The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast - How To Rid Yourself Of Things That Are Holding You Back So You Can Move Forward, Succeed, & Find Happiness

Episode Date: April 1, 2021

#344: On this episode Lauryn and Michael are solo again discussing things in our lives that hold us back from progressing, moving forward, and finding success. The couple discuss how to identify negative things in our lives that hinder us and how to rid them from our lives so that we can move forward towards a more successful life.  Check Out Lauryn's NEW BOOK, Get The Fuck Out Of The Sun HERE To connect with Lauryn Evarts click HERE To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM To Call the Him & Her Hotline call: 1-833-SKINNYS (754-6697)  The Skinny Confidential’s Get the F*ck Out of the Sun is the practical, yet incredibly fun and accessible, preventative skincare bible by lifestyle guru Lauryn Evarts Bosstick. We all have our ever-growing list of skincare questions: What products are essential for a nightly routine? Will a jade roller actually take care of hungover, puffy eyes? Why is sunscreen so important, and does it really need to be applied every day? What oils and serums are best for glowy, dewy supermodel skin? Lauryn dives into all this and more with a voice reminiscent of a friend at a boozy mimosa brunch who has a little more experience (and a lot more research) under her belt. From product and beauty tool recommendations to Lauryn’s personal experience with facial massage, fillers, Botox, lymphatic drainage, and cryotherapy, this authoritative and cheeky book is essential for a DIY generation that’s all about shaking up old ideas about skin care and transforming the beauty industry. This episode is brought to you by Olive & June The Olive & June Mani system is the secret behind salon-perfect at home, all-in-one, no guessing, no messy nails, no salon price tag. All TSC Him & Her listeners can no get 20% off your first mani system with our code SKINNY. Visit www.oliveandjune.com and use promo code SKINNY at checkout for 20% off your first mani system.  This episode is brought to you by Oshēn Salmon Oshēn Salmon was created for those who longed for their perfect protein match. One that was easy to prepare, packed with protein, and made us glow from within. Hello omega-3s! Ocean raised salmon has more than 1,500 mg of Omega-3 content which is double the Omega-3 contentus versus most wild salmon. To get your box of Oshen visit www.oshensalmon.com and use code SKINNY for 15% off plus free shipping.  This episode is brought to you by Rothy's Rothy's comfortable, washable and sustainable shoes and bags make getting dressed easy. Rothy's shoes are incredibly comfortable with zero break-in period thanks to their seemlessly knit-to-shape design. With many styles to choose from, Rothy's shoes are the perfect way to add some comfort and style to your closet. Check out all the amazing shoes, bags and masks available right now at www.rothys.com/skinny  Produced by Dear Media

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. hundred plus of the world's best skincare gurus. We have influencers, celebrities, doctors, kind of everything. And then, of course, you can expect so many of my tips and tricks throughout the book. It is color. It is thick. It is pink. You want it on your Instagram feed. It is so fun. It's so cheeky. And it answers every single skincare question you could ever think of. This is a book that you can take and display on your coffee table, but it's also a book that you're going to go to and you're going to bookmark the fuck out of it. You don't have to read it start to finish. You can just open it up and learn all about skincare. I have been working on this book for truly the last three years,

just picking up all the secrets and all the insider tips and tricks for you. Some of the top influencers are featured in my book. Kristen Cavallari, Patrick Starr, The Summer Fridays co-founders, Shea Marie, Griselle Lim, Jillian Michaels, Stassi Schroeder, Omni Song, The Lady Gang, Mandy Madden Kelly, Amelia Bell, Delilah Gray, Bobby Brown, Justin Anderson, and more. We also have all the top skincare doctors, Dr. Dennis Gross, Dr. Jason Diamond, Sonia Dakar, Georgia Louise, Barbara Sturm, and more. We also have all the top skincare doctors, Dr. Dennis Gross, Dr. Jason Diamond, Sonia Dakar, Georgia Louise, Barbara Sturm, and more. I am so excited to finally bring you this book. You can pre-order it where books are available. It's obviously on Amazon. Pre-order a copy. I'm telling you, I think you'll love it. It's very much up your alley. With that,

let's get into the show. She'm just going to get straight to the point here, Michael Bostic. We are doing a solo episode today. Doing a lot more solos. A lot more solos. I think solos are great. They're fun. And we can really zone in on what the audience wants. Yeah.

Not that I don't love interviewing all the guests. I do. Opening this show up from six a month to eight a month gives us more opportunity to do these. And I missed the solo. And that's how the show started. Yeah. So we're definitely going to be hitting you with some fire solo episodes today and always. So today's topic is things that are holding you back.

Things that are holding you back in life. And I know that sounds like it has a negative connotation. Obviously, if you're being held back, it is a negative thing. But hopefully this episode gives some positivity, gives some encouragement, helps you potentially get rid of some of those things that are holding you back. And these are all things that Lauren and I have been held back from as well and things that we've had to learn from. And I'm sure that we still need to keep working on. So we thought that we would share some of the things that we've learned with you to hopefully get you past the things that we've learned with you to

hopefully get you past the things that are holding you back. Yeah. And honestly, this is not like trying to preach at anyone. This is just things that like Michael said, we've observed in our own life that have been making us stressed or anxious or unhappy. And we think that maybe there'll be a gem in here that you pick up and you're like, oh, I'm doing that. That's making me unhappy. And I didn't even realize it was making me unhappy. Yeah. We've taken the things that we've learned and some of the gems we've pulled from some of the guests on the show and some of the books we've read and some of the experience we've had and just compiled them all together. We talked about it ahead of time saying like, hey, is this something that has held us back in the past? Is this something that could be holding someone else back? Someone that we care

about? Obviously we care all about, we care a ton about our audience and people in our lives. So if you can use any of these things or you identify any of these, I don't want to call them issue, but things that are holding you back, hopefully you can use some of this advice to get past them and move forward. Before we get into it, can I just tell you a few micro things that are making me unhappy? Sure. The long dad eyebrow hair that's hanging down to your tooth. I don't know what happened when I became a dad. My eyebrow hair is like, is this normal? Like, do they triple in length when you become a dad? It's literally stuck under your shoe. No,

honestly, I don't blame you. They're gross. I looked at myself the other day in the mirror and I was like, what the hell happened? Yeah. And then also the pepper in your tooth. Like, we all know that, but that'd be great if you could remove it. I got to stop eating those Dave everything bagels. Oh, the worst. Every single time you eat one of those goddamn bagels, you smile and it's like a pepper is in each tooth. And the pepper doesn't go away the next day. It stays in there. Let me do it.

