't see them you ask me how they are but it would be really cool for me if you would sit there and watch them because i know you more than anybody will tell me what i did and didn't do right but at the same time like i talk about you a lot and you don't even hear me talk about you

and it would make me feel better if you were with me and going and she's like well yeah bella's leaving i should probably do that and so you'd be surprised like when you just sit down and go, what do you need? And they go, and it's again in the book, it's the questions we ask. If you look at your relationship, you're probably just asking each other the same questions over and over and over again. Change the questions and you change your relationship. Change the freaking questions that you ask each other and you change the relationship. And so're starting to i mean here we are 51 and 50 years old and like just now we're changing so i've been talking the same questions for 20 years same stuff back and forth why aren't you more motivated well why are you so motivated why are you that those aren't healthy questions the healthy ones are the ones we're

asking each other now that is so smart i can't wait for michael to ask me at dinner what would make me happy i have a short list i want to talk about questions because we've touched on them a lot on this show and i think some people are some people struggle with what are the right questions how do i find those questions i'm stuck on the same questions is there a workshop an exercise a thought process that you help implement to your clients or people your coach we're like this is how you start asking the right questions you're gonna think this is so cheesy okay maybe not i mean i think this is okay i'm just gonna give this to you and you're like ah just do it i'm about to tell you what would i

need to believe or what i need to ask myself about the situation that would change my emotion about it so it's what would i need to ask what would i need to believe you'd be amazed at how pattern driven you are you're in this pattern of questions and just saying what would i need to ask what would i need like literally i'm no dumbass i've been married for a whole long time what would i need to ask christiana that would bring us more bliss in our marriage what do you need i'm not a freaking aster what if someone wants to lose weight what how would you coach them there okay i just i'm doing this right now with somebody i just lost 40 pounds and i didn't lose it you you look i mean you always look amazing wasn't fat. I had pretty good body fat percentage. I was just like, I wanted a psycho transformation.

I wanted to prove to myself that I could actually transform my body. I'm a nut, right? I'm like, I'm gonna lose 40 pounds in 90 freaking days. Here we go. Bam. And I was already a little bit overweight and I did. I got to 177. I was 221.

Now I'm like 185 and I need to be about 210. Anyway, bottom line was, it was the questions that I needed to ask myself. And I asked myself, how good would I feel when I got down to that body weight? What would be the things that I need to do to do it? How would this change the external parts of my life? What else would be psycho that I'd be able to do much easier if I did this? And how would other people be inspired? Let's just change this. I just leverage all these freaking questions. And then I'm like, what are the resources that I need? I need to intermittent fast. I need to do caloric restriction. I need to change my cardio. And so I change it. Here's the hook that I need? I need to intermittent fast. I need to do caloric restriction. I need to change my cardio.

And so I change it. Here's the hook. Here's the deal. It's not the events of our lives that define us. It's the meaning we attach to the event. And then that meaning is driven by the question we ask ourself about the event. And that creates the emotion and then the behavior. So if you want to change your life, you don't have to change the events. You need to change the questions you ask yourself to give you the meaning.

Perfect example. Right out here, we walked out. Let's say we're going to lunch after. Car accident, families killed. Worst thing we could ever witness, you and I, right? So the three of us walk up. We watch a family pass away. What would we say to ourselves?

Oh my gosh, why is this tragedy happening? Where's God right now? I can't believe this. It would create a meaning of sadness and we're in a spiral. Same exact incident. This is an extreme. Same exact incident. Mother Teresa's walking with us her belief system of her life was that the honor of her life was to be with

someone when their body ceased to exist and their soul went to heaven same accident she asked a completely different question takes a completely different meaning and she's now in the process of the honor of her lifetime watching the soul go to heaven that's an extreme example but it's not the event it's the meaning and that meaning is from the question you ask so i'll often ask what would i need to believe about this my dad dying sucked my dad's cancer for eight years sucked what would i need to believe about it so that it served me and what was the good in it i'm gonna tell you something man for eight years when my phone rang it used to be hey i'll call dad back now my phone rang hang on no matter who it was it's my dad and i'd answer that phone with my dad my own health became more important my own mortality became more important my own death

napoleon hill says begin with the end in mind i never did that with my life now in my life i've begun with the end of my life in mind and i I've worked all the way back. My family's more precious to me. Everything's become in context for me. My dad, I've got more admiration and respect. My dad was in the most extreme pain, bro. Extreme pain with his cancer. Constantly being offered morphine for his pain. My father would not take that morphine because it violated his sobriety.

