The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast - Happiness Is Knowing You're NOT Enough

Episode Date: April 17, 2020

#261: On this episode we sit down and discuss the truth about true happiness and how to find it. Many of have been told that "we are enough" and to "love ourselves the way we are". Lauryn and Michael sit down to make the argument as to why this is a myth and why we cannot truly be happy without striving to be more. This episode is all about complacency and how to defend against it so that we can be truly fulfilled in our lives.  To connect with Lauryn Evarts click HERE To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM To Call the Him & Her Hotline call: 1-833-SKINNYS (754-6697) This episode is brought to you by Perfect Keto  Clean ingredients for better health. Perfect Keto are no B.S. products backed by science to help promote better health. All Perfect Keto products and supplements are made from real whole food sources. Visit www.perfectketo.com/skinny to buy 1 and get 1 Perfect Keto 40% off + free shipping Produced by Dear Media 

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to the Skinny Confidential, him and her.

Gotta clear the pipes let me tell you something about being quarantined with michael bostick the fake cough it's not fake there's allergies going around no i'm gonna take a sip of water on i'll do a sip of water no it is out of control he clears his throat every second it's all made up it's in his head as i tell zaza when she cries it's fake news it's not fake everybody it's a real condition i've had a lot of people write in saying they have the same thing i gotta clear the plate i want everyone i don't want people to sit there like god this guy's you know it sounds like a frogs in the ready to go happy friday everybody it's a friday every fucking day feels like friday now every fucking day feels like Friday when you're quarantined.

Every, yeah, especially with you. It's a, it's an interesting dynamic. Whenever four 59 hits the clock, it's like, Oh, it looks like it's time for a glass of Rose. No, we've actually moved, uh, my team, we've moved happy hour up to four o'clock. We're doing it on house party today. Remember that app house parties made a comeback. Oh, it's made a comeback. We're doing happy hour. I didn't set it up. I'm just involved. I'm going to be drinking there on house party at four o'clock today on the dot. Oh, okay. All right. Can, really? It's made a comeback. We're doing happy hour. I didn't set it up. I'm just involved. I'm going to be drinking there on house party at four o'clock today on the dot. Oh, okay. All right. Can I come? No, this is internal team members only. You would be considered just talent. You're a little bit external. Okay. And we've, you know, you and I, we've seen enough of each

other for a little while. So I'm going to go interact with some other people. I know every single thing about you. Like I know things I didn't want to know about you. We like have exhausted the conversation. Have we run out of road? You and I talk about to know you've run out of road. I I'm not as chatty as you. I got a lot to say. This quarantine has given me a lot of time with myself to think.

So I've got a lot to I've got a lot to express a lot to say. I mean, I could write a book on it. Last Tuesday, this Tuesday. See, every day feels like the goddamn same now. This Tuesday's episode was received very well because we had a lot to say. And I am extremely happy with the result of this episode. It turns out, and if you guys haven't heard it, it's called Misery Loves Company. It was, you know, this episode's on fire right now.

But it turns out we were right in our hypothesis that there are a lot more positive people out there in the world than there are negative. And my fear was that a lot of these positive voices have been drowned out by the negative ones. So this episode's really kind of kicked into gear, people being very positive, very happy to see it. I knew and we thought that it was true. And you know, it's just like I said, the negative voices always feel like the bullies on the schoolyard. There's very few of them.