Let me do a little quick Dave's everything bagels. No, don't. Eat those and you can keep the peppers and flavor in your teeth for the entire week. Yeah, you're sucking on your tooth. I don't know if they're going to sponsor the show now. Okay, so those are a couple things that are holding you back. Let's hop right into it. You go first. I saw your list earlier and it's a good one. Well, I usually like when you go first, but I think this is one that luckily we were both able to get past early on, but it's something that it continues to pop up as an issue. People continue to write questions in about this topic and it has to do with caring and worrying about what others think

about you and not just think about you as a person, but let me give you an example, caring about what people think. If you start a venture and fail, if you, if you worry so much about what people think and what people feel about what you're doing, all that's going to do is hold you back. We say it time and time again. It's not that we don't respect other people's feelings. It's just you can't live life caring about how other people think about how you engage in your own life. And I think just to give some examples for you guys, when I first started the Skinny Confidential, I had a mentor that I looked up to who was training me in Pure Bar. And I remember I went to her and told her

I was launching this blog and she looked at me and she said, why would you launch a blog on health and fitness? You have no credential in that, which wasn't true. I actually, I did have credential in it. I actually had taken a whole program and a course, but for her to challenge me like that when she didn't even understand the whole scope, if I had listened to her, I just wouldn't have done anything. I also had another friend or so

I thought. A friend of mine had said to another friend, I'm not going to go to Lauren's blog. I don't want to give her that hit. And so comments like that were constantly coming in. You guys know if you've listened to my content for a long time, I was bartending at my job and this guy was sitting there and he's drinking his rusty nail. And he said to me, what do you want to do with your life? And I said, I want to build a brand and I want to do that by starting out as a blogger. And he looked at me like I was an alien. And he said, you're never going to make money doing that. You should really find something else to do.

And it turned out that he was the creator of the airbag. So my point is, is you can't let people and their opinions hold you back from what you feel you should be doing. You know you best. Trust your intuition. Yeah. And if you constantly worry about what other people think, you're constantly going to second guess yourself, which is the main problem.

You don't want to second guess yourself. If you have a strong idea or a strong passion and you feel like you can go make something of that idea or a passion, whether it's a creative outlet or a business or whatever, you need to be able to pursue that. Same thing in a relationship. You know, we all know it was actually happened in Lorna's relationship. You start to, to get feelings for someone. You say, I think I can get, I could be in a relationship with that person. And friends will say, no, I don't think you could get her or him or your parents say, no, I don't think that's a good fit. Like you have to be able to follow your own heart and your own mind. That happened? Yeah. Well, it's, I'm sure it's happened to us and I'm sure it's happening

to others. No one said that to me about you. They said, they, they looked at you and said that you better, that's a good idea, right? No, I'm just kidding. But you know, there's the other, there's the reverse of this, which is caring so much about what other people think that you start conforming to everybody else's opinion. And I feel like we're seeing a lot of that in this day and age where people are taking ideas that aren't necessarily their own, and they're just conforming because they want to fit in. And again, this holds you back because it stops you from having original thought. It stops you from standing out. It stops you from being unique. So worrying about what other people think and then caring so much that you conform to beliefs that aren't your own.

These are things that are holding you back. I always like the school of fish that's swimming and then there's a fish that's swimming against it. Every story that we read about people, every biography, every historical figure that we admire, that we respect is somebody that went against the grain, that didn't worry so much about what others thought, that did it their way. And I would encourage other people to think about their own lives the same way. Okay. So I'm going to share one of mine. Mine is, and this is the biggest one, number one for me, is no alone time to recharge. If I do not get alone time to recharge, I'm a psycho. Remember the other night? Yeah. So be must be getting no alone time because no the other night i was winding down it was a sunday i had about two hours to myself

can i post a screenshot of this text you sent me sure i feel like i feel like people should see the abuse that i take i went psycho because i was winding down and michael comes in and because his parents used to rip him out of bed when he's little, he thinks it's okay. Oh, now you're calling my parents into that? You're going to get some texts. A hundred percent. He thinks it's okay to come into my ether and rip me out of bed. So I was winding down, relaxing with the baby. She was asleep and he came in and he did not wake me up like a cat. Side note, let's, let's, let's, all the parents out there are going to get this.

You and the baby started taking a nap at 5 PM. I took one look at the situation, like the baby has not eaten dinner. If the baby sleeps, if she misses dinner and sleeps through the night, she will be up at three or four AM. You will not get up. I will be up in the middle of the night. So I had to sacrifice you in order to save myself. Okay. But here's what you should have done. So I can edit this for you. You should have quietly woke the baby up in a soft nice low cortisol unlike the way you grew up way and left me be so he woke me up i turned out okay he ripped me out of bed and the text messages that he got were in all caps i'm gonna post it i'm gonna i don't care write in if you want to see people you're not going to believe the way she talked to me you're not going to believe i lost shit. But this just brings me to my point of, I do not feel fulfilled in my life if I do not have alone time

to recharge. And what I've realized is, and I think everyone should do an exercise like this, is that I am an introvert. I thought for so long I was an extrovert because I thought that meant you were outgoing and this and that. But what I found is that an extrovert is someone who gets energy from people when they go out, whereas an introvert gets energy when they're home and they recharge. So first, I would find out if you're an extrovert and an introvert. If you are an introvert, I would recommend making gaps in your calendar in your day for alone time to recharge. So whether that's taking a walk in the morning or going outside, putting your feet in the grass, drinking your coffee, whether it's a Sunday and like creating space or saying no, saying no is so important. I believe everyone needs alone time to recharge.