I mean, he went through excruciating surgeries without it. And the reason he did that is his sobriety and who he through excruciating surgeries without it and the reason he did that is his sobriety and who he was as a man and his standard was more important than the pain he was suffering that's a level of my dad's manhood and strength that i would have never been familiar with had he not gone through the cancer and so there's a lot of layers of beautiful things that came from it i want to know what it takes to be at my let like you don't you don't just hop out of bed and you know throw your shirt on and walk outside there's there's things that are done behind the scenes to create the energy the the drive the ambition what are what are those tools like you

mentioned cold plunge and sauna i would love for you to dive into that. Just any tools that you use to be your peak performance. Okay. So I do a cold plunge every morning other than two days a week. Now I meditate for about 20 minutes a day. I get up and hit my knees when I pray. One of the new things I'm doing is I'm kinder to myself. I'm stretching and doing yoga, which I've never done. There's a metaphor for me in the gym is just like dispensing violence.

Right. And that's violence has actually become part of my, the toll it's taken on my body i don't treat myself very kindly in fact i think the last 50 years of my life have been pretty violent with myself i'm talking about inside you could have done that better last time i left here we did the podcast i'm like that was a clunker i could have done better i should have did this great by the way i know but you know what i'm saying like i'm just really really hard on myself that would a clunker that would be our favorite episode thank you but like you know i'm saying like i every'm just really, really hard on myself. That would- A clunker. That would be- It's like our favorite episode. Thank you. But like, you know what I'm saying? Like I walk off the stage, I've talked to other, a couple of pastors about this.

Like I just abuse myself with criticism. And so why is that? Because my workout regimen is sort of a metaphor for my life. So now, yeah, I lift weights, but I'm actually a little kinder. I'd stretch. I'm more gentle with myself. I get a massage. But you're talking about real tools.

I'm going to give you the big one. It's actually what I think about lauren so what's made me whatever little success i've had is that i operate out of my imagination and my dreams that's why talking about the book's hard for me i don't operate out of my memory in my history very often i have a whole chapter in the book called become an impossibility thinker which then makes you a possibility achiever i operate in my imagination a lot like i'm a crazy dreamer so are you guys right but like this is a thing that you do unconsciously well that a lot of people listening don't know you do a lot of you dream a lot you be first thing i did when i walked in would you have a third kid how would you do it would you do surrogate what would it be like because you're already dreaming

about it you're already envisioning your future of your life. Whereas most people are in the present, but they're really in the past. If you know me, you know, I'm going to have all my hair hacks, my hair tools ready in my toolbox postpartum. The first baby I had, I was shedding. I would notice hair everywhere. This baby, there's not going to be any shedding. And that is because I have my tools. You know I microneedle. I microneedle with a scalp serum sometimes. You know I do scalp massage. And I also take Nutrafol. Nutrafol is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement. Here's the thing.

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It's natural. It's drug-free. It's medical grade. And honestly, I have seen so many people that have showed before and afters and it works and I've tried it on myself. So I know it works. It's a high quality solution for healthy hair, but here's the deal. You mix this with scalp massage, add a little scalp serum in, microneedle your scalp. I even do my eyebrows. You could use some castor oil, whatever. And then you add this, you're going to grow thicker and healthier hair. Okay. You also can support our show by going to Nutrafol.com and entering promo code skinny. You save $15 off your first month subscription. This is their best offer anywhere. And it's only available to us customers for a limited time. Plus you get free shipping on every order.

Okay? So, get $15 off at Nutrafol.com. Spelled N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L.com. Promo code SKINNY. This is why I love you and Joe Dispenza, though. Because I would love for you to go off on this. So many people are operating in the past. They also romanticize the past.