As soon as they get punched in the nose, they stop and the positive voices ring through. So very happy with how that episode has been received. Yeah. And also I had so many DMs and messages from you guys and from a lot of influencers saying that they were so happy that people are talking out about how important it is to stay positive with what's going on. We just got so much love. So we really appreciate it. And it's really cool to see how positive and inspirational and

uplifting and motivating our audiences. They want more positivity too. Well, let's see if we can give it to them. This episode is another one about complacency. It's a topic that Lauren and I have talked about privately for a long time. And I think this is, you know, building off the momentum of that one. I, you know, I, I, there's a, there's a concept here that has been shared for a long time that I think is a bullshit concept that I think, and Lauren, you tell me what you think that it's okay. Just being okay. Like there's this concept that's like, love yourself, be okay with where you are, be okay with who you are. And I, I, I fuck, I, I can't, I hate it. I hate that narrative. I just

really, you know, that sounds a little negative, but it's true. I just, I don't like that message. I think it's completely ludicrous. It's unhealthy. It's not realistic. It actually, it doesn't lead to happiness. No, nobody that I've ever met that just sits in the same place in the same shoes in the same position is truly happy. It's just that's not how the human mind works. Well, I think this is a really interesting topic, Michael. Like you said, we've been talking about like this a lot. We've been talking a lot, guys. Can you tell? Ed Milak came on our show. He's like a huge hit. And he has this whole podcast episode about being blissfully dissatisfied. So you can be in a happy state and be blissful, but also want to achieve more. And that for me resonated a lot. So what I try to do is I try to live in a very

blissful state, like Ed says, but I'm constantly looking to improve and be the best version of myself. And whether that's me in a relationship or my relationship with my family or as a mother or as a podcaster. I just am constantly striving to be better. And I hope that that's what this show gives you is tools to better yourself in every different area. Yeah. And I think, listen, here's where I think people are getting in trouble. They're listening. Whenever I hear someone that's like a guru or a thought leader or like a life coach, and they start with, it's okay being happy with where you are and love

yourself. I tune out right away. I just think it's a very harmful message. It makes people complacent. It makes people comfortable. It makes them stop pushing to progress. And for me, I am happy knowing that I'm not where I want to be. To me, that is the exciting thing about life is you have these big goals and aspirations. They could be through business. They could be through your relationships. They could be through your fitness, whatever that is. And knowing that there are these huge goals, knowing I'm not there, what makes me happy in life is the fact that I know that each day, if I keep pushing harder and harder, that I'm going to improve and get closer. In what world does it make sense to say, you know what, I'm good,

I'm going to stop. Like, if I said right now right now, hey, Lauren, let's just stop everything. Don't worry about your fitness anymore. Don't worry about your health. Don't worry about your relationship. Don't worry about your business. Don't worry about anything. Just stay where you are. Is there anything more boring and depressing than that narrative? I don't get it. I mean, I understand a lot of the masses and a lot of people, they want to sit around. They say, yes, we're good. We're enough. We're great. It's the wrong message. It's leading a lot of people to confusion and unhappiness, in my opinion. Personally, this is my opinion. I think that when you're progressing in any area of your life, it really helps fight depression. I've noticed

that when I talk to my friends or any skinny confidential listeners or my family, and they're feeling depressed, they usually feel stuck and they feel like they're not progressing in certain areas. So whenever I find myself feeling anxious or depressed, I'm like, okay, where am I not progressing? And I think progress is like the word of the day. I think that's like, as long as you're making progress, I think it's good. You know what I think people get in trouble is they put these big goals and they put tight timeframes on the goals. Like I was talking to you guys the other day, and I have some really big goals in my life in a lot of different areas. I know I'm not even close to where my goals are.

That doesn't mean that if I don't hit them right away, I'm gonna sit around and get depressed and be like, you know what, it's okay where I am. I think where people are getting in trouble is they're putting these tight time limits on their goals, and they're saying, okay, well, I'm gonna try for three months or six months or a year, and if I don't get there, then I don't get there.