Yeah, I agree. And I know this one's yours, but I, to add to that, I would say. You totally need alone time to recharge, by the way. Well, I take a ton of alone time. I have, I have two friends in my life and one of them is myself. The other one's you. No, I'm just kidding. People are constantly so stimulated by outside thoughts and outside simulation and technology and all these things. You have to take time alone to get to know yourself so that you can figure out who you are and what you really want. And so if you're not taking time to recharge and be alone, it's really

difficult to identify what you're about as a human, which, which again, holds you back because you don't know yourself. A hundred percent. I feel like alone time allows you to recharge your batteries to gain clarity for what you really want. So one of the most powerful things that I have done this year is go away with my husband and my baby, bring a pencil, a journal, put my phone away, bring library books and read and journal. And we sort of did like a think week at the beginning of this year. And it was such a reset for me to be like, this is what I'm going to accomplish this year. This is where I want to add value. This is where I want to be purposeful and meaningful. And I was able to see all my thoughts on paper. So alone time is key in my opinion. Yeah. We have unlimited vacation policy

at Dear Media. And I wish more people, and listen, if anyone from Dear Media is listening to this, I really wish more people would take advantage of it for the purpose of not just going out and partying and letting loose. Like, that's fine. You can do that. But also for the purpose of going and taking time for yourself so that you can learn more about yourself and how to be more efficient and be productive in your own life, which ultimately helps Dear Media, but also helps the individual grow. So I think having alone time is definitely something people should take advantage of. And if you're not, it's definitely holding you back. Put it on your calendar as a creative block.

That's my tip. I am about to tell you about the answer to all your problems. I don't know about you, but this is the answer to all your problems. I don't know about you, but this is the answer to all my problems. Okay. So when quarantine first started, obviously we could not go get our nails done. So I had to get creative and do my own nails, which is so much harder than it sounds. And I feel like most of you guys can relate to this. It's really hard. But the hard thing is too, I was painting my nails with nail polish and it would constantly chip. So a girlfriend of mine introduced me to Olive and June. And they have this system. It's called the Manny system. And it's the answer to salon perfect nails,

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You're going to get that nail polish that doesn't chip. Honestly, your nails are so shiny. It looks like there's gel. For me, I took a break off gel during quarantine because I felt like it was ruining my nails. So this was the perfect time for me to really experience Olive and June's nail polishes. I am a huge fan of their whites, light pinks, and nudes. They're very pigmented. And like I said, they're so shiny

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all you have to do is go to oliveandjune.com. We're done with the expensive bad Manny's. This is the new us now. All right. My next one is going to be like beating a dead horse. This audience has heard it from me for years, but it really is honestly one of the most important things. And it's fair. It should be self-explanatory, but lack of action, lack of actually doing, if you're not waking up every

day and taking action, whether that's to be better, to feel better, to work harder, to work more efficiently, to launch that new business, to launch that new blog, to launch that new clothing, whatever it is, you're, that new creative outlet, lack of action is holding you back completely. And I know I've said this a million times on the show, which is launch fast and adjust. Because if you sit there and you constantly second guess, oh, should I do it now? Or should I wait? Or should I get a couple more opinions before I do it? Or should I wait for the right timing or the right season? You are holding yourself back. There is absolutely no linear reason or linear path as to why I should be heading up one

of the most prominent podcast networks in the world at this point. It's literally because Lauren and I sat around. We had some margaritas. We said, let's do a podcast. We did it. We had no experience. We kept going. And lo and behold,

here we are. And I don't say that to brag. I say that to point out that there wasn't some course, there wasn't some credential, there wasn't some certification, there wasn't some right timing, there wasn't some experience. It was literally just taking action and working every day. And same thing with Lauren in her blog. It was literally just doing. So you have to stop waiting for permission and you just have to get going. And by the way, I am all about learning and knowledge, but I'm all about learning and knowledge while you're simultaneously doing. So let me give you an example. Every single day I wake up, I have my list of things I need to do to move the needle. I'm always working on the number one thing that's

going to move the needle, the second thing, the third thing, whatever that is. Simultaneously, you can take a shower, do your makeup, make the bed, take a walk while you're learning a podcast, audible, whatever it is. Feel free to learn as much as you want. Just make sure you're simultaneously doing. Yeah, you just have to do. Everyone talks about wanting to feel better, look better, eat better. Then start eating better today. Start going to the gym or getting a workout today. Stop waiting. And I don't say that to attack anyone. I say that to point out that in the future, it's not going to be perfect in the future. It's perfect right now. And you're going to take some lumps on the way and it's going to be hard in the beginning, but you have to get going. We talked to a bunch of USC students the other day, and it was so interesting because so many of them had went back to school, to business school, because they want to be entrepreneurs and they want to be in business.

And my best advice from what I've experienced is if you want to be in business, go experience business. Yeah, I think one of the difficulties and one thing I don't like about what the school system teaches us, the school system teaches us some good things, but it also puts some bad things in our mind. And this kind of whole thing where it's like you have to graduate before you're allowed to do something. Like you have to get from first to second grade, seventh to eighth grade. You have to graduate high school. You have to graduate college in order to have credentials to do something.

The current economy doesn't reward any of that. There's no class that Lauren and I was able to take that had anything to do with podcasting, had anything to do with writing books, had anything to do with blogs, had anything to do with digital advertising or beds. There's literally nothing, no course, no certification that went through to be able to do anything we're doing. So I don't want to say school is a bad thing, but I want to make sure that people don't get stuck in this credential mentality where they can't get started on something until they've got a certain certification. Obviously that doesn't apply to being a lawyer or a doctor where you actually need to be certified. But for many of the opportunities that exist

in the creative and job world now, you can just get going. And you can definitely get going if you want to self-improve by reading more books or going to the gym or getting a workout or eating a healthier meal. You can do that today, right now. You don't need to wait. So if you're not doing those things, you're not taking action, start now because if you're not, it is holding you back. My next one has to do with a more personal note again, but I think that all of us could work on this, including you, and that is too much screen time. I truly notice when I am on my phone too much that I feel low. I feel blue almost when I'm on my phone too much. So I think creating parameters around the phone and boundaries is really, really important. I

don't think that we should all just give ourselves free access to use electronics whenever the fuck we want. And so what I've done, and again, this is just my experience. You do you here. But I've put parameters around my phone because if I'm on it too much, it's not good. I feel like Ichabod Crane or something. Yeah, I think if I think, listen, we are all as a society, all of us, you and I included, very guilty of being completely addicted to screens. Televisions, computers, iPads, obviously our phones.