They do. That's a problem, too. It is people thinking, oh, it used to be so good. No, it's going to be good moving forward. They either like that it used to be good and they live there, or they exaggerate how bad it was. And I'm not saying that it wasn't bad. I'm not suggesting that.

But oftentimes, the trauma in our lives is bad in the event that it happened, even the worst things that have happened to you. But the repeated visualization of it is 10 times more traumatic because you hit yourself with it over and over and over. There are things in my life like that my dad did when he was drinking, and it was horrible when it happened. But I've decided to beat myself up with it like 9 million times in my lifetime, right? So most people have an operating system in their brain that is operating out of their history and their memory this is their frame of reference so what they do is they repeat this history and memory with new people in different circumstances but the same emotions and the same results i have through practice i imagine regularly when the past comes up even though like the book's been hard for me because the truth is i don't stay there very often i don't like to recall it it's not where i live anymore when you're a bait you're

when you're a child and even your little ones right now you're gonna have another one they're so damn happy why well i have two beliefs about that one they were more recently with god that's my belief system and two they operate out of their imagination and their dreams not their history and their memories and then eventually what ends up happening is that about 10 or 11 years old by the way people start to operate out of an operating system of their memories and their history I got to tell you that my dad used to say this to me man he would go um every time I talked to him he'd'd go, at the end of the conversation, be careful. What? Be careful.

It became normal for me. He'd meant it out of love. Be careful. Be careful. Be careful. What did that do to me as a little boy all the way up to being, I'm 50 years old. I love you, man. Hey, have a great speech.

Be careful. What the heck am I supposed to be careful for? But what is that programming? People project their limited thinking and limited beliefs, even if they love us, into our software program. And now we operate. So we've got to watch this. Things with your kids are more caught, not taught. Things with other friends of ours are caught, not taught. You're not teaching lessons. They're catching things, right? And so I just talked about this this morning. I'm driving out here, a really good girlfriend of mine. And she's like, gosh, man, I know you're going to talk about your dad and what a neglectful upbringing you had when you were a little boy.

And she goes, and my parents got divorced. That's neglect. She goes, I'm not doing that with my kids. I'm not neglecting my kids. And I love her. And I said, yeah, you are. She goes, no, I'm happily married. There's no drugs.

I don't talk bad to my kids. I said, I've known you for 25 years. You're neglecting your kids. She goes, that's offensive. Why would you say that? I said, the most insidious form of child neglect is a parent not pursuing their potential and their dreams and you're installing that catching that into your children that it's okay to settle for less than you're capable of it's okay to settle

for less happiness less bliss less success less contribution that's an insidious, terrible way to neglect your children. She's like, I never thought about it like that before. And I said, well, you need to start thinking about it because you are teaching her how to settle. You are teaching her that it's okay to be average and ordinary when she knows you're great. If anybody knows how great their mama is, I won't say her name. It's your little girl. She knows how magnificent you are. And when she finally figures out that this magnificent mama of hers has settled for average and orienting her life you've installed that in her and she's going to live it she says oh my gosh i think everybody

else should be thinking about that too something that i'm struggling with a little bit is i do have so many things that i want to achieve and so many things i want to do and i feel like i haven't nicked the potential of what I want to do but I also want to be a really present good mother how do you do that with your kids how and I'm sure it hasn't always been perfect what's that evolution look like it answers the previous question better because I didn't completely answer that about what are some routines that I have that serve me so one thing I do because I am a nut I leave my phone in the car when I get home for 30 minutes.

I couldn't stay off of it. So I leave it in the car because here's what I found out with my kids. They have an attention span too of any age. But the minute I walk in tells them what my priority is. So the minute I walk in,

I'm on the phone. At the minute I walk in, I got a meeting. Hey, I'll be right there, honey. Right? So I want to come in. Baby, come here. Even my daughter now.