My thing is, if I have to try for 40, 50, six years, my entire life to reach my overall goal, I'm the thing that makes me happy is the idea that I'm going to struggle and push and try to progress in order to get there every single day. Like that's, that's the challenge of life. That's what makes me happy to sit around and say like, okay, well, I tried and I didn't make it and I'm okay with that. Like, I don't know. I mean, since when did we get so complacent? I just don't get it. I personally definitely agree

with Michael. Like for my own goals, I don't think it's good to be complacent. I think again, this platform is like being the best version of yourself, whatever that looks like to you. There's not one right way to be the best version of yourself. But I do think that when you feel complacent, you start to feel like low. So what advice do you have for someone that's in quarantine right now and feels complacent? Like what's the first step? Well, I think the first step is just understanding that like, it's not okay being okay. I mean, if you've been sitting here listening to this show for the last four years, and you're in the message you got was like, I'm okay, and I'm enough. Like that's,

that's not that is not what I've been saying. That's not what you've been saying. That's not what the guests have been saying. The point is like, listen, we're not asking, and I'm not asking you to come on here and be some huge overachiever and make a bunch of money and have like eight pack abs and be this crazy. That's not what I'm saying. What I think I'm trying to say is that it's, it's okay to keep pushing into struggle and to be happy with the struggle. That's the message here is this idea that we're just good being in the same spot and being good. It's not realistic. It's not what makes human beings human beings. So what would be the first step to get out of complacency? Well, the first step is to tell yourself that you're not enough, right? And then the caveat to that is understanding that it's okay that you're not enough yet because you're going to

keep getting better and better and better until you are enough, which in my world is like never enough, right? What's exciting to me about life is that it just keeps evolving and evolving and that you're chasing this thing that you're never going to catch, right? Like that's why perfectionism is such bullshit is that you never actually get it. But where people I think are getting a mixed message is it's okay to be excited and happy and fired up about the struggle. That's the message that I'm trying to share is that there's not some end goal where all of a sudden you're like every box is checked and you're happy. The idea is to be happy in the struggle. So what are some steps that you can take to get out of complacency? So first is to realize that you're being complacent,

right? Every day, try to get up earlier, try to work out more, try to eat better, try to work harder. If you think you're doing enough, you're not. Do more. That's the idea is to just keep pushing and pushing and pushing. What my fear is, is that we've gotten to, this quarantine has pointed out to me that as a society, and I include myself in this, that we've gotten a little bit soft. People have gotten entitled and they feel like they should just be comfortable and everything should be going well and that they should be rewarded and they should be patted on the back for just being. Those aren't the people we admire in history. We don't just admire the people that were just okay being okay. You admire the people that kicked ass

and got up every day and struggled. That's just the truth of it. Hold up, quick break. I want to tell you about Perfect Keto. Now, we've talked about Perfect Keto on the podcast before, but basically Perfect Keto helps make a low-carb lifestyle easier with snacks and supplements formulated by Dr. Anthony Gustin. Plus, it's the best low-carb recipes and information. I, for one, am going really low-carb right now with everything I'm eating. I did a blog post on the Skinny Confidential. I gained 55 pounds.

And I probably have like 20 to 25 pounds to lose. So anything that's low carb is really working for me. If I had to pick one product that I would tell you guys to try, I would definitely tell you to try the chocolate chip cookies. Okay. So they're these delicious chocolate chip cookies and they're made with almonds. And as you know, almonds have tons of good fat in them. They have magnesium in them, which get everything moving, if you know what I mean. And they also have vitamin E. You can also expect these cookies to have collagen in them.

So they're really thinking about better skin and joint health as well. Another ingredient that these cookies have is psyllium husk. This is such an underrated ingredient. It is filled with fiber. And let me tell you, like I said, with the magnesium mixed with this things move okay it's filled with other things like grass-fed butter cocoa powder and chocolate chips it's just a really nice delicious low-carb cookie so if you are on a low-carb diet or on keto you gotta try these cookies they're fabulous if you want something that's keto friendly like like a snack between meals, you could keep these in your gym bag. You could stash them

in your car, whatever you want. And to get specific here for two cookies, there's six grams of protein and there's four carbs. So there's two carbs per cookie. So if you're a fan of keto, like so many people are definitely check them out. All you have to do is go to www.perfectketo.com slash skinny to buy one and get one Perfect Keto 40% off plus free shipping. And with that, we'll get back into the show. So what I like to do is I like to write down my goals and I've talked about this before.