The baby is like, she wants to watch a screen all the time and it worries me. It's been interesting to observe a one-year-old, and Lauren and I are now conscious and very careful about when we pull out screens and TVs. She's literally watching Frozen at home right now. Oh, great. Any of these parents that have young children understand completely,

it's like crack to these kids. They see a screen and they dive right into it. And I didn't get a smartphone. And I think at the time it was like a Blackberry or one of those razors. I didn't get one of those until we graduated college. So at that point, what, I was 21, 22, 20, whatever it was. Remember when we used to page each other? but think about that there's no screen there he would page me this is actually really cute why don't you do this anymore every single morning you woke up at 7 a.m on the dot you would page me what i would do one four three one four three i love you yeah so every morning i would wake up to a page that said one four three can you bring something back like that well now i just send the heart right no you don't do anything in the morning you want the old vintage

one yeah you roll over your eyebrow hair like falls out of bed with you and you should thank my parents for ripping me out of bed at 7 a.m on the dot lazy lazy lazy but yeah too much you know all we do all i do is like help raise this kid with you and run this business and do this podcast eight times a fucking month with you so yeah good late i didn't send the 143 but you know god forbid i'm missing the 143 um um so too much screen time yes okay so how i combat that i do not go on my phone for an hour to an hour and a half in the morning when i wake up i don't touch the phone if i do touch the phone it's to turn on a podcast or to go to the book app if for some reason i start down the rabbit hole of the dark soul of social media and my text messages, I'm incredibly reactive the rest of the day.

I'm not proactive. So what I like to do is I like to wake up. I like to be with the baby. I like to read, listen to podcasts, make the bed, get the baby ready, get her fed, take a walk, get outside before I even hit my phone. And just doing that is absolutely life-changing. Another thing that I'm working on as well, and Michael taught me this tip, is to read an actual book. So we got these little book lights. And on our house, we're getting these little book lights that are over each side, like a him and her light. And so you can turn on the light. It doesn't wake up the whole room and you can read an actual book. And I think that's very helpful as well. And then my last tip is if you are going to read on your phone, like I sometimes do, turn it on red mode and turn it on

night mode. So it's black in the background with white text. And then you're going to get that red mode that helps your brain wind down. Yeah. You might have to Google, because I know we've shared it on the show before, but there's no way I'm gonna be able to link to it about how to and we've talked about this a few times about how to change your phone to have a red screen at night. Just Google how do I change my phone color to red and but literally on my iPhone, I click it three times and the whole screen goes red. And it's much easier on your eyes if you do have to look at your phone at night. And you should honestly just click that on as soon as it gets dark outside to help. Another thing we're doing, which is an extreme hack was extreme for me because I've always had a, not always, but since I've been

an adult, had a TV in the room, we're taking that out of the bedroom so that we have even less screens in the room so that when we're in there, it's for two things. You don't have to repeat the two things. So yeah. And we also have these people that are the screen time deniers. And I know you're probably, some of you are sitting out there and you're saying, well, I need the screen for work and I need to get to my emails and I need to be accessible. And that's definitely true, but you can take a break and find strategic times to do that. And when you do take those breaks, getting off of social, getting off YouTube, taking time off the screen to get some nature, read a regular book, enjoy a meal without a phone

is important because we just get so sucked into these things and start living in this world where we're stuck in a screen and it stops you from seeing the world around you. Also take your phone off your penis right now because it's not good for you. That's why I use my safe sleeve to fight radiation. All right. So what's next for you? My next one, and I touched on this, so I'll go through it really quick. It's this when, it's a when then mentality. And when I say that, it's like, when I get the degree, I will start pursuing this. When I get closer, when I get a gym membership, I'll start going to the gym. When I finish school, I'll start looking to do this. It's this constant if then, then when mentality. Yeah. My friend Weston, he'll appreciate being

called out, was doing this a lot. He would say, when i get to the end of this year i'll be happy when i get to austin he moved to la i'll be happy and we always have this conversation with him and we're and and we always are pointing out when he does it because we want to call him out on it and hold him accountable it's why not be happy now in the present moment if you can't be happy now you can't be happy when you have more or you've grown i just feel like embrace where you are at the time. Yeah. There's a quote I'm going to butcher here. I'm going to butcher this quote for sure. And I think it's by Naval Ravikantan. It says, desire is a contract you make with yourself to be miserable until you get what you want. And I think that's so true. So many of us wait and they say, well, one day when I get

X amount of money, I'll be happier. When I meet this person, I'll be happier. When I move here, I'll be happier. When I get this house, I'll do this. And it's this constant thing where like, I promise you, you know, you're always going to find the next thing. If you have that type of brain, like your mind is already wired to say, what's the next thing. And so you go through this constant state of unhappiness, anxiety, where you're constantly disrupted because you're looking for the next thing always. And I think that also relates to as we go through life or things are holding us back, it's you're waiting for permission and you're waiting for credentials and you're waiting for people to tell you it's okay before you actually take action or do something or decide to be happy or decide to pursue that girl or guy

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O-S-H-E-N-S-A-L-M-O-N.com. You're going to use code SKINNY. Ocean raised, ocean loved, salmon as it should be. The next thing that I have had to learn the absolute hardest way possible is overcommitting, which leads to burnout. This one deserves a standing ovation. We all overcommit. We say, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Actually, Michael doesn't really overcommit. I do. And I had to scale way back. I noticed that saying yes served me in the first seven years of my 12-year career with the Skinny Confidential. I said yes to everything. Every single person, school project, interviews, events, anything. I said yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