You look so great. When I was school, 30 minutes even, 30 minutes of full engagement. I can go get the phone again. That is a good tip you're so right they pick up immediately when you walk in yep i had a time happen i'm embarrassed by but one time more than one time my little daughter bella when she was three or four would walk in her room daddy and i go hold on honey hold on and i'd look back down at my phone i did this to her two or three times and the third or

fourth time I did it I saw her look at me she would and I saw her put her head down and I told this precious little daughter of mine that was ever in my phone is more important than you yeah oh what a horrible thing to do and I remember that moment going that's never happening again what do I need to do I'm like I'm leaving the phone in the car the first 30 minutes and i've done it ever since when you do take the phone out what do you do like how do you manage everything you're doing when you have kids it's hard like sometimes you should post like there's just like stuff that you have to do on your phone it's your perception of time so i have a whole chapter in the book called one more level of time management so stay with me this is gonna blow your mind i've talked about this before but i get it into a really big detail in the book

this idea that there's 24 hours in a day is bullshit it's one of the most antiquated ridiculous ideas in the history of mankind we're still measuring time the same way we did 300 years ago when there was no electricity no cars if you wanted to get a message to michael i'd have to write a damn letter put it on a horse three weeks later you get it and then a month later i get your response if you got it in three weeks if i got it right and still human beings are so screwed up that they still measure time based on 24 hour increments as if it's a day so about 25 years ago i went i'm not the smartest i'm not the best what is a strategy that would radically change my entire existence it's the way i bend and manipulate time so now my day is 6 a.m. to noon.

That's a day. In that day, by the way, some days, like any normal 24-hour day, I may just screw off the whole day. But 6 a.m. to noon is a day. And in that window of day, I'm getting the amount of bliss, fitness, productivity, business, whatever. We've all had that morning where we go, I got more done this morning than I've done in three weeks. Well, if you can do it that morning, why can't you do that all the time? So day one is 6 a.m. to noon. And something happens around noon clock goes off

what did i just get done today what did i get done what do i need to double my efforts on what did i miss what was the most fun what am i grateful for what do i got to do next bam day two noon to 6 p.m same thing contacts meetings bliss etc it bends manipulates and shrinks time it sucks all the air out of the bs in our lives third day 6 p.m midnight. And in the same window of time, I get the same thing. So now I get 21 days a week when you get seven. Imagine that over a month. Because of the way you're looking at time. I've manipulated it, brother. And it's that valuable. Now, because it's that valuable, a couple of things happen. The world treats me differently because my time is that valuable

and that scarce. I'm now more valuable and scarce instantly because I do that. But my accountability, the clock that goes off in my head about what I'm going to do, what I'm not going to do, when I'm going to see my kids, what I'm going to do. Man, if I miss my kids that first day, imagine going a whole day and not talking to your daughter. Imagine that whole day. Well, for me, that whole day is 6 a.m. to noon. If I have not texted or talked to Bella by that time, she's getting a damn text at noon.

I don't let things get away from me. So I've changed time. I can get something on Google in one second that used to take me when I was in 1985, you know, hours and hours of researching something. And I'm going to manipulate and measure time the same way I did then. That is stupid as heck. So it's this construct of 24 hour days where we feel overwhelmed. It's this construct that I don't have enough of this or that. You have plenty of it. It's a false premise that you don't it's a false premise that if i'm crushing it at work i'm robbing my family never have i been crushing it at work and winning and not brought great energy into my home and more energy never have i been doing better at my

fitness and not brought more strength and creativity to my my job one feeds the other this scarcity idea that there's a finite amount of it isn't stupid and it's not true and if you do what i just said for 90 of the regular days you're used to you will come back to me and go my existence on this planet has completely been altered i am a complete listen to me everyone you will be a completely different person when you begin to run many days as opposed to these stupid 24-hour days please try this please give it like 90 of your normal 24-hour days and come back to me and tell me what if you stacked it up over a year five years 10 years hey ed how are you kind of like pretty fit and got a

lot of financial stuff looks like you kind of pray you got a pretty good family life you know your mind's still growing and expanding because i run these days if these were 24 hour days i would i would be smoked but i got way more time in my life than the average person i got a i got a question in a different lane we just went through obviously a crazy two years and then it's followed by another crazy turn of events and now markets and shambles and people are freaking out it's you know we'll see you are somebody that i said that i would say very tactical very inspirational you're teaching people how to be better versions of themselves. How do you deal with the negative corners of the internet or the naysayers?