I like to write down my goals for the month on the first of the month. And then I like to write down the systems that I'm taking to get to those goals. And for me, the systems are what feel like progress. And this is getting really micro with you guys. This is just showing you how my brain works. And what it does for me is it kicks my ass into gear. And while I'm making progress on those things, it takes me out of the funk. And just playing off what Michael said, I think the way that I build trust with myself, I've talked about this a lot on my Instagram and even on the podcast a little bit, is that I keep the promises that I make to myself. So I

hold myself accountable. If I say that I'm going to work out six days a week, then it's in my calendar at a time. I have a friend who holds me accountable. I keep myself accountable. I make sure I check it off my to-do list. If I say that I'm going to write a blog post, I do it. I think those constant little tiny promises that you make to yourself are what make you feel really fulfilled. So if you're in quarantine right now and you made all these promises to yourself, instead of looking at them all at once, I would advise you, like I said, to hit one goal at once, make systems underneath it and hit those systems, check them off one by one by one. That progress is what's going to build your confidence muscle. So here's my fear for

people. My fear is that when you listen to messages that are like, hey, you're okay, and you're enough, and you're happy. And in order to get immediate gratification, you start to believe into that bullshit noise. And you say, okay, you know, I am enough, and I'm okay. Really, what you're telling yourself is that I'm not trying anymore, and that I'm just going to stay in the same position that I'm in. But the problem there is, and why I think people actually are unhappy and get depressed is they know that's not true. They know they're not trying. Well, here, wait, everyone's different. Maybe some people like content that's like, you're enough. For me, I want to see content like Tim Ferriss, who's constantly trying to improve every area of his life, or Ed Milet, who's pushing me to

be better, or Rachel Hollis. That's the kind of content I want to read. But here's why they like that type of content. And this is what my argument is. They like that type of content because it's easy. And it's the easy way out. But that's okay if they want easy way out. Like that's fine. But that's what I'm saying is it's not okay if you want to be happy. And this is the truth. And this is where people are getting in trouble. If you don't want to be happy, then yes, look at that type of content.

Consume that type of message. Read those types of books that tell you you are okay and you are enough. Because what's going to happen is you're going to sit there and day by day, it's going to go by and you're going to think to yourself, I'm enough. I'm enough. But you're going to know deep down that you're actually not enough going to go by and you're going to think to yourself, I'm enough, I'm enough. But you're going to know deep down that you're actually not enough and you're not trying and you're not pushing, you're not putting out the effort. And what's going to do is it's going to, it's going to depress you over time because you're

going to know that you're not actually enough because you're not actually trying and putting in the effort. Well, we've discussed this a lot. I think like everyone says, you're the top five people you hang around with the most and you're the top five people of whose content you consume the most. So I would highly advise you, if you're on the couch right now, scrolling through Instagram to get off

and completely reframe your entire day. And here's what I would do. I would pick five people that are adding a lot of value to your life, five people that are going to enhance your life, five people that are going to make you do better, they're going to push you to your full potential, and only consume those five people the entire time in quarantine. I have someone I look to

for wellness, someone I look to for health, someone that I look to for creating content, whatever that is. I have my five people that I feel like they're always pushing me to be better. I read in Tim Ferriss's tools of Titans the other day that you should have three mentors. So you should have one that's a peer that you are looking to that's doing it really good. And then you should have someone that's a little bit above you that you're looking at that's doing it better and that's pushing you to do better.

And then you should have someone that's been in the same game that you're looking to be in for a long, long time. So it's basically three different tiers of mentors. And I think just by having those mentors and having the five pieces of content that you're consuming every day, that's going to make a huge difference in you feeling like you're progressing.