And I think it served me for seven years till it got to a point where it stopped serving me. And I had to step back and evaluate everything. And COVID allowed me to evaluate everything. Having a baby allowed me to do that and just stop and think, okay, I only have so much energy and I can only put so much energy in one spot. So I had to choose the spots that really count. Obviously, motherhood's very important to me. My marriage is very important to me. Peace of mind is very important to me, my dog, my home. And then I had to look at my business and be like, where can I put my energy and efforts? And I think that when

we overcommit and we say we can do all these different things, people end up getting mad anyway. And let me give you an example. So if I go to San Diego, I'll try to see a bunch of my friends. Oh, you're the worst. You just try to squeeze everybody in. Everybody realizes that everybody gets an example. No, because I want to see everyone. Everyone in San Diego is listening to this and knowing if that's what she does, she tries to squeeze us all in. I don't mean to squeeze people in. I want to see everyone and I want to hang out with people that I haven't seen in a while. But what ends up happening- But you try to do it in a two-day window. Yeah. People end up getting mad at me and

disappointed because I'm either running late or I have to leave early to the next thing. And so it ends up just not a good situation. So what I've tried to do with things like that is just not overcommit. Just say, I can't do it. And I think having a baby has allowed me to really not overcommit myself anymore. Well, I'm on the fence on this one. And I'm going to contradict you a bit while agreeing and disagreeing with you. Please do. And I'll tell you why. I think there's seasons for this. I think when you are young and you're trying to,

not just young, I think when you're somebody who's trying to figure out what that next step in life is, we'll take dating. You want to figure out who are you going to end up with? Who's going to be someone you really want to get a relationship with? I think have fun going as many dates as possible with as many different people as you want and figure out who the right fit is. So there you're not everyone. Try all the Baskin-Roth flavors. I also think if you're a young person and you don't really know, I keep saying young person, but I'm thinking about some of our siblings when I think about that. So I keep saying it, but I think if you're somebody who's trying to figure out your purpose or your passion,

it's good to say yes to a lot of things. Because by saying yes to a lot of things, you get a taste, a bunch of different flavors and figure out what you actually identify with and what's right for you. You know, not committing to those things. I think it holds you back. On the flip side of that, once you find those things and once you kind of have your purpose or you have something that's working, then you have to be really selective of your time. For me, obviously head down doing this podcast, being a new dad, being in a relationship, running Dear Media, I'm very selective now about any other ventures

outside of those things. You have 400 text messages unanswered right now. I just checked your phone. Yeah, and listen, I don't feel bad about it. And I know that there's people that are sitting there waiting for an answer back, but that's not the way- Okay, but like, I need to get your brain here. I literally have 412.

How do you not just care? Because I have a thing where I like to check off my stuff. One, I don't want to reward the behavior of people just bombarding me in text thinking that's the way to get a response. So that's one, selfishly. Two, if I know that it's an ask or something coming to me that I can't fulfill because I'm focused on something else, I don't want to engage because one, I only want to do things that I'm going to something else. I don't want to engage because one, I only want to do things that I'm going to commit a hundred percent to. And two, I don't want to commit to

something that I'm not because I'm going to do a bad job and ultimately disappoint the person and waste time. So it's maybe a short-term burn. Maybe some people are like, man, that guy's a dick. He doesn't respond to texts and even answer. And sometimes I just don't see them. Again, I'm limiting screen time. I'm not looking at my texts that much. But I want to be all in on whatever I'm doing. But that's because I'm at a stage in life now where I've tasted the flavors, figured out what my focus should be, figure out what makes sense. You've tasted the flavors. I've tasted a lot of flavors.

And I want to go in on those particular things that I know move the needle. So many of us were like, okay, I'll go to that dinner party or I'll go to that birthday party or I'll commit to that work or I'll take a side job here. And you end up doing a whole bunch of nothing for a whole bunch of people. Wow. That is profound, Michael Bostic. But it's true because think about in your own life, when you overcommit, what happens? Let's use the example of overcommitting to people when we come into town to San Diego. What happens? You don't get to spend quality time with those people because you're constantly moving to the next. The people feel not important because you're constantly moving to the next. You feel

overwhelmed because you're throwing yourself all over the place. You get exhausted in the end. And at the end, the net net result is you're exhausted. The people aren't happy. You're not happy. And relationships were probably hurt. And I'm bitching at you. Yeah. And somehow I'm suffering through all of it. On the way back. Maybe that's the most important thing. On the way back to LA, I'm like, I'm so tired. So whatever. So I need to work on that. I need to not overcommit myself. I'm still a work in progress when it comes to that. But I do really feel like moving to Austin and now having a baby that I'm a lot better at it.

Do you want to be potentially okay or even subpar or even in some cases bad at a bunch of things? Or do you want to be really, really good at a few things? I feel like I'm really, really good at a few things. Sure. You agree? Yeah, you are really, really good. We talked about how I'm good at a sandwich. But you're also really, really bad at a lot of things. A hundred percent. Like what? Like name one. Call me out. Like what? And this is going to sound arrogant, but I don't consider myself in the same boat. And I'll tell you why. Because the things that I know I'm bad at, I just won't engage in, which means I don't even have a chance to be bad at it because I won't do it. I know that I'll be bad at a million

things, so I don't do them. But I focus only on the things I'm going to be good at, where you will be like, okay, let's commit to 80 things, knowing that you're not going to commit fully to those things. So I don't want to attack you on the show. No, I'm totally fine. I like to be called out. I want to be held accountable. I think that overcommitting is a really bad trait of mine. Yeah. Like if I'm going to be good at three things, I want to be really good at three things and bad at the other 97 things. What are you bad at? A million things. Love a deflection. But I don't do it. So we don't even have an opportunity. No. What is one thing you're bad at? Interrupting, over-talking, not listening sometimes.

You know, a million things I'm bad at. But I'm talking about in terms of committing to things. I usually don't put myself in a position where I can be bad at committing to something. Because if I know if I can't commit to it fully, I'd rather not do it. Which one, stops me from making a fool of myself and being bad. And two, doesn't put me in making a fool of myself and being bad. And two, doesn't put me in a position where I'm letting someone down outside of me saying, sorry, I can't commit to that. It's a minor letdown as opposed to a huge letdown.