And how do you speak to them when they come at you and say, Ed, that's great for you to say, but you got a jet and you got a house, you got all this success. And like, that's good. That's your story. But like, that's not mine. Fair question too, by the way, it's fair for them to ask me. So one, I don't buy into what I call collective psychology.

When I see a collective psychology forming, I resist it. And I try to be contrarian, like what's going on in the market, like what's going on in the market like what's going on in the world so many of my friends are like hey man the world's over what's going on in Ukraine and by the way it's horrible what's going on in Ukraine but I'm telling you this is the end of the world I'm like that's interesting because during 9-11 people told me don't go for it in business anymore it's not going to matter because there's going to be terrorist attacks in Los Angeles every three weeks forever wrong and then I remember when I was a kid in high school, it's like, why go for it? Why make your dreams come true? Because there's going to be a nuclear war between Russia and the United States. And that wasn't true either.

And so is the world coming to an end? Probably not. And so do I believe in that collective think? No. Do I believe that we're all each other's victim and each other's enemy? No. Do I believe there's some victimization and enemies in the world? Absolutely. Yes. Do I believe that we all hate each other? No. So I don't buy into all of the collective psychology. That's the most dangerous spiral of average and ordinary is to think like everybody else. Now, in terms of people that are haters, it's true though. We call it group think.

Group think sucks, right? And so now in terms of haters, if you think you're not going to pay attention to it, you're wrong. And so I actually have developed, by the way, you don't have a powerful emotion that they hate that you would have for them isn't that you hate them back or an easy thing that you don't care it's that you feel sympathy and empathy for them that's the last thing they want also if you notice if you acknowledge them they apologize they sure do acknowledgement they're saying, listen, we know this, hurt people hurt people. But what is anger?

The other side of anger, and I know when I'm angry, I'm afraid. I'm afraid. It's fear. Anger is the manifestation of fear. So when someone responds to me with anger, they're afraid. They're fear-based. And I feel sorry for them. And I want to reach out.

They're saying, I'm invisible and I can see you and it sucks. And you know what? And the minute you see them, like you said, they're like, I'm sorry. I didn't even think you I want to reach out. They're saying I'm invisible and I can see you and it sucks. And you know what? And the minute you see them, like you said, they're like, I'm sorry. I didn't even think you were going to read this. Like I didn't even mean it. You caught me in a bad moment. And so for me, when I get hate, by the way, a lot of the haters I've had in my life, I don't have a lot on social, but I've had them in my family, had them in my family and they're

just afraid. Now, if you have people in your life, parents, siblings, or a spouse, who's really sort of pulling you back, can I just help you help them? What are they really afraid of? They're afraid you're leaving. That's what they're afraid of. At the deep-seated, all-the-way-back fear of them doing harm to you or telling you to settle or what's wrong with you, why are you so into money or your career, what happened

to you? I've had all those things said to me. They're afraid you're leaving. Even my parents for a while were afraid they were losing me and I'd have these new friends and these highfalutin things and we're going to lose our son in an intimate relationship if you're really changing and they're kind of pulling you back. They're afraid you're leaving because you're growing and changing. And actually, here's the truth.

The person they know currently is leaving because there's going to be a different you now it's the same character the same morals but their intuition is accurate and in some cases rare you are actually physically going to leave and it's this sense they have that you might change and leave that's causing them to pull you back and so it sounds ho, but I actually have learned to respond with some empathy and some sympathy and in some cases love back to them because that's what they're feeling.