Well, think of the happiest times in our lives. And this is like for everybody that's listening to think about. Think about the times you've been the most happy, right? I guarantee if you really dissect it, there was some type of progress or effort associated with that period of your life. Whether it was a new relationship that you'd worked on for a while and then panned out and you were just happy. Or whether it was maybe you were in sports as a kid and you trained really hard and you won a game and you're happy. Or maybe there's a test you studied for really hard in school and you crushed it. Or maybe whatever it was, a lot of these

moments of struggle that we think are difficult while we're going through actually lead to some of the happiest times. And then as we get it, as we become adults, and this happens even with people would say, quote unquote, successful people, you get to a place and you say, I'm good. I made it. You know, I'm enough now. And all of a sudden you start to be like, wait, why am I not fulfilled? Why am I a little depressed? It's because you're not struggling anymore. You're not pushing. You're not, you're not, you're not creating challenges for yourself to overcome. And to me, that is the key to happiness. It's not all this other bullshit.

Yes, relationships. Yes, that's fine. All that stuff. It's struggle. And it's overcoming struggle that makes you truly happy. But I would also say with relationships, and maybe you can agree with me or disagree with me here, is that relationships too also have an effect on all all of this. So my I've talked to

a lot of women and had conversations about significant others. And I think that when you end up settling in a relationship, and you settle for less than you think you deserve, you you start to feel depressed to or worse than that, and you start to get you're with a partner, and they start to just like, slack off and not do anything. And then all of a sudden, like, you know, they're eating like shit, they're sitting around, they're not motivated. And all of a sudden that becomes your habit. Like, I think the one thing you and I do well together is whenever that starts to happen, we kick each other in the ass. Yeah. And I think that everyone's different, right? Some people might want a partner that's lazy and that's, you got to do you. But for me, I want someone that's going to call me out on my

shit. I want someone that's constantly pushing me to my full potential. And I want someone that's, you gotta do you. But for me, I want someone that's gonna call me out on my shit. I want someone that's constantly pushing me to my full potential. And I want someone that's pushing themselves to their full potential. Like, I want a role model in my relationship. So I think that settling is a whole different conversation. It's a whole different podcast episode. I'm very, very interested on doing a podcast on settling.

I think I wrote a blog post on it like two years ago. But when you settle for less than you deserve, it really comes through in every single area. So kick yourself in the ass with what content you're watching and listening to. Kick yourself in the ass with what relationships you accept into your ether. And kick yourself in the ass when it comes to holding yourself accountable. To turn this on in a positive way, though, the main message that I'm trying to get out of this is, and I don't want people to sit there like, Oh, I'm not enough, and then get depressed. What I want them to get from this is knowing they're not enough. And

knowing that that is a really good and exciting thing. That is something that nobody's enough. And that's the that's the point is, it's an exciting thing to not be enough, because all you have is room to improve if you put effort out there. And so for me, there's not some number, there's not some magical thing, there's not some magical relationship. It's all about struggle and being happy in the struggle. And I think if people just start to realize like, wow, like we're human beings, we're so lucky to be here, we're so lucky to struggle, we're so lucky to have all these opportunities, then you're going to flip it on a 10. And that's how you become truly happy. It's just knowing that the struggle is the beautiful thing about life. Okay, so let me ask you this,

let me turn the tables on you and do a little interview with you. What are some tools and tactics that you use daily, daily little things that you notice make a big difference? For me, I mean, like you saw my average steps the other day on my phone. It's probably because I'm a psychopath and I have to pace when I'm on the phone into meetings or just on calls or whatever. But I try to get in a lot of steps every day and just move my body. I don't like the feeling- You're a psycho. I checked your steps. They're an average of 10K

and you walked 20K on Tuesday. You are crazy. That is out of control. And I'm in quarantine. Yeah, that's wild. Well, listen, just move. It doesn't have to be like you get these people out there and they're like, bust your ass

and do these crazy workouts. That's too much. Okay, what are some other tools? So I gotta move every day. I gotta try. I have to do that. Right now in quarantine, I'm making an effort every day to even just do like pushups, sit-ups, dips, like pull whatever I can do, like burpees. You know, I remember burpees from back in the day. Sucks. But just like to do that and know like, okay,