You know, it's worse when you commit to somebody and then you just do a terrible job and it's really awkward for both of you. You are my inspiration though, when it comes to how you handle your messages and your text, you do create a boundary because you're so laser focused on what you're doing. Well, I love that episode on boundaries we just did with Nedra. If you guys haven't checked it out, check it out because it's all about boundaries. But I would say it comes with a cost. And the cost being is I know my social life over the years has maybe diminished with some people. I know that I'm probably not the friend these days that people think to first to call if they're going. But also I can't because I'm probably not the friend these days that people think to first to call if they're going. But also, I can't because I'm not running out like I used to with a bunch

of my single friends. I'm a child and a wife and I'm busy. So it comes with the cost. You lose some things, but you just have to ask yourself, what's the most important things to you? All you want to do is sit in bed and read with a couple books with Boone on your lap. My best friends are in books. They're in there. What about me? Yeah, you're in there. You could be a character. What's your next one? My next one is something that holds all of us back, us included, all of us. We're all in the same boat and that is a lack of focus. Constantly being torn in and out of tasks on social media, by the news, by what's going on in the political world, by what's going on in your uncle Jim's birthday party, by your friends, by

constantly getting out of focus and not being able to sit down, take one task at a time to completion to the best of your ability. We're getting thrown all over the place, again, overcommitting, taking on so many different things that we end up doing a whole bunch of nothing. And I think in an era where we have so much information at our fingertips and access to so many things so easily, we are actually the least focused we've ever been as a society. I would 100% agree with you. And there's people in that that find ways to focus and really excel. But I would say cumulatively, all of us, us included, we are the least focused as a population as we've ever been,

which is why shit's all over the place. What are some tiny things that you do to stay focused? And then I'll share some of mine. I take one task at a time. Yeah, you're really good at this. Is this just like propping yourself up this episode? No, no, it's not. It's stuff I've learned. You are really good at this. There's a really great book by Cal Newport called Deep Work, which I'm sure many of you have read and we've shared on this show.

And I actually just bought it again. I don't know if you saw it, to reread it because it's been a while. And there's another one by Gary Keller called The One Thing and another one called Essentialism by Greg McKeown. Those are all great resources for focus and productivity. But I think over the years, I've just been torn to so many different things and had a lack of focus that I've just learned, okay, the most effective way to get something done is to sit down, focus on one thing to completion, the best of your ability, and then move on to the next. And that even goes for eating meals,

right? And I need to improve on this sitting down and focusing on just eating your meal to completion. I'm calling myself out. I don't do it that well. You're looking at me pulling your hair because you're stressed about what I'm going to say gonna say no because you stand up when you eat i believe in sitting down and listening to music and trying to get off my phone when i eat yes but but again there's like you gotta listen to me we gotta do this like i think that there's a way to to focus and and just get a task and eating is a minor thing a perfect example and we all face this you're sitting there and you're working and you're in a flow state on your computer probably and you get torn into a zoom meeting or you're like, Oh, my inbox just popped up. Or I got a text message or I got to check social media. And there's a study. I can't remember if it's in deep

work or the one thing that, that, and I was either Harvard or Stanford study where they took a group of people that called themselves or identified as multitaskers and people that weren't at multitasker just took one task at a time. And I don't remember the numbers, but they were astronomical that the people that took one task at a time were way more efficient and way more productive than the so-called multitaskers. The brain is not wired to go from task to task to task. It's wired to focus on one thing at a time. And if you think about how we all engage now, we are constantly getting out of tasks and in and out of a bunch of different things, which makes us completely unproductive and holds us back. I know that I always say this, but it really is the best hack

for me. It might not work for everyone, but I go to my foot spa and it's two hours uninterrupted of just laying there and being able to work on my phone. It's completely silent in there. And I get so much done. Even going to a place like Drybar. I went to Drybar today and I was able to get my hair washed while I completely focused on a task. I'm a huge fan of not multitasking, but passive multitasking. Another thing that you can do to stay focused is put your phone on airplane mode. It sounds so stupid. Put it in the other room and then use those little dice and cubes that Michael and I use and say, I'm going to concentrate on this task for 30 minutes to an hour, and I'm not going to move on until I finish this task to completion. If there's anything that you know about me, it's that I love white shoes. There's something about

them that I just like how they look on the feet. I like how they look with outfits. I have liked them since I've been in second grade. I'm just obsessed. So I know you've heard about this on the Skinny Confidential before, but I'm going to tell you about it again because they are so comfortable. Okay. Rothy's. They make the most stylish white shoe. I cannot even tell you. And they're so comfortable and they don't have that break in period. So, you know, sometimes when you get a new shoe and it screws up your whole foot and you have blisters, Rothy's doesn't do this. I have been walking the baby in these shoes. I wear them on errands. I wear them at the podcast studio. I even wear them when I'm

dressed up. Like I was wearing a black blazer pantsuit the other day and I throw on my Rothy's. What I really like about them is when I'm running out the door and I'm late, I can just slip them on very quickly. If you're not a fan of white shoes, don't worry. Rothy's are available in a range of style and they come in so many different colors, prints, and patterns. The coolest thing about them though is Rothy's shoes are knit with thread made from plastic water bottles. I just feel like the whole sustainability around Rothy's is so cool. They've transformed over 75 million bottles into beautiful shoes, handbags, and face masks. You have to check them out. Their shoes are fully machine washable, which is huge for me because I like the white. So I can just throw them in the washing machine and they come out looking good as new. So if Michael steps on my Rothy's,

it's not a big deal. They're not screwed up. Okay. Check out all the amazing shoes, bags, and masks available right now at rothys.com slash skinny. That's rothys.com R O T H Y S.com slash skinny style and sustainability meet to create your new favorites. Head to rothys.com slash skinny today and check out the white slip-ons. I'm telling you. You could just do a simple experiment. Get rid of everything, set a timer, and do nothing but answer emails from most important to least important and see how much faster you get that done in a 30-minute window than in an hour. If the only thing you're able, your only thing you're allowed to do, you're not allowed to do anything else, but go through your emails. I promise you'll power

through that inbox in 30 minutes, way faster than you would even an hour or two, if that's all you can do. Amazing. My next one is by Mr. Ed Milet. I talk about it all the time, but I could not not put it in this episode. And that is lack of confidence because you're not keeping the promises that you make to yourself. So if you tell yourself that you're going to work out five days a week, it should be in your calendar. You should have an accountability partner so you can follow through with the promises that you're making to yourself. If you keep making promises to yourself, it's going to wear on your confidence. I've seen this with so many people. They say, I'm going to write a book this year, and then they don't do it. They say,