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I use it is the classic for length is like if I want really long mermaidy Kim Kardashian hair. Then I use the fill-ins if I want them more in the front. So sometimes I just like to fill in the front of my hair to give my hair like a little oomph. And then the updos I use for ponytails. So I'm like all stocked and ready. I know my shade matches my hair, which is so important. And I can take them out at the end of the night. So what you're going to do is you're going to follow them on Instagram for tutorials, hair hacks, and inspiration. It's at BFB hair. All skinny confidential listeners get 15% off all hair products. You're going to use code skinny 15 at checkout. You should know they rarely have discounts or sales. So this is an exclusive discount for you. You're going to want

to take advantage of this. That is skinny 15 for 15% off at checkout. Enjoy your new extensions that match your hair perfectly. This is a micro question, maybe. What do you do when you're so busy, you have your schedule, you are crushing it at work, you got your family, you're praying, you're in fitness, when someone text messages you in your life you're praying you're in fitness when someone text messages you in your life and needs something and wants an immediate response how do you set boundaries around your time with people with friends with family members yeah there's a auto responder on my text and on my voicemail that says that i'm returning all my messages during a certain window of time so there's already an expectation for it wait there's an auto responder

for text? Yeah, yeah. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, I have it on my phone. So it says I'm going to be getting back to you. I have to hit it, but it responds back

and I hit it back and it says, listen, I'm returning all my messages between 6.30 and 8.30 tonight and I'm done. And I just have that done. It's like automatic

because there's no way. I did it driving out here. A really good friend of mine driving out here today. I was late. There was traffic. I think I even called you and said, hey,

I'm running late for this other thing. And he's like, hey, I need advice and I need it really, really badly. Now, if I was late there was traffic I think I even called you and said hey I'm running late for this other thing and he's like hey I've got any device and I need it really really badly now if it was there's an exception on this if it's my children or my spouse or my mom or my sisters that's there's an exception group but even my closest friends it's like hey listen I'm returning calls then I'm going to get back to you but I can't get back to you in time I think most people are afraid you're not going to get back at all rather than have to get back to them in three minutes and so probably what i got to call him back about i can answer it at 6 30 i don't have to answer it at 8 30 when he texted me and i got to tell you you just said

something i wish people had a greater appreciation of when to text somebody oh please go off please like isn't it amazing even your team or like friends of yours. It's Monday at 9 o'clock. Do you know what Mondays look like for me in my life? Please. What's that? Look at my text messages. You have 314 on there right now. Please talk about Mondays at 9.

I feel like I got hit by a Mack truck. It's everyone's to-do list. Go off. No, it's like, hey, it's Monday. There's a time. It's Monday. Don't send the text now. Wait till Tuesday at 4.30.

Be strategic. Read the 4-Hour Workweek at 4 30 right like be strategic read the four-hour work week by tim yeah like or just read the room read the world okay wait till 2 30 so i can get through all of the shit i gotta do monday morning is it amazing it's like they were waiting all like you could tell sunday night they did some planning it's like text ed my let monday it's like the first thing on their list i'm like what i don't want to help you i don't want to get back to you you're buried in a mountain of crap what about the text messages that are literally six paragraphs that's like or the one that's right now dude i woke up this morning this guy always does i'm like dude this is 11 hours how about worse than that the dude who sends the 90 minute voice text that you can't even read you're like look the phone keeps blocking

you anyway stopping you get to the point, dude. Or the six-page text message that talks about how they feel stuck. And I want to say, stop spending six hours on text message and allocate the time differently. Thank you. Or when someone says, I know it's not the time, but. Yeah, right.

Yeah, you already know it's the time. Or I hate to bother you, but. No, you know you're bothering me. By the way, I'm just going to tell you something. i'm strategic when i text people like i really am i'm like when are they likely to get this in the best state possible to give me the best response so be like a strategic texter like when am i gonna get the best of you you're i'm gonna get the best of you at 5 45 a.m right that's not happening and you're not gonna get the best out of me monday and by the way if it's saturday at 2 30 i'm probably into nine tequilas so like don't text me with something

really important then he'd like think through when you're texting me what you need be strategic when you're gonna get the best or most immediate response hello or the ones it's like i never do this but i love that dude you know what i'm gonna pull that clip and i'm gonna blast it on every single it's so true i'm actually maybe gonna sponsor that be strategic with when you text people it's it is very important because you're coming in asking for their time right and not everyone can be so reactive to everything i i actually have a question too on this you said you text back from a certain time to certain, but how do you have the energy after your full days to then go text back, call back, email back?