it's not comfortable. It's miserable. You know, I'm not necessarily going to see the results right away, but it's, it's just the right thing to do. Right. And a lot of people are unwilling to do that. And like you, it's important for me every day I got to read. I have to read something, whether it's before or better after. I try to turn the junk off and drown out the noise, drown out the noise of just like bullshit stuff that I don't need to consume. What are you reading? Right now, I'm reading a book called Empire of the Summer Moon. It's a book about the rise and fall of the Comanche Nation Indians. And I'm also reading a book. It's another reread right now. A book called Blitzscaling,

which I mentioned the other day and then Streets of Laredo, which is Larry McMurtry and I've read that a few times. And I mentioned this book earlier. I'm rereading and like flipping through it, not from start to finish, Tools of the Titans.

I highly recommend that book if you want to take every area of your life to the next level. Yeah, and then like one thing we're doing together, which we started yesterday on Audible was it's Michael Pollan's book about psychedelics, how to change your mind. It's like, I can't remember the exact title. It's a good book. Cause you know, like we've talked about that on the show before. And I, and I think that there's a lot of research there that could be interesting. So like, again, it's, it's just doing things every

single day that I know are going to be moving the ball forward. Like I never want, you know, I don't have the best diet. So everybody's like, how can I improve my diet a little bit more? Yeah. That fucking bear claw that you ate. That was not, it's not ideal. So now tonight I gotta, I gotta have like a bunch of vegetables. I gotta figure that. I just think that like, for me, like I just live in a constant state and Lauren, I know you do this too. I live in a constant state knowing that I'm not enough and being happy with the fact that I'm not enough because I know I'm going to put effort into get better. Like that's the, that's the point is as soon as I, you know, Jerry Weintraub, which is a, you love that book too. I'm obsessed with that book. You guys need to read this book. If

you want a really good biography, it's called I'll Stop Talking When I'm Dead. No, no, it's, it's close, but how do you say that? And I wish, I wish that if he didn't take this title because it's a great title. What is it? It's you'll know I'm dead when I stop talking. Okay. Okay. Excuse me. Well, it's a difference there, you know? Okay. It's a difference. But that book is so good. I read it in a day. I think you did too. No, I read it in a week. I'm not as quick as you. No, it's a really good book. You know, there's a quote in there that says, as soon as you get comfortable, that's when it's time to change and do something different. And that's like constantly how I feel about my life. But why this quarantine is such like it's such an opportunity. It's because you can evaluate every single area of your life where you've gotten too

comfortable. And that is if you're going to use this time as a time to just do nothing. It's a missed opportunity. I am looking at every single facet of my life and being like, okay, I can do better here. Okay, I could do this to make this part better. Whose content am I consuming that's making me not feel good? Whose content am I consuming that's making me progress? Evaluate every single area of your life.

Use this opportunity. Yes, that's what I'm saying is because we all know deep down, like, listen, there's nobody that knows ourselves better than ourselves. And we all know when we're out of integrity with ourselves, when we're not trying, when we're not putting out effort, when we're not doing as much as we could. And that, my friends, is what actually leads to being depressed and unhappy. It's not the struggle. It's the fact that you know you're not trying.

That's what makes people unhappy. And that's what I'm trying to point out is when you have people, and I blame, listen, I blame our parents and I blame our close friends and I blame our significant others because they sit there and they pat you on the back and they tell you, I love you the way you are and you are enough. And it's because they do love you that they're not balls. They don't have the balls enough to say, Hey, you could be pushing harder and you could be trying harder. That's the point. You can't trust the people closer. You have to go and go ask somebody, go just ask like an acquaintance, like, Hey, do you think I'm doing enough? Honestly, or like go find that one friend or parent in your life that could say, like,

honestly give you the answer of like, are you doing enough? And by the way, this conversation that we're having on the mic is a real conversation that we have at home in the kitchen. Like when we wake up in the morning, it's conversations like this that I think make Michael and my relationship multifaceted. But so we're trying to bring more of those conversations that we have behind closed doors to the mic. You know, interviews are so great.