I'm going to do this this year, and they don't do it. Whatever it is, it makes them feel insecure. So if you are making promises to yourself that I suggest everyone writes down, then make sure you're creating systems to fulfill the promises. Or if you are making those promises and you stop keeping them you have to explore why right are you over committing are you not focused is it not realistic all of these things obviously hold you back on a macro and micro scale so i i completely agree obviously confidence it comes up on this show all the time like if you have a lack of confidence obviously it's going to hold you back in different areas of your life. And time and time

again, and guys like Ed Milet come on the show and they say confidence is what keeping the promises you make to yourself. And so if you're constantly breaking those promises, you're not going to have confidence and you're going to be held back. I'll give you just a little tip that I did when I first started. I told myself with the Skinny Confidential that I was going to post a blog post seven days a week every single day for three years at the same time. So I would always start writing my blog post at 2.30 in the afternoon. I had to go to work at 4.30. By the time I was off the computer, it was about four. The post went up. I would post the social media in the bathroom at work while I was bartending. And I would do that seven days a week, rain or shine, throwing up. I don't care. That was the promise. And I fulfilled that promise. And I

noticed as I went on and built the brand, I felt more and more confident. And I really, truly believe it's that one little practice of setting my alarm, make sure that I was writing at 2.30, make sure I was posting at 4, make sure I was doing the social media content rinse and repeat. Another example is honestly this podcast. And I say this all the time is we, for the last five years, since March 16th of 2016, when the show started, and the reason I remember that date is I got a notification the other day that it's five years that we've been doing this in that in those five years, there has not been a single week ever that we've missed an episode. And it's not easy because we obviously we now do this eight times a month before we're six. And before that it was four, but we have never missed a release

day, no matter what. And we've been on vacation in nice places where we stopped the vacation, pull out recording equipment. We're miserable. We don't want to do it. Too bad. We do it. One time we were drunk. Yeah. One time we've been a few times, you know, sometimes we're exhausted and it's late and we haven't had an episode and we do it anyway. And the point is, and listen, this is also during a time when not a lot of people were listening. Like we just said, okay, the commitment is we're never going to miss an episode. We're going to do it every single week without fail, every single release. We're never going to make the audience wait. And we've done it.

And I think that that has helped build the podcast muscle and helped us become more effective people by just sticking to a plan, keeping the promise, making sure that we do it no matter what. Be realistic with your promises. Make sure it's things you can actually do. For instance, saying I'm not going to have one drop of sugar for a month sounds to me like for me, that would be very unrealistic. But I even notice when I make a promise to myself and it could be something so small. I'll give you an example. I'm going to

wear my retainer every single night and then I miss three nights. Even little tiny things like that, I really believe it wears on you. Yeah. Here's an easy promise to make for people because so many people could benefit from reading. I always try to promote that. And maybe you're not a big reader, but I think not all readers are leaders, but all leaders are readers. And that's a quote. I can't remember who said it. You say, how do you read more? You schedule the time. Ryan Holiday has come on the show and talked about this. I think saying no matter what for three hours a week, you're going to read, that could be broken up into one day you do an hour, one day you do 30 minutes. You could break it up however you want it, but you just say three hours a week, you're going to sit down and you're going to read a hard

book. That's an easy promise to keep where you say three times a week, I'm going to eat a green salad. I can do that more. You say three days a week, I'm going to get a fitness activity. It doesn't have to be a backbreaking activity, but these are promises that are easy to keep. You can't say, hey, I'm going to have six pack abs in a month's time, like maybe, but for many, including myself, that's not realistic. So make promises, micro promises that you can keep every single week to build that confidence muscle. And over time, you'll find yourself doing more and more. And with confidence, obviously you're not going to be held back. Without it, you're going to be held back. I think that you should make a promise on air to me of something that you're going to do

for your wife every single day. I promise I'm going to give you a lot more alone time. No. Okay. That's a good one. What else? Something where you're serving me. I'm going to serve you by disappearing and giving you more alone time. While also serving myself. I want my special Kenzie Burke, no chemical coffee with inulin and a little bit of unsweetened almond milk and cinnamon every single morning. Okay. Well, I can commit to it, but sometimes you ask for coffee and I make it and I come down and it's in the same place. You never drink it. I take sips slow. I don't drink coffee all at once.

Sometimes you literally forget it, but we don't need to go through you and I, where we have a lot of problems. We don't need to go through it again on there. My last one today is one that I think is a huge one for everyone. It's what I wanted to end on. And it's not giving yourself enough time. It's a lack of patience. It's thinking that if things don't happen right away, you're a failure or it's not working. It's giving up too soon. It's not realizing that what you're building takes a lot of time and sometimes a lifetime to get where you want it to be. And again, we've moved into such a fast-paced world that people have lost perspective on how long things take. And they have these unrealistic expectations that something needs to be immediate. We need this immediate gratification in order to

stick with something. And so I think a lack of understanding of time is definitely holding people back. And if you change your mindset and said, Hey, I'm going to start this venture and I'm going to give myself not a year, not six months. I'm going to give myself 10 years to get to where I want to go. I promise you'll probably get there sooner. Because what is that saying? It's like we overestimate what we can accomplish in a year and underestimate what we can accomplish in a decade. Look at you with the quotes today.

I got a lot of quotes. I took that bee powered stuff that Carly from Beekeepers Natural gave me. That shit gets me wired up. Honestly, that's like liquid Adderall. I took one of those too. It's like this little shot you guys of propolis and royal jelly i have that like i have all these random quotes also it makes my throat feel so good i love that yes that's weird i actually was just thinking i feel so alert right now but it's true i think a lack of awareness on how long things take and trying to and thinking that it has to happen sooner than it really does

so maybe you maybe you say okay i'm going to do this and it's going to take me 10 years. When you go into that mentality, you have a lot more staying power to see things. So you're not going to quit so easily. So taking a little bit more time, being patient. If something I wish that people would have drilled in my head 10 years ago, I wish I would have known a lot more about patience and time and understanding that things don't happen overnight. I think it would have made me much more effective. It would have solved so many different hardships and pain points that I had to go through personally. So just being more realistic with time, giving yourself the time to learn and to go through different iterations, whether it's your career, your personal life, or your relationships,