Because I use that time because of my schedule today, but sometimes it's like 1.30 to 2.30. Okay, so you have time. Yeah, I create an hour. And by the way, there's days where I'm still getting back to somebody, not during that window, right? There are days, but by and large, and here's what's's happened I've trained people how to treat me as a result of this so they kind of know when I text my let I'm going to get a text back that's going to tell me when he's going to reply to me and so it's actually I've actually over time people kind of know when

they message me to me I like when someone gets right back to me I really do I appreciate when someone gets right back to me but there's also this little element of me like are they that not busy are they that like not doing that many important things like they just literally got back I'm talking about my closest friends I'm talking about in general right so there's even some strategic positioning you're doing by just waiting a little bit to reply to people I hate the idea I know what you're thinking because I have this I I hate the idea of having things to do later. I'd rather just knock it out right now. I get all that. But now what I'm doing is I've now set a structure of my life where I'm a responder and a reactor rather than the dictator of terms in my life. So if you're constantly responding to incoming texts

and emails all the time, what do you think happens in the rest of your life? You're responding and reacting. You've set a context for your life rather than you taking control of how things are going to happen. You know what's so funny though about training people too, and this, I want to say this the wrong way, but I'm just going to say it anyway. I think there's a way to text and put yourself in a position where you're somebody that gets an immediate response. And it's because you're a selective texter that rarely abuses the system.

So I try to put myself in a position where if I text somebody, is so rare and thoughtful they're like oh that doesn't happen so i'm like i'm going to you know what i mean like you're training people in the reverse where it's like it's actually very true of you when you have texted me or you before by the way i text you because i think i did change my phone number this this is why the tangent started i only i changed my phone number because we moved to texas and then only i changed my phone number because we moved to texas and then i only gave my phone number to a select group of people but you know what i did oh wow thank you because i'm not on the list i'm gonna send you a text right now it's about not abusing the system so i hope that if i ever text you're like huh he's probably being thoughtful

about why he's reaching out and there's probably a reason that he's doing this and it's not just like hey i'm like here i am just wildly texting it's a really good example because you do do that and it's very rare when you do it i try to do it with everybody i just sent you a text changing my phone number though was really nice because i was able to like start fresh but the text conversation needs to be had more because it is such a big part of our lives and i feel like the etiquette has just been completely and utterly abused yeah i don't think it's ever been explained i think the technology rolled out and we just started doing it and then it just sort of snowballed and got out of control and like i also think it's not just respect like i said i think there's a strategic way to do it where you're likely to get a response

and a better response from somebody than you would if you just do it right and how impulsive is it to go like it's an impulsive move like you wouldn't do this in other areas of your life you were in a restaurant that was crowded for people just impulsively walk over to everybody's table hey excuse me right now i'm sorry to bother you i don't normally do this but blah blah blah you wouldn't do that question mark question mark question mark question next book's going to be called the power of learning to text right it's like the boy who cried wolf of texting right if you texted so many times like then you then you might actually send something important and then it gets buried it gets buried okay who needs the

power of one more is this something that everyone can can implement into their life is it for people that are just starting out give us who needs this okay i know you're not supposed to say this but i literally wrote the book for everybody i knew you were going to say that because i think everyone needs the power of one more yeah i and And listen, it's a heavy book. I'm just going to be honest with everybody. If you want a light book, that's not like heavy tactic and strategy, because even today we've covered like some, but like it's a very tactical, very heavy book, a lot of details. Some chapters will really resonate with you and some of them won't.

And so I wrote them on how to be a better parent, how to be a better business leader, how to be happier, how to be more successful, how to produce results, how to change your identity. You know, I have a chapter on faith in the book. So there's a lot of things in this book that will resonate with you at different times. But I wrote it literally thinking I'm a coach of a team. I'm a CEO of a company. I'm a startup entrepreneur. I'm at a job that I want to leave and start a business.

I'm never going to leave. I'm happy in my career, but I would like a better relationship. Or I have all of that. I want to transform my body. How do I transform my body? And so I did this like a better relationship. Or I have all of that. I want to transform my body. How do I transform my body? And so I did this like kitchen sink book. And here's the truth. Most people that listen to this kind of know me.