And we love interviewing interesting people and bringing, you know, all different walks of life on the show. But we also think it's important like for you guys to just hear us spitballing on the mic like this. It's all about healthy competition. And I know, you know, when I think about who Lauren and I are competing with, there's not some other podcast or some other business or some other brand. There's nobody, like the only person that I'm truly competing with personally, and I don't want to, I don't want to speak for you, but I think it's true. The only person I'm really competing with is myself.

You know, when I fuck up or I don't do something right, like there's nobody that's going to be harder or tougher on me than myself. Maybe that's healthy. Maybe it's not. The idea is that I'm looking at a version of myself every year and asking myself, how did I improve? How did I get better? And that doesn't necessarily mean like more money or more accolades. It doesn't at all actually. And that doesn't mean like, oh, a better fitness. It means like, how did I just, how did I get better? How did I improve? Did I become a better husband? Did I become a better father? Did I become a better husband? Did I become a better father? Did I become a better businessman? Did I become a better speaker? Like all of these things. And I'm, and I'm judging myself and saying like, what effort did I also put in to get there? And I think if

you go back even, I mean, you know, I have not been a public person for very long and still would say I'm a very minor public person, but if you go back four years on this podcast and you see how it's evolved, like for me, I hope that people go back, like, Oh, the conversations evolve, evolve, the mindsets evolve, the shows evolve. And it's because there's a constant effort. And I hope that's visible sometimes, but even if it's not, that's okay. That we're constantly working to improve. And I think that, like I said, is what the beautiful thing in life is. And just to wrap this up, I think that the muscle of being uncomfortable needs to be worked out. So make yourself uncomfortable every single day. Do little things that make you uncomfortable. It could be putting yourself

out there on Instagram and just posting like a caption that is something you wouldn't normally post. It could be, you know, sending a text message to someone that makes you feel uncomfortable. It could be reading something that maybe makes you feel uncomfortable. It really is a muscle. And when you work it out over and over and over, you start to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. You start to get confident too, right? And we've had so many, it's really difficult to answer the question, how do you build confidence? To Lauren's point earlier about Ed Milet, confidence is the promises you keep to yourself. He came on here and said that. And I think that's a really, you know, probably the smartest way I've heard someone say it on this show. And the only way you can build that confidence, like we're saying here,

is to struggle and make promises to yourself and do your best to keep them. And I think like, you know, not to confuse happiness with progress. There's a lot of people that can be dissatisfied with where they're at, but that doesn't mean they're not happy in life. The happiness is the idea that you're struggling every day and doing your best in that struggle. And to end it on a positive note, I'll give you guys a quote since we did that last episode and you seem to like it.

Tony Robbins says, I always tell people, if you want to know the secret to happiness, I can give you it in one word, progress. Progress equals happiness. That's because reaching a goal is satisfying, but only temporary. So no matter how many mistakes you make, no matter how many times you fuck up, if you're

making slow progress, you're ahead of a lot of people. As always, drop into our DMs or let me know on my latest Instagram what your favorite part of this episode was. How are you creating progress while in quarantine? We would love to know. Also, we're doing boxes for nurses we're doing beauty makeup and skin boxes at the skinny confidential hq we're not sending them out for a month so they will take a little bit of a long time just with everything that's going on we're

going to wait to send them but we are making tons of boxes so if you're a nurse or you know a nurse please tag them on my latest instagram we're going to pick a bunch of nurses to send these boxes to. They're going to be really fun and cute. With that, thank you guys so much for listening to this solo episode. Michael and I had fun together spitballing on the mic. We will see you on Tuesday. We have a super fun episode coming at you. All right.

Thanks for listening, guys.