and not being so hard on yourself if something doesn't happen right away. Because if you are, it's holding you back. I have two more. Sorry. Okay. This one's really important. You hang around toxic people who are always complaining no matter what the circumstance that is making you unhappy. I'm going to go across the board and say that makes people unhappy. When you're around someone who sucks the energy out of the room, it's going to rub off on you. I try to hang out with people. This is such a good analogy. My Pilates teacher, Betsy, told me this. She said, there's two types of people. When you wake up in the morning, one person looks out the window and says, what can I do today to

help other people? And they look outside themselves. And the other type of person looks in the mirror and says, what do I need need what fulfills me and i think i try to make that conscious choice in the morning when i wake up and say okay what can i do how can i serve and i think when you're around toxic people those people are looking at themselves in the mirror worried about them them them them them it's a very toxic mentality i think to be surrounded by friends that are constantly energy energyers. I actually call them dementors like in Harry Potter. They suck everything out of you. I like when I hang out with my friends to go home feeling like, oh my God. I also call you a dementor, but for a different reason. That's a different reason. Sorry, don't want to interrupt your train of thought. Just

had to throw that in there. Different kind of dementor. Anyway, so examine who you're hanging around with. I do not hang around with people that are toxic period and if i'm around someone because i have to be because of work or podcasting or whatever that feels like toxic energy i remove myself as soon as fucking possible i don't want to be around it uh and i don't want to be around someone who's complaining all the time well i can piggyback off that i was going to be my last but i forgot one and i want you to end so this piggybacks right off. And it's a lack of accountability and complaining, right? I had that written down here. And it's constantly blaming others for the circumstances in your life,

right? It's this whole, it's this mentality about how life is unfair, how if only these circumstances were different, the world doesn't care. And I know this is a very blunt reality and people sometimes don't like this delivery, but it's true. The world around us doesn't care about our feelings. We have to deal with the reality that we all live in. And this mentality of it's someone else's fault or someone else has this advantage or that advantage and I don't have that, all it's doing is holding you personally back. Because all the people you're complaining about, it's affecting them in no way. They're going to continue to live their lives. And I always point this out and it's not received well a lot of times, but it's true. It's this idea that everything is somebody else's fault. When you flip that and say

everything that happens in your life, good or bad, is on you, the world open ups to you. There's a great book called Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink that talks all about this. And I think it really manifests itself when you go through life and you say, everything that happens, good or bad, to me is my fault or because of me. It enables you to take accountability and start taking action for your life. When you constantly are looking at external things and blaming others or blaming circumstances, it disables you from taking action because you don't feel it's your fault. But as soon as you realize this is my fault and I'm the only one to fix it and there's nobody coming to help me and there's no rescue, then you are the only person left to solve whatever

issues are going on in your life and it enables you to take action and not hold you back. And when you think about it in a company, we all know these people that work in an organization, and I actually cut them out of the Dear Media organization if I see it. It's this mentality that if something goes wrong, it's somebody else's fault. They never take accountability. It's never them. And what happens to those people? Nobody in the organization wants to help them because they're constantly blaming others for whatever mistakes they make. Where if you flip that, and this is the culture that I try to build and I think that I try to promote is when everything that happens in an organization is my fault, the people around you start to adopt and they start to say, you know what?

It's also my fault. And what it does is it enables people to start helping each other out and working on things together because you're all in it, taking accountability and saying, we can fix this together. Where if there's somebody on the team in any team or relationship that's constantly saying, hey, that's your fault. Nobody wants to help fault. Nobody wants to help them. Nobody wants to be around them. And it holds the organization back and it holds them back.

So getting away from the victim mentality, realizing that it's always on you and nobody else and no external factors are playing, enables you to take action. A hundred percent. I like that one. We'll end with this. Something that's making you feel stressed, shitty, and unhappy. One of them definitely is you have not found your life's purpose. My life got exponentially better when I found my life's purpose. How I would recommend doing this is by Warren Buffett. He said this, okay? He said, write down 20 things that you're absolutely in love with and obsessed with and only do the top three and focus on the top three. And mine were writing, creating content, photography, editing, basically online

scrapbooking. And all of that had to provide value to an audience. And I focused on that and that's what I've done. And I really think that will really help you refine your life's purpose when you're doing things that you absolutely love every day. So find out what that is. You want to get your alone time so you can get clarity on that and not hang out with toxic people and be very cognitive of the content that you're consuming and too much screen time. So let's just wrap it all up in a bow. Tie it up. Those are the things that Michael and and i wrote down we did a bunch of research on this we looked at our own self like i need to really really monitor if i'm over committing myself and we just wanted to share it with you guys and if any of those hit a nerve i always say if it hits a nerve there's

probably a deeper reason to look into it so you know some of these things are hard to hear i know as as we discovered some of these things they were hard for us to hear. But ultimately, the things that are hardest for us to hear are most likely the things we need to look the most closely at. So if it hit a nerve, there's probably a reason. So look into it. Don't hold yourself back. Whenever I'm triggered by something, I always say this, I look at myself. Why is it triggering me? I hope that this episode brought you value and that you found something in here that maybe you can improve on or something that you can talk to your significant other about whatever it is. I hope you picked up a gem out of this episode. If you like these solo episodes, then let me know on my latest Instagram at Lauren Bostic what you want to see next. Is there something specific that you want to see from Michael and I? We will talk about anything, all different kinds of subjects. So just let us know on my latest post and then you'll automatically be entered to some skinny confidential swag. So let us know on my latest post what you guys want to see next from us and make sure you've pre-ordered my book, Get the Fuck Out of the Sun on Amazon. I think you

guys are going to love it so much. It really is a skincare resource. I am bookmarking it myself, which is so wild. There are so many tips and tricks in this book. You're going to love it. Don't forget to pre-order a copy of my new book, Get the Fuck Out of the Sun. There is so many insider tips and tricks on skincare. You guys are going to be obsessed. You can expect routines, products, tips, and insider secrets from 100 plus of the world's best skincare gurus, of course, peppered in with lots of happy hour conversations with moi. Pre-order on Amazon or where books are available. To get the scoop on the book, there's also a whole website called getthefuckoutofthesun.com.