I'm not doing another one anytime soon. I'm 51. This is what I know, the strategies I use to be happy and successful. I got to live another 10 years to write another book. I put what I know. The older I get, people go, what do you know? I go, I've literally learned how little I know. The older older i get it's like there's so much i don't know my mind changes now which i love that about me actually that i'm willing to change my mind and

you know change my perspective on things but i wrote this book to honor my dad and that if something did happen to me that my family and the people i care about like this is what this dude knew at this stage of his life so maybe in 10 years i'll do another one but this is not one of these things where i'll come back on the show but in two years there won't be another book this is it for me for a while i think that this book makes so much sense because your podcast i've told you this like when i go to your podcast i love hearing you interview people but i love your solo episodes there's episodes that i've listened to three times and i know i'm not the only one because weston told me that too.

One of our best friends who loves you. Thank you. To me, this is like 10, 20 solo episodes in one. Yeah,

I think it is. I appreciate that. It's pretty deep, man. Yeah. Thank you. I'm very, very excited about this book,

The Power of One More, The Ultimate Guide to Happiness and Success by Ed Milet. Ed Milet is one of my favorite podcasters. I'm such a fan. I mean, listen,

that might be a record. Four times. Might be a record. I don't know if we're going to have anybody else this many times. Thank you. I hope we have a fifth. We will have a fifth. I think next time, though, I got to be honest, I want to bring your wife on.

I do. I want to hear her perspective. I'm interested, too. I appreciate the timeline of this book of when you've written this. Sometimes you get the memoir from the 30. Like if I wrote the one right now, it's too like i gotta get i gotta put in the miles right yeah and people write in so i'll write a book but i think it's so great that you waited as long as you haven't had the success in the life you've had to now share it right thanks brother because

sometimes you know i'm talking about like i do yeah i actually i know this stuff works i don't this is not like theoretical for me this is stuff that i know works the chapter that i'm most excited to read just so you know is the chapter on time yeah it's fascinating it's deep yeah that's that one i feel like i'm gonna have a highlighter out i think you will let me ask you this before you go okay will you be doing an audio version yep did it just finish just finish it so there's an audio version of they can get that's a lot of work huh oh my gosh can you can we just like that's a lot of work the audio people you people are like oh you're a podcaster the audio version of my book i it's a lot yeah it's not as a lot of work but in advance everybody i'm not totally sure i'm great at it just so you know i don't like so i

read like a speech do i read like i wrote it like but i knocked it out and uh the editor told me that it went well but it took me like three weeks and multiple different sessions to do it so yeah that's another reason i don't want to do another book because i was really hard and it's not easy for me i think it's a mistake when the people use the robot guy yeah no you can't use the robot in your voice can they buy the book right now yeah on amazon amazon barnes and noah anywhere you get books and there's also a website that goes with the book called the power of one more.com it's got like some tools in there that'll enhance the experience of the book some extra stuff in there so yeah go get it our audience is the perfect buyer of this book.

I think everyone should go buy it. The power of one more. Ed Milet, thank you for coming on. Where can everyone find you? First, I love you guys. Thanks for having me.

I always love my time with you. Anywhere. Ed Milet, E-D-M-Y-L-E-T-T, Instagram, being my podcast. I got a little YouTube going too, so whatever.

A little YouTube. He's one of the most inspiring guys I know. Not that you need our help But for our audience Go crank this thing to the number one Go crank it up there Thank you guys very much Thanks Ed

Okay Do you want to win a copy of Ed's book The Power of One More And my book Get the Fuck Out of the Sun All you have to do So easy Is tell us your favorite part of this episode

Something that resonated I would love to hear it On my latest Instagram At Lauren Bostick and tag a friend who needs to be listening. Everyone should listen to every Ed Milad episode, in my opinion, especially if you're a hustler and an entrepreneur. On that note, I hope this episode brought you so much value and you have the most productive week ever. All right. You know what I'm so excited for postpartum? I'm excited to do a cleanse, but it's got to be the right cleanse because how many times have you started a cleanse and then you've realized maybe it's not super nutrient dense. I know this has happened to me

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